The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Bobby and the Ice Queens with Trixie and Katya

65 min
Apr 14, 20268 days ago
Listen to Episode
Summary

Trixie and Katya discuss personal anecdotes including a trivia night win, encounters in West Hollywood gay bars, and reflections on language evolution in queer communities. The episode covers healthcare experiences, pharmaceutical industry concerns, and entertainment industry observations including wrestling fandom and drag culture.

Insights
  • Language and terminology within marginalized communities are constantly evolving and not monolithic—what some embrace, others reject, requiring ongoing sensitivity and individual communication rather than blanket rules
  • Healthcare accessibility and doctor-patient relationships remain significant pain points, particularly for chronic illness sufferers and marginalized communities who face dismissal and bias
  • Parasocial relationships and fan culture extend across entertainment mediums (drag, wrestling, reality TV) with audiences deeply invested in performers' authenticity and character development
  • Financial literacy and subscription awareness are increasingly important as consumers accumulate recurring charges across multiple platforms without tracking
  • Queer spaces and culture continue to evolve with younger generations bringing different values and interests (sports fandom in gay bars) that challenge traditional expectations
Trends
Increased awareness of pharmaceutical industry influence on medical practitioners and the need for transparency in doctor-patient relationshipsGrowing interest in animal behavior and intelligence, particularly among content creators and younger audiences (bird identification apps, parrot cognition)Normalization of discussing sexual health, pornography consumption, and masturbation habits in mainstream podcast discourseEntertainment industry recognition of drag and queer culture as legitimate performance art with complex character work comparable to traditional actingShift toward financial wellness tools and subscription management services as consumer awareness of recurring charges growsBlending of traditionally separate entertainment categories (wrestling, drag, reality TV) with crossover appeal and celebrity participationIncreased discussion of chronic illness management and the gap between medical advice and patient quality of lifeGrowing acceptance of diverse body positivity language with recognition that terminology preferences vary by individual rather than community-wide standards
Topics
Queer Language Evolution and TerminologyHealthcare System Accessibility and Doctor-Patient CommunicationPharmaceutical Industry Influence on Medical PracticeChronic Illness Management and Arthritis TreatmentParasocial Relationships in Entertainment FandomFinancial Literacy and Subscription ManagementLGBTQ+ Bar Culture and Community SpacesDrag Performance as Professional ActingAnimal Intelligence and Bird BehaviorPornography Consumption and Sexual HealthReality Television and Character DevelopmentProfessional Wrestling Culture and FandomBody Positivity and Medical DiscriminationContent Creator Sponsorship and MonetizationParenting and Child Development in Entertainment Industry
Companies
Hims
Sponsor offering online ED treatment and healthcare services including Sildenafil (generic Viagra) at reduced costs
Ritual
Sponsor providing probiotic supplements (Symbiotic Plus) for gut health and microbiome support
1-800-FLOWERS
Sponsor offering flower delivery services with Mother's Day promotion featuring double roses offer
Bath & Body Works
Sponsor promoting White Barn Neutrals Collection of candles and home fragrance products
Leesa
Sponsor offering mattresses with spring sale promotion and 120-night sleep trial
Rocket Money
Financial management app mentioned for tracking subscriptions and identifying unnecessary recurring charges
Merlin Bird ID
Bird identification app by Cornell Lab that uses audio recording to identify bird species
Target
Mentioned in context of loss prevention and facial recognition technology for tracking theft
Gmail
Email service mentioned in context of business communication and sponsorship outreach
X (formerly Twitter)
Social media platform mentioned as source for bird-related subreddit content and discussions
People
Trixie Mattel
Co-host discussing personal experiences, healthcare, and entertainment industry observations
Katya Zamolodchikova
Co-host engaging in conversation about queer culture, entertainment, and personal anecdotes
Malin Ackerman
Encountered at Emmy Awards; discussed her roles in Watchmen and The Comeback
Lisa Kudrow
Discussed for her multi-layered performance as Valerie Cherish in The Comeback
Jillian Michaels
Referenced for controversy regarding terminology preferences around body descriptors
Bad Bunny
Discussed for his appearance in professional wrestling and on-screen charisma
Hassan Piker
Mentioned as attractive content creator and Twitch personality
Irene Pepperberg
Author of 'Alex and Me' proving birds learn syntax and meaning, not just mimicry
Britney Snow
Mentioned as presenting at Emmy Awards with Malin Ackerman
Kelly Mantle
Presented sci-fi and fantasy hair design award at Emmy Awards
Quotes
"She read my book. I'm the one who discovered it. Fierce, I was like, oh my God, my rheumatologist is very well read."
Trixie MattelEarly in episode
"I knew every fucking question. I was almost walking table to table, look at other people's answers being like, you think? Dumb, ugly, stupid, all three."
Trixie MattelTrivia night story
"Not everybody feels the same way about that word. So I haven't said that in a long time."
Katya ZamolodchikovaLanguage discussion
"When healthcare is a business, there's your fucking problem, number one. When healthcare is a business, there's, it's, it's a market, their decisions made, you know, with the market in mind."
Katya ZamolodchikovaHealthcare discussion
"Knowledge is not corny. Learning about animals? Gross economy. Hurts nobody. You know what I mean? It's lovely. Animals are amazing."
Katya ZamolodchikovaBird discussion
Full Transcript
My neuroimmunologist that I see, it's very expensive. Specialized in my arthritis. I said, well, my rheumatologist has me on this medicine because she read that it helps with inflammation. And, you know, it's kind of new, but I guess they're just discovering it. He goes, yeah, she read my book. I'm the one who discovered it. Fierce, I was like, oh, I don't mean to seem dumb. Oh, that was my book, bitch. But I was like, my rheumatologist, she's very well read. He was like, yeah, she read my book. I wrote that, I studied that, I discovered that. Blue, blue, blue. I was like, okay, guys, let's talk to the right person. Okay, I'll tell you one thing that happened. Please tell me, tell me love. Last week we said we had a cliffhanger about Malinacrimon. Yeah, we did, and we do. And we do, but I'm gonna give that one second. Edging, teasing. A couple weeks ago, I went to pick up my boyfriend and one of my friends because they were having a little Monday happy hour. And I said, well, I'll come get you. I'll come pick you up. I'll come sloth my fate. Right? So I go pick them up in the car, I drive, big deal. And then I was like, you know what, I'm feeling wild. Guess where I parked my car? In the middle of the road. Vaseline fucking alley. Okay. Vaseline fucking alley. Well, tell people what that is, because non-California and LA people have no idea. Okay, well, it's the alley behind the big Vaseline production, no. No, it's slicked down. It's in West Hollywood. There's no cars, it's just roller skates. Big guys who are shaved, hairless, sliding on slick. No, it's a parking lot. Um, alley parking lot area. It's a block. It's a block. It's part of a neighborhood. Behind Santa Monica Boulevard. Where our friends used to live. Yes. So I parked my car back there because it's nighttime and there's no parking. So I go, great. And I forgot about Vaseline alley. So I get out of that car like, and YC just got in this morning thinking the world is beautiful and bright. And I look over and there's a guy with the car like this. And there's a guy, they do this thing where if you're the Jacker offer, the other guy stands about this far away and is the lookout, but is also watching the jerking off. So it's kind of like this. Hall proctor. Yes. And it's very like in the newborn area where they have the glass with all the moms looking. The ICU. Yes. No, where they have the new babies. The NICU. Yeah, the NICU. Where the parents in movies, if there's a sick baby, are like, oh. And so you have like Joe Schmo, the closeted guy in like sunglasses watching the jerk off, right? The freak off. He's peeping, but he's also protecting. Yes. So I grab and I see that going on and I go, you know what, festivals are coming up. Let me bring my DJ computer into the bar. Last thing I need is for my entire DJ computer to get snatched up. Oh, yes. Because you know, people are looking. People maybe on applying drugs to these sexual scenarios, having impaired judgment. What? You know. Drugs and sex combining. Which is the corner of Kill Street and Murder. It's true. West Hollywood, okay. So I go in. And they're like half in the bag. And I go, okay, Monday. Okay, work on a Monday. You know what? Caution the wind. Good for you. So I sit down for trivia. And I haven't been in a trivia in so long. I think my third date with David Silver went to trivia. And the first category, wasn't it first third date where you barely know each other and you're like, I hope I know stuff. I'm so dumb. Oh, right? Stupid. So that way you're setting it up so that if you know anything, you feel smart. Rather than be like, I'm about to tear this shit up. Don't forget, you went to state school for fine arts. You're an idiot. Thank you. So the first category was name one winner from each season of Drag Race. And I said, watch this, bam. The second one was Hollywood movie directors of the 19th century or 20th century. David was like, bam. Then knew nothing else. So I got all confident and horny and then lost. And then they fucking tore you down. Yes. So this time I sat down and tell me why today of all days, I forgot it's Barbie's birthday. I sit down, the trivia is so overwhelmingly about Barbie. That you're like, I am gonna tell you. I- Nipples wired, break it up. Like, you know why smart people are so fucking insufferable? Because they know everything. Because they're so high. Yeah, of their own supply. Which is knowledge. I knew every fucking question. Of course you did. I knew every fucking question. I bet you even rephrased the questions that were inappropriately like formed. I was going up to the host being like, that actually was wrong. I don't know where you're getting your intel, but it's faulty. That Barbie actually didn't come. The number three model didn't come until 1961. So you need to do some more research. Maybe you wanna go home and I'll take your job. I was almost walking table to table, look at other people's answers being like, you think? Dumb, ugly, stupid, all three. When you're in high school and you do your test and you have a wrong answer and the teacher's like, I would go take a little more time on number six. Like I was so insufferable. Damn. I was Aaron Brockovich. I was like, whose number do you need? Anibal Daniels, age 11. Wanted to be a synchronized swimmer, spent every moment she could in the PG and E pools. I was direct to me by age nine. Zero, the number of times I've had sex. You want their diseases? That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet, ugly fucking shoes. So I get first place at the trivia. And of course my friends don't know anything, they're half drunk. I have a champion the whole thing. You just chug and water from Hinkley. Yes, so on that I'm having too much Pinot Grigio. They're like, well, now we're going out because we're celebrating. Now we're going out? It's 11, we're going on Monday. Now we're warning? Now we're warning? So we go down to Smitties, which used to be Jim Barr. The old Jim Barr in West Hollywood is now coming out Smitties. I don't love that. Shitties. Shitties. No one's in there but us. And we're celebrating our trivia win. We won like a $50 bar tab that you have to use the next time you come. Wait, you get a 50. Oh, I thought you can't even use that day. I thought you meant like they charge you $50 the next time you come. Like $50 is already on your tab. No, no, no. That would be fierce. And now you always 50 bucks. Yeah, we got you a hand job in Vaseline Alley. So why don't you go open up the back of your car? Well, wait, wait. So congratulations by the way on the trip. Thank you, huge of truth. Now let me know a little bit about Vaseline Alley because I am. Like I know. Ask Nick. Were you just there or not? Are you a liar? I parked the car. Okay. Do you know where we parked the car? I'm over at Aqua for Alley because I have a sponsorship. I'm an Abilene Alley because I need to take my makeup off. What about when they sell that Abilene at the sex stores because people use as loop. Honey, who do you think you're talking to? Miss Jerkoff 1998 through to 2016. Yeah, undefeated first not first runner up. No, I swept every category. All the way. Oh my God, what about Valerie when she goes, did you see my sponsored post with Nivea? And he goes, Oh, did you do was that sponsored? She goes, no, but I'm letting them know I opened the sponsorships. It's so, it's they, I just kind of real. Like the only reason I get all these sponsored videos on my YouTube channel is because I be talking about makeup products. That's not a little time. Not begging, but like you're dropping hints. I'd be talking about products. I like it. Yeah. So if a product I like house labs being like, we know you love our products. Do you want to talk about it? I'm like, absolutely. Because your assistant is writing 25 emails a day begging them to give you a sponsorship. Like Brandon can write an email. Thank you. Are you kidding? He's tight. He's on his typewriter. He's sending my assistant Goody Proctor. No, listen, Brandon uses. Calligraphy actually gets that. That's the touch that's just a cinches the deal. Clynches the deal. He won't even download the Gmail app. He uses it in Safari. Love that. He's in charge of my whole business. Love that. Safari, Safari, who is she? Who is she? Can open her in Chrome, please. I don't know what that's all about. So what happened at the Emmys? We're backstage. Malin Ackerman. Okay. I go wig. I go, Oh my God. You don't know me, but I know you. Like I really feel like for Mayo. I'm like Liz Perz the cat. Meow. I'm crazy. I know you bitch. I go, you're in three of my favorite pieces of media. Watchmen, watchmen and watchmen. You're in Watchmen. And. Hunting wilds. Oh. And she said, Oh yeah. I love the comeback because she said, when people tell me they love the comeback, I automatically know they're cool. They're on the level. And I said, I'm on the new season of the comeback. And she goes, Oh my God. She was like, I know it's starting up again. It was so early. She was like, I know it's starting up again. I like, they didn't ask me. No, I don't know if I, I don't know if she's in the trailer. So I don't know if I can confirm that she's in it. Okay. She's in the trailer. She said, she said, I know maybe as much as you do. She said, I don't even start yet until like next week. Oh well. So it was, I had just filmed like the day before. So you guys are really bonded. No, we didn't really bond. But I just love her and she's so beautiful. She was there with Britney Snow presenting for hunting wives in the wig category. No, they were. No, Kelly Mantle on I, Kelly Mantle presented for wigs, which I found hysterical at the Academy Awards. At the, at the Emmys. She presented, she presented. Oh, the, the dingbat ones, the ones that didn't have any air. She presented the award for sci-fi and fantasy hair design. Wow. That's fierce because she was on. She could do sci-fi, fantasy face. Well, that, I mean, come on. Let's not a golden eye or whatever the fuck before you get completely assassinated. Oh, that wasn't golden. That was hot rod or a black bird or was it called eagle, eagle heart. Yes. Oh my God. Did you see, I was watching a Jolkin booster talk about how they're considering Jacob Elordi for the new. The new what? The new 007. And he was like, you can't be six six and be covert. Thank T. Very true. T. They need ginger minge. No, ginger minge, super small, never tells the truth. You can't catch her. She's covered in that. Thank you. Every time I try to get ginger minge, she slips out of my hands. Thank you. I hate it. You cannot catch her. She lost all the weight too. She's just, she's leaving you in the dust. She's always wet, small and lion. It's like, I can't even have a conversation with Fina anymore. Fina just walks in and flexes her arms and leaves. She doesn't even talk to me. That's what she did the other day. She didn't even talk to me. No, she's like, get out of here. Just feel my bicep and get and punch it. She looks great. She looks great. Fina is, I don't want to shout her out. I don't want to tell her story. Well, then why are you doing it? Her commitment to personal betterment. Develop, transformation. She do therapy. She go to the gym every day. She has a tight bedtime. She gets up early. She does that thing where she wraps her audience cellophane like in fried green tomatoes to please her husband. Yeah, she just, she's awesome. Fina's awesome. She's great. She's what, I believe she is what you call the definition for me of a ride or die. I tell everybody you're my ride and die. I'm your bride or dyke. Bride or die. If I don't get married to you, I'm going to turn into a lesbian. Somebody recently told me, are they said, how come you guys don't say dyke anymore? I said, we can't. So to those of you who liked it, well, it's not that we can't anymore, but if we say lesbian just in your mind, I, listen, I am not, I'm not a woman of, of, of, of, of experience. Not a monolith. Not everyone feels the same way about that word. Well, hold on. Exactly. Same thing with a lot of different words, like beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, but we've got a person who I believe identifies as a dyke. And I'm, it's not that, it's not like I have black friends, you know, whatever. I am all, Cause you don't. No, I don't, but I, You have enemies. Thank you. The NAACP always out to get me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bob and I have sex every week. But like, You get the AA and NAACP. NAA2, NAA, AA, that's fierce. Okay. No, the, what was the point of that story? Oh, we were talking about, Bina, people on a monolith, some people, some people have approached me. Right, right, right. It was at the airport and somebody said, how could you guys never shout out the, say I love, shout out the dykes anymore, say dykes only. And I said, well, we got really, we got a lot of, I was made aware that not everybody feels the same way about that word. So I haven't said that in a long time. Well, I was shocked. So, and I know, have we talked about our, we have, did we touch on the, the Jillian Michaels thing or the, or the, the, the, We touched on it last episode a little bit. Can I just touch on this very quickly? And, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I was shocked as a viewer when she was, so the, the, the change or the evolution of like, what is considered to be an offensive or slur, that's always changing, right? And it depends on which group you're talking to, like certain things, other people were completely uncomfortable with the O word, which was obese, or overweight, cause they were like, well, what weight? And Jillian Michaels was shocked and appalled to hear that they preferred fat or fat bodied, which that was news to me too. Cause I'm not sure. But again, that's not everyone. Of course. Of course. Cause I've had, again, it's going to sound like I had black friends, but like I have had many fat friends who called themselves, if they were to describe their body shape, they'd be like, I'm fat. Right. Like, excuse me, I'm fat. Yes. I have, I think I have the same friend. I mean, I had told me like, just cause she's like, I prefer fat. Yeah. It's like, I don't want to, I've had it, let's see, like one, two, three, five, very, very close friends from high school up into college who are so funny. I mean, these are like cherished best friends, kind of like see them every day, talk to them every day. And they, smart people who are like, they don't want a euphemism. They don't, they don't want it. They don't want to be tiptoed around. It's like, I'm fat. So you can call me whatever. And I know, no, but not everybody feels that way. And of course they're not going to. When I was doing Trixie Motel, because I was an executive producer, I had to take from the network extra training modules because technically you're in charge on set. Crazy that I was in charge of anything. That is. But we had to take extra training models. One of the things I learned, this is going to blow your mind. Let's say I'm gay. I am gay. And let's say we're on set together. And I say, oh, I love this bag. If a, let's say a heterosexual man is working behind the camera, he could file a harassment because we, even though we are gay, we can't speak for everyone in the room feels about that word in a professional setting. I had never thought about that. I haven't either. And I continue to won't. I've never thought about that. I had a similar experience when I was on a pride shoot once. That's great. That's interesting. And the, the sound guy was trans. And I don't know, sound guy was trans. And I just so used to in dry calling everyone girl. And he was like, Hey, I don't prefer girl. Like, yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm so used to it. And then later in the day, I accidentally said girl again. And I apologized. I just was so used to, I mean, I call my straight band members girl. So I just, you know, he hit you. I consider myself end stage woke and it's very possible to call someone the wrong thing. You are nothing. You are nothing of the sort. You are so. Yeah. I just would get it right every day. I'm not woke cause I never go to sleep. I think you should go on the road with that. Tracy, what do you feel most comfortable with? Fat, like that. Are you sure? Lesbian is a slur. That's for her would be obese lesbian. How very dare you? Can I just share when we were on the road in Kansas city, me and Miss Thing over here were getting coffee and there was a break in the conversation. Everyone's looking at their phones and then she turns to me and goes, Oh, do you know? Oh no, you're a dyke. Nevermind. And then walks away. I listen. I just assume I didn't know. I was listening that a lesbian wouldn't know. I don't know. I can't remember. Hassan Piker. Yeah. Who's that? Thank you. Probably a lot closer. He's a very, he's a very, well, he's a Twitch streamer, very active on Twitch. He's a, Mary, I don't want to thirst over him. Be the 4,000th obnoxious person and thirst over him online. But yeah, I think thirst is different than, listen, it's a blessing to have five senses, including sight. It's a blessing to be able to notice something beautiful and say, that's just beautiful. Yeah. I just don't want to add to the annoying dint of people online like thirsting over him. I don't know. I just want to be unique. I understand. Yeah, but I would suck the shit out of his asshole. Boo. Let's take a break. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today's episode of all the beautiful's brought to you by Homes. H-I-M-S. Hims. If something's been off in the bedroom, you're not the only one. You guys, a few years ago, I was going through a very transitional period and I was experiencing for the very first time in my life a form of ED. I couldn't believe it. It had never happened to me. I was 33. I was like, oh my God, this is, I have no personal experience and I'm too scared to talk about it. 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Symbiotic Plus is a complete biotic formula, a three-in-one with clinically studied pre, pro, and postbiotics in a clinically studied dose that supports a balanced gut microbiome. One daily mint-scented capsule for bloat, gut, and regularity support. I'm gonna tell you guys, I've taken supplements that smell weird or taste weird and it makes it really hard. This one's just minty. Vegan-friendly and formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, or shady fillers and artificial colors. Also, obviously, huge bonus. I hate going to stores. Get it delivered. Love it. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Save 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25% off your first month. We've never talked about not saying dike, and I think I liked how we just talked about it, which is like- Yeah, if any of you's ever wondered, because people have asked. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's interesting when you say like that. I, now I like, I'm thinking back to like my on, or in between, whatever. Yeah, I've said so many inappropriate things that I shouldn't have said, and I haven't been taken to jail or- But I also know that I'm not sensitive enough, because somebody who's- You are not. Because they're completely insensitive. Somebody who's even vaguely queer. They come up to me and say, I love you, Fag. I'm like, I'm fine with that. I know, I know. I mean, I'll never forget Andrew and I walking around 8,000 sunset, and this guy in a pickup truck screaming, Faggot's outside to us, and we just were like, huh, we're like, and? What kind? Like fierce? Or like, you know, it's like, it's like, you think you're stirring that? AOC was like, I just love you, Faggot's. I would be like, I know you do, bitch. I know you do. Bernie did that, I'd be like fierce. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie and the Faggot's. Faggot's being like, Faggot's. Faggot's, you're great, Faggot's. Love that. Or even RFK. I love you, Faggot. I used to do a lot of meth with the Faggot's. I was a bit of an ice queen. I was a bit of an ice queen myself. I was a bit of an ice queen. I was a bit of an ice queen. RFK and a Prideful saying, I was a bit of an ice queen for a while. Ice queen on Vaseline Alley. God damn it, Pam Bondi. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. So, you know, we're filming on a Friday and normally it's a hustle and bustle in here. There's no one in here today. There's no one in here. It's kind of nice. Okay, something crazy happened last night. I got home and I was feeling really good. And normally if I get home from filming and it's about sunset, I'll wanna go for a walk. Just to like end the day with a nice walk. Oh. And then this weird place with Marathritis where, I was like, what the fuck did you talk about? No, yeah. And then this weird place with Marathritis where a little bit of activity helps too much inflames it. Yeah, yeah, balance, balance. Often is really good. So I've been a lot more into low impact, which sucks because I basically had to give up on running. But guess what? Now you can enjoy a stroll. Now I'm into stretching, restorative stretching and strolling. Stretching, strolling and streaming. Yes, and I love my little bands, my rubber bands, all that. I can't afford those, so I just have a scrunchie. Do you do the rubber band guns and shoot my people? Oh yeah, for sure. I take it out. Basically I was like, let's go for a walk, which for me means, oh my God, I guess let's walk towards these Hollywood and stuff and high tops and all. And just have 14 margaritas. Not even. My arthritis, I'm so sick lately of my arthritis medicine. I had two tequila sodas and some nachos, went home, threw up, love it. Well, I'm trying to pivot to just drinking smoothies of calories because I'm like, if I'm not hungry, I gotta eat. It's not good to not eat. No, no, no, no, no. And if you can't rely on your body to tell you when you're hungry, you gotta basically, like your medicine, you gotta be like, we gotta eat. It's soiling. It's horrible. Oh, I actually get into that a little bit. You know, I'm telling you, after, it's a godsend, only after a show, you'd know this, three o'clock in the morning or whatever, after those club gigs, there's nothing open. You're fucking starving. And you don't wanna eat trash. Well, you can't, there's nothing open. You know what I mean? Or you've gotten food and it's ice cold and you're like, I don't wanna eat. Do your soilants, 800 calories, go right to bed. Great for the body. Great for the body. Great for soilants. Hot, creamy, male, straight to bed. So I go to, I stop in the high tops and I go, oh, I hope it's not busy. Cause I love the gay bars, but I hate when there's people in there. Yeah. You should try going to like, to Africa. Sound like you were gonna say go to Africa. I was gonna say Afro Caribbean nights at like a honky tonk bar or something. Would love that. Do a vinyl bar, something no one likes. Oh, what, what, what? A place that plays vinyl, something no one likes. There you go. I, oh, okay. You should go to Griffith bar. Ooh. So I walk in and I was like, God, there's so many people that I thought fuck is going on here, right? Even the security guard, which never happens to me on high tops, looks at me and goes, you're good. Didn't look at my ID, which is like, fuck you, oldie. I was like, okay, got it. Cause normally at every bar, they just card you. Oh, I see what you mean. You look so old, there's no possible way you could be anything under than 50. We can get you a booth grandpa. I walk in and I go, what the fuck is going on in here? Yeah. And what is it? What's going on in there? Something called March Madness. Mary, you don't know what fucking March Madness is. I've heard of it. But I just want to say, it's people watching college basketball with any people experiencing madness surrounding college basketball. I think of it like the people with the reborn dolls. I'm like, it doesn't hurt anybody, but it's weird. No, no, no, I'm going to disagree with you very, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm not going to, it's not, I'm going to disagree with you. I know, I know high tops is a sports bar. Yeah. But it's still a gay bar. Get the fag off the TV. I'm not, you know what I mean? Get the sports on the TV. Get the sports on the TV. I'm not watching that. No, can we put on some Martina Travon, not her Chaloba, can we put on some Venus and Serena? Like there's sports that's, can we put on some Johnny Weir? That's not a sport, that's not a tree. No, I mean, you got to realize that sports are, we're the outliers here. Do you know what I mean? Like most people love sports and many, many gay folks love sports, lesbians, dykes, they tend to love sports. Hello. There was a lesbian turnout. This girl came in, well I didn't know their gender expression. This, this, this person came in. Yep. Very flagging. Okay, flagging. Flagging sapphic. Okay, gotcha. Flagging sapphic. Really flagging Strapon, like that level. Okay, she had a huge packer in. Yeah. Yeah. Huge packer with a strap on over it. The March Mandus is playing, they walk in with a huge fucking pit bull on a leash with a, with a like Hannibal Lecter mask on the pit bull. Oh, thank God. In the bar. At the gay bar and the fags gather round, lay on the ground in the gay bar and start petting the dog. I was like, this is the gayness I came for, not the sports. Right, right, right, right. Get it off the TV now. I came for the giant dogs and the gay people laying on the ground rubbing the belly. That's why I'm here. You're Ms. Cat Cafe, that's what you are. Yeah, I guess. And I know, I don't see many pit bulls. I don't know over any people with big dogs. And it was giant, massive and very cute. Scary, scary, terrifying, the terrifier. I try not to be, I don't know, I try to be open-minded to the idea that the stigma around pit bulls could be unfair. Based on truth. Oh, oh. So I try to be open to like, well, yeah, I mean, you never know, but I try not to be like, oh, pit bull aren't those dangerous based on what colloquialism, I don't know. I haven't done the research. Okay. Not walking into the bar being like, that's a crazy dog. No, but I mean, I've just had the experience. Well, yeah, sometimes they can be cute. The Hannibal Lecter mask on the dog kind of made it scary. Yes, because it, well, right. Because I don't think it was for fashion. No, I think it was to prevent it from ripping your face off. One of these twink's legs. Which? A mama, their face? Latched on. Snatched like the chimp. Gone. Face, brother, what's it? Mom, dad, brother, sister, gone. But what I like about going to bars, gay bars, or there might be more women, you get the animals, which are kind of the star of the show. So you want animals in the bar? California, these bars that are indoor, outdoor, what's the difference? Oh, I suppose. I don't mind the animals in the bar. What about pet dandruff? I wonder if the animals like it. It's loud, it's crazy. I don't know. I mean, I think it's animal dependent. I've known most dogs to be like quite antisocial, but other dogs are very social. But listen to me run in my mouth like, you're going to bring a parrot to a club any minute now. My Hans McCaw, your pigeon. My bird was hatched, it's going to be picked up in Florida. My bird was hatched as being carried from Florida in an RV to California, where I will be able to visit it for weeks and hand feed it. Do you have to breastfeed it or whatever? Do you have to do breast pumps? Yeah, I have my breast, no, I have my breastplate. Your wind chime and your breastplate. Yep. Fears, I think you should do that as a YouTube series. Did you ever, I'll be back to life. I know you never watched, I know you never watched Real Houses of Beverly Hills, but there was an episode where... So many breastfed a parrot. No. That was the witch. The Vavitch. It wasn't a parrot either. It was a goat. Yeah. No, it was a raven. Same difference. There's a crow that lands in my fountain, in my front yard, huge and black. It's the size of a fucking collie. They're crazy. It lands in my fountain. It drops peanuts in, it gets peanuts from God knows where. Drops them in the fountain, lets them soak, and comes back later and eats them wet. And it stares at me the whole time. And I know that, I read that crows are very smart. So I've been leaving seeds on the step, being like, love you, love you, you're cool. That's smart, because they hold a grudge for life. But sometimes it shows up with the bones and feathers of another bird and it like eats a hummingbird in my bird. And I kind of am like, damn girl, you're gonna sit here where all these other birds, cause you know we have a lot of trees in my yard. You do. All these other birds are watching while you eat a smaller bird and just stare at them like, what do you think that crow is doing? She's showing everybody who the boss is and she's showing you that she knows you, she recognizes you and that you cross her, it's a wrap. Well, I was reading this, cause I've been doing what I feel like is a collegiate course on, I already know too much about parrots, but I've been doing a lot of research on macaw species specifically, so I can learn so much. And it's, listen, I don't wanna be corny. Knowledge is not corny. Learning about animals? Gross economy. Hurts nobody. You know what I mean? It's lovely. Animals are amazing. Don't you ever presume that any kind of knowledge is corny ever again, you bitch. Right. You bitch. I'm sorry, I apologize. Thank you. But, I forgot what I was gonna say. Macaws, parrots. The crow. Crow. Facial recognition, okay? It's like when you steal $5 a day from Target, they, it accrues because they get your face. Once it goes into like over a certain amount, Grand Larsonie, they nab you. That's the crow. Oh, I follow so many subreddits about birds. Oh. Conures, all kinds. Yeah, yeah. So one, one thread I read was, what's the strangest behavior that your bird exhibits? And of course, birds are so smart. No shit. Many of the species are estimated to be like three or four year olds. I read this book called Alex and Me by Irene Peppercorn, who is the woman who found out, she's the one who proved that not only can birds, up till her, she's a scientist. People believe birds can only mimic. She is the person who proved that they don't copy us. They also, some species learn the meaning and the syntax. These birds learn thousands of words and apply them in strings like sentences. Amazing. This is terrifying. Yeah, it's crazy. Right? I mean, the dogs do it too. I know the, whatever. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. You know, but whatever. Dogs. Yeah. So I downloaded a bird out the other day. Okay. Because, you know. Twitter? Shut up. It's X now. Oh, right, right, right. I downloaded X too. Started jerking off. No. Because, okay, so you've never been in my condo. You never will. Because it's horrible. I hate it. It sucks. I can't wait to get out of there. And when you, the, I know I've talked about this ad nauseam, but when my brother and his wife and my lovely nephew stayed, they were able to witness firsthand soberly in sound-mindedly the noise problem. That you open any window and it's like Armageddon. It's like T3, Terminator 3. It's like the end of the world. It's crazy. So we have a mocking bird, or what I thought to be a mocking bird. I was like, what is going on with this fucking bird out there? I download the bird app, which is something called, you probably have it, I'm sure. It's called Merlin Bird ID. Interesting. So you, it's like Shazam for birds. And it's Conti. I just came. Yeah, I know. Change your panties, because I'm about to blow your mind again. Cornell Lab, I think it's so. You submit a photo and it identifies it or no? No, you record it. Record the song and it gives you, it gives you a, so let's see, what did I, no, no. I wonder if I can have a history. It was, Los Angeles has a lot of cool birds. We have wild parrot species that are invasive. I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. East Hollywood has those green parrots. Silver Lake. Let's go. So anyways, I don't know what the, hold on, hold on. I don't think it has, I'm sure it has a history, whatever. But it was a mockingbird. It was a specific type of mockingbird. And it was, they could imitate car alarms, house alarms, like other birds, obviously. It was like crazy. Cause I was like, what the fuck is this noise? I was like, is it a bird or some kind of weird app or something? It wasn't like tweet, tweet. It was like, fag. Yeah, yeah. It was like, the FHGs are hurting. Right, right, right. Brick, terror. Remember, remember your old one? Hoot. Oh, the cartoon of an owl. I was like, that is a man up there. That's a man. Hoot. Too good. Hoot. So I was reading the weirdest thing people's birds have done. Some of them were weird, but kind of funny. Like, oh, my bird likes to break its pellets in half, put one in the water, eat the crunchy one and come back later for the wet one. A lot of birds like to use the water to change the tension in the food. Very interesting. Don't we all? Yeah. Right? You like to shave straight guys' asses before you lick them. Thank you. And then get robbed. Right. So one of the craziest ones is, they said, I don't know where my bird got this cause none of us watch wrestling. I said, I'm reading. I'm continuing. Okay. He said, they said. Let's get ready to rumble. No, they said our bird is obsessed. They said our bird is obsessed. Wait, let me just read it. Read it, read it, read it. It's hunting. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But they resided the full Gettysburg address. No. Okay. This is great. What's the weirdest, most baffling thing your bird has done? This one says, somehow my green cheat, Kanyer is obsessed with macho man, Randy Savage. That's incredible. I don't know how it happened. We're not a nineties wrestling household by any means. But at this point, we can ask her if she wants macho man, Randy Savage. And yes, you have to say the whole thing. And she loses her mind until we play clips on YouTube. That is so fucked up. That is so fierce. That's so specific. I mean, listen, I remember macho man, Randy Savage. I do too. There is some appeal. It's kind of drag. And it's also kind of drag, in retrospect, and I think, correct me if I'm wrong, I remember when it was WWF, not WWE. Wasn't there also a WCW? I remember when Sting was yellow and blue. Remember Sting is all black and white, but he used to be like yellow and blue. Is that wrong? Are some people? Oh, I don't know that person. I mean, I'm thinking. They got Goldberg. Oh, see, I don't know. I was like, I'm on way back. Papa Shango? I was way back. Like Hulk Hogan, Mary. My brother liked wrestling and we had it for Sega. Me too. We had it for Sega. So we would watch, my brother and his friends would nut over the pay-per-view, like whatever you call them specials, we have to pay to view them. And like it was WWF, not WWE. And it was at a time when it wasn't clear that it was entertainment. We thought it was real. Oh, same. When I was a kid, I was like, wow, how are they doing this? How are they doing this? This is crazy. They were very soap operatic, but now I believe it's a lot gayer. They lean into the gayness. They lean into the homoeroticism big time. And what I can appreciate about wrestling and what I understand peripherally, people in the comments, you better know, there is a, it's a lot like drag where there's strong local following, strong regional following. And it's a lot like drag where their characters are like, they have an accent and they have a whole backstory. Yes, yes. And the rival reason, all that stuff. And the guys are. Mary, you think I've jerked it to the undertaker? Is it the undertaker? Who is it? Tempest DeJure? Tempest. Is that what you meant? No, it's, James Mansfield, I know loves wrestling. I know so little about it, but whenever I'm scrolling and I get a wrestler, I always watch it. I think it's cool. There was a great, there was a family. I think they were, they were Latin. I think they may be Puerto Rico or Mexican. I'm not sure. But Bad Bunny gets starred in one of these episodes of the matches and I just lost it. Because Bad Bunny, I would just, I don't know. He's just got that thing. I would just do anything he asked me to. I saw this jiff of him that made me so horny. It's him like this. And then he goes, it just smiles like that. And I was like, love. He needs to be in more movies. I feel like his onscreen charisma is just off the charts. And you know that dick is a hammer. It's the big ears. It's, it's, you know that dick is a hammer. It could be a peanut and I would still rock my world. A peanut, a thumbtack, a non-parail. Let's take a break. This episode is sponsored by 1-800-FLOWERS. This Mother's Day, I'm thinking about my mother, Esmeralda Jingleheim-Rosamo, a woman of supernatural patience, iron will, and the emotional stamina of a Paramount Apostle wildlife documentarian. She raised me without once abandoning me at a Dunkin' Donuts, dropping me off at a monastery or running off to join the circus. If you knew me as a child, all of these options would have not only been understandable but strongly encouraged by any sane individual. 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Support our show and let them know we sent you after checkout. That's Lisa.com, promo code Bald. Do you think that when people are like, I want tight pussy, the truth is if you got a big dick, it's all tight? Well, I think- So when you're saying you're looking for tight, maybe you need to take up more space. That's true, but they also need to consider, get the silicone injection. Your dick brick hard like a metal. I got three holes like a pretzel. Tight as a virgin boy, don't get nervous. Tight, I'm here to give you customer service, right? Ha ha ha ha. Did you write that? Did you save dick by giving it CPR? Is that train? It's Cupca-ca. Oh, Cupca-ke. Cupca-ke. Cupca-ke. Cupca-ke. Who some feel is an industry plan. I'm very, that's a conspiracy theory. I've seen that online too. Very invested in that conspiracy theory. Is that a kind of a compliment? To be like, it's so flawlessly executed, it must be a team of scientists. Yeah, actually that's how I would take it. Nobody thinks we're a plant. No, no. No, we grew up in the trash outside the lab. They think we're a fake house plant. The fungus that was in the bio. The biohazard waste. Well, as the other Drag Race Queens say to us regularly, you guys are just doing what you do. I love how you just go out there and wear whatever girl. You could just go and do whatever girl. You and Katya are just like doing your thing. And you guys can just do anything. They mean it as a compliment. So many people have said to me, you can just go online and just fart and people love it. I go, okay. Yeah. Well, you try your best and people don't love it. So what is it? Sometimes I feel like I can telegraph my farts. Like I know if they're gonna be funky or not. See your eyes? Just like Janet Jackson's. That was Tyra Banks. You don't know that clip? I do. Yeah. It's truly diabolical. Miss Banks really was off the chain. No, you know what was diabolical? The inspector jacket. The inspector gadget jacket. What the fuck is with that jacket girl? I've been thinking about it a lot. Oh, in the dock. Yes. No shit. Who do you think she is? I've been thinking about this car and drink. And it never came off. What it gave is drag queen reveal nutler. Like thunder, lightning. Yeah, it's like, I wonder if she's gonna take it off. Well, I mean, Labida on the other hand, I wonder if she's gonna put something on. She sure did. Girl, there's nothing worse than that drag queen choir robe with two stones. Baby, you have my heart. No, baby. In a memory. What about doing a good 45 second intro with a dirty bathrobe? Dirty bathrobe. The makeup dress. The Roxy Andrews makeup dress. It was like, I was like, not I wonder if she's gonna take that off. Please take that off right now because it's not a reveal. It's not a cover up. Wasn't Bob selling those makeup dresses? I don't know what you call it. It's straps of fabric. But it's like very baggy legs. It's like a tank top that goes into very baggy legs. Oh, like a jumper. It's like a gender affirming. Like a captain? No. It's like pants and they're very, Bob, I don't. Bob right in. Like harem pants. I'm not sure what you would call it, but I think Bob was selling them for a while. And ugly as hell outfit. I don't know, but they look good for getting in drag because you don't want to be naked, but you want something you can get off easy later. Cause I hate when you put makeup on, you gotta pull a t-shirt over the makeup. You ruin the collar. Oh yeah. I always do makeup shortlist with my robe on my titties out. Yeah. Always do the robe. Cause you will a white shirt with how much brown I put on my jaw, my black chin strap. Thank you. Please. Also, yeah. Slaying it also I hate, yeah, white shirt, white shirt. I make a white refrigerator. Let's go get you a home. Girl, I saw something incredible on the way here. We're currently looking at a new studio for it to move my dragon to. I hate you. I hate you so much. We're looking at the studio over here because there's a lot more space over here in Burbank than it was in North Hollywood. And I drove by it today, Nick. Can you rent me something? It's a nice facility. Can you rent me a room in there? No, we should get a side by side. Don't fucking edge me, you faggot. I'm dead serious. It's right over here. And it's by the airport. It's by the plant fitness. It's by a bunch of shit. By the airport? Oh, Burbank. Yes. I was like, oh, okay. Don't edge me, you faggot. Are you for real? And so you could like keep your drag there. Go get it. Go to the airport, whatever. Yeah, no shit. Okay. Don't yell at me. I'm just getting emotional. I'm getting emotional. Cause I'm hurt. I went over there today and I saw a FedEx truck, F-E-D-E-X. And there was like a four lane highway over there by the airport. You know where the airport, there's big open fields. And by the Spurbank airport, there's a lot of like land with nothing. The land, how do you land? This FedEx truck, you want to talk me, hitting my own driveway every time I come in the driveway. My boyfriend came on the other day and bought one of those. I was sitting there in drag, crossy. And he bought one of those markers that's for me. Those back CD for markers for removing scuffs off cars. Oh, damn. He put it on the table. He goes, did you want to do it or should I? And I go, I guess I'll do it. You fag it. So this FedEx truck, huge long FedEx truck, they pulled out to block like all four lanes and all the cars, they put it in reverse, smoothly, quickly, deftly, backed into a alley with maybe two feet on each side. I looked in the window to look, it was such a good park job that I had to get a look at that fucking space. Yeah, which she looked like. I was like craning my neck. Which she looked like. Calm, calm. Cool. She was turned and tapped and turned on. Do you know, me calling the garage door guy and say hi, it's me again. I hit the door again. Can you come fix it? No, but what does the person look like? Just a normal guy. Attractive, maybe 40 Latino big sunglasses. And he just was like, palming the wheel. Fierce. Perfectly backed it up. That is so, that behavior. I thought it was a me lesbian. Yes, of course. That behavior to me is so sexual. This was amazing. I was almost like 10 and two. Thank you. So I couldn't clap. That is so sexually attractive to me. So it's such a turn on, such a plus in the pro category to me. Parking is, parallel parking is the only skill in driving that I really lock in on. Every other part of it, I think I could take a remedial course probably every six weeks. You should see me do a 16 point turn out of the studio parking lot. It's really, it's really, it's really impressive. I was like, oh, did that person, not only like not have a license, does that person actively forget and unlearn driving skills every time they get in a car? You pull out after the 16 point turn, you get hit by Carlos, one of those food delivery things. Yeah, Cassandra comes and bulls me over. And then a Waymo, T bones you. Yes, but yeah. Me yelling into the front seat of a Waymo. I think we should exchange information. No one in there. Me turning, me like flirting with a Waymo. So when you bumped into me, was that like kind of like hot coffee? Hot coffee? Hot coffee. I did have something I wanted to bring your attention right away. I don't watch Porno. Wait, I know we talked about this anyway. I don't watch Porno and I have, I'm afraid. But you listen. It's like, I don't smoke, but I inhale. Well, that's a funny thing you should say because you literally just read my mind. Daryl, you talk about this. No. Oh, okay. What if I'm psychic? I know you're psychic, but why you will not even like loft the idea that I might be intuitive in some way? No, I know you're very intuitive. Excuse your mouth. I know you're very intuitive. You have a women's intuition that is very over the line, much more than most women. But psychic is a little bit of a stretch, however. And the count of three, we're gonna say a number from one to 10. It's gonna be one, two, three blank. Okay, and we're gonna, and I'm gonna lock in and I'm gonna say this number. Okay. One, two, three, seven. Oh, I almost said seven. That was so close though. That's the difference between psychic and intuition. Six, seven. Seven, eight. She ate. That was like, did I tell you what was in DC? And I'll walk in with my friend. And my friend is like, I say, you know I'm psychic, I'm always trying to like confirm it. And she was gonna show me a house where there was a murder. And I said, I said, show me what block it is and I'm gonna tell you what house it is. And she goes, okay. I know what you're thinking. It was the moment. Just police tape. I'm like, I think it's this one. Murder house towards 11. Or the guys actively with the knife. Yeah. But I walk by and I go, it's this one. And she goes, oh, close. It's this one. So I'm like, I got it. There's only three she's on that. But you didn't. Like that's not it. There's only three houses on the street. But I'm thinking because it was next door. I'm like, but I got it. I got it. Yeah, you got it. You got it. This is gonna be so gross. And I'm just gonna, I just wanna say it. Is it okay? I asked them. So I think I've already talked about it. I'm so sorry if I have. You can just stop me because it's gross. I don't wanna watch, because porn to me is very overstimulating. It's very overstimulating. And like I get, like as a person who has, I know it's just a shock, who has had a history of compulsive sexual activity or behavior around porn. I try to, I get, I wanna, I don't wanna get desensitized. And I don't wanna get, I wanna reset my nervous system in terms of like, what is, you know, titillating or whatever with my, also because for me, just for me, it has ruined sex sometimes. Where like, I can't be in the moment. I can't be like turned in, tapped in, turned on. I don't, I'm not conservative or traditional, but when people make claims that take, a break from porn yielded a healthier sex life in their marriage or something, I do believe that that could be entirely possible. Oh yeah. Person to person. And it's not a broad stroke against porn as like some moral judgment. But I mean, I think they should all go to hell, but that's just my opinion. How come they never asked us to present our host at like porn awards? They do. They do. Yeah, they do. Oh my God, we were nominated for a porn award. And Mary, they have asked us to present at the Gavians. What's the award? I guess. Best double anal angels, I don't know what it was. I think it's funny that we can't get a golden globe for a pod, but we can get nominated at the Angus. But we can get nominated at the Angus. Well, because when we do pods, people get so horny. And also just take a look at the breasts, how they grow throughout the episode. I can't control that. Can I tell you guys what happened to me yesterday? I was filming. Wait, wait, wait, I'm not done with my story. This is part of it. Okay, got it. I was filming with Nick, what is it? The International Content Creator Awards. The International Content Creator Awards, which is a primarily adult film. Filming fans and stuff. And we are obviously nominated. Obviously. But I'm filming with Nick yesterday and you call, you call and I go, I gotta call Katya back, you know, cause it's probably important, cause God knows you would never fucking call me. You call, you call and you go, I just want you to know. That you could never do anything to ever take my wet pussy. And I go, okay, I gotta go, I'm filming. That's the kind of dismissive attitude that I receive from you on a daily basis, which is why I rarely shared those moments of vulnerability. And that's okay. So, what happened? I've learned, I've grown and I've learned from it. What's the nasty gross story? Well, okay. Is it about your body? No, it's what so many else is. Okay, so I deactivated, deleted my only fans account. I'm not my one that I share, the one that I view. Thank you. Because I'm trying to curb my financial situation to take myself out of dire financial straits, actively taking steps to save and be better with money. Now, of course I just did it just for fans account. So I, So you ever done rock and roll? Have you ever done rocket money? I'm not. No, I haven't, yeah, I love rocket money. It's fierce. It is fierce, it's $10 a month. And it gets you together. But it will tell you like, what shit you're subscribed to. And also you can, it helped me, helped me avoid a 129.99 Microsoft office suite. Like I've ever done a goddamn word document in my life with my hunting pecking ass. I would love to see you open Excel. Baby. Oh, a spreadsheet, a what? I can spread my legs. That's about it. Put a dryer sheet in there. And so anyways, the, I tuned in, tapped in, turned on. And there's this guy who famously makes this whole, this is really vulgar. Just, I'm just letting you know at home, this is vulgar if you have children or you have parents listening if you're eating lunch. If they have children, they've had sex. No, no, no, but maybe not sex like this. So this person is famous for making their ass talk. And what I mean by that, it's not farting necessarily. Okay. It's like, remember when Lesha's asked you if you ever creamed your ass? It sounds kind of disgusting. But so there are producers looking at me like, you should kill yourself. It's like- She's been looking at it like this for a few years. Why haven't you done it? She holds up a sign that says, why haven't you done it? Yeah, I don't say let's take a break. I said, do it, maybe do it. The noose has been coming down. I love an water boy and Frusa Bulk holds up that sign that says, do you want me to kill them? Love that shit. So this person is sputtering, it's squelching. It's a very, very lurid, highly sexual ASMR experience. So I don't watch it. I listen. I put on this noise canceler. Okay. And it's so- You don't want to watch. Well, I do want to watch, but I say no, no, no. Can I clarify? It's not an audio, it's a video that you're using as audio. Exactly. Because I don't want to become overstimulated. Also, because I have not ejaculated in over three months, catch that truth. Catch that. And I'm not joking. I can't believe it. I can't believe it just as you're sitting there incredulous as am I. Yeah. White pee. Branding called ejaculate white pee. That's so gross. Mine is a little- It's going to come out chunky and gold. Probably like gallstones, kidney stones. It's going to come out chunky and like Thai iced tea. No, that's my regular pee. Clotted. It's going to come out clotted. Well, when my eyes, like I bought a big jug of Fiji water at the studio yesterday because my morning pee was like barbecue sauce. So I was like, maybe I should try hydration. Gave it a shot. It's doing good for me. But back to the nasty, the other nasty thing. It's a squelching. It's a sputtering. And it's a very, very, it's a very, like, for lack of a better word, nasty in a good way, like sex sound. You know? How was the sound being made? It's made from the dick going in the butt and coming out. And then once it pulls out because there's a lube and come in there, it's like sputtering. So there's actual sex occurring. Oh, yes. This is very much so. Very, very penetrative and very, very like, very hard hitting tonight at 11. I think of like the famous people who love our pod. Like I think of Amy Poehler at her desk right now listening to you tell the story. How is she going to listen with all those lights in her face? Oh my God. My friend Vanessa, the DJ who I make a lot of music with, she said, oh my God, my friend. I told her, I said, I listened to Baltimore and the beautiful in the car when I drive. And her friend said, I watch it while I drive. Her friend said, I put it on my phone and I put it in the cup holder and I watch while I drive. I said, love you. I hope you don't recommend that. I don't recommend that, but I said work. I watch the road while I drive as do you. Thank you. No, I don't watch it. I am a survey. Yeah. I got. Yeah. Anyways, so I tried that and I, I thought it was interesting and actually became hypnotized and it became so it's so lewd and it's so like, I don't mean to judge. It's not a judgment. I'm just saying it's so like, so sexually almost. It's just too much. It's so much that I become like, okay, I got to stop. This is a little too much just from the audio, just from the audio. So now I'm back to just gifts. When I was in the straight porn for a while, I watched a lot of extreme close ups. 8k. Yes. 8k. With extreme like noise and 8k of the dick in the pussy hole. This is exactly what I'm talking about. And I found that exciting and I found myself confused by why I liked it because it was just so medical. It's so medical. Oh, well, I don't, I don't appreciate is any, it's like, you know, value cherish is sick. I'm seeing red. I don't like that. Seeing red. I don't like that. What do you mean? Well, you know what I mean? I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. Right. But that's another story. I also love it in season two of the comeback when she's watching her like acting real. Oh, it's the scene where they're watching a clip from seeing red and Valerie's all insecure about it because the reviewers like, I think people are going to see in a whole new light and she's like, what does that mean? And Mickey's watching it and it's her like, I want you to, it's like, it's like, I want you to think about killing yourself when you put that shit in your arms about like talking about like drug use. And Mickey goes, after all these years, red, you can really act. That is one of the best redeeming things of the comeback is that every time they yell action, Valerie's good. Yeah. Like it would be so hard to root for her if she wasn't great. But you know how difficult that role must be for an actor for Lisa Kudrow? Because there's so many layers to the performance. You know what I mean? Like there's like, there's the real person, the person who's like putting on the thing and then there's the actress and then the, you know what I mean? There's so many like different, I don't know if this sounds like corny or pretentious, but I find it like a very multi layered. I find the way she's able to inhabit it and live in it and play with it, but stay anchored to it. Yeah. It's real gift. I'm not, she is so talented. I'm not like an actor. No, you are. No, I only can do what I do. No, you're inside the actor. You're very Udahog and very method. I can't be other people. Yes, you can and you do it better than Daniel Dave Lewis. I was in a community theater, no, I was in a dinner theater production of a night out with the Rat Pack at the Apple Hall or in Sturdyvint, Wisconsin when I saw from your college. Do you play old blue eyes? I was super famous. Yeah. And old blue eyes. This woman, her name was Lori Manetti. She used to read the lottery balls in Wisconsin on TV in the 90s where you had to actually pull the ball and some hot bitch would have her perfect manicure and be like, yeah, here's the ball. Here's the ball. She said, Brian, people like you and I, people are higher us because they want us. They want us to play our personalities. Oh, I see. And I remember going home being like, is that bad? And then I just am like all the other years later, I was like, well, sometimes you play yourself and that's okay. And guess what? Nobody else can do it. Nobody else can do you, but Lisa Kujo can do anyone. I mean, Valerie is not Lisa. No, no. But I had a, you know, it's funny. I had not a casting agent, but a casting agent assistant tell me like, you know, after the hacks thing, they were like, you know, they, they wanted you, but mostly like, let's be real. Like I was like, I'm not an actress. Like I know you're not an actor. They wanted your legs. They wanted you huge fuckable tits that grow a size every hour. That's what they wanted. And they got it. So take that down a fierce boulevard and sell it. Let's take a break. I'm a Scottish size 12 and the UK to a 14 and my breasts won't stop growing. That would suck. No, I, I, there was, I was such a, I was so blindsided. I was blindsided by that. Shocked and betrayed. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed. Full body chills. Thank you. My question is, does she have to get them reduced like regularly? Is that what happens? No, the trouble was that she like, so her doctor would say, in order to get that operation, we need you to lose weight, but she can't because she'll lose weight and then her breasts will grow. It's a real catch 22 or catch 38, double D if you want. Wow. And I have never felt so seen. I've never felt so validated because I didn't even know that had a condition. You know, I had to get political, but I've been thinking about this a lot. The people who don't believe doctors, the people who are the Mahap people, the, the, the, the RFK people, if you, if you really think this shit, when you get sick, don't go to the hospital. Well, you can't play both sides of the street bitch. No, no, no, but let me, let me tell you, I am not defending anti-vaxxers or whatever. One thing we do have to address is that just because you have an MD does not mean you, you are like, don't trust every doctor. No one knows everything. Nobody knows everything, but I, I was raised, I don't know about you, but I was raised with blind faith in medical doctors. But doctors, when they take money from, let's say a medicine, who's paying them to speak on behalf of this drug, they not only, they, they legally, either under the oath where they have to only do good as a doctor and B, the hippopotamus, they have to be very open about the money they might receive to endorse a drug. And they sometimes are not, but politicians, et cetera, really have no, they're not, they do not have any, like I have to be completely transparent about this big pharma paying me. That are lobbying me, taking me golf, whatever, yet. Right. But, but doctors are courted all the time and then, and paid by a huge, and taken out to lunches and, and Aspinsky weekends with, you know, pharmaceutical companies, they're up their ass, they're giving them blow jobs, hand jobs, all kinds of jobs. You don't even think about a lot when we watched. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying like, nobody's perfect and no industry is, that's because that was a bias I grew up with. Trust doctors, no matter what, I'm like, there is a, you know, like doctors sometimes suck, have terrible bedside manners. That was the other thing. But why is one bad doctor experience? All doctors are lying to me. That's not fair. No, no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. But I had the opposite, like bias that all doctors are infallible. And one of the actual, one of the things I agreed with, with the body, positive to folks was like, I was like, they're the incensit, the insensitivity of doctors. I was like, that's no, that's not news to me. And, and name a doctor who has good bedside manner. Right. And it's very, you would think bipartisan. We've all had a doctor say the wrong thing to us. Mary, I can count on three fingers, the amount of doctors I've had who have been, not only like made eye contact with me while they were telling me what's wrong with me or whatever, but like made non-judgmental suggestions or even like listened without, without, you know what I mean? Yes. I mean, I, or like who didn't send the nursing to tell me something. Yes. I have ankylosing spondylitis. That's the disease I have. The number of people that take years and years and years and years, decades, sometimes, long time to find diagnosis, because many doctors don't know enough or don't believe or whatever. Go home, you're just making it up. You're sick. People have been chronic pain and like their body, when, when they get diagnosed, they look back and they're like, wow, these symptoms started when I was a teenager and they kept telling me it was nothing. I understand that these people get very, you get so lost when you're like, does anyone fucking believe me? Like, why would I be in the doctor's office if I'm not in pain and it doesn't feel like something's happening? Yeah. So I understand that too. I really do. It's, it's, it's, and also I think people of color don't often get the same treatment. Of course. And girl, fat people get immediately prejudiced against. Yeah. Because a lot of, so many doctors are fat. Should we go to med school? I've been, I don't know about you, but I do have a medical, I am a medical doctor. No, but the, the, the thing is like healthcare as a business, there's your fucking problem, number one. When healthcare is a business, there's, it's, it's, it's a market, their decisions made, you know, with the market in mind. It's just, it's a whole fucking. One of the other problems is giant pharmaceutical companies. It's like, doctors might have to give a certain amount of transparency. Companies who make the drugs don't, they don't have to say, this is how much it costs and so much we're up trying or whatever. That's not happening. And the FDA is embedded with the FBI. The FBI is embedded with the CIA. The FCA won't let me be, let me be me. CIA is embedded with MIA and she's on tour. And FKA twigs won the Grammy for best debts album for you, sexual. Thank you. Good for her. All right. I'm going to see Mother Mary. I'm going to go to the premiere. What are you talking about? The new, the new film with Anne Hathaway and Michaela Cole, where it's very witchy. Oh my God, it looks amazing. You got to watch the trailer. I'm trying to, I told our, I, our agents, if you don't get me a seat at the premiere of this movie in LA, it's curtains. I'm leaving here and I'm going to Disneyland. Incredible. Thank you for the invite. I feel almost insecure and shame is a landfill emotion, right? I am a millennial white gay and I'm going to Disney. It feels a little on the nose and I'm sorry. Guess what? Everybody's got, most people have a nose. Boop. Um, I got my girl, Caitlin, my tour guide from last time. Oh, you do the secret pizza gate thing underground. I'm not going to feel bad for that. It's, it's just, Don't feel bad for about your, your super rich. You're part of the Illuminati. It's fine. We worked all weekend. We're going to Toronto this week. We need a break. We need to unwind. You have Artheore Spengalitis. Absolutely. You know what I mean? And, um, I'm really interested in going on a week long trip to, to, um, really interested in going to Walt Disney World. I've never gotten a nice Florida. I've not seen animal kingdom. Florida. I've not seen Epcot all of that. Me neither. So I really want to go. I want you to go. And I was just in Dollywood. Yes. And I also want to go to universal Orlando because they have a lot of stuff that we don't have here. Will you come to London to do it bald gig so we can see Catherine Tayden? No, Mary. Yeah, of course. But also. Have you heard about our John? I've never been to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Well, it's closing. So you better go bitch. Well, we have a Six Flags Great America outside of Milwaukee. Who cares about her? We go to Six Flags. If they're doing out on the mountain, I've been feeling very roller coaster. You've never been to out on the mountain. No, I, you go every year and you don't ask me. That is, that is the most patent. You have never uttered a falsehood so patently untrue in your life in our 12 years together. Somewhere in the game of telephone between you not saying it and me not hearing it. I never got invited. It's your arteriospangliitis, which presents you from picking up the phone. No, no, no, you can't ever go. You can never go. Because you're busy. No, you're booked and busy. Why can't we get booked? No, you get. Okay. Last. Do you think that Six Flags could pay us? They have asked us many times and it's not plus you don't want to perform there. You want to ride the rides. Because I want to DJ and then I want to ride rides. They have asked you to DJ. I'm just going to ask directly to camera. Six Flags, any of your gay parties, please let me DJ during the day or at night and then go ride some rides. No, it's at night. My dream is that you and I can be in drag and ride a roller coaster and have a video of it. Okay. So that I have, you wanted us to bungee jump and drag. That's totally different. That's the most extreme scary thing you do in your life and it happens once. I'm talking about multiple roller coasters. I'm talking about climbing up hills. I'm very into these videos of people on slingshots. Plus you have to. Passing out. Oh, I love those. I love those too. But wait, we have a final, final, final thought. Fuck my ass. I just forgot what it was. I'm sorry. No, no. The Bald and the Beautiful, we're in Florida in December. Orlando. We can plan for Disney then. Yes. And what a great time to go to Disney World. Disney Theater. We're performing so we can maybe stay an extra day. Oh my God. See, you give it up to God and God gives it to you. We're playing Bald and the Beautiful at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando in December. Yeah. We, I want to, I, I, you can go. You can go. So crying. We're gonna start crying. Okay. Final thoughts. I don't have any. Well, thank you so much. Bye, girl. Bye, girl. Incest.