The Wellness Industry Is a Scam

Hi, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another Sunday session. I wanted to first start this by like checking in with everyone. How are the girls feeling? How are we all doing? I feel like something about January has felt a little more stressful than usual or at least maybe it's me. Like I don't know. Work has been so insane. I feel like my schedule has been insane and I really told myself this year that I was going to hit the ground running and I started off the year feeling so motivated. I was so excited about the projects that I wanted to accomplish. All the like self-help that I was going to be doing. I ordered a goddamn journal in December. I was like, come Jan one, I'm going to be a journaling girl and then all of a sudden life just immediately started to get in the way. And if I'm being honest, part of me has been kind of just I don't know. I've been like beating myself up about it because I feel like there's so much pressure in the new year to grind and to do a big life overhaul and be in this new year, new me mindset as if suddenly there are like now more hours in the day now just because it's 2026. And look, I get it. It is a new year and we have new goals and we want to build new habits. But it feels like I don't know. It just feels like you put yourself in this position where like it's time to reset your life this time of year. But I also think this intense focus on becoming your best self just because it's a different number on the calendar. It can it can leave a lot of us feeling like we aren't good enough as we are. And when I get too focused on optimization and hitting next steps and you know, living for the future version of myself, I notice that I completely begin to lose sight of all the things that are currently going well in my life, right? I think it's easy for all of us to get trapped in this mindset of once this certain thing happens, then life is going to fall into place and everything is going to feel great. Once we get a new job or you know, finish the self-help booker for me, it's like start the self-help book or quit the bad habit or get over the breakup. Whatever it may be, we tell ourselves that then we will finally be happy. And ultimately, what I have come to realize is this hyper fixation on self-improvement can slowly over time just be a form of self-rejection. I can feel everyone like, okay, you're going to fucking come guns blazing at us today, Alex. But I think we need to have this conversation because as I've been thinking about it, like there is no final destination that you are going to reach one day where you feel like you have absolutely all of your shit in life together. That's just never going to happen. So while yes, working on yourself is amazing and we all want to try to do that. If it comes at the cost of feeling good day to day and feeling good in the present, then I think we have lost the plot a little bit. And I, yes, I'm taking accountability and also talking about myself. I'm not just preaching at you guys. This is something I heavily relate to. And so I want to read an article that I came across. This article is from the medium by a writer named Layla. And it's called you're allowed to be happy even before you've fixed everything. And here's what she writes. If happiness required having your life together, none of us would smile again because healing, it's not linear, it's not like tripping over the same emotional pot hole 15 times and still getting up. You don't have to be in your final form to deserve joy. You're not an app update. You're a human being. So maybe your room is a mess. Maybe your goals are in the same folder as you're forgotten dreams and unwashed laundry. Maybe you're still trying to forgive people, including yourself. That is okay. Let yourself be happy in the in between romanticize the tiniest things like putting on fresh socks or hearing your favorite song in public. That stuff counts because life doesn't begin once you're fixed. It's happening now in the middle of it all. I used to think how dare I feel happy when I haven't even fixed myself yet. I put joy on lay away waiting until I fix my flaws or healed from the past or build a life that looks perfect from the outside. We don't always realize how heavy this mindset is that need to deserve happiness. It keeps us in a state of quiet punishment like we have to suffer now to earn peace later. But the truth is there's no finish line when life suddenly becomes easy and everything makes sense. There will always be something unresolved. Some insecurity we still haven't shaken. Happiness doesn't mean you're ignoring the hard parts of your life. It means you're giving yourself permission to experience joy in spite of them because life isn't an exam you have to pass before you can finally enjoy it. Guys, I read that and I was like, I'm hoping that this isn't just applicable to me because I almost started sobbing when I was reading that. I was like, okay, why is this so relatable? I really wanted to share that with you guys because I think it really, I don't know, it just for me and I hope for you, it really puts in perspective how much pressure we put on ourselves to fix all of our flaws and the way that we can obsess over things that we want to change, right? I think the wellness industry has just made this whole idea feel so much more pressing and toxic to be quite honest than it ever used to feel. Like wellness culture was originally conceptualized to help us lower our stress and now it has turned into a massive industry that is profiting enormously on making us feel like we all need to be fixing ourselves 24, seven constantly. It never ends everywhere I look right now. It is 10 step wellness routines. This isn't anything new, right? Like the cold plunges, the red light masks, the under eye patches, the lymphatic drainage, the machos and the peptides and the Pilates and all the things and it's like, look, there is a reason we are called unwell over here. Okay, it is because that stuff is literally impossible to keep up with. We are all a little unwell and that is okay. None of us are perfect. No one should expect themselves to be perfect, but the wellness industry is profiting off of convincing us that maybe if we spend $40 on a Pilates class and we chug some freaking CMOS gel and we buy all natural skin care and we shove coffee animals of our fucking assholes. They're like, no babe, that's actually not a part of the wellness category. I'm like, okay, that's just me. Cool. But then you know what I'm saying? It's like then maybe we can get to a place where we can accept ourselves. When in reality, this endless seeking for self care can actually become a form of self punishment. And I think this has really become very apparent to me and I think when it does become apparent to you, you almost can't unsee it, which I'm hoping this happens for all of you right now. Like every single flaw we have has a fix that is being marketed to us. But the truth is, and please listen to me when I say this, not every insecurity is actually something that has to be solved. Maybe solved within yourself of how to embrace that part of yourself, but we don't need to fix it. We don't need to always change things. Wanting to be a better version of yourself is wonderful. And I think it's integral into growing as a human being, but feeling like you're not taking care of yourself properly because you cannot keep up with these insane unattainable trends is I would argue so much worse for your overall mental health. I saw so many people posting videos online. When everyone was doing the like, you know, new year goals and new year new me or even how about this when everyone was reflecting on what their year was. And I did see a good amount of people being like, this is making me feel horrible. Like maybe you had a horrible year or maybe you the biggest thing that defined your life this past year was loss and grief and change. And you don't want to reflect. You want to keep moving forward. And so it's like, but the internet sometimes is forcing us to feel like we are 10 steps behind most people and we cannot keep up and we're not good enough. And oh, look, their year was way better than mine. And oh, wow, they got the job promotion. Wow, they went to, you know, Paris and I didn't even leave that like we're just constantly comparing. And I think especially right now in January, we all just need a little PSA reset on what wellness actually is because they have a so fucked up daddy gang. They have a so believing wellness is something completely the opposite of what it is because you know what, wellness. First of all, let me just say it doesn't need to cost a million fucking dollars contrary to what everyone is telling you. Wellness can literally be finding five minutes of quiet in the morning to sip your favorite coffee before the workday starts or reading a few pages of a book that comes you before bed, lighting a candle, putting on music, sitting on your floor and just stretching. Okay, the stretching one sounds weird. Just did it the other day. I was like, I don't know the last time I've like stretched my body. Did it felt incredible? Oh my god, guess what? Didn't have to purchase an app. Didn't have to purchase anything online. Didn't have to do it. So we can't just wait until, oh my gosh, I need to be richer and thinner and you know, I mean, I need more free time. All of this to reach some other arbitrary threshold to feel like we are allowed to finally start prioritizing finding enjoyment in these simple things. Daddy gang, if you keep looking for the when and the where and the thing and the what you're just going to keep moving the goal post, you do not need to constantly strive to attain being the best version of yourself. You don't, you just fucking don't. And the reason you're doing it is because of the internet and all of these things that are marketed towards you to tell you to do it. Because what I've come to find is that there is no final benchmark that actually exists in life. You talk to a woman in her 60s. She's still trying to work on it. 70s, 80s. And you know what else it kind of makes me think of as I've been reading articles about this and researching and doing all these things. Like I see this kind of same idea come up a lot amongst my friends and myself in the past when it comes to dating. Everyone's like, oh fuck, okay, now you're going to really hit us hard. Yes, I have noticed that this cultural focus on self optimization is ironically holding some people back from actually having a healthy relationship. One of my single friends and I were discussing this recently because her new year's resolution is to force herself to go on one day a week and she is not letting herself cancel. Even if she's tired one of the nights, even if she has a zit in the middle of her face, whatever, if she's not feeling her best, that's out. Like she's going to force herself to go. And what I specifically like about this concept is that truly the right partner is going to see you at your highest highs and your lowest lows. So why do you need to only show up as your absolute best self in the very beginning? Like listen, I get it when you're going on a first date. Like you're not going to show up in your sweats and you're like greasy fucking hair and all that. Like I get it. But there is something to be said of like, Hey, like I'm so excited to meet you tonight. I'm going to be really honest. I don't really shitty day at work. That's probably fucking refreshing. Right? Be real. Like needing to work on yourself. And this is really something I want you guys to listen to because I wish I had had someone tell me this when I was dating is like needing to work on yourself before dating. Yes, of course, it can absolutely be great and be beneficial. But it can also I feel like end up trying to kind of, it can almost like create this type of avoidance at a certain point, right? Like it almost can it can hold you back essentially is what I'm trying to say. It becomes a problem when it becomes an excuse. That is what it is, right? We've all heard of a guy using the classic line. He's like, Oh my God, like he can't be in a relationship right now because he just needs to work on himself. How bad when they like break up with you and they're like, no, no, it has nothing to do with you. Like I just have to work on myself. And you're like, I'm sure you fucking do Jeremy. Actually, I know you fucking don't Jeremy. Just say that you want to break up with me like, or with their like, he started like, I'm just like not in them. Like I can't right now because I'm working on myself. I can't be in a relationship. No, if it was the right fucking person, Jeremy would be in your fucking pants. Okay? Trust me. But it's like we let them get away with this rationale, I guess, because we're like, oh, that's so sweet. Like he wants to be a better version of himself before dating anyone like, oh my God. And it's like, no, they're just like trying to get their fucking dick wet with a bunch of girls before he wants to settle down one day with a chick that is 10 times fucking younger than him. Okay? We have to normalize, I think the concept that you need to be the best fully healed version of yourself before you start dating anyone in reality. That's just not true. Dating forces a level of self-reflection that you just don't get on your own. I'm not saying if you are in the worst part of your life, you should be actively like trying to date. But like at some point you got to rip the bandaid off. You don't really discover what you still need to work on when you're sitting alone in your room journaling. Unfortunately, trust me, I wish that was the case. I wish we could solve all of our problems without a man across from you at the fucking table. But you do discover things when someone doesn't text you back for two days and you start spiraling and you're freaking out and then you're trying to track their location and you're refreshing their Instagram. Then you may realize, oh wow, I do still have these abandonment wounds that I do need to address, right? Like that that deep inner work of crashing out over a situation ship, that does not happen. Unfortunately, in isolation, okay? I wish it did. Sometimes it actually, it takes interacting with people. Sometimes you have to go into the dating world a little unhealed in order to get to the other side of it and actually become a better partner in the future. Again, I just want to make sure and pause that you guys understand. Like I'm not saying be irresponsible. I'm not saying if you have extreme trauma that you're dealing with. I am not saying that yes, maybe then you're unpacking it and you're trying to then also start dating right now. That is not what you should be fucking doing. But yes, go fucking date people and see what it brings up for you and if anything triggers you and what you learn about yourself. Like stop hiding and stop using, you know, I'm just not ready as an excuse because what you're really doing is you're just prolonging learning more and more about yourself. And so I want to end with one more article that kind of drove this idea home for me and it is titled, do we really have to be healed to date people by lowest shearing from Cosmic Polytin? Okay, here we go. This is a paid ad by Better Help. I think it's so important, especially for women to talk about people who've been in your life that have helped you, right? You don't have to go through things alone. Maybe it's your sister, your best friend, your partner, your, you know, a female figure you have. It's important that we are able to identify people who we can go to in hard moments. You shouldn't have to do this alone. Women deserve to be celebrated, right? But we should also recognize that many women carry emotional weight at work in relationships in families and in the roles they play for each other, whether you're navigating career expectations, parenting, caregiving or more, therapy with Better Help can help you check in with yourself unpack what's feeling heavy and build healthier pathways forward. Daddy Gang, make sure you're taking care of yourselves. We all look to women in our lives, but it's a lot of pressure also for us to carry so much. So take care of yourself and make sure people around you are taking care of themselves as well. Your emotional well-being matters, find support and feel lighter in therapy, sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.comslashDaddy That's BetterHELP.comslashDaddy. This article is titled Do We Really Have to Be Healed to Date People by Lois Shearing for Cosmopolitan? What do we owe the people we date? Respect, for sure, clear communication, definitely. The most healed version of ourselves, not so sure on that one. While working on yourself and being aware of your flaws can certainly make you a better partner, what that looks like will be different for everyone. Romantic relationships are not something you have to earn by being a productive member of society with a gym membership and a mindfulness app. In a perfect world, people would fully work through any past trauma or cognitive blocks before waiting into the world of dating, but we don't live in a perfect world. So if someone great comes along, it's better to be open and honest about where you're at and just communicate what you have the capacity to offer at this time. Because what's often left out of the conversation is what it actually means to heal and perhaps more importantly, what we're supposed to all be healing from. Unlike healing from a wound where there's a clear beginning and end, healing in the dating sense seems to have morphed into a perpetual state of self-optimization, one where we're trying to heal from the fallibility and messiness of the human condition itself. Here is the secret. You can't get better without other people. You can't think, journal or meditate your way into trusting people again after you've been betrayed. You have to take the plunge to get proof that other people can be trustworthy. Demanding that people should only date once they've reached a certain level of healing, one that conventionally aligns with capitalist ideas of success, is a way of trying to protect yourself from the possibility of getting hurt. You are not required to be perfectly healed to deserve love. In fact, you will never be healed unless you get out there and work on your shit with other people. Boom! Guys, I read that and was like, okay, well, I needed that when I was dating and I hope it's helpful to hear because look, I'm not saying self-awareness and accountability don't matter in dating because they absolutely do and no healing can happen without two elements, right? But real self-awareness, I feel like, also means accepting that you are a work in progress. Don't even get me started about where I was when I first met Matt. If we were going by the standard that you need to be a fully healed person to start dating, I would be single in captivity and the lights would be off and they would board up the windows, okay? I was in no capacity in a mental, physical, well-being standpoint to start dating my now husband. So, let me tell you that because I hope it makes you feel more seen in we all have childhood shit, we all have trauma, we all have insecurities, we all have fears, we all have things that we don't want to immediately expose to people about ourselves because we're embarrassed or ashamed or whatever it is. But in order to work through that embarrassment and to work through that trauma and that shame or whatever it is, you need to have interpersonal dynamics that can help you work through these things. We don't live in a society where we all just isolate ourselves. We gain happiness and we prosper by having human connection. Yes, doesn't mean you're not going to have miserable human connections. Trust me, babe, some of my exes did a real fucking number on me, okay? But every single person led me to finding my happiness with Matt and finding my happiness within myself. And I'm still working on it. So, don't short yourself by thinking you're too much of a project and you're too much to handle and you're too fucked up. You got to start somewhere and I agree with you know what they were saying in the article of like, of course there is a responsibility. Like I said earlier, if you are dealing with something traumatic, you don't need to disclose all details, but you could just say, Hey, I'm going through a really weird time in my life or a really difficult time in my life. And I'm not fully ready to share things yet. But it is really nice to have company with someone. And I hope at one point I feel comfortable to open up to you. But yeah, let's go to the movies tonight. Like don't self isolate. It's just going to make things worse. You can get out there and go on dates knowing that you've still got some shit to work on. I mean, I can do a whole other Sunday session on how to actually know when you're ready for a real relationship right? I feel like going out and trying to date versus like really being ready for like a committed relationship. There's kind of a difference. But I don't know. Right now I just wanted to reiterate that you don't need to be the most perfect version of yourself to get to that place. You don't. We do not need to just keep growing and self optimizing endlessly to be so happy with ourselves. Like maybe you're just feeling good. And the only reason that you're not feeling good is because a bunch of other people around you are making it feel like you got to keep we got to keep evolving the eye. I keep changing like yeah, to a certain degree. But like not in every aspect of your fucking life. No matter what you change some version of all of the shit that you still need to work on, it's always going to fucking be there. There is not an end day where everything is just magically perfect. So stop delaying your own happiness because you think you need to change yourself first. Yes, you can do dry January. I'm personally trying to do it myself and you can do your 75 hard challenges. No, I'm not doing that personally myself. You can grind on your new years resolutions. You can prioritize therapy and learning and growth. You can you can do all these things that you want to do that you think will help you feel your best. But you can also be okay with yourself if none of that stuff happened. Babe, you've gotten this far. Okay, you've gotten this damn far. So, Daddy Gang, I hope that was a helpful little reminder this January that yes, you can work on yourself or you can choose not to. And that is completely fine. Just take some time off. Honestly, I'm exhausted. Stop with self-reflection maybe for a second. Give yourself a break, right? Or just take the time to acknowledge that the things that you already have, you can be proud of. That's that's it. That's enough sometimes. So I don't know. I don't know what this means for 2026. I think it means do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever makes you feel good. Stop comparing ourselves to all of this fake bullshit because let me tell you as someone who's on the internet, like half of the time that you see people sharing this shit, they just needed a post for that day. It's like really not that deep, but it is that deep to people who follow these type of people, right? You see this influencer and they're like, these are my goals and this is what I'm doing and this is my year recap. They're literally just sitting there being like, oh, this is going to perform really well. I'm going to put this up. But you are the one that's being impacted by it. So I think we also need to have a level of discernment of like how much are you allowing influencers and creators and their content to personally impact you? And it is significantly impacted you. If you felt so horrible at all the 2025 recaps and all those things in the 2026 goals, like you have to look inward and say to yourself, why is this so triggering to me? And how can I stop this from impacting me so heavily, right? Okay, with that, I think it's time that we wrap up this little PSA. And I hope this alleviated a lot of pressure that maybe anyone was feeling because you guys let me end it with this. I was drunk in London with my husband over the holidays having such a lovely time meant to the countryside. Matt was like, do you want to go to beach? And I was like, no, I want to go live my holiday fantasy. I want to be Cameron Diaz in the rolling hills with wild horses. And I want to sit in a cabin. And I want to put on my fuzzy socks and I want to sit by a fire. And I want to stare at a wall and I want to get bored. I was like, we need to get bored, Matt. He was like, okay, let's get bored. And so in that boredom, I did allow myself to kind of start to think about what is the next year? You know, what is coming for me? I have so much going on with business that I'm so proud of and so excited about. But I think a lot of times my brain just spirals to like, what's next and what's this and what's that? And I'm, you know, all of it. So then all of a sudden, I'm on fucking Amazon. And I'm ordering myself a goddamn journal that looks like it's a journal from like the 1950s. I wanted it to look a little bit like worn in and like vintage. Like nothing too cheesy. Like really original, right? And here I am ordering this fucking journal at like midnight as I can't sleep. And then I forgot I ordered it. And then I got home. It was like January 2nd. Prime showed up. And I was like, what's that? Oh, and you know what? Only the only thing it did. It just made me feel like fucking shit about myself because I was like, bitch, you were never going to write in that journal. You were never going to write in that journal. It was like a fleeting. It's like kind of like when you go on Pinterest and you have all these ideas of like, I'm going to become the most aesthetic bitch you've ever seen. My aesthetic, I'm going to do a full rebrand, like full rebrand aesthetic and you're like pinning these things and like you're fashion and all these things. And then you go to work the next day and you put on the exact same slacks in the shirt that you always do. And even though you've got the new outfit, you're like, ooh, like I'm just going to like go to like my basics. And you just guess what? Because that's who you are. We try to like mold ourselves to things we're seeing online and like, ooh, the cool girl aesthetic and this aesthetic. And it's like, just be who the fuck you are because the minute you start to try to do that things for aesthetic or things that you see people doing, it's a waste of time. It's a waste of time and a waste of money. It's a waste of money that I bought that fucking journal. If anything now, I'm convincing myself like you will write in that journal, you little fuck bitch. And I'm like, but I don't want to write in the journal. And it's like so don't. Don't buy the fucking cool girl boots that you think like, I don't know if I'll wear them a lot, but I do know I'll get street cred if I wear them. Stop it. Stop it. Don't buy anything for street cred. Don't do anything for aesthetic. What makes you happy? What makes you comfortable? And do that. So should I just like do a giveaway of my journal? All right, so we're gonna kick this episode and this year off with a giveaway. I'm no, you know what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna do that because guess what? Not that I'm not in the giving mood. I don't even want you guys to get a whiff of what the journal looks like. You guys are gonna be like Alex? You are really, you were really leaning into that cottage core by when London, you were trying to be something you're not. And I'd be like, read me to fill bitch, you're so fucking right. No, the worst too was like my, my husband comes home and mac goes, what's this? And I was like, nothing, nothing, nothing. And he was like, what is it? I'm like, in the journal. And he was like, oh, were you gonna start journaling? And I was like, no, he's like, so why did I just stop? He was like, oh, okay, I like some like, I'm gonna prove him wrong and just start like spite journaling. No, that goes against everything. We just fucking said, okay, can we just go to France? I need to stop him. He's gonna keep rambling. Okay, questions of the mother fucking week. I need to answer some of your questions. Let me help you because obviously you guys just helped me through that. I just need to talk that through. I haven't talked about it yet. I haven't talked about my fucking journal. Everything's fine. Okay, question number one. Question one. Hey, Alex, I love my boyfriend and he's a genuinely good person. But I'm starting to feel weird about our financial dynamic. I make significantly more money and end up covering most dates, trips, groceries, even random expenses like parking or Uber rides. He always says he'll get me back, but it rarely happens. I don't think he's using me intentionally, but I'm starting to feel resentful. How do you bring this up without sounding cold? Okay, that is a recipe for disaster, whether it's money or whenever there's just a clear imbalance in a relationship and it wasn't like a clear boundary that was set of like, oh, you handled this stuff, I handled this stuff. That's just where resentment is gonna build. And especially when it comes to financial, this isn't something to fuck around with. Like this is a boyfriend and not to be a dick, but you're like, you don't know if you're marrying this person. And so to spend an exorbitant amount of money that you're essentially investing in this person and they're not equally participating in some capacity, I worry for you. So I do feel like this is completely valid to write this in. I think you need to set some base level boundaries of what you're willing to cover and you're going to contribute. I think if you can be honest with yourself first, you always have to first, I think before going to the person, like, what would make you happy? Like, if you're like, I actually am just looking for a thank you. Like, I actually don't care about covering the cost. I just need like thank yous and more just like honest, just like recognition. Great. Or are you like, I'm struggling, I need him to pay 50, 50 or even if you're not struggling, you just want him to go 50, 50 with you. I think you need to know that before you go into that conversation. I also think you need to figure out what percentage you're comfortable with contributing. Like, there's a lot of dynamics. If you're gonna live with this person, if you're going to one day marry this person, like, are you gonna pay for the whole fucking wedding? Are you gonna pay for the kids? Are you gonna pay for the house? Like, money conversations with partners at the end of the day are very, can be very uncomfortable. And if this person has genuine respect for you, I think you need to bring it up. I do suggest because there could be an element of embarrassment. Maybe he is not comfortable. Obviously with how much he's currently making, I do think you can go and really soft at first and loving just being like, hey, I just want to first acknowledge like, I know this conversation is an awkward conversation. No one will like to talk about money. It's always gonna be a little stiff and awkward, but I really do think we need to have this conversation for the good of our relationship because I do feel an imbalance and I don't feel like we're in a position where this is being fully like fair. And I wanted to just have an open conversation about what I think would work for me. And then I want to hear obviously from you what would work for you. But yeah, this doesn't sound like something that is going to be sustainable unless you have an honest, open conversation. Finances are harder. It's sex and finances. I feel like those are the two hardest fucking things to ever talk about. People always struggle with sex and finances and to talk about them honestly and not to have lies or deceit or anger or resentment. You need to have really clear open communication. And sometimes it leads to answers that you don't like. But then you have the answers instead of pouring money into this person. And then imagine if he's like, bitch, I never am going to pay for that shit. Like you, I'd expect you to pay for all this. Then you're probably going to break up with him. But you need this intel. Okay. We always need the intel girls. Okay, question two. Hi, daddy. I'm engaged and genuinely so excited to get married. But my parents who have had a rocky marriage keep making comments about how marriage is very hard. And just wait. It changes everything. I know they think they're being realistic. But it's just starting to feel like they're projecting their own issues on to me. How do I protect my excitement without dismissing their advice? Okay, I like, it is so annoying. Just pass your parents when you're so excited about something. And someone had a bad experience in their own life of like, you're pregnant. You're excited about kids. You turned to a fucking woman. And she's like, you're going to be miserable. You don't want that kid. Oh my god. Just wait your life's about to get hell. And you're literally like, thanks, can't. Thanks. I'm about to have to push this thing out in four months. But thanks, babe. Like again, you can give advice, but to just be a negative Nancy is same thing. If like, if you're going to go to like, I don't know, you get into some college or something you've never been excited about. Oh, yeah, my sister went there. She fucking hated it. Okay, Becky, good for you. I bet your sister's a fucking whore. And she probably fucked the whole hockey team. And then the exiled her from campus. And I'm just kidding. That's not Becky. Can Becky sister can do whatever the fuck she wants. Honestly, fuck the whole hockey team slay. But for you, do you know what I'm saying? Stop putting your shit on to other people. So when it comes to your parents, you obviously can't use the like, Hey, mom, you're fucking whore. We got it. We got to dumb it down a little bit here. We got to kind of go. We got to go non wrath because depending on your relationship with your parents, I would literally just say, guys, I know the two of you turmoil chaos. You everything went wrong, right? And you've let me know this my whole life. Please give me a fighting chance to create my own version and my own history and my own legacy. Okay, I have learned from you. You guys have so beautifully laid out how horrible your relationship was. How much you hate each other. I have been very cognizant of that. I have been very mindful of that. And I am trying to forge my own path. And I would love if you guys can support me. Obviously, I'm being like over the top. But you get the sentiment. Love you guys. I appreciate that you're looking out for me. But it's coming off as like your baggage onto me that like I don't I don't have this baggage yet. Daddy. Okay. Frederick hasn't cheated on me yet. Dad, like you cheated on mom. Okay. So give me a fighting chance. Give me a fighting. Fucking chance. Dad. God, parents are so problematic. Isn't it crazy like growing up even if parents are problematic? You're kind of like, but it's like my parent. And then you're just kind of like, yeah, but that's like my parent. And even if you like hate them, you're like, but it's my parent. Then you become an adult and you're like, you guys are so fucking out of pocket out of control. You guys need to go to therapy. You need to go to rehab. You need to keep 10 feet away from me. I hate a restraining order. Like you start to see parents in a different light as you get older. And I think it's for the best. I think it's 100 for the best. It may not be for the best interest of them and the family. But for you, it's for the best. Okay. Moving on next. Hey, father, I've gotten really successful in my career. And over the past few years with a couple key promotions and raises, but I've almost been more anxious and more competitive, the higher I climb in the ranks. I feel like having this cutthroat job has just made me a meaner, less empathetic person. I don't like how work has taken over my personality. Am I in too deep? How do you decide whether a job is worth it when it's changing you in ways that you don't like? Oh, sweetie. Let me try to give you some advice because on one hand, I want to say when you are someone who is capable and smart and determined and you have a vision, there is nothing better than being rewarded and acknowledged for your hard work. And especially as a woman in any field, you're like, I'm actually succeeding and I'm growing and I'm moving forward. That's incredible. And so it seems like you are clearly a very capable person. What I understand in certain industries and almost all industries, especially, is like, it can feel like a rat race. It can feel like it's never enough. It's never good enough. You never did enough work. You can never, like, and you're like, I feel drained. And almost when you were at more of a baseline level, there was less to lose. It felt more like, you know, you could see this trajectory and there was more of a climb and you felt more like there were people above you that were, you know, dictating down to you where you're probably now dictating down to people and delegating down to people. So there's more responsibility in your head. But I think what you have to recognize is like, as long as you do the work, you have to be able to compartmentalize your mental health to work. And if you're not able to do that, I think you should start writing down things of what you love about your job and what you're struggling about with your job because this could be an easy solve. Again, I don't know you, but like, it could be as long as like, babe, when is the last time you went out to drinks with your girlfriend? Oh, but I stayed three extra hours at work that one day, but you do that every day. You stay three to four extra hours every day. So what if one day a week, every Tuesday or whatever is that one day of the week that you know is like a little less busy, you always have a set plan that is for you to release. What it ever it is, maybe you get a massage, maybe it's going out with your girlfriends, maybe if you have a partner, you're going on date nights, you're whatever it is. Indulge yourself. Enjoy, like reap the benefits of your hard earned work. And I think if I can relate at all, like, that is something that Matt is very helpful to me in where like, I have a tendency to just put my head down and be like, I'm, I'm, let's just go, let's go, let's go, because I'll be honest. And I'm sure a lot of people who work hard, you feel this like it's kind of easier sometimes to not fuck up your flow. It's kind of easier sometimes to just put your head down and be like, oh, I'm in grind mode and you just keep going and actually would in your head, you convince yourself that I can't, I don't deserve to go to that dinner or I can't, I can't indulge in a night out or a Friday of like drinking with my friends and all that because that's going to set me back or it's just going to take me out of this bubble and like, I'm in my bubble. Pop the fucking bubble. You're not going to be able to enjoy your success. I'm sure like you've said with these promotions and these raises, you're making more money now, right? Like, you deserve to enjoy what you've worked so hard for. And I always think about this with myself and I hope this is relatable for you too. It's like, think back to that young woman at that desk who had so many hopes and dreams and was grinding so fucking hard and would probably be like, holy shit, we got to that position. That's your title now. So instead of running away from the challenge because you wouldn't be in this high energy of an environment if you didn't love it to some capacity. Look inward to find how you can carve out personal moments because, and I know that sounds so simple, but it's not. When you are someone who is a workaholic who grinds their fucking ass off 24, 7, it is harder to disengage from work and pop into a family dinner because then everyone's agitating you sometimes. You're like, you don't even know what's going on with my work. You don't even know how much I have on my project. You, so sometimes it's easier to self isolate. Stop doing that. Stop because, guess what, the work will be right there when you get back and knowing you, you're an overachiever, you're already ahead on your work. The last thing I will say if none of this was applicable is you may also just be burnt out and this rat race of a job is not the job for you and not wanting to push yourself to try to be the president of the company. That's okay. I think sometimes this hustle culture can convince people that you need to be the best at what you do and you need to go for this and you need to make this amount of money. That's not for everyone. There are different people all over the world. There are people that are like, I want to make this amount of money. I want to live this lifestyle. Great for you. There are people that are like, I will be so happy if I can just make this amount of money and I'm then able to pour this amount into this lifestyle. Great. Who are you? You have to answer that question for yourself first and then you can apply this advice. Are you quick closer to quitting your job or do you just need more balance? Boom. Okay. Last question. Hi, Daddy. I need advice on how to handle my mom's constant comments about my weight. Before I keep reading this, can I just? My PSA wants to be to all the mothers and the mother-in-laws out there, but it seems as though they can't help themselves, right? Like, you can literally be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, you are such a fucking miserable bitch. Can you stop fucking commenting on my weight? If anything, maybe worry about yours a little bit more, Cassandra. Okay. Maybe worry about yourself. Okay. And you want to dig in and you want to make such a backhanded or a straight fucking handed comment back to her and rip her face off. But you can't because there's a power dynamic because this is your mother and she's been doing this. I'm assuming since you were a young girl, this isn't new. This isn't, this isn't new. And so I don't even have the answer yet because I haven't even read your fucking question. I just read the first sentence and I'm literally like, can moms and mother-in-laws stop? How about this also? But it goes back to the can women stop? Because I'm assuming this is a projection of your mother. Your mother is self-obsessed with weight. So she's putting on to you. And she's only going to make you more self-obsessed because she's your mother. And this is the person who raised you. So how could this not rub off onto you? Even if you try your damnedest not let it affect you. I'm so sick of people doing this to their children and then you become an adult. And we feel like as adults, it's easy for us to just be like, well, now you're an adult. Just tell your mom, like, mom, stop commenting on my weight. I'm like, yeah, you got to tell your mom not. Yeah, you go have a honest, open, healthy conversation with your mother. I'd film it. Put it online. We'd all love to actually see. If you are capable, we'd love to actually see. We actually would love, please help us understand because child parent dynamics, even when you're the child in your 40 and your parents are 70 and 80, it's still the child parent dynamic. It may feel like you're now the parent and they're the child, but it doesn't matter. You came out of them. Okay. There will always be a power imbalance. There will always be a hierarchy. So it is so fucked and unacceptable when parents do this to their children and put them a position where what do you want your daughter to say? What do you want, Martha? What do you want, Martha? Okay, Martha, huh? You're sending her down a spiral, Martha. Okay. Do you want to pay for her to go away to a clinic again? No. And guess why should I have to do that? Because you can't stop your perpetuating. Like, these people are, but it's all again, because maybe her mother did it to her. So it's like, we, we, yes, we can have a level of perspective and grace to recognize that mothers probably learned this from their mothers and their trauma. And I've talked about the Sun-Color Dirty before and I'm so sorry, I'm not even going to read this comment because this is, this is, yes, this is basically, this is your question. Yes. Okay. My point is this, at some point, we have two things. We have to stop the transgenerational trauma and we also have to take accountability of how we let other people's actions and words affect us. And that is the biggest crocus shit, if I'm going to sit here and be like, so just go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, Gertrude. Do it, girl. Who cares if your mom told you to lose a couple LBs? You're good. Just ignore her, put her on ghost mode. Ghost terror. Like, okay, that's literally not possible. It is so, it is going to take years. It is going to take decades. There are going to be regressions. You're going to put up boundaries with parents. You are going to fall back on those boundaries. You are going to get in fights. You are going to placate. It is the pendulum for parent and child dynamics is so fucking complicated. And so when you, though, are able to even recognize this with your mother right now, my first advice to you is boundary setting and using your voice as a first step to see does she respect boundary? If she cannot respect when you ask her to stop inappropriately commenting on your weight, then you are going to have to say, I am no longer comfortable being around you if you are going to do that. Now there you go. There's the next step. Okay, so now you're not going to see your fucking mom ever again. No, but if she can't respect your boundaries, but you still want to see her, then you're going to have to figure out a way to navigate. How can I find a way to not let these comments affect me? Because you can't change, you can't make her change her actions, right? You can try. And if she doesn't, then what's your game plan? And it just goes on and on and on and on. And I'm not to make us all feel horrible because I'm now like, okay, where do we go from here? It's actually, it's actually this. There is nothing more heartbreaking than looking at a parent and saying, I wish so badly. You could hear me and you could see me and you could understand what I'm trying to express to you right now. But they're still looking at you're like your five year old kid and they're either going to grow with you and appreciate and embrace boundaries, even if it's a little uncomfortable or they're not. You're then going to have to take some accountability of how you navigate that dynamic, knowing that these people potentially and a lot of them won't change. And that is where it's hard because I think a lot of us just keep fighting the back and forth and what really sucks is when you start to go, okay, now it's on you. So don't invite her to the dinner tonight and let her know it's because you cannot be around her and food at the same time. And that is a boundary. And until she's ready to adjust her behavior, she cannot come to family dinners with you and your husband and the children done. Now let me say that makes me want to crawl to my skin and fucking die because to do that to your own mother, you're like, oh my god, she's going to kill me. But it's your life. When does it not become your mom's life and it's your life, right? So, guys, I could do a whole fucking episode on parent dynamics with children and I think we're all probably daddy gang getting to that age where we're more getting to that point where you're like, I'm kind of becoming the parent of my parents, right? And how does that feel and how do you navigate that? I think there's so many really tough dynamics that I empathize with you guys. And I see you guys because it's like, this is that's one of the hardest. It's harder than a romantic relationship most of the time, right? Because that power dynamic has been sent to you open to your fucking eyes and you took your first fucking breath on this earth. They have not saying it's manipulative, but just conceptually, if you're thinking about romantic and things can be toxic, they've had your claws in you since you were a fucking fetus. Jerry's known you for fucking two months, okay? You're like, I can't get out of this toxic relationship. Jerry's just been like, well, I'm like, babe, he's known you for two fucking months, okay? Mama bear over here. She's known you for 32 fucking years. She is the master of all masters when it comes to toxic manipulation. But yeah, Jerry's child's play, honey, okay? Jerry doesn't have shit on Ruth, okay? Ruth knows how to get in there. Ruth knows your trauma. Ruth knows what you were insecure about. Ruth knows how to get in there. Ruth knows everything. Jerry? Jerry just told you, your fucking pussy spelled ones and you were like, Jerry, like, no, when you have a fucked up mother or mother in law, oh boys start to look like fucking pennies. You're like, babe, can you shut the fuck up? I'm dealing with a war over here, okay? You're on the fucking playground, okay? I don't even care about this. This over here with the mothers and the fathers. Oh, that shit, that shit fucking stings. So anyways, bye guys. I'm not going to leave you hanging. I feel like even if you don't want it, I promise you, I will do an episode about parents and parenting your own parents as we get older and all those things because that is that couldn't be more fucking relevant to I'm assuming a lot of you right now. So I love you guys so much. 2026 is the year of growth if you want it, if you want to do it, if not totally regressed, totally texting back, totally unblock all the X's and just get back into your old roasters, like, do whatever the fuck you want, okay? Ignore social media, fuck all those people that are making, like, that's what it's most of it's all fake. Okay, I know a lot of these people, trust me, it's all fake. Okay, so enjoy your fucking 2026. Don't, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself and pop the pus and happy fucking New Year bitches. Love you. Bye.