The Silence of the Hooves with Trixie and Katya

I That song semi-chart charge will semi-charmed life in the 90s. I want something It's about math apparently great is it yeah, I don't like songs about stuff just kidding No, it's about math again say more I don't I was thinking this could be my new karaoke song I really like it and I looked up the lyrics and I was reading them They was like wait a minute. Is it like the pookies in my mouth with a torch lighter like girl You want to talk pookie? No, I want how explain explain to me more about why this song is about math Okay Watch the Debo documentary no She who doesn't watch TV. Yes snatched me together really snatched me together. I'm not incredible I'm not done with heated rivalry, but we ended on a cliffhanger. So I want to Jump off the cliff I'm packed and I'm holding I'm smiling. She's living. She's golden. She lives for me says she lives for me ovation her Okay, wait, that's I'm packed. I'm holding and I can make you smile like a drug for you Okay, it could be about a Benadryl. No, no, no it gets crazier This guy was gold it was rose I was taking sips of it through my nose. I wish I could get back there some smiling Okay, doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break Does you think that's a little obvious that you're joking? Doing crystal meth lift you up until you won't break it won't stop won't come then I keeps that Literally doing crystal meth is in the lyrics. Yeah With a tic-tac rhythm a bump for the drop. Okay, so I think that you're probably right And the thing is so wait when I was in college I And we learned a lot about like metaphor And I think this is not a metaphor. I think they're just saying meth some I had no idea she was dragging that dead horse at the restaurant and it's just a good piece It's like a rom-com song. I asked her did you kill your sister and he said he said yes, and I thought something Wait cliffhanger cliffhanger. Oh, right previously on bald and the beautiful taxidermy or right so Andrew and I moved to the studio. I'm just like taking care of the last little pieces of shit in my uh red room A taxidermy antelope balls on my head The horn pierces my head And gashes it open you better stop Mary I got pictures and I've got stitches on my head right now. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You had to get stitches Honey, listen to this so the contractors are on my house. It happens. They did the stitches. No, no, no, no Staple gun we did everything wrong first So I am it hurt so bad because the thing was very heavy. So the weight of it It's 20 pounds 25 pounds and the horn the point of the horn broke off And after it sliced me I was stunned like I was I was like, oh It like hurts so bad and I don't I mean I haven't been injured in so long like oh And I I go blood just is I grabbed like a A cloth Soaked it in blood. I had to get another one then I go upstairs to the deck and I the guys are working out there I just point to my I go like I'm like What do you want them to do help Is andre there? No, no, no, no, this is my this is my house Andrew's Andrew's not interested. You're bleeding. He's like he's like No, but so lester the the contractor comes down. He's like i'm like i'm bleeding and i'm like Like silent screaming and pointing at myself And we go downstairs Clean it with alcohol. Don't do that burns. Yeah, but also it dries it out. It's not what you're supposed to do is soap and water But yeah, yeah, no, I do and then you press press press Um, we put three four giant bandages on it bled through all of them What the fuck? Yeah, and I was like then I put like um Ice on it. What day was this this was oh gosh. This is after christmas or before christmas? Um, I have I have the picture so I could I could tell you exactly the date And I have oh girl did you have to go to the hospital? So I didn't go I was like that happened in a late afternoon and then i'm like, I don't know I go like I googled it. I was like The gash was long And so i'm like it says like if the kai does more than like a half inch You should probably go get stitches. So I had um last year when one of the times I went cuckoo bananas Uh, our manager signed me up for this like um kind of fancy health service And I got charged for a renewal and I was I called to like get it cancelled because it was a lot of money They come to your house. No, no, no, no, no, but it's just like you go to them and you don't wait or anything It's very very fierce, but it's it's very expensive So I called the day before to get it cancelled Nobody answered So I was like shit I I want to go to the urgent care around the corner. I look it up 251 star reviews So I called the I called this place and I was like, hey, I have this I think I need stitches. I told them the thing they're an antelope fell on me and then and they're like By the way, that antelope revenge of the antelope. Thank you. He didn't want to be on your wall How do we know that? What was she wearing? Was he smiling? I got a picture. I've seen that antelope. He's like But so I so I was I was talking to the woman so nice. I was like, what should I do? Should I go to the urgent care? She's like, well, listen It's where you're about 10 to 15 10 to 12 minute drive from here. You could take 12 minutes to get here and you will be seen immediately There's nobody here We will patch you up and you'll be out of here in 10 minutes. Does that happen or you can go to the urgent care wait three hours Mary I go there it is in you need to tell me about this mama. I go to it is send me the link baby This place was hidden It was no door like it was like it was like you would not know the week spa It was like it was so dark in the street. It was like you could never find, you know, they're like it's it's this place You're not going to find the door They they buzz me in girl They treat me immediately So fiercely the the nurse is incredible. The doctor was amazing. I'm out of there in 15 minutes With stitches and I'm gonna you need to send me this Yeah, because you know I need to go to the doctor every four days or so any other hospital would have been uh I just had a you know, any mean like people have you know motorcycle accidents No for sure, you know, um, and I don't have a pcp right now. So look this is Oh my god Girl that looks deep. It's nasty If I was there with you and I saw that I would have said we need to go to the hospital Well, so it's huge the lump so that I got scared because I did the pressure and the It was the bump was big and it was not stopping bleeding I I found a rag later Completely soaked in blood wouldn't that be fierce if all the meth none of it damaged your brain, but this was it An animal wouldn't that be fierce? I mean that is exactly what's gonna happen I will be like I'll be like hardcore drug users at home. I love it. Just to get by a car on my way to a meeting You know what I mean Love it. It's like I'm being diabetic. You're getting hit by an insulin truck Yeah, I want to actually I don't want to show you because the way that I had to give myself a haircut I had to like shave around And it is so it's an island of hair right now out there. It is it is a strange island It is um, it is a not a lost. It's the movie. It's lost the smoke monster. Um, but yeah, it's it's uh And I have to go back to get them taken out Shit girl. I was thought they were gonna like staple or glue or something That's okay. That's listen the story of this is is It's a beautiful piece of art in your home that fell in your head. I want to auction it. I want to auction it off because girl Oh, it really broke back that horn Holy crap girl. You're lucky. It wasn't your eye, bitch I know I love my eye. I wish it was me and it fell out my butt Wouldn't that be kind of Well, Andrew is in our new studio. We're gonna have pegboard and I was like, what if you come to the studio one day? I have I'm you know, I'm sitting on the pegboard screaming pegging. Yeah, so my butt on the on the wall like No, but it was it sucked and I'd never had stitches before they you know, they do the they shoot me up with lidocaine This this fucking no mama this doctor This fucking whore this fucking whore not only was this this fucking whore so beautiful Her bedside manner was just sparkling. She was funny personable like efficient So good at her job. Yeah I had a similar I've been having we talked about it my similar my urinary issues, which I've said What's the bladder situation do you give the little no? I had to accept that this probably definitely had to do with my Autoimmune inflammatory disorders like that's what's going on. Are you sure it's just because you refused to pee during the day? No, shut up I went on some new I have a new neuro immunodoctor, which is a doctor that just treats like how many specialists are you gonna say I go like five Jesus, but he has me on peptides now for stress And it has helped a lot. So I can I tell you I just want to say gratitude gratitude gratitude Oh, I do I do four shots a day now Spheres I'm like someone's I'm like someone's 19 year old diabetic cat that they're trying to keep alive natural processes Like pooping and peeing when they're not on schedule You really realize how much you take it for granted. Oh, yeah being constipated not being able to pee digital extraction So now I have to go to pelvic floor therapy I'm dead serious. I went to two are you are you a foreign therapist and they both tried to stick their finger out my butt Are you a 72 year old woman? I guess No offense to 72 year old women I have so much stress that you're all your smooth muscle practices down here are clenching So nothing is nothing is peeing and pooping the way it's supposed to everything's grabbing your fight or flight You gotta get your cortisol. You gotta get that cortisol out. So, you know who I had to call my other doctor the core massage Called that bit turmeric. You needed turmeric julius from squirrel. Michelle has some autoimmune dysfunction She's the only person I know who deals with it and when I call her she drops everything and talks to me about it And she is a model human as far as that bitch brings her own pots and pans to cook on like she Has xed out any variables where her body gets she brings her own airplane seat on the flight She's gluten-free dairy-free vegan like What she's next level prohibitive with her health, but like is it demi more with like only raw vegan? She basically was like trixie you cannot be having Celsius. She was like you cannot be having energy drinks She said you need to get your tea turned you up. She said you need to get your nervous system down You don't even have a fucking caffeine alcohol. She's like you need to be like she's right bite the bullet and you need to Fucking listen to asmr. Well, guess what I got for Christmas. What an inversion table What is that? Hey, you can hang upside down Decompress your spine parasympathetic nervous disembarkated. I've never used it. Haven't set it up yet I hope part of my gift is that somebody also sets it up for me Because I was just giving it and now I'm like, oh good a project It's like being shipped like an IKEA furniture thing. Yeah, okay, great And I've been working so much on music stuff at home And I have my dining room set up with my little keyboard on my computer and I'm working on a bunch of new music But I was thinking of converting my basement into a small studio, but I don't know if that's crazy Mary What's happening to your body is crazy. You need to fight crazy with crazy. You think you need to fight crazy with insane But I'm trying to relax my system by making sure I exercise every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sleep the full eight hours Yes, sleep. Don't bomb my body with caffeine like I've been doing sleep is not with yeah You can't know caffeine sleep isn't unnegotiable and you have to meditate and breathing Meditate like deep. Yeah. Yeah, it's calming that like it's corny It's not corny. It's not corny like the whole when you're gonna get advanced in yoga They like the prana. Yama if it's not bullshit yoga It's all about the awesome is are just like a lead up to breath control and meditation Yeah, they basically were just like there's nothing wrong with your bladder. We think you're like clenching You're involuntary muscles are not letting you pee everything's holding I was having this I was peeing probably 20 times a day and like a few tablespoons at a time It was awful that happens that happens to me like I have been um I think it's because I'm always having a cock ring on but I like a cock cage Cock cage. No, I sometimes like I have a heart I said this before because I don't want to fart You got to do it. You live alone. I'm talking in the airport bathroom where the acoustics are like at the Hollywood Bowl Straight man. No care. Mama. They blow it. They blow ass on the toilet seat and the vocalization It's crazy. Oh my god. So delicious girl because I have house guests I haven't been able to use my peloton which is in the guest room So I've been going to the gym and I don't use where you go the planet fitness I've been with a plant fitness member for probably 25 years at this point. I think I'm the first member me and Lindsay Lohan, right? So I went to the one the other day in studio city. It's in the second floor of a mall. I go great So I go in there. I start working out. I do a little workout and I really do a good job I got my blood pumping and you know when you have inflammatory disorders the blood pumping is magic It just keeps everything D D pumped D. Tell me why I'm on my phone. I walk in To the bathroom and I go, oh my god, that woman's in the wrong changing room embarrassing So I just saw breasts and I go It's me and I turn like a like a like a top I freeze and turn like Like an automated like maybe she's got my mannequin. I literally walked in I walk and I go And I just walk out and I'm you know that's scenario if you ever go on the wrong bathroom well I don't know if it's he she or we the or they them it was jk rolling with her tits out at the planet fitness That's why that's why she's continued and you just gave her a lot more fuel for the fire Right. No, so what'd you do? Did you scream? Did she scream? I didn't want to be rude. So I said nice Look at those jugs. No, I'd like to slide my cock between those hot shirt overhead So she didn't see me either so like we both she was spared the embarrassment and I just felt like and you gained the titillation It's not my normal gym. So I just Walked in and by the way both bathrooms look the same except w and m wicked witch like Like the same letter and you were in a handstand. So you saw m Yes So I just walked out and went in the other bathroom But also I'm such a fag. I feel equally out of place in the men's room. I'm like ladies Girl ladies with an attitude. Do you know what I mean? Yes? I do know what you mean I don't like any locker rooms. I forgot my lock at the gym. So I had to buy a lock The they don't guess how much the planet fitness lock is I got it from a vending machine in the men's room 10 bucks 15 dollars. Wow fears. That's actually that's actually not bad But it's the kind that you can make your own code and I'm telling you at 36 I would know no new four number codes. I can't do it. No, baby. I I do my atm pin On when I go to the gym because they have the ones that you just yeah, you have to pick something you know But mary, how many times do you think I've gone down to the front desk and say I forget which locker I had? Oh, that's easy do because it's not your lock on it If it's your lock, you're like, that's me. Yeah, but when there's no locker, but that's what I mean Yeah, so how about once I we checked every locker in the wrong room? Fierce but then now I always take a picture you have to say with parking We had our little trixie cosmetics. No, but it tells you where the car is right, but it doesn't you know Although I do have an air tag Oh, that's nice too. I could probably ding it You could ding it. Do you have the type of app that tells you where the car is right? Yeah. Oh great. Yeah. Love that I I think the bubble has that I don't know how to fucking use it. So I it doesn't beep it goes Nice tits yeah nice jugs. I'm gonna slide my cock through your tits Through the tits um Okay April is a dangerous time for me because the second the weather gets even a little flirtatious I start behaving like a woman of a certain age who has simply had enough Suddenly I need a spring trip a trip where I need soft pants Dark sunglasses and a destination where I can walk around at golden hour pretending I have secrets That is the power of april It thaws the pavement Reawakens my allergies and fills me with the completely irrational confidence of someone who thinks a weekend away will fix everything So this spring I'm planning a trip to savannah where I found a home on airbnb that is draped in both moss and charm I want cobblestone little squares I want to drift around in the spring sunshine like an ant who's on an eat pray love trip that includes grits and barbecue I want to do some light strolling and maybe buy an impossibly impractical piece of jewelry in a local boutique And at night I want to sit down to a dinner that is so good. It makes me briefly forget pretty much everything This is the kind of trip where you need to place that matches the fantasy That's why I love booking stays on airbnb because when I travel I do not want to be crammed into a hotel room with a view of a Parking lot. I want a real place to stay I want a living room where I can decompress after a long day of wandering around and judging southern architecture I want a kitchen for snacks a table for my frosty beverages And enough space to dramatically collapse on the floor like julia robbertson something to talk about And if i'm traveling with friends, it's even better because then we can all stay together instead of scattered down different Hallways in a hotel and of course once I start planning one trip my brain immediately escalates Suddenly i'm looking at carmel next then malta then hokkaito island A little ocean air some seafood and maybe even a long walk where I pretend to be processing something deep Would really i'm just thinking about russian pop music Whether it's one quick spring reset or the beginning of a full warm weather spiral trips just feel more personal when you book through airbnb I went to you know that place we went to that that didn't I don't no no Century city mall when we're on the meeting with our agents Oh the one where By the way, I think it's okay to laugh but it now the one where they abandoned us on the side of the road We had to walk home kachi and I made this innocent joke on the pod that they all had and we had no cars So we had uber home That was the time if you guys have been listening a long time that was the time I was running to the uber and I looked over my shoulder smiling. Oh, yeah, you were leaving me leaving miss miss miss smoking robbertson in the dust I was like You were like jackie joiner cursey. Oh, yeah I wish kari wilson. It was awesome. I had a wig on yeah, you didn't not one beat a sweat I show I get in the car drenched right. I had a wig on and popsicle sticks on the fingers. Um, smoking a joint So by the way, we have to talk about the olympics because it's coming to LA baby We got to turn it for three years two years start getting horny now But a clothespin on your nipple now. Well, I'm I've Green um, mary the best seat of the olympics is sadly at home Of course because the events I want to watch what I don't think you and I could get a job commenting on the gymnastic flipping 100% no, I think no no 100 gay dot com You think gay dot com can get us in there men dot com of course gady Do you realize do you realize how? NBC owns the olympics NBC so what so what they are do you think? nbc Would let me talk sucking dick and cock at the olympics and you did it at my birthday Yeah, and you did it at my uh, you did at the event finals of the women's gymnastics Like it's it's they would never they wouldn't let me near that place I would be you know, they're so conservative Gymnastics is a very conservative sport very conservative. I'm sorry, but They need to reach audiences and you have a loyal audience and you genuinely care about it. You can make it happen Right now. You're telling yourself. It's not gonna. No, no, baby. You are being so poly in it right now. It's no i'm not No, no, no, I'm telling you net what I've been on the tennis channel That's different you want to talk conservative the tennis channel. What were you doing on the tennis channel? Correspondents about tennis. Do you know about tennis? But I like it. I'm still not sure how it's scored, but I like the outfit. You're like love 50. Oh by the way love Love tennis love tennis actually well, here's the thing. I actually if Simone's gonna be there Again, it's a huge like from drag race Simone because she's competing no Raven Simone. Yay Right, right. What if Simone Raven Simone and Simone Biles were all tied? No, I the best seed in gymnastics at home. It's one of the most popular olympic sports You don't want to ever go. I don't want to commentate because I I like the sport too much and I have such a I have too many opinions if you listen to gymnastics commentating. It's so Edited it's so produced. It is so controlled. Okay. Well, it's okay. You don't have to do it. No I mean, I love the idea obviously, but like I I'm just gonna keep dreaming things for you And why don't you keep aiming low? Okay, but wait, I would literally have to sit down and make a thesaurus for myself Okay, cunt means amplitude. You know what I mean? I'd have to like I'd have to brainwash like And and I just wouldn't have the vernacular Use your own vernacular girl. I would get on that microphone while people are flipping through the air. I'd be like chat Are we cooked? Girl, she ate that bar set up. Yeah, she's shied on that beam For sure She'd shoot that vault up to pieces and shit all over it and shit all over it. Yeah. Um, oh, she pissed on that rug Oh Oh, what a flop. Oh that stink Um, do you smell that the shit on that beam? girl Great. So what was it like going out there and shitting on everyone? Yeah. Yeah So did you did you pull your leotard to the side when you shit on your competitors or did you just do it right through the mesh? Um, see that's what they don't want. Did you finish welcome to dairy? I did I did I surely Did can I can't like no, I liked it. Okay. And just like dairy and just The dairy girls, yeah Nicola coven was a little bit. Um underused I felt like I agree if you blink you miss her I Bill Skarsgard incredible incredible actor. I thought there's some really primo child acting. Oh Baby, you know the way that I hate children actors, but these motherfuckers all ate down Yeah, they really did. I I I thought they did a great job I just I'm not a fan of the styling of of pennywise in this in this in the new it I I I hate it wrap dress It's the the chenille boots the dine The dvf draft dress in the mules simmer and a priestly kind of get up the mother of pearl toe buckle mules The one inch kidney in the bank piece. Yeah. Yeah, can we match the color? A stud can I get a dangle? Hello And we're the true race. No, no, we're the bracelets, right? No, I um, I mean, I love the when the you know, the It was thrilling when pennywise became that big bat Toward the end Oh, sure. Oh, that was that was cuntie and of course the the the movie theater scene at the first episode was On the car scene and then right at the car scene was really scary. I seen was Scary list sick and it was a good. It was a really good like it was a pretty steep build up, but it was like Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then I also like like oh, this is the beginning of this cycle. It's pennywise as a baby. Yeah, the and then Nothing was scarier the whole season nothing was scared to me that when they were watching the movie and their friend Who's dead is in the movie in the music man? Uh, and then they all start talking to him. I'm like, okay, well, you're all done Well, what about he's in the movie or dead? What about chom-chom in the with the umbilical cord? That was crazy mama the friends all getting killed was crazy That was in the movie theater Episode one because you think these are people we're gonna follow the whole season murdered Mom brother sister died You got one day Yeah, because you can't use because I can't use because I care about if it's a cousin you got 15 minutes in the break room Right The scene where um What's her name? Oh god the scene where she's in the supermarket and gets lost in her dad's in the pickles Baby pickle surprise. Yeah, she really ate it up. Yeah. Um, she was she did she was stressed She was the stress factor and she's really like this super spoilers where the White supremacists under the influence of pennywise, of course burned down the the black clubhouse the black spot That was scary when that was scary. Oh my god when he when he dies. Yeah, that's scary. I kid. I mean, I kid The kid dies is awful And she's he's on the thing and she's I was Losing it because that little kid was so fucking good. Yeah, he was great. He was so what a I mean He's gonna be a superstar. Yeah, he was so what a like a I don't like precocious kids that kid was so funny and so good It was the saddest fucking thing in the world. These kid actors are the girl plays marge when she's chopping her eye with the saw Yeah, these kids are acting. Yeah, and she was Scary she was in And then she's revealed to be the the mom of yeah And also I thought he was kind of come back for real from the no But he did come back and dead. Yeah the finger to pennywise was fun. Yeah, it was great. I loved it The guy who plays the young dick halloween was so good. Yes. Love that shit Yeah, the um, what else was like, oh, mary. Well, you know what though some of the um some of the This the cgi monsters like that old me in the forest remember me in the forest Um chasing the kid. Yeah, we love that. Yeah, that was a little too close to home I also love him as a as a good pennywise fan. I love steaming kingshit the deadlights are fucking scary I loved the when the girl in the clown outfit is floating. Oh, baby the procession All the kids floating cunty Always play the tuba that should be gay pride event when he deadlights the whole school That was fucking operating the principal like a puppet. It's fierce. Scary. It's fierce and honestly and then he throws him, right? Rips his head or something. Very good kid actors. So you really care what's gonna happen. Yeah, I really thought ronnie was gonna die Which one's ronnie the girl whose dad is being wrongly convictedly convicted for murder. Oh, no, no, no I really thought she was gonna die and I was scared Mary I just I hate pennywise's costume and I hate the hair and I hate the buck teeth So as a clown, do you think he should be dressed kind of like a hot dog or what? No, I think he should be like katie perry's met gal outfit a cheeseburger And if he really wants to scare people puts the mustard on it, right? No, no, I think like I love the tim curry I love the classic clown look because I think that's more creepy But you know the young kids right now on the twitter and the tit-tot They're sharing those 90s minis series clips and going y'all really think this is a better thing They they don't live for it. Mary, but it's a different kind of living It's it's there's a depth to it because he's funny too. Yeah, he's he's scary He's scary because he's real Like it's a real clown. It feels realer. He does. There's nothing real about this pennywise. Yeah, he's um, he's a he's a Super supernatural monster whether the back, you know regardless of the backstory and we're experiencing that thing I forget what they're calling it But the thing where it's like every movie looks like a Lord of the Rings movie everything is so Post everything is what like a Lord of the Rings movie everything's in post Okay, the miniseries everything's like a lot of practical effects. Yeah. Yeah the miniseries is a very different the deadlights are conti They'll the head opening up. Oh with the teeth and the light of that shit. Oh, and then madeline stow as um, uh, sherry not sherry pie sherry bine sherry bine penny who what is their name queen queen? Um, um, jenny winkel. Jiny winkel. Thank you. Jiny wine I had the syllables right tony braxton, right? That's where she's It's kind of fucked. She's kind of she's kind of chasing her dead dad. Yeah, and she kind of knows pennywise isn't her dad Yeah, and then she's still horny for it and then pennywise Lops that dude's head half off. Love it. Oh love when he finally pennywise bites the head off the general Deserved it. Oh, yeah, also I like I loved it when he was eating the um The thing was like do I have face on my face? Yes, it was kind of conti I also really thought of you well also a bunch of People during a hate crime being trapped in a fire was fucking scary. It gave me um, terrified. It gave me like um Would it give me lovecraft country vibes or something? Yeah, um, it was so Graphic just tragic scary sad horrible. Um, I also thought of you the scene where bob gray when it's like the The real clown. Yeah is outside with the makeup smoking. Oh, that's me And maybe you know, I'm going to the woods born in the game. I know you're going in the woods I live in those woods you live in the woods. Yeah, I I but I still again, I like no Bill Skarsgard is a very very talented actor, but I just I really really hated the styling. It's too baroque It's too rococo. It's like it's like it's just like too much. I'm I'm pissed And I I I don't I don't think I can go on Wait, what else did you watch? Oh, well, I'm excited because I thought thousand pound sisters was canceled But now it's coming back So I'm fucking flipping out because I like to follow that and I'm still waiting for the new season of gypsy rose blanchard life after lockup Oh, so prestige tv. I've been watching love after lockup Which is about people getting out of jail and they get to be reunite with someone they met in jail Like oh a lot of people in jail have girlfriends or boyfriends outside of jail What do you think that is people who want relationships? Oh, they think inmates they want pen pal relationship to the inmates You want it? Yeah, well because I know I'll be an inmate at some point Do you think it's a comfort of the proximity? Like it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to become more because it gets to be long Long I don't know. I mean, I love I think pen pals are I had a pen pal French one I'm okay with that pen pal, but I still want to be able to put the dick in my mouth Oh, I see, but that's a dick pal a sexless relationship well I think it's probably an issue of like it's flirting with danger without imminent Um, you know, it's like oh my god. Yes my yeah, my boyfriend's on death row because he murdered 16 people But we have great correspondence. Where are the people jerking their peniness in jail? There's no privacy just everywhere Are you are you kidding me? Do you know how much bumping and grinding there's going on in jail? That's the only thing they're doing in there really they're lifting weights and they're fucking Somebody tried to fight. What are you nuts? Wait, what? What I just went to like the violence of jail and then I went to semi-hat 77 yesterday I was running on Hollywood Boulevard because I've been feeling better. So I've been jogging So much much I fight you and when you're running and people are walking I notice sometimes they get scared when they hear running coming up from behind them But don't you as a runner aren't you very aware of people? I'm going around but I was not even close to him Yeah, he turned around and started calling me a lot of race racial names And then he said he was going to beat me up is sort of following me. So I just ran further ran more I had my headphones. You're joking Why would he call what's slurred? What are you closing word? Okay, what I think he was a little crazy. Oh, you think but he that's scary though and I was like girl I got Kelly Clarkson in here shark. I'm I'm I'm running It's Kelly Clarkson like hoca on Hollywood Boulevard. There's people everywhere. Yeah, it's not like I jumped out of a bush Yeah, oh, I got called a faggot. Oh, I got called fiercely a faggot It was actually exhilarating this queen It was I was I was I was in my car and these kids it was kind of diabolical They really they really zeroed in on me and clocked my tea So fiercely and just went like dead Faggot a kid a two kids. How old um, probably like 35. No like 16 17 teenagers. They were in a car. What? No, they were on they were on the street and they just yelled faggot at you They like they were like zeroed in like Laser pointers to the forehead faggot. Can I just say too I was like the thing is it doesn't hit the way you think it hits Because I know yeah, it's like, oh my gosh talking about wait. Oh, I've known that since 12 and yeah, and then what? faggot You're welcome Yeah, like what's what's the next thing when Andrew and I got gay bashed in west Hollywood at the corner of sunset Laurel the gayest corner in the world I would gay bash Andrew We were walking in some guy in a truck just screams faggot at us and we're like we're like It was it was exhilarating in west Hollywood are gonna yell faggot I was like Mary you are the minority. Maybe that's why there's they feel the need to Assert there or whatever. Yeah, and I'm not saying we should skip to violence But I'm saying like it doesn't hit the way you think it hits. No, I'm well doesn't hear actually gay. It's like well That gets let's get back to he derived So I there's a lot of hate there's a lot of people There's a funny tweet. It's like You love a show you go on twitter and people will just hate it You know what you mean? It's like they'll hate you for loving a show on twitter Also, no one hates something like people who love it Drag race fans who like hate hate drag race hate the hate the producers hate ruPaul But this is different though because they're not even watching it Right like there's these are just gay guys who are like fuck that they they're just allergic to joy They hate love and they don't want romance or tenderness or beautiful lighting or big butts or interesting story lines or whatever And that's fine. If you want your aides and your death and your math go ahead But like I don't want to watch the normal heart. I don't want to watch in the band played on. I've seen it. It's traumatizing I want I want an mm fu joshi romance where nobody dies and every like If I were 14 15 16 and a budding queen I would not like I cannot take it for granted how fierce that would be Yeah, mary. This is like a gay thing. That's actually like It's maybe that's why people like heart stopper Of course, that's why yeah, because it's wholesome But I think heart stopper was lacking the gay porn that the straight women. No, no, no, no, no, no This is that's those are children Those are children. These are athletes who are in their 20s Right. That was that was high schoolers. So, you know, but it's netflix. They're 45 But they got a lite, right, you know, but this is like they're the um, like I I feel so bad about objective buying um, their butts Um, but there were so many times where I was like, I had a boner and then I would just cry cry cry cry That's good though. It's good to cry. I think it's good. I love I love crying. I feel great after I cry I told you I was on the plane watching ghost and I had to I had to close the laptop because my ghost will Fuck you up girl. She was getting a concern the woman next to me She was getting really nervous and I didn't want to like I didn't want to be like I didn't even get to the bank scene in the spirit of saying the wrong things to celebrities continued. Yeah, um at Vanderpump's dog Gala, which I do every year lovely cause, you know, you can't talk to dogs, right? They don't listen I know that I go And I say and I was we do like, you know the motel or someone we give something for an auction I want something I just wanted to participate in a rose. No, I wanted to participate in the charity and they do like an auction And I Won something. What did you win? I forgot an all expensive. Oh, it's a trip to like a trip to bagus. It's a trip to bagus to see like a Cirque show Oh I think that maybe you have you not seen it Well, I bit on it because I wanted to do you know be a good guest and and but have you seen? Oh, no, you have to go. I think that's what I'm going to I don't know but And I got a two night stay somewhere and um So lovely lovely lovely lovely and then somebody else was trying to bid it gets me and I was in dragon I stood up and said don't even try it. You don't have it. Thank you. Then they stopped bidding. Yeah, and then you punched him in the face I got a pretty good deal You got to go see. Oh, I'm telling you it's so incredible. Maybe that's the one I'm going to I don't know Anything besides the Michael Jackson one or the Beatles one. Okay So then Oh garcel. Do you know garcel bovet? Yes. I don't know why I know that name. Yes So she is an actress. Yes. She wasn't to rival the thickest. Do you remember we watched that on Netflix? So she's also been in everything and she was a housewife. Yeah, she's gorgeous So we're she's at the table too and we're sitting and chatting chatting chatting chatting and I was just was trying to make conversation Because I don't know and I go um so garcel um I was like and we've met a few times but you know, I'm trying to make conversation and I go do well one time we shared We shared a car to the airport once leaving an event. She and I and it was a four in the morning So she and I were like going to the airport at four in the morning. You're trauma bonded awful. Yeah And I go have you ever done drag race? You know, I said I wonder if you've done because you know like Lisa Reynolds the housewives have done drag I said have you ever done drag race and she said like yeah, I did I I did do drag race and I go Oh, what season that's so crazy. It was looked it up all stars She was there What's do you have a new year new vibe? I do Eat more ass. Okay. No, um I have it. Yeah, no more. I'm throwing away my moisture readers And then I am going to anxiety inducing moisture no more moisture readers. I'm not doing it. I'm not a contractor. I'm not a mold expert I'm not a remediation technician. I'm not a carpenter. Well, it's a little like going to the doctor and then telling him what you googled It's going to the doctor bringing a stethoscope But you know what? No, I feel both ways about it because on one hand It's like I don't want to tell the doctor that I googled something on the other hand But of course you're gonna doctor is 99% of the time. Well, send you home saying there's nothing wrong with you I don't know. You could be shooting blood out of your face and they're like Have you been sleeping? Okay. Yeah, it's like, um, did you eat a banana today? So sometimes you do have to like I don't know go down a web md rabbit hole. What do they call it being your own advocate? or health advocate. Yeah, but or just eschewing eight years of um, uh, higher learning and You know, I think it's okay to contribute It's doing research is never a bad thing as long as you're doing it diligently and not just like Saying gemini. Hi, I have this well the the doctor mary. I gotta go to the dentist Go to dr. Son I think I'm gonna have to because I can't have those I can't have those f words. Um, indiana jones my mouth again What do you mean, I mean that they take a pickaxe. Oh, they they braced her son's really good and she's really nice And did she have a gentle? Is she gonna have very kind she knows hack me apart She knows she's trying to kill me single thing you could ever know about to you I gotta go back to the rushing I would brown teeth who smokes before he sees me because he's really important He says you have the most beautiful teeth ever seen in my life as he blew smoke into my face and like flashes Fears I was like, yeah Love that. He's like, you have nothing wrong. Get out of here. Of course What about what about every pelvic floor therapist trying to put a finger in my butt? That's Assault apparently what they do is put the fingers up there and they Feel for you and try to train you to relax everything because they're like you're tense We can feel it Because we all carry too much tension apparently it's really common. You know, it's mula bunda You got it. You got it. You got to get into some shishum na nati The central channel. I think you get I think you need to get a little woo woo. No, no, you don't need to I've been woo woo I've been woo wooed out. But like no, no, no, no, I'm wu-tang clan But like the so The I there's the Richard Freeman was this like a really good yoga teacher is like very well respected He has a very interesting way of talking about the body He's like he talks about getting the pc muscle online And like he uses a lot of the computer metaphors for like activating the different like deep deep muscle groups in the pelvic floor You gotta go to one of his workshops to do the yoga. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna have to do. Woo. Woo. It's not it's like woo But it's not like it's not snake oil There's actually woo woo means snake oil. Woo woo does often imply woo includes snake oil or snake oil is a part of the woo woo Bless you, but like Third Wait, so okay two things I got three goals. You asked me 2026 I got three goals Center split number one. Okay. I'm working diligently at it. I'm making very very little progress Every day I stretch and try to do it second goal every day. I wake up and wish you were dead Is that from marriage story adam driver So much drama too much drama. It's fierce girl. Take an out of van Go for a walk break up. Have a make have a milkshake. Yeah, break up break up. Have a nice turmeric Julius from squirrel So wait, anyways, I got center split number one by the end of the year Then I want to fucking uber driver Consensually right and then I also want to fucking uber eats driver where I was talking to bob about it He gave me a great strategy. It was it was actually really compelling It was really compelling, but I don't do uber eats. So it's that's it's gotta be grub hub And I don't know about that. I'll be careful pushing yourself on the people bringing you food It's not pushing and I and I'm the opposite of a pusher. That's why I haven't done any of this stuff But so I often get russian speaking uber drivers. It's like almost four out of five How'd you meet the guy who's asked you a grinder grinder? Yeah Is it everybody just talking to you because you're caught too? No I he knew who I was but it wasn't weird when we were about it grinder was cooked for me because Everybody's just no it's not cooked for me anymore because like a lot of you know, I know seriously I I don't want to be any more famous than I am now and you won't You like I love like you bummer you rise you go go girl get up there girl. I love girl. Oh my god, girl you're Oh, I see you girl. Oh my god. I can't even see you anymore You're the hot air balloon. She and me where they're swerving in the car exploding. That's me Is I'm the little girl with the balloon and you're like way Um, but yeah, no, I I don't want to that. I don't want to tell you wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait third goal Oh, I said it Mine is just to take better care of myself relax and to relax you need to get the pc muscle online I'm gonna be doing sleeping. I'm gonna be doing therapy. I'm gonna be doing water drinking exercising meditation deep relaxation techniques meditation and then you gotta Oh, oh no, the bible the bible don't you dare read the power of now Okay, don't do it. You'll hate it Trying to do that reverse psychology thing is it working I think of it out of anybody you are in a place to give people life advice. No, I'm not giving you advice Don't you dare read it? Okay, no, it's something happened to your brain when that's an a lobe fell on your head Do you think that was But something probably fix my brain the aniline fell on my head and now I can speak Cantonese Um, no, I woke up with a foreign accent syndrome. Isn't that crazy? It's not real by the way. Why it is absolutely not real Who's faking all of them? I woke up speaking in a chinese accent and i'm from melbourne Mama, you're mentally ill. Yeah, it's fierce. Yeah, it's like mine would be so low. It would be like Oh, I went to bed with a mohawk accent and woke up with a green bay accent It would be like yeah, I went from I went from like south e to doorchester. Yeah. Um, I have to tell you what happened at the tiktok awards Nothing good. I'm I'm I'm gonna go out of wild limb and say that nothing good happened at the tiktok Were people kicking shoes? I looked incredible. Were people kicking shoes. No, I didn't see that. Were you doing were you in the The the the gv dress. Yes, that was cuntie. How did you remember the dress and forget aphasia of me aphasia aphasia burino No, yes, I the tv I have I have social media and I do check it from time to time and I got these two dancers Yeah, go-go dancers Yeah, and I've done something go-go dancers never experienced which is cover their bodies in their face Did you use the helmets? Yeah tv helmets. No, these were different helmets jaco made these are tv's so, um, we do the red carpet lovely lovely lovely All of these interviewers who want to interview me have no key light They're just overhead light asking you questions. It's like what the fuck are any of you doing? I forget who talked to me somebody was like What's the biggest faux pas the tiktok awards whatever and I said not having a light Next we're kicking a shoe and having it not transition into a shoe, but have it have a light on yeah Yeah, yeah, we gotta kick in a shoe in the door. You gotta see the shoe turn into an outfit right It's okay. So I do the little red carpet and then I get to present and get this this was fierce The show starts at seven. I'm set to present at seven oh five and then I can leave That's warranty. Did you get bricked bricked? Bricked yeah as you're leaving the stage you're like, oh, I gotta hold behind me. Oh, no, was that six the show's at six? So five thirty. I'm there. I have one little glass of wine because you know I quit drinking Did they um and did they shut you out of the red carpet? No Stop me and everyone and you know it's the tiktok awards and I was like these online creator award shows. Yeah, it is a little bit First time out of the house for these people You don't say you know what I mean? I think I've been in the stream. Yeah, it's very yeah, it's very weird. I need to kick a shoe Right I need to get Kathy grip. I need to speak to a gay person. I need to speak to a gay person. Um So I'm back. So they come and get me at five forty because they want me to be ready for six or five I'm like sure. So I sit backstage. I'm just waiting many waiting talking to these lovely couple who won the bachelor Talking to them about being on the bachelor. They was interesting to hear them talk about dating and it's just like a drag race They take their phones and stuff. Yeah, we're all sitting back there and I'm in drag. I don't know. I don't I'm like I said I'm not really drinking so I'm just having wine in tequila So I'm just doing coke. Yeah So I'm backstage just waiting in drag powder on the menu and it looked great, you know some days with your makeup You just lock in I looked great. I don't know what I did it looked fabulous You look fabulous and they go we're holding we're holding and then they come back and they go All of the screens are out on stage for the tiktok awards every screen is out And so we're holding and so me and some of the creators that go first like Mikey the rapper with the bucket hat And then um ashby, do you know her? Yeah, absolutely So we're all just sitting there talking talking talking and we're waiting and suddenly it's six fifty We're still all waiting and the creators everybody nominated and everybody invited is sitting out there for 50 minutes And I've worked with this venue not good air conditioning not good air conditioning. What are they doing if they're on tiktok? They're just sitting just sitting. They're sitting They're sitting And I only know the beauty people really so I can see the beauty people peppered in Um, anybody kicking shoes. Nobody's kicking shoes. Do they do that anymore? Do they do this anymore? I don't know that you know like No, now it's the come with me to try the viral shit sam. Like you know today, we're okay This is a new thing. I don't like fit Outfit is not a hard word. It just it's not like a long word Also, Mary there else clock the fit at least make it something good honey girl that outfit doesn't fit and it looks like shit Yeah, but like check the fit check like outfit of the day. I get acronym whatever if that's fine This nice fit. I don't I don't like it. I don't want it and I think it's stupid. It's like it's like, um, you don't have to abbreviate a Two-syllable word, right? Especially when it When it is so perfectly describes exactly what you're talking about, right? There's no ambiguity there So what we had to do was they come back there. Oh You're gonna love this and I'm like in a weirdly good mood And you know sometimes when you're in your good mood, you're like, let's just roll with it. How fun, right? No Especially when I'm the only drag queen somewhere. I'm like, I either looked great And straight people always are gonna treat me like I'm a paid party favor So I might as well try to be in character and like enjoy myself. It's like, um, very but I'm determined to enjoy myself And we're running behind and you know all these straight people with their hair and makeup teams Straight straight straight celebrities being inconvenienced. This is world war four, right? This is the worst. This is their so Shocked to me trade shocked to be trade right now. You did it at my birthday party so They come back this time comes back with a headset on she goes. All right everybody presenters what we're gonna do in five minutes We're you know rain or shine. We're just gonna start so unless it gets fixed We are just gonna be presenting without the screens and then in the live feed They'll throw to video packages in the edit So we won't have the we won't be able to go and the nominees are and have this They're just gonna throw to it Fine because all these influencers are trapped right and this is the one hour a year. They've left the house Right, they're freaking out. They're stimming. They have the fidget toys. They're freaking out. They got three babes up their ass entirely Um, so I go They go, yeah, we're just having problems with the live feed and I go, oh Question she goes. Yes. I go. I have my phone here and my iphone. It's an iphone 16 It has tick tock. Did you guys want to use my tick tock? I thought this was hilarious To suggest something not helpful and earnest and i'm in drive like if you want I have it plugged in I'm at like 18 percent and if we start now I have the battery She goes what and I said, oh So I have my iphone here. It's this iphone 16 and I have the tick tock app and what we could do is We could live stream it from my tick tock 18 percent. Yeah, and I have I have three point. I have four points. She million followers So I could do that for you and I'm like two bars back here probably three out there I said and she borrowed me her phone charger Oh, I think it was Paris Hilton's team. I had my phone charged into there and I said they borrowed me I've got this extension cord in my bag in my car and I said did you want to use my iphone? No one in the room laughs Mary. There's like 20 that's social media influencers for you Of course, she doesn't laugh because it was type of thing where she's stressed out to get fired She's stressed out. Yeah, and I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Yeah, and I'm what bimbo clown You're throwing shoes up at year. Nobody's kicking them. It's not my it's not my ministry It's not my zoo. Yeah, not your zoo. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Not my monkeys. Yeah, so Um, not my snakes not my church not my snake church Not my strict nine not my church We're gonna get back to that by the way Not my asshole not my amul. Not my emul It's not my emul. Not my ass hor Not my bathhouse. Not my girl not my kundam girl Oh, girl house bathhouse so I go did you want to use mine and she says nothing and the room says all my friends that I'm like Hello people from the bachelor. I thought we're I thought we were be friends now. Can no one laugh. No one laugh. She goes no It's okay and walks out And I go I turn to the room. I go I tried wow Love the humor at tiktok is really what are you gonna do? It's 50 minutes There's no air conditioning here and I know that because it had solid pink disco there and almost died So I know it's hot When you're kicking shoes, you're using a lot of energy right energy expenditure produces sweat and mind you I'm not drinking So I'm having tequila neat You know You're just doing ass right you just and I was told at 605. I would be in a car So it was like fuck, you know the tiktok awards will flop the flip flop awards I I know you get this when I'm in drag. I just can't go sit and watch something No, I'm sitting and talking to an audience So it's like I'll present her to the red carpet, but I actually can't sit for an award I went to a red carpet. I can't not with the skin not with my chicken neck. I can't no And in a city in a city where no one goes up to anybody something about drag Oh, that's tacky that's really tacky tiktok awards. It was fine. It was fine. It was still fun Good lighting. Well, you're in a great mood because you looked fabulous. Oh, I know I walked out to the mic And you're doing exactly that right? Yeah, I walked out and I said, thank you all for being here and thank you for being on time Kind of funny fun stuff. Yeah. Yeah the iphone bit That's that's funny. Oh, and then I said that's comedy if you guys don't know me. I'm Jennifer Coolidge. I love a nice little Oh, like so when I at the stream is when I said I was charlie sterren Crickets no one said anything crickets. Of course. I also didn't present what I was supposed to do But oh, do you know who else was who opened up? Do you know la la from like mtv? She hosts all the different stuff La la anthony I believe her name is and you know when you're in drag you have more nerve to say hi to someone So I was like, I'm gonna go say hi and they go. Oh my god, la la I've seen you've been on my television my whole life. I said I've seen you in so many things you look beautiful Your glam team I was calling about the glam team through there because the glam teams get these whores together The makeup and the hair she looked amazing. Yeah, and I'm like so cool. Oh, yeah, the tiktok war is fun So what have you been up to? Oh, that's great Gay pa comes this close to me and goes we need everybody out of this area now like I run I run you take her person And then surely enough as soon as I get out of frame a live feed starts that they actually start something So I think I was actually just walking on to like a hot set Luckily, I'm not such a bitch that I'm like no tell me where to go. I just ran that smells so bad We gotta go we're gonna wrap because not only are we done But there is a dog farting in the studio and it's turning me on during my la la story. I'm sorry la la. Bye You