Best In Real Life Moments From Cardi B, Ciara, 2 Chainz, & MORE

This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. You're hurting somebody and I don't think people understand how bad is that pain when you hurt somebody that loves you. And it might not be your wife. It just might be a girl that you probably was playing mind games with and you made them feel like you love them and it's like you ripped that love from them and it's like, God will make you pay for that. So don't bring that bad karma into you boy. Thanks for watching guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. We can't play with our lives. Like I'm just going to get to it. Like, biological clock, the biological clock for women is a real thing and for men too. But I'm going to speak for us. Like we can't go backwards. So don't I'm not letting somebody waste my time. Like that's a rule. Like and once I started to understand the value of like how the clock, you know, does not wiggle. It's like, wait a minute. Like what we doing. Like I'm not letting someone waste my time on my dying. I'm letting you waste my time. Like that's not an option. But you have to get to a certain place to feel that because you understand a significance of like one eye look back. I can't get it back. And I you're not going to keep robbing me of my years. Don't be love bombing me like that. I understand what that meant. But it's like, that's not right. Okay. So we have a new segment. It is presented by boost mobiles called voice note. So this is where either listener, a commenter or a friend of the show sends in a voice note for you. Wow. See the love of story usually a question. Sometimes people want to buy it since all kinds of different things. So we're going to play this note. Somebody sent it to the voice note. Yes. Wow. Oh, of course he's from Texas. I love it. Yeah. My boy, Bob. I don't have a question for you, bro. Let's go. So I just got married. Interacted with players. I was actually my way to walk out song. But I'll keep it. Gee, bro. I ain't a lot. I used to be a player. Now I'm trying to walk the straight line of the voice, the gun line. What type of advice would you give me on being a solid husband and and try to do right type shit? Like what advice would you give me? No. That's that question. He asked the right question to the right guy. I didn't even know what our conversation was going to be today. This will be the answer to the whole podcast. By the way, but I'm going to give us a name. What does it will just rewind this whole? No, I got specific advice for will. OK. Good. I got specific advice for will. Will I'm going to need you in the next. I'm going to need you by the beginning of the year to get yourself to a place where you could leave your phone with your wife for the weekend. I'm going to need you to get to that place. How do you get there? Explain that. Break that down. Well, you got the first thing is you shouldn't have the numbers in the phone anyway. If you married, you should have done you should have done this before. But let's say you don't want to be tempted anymore. That's not going to happen. You're going to be tempted. You're going to find women that are prettier than your wife. You're going to find women that are built better than your wife. You're going to find women that are going to do whatever you tell them to do. But they're not going to protect you. They're not going to love you in the way that your wife does. They're not going to care for you. They're not going to know what you need. They're going to assume a lot of things. And basically what you're going to have to do is try to teach and train somebody to love you in the way that somebody already does. It's not worth it. It's not worth it, bro. If you loved her enough to marry and to give her your last name in front of all those people and God almighty, Lich could do is keep your phone in your life clean. That's it. The idea of marrying a woman is saying to the world, I'm done. I found the one I am complete. It won't be perfect, but it'll be it'll be perfect for us. That's it. If you're not there, bro, don't get married. Don't move in. Like don't even do none of that shit because it's already. It's already toxic at that point. It's already problematic at that point. Take some time. If you have any women in your life, my brother, now's the time. Get it done. Get it done. Get it. Get a race, everything out of that you need to be done with. And I hope your wife is watching. I hope your wife is watching because she needs to do it too. I was going to say I wonder. She needs to do it too because the idea is not just leaving the phone at home. You should be in a marriage where you all can trade phones. Right. And if somebody calls her phone for her, you could tell them she has your phone and vice versa. That's the test. But you got to do your part first, will. So what about love? Where are you with love? Like what do your belief systems about love? Has it changed? Do you? Are you still like, I feel like you're a little mushy because you talk about your little morning calls and stuff like that. But do you? I don't know. Do you have any thoughts about it? Do you believe in it? Do you need it still so much in your life? Some of some women say like, you know, I'll be good either way. Some of like, I need a partner. I believe in it. But I do understand. Why you got that on that is like, you're like, you're like in your 50s and you're like in smart and dope. And you're pretty and you're in your 60s and you're good. Like why don't you why don't you have a man? Why I never seen you with a man and it's like, now I know why. Now I know why that was it will drive you crazy. The the beginning stages. The the mind game. The the checks because everybody got different checks. You know what I'm saying? Like some women will be like, okay, I need a man to do this. The I need a man to do that. I need a man to have a job and I need a man to be at home at a certain time. And I need a man that calls me this amount of time. Like everybody have different checklists. Yeah, checklists. Yeah. So I really understand like that mind game is really a mind game thing. That mind game is like somewhere in my house. See why they were like, I can deal with this mind game. Shit. I cannot deal with it or some man will traumatize a woman so much that they'd be like, I just don't ever want to do it again. And I'm fine with that. And and if you ever see a woman that she don't got a man, don't ever don't be judging her. Like I said, Oh, why why you don't have a man? Is it because you can keep a man? Is it because this and that? No, some women just don't really want to deal with these negatives. Should they protect that please? She's want to protect her piece. Like I love love and I believe in love and I believe in marriage and I believe in family and I believe in union. But I also do understand why other women like it's just like, I'm not doing this shit again. I understand it. And that's why I will not even judge them. Like don't judge me neither though. But I want judge you neither because I really. I understand why when you want to do it, I feel like someone just be like, you know, I'd rather be alone. I don't get fucked about. I don't I could that because the knock down for a lot of women is really hard. Yes. When you get knocked down, that shit, some people don't want to get back up. Yeah. They don't want to get back up again. And it's like, if you ever see your aunt, you're going to be like, why am I on? Don't have a nigga or like, you're my grandma. You're my mother too. Well, my grandma passed. But I was like, I want my grandma to have a boyfriend. I used to do I used to brush her hair and I said, let's see. You could have a boyfriend. And it's like, now I know my grandma never had a man. Now you want to share. Nobody want to deal with that. Nobody want to deal with that. What will you teach your sons about that? About how to treat a woman or what will you treat teacher sons about relationships? There's one thing your daughter, you tell your daughter watch out for this or watch out for this. But raising boys is different. Like, what do you, what will you teach your boys about being a good man in that way? Do you know what you're having? And by the way, you don't know. And you're given, oh, you're doing all right. You have time. I did know, but except for that for another day. Well, I know the hard things that I want to tell him. Okay. What I want to say is like, let me tell you something, boy. If a bitch slightly say no, is no. You're going to bring no fucking problems in my house. You know, I bring no little bitch said they didn't know funny shit. Second, you don't own a bitch body. So if you get a bitch knocked up and she said no, is no. And it's like, don't think that I'm going to be helping you. Cause I ain't, you better get a job. And you ain't bringing no, you, you, you, you, you, I'm bringing no bitch to live in my house. What is your life or your, or your, what you put in the world? Where do you hope it lands with people? I think like, I think I want my fans to feel like, hmm, that everything is, doesn't have to be so streamlined and formulaic. And that you can really do whatever you want. And you don't have to be, you know, it's not up to other people to, to tell you how to express yourself. It's up to you. Feels kind of like cliche. But I know like in the past, I made a lot of albums that all the songs sounded so different on them. There was really no kind of consistency whatsoever. And I was like, oh, I don't like that. And, but I was like, I like these songs individually. I just don't feel like it's a consistent album. I've always felt like that. Really? Yeah. Wow. But Scarlett started to get a little more cohesive, but not really. Even then it was just like, what the fuck is that? There's a lot of song like sort of, they just like, sort of, really cohesive. This was very cohesive for me. Yes. In comparison. But I think like, I mean, when it comes to music, I hope that they take that away, that like music is really just music. You can paint however you want to paint. You can express however you can design however you want to design. And if it makes you happy, that's kind of all that matters. And that's like literally that's the best I can. And that's, but that, but that it does ring really true to me. So hopefully they take that from it and also be weird. Like you're, you're going to be cringe whether you like it or not, probably is someone lean into the weird. The people who think that they're not cringe and that they've got it all together, like there's a group of people looking at them going, Eek. But they probably look back at that group of people and they're probably like, Eek. So like at the end of the day, who cares? It doesn't matter. People are going to think you're lame. What can somebody? And that's okay. Somebody's going to think you're like, people, multiple people are going to be like, you suck. And you didn't even do anything wrong. Mm. You can do anything. I kind of wish I could do that more. How does somebody lean into their weird bag? Like let your freak flag fly. Well, that's a development. I think like not, not my weirdness isn't a development. It's something that, uh, I, well, maybe it was a development. Yeah, I think it's part of my weirdness. At first of all, you know, weird. Yeah. Well, no, I'm definitely. Yeah. I'm fucking cookie. I'm a little, I'm, I'm so different. Like, I'm not different. But no, I, uh, I think that like, you don't have to be weird either. You can be totally not weird. You can just be whatever you want. I think it's like also subjective. Like, is someone might be like, that's weird that they're wearing head to toe adidas? Like that doesn't, like that person's weird to me. And then the person wearing the adidas is looking at the person who's wearing alo, Nike adidas, uh, Puma head to toe. And that person's like, they're, they're like weird. They're like, why would you mix all of that? Yeah. But like, that's a cute outfit. And so is that. Yeah. That's intentional. So is that, you know, so it's kind of like, that's just how it is. I don't think I mean, you to lean into your weirdness is to be trusting of your surroundings. Or, or maybe comfortable, uh, trusting of yourself. Um, having fun, I would imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're thinking about upgrading to the all new iPhone 17 Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. But are you also thinking about the traffic on your way to the store or transferring all your data and all the time that takes? Well, the good news is that when you order a brand new phone online with boost mobile, they'll send an expert to your home or to your work to deliver your brand new iPhone 17 Pro and get you all set up. Boost mobile can do that within minutes. No hassle. All you got to do is visit boostmobile.com to get started. Delivery available for select devices purchased at boostmobile.com terms apply. So you've been together 25 years. Something like that. Yep. Yeah, 20 married 17 years. 17 years. You got to be doing something, right? Yeah. I mean, um, I believe that and and a loyal husband. Yes. Yes. I just never read no rumors about me. Never heard. No, I'm not. I'm going with the streets. Yeah, I don't like to be in the street slide. I'm like, I ain't got a lot. Like, um, it's crazy. Even some sorry rappers, like I hang out with. And I do judge you if you're not loyal to your to your lady. And it's not about like me knowing her and you introducing me to her. It's about you actually. Because you're not actually cheating on her. You're cheating on yourself. Like you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to like preach to this loyal man. Like this, I'm just saying this is how I live. Because if you if you can lay down and you can disrespect a lady that you lay down who feeds your kids. And you know what I mean? Who wakes you up in the morning? And then what you're going to do is you're going to kick me like shit. Yeah. What the fuck? How the fuck can I be be you know, you know, who works something to you if the person that's worked the closest to you, you have no respect for. So I do judge people about that. You know what I mean? Um, all the time, is there some people who just don't think why there's good people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also, you don't know also you don't always know what goes on in other people's relationships. Right. Sometimes she could be cheating on him. Sometimes they could have an agreement that you don't even know about. I think everybody's relationship is different. Yeah. But but you're right. It is not promoted enough. The idea of. Charlomain talked about it a lot. We were talking about that in the last episode. I think we're Cardi because Cardi was been through a bunch of shit. And um, Charlomain was saying that once he be because he wasn't loyal. Once he became like honest with his wife, his, his, the blessing started like coming crazy going crazy. But you don't hear that a lot. Yeah. I believe, I believe that. I believe, um, I just heard this one. But I believe like it's karma. Like and you do right by people and that comes back. And it's just like I'd read something the other day. I mean, it was like, you can, you can buy a watch. You can buy whatever, but you can't buy being in shape, right? So it's the same thing. It's like, you can't buy being loyal. Like, you know what I'm saying? You can't like a person sees that, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say, I can see the world different. Like when I was younger, I would see a woman and I'm like, oh, and she's pretty and that's all I can see, right? And you're like, oh man, she's pretty, right? Boom. But then when you like, yo, I don't want that. I don't want her. You take the power away so much. Like a woman, like a woman who's in use to, you know, manipulate her beauty sees you and she can. Like I find it, I find it like the most enthusiastic thing, the most vicarious thing to bring me to go to a strip club and be like, don't touch me, but I'm gonna pay. I'm gonna make it rain. Like, like, just stay right there. I'm gonna look. I don't want to be touched. And I don't want no, no, no, no, not to ask. No, sitting on me and nothing. But I'm going to make it rain. Yeah. I'm gonna say, and I'm gonna look, you know what I said. And I find it because it's like, it's power. There's nothing over me. Like, you know what I'm saying? And it's not, and it's not, the strippers, it's not that. It's just that I'm in control of my own life. And as opposed to me when I was a young boy, I couldn't say no to nothing. You know what I'm saying? Like, I guess, you know, I'm in my way for the right time. I was like, oh, that shit up out of me. Yeah, being around was hard. It was hard. Was there a shift in your life that something has something happened? Or did you decide that you wanted to be in a, you wanted to have this relationship with the relationship just happened? All right. You know, me, see, this is definitely the best of the matter. But me seeing other people relationship fail, I was like, man, I think I can make, let me make my shit work. Because I would see how, like, I would see how terrible other people relationship. And this is my girlfriend's too, like my platonic girlfriend's as well. Like, you know, I would see them winning 100% out of their man. And then they're going out and doing crazy shit and then come home and be like, arguing. And I'm just like, if you're not giving 100% and he's not giving 100%, none of this will work. And I just realized I had somebody that was giving me 100% like, you know, my wife was helping me raise my kids. And I was just like, this is something I did. And I made up a partner like, you know, we went through COVID and we couldn't order nothing. Like, we wanted to be healthy. And she was like, yeah, man, let's open up a juice bar. Like, we had to go all the way to towels over to get a juice to get a, a set of, because, you know, they was telling you to do. So my wife invested in that. And now we have two juice bars. We have more. We love that. On the original juice bar. Yeah. And now we have one on the beach. So you got love, right? What is the best part of that? What is the, like, what have you learned about yourself? Or what is something that you just really appreciate about having a long-term marriage? It's just happened to somebody that got your back. You know what I'm saying? Like, the one thing I wasn't doing this year was saying, no. Right. Every year I say, you know, next year I'm gonna do this. Next year I'm gonna go to Porto. Next year I'm gonna go to Spain. Next year I'm gonna meet those. And then I swear to God, it was just like, whoever invited me anywhere this year. You were. I was just like, yeah, so. And so that's probably the best part is because, you know, our kids are grown now. You know, they got girlfriends and they got beards and they got their own barbers. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, you know what? We did a good job. They all in school. So now you're enjoying life. Yes, now we're enjoying the rest of. And the one thing about her, I'll tell you this is the best part. You asked me the best part. The best part was I met her. I was miserable winning. That's how horrible, right? What do we? I was winning, but I was miserable because. I was used to traveling around the world. And I got like, I got like, oh, whatever. Going back to Paris, who cares? Like going to Dubai. And what I got was, she was like, home with the fuck. Can planes about going to Paris? And I was like, I didn't realize how I saw her. Like, because I've been there like 17 times, trying to that. And then we go on the London. We go on the Germany and we're traveling on the world. But she doesn't realize I have to be here. So I have to be after paid. If I don't take these, these tours, it comes on time in every artist's life, where America is just not messing with you. But if you go to Europe, you can still live like a king. So I figured that out. And what I was doing, Andrews, I was miserable. I was checking to the hotel. I was watching Jerry Springer. Also, more reporters, something like that. And there'll be a new language. And I just figured it out because I saw every episode anyway. And then I was sitting there and then, as she would be like, when I fought for her finally, like, you know, we got together, she came to be a Paris. She could walk me up and was like, we're going to the Iphone Tower. All the shit that you think is corny. Like, you know, we don't go to the fuck a statue of liberty. I'm never been to the statue of liberty. I know. She made you go. No, it was just the Iphone Tower. She made me do all that. She made me go to the rest of us. She made me try a frog-wash. She made me try a duck. And then I'll just start it and then I start to love this shit. We hadn't ever. I just wanted to give you a big hug. We all have the ability to shift the atmosphere in whatever space we occupy because I could have came in and be like, hey, how y'all doing? Oh my god. And it would have changed the whole atmosphere. For sure. But I come here with joy and love and I'm excited. That's my thing. What does that come from, Tavita? Where's all you know what? I know where it comes from. Right. But I mean, when did you learn that? When is it to hit you? I think it's really been my whole life. Like my family would tell you, my husband always like, my wife is just a joyful spirit. And I'd be happy. That's real. It is. I've also been in very dark places and it's no fun. No. And so I remember the last time I was in a dark place, my prayer was God, if you get me out of this, I will always choose light. And so that's what I do. Every day is light. So you choose it. I choose it. It's a choice. Absolutely. Because I think probably some people, I think obviously that's why people resonate to you. You bring this joy, this light. It's the light. It's like the light. People want to feel it. People want to feel that. Nobody likes the dark. No. But I think sometimes people don't know how to get out of it. Yeah, sometimes we can get stuck. But also sometimes the dark has purpose. Right. You have to be there for a while so you know that you don't like it. Oh, that's really good. Why are you giving me a word and you just got here, Tavita? You just sat in my chair. That's the true proof. No, it's not. It's not worth it. It's just in the chair. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you got to go through it. So you realize, you know what, I don't want to go back there. Yeah, because if you go through it too fast, you don't get it. You don't catch it. Yeah. You don't catch it. That's why that stuckness sometimes take a while. Oh, that is a good one for today. All right. Thanks. I was great interview. Thank you. I think I'm a coming. Thank you. Thank you. It's good night. No, no, we don't like to get to today. I think for me, I'm in a very interesting season of my life. Kayan has officially left for college. And I keep telling people that it's just something that I don't think I heard enough people talk about or like I maybe I just wasn't prepared for it. Like you hear conversations about everything that people go through in life. For some reason I wasn't profited conversations about when your kid leaves for college. When your only child leaves for college. And like that void. You know they made me cry. I was really I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was like the void and the emptiness and just like literally one day he's there. And then one day he's just not. And when he left also like how long has he been gone? So he's been gone now for about I would say like a month. And you know when he left is like I just feel like the energy in the house kind of just left because my house has always been the fun house all his friends and music and just fun all the time. And then he just left and it just got quiet. And that's been really really hard for me. And I'm not like embarrassed to say it or like I'm leaning into it so I can understand what that feeling is and try to like move past it and get to whatever the other side is. But right now I'm so deep in that feeling and it's been hard. Yeah. Did you not expect it? I don't I don't know what I expected. Like I think that obviously I was going to go to college. But it always seemed so far away. And then as it even got closer. I'm like well still another month still like I was just savoring all that time. And I guess I didn't just realize just what it was impact like it was going to have. And like I said it's not something like I'm never in conversations with people. And that's what people are talking about. I don't know if I'm like running with a different crowd. But I don't talk to people that are like prepare yourself. This is how it is or this is how we should have talked more. We should have talked more. We should have talked more because I definitely had I think before Nico left I had maybe like I was six months in preparation for him leaving. I was like sad. And almost it was weird because it was almost like things I was just like irritable and said like I had built up so much before he left. Right. Because I was anticipating it which I think maybe you weren't even I was. I had been anticipating it. And then when he left I was I remember telling a shot you know off on my friend's shotgun not Zulu shock. I was telling shock a pilgrim I said. Nico's I gotta take him to school. I'm gonna I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna be a mess. She was like no you're not. And I was like no I am. She was like no you're not. And I was like what do you mean? She was like imagine for him is the first time he's not he's leaving home. He's not going to be living in the house. He's walking into a new place and you don't want to add to that. That's trust me. And it had that had an email. I was so I was so in my how I was feeling about it. I was like oh shit okay you're right. I don't want to do that to him. So I went I dropped them off. I was fine. Of course I was a little emo on the way home. But then I realized like they don't go anywhere. You know what's the thing like okay it's like that. So I yeah. I don't you know we facetime the lie. We um I felt like the conversations were more meaningful on the phone and longer. Before it would be like if he called me it because he needed some or hey mom. But now because he's a way when we would be on the phone the conversations just were a little stronger and more meaningful. And then they come home for the holidays and you still miss them. But they still come home and you're still their mother and you guys are so close. Say it folks. Um it's just it's just an adjustment. It's a there's no easy answer but it is you you are okay and you realize like your bond is not going in. Right. I don't know if that helps that. No it's not. Because I'm talking to somebody who's been through it. So like I'm really listening to your words because you've been through it. Yeah. And then it started to just become more comfortable. I can't explain like this. The new norm. It's like the new norm. Yeah. In a way. So I'm just praying that so you're like I get there. You're like in the early stages of a new and like you said I don't want to put that pressure on him because it's not his responsibility to take care of me or make sure I'm a good. So like I always shot it like I'm okay. I think one time it was one night it was like two o'clock and I couldn't sleep and I called them and I just started crying. Oh. Oh my god. He's like mom. Are you okay? I'm like I did a cop. I was like mom I can't come home right now. I have like basketball right. Because I got I was like I but that only happened one. So then I like pulled it together. No. But see I get sad just. Oh. But how great is that that you have a love that's strong that he knows that you love him that bad. You're gonna say like that you unravel that. Yeah. I'm not emotional person. My sister's like you're not even. No I'm crying. Or like lately then I've ever seen you cry ever. Yeah. It'd be a kid that does it to you. Yeah. This has just been so so hard but I know that I'll get through it. Of course you will. Yes. Just of course you will. And you're going to be surprised too because usually after that first year and I heard this from a lot of moms they come home and they're like a little different. Because now they've had this like I don't know independence and it's like fun to like see that evolution at them. Right. And you'll enjoy that process but man it is it be a kid. The secret. Yeah. Yeah. I just figured it out like you know what this next chapter looks like. The two you know that part that part. Had you thought about that before or no. I feel like I mean I always think about like work and what I have coming up but not in this way to where like I come home and he's like not there like I would work and know that when I got home he's there or you know we would plan our evenings or whatever we're going to do and now it's like I could come off of you know a trip or doing some work somewhere and get off the plane and come home and it's just like quiet. So it's just adjusting to that but also finding things that I enjoy doing or that I want to do in my spare time because my life has always just been work and kind. I never had like I never made a life for myself in between that. It was always work and kind. Really that's so interesting because you aren't known. Right. As different like you have so many friends. Right. You have like just a full life you would you would seem but yeah why life was always has always been about work and I'm able to be a great friend of people. It doesn't change because I'm working all the time but I've never been a person taking trips all the time on vacations or like like that person. I use to always feel guilty about that like I used to be like I got to work like I don't have time to be sitting on a beach somewhere. I'll be on Instagram like how is everybody always on a fucking vacation like this is crazy. I'm more set on where like everybody's just but I just never did that. It never allowed myself time to really find things that I really enjoy. You know people like well what are you doing your free time or what do you do to unwind? Like I never really had the answer to that because it was always like I'll be a kind of in or you know like I work or I'm working. So now it's like finding those things and I am excited to find that because I do need to find stuff to fill that time and that way when I'm not working and also I've been working for so long. Do you feel like you've neglected yourself in a way? I definitely feel like I've neglected myself. I feel like I've worked so hard to probably in some ways avoid like dealing with life stuff. Like if I'm always working then I don't have to pay attention to feeling this way or different things that I went through whether it was publicly or privately or what happened you know in my relationship or whatever it's like just keep working just keep working then you could be distracted you can not have to deal with that but at some point it all comes back around and you have to face it and deal with it. There's only so many shows I could be on it was like well what think about Lollars you go find a job you go find a check you gonna find this there's only so much of that before it's like no you got to deal with some of this stuff and you got to be okay with being with yourself but what are you doing it's quiet like how do you have a quiet thing that you do like have a comfortable quiet like if somebody just flopped you on a beach by yourself I'm not comfortable quiet really not comfortable and I'm not comfortable alone I always have been the person that's around so many people so I created that environment in my house to be like that which is why it's kaiens friends you know they open in a fridge cooking what they like that's always been the environment at the house because I always just function better when there's a lot of things happening I can still be super focused like I'm focused even in all this stuff happening around me but when it's just me I'm not good at that and I know that that's the thing that I have to work on like you have to be okay with being alone and being by yourself and having those alone moments and I just haven't mastered that yeah I think it's amazing and super brave that because we always share our story after we're at the victory we passed the victory of it you know we're like yeah I went through that and I came on on the other side and this is how I did it right and it's so you know but it's another thing to talk about man I'm so sad right now but it's like I can only be honest with where I'm at right now it's going on of course I still have my incredibly happy moments and laugh and have fun and like success has been great and life has been great but this is just like a moment of adjustment and like reframing things and that's kind of like where I'm at yeah no I'm sure there's a lot of women that can relate to this to this moment yeah and I want to be the person I want to use a platform like this to talk about it because like I said I never heard people talking about it yeah I would hear every other issue but I would never hear about when your kids leave don't you don't you hate that I'm like oh wait what's the fucking podcast talking about when you're killing for college so I could listen to that I feel like I've talked about it a couple of times I was sending you some clips but it wasn't but it's not because it's a very specific situation right I mean there's shit that we never like what about parenting I always say there's things that nobody ever told me about parenting that you don't find out too we see people talking about parenting but there's things that you just don't know until you're in it it's funny because you have you have how was this on 20 20 right 22 but as a parent you think of a 17 year old kid in the projects in an apartment by himself paying rent taking care of other people it's not it's kind of crazy like when you think about that age and what I don't know it's a parent like do you look at your son sometimes and think about this 17 year old version of you 100% and I'll also try to tell him a flip side is that what I didn't do what I did for you for to spoil you I do what I did what I did for you to give you a better opportunity than I had achieving anything you want to do in life we didn't have the opportunity to achieve anything we wanted to do in life we had back against the wall we had to learn how to survive to get ourselves out of certain situations about a grace of gold some kids were talented enough to end up to where we are right now but enough of those problems we didn't have anything we didn't have a platform to bounce off of nobody who found natural literacy nobody in the night that most of us was on welfare most of us again full stance like I'm from the bottom of it like you did like I was my mom's using taking the fight with the social worker like I know what the ins and outs of the welfare system like I'm one of them babies you know what I mean like I don't know if people get this picture paid like I'm from the real real bottom with nothing I've been traveling on the train stuff in eight and nine I'm telling people this for years like I'm a real anomaly like I'm different in New York City I was a man long before I was supposed to be a man and I had that mindset because of where we grew up and what was infunding me at a young age and what I was seeing all I seen was hustles in my life at a young age for my mom's to my uncle's I seen with the drugs could do when you make money offered I seen what the drugs could do when you start to abuse it and tear whole family apart I've been in the middle of everything I know what drugs could do whole heartily those who wanted reasons why I never did anything but weed in my life I never tried to see I never tried any of that shit I'm gonna poke a set of guy engine and shit like that painkiller but I never did any of that any of that and I pride myself in that because I was scared straight to death when I was younger watching my family get torn apart by that same job you heard but I have a dick to baby I got caught up in marijuana and I have to say that's no better than anybody else's vices and I learned that as I got older I'm no better than anybody else because we all have some type of addictions that are bad for us you know I mean no matter what it is then I had to learn a lot of things about how to handle that in my family alone into accept certain things and shit like that that I once was embarrassed by what is the history of addiction in your family everybody what do you mean what's addicted to my family everybody everyone except for my grandmother how does she pass I'm gonna pass the cancer at 95 that must have been Jah poke heavy bitter soul attack I mean like every bitter that was my mother I drew my grandmother she raised me from a baby you got to say my mother didn't raise me but my mother was a baby when she raised them when she had me so she was so young that she still was all sorry running the streets and my grandmother took the responsibility of really raising me and my sisters from the young age and all right and she what I'd think about how early she passed she passed when she was 55, on 48. That was young. Especially if everybody else in your family is addicted to drugs. You have this one person. She was a angel or she was a golf-era lady. If you show me what I go on to church, her church habits led to my church habits. Even when I was running the streets, I used to take cam and everybody to church. Once a year, I knew he is. That led to him taking everybody else to church. These things that my grandma has been still, they have really a lot of reasons why I'm able to still be here today. I'm very realistic in who I am and very realistic in life. I'm also a golf-era man. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I'm making mistakes. I'm very emotional, everybody. I wouldn't haul them out sleep. Here we go with tears and shit. You want to touch me? You should. It's crazy because those are the things, right? Those are the things that shape. You take a moment like that, you're 17. You're grandmother. The one person that's not addicted to drugs that you can rely on, that's been raising you, she's gone. You could have went in a very different direction. I was going in a different direction. What do you mean? The child was gone. The music saved me from the streets. Really. The habit of telling these music presented to us really saved me from the streets. I was stuck in it for a very long time. Way after we signed our deals, just because I didn't know no better. I had to teach myself better. What do you tell, what do you tell that kid right now, that 17-year-olds in that same space that you were in at that time? I mean, it worked for me. So now should I tell them stick to your ground, stick to your heart? I'll be careful. You know what I mean? If I had somebody to tell me about certain things that was going to happen in life, I would have been grateful for that. But I had to go head on with everything that I had to handle for my young age. And this thing going about, I had to have an ambulance, like that. You know, I don't really talk about my grandmother. So, you know, right now you mentioned something that I shot at her. And I'll talk about it. I know she hurts a lot. Yeah. She got treated. Yeah, because she didn't get to see how dope of a person, her breasts, her hair, so it came to be. You don't believe that? And let's get you into your baby. I don't want you to. You know, people won't have them watching over, but physically. You would have liked it. You probably would have liked to spend some money on her. But I feel it. But money, you want to give everything I got. Right there. I would be comfortable living on the streets. I find that there are two sectors with her. This is your mom's mom or your dad's mom? My mom's mom. My dad's mom's still alive. She's in gangster. She's in gang life. 94 right now. So, where's she? She slips in the Bronx. I'm sorry. I got you emotional so early in the conversation that doesn't usually happen. There's a whole lot of things that hum with me. Yeah. What do you mean? Because I would be moving so fast that sometimes I forget about what's more important in life. And it's easy to get caught up in this game. You just bring me back to reality. But it's cool. What do you think is important? Well, life. Yeah. Living it to the folks. You know what? I've learned that people are more important than currency to me in my life. You can't make a good person. And you can't get them back once they're gone. So, cherish them what they hear. I sure. If you love anybody. You've had Chrissy around for a long time? Yeah. It's my right of time right there. I bet you that's her. Probably. Probably. Should be on it. And it is her. It loves me. Chrissy. Hi, baby. We were just talking about you. And you, I said. Thank you, Mama. I said Chrissy. And you called. Like, it was like you were. You knew you was talking about you. You said. You better be talking right. Hi, bye. Bye, Mama. So cute. How do you feel about being an icon, the word icon, the moments of when people take a moment? Because you know, we all are living our lives and trying to be in our purpose and. We're hopefully doing things and contributing. But every now and then we stop for a second. And we say, Hey, man, good job. Or hey, we appreciate you every now and then in our careers. If we're lucky enough, we're blessed enough. Then people take a moment to like, look at your, your history and honor you. And what does that feel like for you? It is very. It's very out of body. It is nuanced. It's like, you know, because, you know, it's not come from a genre of music where you are wired. It's up to have the mindset and the consciousness of it ain't about you. You know, like, you know, like you're a vessel for God. And you know, you shouldn't be getting all caught up in, in the world. It's like, you know, like I was at home in the bed when I won my first Grammy. You didn't go to the Grammys when I won my first grade was at home, but because a lot of the older school gospel artists around me were very much. And tied anything that looked like. Sell you. Sorry. Anything self celebratory. They were very much, you know, you know, we were, we were supposed to be doing it for him. If God is not for the better. And so I wanted to got a model myself from based on what I thought was, okay, well, if that's what they're doing, I need to be that way too. And so it's only been a few years. It's only been maybe a decade. Now, of course, a decade that I've become very comfortable. Something after COVID switched for me. Why really cold? Colors were, it was a switch. It was leading up to COVID. But what a switch. It's I think that when churches were closed. And, and if I can be honest, when religion, not, not Christianity, not, not, not the teachings and the patterns of, of the life of Jesus. Because see Jesus was ill. You know what I'm saying? Jesus was dope. Jesus, you know, but, but, but, but all of the connections religion and Western Christianity can be problematic right? Historically, it can be problematic for black and brown people. But and and and and so Western Christianity and Jesus those they are not synonymous. They're not. No, no, no. Not at all. And so seeing chest doors closed and people trying to find their way. find their way and you you being left on your own to kind of find your own journey to find your path and become a came like another awakening like like another enlightenment. I think that if free people from religion, they're from dogma. But I'm still not answering your question. My question was about this reward and the switch for you to be like, okay, the receiving award and beyond. I'm sorry. Yeah, but I don't even know if I'm okay receiving the award. Not from the religious standpoint. I just think that and it is it is it is the weirdest thing because it is my first interview that I've had about this like this and then I'm here with Jesus. I gotta do a point because you're such a legend. Oh, you stopped it. Oh, sure, please. No, no, you just you you you always show me love. I've worked in the street. You stop. You want to be one of one. You want to one. You think you is I think that when you think when that's very hungry. Oh, no, man. No, it's it's it's it's it's earned. Is that you think of like, you know, it just makes you wonder. But what do I do with that? You know, like, what do I like? I'm not built to go. I did great. Yeah. Yeah. It's very much. Aren't I amazing? I don't know what to do with it. Can I can I share a story with you? I did I got inducted into the radio hall of fame. When was that? How many years ago? I went to one seat. Wow. Around COVID. Wow. Yeah. I actually got the award was done COVID. But I but you know, sometimes you have to like campaign for those things. I never cared about awards. I hate awards. I don't want to. Yeah. I don't want. I don't it's not that I don't want it. I'm my humble. It's just that I got stuff to do. And I feel like it just feels weird to me kind of but then I went to speak at a college and it was kids. A bunch of kids do a broadcasting and they had a wall of the radio hall of fame and there was no Harley. Any people were colored and Harley, any women on the wall, but I walked in the class and there was mad people of color's diverse room. I can't. And when I walked back out, I was like, Oh, I need to be on that wall. I get it. So it's not for me to be on that wall. It's actually as representation is important for me to be on that wall. So now if I had to get a reward or something like that, I kind of look at it that way. Like this is not just an award for me to go home and sit in my house and go. It's great. It's an opportunity for people to look at you and be like, Oh, I can do that too. Gotcha. Oh, if they true to myself and I fight through demons and I'm honest about it. Maybe I could have a moment of celebration too. It's just inspiring. So if you take that energy and put it outside, not that I'm trying to preach to you right out. It's crazy. I'm just crazy. I'm just crazy. I'm just crazy. I'm just saying it really is a different way to look at it. Instead of putting all the weight on you, like I feel about being honored. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for understanding. I totally. Thank you. Sometimes it's very scary. You know, like Jeffrey had to even though he's on the spectrum, he had to register for the military. That was something that I didn't think about because at the time he had to be registered at 18, um, they said I was trying to get him out of it, but there was like, you know, you were celebrity. So either he could go to jail or be fined a lot of money. You could be escaped. Go. So I had to register my son and they said, don't worry. We're not in an active war, an active war. So if anything happened, we would, you know, do the mental test, the emotional test, and we gonna set them home. Well, now with this administration, I don't know what's about to happen. I know. I wake up out of my sleep, terrified. Go. My son is registered for the military. It's hard explaining to him what's going on now, you know, about the government because he just looks at things in black and white right and wrong. And I'm just like, I don't want anybody to take advantage of my son because Jeffrey doesn't read bad energy. He's just like happy, go lucky. So, you know, you don't want them to get hurt, but sometimes you know, we are where we are because we got hurt, you know, because we had to go through some stuff. So what do I tell my son? I try to just teach him to be an amazing person. I really work on accepting his differences. I had to mourn why he wasn't like me. My son doesn't like attention. He stopped me from talking about him on stage. I am forbidden to say his name to give any experiences. I say, you are my money. I'm not, I don't have a man in my life. It's just you like all I talk about it. He said, no, I'm not a story. So I've had to respect that because so I just try to teach him, you know, Jeffrey, just, you know, be a good kind person. I told him the other day, I said, if the police stop you, you must tell them that you're autistic and that you need to call your mom. He said, I'm not autistic. I'm not a label mom. And I'm like, oh my gosh, Jeffrey, but it's something like that happens. And he goes, and the police aren't going to stop me. So I don't want to put the fear of God into my son. Yeah, but you want to prepare him. But I want to prepare him. But he's so like, and that's what he believes. Because his heart is so good. His heart is so pure. He's like, that's not going to happen. Yeah. I know that I have friends who have kids on the spectrum. And there's a, I always think it's like a gift in a person where it's as challenges and blessings. But there's such a purity. It's such a purity about the way they maneuver. At least the ones that I know, I'm sure everyone's different. The children I have been around. There's such a purity in how they move around the world. How they move around in life. And I go, well, maybe father, he knows I'm not on. He's manifesting something. Yeah. You know, that would might be true. And that's what my girlfriend said when I go through with you about Jeffrey, she said, God, tell me to tell you, who knows best? Who knows Jeffrey best? His mother or the one who created him. They had me laid out on the floor. I literally have to say, Lord, I just entrust my son to you. I love the, you know, I don't remember nothing, but I just, I trust this. What do you? What about, what has been the greatest joy about that part? Like what has been the biggest blessing of that, of raising a child who's on the spectrum? And then the most challenging thing. The biggest blessing is Jeffrey's taught me to be fearless. Jeffrey's taught me to advocate for myself because I have to advocate for him. And if I can't advocate for myself, I have to be able to, you know, I can't advocate for him. You know, like it's, it's a real thing about black boys being in school and the weight, you know, prison and pipeline, pipeline and prison and how they are treated and they need, we need more male teachers of color in there and that black boys get in trouble more, you know, because you got people don't understand them. And I remember there was an incident at school. They were like, we're going to put it in this file. And I had to step up and go, no, you not because that's not Jeffrey's fault. There's not no, there's not my son. We're going, we're going to talk about this. I'm coming in, you know, that's always, I've never liked any kind of com, what do you call it, confrontation? I was raising a religion where we didn't do confrontation. So having to step up to advocate for my son, you know, has been a big one, but it's been also wonderful. It's been a challenge, you know, a child on the spectrum, they repeat things 30, 40 times, they have meltdowns, things that look that you might look at with my son going, I can't believe you let him say that. Jeffrey doesn't know the difference between tone. So he might, so I might go, Jeffrey did, wow, he thinks that's just like a regular, you know, understand disrespectful. So I have to teach him that, you know, and so somebody else might look at it and go, I can't believe he was doing that, but I know that that's his spectrum. It's called stacking. Like if Jeff he sees something, you, if you see a dangerous situation, you'll go, wait a minute, they're doing this, then you stack it with another thought, I need to do this because they were doing that, then you stack it with another thought. So this me, he doesn't do that with his disorder. He sees it, and he still goes and says, hey, bro, what, you know, right, it's a dangerous situation. So I had to really accept this is my son. I had to accept his little quirky ways. I had to accept Sherry. He will say the same thing to you 32 times. And he will have meltdowns. And I said, Jeffrey, do I frustrate you? He went, yes, every day, all day, you always want to come in. You keep going, Jeffrey, how you doing? Jeffrey, I love you. Jeffrey, how was school? Jeffrey, did you put your plans didn't take a shot? Jeffrey, and I was like, okay, watch your tone. Then he goes, what? I've had to accept that is my son. I've had to accept that my son who was born the same time as Garsell Bouve's kids. And the same time as Boris Coljo's son, they're all in college right now. They're all, it's a little click, it's not click bad, but they've all grown up together. All the Hollywood kids, I've had to accept my son is a little different. So he probably doesn't fit in like they would. I'm not going to Howard unpacking Jeffrey's stuff. And sometimes I wonder what would he've been like if he didn't have autism. And I've learned to go, but he's just like who he is. And he's a beautiful kid. And he's so great. And he loves me, even though he wants to be away from me. So that's probably been the biggest challenge of going, you know, Jeffrey's father is a stand-up comic. I'm a stand-up comic, but that boy had more bad moves than anybody ever. He don't want nothing to do with comedy. No jokes. He don't want nothing. But if you say to Jeffrey, what do people most of you say about Jeffrey? He's so funny. He's got this license of humor, but he wants nothing to do with what his mother and father do. And I go, what are you going to do? He ain't going to be no rocket scientists. So that's the challenge of acceptance and accepting that just he is who he is and accepting that, you know what, he's going to be okay. I wake up a lot terrified. Is the world going to treat my son? Are they going to see my son, how innocent he is, that even though his face, Jeffrey will say, I'm crying inside mom. But will they see that purity in this boy that is now 21? Because I can't speak from no more Angie. People get on the phone. We were talking about social security. I'm going to just tell you a story. But like I can't, I think of my son as a 13. So I can't speak for him. So we had to talk to the social security office and they said, Misshaver, we can't talk to you. He's 20. We had to talk to Mr. Tarpey. And I said, he don't know his head from his ass. Like I'm the one that you got to talk to me and they said, no, we have to talk to him. So the first thing they said to him, they said, what is your sex? He goes, well, I'm not having it right now. But when I'm 24, my mom said, what I'm 24, I'm having a lot of sex. And I'm sitting there going, you see, this is why I want to talk. And they said, do you do drugs? He goes, not yet. But 24, I'm getting high. I'm going to see strippers. And it's going to be lit. Mom, I'm going to be out there in the streets. Like, and so a call that would have taken 20, 30, 20 minutes, two hours, yeah, two hours. And I was just sitting here, but I can't talk for him. We were at a good time in our lives because our kids don't have phones yet. And they're not on social media yet. And so it's, we, we got it in time to like, listen and like be like, yo, we're not letting them have a smartphone till a certain age. And I think it's like, we said ninth grade or something like that. I forget. But I, we made a pact with other parents at the school and said, let's band together because if one of us, you know, let's our kid have a phone this early, then all the other kids and be like, well, she got one or he got one. And so you have to, it's called a collection, a collective action issue. Wow. And so did you lead this? Did you start this? We did it as a group. Like, my wife was involved. She's a Girl Scout mom. And so it was her and like a few of the Girl Scout moms that started it. And then we did it with a whole third grade, which is our oldest grade. So no phones. Yeah. So the ninth grade. Yeah. And then no social media, I think they say until you're like 16 or something. Wow. No Instagram, no snap, any of that. And, and they say you have to be really mindful of group chats because a lot of the group chats are where the bullying happens. And like the, you know, excluding and ostracizing people and you just got to be really mindful of all of it. And I think they're learning so much about the effect that it has on kids that we can benefit from all the things that they're learning. And the previous generation didn't know. And are your kids pushing back on any of that? No, they're good so far. But I feel like wait until Luna's like 11 or 12 when we'll see. Well, you prepared to stand. Yeah. We're going to be tough. And what is the benefits? What are they say? The benefits of that? Well, it was just like their attention span in class. Just reading a book, you know, just think of how there's a whole generation of kids that like it's hard for them to focus on anything like a book, a movie because they're so like. And like when your brain is trained to do that, especially at this age, when your brain is still being formed and and your habits are being formed, it's not a good thing. It's kind of scary to be a parent. And then the AI thing, like that's a whole other thing. Yeah, where are you with that? Because it's giving me a, I love it in so many ways. It's helped me to like projects ideas helps me kind of like formulate ideas really quickly. I also have a little anxiety about it because it is so fast that you start to feel that feeling of like I need to be faster. Yeah. And like do you feel any of our kids going to like read the whole book or they're just going to get AI to tell them what it was about. And are they going to write any more papers themselves? Like, but should they too? That's a good question. Like we don't know. And we don't know what the like the side effects of all that are going to be on on their development. One of my kids was working on something and they not allowed to use AI. And I thought that I don't know that that's not realistic either. Right. Number one is not realistic. And I also don't think it's the smartest way to look at it because AI is here. It's happening. Yeah. So we can tell that we could say, hey, don't use that. They're still going to use it or we can say, how can you use that smarter? Yes. How can you use that better than everyone else is using? How can you use it? You know, I so I don't know. It's tricky. I just wonder how you guys managed to that. Well, the kids aren't really on it yet. So what about you? But I think by the time they're high school in high school, like it'll be so it'll be so robust and it'll be so there that I think that's what teachers are going to end up doing is saying, well, how do you use this properly in a way that actually stimulates you learning and that you can put your own creative spin on anything and still be like a creative person, but get kind of the extra support from AI. I'm not listening. Let me tell you because I know me and be like, oh, you ain't ain't no, I don't hate me. And I really love men. I do. You mother fuckers are built beautifully. You dick is beautiful sometimes when you take care of it. You know, when you take care of it, but you know, I'm not going to put up with show shit no more. You know, I love ice cream. I can't eat it. It makes my stomach hurt. The dairy is a lot of dairy. It's a lot of dairy. Yeah. So I think you're beautiful, but you full of shit. And you're not going to ruin my piece or my time or my house or my anything anymore. And it's not about me saying, I don't need you because I do. I need you. But what I need is what you need. Peace and love. Yeah. And let's take a journey together, but you can't do that if you three steps behind me. And I'm talking about educationally, emotionally, financially. I'm not ashamed to be rich anymore, which men used to make me feel bad about that. Oh, oh, I can't get you this, but I can't. Well, then, block because it's not about what you can't get for me. It's the fact that you need to tell me that. Yeah. Yeah. Because that means that you haven't delved into what I really love. Your photographer, why wouldn't you go take a picture for me and frame it and say, baby, happy birthday. Take pictures of me. Oh my god. And get. I'd be like, oh, baby. Oh my god. Like, do you get what I'm saying? Like me and don't. And this is red. The whole thing. And this is because, and me and this is because you come at a different space, you keep throwing that financial shit on us. You know, there are chicks out there. That's about that. And you know, need the money or whatever. But look at women, really. We survive in because we don't, we can't trust you to do it. So when you say independent women, yeah, I have to be or I'll starve. Yeah. I'm hungry. I'll be hungry as fuck. So like, yeah, I'm independent. But, you know, this is just, you all got to get your shit together. Like we got our shit together. When you told us, we'd be crazy. We invented Oprah. We, you know what I'm saying? But some mother fuckers just stayed on the couch and played the PlayStation just every level that came. Has anybody ever surprised you? Men? Yes. No. Oh, well, I mean, my friends, you've seen it. So I know it exists. Yes. But I'm gonna tell you this, Angie. I may have not been attracting it. Right. Because I hadn't got to the other side of myself. Yes. So that may have been all, let's lay it might have been all I can because of my friend my assistant says it to me all the time. She's like, oh, you know, I think you're about to find a man in New York. And I was like, girl, I lived in New York for so long. And I never find she was like, yeah, you use a different person in. And I was. I was unhealthy mentally, physically. And you have to make yourself the best package. Like, and that's how I tell men too, like why come offering fuck shit and then ask me what I bring to the table. And what as a man can you not provide for yourself that I'm supposed to provide for you? Why you asking me what I bring to the table? I ain't asking what you brought to the table. Do you get what I'm saying? I do cuz I shit together. Like, you want to fuck with me because my credit is, son. But wait, if you're so if you're so different now, what is that difference? How will you approach the differences that I'm a little bit more. When I get into his age, I'm a little bit more settled with life. And not so easy to go like, I used to get really excited if a guy would even talk to me or give me an arm. I'd be like, oh, this my new boyfriend. You know, just like one to a hundred. Yeah. You know, you got I've learned to now just be like, except people for who they are. When someone tell you who they are, believe them. You know what I'm saying? And my piece is so wonderful. I protect that anyway. So when you protect your piece, kind of like those guys stay away from that because you put up such a good guard about yourself. You know, and it can work to a fault too because some of them be like, be like, oh, I don't know if I can talk to her. Well, if you don't know, you can talk to me, then you're right. You can't talk to me because that's why I want what the guy that sees that and goes, nah, I still want to try to talk there. I'm good fuck. I like, I'm willing to risk it all. Like I'm willing to risk rejection to fucking talk to this viscous. See, hot. She fucking got it going on. Like, why would you not? And this is another thing insecure. Ask man, why would you not want a badass bitch? Do you remember back in the day? I know you remember this Angie. There was a maybe a small period of time when me and you used to brag about they bitches having shit. Oh, man, my girl got a mother fucking insurance. She got a 401. Yeah, my baby got a acura. She she fuck up. He going to work every day. She got fucking gross reason shit. Yeah, now that that shit is gone. Man is completely fucking insecure. Why? What is that? I think it's I think it's just again, education, like educating themselves and because when you love yourself, you don't hurt people. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You really? I mean, you know, I'm saying hurt people, hurt people. We had recently, because this come, come say it's in real life. Right. So we told my real life. There's been a couple of guests. You say you have friends that you've seen better versions of it. We had Adrian and Israel online. You know, her Adrian, but a whole and she's from the real. She was on the real. She married her husband as a gospel singer. I think I know who you some are, you know, Adrian, she was on the real. She was in the Cheetah girls back in the day. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. She's very happy. Her husband that she picked, she picked somebody equally, you're good for her. She's so fucking happy. So when I see people who got it, right, I'm always like, what are you doing? Yeah. How does this happen? You know, that's a work to like my friend, my writer friend, Lenny, beautiful wife happy. He happy always jokes about her, but he's happy. I know a lot of people. They work at it because you really seeing that's a thing too. I think that, you know, I'm pretty sure me and you are kind of the same when we just when we fall in love, we just like falling love. We don't fall in like. We just fall in love. And you know, and then when the love shit wears off, we have the like and we trying to find it's like crack. You know, Sam, yeah, that crack and that crack made us so high that night girl. And we keep smoking it trying to get the same high, but you bought the wrong product. Do that. This guy was never going to sustain that high. You got to get the right product. Yeah. But that is a thing. So even in that situation, Adrienne Israel, she had to have a bad breakup. He had to have a bad divorce that and he cheated on his wife. He was like, I'm not a cheater, but I cheated and now here I come in and I knew I had to be a different person. So they had to go through their shit. Like how you saying, you know, who you are now. Yeah, divorce me. The worst man do that. I mean, those are kind of good ones today because they learn. They learn hopefully, hopefully they hopefully they learn. Yeah. And they want to try to do it better. Eve was happy. Eve. I had to eat. Yes. I had her on recently. And she was saying she stopped she's in LA. She was like, I was in LA. I was dating a bunch of guys who were like, let's just see how this goes. So she had a whole bunch of situations ships that were going nowhere. And she just stopped. She just cut everybody off. She's like, I want something different. Then she met her husband and he and he was very honest, very forthcoming, very like didn't play no games. And she was like, yes, this feels good. She made a conscious shift about what she was choosing to be in her life. And so she made a, that's the thing, right? It's the shift. It's like knowing what you need, knowing what is going to give you peace of happiness and then making a decision to go find that. And so I think that that there's something in that. Well, it's also too how we make our other decisions. You know, when you want a piece of state, go get a piece of state. You know what I'm saying? You put that in your conscious. It's the same thing as far as two with men. You know, you know, what it would like, always ask myself for a man that's like, like you said, equally yoked. One that's not going to get insecure for me. You know, they got his own shit going on because that's always, you know, someone who's self-aware and mentally healthy. Hey guys, today's show is brought to you by Hard Rock Bet. 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Open up the app today and you can have a bonus bet or who knows what's in there, all kinds of stuff. And it's always a nice surprise. So new rewards drop tomorrow. Don't miss out. Head over to the Hard Rock Bet app and make your deposit. Payable and bonus bets not a cash offer offered by the Seminole Tribe of Florida and Florida offered by Seminole Hard Rock, Digital LLC and all other states must be 21 or older and physically present in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee or Virginia to play terms and conditions apply concerned about gambling in Florida, call 1-888-admitted. In Indiana, if you or someone you know has a gambling problem and wants help, call 1-800-9 with it. Gambling problem, call 1-800-Gamberler in Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, Virginia. I was talking to just a friend. And I was trying to come up with a nickname for this friend. Yeah. And I was doing my best like sending her fire nicknames. She was like, no, I got to a point where she wasn't even applying. She was just thumps down in her. Like, first of all, you ruined. Second of all, let me ask Chad's GPT, hey, it's a friend of mine. I'm trying to come up with a nickname and all the ideas I'm sending in. I hit you mind sending me some horrible. Horrible? Yeah, but you're you give it a bad command. You need more specifics like this friend of yours. Why do they need a nickname? What? Oh, me? Why am I? Yeah, like you should you have to tell Chad, like, what is the reason behind the nickname? You got to tell it all that because then it can give you a better answer. Well, I just was just like, this is something just to be charming like, hey, I want to be charming with my friend. Yeah. I mean, I mean, yeah, okay, then you have to say this person is like this, this, and this, and this, and then they'll give you the perfect name around that you got. I need a normal enough yet. You got to get you got to get your props together. Props. Yeah, I gave it a bad prompt. You got to get sometimes like if it doesn't give me like, I feel like the normal person would just close and be like, I didn't work. I told Chad, I was like, that I don't like these. It was my bad. My bad. Like, I was just I didn't even ask for more. I was just like, these aren't good. Be better. And I close it out. You have to look inside and you have to get better prompts. Yeah, I got to get I thought she was going to say I just got to get better at nicknames. Give me the damn phone. Let's find one right now for this. Oh, but then I got to say that name. No, you don't. Okay. Give me my phone. Wait, who my mom? You got it? I'm going to make up a name. This is actually a great exercise. Really? Yes, because the thing with AI lately too, especially Chad GVT is like, people are like a halfway in halfway out. Some people are not even in at all. I'm not any scared. I just had this conversation with my mother. I was just yelling at my mother like, yo, don't be that don't miss the whole world is changing. Like, don't not be with the rest of the world. So we had this conversation. Anyway, so this maybe somebody who's not been using it will be inspired to, okay, so you need a nickname. I could just make up a name. Nobody else. I also wanted it to be a play on their name. Nick name for a friend. Yes, special friend. The significant friend. A weekend friend. I got a special friend. This is a very sneaky way to get somebody's business. He's saying, he's doing like just this. Just say uh, for a romantic friend. Oh, yeah, romantic friend. Yeah. Give me some of that. Um, that is okay. I can't get too much. So what is really what? Tell me your characteristics. Her characteristics. Do you know it? Or do you? I do, but I don't want to. Is she that she like science? Does she like, hey, I'll see you. It's funny. Yeah. Okay. Is she shaped like a hourglass? You don't want to hold them on to say to just like chat. This is why chat. GPD don't fuck with you. Because you don't give me no information. I didn't know it. It uh, see these names are terrible, but I don't even know her name. First of all, yeah, these are bad. Let me see. No, because it thinks here's where I fuck here's where I here's where I fuck that's the he thinks it's for me. So it's also he has a lot of friends. It thinks it's me because I have a I have a it knows my history. So it's it wants me to call somebody's daddy. Or what's been called him's daddy or a poohkey or daddy? Hi, daddy. Or the rest of the sweet thing love bug. Fire, you know what you should reply? What? These are bad. And it's cool. Like let it sit where. How bad is it? You know what the fuck of my relationship? My chat. This is true. I also loved the idea of people just seeing me. This doesn't I can't hide behind anything. Yeah. You have my eyes. You have my nose. You have my mouth. This is what I look like. Yeah. And and I think there's a vulnerability to being like, hey, this is this is it. Is this anybody in your life have a reaction to this when you do it? Like do you have a I think my mum was worried a little bit. Okay. You're a small time. She's like, I hear like what if he get cold? I was like, I'll wear a hat. Yeah. I get cold. I saw you on set with the little green head. It was beautiful. Yeah. It's like, this is what it is. And I and I but everyone else is fine. I think they're also used to me just sort of doing what is right. You're an artist. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. You're an artist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can get away with stuff that not everybody can get away with. Well, the thing is I think it's a right of passage. I think everyone should shave the head at one point in their lives just to feel what it's like to have nothing to hide behind and to just be like to accept all of your your your your flaws, all of the things, whatever your scalp looks like, whatever your face looks like, you see it all, you know, because hair frames the face. Of course, it does. Yes. We make it to frame the face. Yes. And when you take it away, your face is the frame. Mm-hmm. And and I think that that's a very vulnerable thing to be able to do. And I know it some like some people that I why doesn't she have hair, she should have hair, she looked, she would look better with hair, but it's also like, I don't want it. I don't want it. Yes. I don't I don't think I need it. And and I think I'm okay to think I don't need it. Yes. And even if you think I do need it, that's also okay. You have it. You know, I love that for you, but I don't want it for me. Yeah. And I think there's there was a way that I moved through my life now because I don't have hair that actually strangely makes me feel so much more confident in who I am because I'm there's nothing to hide behind. Mm-hmm. You just see me, you know, I love that. I'm I'm I'm not ready. But before I leave this earth. Yeah. I have to do that. Please. I mean, I have that experience. My brows are hair. I mean, no hair. Yeah, no, no nothing. I have no eyebrows. You know, no, it's yeah. I don't it looks like a light eyebrow. You have a light eyebrow. There's nothing there. Eyebrows. I have no. So will you shave the eyebrows? Yes. I do. Why? I didn't this morning. I don't know everybody says beautiful with no hair and no eyebrows. I'm going to be honest. I have to be honest because I don't know if this works. I don't know if it works. I don't know if it works for me. But I want to have that experience at some point in my life. Yeah. Maybe when I'm a little bit older, yeah, I like less. I don't know. Yeah. But then we say when you're just like, I don't care. I'm pretty less. I'm pretty. I'm minimally concerned about what people think. Yeah. But I don't know that I'm all the way there. Yeah. All these. I don't have a lot of confidence in what this is going to do for what it looks like. I think you're a beautiful beauty person. You know, I mean, so I don't it won't it all it will do is make me look at your features even more. You have the most beautiful face. So why wouldn't it, you know, all do is end up looking into your eye. Very tempted. Yeah. Very tempting. When when you are ready. Okay. But you do think that everybody I think every but once in their life once in their life. I grew up in the church. My grandparents are pastors. So every summer, they'd have like a prophet come. So when I was 13, one of the prophets actually prophesied that I would have a music career. Wow. And I didn't that's when I was writing poetry. And I was like, I want to be her stylist. And I was like, what is she talking about? What literally the things that she prophesies to me at that age has came true has came to pass. Wow. So it was that you'd be an artist and and some other things. Oh, private things. Yeah. I wonder what their prophets told you. I want to see it. Was it good? Was it inspired? It was it was very inspirational. But at the time, none of us understood. It was like, what is she talking about? But it can't pass. And I'm doing what she said I would be doing. Wow. USC is really hard to get into. Yeah. And a full scholarship. So you was like a for real smarty pants. Like you was the grades were good. What else? Were you prepping for that to get into a school like that is not just good grades. Yeah. Yeah. To be a role rounder student. But I was a transfer. So I had transfer from San Diego State. And essentially what made me a very like well rounded student was the accolades that I had accomplished there. Like I was the first. Tell me all the things. Tell me what you were doing. Yeah. This is the funniest thing. I'm like, damn, I say girl, like you really need to be going for the stars. I remember I was so bored. I was like, you know what? I want to be the mascot. You were the mascot. So I tried out. And I was the first woman that ever tried out to be the mascot. I made the front of the newspaper because I had made it down. So like the final two. But they ended up going with a guy. Yeah. This is sick about that now. Crazy. But it was the first time a woman tried out to be the mascot. And I why did you want to do that? Because I was bored, girl. I'm going to do something with my time. And then also one of my friends, her name was Maderia Totally. She comes from the South. And when she did it, she brought over the drill, like HBCU dance team, genre of dancing to a PCI. And it was the first time a PCI had did it in California. So I was a part of the first team that started that type of dancing at a university in California. And when I tell you what was happening? Oh my gosh, I struggle so bad. What is it? Yes, I made a retry dog. I said, hey, can you give me private lessons and I'll cook for you? I told you I'm ambitious. I'm like, I'm going to be a great dancer. I'm like, I don't have it right now. But you know, like I'm going to be great. Did she go for it? Yes, she did. I would cook her pestle pasta. And you give you a dance lesson? And did you get to be better? Absolutely. Wow. Is there video this somewhere? Potter? Is there video of this somewhere? I actually went back last year for Homecoming and I danced with the girls. They must love to see you there. What's that? It was a full circle experience because we all danced to my type. So it's just like here I am performing a song and it reminded me of like all the times I was in my dorms riding raps. And it's just like, wow, like I did what I said I was going to do. Yeah. What is the thing that you attribute to you both of you just getting to the other side of this and the way that you in the extraordinary way that both of you have? And also just in family, like you have in long term, very long term, even married how long now? It's going on 20. Sheesh. And you got like, yeah, we got married in 2018. But you were together a long time before that. Yeah, yeah. Kisham, my rock. Yeah, for sure. I'm just saying you seem to have figured out how to do healthy family and both of them name Kisha. Which is why. Yeah, both of my wife name Kisha. Come on now. It's why. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. So how do you know, like so how when you attribute that to success in that way, especially not being, you know, usually have to learn how to be a partner, a father, all those things. That's a good question. I mean, I just think it's knowing who you are, you know, in our respective ways, we both had to what they call grow up fast. I was thinking the same thing. I was about to say because we was popping. We was popping. I mean, I'm gonna come clean. I was popping. I was popping. So popping. You know, it's no secret. You know, first three, some was seventh grade. You know, it was not. I'm not going to seventh grade. That was my how old was I? How old would be one of the seventh grade? 12. 12. You know, they're going to get in the garage with that. They invited me in. I don't want to say that name, but they don't. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm just trying to tell you, when you had these kinds of experiences so early, you know, I'm saying not to say that you just was, you know, you know, the captain of the ship at this type of eight, but I was forced to grow up really, really, really fat. So to find somebody that you can settle down with or slow down with, it starts to be a goal. You have to get it out of your system first. You think I don't know. I'm just speaking. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah, in your circumstances, I don't even know if it was about getting out my system. I met somebody that was super compatible, God fearing and that I would like to help raise my kids. You know, I'm saying I had to figure it out. You did? Yeah. I didn't, I never, for me, I was not trying to get married. I didn't think marriages in the cars for me. Why? Because, you know, I'm saying because you was young on my abs and the straights. My sniper rifles. My God. Don't get, don't have keeps you running here. No, I'm just, you know, you know, they know, they know, they know, but I just, you know, of course, I thought about having kids, you know, but I didn't know where, you know, you come from St. Clarence household, like the idea of what are example? What do you, what do you use? That's the question. That used to be my excuse and tell me, like, so who, who, who, who, who, right, the person we, you know, despite the beat, you know, but then happy marriage. Yeah. Like who, you know, but it becomes a time where you have to stop using that excuse and creation. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's an excuse. It's the truth. It's some truth into it. To you, you'd be like, oh, oh, bum. Yeah. We had that though. Yeah. You look, you're like, we didn't have a bump. We're like, the cons, the cons, we say, real, right, right. You're like, right, and neither one of our parents together, either one, right, even talk to the parent that they had you, you know, so it's, it is, like, man, you have to jump out on faith. I guess. I could say something to the, you know, it's a tribute to our women. Like we got some dope women. You know what I mean? I think when you find a dope, but like she just, and she fight through it. To be with you, like with you, you, when you outside, you can see that clear as they, like, oh, no, that's, that's special. And then I think the foundation, you know, is that friendship, you know, that's a overused, understated word, right? Did that friendship? Yeah. Like, you, you know, that's my homey. Like, that's not just this title of wife or whatever. That's like, that's my girl. Like, I, like, I like hanging out with my girl. You know what I mean? Like we laugh. We, we do everything together. Like that, that, and to have that as also obviously, like your love of it, then we're changing. So like the matriarch, like once you're so having children, and it's like, I try to tell you, Jean-Cast, like, yo, when you make that decision, you should think, God forbid, if something happened to you, is that the woman you want raising your kids? Hmm. And when you think like that, it, your whole perspective, you talk about rewiring, you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That list is real tiny. Yeah. And you, you know, I think we've been blessed. Like, you know, both of us, you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. To, to some guys playing with a girl's heart is like, it's not a big deal. Yeah. But it's, it's the karma that comes to you. So if you're having a bad day at your job, if you're having a bad day, like it's like, damn, my look has been bad. It's because you, you, you probably put a girl through some tears. So don't play mind games because karma, you, you, some men, they, they don't think that they don't think they get bad karma when you hurt somebody's heart. Hmm. Oh, that's good. People should hear that. You're meant to say it again. Yes. Like, you know, Charlotte, she says that he says because he treated on his wife and he was a cheater for a long time that he stopped. He knows the date that the last time and he changed his life. And he said, his life has changed so much more positive. He says so many more blessings since he became a good husband. Yes. The second that you become a good person to your wife, your life flourishes. Yes. Because it's like, you're hurting somebody. And I don't think people understand how bad is that pain when you hurt somebody that loves you. And it might not be your wife. It just might be a girl that you probably was playing mind games with and you made them feel like you love them. And it's like, you ripped that love from them. And it's like, God will make you pay for that. Hmm. So don't bring that bad karma into you, boy. And I'm going to mind my business. But if you bring a girl to my house and that's your girlfriend and you bring another bitch, I'm going to grill her and be like, I ain't going to be messy because they hate my place. But I'm going to grill her like, you wear my son's girlfriend. I don't know what's going to. I was sitting in a race with boys. It's kind of weird. You're trying to figure it out. I'm trying to figure it out. I mean, you're not really a single mom because you have a family and then you're helping. Yeah. But like, it's still your kid. It's your kid. It's your kid. Yes. No matter what. Even if the dad was around, it's like, it's still your kid. It's fine. Makin. I think most mothers, whether they marry, divorce, whatever, most mothers feel like those are actually my kids. Yes. They are my audience. They're like, okay, but I'm glad you're here, but these are my kids. Yeah, for sure. After I did my book, I told everybody should write that own like book or memoir because it forces you to look at your whole life. Yeah. And then you see, even if you never put it out, even if you write it for yourself, like look at your life. I agree with that. Because you see things that you did. Oh, I did that. The same thing. So many, oh, you just start seeing it from above, right? And you learn something. You do. You know, I tell a lot of stories, but I also take a lot of accountability as well. And that's really kind of what it's about. It's like your lessons and then what did you do? Yeah. And that's what you learn about yourself. At that time, what did you learn about yourself in general? Oh, I learned that it's okay to show up as me and whatever I have to give for that day. You know, I'm just saying, and I know that day is okay to say no. And I don't know. I'm just very into showing up as my best self and protecting my mental health at all costs. Yeah. Because I have a 12 year old son. And if I'm not present for him, then I've completely let him down. What is the number one way you do that? I'm in therapy a few times a week. Therapy is a good place to start. A few times a week. A few times a week. And I have the Holy Ghost. And I have, no, I'm serious. I don't think people think that's funny. But the truth is that is the perfect cocktail. Because I have found one does not work without the other. It doesn't. It doesn't. But together. Together is a thing. It's a cocktail. Therapy and church. I don't know about church. Just my faith. Yeah. Because I don't, I'm a person that don't go to church. You know, it's not a religion either. It's not a relationship with my relationship with him. And I didn't find that until a couple of years ago in shower. Yeah. How is that possible? Because you've always said, you've always spoken about, but that's what I thought that he should be. Or thought that it was through the teachings of my family and through church. But I didn't really get to know him for myself until a couple of years ago. Tell me back to that time, though, when you was saying like, you learned how to, like, even in your relationship, how like you were shedding that hard girl. Because listen, the hard girl. Shell. We know too many people know what we are talking about. That we don't even have to get specific about what it is. They know what it is. Yeah. So when you're taking that shell off, I don't know. What is the scariest part of it? What? What helps you land? Just honestly being is I think we're all scared of really being seen vulnerable. It's the vulnerability. We say the word. We say the word. I don't know. I've never been really comfortable with her. You know, and that is scary. That is so scary. Man, just like, you know, sometimes you want to be a mess, but she looks like, is it going to land right? You know, and I do, again, you know, I'm lucky because I mean, my husband is very British. So he can definitely be dry and cold child. There's times when I'm like, you are so damn rich. But then there are times when I'm really surprised me. And I feel like that helps. And then again, the other thing that I discovered is really leaning back into my friendships. Because I lost a lot of that traveling and being on the road. Like, you know, you don't really have those connections. My family, like this time on the road is, you know, I'm on tour and I'm like, my baby, which is crazy, but amazing. My brother is on tour with me. My mother's coming on tour with me. Like, I would have never, I would have never back then. I couldn't even think of that. But now I'm like, I want them with me. I kind of crave it. You know, so that helps as well. I think, you know, people who kind of hold up this strong wall or this strong like sense of self, you forget that you hopefully have people you can kind of be like, yo, I kind of, I just want to talk. I just want to giggle. I just want to hang out. You know what I mean? What is the key to that? It's like long. Do you have a lot of long term friends like friends? I do. Yeah. Yeah. Do I actually saw last night one of my friends who I haven't seen in a long time. But I've known us since we were like 11. Like she came and saw me last night. I was the best thing. Like so nice. The last few shows I've been seeing people. I have some friends that now will just because, you know, we got we holding out. We got baby. Some of us got babies. I have some new mom friends. That's a whole of the yo, it's like a sitcom. It's like a sitcom. And because I'm in London as well. So I'm the only mom like me. I said nursery. There's not many rappers walking through the door. So yeah, that's a whole other thing. But that is a show by the way. It's a listen. It's crazy. But at the same time, it's almost like wow, because being a mom, I also have discovered it's the best thing, especially in the early times. It's the it's the loneliest, busiest time of your life. What? Because I feel like you're so insulated with this little person. And you're doing this thing you've never done before. And you the baby's nonstop. Yeah. But really it's just you and that baby in the house or walking around the street, walking around the block. Even if people come in and out, I mean, if you're lucky enough to like have a whole ton of family like me, I was obviously in London, no family, whatever. I just feel like it's a really also your vulnerable. You most vulnerable. You don't know what you're doing. They let you leave with this human child. After three days in the hospital and you're like, ain't nobody coming with us? Like, this is my literally the day we enough, that's what I said, they're just gonna let us leave. My husband was like, it's our child. Like, yes. Like we have to take our child home. Like, oh my god. Like it's a good phrase. I'm a mess this up. I'm a mess this up. Right. That's so funny. But he has had kids before. Yes. So it's different. It's a bit of no, but it, and I was like, how did you add four kids, but because his, it's been years since he's done the infant thing. Like all my bonus kids are all now 20s teenage and then then they were teenage and whatever. So he was just like, wow, that's so nice. I was like, don't you know how to do this? I was counting on you. But yeah, it's a crazy time. That's amazing. Yeah. But you're probably a great mom. You are? I am a mother. I am a helicopter. I am one of them. Kid, this boy, I'm trying not to make him a spoiled brat, but is it happening? How you doing with that? I'm doing, I'm doing, it's not good. It's not good. I'm not succeeding. But he is, but he's the best thing. Like he truly, truly is my homeboy. Like my bestie, bestie, and he makes me laugh. Like, that's great. What is what his mother had taught? What was the biggest best lesson you've learned so far about motherhood? Oh, that's a good question. Best lesson. I've learned so far about motherhood. No, you know what? I think it's a, it's a teach. It teaches you, I think. I feel like he's my little, he's like my teacher in a way because, again, like, I don't want to carry things into the way I raise him, the way I was raised. But when certain things happen, like if there's a tantrum or something, I find myself going back to what I know. If I'm, I grew up in a screaming household. Like, you know, and I grew up in a doctor because I said so kind of thing, you know, which I feel like you do need a little bit of that because they need to respect you, but I also want, you know, I'm never going to be a gentle parent. I don't think that's for me, and I don't think that's for him. But I want to find a common ground because I want my kids to be able to come to me with stuff. So I think he's just, he's my little teacher. Oh, man, I love that. What about marriage? What have you learned about it? You said 11, 11 years, right? You've been a, yeah, 11 years married. Yeah. Um, that is child. I mean, like, we stood together. No, marriage is hard. Yeah. Marriage is hard. Marriage is the story. Say that, but what does that mean? It's because you are living with another whole ass human that got their own shit. That you sometimes are like, I don't want to deal with your shit, but I choose to every day. It's a choice. I feel like marriage is a choice. If you're doing it with the right person, you may, you know, if you guys can communicate with, we're really good at that when we are. Not all the time. Um, you know, and when you're changing, I think motherhood changes you as a woman. And men don't have to change that much. There's not much that they have to do. I think, and that's hard for them. Um, and then that becomes a whole different thing because now this person, as you're learning who you are, as a mom, they're learning who you, there's a whole nother woman that has emerged for them. It's, it's hard. You know, you really have to, you really have to communicate. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Is there a trick to making? I mean, you've made this marriage work and do, well, it made marriage work because of my sheer determination and dedication. First of all, my husband, Bill, I love dearly. So that makes it a lot easier when you really start out really loving somebody. Well, right? Yeah. It serves you for a long time. But what I think, what I think I have done very well with my relationship is tolerance and also reality check. Like what you bill is, is what you get. And I spent the first three or four years trying to change him until I realized can't change a guy. He just can't change him. He got to either accept him or move on. And so I practice my acceptance and the thing is that drive me nuts, still drive me nuts, but I go, that's what I say. It's easier to accept, acceptance is easier when you actually like or when you love someone, you really love someone. Yeah. And I think that's, that's easier. We talk about that here a lot about the difference between who the person is that you choose and what, what you believe, the potential of the person is. And very often that doesn't work out. And as a marriage gets old, I really believe you have to change your attitude to the marriage totally because circumstance changes. Yeah. I used to think of Bill as the best lover in the whole world. And he was at one point, I guess, wild Bill Higgins. So excited. And until he was, and now I know everything he's going to do next. You know, yeah, I know everything. But now I think I'm as my roommate, my part in my roommate. I don't think of me as my lover. And it was hard to let that go. You know, that old image of like, otherwise, if I didn't let it go, I'd be measuring against it. Like, but I used to be hot and bothered by this guy. I was so crazy. Why is why don't I feel in anymore? But now I just think he's a great partner and he's a great roommate. He's a lovely man. He's a great dad. So I would just my expectations. So I'm not measuring up against what it was. And that helps me in the relationship. You let go of the romantic side of, of marriage. Yes. Really. Well, not totally. I mean, what I did, which is very important when I moved two times ago, like 15 years ago. So I decided I was going to have my own bedroom period. There was no ifinzo about it. When I had my own room, it was wonderful because I could invite Bill in. And if he wasn't wanted, I told him, no, thank you. Just close the door quietly on his face. But having your own room, you could control the romance. How much you want of it? And as I get older, I want a lot less. Really? Yeah. For sure. Was it weird that you have to adjust to that? Because because even sometimes you make a decision that feels right for you. But because society or or what it looks like to other people, sometimes we will second guess a decision like that. Even though it feels comfortable for you. Well, of course, even my children. Yeah. I had to explain why mommy and daddy had a separate room. When my friends come in, oh, you have your own room. I think it's have envy. Yeah. But yeah, society will judge you a certain way. Like, oh, but they're never having sex, which isn't true. But we're just having it by invitation, which is more occasional than it used to be. Yeah. So, yes, you do feel that pressure from society, but I don't really care so much. I really want to have my own space, my own room. I think we should all aspire to live a life that is true to what serves us. Yes. And not what is expected or yeah. And I think that's like you said, that's where people go wrong trying to fit into a box that doesn't work for you. Absolutely. Everywhere shoes are too tight. It's terrible. That's the same kind of thing. Yeah. I get that. I feel nothing but gratitude because it really is a reflection of God's love and grace. And promise in my life. Like, I always go back to that time. I was sleeping in my car. Adventist Beach. You know how I'll do you? I was probably at the time about maybe like 20, 20 years old. Sleeping in your car. I was at cars. It was a little gray Ford escort. It reminds me though, and like seriously, at that time, right? I was ready to go back to Camden. But I said, I'm going to stay here just to see if the dream that I have is going to come true. What was the exact dream? The dream girl was being an actress. It wasn't even being a director. It was being an actress. It was being a stand up comic because at the time, it was right at the beginning of my comedy career. But acting comedy was my dream. It was like my dream. But I didn't have education. I had never gone to school. You know, I dropped out of school in the ninth grade. So I had insecurities and fears and all that stuff. I have so many questions about all of that out of the gates. And I know you've told some of this story a different times in your life. But like, when you really think about what that means, like you drop out of school in the ninth grade, you're in Camden, New Jersey. Yes. What is the moment you say, I'm going to go to Los Angeles? And why do you even think that you could like who put it in you? Who's like the first, the somebody believing you? Did you believe in yourself? Like what was the thing? That's a wonderful question. That sent you. That's a wonderful question. Well, at the time, like I was, you know, trying to audition and I was doing low. And how I'll show you. I was like probably 14, 15, like 14. I dropped out of high school. But I always had the dream to be an actress. Like 16, I was hanging out at this bar. There was this woman in Camden that owned the Speegies. He called Celeste. Celeste's. I just actually talked to her not too long ago. Oh, so do you remember me? I would be in the rest of the world. She remembers. Well, I would be in there getting high with the dope boys and the pimps on my, I'm gonna be an actress one day. Okay, technically cocaine. No, that's 14. I was like, fifth, I mean, I started at about 14. But when I was hanging out at Celeste's, I was around 16 years old. And I was up in there. But it was Tisha Campbell, honestly, that I met in Camden because she was dating Alan Payne. And she came to visit and I stayed in touch with she and her mom. And it was almost like she was like the person where my dream was. My grandfather was an actor as well. But he did a lot of background work. He was a concierge for the temptations. Wow. But, but Tisha was like almost like I could see the dream a lot closely because of my relationship with her. And so that really gave me the courage. And then I had some dope boys give me some money and a plane ticket. Did you really do it? Is that how you got it? Yes. I mean, to look to LA. Yes. Yes. Yes. What? Yes. Serious. I never knew that. Yeah. Yeah. The thing about that said so dope about that is you hear things like people inspire me or you, you really, it could really take one person to make you believe. Yeah. And somebody else's testimony is not like she did something for you in that moment. It's just even the vision of her. Right? Like, yeah. And she did say, I believe you could do this. Like she and her mom was a big support system. But it was still the dream that I had in my heart. And that's why I always tell people if you want to know where you're supposed to be, close your eyes and dream. Like just allow yourself to dream because I believe I really believe that God puts the dreams in our hearts. It's not just this thing, this fantasy that just came up. It's really connected to our purpose and our destiny. You know that women have a harder time sleeping than men because we just had this conversation in the room before you got here. Yeah. It's actually a thing. It's actually. It's I didn't know that. I just said it as like I'm trying that men sleep better. Yeah. It's factual. It's actually like the clinic. Yes. Because just the way we're wired, we're we're we're we're but the kids have to do this to do. Oh, my job. You know, we can't wear men are better. They're wired in a way that they know that that should still going to be there. So I'm going to sleep, you know, so just where we are. It is sometimes I'm like looking in my man. I'm like I do the same thing. I will punch you in better not snore. He probably thought he'd be like I'm tired. We're going to take it out. And he's like, and he's just like, like you didn't know he's like, I have to read something. You know, we don't do that. Yeah. We don't do that. No. Why? I know it's not fair. There's many things that are not fair. Yeah. I do love your commitment to supporting women and to I know that you have said publicly to that you made a commitment to like work with 50% more women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Love that. I had experience yesterday in the day before that I would like to share with you. I told you a little bit yesterday, but I had Tasha Tasha Smith on who's amazing and funny and support. It's all the things. And I shared with her that I was doing something out of my comfort zone. And I was going to direct this short film of the script that I wrote whatever she was just mad supportive about it. Oh my god. Sis, you could do it. And so the next day I wrote I was finishing I was I was tightening up the script a little and I had this new scene that now had a mom in it. And the next day I called Tasha and I said, if this is crazy, I promise I would never feel no way. You could totally say no, but I have this little role. If you if it struck your if it's and you wanted to do it, it would be a dream. And she's like, well, sis, I got to do this thing and I got to do this thing. But I think I can move that in this. And yeah, yes, I'll be there. Oh, Sasha Smith came down to my little low budget directorial debut and played the role of Gloria. Oh, it's my mom's name. It's Gloria. I love that. And showed up and was lovely to because you know, because we don't have no permits. We should yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, when somebody actually says, I don't need to do that. But yeah, let me let me show up and show up at this thing for you, sis. And by the way, she could have said no, and I still would have felt right. I love her to down. It doesn't matter. And she if she had said no, it was only because she actually couldn't. Yeah, I mean, yeah, what to do that. And she's entitled to not want to do that. So that's only fine. You know, saying, but the when people show up for you in that way, it's just, I don't know, I just think there is something to be said. There's no shout out to Tasha for that. I need someone that is a giver. And I say this because I am a giver to a detriment. So my biggest green and red flag mixed into one is that I'm a giver. So I just told you like, I love opening corridors. I will do that if I'm exhausted. I will do that if I am unwell. I will do it all the time. And I will never be the person to say, I'm really tired. And I'm not doing well. And I need you to show it for me. I will never be that person. I need a partner who will say, I'm gonna stop you right there because I know what's happening. You need to sit down. I'm gonna take care of you for a second. Oh my god. You're gonna be in love. If they say that, you would need to love actively, proactively be like, no, let me stop because that's also a trauma response of mine. I got trauma responses. Let me show you what I can do for you. Let me give you, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, and I need someone to be like, no, you need to sit down. I'm opening the store. I'm cooking for you. I'm doing this. That's for you. Reliability and giver. Those are my things. I love this for you. You're gonna find this. What are you to? Do you want to find it? Are you like, look, are you? Is love important? Love is important. It is important. But that varies for different people. Like love is important. Sure. I love my family. I love my family. Some people are like, I really, having a partner or somebody is like really important for my happiness in life. So if you asked me this one, I was in my 20s and when I'm like, absolutely not important. I'm focused on my career. I do not need someone to distract me. I would have absolutely said that. Now I think because of just maybe it's my age, maybe it's I've seen my friends and relationships. Maybe I've dabbled and dating here and there. I am a big believer now that if you have a good healthy partnership, that health and joy can seep into all the parts of your life and make you better throughout another way of saying that is I'm in my era of believing that one plus one is three. You know, two people that are really good together bring out the best in each other will make me better in everything. I do believe that because I didn't see my friendships. I'm right now have the best friendships I've ever had and I've noticed I'm better in auditions. I'm better in interviews. My health is better. So I do believe that having a really good partner can seep into every part of your life are really positive. I love that. What is the key to good friendships? Like how did you how did you do that? Yeah, one. Have them with women. No offense any of the men we love in our lives. I have a female friendship. The good knows this guys. You too can have friends who are women. Believe it or not, you too can be a friend of women. Believe it or not. Yes. The good the key to friendships. Well, if female friendships are really important to me, but I think for all friendships, I think we kind of cover but giving grace, I think I struggled for a long time in my life because I had such high standards for myself and others had such rigidness. Oh, my friends showed up late. They don't care about me. Oh, they didn't show up to this thing. They don't care about me. And I really that's why I say to my prayers in the morning like, guide me to have grace for myself. So I can give grace to others giving people grace in the greater scheme of things. Is this person shocked you when it really matters? They do. Then give them grace on the time they didn't text you back of the time they flopped on you with the time they didn't say the right thing. I think grace is really important. I think friends that you can feel safe with which we also touched on. Like we just had a whole conversation about sex. I told you I felt really awkward about can't say the number of my girlfriends in my backyard by my fire page. Like a little smoke, a little drink. And we're like, I'm going to teach you some things about sex. Girl, I'm like, give it to me. Teach me, Mama. Teach me. Like safe conversations where I can be myself are really important as well. And this is a big one because women are not encouraged to do this. You got to be each other's cheerleader. You know, especially in this industry, I have some actress friends. Nothing makes me happier than them booking a role. And sometimes we audition for the same thing. And we have had to train ourselves to be like, we are not in competition with each other. It is not about better or worse or right or wrong. And it is just we have to cheer each other on. That is really important in friendships. You know, just really your happiness. And the last thing I'll say about this because I'm talking too much. No, you're not. What are you talking about? I had two weeks ago. Had a friend. I'll even name drop her because she's so sweet. Perkins is my friend. Okay. I was telling her all I said was I was giving her an example about someone that treated me really well. I had someone in a day that I was having a really rough day and someone just did something really kind for me and treated me really well. And Perkins knows how much I struggle with receiving. She cried physical real tears. Physical real tears. I love her. I dreamed of down her face. And I was like, why is she like, it just made me so emotional to share that someone treated you well because I know you deserve that. Oh my god. She cried. She cried. I was so taken aback. I was so taken aback that had nothing to do with her. She just I was treated well and it overjoyed her. Oh my god. That is so good. That is love. What is the first thing you did coming out of depression? I don't I me coming out of depression was probably only like 10 years ago. Oh wow. Yeah. It was that long. Yeah, it was long. Yeah. It was like, what does that mean? What does your because everybody's definition of depression is different. It was several years. For me, it was dark cloud. It was just nothing could make me truly happy. It was hiding. I isolated really badly. I could sleep for days. Like not literally, but you know, yeah, like I'll get up and shower and go right back to the bed. Just this is for years. This is a couple of at least a few years. Wow. Yeah. People were your family and friends like worried about you. I didn't tell anybody what I was going through. I think people I don't know. I think people maybe had a clue that I wasn't myself. Maybe I wasn't. I'm usually very I'm like a relentless optimistic optimist. So you were you were good at like faking it. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely hid. I think my assistant I had to have known my road manager had to have known who's now my manager now. He had to, you know, certain figures I think saw family had to have seen. Mom said she didn't know. Really? Yeah. She just told me that recently. She's like, I didn't even know you. What are you talking about? Wow. It's like, okay. You just did a good job, right? People come over the holidays. They come for dinner. We meet up for lunch. We go to the thing. Oh, yeah. Just carry. And you have no idea. No clue. It's interesting how you explained depression. I had I heard Joe Fadjo one time was talking about the time when he lost his sister. He lost pun and it was really he talked about depression one time. I don't know. Something about the description. It always stuck with me. What if he said the way you said it was almost the same thing. It's like he said it's like it could be sunny, but you feel like it's gloomy. Nothing makes you happy. Everything feels dark. Everything feels gloomy. Yes. You just you don't want to get out of the bed. Just dim. The world if it was once bright and pretty and colorful. It's just everything's dim. Everything. Every advice someone's giving you is just like, you just it's just mundane and melancholy and just and then when do you say when does something change? What's the when does the light come back in or how do you get it back? I want to say this responsibly. But there's one. I mean, I did let me let me preface this by saying I had done like spiritual things. I'd kind of really come into a closer relationship with God. And there you know, just I went on retreats. And I built a community of those who were kind of like minded in that sense, you know, spirituality and my tribe really appeared during that time. My tribe really stood up. And some I knew already, some were new. And it was just like, okay, the team is not professional team, but the carries carry the humans tribe was starting to appear angels really. And then I met a doctor who assisted me with trunes, medicinal grade trunes psychedelics. I can say without a doubt that I did like two macrodosis. And I'm saying this responsibly because again, it's doctor assisted. And also this is your experience. This is not what we were not promoting this. It's just your experience. Yes. Yeah. But I can say that and I was already coming out. I was already pretty much out, but I still would struggle with you in there. And that doctor suggested that I just research, which I did because I was very scared of like drugs. Yeah. Were you like, if you'll do smoke weed or anything like that? No, I would do edibles occasionally. Yeah. Low dose? Yeah, probably. And I would take, if they recommend a half, I'm really taking an eighth of the half, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm easily affected by everything. Yeah. caffeine. Like I can't, I don't, you know, so I know my personal, which is me. And so I was very, very nervous. But then I learned that there are retreats all around the world for trunes being used medicinally as healing modality. And I like to say, is it work for me? I think that's really when we film. Well, we started harmonizing on the porch. She's like, okay, that's my guy. But I know that that sounds really funny. But imagine someone connecting with something that is so core, who you are as a person. That's was your whole upbringing, your whole childhood, and this person goes, I see you. And that's how I felt in that moment. Like I was like, wait, you know that, like culturally, you know this. And that was just like amazing to me. What is the song? No ideas. No, no, I, no, I, and oh, I'm going to, what you not falling love? What you not? No, I'm in love with the two of you. Okay. I was literally just like, wait, but you know this part of me also, if you really know me, you know, I'm super faith based. Like I love God. God plays a huge part in everything I've ever done. And I thought like for the first time I was in a relationship where I could be like, can you pray with me? And it wasn't weird, you know, and I needed that. Yeah. I want to tell you the craziest story. So, since you loaded that up, what? I didn't pray for her the first time. The first time we ever prayed together, she prayed for me. Oh my gosh. That's crazy. I told her, this is what's going on my life. It's bad. If once the world finds out, I'm just, my life is over. My career is where I was at. Because your administration. Yes. And my livelihood was attached to whether people thought I was a Christian or not, you know, or a super human Christian, by the way, like a super Christian. And I expected her, and what I shared with her was like embarrassing and painful and all that. And I expected her to go see, oh, y'all, you know, I expected her to just go, oh, guys are the same. And she leaned across the table and she grabbed my hand and she just started praying for me. This is when we're still friends. And I, I mean, I sobbed at that little table. And she just basically said, God, please help this man know that he's not what he's done. And I think even that, like anybody listening right now or watching right now, we need to understand, like again, if I change anything, it would change everything. We, we are not what we've done. We are the sum total of what we inherited out of the womb, what we've dealt with in the community we grew up in, or the church trauma that some people have had to actually deal with. That's the real thing. And then, and yet here we are both years into our life on the other side of that going, all of that wasn't working against us. All of that was serving to make us who we are now. And the evolution that I've seen in her life. And here's what's wild when she talks about church for her, it's this beautiful, like foundational pillar. It has always been that for me. And for me, it has as well. And there was a lot of trauma. But that's because I was sort of in the family business of my dad, pastor. And I think that's a different dynamic for sure. But that's so weird. I never would have. That's how I know moments like that are God. Because that's not my natural instinct. My natural instinct is not to be like, let me pray for you. My natural instinct would have been to be like, oh no. This is exactly, I know this about you. Yeah. Your biggest fear used to be when you're updating. Yeah. Do you know what you used to always be afraid of you are dating that somebody would cheat on you? Oh, 100%. Right? Like you had a real. Not just my biggest fear. But again, that's attached to my embarrassment. And what that would do to my ego. And that's just so like, like, that's heartbreaking. But also because I had gone through that before, my biggest fear was someone cheating because that to me was saying that I wasn't good enough that, you know, we all want to believe that like, I'm the one for you. And that would be proof that I'm not the one for. I mean, there's so much I've delved into it because to be honest, it still is a very real thing for me. Like that to me would be the end. Like that, that to me is like, game over, game over. Yeah. So to really believe that, I know that and I've preached that on the real and to be that person and then marry someone who has been that. Did it make sense to me at all in my logical mind? But in that moment, I don't know. That's how I know it was God. Because in that moment, I literally reached over and was like praying for him. And I held him and I was just like, I love you. Like, you don't have to be that. Like, that's not, it's just so wild. Like, I just was like, I love you. I love you. Flood. I get that you're so honest and transparent with me right now in this moment. And I get that. But I still love you. And if we can't be the grace of God that we, what I want from God is grace. I has for grace every morning. I want that mercy and that grace. I pray that I can be that for if anything, the person I marry. So you're 18, you're designing, um, rapping, right? You like, you just want to make a lot of us always a rapper. I was a rapper. I was kind of doing both at the same time because I was battle battle rapping. Because I was 14. So I just going to be in the streets and I had a crew call H team. And, uh, you know, it didn't turn it to Harlem. And I would just go to different people blocks and just battle rap people, watch mass ciphers, um, loving all of the Philly rappers, vodka, kaboom, make mills, uh, read dollars. And then also like Harlem rappers, J Mills, Charlie clips, you know, Vado, you know, all of the guys, you know, yeah, just really diving into that world. I'm hearing the Harlem cookouts with it. We risked your life. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we was at them Harlem cookouts. Like we was going to take, uh, they used to have an image cookout, most hated cookout where he used to be like thousands of people outside. All of the flog chicks was outside. Cam is pulling up with the pink range. He got the Air Force ones with all of the dipset members faces on them. And I'm like, you know, this is, do they know who you are at this point? No, they, they, they knew my dad. Yeah, they didn't know that my pops had a son running around, like looking at what they was doing. Not inspiring. But this was like the inspiration around in the neighborhood, right? And you, and you're making the clothes, I'm making clothes for all the the crews coming up. Rich girls, right? Like, like, like, rich girls, uh, Tiana was a part of that crew. Oh, wow. It was a bunch of crews in Harlem. It was, uh, Trump, Deva's rich girls, um, top models and, uh, Dougie fresh in them sons. They, they was called square off. I will cruise called Harlem. And V Rocky crew, uh, was called man, dollar babies. Um, it was mad crews in Harlem. So he was like famous before the day. Honestly, crew, her crew is called rich. She was a part of a crew called rich girls. But then she made team nerd. After the crew started dying out, she made team nerd and she had yams, elves, like a few of the mob members before the mob. And then, um, yeah, the crew spaded out and then it was like ASAP and like, that was it. That was it. That was it. What a moment though. When you think back about that time, it's funny because when we, when we came in, you asked me about some of my moments and times, but for you, like that time, when you think about all that talent running around Harlem, really just trying to find yourself and trying to create, trying to make some shit matter and trying to like, yeah, what was the goal? Like, what were you chasing? What was the, was it famous and money? Was it to be fly? It's the beautiful fly. It's like, what are you chasing at that age? I felt fly already because my dad and my family was fly. Like, you know, my podcast driving around silver benzes with the make the match. You know, we go in a fat Joe store in the Bronx. He put his clothes in there on on a assignment. He teaching me out of house from sushi and in shirts taking garbage bags and shirts to my high school. I got my mom's earrings in so the book is just looking crazy. Like, I was already super fly. I was chasing aura. Like me and my bro, J. West, we would be on the phone for hours talking about the smile, talking about you. You see how you popped out that red, which is extra. We talked about the aura. That's with the skin glowing because we just noticed like, there was a certain type of person that brought a certain type of energy and it was aura. And it was certain characters in Harlem that had the aura and we just always wanted to be the aura for people. There's a shitload of aura that you just explained. It was all the people that were involved with that. I love that definition. Yeah, like even early on like Tiana having a sweet 16 getting sondered for around like and then you got like and still running around Harlem. Still running around Harlem. Like talking about yo, I just came back from one of the season park. I did the tone wipe in the Harlem Shake for Beyonce and that's one crazy on my space. You know, so many of you hear all stories are like, you know, we was all young struggling trying to get out this and the story you guys tell of this time and this generation is not that. No, we wasn't young struggling trying to get out of hard times trying to feed our I mean, of course, everybody's always trying to make money and take care of your family. But I mean, the story is not that. The story is like, we were young, we were fly. We wanted to be more than just fly. It was having fun. And it was and it was an internet too. So it was like, it was a lot of entrepreneurial energy. Then you had another relationship. Yeah, very public relationship. That people, it was weird because you guys shared a lot, but you didn't share a lot. Like we saw photos and we saw, we saw it happen and we were invested because he kind of manifested it in a way. Yeah, I think, you know, when it comes to me, um, in relationships, there's a lot of times people aren't even see who I date, right? And with that one, it just felt special enough to share, you know what I mean? I think we both on the same page. And then it's like, I don't believe you have to give it all to show that you're together, but you know, it just felt right. You know, it's fun to it seem like you having fun with it. Sure. I think, you know, it felt right. I like the right. It didn't like we both have our own thing going on. It's like cool, like both things. World came together. It's cool. Like you share it. And you've been quiet lately. Are you guys together still learning? No, no, I don't know. I don't know. I know. Oh, yeah. Not my choice, but you know, I respect them. Um, it's all love. It's not your choice. I wouldn't have chose it, but it was what was best, but I wouldn't have chose it. No. What are you saying to me right now, Angela Simmons? I'm saying that I'm a lover. I love love. I love relationships. I, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, this man proclaimed that he wanted to get with Angela Simmons. This man, like, pursued you. He proclaimed it in front of everybody that he wants Angela Simmons. So you're not telling me that he, like he ended, did he end the relationship with him? Um, always, it was my choice. You know, I just, I had to make a decision, but I think there's a certain level of like what I will, oh, what I can share and would share publicly, you know what I mean? And I can probably say that I'm not with him anymore, but as far as like details, I would just never. It's not your style. No, like I'm just not that girl, like I'm just not that girl ever to share that much more, like other than like, yeah, we're not together. Yeah. And he's not really that type either. Yeah, I just, yeah, that's my vibe though. Like I said, like I could have probably been in and out of like four or five other relationships. People would have never known and got my film turned or not or whatever. And I just wouldn't speak on it because some stuff is just better left on said. I feel like, so I just leave things alone. It's just that it was so public. I know, I know. That's the hard part. Do you regret that in a way or not? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because you know, now this curiosity, I know, no people want to know what happened. I know, I know. But I, but I understand that. I don't look, I just again, like much love and respect to him. And just like I, he's doing his thing. I'm happy for him. Right. It's course. That season is past. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Was there heartbreak? I'm well, um, you know, my films were involved. I feel like yeah. Um, I, you know, I, it is hard. I feel like for me, we're really ships because I get really invested. And I'm like in, like, in when I'm in love, I'm in love, like, which means I got to stand with you. But yeah, my phones, you know, it didn't feel good to not do, to not be with him. What is that, that coming to an end until you or what have you learned about love or? I mean, you just never know. You know, I'm, again, I'm a lover. I love, love. And I've been in relationships where I think, is it really married? And then it's, I'm not married. So there I am. And then this life can be just really unpredictable. I think often and it's really hard for me. I would say to date too, because I feel like the, the woman that people watch, they fantasize who that is and they don't know me. So then maybe, and I'm not speaking specifically on him, I'm saying in general, like, then you get in a relationship with me and you're like, oh, I thought you were like this. I'm like, we're like, it was like five seconds of my life. Like this is what I am. You know what I mean? And not that that's a bad thing, but you can have a fantasy of what a girl is. Like, and then like, you get them a never-be-deferent one. It's the fantasy of you. I don't know. I might need to get a guy in here and interview them, because I have a panel like I said, said like the, you know, like, oh, I have a crush, I like you. And I'm just like, well, what does that mean? Like, you know what I mean? They thought what, like what part of it? Are you like me? Do you know, you know what I mean? But I think that that that's a hard part for me is like growing up on TV from now from 17 and now I was like, you think that's who I am and who I really am is like this way versus that way or whatever. It's an interesting, um, it's interesting. No, totally. Stay for it. I've never had another my friends deal with this type of mess. Like, like, do you already want to, because you get to meet someone and that's who they are and they don't, you don't have no prejudgment to it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm kind of like automatically, your run's daughter, you don't see this. That like, it's just mad things that, oh, you think automatically come with it and it'd be like, nah, that's not my life. Yeah. You know what's interesting and you were talking about how people, um, had a fantasy of you. Yeah. Right. There was also like a level of fantasy put on this relationship. I agree. You know what I'm saying? And it was number one, the way he came at you and then it actually happened and then you became a whole thing here in the beautiful mansions with the dress and thing. Right. It's almost like there's expectations of the, I just wonder from the air side. Did you feel like that tour? Was that not how we perceived it? Did you perceive it that way? I think everything has like, uh, what people see versus what it is. And we had, we, you know, we had a lot of great beautiful, like memories with like being together. I felt like, you know, so what they saying was really happening in real time, you know what I mean? Or like, I'm, you know, any of the pictures like that's what was happening. And most definitely like, we've had beautiful times. But we only saw that. We didn't see that. That's the thing about social media. Social media show you highlight. I feel like that's like anyone's relationship. Like I feel like you go to a girl's page right now and she'll have like tons of flowers up and all these firsts and different stuff and you'd be like, I want that. I've learned never to say that. I don't want nothing nobody got. But, you know, I want that. And behind the scenes, it's like, there are going through it. They don't want to be together. You know, like, you just don't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, oh, social media is a devil. It's terrible. No, it's terrible. It's a fake book. I don't want to read it. I want the truth. But you participate in the book. Yeah. But I participate in the book of just showing things I like. I like pictures and beautiful things. Yeah. Or Instagram got big. I literally had probably three, five files, whatever it was. Like I like, I like pictures like art. I'm a creative. So like for me, like, I just like that stuff. But I participate just in what I like to lick it as all. When I'm saying like, you would never know what someone's going through by social media. I just don't know. You got to be there to know. For sure. I'll try to figure it all out when I work that fail for Mary Hot. I work that dollar trees. I work the auditory. Not the dollar tree. Dollar tree. We don't work all over the place. And then after that, I kept hearing music in this building. And I was where I was working at. And I was like, who's playing this music and coming to find out with South Coast Music Group. And then they had baby Jesus. And then I was his admin. Now he's called the baby. You know, so I was assisting the baby at the time back in 2017. The baby. Yeah. Had you as an assistant? And you were fresh out of college. Fresh fresh fresh. Yeah, like, yeah, 2017. Were you a good assistant? I got fired. Right. What did you do that got you fired? I wasn't focused on that job. Like I don't give me assistant vibes. Yeah. Like I wasn't focused. I mean, with the glasses, maybe a little bit. Right. Really. You know, but I wasn't focused. And I think they knew that, you know, when I came in, like this girl wants to be a comedian, she wants to be in the entertainment industry herself. But we're happy that she's here to help us because I graduated already. So I had like little college connections and the baby, baby Jesus back then was trying to get into the college room of things. And I was helping him, you know, and still doing little radio plays for, you know, Arnold Taylor. And you know, he was just like, you go have to slide off, you know, the thing where you have you seen the baby says. Yes. All the time. We talk all the time. So it didn't end badly. No. They were just like, you can't do this anymore. He didn't fire me. Okay. Arnold did. And I was just like, Vee, go ahead and focus on that comedy. And then me and Arnold was like this. Oh, still. Yeah. So we never, yeah, we didn't have any bad ending. It was just like, he pushed me to my greatness. You know, he was the one that says you got to go. And from there, that's when the viral moment happened. So you have this moment, you get pregnant. This is happy right away, right? You're like thrilled right away. Real right away. You tell your mom. Yeah. How's your mom about this? Oh my gosh. It was, it was so crazy because thank God for technology because it was absolutely a face time. We were in St. Louis. And it was, it was such a beautiful feeling, you know, because my mom and dad were like so emotional and so happy. I know. We never talk about your dad. We're always like, your mom, right? She's momager. She's the one we know. Exactly. But your dad is a parent too. Absolutely. Dad was so happy because, you know, he's had girls obviously. And this is like the first, well, not the first boy, but obviously, it's my first boy. So it was just so dope to see their reaction. And my son, his middle name is named after my dad. He was a lady. I mean, obviously, we didn't know it was a boy at first. Right. But just the first time telling them they was so emotional and so excited, saying with his parents, yeah, it was, it was, it was a time. That's beautiful, baby. So excited. Being a mom is like, changes the game. It changes everything. Yes. Tell me how, tell me what's, tell me what's the thing that nobody told you? Was there anything that happened that you're like, why didn't anybody say this to me? Is there anything that has surprised you? I can't say surprised in that way only because my mom and I are so close. So she has told me so many things. I think what kind of surprised me is are those feelings. You don't know that into you feeling. You know what I mean? So the, the, the, the feeling when your baby is crying and, you know, we're in the hospital that I ain't one nobody to touch them. The doctors, I was in pain, I was standing up with the wires and she said, no, don't touch it. That's too hard. Don't do that. Wait, it's too cold. No, you need to blink it. You know, like, I'm, you're in protective mode right away. Immediately, selfless, immediately, I remember like going to doctor appointments and like, there was one time I had to go to the hospital. I got sick and I would take no antibiotics, no medicine and it got really bad. Like, I got really sick. I got the flu and all of that. And I was just like, oh, I don't care about me. I don't care about my lungs. It's my baby. Okay. You know, and the doctors like, well, we care about you. You have to be okay for your baby to be okay. You know, so I don't think you can become prepared for that until you feel it. Really feel it. You don't know it until you really feel it. I grew up with a lot of women, not a lot of men. I had my great-grandfather was alive. He lived to 105. But my great-grandfather, my grandfather, my grandfather, great-grandfather, only two men that I had in my life. Much older. And I always had like a sympathy for men. And maybe sympathy is like, I don't know if you find that like a condescending. I know that's something. But I had always a sympathy for men because I would see them. My grand, you know, both of them were in wars. My great-grandfather came here from Cuban, a damn little boat. And you know, like, I always had a sympathy for how much you have to hold. That was expected of you to hold. And I don't know, I just always, especially older men, if you think about the generations even before us because you even could say, you comfortably sitting here and saying, I cried. Would your father, your grandfather maybe have that freedom or that comfort to be able to say that? I don't know. But my two dads, and I say my two dads have a buy on a non-bio dad, were both huggers and kissers and lovers. Oh, so you had a different experience. Yeah. Yeah. But they are going to hug and kiss you, but you get firm advice on the front or back end. So it was still you a man, you know, I mean, you're a man and you're expected. Now, I love you, but you are expected to get that grants cut. Or you're going to be cutting grants in the dark if you don't do it in the day like, whenever I love you. But if you make a child, then I'm not going to be the doling grandfather that takes up his slack. You're going to work and take care of these children. You know, so there was a there was a kindness and the tenderness to all the men. I had a lot of men in my family. I had uncles. But was there an emotional like, uh, there was a lot to be emotionally? You weren't going to out emotion the women. That was frown upon. That was frown upon by the women. But you were that's true. We do do that. Yeah, but you that's part of the yeah, you could get it out. Part of the position we put you in. Yeah, my family, my family, you get you do get one good, get it out. Go ahead and get the crowd. And then you have to take care of these women and children. So, you know, whatever you need to get out, just get out. And that's what my song, Shantiers is about going in the bathroom as men sometimes. And sometimes you just got to go to bathroom, look at a mirror man and get the crowd. Because on the other side of that door is your responsibility to people you're accountable for. The people you're accountable to. Is that enough to be healthy? I don't know. I don't know. I know. On the bad guy I was talking about that on our episode too, because he had a lot of lost recently. Yeah. You know, and he talks about being in the meeting and walking and being like, I brought back going to the bathroom, getting the cry out. Yeah. And then coming back. So I'm assuming that that is way more common than we know, especially of our generation of men. Now, I think, man, I think it goes back further. I think, man, I think this has been a COVID-19. It's longer. But you are a man. Fuck, I'm gonna do, see, have a crime contest with my woman all day. It's somebody got to get up. You know, she got to get up in 10 of these children. She got to still make sure that Dem is going to hit me. She still got to make sure the finance and everything is managing out. I can't manage to get my ass up and get the work. I got to get the work. You know, my cousin going, what they saying about the day of air today. You know what I mean? That says she's going. There's nothing I can do about it. But she lives all through me through a nieces or nephews. I'm a go to the film. I'm a share of some tears. Remember my cousin. But I'm still got to be there for her mother. I still got to be there for my auntie. I still got to be there for my sister. So I don't get as don't waste your time crying. You know, just cry, get it out. Let it be effective. Breathe, meditate on it. Pray, but you've got to get back to living. Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comments, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Age of Martinez IRO podcast. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human.