We're currently running a special limited time five week Q&A series exclusively for our Bratbusters boot camp members. Throughout April, I'm featuring selected member questions alongside the most common implementation hurdles in an exclusive episode each week for five weeks. If you're not already a member, it's not too late to be part of this series. You'll get an instant access to the episodes already released and the final episode question submission deadline is April 23 at 3pm Pacific Time. Go to bratbusters.com or check out the podcast description to learn more and join the Bratbusters boot camp today. Fun is so much more important than you realize. It's got a lot of value. You've definitely told me this. I know exactly what you're going to say. Oh, okay. My mom was a spy. Welcome to the Bratbusters Parenting Podcast. My name is Lisa Bunnage. I'm a parenting coach. I'm a mom. I'm also a grandmother. And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Bratbusters. While I don't have kids, each episode will dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions. Let's get started. Okay, what are we talking about today, sweetie? Today, I thought we would try something a little different. We're going to do a mini episode and it's on a topic that you talk about being so important and that is how to be fun as a parent. Okay, this one came up because I talk about it all the time. I was a fun mom and the kids I worked with called me Fun Lisa. Not a very imaginative nickname, but anyway, I am fun. I just am with kids, adults, maybe not so much. But anyway, I know how to make kids laugh and make them feel good. Now, I have a lot of different ideas. So we thought we, and a lot of people have been asking me, well, what do you do? And coaching it comes up a lot, but I don't tend to talk about it online. So, or, you know, just in social media. So I thought we'd just give this a go. We haven't got any questions that we're answering. So I'm just going to talk about a few things that I did with kids. One of my favorite, well, so many of them, but okay, I'll tell you why it's so important to have fun with kids. Now you do it in their world. They know when you're playing to them. They know when you're doing stuff just for them. So let's say you're playing with a two year old and you just put a silly hat on and you start dancing around. They know you don't do that with adults. They know it's just for them. It's a really special bonding thing to do with children. You always play with them in their world. Okay, you can take them places and sit back and watch them play. That's okay too. But that's not what I'm talking about here. You want to mix it up with that. Okay, so you can take them places and watch them and applaud them if they're playing in a playground. But it's better if you really want to connect with them. You get on the slide with them. Okay, now I did a whole bunch of really weird stuff with kids. One of my favorites was when my kids were really little. I didn't last very long. They clued in pretty quick. But anyway, I used to tell my kids. So embarrassing. I used to tell my kids maybe just my son when he was little because once he was on to me, probably would have called me out in front of his sister. But anyway, because she was younger. So anyway, I told my son and he was very little and I told him that when I gave up, I loved being a mom and I had to give up a lot to be a stay-at-home mom. Oh, you've definitely told me this. I know exactly what you're going to say. Oh, okay. My mom was a spy. Okay. But I probably shouldn't say that so loudly. Yeah, okay. Anyway, so I told my kids that I used to be a spy and I was an international spy, which means I was working for everybody for world peace, right? I was a good spy. So anyway, I said, but I said, when I told all the world leaders that I'd be retiring, I said they were very upset and they said, look, we still need your brain power because you're just so clever and wonderful. So we still need you. So what we're going to do is we're going to implant a chip in your head so that when we need you in Morse code, we'll tap out a question and then you tap back the answer. So before I even finished explaining that, of course, I went all, if you're watching me on YouTube, you see, I went all goofy looking and I'd look up to the sky like I was listening to my head and then I'd go, oh, and then I'd think for a second, then I'd tap out inside of my temple like I'm tapping out an answer and then I'd continue with the kids. So anyway, every so often they will contact me and the kids are like, wow, I always had a sense of wonder going. They love that. Even if they know it's garbage goofing around, I had them going for a while though for sure. So they love that. It's exciting. It's adventurous. It's mystery. It makes you fun and they know that you're doing it just for them. They didn't see me talking like that to adults. They knew I had a whole different personality just for them. Now, here's the thing. I was having fun too. If you're just faking it, they're really good at picking that up. Now, I'm not, you're going to have to fake it till you make it. If you're not just sort of naturally good at playing with kids, you can learn how to do this though. I was having a blast. I was just loving it and that's what makes it really connecting is when they know you are loving playing with them like this. Another thing I did was I would, every single morning when I did the... Now, I just want to interject because I know some parents are probably thinking, won't your kids think that you're a liar? I can say I'm her daughter. I did not grow up thinking she was a liar. I just thought it was fun. Yeah. And they just kind of catch on after a while and they want to keep it going. They don't usually call you on it either because they want to keep it going, right? So we get lots of fantasies going with our kids. We talk about, we read all these books about Cinderella or whatever that's back in my day. But they understand that. It's just fantasy. It's fun. It's imagination and they get that. Okay? And it's just fun. It's not hurting them. Okay? I did a whole bunch of other stuff. I used to do a lot of magic tricks and I'm no good at magic, but I would just hold like something really silly in my hand and I'd go, dad, at that, that, put it behind my back and the one to go on the swing first had to guess which hand it was in. Well, of course I'd put it down the back of my pants so then it would be gone. You know? Oh, it's all gone. Wow. Kids, they love all that. They love it when you're having fun with them, not just entertaining them, not just taking them places, but when you're actually enjoying their company and laughing with them. That is the ultimate connection. That is when they really feel wallowed in. They really feel treasured. They really feel like they matter and they're special. Now how do you think they're going to treat you? It's just part of leadership. When you really get that fun connection going, they're naturally instinctively going to treat you like gold because you make them feel so good about themselves. That really is my key. I always used to say my weapon was that I was fun. People would say, how do you get respect with all these kids and teenagers? I said, well, my weapon is I'm fun. I don't like the word weapon, but that's what I used to say because I have no filter. Yeah, my weapon of choice is fun. In my holster, I carry a bunch of fun around. That was what I used to say. I make kids laugh and I enjoy them. I also do it for myself too. I'm having fun with them. I used to do a lot of imitations. I do like a Southern accent. I would say, okay, we're going to do the mini Olympics. We have to hop around the house, do 10 laps of around the kitchen living room on one foot. Well, of course, I knew the kids were always going to win. Often I'd set up stuff where I knew they could win. I couldn't hop around for like, kids can hop around forever because they're tiny little beings. I got a bit more extra weight on me. So I used to set up fun competitions where I was always going to lose and we'd always end up laughing. It was just fun. Silly. Fun is their love language. You find that, you connect with them with their love language. It's gold. Makes them feel like a million bucks. And when they feel good, they do good. When they feel bad, they do bad. So another thing I used to do that was fun. I used to work with a lot of kids and I was really good at just doing voices and just being silly. And they just love anything silly usually. But with teenagers, I just listened to them a lot. I really showed an interest in what they were into. And I learned about it. I remember once I was working with this kid, and I was having a hard time connecting with this one kid. I don't even remember who was a boy or girl. It was a teenager though. And they were telling me about this show or something that they liked, this music. I went home. I studied it. I went back and I started talking about it. But I didn't just fake it. I said, you know, I really didn't like the show, but I did like that one character. So if you lie to them, if you pretend you're having fun, the older they get, the more they're going to pick up on it. Toddlers don't tend to, but the older they get. So I never pretended as they got older. I did find something that I enjoyed also that was in their world. You never connect in your world. You connect in their world. You can connect in your world too, I guess, but it's not the same. Okay. It doesn't build them up. Okay. So that's just having fun with your kids. I got so many different ideas. What else did we used to do? Oh yeah. Whenever I was, I did a lot of things that were just habitual. Like they knew every time I did the laundry, when they were really little, they'd start screaming, like running around the house all excited. And I remember once a neighbor came over and she just dropped in to drop something off. My kids were screaming. Well, they were really good kids. And she goes, why are your kids going so berserk? Cause she wasn't, she'd never seen them like that. And I said, I don't know. And then I realized I was standing and talking to her and I had underpants on my head. She goes, why have you got underpants on your head? And I said, Oh, I'm the panty monster. Every time I did the laundry, I put underpants on my head and I chased the kids around the house as the panty monster. So they were screaming with excitement, ready for the panty monster. Now maybe you wouldn't enjoy doing that, but give it a go. Maybe not with teenagers. But you know what I'm saying? Just try to enter their world being silly. It's really hard not to enjoy seeing your children gut laugh and run around with excitement. It's hard not to enjoy that. So if you really learn how to lean into this silly, you might start enjoying it. Are your kids driving you nuts? They don't have to. Check out bratbusters.com for my boot camp courses. If you want to learn how to become a leader. What else do you remember me doing? I was pretty nuts. Did you talk about make mommy laugh night? Oh, make mommy laugh nights. Oh, how can I forget that? I was just about to say. Oh my God, that was the most fun. We did this for years, almost every single night. It was the three of us and we had make mommy laugh nights. Now this is when Ace Ventura had first come out the movies with Jim Carrey. My son is a brilliant Jim Carrey mimic. He can mimic anything, anything. He's really good at mimicking. Anyway, so we used to have these make, it was after dinner and we do make mommy laugh nights. So I said, OK, let's play a clip from one of the Ace Ventura movies. So we had a whole system now. She was three when we first started doing this. He was eight and I was whatever. So she would go first. So we'd play a clip from the movie and then she would mimic Jim Carrey in that clip. And it was always some silly, you know, where his butt was talking or something like that. You remember that part? See, I love silly stuff. Anyway, so so then she would mimic it and she was terrible at it. And we'd be laughing because she was so bad at it. And she loved it because she was the center of attention. She knew it was all fun, right? So then we'd all we'd all be laughing. And then it was my turn. So I would mimic her doing it, which was funny. It was terrible. Of course, I, you know, exaggerate how bad she was at it. And then I'd try and do it. Well, I was just as bad. So we'd all be laughing and laughing. Then the master would come in. My son would do it. He would do her doing it, me doing her doing it, me doing it. And then he'd get it just perfect. By the time we got through that whole sequence, I was laughing so hard. I'd be running down the hall wet in my pants. So we renamed those nights, make mommy pee nights. Every day. And they always said, mom, go to the bathroom first. And I said, well, I've had kids. It doesn't make any difference. It just got to be a joke. Make mommy pee nights. Talk about fun. We were all laughing so hard, but it just got to be a ritual. No, that was wonderful. I missed that. I remember when we stopped doing that, I kept trying to get it going again, but they were teenagers or whatever. Let's get to a point where I know, but not for me. I never get sick of that stuff. I loved it. I was always the goofy one, but I just loved it. I think that's a nice place to end. And I think it's just, if you want us to do little mini episodes like this, let us know. Yeah, because, you know, I always say you want to have fun with your kids in their world, but then in coaching, this comes up a lot. But I don't think there's a lot out there about stuff I did, to be honest. I think as well, because we do a Q and A section in these podcasts, usually, it tends to be like people are not being like, how am I, how can I be more fun as a parent? Usually it's like these like pain points where they're struggling with their child's having a tantrum or something. So I think that we do want to address these topics that maybe don't get a ton of questions. Yeah. You don't think to ask, maybe because you don't realize how important it is. That I think that's another thing is that that was what I used when I worked with kids. I was fun. They liked being with me. I was, I used that as leverage and I got real boring, real fast. If they acted out, I'd just say, Oh, I'm just going to go quiet for 30 seconds here. If I was with a kid in a classroom, that's all I had. I had no leverage. But I just took away fun Lisa for 30 seconds. And then they go, Oh, sorry, Lisa. I go, that's okay. 20 more seconds. Wasn't a big deal. I just took away fun Lisa, but you can't do that with your own kids. Cause you're not being fun 24 seven. I only had those kids for an hour. So I used it as leverage, but fun is so much more important than you realize. It's got a lot of value with kids and me too. That's my love language. I like laughing. You make me laugh. I'll follow you anywhere. You make kids feel good about themselves, make them laugh. They'll follow you anywhere. They'll, they'll look up to you. I think it's a great place to end. Okay. Perfect. And let us know if you want more of this and we'll do more of this. Happy parenting. Thanks for tuning in. If you're ready to dive deeper, check out bratbusters.com to learn more about the behavior board, parenting courses, and private one-on-one coaching with Lisa. If you've enjoyed the show so far, we'd love it if you could take a moment to follow, rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more parents just like you. The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Lisa is a parenting coach, mom and grandmother. She is not a licensed psychologist or counselor. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. For a full disclaimer, please visit bratbusters.com forward slash disclaimer.
