Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate

I have a hard take that you should go to jail. Cheating should be illegal. I used to think it was legal. It's horrible. Go to jail. Go think about what you've done. We realize that a lot of moms are really lonely. Of course you can do everything on your own as a mom. But what is the cost of that? Your mental health, your physical health. I never have watched Bachelorette since maybe 2019. I'm like, if Caleb ever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah. Really? I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, babe, you go do it. Like, he would support me. Mary Bachelorette. welcome back to always here i'm your host abby howard and abby howard and we're here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor every week every friday or whenever you listen to it yeah i usually listen to it on mondays really well the monday before oh a little behind the scenes behind the scenes we have exciting developments in the always here family our editor and his wife are currently at the hospital having their baby yay and your family so exciting very sweet yes all right well there's been lots of good pop culture things going on well should we say good or entertaining things to talk about i've been talking about a lot with other people and i usually don't know what's going on before we jump into this what it's about my morning oh gosh yeah yeah what's happening okay you guys i just if i feel out of it it's because i've been scrubbing diarrhea off my rug from your dog yes i woke up at 6 45 this morning and i go what's that smell what's that smell and then i look and i go it's gonna be a bad day it's gonna be a bad day does he have a sensitive stomach i don't think so no it's been going around uh i don't know yeah it's been bad so diarrhea yes i had a whole list of things that I wanted to do today. And he's a big dog. Yeah, I might have to get rid of the rug. It's a, yeah. I don't want to go into graphic of details, but yeah, we've been working on it for a couple hours, so we'll see how it goes. Is Caleb there? Caleb was there this morning when it happened. He had to fumigate your house. Normally he tells us when he needs to go out, so I was really surprised that it happened. It was an emergency. I guess he was surprised by it. Yeah. So if I feel off, it's because I'm just thinking about it and currently smelling it. I can't get the smell out of my nose. That is so I know. No. That happened while we were on our cruise and my parents were watching our dogs. Both of them got diarrhea bad multiple times in our house. And we just got our carpets cleaned. Nice. That's all you can do. It was bad. There were just spots. Yeah. It's just like, what are you supposed to do? You know? So that's a fun one to start the podcast with. That's a good day. That's a good one. That's a good day. It's hard. It's been hard. It's been hard. Dang it. Yeah, but our hope is that we've been distracting ourselves with lots of good TV. Yeah, I'm surprised that I even, like, watched it and know what's going on. Yeah, I was so surprised that you watched it. Well, I had a rough weekend, but it's fine. Yeah, we watched it on TV. America's Next Top Model, that's what we're talking about? Yeah, yeah. Well, I actually loved that show, like, growing up. You did? Which I'm like, maybe I was a little young for that. I was curious. Addy, did you watch it? Not really. I remember being in maybe fifth and sixth grade when it was out. So, and I was, that was young to be watching it. So I would have been, I was surprised. Third grade, Abby. Potentially. Well, also, I feel like they played the reruns forever. That's so true. And I think I was probably watching like a ton of reruns. They did have 24 seasons. I knew what it was about and stuff. Surely I saw some seasons. I feel like I never actually like tuned in and watched it. Oh, Addy, you missed a whole good era of television. I actually, is it like controversial to say I kind of want to go back and watch it all? No, you should. No, you should. Okay. No, you should. It's great TV. It seems like TV I would like. It is great TV. And I feel like I was actually also part of the, like, people, like, the group of people that started watching the reruns during COVID. I actually had COVID. Uh-huh. And I had a bad guy. Oh, the first time? The first time. I remember that. I was fainting. Yeah. And, like, I was without Matt. Because we separated. Because he had it. Yeah. And I didn't have it. So he went and separated. Which was weird because we were married. Christmas of 2020. But, like, no one knew how to handle it. Yeah. And so, no, this was before Christmas. actually was it it was around the yeah maybe it was a little because i was we were there blake and i were there yeah they saw me faint i got it yeah and i was like freaking out because i wasn't with matt i was like i want matt i want matt so then my mom like like laid in bed with me and watched reruns of america's next time i watched a whole season wow um sweet anyway um all that to say the documentary i was very invested because i knew i like actually even knew the cycles they were talking about and like some of the shoots i was like i remember that i remember that totally and um just to say one thing when i watched it even watching reruns i didn't think anything of it which i mean i feel like we're all kind of in that boat so many people watched it it was like the number one show right and i don't think it was like because they were like this show is like so popular we can get away with anything yeah no i feel like everyone was like this is great yeah and then now we've like learned we know better now about like something yeah some of the shoots are crazy oh yeah that was not necessary yeah that was like immoral right but um yeah i don't know what were your top note thoughts um i i thought it was very entertaining i will say i don't have a lot of pity for people that go on reality tv competition shows which maybe isn't like the nicest thing to say but i felt the same way about the biggest documentary like if you're waiting in line to go on a show and you see i feel like i have pity for the first season people but then after that it's like you're you're auditioning to be on this you watch the show you know what you're getting into you know you're doing crazy shoots you know you're gonna get a terrible makeover like you know you're doing these things then i'm like uh can you really be upset about it because you always have the choice to leave you know what i mean right Right. And some people did leave. Yeah. She was like, I'm out. Yeah. And they're like, you're going to give up this opportunity? She's like, yeah. Yes. I will. She's like, I'm out. And that's besides, that's outside of the unethical things. Like, there were obviously a lot of really unethical. Like, the Shandy thing was really sad. I'm not speaking about that. I'm more so just talking about, like, if people don't like the shoots and stuff. Yes. You can leave. You know? Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. The Shandy thing was, like, super sad. That was horrible. That was the thing that really stood out to me because it was just, like, a lot of these things like in the time like maybe we didn't hold ourselves the same standard we do now we learn more so we can do better but that was like wrong then clearly wrong now and actually even illegal like i was like that was she was blackout drunk and even though it made me sad that even in her like modern day commentary like i don't want to speak for her but just like knowing the basics of the situation that they detailed i was like that was not that was not consensual that was not sex that was like illegal what happened to her and yeah and you did not cheat in my opinion like yes you went to the show with a boyfriend but like that all none of that happened with your consent so i don't yeah and it was just so sad and just kept getting worse i feel like because like the recordings none of like i don't need there was also people were mad about the people filming which i'm also like yeah that's that's so wrong that they filmed that but then also there was other girls in the house too like they were they were there too and sharing a room with her I was like there's there's a lot of accountability that should have happened like um that made me really really sad and I don't know even just her talking about it then like in like modern day like you could tell that she still like blamed herself she still yeah she does it makes me so sad for context um if you don't oh yeah yeah so she and she was on she was on the first or second season like really early on right I mean cycle two cycle two and they went to Italy was the first time they everyone abroad and they had a party and there was drinking involved and they invited some of the guys from their day uh challenge that they had and yeah she was just very drunk and there was definitely some essay that happened and she talked about it and it was recorded recorded the whole thing was recorded then afterwards because it was now a storyline they had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about it devastating horrible horrible horrible stuff and it's like this is a modeling show is this necessary you know so i think it does bring up a lot of conversation just about the ethics of reality tv show because honestly i don't know if it's better today i think about some stuff that's on secret lives of mormon wives and real housewives and sometimes i even remember on um secret lives jesse was talking about how like things came out with her affair that she had and she's like well i know i'm gonna have to talk about this in the show like she didn't really have a choice to talk about it or not and i just feel like that's very uh interesting and sad um but also it's a good point like it might not we might not even have actually made any progress i don't know if we have at least in that area of like i don't know and personal things reality tv yeah it made me so sad yeah and the expectation on people just to be blatant about everything in their life on some of these hard things is really i would be curious because i don't know adi you watch a lot more reality tv do you feel like there are can you think of times where people have kept things off screen no yeah i think i'm sure it's in their contract somewhere that when things happen that they have to speak about it publicly right or they negotiate a contract not to speak about it i mean think about okay you you watch the karnashians yeah how much does kim talk about kanye is that something they don't talk about no but they're also producers which is different that is true it's a little bit different but i'm sure there are things totally different yeah because i mean tlc like i used to watch it all the time i feel like everything is on there even when we've talked to the duggars or things like that like they talk about everything but there are some things they don't talk about i think for reality tv mostly you have to talk about everything yeah that's just crazy or also it's like or we're gonna still share this element of the plot and then like you either can comment on it or you can just not comment in which case like people have no context totally so yeah there was an interesting um point too that emma are on our call she's one of our producers she pointed out that a lot of these girls were really young like 17 18 years old so and there's a power issue there and with a celebrity and yeah yeah it was just it was very sad to watch that it was hard it was a well-done documentary though i thought i thought it was too you know i saw some comments being like netflix always puts the abusers in the seat to hear i mean i think that's a crazy thing to call somebody i think it would have been poorly done if you didn't have tyra on i also don't think it put tyra in a great light no like even when she was speaking i'm like she's not defending herself in a way that i'm bought in her or ken let's say it's not just her ken also took no accountability ken was the producer or the other Oh, yeah. Yeah. I liked him a little bit more, though. I liked him more, too. He did say he said one thing. Yeah, he was like, that was wrong. He said one thing. Yeah, he did say that was one thing. On the switching race thing? No. Is that what he said? That wasn't the one. No. It was a domestic violence one because the girl that was doing the photo, her mother had been shot in the head. Yeah. And they made her do that photo shoot. Sometimes when you hear things like that, you're like, what were they thinking? That's crazy. What was the one thing that I was like? No, what was his name? that nigel barker honestly he was the king of that he's the king of the show too and you know he i feel like he played a like he did it well and honest he was like yeah that was a it was a different time he's like yeah he's like he's like looking back at it now he's like that's crazy yeah like and he was like this was wrong and but i feel like he was very fair and like yeah i think so too and just real totally liked him i liked him too i remember liking him on the show a lot i thought miss jay was that was really sad his story i didn't know that he had had like i didn't know that either ailments it was interesting seeing more like the where are they now that was really sweet with like that they like jay and nigel and like all them like hugging and like that they came to visit him in the hospital that was really really cool i appreciate that like behind the scenes like caring for each other totally like tyra did it i was such a bummer too because i was growing up like such a tyra fan like i life-size life-size i was gonna say do you remember life size i was i remember distinctly one day i was had the stomach flu and my dad had to stay home from work with me all day and i made him watch life size three times oh my god and my dad did he watched it three times with me and i was like dad this is this is the best movie ever like because think about it a little kid like her doll comes to life it's with lindsey lohan and tyra bane that was a good movie i would watch it again we should do it have you seen it addy no what oh Oh my gosh. Addie. It's a classic. It's so good, and I'm going to be really sad if I rewatch it, and I hate it. I actually told Matthew today, I was like, we need to watch The Life of the Irish. It's about to be, like, is it about to be hard? The Irish. Wait, is that the Disney one? It's a DCOM. It's the same. It's a Disney Channel movie. Yeah. DCOM. DCOM. I actually went to the original Disney Channel movie. Come on, Addie. Come on, Addie. This is when our age is different than your story. Well, I knew about Disney Channel original movie. I just never knew DCOM. DCOM. Oh, yeah, DCOM. Oh, yeah, baby. it's a decom we should do a quiz or something where we quiz all each other on different old like a lot of tv i did too this one's different but i learned last night what someone said they're a ceo in reference to church christmas and easter only oh i've never heard that either they were creasers no they called it he goes i was a ceo and i'm like we're like he's like christmas and easter only we're like oh like did you just think we were gonna know that i was like never heard of it i love it that's great anyway yeah that was well done that was a really good well oh the reason i was thinking the other documentary where they put the an actual like okay i don't i don't want to say anything about tyra i don't know if she's an abuser or not but an actual abuser yes was that documentary on netflix about i liked having her percent okay what was that called the stalker unknown caller unknown caller where the mom ended up being the one that was like abusing her daughter she was in the documentary people were mad that she's in the documentary that's my i totally agree with her i love that she was in it i had i didn't paint her in a good light at all and actually maybe have more empathy for the daughter because i'm like wait this is what she has to put up through with at home yes she has zero remorse i think the fact that she showed zero remorse spoke volumes yeah to me as a viewer and like all the like yeah like you said it kind of just like sets the scene more for what this daughter was living with all the time and i think that we are We need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still do critical thinking when we're watching something. We can say, oh, that's wrong. That's weird. What she's saying is so off base. But we're allowed to have critical thinking. Right. We can do that ourselves. Right. I think you can also have empathy for someone that did bad things and still think that those things are bad. Right. I could be like, oh, wow, that's really sad that their life was like that. Can't believe that they killed people. It's crazy. You know what I mean? yeah like i think you could both things can be true right just because you feel compassion doesn't mean that doesn't like make it right right like what they make wrongs right yeah i really like that they include both sides of the story they had a lot of good it was not boring it was very entertaining and i feel like it was very they showed a lot of sides but i like that they had the network even because you also feel that pressure that they had to keep their ratings high and to like constantly do crazy things but it was interesting because you make the point i was Like, wow, I can't believe they had them do that. Afterwards, we watched this brand new show. Matt and I wanted to watch it. It's a guy from Jack A. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They have a new Fear Factor. Yes. And his name. We started it. Lincoln, I think, started Fear Factor. They haven't released all the episodes yet. Steven. Steve. I never watched that show growing up. Don't go back. I'm a girl. I think you're right, Steve something. Yeah. Anyway. Steve-O. That's what it is. It is? Okay. I think it is. Addie Fact Checker. You reminded me of Jim Carrey. Totally. He's very expressionist. But some of the things that they have these contestants do, they were showing previews down the line. I'm talking sticking metal rods through their legs. They're bleeding. Oh. Like, they are, like, actually torturing these people for reality TV. Oh. And I was like, well, it could get worse. They could change races. I'm just kidding. those were the ones that i loved on the document probably will they literally changed ethnicities and then they're like but they didn't just do it once and then they kind of did it a third time that's so crazy and it was like nine cycles later yeah and they showed that i'm like oh no it kept happening it kept happening and honestly they cornered those poor girls because they were here to do this shoot and then the poor girl who was white she's like i felt like she goes i felt like a black girl and then they handed them the babies i was like that was crazy they made him change race and they gave him children of that race just like that poor kid i'm like this is really wow that's great i remember that shoot oh yeah i did i was like that's beautiful art i remember thinking that art is beautiful i was like i love that and the people yeah so okay sorry fear factor you're saying it was just crazy it was steve-o it was the old host yeah not the new host yeah yeah the new what do you mean you want to know who the new host is no that is the new one is steve-o isn't it this is well steve-o is not the host of the new fear factor the new fear factor the next chapter that's what i'm talking about he's not the host of that oh who is it who is the new one i wouldn't recommend the show by the way matt literally lost his attention and if it like johnny knoxville johnny knoxville one and the same honestly uh you knew this guy no i just feel like they kind of do the same thing okay johnny knoxville yeah they're like sticking rods through their skin like bleed like it's torture they're like torturing matt lost interest yes i literally told matt i was like this is a problem because he was like trying to skip he's like i'm gonna skip to the next challenge and i was like you're like And they did like a suffocation challenge in the episode we watched. Where they were in the air? Blake and I watched that episode. And Matt was like, I'm bored. I was like, your brain is fried. I have a distinct memory of watching Fear Factor when I was a kid sitting on my dad's desk in his office eating party pizzas. Just sitting there watching him have scorpions crawl all over them. And then a lady had to shave her head. And I was like, I don't know if I'd ever do that. They were dropping snakes on this girl. That's what they were doing. Dropping snakes. Dropping rats. and I was like, also, where's PETA here? They're literally dumping animals into the tank from the top. So you're right, Abby. Reality TV has not gotten better. This wasn't isolated to America's Next Top Model, and this has not gotten better. No, and guess what? We're still eating it all. It's terrible. I was watching, I was like, Matt, those rats are surely getting injured. Yeah, it is bad. It is bad. Yeah, so anyway, that was a very well-done documentary in my opinion. I thought it was too. I would recommend it. I thought three episodes was the perfect length. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No longer than that. Thank you, One Skin, for sponsoring today's episode. Something I just cannot stand are lengthy skincare routines. I need a routine that I can stick to, and so I like to keep that routine very simple but effective. Especially when you've got really good research-backed products that you can trust. And here's the thing. A lot of skincare looks good on paper but doesn't really deliver results. That's why One Skin really stands out. They were founded by longevity researchers who asked a simple question. If visible skin aging is driven by damaged senescent cells, what if you could slow down that process instead of just covering it up? That research led to OS1 OneSkin's proprietary peptide. It's the first ingredient proven to switch off those damaged senescent cells, actually slowing skin aging directly at the source. Their products are backed by extensive lab and clinical data, including four peer-reviewed clinical studies to validate their efficacy and safety on all skin types. Plus, they've got over 10,000 five-star reviews. Something else that's really cool, this is kind of the girly podcast, and I think we can all celebrate, is that OneSkin was founded by a female PhD scientist. And she understands what it's like to be a woman with skin. Born over a decade of longevity research, OneSkin's OS1 peptide is proven to target the visible signs of aging, helping you to unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code ABBY at oneskin.co slash ABBY. That's 15% off oneskin.co with code Abby. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. And please support our show and tell them that we sent you. You saw Wuthering Heights? I saw Wuthering Heights. What is that about? What is that originally about? Oh, it's like a... It's a book, right? Dark romance. Yeah, it was written in 1847. Okay. And her sister wrote Jane Eyre. There's three girls. So it's like a classical novel. She released it under a male's name. So it would... That's really cool. And it worked. Okay, so I feel like I remember hearing about that in school, maybe. That's why I know whether it was. Oh, yeah, it was actually made mandatory reading in a lot of schools. We didn't read it in any of my classes. I didn't either. But I feel like I heard about it. Oh, yeah, it's a classic. Yeah. It wasn't liked at the time because this book is very, like, it talks about, like, female desire. There's infidelity. There's, like, there's a lot of, like, taboo topics. And especially for the 1800s, especially from a woman. Like, there was just so many things about it. um but it was wow I said on my story I was like I have a lot of thoughts and people were like what did you think I want to know I'm like I cannot I cannot convey them in a Instagram story because it was just so much first of all it was I want to say this and I don't want to sound like such a weenie and when I like a whiny weenie when I say this but we have gotten really good in society about trigger warnings about certain things. Sure. And I think that's awesome and great. And some of them I'm like, Oh, why do we need a trigger warning? It's just because it doesn't apply to me. Right. Like, I'm like, that doesn't seem like, Oh my God, that seems like something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's like, Oh, it just is because it doesn't apply with me to me, which is why they have these. Right. And so, um, and I started talking to a couple other women who have also experienced like pregnancy loss and things like that. And they were like, I have, like they're like I watched all the media for this movie no one was ever talking about this and I was really upset watching the movie like I wouldn't have seen it wow and that's how I felt that's a part of the plot huge part of the plot so I'm gonna just say this for any woman that's watching because I know it affects so many people like if you have experienced miscarriage pregnancy loss pregnancy complicate anything like that like don't know that going in and if it's fresh like probably just like just know yourself just like don't watch it because it ruined it really did ruin my day but before all this well first of all also I wouldn't bring up on the topic um another show that I was like they were really careless with this was the house of dragon which I know you guys probably did you watch it I didn't watch house of dragons okay house of dragon there's like a ton of like miscarriage references pregnancy complications like all kinds of like really traumatic births yeah left and right and i remember like after like one of them there like a there a crazy scene that was like etched forever my mind was like fresh after i had one of my sons and it was like an emergency c that happened in medieval times so obviously she gonna die she awake like yeah and he the husband making the decisions for her i was like this is something that is like like i actually want to vomit like i literally am like not i can't enjoy this at all and it was actually created by women to bring awareness to these things but i was like this isn't the kind of but give a trigger warning Yeah. Give a warning at the beginning. I thought that actually about This Is Us. Okay. I loved that movie, and I've never experienced domestic violence, but I had no idea that that's what that movie was about. Oh, it ends with us. What did I call it? This Is Us. That's a TV show. Different show. It ends with us. Yeah. And I didn't read the books or anything, and the trailers hinted at nothing about that. So I went in totally blind, not knowing that, and I was like, oh, wow, I had no idea it was about this, and this was pretty heavy. Yeah. I just remember thinking that if that was something that people had gone through and experienced or was like really hard for them to see, they would have no idea that that's what this movie is about. I felt that way. I was like, if I would have known, I would have absolutely like, especially at the time in which I saw it, like I absolutely would not have seen it. And so like Matt was literally like the color drain from your face. Like I was like, yeah, because it was deeply disturbing. I didn't hear anyone talking about it. Yeah, I've just seen people crying online, but they never say why. Yeah, and it was also like, yeah, okay. Let me just start with the bad. Why don't I start with the bad? okay let's hear it give us a couple things will never be sexy for me infidelity is one of them infidelity will never be sexy i'm never gonna cheer for that on the show they're like romance was steamy and then i was like then she got married to another man i was like so she should go to jail i'm not into this i'm not into this anymore and i feel like other people maybe that's just like i don't know forbidden love type of thing but i was just like i just kept thinking And, like, they were, like, in her husband's house. Like, I was, like, the disrespect. I have a hard take that you should go to jail. I used to think it was legal as a kid. It should be illegal. It's horrible. Go to jail. You're done. Go think about what you've done. Well, I mean, that is a hot take. I mean, it's a hot take. But, anyway, keep going. Maybe I'll use a little bit more accountability. That's what I'm saying. but um then another thing that will never be sexy um incest but they're not technically related what but they're essentially brother and sister what and think about like a half brother oh are they adopted or like stepsis not a half brother not half brother not sibling step sibling situation he is taken into the house as a child and they're raised together oh that's kind of like clueless though you know yeah that was gross also he also did seem really old and clueless but that's besides the point so yeah it's kind of great there were points where i was like yeah they're not related and i was like oh they're cute and like they are like we all know someone from our childhood that kind of felt like a brother to us and then i was like no no like that was a line that was a line it wasn't for them but it was a line for right right and so there was just sometimes that kind of bothered me sure other things i really liked about the movie i thought they did i think the acting was amazing the soundtrack with it was amazing the costuming the set like the storytelling was all very beautiful like i thought it was really really really good and a great one to watch their husband i would say like it was just steamy but no nudity so i like appreciated that and i really liked that aspect of it great movie great movie great movie um just really wish i never saw great movie it is the best movie that i wish i never saw okay great so i just feel like everyone should know that i also don't i didn't read the book so i have to say that i know that some of the criticism is that it didn't follow the book which apparently it really didn't because i did a deep dive into like what the plot of the book was uh-huh which is also why i would say the trigger warning would be very important is because in the actual book there is not a miscarriage there is a traumatic pregnancy birth situation but it's not a miscarriage and i do think that they land differently they land very differently and i also think that either way like you should probably have a trigger warning and i just i feel like such a weenie saying that but it really really like as a consumer i feel like i couldn't have even couldn't have even protected myself from that like type of thing and i like it genuinely did ruin my night yeah and so um great movie though do you like or does that bother you when movies then they change the movie from how the book was or do you like it i feel like it actually doesn't bother me i always feel really proud of myself and I'm like, that's different from the book. Like, I like, I'm really proud of myself. But I don't think it necessarily bothers me. I'm like, I can see why they made that change. With Weathering Heights, they could have made a chapter one and chapter two because, like, they did with Wicked. Because the book, the movie ended at the halfway point of the book. There's a whole nother following of the next generation in the book. Oh. So they could, it didn't feel like it was missing anything, in my opinion, either. Are they going to do a part, are they going to do a second one, maybe? I don't think so. they ended it very finally in my opinion oh i don't think there's even been conversation about a second one i don't think so in fact i'm out if they did because that was just i also never watch genres like that i don't even watch rom-coms but i don't watch romance like really at all hey you watch house of dragons yes we're picking it up well it's because i always watch shows with matt like yeah yeah i think you should know that before you watch it i'm just saying that's good to know because i feel like everyone's talking about it online and i'm just like do i need to go see this but knowing that it's spicy and sad i probably won't go those are my two kind of nanas i it's not i don't want to cry and i don't no no it's it's dark like it's it's like depressing and dark like i don't like that there's a couple other triggers that you could probably like look into as well because i mean the whole thing is very adult even though there is no nudity and i don't even think there's cussing in it like and there's no like drugs like it's but it was just adult themes really adult it was really adult i really i think that's interesting that you bring that up because yeah we have nudity ratings language ratings drug and violence and alcohol like they have those they do built in have adult themes as like sometimes i've seen in like movie ratings like adult themes will get it a higher but those are also more subjective it's kind of hard to like totally i feel like that's why like i feel like we all had pg-13 movies as kids that we were allowed to watch even though we weren't 13 for us it was jurassic park and star wars we were allowed to watch those i was not allowed to i just watched all of them like the notebook on repeat like 10 years old you're like jurassic park and star wars and those scared me see you had a brother i never saw jurassic park still never seen star wars i think i say you still have never seen jurassic I've never seen it. I don't care to. It's so good. Ah, dinosaurs. I don't care. I have a son, so I'll probably see it. It's such a good movie. Yeah. Abby. I know. Oh, my gosh. I know. I like my TV to be really light. Okay, that's true. Yeah, I don't want to sweat. I don't want to cry. You don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I just want to laugh and just then go to bed. You know what I mean? Okay. You know what I mean? We watch different types of movies. We do. We do. something light coming up is the bachelorette yeah i'm actually gonna watch this season i have not watched in a long time i said i would only watch it if i watched it with you guys if it was like i could lump it into like family sister bonding yes we're gonna do it we're gonna do it we're gonna make it happen yes yeah is that when it is let's double check i don't know i thought they changed it from bachelor monday well that's during during football season it's not on mondays the girls lost the shit went down the boys dominated the tvs yeah taylor frankie paul is the bachelorette yes so i actually wanted tiktok girly we gotta watch it premieres sunday sunday sunday march 22nd i like sundays march is busy you guys get a lot of good shows in march what else is in march um virgin river season eight it maybe i thought that one was sad no okay i mean it's kind of like a drama but it's nice i don't know i like it virgin river i feel like only grandmas watch that show i've never heard about my life i loved it she is our kid's grandma um well we were gonna do i want to ask really quickly before we started on that one i wanted to ask what we thought about the advertisement because i it just popped up on my instagram she's holding the book i didn't see it it says the book of more men and i feel like that had to cause a I don't, like, really know the commentary. A lot of the advertising that these Secret Lies of Mormon Wives, their show does, I'm like, the LDS church, they just have to be so furious about this. I was like, are they offended? I think they probably should be. I'm offended for them. I'm not a member of the church, but I'm offended. Abio, can you see all the way over here? Do you see that? It has the church window in the back. Yeah, that's... I'm not surprised, but I was a little surprised, actually. Yeah, why are they carrying it on? I know. The Bachelor is so separate from Superlays and Molden Lies. Different everything. The Book of Mormon. You've got to stop claiming you're Mormon. We know you're not. The Book of Mormon. That's a great play on words. I was like, wow, we really went there. Okay. Okay, so what are we doing? What are we doing? This is Daddy's idea. This is fun. This is my idea. They just announced all of the candidates. Candidates? Yeah. We're buying candidates. The Bachelors? The Bachelors who are going on to the Bachelorette. Bachelors. And so we're going to look through them and we have pictures of each of them, their age, role, and where they live. And we're going to give them superlatives. What happened? She got a bad bat. They never look good in these pictures. Okay. Yeah. Always better. Okay. Who stands out when you're with your first glance? Who's your first impression, Rose? Who do you think is going to get right off the job? Either your first impression or who you think is going to get it? I feel like Brandon looks nice. Where's Brandon? Yeah, he does look nice. He's got a friendly smile. He's a loan officer. You have to pass a test to be a loan officer, a hard test. You do? He might be smart. Yeah, you do. I would say Shane. I'm going Shane. Private Wealth Planner, 28, Elena, Georgia. He's not smiling with teeth, Abby. Is that a red flag for you? He does. He doesn't look warm. Can I tell you mine? Yeah. I also feel like Michael looks like a sweetie. This is my problem. I like Malik. Malik. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. I can see you're liking Malik. Is this your first impression or hers? Yeah, are you doing yours? Oh. You look nothing like Blake, Eddie. I love it. I love it. Oh, this is great. Okay, sorry. Let me get back to her. This is a good batch of men. I feel like Trenton looks nice, Brandon looks nice, and Michael looks nice. Oh, and Rod looks nice. Sometimes I feel like they give him fake jobs. Like, Doug is a lotion lifeguard. I'm like, surely Doug. What do we think about the chiropractic healer? He's not a chiropractor. He's a chiropractic healer. Former pro baseball player. I'm like, what's his current job? Do you know what I mean? Police a tech executive. That's all I get to say. I actually should probably say, I don't think that she's probably going to go for the nicest guy. Who's going home night one? oh i don't know i don't want to be mean yeah that's sad i'm just gonna say just because of age matt is 43 yeah i just think that feels more on the older end for her i know they had to get all ages i could even say maybe christopher because he's 35 i don't really see her going for like older trenton's 35 though and i could see her going for trenton but that's because he looks like her exes i think well because she okay she has three kids yeah that's a factor big factor mom yeah and so i wonder if any of these men are dads so potentially she would need to find a guy that maybe doesn't want to have any more kids or maybe older is better yeah that's a good point abby question they don't want anyone who's there for the wrong reasons but they're casting a social media person like as someone who's a public figure at for the first time as the bachelorette and so do we think any of these guys are there for the wrong reasons on your pictures oh this is might feel shallow but this is how it starts brad looks like one of my high school teachers but he's just a cowboy and entrepreneur it's not him oh cowboy interesting a cowboy that lives in newport beach i love that the ritziest area of california cowboy but he's also slash entrepreneur i know yes okay who's here who looks like maybe they're here for the wrong reasons let's look at job richard richard the photographer photographer because he's kind of in the art space. Maybe. I could even say maybe Trenton. He's a pro athlete. Well, Richard is not here for the right reasons. I can destroy yourself. Conrad, very general startup founder. He could be trying to get his company's name out there as a startup founder. Clayton, singer-songwriter from Nashville, Tennessee. Singer-songwriter screams, I want to become Instagram famous. Nashville. You know? I do think that Doug might be a villain arc. Doug. Just based on his shirt. He's got great eyes. Brad has 158,000 Instagram followers. Where's Brad? Cowboy. Okay, maybe he's there for clout. Honestly, I just don't even blame these people. But then wouldn't you say he'd be the least likely to be there for clout because he already has a following? I don't think so. I think he wants more. Do you think because she is famous that it would be good for her to find someone that already has some clout, like that doesn't care about the attention? I was thinking maybe. Yeah. So Clayton also has 44,000, and he's the singer-songwriter. That's cool. Hey, I'm really rooting for her. I want her to find a great man. Yeah. She has three adorable children, and yeah, I'm rooting for her. I love her on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Off the jump, I think Michael looks like a kind man. Who do you think is winning? Last wrap it up. Who do you think is going to win? I don't think she's going to get married to the person that she ends up with, if I'm told. Oh, okay. Then who's she going to end up with? Who's getting her final rose? Maybe Malik. Malik? I'm rude for Malik. You never know. I'm going to stick with Shane. First impression and last impression. Actually, yeah, I'm going to agree with that. You think Shane's going to get her final rose? There's a million reasons why my opinion on this means 0% because I've never watched Mormon Wives. I never have watched The Hachelorette since maybe 2019. We're going to watch this season and we will. So my opinion is nothing. Yes. But gosh, I wouldn't want to be in her position. I used to want to be on the, but okay, I was always dating Caleb, but I'm like, if Caleb would ever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah. Really? You'd apply. Abby, I would love to watch your season. I would have gotten no screen title. I would have just been like, bleh. I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, babe, you go do it. Like, he would support me. The first ever married bachelorette. Honestly, America's headed in that direction. They are, unfortunately. America is really headed. We really should make adultery a crime. Let's not give them those ideas. We would not watch it. We don't want it. They're like, it is the most dramatic season. I always think back. Remember that season where they made the men choose between Caitlin and the other girl? Yes. And I walk back on that, and I'm like, that is disgusting that they put those two girls. They said, we can't decide who we want the bachelor to be, so we'll let the guys choose. So on the night one. So the guys weren't even applying for a specific person. They were just applying for a specific person. No, they never are. But some of them were, and then some of them left, like, when the girls, they did choose and didn't win. Well, then they probably ended up with her. But imagine the self-esteem hit. Like, you're a girl, and you're meeting all these guys night one, and they're coming in, and they have to cast their vote, and then you get booted. Well, hot take, that's how I feel like the whole show is for anyone that's not the single person looking for, anyone that's willing to share a girlfriend or boyfriend with 20 other people. I just felt so icky about, like, you're in the men's shoes. Come on. Well, that's like when they did the. Did you watch the duel season when they had two bachelorettes at the same time, Gabby and Katie? No. The girls got roses, and they gave them to the men. But then sometimes the men would decline because they wanted the rose from the other girl. That's when you know they're losing the plot, when they have to start doing crazy stuff to keep people interested. Well, that's what this season is. The next documentary will for sure be about the bachelorettes. I know. I can't wait. I can't wait for to hear all the tea. All these reality TV shows are quaking in their mood. They totally are. Well, I am excited to watch, and I hope Taylor, she's going to be great on this show. Well, something that I like to do is position to think of a segue. Yeah, in my head, I was like, what would drive men to submit themselves to reality TV? Only loneliness. Extreme loneliness. I like that one, too. Anyway, we're talking about loneliness. Okay. There was this comment on the last episode or two episodes ago. She said, I love this episode. Quick question. Can you guys touch up on how you resolve conflict or how do you plan to resolve conflict as sister-in-laws if it was to happen? Do you have plans in place for that? Can you talk about what you did to become really close? And I feel like that's a good framework for us. I feel like we can talk a little bit about conflict. But the second half of that, we get asked a lot, like, how did we become so close? which is such a sweet question and i honestly give most the credit to you because you're just a very good includer but i just feel like we we could talk on that talk on that and we were discussing this question we realized that a lot of moms are really lonely and so we started kind of diving into more about that and when to talk about that and there's some pretty staggering facts and information out there um i think the one that we were both kind of shocked by is that 80% of 80 to 90. Some research suggests that 80 to 90% of new mothers are lonely. Yeah. So it's just, it's so common. Um, and I feel like I've definitely experienced that. I feel like I probably felt that a little bit more when I was, when I had just had CJ, my first, because I do feel like there's an element when it's your first baby and your baby can't go to the park, can't go to play dates. You can't really do any activities yet with your baby, but that felt very isolating. And also your baby's small and you're nursing and there are just a lot of factors I feel like when you have one child that make it kind of hard when you have multiple I felt like with Vivian I haven't felt that as much in the newborn season I feel like it's a little easier to get out and about and do things so I feel like that does play a role into it but I remember feeling lonely after having CJ and so I thought we would just kind of talk about that like what did we do to make friends how we fostered friendships in this season especially being parents and yeah our thoughts on that first of all my I have like a lot of opinions on loneliness and motherhood like the relationship between the two of the things because I can easily see where this would happen in the type of culture we have created in America specifically today I'm but I know that like a lot of these statistics come from the UK too and um I think it's because like I'm almost afraid to share this opinion because I feel like people are going to be mad but this is I feel like this is almost undeniable is that like as a society we really really heavily praise independence there's good aspects of that but in motherhood that's not necessarily uh something to necessarily be praised sure like of course you can do everything on your own as a mom right you can right but what is the cost of that right your mental health yeah your physical health like so many things and ultimately like i this can go on to so many other things ultimately like you're not being necessarily a great role model for your children and i think that we don't talk about that enough and the other thing so we over praise independence and we um shame moms who ask for help and i think these are the two major major pitfalls and how america treats new moms today and it's probably why we see birthright going down people are putting off having kids because it seems so daunting and miserable. And, um, and then new moms are experiencing like record high levels of depression, anxiety, like all these other mental health crises in hindsight. And it's, and I think loneliness is probably one of the key factors of that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm also want to acknowledge, I feel very privileged that I have an awesome family that lives close to me. And that is like, I really trust with my kids and I know that they keep our kids best interest at heart but I do want to also bring up the point that we have multiple friends that have no family here that live in Arizona like in our community and they're around us all the time and I know all of our friends would watch their kids and have watched their kids multiple times and like have or just like want to hang out or like do dinners together or do all these things so it doesn't mean that like if you don't have that within your own family that it's all over for you yeah I think there are ways to build the community and your village to help certainly I agree well I'm curious why you said why you said that you think that that's a bad role model uh not taking care of yourself oh oh sure sure sure like letting your physical health your mental health not having your own friendships as an adult like i don't think that's a good role model for your kid like to be having friendships getting out in the community taking care of your body taking care of your mind like that's what i'm referring to gotcha and we have a lot of talks with my kids about that too because I'm like, well, it's really important for mom to like go out and, you know, work out at the gym and like, it's good for like my health. And I think that it just becomes like the standard, but I feel like we, it's easier to have those discussions about our physical health than it is our mental health. And I always make sure I say, and I was like, honestly, I just think it's, I get to see my friends, which is really important for me too. And I get to like, it makes me feel happy and excited and motivated for my day. And so, um, that's what I was referring to. that makes sense what would you think how did i make that sound i i thought you said if the if you're showing independence or like trying to be independent and doing it all yourself that's a bad role model oh no okay well i i yeah i agree with your the clarification of it for sure yeah i think there is something to it it's like the days where i'm home all day long with the kids and like not getting out of the house it's not even that my kids are making me feel impatient it's just not leaving the house and just being isolated that makes me feel impatient it's like cj and vivian aren't doing anything but if i'm not like getting out seeing the sun and speaking to people outside of myself or even just speaking at all because sometimes i'm just not saying that much i start to feel impatient and snappy and i notice i'm not a very kind mom sometimes and so it's really good for me mentally to get out and like see people so yeah i just i can't imagine i can't imagine a lot of moms like it is hard and sometimes it is expensive to join a gym it is hard to go um you know to the park if you have little babies and then what do you do how do you do it well i do think you can take babies to parks actually today i was at the park today with my kids and some friends and there's a ton of people at the park because it's beautiful here in arizona and i thought it was really sweet there were two moms that were there they had just like little tiny babies and just they did not have any bigger kids but they were at the park because they were just walking around with their little strollers, had their, were baby wearing. And, um, and I think that also just goes to show is like your your your days can be so long as a mom And those days where I stay home all day it like if my kids are sick I feel that I like wow this day feels like really really long like I feel like I have run out of things to like it do with my kids I feel like they're bored we're bored but we make it a point we go out every single morning so like this is our like everyday routine we go to the gym and then we go and have some type of funtivity and kudos to my friends because I don't plan them. Apparently, okay. I guess Matt and I have been discussing whether or not I'm type A or type B. Matt thinks you're a mix. Okay. And so I was like, I don't plan the events, but I should. I think you're type B. Like you're type B, but you're on the cusp of being into type B. I told Matt, I was like, if I was married to somebody else, I think I would sway way more type B. But because Matt is so type B, you have to be a little bit more. I feel like I've just tried to find some type of equilibrium. Yeah, sure. But someone else, one of my friends plans it and she's awesome. And then we just all go out and do a fun thing with the kids. It's great for the kids. They have their friends. They learn from their friends. They learn to socialize. But more importantly, I'm with them the whole time. And it's also like they, we just always talk in the car and we have so much fun. Anyway, that breaks up the day so much. First of all, your house doesn't get trashed in the early part of the day. I don't want to start off my day with a trashed house. Sure. And that is great, but I don't know. I'm going off on a rampage, but it just, or on a rant, rant. I'm going off on a rant. I'm going off on a rant, but I'm saying if you could instill some type of like part of your routine where you get out and you see your friends and they your friends that have other kids like your age. I think everyone's day goes so much smoother. It really does. And it doesn't mean that like I needed their help necessarily. Even like I didn't need their help. I could go to the park by myself. Yeah, it's and we have many times, but it just there's just something about that aspect that just like fills my cup up for the rest of the day where I'm like, I got some adult interaction. I got to be with my kids all morning. And I feel like a lot of that is just it's it's hard to cultivate that. And so I guess that leads to the question of, like, how do you get there? Well, I think, too, you don't necessarily just because you have kids have to stop hanging out people that don't have kids. Like I remember when I had CJ, I think it was a very fortunate time to where all my friends had babies around the same time. But when we were in Kansas City, I had friends that had kids and no one else did. And like they would still come and hang out all the time. And like I loved holding their baby. And of course, obviously you can't relate on the same levels of things. But I was grateful that they didn't. It'd be so easy to isolate. Like, oh, I don't want to nurse in public or nurse in front of people. And like sometimes you just have to get over those mental hurdles. Right. And still engage. I think that's a big thing is we have to challenge ourselves as moms to get over the mental hurdle of things and just get out the door. It gets so much easier. It's a muscle. It really is a muscle. You have to strengthen. Uh-huh. Yeah. Because like it feels – I remember like getting out of the house the first time with one. And then with two is a whole different ballgame. Getting out of the house is like. You have to rip the bandaid off. Rip the bandaid. And you have to practice. And you have to overcome some fears, too. Because you're like, what if this happens and I'm not in the place that I know so well that is so comfortable to me? And so, yeah, you have to overcome some fears for sure. For sure. I think something else to mention is if you are like you, you have the flexibility that you work in the afternoons. Like you get to have that time. A lot of people who are working moms don't necessarily have like that big chunk of time you can do. Like I typically work nine to five every day. I still go to the gym every morning and I take Brielle with me. So she gets her interaction with people. I get my interaction with people. I work all day and then she gets to hang out with dad when she goes home. So you can still squeeze it in if you make it a priority. You said it the other day and I think that's really important to say is you're in charge of your time. Saying you don't have enough time for something, you're choosing that if that's what you want to make time for. And so I make sure I get up every morning so I can go to the gym and I can get out. And that's what I'm making time for in my week. So then I can have that interaction. Brielle gets to hang out with people and we do it that way too. So I feel like being in charge of your time is important to like recognize you're actually in charge of it. I think that actually brings up a good question for me because like in that research, I wonder if the 80 to 90% of that, I was assuming stay at home moms. Yeah, I was too. Okay. Lonely. Okay. But I think working moms probably do too. Working moms are also probably lonely, but they do have that, like, adult interaction of going to the workplace. During the day. Most of the time, yeah. I would see – I could see it being really hard to form good friendships if you're a working mom because when do you have time to invest in friends? Because you're going to your job. Then you just want to be home with your kids. Right. And your husband, you know? And so I could imagine that being a whole different ballgame. That's a whole different ballgame. So I guess maybe we should narrow our audience. I was speaking to stay-at-home moms. Okay. Perfect. I think that's a great point, though, just in general. Yeah, just if you're a working mom, I feel like that is – Yeah. Making the time. I mean, a lot of people, too, are working remotely, which is even more isolating for making friendships is really hard. I think I made a lot of friends when I worked in an office. I was never a mom then, but I made friends working in an office. But working from home is a lot different. Or you're working with a small team, and that's not a part of your friendship making is at your workplace, and you have to make time for it. Yeah, totally. I feel like that's good. we can kind of talk about where you've made friends. I feel like I've made a lot of friends. Most of my friends have come from church or the gym. And I think I sometimes hear the price tag of like these boutique fitness gyms. I'm like, man, that's really expensive. But I think it's not just an investment in like your physical health. It's not just a workout class. When you're going somewhere and you're going repeating, it's become a part of your routine. You're going to start forming community and relationships in those places. And I think sometimes that is more important than the physical benefits and i'm like man that you think you budget okay you budget a hundred dollars a month to go out to eat but like if you budget a hundred dollars towards the gym you're gonna make so many friends you know and i just feel like they'll cook dinner for you that'll cook dinner for you baby don't go out to eat and change that budget to go make friends because i think it's just so good for your mental health and i think boutique gym is the best place to make friendships like and i were on a tight budget and we had a serious. I wouldn't even say serious because Blake just said yes. When I was talking about it, I was like, it's expensive, but one, I was pregnant and I was like this, I really want to stay into fitness and this will help me stay reliable. And this is where all the moms are that I know. Like this will be fun. And he was just like, yes. And we just reworked the budget because it was important to me. And it's been, I just hit like my one year of like being in person. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Cause I was doing it on demand for a while. So it's like, I completely agree. Yeah. It's, it's hard. And you know, I'm sure there are different price points and different budgets but if you can make that work i feel like the gym and a place that has child care i do like you're saying like that's a huge benefit and if you want to be around specifically other moms finding a gym that has child care is probably the best way i think i've also poached a lot of my friends off of other friends uh-huh like i've been like oh you're friends i think i i definitely poached val off of you well i poached everyone off of you i poached a lot of people off when we first moved here you and matt invited us over every single day for dinner almost every single day you bet with you i know that's so nice but i'm like they are making us a lot of meals and then when you were hanging out with friends you'd always invite me to come i would just that meant so much to me because i didn't know anybody and you had friends here and that's like that alone it was just so like it helped so much yeah poach your friends do whatever you gotta do i mean seriously gosh and any good friends i'm gonna be like you took you're coming out with me i'm like going out we're like no we all love val yeah here's your daily weekly shout out she's getting famous comment below say we love you val she's gonna love that um and um neighbors like people just like that living around you if you're an apartment building that's even better there's a lot more closer to you like and um and obviously some of these don't happen as organically um but there are so i've actually been looking into it i want to find a way that we can uh partner as always your podcast with a local charity because there's actually already organizations doing this very thing even in our local area that are helping moms find community because this is i mean we called it the loneliness epidemic but it's it's really true it is and obviously we all know i feel like we're tired of talking about it but like our devices are not helping us in this because we start to feel like we're like seeing all these people like I actually haven't even talked to them in years but like and so we're we're definitely losing we're losing relationships we're losing interactions motherhood specifically can be like a very very isolating time yeah there was a stat on one of those articles that said loneliness affects your health just as much as what 15 cigarettes a day yeah that's a really crazy statistic yeah it's really crazy i mean i believe it because i just picture and maybe this is like the stereotypical but just sitting at home alone in like the dark with the blinds shut you know it's like that's just i mean it's just sad that's just the fact of it and like i've had days like that you know and so yeah i can't imagine if that's every day yeah well one of these statistics said like it was in the uk but i think this probably real like would be very similar in America that the new mom typically spends about eight, eight hours a day alone with the baby. That's, that's your whole day. I mean, I think it's also worth saying that like that loneliness. So say you're alone all day with your baby. Once again, I'm speaking to stay at home moms, like eight hours a day with your baby. Your husband comes home from work and you're then without even meaning to, but kind of subconsciously asking your spouse to fill all these other roles for you which also puts a huge strain on your marriage yeah that's so true like on when matt is like hanging out with buddies or like i am having a girls night i just i know that i'm like i'm so happy for him because i'm like he's gonna just like be so happy and filled up by this yeah and like he's so excited and always roots me on to like hang out with girls too because we just come back charged up in a different way than like with your spouse they can they can only fill so many roles i'm like you can't girl chatter with me like i try sometimes gosh sometimes it works and also even though kilt's with me all day long he doesn't understand the thing about being a mom like or breastfeeding and the things that you think about and all this stuff and like i'm grateful to have these thoughts and carry these responsibilities but like they also do need to be talked about sometimes with other women that just get it you know also this is also gonna could sound really wrong but i do i saw i've heard someone else bring up this point oh no i think it was uh arthur brooks he's like comparison is actually a good and healthy thing i don't want to put this in his mouth if this is like it can be a good and healthy thing in which it's like okay i don't know how many times i'm like okay like we tried this with the kids like temp check what do we think like is this is this the right way to go about it and it's not like you're giving your friends the role of parenting your children or like the authority of like how you run your household but like it's really good to just like get some gain some perspective yeah or it's like they started doing this and it's like oh yeah oh yeah that's normal that's normal we've been we've been doing that for months over here like we're still working on that type of thing or like yeah we're noticed this even just like a health thing like one of our friends her husband's a resident i can't tell you how many times i've just been like hey should i take him in for this is this like a thing and i'm like that is seriously like i'm not saying use your friends but like we all have unique strengths that can contribute to one another to just make this season so much more so much less scary honestly yeah totally yeah I think um also when we were saying how you when you go do things and you're charged by them or Matt gets to go do things and you go hang out with your girls like Blake does the same with me where anytime I ask to hang out with people he's always like yes like not that it's a not that I'm asking permission but I think there's not many men who watch this podcast or husbands probably but it's so encouraging to have your husband want you to go do those things and so i think tell your husbands to be happy for you really really good dads too because it's like i literally when i go out last friday i went to dinner and we were with a bunch of other moms and they're like yeah i had to beg my husband to like and i was like oh i didn't even i i literally went home i was like matt thank you so much he's like yeah oh wow that's wow that's interesting yeah like they didn't want to be alone with the kids yeah for on a friday night oh and i was like okay i was like thank you so he's like yeah i'm their dad yeah and like i don't even think i'm like i'm not like did they eat did they did they get a like i'm like he can fully do literally everything yeah and there's a learning curve that like obviously if you have a baby and you're just both still figuring it out but like these people didn't all just have babies and so i was just like wow be grateful yeah be grateful and then also like make sure that you you and your spouse are probably both on the same page like this is a really important thing that like in this new season of our life this can feel like you know we're trying to trim the fat right like okay there we gotta get what we need to get done because it feels like your plate is so full it's like this is actually something that has to stay and has to stay a priority yeah it does and it can look so different like honestly when i'm saying like socializing i'm literally talking about like tonight we're going to our friend's house that also has kids and we're just eating dinner at their house yeah it doesn't have to be just mom to mom like your husband can be included like right from through our church Caleb and I have community group we've met with these same um there's eight of us total we've met every week for three years every week and had dinner together and we'll just then we'll split up like guys and girls and the girls will go chat for like an hour and the guys will chat and we'll just share like because not everything needs to be shared between men and women you know right it's like that's just so filling and when you have repetition i think to answer the question of how we got so close like it really is time like we've just spent so much time we've prioritized a lot of time and we've like included each other in a lot of things and so when you invest in in people you'll get those relationships back and so i think it's just taking those steps like you would always invite us over for dinner you still always invite us over for dinner i'm like you guys i love making dinner it made me sad when you guys knew that we were gonna tell you we were pregnant because like they never invited i was like that's not true well maybe it's true so i've been trying to be better no you i've been trying to be better about it and just like inviting you know just like including people into your your world and i think it was because it was a weeknight too that is a huge factor yeah yeah yeah we're not hanging up kale breaks up so early yeah we're not hanging out on the weeknights but yeah investing time and people i think like when we're how that relates to the gym is like if you're going to the same class times you see the same people all the time you get that face time and you just start to like remember names and people and places and that's really good so like repetition that's actually represented in research too not to be like give us the fact no but there i and i'm not going to quote the correct thing but it's people miss mistakenly think that it's these peak experiences are that are what bonds you to a person and makes them a good friend so they think like oh i went study abroad with them for like a month and we saw all these crazy sites together we're gonna be best friends for life chances are you're never gonna meet up with them again yeah i'm thinking summer camp experiences like oh this random person that you like went skydiving with like all these random things you would think that like oh we experienced like really high highs and Lolo's together. We're going to be like, that's not actually what the case, right? It's consistency over time. And, and a lot of those things tend to be mundane, like eating dinner, going on walks, even just like, I don't know, getting coffee together or just like watching kids together. Those are the things that like prove to build stronger relationships with people. Yeah. And so it's, it shouldn't feel, I know it can feel overwhelming, but knowing that it should feel a little relieving to know that's like okay I made major progress today because we sipped coffee while our kids crawled around the playground yeah that was progress and like you don't have to put all these pressures around it and maybe some friends are just friends for a season or maybe it's like okay like there doesn't have to be all these pressures around it but it's just the fact that you have to know that it's important for you and for others and because the other thing too is that you're also serving those around you too it's not just so you can like take care of yourself Like I just think about our own friend group. Like I was actually just thinking about this when I was making dinner the other night. Like so many, I'm like, it's gonna make me cry. I care about that. I care about these women like so much. And I just think about everyone's stage of life. Like a lot of our friends are going through some serious, serious stuff. And I'm so thankful that they don't have to do it alone, that we're all like carrying those burdens together because. it's just how that's how we were designed and i feel like we have strayed as a culture from that so heavily yeah and yeah i'm just i'm just thinking about that a lot because i just think about all the meal trains that we've had within our friend groups and it's for all kinds of different reasons yeah some of them are really sad and some of them are celebrations and it's just like which also i should say that that's a really good thing we should announce like meal trains are a great thing for your like friends like it's just a website that you can like sign up to make a meal for friends but nothing really shows love and nurturing than like a home-cooked meal when you're struggling the most or when you're entering a new season and like you're just trying to get your feet on the ground again yeah so that's a really great way to also build community and share with your friends i can't think about like how many meal trains we've had among i was gonna say i got invited to another meal train for someone at church today and i was reflecting on that this morning I was like just I don't know why the meal train it just hit me like that I was like there so many people are surrounding so many people and it's really really cool to see and being a part of that and being someone who can step in and I'm like I'm signing up for a meal train for someone who brought me one a month ago like it's really really cool to just be able to make someone dinner and bring it to their house and know that they were thinking about you or praying over that meal as they were making it and like it's very intentional um taking the time out of their day to make that for you and it really is really special the kids birthday parties think about how many birthdays we've spent with like i think i've been to every single one of all of our like i'm like oh i went to your first your second your third like and it's like i know kids birthday parties get made fun of but honestly it's for the parents it's for the parents like it's It's so fun. We can just go socialize. Like, the dads have started hanging out. Matt and some of the dads have Hot Dad Saturday every Saturday. I always make fun of Matt, though, because being the type-y parent that he is, every time there's Hot Dad Saturday, every Saturday morning, my kid comes home, and I'm like, I never bought this brand of diapers. And I find wrappers in our car, and I'm like, I've never bought these snacks before. And I'm like, did you pack a diaper bag? he's amazing but doesn't think ahead like a mom he's not back in the back and my friends are like yeah i sent them with extra because i knew that that's how you know like you're such a sweet community that they know that literally caitlin's always like i packed these she's like i i knew my kids wouldn't eat them she's like i was taught about you and i cut these up this morning like how many moms pack snacks for cj when i was like he doesn't eat snacks and then he gets it he's like snacks you guys always have extras for him Cause I type B type B. Yeah. It's, I think to your point, Addy, like it's not a burden. People don't feel burdened by your presence or burdened by you asking for help or even if you're not asking for it, like honor, it's an honor to come alongside other women and do that and, um, just be there for one another. So never think of your time as like, I don't want to annoy them with my kid or what if my kids have, you know, big feelings. It's like every kid has big feelings and like, that's just part of it. And we never judge other people's kids. You know, it's like we just parent alongside each other and like, or like little babies, you know, it's like you just bring them along and it's so fun having the baby there, you know? And so it's just never think about your, your presence as like a burden or your kid is like, oh, they're going to be annoyed by your kid. Like they're, they're going to love it. You know, I think sometimes those are like insecurities that are really common or like thoughts to go through your head because it is just harder to get out the door than when it's just yourself. Yeah. I was going to add in saying yes, when people are offering help or things like that, it's very easy to be like no no no no it's okay I don't want to bother you but letting people serve you I think I've said that before like for example you offered to watch Brielle on my birthday and I think at the gym I was like I don't know let me ask Blake I don't know we don't I don't know if we have any plans like you don't have to do that and then Blake was like no let's do it like and I I don't know why I couldn't just be like yeah that'd be great thanks and it took in you're my sister like I was like why did I hesitate to say sure that would be great if you could do that so we could go out to dinner so i think saying yes more often is is right important totally i think and i think also the suggestion would maybe be if you're like i want to start this but people aren't like i don't have that circle around me the suggestion is what i gave before which is like go first and be weird but like literally be the first to offer it's like hey why don't you guys go on a date this weekend bring your kids over our kids would love also my kids love playing with other kids yeah like it makes my job easier i'm like everyone's 100 entertained this whole time yep and so i'm like and then like you said saying yes to those things and then also like returning the favor every once in a while and i think this also brings up the other point that i have hesitant to also share but i don't i think it's because we're afraid of talking about these things that it's not changing sure i do also think that in culture today anxious overly anxious parenting is praise it's really damaging yeah it's praise too it's like yeah i couldn't leave him with anybody for x y and z amount of time it's like that's not necessarily like i don't i don't want to be rude like i i want to honor that anxiety of like leaving your kid in the hands of someone else for even a short amount of time is is a really scary thing when you've grown that kid and raised that they spent every waking hour that kid but that that temptation to like continue in that pattern it's not serving your kid either right like it's really obviously only in safe hands yeah only people you like trust with your life not just like crying today was the first time i like have handed of my babysitter brielle like while brielle's been awake usually she's there when she's sleeping and she said hi and then brielle just the biggest smile on her face and it just like they love it was really sweet to see her like be like so happy to see her babysitter And she's literally six months old. And so that just spoke to me right there seeing that. That's really sweet. It's yeah, it's so true. It's like it's good for your kids to like get out of your house and be around other people too. And, you know, just experience that. It's so healthy for them. And yeah, obviously only like people you fully trust, of course. And not for long periods of time. Yeah, not all day. Yeah. And so it's like obviously you as the mom are like are uniquely equipped to be like the main nurturer and carrier for your kids. But this doesn't need you don't need to put this pressure on yourself that because it's also unsustainable. And I think that's also why people are struggling so much in motherhood. Right. And so, yeah, I just want to say, like, I literally love being a mom so much. I do not feel depleted by my kids I don feel like they hold me back in any way And I am sad when I put them to bed at night Yeah it like because because I like oh we had so much fun today like why does it have to end I feel that way literally almost every day and I not saying you have to feel that way but I'm just saying it doesn't have to feel like this monotonous super I don't like torturous thing totally and I sometimes I think through I think about what people get really anxious about online it's like okay maybe you're not like the most prepared mom at you leave the door and it's like what's the worst that happened okay they have a blowout okay so you put them in their car seat in their diaper you know what i mean like it doesn't have to be perfect every time we go out we don't have to i just feel like the internet puts so much pressure on moms to know all the things and do all the things and have the right gadgets and have the right bag and have all the gear and do all the things marketing it's like it is marketing it's marketing and we but it aids it adds them it's like i need these things and if i don't have them And then I'm probably not doing the best as a mom and not being the most efficient. And it's like those are subliminal thoughts that are put on us. And it's like I'm just saying we need to cast all that off and we need to say we're done with that. We're done. We're done with that. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to make motherhood so dreadful. And I get so sad online when I see all these videos of parents like dogging on their kids and dogging on being a mom. And then the comments are like this was great birth control. Great birth. I'm like, okay, first of all, knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it off. Like we don't have to make motherhood. There's like big, scary, terrible thing. Like it's so fine and amazing. And like your kids really just need you and they love you and they just need your time and they need friends. And when you get to do it together, it makes it like it's night and day different. Yes. You're going to. And I promise you that. And I know it's so scary. And especially if you're moving or you feel like, oh, my schedule doesn't allow it. Like it's like just find tiny ways in which you can just do a little bit more. And it will, your family will feel a difference. Yes, totally. And we've been talking about this for so long. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm so passionate about it. I know, me too. I think it's because we just see the lies so much online. And I'm also just so grateful for like our community. Seriously, like seriously, so grateful. Yeah, it's amazing. Well, I would say naturally just like having deep friendships and being really invested with people. You're going to have conflict that comes up and arises. People want to know what our fight was, Abby. Oh, I hurt Abby's feelings. I hurt her feelings. And so what did I do? I called you the minute I found out that I hurt your feelings. You did. And I said, I'm sorry. And I just feel like that is, I think that's a big part. I picture, I always think they're like, why do people have like strained relationships with their family or strained relationships with people in their life? I think it probably goes a lot with like just really poorly handled conflict that's not resolved well. And I'm sure like a lot of repetitiveness of that. And so when I think about how I want to handle things, especially being family, it's like I do the same thing with my sisters. like I want to call and I want to make it right and if I said something that hurts your feelings and I want to apologize for it even if I didn't recognize it I think that's a lot of it is like a lot of times not recognized totally and I think understanding the intent of people is important but like yeah I think just owning up to it and like swallowing your pride and just be like man I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings will you forgive me you're literally the best at that And it's like, and I feel like this is where it's like the, my fault in this whole conflict being vague. And it's guys, by the way, it really wasn't that big of a deal. I feel like we also rarely, rarely have conflict, but it's like a big lesson for me is go directly to the person like that. And I feel like that's an awesome and honoring thing. It can feel like, especially if you're in a conflict avoiding avoidant person, it feels like you're maybe doing right by that person by just shutting up. It's not, that's not the case. Like it's honoring to that person to go directly to that person and say, Hey, like I know your heart and I know that you would never intend to do this, but X, Y, and Z made me feel this way. And I, I guarantee that person will maybe, maybe if they're not used to that, maybe they won't handle it well. I don't know, but hopefully like in that moment, but hopefully down the line, they'd be like, Oh, you know what? You were kind of right for that. I honestly think any good friend would be like, Oh my gosh. Like I am so sorry. I had no idea. I did not mean to do that. And, um, yeah, I think a lot of this comes from just like knowing your friend's hearts. And so like, I think women, especially are like afraid to like say those things, but all that to say, just bringing it out in the open. And I'm not saying, I think there's a lot of power in the art of letting things go. I'm not saying that, but when it's something that it's like, Oh man, this feels like it's repeated or if this feels like something that I can't stop thinking about and it's affecting when I interact with them in person like things like that it's affecting our interactions yeah just honor them by just going to them directly and it doesn't have to be a fight it doesn't have to be nasty there doesn't have to be anything weird about it and honestly it can just be a really cordial conversation and so it can be really hard to do though especially if you're like oh my gosh like I know they don't mean this x y or z way yeah I was nervous to call like I You know, I was like, dang, like, this is gonna be hard. I just felt so bad, you know, because it's like, you just don't realize sometimes the way that you do or don't say something can affect. And so yeah, I mean, I remember being like, the last thing I want to do is like call and say this, because it is a hard conversation. But I was so glad that sometimes then also just like sitting on those thoughts when you know, you need to have that conversation with someone that is like, sometimes even harder, you know, just like, just gonna do it and call. And it's okay to say like, I was wrong. You know, like that's a good thing to say to people. It's good to swallow your pride and do that. Abby is like literally the best person at taking any kind of criticism or feedback. Like I just wish I could handle things that way. Don't say it. I feel like you do. You both do. No, I feel like you do. I feel like we had a similar type of thing and you came to me and were asking if I was hurt by something. And I was like, I, I was like, you want me to be honest? Like, and I, and we got to have that conversation. I feel like because I know you, we were able to have a very honest conversation about it. And I feel like knowing your heart behind it, I was like, I can be honest with her because I know her character. I know their feelings behind this. I know these are things that I might have been feeling weren't true. But I just need to hear them instead of just telling myself that they're not true. All feelings are true. I don't think they're right. But it's true. Yeah, they're true. But they're not. Yeah, they can't be trusted. Yeah, I think about that all the time. I'm like, I don't remember where I heard that. And the first time I heard, I think it might have been like a sermon or something, but it's like all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted. So you have to like filter through your feelings. And it's like, is this, yeah, what is lie? What is true? What is, you know, you just, you can't just take every feeling and be like, well, I feel that way. And it's like, well, let's like, let's peel that back. Let's dive a little bit deeper into that and let's filter it. And like anything like approaching, it's like learning where to take personal responsibility to. And like, don't be afraid to also own up to that with that person and be like, hey, like, here's where I could have done things differently or here's what I should have done. And I think that can also be really meaningful. And that also brings to say, like, if you think you've hurt someone's feelings, also you can go first. I feel like we do that all the time with each other. Yeah. And honestly, sometimes it gets a little out of hand. I'm like, no, I'm sorry. I'm like, wait, I'm sorry. Like, did I hear your feelings? They're like, no. I just left and I'm overthinking this, but when I said this, it could have come across as this. And I think it's just because we're all really honest with each other. And that's bound to happen. And we all love each other and deeply care. And also our family. So you cross some lines at times because it's like, hey, we're family. I can hold you to a closer standard, different standard. But obviously within range. Yeah. And I think what you're saying, Eddie, too, like when you handle conflict well, it brings you closer together. Like now you trust you can have these open candid conversations because you know how the other person handles it. Yeah, there's a lot of safety in that. So much safety. Uh-huh. Yeah, we have a history of overcoming things. So it's like nothing's, there's nothing that's going to like knock us down. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing that's going to permanently burn this bridge. I also think it's important when it's family that there's an extra level of we need to resolve this. We're not, if it's just a friend, sometimes you're like, eh, I'm not going to see him for a couple weeks. We don't need to resolve that. So with family, I think there's an urgency to it a little bit more than there may be with friendships. And a reason to go directly to them. And go directly to them, especially with like spouses involved or things like that. When it's like, I can't, I'm not going to rant to Blake about something because he's going to be like, nope, go talk to her. I'm like, oh, okay. I love that. It's true. It is true. It helps when your husbands don't like to gossip it keeps me in check yeah not that i'm gossiping about you guys i don't want to here's my problem it's always navigating the line of like okay i'm being honest and genuine to myself but also like i don't want to water down like i don't want to water down the crap out of things where i have no opinion at all for sure that is towing that line yeah it's like okay well you know what if i feel this this is safe yeah let's talk about it yeah for sure okay well and also i trust that people will tell me if i'm wrong no well definitely let us know oh yeah no don't let us know yeah they they love her look at me and an active defiant that was actually a great tip my mom bought me socks she was like your socks are disgusting why do you why do people care hey also my socks are clean they're just permanently stained yeah how often are we rebuying socks i want to see your socks for three years if you're commenting about our socks being dirty i want to see your socks my mom she's a doer she goes that was a problem i bought you new socks she's honestly she's a she's a fix would you rather see your toes i'm surely not maybe no you'll not i was actually just talking to somebody who's brother-in-law has a foot fetish? Has one? Or is, has one. She's like, that's why we can't really hang out. She's like, it's like serious. Growing up, her husband had friends over and he woke up. His brother was sucking on his friend's toes. I'm sorry. What is that? A man sucking on another man? I don't know. I don't know the genders. That, the genders. Everyone's got toes. I mean, it's a joke for a reason. There's always been truth to it. A lot of people are into that. I actually had, as a self-preservation thing, I just said fetishes aren't real. Oh, sure. And turns out it is. I told her, I was like, I said, no. In my head, I told myself it's not real. And she's like, it is real. I was like, no. Okay, wow, we're going off the rails. Let's listen to a voicemail right now. Ask, ask, ask, Abby. Hi, Abby, Abby, and Addie. My name is Grace, and I just wanted to say how much I absolutely love listening to your new podcast, Always Here. You guys have such great energy, and it really feels like I'm just hanging out with friends while listening. And my question for you guys is, what podcast do you guys like listening to? Thanks so much. Bye. That's really sweet. Thanks, Grace. Let's get on the list. I'll get my phone out. Okay. I like Diary of a CEO. yeah i've listened to a lot of those i like unplanned i do i listen every wednesday oh thank you i have to say since we started this one i've listened a little less it's just so much of my freaking yapping so much of you guys not in a bad way i just don't want to like too much no it's not too much i just don't want to ruin some of the stuff that we talk about right that you guys might talk about unplanned d influenced by danny austin jordan ramirez they're a fun one sometimes i listen to whoa That's Good by Sadie Robertson. I loved, they just had a really good episode I listened to. Her and her mom did a message conversation on Botox and fillers. Did you see that one? Oh, I haven't seen that one. I love those. I love those, like her format of that. Well, I listen to John Valoney three times a week, which is a little crazy. I listen to True Crime as a category, so I have 48 Hours, Dateline, Crime Junkie. I also listen to Diary of a CEO, Arthur Brooks, and Ginger and Jeremy podcast. Oh, fun. Yeah. Fun. The sweetest. I also, I listened to this one called the glossy podcast. They're a fashion news podcast. I like that. If anyone also sends me a random one-off podcast, it also automatically, like if they text it to me, it automatically goes into my Apple podcast. And then I listened to those too. So there's a lot of one-off ones from families and friends. That's so good of you to listen to ones that people send you. I feel like sometimes people send things and you just never listen to them or watch them. I feel honored. I listen. Abby sends me some, yeah. That's good to know. That's funny. You sent me a good one the other day and it was like three hours. so I was like, here we go. Oh, yeah, I thought they'd be a good guest on Unplanned. I know. I know. I listen to Chicks in the Office for my pop culture news, and then I listen to True Crime if I'm on a really long drive. It has to be long. It has to be long. It has to be at least 45 minutes so I can listen to the whole thing. A lot of crime junkie. Yeah, I need more, like, fun ones. Oh, I also listen to That's the Point pod by Kristen Johns and John Volk. I, like, listen to them. They're fun. It's kind of similar vibes. I feel like they're just, like, chatty. Yeah. Hi, Abby and Addie. I'm Jaina. I just wanted to say you guys are all so beautiful and I love this podcast so much. My question is, when you get a boyfriend, how do you make sure he doesn't become your whole identity? Thank you. That is such a good question. I think I did that in high school. I did marry him, though, so it paid off. I think I did do that. Did she say if your boyfriend becomes your whole identity? How to not make your boyfriend become your whole identity. Let me text my friends if I did that. You go ahead, you boy. It is so hard when you first start dating not to like get swept up in the feelings because it's so fun. And obviously if you're two, like if you're young and you're in high school and stuff, like you only have weekends to really hang out. And so you want to just hang out with them all the time. I think it's just being really, really important that when your girlfriend's invite you to hang out, you hang out with them and you don't flake on them to hang out with your boyfriend. That is a no-no. Don't flake on your girls to hang with your guy. That's a no-no. And don't always invite your guy to come along. that's actually a different way of interpreting it than i thought what do you mean when we come your whole identity i thought it meant like you start to like everything that he likes like you start to lose aspects of yourself and to just kind of like replicate him oh interesting i took it abigail's way okay but i could talk about both because i think that's a good yeah i think it turned a lot more dangerous like codependency yeah well to just like lose yourself and and i obviously some things are gonna change but it's also more important to make those changes probably in marriage than like the boyfriend you're like okay i don't yeah just don't like shed pieces of yourself because of a romantic relationship and also that's probably the reason they started liking you in the first place yeah so like have your own interests and likes and passions and thoughts and opinions on things inside a relationship i think that's really important i think it's especially easy for females to like kind of morph into like more like their partner totally i would agree um but yeah don't flake on your no no i did not do that i did not do that that's what i thought you meant i was like really no i've had a lot of fun with my friends so i had we just hung out we hung on a lot too but yeah i think that's a big temptation gosh infatuation can really just and here's the thing you got to go into it knowing that you're gonna get infatuated because that's it's a part of it you love that it's part of it but you gotta know how to like keep it in box like and so it doesn't bleed out everywhere yeah i think you need to be okay saying no to your boyfriend like sometimes like if you don't want to do something that they're doing like it's okay to say no you know hi abby and abby my name is mackenzie and i was i'm playing a wedding right now and i was wondering if there are anything that you wish you had put on your wedding registry looking back like the most random things or just something that's not just plates and linens thank you congratulations yeah it's exciting never in your life will you get to do that again really just think about think about that responsibility right there that is heavy uh i made a mistake i registered at macy's and that just wasn't the vibe i just didn't know you could register at other places matt was a really frugal era at this point so we only did amazon and bed bath and beyond which rest in peace bed bath and yeah i would say register for the good quality stuff because i still use all my stuff from that we got as wedding gifts yeah and it's been seven years um okay something random i was really upset that kilb asked me to take the trash can off of our registry because he said a hundred dollars for a trash can that's absurd and so we just got the 20 plastic one from walmart and it was ugly stinky and it had to be replaced multiple times where if we just got the really nice hundred dollars stay in the steel get a nice trash can That's a really good advice. Yeah. I would say get a really good, nice, this is such a dorky thing to say. I'm thinking about the kitchen because here's the other thing too. I feel like your items that are going to get scooped up the most are in the $50 to $75 range. Yep. Or $50 to $100 range. Yeah. And so I feel like within that range, you can get really high quality staples that you'll use a lot of times. Yeah. I don't think it needs to be like hundreds of dollars. But I think about my cast iron pot that I use literally all the time. You can use it like a skillet and a pot and it can go in the oven. It's a great size. And yeah, I think that's a great advice to like, I'm not saying to get like bougie. I say focus on things that are 50 to a hundred dollars. Well, I'm going to disagree. I'm going to disagree because like, I think you should put a Dyson vacuum, like a cool totally because people do group gifts. Yes. Yeah. But I'm way more likely to get an individual gift because I want someone uses something. I want them to think about me. Oh, that's funny. But I think older people that you're inviting and close people, they'll just buy the whole thing probably. And they'll get big gifts. That's where you're going to get your big gifts is your wedding. So I would put some of those expensive things on. There will be people in your life that do that. I'd take KitchenAid on an expensive one. Yeah, KitchenAid. Knife set. A good knife set. A good knife set. A good knife set. I was hassled for putting a KitchenAid on there. I use it literally multiple times a day. So I'm like. I put it on our. It was worth it. KitchenAid is great. Yeah, good knife set. Abby, you got me a TV. I think about it every time I look at it. I forgot that I got you a TV. Now I'm happy. See, I wanted her to think about me. It's a staple in our house. We use it every day. Every day, baby. Multiple times. We're the TV people. That's so true. I would say put the things on there that you're going to use every day or frequently and that aren't going to change from place to place that you move. Yeah, the things that I did not use, themed cloth napkins. I feel really sad about it, but I just don't. want to use them the spiralizer accessory for my kitchen aid never use it what what would you spiralize you would spiralize like zucchini i never did what though noodles right exactly when i was in my healthy girl noodles i hate cauliflower rice and i hate zucchini noodles i just gotta say it i'm eating rice white rice don't make me don't make me spaghetti squash yeah well that brings us to our segment of always eating and we have fun recipes for you guys mine is our tried and true cookie recipe that we both use i used it today i made it last night i'm so excited about cookies tonight um it is by some joy food sunshine joy food sunshine i will will post it my friend abby my other friend abby i have so many to know so many abby's sent me this it's the perfect chocolate cookie every time bella's the one who sent me this recipe really no my friend abby sent it to me that's so funny because i i got it from bella so we yeah this recipe we're not the first we're not the person to find it it is titled the best chocolate chip cookie recipe and it is i will say the recipe includes two not me taking your ticket includes two cups of chocolate chips yeah but you can also play around with it i made them one time with white chocolate chips and regular chocolate chips i did a day with regular chocolate chips and mini m&ms you can really swap those out for other inclusions just keep it to two cups of like inclusion yes but it's a great base and chocolate chips for valentine's day so cute yeah did you do m&ms in the one today yeah that was good i ate it before this episode oh my gosh another cookie go ahead um the recipe i'm including is i feel like this is a universal crowd pleaser i feel like your kids will eat it you'll eat it and i've made it multiple probably for both of you also it's my healthy hamburger helper wait didn't you do that last time no i did some tacos oh so sorry you're right i'm a one trick pony though i do use the same recipes over and over i mean it's delish it saves really well for lunches i feel like you could and you sneak in some veggies it has spinach and carrots, but you will not taste it. And it's really, really flavorful. I didn't grow up eating Hamburger Helper. Never. Me neither. Oh, did you eat Hamburger Helper, Addy? Yes. Does it taste like what I make? Have you had it before? I haven't had Hamburger Helper in a long time. But I actually don't think I've had your Hamburger Helper. Okay. Well, I'm crazy. Someone's going to have to let me know if that actually tastes like Hamburger Helper because it's really, really yummy and has sneaky vegetables and protein in there. Yeah. And it's really quick. Really quick. Love it. Okay. Wow. What a chatty episode. That was fun. That was really, really fun. We needed a heavy one after the fails last week. Not a heavy, but a deeper one. It felt heavy. I felt like I hope it's heard right. We bared our souls. I hope it's heard right. We love you. That's all that matters. Yes. And we also are very thankful to those of you that constantly show your support to the show, not just by listening, but also by hurting it, liking it, subscribing, downloading, sharing with a friend, and especially those of you that give us five stars and write a review just like Jasmine. who says five stars just the girls as a 25 year old married mom to a little boy it can sometimes feel like i'm in the minority in this generation which is why this podcast is such a breath of fresh air it honestly feels like sitting down with the girls laughing unwinding and having real meaningful conversations without judgment i'm so grateful i found it highly recommend oh thank you jasmine i distinctly remember being 25 years old with a little boy oh and so i'm not far off from that 27 but it just it's really special to be in your ear like that on your car rides while you're doing your laundry and so thank you it really does make such a difference and our whole team really appreciates it if you also want to leave a voicemail like we listened to at the end of today's episode you too can call in the number is 602-456-9690 and we love hearing from you guys it really really means so much so thank you for those that have called in and engaged to the podcast in that way. We're reading the comments. I'm reading them and if you guys leave good stuff, that'll be a podcast segment. Right. It was today. Yeah, it was. So thank you guys so much again for leaving comments and engaging and starting conversation. Are we doing a book club? What do you mean? Are we waiting for making more decisions? We already said the book last week. What was it again? Atmosphere. What is it? Atmosphere. Okay, bye. Taylor Jenkins 3. I thought you were ending the podcast. I thought you were saying, bye. I was like, all right. Well, it's coming soon anyway. Yeah, so if you want to read the book, pick up the book. We'll put those details in the description as well. Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Okay, perfect. And we're going to figure out what our new avenue is for that. We're still brainstorming. We're brainstorming. We're going to read your comments. Yes, we're going to read them from the last episode. Okay, you guys, we are so grateful for you. And remember, we're always here. Thank you.