Ira (Reluctantly) Gives a Graduation Speech

Hey, it's Ira Glass. Here's a free sample of the newest bonus episode that we made for our This American Life partners. It starts this way. Hey, everybody, Ira here. I went to a high school graduation last year around this time. And can I say, chat GBT has not been good for graduation speeches. Though honestly, most graduation speeches were pretty bad before AI. Right? Like, I don't know. That's when my experience going to graduations. Maybe it's been yours too. Though I think graduation speeches are bad for reasons that are really built in and nobody's fault. When students give them, understandably, they feel like they have to say something about the experience that they just went through, being in school. And unless something very unusual and dramatic happened that year in school, with that particular class, those stories all kind of just sound the same. Then there's a section acknowledging and thanking teachers and parents. And there should be a section like that. Like, no question. Of course there's a section like that. But that's another section. You can kind of predict how it's going to go from the moment it begins. And then there's a section always about the future and the promise of the journey that we're heading out on today, taking our first steps. The grand adventure the graduates are heading out on, which is really hard to do without falling into a lot of puffy platitudes. It's just a very difficult kind of speech to make interesting and alive and fun to hear. And when somebody does a good one, and there are some really great ones out there, it's usually some of the Steve Jobs or Michael Lewis, people with surprising lives, telling surprising stories from their lives, and having surprising thoughts that go with those stories. It's hard to do well. And when we get to graduation season, like we are entering right now in May, I don't think I'm the only person who goes to those things dreading the speeches. In 2012, a guy named Sanford Unger asked me to give the graduation speech at Goucher College in Baltimore. I knew Sanford Unger. Sandy had been my boss when I was in my early 20s at NPR, on a daily news show called NPR Dateline. And Sandy was the host. I was his tape cutter. He was a tiny staff. It was like, I think it was just like three or four or five people was the entire staff for this daily show. And Sandy and I worked very closely together, and I always really liked him. He was a smart guy with immense self-confidence, which he wore lightly, charmingly, I thought. He'd been a foreign correspondent. He'd been a reporter for the Washington Post. He'd been the host of all things considered, all before we did Dateline. And when Dateline was canceled, he went on to a series of very fancy sounding jobs. He was the dean of the School of Communication at American University. Then he was the head of Voice of America. Then he was president of Galtrow College, which is how this call happened. I'm from Baltimore. I have some personal connections to Galtrow College. But I did not want the job of graduation speaker for all the reasons that I've already told you. It just seemed a hard assignment. But I decided to do it. For reasons that I ended up putting into the speech and telling the audience about. I also included in the speech one very personal story about me and Galtrow College. I remember I was not sure I should include in the speech, but I did. And it got a response. Like it turns out it was the right move. And then I also got to tell them about the day my grandma Frida met Adolf Hitler back in 1932. And so I'm saying all this because with graduation season upon us, I'm gonna play the speech for you right now. And so just to set the scene, this was a sunny day in 2012. It's outdoors. The theme of the graduation that year was transcending boundaries. So that was a phrase that was being repeated now and then during the day. That's the kind of day this was. Okay, here's the speech.! Thank you! Graduates, parents, faculty, guests, President Unger. I'm honored to be asked to be your commencement speaker. I still oppose on principle the idea of any commencement speech. I believe that it is a doomed form, crying and impossible. Commencement speakers give stock advice, which is then promptly ignored. The central mission of the commencement speech is in itself ridiculous to inspire at a moment which needs no inspiration. Look at yourselves at this moment. Something incredible is happening to you right now. The whole world is opening to you. You guys have been in school your entire lives and you have completed something difficult that took persistence and willfulness. Probably you questioned yourselves again and again and now you're off to face the world and do everything you have been dreaming. What can words add to that? Accept delay the moment you get your diploma. I oppose the form of the commencement speech and I continue to oppose it even as I do one now. And I said yes only because of my personal connections to this school. One is your President, Sandy Unger, who I worked closely with at NPR years ago, who as many of you know has a special gift for convincing people to do things they do not necessarily want to do. Wish worked out great in this case because I have a special gift for saying yes to people like that. As was said, another personal connection I have to goucher is my grandma Frida, is my dad's mom, free to free lander, goucher class of 31, a very defiantly proud goucher grad. Are there members of Phi Beta Kappa here? Can I hear Phi Beta Kappa? You are my grandma's sister in that organization. I'm wearing her Phi Beta Kappa key. Grandma Frida wore her key to any special dinner or occasion until she died and was not shy about talking about being a member of Phi Beta Kappa with anyone who would listen, which makes her seem like some wacky, cranked grandma old lady. But she was actually anything but. She was smart and funny and awake to the world. And I loved her enough that although I opposed the form of graduation speech, I am standing here in front of you because I know it would please her a great deal. My third connection to goucher, I really was not going to talk about it all. And this week my wife and some friends insisted that you graduate to find it relevant. And that is that I lost my virginity in one of the dorms here.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 I had some good quality to that age, but I was kind of immature and scared. She however was used to transcending boundaries. Okay, so that is obviously just the beginning of that speech. This is just a sample of the bonus episode that we made for our life partners. If you want to hear the whole thing and support our show, go to thisamericanlife.org slash Life Partners that will unlock the full bonus episode and then you get dozens more. You can also sign up right in the Apple Podcast app.