There is a moment in a relationship, in your marriage, that feels almost unfamiliar. Things are calmer now, the tension isn't as sharp, the conversations don't escalate the same way. There's more space, more understanding, and more peace. And then quietly, a question starts to surface. Okay, we feel better, but how do we find our way back to each other? Not just coexisting, not just getting through the day, but really laughing again, touching again, connecting, and enjoying each other again. If we're honest, that part can feel just as vulnerable as the hard season did. Because after distance, closeness can feel new, right? It can feel different. And today, we're going to talk into that gently, and we're going to walk through that because you don't rebuild connection by forcing it. You rebuild it by allowing it. So get ready, we're about to have a very beautiful and important conversation. Get comfortable, let's go. Uh, no. Ooh, that's better, right, Beth? Yeah. Yeah. She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggle. Because they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Hello my friends, and welcome back to Becoming Unshakable, the Legacy Conversations bonus series, a special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast, a community of strong families building unshakable legacies. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenzi. Over the last few episodes, we've walked through something incredibly powerful, right? We were finding peace, protecting peace, learning repair, building accountability, walking in humility, restoring emotional safety, and understanding how desire begins to return. And today we're stepping into what comes next, reconnection. Because once safety returns, the goal is not to just stay stable. Our big goal is to become close again. That's where the beauty happens. I'd like to say this gently as someone who truly cares about your marriage. You can't force and rush back into connection. You rebuild it slowly in safety, right? Consistency. The work has to be there daily. Many couples make this mistake where they feel a little better and they try to jump straight back into deep emotional intensity, physical closeness. They immediately want things to be how things used to be. But connection doesn't rebuild through pressure. Because that's pressure. That's pressure on your spouse. That's pressure on yourself. That's pressure on the marriage. Remember, we went through a lot to get here, to get to this place. And we do both want the same things, right? It rebuilds through presence by pouring into the marriage every single day. It doesn't just happen overnight, friends. It's that consistency, the action. A big question for couples is, and this may sound funny, but why does reconnection feel awkward? Why can reconnection feel awkward? This is an important question. And completely, it's normal. It's a normal question. Many couples go through this. From a nervous system perspective, when there has been distance, conflict, or emotional and safety, just remember where you're coming from. The body adapts. It creates space. It builds protection, especially for women. It could be for men too, but for women, it builds those walls, right? It learned to caution. It learned. It felt danger. It felt unsafe. So even when things are improving, there can still be hesitation. Not always, but sometimes there can be that hesitation. And it doesn't always necessarily mean that something is wrong, but it's because your system is learning, is adapting, that this is safe again. And perhaps in the past, there was moments where your body has given in to the safety, to that feeling of, I'm safe now, and then something came up. And then you fell right back into that unsafe moment, in that unsafe place. And so when you're going through this, maybe your first time, or maybe this is happening again, that's going to take a moment. And we need to understand that. We need to acknowledge that. I've seen this so many times. A couple finally gets through a hard season. They've done the work. They're communicating much better. They're calmer. There's so much less tension. And they sit across from each other. Right? They sit across from one another. And it's quiet. It's not a bad quiet, but just unfamiliar. And one of them says something like, so what do we do now? What do we do now, babe? And they laugh because for the first time in a long time, they're not fighting. There's no tension. They're just there together. And that moment, those types of moments is where reconnection begins. Right? Have you ever had a genuine, genuine apology? And then your beloved mentioned some of the things that they did. And they said, whatever it is, whatever the conversation is, I could say for myself that my beloved finally says, oh, just admits to some stuff. And I've done, not admits, but just, we talk about it. And we talk about it from a place of no blame, just very honest, very transparent connecting. And then you start to laugh. Right? You laugh. It's not funny because it was so painful. It's like, I don't know. I don't know why I did that. And it's just this, it's actually a really beautiful moment of connection. And you genuinely feel like your person is back. I think that's the best way to explain it. It's the best, some of the best moments that open the door to building again. Right? So a good question is what actually rebuilds connection? Tension is not built in big moments overnight. It's built in small, safe ones that perhaps look like sitting together without tension. That's a beautiful moment. Laughing at something simple. Right? You're feeling free again. A gentle touch that isn't pressured. There's no pressure behind it. Eye contact that lingers a little bit longer. You're not, you've let go. You've let go. You can just connect in that moment of eye contact. Remember telling each other words, telling each other things through just eye contact, remembering those types of moments or if you've never done that starting, it's starting to happen, starting to rebuild that beauty, choosing to stay in the moment instead of escaping it. Your heart is healing. It's safe to be here. These are not small things. They are signals. Close to the nervous system. You are safe here. And when that safety is repeated, connection will grow naturally. Let's lean into what to do in a very practical way. Let's make this real for us. If we were to actually step into this today, if you're in this season, focus on this. Lower the pressure. You don't need to fix everything. You just need to show up gently. You just need to show up. Okay. You need to make the effort. And then stay present. This is the second thing that we can step into today is to stay present. Put down the phone. Turn towards each other. Be there. If you guys are having a conversation, just really have the desire to be there. Don't pick up the phone. Someone calls. Someone texts. Just leave it. Let him feel like a priority. Let her feel like the priority. But you need to want that too. If you're really wanting to be in this season of reconnection, remember to be there. Remember the priority. Okay. And number three, choose small over big. The little things. Don't aim for a perfect night. Okay. Because I know that sometimes you aim for the perfect night and then it doesn't turn out the way you imagined. And it's not that it won't, but aim for, how do I, aim for one good moment. Aim for that one good moment, that core, that core moment that will. I want to say like a core memory, but just for that one good moment. If you have one good moment, that's a win. Okay. You may have many, but just aim for one and then let the others fall into place naturally. Right. Don't put so much pressure on yourself that, that it backfires. I guess that's what I'm really trying to get at for you guys. So aim for that one good moment. Let it feel new. You're not going back in time. You're not going back in time to when you didn't have kids or, or back in time to recreate. Let it feel new. You are building something better. Maybe you guys had a favorite restaurant. Go somewhere new, create new memories, go on a different trip. Stop going to the same place year after year. I mean, if you enjoy it and you both love it, but just let it feel new. Follow safety. Follow safety, not expectation. If something feels forced, pause, pause. If something feels natural, then lean into it and go with that. I think that's your signal. Like you can feel it in your soul. You can feel it in your heart. You can feel it in your, your spouse. Right? So if something feels natural, lean into that. Before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup, but in your cells? I challenge you to swap your morning coffee for Sheila Jeet by Symbiotica. And here's what can happen. No crash, no jitters, just clean, sustained energy, plus mental clarity and trace minerals that our bodies actually need, that are actually starving for, to be honest. This isn't just a supplement. It's an ancient adaptogen sourced from the Himalayas that supports myocondrial function, stamina and overall vitality. Your coffee never did that. Okay, let's just be honest. Try it for a week and tell me your body doesn't thank you. Symbiotica's Sheila Jeet is next level wellness. And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Sheila Jeet today. There is something so beautiful about how God restores things. This is relatable to me. He doesn't rush healing. He nurtures it. He rebuilds it gently, patiently, with care, with love. Right? I feel like we can all relate to that. And in marriage, we are called to do the same, to treat each other with tenderness, to move with wisdom, to protect what is being rebuilt, protect it, protect it from all outside it, outside influence, whatever may come at it. We are called to protect that as we're rebuilding because when something is restored the right way, it becomes stronger than it was before. That's the beautiful part. That's the beautiful thing is, and we're about to talk about this right now. You're not trying to get back what you had. Right? You're creating something new, something safer, deeper, more intentional, more aligned. And that kind of connection is worth building slowly. Right? We always hear about those couples that allowed their healing to take place and they've built this new marriage, this new relationship that is stronger than it's ever been. You hear people saying, I got married again. I have a new wife. I have a new husband. But they're actually, it's the same person, right? But the love story is different. This love story, it says it all. This transformation because they allowed themselves to grow. Where you, I guess the modern world talks about how marriage is exciting in the beginning and it's so good and then it just dies. But why did it die? Because you didn't put the work in. You didn't try to run it the way you would a company that's starting to fall flat. Right? You're going to push everything. You're going to push. You're going to fight for it. Well, if you're not fighting for your marriage, it will fall flat. Then you'll get in another marriage, right? It'll be exciting in the beginning. And as soon as it comes time to put in the work, it's going to fall flat again. And that's a sad story, especially if there was kids involved because they're always going to look at you like, wow, you didn't put the work. And I don't think it's really when they're children. I think when you grow up, you realize if you wanted it bad enough, you both could have worked for it. It's not just one person. It's the two of them. And sometimes it is the one person that just abandons it. And then, you know, no matter what you say, what you do, I feel like when you're an adult, you realize, wow. Wow. There's just, there's just something there. You can't deny it. I feel it. I know a lot of the people in my community, we talk about this a lot. The ones that have been through the family of divorce, because now we understand what goes into it. How could you look at your wife's face or husband's face that wanted to work so deeply on the marriage, but you just were stubborn and you walked away and looking at those beautiful precious children. It just wasn't worth it to you to put in the work just to make those changes. I mean, there's a lot to say. There's a lot of different, you know, a lot of people that don't come from that world. They may not understand it or see that version or that story. But it's definitely, definitely something to look at. Don't give up. Don't give up. I'm telling you that even in betrayal, beautiful things can happen. Okay. You just leave it to God. You trust in God and you work on it, but you can't just walk away from it without trying. Because sometimes, yes, there's abusive. There's violent situations where you can't make it. You can't make it work. Okay. That's a totally different thing than you have to walk through that with a therapist. You have to walk through that with someone guiding you guys, but to walk away without trying. And there was no situation of danger because danger, that's no excuse. You have to protect yourself and the children, right? But if there was no danger and you just didn't feel like doing the work, people realize that when they grow up and they're working on their own marriage and relationships. Now let's take a moment. Let's take a moment. Let's grab those journals. Grab the journals. And let's sit with these questions. And again, never judge yourself. Just write what comes to the page. Okay. What makes me feel safe and open with my spouse? What does the environment look like? What is the feeling? What has to happen? What makes me feel safe and open with my spouse? What small moments help me feel connected again? Small moments. It doesn't have to be massive. What are the small moments that make me feel connected again? Is it him keeping his word? Is it him remembering special moments? Is it her keeping her word, remembering special moments? Is it her, I mean, it's different. It's different for everyone. It's different. What are those moments that make me feel connected? Is it her putting the phone down, listening to me? Is it him or him? In our community, it's usually the other way around, but not always. Where do I feel pressure instead of peace? What is that thing that makes me feel pressure instead of peace? What does gentle reconnection look like for us? And what would it look like to enjoy each other again? Without expectation. What would that look like? These are all great questions. Don't judge them. Just write them down. And you guys, I love it when you as couples go through these together and compare your answers, or what you've spelled out on the page, because it really gives your spouse so many clues. And it helps to get to know each other. So these are really important. And let's seal this conversation. Let's move into prayer. Let's pray over this. If you have a moment, take that moment right now. Heavenly Father, thank you for the work you are doing in our marriages. Teach us how to reconnect with gentleness. Help us not rush what you are restoring. Help us to trust and be open. Give us patience, wisdom and soft hearts towards each other. Let our homes become places of peace, joy and connection again. And guide us as we rebuild something even stronger than before. In Jesus' name, amen. I love those moments so much. I really do. Because when two or more come together in prayer, this is beautiful. And if you have the blessing of having your spouse with you, praying with them through these prayers, and of course praying morning and night and when you can with your spouse and your children, that is so powerful. It makes such a difference. That is my first suggestion for couples. If they are not already, make sure they do 30 days of prayer. That is a challenge. We will talk deeper about that in another episode. But that is the first advice that I can give couples that I strongly believe in. Listen, if things feel softer right now, lean into that. Lean into that. You don't need to force closeness. You just need to stay open to it. Because connection doesn't come back through pressure. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. It's uncomfortable. It comes back through safety. Safety. Just think of how Christ would treat the situation. He's the best example for us. You don't re-live or you, not re-live, re-live. You don't rebuild love by rushing it. Right? You rebuild it by creating a space where it feels safe to grow again. It's just your safe place. And we're growing. We're growing together. And the children see that. And some of you may not. It may not be going through this at all. It may be rainbows and butterflies. Okay? But there is going to come a time when things get tough. We were never promised that marriage was going to be easy. That is the first thing that someone that has been in a long marriage, a long committed marriage, is that there are going to be moments that will test us. There are going to be difficult seasons. And maybe not for everybody. But for many of us, yes, many of the couples that I speak with, absolutely. But it doesn't mean that you can't rebuild it and have it be stronger. Maybe this is just a conversation you're listening to and you could put it in your back pocket for one day when you may need to, to implement these things. Right? That you feel, okay, here's a hard moment. It doesn't mean throw it away. Walk away from the person that I have the potential to build something great with, to pour into my children. It doesn't mean walk away and throw it away. I'm not going to listen to the world. Right? The world that what keeps on their third marriage, fourth marriage, fifth marriage. Hey, did you ever think of putting in the work? You know what I mean? Goodness gracious. And listen, listen. Okay. If this episode spoke to your heart, share it with someone who may be walking through this very season too. The season that you're going through. Or maybe you're not, but they are. Make sure you share it with them. And if this message helped you, give you a different outlook on things. Please take a moment to leave a kind review and five stars. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss an episode because it helps these conversations reach families who are rebuilding something that truly matters. Just be mindful of that. Remember that. And if you haven't yet, make sure you're listening to the entrepreneur kids legacy show as a family. Daniel and Destiny are pouring their little hearts into building something strong, faith filled for little leaders. And your support helps bring these moments, these messages to families all around the world. Uh-oh. I hear a little one crying. Can you sit here and finish the podcast? Okay. I don't know where I am. I think I was talking about your podcast. Okay, friends, we're signing out. Listen, listen to this. Peace protects the home. Okay, I got my little, I got my little angel in my lap. I'm just supporting her through her, her moment. She's amazing. She's loved. She's so blessed. Remember, friends, peace protects the home. Repair restores the heart and connection grows. When two people choose, when two people choose to stay open in a place that finally feels safe again. God bless you. Glory to God always. This is becoming unshakable. We love you and we will see you soon. You want to say bye to everyone? Bye, bye. See you soon. Never goodbye for long. See you soon. God bless you. Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama. There with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the optional kids' legacy show. We know you'll love it. Be bold, be kind, build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. We love you. And parents, if no one told you yet, let us be the folks. You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only, and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business.
