Limetown is created by 2UP. We'd like to tell you about our latest podcast, Shipworm. Shipworm is something new in podcasting. It's a feature-length one-off audio movie. Following this message is the first 20 minutes of Shipworm. If you like what you hear, please click the link in this episode's description to get to the Shipworm podcast. It's available right now, today, for free Shipwim is more than a year in the making and it's 2UP's most ambitious and unconventional podcast yet We hope you enjoy it and thank you again for listeningoramassoleel Wallace. Wallace. Wallace. Wallace, are you there? Yes. I'm here. Did you hear what I said? Yes. Can you please repeat what you think I said so we can... You said you wanted a separation. Yes. Over the phone. That's the point. How long have I been trying to talk to you alone? I don't know. Weeks. I have been trying for weeks. I'm sorry, it's been busy. At work, I know. Yeah. Can you at least intuit in some way why I would want a separation? This is not a trap. I don't... I don't know. Try. Did you meet someone? No, I did not meet someone. That's boring. Okay. I can't really think right now. Okay, I'll tell you then. You don't talk to me anymore. How many times have I told you that bothers me? You're just closed off. I never know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. What about Freddy? We will split custody if it comes to that. Hopefully he's young enough that it won't matter. Thank you. I know you won't hear me, but let me say this for the last time, that I think you need to talk to someone. I think what you went through over there isn't normal, and you can't pretend that... Stop. It isn't normal, and it had to have done something. Not all of us who went out there came back broken. But you did. I help people every day. I'm not talking about helping other people. I'm talking about helping yourself. I won't be home tonight. Please eat something before you drink. Okay. Goodbye, Wallace. Yeah. Come in. I'm heading home for the night, Dr. Conway. Okay, Wendy. Have a good one. I'll see you tomorrow. What do you think about this hurricane coming in? Dolly, you're right. Yeah. Seems like she's picking up steam. Well, we've managed before. Yeah. Um, Dr. Conway, do you want to hear a joke? Sure. A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. Oh, boy. He asks the doctor, what's wrong with me? The doctor replies, you're not eating properly. Can I write that down? Yeah. It's not mine. I found it on a website. See you tomorrow, Dr. Conway. Uh-huh. See you then. You not eating properly You not eating properly You're not eating properly. You're not eating properly. You're not eating properly. You're not eating properly. You're not eating properly. You're not eating properly. OOF- Hello? Dr. Conway, this is Marty. Sorry, my volume is up. What? The volume won't... Never mind. How can I help you, Marty? My back is acting up. I need a refill. Are you sure? I thought we... Please hang up the phone. Sorry, did you say something? Nothing over here. Wallace, hang up the phone. Are you not hearing another voice? Only me and you, Doc. He can't hear me, Dr. Conway. I'm just very confused right now. You doing okay? I think... I just can't make sense of how... Hang up the phone. Marty, I'm sorry. I gotta go. What about my reefer? Thank you for hanging up. Hello? Hello. Who is this? Where are you? You can call me the conductor. I am... Wendy, are you there? Yes. Can you come in here for a second? She's not going to be able to help you. What's up? Wendy, is anyone here? Where? Here. Or around here. Is there anyone? Besides you and me? Yes. Um, not that I know of? Did anyone come in here before you? I just got here. So, um, but I don't think so. I told you, she's not going to... Shh! You hear that? I don't hear anything. No. She can't hear me. She can't help you. She can't hear me. She can't help you, is what she said. Who? I don't know. Did you sleep here last night? Say no and wish her daughter a happy birthday. Is it your daughter's birthday today? It is. Wow. Thank you so much for remembering. She's five today. She's very excited about the pony we're bringing in. We really need to get started, Dr. Conway. I'm sorry, Wendy. I think I'm gonna vomit. Oh, can I get... No, no, please leave. Okay, just let me know. Yes, yes. This is a normal side effect, so don't worry on that front. Oh, God. It's like it's right inside my head. I am inside your head. Mom? That's interesting. No, I'm not your mother. How much did I drink last night? You had four pretty full glasses of Noah's meal, but that's not what's happening right now. Am I going insane? No. You've been implanted with an untraceable and undetectable listening device that allows me to communicate with you. Oh, God, I think I'm going to throw up again. As I said, that's fairly common. I don't understand what's happening. I can explain, but first I need you to go to your computer and click on a link I've sent you, and then I need you to tell me how your wife likes her eggs. False alarm. This is the last thing from a false alarm, Dr. Conway. So you're saying that you are an electric thing in my head? I am a person, but yes, the listening device. That's not going to work. But A for effort. I don't believe you're real. I am. I believe I'm emotionally compromised and hungover and experiencing some sort of... Break? Yes. You aren Well you are emotionally compromised and you are hungover but Wendy Yes Can you tell Andre we need an x prepped for a head scan Yes. Is someone coming in? It's for my head, me. Are you okay? Just let me know when Andre's ready. Maybe you can click the link or tell me how your wife likes her eggs? No. I'm going to take an x-ray of my skull, I am going to see that nothing is in my head, and then I'm going to ignore you because you aren't real. You're going to take an X-ray of your skull and see that nothing is in your head, and that will prove that it cannot be detected, which is what I've already said to you. Well, that seems convenient. I have other more severe methods of proving my existence, Dr. Conway. What does that mean? Is it ready? Andre is ready. Thank you. I'll be there in a moment. My patience will extend to the X-ray as a courtesy. How did you know it was Wendy's daughter's birthday? I know a lot of things. I must have seen it on a calendar. How does your wife like her eggs? Poached, but not runny. What? Sorry. Good morning, Andre. Clearly haven't had food. I had a jelly donut. Oh, man. What kind? I don't know. Red kind. Love red kind. What are we doing? Full skull, please. Okay. Bite down. How about that game last night? Totally. Unbelievable. What are we looking for? Hopefully nothing. Or something. I'm not sure. It will be nothing. Anything specific you do or do not want to see? I honestly don't know. You okay, Doc? You seem a little out of sorts. I'm fine, Andrea. Thank you for asking. Please answer the phone when your wife calls. What? What? Sorry. Can you just bring those scans to my office when they're ready? Yeah, sure. Some game though, huh? God. How did you know she was calling? Please answer the phone, Dr. Conway. Hi. I'm not sure how you did it, but please say hello next time. What do you mean? You don't have to sneak around and leave me breakfast without saying hello. I'm not going to bite your head off. Keep your cool. I just, um, I just wanted to surprise you. Where did you find it? On the counter where you left it. Smartass. Right as I was about to break my fast, too. Poached, not runny, perfect all around. High marks. I'm so happy to hear that. Honey, I'm sorry, I have to go. There's a patient waiting. Call me later, please. This is good. You're trying. Okay, talk later. I don't know if I can process this. We made your wife poached eggs, not runny, and left them on the counter for her in time to break her fast. How did you get inside? Or any part of what you just said? We can, is the answer. Now please go to your computer and check your mail. I'm going to call the police. And tell them what? I don't know, but get them there to her. We would have to enact a new set of measures if you involve the police. Enact a new what? Who is we? Why are we in my head and in my house and making my wife eggs? You're going to have to accept that you're not going to know that for quite some time. I'm not going to accept shit. This doesn't make any sense. I'm standing in the middle of my office screaming at no one. It feels complicated, but it isn't. I tell you to do things and you do them. Who the hell are you? I am the conductor. That's not a name. You're right. Do you feel better? No. I stack those in a very particular order. When you're ready, please go to your computer and check your mail. Yes, when I am ready. I will choose when things happen. Okay, now I'm checking it. Under my own free will. What am I looking for? An email from Dr. Wallace Conway. That's, um, yeah. Yeah, okay. Now click the link. Am I seeing my son sleeping in his crib Do you see the teddy bear on the bookshelf behind him Yes. Do you see the pair of scissors rammed into its chest? Oh, no, my... Breathe, Dr. Conway. Breathe. That's better. Just focus on your breathing and listen to my voice. You are not dreaming. You are awake. And there is a very thin line between what you are now and what you could be. Right now, you are the most important man on Earth. But on the other side of that line, where you don't listen to me, is pure nothing. Like you never happened. You don't have to believe in me, but you have to believe in that. I need you to understand your situation. I'm glad you took x-rays. It makes my job easier. Because if something is there, well, then you can point to that bad place and the world can help you make it all go away. But if something isn't there, which I assure you is the case, then you're just a guy standing in the middle of his office screaming at no one. Do you understand your predicament? Yes? Andre has your x-rays. Send them in. Hi, Wallace. I don't see anything. Yeah. I don't know what's going on, but there has to be good news. It's great. Yeah. Thank you, Andre. No problem, Wallace. I'm listening. I'm so happy we've come to an understanding. There is a larger plan that you, the most important person on Earth, are now a part of. You have to do every single thing that I tell you to do. Some things might feel strange or outside of your comfort zone, but you have to do them all the same. For how long? If this lasts more than 24 hours, you'll be dead. What if I'm successful? Then I will just have been a voice in your head, which I am. Is this because of Camp Nama? No. Well, not like you think, anyway. Now, go to your desk and open the second drawer from the top on the right. What the f- Inside, you will find a large hunting knife and a claw hammer. Pick one. For what? For what job? Pick one. Knives make me nervous. Then you should take the claw hammer. But what if I need a knife? What if, indeed. You have selected the claw hammer. Congratulations. This was the right choice. What would have happened if I took the knife? Just be happy you didn't. I'm messing with you. This doesn't matter at all. Jesus Christ. Are you ready to hear what your first assignment is? Okay. I need you to get something from a safety deposit box in the Citizens National Bank on Park Street. My sister's bank? Yes. Is the safety deposit box yours? No. You want me to rob a bank? That's right. I need some coffee first. The End Thank you for listening to this teaser of Shipworm. If you want to hear the rest of the show, it's available right now, today, over on the Shipworm podcast feed. There's a link in this episode's description.
