Get a Job?

Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there, wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here, yeah I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. But right now it's HVACmania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to StandardHeating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Well what you're looking here? The clock on the wall says 541. We ought to get going again. I don't wanna. You don't? Not really but this is how we pay the bills around here, you know what I mean? Welcome to the Half Fast Morning Show, we're not alone of course, if you're listening right now you're likely trying your best to dial yourself into whatever daily nightmares you face in order to make your living. I saw a question online that maybe we could f with for a little while, Cubby. The question is what's harder, having a job or getting one? Oh I know a lot of people right now that are struggling to find one. I would say easy answer, getting one. Yeah. I guess it depends on like your skill set. Skill set. Suppose some jobs are easier to get than others. I've never had much of an issue getting like a serving or bartending job. Because that's part of your skill set. Yeah that's pretty easy. God dang. I'm a little afraid to sit down here and write down my skill sets. I think I would be over before I even got started. I love that. Skill set. I don't even know if I can consider that like a skill set but it's just like I've worked those jobs before so it's pretty easy to grab one. That's your friggin skill set. Absolutely is actually. I couldn't do it. No, I can't. I couldn't make change right now. You know if you owed me $14.76 or something and you gave me a 30 and we're looking for change I'd be in big trouble. Every gig has a skill set. Every gig has a skill set. Absolutely. I've written down backup plans just in case you know we've had a few reckonings around here and quite surprising at times. I've written down like okay what would I do? Who would I call? I've written down a thing and the list is very short. It's humbling. And there's a couple things I thought well I can kind of do this that just aren't needed anymore. I got my brother-in-law over there at the Chrysler plant. What kind of skills do you have that aren't needed anymore? Well like audio production. Nobody, why people need that don't they? It's on the, I talked to a guy that's in it right. He does it for commercials, movies, TV all that kind of stuff. Is he depressed? A little bit. It's like the jobs are tougher to come by and what they need now are real high end stuff or real low end stuff. The stuff in the middle is just not necessary and there's so much with AI and there's all these different plugins that come out that really kind of do things that you took, it used to take a lot of skill so now it's just not needed. Well Christ. I know like I've spent so much time learning this stuff. You're very good at all that. And it's unnecessary. Audio production and editing audio, my God I've watched your work. You have a skill set. But you're saying you talked to a guy in the business and he said don't come over here. Oh yeah he's recommended it's just not worth it. He said it's getting worse and worse every day. It's a small amount of people that do it and they're the ones that get the gigs. What was the question again? What's harder having a job or getting one? That's right. What's harder having a job? I say I'd rather have than not have a job. The advice I always got was if you want a new gig, wait, don't quit your current one just because it is difficult to find a new one. As miserable as I might be at my current occupation, I'm not saying I'm miserable, I'm just, this is a hypothetical type of a situation, as miserable as I might be at my current occupation, at least I've got some money coming in. So I'd rather have a job than try and get one. And I didn't do a hell of a lot of research on this. Again, this is just a question that I read online and thought we could bang it out for a while. It appeared to me that applying for a job these days is a highly complicated situation. It's just annoying. Well depending on the type of gig you want, I've heard now you have to get by like an AEI, or AEI, AI guard dog, right, where people aren't really reading resumes. It seems like this is more corporate stuff, but you have to get past that and sometimes it's knocking out people who might be good candidates for whatever reason. If I had the skill set, talking to skill sets, I'd love to go into the trades. Yeah. If I could do, I'm so fascinated by that, so impressed by that. And I know people sometimes who do it, they don't understand how impressive it is what they do. It's mesmerizing having those, I mean just measuring. That's impressive to me. Yeah, and remembering it. You're pretty set if you're in the trades. There's always, I mean I always hear about how there's plenty of jobs available. I think you're doing something. You do what you feel accomplished. You're physically, you can see your work at the end of the day. That's something that we have never experienced in the radio business. You never see the results at the end of the day. As a matter of fact, it's almost a mystery most days whether any one of the building cares or not. Josh, you would make an adorable apprentice for a stretch of time. But I hate to tell you this, you want to get in, I think you would look ridiculous in a hard hat. But that's true. Other than that. And I don't have the body shape to hold up a tool belt. It'd be trouble, that'd be trouble for me. You got no hips? None whatsoever. Neither do I. I just go straight down. I just cinched that tool belt. Yep. I'd have to create a hole in the belt because my hips are so narrow. And why are the tools so heavy? I can't have a real hammer in there or anything like that. That's way too heavy. I'm picturing Josh's basketball shorts with a tool belt around it. Yeah. Did they let you wear basketball shorts? No, no they did not. You're screwed, I mean your body's screwed though at a certain age. There's no getting that back. Just even watching guys set up for a job, carrying building materials and stuff like that. I'm like, well that's the job for the day. It's just getting set up. That could be such a pain. But it really is impressive to me. As you guys know, my house has been a disaster since we moved in. And I mean they're like, you know, not to be cheesy but changed our life, fixed so many things and I don't think they realize how much that means to people. Imagine how much more money you'd have if you were skilled in those kind of things and you could have done most of it yourself. Or at least with like a help of a buddy or whatever. Are you trying to make me throw up? I want to keep... Like I think about that, like, oh, because my dad has been a carpenter his whole life and there's so much stuff around my parents house that he's done himself that would have cost them thousands and thousands of dollars. I want to keep humping away at this phrase skill set because I like the way it rolls off the tongue. And boy, again, I'm sitting here and I'm anticipating what it would look like if I actually sat down and wrote out what I believe are my set of skills. Maybe I'll try before the show is over. It reminds me of when my brother, his son, when my nephew was like 12 or 13 years old, I called my brother and I said, hey, look, if your boy would like to make some money this summer, he can mow my yard. I'm tired of mowing the frigging stupid yard. I hate mowing. I said, so pass that on to your boy if he wants to make some money this summer, he can be my lawn mower. And my brother said, yeah, he doesn't have the skill set for that. What? And I said, wait a minute. What? What do you mean he doesn't have the pushing a lawn mower? Even I can do that. Even Ashley can do that. I love mowing the lawn. So I miss doing it. Oh, I do now that I have a riding lawn mower at the time. I did not. So I mentioned that in the limited research that I did online last night when I saw this question, what's harder, having a job or getting one. I mentioned that I didn't get too involved in it other than the question itself. It appeared to me, I saw a lot of people talking about what a pain in the ass it is these days just to apply for a job, emails and resumes and here's out for a rip. Jesus who texted. Okay. So he knows a thing or two. He said he was job searching. He went to the workforce center. I don't know what that means. And they told him that AI will in some situations AI will read your resume and the more words you have on your resume that don't match the job description, the less likely you are to have your resume even read. Yeah. So I mean that's kind of what I was saying about that is that you can't maybe like a human being would say this person seems like pretty good fit. Right. He wants you out for a dumb reason, something like that. Yeah. That's exactly what you were saying. He mentioned four months into the job search. He was really frustrated. He was sending off resumes like a sum bitch. And then he found out later that on his resume, if he used the number 12, maybe they asked him how long if you've been working in the industry and he wrote 12 years, AI changed 12 to December. Are you following what happened there? Yeah. AI changed the number 12 to the month December. So maybe in his resume it said how long you've been working there? December. Right. Oh, one month. The employer would go, well, this guy's got a brain injury. What do you mean? How long you've been working there? And the answer is December. Very interesting to me. The other problem has been so long. It's been so long. Yeah, we're lucky that way. Yeah. We've been very lucky. The other problem I think I'd have is that if somebody said, hey, I don't know if you're qualified for this, I'd be like, cool, yeah, I'm sorry to waste your time. Where some people are just good at trying and trying and trying. Eventually they get the job, right? That first initial rejection, I'd totally go with it. Okay, bye. Thank you so much. My bad. I want to be one of those people that's ballsy enough to just lie themselves into a really good paying job. I've heard people say that when it comes to office type jobs, just lie. You'll get the job and you'll figure it out when you're there. I'm like, what? I don't have enough faith in myself. I would fold immediately. One of my oldest buddies has lied his way into some great gigs. Now they didn't last because eventually he was found out. But he lied his way into some pretty interesting gigs. He's always been a con man. Love him to death, but I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. And that's just what he's done with his life. Walked in, got balls of steel, man. Here's drywall Jesus texting in. She says, I'm a female in the trades. The biggest skill set that men bring to the job is their ability to start drama like a teenage girl. Oh, really? That's funny. The dudes are always starting something over there. You know what I miss about having the guys over at my house a lot is the yelling at each other and busting balls. Yeah. There's one kid, he got a new haircut and he got so much crap and they're talking about him. I can't say what they were saying. It was very funny. But they're talking about him disappointing his father and stuff like that. I mean, it was an entire day and they just would not drop it. I absolutely loved it. Yeah. My poor father because he's gotten a lot of crap about me over the last couple of years because a lot of the trades listen to the show. Oh. Yeah. Did you hear, oh, Mike, I heard what your daughter said today. He's like, darn it. Sleep alone. Things like the bathroom at the state fair and things like that. Yeah. I'm so sorry. So sorry, dad. How does he take that, by the way? Is he got a decent sense of humor or does he get hot? Which is temper like? I guess it depends on what kind of mood he's in. I don't see him getting too upset over something like that unless they said something offensive. Then he would definitely get very, very angry. He's came home from job sites before in the middle of the day and we're like, what happened? He's like, I got in a screaming match. I can't work with him anymore. I hate him. And then he's working with him a day later. There used to be so many screaming matches around here. It was lawless. Why don't you go ahead and start one today and it'll bring you back to what's the word I'm looking for? Bringing you back to the late 90s? Better times. Start up a screaming match in the building. You're right. There hasn't been one for a year. I don't have the skill set for that. Oh! I'm not a good yeller. No, you don't have a lot of strength behind you. You know how it is. Like if I talk too long, my voice goes away. Your voice wears off. A very weak voice. Ashley, that's funny that you bring up your dad getting his balls busted by the boys and gals at the work site because of what you do for a living. How do you think he'd deal with this? Years ago we had a couple of gals in the building who ended up in their underwear in a magazine. Was it FHM magazine? Stuff magazine. There was an FHM and a Maxim. We had a couple of gals in the building who, I don't remember how we got involved in it. It doesn't matter, but they were featured in a magazine and nothing but their underwear. It's with their big butt cheeks sticking out. It was very sexy stuff. I mean, I still have the addition of the magazine because it was just a really cool thing that these gals from 93 Eyes got featured. I'll bring that in tomorrow. They're little drawers on. Anyway, so one of the gals, dads, worked a warehouse gig. And when this magazine came out, he did brace himself for a lot of the boys in the warehouse to attack him. They didn't say nothing for a couple of days and he thought, well, this is, I know that they know about it. Why are they not busting my cha? The third day he comes in and one entire wall of the warehouse. I don't know how they did this. One entire wall of the warehouse was covered by his daughter's ass from that magazine. I don't know how they blew it out. Like a massive tarp. They were able to take a picture from a magazine and turn it into a massive wall tarp. We're talking like 30 feet high and 70 feet. Just his daughter all bent over in her little underwear. And I mean, he had to drop to a knee. That got him. That got him so good. My dad would kill somebody. Was that, were they doing like different jobs at that time? Like each week? I thought there was like a Home Depot version and a bunch of different gigs that were featuring women. Was that like a women of radio thing they did? Oh, I don't remember. They did. There was an FHM one and a Maxim one that were shot here. I know the X girls were a part of it. I know I have those somewhere, Ashley. I'll bring those in. Yeah, I want to see. So what's harder having a job or getting one? I would say getting one personally because I just wouldn't even know step one other than you cut a hole in the right. I wouldn't know the first thing to where I'd go or what I could say or provide an employer to convince them to hire me. I would absolutely rather have a job even if I was miserable with it. You might stand out though because you would have to like actually talk to them in order to get a job because you don't have like a LinkedIn or an Indeed account. Wouldn't that gas me right from the get go that I don't have a LinkedIn? That might help. Might help. Honestly, because I'm sure they don't get a chance to talk to a lot of real people. So if they actually meet you in person, they're like, oh, you know, this is easier than sifting through 100 resumes. I have a buddy that got crap for not being on social media. They thought it was weird. An employer? Yeah, an employer when he was looking for a gig and he's a corporate guy. Must be younger people. Yeah, I'm not so sure, I guess. He didn't really say, but he was saying when he went through, you know, a type of place that has their own recruiting department, right? Their own hiring department. Fancy schmancy. And so they reached out to him and they said, you know, our concern is you don't have no social media presence. And they were wondering why that is. What are you on the run or something? Wouldn't that be a good thing? To me. Yeah, then you don't have to worry about them doing something embarrassing online. Like what Ashley was saying about me, I would have to get lucky, Ashley, and find an employer. The boss man would have to be a gruff old school type of a character who would eventually say, I'm impressed that you don't mess around with social media and you're a face to face tell it like it is. I'd have to convince him of all that and maybe then I'd get the job. My lack of technological skills, but that wouldn't help my situation if I was looking for a job. That's for damn sure. But you know, yeah, so your job can be hard every day, day in, day out. Difficult. Sometimes you got more than one. I mean, just add on to that. Dude, there you go. Sometimes you got more than one. Maybe you hate what it is that you're doing for a living. Like I said a few minutes ago, at least you got money coming in looking for a job that would be a desperate feeling every day that goes by. I think the anxieties would build for some people. Well, that's the thing. And we've discussed this before. We all know those. Oh God, help us, Josh. We all know those some bitches who ain't got a job and don't even care to try and get a job and they seem happier than a clam. I do wonder how that works. I don't know. Yeah, I'm curious about like I'm just almost impressed really, somebody who could be in that situation. I would be absolutely on edge constantly. I didn't have a gig wondering, well, we can maybe afford our mortgage one month here. I think it's because usually it's because somebody is enabling them to be able to be like that. Like somebody is giving them money to help them out. So they always feel like they have like a backup plan or somebody else to like rescue them when they need it. Now you're right, Josh. I mean, between the four of us, I was the most recently unemployed about five years ago before I got hired here. And that nine months I was unemployed was the worst nine months of my life. I just couldn't handle it. Not having the purpose, not having something to do each day. Even a steady sum bitch like you, Dana. Well, not to mention how long did this company drag you on for? I mean, they had you on the hook for a while. It just took forever. You first contacted me in July when I got laid off and I didn't get hired until March. I was going to say, wait, I don't remember you starting in the summer. Wow, dude, that's insane. Yeah. That was silly. You know, that was silly. We told whoever the bosses are around here, we told them, yeah, go ahead and hire this Dana kid. And we had to wait for something to happen and someone money to come off the books in one way or another. It took forever. Yeah, it was ridiculous. You know what? My ex-wife, I remember she made a reference one time, she goes, OK, you're like the unpopular kid that's really hoping to get asked to the dance by the prom queen. It's not going to happen. They're leading you on, Dana. You know what's really funny about that, Dana? She never loved you. Is that I didn't find out you existed or that we hired somebody new until the day I heard your voice on the radio. But we had it planned for months. What the heck, you guys? I mean, it was also 2020. I don't know how well your first few are in history. Hey, yo, fellow Jebus said getting a job, doing a job. The hardest thing is keeping my mouth shut in order to keep my job. That's the real struggle. Keeping a job. We didn't include that in the equation. Keeping a job can be tough. Yeah, raised on the poor side of Maple Grove, Jesus is texted in. Here's a way he looks at things. He says there's always a job to be had. He says the world needs ditch diggers too. Well, I've heard people mention this kind of thing before. They think that there's a few people out there who could easily have a job. They just think of it as below them so they will kind of wallow in their misery. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I got an uncle like that. You do. He's too good for a lot of things. No matter how desperate he needs to be for money. Yeah, I have family members like that too. I don't get it. It's very, very aggr- I don't want a hard labor job. You don't get a choose at this point. I mean, you need a job, right? Yeah. So you might have to start at the bottom. Yes, I've heard, like I said, I've heard people gripe and say, well, not gripe. I've heard them say, hey, you know, I know this guy and I know that guy. They complain about being out of work, but they turn down quite a few jobs because in their mind, that's not good enough for them. Hell, when I was a young person, and I'm just assuming these are young people looking for jobs, when I was a young person, I would have done any damn thing to get some money in my pocket. Buddy of mine, he owns a company, or he's part owner of a company, and he talks about how he's in the trades. They'll have young guys come in and expect an incredible amount of money, and expect all this stuff that nobody has ever gotten in his particular trade. And he said it's kind of weird how it's not just like expecting, they feel they're owed it, and they haven't had job, you know, an experience on just one day yet. And I bet there's other folks in the listening audience who have experienced that as well, or seen people come in that way. It would definitely suck, I guess, applying for a job, and then they offer you money, and you know that money isn't even going to cover your bills, but at least it's something, I guess. At least you can pay maybe half of your bills. Oh yeah. But yeah, I could understand applying somewhere, and they're like, yeah, $26 an hour. That isn't going to do anything for me whatsoever. You can put a shovel in my hand, tell me to scoop something up, I'll do it. If I needed a job bad enough, the boss could just say, see that turd over there? Yeah, pick it up. I mean, there's something. I'd be happy with that, as long as I was doing something and had some money coming in. That's a job too. Yeah, turd burp. You can make anything good. You're going to do something, do it right, I've always heard. Put in the effort. Oh man. Yeah, people are saying finding a job, this is clown Jesus. It's easy if you ain't picky. Right, absolutely. And on the subject of convincing a boss to hire you on the topic of being honest or not on your resume in order to get that job, we mentioned, you know, Ashley mentioned people who will lie their way to wonderful jobs. A few people texted in and said, hey, you got to fake it till you make it. Yeah. And it's all about who you know. Well, of course, that's going to help as well. But I would lean towards honesty if I had to fill out a resume and try to land a job or two. But I mean, maybe if I was desperate enough, maybe I'd tell a couple of lies in there. It would end up, for me, I could see it end up backfiring terribly. But maybe I would fall into line with that fake it till you make it attitude. If the times were hard enough. I'm worried I'd start begging too soon. How long in an interview before you start begging and groveling and crying? Then when do the tears start? There's a proper time for that. I don't know if I have built to go through a job interview anymore. Hell, I know I'm not. That's why I'm considering lying. I guess I'll stressed. Oh, God. Don't ask me questions. I don't want to be asked questions. Our last reckoning around here, I made a resume and I'm like, how do you even make a resume? And boy, this is really a boring resume. There's nothing going on here. I keep mine up to date. Oh, do you? You never know. Mine is very up to date. Speaking of resumes, when the last time I was unemployed, and we were talking about five years ago, I started a website just to write and create some stuff just to make myself feel like I was doing something. And I made a joke resume. And on it were things like high scores on Donkey Kong, drinking accomplishments in college, just to be funny. And I also made a real one. So I had the real one and the fake one and I was applying for a job and I actually uploaded the fake resume, the joke one with, like I said, beer pong stats on it. And I go, huh, I don't think I'm going to hear from them. I might call you back. That sounds fun. Yeah, they might appreciate it. Someone texted in and said, if you want a job, get yourself a CDL, commercial driver's license. That's one thing I put on my list of backup jobs if we can here. I love driving. I know you do. You've mentioned you wouldn't mind being a bus driver. Any kind of driver. Is that a real thing or drivers wanted? Yeah. They are. Yep. I can't do that. Your mom knows. Yeah. Your mom's in the business. I mean, my mom, she says that all the time when she hears people complaining about not being able to find a job, she's like, come work at FedEx. She's like, we are always hiring, whether it's people out in the warehouse or drivers. This is the place to go. That's good to know. That's good to know, although I couldn't do it. Well, I could drive a van or a cab. I could do a van. It's about as big as I get. I'd be nervous to pull the trailer though. Something like that. I've never, outside of a little landscape trailer, I've never pulled one. It just takes practice. But the reason I can't do it is because in 1986, when my dad got laid off from over the road truck driver and he sat my brother and I down and said, if either one of you A-holes becomes a truck driver, I'll kill you with my bare hands. And even though he's dead, I fear he could still get it done. He was so disenfranchised by the trucking industry. Now everything turned out to be fine. He did land another job and he retired happily. And he loved his career as an over-the-road truck driver. He really did. But he did tell my brother and I don't ever become a truck driver. So I'll drive your van for you or your cab. Something like that. I wouldn't want to be like an Uber driver or something like that. What? You don't like drunk college girls? I'm just not super good at small talk. You don't have to say a word. I don't like people in my own private space like that. And I'd be afraid of getting killed. Drunk college girls. Yeah. I'm too old for drunk college girls. I'd get murdered. Drunk older girls. Keep talking. You don't have to wrap with them back and forth, Josh. You're not there to put on a show. You're there to drive them from A to B. But why do you keep them entertained? If you ever met this man. Well, I mean, obviously I know you have a problem with talking. Matter of fact, we had a little bit of a moment a couple of days ago. We did. Jesus. Josh would be circling the block driving the Uber passengers home just because he wanted to keep talking to them. Yeah, right. Don't worry. I'm not charging you for this. You'd be making them nervous because they would think like, oh gosh, this guy's going to kill us and hide us somewhere. In reality, he just wants someone to talk to. You get to the destination. Are you going to get out of the cab? Well, not yet. The driver is telling me all the background on his father's education. The other day we had the guys in from Arthur's Jewelers who were wonderful guys. I love those guys. I warned you about that. I thought it was a bit. He did warn you. I don't need a warning. But I thought it was a bit. I thought about coming back in here after I was done with my stuff too, Josh, just like check on it to see how it was going with you. We talked about wedding rings. We talked about your father's education and upbringing. We talked about other wedding rings. We talked about other people's educations. We talked about not weeping. You and I just sat there. I thought it was a bit. I know you, of course, but I thought it went on for so long and covered so many subjects. I thought you were doing it. I thought you and the Arthur's guys were in on a comedy routine. I can understand why. I do have a weird issue with that where it just things bounce from topic to topic to topic, which probably comes across kind of insane. It does come off. It comes off very insane. Oh, I definitely noticed. A touch. Oh, you've noticed too, Ashley? But I like that about you. I know. I don't know what it is. I don't know how to stop it. I think maybe I get nervous with silence or something or uncomfortable. So I'm like, oh, well, you know this. But you know, I warned you because I genuinely loved those guys. They could sponsor the show or not sponsor the show. It doesn't matter. They're such good people and it's fun to see them. Being a spectator for when you have a problem stopping, being a spectator, it's just one word that then bounces you to the next subject. What did you just say something about nervous? What did you just say? You said something about I'm nervous. I can't. With uncomfortable silence? You said something and then you'd hear, speaking of nervous, when I was in seventh grade, I was trying out for the kickball team and then you go on the, and then during the kickball conversation, someone will say something about, you know, you say we were red jerseys. You want to speaking of red, I was bleeding the other day. That's how it works for you. There's one word and then it translates over to a... That's 100% true. And then sometimes I'll think, well, how did we get here and how do I circle back to that? So does it make it better that I'm aware that there's a problem? And sometimes like on the way home or whatever, I'll think I probably came across like an insane person. It makes it better that you're aware, but it's almost more frightening that you're aware and you can't do anything about it. We got to take a break. You're a terrific crowd. What is it today? Tuesday. And back to our original subject. Is it worse or better to have a job or not have a job? Whatever situation you're in, working a gig every day or looking for one, keep her going. You'll find what you like. You'll be happy. Trust us. We'll take a break. Come back with the stupid news here in a couple of minutes. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks and no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Bialke Law today, 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Do not ever worry about your salary. You need enough to make sure that you aren't in a bad financial position. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward? Upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential? That's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, we were talking. We were. Earlier on this morning we were talking about having a job or not having a job and looking for one which is harder. Both situations can suck. Looking for a job, boy, that would suck. But sometimes the job that you have blows. Can't stay and going in there. Hate everybody. Got a lot of text on the subject. Boy, this is not good news for folks who are currently looking for a job. Big gut tow truck Jesus. He had a corporate job. He quit the sum, bitch. On impulse, he says. At the end of September, he put out over 80 resumes. Only got three interviews. None of them landed. Jeez. He took them four months to get a job. I'm sorry, man. That sucks. You do kind of hear stories like that. They'd be rough. Like I said, I would just, I think it'd be too quick to accept the rejection. There's evidence that not having a job and looking for one sucks. Here's evidence to where it can suck pretty hard also to have a job. Subaru parts Jesus texted in. He said, I'm looking for the biggest bridge embankment I can find while driving into work right now. Come on, man. But I just don't have the balls to do it, he says. Don't do it, bro. Yeah. You're the only guy I trust with those Subaru parts. And we were talking about faking it till you make it. Maybe you tell a few tall tales. You tell a few lies on your job resume to get the gig. And then hopefully nothing backfires from there and you can live happily ever after. You fake it till you make it. I referenced earlier, I referenced one of my oldest friends, Pistol Pete from across the street to be exact. Total con man always has been. You guys know this one. He lied his way into a gig driving heavy machinery because it cost, that's not the word, it paid really, really well. This is many years ago. We were very young. He lied his way into lending a job driving heavy machinery. Well, sketchy. Yeah. Every inch of Pistol Pete from across the street is sketchy. But that's like the one job you don't want to lie about having a skill in. Well, see, he figured this was the way he thought. The pay was so good, even as a beginner at starter level, the pay was so good, he figured they're not going to ask him to get behind the wheel of one of those big old stinking machines for he'll probably just be in the ditch, right? Shoveling dirt for a stretch of time. He'll collect that sweet paycheck. He'll get out of there before they actually ask him to drive so he won't have to prove it. Well, that backfired on him. Sure, he was a ditch digger there with the crew for a couple of months. But then something happened, one guy was sick and didn't show up to work. So they said, OK, Pistol Pete, here's your shot. You got the skill set right. You landed this job. Get behind the wheel of that sunbitch and take it over here and dump that load of something into the ditch and then go over there. Well, he's thinking, well, I suppose I can figure it out on the fly. And he got behind the wheel and he turned the damn vehicle over and cost a company about a half a million dollars. And they fired him for that. Oh, my God. They didn't give him a second chance. The same thing happened to a former coworker of ours. Do you remember this, Nick? He said he was qualified to drive a certain type of vehicle. I don't want to give too much away or embarrass the guy. He was not. He lied and said he had experience and he rolled the vehicle. Somebody sent in a picture. Oh. It's like, hey, did you hurt your former coworker? That was pretty bad. And said, you know, he ended up getting canned from that job because it was the same thing. He completely lied about any experience he had and it didn't work out for him. Subaru Parts, Jesus, if you're still listening, Angry Bus Driver, Jesus said, don't do it. He needs a new engine cover for a 2016 Outback 3.6R. You're the only guy we trust with those Subaru Parts. And finally on the top of trying to land a job or your current job totally blows. I saw a funny meme on the subject. I don't know why Ashley and Josh can probably see this from where they're sitting. Kermit the Frog is sitting at a desk and he has his hands folded in front of him, Josh. It's very cute. As if he's in the middle of a job interview. And the interviewer says, so tell me about yourself. And Kermit says, well, I'd rather not since I need this job. That's pretty good. Kermit the Frog, I haven't seen him in years. But a while for me too. He hasn't aged a bit. He looks good. I remember sitting in the movie theater watching him ride that bicycle while singing Rainbow Connection back in 1979 or 80 or whatever it was. Blew my mind watching Kermit the Frog pedal a bicycle. It blew my friggin' mind. He's got long legs. He does. I've always wanted to be pursued by a woman like Kermit was with Miss Piggy. Ooh, wee. She had no interest in her. No. I don't blame him either. What? You don't blame him? I don't like Miss Piggy at all. I find her very annoying. She's a bit of a snob. Yeah, a little bit. But the sexual vibe coming off of her was thick, baby. I agree with you, Josh. Every man's dream is to have a woman who wants him as bad as Miss Piggy wanted Kermit down. I mean, she wanted to pin him down. He missed an opportunity. I mean, sure, Miss Piggy, she's not a traditional beauty like you might expect, but there was something about her, probably that passion. But didn't they end up doing it in one of the movies? Oh, I didn't see any of the movies. I think in one of the movies. The recent one? Oh, no, no, no. Back in the 80s, I thought they knocked that out in the 80s. Well, they needed to. She finally pinned him. Yeah, they needed to get that over with. All right, we should all feel good for this guy right here. He's from over there in Poland. After nine years, Ashley, where were you nine years ago? How old am I? You were in high school. I just graduated high school. First Pete's sake. Seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? It feels like a lifetime ago. This guy, again, he's in Poland. Nine years went by and 139 tries. And the sumbitch finally passed the written drivers test in his neighborhood. That is one of the easiest tests I've ever taken in my life. You've never taken one in Poland. Yeah, I guess maybe Poland's different. I've heard it's much more difficult in today's day and age. I remember it being difficult, yeah, just because it almost seemed like they were trying to tricky on a lot of the questions. I'm with Ashley. I thought it was easy. Yeah, it might have helped that that was one of the only things I ever really tried to study for. I really dialed in because I was like, I want to be able to drive. Yeah, I've heard it's a lot different now. But back in my day, I didn't think it was too tough at all. But we did study quite a bit in Driver's Act. I'd love to take an updated version of it to see how I do. I think we did a couple of years ago on the air. We all share our scores. I think my microphone just broke. Let me try it. Thank you for your patience. I wouldn't have a clue what the hell makes up today's written drivers test. 139 attempts, nine stinking years. This guy finally passed a written test. You got to pass the written test before they'll let you try the driver's test. That's how, that's at least how they do it in Poland. But our guy got it done. At what point is like, how can you not remember the questions? You think by like try number five, you just know the quiz. It is a bit concerning. Yeah, I don't think he should get a license. This guy might be a nervous person. Can you imagine on the road, he's like, what the hell did that red light mean? He's going for it. That's exactly what I'm picturing, John. Maybe he ain't all there. I don't know his situation. They call it here the theoretical driving exam. If you can't get a good score on that gimmick, you can't get a sniff at the actual behind the wheel driving test. Most people over there in Poland need summers between one and three attempts to pass that pig. But not our guy. He struggled like a bastard. His 139th crack at it was the charm. In years, they say he spent somewhere around $2,100 in exam fees because he kept failing over and over again. But the prick wouldn't give in. I'm proud of him. But here's the real kick in the bag. These are the rules in Poland. They say if Dinkus now goes on to fail the behind the wheel test, he's got to go back and take the written test all over again. This guy's really up against it. I kind of hope he doesn't pass. I think if you've stanky boy Jesus agrees, there should be a limit before you're just not allowed to drive. I'm with you on that. It does. But maybe it's one of those, he's the test anxiety like you mentioned. Maybe he dominates operating a vehicle. Maybe behind the wheel, he's friggin' Kevin Harvick for Pete's sake. We don't know. I have special time once they finally realized that I was, I don't know what my issue was, but I used to be allowed to have an extra 20, 30 minutes for testing when I was in the last couple years of high school and then in college. It was still pretty doable. Maybe behind the wheel, he's Ernie Irvin. If he's really good behind the wheel, I'd be a lot less concerned. It probably should be a limit like maybe just driving's not for you, pal. Maybe behind the wheel, he's Ricky Craven. So you had, they give you a special time for that? Yeah, and then I stopped taking it because I felt weird. I felt like people were looking at me like I was a weirdo. Dana has special time every time Anna Kendrick's on television or in a movie. It's very true. He's got a weird obsession with her. I can't see those movies in the theater anymore. I have to wait till they're on home video. Porno Jesus said he heard they really put you through it, some rigorous tests in Europe. The tests are very difficult over there. Difficult stuff, they say. Now the last note on this story goes like this. Our buddy, 139, the 139 tries guy at the driver's license written test. That's not the all time Polish record. Some other FN character, it took them 17 years. The 163 tries before they can pass that bitch. This person said when I passed my driver's test at age 25, the instructor looked at me and said, all those years of illegal driving really paid off. I hope I'm saying this right. Chillestrator Jesus said he lived in Germany for a while and he took the written test for driving there. He said he passed on the third try. He said it was really, really hard and that compared to Minnesota. Minnesota's easy, easy peasy. Really? That's interesting. I wonder what makes it more difficult. Well they drive on the wrong side of the road. Yeah, that's gotta be confusing. And the wrong side of the car. Well I guess not if you're used to it. I'm teasing. Right? But my husband went to Ireland a couple years ago and he said that it is insane over there. Because of how narrow the roads are and stuff that it was like the scariest driving experience that he's ever had. So maybe that has something to do with it. They try to make it more strict because they know it's sketchy. I went to driving through Ireland too many years ago in the middle of nowhere. Maybe your husband was in the city. But in the middle of nowhere, yeah, those are some narrow roads. Everyone's vehicle looks seconds away from complete disrepair. We were in the boonies. This person says I went to high school with a girl who failed the written test so many times they ended up reading it to her because they thought maybe she had been misunderstanding the questions and she still failed. The most fun I ever had at the driver's license station, whatever they call that joint. And I'll say it again, I know that every stand up comic in the world has a series of jokes about how miserable the DMV is. I've always had a good time there. I don't understand the jokes. I've always gotten in and out. You do get to take your picture. You fail out of it. I don't get it. But so I was in line to do something and standing next to me was a couple from a faraway land. I have no idea where the woman is taking some sort of test where the DMV employee is showing her pictures of road signs and she has to identify verbally what they are. She's standing right up against a counter. Her husband is behind her and the DMV employee shows her a stop sign and says okay, what's this? And the husband goes that's a stop sign. Stop it says stop. And the DMV employee says sir, you're not the one taking the test. Your wife is taking the test. So I'm going to need you to not help her at all. Oh okay, okay. The next sign comes up. It's a yield sign. Ma'am, what does this say? And the guy behind, again the husband, yield. And the DMV employee had to say sir, for the second time, you are not the one. They had to remove the guy. That's weird that he had that compulsion just because of his mouth shut. Weird that he was there in the first place. Do you mind if we share an update? Angry bus driver Jesus didn't want Subaru Parts Jesus to drive off the road because you might remember he needed a new engine cover for his 2016 Outback 3.6R. I think I do recall that. Subaru Parts Jesus got back to him and said they don't carry that part. Oh no. But we still don't want you to drive off the bridge. I think it's too late. Sometimes you just got to let people go. What if that's all he needed is one person to need the part they sell and now they don't even sell that part. He's a grown man. I'm not sure what to make of this here in a place called Orange County. It doesn't matter exactly where that is. In Orange County it says here an 18 year old kid wearing a ski mask. He carjacked a lady at gunpoint. The lady was just a settin' in her car in a parking lot or something. And next thing you know, there's a gun pointed at her mush. And the pecker had holding the pistol. Kenny, his name is Kenny. He says to the lady. He says, I'm sorry to be doing this, but I need to see my grandma. The lady behind the wheel thought it was a joke. But the kid was apparently super serial. He wanted her car. He needed to get on the road to grandma house. The lady said she pleaded with the kid for, as they put it here, Josh, several minutes. She pleaded with the kid, even offered to give him a ride to see his Jurassic old grandma. But the kid refused. Get the F out. Gun to her head. He promised, though, he would return her car as soon as he could. The lady said he looked like something was wrong. He could have taken all my jewelry. He could have taken my money. He didn't take anything. So she finally gave up her vehicle and then quickly called the police. Kenny didn't get far. The cops chased him for a short while and then Kenny banged into a parked vehicle and it was all over. That's too bad he didn't just accept the ride. What a nice lady, by the way. Yeah, so who knows what Kenny was up to for real. Did Kenny, grandma, need help? Had she slipped in the tub and Kenny thought this was the best way to give her the help that she needed? I'll tell you this, looking at his mugshot, Kenny does not look like the brightest kid in the world. No, I gotta see this. That's gotta be a big part of it, right? Oh. Well, I could take a bus or I could commit a felony. What should I do? Yeah, just ask for a ride. I mean, nine times out of ten you're gonna get turned down, but she seemed like a very nice person. She handled that well. She did. Listen, hot cocoa she says. Ask the question for you, the text machine. Was it a gang initiation? I don't think so. Ah. Chicks are shady, man. They do stuff. You know it. We established that fact years ago. Shady. Yeah. This has become all too common. Foxy ladies scamming peckerheads online, scamming Amata, all their hard earned monies. I hate this kind of stuff. Some of you might be saying, some of you might say, hey, it serves you right if you're gonna hang out on the internet all day, whacking your bag, trading dirty pictures online with strange women. And you have a point if you say that. You do. I just feel so bad because they seem so lonely. Who seems lonely? The people being scammed? Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. And in this case, the Foxy lady online, Ashley, if you're already feeling down about this, I'm gonna bring you down even lower. That's what I do. Let's go. This Foxy lady is, she's picking on the old timers. I know you folks have no respect for your elders, but I got a soft spot for the Jurassic. I do. Says here this gal who would be a lot Foxier had she not aided, aided isn't the word, had she not added 8.5 PSI to the lips on her face. She'd be a lot Foxier had she skipped that move. You saw her pictures, didn't you? Yes. I agree. What did you call it? The PSI. PSI. That's so funny to me. Man, inflate them. Yeah. What's so funny? I don't know why I just never heard somebody like explain it like that. That's so good. They use a bike pump. Yeah. Soccer balls, volleyball, whatever. You add PSI to that. They put a stem behind the lip and that's, you just put a bike pump up. Does she not look asinine? Yeah. You know, it's one of those things where go ahead if it makes you happy, but I, it just seems so many people don't really need plastic surgery, at least on their face. I mean, if you're in an injury or whatever it is and that would make you feel better, go ahead. Well, this gal's obviously nuts. Yeah. But anyway, she'd be a lot Foxier had she not done anything to her lips. Her friggin inflated lips make her look like you're on an acid trip when you look at her picture. Anyways, this gal is a former penthouse pet. She's due in court for picking on lonely rich old timers from out there in Beverly Hills and Hollywood and such. I mean, there's lonely rich old timers that'll just give you the money. You know, you have to scam them out of it. The sugar daddies. Uh, one of my favorite lines ever from Beavis and Butthead and I haven't done Butthead in a long time. So forgive me if this is a little shaky. One episode years ago, this was the early days of Beavis and Butthead. Butthead turned to Beavis and said, uh, let's go like, let's go get some money. Anyway, this gal went as far as to burglarize the homes of these elderly gentlemen. So it wasn't just pulling money out of their accounts online through a computer scam. She would end up in their houses. Her real name is Adva, something she's 27. If you look through your old penthouse magazine, she goes by the handle of Mia Ventura. Okay. So if you got a stack of magazines, you can try to look her up. Mia Ventura. She's up against 11 years in prison for what she's done. That sounds pretty serious to me. 11 years. And, uh, the allegations are that Mia, Adva, uh, so there's no evidence. There's no confusion. I'm just going to call her Lips. And again, if you look at pictures of her and see how badly she's mangled her own yapphole with those lip injections, you'll see why Lips is an appropriate nickname. The allegations are that Lips trolled sad old rich Hollywood gentlemen online. With some of these old boys, she would pretend to be their girlfriend. She acted like she really wanted that grandpa action. And those bastards fell for it. So with that, she would gain access to their homes. And once she got inside, the, you know, the poor prick would lay down for a nap, I'm guessing, and she'd steal cash, jewelry, whatever she could get her hands on. And once she got what she wanted, she'd leave the tired old grandpa's in the dust, all heart-broken and whatnot. And like I said, now, nowadays, she's waiting for a trial to begin. Her attorneys tried to get the charges dismissed, but the judge told them to kiss his ass. Lips is not currently sitting in the ladies' cooler waiting for her trial. She's hauling around one of those sexy ankle monitors around town looking like a jackass. Those are so funny to me. If you want to see her vagina, it says here that Lips was featured as a quote, 21st century penthouse pet in the 20 and 23 July edition of the magazine, July 20 of 23. Boy, she sounds like a heartless character. Yeah, that's not cool. I'd imagine she also thinks she is doing nothing wrong. This is all the victim's fault. Not hers. You keep saying Lips, and for whatever reason, now all I can hear is that... No, don't do it. All right. Do it. Lips and hips by Electric Boys. It's in my head. Did you know exactly what I was thinking? Of course. I couldn't. It wasn't on purpose. You have a knack for those late 80s, early 90s glam rock bands that everyone else hated for good reason. Right. I understand. Electric Boys. They were not that great. Danger, danger. Funko metal carpet ride. Wasn't that the name of their album? They had a record called What? I thought it was Funko Metal Carpet Ride or something similar to that. It was pretty stupid. Who were the other ones? Extreme. Nuno Betancourt's one of my favorite guitar players. I was not necessarily an extreme fan, but a Nuno fan. Shotgun Messiah. They had some interesting stuff. I know I'm missing one other. There's one other... Oh, Danger, Danger. It's a lot of my favorite guitar players, Andy Timmons, incredible guitar player. But I remember the song. She's all Lips, Burp, and Hips. Clap. God, there was one other... There's one other really bad late 80s. What about Baton Rouge? Did you buy their records? Baton Rouge? Oh, I don't even know. What was their song? Maybe I'd know the song. I got it on the tip of my tongue. It's called I Got It on the Tip of My Tongue? That sounds like a good 80s. I got it. She walks like a man, but walks like a woman or something like that. Walks like a woman. Walks like a woman. Yeah. Baton Rouge. They were from Illinois. I'm kidding, of course. My wife hates horrors, too, Jesus said. Torotora walking shoes. Oh, Torotora, sure. They were kind of catchy. I didn't mind Torotora. Oh, every mother's nightmare. We could do this all day long. But I ain't mad at you because there's one late 80s hard rock band that I thought was just terrific and nobody gave a friggin half of a pump. Do you know who they are already? No. Lilian Axe. Oh, yeah, I never got really into them for no reason. Their first record is absolutely terrific and nobody, and I mean nobody, cared about Lilian Axe. Matter of fact, after they released their first record, they were in Hit Parade or Magazine or something. There was an article about Lilian Axe, and there was a direct quote from the band. The direct quote was, does anybody know who we are? What about Hardline? Did you like Hardline? Yeah. They had a cool sound. They had a cool sound. What about Love Hate? Oh, Love Hate was terrific. Oh, I mean we've covered this up incredible. Incredible. Absolutely. There are exceptions. There are a couple of exceptions. Love Hate was friggin terrific. I remember now. I remember the other garbage late 80s glam rock band that you liked, Bang Tango. I didn't really like them, but let's see. I can't remember their. There was one song that was pretty decent. Here's our texting in saying nothing was worse than South Gang. I remember South Gang. Oh, yeah. Nothing was worse than Britney Fox. Britney Fox was pretty bad. Another Listered Text he didn't have said, when are Josh and Nick going to go ahead with Shreddicated Part 2? South Gang was Butch Walker and South Gang? He's a talented guy. They had a song. They had like a dance. What the hell was the song? South Gang. We got to get going. Josh is coming up next. Butch Walker. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. I think we got a challenge coming here too. The challenge of the show. The ball call. I didn't hear the ball. Damn proud. Damn proud. Oh my God. We got a, we got an umpire caught on a hot mic there. You know, they're constantly going back and forth this season, Josh. With the pitch review thing. I don't know what they call it. The ABS. Whatever it is. So the umps are on the home plate umpires on a live mic four or five times a game now with that new ABS system. He forgot to turn it off. That's pretty fun. He didn't curse or anything. They just caught him on the mic saying he couldn't hear what was happening because the crowd was too loud. We're going to get some F-bombs here before the season is halfway through. I sure hope so. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. The umpires is going to make for some good times. We did it again, didn't we, Josh? We started something. We went on and on. We went too far. You know, pointless conversation about 80s rock. We were talking about, well I mentioned that Josh kind of always had a soft spot for the late 80s, early 90s hard rock bands that no one took seriously. I forgot about Trickster. I forgot about Enough's Enough. Oh, did I hate Enough's Enough? Oh, that's a terrible name. I hated the name. I hated their songs. Josh, I would go to bed at night and I would fantasize about their demise. I hated Enough's Firehouse. Right. Everyone's texting in. Everyone's got their idea as to what might have been the worst late 80s. Those bands that more or less killed the genre. I had something and I lost it. Rocks Gang. I haven't even heard of Rocks Gang. Oh, God dang. Twins Flatout didn't do dick in their game at the Kansas City Royals yesterday and they lost three to one. Not much happening at the plate. They got a day off today. They'll go tomorrow. They'll restart that series with the Royals and the Wolves just thoroughly pumped the Dallas Mavericks last night. It was really good to see because we learned yesterday that Jaden McDaniels is going to rest and heal a bad knee for the remainder of the regular season. He's not, there are seven games left. He's not going to play to see the boys share the basketball. I don't know how many guys were in double figures last night. Edwards was back. Dossoumu was back. And then Dossoumu was absolutely lights out. He messed around and got a triple double. So the Wolves got a win last night in Dallas. Coming up in a half hour, Randy Shaver will swing by. Stick around, Josh has some more news for you. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. I'm Dave Schaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today, 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E Law.com and it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Do not ever worry about your salary. You need enough to make sure that you aren't in a bad financial position. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward, upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential, that's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing. The 93X half-assed morning show. 93X. As scary as they look, they really aren't anything to be afraid of. And you might see a lot of them in the future, but you know, they're really not going to be anything more than a nuisance. So I do my best to stay positive. Spiders the size of a human hand are spreading throughout the U.S. So today's my last day. Well, through the size of your hand, dude, I ain't too worried about it. I do it in small hands. So today's my last day at 93X, as I'm about to. I don't even say that out loud. No, it's the, I'm sorry. Are you going to go into hiding? I'm about three hours away from boarding a plane to Antarctica, assuming it's not called Antarctica due to an abundance of ants. If that's the case, I'll find another destination. You want nothing to do with all that Peter Parker? No, thank you. This eight-legged creepy hell bug known as the Jor-O Spider has been spotted in at least eight states since 2021, including Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, California, Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. It's a palm-sized venomous nightmare capable of flying. Well, I'm out. Like I said, it's flying. Jesus. It can fly. No, dude. No. The species is believed to have infiltrated the southeastern United States from Japan and is moving quickly up the East Coast. That's how it works. Researchers say the spider is spreading through a process called ballooning, in which young Jor-O spiders release a thread of silk captured by the wind, allowing them to be lifted to new locations. They can travel wherever they want to go. Yep, they can go. The process allows them to travel relatively long distances, distances I personally plan to exceed. In one study by the University of Georgia, researchers found Jor-O spiders are well-equipped to spread due to their high metabolism and heart rate. This allows them to tolerate colder temperatures in the North. In fact, over time, they may reach as North as Canada. Well, but in the wintertime, they're dead, right? They can handle the cold weather. They can't handle Minnesota-Canada cold weather. Although the species may appear terrifying, lying experts stress they don't pose a threat to humans. But they will bite you on the ass. They don't say anything about that. Well, like you said, they were venomous. Well, they're venomous, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to bite you. Oh, is that a factor? Is what a factor? They can be venomous without biting you. You know what I'm saying? I got to look this up. They're very off-putting to look at. They might bite other creatures, but they don't say they're attacking humans. Are they some ugly bastards? Yeah, they are. They're just large and terrifying. Well, Cubby, don't worry. I found a spider in my basement yesterday, Josh. I almost texted you to see if your wife, you know, she kills all the bugs for you if she, you know, out-serves that job as well, if she'd come to my house and get rid of it, because I was kind of terrified. She probably would. Yeah. Yeah, she's that kind of a person. It'll be all right, Cubby. Small black flies with a wicked bite are swarming parts of California's San Gabriel Valley, and they have a hunger for eyes. It's always the eyes. Well, I'm out. Experts say the insects are smaller than mosquitoes, but they're bigger dicks because they go straight for your eyes. Juicy, kind of a warm spot for them to... Yeah, they like a couple things about them. They probably go for the bee hole too, once they're aware of that. Yeah, you're not wearing any undepent. Unlike common house flies, black flies are drawn to human breath and salty moisture around the eyes. Do they know about the bee hole? They don't mention anything about the bee hole, but I could actually picture just a bunch of swarm of flies around someone's bee hole, just chasing them around town. Oh, God. So essentially, they make your face a buffet. I don't want anything to bite my eyes, even if they don't transfer anything. That sounds pretty bad. I agree. I'm pretty sure nobody wants something to be biting their eye. Yeah, that's not a hot take. No. It's like a doll's eyes have got lifeless eyes. Oh, that's disgusting, said North Hollywood resident Tamara Ackins. And she's right. Officials say while black flies can transmit river blindness, as they call it, that risk doesn't apply to the ones here in the States. They are a vector for river blindness, which is a disease that you can transmit. But that's not something that we see here. It's mostly known in other parts of the world. What's unusual, they say, is the timing. Black flies typically show up in May with another wave in August. So seeing them swarm in late March, that's raising eyebrows and possibly irritating a few of them, too. Crews are now going after the source, treating larvae in local riverbeds, where these flies live in fast-moving water. If you're trying to avoid becoming their next target, experts recommend deep-based insect repellent prayer and maybe a hat with a face net. Oh, no. That would look attractive. I think I'd rather just have my eyes bit than look like a dork running around out there. Man, I'll tell you what. So they mentioned there's a crew out in the field working on killing these bastards. They didn't say anything about a crew out in the field working on killing those spiders that you let off with. No, they didn't say anything about trying to get rid of them. They're just saying, hey, just so you know, if you see like a bunch of ballooning spiders, we're aware of it. Hey, dude, you own a flamethrower. You go, oh, giant. OK, that seems like something out of a video game, doesn't it? Using a flamethrower on spiders? Yeah, some Grand Theft Auto stuff. That sounds like so much fun. But if we're talking about, you said the spiders were the size of a human hand. Yes. I don't think it's ridiculous to attack them with a flamethrower, a flamethrower that you have yet to light. I have not. I don't know. So excited to get it. I haven't used mine yet either. Like, I actually completely forgot about it until this moment right now. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. But you're going to own a propane company after one summer. Probably. Yeah. I mean, they sucked down propane like a son of a bitch. The good news is science just made a leap in treating certain cancers. The bad news is it requires you to take a money shot to the eye. Scientists have found an unusual new way to treat eye cancer. I know a couple of gals that are going to live forever. Right. They have found a new and unusual way to treat eye cancer using components derived from pig semen to deliver drugs directly into the eye. In a study published in Science Advances, researchers took a page from Pornia to treat the cornea by creating experimental eye drops using exosomes taken from pig sperm. In the reproductive system, they help spunk, penetrate biological barriers. The scientists repurposed that same ability to solve a major problem in eye medicine, getting drugs past the retinas protective barrier without damaging the healthy tissue, making it hard to see, man. Who's got to jag off a pig for this? Yeah, I'm not going to volunteer. Yeah. There's probably people out there. Standard options like injections, chemotherapy, or laser therapy can harm healthy parts of the eye and affect vision. The goal of the new approach is to deliver treatment non-invasively to using pork slop. In mice with retinal tumors, the results were impressive. Tumors stopped growing and the animals retained normal vision. By contrast, when the same drug components were delivered without the sperm-derived exosomes, they couldn't cross into the retina effectively and the tumors continued to grow and spread. It's a big win for medical research, slightly weirder win for pig semen, but the implications go beyond eye cancer. Researchers believe similar techniques could be used one day to help deliver drugs to hard-to-reach areas like the brain, potentially aiding treatment for diseases such as Alzheimer's. Well, F, me, run in sideways isn't that fascinating. That's one of those things where I just don't want to know what's in the recipe, I guess. Yeah. Don't tell me the details. What began as a routine grocery trip for a California woman ended with an ear-dicking. I guess you're not used to it out here in Santa Clarita, especially Whole Foods. But at the same time, it doesn't shock me either, because you see this stuff happening all the time. While shopping at Whole Foods in Los Angeles County last week, the woman encountered a man who exposed himself. According to police, the suspect then rubbed his genitals against the woman's ear. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but from what I see, that is insane, pretty inappropriate. Tell me about the body positioning of the two main characters. Yeah. She appeared to be reaching down to grab something off a bottom shelf. Oh. He took advantage of that. Duh, yeah, that didn't even cross my mind. He put his naked rod in her ear. Yep, rubbed up against it. After getting a good listening of his penis, she notified police. Authorities are now asking for the public's help by identifying the geared-ear perv, captured, and security footage. Wow. The way I would have grabbed that thing and pulled immediately. Ripped it right off? Yeah, it's just been a reflux. Right out the moorings. An undercover San Francisco cop said that risk of losing his day job for accepting a hand job. He's been accused of paying for an x-rated act at a city's massage parlor, but claimed the visit was just part of a police sting. An undercover operation at a rub-and-tug spot called the Richmond Serenity Spa found illegal prostitution taking place. San Francisco police sergeant Robert Glenn said he entered the spa, asked for a massage, was told it'd be 50 bucks. He said he asked the masseuse if he was supposed to get naked, and she informed him to go for it. At one point, he says he flipped over, at which time the masseuse allegedly made it clear she was offering more than just muscle relief. Mm-hmm. He asked the price, agreed to an extra $60 for an old-fashioned, and she said yes. She briefly stepped out, returned with oil, and according to Glenn, followed through on the offer, after which he paid the additional money for the Lake Street handshake and left. All he maintains strictly for investigative purposes. He was very thorough. Adding to the skepticism of his claims, the spa's owner said Glenn made no arrests. Oh, that's weird. He didn't identify the employee involved, strange. And he failed to notify anyone on site and left them completely in the dark, only for the owners to learn about the incident a month later, which is also kind of hard to believe. Yeah. Oh, we had no idea. The board reviewing the case seemed to agree something didn't quite add up voting to continue that hearing in May. Cop got a handjob? Yeah, I guess so. Fair enough. And never said anything to anybody about it. But once busted, then he decided to say, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just, you know, researching what not. I was working. Yeah, here's all my research that I don't have. My research is all over the place. I got it everywhere. Get the black light. You'll see the evidence. Premiering today on Netflix, the latest chapter of their documentary series, Untold, the new episode called Untold, The Life and Death of Lamar Odom, follows the NBA champions rise to fame and immediate plummet into addiction. Culminating in his 2015 near fatal overdose at an Nevada brothel. Lamar Odom. Yep, Lamar Odom. Unbelievable. Wasn't that the dude that dated one of the Kardashians? Yes. Right? Was he not married to Kim Kardashian or one of the one of Khloe? Was it Khloe? Oh, yeah, that's the only thing I ever, that's the only time I ever knew anything about the dude. And I didn't know that he had all that going on. Wow. He made his way through the whole Kardashian household, I think, by the time he was done. Also on Netflix today, the streaming premiere of 28 years later, The Bone Temple. What? Yep. That's right. You can watch it today on Netflix. The Bone Temple. The Bone Temple. How many visits have you paid? How many trips have you taken to The Bone Temple, son? Over the years? Yeah. Two. That's not a lot. One by accident. The second one I couldn't wait to get back. Ewan McGregor, 55 today, ACDC's Angus Young, 71. Christopher Walken, 83, believe it or not. Best of luck to former radio guy Jesus having his gallbladder removed today by a chupacabra, strangely enough. And today is National Clams on the Half Shell Day, International Taco Day and Eiffel Tower Day. So say hi to your mom. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the Half-Assed Morning Show. Surely there's a way to unplug this. Surely there's a horn expert somewhere in this building. Well, this is where the players, you have got to mentally stay locked in. That's right. Cover your ears. Hide your eyes. The horn will not shut off. Hi, damn. Randy Shaver is here. Hello, Randy. Good morning. And also it's Tuesday, which means C. Willie Miles has strolled in here looking all cool. In the house. Looking all smooth and whatnot. Kevin Harlan and Robbie Hummel and everyone else at, I forget what ball clubs were playing over the weekend. Iowa and Illinois. The Iowa region and the Illinois game. Everyone at the arena, including Kevin Harlan and Robbie Hummel, almost went out of their minds because we had another issue where the substitution horn or the TV timeout horn or whatever it is was turned on and they couldn't turn this son bitch off. I think it was 11 minutes. Oh, that could make somebody go nuts. Was it a 76ers game earlier? No, a Pistons game earlier this year. Detroit Pistons, where they couldn't get the horn to turn off. The same thing. What the hell's going on over there? Back at youth basketball. I remember that happening in a time or two. Oh, is that right? Yeah, it wasn't 11 minutes long, but the thing just wouldn't shut off. They eventually just had to unplug and plug it back in. The best part was the manual horns they had to use. Once they got it turned off, they didn't want to turn it back on because they were afraid to get stuck again. So they gave them those manual air horns. Oh, beautiful. And those were the ones they used to signal the referees of a substitute. Substitution or timeout. And everybody was just howling. The broadcast team was just laughing because the guy that was sitting at the scores table that had to do the horn was he was laughing too. Yeah. So it was pretty fun. You got to shake them up. You know, you got to shake them up too before you. It wasn't that long ago we covered this. Air horns created some of the best times of my youth. We would player them at people when they weren't looking and watch them shoot sky high. Air horns were a riot when we were kids. We thought that was the funniest damn thing in the whole world. Yeah, I let one loose in the Metrodome Concourse. Packed concourse. It was field trip days with a bunch of kids everywhere. And I blasted one. Every kid hit the ground ducking. They took that away from me pretty quickly. They thought a boat was approaching or something. Oh, God. All right. Well, welcome to the show, gentlemen. Let's start off, if you don't mind. Because I don't think there's anything really pressing here. We'll get into the timber walls. Let's get back to timber walls. More college basketball stuff in a minute. The twins, this, that. Unless I'm missing something, Randy Shaver. No, you got it. Let me tell you guys about a greasy, sleazy, complicated and confusing scam. I'm not sure I can explain it. I'll just go ahead. Best I can. A fella out there in Georgia is in trouble for going on the internet. We had a similar story earlier on in the stupid news. Well, I guess similar in a couple of ways. But Georgia guys in trouble for going over there to the godless internet. He pretended to be a well-known female porn star and a pile of pro athletes fell for it and handed over all their money. Now, none of these none of these athletes have been named yet. And I'm guessing that they're paying a lawyer a lot of money to make sure their names don't get out there. But a dozen or so athletes fell in love with this supposed porn star gal. Not knowing it was a 34 year old dude on the other side who was just pretending to be a lady porn star. Well, that's damned embarrassing. The scammer dude, they have his name. He goes by the name of Ford. It says here he also again posing as a female porn star. He paid a female only fans gal to have sex with some of the athletes. I was telling you about. Huh. And Ford told the only fans gal to video record the foldings. And if the only fans gal went ahead and did that, he slash she, the porn star impersonator would give her some high paying modeling gigs. Oh, man. Are you able to follow all this? Like I said, it's kind of deep and dark. Very much so. So Ford is in real trouble here. And I guess I'm kind of just waiting to find out if any of the athletes find out if any of these poor bastards are named. I don't necessarily need to hear their names. I'm sure they're embarrassed enough as it is without all of us rehashing this over and over again with their names connected to it. But by God, aren't these pro athletes getting enough ass on the road? Yeah, you would think. Say their names. You want the name. I want their names. I mean, if you stupid and you don't know it. I'm here to help. If you stupid and you know it, you're stupid. I'm here to listen. So they're stupid and they know they're stupid. If you you're right, you got that kind of money. You're professional athlete, man. Frankly, I just don't get it. If you got a you're paying. What? Paying a porn star. Right. Paying anybody. Paying anybody. They've gotten an advantage. The rest of us regular folks don't. You're right. They're not having any trouble in that department. I mean, they thought they were dealing with a scorching hot porn star. I can get the appeal there. And if you have the money, maybe you spend a little bit of that money on a scorching hot porn star. Really? I mean, the tread on that tire. I mean, you can go find something a little bit. I mean, there's some scorching hot women walking around here that that that's had a lot more tread life on them. I can't I can't argue with that. You're a porn star. If you make them a living, I mean, you're hot dog down a hallway. You want him saying? I'm just saying I understand the appeal. Here I am. I'm a big time athlete. I've had all those hot women on the road. Maybe I want to dangle with them. I think it feels a little bit easier when it's like this, right? When it's pay to play. Yeah, you don't have to work as hard for it. Now here's another scam going. A lawsuit here says now then that some sleazy sum bitch was impersonating a Green Bay Packer and tricked someone into giving him a four million dollar loan. He was impersonating. Never heard of the guy, but it says here two time all pro safety Xavier McKinney. Sure. Says here the shady individual got that four million dollars. Receive this loan and they have since absconded with the loan proceeds, a.k.a. runoff with the cash. Absolutely. The FBI is investigating the matter. Oh, these poor bastards. All right. Friggin Wolves won by 30 points last night in Dallas. Oh, God, seven players scored in double figures. I owe to Sonu messed around and got a triple double. Played great. The whole team played great last night. But the son who of course stands out he has since he got here. Seven players scored in double figures. That was a thorough whooping. Edwards got back in the mix. Finchie was gentle with that that he Edwards last night. He played 20 minutes or something like that. Well, did you see him miss the start of the game? Yeah, he was messing around, jagging around in the locker room. He said he said for the game he was taking a dump. Oh, is it? Did he? Yeah, he just said, yeah, I was taking a sh. Oh, yeah, he just straight upset it. Well, why the hell didn't wasn't that included in any of the Wolves coverage that I read this I just read it on from a tweet from John Krasinski. I like to hear about a good deuce. And I guess I also read to just now that his high school coach said that practice was regularly delayed when Ant was in high school because either is in detention or he was taking a dump. I guess something about the start of working out kind of got things moving for him and he had to go to the bathroom. He's just ripping off Nick's bit for many, many years. A lot of detention and problems with the toilet. Yeah, no kidding. I suppose we have followed similar patterns. Yeah, you guys could trade some more stories. Yes, we could. Well, I didn't know we had to sit on the throne. I just thought he was busy jaw jacking. So Edwards came in after the opening tip and he looked pretty sharp. The Dallas Mavericks have lost 13 straight home games. I guess that's a world record or at least a Dallas record. It's some great great runs last night. What a fall from grace for the Dallas Mavericks. Well, yeah, something happened there and it all came undone. Yeah, I mean, man, you went from the the champions of the western conference to one of the worst teams in the west. You know, but I take long. I mentioned this to my wife though last night. So baby nuts that whole nightmare, the whole city turns on the Dallas Mavericks. The Anthony Edwards deal in return for baby nuts went nowhere. What does he play to dozen games? I don't even know if he's still on the roster. Anthony, what did I say? Anthony Davis. Sorry, Anthony Davis. Yeah, he's not. He's with Washington, right? Okay, there you go. I'll go along with it. Total disaster. But I'm watching the game last night. The arena is filled. Right. And so, I mean, they got Cooper cup, whatever his name is. Cooper flag. Cooper flag. Whatever hard feelings they had are gone. The arena is sold out. Right. Or maybe it's like a thing of the Timberwolves about a decade ago and they were so bad and there's this image that gets shared a lot recently of a cub food sign where it was, if you buy four cans of corn, you could do better tickets to the game. It could be, but when the Timberwolves were that bad, I bet you not that many people were even taking advantage of that. That's a good point. So, I don't know. I'm just saying it looks like a fun place to be, despite that recent misery that you just brought up Randy Schaver. Sucks to learn that Jaden McDaniels, the best player on the Wolves roster, sucks to learn that he's out for the rest of the regular season. There's only seven games left. He's got a knee issue. So, they say no surgery. They're just not going to play around with this and make sure he's all set for the playoff. And, you know, I think that's a question mark too. I think the playoffs could be a question mark. Oh, really? Could be. Well, I don't like to hear that kind of talk because he is a straight up pimp. Yep. And I, you know, obviously your chances of advancing in the playoffs are not very good if you don't have him. Well, I certainly hope to see him in game one of the playoff whenever that comes around. A lot of folks on the, on the soulless evil social media, they're making great fun of former NBA player and of course infamous member of the Fab Five. They're making great fun of Jaylen Rose for his terrible acting in the playoffs. And, you know, I think he's acting in a television series. I did not know that Jaylen Rose was doing television. Now, I mentioned just a few days ago, I think he's one of my favorite sports personalities. I think Jaylen Rose is terrific and just a straight up honest character as far as covering sports. I did not know he was acting. He's on a television show called Southwest High where he plays the principal of a high school and he's trying to get a handle on it. Did anyone see Jaylen Rose's acting abilities? Yeah, just in the articles. I haven't watched, I don't have, maybe I have 2B, I guess, I don't know, but. Okay, would you agree with me, Josh, that it wasn't that bad? Not at all. If nobody, I wouldn't have thought that. I mean, it's fine. I mean, a lot of, I mean, it's a straight to 2B show. I don't know what you're expecting necessarily. Seriously. I don't think he was bad. 2B, is that a lower standard of television or something? It's a free service. So yeah, if it's free, I don't know what you're expecting. Yeah, sat on a network or one of the bigger streams. Yeah, this isn't HBO. And no offense to 2B, but I mean, usually, I don't think any of these production companies are preying it goes there over HBO or something. No, I mean, 2B is, you know, it's like CW when it first came out, you know what I mean? It's like, if you made it, you made it. But you got to understand what you're working with though, you know what I mean? It's not like he's working with major stars. So no, it looked a lot like community theater. Right. It did. Yeah, the production value wasn't great. No, I'm glad you feel that way because I thought, boy, he's getting picked on, on fairlead. It's really, it's frigging click bait. You know, I mean, we have to fall for it every day because of our, our responsibilities here. We want to look into everything and see if it's worth talking about. I thought you and Rose, I mean, compare him to some other athletes who have tried acting. Shazam. Shack. Talk about Kuzam. Kuzam. Yeah, he was Kuzam. I never saw that. Oh, the shack was awful. Yeah, all of them are. Mike, like MJ, Michael Jordan is horrible. Oh, he's horrible. Everything he ever been in. Yeah, every, every, none of these guys, but, but I'm saying is that you get what you get. Yeah. You know, you, you're not watching them for their acting abilities. Oh, how about Dennis Rodman and double team with John Claude Van Damme? Now he ruled. Right. I'm just saying that wasn't bad acting on Dennis Rodman because that he was being Dennis. Right. He was playing himself. He was not trying to act. Dennis Robbins was being Dennis Rodman. There were some bad ones, man. There have been some bad ones. Some of them might, now that I'm looking at it, some of these athletes who acted, I missed it all together. Right. Let me throw a few of these at you. And these are supposedly the worst of the worst athletes who have gotten into acting. I know. Terrell Owens. I don't, what, what, what ungodly program hired Terrell Owens? Anyone? Yeah, he did a couple of episodes alone some dove. Yeah. Really? They're called cameo. I don't know. They're called cameo. To do sit ups. Yeah. Right. Who are you? John McEnroe. I didn't know he tried acting. What do you got, Josh? Um, Marshawn Lynch. He's been pretty good in some stuff. Zelda Master Jesus brings him up. He has been pretty good. Marshawn Lynch, I see his television commercials. They don't ask much of him in his television commercials. People are saying Tubi has a lot of good shows on it, but just their originals are not great. Oh, sure. Who else did I, I never noticed. Okay. The rest on the list, I guess I, oh, oh, Chris Bosch. Yeah. Former NBA player, it says here, Chris Bosch is by far the worst athlete actor of all time. True. I didn't see it. I haven't either. She was like, I want to say one of the best former NBA actors or NBA players that are acting is Rick Fox from, oh, sure. Ellie Lakers. This guy, he made a living out of it. He literally did, but he went to acting school. He did. He, he really wanted to be good. And didn't he, didn't he hook up or marry that absolute missile, Eliza Dushku? Oh, I don't know. He was married to, what's her name? Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams. I thought he was dangling with that Eliza Dushku who just drives me crazy. I think she's the sexiest damn thing in the world. They dated for five years. Who, a Dushku? Yep. Okay. It's funny that you mentioned Rick Fox because I'm currently reading the worst of the worst athletes who turned actors and they go after Rick Fox. They say he sucks. I've seen him. He's, he's pretty good. He levels. He's level. Who else do they pick on here? They pick on. How'd they rate Bill Lambeer as a sleastack in Land of the Lost? I remember he told us about that on the radio. He did. When he was a young kid, was he going to school in Los Angeles? I thought he said he was a student at the time. Did he play college ball in Los Angeles at one of the, because yeah, they needed an extra. They needed a tall guy on the set of Land of the Lost and he said, yeah, I'll do it. So they put him in a sleastack outfit and he waddled around the, I haven't seen, is it Hustle? The movie where Anthony Edwards is in? Couldn't do it. Oh yeah, because it's Adam's. Oh, and was great in it. That's what I've heard that he was really good. That's what I hear. He was playing him. I mean, he was obviously playing himself or a character like himself, but he was just being aunt out there talking trash and was very believable. I know you're a fan of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's work, Nick. Well, his limited work. Yes. I mean, he had the terrific scene from airplane. I don't know if he did anything else. That might be it. They pick on Merlin Olson here, Randy Shaber. They say he was a terrible actor. They should not pick on Merlin Olson. I agree. He was on Little House on the Prairie for years. Yes. Merlin Olson made a living at it and he did just fine. Yeah. They pick on. For that time period and the part that he played, he was fine. So I don't agree with all of this. They pick on Bob Uker. Watch. That's ridiculous. They say he was terrible on Mr. Belvedere, which I never saw. Oh, no. And I never saw Mr. Belvedere. What was the story on that? What was this? What was the name of the rich guy? Or something like that. I can't remember. Here are the worst actors, athletes who turned actor. These are the worst. They say Michael Jordan, Dennis Rodman, Dan Marino, my esteemed colleague. That's none of your damn business, Dan. I appreciate you staying out of my personal affairs. Ed Maranero. They go after Ed Marino. What? No, Hill Street Blues? Yeah, he was good. No. That was good. Lawrence Taylor. I never saw it, I guess. There's one that I'm sure he was awful. Shaq, Rick Fox, Merlin Olson, Roger Clemens. Now, I disagree with this one. Brian Bosworth wasn't that friggin' bad. I didn't mind the boss. Did you ever see the movie Stone Cold? Cold, Stone Cold. That wasn't that bad. No. I was speaking bad actor. Stone Cold left a little bit to be desired under the few movies he did. Oh, are you like Santino Morella? Did you not enjoy The Condemned? Oh, he hated that movie. Santino hated The Condemned. I love that movie. I thought it was all right. I thought Stone Cold was all right. They say Brent Favre sucks. Well, what did he do? The one scene and something about? Right. That's all I can say. Something about Mary. Give him a break, even though I don't like Brent. Give him a break. I don't remember Wilt Chamberlain. Oh, he was in... Yeah. He was in Conan O'Brien Part 2. Yeah. Conan O'Brien. Conan O'Brien. Conan O'Brien. Conan O'Brien. Barbary. Barbary. Barbary. Tom Brady Ray Allen. I agree. Ray Allen kind of sucked in. He got game. Yeah, he was a... Denzel kind of carried him through that movie. Alex Keras, OJ Simpson, LeBron. Alex Keras almost. I love Alex Keras. Exactly. I love Alex Keras. Webster. Yeah, I don't care what was bad about him. I liked him too in Webster. Oh, my God. He was awesome. Howie Long, I'll agree with that one. Oh. Oh, he is so bad. I saw him in one of those Matthew McConaughey, Rom Combs or something. Oh, it was tough to watch. He is awful, Matt. What was his movie? Fire Storm? Fire Storm. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you know who's actually really good is Batista. He's actually made a great career for himself. I agree with that. I never would have thought that watching the guy wrestling or his mic work at all. No, he looked like a cement head. Exactly. He kind of do a little bit of everything. Yeah. I really enjoy his movies. I'm with you on that. Those wrestlers should be pretty good at acting because that's part of their job. And don't hold your breath every time, Randy Shaver. Well, I'm just saying. No, you're right. I'm just saying it's more of a natural thing for them to do. Did you ever see a movie with Hulk Hogan in it? Other efforts. Well, yes. Too soon, baby. I don't need to do series of the dead, but I think even the Hulkster would admit that suburban commando wasn't exactly an Oscar-winning fixture. Is that where he's wearing a baby? Is that where he's a babysitter or a nanny or something? Lake Street handshake Jesus had Conor McGregor in the new Roadhouse movie was horrible. I've mentioned before you, if you like Conor McGregor, but you're going to see a lot of it. I don't understand why they showed it so much. That took up the majority of the movie. That's too bad. Because it's better than watching his face. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Andre the Giant and Princess Bride. I mean, yes. Lights out. Lights out. Yeah, Randy Shaver. A lot of these television wrestlers, they should have an idea how to act going from wrestling into a mainstream movie or television show. But we do a few of them stumble along the way. Yeah, we'd have to tie you down, I think, for you to get through Thunder in Paradise starring Hulk Hogan. What about Three Ninjas high noon at Mega Mountain? Who's that? Hulk Hogan was in that one too. Oh, I missed that one. Great. Oh my God. And I know your feelings on him, Nick, but I think John Cena is very, very funny. He's terrible. I think he's hilarious. You know what? Maybe I can't separate my love of him as a wrestler. I don't know. That may be the case. It's funny you bring up John Chana. And again, that's Santino Morella's pronunciation of... It's funny you brought up a Coldestone as Steve Austin. You did earlier. And now you bring up a John Chana. A John Chana. I just watched him act for the first time a couple days ago. What did you see? He is a dad that's concerned about his virgin teenage daughter. Blockers. He is so bad, it's inexcusable. I'm sorry. That was some of the worst acting I've ever seen in my life. Don't get me wrong. He's a very nice guy, very charitable guy. His acting absolutely blows. He's not a great actor, peacemaker. That's a pretty good role for him. That's a perfect role for him. I never saw it. So I'll try that. I'll try. I'm not with a lot of those guys. If they just quit trying to act, just be yourself. Sure. Because I think that... You know what I mean? The problem is they try to act. It's a hard thing to do. It is a hard. It's hard. It's a hard thing to do. You know what I mean? Acting about... Like, you know, acting to fall and like you hurt, that's different than like looking into a camera and pretending. They're trying too hard. You're trying too hard. Just be like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just walk out there and just be Arnold. Yeah, a lot of folks are texting in about the body. Right. Oh, he's entertaining. He is. A lot of those guys are entertaining. Maybe not good actors. He's not. But he be's himself. Yeah, he is basically Jesse in all of them. Jesse, yeah. 6'5", 1'2", 7'1", 5'2", Jesus said. Ricky Stenicki, John Cena's role in that. He was pretty funny in that too. I mean, I couldn't watch more than a half hour of that. I'm protecting my virgin daughter movie, whatever you said. It was so bad, I almost puked. The role that Josh is talking about in Ricky Stenicki, he plays like a lounge singer and all his songs are about masturbating. They're like, he takes, you know, like, he got a weird L's with like popular songs and makes them all about jacking off. To be fair, I'll try him again. I will. But that teenage girl movie was just unwatchable. Yeah, I don't think you'd like Peacemaker. I think you'd appreciate some of the humor. But Ricky Stenicki, I don't know. I could see you going either way on that one. Now, they do mention wrestlers here on this website I'm looking at. Athletes who went into acting. They mentioned Triple H. That's not actually Santino Morella. That was William Regal's pronunciation of Triple H. He always called them Triple H. I loved that gimmick. And he always called you Maga. What was it? Uma, umaga? Umaga. William Regal always called them you manga. They mentioned Triple H as being awful. But they say above all, landslide victory, worst wrestler to ever try acting. And I didn't see it. I'm just reading about it. Adam Copeland, otherwise known as The Edge. Oh, yeah. They say he's so bad you can't take it. What was he in? I have no idea. Oh, OK. Oh, no, it says right here Vikings. He was in Vikings? That's what they claim. I loved that show. But Josh and Dana now we've learned. And Santino Morella did not like the Condemn. Yeah, I've never seen that. It's because of Santino. He said it was so terrible. You know, O.J. Simpson is brought up here in athlete two. Oh, yeah. He was bad. He was pretty bad. But again, has everyone now seen the latest naked gun movie? Yes, just recently. See Willie Miles, Randy Schaver, Dana. No, I haven't got to yet. I have not. I did not. There's a scene in the movie. They ran it in the trailer, too. It's pretty good, right, Josh? It's pretty good. Yeah, it's not great, but it doesn't like destroy the original at all. It's it's entertaining enough. In the movie, Liam Neeson plays Frank Drebben, Jr. OK. His partner is now. Sorry if I confused things. In the naked gun series, Frank Drebben had a partner named Ed. I can't think of his last name. And then the other cop, the three of them that were always solving crimes together, the other cop was played by O.J. Simpson, and the name was Nordberg. So in this latest edition of the naked gun before before the movie really gets going, all three of the cops are the sons of those three characters. So you've got Frank Drebben, son played by Liam Neeson. You've got Ed's son played by I don't know who. And you've got Nordberg, O.J. Simpson son played by I don't know who. And before they leave for their shift, they're looking at the pictures of their fathers on the wall. And Frank Drebben, Jr. looks up at a picture of Frank Drebben, Sr. and says, I'm doing this for you, Dad, or something. You know, thanks for everything. And then the Ed character son looks up at the picture of Ed and says the same thing like, Dad, thanks for teaching me how to be a cop. I'll be careful out there. And then they cut to Nordberg, a.k.a. O.J. Simpson son. And he looks at the picture of O.J. on the wall and just shakes his head. That was good. I mean, that scene dropped me to a freaking knee. I'm glad they referenced it. I was wondering if they would. He just looks up at the picture of O.J. and just shakes his head. Like son of a bitch. Oh, man. All right, we went off on that long enough, I think. Sorry, I blew up. Oh, speaking of television personalities, though, my wife showed me this yesterday. And then I could have probably, if I knew how, forwarded the video to someone so we could put it on 93X.com. But I don't have that skill set. The unreal game winning shot made by that Connecticut kid the other day. Yep. Yep. Against Duke. My wife showed me, and I'm sure you guys with the skills can find this easily. My wife showed me yesterday the isolated video of the broadcast team as they watched it live. So Randy, you've seen it. Oh, it's awesome. The lead announcer, of course, is busy hollering his ass off. I don't know who he is, but you know, he's got to throw in some cute line about March Madness. He's got something going on. It's Rafferty. That's the one that everybody's talking about. Don't pay attention to the lead announcer. Right, like Randy says, that's not what to look for if you find this video. It's the physical reaction by the color commentators, Bill Raftery being one of them. I believe the other is Steve Smith, correct? I believe so, yes. The two of them are in a status shock. It wasn't Grant Hill. Maybe I read something. Oh, maybe it's Grant Hill. It was one or the other I could not tell. Maybe I thought it was Grant Hill. Okay, they have their... Grant Hill has his hand over his face like he's that shocked, so I couldn't quite tell who it was. But look for Raftery's reaction especially. He looks like he's having a mild cardiac episode. It is so much fun to watch. They are just in a state of shock. Maybe we can get Smashley when she comes into the room here to find that and post it on our website because it's great. Yeah, that was insane. A pass that did not need to be. Oh, it's just stunning how they... How they blew that game. Just stunning. He did not. There were so many things he could have did with that ball. He could have held the ball. He just could have held the ball. He just could have held the ball. He absolutely just took the foul, man. Yes, it's just stunning. You're a good professional shooter. I know what he was trying to do. I do too. The guy was open. He's just trying to get rid of it. But just a terrible mistake and... Throw it straight up in the air. There were so many options he could have did. Yeah, yeah. Just throw it straight up in the air. Right. Yeah, just... This is interesting. Back to athletes who tried acting. I'm really sorry I missed this one. Jiu Jitsu, Jesus says, What did you think of Marty McSorley in the movie Con Air? I don't... I saw Con Air at a drive-in movie theater when it came out. That's a long time. I don't... I did not know that former NHL goon Marty McSorley was involved in that. Funny. By the way, that kid, what's his name, who hit the shot, Braylon Mullins, Sporting News called that the third greatest NCAA tournament buzzer beater of all time. Five to one. They went this way. And this is hard for me to talk about. Lorenzo Charles, NCC. Yep, yep. It was so beautiful, even though they beat Fislamma Jamma, and I loved Fislamma Jamma so much. That went all the way down to five. Yes, yes. That was the fifth on their list. Four, I have no memory of Jalen Suggs. Yes, for Gonzaga. Right. He jumped on the table. Yeah, I don't remember that one. Three, they go with Braylon Mullins. Two, Chris Jenkins, Villanova. When we were on the air yesterday, we compared Braylon Mullins shot to that of... Chris Jenkins when Villanova beat North Carolina. That was in 2016. In that video, it's such a beautiful play and a beautiful shot and the crowd reaction. And then, like I mentioned yesterday, they show Raleigh Massimino in the crowd, breaking into tears. And you can't show me Raleigh Massimino, and I'm going to cry too. He died shortly after that. Number one, of course, they go with Christian Leitner. Yep, as they should. No. Well, yeah, but why is Leitner number one? That wasn't a final, final. No, it wasn't. I'm not trying to take away what Leitner did. It was such a beautiful... Speaking of Grant Hill made that beautiful... But that was not the national title game. I think Chris Jenkins should have number one on that list. I think so too. That was a heck... Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, that should have slide up and I still think... I think that... Well, the Charles shot was just a putback of a missed shot. Yeah, right. So that's why he's number five. But that was a game winner. That was a... It was still a game winner. National title. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Val Vano goes crazy. Right. Yeah, it was... You don't see no energy like that, man. That dude didn't know who to hug. What the hell... He was running around just looking for anybody to hug. I know. God, Jim Valvano was a... Caught a case running around and he could have grabbed a cheerleader or something. Like, bro. In 1983, if he would have picked up a cheerleader and put him on his shoulders, people probably wouldn't have said Jack Squat. No. So that man's excited to take a woman and run off with her. Yeah. Randy Shaver. Now, when Chris Jenkins hit that shot, and again, I'm not trying to get anyone crying, but they put the camera on Raleigh Massimino and he's... Do you remember who Raleigh Massimino was hugging after Chris Jenkins made that shot, Randy Shaver? Another very well-known NBA personality was hugging him. I don't recall. The czar of the Telestrator. Oh my gosh, really. Mike Fratello. Oh. Mike Fratello. Twins didn't do Dick Tracy in their game at Kansas City yesterday, playing in the Royals home opener. They lost three to one. The boys only put up three hits. Matt Walner's dong in the second inning was the only mark they could put up on the scoreboard. Kind of took away from a nice pitching outing for Simian Woods Richardson. Yeah, he did all right. I mean, you know, the Twins pitching actually has been, other than the eight runs they gave up at Baltimore, which was more mickable struggling, but they had opportunities yesterday for sure. Kansas City is going to be good. They've got a very, very good rotation, and they're going to be tough to beat, I think, this year. So the Maple Grove kid hit the home run for them. Oh, sure. Isaac Collins, who came over from Milwaukee. Hit the home run yesterday for KC. So day off today, weird, you know, it's one of those series where you, you're in town for four games, but you're only playing three because of a weather day. So by the way, so the twins home opener is Friday. And we'll get into that later in the week. Yep. Saturday's game is going to be like 30 degrees and snow raining. So if you got Saturday tickets, I wouldn't count on that pig. It sucks. What do I have here? Oh, a good bulk of our conversation this morning has revolved around athletes who tried acting, and a lot of them really sucked eggs. Am I missing something here? Is this a joke? Papa C. Jesus taxied in to say, what about Marcus Felino in Happy Gilmore, part three? Is that a real thing? No. No. Oh, well then F me running. I hope it is some day though. You're waiting. I'd watch that. It'd be cool if Marcus was in it. Mm hmm. Ah, football. God, I can't stand the NFL. But I should let you know the Vikings have decided to keep Addison Jordan. Yes. That's cool. He's going to stay for like two more years, I think they said. Two, three more. Two, three more DUIs. Fair enough. Possibly. Randy, you have nothing to say about the keeping of Addison. I mean, I think it makes the most sense for them to do that. They don't really have a backup plan at receiver at this point unless they draft one, which is very possible. So see Willie Miles. So Tiger Woods, peeled out of his gourd the other day, crashed his car. And a lot of us, I think we even had a brief conversation on the air. Why doesn't the sumbitch just have a personal driver? Because his driver's suck. His driver's suck? Is that a golf joke? Joke. That went right over my head. Good for you, Nick. I'm glad you got that. We've all said that. We've been, we said that since when he tumbled over into Genesis in LA. Right. I mean, he's obviously on enough painkillers and then he has to take sleeping medications and so forth. The man does not, he's not like a drinker or really a, you know, He's hooked on pills. Yeah. And you just fall asleep. He's all after everything he is rolls over. I mean, he don't have just slide off into the ditch. You're right. Doesn't have normal access. No. Why does he roll? Yeah, Josh, why does he always roll over? I don't know. Over over correct? Well, the one from a few years ago, he was going 83 and a 45. He was drunk then, right? No, pills. Oh, I thought I thought he was also. I thought he also blue. No, no, he doesn't. He's, he's, he doesn't do that. He's just a pill popping. Just, yeah, he just pain care. He manages in so much pain, which he would just, you know, just stop trying to golf. If he stopped rolling cars over, he probably wouldn't be in so much pain. True. Well, here's the deal. Apparently, according to what I read, there's a reason why he doesn't hire personal drivers. Right. It's a matter of privacy. According to somebody who knows Tiger Woods very well, it says here, he doesn't want anyone to watch over him or know what he is doing. He sounds like, he sounds so immature. Dude, just pay them enough money and they're not going to say anything. I think he's been so famous for so long that he's just paranoid at this point. Everybody who works for him, you have to sign. I mean, when you, you're that famous and you work that much money, you know, people pay people to get information about you. And that's the hard part of being famous. And I get that for some people. Then I just say, then don't be so famous. I don't know. I think he's just full of excuses. Like, just go to rehab, dude. Well, I mean, yeah, you know. Excuses, excuses, excuses. You just need help. He's tending to garner some attention with some of these activities that you're a part of. Right. So it's back on. It's going to have to figure it out. There's an old unean headline that's been circulating since Tiger was in the news. This was back during that Thanksgiving disaster where his wife found all the text messages of all the Hooters waitresses. Oh, yeah. That was like the first real grand, grand look behind the curtain into this man's life. Yes. And about two weeks after that, he finally held a press conference where he just basically apologized and to everybody, to golf fans, to his family. And the onion posted a photo of him at the podium of that press conference. And the head, the fake headline was Tiger Woods quote, I eff my way into this mess and I'll eff my way out. And obviously they didn't censor the word. It was just. Yeah. All right. So there you go. I'm really interested in everyone's take on our final, final topic here. I was reading about a nine year old girl who everyone's talking about her videos are going round and round. It went viral in the whole works. A nine year old girl power lifting, dead lifting 180 pounds, competing at some lifting event earlier this month. She's nine. She can deadlift 180 pounds. She can squat 150. She can bench press 85. The reason why I want to bring it up. I was always told that's not good that that is not good for a kid's body. No, no, no. Um, so are we all are in agreement? Yeah. Yes. 100%. Absolutely. I don't know even how this is possible. I mean, she the article said she weighs 60 pounds and she's deadlifting three times her weight at nine years old. Did you see the photo of her dead? Yes. Yeah, her face. Poor little girl. Her thighs are quite large for her frame and apparently her dad is a former Greco Roman wrestler and coaches wrestling and this little girl also wrestles. Oh, I hate when parents push their obsession with like fitness and nutrition on other children. She's jacked. I mean, you see her flexing. I did not see her flexing. Yeah, like she kind of scares me a little bit. I'm worried about this child. I mean, I don't have a problem with her getting into wrestling and I don't have a problem with little kids doing push-ups or whatever just to have fun kind of a thing. That happens a lot, but this is totally different. I'm looking at the pictures of her and it's a little scary. Yeah, man. Can you imagine it would be the kid that had to wrestle her? Well, no. What, but it's over pretty quickly. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to lay here. Can you just lay on top of me? No, if you see that you're facing her, you just turned right around. You leave. It's one of those things where your pediatrician would tell you that, you know, you're stunting growth by doing that and that's not good. Yeah, we learn a lot of touch away until we get to high school. Right. Pretty much a freshman sophomore year, basically. Maybe eighth grade for some. Yeah, she's not going to, I mean, she keeps doing, I don't know how long she's going to do. She's been doing this, but her growth plates are going to be absolutely cooked. Yeah. She, I mean, that's just sad. She's going to grow up and be a bouncer. What's that? She's just going to grow up and be a bouncer. Yeah, she could be the next, the next China, hopefully with a better ending. I was curious, yeah, to get your vibe on this because that's what I always heard. Little kids shouldn't be pressing weights and things like that because it can mangle them. And one way or another. Hell, I even remember in little league baseball, well, I think we were sixth graders, so we were 12. I played the catching position and one of our pitchers, their dad was the coach. Again, big surprise that the coach's kid would end up as a pitcher or a quarterback or the starting center. And that's a hockey term, not like football. So anyway, so I was the catcher. And I said to my pitcher one day at practice with his dad hovering there, I said, man, your curveball looks terrific. And the dad said, what was that? And I said, I was talking to your kid, the curveball. And he turns to his kid and says, you're throwing a curveball. And he was furious. Right. Yes. And he told his kid, if I see you throwing a curveball, I'm going to send your ass home. You're too young to be doing that to your arm. Right. So even little thing, and that wasn't the, that was the first time I heard it, but certainly not the last. Little league ball players should just don't try to put any jazz on it because it could mangle your LMO. Well, you know, when you tell a kid not to do that, if the kid likely is out there doing it with his buddies, maybe not in front of his coach or his dad, but he's probably in the backyard trying to throw it. Oh, I know I did. We all tried to throw it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Even I did. That was fun. But you're talking about doing it on a consistent basis in competition. And obviously that's not what you want to do. Oh, dude, I had a. I never saw a curveball until I was probably ninth grade. And I played a lot of baseball growing up and we just, there were not curveballs. People, kids did not throw curveballs. They just were such a big deal. Okay. Even in the sixties, that was up. They really pushed it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't let me catch you throwing a. We all tried to throw knuckleballs. Oh, yeah. That was my game. Oh, I love throwing knuckleballs. I spent so much time in the backyard. I mean, and I had a Barry Zito type hook. I still think I have the best curveball that was never employed by a major league baseball franchise. I'm telling you the truth. I could throw a hook like Bert Blei 11. And then I don't know, 10 years ago, my elbow gave way. So I guess I made it longer than some. The best curveballs I ever threw were in Wiffel ball. Oh, watching some of those slow mo wiffle ball videos. Do you watch those jobs? They're incredible. I watch those all the time. These professional Wiffle ball players. Oh my God. It's so much fun to watch. I don't know how the hell you know where to swing. Yeah, it doesn't seem real. I know you don't. It seems impossible that what they're doing. It looks so much fun. I would love to go up against one of those professionals just to see what it looks like coming in because it's crazy. You would need a new hip. I would be that would be that coming in. Just try to try to come up with a level swing. I mean, but I don't know how they track the ball when they're up at the plate. I've watched a little bit of that. I don't know if you call it professional Wiffle ball, but it's on fan dual once in a while. Like it two in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Looks very difficult. Oh, by the way, real quick, Alistair texted in to tell me that there's a new food at the St. Paul's St. Stadium this year. They've got they're selling something called the Spam Dog. I just took a picture of his text so that I would remember. Yeah, it's got kimchi on it. I don't know if you'd like that or not. I don't know what kimchi means. Like a Korean coleslaw. Maybe that'd be a decent way to. I like I like all different styles of coleslaw. I think you'd be all right with it. My buddy Lanahan makes the best coleslaw in town. I love Spam. Josh, you could damn near put anything on top of Spam and I'll eat it. So I think I can handle the kimchi. I think I was wondering if you'd like that or not because we both do like coleslaw. Spam Dog. Kimchi is like the new hot thing. I feel like they're they have that everywhere now. Really? So we used to eat a lot of it because my oldest, maybe I can't remember his third or fourth grade teacher was Korean and he brought it into class and all the kids got obsessed with it. There's a Korean restaurant by us so we'd go get it. Yeah, I've heard it's really, really good. I was kind of hoping to start a conversation about Spam, not kimchi. You never know. It's live radio. I'll tell you what. Back when I was a kid, I mean, back when I was poor, I used to rock with this Spam. I just can't do it no more. I had too much of it. We used to get a lot. I have it every year at the state fair. Every year I go to the Spam booth and get a Spam F.Me running burger and I just love it. I don't know what it is about it. It's like a crack rock for me. I just can't see it come out of the can. I don't want to watch it. See, back then, the jam was the key, man. Just get the key and then swing it over and screw that ball open and then move. Do it up. Watch it go. Yeah, that. I was like that noise of like plop. It kind of farts at you when it comes out. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, I'll intern at the slaughterhouse if it means at the end of the day I get a Spam burger. But the other day I did, I was at my guy over at high V at my grocery store. He yelled at me and he goes, hey, see Willie, got some bologna in here. And what did I go get me some old fashioned bologna? And I got you. I got the little eight inch cast iron skillet. I can't do bologna anymore because we ate it so much when I was younger. I was just like looking at it. Once a year I will go and he would always, he said, it's that time Willie, I got some bologna. I love it. It's bologna time. I want to, I like a big tall package of that Oscar Meyer bologna. Oh man. I will lick you down for a bucket of Oscar Meyer. I don't know if it's just me, but I think the bologna, this nowadays is different than what I ate growing up. Yes it is. I think the bologna that I ate growing up was, I don't know, it was just, it was just better than what you get in the package now. I don't know. It just tastes different, feels different. I don't know. Your taste buds are cooked. You're elderly now. I don't buy a package like that. I just remember it being different or tasting better. I get the beef bologna. He saws it up for me like one quarter inch. Well, that's, maybe that's what it is. Yeah, I get it fresh. And whenever we talk about foods like this, someone's going to text it and say, well, it's all the lips and a, we don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I still eat it. I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. And how do you, why would you expect that we didn't know that? Right. If we're passionate about things like hot dogs, spam and bologna. Right. How do you think that we're not aware that it's beaks and feet? I don't care. Also, if I'm already eating one part of the animal, I don't care if I eat the other parts. It's fine. Exactly. We eat the best part of the, and you don't even know what you eat. Right. And you don't know what you're eating either. Yeah. You want to live forever? Knock yourself out. I'm going to eat bologna spam and hot dogs at every turn. I'm okay checking out before I get a 106. Just because I don't like spam, don't mean I don't like bologna or hot dog. I'm good at, I'm just saying spam goes through me. And it won't stay. That's the beaks. We'll talk to you later there. That's what the beaks and feet do to you. They peck or climb their way out of you at a high rate of speed. See you later, Randy. See ya. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. 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Call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. Vince Collinaze is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on to buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Following listen on your favorite platform. Here's the deal. It's stinking Tuesday. C. Willi Miles is here and that is wonderful. So where the hell should we go now? I'm sorry. Where did I miss? Tickle me. Elmo made an appearance on the show. Where did that come from? Because there's traffic on Lake Elmo. Or that Lake Elmo. Yeah, I heard that part. Lake. And then I jumped in an Elmo. Lake Elmo. Breaks me out. Really? Yeah. I don't know. Something about him. I don't know. I don't know what it is. Maybe Google Guy who did voice of Elmo. Oh really? So there is something to that makes sense. Here we go. We got that straightened out. I know what some of yous are going to say. When we begin this year next conversation, you're going to say finally this program has matured. Or as Josh would say, matured. That's the fancy way. When we begin this next conversation, you're going to say this is the kind of material that shows the growth and maturity of a radio program. So you know, quite a few of us made up a bracket for that men's college basketball tournament. Or some of us, the women's as well, college basketball tournament. Try to make a few bucks. Add some fun to the whole experience. Others kind of have a funny way of paying tribute to tournament time. Others come up with alternative bracket style tournaments. Just for laughs. I like that kind of thing. Yeah, those are fun. I like when they do like fast food places and stuff like that. Sure. Best movies, sitcoms, fast food, beer. It goes in all different directions. Like say this one, some smart mouth with access to the internet came up with this for you. A March Madness style bracket that involves the absolute worst places to have to poop. Okay, so the worst places where you might be stuck having to cut one by God. Is there that many options? Would you like to hear the matchups, Ashley? Sure. Are there that many options? I mean, think about that for a minute. I mean, like maybe if you're like really, I figured it's like all one, like there's a fast food restaurant, a porta potty at home, you know. Well, they go like standing and online. They go into it. Maybe you're giving a speech. There's tons of experiences that would be pretty awful if all of a sudden you had to go. Oh, I understand what it, okay, now I get it. Let's hear the matchups and try to pick some winners. Again, someone put together a tournament style bracket that involves the worst places to have to go potty. I know one that better be on here. Number twosies, C. Willi Miles, we're talking strictly the deuce here. Matureing. You know, pardon me. We're maturing. We are. We are. Right. You know one in your head, you'll holler it at me if you hear it. Yeah. And if you don't hear it, we're going to want to... Here are the matchups on the left side of the bracket. Matchup number one, on a coach bus is how they put it. On the ground. There you go. That's, I was wondering how else I could put that. What is weird in the bracket the way they phrased it to it confused me. Coach bus? Yeah, versus what they have a versus there. Oh, versus a kids sporting event? Yeah. So I was picturing like all the coaches on a bus. I, it took me a second to realize, oh, they're talking about like a Greyhound or something like that. On a Greyhound bus or at a kids sporting event? I was on a Greyhound. Well, that one's real easy for me. You were on a Greyhound once. Where'd you go? Fargo. Oh yeah? Or I guess Morehead specifically. I would say that would be a bad place to have to go. I don't even understand why a kids sporting event would be involved in this bracket really because outside of, okay, now that I think about it, if you're watching your kid wrestle or watching your kid play basketball and hockey, there are beautiful bathrooms there available to you. But I suppose if you're watching soccer out at doors or baseball or lacrosse or something. Usually it's pretty nice though. There's usually a building with some bathrooms. More certainly porta potties. At least I guess it depends what city your kid plays for but. Porta potties come into play here. Never had a problem with porta potties. More than one. No matter the condition. I'm fearless. Yeah, me too. I really am. Yeah, I've never cared about them. See, Willie Miles, you gots to go and all you have available is a porta potty and it looks like the feces monster walked in there and spun in a circle for 30 seconds. Are you bothered? Yeah. Would you describe it like that? Yeah. See, I can work my way around it. I can work my way around that situation. It sounds like Josh can too. Well, see, you're a big golfer. You're on the golf course four hours a day and there's not always one readily available. Have you ever been caught in a bad situation there? Dude, I am a Chijic planner. I'm like aunt. I'm gonna poop before I go. I ain't gonna show up nowhere thinking and I'm not gonna eat what I need to eat. To get through the round. So I don't, I got nowhere. All the, the, the, the biffs are, you know, I gotta know what a bathroom to stop. I know what a clubhouse is. Okay. I'm gonna hop in the cart and I will drive all the way back to the clubhouse. 100%. You must be one of these bastards that I can't stand. You're just, well, then again, I'm fine now. But I was very jealous as a young person. You must be one of these regular, some bitches every day, same time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. My wife just texts me. She said on, on a walk and she just experienced that the other day. Oh no. Yeah. She, my wife always inevitably we're on a walk and we've passed the skateboard, the skate park where we live, the skate park in our, where we live. And there's a biff there. We're past that. No, she's got to get to the, another quarter mile to this corner. We should take a shortcut back to our house. And she's like, I'll meet you at home. She was. That's what I know. That's what I know. It has gotten bad. She's like, this is bad. Yeah. Walks, get things moving. She had to go poop. Oh my God. Oh. And she get there, like sometimes we'll be walking and it'll get real bad. And she'll tell me, open the garage. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I have to open the garage a hundred meters before we get to the house. She cannot wait for it to go all the way up. And she's like, she tracks all the way. Don't take her shoes off. We generally take our shoes off right as we walk in our mother room. Straight to the bathroom. She's rolling under an opening door. Oh my God. I swear to God. Indiana Jones style. What we have here is a March Madden style bracket. And the matchups are the worst places to have to poop. Our first matchup was coach bus versus kid sporting event. The next matchup at your significant other's parents house. Versus, versus the bathroom at your office with the boss in the neighboring stall. I'm not going to the bathroom with anybody in the bathroom. Oh really? No. Not happening. Well, you're lucky that, I mean in the morning, I guess there's one other woman here during the show, but it's pretty much just you. But what's your name again? Ashley, the scenario is you have to go. It's not just, well, I'm not going to go in there. You have to go. To either your pants or next to the boss. Right. God. But also our boss is a guy, so it would be kind of weird if you ended up in the stall next to him. I used to have a boss of two. That would be a little weird. I wouldn't mind taking a poop next to my boss. I'd rather go in my significant other's parents house. Well, I'd rather do next to the boss. I mean, we're all human beings. What's he going to criticize you for having to take a sh- And he's vulnerable too. You can ask for a raise. Absolutely. Oh sure. Parents, your significant other's parents also understand when you got to go, you got to go. But there's a touch of embarrassment there. Yeah. Dealing with your significant other's parents as opposed to your boss. You work with the guy. You know, you don't have a relationship with him. I mean, he's not necessarily your friend. I got a buddy who tells a great story. We were seniors in high school. He had just graduated. His girlfriend, who's now his wife, was having her open house. You know, all the aunts and uncles come over, sandwich platter, that whole thing. And it was right before the guests were about to arrive and he had to go to the bathroom. So he goes into the one on the main level that was just a toilet and a sink, nothing else. And he clogged that thing up real good. And he's panicking because, you know, grandma's about to walk in the door. And he texts her older brother and says, hey, come to the bathroom. I need your help. And he kind of opens his door and realizes the situation. And he says his brother was like the wolf in Pulp Fiction. Just goes, okay, here's what we're going to do. It's the cleaner. Yeah, exactly. The brother went downstairs discreetly kind of like tucked to the plunger, kind of down his pants a little bit. And then the head over his shirt he was wearing and discreetly got it to him. And got it out. And no one was any of the wiser. Where was this that he was so embarrassed for clogging the toilet? It was at his girlfriend's open house for graduation, open house. Oh, God. At the parent's house. Oh, God. Yeah. All right, Cubby, our next match up in the bracket here, involving the worst places to have to go poo. Next up would be a music festival porta potty where you once had intercourse. Yeah, sex stuff. I mean, I'm still embarrassed by it. Wait a minute. You didn't have intercourse, but you did sex. No, there was intercourse. There was. I'm saying sex stuff. That's what I thought. All right, the next match up music festival porta potty, which we all know can be a total disaster. Oh, this can be so bad. We just got done. I just got done stating I'm not afraid of a damn thing when it comes to a porta potty. And that is up against your neighborhood corner store, like a convenience store, your neighborhood convenience store in the employee bathroom. Employee bathroom. All day. Yeah, I don't care. That doesn't bother me. Neither of those scenarios bother me. I guess maybe this is definitely written by men, right? The kind of guys that like take 20, 30 minutes. I mean, I've never had an issue going just about anywhere. I mean, I'm talking like a five minute situation. People would think I peed for the most part. I've noticed that. Well, you're very lucky. I've known girls like that. It's very sneaky. Yeah. And then I don't think, how did you get all that done so quick? Exactly. Sometimes I get accused of like, I'll walk out of the bathroom and my husband's talking to my child like, ratting me out. He's like, huh, mom went poop in there, didn't she? And I'm like, no, no. I was peeing and then I just sat on my phone for 20 minutes. I'm hiding. A lot of parents do hide in the bathroom. Yeah. It's probably the only peace and quiet you get nowadays. One of my friends is very honest about it. He says, I'll go in the bathroom for 45 minutes. I'm not doing a damn thing. I just want to get away from my family. But so it sounds like you are also like C. Willie Miles, a very regular person. And again, I used to be, I'm more or less one of you now. But when I was young, that was not the case. And I hated you people. Here's our final matchup before we take a break in this March Madness style bracket about the worst places to have to poop at a campsite. Oh, well, this is no, this is no, this is no competition at a campsite. So let's, let's picture that there's no bathroom. I think that's what they mean by that at a campsite. There's no bathroom. You find the woods and that goes up against standstill traffic, which this standstill traffic will win this tournament. Mm-hmm. It has to. Because in every other situation, you have an option in the woods, in the dirty portapotty, in your boss's office, whatever the case, standstill traffic, you have no option. So that will win the tournament. That's an easy matchup. There was a time about a week ago where I just was resigned to my fate. I'm like, well, this is going to happen. I made peace with it. Thankfully, I ended up making it, but I just allowed myself to be like, this is going to happen. You'll move on. You'll live. This is in traffic? Yeah, this is stuck in traffic. You have the worst luck. That same conversation with myself, I've had to say to myself, this is it. You're going to poop in your pants like a baby as a grown man here because you can't, but you made it. I made it. Grab a sweatshirt from the passenger seat to put under you or anything. That's a new car you got there. I just said to myself, you know what, these are old jeans. I could probably use new jeans anyway. I was trying to find silver linings to it. Let me ask you this. Do you have a garage to pull into? No, I park outside. So you'd have an awkward walk. Part of what eased my mind when I had this full-on four-alarm code brown. In the end, like I said, I made it. What eased my mind was I can just pull straight into the garage and shut the door and I can empty my pants on the garage floor if I want to. No one's in there, but you didn't have that. 93X, the home of the half-assed morning show. Oh man, let's wrap this up. Have a clean wipe and get going out of here. We've been talking about a cute little March Madness style bracket that was thrown onto social media. And you got to pick a winner, just like you do with the basketball tournament. March Madness style bracket involving the worst places to have to go poop. We've gone through the left side of the bracket. We haven't even covered the right side of the bracket yet. Some of the matchups so far have been like on a Greyhound bus at your significant other's parents' house. Oh god. Now we go this way. Pick a winner here on an airplane during boarding. I've never had that experience. So that everyone's waiting for you to get out? That'd be terrible. No. Or you can't really get up and go to the bathroom when everybody's walking onto the plane. You know, if you're already sitting in your seat and everybody else is on their way on, you're going to have to put in the luggage up and stuff, you're trapped. Like you said, Ashley, if you're in there and they're just waiting on you to get done before they take off. Yep. Airplane during boarding versus a disgusting roadhouse at last call. Roadhouse all day. Yeah, roadhouse. That's an easy one for me. Last call too. You don't have to worry about anybody going in there after you. But I've been to some of those roadhouses where the stall door's been ripped off. Yeah, you might be dealing with that. You're probably dealing with a lot of urine on the seat. You might be someone vomiting in the sink. You know, there's all kinds of scenarios there. But also if I'm at a roadhouse and I have to use the bathroom, I've probably had a few and I just don't care. Sure. At that point, it doesn't matter what happens. Whatever. I got the Purple Heart one night many years ago for taking a deuce at Skyway Lounge when the dancers were topless at that joint all those years ago. A friend of mine gave me the Purple Heart for cutting one in there. My youngest, he had a sleepover not too long ago and one of the kids laughed. It was kind of like weird. He just left out of nowhere earlier in the morning and my wife found out that, you know, he was embarrassed because he had to go number two and he didn't want to do it at our house. Right. So he made something up and the mom told my wife like, no, he just doesn't like pooping. He's a home pooper. Next matchup, your regular gas station versus a single stall coffee shop with a line. Gas station. Yeah, gas station. That one would be worse? No, I'd rather do gas station. Yeah, that'd be, I mean, that's an easy one because anytime you got to sit down on the throne and there's a line. That's tough. That's a whole different animal. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of pressure. Oh yeah. That's so. Sometimes you can't just, you know, squeeze it out that fast. You got work to do there. And you can't blame somebody else. They know, I know what you did. DMV versus a public park. Again, we're dealing with possibly filthy porta-potties if you're in a public park. I don't know the significance of the DMV bathroom. The bathrooms have usually been pretty, pretty chilled there. I bet they're, I've never been in a DMV bathroom, but I bet they're pretty nice. The last matchup, I think is the toughest one. Both would be equally embarrassing. Your new significant other's house. Brand new to dating this person. You're at their apartment or their house and you have to mangle their bathroom. I'm leaving. Or an intimate dinner party. Like your, you and your wife and one other couple, like a nice little, you know, in somebody's home. That is probably the toughest one so far. Yeah. I'm gonna do it at the new girl, man. She's gotta know what she's working with. It's gonna come out anyway. It's gonna come out anyway. This is just what I do. Here it is. You take me as I am. This is who I am. Yeah. This made me like wonder when was the first time where like I knew my husband was, was doing that with me around. I cannot, for the life of me, it must not have ever made an impact. I must have just been like, well yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. He takes little girl poops. He actually, he's very big on, he needs to be home because he's so bougie about his bidet. So bougie. And I'm like, just go here. When I lived in my apartment, I loved to be referred to as my divorce shack. It was very small, just one bathroom obviously. And I'd be hanging out with a gal. And I'd make up an excuse why I had to go down to the lobby to check the mail. One time I even ordered Jimmy John's because I knew it'd be here in like five minutes and I could just use that as my excuse to go take a dump in the lobby bathroom. But that's smart Dana. I told you about my buddy whose wife banned him from their apartment bathroom. Because he was so rotten. They had one John, little apartment like you were describing and his wife after a couple months said, when you gotta cut one, go down to the friggin lobby. I can't live like this. It's horrible. Grown man, he had to go down like six flights of stairs. My God. Middle of the night. His whole apartment. Yep. And he's paying all the rent at that pig. Oh, is that right? Yep. Awesome text came in. Here's a guy who had a war with the toilet is how he described it. While his wife was in labor with their third child. So you know, he's supposed to be ringside for that, right? The special moment, the birth of a child. He had to go. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. He said he had to release the fury of a thousand souls. Are you doing that in the bathroom in the hospital room too? Like that's her bathroom. It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like the significance here is that he had to leave his ringside seats for the birth of a child. Because the fury of a thousand souls was on deck. Right. My brother-in-law pooped in the median during a traffic jam says a listener. That'd be so crazy to see that. Another says my mom got locked out of the house once had to poop in a bucket in the garage. Angry bus driver Jesus said having two bathrooms at the apartment with his fiance and now wife saved their marriage. Yeah. He's having their own bathroom. Oh yeah. Yeah, we have an unwritten rule in our house that I use the basement bathroom. I think that's to set up in every single marriage. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Finally, this is really tough. Um, this might be a perfect way to move on. Dude says he was on a first date in a restaurant that only had one unisex bathroom, one toilet. Okay. Sounds kind of different. Maybe it was a very old joint or something. They had one bathroom for both sexes, one head. So he had terrible diarrhea and went in. Got it done as quickly as possible. But as soon as he got back to the table, his first date, she had to use the bathroom. Oh no. So she followed him directly in there. Are you seeing what he's saying here? Oh God. I worked at a car rental joint. It was very small and in for a girl of high age. There's just four of us that worked there. Three guys and one gal. The gal was an absolute scorcher. So beautiful. And I knew I had to go to the bathroom and we just had the single stall unisex set up like that. I knew she had to leave at noon to go pick up a client or something or drop a car off. So once I saw her grab her purse and her jacket and start heading to the door, I'm like, all right, coast is clear. I'm good to go. So I go in there and I really take my time with it because I know that she's going to be gone and you know, whatever. Then I finally finish up. I open the door. She's standing right there and she goes, I decided I wanted to pee before I took this car over to Minnetonka. And I was just like, oh no. You made a bad choice, baby. Oh no. Bad call. I didn't have a chance with her anyway, but that solidified it 100%. She went in. Yep. She went in. My God. Tough cookie. Yep. And she knows exactly how long you were in that car. I know. Looking at the time. All right. It's been 13 minutes. She lived to tell the tale. She Willie Miles. She did. Hey, thanks partner. Appreciate you guys, man. Just for your listeners out there for my next show, I'm going to be back at Croners. You are? Mother's Day. What is that? I'm doing May 10th. I'm doing my show with my very, very good friend, a very talented Mr. Fred Steele. Our show is called Mama's Boys. Cute. So a little comedy and some crooning. May 10th. Keep us posted on that. Keep us reminded on that May 10th at Croners. That's exciting. Yep. That show will sell out really fast. So if you're interested in bringing your mama or your wife or your sister, because she's she's the mom or whatever. Cool. You know, come on out. Sounds good. Thanks, dude. Absolutely. That best morning show 93x. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating the air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. 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