Mischa Barton: Life Before & After The OC (FBF)

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Misha Barton, welcome to Color Daddy. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm so happy we're finally doing this. I know. We've like wanted to do this for so long and our schedules have been shit and we're finally here. We're on the couch. We're cozy. We're ready to go. We're doing it. So Daddy Gang, we're currently in New York, which is where you grew up and kind of like where you really have like got your start. Do you plan on staying here long term? Like is New York it for you? I love New York. I mean, I just feel more at home here. I've actually, I mean this last year, like since we first started talking, like I've been spending a lot of time in London and Europe again. But like I get that kind of those kind of vibes when I'm in New York and I get the culture and I, you know, I started in the theater. I love being able to like go to the theater all the time and like hang out in the cute little book shops and I love like the village where I live. It's romantic and cute. It is. It's magical. I used to live here and like every time I come back, I'm like, I miss you. You're an East Coast girl, right? Pennsylvania. Yeah. But you were born in London or? Yes. Yeah. No, I was born in London and then we moved to New York when I was five and a half. So I actually had like a little British accent and the whole thing when I was a kid and had to lose it. I got teased mercilessly in school. Was that actually a good thing sometimes for like work? Could they be like, do a British accent and you could or do an American and you could? Yeah, I still do. I mean, I'm very grateful for it because when I went to like, they had to send me to a speech coach to like get a proper transatlantic accent. So I don't... There might be a Valley Girl bitch. You're like, oh God. Well, that was... That's really hard for... Believe it or not, that's more complicated. It took living in LA for years to be able to understand what that even was because I only moved to LA for the OC. So like, they were like, they would always be like, can you sound more like, you know, you're from the Valley or more Orange County? And I was like, I don't actually like... I've never been to Orange County. I don't actually know what that is. You know, it's weird though, listening to talk. You're so right. You have this like, eloquent, tiny twang underneath and it is clearly from that like English background. Because you've got a great voice. Going back to the beginning, what were you like as a kid? I was pretty serious and very shy at first. So like, I was like painfully shy and kind of awkward, I guess, like not very, but very serious. When we think of actors and actresses, I feel like people that can't relate are always like, oh my gosh, they're like the most outgoing and then I feel like every time I speak to an actor, they're like, no, I'm insecure. I was like trying to find my voice. So like acting helped. Like, how did you then find yourself like putting yourself in these situations? I got into it by, I didn't want to do any of like the outdoor activities at camp. But so I wrote this like monologue. And then that was what you all had to perform something or show what you'd been doing all summer at camp. And so like, my big sister had been like courseback riding and doing all this stuff. And I was just like sitting there writing. And I performed the monologue and then like, I guess someone's parent in the audience was an agent at a literary agency here in New York and was like, oh, well, she should definitely get into acting. And so like, I tried it. And yeah, the rest is history. When I think about child actors, I always am like, okay, I can't imagine your social life in school, but was your experience like you were the cool kid in school, or were you getting bullied? Or was you were just kind of like fitting in? I was always a bit like on the outside. I only had like one best friend. And I was friends with a lot of the boys. But it was always like me and this girl Laura Katzman. And like, it was just the two of us. And we were kind of like outsiders. And like, we were considered a bit like, you know, yeah, gothic, a bit weird, a bit like off the so we weren't popular. No, yeah, that definitely wasn't the case. And I got teased once the sixth sense and stuff came out. And the kids realized that I was like, you know, in movies, then I got teased. And I did not want to be homeschooled. They tried and I fought that tooth and nail. I just acted up until they sent me back to school. I just didn't want to be stuck at home with my sister and like it taken away from like that social, like it was so important to me to like have some semblance of a normal kind of I enjoyed school, like I really genuinely enjoyed learning. And like, I didn't want to become that like weirdo kid who was isolated, who had no like social kind of interaction. Right, you're like, let me be like gothic with my one friend in the cafeteria mom, like let me live. Okay, like, that was important to me. So after high school, you had plans to go to Yale. There was an early acceptance to the drama program, which I wanted to do. That's like a huge deal. And then you decided not to go. I got cast in the OC when I was, you know, it was right at that kind of pivotal moment where it was going to like kind of, yeah, affect the rest of your life. And I fought it originally, I didn't really want to do it. But I flew out and I kind of did an episode on another series, like a different series that McGee was doing. And basically, everyone was like, you have to take this opportunity. You have to, because it's like, it's a big role. And it's a life changing thing. Do you ever look back at that decision and like question like, hmm, I mean, yeah, but like, I'm still like that, like I live near NYU, I like, every day I walk by, I'm like, Oh, I used to sit in the back of like some of my friends, lectures and classes that were going to Columbia and NYU and stuff. And I would just like, I mean, I was obsessed with school culture and learning. I really enjoyed it. I'm going to walk past NYU like tomorrow. And I'm like, is that Misha? You're like sitting in the classes. But I do, I find it fascinating. I mean, like, you know, my big sister, she's so smart. I mean, she studied law, politics, economics and like, it's always like, she went to the University of Edinburgh in the end. But like, yeah, I don't know. I was always very jealous of that. But yeah, it always kind of didn't sit well with me that I didn't get to do university that I didn't get to go to college. So we talk about the OC, we got to get into it. You mentioned you obviously did took that instead of going to college. Obviously, the OC was this phenomenon that I don't know if anyone expected it. But like, it is still iconic to this day, people still talk about it. COVID, everyone's rewatching it, like new people are finding the show. I'm curious, like, did you have any idea that it was going to be as big as it was? Not really, no. I think the first time that we realized was when we went to the first premiere episode of it. And like, we literally thought that that whole crowd was there for something else. And we were like, I remember we're all riding in the same van together. And like, we looked over and we're like, what's that? And they were like, no, that's like the premiere for your show. That's where you're going. You were obviously the youngest of everyone basically on that cast. You were 17 at the time. And everyone was in their 20s, 30s, 40s. What was the dynamic initially like with you and your castmates? You being 17? Well, I think it was a bit tricky for everyone because like, you know, just having like, I was experiencing all of my firsts. And like, I was so young. And like, you know, my mom would be on set. And, um, yeah, I just needed a lot more like attention in that sense, because I had my mom there and there was stuff going on and I was just finishing up school. And so, you know, they like, it was a lot of my firsts. Let's put it like that. And I, um, that kind of really like separated me a little bit from them in the sense that like, I wasn't out there living on my own in LA like yet, you know, I didn't realize that the romantic partner that you had on your on screen relationship with the character Ryan Atwood with Marissa, you being 17 at the time, I didn't realize he was 25. And so like, again, as a 17 year old playing across a 25 year old, like that's a pretty big age gap. How did you feel about that like romantic on screen relationship? Yeah, it wasn't just on screen either. I mean, it was kind of complicated for me. Because like I said, like, I went into that like a virgin, like a kid, like really feeling like I needed to grow up quickly to portray like, you know, acting with people older than me was a bit like, Oh, wow, like they know what they're doing. And like, there's going to be like relationships on this show. And you're going to need to like play that part. And I didn't feel really ready for that. Because I was always like a really late bloomer in school. And I hadn't really dated and I had yeah, I just had like no idea what I was doing really. So I felt like I needed to catch up. I think a lot of the time. So you had a relationship with? Yeah, yeah, I mean, that was my first like, I had no idea like what I was doing, you know, and I think that kind of set things off on the wrong foot too, because it was like, you know, people hook up on these shows and whatever. And like, these things happen. But it was, it we threw ourselves all into it very fast. And like, then you know, when you break up, and like things don't work, and they see you dating other people. And, you know, like notoriously, there was a lot of like interdating on that show and different people getting together. But I yeah, it was, it definitely was tricky that it happened like right out of the gate. And that like, I felt overwhelmed and not ready for any of that. And kind of like, you know, they were also like, I remember they were like, Misha's disappeared with Ben and like, she's only 17 and a half 18, like in the producers like went to my parents and were like, you know, it was like a very, it was kind of a whole ordeal. And so like, that's in the very beginning of the show before we're even like halfway through a season. So there was a lot going on there. That show, it just so much happened in three seasons. It really feels like it was over the course of like, seven years or something. But it wasn't, it was like all crammed into this tiny little space. I didn't understand how much, and I'm not saying this happened in your case, but like, I didn't understand how much directors, like are really like, promoting. Yes, like, hang out together and be together. Like, it works for chemistry. But was that your case where they supported it? Yeah, I mean, it kind of felt like a double edged sword, because like, you know, exactly what you said, they're like, Oh, we want it to seem like you guys are all friends and that you have chemistry and we need this to really work and make it look like you guys have this chemistry. And then you sort of get punished for it on the flip side. And they're like, Oh, but not so much that it like affects our production or like, what's going on here. And there's nothing you can really do about that, because it's too late. Like, and, you know, I feel like when I was that young, so like in first relationships, like, you just kind of know what you don't want, you don't know what you do want. And so you kind of like panic and try to like, yeah, so it was it was definitely a tricky balance to strike. How did you emotionally and mentally handle a dynamic where you still have to see someone every day and like, be cordial? But, well, I mean, yeah, we just had to like suck it up and get on with it. And there was but there was a lot of like, jabs behind the scenes and off camera and kind of like, you know, um, yeah, I felt I felt like that kind of ostracized me as well, because like, you know, there was a market difference and like, maturity level there. And so like, it was, um, yeah, I don't know what to say about it. We got through it, a lot of jokes, a lot of like, you know, I really loved our crew. And I did feel that they were really there for us and that it was like a family. And that part was positive. And like, I remember Rachel was saying to me recently, like, she looks back at the scene where we're all playing like chicken in the pool and stuff. And it's like, those were genuinely happy moments where we could forget about like, all the pressure that was on us. And like, and it was really hard because, you know, you would be out getting photographed with different people. And like, I did start dating. And then, you know, you try not to bring that on set. When people are, you know, you just try to let it go at the door and kind of get on with it and keep working. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. I think it's so important, especially for women to talk about people who've been in your life that have helped you, right? You don't have to go through things alone. Maybe it's your sister, your best friend, your partner, your, you know, a female figure you have, it's important that we are able to identify people who we can go to in hard moments, you shouldn't have to do this alone. Women deserve to be celebrated, right? But we should also recognize that many women carry emotional weight at work in relationships and families, and in the roles they play for each other, whether you're navigating career expectations, parenting, caregiving or more therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself, unpack what's feeling heavy and build healthier pathways forward. Daddy gang, make sure you're taking care of yourselves. We all look to women in our lives, but it's a lot of pressure also for us to carry so much. So take care of yourself and make sure people around you are taking care of themselves as well. Your emotional well being matters, find support and feel lighter in therapy, sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash daddy. That's better H ELP.com slash daddy. Did you end the relationship? Yeah, I mean, I yeah, I do, I think, you know, like one of those things you're so young, you've realized like, I'm not ready for that. Like, I have no idea what I'm doing. Yeah, it's overwhelming. Yeah, overwhelming and just like too close to home. Like you can't, it would be a very, very tricky thing to keep going on set. And I think, you know, Adam and Rachel, like we all kind of experienced that in some form or another. But again, I just felt like not mature enough, like younger than them. In that sense, I not dated before and I was not aware of and think he was like really angry with me to begin with and kind of like and I felt the punishment of that. Like, I felt that from the producers as well that they were not like happy about that. But like that's where the like there was such great chemistry between the characters. And I think like people did fall in love with them because there was like genuine friendship and love there on some level, you know, such a good point. Like I remember when I was I had Rachel on my show and we talked about her and Adam and like the chemistry between the cast, the core for it was like, overwhelming for people and we romanticized it so much. And I could imagine you're right, like ending relationships like Adam and Rachel at one point, like it was so heightened. But that sexual tension was there. And really, like it reads like even when you're looking at the scenes on like the Ferris wheel and stuff and like, you know, I think we like kind of hated each other at that point. But like, there was still this like intense kind of like tension there. And so it really worked for for the show. Can I ask if you lost your virginity when you were filming DoC? Is that kind of what you're like? Yeah, yeah, like that's what I'm saying. Like I was just such a like, I had no idea about relationships at all or sex. And so like it was kind of just like a whole learning curve for me. You had mentioned there was bullying on set in like an interview. And I'm curious if like, you can talk about that a little bit as like being in that position, like how do you deal with that? There was just kind of like back talk between people and like there was, it's, I think I heard you say this of what if your interviews, it's typical that in these sets where like everybody that not everybody is going to get along and even with like the secondary characters and like guest stars and people who came in, you know, there are going to be clashes, there are going to people who are going to create rumors and make stuff up and like, and I think I was just very sensitive to that. Because I was so young and like finding out that like, maybe people were talking about you behind your back was I was particularly like sensitive to that. It felt like high school, but in the real world and very elevated and very magnified. Totally. Yeah. Marissa, the character you played was like the it girl, like she's partying, she can get all the boys, she's got like the family drama, she's getting into trouble. I'm curious, like, did you relate to anything that she was going through? I found those places in her, I guess, I mean, like, I, yeah, I started to more and more, I think that's why they wrote so much drama for her in there, like the relationship with her parents and stuff. Because that was the stuff that I could, I felt that, you know, emotional turmoil and angst in my life going on outside of the show. And so it was easier for me to to play into that. And so I did start you can't help but start to relate to your character. When you're playing somebody day in and day out, there is this bizarre kind of like emergence of the two. And even like my social life outside of the show took on a very weird turn with me dating like, you know, like a typical, like rich LA kid and like some of that kind of like, and because of the fame and the paparazzi and stuff, it kind of like all took on a weird turmoil around. So the character ended up like that's what we played up in her as well, because I really was going through a lot of growing pains and kind of coming into my own. And so the things I related to most was like her, her inner turmoil, you leave at the end of season three. It's still to this day is like one of I feel like the most heartbreaking moments on TV, your character dies. How did you decide? Spoiler alert. By the way, if you're watching on TikTok, turn this off. I'm like, so Marissa dies. How did you decide to leave the show? Was it your decision? That's complicated. You know, things have not been going like they really needed like a huge cliffhanger, something had to give something had to change. And I'm like, to be really honest, like, you know, I think as Josh and Stephanie were writing it, they knew they needed something huge. And the obvious thing was like, how much more can we really do with Marissa? Like really, what more can she do? She's like experienced like with drugs or sexuality with like, and they'd written so many things. And they were such quick succession of arcs like that she was kind of like a character that was spiraling out of control. And at the same time in my life, like, you know, I was getting so much attention. And there were other things going on, like people trying to write other roles for me. And I would not be released from the show, I could not go do anything else. So like, you know, even like Stan Lee was writing like a comic book character for me, like there was no way that they were going to let me out to go do anything outside of the show, because that's just how it is. You're like, and so I think it was the obvious choice, the friction just between my team at the time and them and like how I did seem to be the most alienated one and a bit of fish out of water. Like, I think that was like, it was an obvious choice. And we like, I don't know, I mean, Josh and Stephanie have their own ideas of how they ended it. And they say that they regret like a lot of like how they did handle it. But I thought it made the most sense for her to go out with a bang. She wasn't really a character that I thought, you know, she just like, fade off into oblivion or like, you know, right off into the sunset, like, she had to go somewhere. And I felt like that was the right thing for her. Do you remember the feeling of when the world saw that scene? Like, did you pay attention to how many people were so devastated? Were you overwhelmed? It was crazy. I had people crying in airports to be like, people come up to me all the street and be like, can I hug you? Like, I mean, people wanted to like physically touch me. They were just very like concerned about what had happened with the character. Because like you're alive, really upset people and especially upset young girls and rightfully so I mean, it should like, you know, she had taken it too far and like, but all the best characters do and like all the best characters kind of like, you know, have some huge tragedy. Hers is a bit final. But just when you went on the OC rewatch podcast with the girls, I remember watching you like, you looked upset when you were watching that final scene, you were like, Oh my God, well, I haven't watched it maybe ever, actually. Is there a reason? Well, I never sat down and watched the show as it was airing. It was not something so like a lot of it I hadn't seen. And that one in particular, I hadn't seen it since we shot it. And I forgot so much about it. Like the fact that there's no music, there is a really a choice because the show was so music driven. So good. And that whole thing is just kind of like silent. And then, you know, the flames in the car, like, I didn't remember it being quite that dramatic the way the car is actually on fire and like, Oh girl, it was dramatic. Yeah, you had me in tears and then alleluia starts playing and then you're like, but when you watched it and you're like, okay, let's turn this off. It's going to get emotional. Like, did what did it bring up for you seeing that scene? Because it felt like you were like, upset. We were upset on set that day. A lot of the crew were really sorry to see me go and they were pretty upset. And it was a lot of good buys and like, you know, putting on a brave face about the whole thing. But basically, like, I mean, I would always make make light of everything. And we were like, more blood, more drama, like, you know, and but it was, it was a sad time because we were, we were sorry to leave each other, you know, they really were like a family to me, a lot of the guys and, you know, the heads of department on that show were really there for me through tough times, you know, how would you describe that time of your life like after the OC? It was an intense time. It was because I think the thing that I hadn't really wrapped my head around was like the amount of worldwide fame that show actually got. And so there wasn't anywhere to really hide. And I think what overwhelmed me was like, I was doing all these campaigns. And like, there were times when I only had a few days off in the year, there was a lot of friction at home, there was like really no place for me to go that felt calm. And there was just a lot of pressure being put on me by by people who expected the most out of me constantly. And so like, I never really like there were some years there were like that there was only like maybe two days off in the year, like, and I didn't. So I and like, what really got me would be going to somewhere like Australia, or the wherever you would think would be like the middle of nowhere to like, and then still having, you know, pictures surface of view. And like, I just, it felt like I could never really get away from anything. And I had no privacy. The paparazzi were absolutely obsessed with you. It was like insane. Can you talk about some of like the like details of like the way that they would try to get to you to like really embody what you were going through? It was dangerous most of the time. And also just extremely invasive. I mean, the lengths that they would go to to like tap phones and conversations and like find out where you were going and track your car and stuff. I mean, the lengths they went to were were pretty absurd. I like think I read somewhere you said something like, they would like give homeless people phones. No, they really did. They would give people like in the Malibu like country martin stuff and people on radios, they would give like random people like phones and they would say like, if you ever see a celebrity show up, I'm the first person you should call like, I'll give you 50 bucks, 100 bucks, whatever it is. If you tip me off that you see like, Misha or Nicole or any of these girls coming down here to like go shopping or go to lunch. That way they wouldn't have to like sit there all day and wait themselves in the car. Lazy fucks. You're like, lazy piece of shit. Okay, you couldn't just wait there yourself. I mean, that's just insane. And you're right, like it was a different time. And I think maybe with social media now, like there's just more access. So it's less intense. You can't get away with the same level of invasion of privacy. And you're right. Like, it's better. I think people have lived and learned like, the nice thing about social media is like, and the way it is now, you can give access to what you want to give access to. And so if you share more, then there's less of this kind of insane wall to try to get behind. So they're not literally scaling the walls to celebrities homes anymore, because you're in there like posting about your life and you're sharing more about your personal life. And so it doesn't have that kind of intense, the stakes aren't so high. You, I think had said at one point, you're some someone on your team around you started to give you like prescription drugs. When did that start happening? And like, how did how did that happen? It was happening even towards the end of the OC. Like, it was put into the contract that I had to have a sober coach with me. And so then like, I was being watched 24 seven, but like, it was still very popular in those days, like, to still be prescribing like Xanax and things for like, you know, like, whatever, like, if you were under a lot of duress or stress, they'd be like, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. If you were under a lot of duress or stress, they'd be like, this is what you need to do to like, kind of get through it. And it was just being constantly told what to do by people every second and micromanaged in every single way. And I think that that just became, I don't think it did become overwhelming for me. And it wasn't like there never really was a proper break. There was never really a moment. And like, I remember coming back home, like they were very concerned, like I walked into my house and there was like, you know, like 10 guys in suits all sitting around like talking to me. I was like, what is this? And they were like, well, you have to go do a project in like two weeks. Like, are you going to be ready? So it just kind of all started compounding. Like you're saying the men in suits were there to like, those just people from like all over, like the agency, like producers, like the people really wanted to know that I was going to be performing and doing like the schedule that they expected me to stick to. And like, I mean, I don't think that would even like, I don't think you could really do that with actors. Now, like, now if you say to somebody like, I'm not doing well, or like, there are like trigger words that you can like, where they're like, okay, well, we have to leave this person alone. Like she needs like a few days off or she needs some time to herself. Like that wasn't the case then. And I've listened to other actors talk about that too, where they were kind of like, I mean, it's a big deal when you're helming a whole show and everybody's jobs are relying on you and situations like that. So that's an interesting point, like mental health wise, like no one was having conversations the way that they were now. And also like, because all I'm thinking about is anyone like asking you like, Misha, are you okay? Like, do you need a break? And instead everyone's like, how are we going to get you out the door the next day? Like take this pill, like everybody's here, like we need to, you're making us all money. So let's go out the door. That's a lot of responsibility and a lot of weight to put on a young girl that's been doing this for so long, like the beginning of this interview. I'm like, you're 10 when you get your first movie. Your mom, your relationship with your mother. At one point you did fire her as your manager. Like what was the dynamic that led to that? And then how did you get back to a relationship? It just wasn't healthy. And I mean, it's still like, you know, I've just in my life, I've really learned to prioritize like my chosen family and like the people who have really actually been there for me. I don't rely on like any one particular family member anymore. Like I've learned that for my own happiness and like those relationships, I think in life to be honest are the most toxic because you feel like you can say or do whatever you want to somebody because you're related. And I found that those have been the hardest for me to really understand. So I mean, I'm completely independent now and I do everything for me. And you know, like it's led to my like sobriety and happiness and like I've had to watch other people crumble and it's been hard to watch. But like, you know, I'm just grateful that I've been able to kind of find the people in my life who have been there for me consistently and consistently shown up for me. And so like that's led to where I am now, which is like healthy and sober and happy and like, you know, but unfortunately I've had to lose a lot of family members along the way. And so like, you know, there are people in this industry who understand that there are a lot of people. It's it's unfortunate, but it's sometimes like the reality of the world is that I think it's a good point though. And I think I've talked about that on my show before, like family, the word family is so just by the way that you define it. Like it doesn't have to be blood and you can make your own family and like the family that you're born into it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean anything. It's like if you're not getting treated correctly, like then you need to adjust your relationships and you need to reevaluate. And just because blood doesn't mean like you have to stay and you have to, of course, we're going to fight for things to a certain degree. But when it's so unhealthy, seeing things online of like potentially family members like stealing money from you. Like how do you get to a place where you can like be in relationships moving forward and like trust people from previous things that have been like so heartbreaking and happening to you? Yeah, it there has been a lot of heartbreak. I think that like for me, the thing that's is like I have to like really concentrate on myself because it sounds cliche, but like, you know, unless you love yourself and love you and like can spend the time with you, you're the person you have to answer to, you know, and like nobody else. And I've had other people I've been, yeah, stolen from and lied to in so many different ways over the course of, you know, the last 10, 15 years, especially, and like, it's only in the last like two, three years, even maybe that I feel like I have really taken responsibility for it and for myself and like been like, you know what, the only thing that I can do is just be happy, healthy and sober and working out. And like, that's the only thing that's really going to like make make my life worth living because I had given up for a while there. Like I was very, I just felt so, I don't know. I don't know. It makes me emotional because I felt really alone. Yeah, so I mean, yeah, it really has been just like cutting people out of my life. Truly. Thank you for sharing that because I can imagine it's so hard when I'm like, you're talking about your family and you're talking about literally getting stolen from your like, how do you like that's something that is like, you couldn't feel more how could you feel not alone like the people that you usually would turn to to be like, Yeah, I mean, I think that, you know, I have to believe that in life, everybody does things thinking they're doing it for the right reason and maybe like with good intentions. But sometimes like there isn't always good intentions and sometimes you can't really explain why people do what they do. And yeah, that's it's a tricky one. And I think, you know, and family especially it's a tricky one. And you can just like minimize your contact with those kinds of people and moving forward. Be careful about because I can tend to be a very open and trusting and kind of naive person for a long time there. And I, you know, I had it happen kind of repeatedly to me in both like relationships as well people using me. And so I realized that. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, like maybe I wasn't the best judge of character for a while there and to stop making excuses for other people because I think for a long time I was making excuses because you don't want to believe that somebody would like, you know, of course, I'm curious, Misha, like when you were alone in those moments, like, how did you keep going? Because I'm trying to put myself in your shoes of like knowing the closest people to you are kind of like just completely abandoning you. There's no trust you're getting stolen from like, how did you keep even going? I mean, a lot of therapy and a lot of just like cutting people out and working on myself and like strength comes at the darkest times. I mean, I found my strength and when I was younger, like I didn't think I was I thought I was going to like be dead by 27. I was going to be part of that 27 club. It was like, it was like live young and fast and like, you know, I was like, I, I really didn't give a shit. I was reckless. I was over it. I didn't really, you know, want to be doing stuff for other people anymore. I didn't want to be like, you know, the person that everybody needed to be making the money and doing the this and the that. And then like, you know, I think when I got to my 30s and I was like, shit, I'm still here. I'm still going and I'm stronger than I was then, you know, and I've been through so much and these experiences haven't killed me and they've made me so much stronger. And I've been to court. I've fought for my rights. I've fought for my freedoms. And I've, you know, like when you get past that and out on the other side, then your whole perspective on life and everything changes because you're like, I am strong. Right. I'm strong. And I used to get so upset with people because they'd be like, you're the strongest person I know. And that really felt like an insult after a while because it just felt like, well, why, why do all these things keep happening to me? But it's true. I mean, you really do when the chips are down, find that strength in yourself, you know. Yeah. I mean, I'm so sorry because I can't imagine like being at a place where you are almost like aware that the end could be near for yourself because of what's happening in your life. Like I, well, I romanticized all of that kind of like rock and roll. Just like, you know, I was just like, I had kind of made up my mind that it wasn't going to like, yeah, that there was no real kind of longevity in it for me that I just didn't want to. I didn't care to like keep going. And then, yeah, like I said, I think just I can't stand injustices in life and like, I really can't stand when people do take advantage of people. And I think that's where the strength that's really came from is just like, you know what, like, I'm not going to take this and like, yeah, fuck that. Like I'm not going to sit by and watch these people do that. Talking about that time in your life where like it was kind of like I was romanticizing it. It was like, fuck this. Like so in 2007, you were arrested for a DUI and a few years later you were held in a psychiatric hospital behind closed doors. Like what was happening with you at that point? Well, the DUI, I mean, I don't really know what to say about that. That was just it was what it was. It was just like, it was a straight up like we were out one night. And yeah, that was it was stupid. Got a DUI, the psychiatric stuff like that was just like having a full blown breakdown. And like, I mean, that time it was really I was I was drunk. Somebody had slipped me roofies and I was it was GHP and I'm lucky to be alive. Like, I mean, I just happened to be like I overdosed. And so there was so many things that other people did to me that felt like so aggressively like wrong. And, you know, I don't think that I realized how dangerous that CD side of LA can be. And like, I had been kind of really protected and sheltered for a long time. And when I kind of got out there and the like, you know, and I was like, I want to live my life. I want to be a normal person, whatever that means. And like, go to like, go to these parties, go do this stuff. And then it's like, you know, you end up in a situation like that. It's so, yeah, I mean, you really do you live and you learn. And that was, yeah, those I mean, it was I just had a full blown breakdown from that. When I heard you say like it was so annoying hearing people say like, you're so strong, you're so strong. You're like, but why does this all have to keep fucking happening to me? It was just hard people saying that. I mean, like, you know, even like my boyfriends and all my friends around me would constantly say that. I didn't feel as strong as I think I was coming across, you know, I do have this like kind of like British thing of like suck it up, just move on, like kind of don't show your feelings, like just kind of try to keep like a good exterior to you. You know, it's only in the last few years that I really feel that like from the inside out. For a long time, I didn't really feel that strength to the degree that I do now. I was thinking about like of all the when you're saying, you know, like people basically taking advantage of you in 2017. One of your ex-boyfriends you found out had filmed you when you were having sex and was going and trying to shop the sex tape. Yeah. Can you take me back to the moment where you realize that even like existed and what you were going through. It was a disaster. It was an absolute fucking nightmare. But I mean, yeah, I don't like to go back there, but I will tell you, I mean, it was, it's, yeah, shady. Don't the boys who live together in a house probably red flag. Too many computers, red flag. I mean, like the whole thing was just like in hindsight, red flags everywhere. But like, I mean, in the bathroom in the living room, like the whole like just constant. So yeah, it was bad idea. No idea. Absolutely no idea. Somebody actually showed it to me and I was like one of his friends came to me and warned me and I didn't think it was possible that some of that was real. And it was, I mean, and apparently he was even caught saying to somebody like he knew that Kim Kardashian and Paris Sulton and all these people had had sex. And that like I was one of the only girls who wouldn't like and I mean, if you know me, I'm like quite, I'm very private and really prudish when it comes to like sexual relationships and what I share. And so that was just like, I mean, I thought my world was ending. It was literally like the worst thing that anybody could do to me. I mean, forget all the like other things that people have done to me that for me was like, no, I cannot go on if this person manages to do this to me. And so like I was at a friend's house in the Hollywood Hills, I remember and she woke me up and she was like, Oh my God, there's a rumor going around that that there is like footage and I was like, of what like what can it possibly be. That was a whole crazy experience. I became my own detective and I went and went to the LAPD and I was constantly contacting like the sex crimes like I did my own surveillance of him and his friends found him like yeah. So I had to turn into like a full blown vigilante there for a minute. And did you glad I did. I'm so fucking Lutley when you found also out like, did you have a conversation with him? Did you not speak to him again? God, no, no. I mean, like he disappeared. He often like, I mean, it was already over the like it was just like a two week thing. And it was so he'd already gotten what he wanted. He was long gone. I had to like track him and his friends down and I mean, yeah, it was like a nightmare. I get like going into court getting all these restraining orders constantly showing up for over a year, like a year and a half over a long period of time. And if I hadn't had the support I'd had from lawyers and from other women who were more aware of it and there was no real laws at the time. Like the LAPD were like, oh, we deal with stuff like, yeah, we have we know this stuff goes on, but I'll never forget walking into the police station and like giving them the address of the house where I thought most of it happened and they brought it up on the and the cop turns the computer around and he goes, is that him. And he was actually there on Google Maps in front of the apartment building with his dog. And I was like, I mean, like when I say the detective in me like came out, you have no idea. You're like, let's go get this mother fucker. You have no idea. So did you date this guy for two weeks? Yeah, it was just like a like two week fling. It's shocking what goes through people's minds like where they see opportunity, isn't it? It's just so sick how how it happens. Any woman listening like if they are going through this like it is not your fault. It is illegal and it's a crime. I'm curious when of everything like that's just you've been through in your life. Are you resentful at all? No, no. I mean, there are people that I look back on and I'm like, you know, I definitely can't stand them. I'm glad that they're not in my life anymore. And I blame them for some of the things that kind of went on around that time period. But no, I mean, I don't think you can be resentful in life. I think I still have, I like to think like a great sense of humor about things and like to be, I keep things very lighthearted and I keep my chosen family very close and and the family that I do choose to speak to very close and like you can't be resentful in life. You may as it's all over if you're going to get like that. You know, you may as well be dead. Like what's the point? You can't sit around and hate people for the things that happen. You have to learn and grow and mature from those situations and like evolve. You know, I mean, life is one big like learning curve and story. And so like, you know, you just all you can do is like learn and grow. And I'm actually very grateful for that. You know, in the bigger picture, like it's made me, it's definitely made me who I am today. If you could say something to yourself when you were at that point where you had the mentality of like, fuck it, I'll be in the 27 Club. Like what do you wish you could say to me Chanel? You're going to be here 10 years later sitting on a couch talking to Alex Cooper about it. So get your shit together now. They're going to be alive and right. Yeah. And healthy and it's all going to come together. You don't see it at the time when you're in it. You just feel so overwhelmed, you know, and depression is real and it takes like a while for like the serotonin and the like happiness to like level out and for you to come back from these situations. And it's not like an overnight like, but then like strangely one day it will be kind of like a switch gets flicked. And you feel weird. It is weird. It's like you look back when you're talking about it. Like I have moments in my life to where I was like going through something or whatever. And then one day you're just like making coffee or you're like, oh my God, it all. I'm not that person at all anymore. I don't know because when I was in it, I didn't see like, I couldn't barely even see a pinpoint of a light at the end of the tunnel. And now here I am and it's like, I'm not even in the tunnel. You're not bitch. The tunnels know where to be found. Okay, it gone. It's gone. Are you dating? Are you in a relationship? Are you single? Are you dating? Are you in a relationship? Are you single? What are we doing? No, I'm single at the moment and I love it. I love it. I really, truly have just been working on myself and I fucking love it. It's great. I mean, I don't have to answer to any of it. I just like, I feel very like, you know, like happy and sober and like clear and like I can be healthy and because I will fall into like it'll all happen when I fall in love again. Like I fall hard and fast and then I'm like, you know, kind of almost codependent with that person. So I hope like moving forward if I want anything from my relationships is that they aren't so intense. And like, I do feel like what I've learned though is like, that's also just we're talking about all these different stages of your life and something I learned about myself is like, I had a similar experience. Like I was like, God, these relationships are so heavy and so intense. And then the more I worked on myself and the more that I became the best version of myself and it sounds like you're just in this place of like clarity and you're like Pilates and yoga. And so Brian, you're like you're you are you don't give off those vibes. Guys don't feel like they can control you like that. Yeah, exactly. Because you are without even knowing it, you are giving off vibes that you need to be babyed or you need to be taken care of in some way. I think and like even though you feel like you're acting so independent, but like, yeah, it's different. Like you will attract someone completely different in this new stage of your life just because you're you also see yourself differently. I mean, even think about what you were feeling about yourself before 27. And then now you're like, Oh my God, these are different people. I mean, yeah, that person never would have considered settling down, never would have considered marriage, kids, anything like none of that would have even been like that have been like, oh hell no. But you know, yeah, things things change. So you said you kind of would consider yourself like, are you romantic? Yeah, me should brought me literally a nice little teddy bear and a little row. Well, you're engaged and I was like, Oh, you have to spend Valentine's Day. And I hate that word, Galentine's, but I was like, Okay, so no, it's such an annoying word, isn't it? But anyway, I was like, if we're doing Valentine's Day, you need a teddy bear and a let me be so clear. I cannot explain to you how happy I am that I'm spending Valentine's Day with you. Like truly this episode, I already know is one going to help so many women and two like, we're Misha fans over here. Okay, we fucking love you. If you do start dating again, what is your approach to dating and what are you looking for? Oh, man, I don't know. Like, I think I again, with that I went through phases where like, I really wanted to date musicians and like be on tour and like, you know, like, Misha. Yeah, exactly. Like those those days are over. That's not attractive to me anymore. I don't want to be with like the guy in a band and I don't like, you know, I mean, never say no. But it's not really my thing and I've kind of, you know, I've moved on from all of that stuff and I've matured and. So you had a type. I mean, I did date a lot of like kind of band guys. I don't think I have a type per se, but. What was it about the band guy that you were loving? Like, what was going on? I don't know. I was just young and thought that was cool to be on tour with like the Cold War kids or Rune and stuff like, you know, like, I thought I was like, I was like, half an a blast. I was in my twenties. I don't know. Like it was, I forgot and Rune was on the show. We had so many cool bands on the show. It was a great way to meet people. Okay, so you liked the band boys, but now maybe we're like veering away. Yes. No, we have veered away. I'm I like people who are driven and have their own stuff going on. It's incredibly important considering how like independent and driven I've always had to be in my life and am in my life. Like I need that in a sense of humor or the two main things. What is a non-negotiable for you? Like if you don't have a sense of humor and you can't make me laugh, like if you're not funny, then it's like, no, that's not going to work. Probably. Right. Like I need to be cracking up. Yeah. I need somebody who feels like a best friend. Mm-hmm. So you because I think also if you could talk about because I as we wind down like I have a lot of I just started like my fucking therapist. You guys my therapist at like the 50 minute mark is like as we wind down and like, oh, bitch, that's your way of telling me like it's over. Like you're going to hang up on me. Panic. But as we wind down, I'm curious like of what of all the themes we did talk about with men, like how have you, whether it's in therapy or just on your own journey, like how have you tried to rebuild trust because I think there's so many women that write into me of like, I just feel like I've been so fucking wrong by men and sorry to all the men in the room. But like it's hard to not hate them because of the bad interactions you've had with them. Like, do you have any advice for women that have gone through? I definitely become more of a girl's girl over the years. That's for sure. But what in relationships? Like how to like not get. Yeah, I mean, you have to. You just have to. I mean, you just have to keep your wits about you. But like, you can't go around with like we said, like resenting or having a chip on your shoulder and being like that. Because also you want to attract like the right people in that, in that phase either. So I love love. I think, you know, everybody needs to keep an open mind. So there are good people out there, even though this episode addressed a lot of you. Not so good. But there are your right. And it's like, I think it's, it's important to have conversations with like this of like the bad can be really fucking bad and really fucking dark. But if you keep pushing through it, like you said, like you wish you could tell yourself then like, no, but you are going to make it past 27 and it is going to get better. And you, you are so strong, but you shouldn't have had to be that strong. But the reason you're still here is because you're so strong and like keep fighting to people listening that are going through it. Like there's a reason to keep fighting because it actually most of the time always does get fucking better. It does. What do you think is the biggest misconception about you? Oh, I don't know. I think like, honestly, a lot of people think that I am or a succuper. Like I think a lot of people think I'm going to be a really stuck up bitch. Like I do, I get that vibe like that people think like, Oh, I've dated these guys and that like I'm going to be, I do think that that's a horrible. Like it kind of comes with the territory of when people meet me. They're always like, Oh, you're so much prettier in person and you're so much nicer. And then I thought you were going to be in. I'm like, wow, okay, I don't think I want to know what you've thought. But like, I think that seems to have been like the lasting stigma around things. I think it's the whole thing we were talking about of like, you know, like the story lines of Marissa and like Misha at the time kind of crossing and Pia. And people just like equating the two with each other. I think that's been kind of a toxic kind of lasting that some people have stuck in their heads. Does that make you at all like resent the character? No, I still love Marissa as a character. I think she's a badass bitch. And I think like she was a great character. I just think, you know, like people are not the roles they play and like actors are like, you know, you. Yeah, yes. Actors are not the roles they play. Period. God bless everyone online. You get that tick talk. Okay. What do you hope people take away from this interview? Hopefully like for me, girl, girl strength and power because I think talking about these things and like, you know, if you can talk about your dark times and your depression or anything that you've been through. And like for me, like I said, I was walking around the city with my headphones and listening to your interviews and I do find them really interesting. And I think it's important that you can listen to other women's perspectives and what they've been through. And if you're having a bad day, it's probably, hopefully it's not as bad as me. She's like, this will brighten you. No, you're right. It's like sometimes when you're really everyone goes through it where you're feeling so alone and there is something really nice when especially people you look up to that, you know, online or like, Oh, I have been through it. Yeah. It can give that person sitting in their room, whether it's a good or bad day to be like, damn, I'm so not alone in that it's all the same themes. It's all we all have ties to each other. It's just we experience it or feel it differently. But no, I really appreciate you opening up today because I know you don't do a lot of this kind of stuff. But I think in the right environment, like it, it was such a powerful. Well, I wanted to talk to you because I think you're cool. I get good vibes from you. And when I was when I first spoke to you, I was like out of everybody that I could talk to, like, yeah, it's true. I turned down all the podcasts and stuff, but it's been fun talking to you. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Last question. Yes. What can fans expect from you next? What are you up to in your life? Just like, give us a tea. Oh, you know what's fun is, well, I was working quite a bit last year, which was, which was fun. And so I was traveling a lot. And then so I was working in Australia and now I think I'm going to be doing a rom-com later this year in Australia, which is a really new territory for me. So she's a really fun character. Yeah, I know it's not the kind of role, but she's got this kind of like a great sense of humor to her, the character and stuff. And I just think it's such a beautiful backdrop to film in. And yeah, I really, I feel, I feel this character. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. That and yeah, I did a little movie in Ireland last year, which was really fun for me because I got to be back near my Irish roots. And yeah, just a. You in a rom-com. I know. I'm like, I'm already gagged. I love this one because it's like a modern day, like real take on, you know, she's got a great sense of humor and she's really grounded and like the supporting like he's got a brother in it and she's got her sister. So those dynamics also come into play a lot. So I think it's a great script. And yeah, let me just say this. The daddy gang, my fans and I will be sat ready to watch with our popcorn ready to support our. They're coming back to like, I mean, yeah, it's a fun genre. We don't always want to be in like, you know, running scared and doing these dramatic roles. Right. And like our emo days, like we want sometimes we want to like little laugh with our popcorn. I can not thank you enough for coming on for trusting me with this conversation and like truly it has been such a pleasure to get to know you more. And I feel like, I mean, I know there's so much more to you, but I appreciate you sitting down with me because this was really one of my faves. So thank you. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming and taking time out of your busy life. No, thanks. I'm glad we got to meet up here in New York. Woo. Yeah.