What Does Emotional Safety for Children, Look Like?

Close your eyes. Listen to Monday.com. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform. So flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Now open your eyes, go to Monday.com. Start for free and finally, breathe. The world moves fast. You work day, even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 Copilot. There's a phrase that gets used in so many homes. Sometimes even without thinking about it. We're fine. Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about. It's said quickly. It's said with a smile. It's said casually, often with the best intentions. But for a child, that word doesn't always land the way we think it does. Because they're not listening for the word fine. They're reading the room. And these are the conversations children never say out loud. But they are constantly having them within themselves. Not in words, in feelings, in interpretations. In conclusions, they begin forming very early. A moment happens, a tone shifts, and energy changes in the room. And without anyone explaining anything, their minds begin to organize the experience. Not as a story, but as a meaning. That didn't feel safe. I need to be careful here. This is how people respond when emotions show up. Aha, got it. And what's powerful is this. They don't question those conclusions. They build from them. Because emotional safety is not something children are told. It's something they experience. Come close, get comfortable, grab your spouse, grab your favorite snacks. It's time to relax a little and lean into this conversation that you can't afford to miss. Let's go friends. Yeah, I'm so, yeah, I'm so... Uh, no. Ooh, that's better, right, babe? Yeah. Yeah. She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a $100 million clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Welcome and hello, my friends. Welcome back to Becoming Unshakable, the Legacy Conversations bonus series, a special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parent Podcast, a community of strong families building unshakable legacies. I'm your host, Yildico Ferenzi, and I'm so grateful that you are here today. In our last episode, we explored the kind of home children never forget. And the emotional imprint a home leaves behind. It could be positive, or it could be something you wanted to change, right? And we always say this, it is never too late to make a change today, right? And speaking of today, today we are going beneath the surface of that conversation because if the feeling of a home is what our children remember, the emotional safety is what creates that feeling. Emotional safety, it's not something that's visible. It's something that's interpreted, right? And what a child interprets becomes a foundation of how they experience relationships. And it's going to go with them all the way into their marriage and their future relationships, the ones with their children. And it's like a ripple effect, and it's going to keep going. Now, let's start here. Emotional safety is not, it's not the absence of tension, okay? We're always gonna have that eventually, okay? Even if we haven't, eventually it will come. It's the presence of clarity, consistency and connection, even when emotions are present, because in every home, there will be moments of stress. There will be moments of miscommunication, pressure. That's part of being human. But what determines whether a child feels safe is not whether those moments exist. It's how those moments are experienced. And that is important. It's not what you intended. Oh, I meant to do this, and I care about you, I love you, your intentions, but it's what was experienced. If someone's having a temper tantrum and you come over them, exploding, that's not a very safe feeling, especially for a child. We have to help them navigate. Listen, because how do I say this the best? Even sometimes I watch certain people lose their cool, right? I've seen people lose their cool, and I talk to them. And they really do believe that it wasn't a big deal, because an adult, a parent, can feel calm internally, but if that calm is not expressed in a way the child can safely recognize, well, the child is still going to experience uncertainty and feel scared, even terrified. From a developmental psychology standpoint, children rely on something called co-regulation before they develop self-regulation. As mothers, we notice this a lot. We notice this all the time, right? The mirror effect. Well, which means this self-regulation, which means they borrow, they borrow our calm, they borrow your calm, they mirror your responses, they learn safety through your presence. So if you experience massive rage as a father or even a mother, your children will start to mirror that. You notice when you surround yourselves in the community, you're out and about, and you notice some children fighting, and they're saying things that other children have never said. Well, they learned it somewhere. They're mirroring their environment at home. You see the little children that are holding hands, and they communicate very eloquently. If there's a problem, they have such a beautiful dialogue to fix the problem or come to a solution. That didn't come naturally. That's mere, they learned that from their environment at home. And children are constantly asking without words, can I settle here? Can I express myself here? Will I be met or dismissed? And especially as children, they test that. Am I lovable when I act like this? Am I still welcome if I act like this? Right? And they choose whether they shut down or whether they can open up and be themselves. And here's the thing, their body learns the answer to the questions that they have long before their minds can even explain it. So what you model consistently becomes what they internalize. What children are actually tracking they're not just noticing obvious moments. Okay? They're tracking patterns like how quickly your tone shifts under pressure. How long tension lingers without repair. They also notice if no repair happens. They notice whether emotions are welcomed or redirected. Whether connection returns or quietly fades. And over time, these patterns form something internal. A baseline expectation of how relationships function. Close your eyes, focus. Listen to work getting done with Monday.com. Relax as AI does the manual work. While your teams are aligned on a single source of truth. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform. So flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Notice you're limitless. Now open your eyes, go to Monday.com. Start for free and finally breathe. Now this could look something like this. Okay, just imagine a child walks into a room. Say they walk into the living room or the kitchen and they sense something is off. That's nothing super obvious. That's not too obvious. There's no raised voices, no clear conflict. But something feels tight. It's off. Okay, they feel it. They sense it right away. And they may ask something like this very gently. Is everything okay? And then the response that they hear is, yes, everything's fine. But their body doesn't agree. You see, their body doesn't agree. And in that moment, they learn something deeply important. What I feel and what I'm told don't match. So the next time something feels off, they hesitate. They question their own awareness. And over time, that disconnect begins to shape how they trust themselves and how they trust others. It's eye-opening to think about. Before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup, but in yourselves? I challenge you to swap your morning coffee for Sheila G by Symbiotica. And here's what can happen. No crash, no jitters, just clean, sustained energy, plus mental clarity and trace minerals that our bodies actually need, that are actually starving for, to be honest. This isn't just a supplement. It's an ancient adaptogen sourced from the Himalayas that supports myocondrial function, stamina and overall vitality. Your coffee never did that. Okay, let's just be honest. Try it for a week and tell me your body doesn't thank you. Symbiotica's Sheila Jeet is next level wellness. And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Sheila Jeet today. There's an invisible impact over time. These experiences shape emotional confidence, ability to express needs, comfort with vulnerability, tolerance for tension, because emotional safety is not just about comfort. It's about congruence. When what is felt matches what is expressed. Now listen, emotional safety looks like being spoken to with steadiness, having emotions acknowledged, not dismissed, knowing it is safe to express, not suppress, not suppress, my friends, seeing connection restored after tension. Oh, we hear so much about people running off, running away. Just what is it? Like I imagine just clearing off the table, all the clutter off the table, just sweeping it onto the ground under the rug and never fixing it when you come back, just having a regular conversation like nothing happened. It is so, ooh, yeah. It also looks like experiencing consistency in how love is shown, consistency. It is experienced as reliability in love. A child, then a child begins to feel, I know what love feels like here. I know I am safe here, right? So don't forget those things, okay? Being spoken to with steadiness, okay? With love, just I know sometimes it's challenging, but you don't think Jesus had challenges, right? Right? Acknowledging things, not dismissing, right? Knowing it is safe to express, allowing our partner, our children, to express without suppressing it or dismissing it, right? Seeing connection restored after tension, okay? If ever we have a stormy day or some rocky moments when I have moments with my children, I am so quick to repair because I want them to walk into a relationship and know that that person takes time to invest in them to repair. If someone doesn't do that, walk. Don't even walk, run. Take your stuff and run. Even leave your shoes behind, okay? And then experiencing consistency in how love is shown, right? We want our children to understand what safety feels like, what love feels like, what love truly feels like. That's what we want them to step into, not walk into something because it will repeat, okay? The toxicity will repeat. And if that isn't a terrifying thought, maybe you don't have this and that's wonderful. But if that's not a terrifying thought, if you are dealing with stuff in your marriage, in your home, if that's not a terrifying thought that will jumpstart you into repair, into change today, I don't know, I don't know what would be. And listen, here is an important distinction. A calm home is not always a safe home, right? And a home that experiences tension is not automatically unsafe, right? The difference is, does clarity follow confusion? Right? That's a great question to start with. Does connection return after distance? Or if it never does, things need to change, my friend. Does love remain steady through emotion? Right, things can get a little rocky. I know European families, they get passionate, but you know darn well that they love you, that they love you because they, I love you, I love you. Oh my gosh, it's just, it's expressed, you know. They're coming to you with love. They're walking through it with love, right? And let's go deeper. Children are not only shaped by what happens, they are shaped by what is left unresolved, right? We tapped into that. Did you hear that? Unresolved, you know those homes where they say, my parents never fought, but nothing was ever resolved. So what does that tell you? That tone lingers, okay? The moment that isn't explained, they always remember that just because they're children, they're not going to forget. They will always remember that thing that happened that was never explained, that they're not allowed to talk about, or they don't talk about. The emotion that isn't acknowledged, they remember these things, right? They remember these things because when something is felt, but never clarified, the mind fills in the meaning. And those meanings become beliefs and it's not always a positive thing that you're going to take with you on your life's journey. So these are things to think about. Scripture speaks to the importance of alignment between our heart and our actions. We are called to be steady, intentional, and deeply aware of how we respond to one another. Because when what is within us is reflected clearly in how we show up, we create consistency and consistency creates clarity, right? And clarity allows others, especially children, to feel what? Secure, secure. Scripture reminds us of this in the book of Luke chapter six, verse 45. It says, a good person brings good things out of the good stored up in their heart. And an evil person brings evil things out of the evil stored up in their heart, for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. And this is such a powerful reminder, friends. That what is within us will always find its way into how we show up, right? And children feel that. Children feel that long before they ever understand it. And when you truly pause and take that in, it begins to shift how you see your role in those moments. I hope so anyway. Because as that awareness deepens, you start to recognize just how much your presence is shaping the atmosphere your children are living within. Your spouse, your children, the atmosphere in your home. You begin to see how what you model today quietly becomes part of what they will one day carry forward. Of what one day they will carry forward with their children, with their spouse, with their family. Ask yourself, is it time to break some chains? Is it time to break some chains, friends? Here is a shift many people miss. You do not create safety by controlling every moment. You create safety by becoming consistent in your presence. When a child knows how you will respond, how you will return after attention, how you will hold space for them. It's challenging. I know. I know. Okay? But it has to be done because I'm the adult. Okay? I have to control. I have to control my emotions. I have to have the self-discipline. Right? That's our responsibility. I'm sorry, but that is. If you can't do that, you got work to do. You got work to do. Okay? I believe everybody is capable of greatness. Okay? We just have to put the work in. Have to put the work in. Our children's nervous systems, it begins to settle. Okay? When those things begin, when they see how you respond with kindness, even when they're struggling, their frontal cortex is not developed fully yet. Ours are. Okay? So please, no excuses. And if they see that you return after attention, of course there could be tension. But you know, you catch yourself, right? And how do you return? Safe, safely. Right? You hold space for them. They're the children. Come on now. Come on now. Okay? Because with that predictability, it creates security, security. And our children deserve that, don't they? Absolutely. So let's talk about some practical micro shifts that we can start today that look like this. Okay? It doesn't have to be a big deal. Like this. Okay? It doesn't have to be exact. You have your own language. This is just something that you can start with. Okay? This is a roadmap, a blueprint for you. I hear you. I hear you. Okay? And really focus on connecting. Okay? Because they are struggling in those moments. Okay? I hear you. Let's slow this down. Use this for your spouse too, by the way. Let's slow this down. Let's slow this down. Get that felt tense. But we're okay. We're okay. We're okay, sweetheart. Let's pause and do this different. You want to start again with me? You want to start again? We can start again. Okay? How can we start again? How would you like to start again? Let's start again. Right? I want to understand what you're feeling. Okay? Let me help. Let me help you put that into words. It's simple, clear, grounded. Safety is built through consistent, intentional presence. Okay? When they're having a tantrum, if you were to yell over them. Ah! Oh gosh! That's terrifying for me. Are you kidding me? Stop. Stop. Go to your room. Come out. No. No. Okay? We want to be exceptional communicators and we want to be able to have our children to vocalize what they're going through so we can guide them. So we can shepherd them. We can shepherd them. Right? Ah! Just how lucky are we that we were given these beautiful souls to shepherd? Okay? And we can be honest. Listen. Listen. This is why I feel the way I do about this or about you surrounding yourselves with people like that. You were created for greatness. Whatever the talk is. Okay? Whatever the talk is. Honesty from the heart. Communication. Gosh, you know, feels frustrating. Feels frustrating. Maybe it feels a little naggy, but my mom, she loves me. She loves me. She loves me. Okay. Grab your journals. Grab the pen. And we're going to ask some great questions and and you can compare this with your spouse. You can go back to them later. This is all so valuable. So let's start now. What might my child be interpreting in moments I haven't explained? Where could I bring more clarity after attention? Where might there be a gap between what I feel and what I express? Remember, you may feel like it's not a big deal, right? When you raise your voice, you still feel calm. Used to be in military or whatever, but just. Imagine what that feels like to a young child. Okay. Sure, they'll snap into shape. But what does that feel like when you're trying to figure out your own emotions as a little child? And that's the person that that's the only person or people, you know, your parents. Those are those are the people that you're most close to. Those are the people that you know you're depending on them to help you when you're going through these things. Of course, there's discipline, but there's also a type of. Rage or explosion that doesn't belong. It doesn't mesh with children. How does my tone shift under pressure? How does my tone shift under pressure? Oh, this is so good. How does my tone shift under pressure? Catch yourself. Catch yourself. What happens? Write it down. What patterns am I unintentionally reinforcing? What does that look like? If they start to get a little moody or tired or what, what do I do? What am I training them? How am I training them? Am I training them to not have emotions to not express themselves because I feel uncomfortable or it puts it puts one of the parents in a state of anger because they have issues that they haven't worked through. Think about these things. This is so valuable. We're not pointing fingers at anyone, but this is definitely things we need to take note of so we can work on them. What would greater emotional clarity look like in my home? How or where was I shut down as a child? What happened when I had emotions? What did that look like when I was a child? What did uncomfortable moments look like when I was a child? Did we discuss them or did we never talk about it again? Compare this with your spouse and then also ask your children some questions. Not these exact questions, but about when the moment gets tense or tough. How does mommy react? How do you feel when something happens where you're frustrated with your child? Ask them the different questions. How do you feel when I get frustrated? Do you know that I love you? They may say yes. They may say no. Do you feel safe? Yes. No. They may tell you they may tell you things you may not want to hear, but you have to learn. You have to you have to be open and listen because this is their experience. You're going to learn a lot. Now let's come together in prayer. Okay. Here we go. I love this part. I love my prayer partners. So here we go. Let's come together. Heavenly Father, thank you for trusting us with our children. Help us become more aware of what is deeply felt. Even when it is not spoken. Give us the wisdom to lead with presence. And the patience to respond with care. Align our hearts and our actions. So our children experience clarity, safety and love. Help us create homes where our children feel safe, seen, secure, loved. Let our homes reflect your peace and your love in Jesus name. Amen. So good. So good. If something stood out to you. Let's clarity. Okay. Clarity gives direction. You don't need to change everything all at once. We talk about this all the time. It doesn't have to be a full makeover over 15 minutes and we're done. We're changed, right? It's a journey. It begins with awareness, right? And let that awareness guide how you show up. Right? It's awareness. It's in the moments of that frustration and catching yourself and reeling it back. I'm so good at this. I am so good at this. It's like, hi, I want to say this, but I pull it back and I'm watching my babies deal with that too. I was so proud of my little one. She's, she, she's a feeler. We've talked about this. She is a feeler, but I saw how the emotions went up in her and she knows that she's safe with me and she's okay to have emotions, but it's not okay to be mean. It's not okay to hit. It's not okay to let yourself get lost in rage. Okay. We saw, we see, we see a lot of men have that, right? And they have a lot of work to do and I want to guide my children through that now so that it doesn't become a problem when they grow up. Yes, I want to be here to coach them, to shepherd them. And I saw how she reeled it in and she let it flow through her. And minutes later, she's singing angel, angel baby, my angel baby is back. I told her, I am so proud of you. Right? There's going to be storms. There's going to be rain. There's going to be thunder. There's going to be lightning. But what happens to the weather? Does it stay like that? Does it stay like that forever? No, no, she says. What happens? It changes. Sometimes it snows or sometimes the sun comes out. That's right. That's what happens to us. Now the sun is shining and you did such a good job. I could tell I did her arm flail. Is she going to hit something and she reeled herself in. I was so proud of her, so proud of her, so proud of my children. God bless them. God bless them. Thank you. Thank you, Jesus, for letting me be a mother. I this, this, this work that we have as parents, it's exceptional. It's, it's amazing. It is such a blessing. Right? We are so blessed. We are so blessed and we only get one chance. We get one chance. We cannot, we cannot waste it. We cannot just honestly guys lean into the blessing. And do the work that God trusted us to do. Right? Emotional safety is built in how you show up when it matters. That's our job as parents. Okay. And one day that will be the responsibility that will be on our children's shoulders too. They need to learn. They need to learn from us. If this podcast, if this show, if this show, if this episode spoke to your heart, if it resonated, I'd love for you to leave a review, a kind review, a thoughtful review and five golden stars as Daniel and Destiny say so that, so that more families can discover these conversations and make sure that you're following the show. So you never miss an episode. Okay. I'm so proud of you guys. I am so proud. I don't say that lightly. You guys are putting in the work. If you guys are here listening, it's because you care that much. And there's a lot of people out there that say, we're fine. I don't, I'm, I'm doing a perfectly good job. Okay. I'm doing great. But that's not our community. Our community always has a room to improve. Right. We're striving for greatness. Right. We have a legacy to leave behind and we want to do the best job that we can as parents. Okay. Is we are building something meaningful here together as a community. We are and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you guys are pouring and pouring into your families, and nourishing your families, your marriages. And I'd love to personally invite you to listen as a family to the entrepreneur kids legacy show with Daniel and destiny. They are pouring their hearts into creating powerful screen free leadership content for children. They're showing up twice a week. They're doing so great and your children are so amazing and, and so, so loving. We read all the messages and we're so grateful. And if you, if you feel like to support that mission, you can leave a gift at buy me a coffee.com backslash entrepreneur kids. Thank you so much for being a part of this. Thank you in advance. We appreciate you. Because the kids, they, the children, they're using their savings to fund this. So when you guys, when you guys leave a gift, it is a huge, it is a huge deal for them. I wish I could, their eyes. Oh my goodness. They are so grateful. You're so grateful. Friends, the way your child learns to feel in your presence today. That becomes the way they experience connection for the rest of their lives. Remember that, my dear friends. God bless you. Glory to God always. That's the whole purpose here. Glory to God always. We love you and I look forward to seeing you soon. This is becoming unshakable by the entrepreneur parents podcast posted by your friend, Eeliko Ferenci. God bless you. Glory to God always. Thank you beautiful friends for listening to this important message from Mama. There is someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the optional kids legacy show. We know you'll love it. Be bold, be kind, build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. We love you and parents. If no one told you yet, let us be the folks. You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story because every legacy begins with a hero and that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships or business.