EP 68: Meet Alicia: Honest Talks & Hard Truths

Disclaimer. At two addicts in the moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. All right, well, we are back to another episode of two addicts in the moron. I missed you guys. Sorry, we're having to take some breaks because I'm a fucking dad. That's okay. There's an active ass son that's rolling all over the place. And we're looking for sponsors. Yeah. You know, you know, you want to, you will throw a little advertising with us two charming gentlemen and, you know, I'm done pretty much everything for drugs. So if you want to sponsor us, I will probably do anything on video. And I still drink. So Tito's vodka. If you're out there, please. Terrible. Yeah, I'm a whiskey guy. I fucking, we know Woodford Reserve. We'll figure it out. Well, then a while, we got a very special guest. They've been a long time coming. A long time coming. She is also one of the busiest human beings on the face of the planet. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Alicia, everybody. I'm happy to be here. It has been a long time coming. Yeah. I mean, we had this plotted during our pickleball tournament where I had convinced you you had a rule. I wanted to wait two years. Yeah. And here I am. Says every girl. Yeah. Yeah. Never happens. Yeah. Yeah. They give in earlier than that. You know that or you just make it happen. You know what I mean? I hear it. Fuck it. No, um, we were talking. You had this hard line in the sand. He was telling me. I was like, dude, just get Alicia. I was like, she's not coming on till two years. And I was like, all fucking talk to her. And I thought I had the pickleball tournament. I was like, you just close. That was close. Two years was in June. And that was at the end of May. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I knew that. And I was, and that's kind of what I said. I was like, we're close. They're close enough. Let's just go. But it ended up working out to where it's after your two years. So congratulations on making it two years, by the way. And sorry, it wasn't there. But again, it's okay. It was on. I was. I was. I showed up. The two addicts in the moron was well represented. Yeah, we're in that room. Yeah. That was as long as one of us is there. Yeah. Yeah. So your mom recognized me. My mom was on Zoom. Her little name said mom. She's like text me during the meeting. She's like, what is H a stand for? It was everyone. And I was like, what is H and then every person that shares you, like a major bowling. It was so sweet. Yeah. It was really sweet. She was there. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, another momentous occasion that's creeping up on us too would be one's birthday. Yeah. The big three zero. Yeah. You old hag. Yeah. You're just over the hill. I know. I can feel the back. The eggs coming up. My back's hurting right now. I know. Yeah. I was like, me getting a good spot. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. I appreciate you finally making that happen. So I know how long you've been sober because it's two years and a little bit of time past that. And I think you just let me know what your drug of choice was. A heroin? No, no. I'm actually never done. Oh, okay. That's just one of our favorite meetings. I've never done it either. Oh, really? No, but that's my favorite meeting. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I don't know. I just went there one night and then it just became my home group. But no, cocaine, adderol gambling. That was my. Campbell's. We're going to get into the gambling part. Oh, yeah. I want to talk about that one. Because that was the biggest one. Oh, for sure. Really? Yeah. Mike and I talk about it all the time. Yeah. We actually should start a gambling anonymous meeting out here. Yeah. I don't think they have one or two, but they're tiny. But I think correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like your gambling had a lot to do with your meth addiction though. 100. It was one one had something to do with the other there. Well, I was I would smoke meth all day. Yeah. And I get bored in my house or apartment. And then I would go to the strip club and then they close it too. And I'm like, well, I can either go home and try to sleep. But I got to be at work at eight are I can go gamble till seven. Yeah. And then I don't have to worry about waking up late. All right. So yeah. So that's exactly what I did. I didn't do one without the other. Okay. But financially and as far as ruining my life, gambling's the one that took over. That was that was the gambling took all my money for sure. Yeah. It took the most of my money. That's wild. Well, drugs come cheap once you're in it for a minute. Yeah. Like what you used to pay in the beginning, you're paying way less in the end because I know too many people to go to. Yeah. So if you're not going to I'll go get it over here. Yeah. I got options. Yeah. Really. I just want some shit now. I can't wait an hour. So waiting for my check to deposit. When did you when would you say that your addiction started? So I went to college and I and I drank like a normal alcoholic in college. Yeah. You know, I would get drunk, go to school the next day and graduated no problem. And then I graduated college. My brother was a pretty big heroine addict my whole life. And dad was an alcoholic. Gameless in my family. So I was anti-drug big time. Didn't smoke. We didn't do anything. And then I graduated college and got into a toxic relationship. And that's when it started. I got introduced cocaine. Got introduced to gambling. And then it turned into me doing coke by myself. And yeah. So pretty much when I was 25 maybe and the whole time I did drugs and gambling, I know I knew I lived a double life for five and a half years. Damn. Yeah. And you're 30. So 24 maybe. Yeah. Okay. So out of college drinking kind of normally, where'd you go to college? Michigan State. All right. Yeah. Go green. Go to Spartans. Yeah. Yeah. I went to Michigan State and graduate. I worked in college. I was a really good kid. You know, I partied but I got up for work, got up for school. I was involved. I worked for the Alumni Association. So I got sparrady dressed before the game. Nice. And to all the sporting events. Yeah. I had the time of my life. And then I graduated. Got an apartment. Got a job. Got a car. Did all the cool things that you do. And then everything just started going downhill. You know. Damn. Yeah. And then COVID hit. And everything really went downhill. And yeah, I just went on. All right. So when would you say like it, it got away from you? Like, you know, the party because like college and drinking is like synonymous. Yeah. I mean, you're. Oh, for sure. Especially at Michigan State. I think any like you say you go to any college town, at least the ones that I've been to, you're the biggest party school on the planet. It's like, University of Texas, Texas State. Everyone I'm Michigan State. I'm sure you go to any college. Yeah. Yeah. Even a junior college. Yeah. The fucking spot right here. Yeah. It's like dude, you're in the middle of the fucking woods. Like get the fuck out of here. Like I get it. All right. But I mean, that's kind of a synonymous thing where you're just drinking heavily and having to wake up hung over and do the classes and stuff, right? Yeah. Yeah. So would you identify as an alcoholic? Absolutely. Okay. But, you know, like the big book talks about like some, sometimes you start out as a matter of drink or which is exactly what happened with me. Because of my brother, I had seen him throughout my whole life in addiction. And I was so anti everything. My friends would be doing Molly and acid and smoking weed and taking Adderall and Coke and I just was so anti everything. And so it wasn't really until, I mean, the gambling got pretty bad. I remember the first time I started gambling was before it was legal in Michigan. And so it was, it was like a Vegas app that was like a slot machine actually started with candy crush, like buying lives. Okay. 25,000 dollars in lives. No, fucking way. You can gamble on candy crush. No, you weren't gambling. You were just playing the candy crush game. Oh, okay. Okay. But when you're doing like a ton of Coke or Adderall and you're just sitting there on my belt. Yeah. My dog sitting there and I'm just like, you know, so I started more lives. I need more lives. Yeah. So I started with this Vegas app that you couldn't win money. It was like a fake slot machine. Yeah. And so I started doing that. And um, and then I remember I was completely doing it by myself. I would hit up the guy that I knew that did go. He was a good friend of mine. But I would always tell him like, Hey, you know, my friends are in town and they want this. And then it would be for my friends. But then I eventually started doing it alone, which is when it got really bad. And I was sitting there for hours and hours and you know, I was getting 90 pounds. I was at one point. Um, and then I was losing everything. I stopped paying my bills. And finally I reached out to my mom. Um, because my brother just overdosed twice. So I was like, I can't tell her I'm doing Coke. You know, so I told her I had a gambling problem. And she was a gambler. She's a gambler too, but not to the extent of having a problem. She just likes to gamble. Um, so I told her I had a problem. I moved. I was like, I'm going to move to the other side of the state, which is another thing they talk about in AA is like people try to, they change their places, their relationships, you know, um, yeah, it doesn't matter where you can drop me off and fucking Boise Idaho. Yeah. During my addiction. And I will find meth within five minutes. Yeah. I have no doubt about it. Yeah. And that's the delusion that people have is like, if I just moved to the state, yeah, and that's exactly what I did is I was like, I'm going to move to the other side of the state. And, um, I moved and then I got prescribed Adderall and I had a big problem with my bank. There was like the scam like we're holding my money. So I had no money to my name and I started doing Adderall and started doing DoorDash Instacart because they were holding my money. I had to make some money really quick. And then it just got out of hand. I was doing enough Adderall to where was basically meth, you know, um, well Adderall is meth, right? Yeah, I think it's like one in methamphetamine. Okay. It's like one fucking whatever away. Yeah, my ignorance. It's pretty, I mean, it's pretty, look, if you do enough of it, you're fucking, you're tweaking. Yeah, you're like full of psychosis. Yeah, I've done it before. Like I've, I've tried it, you know, not feeling good in the morning. They're like, take one of these like a buddy of mine's like, here man. And I was like, I mean, I was zombieed out. Like I felt like on Adderall, at least for me, it like whatever is the the soul, like whatever is Joey, like it was just like up there looking down on me, like just fucking like, yeah, I fucking read everything right now. You know, like I was like, I don't want to do this shit anymore. Like, I mean, so, but you take so many of them, like I was, because usually they, you know, they, they last a while. And that's how people take them is they take them in at last the whole day, but you take so many. They're time released. Yeah. Yeah. But if you keep popping them, you're just like so wide. But when you have a gambling addiction, you're sitting there and you're just like glued to the game, just like you said about reading. You're just glued to this for hours. And I was taking so much where I called the police on my phone one time because I thought someone broke into my phone. But really, just because I was on my phone for four days straight without looking up. I think that's what happened. And then I started seeing like the characters of my games in real time. And it was to a point where I was doing sports butts. I had, I'm imagine you see the fucking candy cron. I'm not kidding. Like hanging out like, yeah, dude, I mean, you want to help me out here? Like, what's the? That's exactly how it was. Sports. The Buffalo. You know about the Buffalo. Yeah. Tell me you were betting on sports. You knew nothing about. So, okay, first of all, I, this is my typical Friday night. And this sounds so bad. This is this was way worse than it's it's going to sound like. So, okay, I a Friday night, I would go get white castle. And mind you like, I have a thousand friends I can call. Yeah. And I have no. What's my castle? Is that what you call? Why castle? No, dude, white castle. It's a restaurant with little burgers like a, it's a northern food chain. Like a northern, like burger place. I get a little mini burgers. Okay. Yeah. So, go to white castle. I would not, I didn't want to hang out with any of my friends. I had my family down the street for me. Didn't care about that. I would get white castle and I would get out of my phone and I would see what sports were going on. Usually it was basketball was betting on. And I would bust out a whiteboard and I would just put, I had like 16 parles going at once. No fucking. You have a whiteboard in your, in your fucking purse or some shit. I did at that point. I had whiteboards everywhere for this exact reason. Yeah. And I would just write down all the parles. And then I would go in an Excel grid and transfer those to an Excel grid. This is what the Adderall is doing to me at this point. And no shit. And then I would pull my phone because I didn't have cable. And I would, there'd be 15 games going on at once. And I would pull up the games and just have ESPN play by plays. And I would checkmark if stuff Keri got a three check mark, check mark, check mark. And then I would just go through all the tabs ESPN. And I'm doing all this sports betting like a psychopath. Yeah. At the end of the night, I'm doing table tennis, which I believe I don't know about. You're betting on table tennis. That's all that was on. I mean, you got to learn soccer at some point. No matter what sport. I'm learning the table tennis because it was in China. It's a different time. It's 12 hours away. Yeah. You know, 12 hours different. So you're betting on ping pong. I'm betting on anything. Yeah. So what are the people that are watching you do this? Like the fucking servers at the restaurant that you're at or what? No, I was on my phone in my apartment alone. Oh, okay. Well, that's better. What did Candy Crush King think about what you were doing? Like when he was there in real time? You know, that guy was just a beard during those moments. Even he was like, fuck it. It was when I ran out of money that he was coming back like, come on. Dude, that's insane. Yeah, it was wild. It was, I mean, it sounds like a fun thing at the time, but it was dark. Here's the funny for me. And I know that you're going to relate to this. I used to think that I could find the glitches in the games and like fucking, I figured it out finally. Right? I got a fucking like one-sided. I'll ask it out of here. I'll ask it out and go back in or fucking switch over and then come back. I would think like I have this whole thing figured out. Yeah. Because it worked one fucking time. Yeah. I found it. Yeah. And then fucking before you know it, I'm fucking just losing money. Like, and it's insane how fast money goes. Yeah. And that's the thing is like, I had a full-time job, you know, making salary money. And I would get a two-week paycheck to pay my bills. And instead, I would just, I pay maybe one or two bills and then I would just gamble the rest. And then I would go do Instacart Door Dash with my laptop, my front seat working for my car, making another salary, working all day doing Door Dash because I need to make up for my bills, to make up for my gambling. And it was just like a constant. I was working probably a hundred hours a week and I still didn't have my bills paid, you know? But the game. My family's like, what the hell is going on? I'm like, oh, I'm just stressed out about money. You know, no one knew what was going on. So I mean, the sheet sounds like way more of an impulsive gambler than you. Yeah, she sounds like that because she's probably way smarter than me. Like she knows how to do Excel. Well, yeah. Like, fucking, I think that's just being organized. That's all that. I don't know. She's way smarter than me. So the so the adder oil with her smartness probably fucked her up even worse because like you're going to really overthink a lot of things. Yeah. I'm not a big, I'm not a big overthinker. I'm like, if I put another 200 bucks in, I'm probably going to win. Yeah. That's my, that's as overthinking as I go. Yeah, but as a gambling, that's the other thing is that as a gambling addict, you don't care about the money for me. It's, yeah, it's literally like, I remember what really put me in treatment. It was the, I won this huge amount of money off of like $75 and free play they gave me. Like almost $100,000. And I put it all back in the casino because when you win that money, the weird thing about the gambling is that you don't care what's in front of you. When you win that money, you're like, all I want to do is gamble. You know, and it's like so sick because there's all these things you want to buy like house, card, you know, and you don't want any of that. You just want to keep gambling, especially when you've lost all of it. Yeah. It's like, fuck, if only I could hit 20 grand. And then you hit 20 grand and you don't fucking cash out at all. Yeah. Like you wouldn't fuck if I can hit 20, I can do 40. Yeah. For sure. That's the mentality. I never cashed out. Yeah. I literally like, I would, I remember I was a 41,000 one time. And I cashed out 1100 of it. Yeah. I spent 40,000 back because I was like, I'm going to get this bitch to 100 grand. I figured out this game. Yeah. And then there was so many times where I was up 20,000, 15,000, 10,000. And when they started making it where you can play it on your phone, because the days that I had my daughter, I couldn't go to the, I couldn't go play. But when they started making it where there was a mobile app where I can play while I have my daughter, oh, fuck game over game over. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sending that and I can cash out to you the money to put on my account for me. Instant withdrawal, instant deposit. So it's like, well, if I lose all my money, I can instantly withdraw if I win, you know, yeah. And then you win all your rent money back that you just lost and you don't care. You just, you want to keep going. Yeah. It's COVID. They can't kick us out anyway. That was a thought. Oh, I didn't pay my rent for a minute. Yeah. They, they literally had me sign something to where I was behind like nine months. And like here in Texas, they couldn't kick you out. And they literally said, look, if you leave, we will not put this on your credit. We will not. And I was like, let me think about it for a month. And then I thought about for a month. And then I finally left so they couldn't put it on my credit. Yeah. But I hadn't paid in like 10 months. And I was working a, you know, where we work, a fucking good job. Yeah. But people, people are always like, I, I did 400 grand in the last four years in gambling. That's what I spent. Yeah. And people, I know that's, that's a lot of money. But when you think about it, if you're doing $200 a day, that's $72,000 a year. Do you want to know how much I did in nine months? I showed you this before. $2 million. Not that I deposited that I gambled $2 million in nine months. So that's what she won. And then turn back in. I don't know how much. This is what I've lost. I don't know that number for me. They asked me one time. Do you want me to print it out for you? And I said, fuck no. Yeah. I had two for tax purposes, but $2 million. I remember I was looking at this number. I had to do with my therapist because I was terrified. This was like last year. And I looked to that number and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Like that is wild. $2 million. $2 million. It's disgusting to think about. But yeah, 30 years old dude. That's nuts. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm 29. Thanks. Well, you're, you're, you're gonna push a year on. I mean, I'm trying to push two weeks on you. Give me a fucking break. Okay. He's a Christ. Yeah. All right. It's wild. So it's safe to say that the gambling was definitely your thing. Yeah. For sure. How did you go to rehab for gambling or was it kind of a conglomerate of all the things at once? It was definitely a conglomerate. So at the very end, I was getting, I had a land, landlord that assaulted me. He was this old Middle Eastering guy that he just, he was not a great landlord. And I was behind on rent. And so he essentially was kicking me out. And I was so down bad at this point. My older brother, the heroin addict brother thought that I was on meth. And I know where? Yeah. So, you know, but I wasn't that's what I would say. Like you're crazy. What is my? Yeah. So I, the landlord assaulted me. So I was going with my mom to buy security cameras for my apartment in case he tried to come over there. My landlord. And I remember I tell the store in meetings all the time I got into a fight with my mom and my brother on the phone. And we get to Walmart and I slammer door and I start walking home like a crazy person. This is like real down bat. I'm 85 90 pounds and I'm walking home like a psycho. And my older brother pulls up next to me and he's like getting the car. Like come on. And I get in the car with him and I'm just bawling. He's shaking me and he's like, Alicia, like you don't have to live like this soon anymore. And I think I shared about it when I picked up my chip recently because at that point, like I had no idea what that meant. You know, I was so down bad just high gambling that no money had no, like I was so depressed and everything was just a secret. I was living in double life. And it's a lot of pressure too. It was a lot of pressure. But the idea of rehab was like, no, I've never done heroin. I've never lived under a bridge like what? I'm not an alcoholic. And so I decided that at that point that I was going to look into rehab. And it was for gambling, et cetera, coke. All the things shopping. I mean, once you're an addict, you're kind of an addict. And so I looked into rehabs in Texas because I went to high school in Texas. And my dog in Hutto. Yeah, so I wanted to go to treatment center that allowed my dog. And my treatment center that I chose was a recovery unplugged. They're like a music-based treatment center and you can bring your dog. So I called my mom and I'm like, hey, guess what I've been doing the last five years? She was obviously devastated and shocked. And so I just packed up my stuff and drove me my dog. And my mom came with us to Texas. And we went to rehab. What was your experience in rehab? I had a lot of rehab. It was great. I mean, it was like a resort. We're getting free food. I loved it. I got to play basketball all day. I was working out. I had a clear mind. I had three months off of work. You know, I told my work that I what was happening. And it was great. Like, I didn't... The thing is, during rehab, it was wonderful. I had so much freedom to just have a clear mind, which is something I hadn't done in months. And the first couple of days were rough. I was just bawling the whole time. I'm like, oh my gosh, like hearing these people's stories. Because at first, I'm like, they're going to think I'm, you know, this like poser because I've never done heroin. You know, but then I start hearing all these people's feelings when they're high. And I'm like, I felt those things. And that's when you start to realize like alcohol drugs are the solution, not the problem. We all have the same problems. And so I went to rehab and my program didn't teach 12 steps at all. So I thought it was a great time. I felt really, really good. And then I got out and I was just as bad as I was when I went in. So it wasn't until I started working the steps really that I felt a little bit of relief. But during rehab was great for me. So did you get out and relapse pretty immediately? No, I never relapse. Okay. But I got pregnant. Two weeks after I got a treatment. So that was a wake-up call that definitely made me stay sober. Couldn't gamble. Can't gamble when you're about to have a baby in your, no, stay alone. So no, I didn't relapse, but I was definitely like in a dark spot, you know. And then I started going to meetings. Got a sponsor, Ali Fleming. I love Ali. And then I just got really involved. And I, you know, I stayed sober, but it was in the beginning, it was really dark when I got out, you know. Still are super involved. Oh, I'm 10 times more involved now than I was. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to talk about that because you, you'd been close with Mike for a little while. Yeah. And then I got to meet you. And then you kind of asked us to get involved with something that you were putting together. Yeah. And we did. You sure did. And it was a pickle ball tournament for not a glum lot. Yeah. So talk about them. I want you to talk about that organization. How your involvement is and, you know, what you're doing with them because it's pretty cool. And then what it is that they do for others. Yeah. So not a glum lot is an organization started by Patrick Hensley, who's a pretty big guy in recovery. Good guy. Great guy. He owns a lot of sober living houses too, Hensley houses. But he started this organization because he wanted people to see that you can have fun in recovery. Yeah. For free. So essentially what it is is there's, there's, I think nine of us on the board right now. And each board member has a month every few months where they have to plan an event. And, you know, we do, we're about to do Quest ATX, like the big water park outdoor water park. They do a big bow every year. They do a paintball pickle ball, whatever. And you choose your event. And then you set it up, call them, get sponsors for it. You guys were my sponsor and ALR. And then you get a bunch of newcomers to come out and see that you can have fun in recovery. And for me, one of my dreams is to have an event planning company on the side. So this was like when my friend Taylor asked me if I was interested in joining, I was like, like, yeah, absolutely. Like this is right up my alley. So my first event was the pickle ball tournament. And I had to find a sponsor. And of course I asked you guys, you know, Mike has been my good friend for a while. And so you guys, you guys, obviously came out. We had a much larger turnout than I expected. You know, and I remember just sitting back watching, like being involved, but also sitting back watching these newcomers just have so much fun. And that feeling is like, this is probably why Patrick does this is because every time he goes to an event, I'm sure he sees that. And that for me was like, I can put together this event that people, you know, if they can stay sober one more day, they can see that they can go to a concert. We just went to a Katy Perry concert. I had a girl's trip to the Katy Perry concert. You know, and these are things that you typically do floating the river. We just said that when's the last time you floated the river sober? Yeah. You know what I mean? I can't say that I ever have. Yeah. Yeah. I call it the river and I remember it here. And it's like 30% water and mostly piss is what it is from people just pissing in it. Yeah. Continue with your story. But yes, that is absolutely correct. Yeah. Well, that's also a great thing for you to be able to see. Like, I always say that we have to be reminded of how it was. Because when you get two years and three years and five years and seven years and ten years sober, you have to, that's why I think newcomer meetings are so important for people that have been in the program for a minute to go to. Yeah. So that they can hear what it was like and they're reminded what it was like from a brand new person. Yeah. Because so some of those brand new people don't think they're going to make it to the next day. Yeah. And then whenever you're able to not only give them that opportunity to make it to a next day, it also helps you to be able to see and be reminded. Man, that was made two years ago. Yeah. Or 18 months ago whenever it was. You know. Yeah. That's why, I mean, that's why sponsorship for me is so big too. Like working with a sponsor, you know, they're helping me out just as much as I'm helping them. And that's what all these people come into these events are like, you guys have no idea how much this is helping me. You know. And now that I know that people enjoy these things and they can see like these are things that I used to do and I was drinking that I can do sober and have, I mean, every time we go somewhere, everyone's like, man, you guys hit happy hour before this and we're like, we're actually the sober ones, you know, just because we're rowdy and we're so happy to be alive. Right. You know. And you go through this program and you see so many people every week it seems like someone's dying. You know, and it's a real thing and and so when we have an event and all 78 people that RSV peed for that river show up, you're like, everyone of you guys look forward to this event and you stayed sober for this event. Yeah. You know. Well, you know, if they were high, they would have never showed up or on time if they did. Yeah. True. Yeah. Well, I think it's real important what you're doing because as a as the normy guy and kind of that outlier to all these events, watching even for me seeing that you can have a really good time and be surrounded by a group of people having a really good time and nobody's fucked up or nobody's having a drink or nobody's nobody's fighting. Yeah, nobody's having a drug. You know, it's a really big deal and I could see very easily for someone who's new in recovery being how I opening that would be. I mean, if it's that eye opening for me, for them, they've got to be like holy shit. Yeah. This is fucking cool. Like I can actually do this. So big up to you and that board and not a glum lot, we were really excited to be a part of that. And we will sponsor you anytime. Yeah. So what's funny? Yeah, we're doing another event and I was like, hey, do you need sponsors and at least just like, like, I'm going to keep y'all in my back pocket. Yeah. I'm not sponsored. Let these other guys and girls figure out their own. Yeah. But I'm going to keep y'all in my back pocket or my spot. Yeah. Well, you guys did my first event. Like you have it has to be an ongoing. Yeah. But I mean, we also also on top of not a glum lot, like there's so many because when I got out, like all the people from my treatment center relapsed every single one of them. I was the only one that stayed so many people were in your treatments center. Well, each ride it like four, five months of it, you know. And so over time, all the people that I met, it was probably around 70 people. And they all relapsed. And so I'm an I'm an Austin. I get pregnant with my rehab romance, mind you. Yeah. Go to rehab and I fall in love. That's why I couldn't have went to a coed one. There's no way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, looking back, you know. So I'm pregnant. I have no friends because everybody relapsed those are my only friends in Texas. I have no family and I have a lease. And I'm thinking like, I'm either going to have to move back to Michigan to raise this baby. Or I'm going to have to stay here and figure it out until my lease is up. And so the first thing I do is go to club 101, which is a meeting and a meeting center. And I go to this meeting by myself and then they're going to fellowship afterwards. I'm like, fellowship, what is that? And I'm listening. And they're talking about this big book. And I have no idea what any of that means. But they go bowling. I think it was after the meeting. And I go with them. And I'm like, this is freaking cool. Like I'm having so much fun and I can make friends. And I've always been like a very social person. And I felt alive finally, you know. And so now I'm fellowship chair for club 101, which is great because I get to plan the events every Friday. And it's just such a cool thing getting these new comers to come out. And they're like, I don't know. I'm going to go home. I have Kurt feeling like giving the phone. Let's call your house manager. You're coming out. And we'll go to I hopper. We'll go to we'll go bowling. We just played pickleball last night. And it's just it's seeing the the light turn on and these these these kids eyes really they're all just children. Really learning a new way of life. It's like the most rewarding thing for me, you know. And I never thought when my brother was really down bad with drugs. I never thought that I would be in this community. You know. And now I'm I'm on weekly sober softball leagues. Softball. We do tournaments all the time. It's just constant community, you know, and at 30 almost 30 years old. You did it yourself that time. They'll put it on me. It's just so fun, you know. And it's but it's also very serious. Like these this could be the last time you see this person. You know. So we're going to really make the best of it. And it's just it's it's what's kept me sober. It's what's kept me motivated. And in that process by working these steps, getting a sponsor, getting a sponsor, it's like it's also uncovered a whole another level of who I am, you know. Really doing the work on myself, going to therapy. And today is just like today's awesome. You know, they talk about it all the time in the rooms, but like you could not trade the best day. It what is it? The best day during addiction. For the worst day sober. There's just no comparison. Yeah. You know. So yeah, today's good. You know, when I think about it, like, especially in the end of my addiction, I don't really remember a lot of great days, right? Yeah. It was, I mean, it was always stressful. It was always trying to figure shit out. It was always just trying to get by. And the first time that I actually had fun, like real fun again was when I went to rehab. Because I was able to just find myself and figure myself out again and realize like, oh, I don't need to do drugs to have a good time. I'm just around a good group of people. Yeah. And we did the big book there. And they explained to us in Solstice how important it was to fellowship. Yeah. Like the Solstice communities really, all the worst boys, like they stick together, even if that we weren't in the same class or anything with each other. That's a class like yeah, like we're college grads. Yeah. Kind of worth. I mean, I mean, you really are. I mean, that's a big fucking deal. It is. And I remember the first couple of meetings that I went to when I went to fellowship with people. I was like, this is actually really, this is actually really cool. Yeah. These are the type of people that I need to surround myself around as a new person. Because I knew that if I went back to the people that I was hanging out with, I still love them. But I could not go back and hang out with the people that I used to hang out with because it wouldn't, it would have only been a matter of time before I was doing the same thing that I was doing. Yeah. And I think people that don't fellowship are really, really missing the boat because it's so important to have that community. And that community keeps people sober every single day. Yeah. And when you, when you, when you first get out, you're like, I'm not, I can't, we're going to have nothing in common. Right. He's a hair one added with tattoos everywhere, piercings. And, and it's crazy. Put these people in a room. You know, there's the six-year-old soccer coach dad. And, you know, there's just all these different types of people. And then you're all playing pickleball together. And it's like, we all felt this, this feeling of feeling alone. And, or suicidal. Or like, you know, there's a trauma from our childhood or lots of trauma bonding. Women, a lot of women went through some assaults and, you know, and many, a lot of men went through a less day. I mean, there's, there's a lot of shit that everybody went through. That's what I always say. You never know what somebody really went through. Yeah. And you never know where somebody really is in life. So before you judge them like, that's a heroin addict. Why don't you try to find out why is that person relying on heroin before you judge them? Because you don't know their story. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody just told me the other day, I thought this really stuck out to me. It was like, we live in this world with so many people. And we, like, if I were to show up to a meeting and I have one thing in common with you, that's fucking wild when you think about it. Like, we've all been on different paths in our life. And to have one thing in common with someone else or have one same belief, it's like, that's pretty cool when you think about it, you know. And when you walk in those rooms, you, for me personally, I feel instantly at home. Like, these are my people. You know, because there's no judgment, even if there is, like, there's, you can't judge me, you know. And so for me, it's just like, I walk in those meetings and it's like a, it's a feeling of serenity that I didn't know existed, you know. Yeah. For me too. I mean, even for me, yeah. Every time I go, like, I take away, I've said it a lot on here, but I have a lot of addict feelings and addict. Like, mentality, mentality. I just never picked up the drugs or had the affinity to do them. You know, it just that that was never, I didn't like the way that made me feel. Yeah. But it didn't mean that I didn't feel a certain kind of way that all these other people in this room were feeling and rand of the drug to hide it, right? But, but yeah, that's, I have, I'm of the belief that we have something in common with everybody in the world. There's one thing, there's at least one thing. Like, you know, you can go to Israel and find someone and they're, hey, yeah, I like Michael Myers too. Like, what? No shit. No shit. Me too. Yeah. Who would have thought? You know, but, but yeah, those rooms are super cool. It's, it's inspiring too. Yeah. It's inspiring. I mean, humbling is a good way to put it. Yeah. So tell me about your brother. How's he doing? Well, without, I mean, without getting into, so he was sober for a long time. I don't, I don't know at this point. I don't know if he still is. Okay. He's not in my life really anymore, but he was doing really well when I went to rehab. He was very supportive. But yeah, unfortunately now some stuff went down in my family and he's just, he's doing his own thing. I think he's doing well, but I don't know. He's doing well. Got it. Okay. Well, I mean, you said you had like this moment with him where he kind of, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was, he was my closest person in my life just very, because I lost my dad at a young age and my both my grandpa's. So my older brother was very, very close to me and we were always super similar growing up. He struggled with drug addiction and I was always the younger sister. He's seven years older than me. I was always the, he gave me my first bath. You know, we just always had this very strong connection. We fought like hell. You know, please recall lots of times. Oh, yeah. But he was my favorite person in the world. I looked up to him big time, but he unfortunately has some demons that he's dealing with and he had some big ones back in the day that it's just not, it's not something that sometimes if someone's struggling, it's just not healthy to have them in your life. And I think right now we're just kind of on that path where we can't be in each other's lives right now. Okay. You know, but at one point he was, he was just incredible. When I was in treatment, I would call him, he was on my ROI and he was just super supportive and I also have a sister who's wonderful. My mom, little brother, I had a lot of support, but there's something special about having a sibling that also struggles with addiction where you just have this special bond, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I have a, my nephew, whenever I was getting sober, I was trying to help him get sober. And it was a love-hate relationship. Yeah. Yeah. It was fucking like, you've already seen me go through everything and I'm trying to keep you from doing what I was doing. But people are going to make their own fucking decisions and go figure it out on their own. You know, it's kind of like when your parents say don't do this, you're going to go do it anyways. Just to figure it out. And it was, that was a relationship that I had to step away with, a step away from for a while. Yeah. Because it was, it was literally ruining my days. Worrying about him and fucking be like, bro, like I'm trying to give you the blueprint and you're not following it. Like I have the way that helped me do the same things, but he just wouldn't do it. He's better now. But for like a year and a half, like I had to just, you know, he would call me at three in the morning, be like, there's nine people in my attic right now. Yeah. Bring your gun. I'm like, you know, I'm having an attic. You live in a fucking apartment. Like there's no attic there. But then when I went to his apartment, he had cut a hole in his ceiling to go in the attic because he really fucking people were up there. He called me one time and said chief keyf was at his door trying to kill him for $15,000 that they put on his head. My bro, you don't even know chief keyf. What are we talking about? Yeah. Right? Like these and he, it was insane. He, uh, my brother was still paying for his cell phone bill. And one night you mentioned you call the cops on yourself because you thought someone broke in your phone. He called 911 15 times in one night. Oh my God. Yeah. They finally sent somebody out one of this, the, the therapist cops to go put him in a cycle. Yeah. Like it was, it was insane. But I had, I literally had to walk away like the last time I went and helped him clean as a apartment out. Um, I went there and I had my daughter with me and he's like, Hey, make sure you don't touch nothing because I've been doing fat and all and, like if y'all get it on, y'all, y'all could die. And I was, I was soap. I was like, why the fuck, wouldn't you tell me that before I come over here to help you? Yeah. Like we're not even coming in your apartment. Matter of fact, we're leaving. And but yeah, it was, it was so frustrating to watch somebody that you love. Yeah. Just continuously just do the shit. But he's better now. So hopefully he stays that way. I talked to him today and he still drinks a little bit and then smokes a little weed and which look, I'm a big believer that you got to find your own sober. Whatever your sober is, is your sober. If that means that you can still drink a little bit and you don't go ruin your life, not saying get behind a wheel and go fucking run into people, do whatever you got to do. If you smoke a little weed and it doesn't ruin your life, whatever, me personally, I cannot do any drugs. I can't do drugs because I know where that will take me and it won't even take long. It will go so fast. Yeah. And everything that I built up for this last three and a half years will fall quickly. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's pretty common. And I will be in the gamble and haul immediately. Well, I want to talk about loss of people around you because this has happened with you pretty recently a couple times. Three times. In a pretty short order. Yeah. Pretty short fashion. And you brought it up and I've brought it up on here before. But the loss of people in this arena is so common that I feel like you guys have a callous to it that is uncommon because it happens so much that it, you know, if I lose somebody close to me, it's going to be real bad for me emotionally. Yeah. And then when it happens to you guys, I know it's not any less bad, but it's the callous that's built up because of how often it happens. Yeah. Right. So how do you deal with that? Well, it's weird because if for me, if somebody, if we lose somebody to addiction, I feel like I build up this like readiness for that to happen with anybody. So if I find out it's from drugs, which it typically is, I'm sad, but it's like they're in a better place now and it's just another death. Unfortunately, that's where I'm at with that. But if I find out they get into a car accident, yeah, it's just like losing a friend or sibling that's not in recovery, which is weird. But I think it really comes down to understanding the severity of drugs and alcohol to know that your life can be taken at any point. And what I do every single time I go somewhere and I'm with my friends is I really say a prayer before going into it because I want to make sure that I make the most of this moment. So I just am preparing myself because I know that it could happen at any point. Now, granted, I haven't lost a very, very close friend in recovery yet, hopefully never. But like someone that I hung out with on a regular basis or called, so I can't speak on that. I know you can. But there's been people where I'm like, wow, I you spent the last three weeks coming to our meetings and fellowship and and it's devastating. But you do build up this tolerance where you're just like kind of numb to it. Yeah. Yeah. That's something that I don't think I've said this on you. It's something that I don't think I ever want to get numb to. Yeah. You know, I don't ever want that to happen for myself personally. And there are so many people who've sat in that chair where you're at right now that it's not like they're yeah, whatever. But the the expectation that it's just going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. Is and they don't know who it's going to happen to. Yeah. And not being okay with it, but being okay with it. Yeah. Is a is a it's the wildest thing to me. Because I mean, if I lose somebody, but even moderately close to me, I'm going to be devastated and it's going to show. And I'm going to you're going to know that it but with you guys, it just seems like and you go to therapy and I know that there's a lot of things that can be done to to deal with that. But it's it's it's weird though because like if I like I just recently last September, I lost my grandma and it was devastating. I lost a good friend of mine to um he struggled with cystic fibrosis and um I lost him last year and it was devastating for both of those, you know, and I was a mess. But when I when I lose somebody in recovery, it's just like it's just kind of what you're expecting. It's different. It's weird how you can differentiate the two, you know. Yeah. Carl I like what you kind of I've never looked at it like during a better place. And I think that's a good way to look at it because some of the people that we lose in recovery have been sober, relapsed, sober, relapsed, sober, they like they just couldn't get past the disease. Yeah. They just couldn't they couldn't move to the next. They could do it for a few months and then fall back. Do it for a few months and they fall back. And unfortunately with especially with fentanyl, there's not many fallbacks anymore, you know. And people that are in recovery for four and five and six months and then when they relapse, like if I relapse on meth, I know 99.9% of the time I'm not going to die. Even if I went back and did the same amount that I've done five before years ago. But with fentanyl in heroin and heroin, you go back and you think that you have that same tolerance. Yeah. And you don't. And that's where that's unfortunately where we lose a lot of people. Yeah. And it's it's it's not that we lose people, you know, people that are in the addiction. You don't really hear a lot of them that go when they're two and three and four years in addiction. It's the ones that are recovered for a little bit and then relapse and that relapse was their last relapse. Yeah. One jumps out his Danny car, his his buddy who passed away. And he was in recovery. One of our guests and his friend wearing recovery friend back in Philly and he called him. And you're just sorry. Yeah. Jersey. You know, same place. Somewhere over there. Yeah. He he had called him and just said, Hey, man, I'm about to I'm about to relapse. And he was just like, I mean, why? And he was just like, I'm just going to. But don't worry. I'm only doing crack. And two hours later, he was dead. And it was I mean, just how fragile it it is for the relapse for you guys is it sucks. It still hits me. The ones that I've I am more sad for is the family. Yeah. Is the family they're the ones that are going to ask all the questions. What if what more could we have done? This and that. And really, there's not anything you could do. Yeah. Unfortunately, like unless you chain them to a fucking chair and don't let them out of your site, you know, we're grown adults. We're going to do what we do. Yeah. And unfortunately, that's that's not going to it doesn't make families feel any better here than that. Yeah. But I still, you know, especially when I show up to the funeral, that's where it really fucks, fucks with me. Yeah. Because then I know they're gone. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know if I'll ever get used to going to someone's funeral. Yeah. The funerals are really hard. Yeah. Funerals for me are just like it brings back every dead person in your life for me. Even if I don't even know the funeral, the person that died at the funeral. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you just said that you lost your dad. Yeah. I mean, you're 30. So it's early, but you lost some pretty early. You think that had anything to do with maybe helping you call us to. So I lost, I lost my stepdad when I was 13 and then I lost my dad when I was 18. And then I lost my grandpa two years later, my other grandpa two years later, I had a cousin overdose. I think the year after that, then I had my closest guy cousin died right after that. So back to back to back to back to back, men dying. And when I was in college, a lot of those deaths happened. And so I was distracted by college. I was distracted by looking for a job, making sure my great, you know, and then suddenly I get out of college and I, all that stuff hits me, you know, and then I lose my cousin Michael who was my closest, the closest guy in my life. And that's really when my addiction just took off. I was a mess. And I think that specific death is really like the last one for me that like broke me, you know. And I think all of those deaths probably in hindsight have made me like this, but I can't say that as you lose more people, it gets easier. I just can say that in recovery, it's kind of expected, whereas anybody else, you know, for me personally, especially all these men, you know, you're living in this, this world of like, what guys gonna die next to my life, you know. So, yeah. Hopefully not me. Hopefully not you. Was John Bryant, he said, he said it to me when we first started doing this podcast, he was like, dude, you're taking off into an area. It's a pretty wild one. And he's like, he told me this and he told it to me with all sincerity, but he was like, get a suit. Yeah. He's like, you'd buy suit, man. It's something that you're probably gonna have to get used to, which sucks. But, you know, in the end, it's all worth it. You know, I think that's just part of the part of the arc of the story, right? So, talk to me about what life looks like for you now. I know we talked about the glum lot and you doing all this amazing stuff. But what do you do for living? I've never even asked you that. I don't even fucking know what you do. Very smart. I don't know what he's up to. It's so spreadsheets. So I don't know what it's amazing when people know how to fucking do that. Yeah. Like the guy at work. Yeah. I won't say his name. Yeah. It's like magic. Fucking it's like fucking magic. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's got all these shit together. Everybody's commission for the month. And there's like 200 people. And like, how the fuck can you do that? Dude, and it's watching it live though, dude. I swear to God, I'm it's like, it must have been, it must have been like back in the like Salem witch trials. We're like, that's a witch. Yeah. That's a fucking witch. Something wrong with it. It's so fucking wild. It's like he tried to call and explain it to me. It was like, bro, look. Yeah. Yeah. If you use more than seven letters in a word, I'm fucking what you all just said a word a second ago. And I looked over here and said, what the fuck? Where does that? I don't know what it was. But it was it was a word. We said that one nine letters that counted it. But it was too much for me. Seven letters. I'm out. I'm out. Seven letters and more destiny makes fun of me. Because he's like, bro, I was like, bro, you just used eight letters on me. Don't do that. Yeah. Don't fucking question my intelligence. But, but yeah. So. So I went to school for advertising. Okay. And I work in advertising currently. Right. In September, I'll have six years of my company. It's an advertising agency. And I work from home. So I have a really, really great job. I do a lot of like the back end ad trafficking for a couple of different clients. And I work from home. And I have the ability to have as much freedom as I want pretty much. And that's how I'm able to do all these other things on the side. So I play about the pool a lot. Yeah. I work from the pool. I work for my balcony. You know, sounds like they had somebody who could help to add a centimoron, maybe on the back end of stuff. I mean, never fucking offered one time. Like, oh, you guys struggle with this because you're stupid. I can help. I've never heard that one come from you. We're like telling her we're like, yeah, we're like struggling with stuff. And she's like, sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah, go fuck yourself. Hey, by the way, come to the pickleball thing. And sponsor it. Well, my company's so big that, you know, I can't help you with the company. They're just like, if my client client that I work on is Ram, and we have Coca-Cola and Disney, like huge clients. Are you saying two addicts in the morning? Is that what you're saying right now? Not that big of a deal. We're not that big of a deal. Is that what you fucking saying right now? Maybe after this episode, you will be. Wow. I know someone who would absolutely say that. I know. So not jcline. I love you. Yeah. I love you. That's a bad. Well, you got a crazy story. What do you have? I have a question. Okay. You haven't talked about your dog. You know what? I know you're going to ask you that. Yeah. We do have to talk about his own Facebook fucking page in Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. So I have a dog. I did talk about him once. I said, I went to rehab rehab with him. Yeah. You were right. Okay. So you barely mentioned it. But this is what's name. So Benson is nine. I've had him since he was eight weeks. He came to rehab with me. He goes everywhere with me. We have dog birthday parties every year. He's on my Christmas card. He actually is. Every year. Yeah. No, I saw it. He's just a he's a goofy German Shepherd mix and he's amazing. I have two cats. They're all three best friends. Lucy and Tank. And yeah, he's just amazing. Everybody that knows me knows that I liked play sports. And I probably have my dog with me. Yeah. And yeah, that boy is my boy. Do you think he helped you through your addiction and recovery? Oh, for sure. 100%. I remember saying to myself, like if it weren't for my niece enough, you and my dog, I wouldn't want to be alive multiple times. You know, but also I was nervous about bringing him to rehab because I'm like, what if he like distracts me while I'm trying to get the most out of this experience? And when I tell you that these people that we're having such a hard day in rehab and just feeling down and Benson would go up to them and just kiss them and lay with them. And you could just see the light turn on in their eyes. It was just a Benson saved a lot of people in rehab. So the guess he helped me with my recovery. And then on the other side of that, I remember one year on his birthday. I used to take him every year. I'll take him like pet co and target and get the pub cup all the things. And one year I sat in the parking lot and just bald because I felt so bad for the last couple of years. Just, you know, I would take me an hour sometimes to take him out to go to the bathroom because I'd be so on my phone. Of course. And I'm trying to put my coat on for an hour because I'm like, you know, in this poor dog, I'm just neglecting him. You know, he always had his food and everything. But I gave him no attention. And so I remember that year just on his birthday, just bawling in the parking lot. My mom's like, what are you doing for his birthday? I'm telling her all these things we're going to do. And I'm just lying. I'm sitting in the parking lot bawling. So the reason I felt so inclined to bring him to rehab was because I felt so bad. And I was like, I'm not doing anything without him again. You know, so being in there knowing I had him and seeing what he was able to do for the other people, it was, it was just, he's amazing. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Ben's in. Ben's in the dog. And my dog has his own Instagram and Facebook. Really? Yeah. Why don't they follow each other? They should. What the, all you have to do is get on your phones and follow each other. Yeah. It's not like your fucking dogs are doing it. Listen, relax. My daughter said it all up. I didn't do it. My daughter said it all up. She didn't tell me that she did. And one time like I saw my dog come up and fucking, I was like, the fuck is going on right now? No, the best is when I have other friends with dogs. Like my friend, DM, he has this cat and he was messing, he was messing me like he was the cat. Yeah. Messaging Ben's in that Instagram. I remember I was scrolling through one day and I came across Benson and I'd text you. I think I called you. And I said, there's been some type of fucking Facebook. And you said, yes. And he has Instagram too. Make sure you follow him. I'm like, this is the fucking dumbest that I've ever heard. Yeah. But whatever. No, he's got more fans than I do. Yeah. He's widely known. I bring him meetings with me. Yeah. And he'll sit on my lap and everyone knows Benson. That's awesome. Yeah. It's awesome. Well, it's all you're recovering addicts out there. Get a dog. Yeah, get a dog. Yeah. Bring it to rehab with you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're covering him. Plugged. That place is there's a lot of people that have went there. That place is very well known over here. I've never I've never went there. But a lot of people go there, especially like if you're a musician. A lot of musicians go there. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's a music based program. Yeah. Well, I think we got another one in the books. What do you guys think? What do you think? Yeah. This is fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I see all these names on the wall. And I'm like so many of my Robert Black Rob. Yeah. Yeah. I love him so much. Black Rob. Travis sleeper. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, you're a guy in the world. Yeah. Trying to be so cool. And, you know, Josh and Tamara, they were both on here. Yeah. Love both of them. You know, you guys have had Ali already mentioned Ali, but so it's just cool to be here and see this in real time and sober bridge. You just started her own podcast. Oh, yeah. We have the same sponsor now. I just found out. I'll be on their Tuesday at 7 30. I'm going on her podcast. Well, I, you know, it's amazing how this thing kind of just grew legs and took off. Yeah. And it just kind of grew legs and took off. Through, I mean, my opinion through the people on the wall that have signed the wall, you know, it's for the people by the people. Yeah. Who are living it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I yeah. I'm so proud of you guys. This is, you know, this is just amazing. And every time I, I watch any of your guys's episode, I just, this is just getting filled up. And I remember in the very beginning, you know, yeah, Ali was the first girl, you know, yeah, it's just cool to see. Yeah. That was a big deal. It's amazing to somebody like Ali. Like when you really work a program and you really get involved, how many females know who Ali flimmed? Yeah. You know, not flimming anymore. Yes. Okay. Who Ali is? It's insane. She, so Ali, when I was in rehab, I was trying to find a sponsor. And so I asked one of my texts, do you know any women who would sponsor me? You know, I just learned what a sponsor was. And so he reached out to somebody who I then later found out was camera. He reached out to him. He reaches out to someone and she reaches out to somebody and says, hey, do you know anybody who would sponsor a gambler? And I never heard anything of it. And then come a couple weeks later, Ali, Connor, her husband and her mom are doing an H night, my treatment center. And I just fell in love with Ali. Ali, blonde hair, brown eyebrows, just like me. Her mom was there who had the same stories. Me, she started out, but it was flipped. Her mom started out on pills and went to coke. I was the opposite. And then Connor looked exactly like my dad did when he was younger. So all three people at this H and I, I was like, this is so weird. Like all three of them, I'm connected with somehow. So I asked Ali to be my sponsor. And she's like, you know, actually, somebody reached out to me a couple weeks ago asking if I knew somebody who would get who would sponsor a gambler. And I put two and two together and that girl that Tam reached out to was Ali. Yeah. And it was just like a really cool god moment for me. And I was like, you're meant to be my wife. Yeah. And we need to get, we need to get Connor in here. Yeah. Connor's, I should have told me that story. I was just like his stories pretty. What? So it was like an ongoing joke in the podcast with Ali. Like I came in and I was like, Connor's such a beautiful man. Like I just kept talking about it. I was like, you have abs and we were taking pictures. I was like, dude, it he's like, dude, like he's already, you know, getting all embarrassing shit. So when we met up at the pickle ball tournament, me and him sat down and like dorked out over sports mainly. But he was talking about the podcast in that day. And I was like, dude, you need to come on. We need to get in touch with him. Yeah. Yeah. He's cool. He's awesome. There's so many guys that look up to Connor. Yeah. It's like there's so many women that look up to Ali. Yeah. It's like a mom and dad. I'm so I just love them. I remember the first time I met Connor. I knew Ali really well. Yeah. I didn't know who Connor was and we were at the shirt. I've been in polls and I've been working out. I feel good about myself and this motherfucker walks in with an eight pack. Yeah, with a washboard. And I like you shit. So the going joke was me and Destiny were like, fuck you Connor. Put your shirt on. Right? My daughter even knows who Connor is, but she can't say the fuck you part. She's like, just put your shirt on Connor. So when we were going to your pickle ball tournament, we literally me and Destiny's driving and we passed the road right before you turn in. And Connor's sitting at the red light in his Jeep. Yeah. And we passed him and me and Destiny looked at each other at the same time. I said, was that fucking Connor? And at the same time, we said, put your fucking shirt on. Yeah, that's just an ongoing shit. He'll always that anytime I see him, it's always going to be put your fucking shirt on. Yeah. It's super cool. We do. But you're right. A lot of people do look up to him too. That's like the perfect AA couple. Yeah. That's a perfect recovery couple. Power couple. Yeah. Power couple. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's get you out of here. What do you say? Did you want with your day? You probably have a million lives of the saver and a dancing point. Yeah, you should have brought him in here. Yeah, I thought about it, but he would literally be jumping up here trying to set up here. That's not gonna be perfect. Yeah. We could have got his fans to do it. We'll do a whole episode devoted to Benz next time. And it'll just be him. Well, yeah. Just know it's not you. We just him right there with the back of our so Benz and he just. Yeah, that no, he does that. He does the head. So, uh, yeah, you're coming back for sure. I mean, I think this will be kind of like a reoccurring thing. Now that you've got through the first one. Yeah, no. And, uh, and yeah, I mean, you're gonna have plenty of stuff to promote. It sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. I say TX on the 26th. Come on out. Yeah. What time? What? April or July 26th. We're going to Quis A TX. That big water park thing. Okay. And I'll share with you guys the link to sign up and reserve spots. Yeah. We could probably put the link on. Put it on Yeah. Send it to us and joke. Can you do your Joe thing? And yeah, make, you know, make a go like right here right now. Like where I want to do that? Like, can it? Yeah, I'm gonna fucking I want to do it. Okay. I mean, yeah, sounds like you're pulling it. I know what that sounds like. I know. I know what it sounds like. I was a drunk guy. Like if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did not know if you guys did page LEPAGE or Instagram at I think that's what it is on Instagram. Alicia like Moisha. That's not for that's not for men you got to go through me first I'll scream it and then I'll decide whether you're you're acceptable. Yeah or you can message Bunsen's Instagram at Bunstagram. And he responds more than Alicia. Nice. Well thank you so much. Yeah thanks guys. Two edits in the picture. You got to sign the wall somewhere. Yeah. We're out of this motherfucker.