Traveling Funk with Mike Finoia

Rural Britain, is there any greater value out there than giga-clear full-fiber from only 19 pounds a month? It's out of this world! Speed and reliability! Vast upload and downloadiness! Right here in Rural Tranquility! Saturn's Dreams! Is that a bull? Gigaclear! Faster broadband for Rural Britain from only 19 pounds a month! Season C's apply! 18 month contract! Prices may rise during contract! Check availability at gigaclear.com And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Crossen and Robert Kelly. Yeah, yeah. This is Tepa. The magic's been hanging out with his black girlfriend again. It's the joy. She said something recently to him about like, oh you don't know this? This is old school. I don't know anything according to her. She goes, this is a song my grandparents met too. Is she black? Yeah. I thought she looks more Indian. You look something different than you are. Wow, you stick up for her like you stick up for Eddie Vedder. You just snap. Those are his two loves. He really is two loves, his girl and Eddie Vedder. You can take a hot shit on his twin brother's head. He doesn't give a fuck. Doesn't give a shit. He'll fucking stab you in the neck immediately. You talk about Eddie Vedder and his chick. His black chick. I don't know why is that an insult. She's American. So is he. Why is being looking Indian or a little Indian? That's not an insult. Looks like she has Indian in her family. She has a good hair. I took it wrong. You're right. Isn't that the dream of all black girls have Indian lady hair? Yeah, you're right. And she has nice long hair. She does. She has beautiful hair. She didn't buy it. It's probably because there's Indian in her bloodline and you should apologize to Robert for your overreaction. I'm sorry Robert. She doesn't have that nappy hair. She has beautiful long Indian hair. I was just talking about those people. I'm sorry. Now I like what he's saying. She has normal people lips. She has a thin nose. Her fingers are not ashy or nor her elbows. A thin American nose, for sure. Does she have creams and stuff at the house? Oh yeah, the best skin. That's not my question. Is there a lot of creams? Cocoa butter. Oh because of the ashy elbow thing? Oh! Damn, dude. You said what I said. You should talk to her. I think she has a little something in her. Not just, she has a little something. She's a mix. Yeah, lose, dick. Oh! Motherfucker. That's the kind of burns you're going to be catching all day from our guest, Mike Finnoi in the motherfucking house. Soco dick! Chicks love dick. Mike's got a new show. He's part of the... Chicks love dick. Little dick. I love chicks with dicks. Chicks with dicks. Chicks with dicks. Man, will that ever be shouted by a group of thousands? Yes. Sooner than you think. We keep this country keeps going the way it is, Jay. Will that ever be yelled out by a group of thousands? How good? Chicks with dicks. Chicks with dicks. If we ever get a trans president, we're going to do that. That will not happen in our lifetime. You don't think so? No, we're so close. Unless they keep it a secret until the last day of the term. Oh yeah. Tell me, you've shown me the trans that's passable, that's also got it in them to run for president. You're either dedicating your entire life to be as much as a woman as possible, so you have to surprise her. You're either dedicating your entire life to be as much as a woman as possible, so you have to surprise her. You're either dedicating your entire life to be as much as a woman as possible, so you have to surprise her. If you're reminded what your effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort effort president. No, she's too talkative. What are you talking about? What are we needing? No, and her dick's way too big. Dick is way too big. What if they identify as president and vice? Okay, I don't mind that. Now, do you think, are you thinking more of like an Emma Rose, like a tiny little penised chick with dick president? No, I think for an American, we have to have an American cock. It's got to be perfect, like the American, you know, standard. You can't be too small. Like eagle wings on the side? That wouldn't be bad. High cholesterol. She shaved a bush fat into like fucking the flag. No, we, I think it's, hers is a little too small, I think. I think her weenie is a little too small. Okay. And Mia Isabella, too big. How about the other one we had in here? What was the name of the other one? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mia Isabella came in with another lady that said over here that Christine discovered eventually was a pretty good looking guy with a pretty big dick. Yeah. And then became a strange looking lady with a, with a, I guess, okay sized dick. I don't like that she puts a flannel on and calls it a day. Is that a prerequisite? You have to have two first names, like Mia Isabella, Bailey J. Not bad. That's a good point. It's quite a lot of that, huh? Emma Rose. Emma Rose. Yeah, I think you do have to have two first names. They just have to be both women's names. Two girl names cancel your boy names. Take all those letters and make your original name. Ralfie. One boy name equals two girl names. We should say this weekend, Mike Finoe is in Sugarland, Texas and Biloxi, Mississippi with Ron White on tour with Ron White as we speak. And starting this spring, you can hear Mikey, this is big news. Yeah. Every Saturday night, his own show on the Grateful Dead channel 23 right here on Sirius XM. I'm going to give it a shot. You know, I, I fucking hate the dead. I hate fish, but I'm going to give you a, I'm going to, one night on Saturday, I'm going to get in a chair, a nice boring chair. I'm going to fuck it. Maybe outside with a cigar and I'm going to put your channel on. I'm going to give it a shot. Thank you, buddy. I'm going to give, I'm not going to give, not you, because I believe in you. I believe in you. You, I believe in. Gee, your teeth done, you look good. Yeah, this is sparkling, dude. They look great. I'm going to give, I'm going to give the dead another, another try. Is it all dead? All dead, all day, all dead, all day, all night. All night. Oh God. Why don't you let me know what night you're listening and I'll play the most boring fucking dead songs. I think you should, you're, I think Mike, if you time it right, there's a way Mikey could talk in between a song enough that you can make a song, with the amount of time that you have talk time versus music time. I bet you can stretch a song out the entire time. I totally can. We're coming back with the third stanza of... Right now, Mike, you don't have to worry about the way I'm listening because every song to me is boring. So, I mean, I just don't like them. I don't get it. It's okay. But I'm going to give them a shot. No song, no song at all. Okay. I mean, they made a song for the world and I have to say it pretty much worked, right? Touch of Gray. Touch of Gray. I mean, put on Touch of Gray. Come on. I like Touch of Gray. You... It's great lyrics. You like more dead than you think you do. Well, I like... That's true, Jay. You like way more than you think you do. Come on, this song rules. I just think it's kind of... They came out in the 80s and they were like, hey guys, listen, here's a song for you guys. Yeah. Here's a song for you, the regular people of the world who just like music and don't want to experience something with every song. This is the part that goes on too long for me. And then his voice... The guy was dying always. He always has some in his throat. It sounds like he can... And don't please... Don't attack me like Lou would if I was talking about Eddie Vedder, please. I know that you love them. But it sounds... His voice... It sounds like he can't sing, but he's singing. You know Bobby? Does that make sense? He does. He can't sing. You're right. He's not a good singer. He's one of my favorite singers. But he's not a good singer. He's not a good singer. Better than Journey? Yeah. Really? I like him better than that. That's why I don't have a show on the Journey Channel. No, you like him better for sure, but I'm saying to him like a talent of voice. I'm not talking about people's sound versus what they... I'm talking about talent. Eddie Vedder doesn't have... I'm so sorry. It doesn't have a good voice. It works for... He does a music choice that makes sense for what he sounds like. Right. Jim Morrison doesn't have a great voice. Here he goes. No, not at all. Can you just deal with the question was proposed? I agree. Yeah. Okay. But melodically, it works for him. Melodically. Good word. What you're talking about good voices, there's like Meatloaf had a good voice. Sure. Steve Perry has a great voice. Great voice. Yeah. Great voice. Absolutely. Getty Lee. It's a thing. He has a thing. Mark Knopfler? Thing. Thing. He has a thing. Jerry has a thing. Jerry has a thing. Ozzy Osbourne? Thing. To thing. To thing. That's a lot of Ozzy had a good voice. It's a thing. Only he can sing it like that. Can I ask you a question? Yes, sir. Do you like Crosby Still's Nash and Young that harmonize each other? I don't like the young part because I think he is not a good singer. He's a terrible singer because he's a good singer. He's not a good singer. But he... That's his thing. You know what I mean? I get it. I think a lot of these dudes probably got from this era, Neil Young, Grateful Dead, whatever, they kind of like fell into it and they're like, well, you're the best of the worst singers. Right. I think that they're great musicians. I think they love jamming. And then one guy had to sing and they picked the best of the guys that could sing. Well, Bobby, also you're not... I'm surprised you don't like the dead more because... Or are you? Are you a guy who like, do lyrics smack you? Yeah, lyrics hit me. Because that's why I'm surprised to touch a gray. I thought it's got such like the concept of the song. Every silver lining's got to touch a gray. It's such a good... Yeah, it's a really well written song, but you know what? I'm going to give a shot, dude. I'm telling you. Let me know what day you're listening. Don't play the worst. Like touch a gray over and over again. Play the best. Let me hear the best. Truckin' we like. Yeah. Again, it's like truckin'. Now truckin' stinks. Truckin' doesn't stink. It's not good. Friend of the Devil's a good song. Really good song. I don't know. It sounds good. I like all of it. I like the devil. Anytime the devil's in the title, it sounds kind of... But I bet it's not like devil-y. No, it's not devil-y. It's probably hippy, right? It's... I think if I did drugs, I would like it more. If I could get high... If the grateful dead is what gets you back on drugs, mission accomplished. That'd be great, wouldn't it? Let's do it. If I just became a deadhead, I just fucking smelled. You came back the right way. I just... I can believe your family. I just smell and fucking travel the country. Do I smell? Sometimes. Bad? Good. I'm gonna call you Bob Hanion. I love you, Bobby. You're Bob Hanion. I love people grab my muscles. Dude, I would love to see fucking Bohemian Bob. Boho Bobby? Boho Bobby. Just fucking traveling around making grilled cheeses for everybody. Yeah, I make my own hats out of t-shirts. Yes. It is what it is, bro. Hey, man. You just gotta go with what you go with. Bobby smoking a cigar in a leather jacket being the head of the fucking Nostmophea. Final fat with a pH. Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm gonna have Danny change that up. Final fat. That's how Jay would do it. That's it. Hope I'll get some sleep. Tanan. What is that? Grateful day. It's for Bob. How, Bob? No, it's too sexy. You need dirty... That's way too sexy. Yeah, I'm not a fucking... You gotta look up Bohemian wigs. Yeah, that's too hot. You gotta... It's gotta be dirty. I'm not gonna wash it. Yeah. I'm traveling. Maybe some dreads. If you grew your hair, where would it grow? I'd like Bobby with some white boy dreads. I would have hair all around the side and then a nice little baby crow on top. You really, you get it like right here? Right here. I have a patch, which I... Me too. And I get the shower curtain. You get it? Yeah. I have like, if I let it grow, I'd have like fucking... So stupid. Dude, we should let our hair grow for a year. Let's do it. And just see what happens. Can we get two of these? Can me and Bobby both from touch one pussy in that year? I did touch a pussy now. I had a fight this morning with Don. I'm like, I keep giving you compliments. I keep telling you, you're pretty. I keep snuggling up to you. I keep doing all the stuff that my therapist told me to do. And you give me a little gawds. Could you do... I was last night in the middle of the night, I got a hard on that I almost took a picture of. It was so good. It was filled. I will next time. I didn't even think of that. You should have. Because you know, hold it. Hold it, who gots. Dude, it was... Now granted, I was lying and all the fat was, you know, but I had it with my hand and then another hand. Nice. And I was holding it and it was full. You know how your penis sometimes can fill completely. Right? Just so the world understands, I want to make sure we're painting the picture correctly. Yes. Because I understand what you're doing. Two fister, sure. Two fister. I've gotten two fists on my thing. Yeah. That bottom fist though is really pounding down into your fucking base. It's down to the bone. It's down to the cervix. You got a pinky in the butt. It's down. And the bottom fist is also actually two fingers with two with the two bottom ones resting on your ball bag. There's ball skin coming through the finger creases. Oh, I was pushing with all my strength. The first one's doing, the right arm is doing the heavy lifting. That left just getting the grip of what you're exposing. It's tying off a balloon. I was slapping it. I was slapping it. Knocking around, I call that. I'm sitting there, I'm like, this should be in something. This should be making a girl go, ah, ah, and then that last, nothing. All's I hear is a sound. No. Oh, God. Meanwhile, your fucking alto clarinet and your fucking wing. Oh, man. I almost, I almost. Clearing the spit valve. I actually turned on that, that I had my phone in my hand. So I went to that Philly porn girl and I brought up a video and I watched with no sound a little bit of the video of her. And then I shut it off. I was like, this is too creepy. My wife is right there. There's a vagina right here. I could just stick it in. I think I might just stick it in. I mean, I might just, just. How long have you been married? Fuck dude. Coming up on 19 years. You could do that. Imminent domain or something like that. Something like that. Public domain. Public domain. Public domain. Public domain. Doesn't like two feet of everybody's yard like belong to the state or something. Yeah. I think that brick wall on your backyard and not yours. That stone wall. Not yours. I think marital rape is off the table after 15 years. I think you say that. Yeah. Yeah. It just took me so long to just rub it for it to break the seal and the lava to come out. Yeah. I hope you get a pregnant and make her have an abortion. I'd have to put a pussy in the microwave to fucking heat it up. Oh my God. What if you dream raped her? What if that happens? Every time. Yeah. If she wakes up while it's happening, you act like you just woke up too. Oh my God. We don't have sex. Conscious. We must be having sex unconscious. There was a time where I was having sex dreams. And I was, I was, I think I told you this. I was, I, the Indian on the butter, remember her? Yeah. Land of Leaks. I was, I saw her by the river and I went down to her and we started making out and we were just fucking passion kissing. And then I woke up and I was making out with Don. Apparently in my sleep, I was, I, I guess I rolled over and started kissing Don. And I woke up and I was kissing Don and she was up fully making back out with me. And I was like, oh, fuck now. I'm not going to fucking Indian. I'm going to fuck a pollock from Everett, Massachusetts. Yeah. It is different. Bobby's way down. Bobby falls asleep. Not like DJ Lou who gets that sweet Indian love every single night. Bobby falls asleep and he's buttering an English muffin. What's up? We should order two of these. You know what? And listen to Mike's show with dreadlocks on our head. I think that's perfect. That's exactly what my hair would look like. I'd have to shave like a little circle on the front. Dude, imagine male pattern baldness dreads. Can you bring that up? That has to be okay. That happens. What are you talking about? Of course it happens. Comedian Warren Hutchinson's going through that. Yeah. Y Clef Jean went through it for a while and then what's the biggest? Dude, Billy Ocean looks fucking crazy. Stevie Wonder. They're worst. Eddie Grant. Does he have him? I don't know, but I'll tell you that fucking for sure Billy Oceans are gnarly. Whoa, look at that one right there. Dead center. Oh, that's rough. But they got, they probably went bald from those dreads, right? Don't you go bald from dreads? I think it's not. We're not, buddy, because we're going to put dreads over our heads. Whoa, look at that. Do you know about dreads being in the culture? Shut up. What's the culture? Someone's definitely asked you to tighten their fucking dreads before. Someone's asked you to twist the fucking bases before. You've been doing this while you were telling a story. He goes, dude, fourth set tonight was sick. Yeah, you've definitely been in a teepee tightening dreads. No, I will tell you and you know how germaphobe, I don't fit in well to the things I love. You know what I mean? One time I got a rogue dancing girl dread in the eye and I was convinced I was going to get like, look, I like one, I'm just going to get my eyes in a fill of puss and gross like, like every time I sneeze, like grateful that bears are going to fly out of my eyes and stuff. But I got like a dread in the eye and I got like, I need to go like rinse my eye. Mike's like a Felix, if Felix Unger went to fucking wasn't Felix the uptight one? Yeah. Yeah. If you went to like fucking dead show is Mike's that people were dancing around, Mike just keeps spraying them with like Lysol and stuff. He's picking up pieces of dread with his umbrella. One time at a fish concert, I turned to my two friends and I go, do you ever feel like it's us versus them? And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? The audience? Them versus me and my two buddies. Because everyone's like loud and dancing and having to get down. I just want to be like, but they are, but they are like smelly people. Not all of them. But there are smelly people. Of course. Just like there are smelly people at, you know, Aerosmith concerts. I would say there's more smelly people. I would say if we had a smell test, I'm sure. I'd say the smelliest of the smelly go to what you go to. Yeah. Well, you'll be used for you too. That clown. Juggalo. I mean, that's the smelliest. That's the smelliest. That is the smelliest. Well, I don't know if that's true. Because I feel like most people from that one came. Well, it's three days only a year. Can I just say this? I think that they look the smelliest. I think the dread girls, at least have sun dresses on, you know, your guys are wearing like, I don't know. There's something about suits. Like, yeah, but they're not like nighter. But that's not like a cut off. It's not like a cut off jeans shorts, like been wearing the same underwear for like five days culture that like doesn't lean into that. Those guys go three days and just go gross to the fucking max. They pour soda on themselves in the heat. It's discussed in those three days. It's gnarly. Stay tuned. No, you're right. But here's the thing. If they were grateful dead or fish people, when they packed up after the gathering of the Juggalos, without a shower again, they just go on to the next concert and start all over again. Your fans accumulate smell over a year. They're a traveling funk. Yes, totally. There's layers of funk. Now, what I would do when I was on the road for like couple weeks at a time, traveling funk. Oh, you did it. I did. I did like long runs. My favorite song is traveling funk. It's Franklin's tower and you know it. Traveling phone. Girl friend ain't watched a pussy in one fortnight. I'll tell you what, it's an honor to be hosting this new show on the grateful debt. So for you heads out there, you know where to find me. It's a huge fan base. What I used to do was I would get a bottle of Pantene Pro-V. Pour all over everybody. And every river that we drove by or whatever, a pond, I'd go running in there and fucking, I would take gas station showers that like the pilot on the highway. I'm sorry, you said you went into a pond and showered. Yeah. Because why not rinse out your Pantene with fish shit? Yeah. Why not have turtle jizz all over your hair? That's the best stuff for your dreads. What do you think? Keep those things together. Fish shits really would tighten up the bases. Would you wipe your ass with a lily pod? No, baby wipes. Man, that was really funny by the way watching when I was on the tour with corn. I forgot when I interviewed Fieldy, the bass player who never quite liked me. I love that he was replaced with a guy who's a straight up fan. Raw. What a great dude. He was replaced with a guy who like loves me. That's great. But he, Fieldy, when I was on tour, they wanted me to go interview him in the afternoon the tour for like their socials. And I went on his bus and it was just so funny because he was in the process like his crew guys that are all have to be like super religious and stuff too. Like they all have to like do Bible studies if you're on his bus. Oh my God. Really? He was super serious. Funny enough, he quit the band ultimately a couple years ago now. Maybe like three, maybe like five, six years ago now. He kind of left the band because he was relapsing, I think. But so he's in all the Jesus stuff and he just had a crew of other Hispanic and white guys on his bus that he's teaching them how to like dreadlock their hair. He was like dreadlocking people's hair for them. Like he's the guy to go to on the corn tour. Do you know what? I've been out long enough. I want my dreads. All right, man. Come on the bus. Go to the creepery. Do you have to, when you make a dread, do you have to like you use your own poo? Like how do you make your own they use? I think like beeswax kind of thing. You know it's beeswax. Isn't it beeswax? Dude, you're the dread guy. Correct me if I'm wrong. It's been a couple years. I'm sure the technology's changed. I think I heard one point the best stuff to use is beeswax because it's very certain brand, but I heard it from some girl. I don't know. She went to suck my dick. I didn't let her. Did you ever hook up with a dread chick? Yes. How was it? Stank. How bad? How did you get through the forest? I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you the truth. It's one of those pussies where like if you look while they're fucking, there's like a there's like a milk gathering around like where your dicks going in there were pussies. Do you know what I mean? You had it to eat a pussy. It's like looking for a pimple and a beard. Oh, that that muck. You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about, dude. It's like breechies on the outside of your ding dong, but it's coming from inside of her. Like a broken barata. Yes. A busted barata. Looks like one of those Chinese omelets. You guys make the best high end food references. A busted barata. I, um, I have a thing I got. I can't be with a girl that's got hairy armpits, hairy legs, fuck all that. No fucking way. So you never hook up with a dick. I'm Italian, right? As an Italian American fish. As Italian and the hairiest women on the fucking planet. Yeah, you gotta wax that shit. But at least she makes a good Sunday gravy. Hey, look who treats with some money. Go. So you never hooked up with a chick. We're bumming out Lou. No, I did. Sorry. When I'm making fun of Sebastian. No, no, we're making fun of other ones. God, you love this guy so hard. You let those fucking assholes talk about my comedy. Lou, why was your dog had Lou? He's just going to let that fucking stew not in that Gabon. I was talking to Corey. I will say you were having them talk about me. He said you were laughing today. Ever invite you over for Sunday? So you gotta, you gotta go over and hit the button. Maybe they'll invite you over to their house for San Gennaro. I'm never going to hook you up with a scallycap again. My wife's knitting you a garlic bread necklace. Lou, I gave you the disc man they gave me in my Oscars gift bag. Would you have events, Vaughn's Wild West comedy to a poster over your bed if it wasn't for me, you fuck. You're going to make fun of me with those two fat assholes? Why and what and why and where and who? You call yourself a compadre. You're supposed to be a bison. Where, when, why would you do that? I allowed you to produce my show and you date a black girl and you do this behind my back. I let you borrow my firebird for your first date. You bring one of these deetsoons to my house and my wife's cooking for. They got different palettes. I had to get hot sauce. You got me googling plantains over here. There's two gods. Keep it in the family. I don't want to have to make you pick, but it might be coming. Forget about it. I listened to that vitality. You told me that elderly woman behind the counter of a tiny little store in the suburbs. He keeps singing about how sad he is about stuff. I mean, shouldn't he be embarrassed? You know that Vader guy is a fan of mine. Hey, he's playing. He's playing a tiny guitar. This Jeremy won't shut up in class. If I talked in class today, back in the head. My father, if I came home and told him that I was getting in trouble in school, he'd issue me at the house. He said, you're nine. Start a business. Oh, Lou. Lou's all nervous. Lou, you're going to cut all that out. You want me to spin the black circle? Oh, shit. I let you sleep in my slave quarters when you come out the Los Angeles. I let your girl go in my pool even though something might have happened. The color might have changed. I let your girl go in my pool. No one her hair might clog my drains. Oh, I don't mind. Still brash. I had a clean shower drain. There was a twat spider from a head. My wife jumped. She goes, Oh, what is this? Relax, relax. What are you doing? Why are you doing? Why are you doing? Why are you gonna go alone? Why would you even do it? Why would you turn against me? She called it Parmesan cheese. I said, what? Parmesan. It's not phonetic, you fucking bane bag. I had to get avocado for the salad. She said she wants me to find artichokes. It's 10 PM. What am I trying to show? You want me to find artichoke at 10 PM? I'm gonna choke this broad right now. What are we living? What are my green acres of growing artichokes? Beverly Hills, that is. She asked me who Frank Sinatra was. I almost went upside and not. Ah, Lou. God bless you. This has nothing to do with me. I don't know you. You know, eat your godfather. Would you pick us? I don't have any affiliation with Sebastian Medescalco anymore. I hope your first child is a fucking masculine. I had to let Lou go. He was being one of those good color girls. You kept bringing her to the shows, bringing down the property, bow you. I like looking at them seeing white faces. I treat Stubbub like Zillow. You gotta keep those prices up in the neighborhood. Ah, shit. Oh, I look like a good old Sebastian Lou Jabs. It feels so good on your throat to do Sebastian. It's so fun to do Sebastian. Sometimes I do Sebastian to my dog when I'm just walking here. You're gonna take a dump there. Mikey, call my phone real quick. Sure. Are you on silent? No, it's not that. No, it came through, but you can't see. I'll call you again. I'll call you again. It's not making it. Calling. It's just doing. It's not feeling. It doesn't matter because you can still see. Look at the picture of what Mikey called me. Is that Sebastian? It's a bad dream like this. It's Sebastian like this. Did you see his newest promo photo? I sent it. It's so Italian. The fuddled guinea like this. Is he full? Isn't he like something else? He's not full Italian, right? I think he's not full Italian. He's 38% fucking hilarious. He's Sicilian. Is he full Sicilian? Yeah. Some people are. Is that what he told you? Lou, when you read my bio on the air. He does. Or what he does. I don't want them to know about my album. You might have seen him in Tuscany as a baby. Oh, fuck. It's every time I call you. Why? Why do you want? Why? You're calling me now to talk? You want to talk now? You gotta get in a queue. Where? Why and how? Hey, you and sometimes why would you do that? I remember when you. Sometimes I just stare at this picture. That's the fastest. That's the newest. Bring it up. Why? I can't even get started with anything. I'm so much going on in my head at once. Is that his pinky really? Yes. He goes, the algorithm? Christine, it's in the bonfire. When I saw Sebastian at Madison Square Garden in 2024, he had, I was backstage. Jacob, I can tell the story. Whoa. Now you don't get it. No, no, no. You're telling me. Come on, dude. I had cardboard cutouts of him making that face everywhere so you could take a selfie with it. Plus, in his backstage, all the pillows had Sebastian's face on it. It was that face everywhere you looked. Oh, that's so great. I want a Sebastian pillow. I'm befuddled as well with the guy. Even my couches don't know what's going on. Is your back hurting? Use my face. I identify as confused. Who? He, hey, who, huh? Why? Why? Who? Who? You. Forbace. If you don't make good meatballs, I don't care. So my kids, they keep growing, I guess. That's what they do. Honey, Lou wants to come over with that black chick again. What should I do? What do I do? She didn't even take her shoes off. Last time she took home desserts. Who does that? Who takes home desserts? You can't bring a box of Anginats with you. Read the fucking room guy. She brought a queen of mine. What the fuck gay dessert is that? You never heard of panettone, huh? Or Toblerone? Maybe a... There it is. Oh, what do you do? A nice tattoo for me? The ticket prices have gone up 32%. You're going to make a thing about it. Well, I'm not worth 32%. You're going to get to see me in the round. The thing is I'm 38% more hilarious. Sebastian Manis Calco. It's a 5% discount. The only comedian who uses 99% of the stage. Ah! Corn, sour cream, chicken, this Chipotle. Oh, fuck. I love him. God damn. I'll tell you though, Josh just took some good pictures, but God bless people. To post your own picture of you in action shot is just... It's tough. I can't do it. He did. He took some... You saw Josh yesterday, his thing. He had some nice pictures. Josh is very photogenic. Very photogenic. He looks good in the pictures. It's just like to take... But a lot of people do that. Yeah. Like just got some new pictures and then it's like pictures of you like... It's just pictures of you like... Oh my God. Can I say something though? You should... Squatting down like you're taking a shit in Japan is not a good picture. Well, I don't know. It doesn't help there's a... It's shaved orangutan things since he's got... He's probably got an orangutan. No, no. Can somebody take that and make him into an orangutan? I've had to take... I've taken 7 million pictures like this. You're terrible at it. With everywhere I go. Of course. You're the worst picture taker I've ever taken pictures with. But I've taken... We had to tickle you. When I was just in San Fran, they did a bunch... The guy downstairs? Yeah. He took me upstairs and did it again. I know. That's my favorite one. You're not wrong. They're terrible. I'm just saying... That's when Jay had no self-awareness. Oh no, I was aware this was bad. We talked about this one. I was aware this was very bad. Dude. When it took it... What's his name? Lamont. Lamont took those. These were all... I think primarily his ideas. Your beard was actually... This is what my chin should go. Demo by day, comedy by night. Yeah, a little light demo. His comedy was a sledgehammer. But I'm saying I've never... Oh, and I've got any of my headshots or new photos done or something like that. I've never been hey everyone, here's a look at my new photos. They're just completely like the club needs pictures. I give them to my management and they send them off to the thing. You don't put a collage up on Instagram. I don't, but a lot of people do. Yeah. A lot of people do it. If you want to give props to the photographer... That's what he's doing. That's what he's doing. Yeah. He says... I think it's all he does in it, right? Go back and look. This is where I post the picture. This is me looking like a chimpanzee. But that's... It's all shout out. That's pretty funny. He's holding his knuckles. He's like, I'm gonna throw poop at you soon. Yeah, the first thing he does is give her a... As he gives her... No, I get it. But if there was one, but go to the next one. Okay. Oh, there's like 20 of them. Oh, I love my dog. This is my girlfriend. I'm gonna stop looking. There you go. What's this a Janko at now? Oh, I would say what did the one on Kiff, is that whatever? What did Jerry Seinfeld do? Dude, Jerry Seinfeld posing in his little boy clothes is the funniest thing ever. He's like, what? Sometimes like the throne of Swetson. It also gives credit that he was styled by... I wear a backpack sometimes. Styled by... I'm zippin' my zipper from the bottom to the top. Yeah, I'm so wacky my jacket works backwards. We all... I couldn't post... I couldn't post my own headshots. This is gold fashion. I'm too funny for my jacket zippers. It's that's what it is. I don't have a woman in my life, but I got like a dog. It's also about seeing... What's your name? It's also about like... Seeing his shredded arms. No, like posting and then what I would feel like is that like a thousand... Like what we're doing right now is what's gonna happen. They're night... They're unarguably nice pictures. It's just a matter of like, why are you posting all the pictures? These are should be your promo pictures when you're promoting something. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, he'll be in front of some building or some ship. Well, you know what it is too? It's like it's like... And then you know that you got... He's going back and checking it. That's the hard part. The sad part about that picture right there... Anybody would. Of course. Anybody would. That picture right there, that's happened to my jackets because of my stomach. The zipper has gone. He goes, his unzips that way, yours blasted open. He bought his like that. You threw yours out like that. Yeah. I had to take my jacket off like a sweater. These are all black and white shots and it says gray hair by stress, but his hair's died blonde right now. Like Scott Wheeland now. Go scroll up to the thing. I don't see any comics jumped in the mix. I had to tell him last night, go, do you guys stop talking so fast? I can't keep up. Oh, you saw him last night? Yeah, we was hanging out last night. Me and Jay did a new joke night. How was that? It was... Yo, Bobby. Yo, Bobby. We were trying to get out of it. To the point we got in the room. We walked up and I was like, dude, our name's on the list. He goes, let's go. Five seconds away from just going back in his car and leaving. Really? Yeah. But Will got you? No, Liz. Liz got me. My life. Not one comic we know. No. Has so shown up on this to say anything. Yeah, it's no one's gonna... What are you gonna do? Hey, it looks great. What's your name? Oh, Bust Balls. Of course. He's probably no one's in there busting balls. No, he does look fantastic. How much money do you make? I'm surprised. Christine, you know what I'm surprised he didn't do? The eye color stays color. That seems like something that... Oh, like the one, like the red balloon of Shin-N-W's list? Yeah. Oh, like a French film? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a David Bowie type thing. You know, I know we're... We should talk this out on the air here because I know we're not... We're not supposed to go through the special anymore. But DVM, David Vox Mullen. The Voxinator. Has now reached out at this point and said... He was like, I love the roasting. He's got such a great attitude about it. I gotta say. That's the only... There's only two ways to go. But he handled it the very magnanimous way. And we... I mean, we handled it... I give us credit. We handled it very good too. Well, in the fact that we stopped talking about it all together because I would have kept going. In fact, he suggested that I continue to roll. Yeah. Making fun of it. But he then suggests... So he sent us a thing. He sent us a message. Yeah. Christine, he sent it to you, right? Or he sent it to Bonn-Far. He sent it to me. He sent it to Christine. Oh, well, I got it too. The same thing? Yeah. Do I know if... Can you bring me up to speed? Yes. So David Vox Mullen, we found together. Or we came across our path in Nashville. Nashville? Yeah. That's the special. That was at a bar where there was sports. Yes. There was a lot of things going on. Why was his hand wet? There was Christmas. There was Christmas. There was Wednesday specials. Everything was on. Tuesday specials. Upcoming events. Jukebox was going. Jukebox was going. Now, it does turn out that several of the instruments on the stage were for him. We did not get to it. We didn't get to it because this all blew up. And it got back to him before we were able to get deeper into it. And then, you know, we don't want to make fun of fucking guy having here feel bad about it. We were supposed to... We were trying to do it tastefully behind his back. But we told the fans, we said to the fans, please do not go and trash this guy in his comments. Please do not be mean. If you're going to go... Just like Corey Sommers. Say great things and, you know, you can do a little... Dog whistle. A little dog whistle. And the comments, Mike, were... Dare I say genius? Some of them? Some of them hilarious. I mean, I'd like to go check out some of them. Maybe there's new ones. Oh, there's some new ones for sure. Did they throw like crackle-crackles in there? Or did they throw some... Oh, they did. They got grous. But the problem was one guy decides to go fucking total heel and messages him like, hey, dude, two real comedians were shitting all over your special and making fun of it. And that's honestly the funniest thing about it. And it was just so mean. It was very, very mean. That's not nice. And it was like, yeah. So then he checks it out and then he jumps in and he goes high road. Like, this is hilarious. Thank you. He sent us personal messages saying, thank you. Couldn't have done it without you. It's true. It's true. Because you have thousands of views. Numbers are way up. Yeah. He went from 66 views to 2.3. 2.3,000. Yeah. I think he had 19, I think, when he started. Or 63. 63, I see. Yeah, so I mean, it worked. Yeah, it's great. And his subscribers are up, you know, a bunch. He looks like that Scott Ockerman comedy bang bang guy. He does. He actually doesn't look like that guy. And so we started like hearing stuff. We stopped talking and we said, we're not going to talk about it anymore. We felt terrible. Now it's very hard because I don't know if you see this, Mike. He's getting ready to sing a song, several songs, which is so easy to go at. But he wrote a thing. Christine had a, what I can only describe, was a pretty brilliant idea today. He did two things. He also changed his website. Well, yes. So if you look at his website. It's his Facebook. His Facebook page. Sorry. Yeah. So he has heard frequently and what has heard repeatedly and unpaid on the bottom. And then it says trust the science, which I don't know if you know that's science. You're the science. Bobby's the fluent. That's the family. I'm the Amigo. You have to give your respects to the family. Yep. Yeah. Black Lose the Beef. Beef. FYI, theme song, theme song, the Madison, by the way, the fam. The fam. The same theme song. That's every song in the show. I swear I got it. Every fucking song in the show. That's right. It's just Michelle Pfeiffer in a river crying. Lose the magic. Of course. And Christine's the cackle. So everybody's got their thing now. I love it. And Mike's the Amigo. And Mike is the Amigo. Proud. America's Amigo. And you know, real quick, before I've been, I've been paying respects to the family without even knowing I was paying respects to the family with our back and forth. Well, mainly me given to you. Sydney Sweeney pictures I keep sending you. When I come across a real nice Sydney Sweeney, I text it to this guy and he writes back, good Lord. Is that why you've been spending so much time at home? Counting out family? Yeah. Is that why you're faking a cough every other day? Guys, I still have the sniffles and I can't keep my hands off my cock. Mike, stop texting him. So back to David Vox, Mullen. Scott. DVM heard. He put it out there. He's on the show. He's heard repeatedly on the thing. Trust the science. Very, I like what he's done. Fantastic. There's the bonfire theme and logo up there. Then he sent us this. I absolutely love the roasting. Jay is welcome to keep blasting, but I do think it's only fair that y'all get me on the show. Wink. And then his tiny URL is DVM science, which I love. Now. I don't like the word y'all. Christine. Jay does. He's Midwest. I don't think I say y'all. I'm almost certain I don't. You don't say y'all because I would. No, no, no. In my first ever set, we've only listened to the intro so far. I thought you meant real life. No, no, no. But my intro is, we got to see. I'd like to see actually how that's been popping on the comments since you put the intro out. But so DVM sends us this. Christine, when she showed me that earlier, had a great suggestion. What? I thought it was very funny. Say no. No, no, no. We make David Vox Mullen, since our whole thing was trashing his special. Yeah. We have him review everyone's new specials. Like calls and give us like the Mark Norman just dropped a new special. Let him go with that. And give him every opportunity to shit all over it. Can I just say something though? He does. He is a master at improv. He is. And he loves to live in the absurdity. Absurdity. We should have him do two. We should have him do what is it? What is his favorite style? Absurdity is my favorite style of comedy. What's some other things, some other advice you can just give us real quick. If you can be confidently not funny, you're still going to get away with it. He pulls that off. He says it like it's like a magic eye puzzle all this time. You were stupid for not knowing. I wonder if he can. I would love to give. I know we're not going to watch it anymore, but I would love to give Mike a little taste. Well, what I heard. Can I say what I'd like to? I heard he does impressions of like presidents. No, not impressions. Master impressions. Master impressions. That I'd love to see because I would like to hear like maybe like Ronald Reagan review Sam Morel's new special kind of thing. Oh, in his impressions. I would like to do it in the Obama because I think Obama is the best. Can I see the Obama? It's my favorite. Is that okay? It's the best. Yeah. It's okay. This is water under the bridge, this part. You guys are friends now. You and DVM regular pals. I would like to. I would love to see a little music though. But do you? I know. I want to see some of that music. Well, get him in the water. Why don't we do this? Why don't we show him a little Obama, give him a little taste, maybe swing over to the comments, see if any more genius comments are in there. And then, and then maybe pop over and just, I mean, just take a little taste of the music. But what do you feel about Christine's idea? I thought it was a really good one. We don't have any corporation of anybody else. Right. We gave this guy the biz and he's being a great sport about it. Right. How do we not make him our call in when we have a new special we need to review? By the way, should be started with a special of yours and mine. Yeah, but we already, well, you know, I mean, okay. And just let him give his like, he gets to, we give him like a five, seven minute like rant on whatever special. That's a long time. Yeah. It's a long time. Maybe a three minute rant. Maybe, maybe a, maybe like, maybe we have buzzers and when the rant is over, we hit a buzzer and my garrant, like the gong show and we decide when the rant is over. Three minutes is a long time. No, 90 seconds to talk about it. Someone special. I gave a full review of a special. You have three minutes. You have 48 seconds. No, I think it's perfect. Well, three minutes is fine. One minute review. I apologize. Everyone hated your idea. No, that sounds fun. I think it sounds fun. Why don't we call them right now? Um, let's get them on the horn. Right. By the way, this URL. The URL redirects to this new shirt that's merch. This guy has no soul. That's great. He has your trust, the science. He made a shirt. I think it's fantastic. With your name. First of all, that should be your shirt. Validated methods. You should be making, you should be making that money on that shirt. Evidence, reason, knowledge. Oh, wow. I am the science of comedy. He took your merch. Oh, by all means. Jay doesn't even sell merch. I've been begging him to sell merch for years. I've come out. I've come up with ideas for him. I bet you sure Kevin made that for him. He's felt all the words right though. Is he his own merch company? Is that his company too? Can I hear the Obama? Can you just blame me? Can we enter the song, please? Yeah. Well, let's go to the Obama. We got to give a little backstory to Mike. I've never heard the Obama and I'm a big fan of, can you make some more noise? Good presidential master impressions. Not impressions. You see, is there anyone you could like smash that screen? Yeah, correct that. Slap the bike. Can you just scrape your teeth on the screen protector? Smacked that. How old is this gentleman? He's, I think he's, Somewhere between 40 and 70? Yeah, around there. His jacket, 12. His jacket is 12. Great Scott. Oh, yeah. He does, I would let you know, he does interstitials in between his set. He goes to a candy shop. Because he has diabetes, right? Yeah, he does. He has diabetes. Yeah, he doesn't anymore. He lost a lot of weight. I didn't, I didn't, we do, we do respect that on the show. I haven't watched. We do. By any means necessary, however you lost weight, I respect the shit out of it. Mike, real quick on the, on the wide shot, you don't want to look too long because you'll have a stroke from the blinking lights in the background. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm looking at that now. Just at our age, you have to be careful of that. And laser Floyd. What's with the Santa, the snowman? It's probably around Christmas time. It's Christmas time in the bar he did this at. Oh, that's not his. You can't just take it all. Well, you know, it's Christmas time because there's big games on the screens. There's a lot of big games going on. Michigan's about to fucking take the title. All right, let's hear it. Yes, he's wearing his merch, Mike. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it's a logo that looks demonic, but it's really just a DVM pentagram. It's a Vox. Is that part of the science? It's the Vox, dude. V-O-X. Looks like a V-Dub. That looks like a V-Dub logo. It's a tie dye, too. You like that, right? Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. Are we getting hoodies? It's a Voxagram. I want a jacket. A Voxagram. A hexavox? I thought we bought the merch. I thought we did that. Didn't I have a fucking, I thought I had a fucking tie dye coming? It's kind of got, hey, Bobby, look at him from the, doesn't he got a little bit of like Tom Cotter head? He's got, he's got, he's got. Wayne Federman. He's got all the same people. He's actually got the head from every comic in the early 90s. Tom Van Horn. I was going to say Tom Van Horn. Absolutely. He's got a fucking Lenny Marcus. Let him, he's got a Dan Natterman fucking head. Oh my Christ. Yeah, he's got a Tim Young. I don't know if Dan Natterman doesn't like me. Is terrified of me or what? When I see, when I see him, it's, his recoil is bizarre for a guy that I spent years with on a nightly basis. He, I'm like, I was like, hey, Dan, he does like a, he like looks away and like gives me like a, hey, it's very straight. All right. I mean, as a guy, I've talked to it length. He goes, my daughter, I told him you hate juice. Oh, okay. But he also, he also probably sleeps with tin foil, like wrapped around him or something. The Dan's not, I mean, no, he's become like more and more abnormal. I see him and I'm like, hey, Dan. And he's like, yeah, we're at the seller. Me and Jay, Donald Fagan. We looked over at him at a table by himself just eating a boiled chicken. I think it's boiled chicken at the seller. What are you, a boiled chicken and vegetables they don't have on menu. That's off the menu. They just shop for Dan. That's called the Natamin. It's a Natamin. It's asparagus and boiled chicken. God bless them. God bless. And a root beer. They don't have root beer there. They do for Natamin. It's in the back. And Jacob, I'll say this for you as well. It's a real testament to your inner will and spirit. And I'll say this for Dan Natamin also, that neither of you are not 700 pounds because the lack of enjoyment you get your snack. But like enjoyment, it seems you give yourself four things. Like it's like I don't have food, would have to be one of those things for me. Yeah. If you're not out, like if you're not out, like actively trying to like crush pussy or have a girlfriend or getting fucked up or on drugs or anything like that. Yeah. The fact that you're not eating until you still like maintain and keep it. It's a real testament to your will. If I lived in Natamin or Jacob life, I would be 700 pounds on drugs and getting my dick sucked by every prostitute in the area of Queens. Have you ever got a prostitute? No. Well, I think we should take care of that. Want one? You want one? Not really. So if we sent the prostitute to your house and knocked on the door, you wouldn't let her in. No. Maybe that could be the beginning of you getting her away from her dreadlocked pimp and then maybe going on an adventure with her. Yeah. Maybe you could find like a drugs and you take the drugs and then you try to sell them in LA to an active friend of yours. Bobby knows a couple big time directors actually through people. I can hook you up. You can get me to meet him at a music park though because that's where he meets. You get a meeting with Dane Cook. Let me finish. Jesus. Before you say no, let me finish the pitch. What if it's like a Julia Roberts Pretty Woman prostitute, not like a not like a yo baby one go out. Right. You don't have to take her away from a pimp. You just simply have to get the most gorgeous street walking prostitute off the streets. What if her pussy doesn't smell like snake shit? How about that? If Julia Roberts, if Julia Roberts was a street walking prostitute the way she fucking looked, her regulars would have murdered Richard Geer for taking her out of the fucking loop. 100%. He would have been at a price on his head the rest of the way because you took that chick that I could fuck for $100 who looks like that off the streets. Fuck you dude. No way. You're not wiping up this bitch. Plus it'd be a line like a good taco truck in front of her. Yeah. Richard Geer. How do you just find her with other girls being talked to? Julia Roberts didn't have a, yeah, he would have like a car's honking down the highway. What's at the end of this? He goes, I just really hopped right. No cut seas. No cut seas. Get in line. She's got a deli counter next to her. Some guy would have already been wearing her face, dude. If she was working like a corner. Are you kidding me? Jason Alexander would be wearing her fucking face. Did you ever get a street walker? No. You? Yeah. Me too. I spoke to a girl in Vegas that I thought was a normal girl. Is that your book? Is that your little book coming out? I spoke to a girl in Vegas. I was talking to a girl in Vegas and I just thought I was trying to like flirt with a chick. And I'm like, you want to go grab a drink or something? She's like, well, I'm working right now so it would be $125. And I'm like, you're like, man, the prices at this place are crazy. And I'm like, for a drink? And then she goes, no, I'm like, no, I go, you're not. And I gave her like a, because you know I wear my emotions on my face. So I must have really been like, you, you're a scumbag piece of shit. Oh my god, you're a fucking cum dumpster. You're a human pilot garbage shit. She was like, oh, I'm, I have to, and I'm like, you're better than this shit. You said that? Yeah. Oh god. And then I walked away. Did you say you can get, I can get you away from all this? I went, my spit's not even worth your face. I'm spitting on the ground. You spit on the floor of the circus circus. Shoot him in my room immediately. She had like a sweater on. I was like, well, you found out at a good time, man. That was the, that was that great fucking Artie Lang. He was like, man, it's going so great with this chick. And then at the end, she was like, that's $5,000. He's like, excuse me. It's like, that was $5,000. He's like, oh, you weren't, the girlfriend weekend. The girlfriend experience. The girlfriend experience. The girlfriend experience. What tempt me? Yeah. Apparently they're just crazy hot. Yeah, they act like a girl. That's how, that's how bad being married is, is they don't have the marriage experience. Yeah. Go to Vegas and fight with them. It's too loud. Can you turn it down? They go, you're snoring. Wake up. Are you going to shower? You want steak or chicken? They just go, they just show up in your hotel room and leave the bathroom counter wet with a fucking curler plugged in. Yeah. You just go into the room. She's already sleeping. Bravo turned on. Just a wall. I'm watching that. A wall of pillows between you. That's the girlfriend. That's the life experience. That's the life experience. You eat dinner silently. Her legs are hairy all the time. But Jacob, you said you could do it. You said you could be with the, you could be with the much younger girl and not be like, she's grossed out by me. Like you could be like, I don't know anymore. Yeah. It, it bums me out my age. I had a, well, I think, I'm, I'm, I'm a little younger than you, but I'm saying I feel like the same. Like if it was like a, a young like fucking, especially like some kind of Instagram influencer, he chick, like stupid, uh, Bella Chex thing. Like the fact that he's every night is just like, no, she's super into it. And I'm like, for reasons that are not, she's super into you. Yeah. Cause you made her a dildo out of hundreds. Yeah. You finger her with your super bowl. At two, we give you more more outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love, like that swim up suite. More race you to the bottom water parks on site. More. Oh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in store or online. You book it to resort it. At all and after protected keys and C's apply selected hotels only see website for details.