225: Power Struggles..

I don't know if it's gonna be a headphone day for me. Hmm. That's fine. Hmm. I'll hold it down. Is it a headphone day? maybe initially. Okay. Maybe initially because I I need to get into the zone. Okay. I need to get into the zone Get back on the two hot takes train or get back on the horse. Yeah back in the saddle. Yeah, again It's more fitting. Back in the saddle again It's a song great song really old country song But it's good, but I've been out of the studio for quite some time. It's good. Yeah, I Same had surgery I will be getting into what I did on an episode very soon with Michaela I have a story that really tees up chatting about that We are in the height of wedding planning right now. Are you gonna bring up my anxiety? What's your anxiety? just during that whole Week in such. Yeah. Yeah, I'll probably talk about that But I'm still recovering you you know the story what it is because you said it's real if you can touch them and I'm excited to chat about that comment in okay. Yeah, it's gonna be good a good story, but we'll get into that That's a couple weeks away But biggest dilemma in our life right now And I'm putting the word out there because I am Desperate and I hope someone out there can help We need a magician for our wedding a Good high quality strolling magician. So if there's anyone out there near Minnesota, that's a magician Let us know or not near but willing to travel At a decent rate We are also on the hunt for a really good wedding signature drink. We love Mascall mezcal depending on how you want to say it We also love like a lavender drink. We just want to know like if you're a fan of Mezcal like what drink do you gravitate towards and if you are not a fan? What's the best one you've tried because we do want it to be entry-level Yeah, yeah, we're also in need of a quick easy maybe good and in a batch For the bartender, yes, if we can batch make it in pictures that probably be really good for cocktail hour bartender We also need a bartender. I know working on that or you could just have tea like we're having now sipping our tea and our mugs Yeah, yeah our new Camp mug no two hot takes merch the camp mug. I also got my patch sweatshirt done you guys. This is the light tan version I'm really loving the patches. I'm gonna like sew mine down I think to really lock them in but the iron-on works great I also love the patches because anytime I spill on these sweatshirts and like stain them I just add a patch on top. That's like my new strategy my new strategy with with that But yeah today's theme I'm so excited to get into it. I also probably just stress everyone out I'm like I need a wedding magician. I need a drink. I need a cake. I need a Bartender we are pretty with you guys like we're mostly there. So don't stress you can get those you could get those very last minute We're doing great. Okay You can't set the venue up last minute, but you could get a signature drink. Yeah, yeah No tent make it ourselves tent is on the way. I did end up ordering my tent from China. It's on a boat right now It's going a long beach, California first and then gets put on a truck to Minnesota So all is looking good on the the tent front But without further ado this week's theme because we're getting back in the saddle. Yeah. Yeah There's clearly a power struggle in a lot of these stories today a power imbalance Someone's trying to come a dear power The struggle is real. I'm not sure what the title will be power struggle. Maybe just you know keeping it simple But there's clearly a dynamic that is just a little off in Terms of charge. Okay been there. Yeah. Mm-hmm. We've all been there Yeah, time or two me and my stomach have a power battle all the time. I have tummy issues It's very relevant It's been the last three weeks of my life Since my anxiety Haven't recovered We need to get colonoscopies stat stat Holding hands. We should hold hands as we go under Yeah, oh my god, just wait until I show you guys some videos of me coming out of anesthesia I was a hoot. I didn't cry But yeah, I'm down to hold hands going under that'll be really good. Yeah, okay. Let's get into these shall we yes Let's dive in Oh Oh Okay, since we've been chatting about wedding a little bit here as we started let's do a wedding one Yes, just kick us off. I'm in full wedding mood. I'm loving all things wedding Madeleine white is getting married soon and I'm like so excited to see her dress. So Wedding is on my mind So this one is coming from am I the asshole it is titled am I the asshole for calling my wife insecure and selfish on our wedding day I 28 male and my wife 26 female got married last Wednesday and the ceremony was Amazing my wife was very strict on the fact that no guest is allowed to wear white which is understandable Because for females that's considered rude or bad luck at weddings I think their reception was going well, too Until I noticed my wife walking over to the bathroom with her face held in her hands Obviously, I could tell my wife was upset. So I rushed across the room Once I got to the bathroom I knocked on the door and informed my wife that it was me at the door After a few minutes. I heard the door unlock and open When I got in I saw my wife sitting on the floor with mascara running down her cheeks I asked what was wrong and she told me that one of our nephews was wearing white jeans and a white bow tie I immediately thought to myself how she was completely overreacting Because he's a six-year-old child and had no idea that you can't wear white to a wedding I told her she was overreacting But in a much nicer way and I said that she should go out and enjoy the reception and forget about the whole thing She eventually texted her sister to come to the bathroom and fix her makeup So she could go back out and have a good night After a while I saw her talking to my sister the mom of our nephew and I thought she was just making conversation About an hour later my sister pulled me aside and berated me for my wife's behavior She said my wife had asked her and her son to leave Unless she had a change of clothes for him This was far from okay to me So I asked my wife to talk and explained everything my sister told me My wife said she was completely in the right for what she asked and I told her that if she kicks my family out Then I will happily leave too My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn't want it to be ruined by our nephew This angered me because I had enough of her ruining our day over something silly I then said she was not only selfish But that she was insanely insecure if she's worried about a six-year-old looking better than her My wife spent staying with her mother since the wedding and we haven't spoken once Her mom reached out to me this morning and said that I need to apologize right away for being out of line I really don't believe I'm in the wrong here. So what do you think? Am I the asshole? in certain ways yes because I will agree that You know our weddings approaching. It's very clear in the invitations No, white which well, okay I didn't put it in the invitation I put it was no I put it on the wedding website under inspo for clothing But it's not on the invitation like I feel like that that might be a little goofy. No, I know that It's on the outfit inspo. I confuse that but it is there it is posted it is a no-to- People are notified. Yeah, if a six-year-old You know the closest we have let's say one of Matt's kids is wearing Like in this case, it'd be white pants. You know what I mean? It's not necessarily a white dress. It's also a child. I feel that For me, it's not gonna ruin my day and I don't think it would affect you this much No, I think if you get to that point, there's no mom or other girl or someone blatantly Purposefully wearing a white dress It's very much just a kid's wearing white jeans and a white bow tie. Yeah, you said no white But I'm very much from the boat of let's not have this wreck the day She had her feelings and it's fine people can react to the moment you go in console and I think that was right Hey, let's go out and enjoy this her sister comes in. Let's go do this Then it just gets a little weird because Now she's talking to people and asking them to leave And then it drives husband to the point where he's gonna make these crazy comments Yeah, we're spiraling each other up out of control. It's a bad cycle We need to work on our communication. We were getting married and they got married We're not working well right now And now we haven't spoken since the wedding and now the whole wedding has this huge stain on it Yeah, and I don't think it had to so I'm in the boat of like I don't know I obviously you don't go in and say you're insanely insecure and and you you lash out. It's not the time Or the place But I don't know in that situation what you're supposed to do in his position If she isn't letting it go and is asking people to leave. Where do you turn? Yeah, I think he could have de-escalated it And I don't know if it would have necessarily got to this like toxic Communication breakdown moment if he had but at the same time like is she being out of line and a little goofy? Yeah, I think it's a six-year-old kid In the same breath did her sister-in-law this kid's mom put him in those clothes Very likely so the sister is to blame. Maybe this was a message. Maybe this was a little bit of a fuck you Regardless, here we are. You've spent all this money. Do you want to have a good air knot? Is it callous that he's in these white clothes? Potentially is it worth ruining your day over? No Did the husband need to say? Well, if you're asking my family to leave I'll happily leave with them That's not how you should be aligning yourself. This is your wedding day You should be aligning yourself with your partner You should be trying to de-escalate this and calm her feelings because this is a stressful day for a bride who Very likely could have planned the whole thing. So for me Is he the asshole for calling his wife insecure and selfish on our wedding day? Yes. Yeah, I think you are the asshole I don't think you needed to go there. I don't think you needed to say those things Is it a frustrating situation? Yeah, is she in the wrong? Also? Yeah, so it could be and everyone sucks But your question. Yeah, you're the asshole for saying that If this were me in this situation I would have said hey, you know I heard what you said to my sister. I don't love it He shouldn't be in white, but here we are. They're not gonna leave babe. Like this is my family We love them. We have to think about the rest of our lives. We have with these people Let's just ignore it and have a good day. Let's enjoy our night. Come on. Because what does it affect at that point? And go get her a shot. Go get her a glass of champagne. Let's keep her rolling Well, and if it was purposeful if it's literally I am doing this to piss off the bride some jab You are essentially by making it this big deal Letting her Accomplish what she wanted if that was the goal if she wanted to take a shot at you on your wedding day Well, man, you gave it to her But if you ignore it And just kind of move on and never never acknowledge it Then she didn't get that jab if that's what You know was behind the whole thing. Yeah, I do agree with that. I think a lot of times in a lot of these situations Maybe not the next one i'm gonna share but like in a lot of these situations people only have as much power over you as you give them and this is one where it's like The little boy is wearing white pants like he don't know any better either No, and like a lot of people put their ring bearers in full white suits Flower girls get little white dresses like My grandma I want to wear a white dress flower girl will be in a white dress I'm asking our family like the women in our family my mom your mom to wear cream gold dresses like I don't know. It's just goofy to me to make this big of a deal And I think they're just not reacting well to the situation. It's almost like are you wearing white socks? Pull up your pants now. Yeah, I mean where's there's gotta be a line I think as long as it's not a full white dress. Yeah, maybe that's an okay line I know a lot of you out there. I've had some wedding drama with white I would love to see it in the comments. I'm living for it right now But the top comment on this one Not the asshole. Jesus. It's a six-year-old in a bow tie Did she think people would confuse him for the bride? Is she three feet tall and was she wearing a bow tie? She was insecure and selfish. It wasn't her day It was both of your day and she ruined it by throwing a tantrum Take a good look at how she handles conflict as this is going to be your marriage Doesn't like your response throws everything out of proportion and runs to mommy It's early enough for an annulment. Think about it It's not a great response on either side No to clarify Yes, it's not a great response on her part Yes But also then how he reacted to her bad response. It's just a bad cycle Here's where a lot of people would say you don't have to be the bigger person but I would imagine that after agreeing to marry someone and getting this far in a relationship You kind of know how to maybe pacify the situation with your partner And was calling herself as an insecure on your wedding day the way to do it You just shot yourself in the foot. You ruined your your whole day Let's look at the bigger picture too. And I'm not like was he wrong? I still think he was wrong for how he handled it. Was she wrong? Yeah, they're both goofy here. So maybe Not you're the asshole. Maybe just everyone sucks and these people need to get it together This comment though says I think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blandly float the rules Not saying I agree with the reaction Just saying that the bride is upset with what would have been an adult's decision by either the bride or groom's sibling Right. Yeah And someone responds if the sister was the one wearing white or maybe a teenage niece I might agree with you But as a six-year-old boy in white jeans and a bow tie Seriously, if that ruins your night, then you have a lot more problems Also true. Yeah Someone here responds a grown-ass woman wore white to my wedding and I was too happy to notice. What a mess But I can't imagine calling a bride insanely insecure about someone looking better than her on her wedding day There has to be a better way to talk her off the cliff if they can't work through this kind of thing I genuinely think they aren't ready to be married anyhow Pretty well said Someone here goes my mother-in-law wore a dress that was almost the same color and material as mine And it was a complete accident. She thought I was wearing white and more traditional satin I thought it was hysterical and teased her about it It's all about intent and I know she did not want to Upstage me at all right a six-year-old ain't upstaging you and the don't wear white is really aimed at women I would be gobsmacked at my spouse's lack of maturity if they yelled at a child at a wedding You ruined your own day sweetheart comments Seemingly go pretty back and forth like I'd say a lot more not the asshole A lot of people are asking about can you get an annulment? Surely it's not too late She is crazy for being insecure about a six-year-old boy wearing jeans and a bowtie How in the slightest is that taking away from the bride? And I do agree with that I will say I agree a lot of annulment if you search the word annulment on this one There would be a lot if you get an annulment Could you can you go forward saying yeah, I got divorced? I don't think it's technically divorced. I think the marriage never is technically there. It's pending. You were never married Yeah, even though you're up there and say I do there's a there's a period of time where technically It's like when you charge something your credit card and it's pending. Yeah, it's not it's not Yeah, I think so. I think that's how they work Yeah, so it's like okay. Yep. Never mind. No Don't need to go down the rabbit hole because it's like Well, then are we husband and wife at night? I don't know temporarily It's like a it's like a permit Like a driver's license permit. Mm-hmm You can drive on your own, but you're not fully licensed. Could be looked at that way. It's a great area. Yeah Then if you consummate it Or if you wait out the time period Then it's locked in Okay, I don't know if consummating even matters these days. I think that's kind of old-fashioned But I I keep seeing a lot of weird stuff on tiktok. No judge. We cannot annul this. We consummated it Literally I kept proof Someone does ask the question I've been thinking the whole time Info do your wife and sister have other issues with each other? Right? Which is what I'm thinking this comment Everyone sucks here. Why would your sister dress her son in white knowing it's not acceptable? Does she dislike your wife on the surface your wife is unreasonable and overreacted? It's a male child not a woman in white dress However, if she is used to crap from your sister then her reaction would make sense As she would know that this was a deliberate act by your sister against her You didn't deal well with the situation either Which is why I go back to If that is her intent Don't say a dang thing. Don't even react. No, don't let her win No Power struggle man power struggle going on here and especially with this next one Okay, I'm gonna ask you a question before we begin this story Okay, would you look at this picture? Who do you think this is in this image? Who who this is at a wedding? Who would you assume that this is Jennifer Aniston? You can't even see the person's face Well, that's why I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna assume it's a bride. You would assume the bride I Would assume the bride as well It is not the bride. Yeah So number two is coming from r slash wedding shaming. It's two days old It is titled sister-in-law wore near white wedding dress to the wedding It's not near white. That is white. It is white white white white And it's floor length wait till you guys see the picture Opie goes on to share multiple pictures of the dress. Here is an image from the back I Don't know if this person is carrying a lace shawl If I didn't know any better I would assume it was a veil that they were carrying and you can't even say colorblind because I don't think white applies in a colorblind situation I think you always just see white. Yeah. Yeah, I think we all see white as white. I'm curious now I think so I hope he goes on to say the dress code was summer pastel chic So think Easter colors the girlfriend of the groom's brother wore a sage green wedding dress That in no way shape or form appeared to be sage green or any other color So you're trying to tell me that that person said that dress was sage green sage green She's colorblind It goes on to say the veil she's carrying was the flower girls her daughter This was after the mother-in-law had asked the bride if she could wear a white jumpsuit to the wedding to which the bride Obviously said no That is crazy to have multiple people Mother-in-law ask if they can wear a white jumpsuit and then you're basically sister-in-law wears a white wedding dress See here's what I I'm like a little nervous about with our wedding I've said no white I joke right about if someone shows it up in white I'll pour wine on them or not me because I'm not getting near red wine in my dress But someone would but like obviously I don't think I have that in me So what do you do if someone actually shows up in white like this? What will we do? Uh We have someone in place for that But what are they gonna do make them leave like genuinely like I talk a big game when it comes to this but like Do we have little robes ready that like you could tie on you or like what do we do? We'll have to think about it Because I'm not overalls Huh country theme. Let's go A t-shirt of shame. I wore white to the wedding tie dye on the spot I think doesn't stain you I did see a video Somewhere where this person accidentally got wed wine spilled on them at a bar And so they just bought a bunch of other wine glasses like of red wine and just like did put it all over their dress to make it better But then you're wet and smell like wine, but I don't know Yeah top comment on this post Wow, that's very bridal Someone goes. Yeah, this is straight up a wedding dress To be safe. You should never wear any white dress to a wedding. That is not yours That being said not all white dresses are wedding dresses. This is absolutely a wedding dress With the flowers on it and such Literally, yeah, because where else would you wear that? You're gonna wear that on night out I mean maybe in a very special circumstance But then everyone's gonna look at you like people looked at us in the museum You know like oh my god. Look at that. Happy new couple. Everyone's walking by congratulations Oh my god. I know we're like it's just an engagement shoot That was a good shoot. It was a good shoot. I'm just saying really good everyone's gonna be you're gonna get that attention like that So I don't feel like a lot of people are gonna wear a wedding type gown outside of a wedding Yeah, you know, I don't know. It's so strange. It's definitely not sage green So much so not sage green that like people on the post are even confused like The post displayed the picture as you're scrolling the reddit homepage So a lot of people like looked at it and they're like, oh cool. The person included a picture of the bride now Let's see what the sister-in-law is looking like No, that is a sister-in-law and that's what a lot of comments say like Yeah, I was like cool. So what does sister-in-law look like bra? Next comment exactly what I was going to say op clearly included pictures of the actual bride for comparison And then forgot to add pictures of the offending sister-in-law. Nope So we don't know what came of it. Is there any extension? Any More info as they say, let me go see if uh op has made any other comments on this A lot of clarifying comments. This is the sister-in-law bride isn't in these photos op is promising to keep people updated But no official update yet op was just a guest at the wedding and that's all we got. Okay All we got. Yeah, moving along. All right But I would love to hear all your tips and tricks for dealing with people that wear white to your wedding. Thank you very much This is coming from r slash relationships. It is titled I 31 male found out my wife 30 female has been getting a co-worker to spy on me at work Cheaper than a pi. We've been married for five years and together for eight Not really great at writing. So apologies in advance I'll try to include as much info as I can think of and that's relevant But please feel free to ask me for more in the comments if I wasn't clear about something My wife has been jealous of a co-worker at my job for some time now Her name is heather and she's in her early 20s tall pretty Just observations as I have a pair of eyes Heather is nice, but I don't go out of my way to talk to her We worked together on a project about eight months ago, which is when this seems to have started Heather three other co-workers and I were assigned to this project and so for a good month. We spent much time together at work My wife saw her one day when we were all coming out and she was picking me up to go to dinner at my parents She immediately asked who she was and if she worked at my job I told her she was new and was put on our project For the entire duration of the project My wife was in a bad mood almost every day and would take every opportunity to tear heather down Saying she was lanky or her nose was crooked or whatever She isn't secure about her height because she's 5'4 and not a quote six foot tall glamazon I love my wife's height and her petite figure and I tell her this every day She is extremely gorgeous and turns heads whenever we walk downtown But once she saw heather was tall and not ugly. She was convinced. I thought she was hot I kept telling her she was just a colleague and that I had no interest in her Regardless, she would greet her coldly or not at all if she saw my colleagues Our home and jobs are located downtown. So we usually walk to meet up with each other after work My wife would start dressing up a lot more than usual when she'd come to meet me and make a big show of jumping on me and stuff She works at a very nice bakery and usually brings leftovers from work for us or people at my job She always gave things out to everyone except heather Eventually heather picked up on the hostility and approached me to ask about why my wife was acting that way I simply told her I didn't know Maybe because she didn't know her as long as the other colleagues and so she was distant She seemed to accept that but would no longer leave at the same time as everyone else And would either go early or hang back Brian another co-worker approached me on friday and asked to talk to me privately He told me he had been at lunch with kate the co-worker in question And she had gone to pay for the food. She left her phone on the table It lit up with a text and he saw it was from valerie my wife's name. The text basically said Quote, did you see him talking to her today? What did he say? Then quote, do you think heather is going to stay at that job long? When kate came back to the table, he asked her if that was valerie as in my wife She got a deer in headlights look and said quote. Oh, yeah, we text sometimes we're friends He said he thought it was weird because she put her phone in her purse without even checking the messages He had asked about and then she just wanted to go I went home and I snooped on my wife's phone I know it was wrong, but I had a feeling that if I asked her she would deny it or become defensive and not show me the phone There were weeks worth of texts that basically were little reports on what went on at work If heather talked to me what we talked about did she hug me goodbye? Did she touch me at all? Did I laugh at her jokes? Did the guys think she was hot? Did I join in with them? Did I look like I was flirting? Kate was also apparently talking up valerie at work to heather She made sure to mention often we were married. How great valerie my wife was How long we'd been together? I even read one that said quote. I told her quote val works in a bakery I bet if anyone tried to steal her husband, she'd just chop them up and bake them into a pie. Ha ha Which was pretty fucking creepy A lot of things started coming together then Heather was much more distant lately. She seemed hesitant to say goodbye at the end of the day We used to talk casually like everyone else at work, but now she would just say hi and bye mostly I've been sitting on this information all weekend Today at work I could hardly look at heather for shame of it and I couldn't look at kate for my disgust I haven't been able to approach my wife about this because I just don't know how or what to say I feel frustrated and very much weirded out I feel gross too Like I've had my every move watched without knowing it and as if just talking to a co-worker is doing something wrong I haven't talked to anyone else about this not even brian who first mentioned it I don't know what to do from here. I don't even know what this means for our relationship It feels like something big has changed because I haven't even been able to look at her the same way And all of my interactions with her since friday have been kind of forced and faked I need to talk to her and figure out what to do any advice would be appreciated. I feel very lost right now This is a big one. This is insane This is a big one. This isn't this isn't just oh I was insecure in this this this turned into The serious deal. I know exactly what jerry would say My dad keep and score as soon as you're keeping score the game's over. So in my mind, it's like Oh, first of all The pie thing. She's not a butcher That was so weird. She's not dexter. I'm gonna chop you up and then bake you into a pie Oh my god, why are you threatening your co-worker? Who comes up with that? You watch she's watching way too much true crime. Okay, because we've been watching a lot of true crime. We have and uh She she's watching more than us. I'll tell you right now the four clues episodes I recorded last week are Really good and yeah, would you come up with that? No I wouldn't threaten my co-worker to me. That's a threat Oh, if someone steals her husband, she'll bake him up in a pie like how did kate get so radicalized from her all of a sudden Kate's gone goofy too I i'm curious what valerie told her to i don't know but Overall, this is a serious relationship problem because now it's a it's a total trust problem You clearly don't trust me. What if outside of work Heather was just a friend of his genuinely a friend I mean, we're talking this has just wider You know ramifications then it does just with this one person I agree because this is any person that she feels threatened by going forward It's going to be an issue. Yeah, and then to have people. Yeah, it's I don't know. I'd be I'd be in a I don't know what I do I'm like, I don't even know what to say right now I can't come up with the words because I can't imagine being in that position and I don't know what What I would do There's so many things wrong with it because I think not only does your partner not trust you clearly very insecure but also is malicious Is almost like stalking this person through this coworker, which is weird and the coworker is also seemingly a stalker but it's like For this wife to bake all these things for people and give everyone something but heather This is a cruel vindictive malicious person like there's so many issues you can take from this One problem and no matter which way you spin it The wife is not looking good Not looking very sane Clearly needs to go to therapy and work through some big issues because then couples therapy at this I mean it's this is couples therapy would be That's the bare minimum. Yeah, the bare minimum needs to be like Coupled in with that. Yeah Because this is just something like personally I don't think I would be able to get past like To know that my partner does not trust me in the slightest that I can't even go to work and Not be monitored throughout my whole entire day And you know as it reads and as we're assuming He's done nothing wrong true and if you've generally very true if you genuinely have done nothing wrong and this is how your partner's treating you and and your colleagues That's tough to come back from I don't That's why I'm so curious. What what does that look like going forward? I'm trying to put us in the category even though It would be a crazy thing for us to end up in that position, but I mean I don't like I wouldn't want to lose you but that's just I don't know where you'd go. No, I'd love for some really stuck Counselors to maybe chime in on this one like if you're a therapist out there and like this was your hypothetical couple like Where would you go from here? Like this is the roach motel like this is a tough hole to dig your way out of that's for sure This feels like first relationship 18 to 22 type of insecurity. Yeah, you know where We we've had a lot of stories with that But it it's not Married been together for eight years in your 30s. No, you know, this is insane I just like I don't Have enough words to say like how serious this is and it's like Oh, well, it's not you know this this and this like it could be so much worse, but like There's so much wrong with this and the top comment seems to pick up on like the outrage I feel Because it says this is outrageous. Your wife has completely undermined you in a professional capacity And allowed her insecurities to jeopardize your career. I would be infuriated first things first I would tell your wife that you know what has happened and that it is completely unacceptable I would then organize marriage counseling for her to work through her insecurities and for you to help rebuild your trust in her Let's get this straight. She has let you down here. She is broken your trust She needs to apologize and work to change this gross behavior fast or I would be hot footing it out of there real quick I guess the first test Really is when you bring it up. How does she react? If it's deny deny deny deny then you kind of know where you're headed You have a tough hill to climb. I think at that point if it's deny deny deny I'd be seeking separation right because it's giving unhinged borderline Real bad behavior it's giving like a different version of the show you Without the killing it's giving like The stalking aspect she is yeah fully she is stalking She is stalking poor heather and it's not It doesn't matter that she's not the one in the parking lot peering through the windows. She might be I wouldn't put it fast this girl But it's it's like that because you're doing it through someone else and it is true. I mean That puts you in such an awkward position at work And also just poor heather from the beginning Just starting her career just coming into this trying to do her best Trying to be part of this team work on this project and she's met with all this crazy ass shit Like that would be very discouraging. No, it's really really unfortunate and someone does reply to the top comment and get into that Let's not forget the potential undermining of heather's career as well Assuming op is being truthful about his interactions and feelings or lack thereof with heather This poor woman is being ostracized at work for no other reason than her looks That's fucking despicable of your wife to cause such disruption to an innocent woman. She should be ashamed of herself And it just sounds so wild That i'm scared we See the other side of it at some point. We do get Although it'd be hard to trust But we get the wife's perspective and it's I saw this I saw him texting calling late night I saw them at leave this place dinner together I don't know we don't have her side, but That's what makes this hard right because you never know but I think Assuming that we're trusting the right end as it is It's crazy. It's crazy. I feel like honestly He might be going easy on the right end in how bad this probably really is Because this is his wife. He loves her. I'm sure there's other details that were like Worse yeah that op is not sharing. Yeah And I Would hope that he would do everything within his power to make this right for heather at work I don't know if you could even involve hr because like It's your wife And if you tell hr your wife is targeting a co-worker like that's your job on the line. So like I don't know where you go I don't know if you go to heather and just like apologize for making her feel awkward like Clearly heather is picked up on this your wife should not be invited to any happy hours with your co-workers any longer Like there needs to be distance and separation and that is the punishment for the way she's acted That's I mean especially that is just the consequence of her actions and especially until you figure out your own relationship at this point Yeah, new fear Really? Well, it's just like oh my god. I just in my life at this age here. I cannot I would not do this No, that's not what i'm saying. I'm just saying at this age. I cannot imagine dealing with A partner that's that insecure. I just I don't have the the capacity for that in my life at this point There was a time sure there was a time But just not now I that feels like I'd be going so far backward And that we would be going so far backward because I don't ever see us in that No, never this would never be me I love making friends. I I love humans. I think everyone's beautiful in their own way like I just really would never Ever be threatened by someone else and like in my head. I'm like if someone else can take you Then I don't want you exactly trust someone until they show you they can't be trusted Don't go find a reason don't go fishing you're ruining it for yourself. Yeah, look at how it's backfiring you know OP does have a couple comments. I'm going to bring up counseling today when I get home from work and talk to her about this I think a counselor would be great help in this situation Someone to mediate and guide us through navigating this issue and the underlying issues that cause this The fact that op's even considering Trying to work it out Makes me even think further that he's done absolutely nothing to even Cause any sort of suspicion. No, I'm feeling there's no wrong doing I think he's being very truthful someone who would be Like guilty of something would probably just break it off They wouldn't want to try and work things out. I don't know. We'll see. I know we shall see indeed because We got an update. Oh, wow. Okay So what I didn't mention is this post is a little vintage. This is coming from 2016 So update which comes two days after the original post good says this First off, I would like to thank everyone for their responses and for taking the time to give me advice I did not expect the 300 comments or so I received So please don't take it personally if I didn't reply to yours On to the update I took the general advice and confronted my wife and used therapy as a non-negotiable term So Tuesday when I posted I saw Kate at work and bluntly said quote You don't need to report on me today or any day after this. I'll be talking to my wife after I'm done today She got this blank look on her face and said she didn't know what I meant But I noticed her hanging around significantly less than usual after that Yeah I did my best to focus on my work But I asked to go home early because it was just impossible with everything looming ahead of me for me to even concentrate I went home and texted my wife that I was home early and I needed to talk to her when she was done with work So to please come home right away I got a bunch of what's going on. What's wrong? texts But just kept telling her that I talked to her at home She got home and I got straight into it right away I told her I knew about the text with Kate about the spying the harassment of heather She was mad at first and kept adamantly saying she did nothing wrong And if I had nothing to hide then why did it matter? I told her to please not play me for a fool and outlined all of the things her behavior meant Like a lack of trust and sheer vindictiveness I brought up the consequences like my damaged trust and drama in the workplace I also brought up how my job could be at risk because of this She made a point to say they couldn't fire me without also removing heather It's done as she'd say she was being inappropriate towards a married man in the workplace And Kate would back her up. This is done Right then this is done. Okay. If I'm in that position It's exactly what we talked about that's giving psychopath. Yeah That brought us to a heated argument and it ended with her crying and me yelling She started asking quote who the fuck is heather to you that you give so much of a shit anyways And derailed into this whole thing about me caring too much about someone I claimed meant nothing to me I don't want to get into too much detail because this would be extremely long But the conversation was a good five to six hours long It ended with her agreeing to go to couples therapy and individual if the couples therapist so deemed it She apologized to me a lot and admitted that she'd been acting out of jealousy and anger towards heather She asked if I wanted her to apologize to heather in person, but I said no I didn't want there to be more drama I watched as she texted Kate and told her to stop and that she was sorry for dragging her into it She gave me the password to her phone for transparency But I told her it was pointless as if she really wanted to continue She could just delete the text before I saw them or change the name or whatever I told her I expected her to keep her word to stop Because if I got any indication that this was still going on after our talk that I would separate from her and file for divorce Yesterday morning things still seemed tense But it was to be expected She still kissed me before going to work and we had normal text conversations on our commute I get to work and Kate apologizes to me And I accept it but tell her our work relationship from here on out is forever changed and there's no going back from it I tell her that beyond work conversation. We have nothing else to talk about She accepted it and went on to start the day Lunch rolls in I asked brian if he'll let me buy him lunch and thank him for telling me We go to have lunch and he asked me if I've heard heather put in a request for a transfer Apparently on tuesday when I left early heather asked why I wasn't at my desk Because she had brought over the week's project booklet and had seen me there earlier Kate of all people Told her that I had gone home to quote deal with personal issues When heather asked her if everything was all right Kate told her that she hopes so because quote I don't want to see someone come between valerie and op's marriage There must have been a bit more to the exchange Because heather went all the way up to our boss's boss and asked for a transfer to a different department I feel extremely embarrassed because without a doubt. I feel like that guy now in the office I know brian isn't a gossip But of course people will ask why heather transferred and without a doubt it will eventually get out People who used to talk to me casually will probably stop The women of the office will feel as if they need to keep their distance And I feel so ashamed that I can't even approach heather to apologize for the stress. This must have caused her I doubt she would even want to see my face at this point So yes, wife has agreed to counseling both couples and individual apologize to me all those things But the damage is now done and I feel like complete shit about work now I guess I shouldn't have been so naive to think that just fixing this with my wife would make everything else go away Anyways, thank you for all the advice. I was feeling very at sea before writing this post I still feel a bit lost as far as how to deal with the fallout of all of this But at least I have one part of it sorted or on its way to being sorted So that's positive The crazy thing about it is really is that you are in some ways tied To what your partner does inevitably, you know the wife did all of this instigated every piece of it You were just doing your thing going to work doing your job but now you have to deal with the consequences of what she did and you know when you become Like married with someone or even maybe before in one way or another you're kind of tied to their actions And that's scary. I mean, but that's that's also part of the commitment. I guess I also think it's probably good that heather did that because she can start fresh somewhere and cannot be because it would be hard in her shoes to go forward and Just kind of try to keep doing your thing when you know, there's this whole dynamic in the background going on I don't want to get out of there too. I'd be like next office How far do I need to drive? I know and I'm gonna You know keep doing my thing and yeah He's awkwardly now has to navigate this new work situation Because of his wife So I wonder how much that'll take a toll going forward as good as Couples counseling and all that can be You're you have to deal with the effects of this now you for our however long From this I would have a hard time. I would always feel like I'm looking over my shoulder I wouldn't want my wife involved with any of my co-workers. No more holiday parties for you missy But I'm curious if anyone else feels this way But I don't feel like op is really doing enough in regards to making things right with heather I feel like op should apologize And I wish there was like an HR person in my head to like tell me the way you can apologize without getting in trouble But like hey like I'm sorry if things have been uncomfortable like I just want you to know like you do not have to transfer on my behalf I've really enjoyed working with you blah blah blah blah blah like I do think it needs to be said like hey if you want this job You don't have to transfer because what if this is heather's dream job? What if she's taking a downgrade in pay or uh Title if she's transferring like heather should not have to do that And I honestly come back though once she's already made the ask it is But they might not be able to accommodate heather like And I get this post as vintage But like if anyone else is out there in the situation like if you're the heather in this situation You shouldn't be penalized For no fault of your own for something that doesn't have quite literally Anything to do with you, but that is the interesting part about life. It comes up in so many different ways That you end up in very very tough situations out of none of your own doing and sometimes for You know the betterment of of your work life and for your mental health sometimes It sucks, but you make the choice to to change like that Yeah, because it's just you you get out of all that even though you did nothing to be in that position So that's tricky one. Yes. She shouldn't have to none of this is on her. It's totally unfair But that's the crazy part about life is you end up with things that are so unfair But just you you look at the bigger picture and you say I'd be happier doing this and get out of this mess It sucks. I hate that but I know it's just this whole thing just really pisses me off Top comment on the update has since been deleted A lot of people responding to it though I hope it was worth it to her because she fucked up his job and his work relationships And made a woman request to transfer to a different department. I feel so horrible for heather christ If that hasn't put her off or ruined her job for her, it'll be fucking miserable Valerie won and that's so fucking disappointing True Literally she got what she wanted at the end of the day. I know Oh I hope someone comes in in and replaces heather and is like Just right on that same level and just had the wife has to face that I just think opi needs to be done Especially because this comment we haven't picked apart this yet But the next top comment does Quote she made a point to say they couldn't fire me without also removing heather As she would say she was being inappropriate towards a married man in the workplace and kate would back her up Am I reading that right? Am I reading that as her respect for you is so little that the primary goal is taking down heather? And if that means taking you down in the process then so be it This is bad. This is bad bad You are staring a lot of therapy in the face here like years If things get better from it then great But this is deeply rooted stuff with many layers and is not going to be an easy fix And that that again speaks to that vindictiveness that cruelness So you're willing to lie to get an innocent woman fired Because you're so insecure about yourself Because you don't trust your partner And I don't care if op did cheat. I don't care if op cheated 10 times If you don't trust him after that that's your choice to stay with that person But to take some innocent person out No, that's on you Beyond batshit So right with all that op should take all that understand that you're like, yeah, maybe it's Maybe it's too big of a hill to climb. Maybe it's time Maybe it is time man. Oh man Okay I'm gonna move on to this next one See I like stories like that because then any problems that come up for us or just in regular life You can think oh, this isn't that bad. Look. It could be like this. We're good. We're good We're good. We're good. No, I I feel the same way I feel like that's what initially got me into reading write-it stories So like and an odd way gave me this sense of like I'm not alone in my chaos Like I can connect with these people out there and like I'm going so much worse I'm going through a similar issue where hey Oh, that's a little worse than where I'm at. But like let me comment. Let me try to help. Yeah We're all in this together. That's what makes write it so cool Even if it's like hey my car is having this issue A million people will comment and be like, I think it's this try this and it's all genuine ass advice. It's just real genuine people Some there's probably haters and shit on there, but I'm saying there's real genuine people Trying to just help everyone and the smallest and the biggest things It's great. Absolutely Okay, moving on to this next one now Okay, so this next one is coming from our very own to how takes subreddit 10 hours old titled I told my sister she's not allowed to drop off her baby at my place anymore. Now she's playing victim Okay, I 28 female I'm fully prepared for the pitchforks if I'm actually being an asshole here But I'm seriously over it My older sister 31 female had a baby eight months ago and ever since I've apparently become her Backup daycare no convo. No warning just text like hey, I'm dropping Layla off for a few hours And then she's gone for six to seven hours At first I didn't mind I love my niece and I figured postpartum is rough But this turned into a weekly thing and then twice a week Sometimes three I'd come home from work Literally still in my scrubs and my sister would already be on my couch Halfway out the door with a quote. You don't mind, right? Like question mark question mark question mark. When did I agree to this? The final straw was two weekends ago. I had a rare weekend off was planning to do nothing But sleep clean binge shows maybe even be sad and peace lol My sister texted me at 9 a.m. Saying quote coming over in 20 need a break I said quote. Hey actually not today. I really need some time to myself her response question mark Quote you live alone. You have time to yourself every day Y'all I saw red I told her point blank. I'm not her babysitter and that she can't just decide I'm free because I'm single and childless I said I love her and Layla, but I'm not going to be guilted in a parenting someone else's kid on demand Yes She started crying told our mom I Quote hate being an aunt and now half my family's giving me passive aggressive Quote must be nice to have free time comments Oh god, no Like I didn't work six days straight last week like I don't have my own mental health to manage So am I the bad guy for setting a boundary here? Should I have just sucked it up and helped because she's family? I'm genuinely torn but also low-key annoyed as fuck No, people abuse the shit out of the Oh, but your family. No, I don't are you It this is okay. We're not just backup babysitter. We are full-time babysitter. Yeah, we're full-time Yeah, and the second you I mean you've been so incredibly nice overly nice too nice And the second you just say sorry not today I need time for myself Then all of a sudden you're This is a big power struggle. She's trying to strong arm OP Take advantage and you're on the money like this is not babysitting three days a week Sometimes dropping her child off for six to seven hours and I get it. She needs a break But hey this other family that's piping in can't stay out of this business Can't shut their mouths They can step up and watch little leila This is when I pick up and I moved to Iceland I think that's my this This just got me there. This is me Packing up everything applying to a hospital in Reykjavik and I'm moving I'm out if you need me I'll be at least At least six hours away by plane By plane. Yeah, I mean, I don't think OP Yeah, if you want to move to Iceland, it's magical beautiful. Love it there. But you want me to babysit? Send baby on a plane. Okay six hours. Good luck. I feel like this is a great start and I would start responding to people hey It's so great. You think I have free time, but you know, I don't but if you happen to have free time My sister would really appreciate your babysitting services. I'm sure I like that I'd start putting it back in their court to be like, hey, I appreciate you You know trying to lock in a babysitter for leila I'm unavailable. But if you want to offer your services My sister would really appreciate that. Yeah, because aren't you retired and just you know, watch tv. Uh, yeah, okay No, I'm honestly I like that, but I'm not responding right away Yeah, I'm just going dark. I am off the grid. I'm not responding to the damn person. Nope No, thanks. No, I'm in I'm taking my weekend now for sure I am locking my doors. She ain't getting no key no more. Okay. No What the on the couch already walking out like you are being This oh because it's family is being abused. That's a power struggle. It is totally taken advantage No, this It's times like this you're thankful you don't have siblings Yeah Oh my god, and then to run to mommy my siblings would never do this though, but then she runs to mommy mom guess what would like Hey leila go hang with the grandma And then pulled the being a bad aunt car doesn't want to be a good aunt whatever it was. It's strange No Top comment has been deleted Next top comment Do the rest of the family members work seven full days a week? No, then they have some free time too Must be nice Change your locks Yeah, op responds. Thank you. That's exactly what I've been thinking. I'm not the only one with free time I'm just the only one they expect to say yes every time Must be nice is wild when I'm the one getting run into the ground And like I just I can see the sister if she doesn't come back down to earth This causing an issue between what could be such a beautiful aunt niece relationship I don't know. I I don't know how you navigate this. I think you have to set your boundary 100% but then You know in the long run, hopefully she just understands not to take advantage of you So you can build that relationship. Yeah, no, I think this is a growing pain that needs to be Worked through like you decide to have a kid. So be a parent. Yeah Kids are not accessories like kids are not accessories You know, everyone needs a break every parent needs to focus on their mental health as well It's okay to ask for help But there's a difference between asking for some help and fully taking advantage and then guilt tripping someone and trying to assert this weird dominance over them by involving another family and Creating a circus. Yeah. No. No but uh Top comment op did respond to I feel like it was kind of in regards to like them and other family members like stepping in and getting involved in the drama Because op goes right. It's always the people doing nothing who got the most to say Like if y'all are so worried about my niece not getting enough attention Feel free to clear your own schedules until then. I'm not going to feel bad for having boundaries Op is with it I love this for you I think you're I don't love the situation for you. But no, I love the fact that you're setting boundaries and like really Not falling victim to the guilt trip and these passive aggressive comments because when a whole family starts coming at you It's easy to think you're in the wrong Yeah, but you're holding true to your guns and I Really appreciate that Moving along keep us posted. I'd love an update Love an update Idle money lies in your current account picking crumbs out of its belly button wondering should I eat them? But when you start investing with monzo your money's always busy It turns on regular investments Invests your spare change and tops up your stocks and shares isa it even helps you make sense of risk and return Monzo the bank that gets your money moving You could get back less than you invest monzo current account required uk residents 18 plus t's and c's apply Trigger warning on this next one friends. It does have to do with a story that talks about a very toxic Abusive dynamic in a relationship. So if you feel that's triggering for you today, please skip ahead markers will be in the description This next one I'm very confused by it I haven't really read the full post I read the title Clearly seemed like a little bit of a power dynamic thing. So We're getting into it. Let's do it. This is coming from relationship advice 22 hours old titled my 30 female boyfriend 37 male Uses my poor eyesight and glasses as a part of sex I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now On the surface. We have a good relationship and he takes so many of my boxes My friends love him my parents love him and they always say how lucky I am to have found him But there's one aspect that's been bothering me for years and I'm finally realizing how much it's impacted me I'm extremely near-sighted. My prescription is negative 14 slash negative 15 And without my glasses, I can't see my hand if it's an arm lengths away So I'm basically blind and dependent on visual aids to function Over the years my boyfriend and I have somehow developed a norm in our relationship That taking off my glasses becomes his way of initiating sex or intimacy He never asked or said anything. He would just remove my glasses I've asked if I can please keep them on for the time being but he doesn't listen Sometimes he takes them away before I'm even awake If I reach for my glasses and they're not on my nightstand. I already know what's coming Afterwards he gives them back and it's become our unspoken pattern Now that part I don't mind much I can put these down as his kinks But the part that bothers me are the times where he's held onto them as a part of foreplay And making me beg in a way he found playful and teases me on how thick my glasses are I hated it. It's demeaning and makes me feel a little humiliated about my eyesight It stopped feeling okay a long time ago The more I think about it the more I realize he's always in control when it starts when it ends and when I get to see again A few days ago. I finally said something I told him very nicely I didn't want my glasses to be part of our sex life anymore And what's been happening made me feel vulnerable like he was taking advantage of my dependence on them I even said it was starting to feel like he was exploiting a disability I literally can't function without them on my face. It's not kinky. It's just disabling He got defensive immediately Told me I was accusing him of something horrible and attacking his character We argued and fought for hours both of us angry and eventually went to bed without resolving it The next morning when I woke up my glasses were gone When I asked for them he said quote Since you think I've been taking advantage of your disability. Let's see how it really feels to be disabled Wow, I am Fucking gobsmacked And he left the house I eventually found them in the kitchen with one of the arms broken and one of the lenses had fallen out And after crying myself back to sleep. I spent the day trying to fix them Now I'm here typing with them crooked on my nose One hand holding the frame together to keep the lenses in place Trying to figure out what just happened I genuinely love this man and he's been amazing in so many ways But for some reason he needs me to be blind and powerless to be intimate with me And I've lost trust and sense of safety However, a part of me really wants to fix this move on make this work How can I approach this going forward? Mm-hmm the man you love and want to fix this with is not Is not the person who he is No, this is this is not you're seeing a facade to deliberately Take your glasses in the morning and say let's really see how disabled you are and break them Well, yeah, so honestly when we got there I wasn't Super shocked because we were going downhill fast this the the first part that was actually just insane was The statement of And this is building right so we started with this has been going on for years. I've been uncomfortable with it for years I spoke up and tried to say something about it And it's just never been taken seriously And then it was like the beginning of a horror film felt like a trailer It did or not a horror. Yeah horror film. This feels like a horror film I get horror and the other one makes up but the horror like like freak out jump scare Was when it was sometimes I wake up and they're not on my nightstand and I know what's coming Oh, that's not any way someone wants to be romanced and Have lead into intimacy That's disgusting. I know what's coming No, he's using you that is sounds like a torture chamber. That's not a relationship That's not a loving partner that cares about your experience and your enjoyment as well He is using you as a sex doll and he's giving you a warning by taking your glasses so you can't get away This is so fucking scary. This is this is bad I mean, it's abuse it is from the start like you Are like she's saying taking advantage of a disability It's she can't fucking see this is abuse like I think if you change out Any other like mobility aid any Site aid any other aid for someone that has a need It would be very clear cut Oh my fiance moves my wheelchair every morning So I can't get up and go and so we'll be intimate. No And I get there's probably a different level there like someone who is a wheelchair user like might be like morgan That's so different but like Yes, but we're putting it in the same category. It's a method of control. It's a method of control Yeah, that's what i'm trying to get a point like across like it just feels I mean it is abuse it is a method of control. It is him trying to gain power and manipulate and have O P like defenseless and vulnerable and that is sick It's not okay. If that's A kink of his and you're just like, oh, it must just be a kink of his If that were a kink of yours, which i'm sure exists For sure, then that's it then we're talking about a whole different story But you said very early on in this write-in I'm not comfortable with it. I've asked him not to do it anymore And then the reaction is Oh, they're not there when you wake up and oh, they're destroyed in the kitchen. Good luck. I'm out of here You now have to get up Find your glasses And try and you're trying to fix them so you can fucking see So then you can go about what you need to do Let me show you what it's really like to be disabled Who the fuck says and does that? Like my my fears is is the last statement of this is I really want to work this out. I love him And like I started with the person you love Isn't the real person that's standing in front of you. No, there's something And yeah, your family says, oh, you're so lucky to met him Someone can be a totally different person in front of other people in public And then be a total nightmare behind the scenes This is the mask he's putting on you're not looking at the person that you love. This isn't your look That's two different people. Yeah, and I hope that becomes clear to you because this There this isn't the last Step this isn't gonna stop. No, and it's not gonna escalate. Yes Holy shit. It's scary. You need to be able to find a way To get there mentally on your own Whatever course of action that takes I hope you get there and then exit safely as you can because It's giving like this is dangerous. It is dangerous. It's just scary from what's really scary too I like had to scroll back up and I'm like, how wait how long have they been together They've been together a couple of years now It's been going on the whole time. I know but it is like It's it's seeming based on the post that this is like the first time opa has like really Really been like okay enough is enough like we're done here with this and so that like push back from op really sends him spiraling where he like Is gonna show his true colors now like yes, that's what's scary like he's just been waiting. He's just been like Waiting in the wings to snap and it's just like god like you think you know someone and like he he's 37 op is 30 Like at that age like Age gap isn't as bad. It's not as concerning like it's fine But you know who he is because a 37 year old 37 year olds fully developed. They're not changing. All right No top comment. This is abusive and dangerous behavior He's purposefully disabling you making you powerless and flat out ignoring your nose This is no different to him tying you up against your will The fact that his reaction to you telling him you felt vulnerable was to actively make you more vulnerable and dependent on him Makes this an incredibly dangerous person Next comment down this I cannot impress on op enough how abusive and wrong her boyfriend's actions are Instead of him saying oh my god. I'm so sorry, baby. Of course you can have your glasses Why didn't you say something sooner god? I feel terrible. He showed her who he really is I feel ill reading this op you need to make your plans to leave He's already escalated to breaking the very device you need to be safe physically and emotionally He could use this against you to do real physical harm to you. Do you have family you can stay with? God yeah, you almost think like Do I need and this is assuming you continue the relationship? You almost start to Think do I need an emergency backup pair of glasses that only I know where they are? And if you're thinking about but if you if you have to get to that length, it's terrible scary No one should ever be in that position But until you can have a safe exit plan. Yes and get out. Yes That might need to occur like I hope you can just go stay with family like I hope you can get out today tomorrow This post is only one day old One day old. We have no comments from op no update. This is a very real account It's a part of the two-year club verified email So it's giving real like other posts that I'm seeing Are from ask reddit How would you have died if you lived in the 18th century? What are bad traits you inherited from your parents? First post was two years ago the next post was seven months ago like op is a continuous reddit user Over the past two years not making a bunch of fake posts. This is real without a doubt in my mind Well, and the fact that that comes back to bite me in the ass. I'm so sorry, but Yeah quacking like a duck. Yeah and with the way it ended Seeming that there's some hope in the relationship op may just Honestly being shock reading all the responses and slowly starting to understand the gravity of In the scary and the abusiveness of this And that might be Like holy Shit. Oh my god, and then you start to get really freaked out and scared. So I'm like, I'm not faulting that we don't have any other update or anything, but I'm just I I'm like I'm just The fact of when you said it's one day old That's probably what's happening right now and I just can't imagine but Thank god like it's happening now and not anytime later and in any more. It's already so serious and scary So there's an opportunity to you know, hopefully get out and and rid yourself of this And now go forward and find someone that would never Do that, you know like Ah, just I know it's bad I had another story That really freaks me out and I don't know if I want to get into it. It's another story that involves Sex it also has to do with a magician and we started off this episode asking for a magician Oh my god, I know and now I'm like fuck Michaela sent me this story and it is I mean, we're already here. We're already here We're already here I know I'm so sorry, but we're gonna get into it and then we're gonna end. I promise we're gonna end on a good note today Somewhat somewhat of a good note Okay, the new linkedin hiring pro can't undo your last hire the lone wolf Who you thought was a good collaborator because you didn't have the right candidate insights But once you hired them, it was all hoarding info declining meetings and howling at the full moon But linkedin hiring pro can find you a perfect fit by using insights from the linkedin network to give you a short list of the best Fit candidates hire right the first time with linkedin hiring pro post your first job today and get 100 pounds off at linkedin.com Slash ai hire terms and conditions apply Okay trigger warning on this one. This does contain talks of s a So please skip if you can't handle that Markers will be in the description. Thank you Okay, so this is coming from r slash relationship advice 14 days old Titled i 24 female want to break up with my magician boyfriend 27 male due to his inappropriate magic trick My boyfriend 27 male and i 24 female have been together for one year and three months Our relationship has been very loving but has started to get bumpy ever since we moved in together Around our one year anniversary A little backstory i'm in college right now pursuing my master's degree in archaeology While also working as a library clerk to earn money Whereas my boyfriend works as a magician for parties and events Do not want this magician Despite our different career paths. I've never had a problem with his career choice because it makes him happy He has always found a way to make everyday magical which has been sweet About nine ish months into our relationship I had the opportunity to go on a two month archaeological excavation in another country for school Hell, yeah Despite us becoming long distance. He had no problem with me going and he was very happy for me He would send me gifts letters and he even sent things for my colleagues in order to brighten up their days While we were doing long distance We made plans to move into an apartment when I got back due to how much we missed each other And a few days after I returned we moved in together Which has been awful so far Before living together, we would see each other a few times a week due to my busy schedule But now that we live together we see each other all the time And he has started to do magic all the time He will make my keys disappear as I'm trying to go to work or school He tries to practice his card tricks on me while I'm doing homework He makes the cleaning rig Vanish when I ask him to clean and he has recently done something that makes me want to end the relationship I've never been in this series of relationship before So I don't want to throw our loving relationship away just because of these bad few months Last month we were getting steamy and he went down on me, which isn't unusual While he was going down on me. He was saying some dirty talk here and there I was lost in the moment for obvious reasons But I snapped out of it when he said quote. Oh, how did that get in there? And I watched him pull a coin from my crotch He found the coin moment hilarious, but it just took me out of the moment and instantly made me annoyed so he stopped Later I told him that doing magic in the bedroom Made me literally dry up. So I asked him to keep that kind of magic out of the bedroom He explained to me that he was trying to make me laugh slash have fun And he didn't apologize for it I talked with some friends of mine about it and they thought it was funny So I figured that I was overreacting and needed to lighten up a bit And he didn't do any magic tricks in the bedroom for the next few weeks However, four days ago we were having sex and he suddenly started to yell Ow! So I quickly got off of him and was asking what was wrong He tells me quote. I think there's something in you. Let me check I laid on the bed like I was at a goddamn gyno because I trusted that if something was wrong Then he would find it After like two minutes. He says quote. Oh Here it is And I watched as he was pulling a long ribbon thing that kept going and going and going It took a second for me to realize that it was one of his magic tools that he had purposely put in me while he was checking to see what he felt He found it hilarious and couldn't stop laughing while he was pulling the string more and more I ripped the thing out and while doing it. I yelled at him for doing another magic trick like that Even though I told him not to He told me that he was just adding more fun to our sex life And that he wanted to see what the magic trick would look like if it was coming out from a crotch The original magic trick involves putting the coil thing in your own mouth and pulling out the plastic string for a while I was pissed off. So I made him go stay at his parents house for the past few days This morning I talked with him some more, but he still thinks that it's not a big deal I get that he's a magician and that he loves magic But I'm still upset about him breaking that boundary I'd set I'm fine with his magic tricks 85 percent of the time, but sex is where I draw the line I am demisexual so I need to have a strong trusting and close relationship with someone Before I can even think about having sex with them. So him breaking my boundary has really hurt me and I've lost my trust in him However, everyone I have talked to about the situation says that what he did was hilarious And I've been told by multiple people that I'm overreacting, which is why I decided to go to reddit We have built a strong relationship and I really saw myself marrying him one day I fully trusted him and now I don't know if I ever can again Should we break up or can we fix this and stay together? I'm lost. So I appreciate any advice. Thank you I think fuck what everyone else thinks. This is a boundary you set And I wouldn't let other people convince you to not uphold that boundary when it's clearly broken And yeah, just like the trigger warning when you set A boundary That is sexual nature and it is crossed It becomes sexual assault Yep, there's no it's it doesn't matter if it's a magic trick Yes magic tricks are usually fun and lighthearted and and whatever But not when it crosses a boundary you set Even the first one's just kind of like What are you doing here? Is this a moment that's supposed to be funny to you? You want to make our sex life more? funny You said fun, but like I don't know who would get turned on by being like Oh my god, you just pulled a coin out of me That's disgusting And where's that coin been? That's exactly what I was thinking I don't understand. This is like a bv uti recipe like Disgusting and it's all about consent as you said Not consenting essay like that's what it equals like we can clearly identify that And it's a kink. I'm sure people would be into But openly talk about it Consent have consent from both people Otherwise you do not proceed Especially once it's Like it should have been talked about before the first time. Absolutely And then once that happened And she made it very clear I'm not into this I you know and the and then stuff at the end I really need to be Like secure and trusting in my partner before we even get to sexual things. Yeah, and now I've made it clear. I do not want this stuff and you do that And now you're all like, oh, I was just trying to make it fun. Like how stupid do you have to be? I never ever associated magic with anything sexual I did not either now. I'm just like what the fuck is that about? It's just like how clear do you have to be? with someone That's supposed to be your partner your teammate And then it's just blatantly not heard not taken seriously Person well, he doesn't respect her There's no respect I'm obviously very very frustrated and disturbed by this situation But I'm also like really disappointed and frustrated by all the people being like that's hilarious. That's hilarious And there might be some listening that are like, hey, it's a magic trick. Like it's not that big of a deal But let me ask you this Because this is how it feels for me Can you recognize how big of a deal it is if someone? You know you can send to sex and while you're having sex they all of a sudden pull out and take the condom off and don't tell you Because that's the same energy this is giving and I would go back to your friends op and I would ask them I would say Okay, let me ask you a question if you were hooking up with someone and they took the condom off And didn't tell you would you be okay with that joke? Because this is the same He's doing something to me and not telling me In the middle of intimacy in the middle of intercourse in the middle of sex like How is that funny? That's not funny. That's disgusting That's assault Very similar to last story Very Very same energy. That's why I was like Oh, it's just the same energy and like I know we're doubling down this but like No, right, but it's an important issue clearly It needs to be addressed like consent and being healthy in relationships and not abusing your partner apparently like fuck But the crowd of people around op and last story wouldn't say oh, it's funny when he takes your glasses I hope not but I I honestly could see Family brushing it off. He's a great guy. You're so lucky to have him like somehow because it's magic this magic trick and he's Po making it funny That people see it in a different light. I don't know because it's magic and it almost like Is silly like magic. Do you think you lose people the minute you say magic trick like what I don't know It just seems like somehow the crowd is more accepting Not like the crowd of people around her for some reason are like it's so funny I don't see people being like oh when you when he takes the condom off without telling you or when he takes your glasses and makes you Unable to do anything. You're completely vulnerable. No one would be like. Oh, that's so funny Versus this somehow Is funny I have a hard time understanding how they're missing it So hard not once but twice Top comment on this one This feels like an episode of arrest development They're illusions michael The alliance of magicians is not going to be happy about this Another comment down the magic is gone. It's time for you to disappear Yes A lot of people are accusing this post of being fake A lot of people are questioning its integrity However, reddit account on this is seven months old was created long before this post However, we don't have engagement in other subs However, I know a lot of people out there have reddit accounts to upvote and be able to participate and not necessarily post or comment anything It's I guarantee you If the post is fake this has happened Well, we do get an update. Okay First off No This story isn't AI or fake. It's sadly true But I can understand why people would think that it's AI due to the absurdity of it And that is so many of these posts like yeah, you guys do you know how crazy of stuff I hear from you all at live shows like Weird stuff happens every day if you watch that one show a thousand ways to die like Someone died by going in a bath of hand sanitizer because a mailman sneezed on them Like there's people out there that are in love with their little cars And they go under them and talk to them and rub them and kiss them like people are weird People are weird. And what do you think all the other stuff is inspired by? truth Secondly, thank you for everyone for the advice in the comments of my previous post I was lost and looking for some advice because of the uncomfortable situation and the people around me Felt differently about it than I did People in the comments were right and I should trust my own feelings rather than searching for answers from the people around me That's something I've struggled with my whole life because my family is very reliant on each other and my parents are both helicopter parents So I learned from a young age that I couldn't trust my own instincts because other people know better Which is why I asked my friends and mom about the situation I have a lot more work to do and trust in myself, but at least I'm working on it now Here's the update After my previous post I read through some of the comments and realized that what my boyfriend did would be considered assault It wasn't something that I'd even considered because I was only seeing it as him doing something stupid in the bedroom That broke my boundary and made me uncomfortable But seeing those comments opened my eyes a lot If he was willing to break my boundary only after a year of dating and could do that to me in the bedroom Then what else could he be capable of? I met with him the next day at our apartment and I told him about my feelings Which he didn't seem to care about I showed him the reddit post so that he could see that other people were also uncomfortable with what happened He read through your comments, but when he saw the word assault being used a few times He got really aggravated I had never seen him that angry before But he was screaming non-stop and he even whipped my coffee mug across the room I ended up crying because I was scared and I think that snapped him back to reality or something Because he stopped yelling and was then trying to comfort me I made him leave our apartment again because I didn't want to be around him anymore That night my friends helped me pack up my stuff and they took me to my parents house, which is where I'm at now After I was out of the apartment and safe I called him and broke up with him over the phone Because I didn't feel comfortable doing it in person after his previous reaction I'm so upset that I wasted over a year of my life dating him and even thinking about a future with him Thank you all for giving me the courage to follow my feelings and break up with him for good I really appreciate it. Also. Thank you all for the jokes It's lightened the mood and has helped me feel a little bit better about the situation Yes, as a greb the magic is gone and it's time for me to disappear I think as a greb is the the commenter of that comment I read good for you op A lot of supportive comments Kind of just picking up on that like wasted time Don't be upset about wasting time on someone you're young and it was a year These wasted times are so pivotal to us as adults What you got from that relationship is a spine You stood on your own two feet and said not once but twice This isn't an acceptable way to treat me and it isn't okay This is a tool you will use for the rest of your life in many of relationships. Yes. Don't feel sad feel empowered 100% Yeah, and just a bunch of people commenting their stories. Please listen to this op I was your age as I was getting divorced. So I absolutely understand how you feel about wasted years For me it was five, but holy shit my dear. I am 30 now and even though it ended in divorce I don't regret my marriage because I learned so much about myself my wants needs and dealbreakers This is a huge opportunity for real growth in yourself And I hope you take all of this to heart and learn from it while very importantly not blaming yourself for his actions Yes Yeah, and so many people just So many people being supportive this comment though Bold strategy to prove he isn't abusive by chucking a coffee mug Happy you are safely out of their op Yeah, true colors come out just like in the last one and honestly the one before True colors come out when people are backed into a corner and Everything's revealed and they can't explain something away or justified anymore You see some scary shit You know the wife lashing out and doing all the crazy stuff to the like When she was confronted it just seemed like You know it's defense defense defense not accepting not admitting and then The guy in the last story The guy in this story It just all feels the same, but it says a lot about a person If they turn around and say you know what I was wrong I agree. We probably should split up or whatever the reaction to being confronted Speaks volumes every time. There was no remorse. There was no I hear you I see how you're feeling. I I understand this was bad Because bottom line I crossed your boundary and I didn't make you feel good in a moment. That's about us feeling good And then the screaming No, like he there's no remorse. There's no empathy. There's no understanding. There's there's nothing that says He recognizes what he did was wrong and Is gonna make amends and move forward and make this better and not repeat it Every single time he's been approached like hey, no magic in the bedroom. Oh, it's funny. I was landing in the mood It's like but that's not how I took it. That's not how I feel And I'm the other person in this situation. Yeah So unless you want to use your hand going forward Forever you need to respect me and my boundaries otherwise, we're done And he didn't respect it. He did it again and now opa is done which thank god because clearly magic boy needs to get a grip Magic boy needs to stop being a predator magic boy needs a lot of things magic boy Needs a cage like houdini that he can't get out of Yeah, I think you know the screaming is always a huge red flag for me The second someone goes to yelling and screaming and you know, I've never understood the couples that Can yell at each other and scream and then have this great relationship I don't know what good it ever does In the context of a couple when you're gonna yell and scream To try and solve something or prove a point and then the second you pick up something And throw it across the room and break it and you're breaking like you're destroying stuff Like what is that? That's crazy go to a rage room or something, you know, but like We're not taking stuff and throwing it around the room. We're not in a cave like come on. We've evolved past this Some of us some of us But that's all I got on the magic story. We're gonna Lighten this up a little bit with a happy It's sad but like also feels happy in a sense story And then I do have one that is going on patreon that is just like also a part of this theme And it's am I overreacting? husband didn't feed baby again and You want to be enraged? Come over and hear this story. It is july's free story free like just come on over to patreon it is beyond fucking insane But let's get into this happy one because I can only take so much for one day, right? Okay So This is coming from r slash pitbulls And it is titled angel was brought to us I tagged this not safe at work because I don't know how people feel reading about a situation like this TLDR found puppy in a dumpster now I have a puppy a newfound hatred for people and the need to check dumpsters every time I see one First three picks are how I found her and her getting cleaned up the last three picks are her the last two days Angel was found may 29th at 6 a.m. In a dumpster My boyfriend found her at our jobs dumpster outside and we have no clue how long she was in there She was dumped and not given a chance the people who had her kept her thin Cut her whiskers and had fed her three musketeers before tossing her away Their cameras pointed at the dumpsters that are owned by the auto company and my boyfriend let the sheriff know about the dumping She was taken to the vet on monday And received parvo shots. She has a checkup with more shots in three weeks And we have pictures of the little nugget This is the little baby in the dumpster Like literally the Hiniest dog I've seen in quite some time could never get out of there and the dog is brown And like the dumpster is brown like I am Shocked that they even found her like that is just like a miracle that they found this little baby And this is her all curled up She's like Like so tiny Look at this little picture just sleeping with her tongue out a little pop belly And then we get an update She's been with us my boyfriend and I who saved her for three weeks and she has the sharpest little Tee-fees She wants to run play and eat as much as she can She lets us know when she has to potty outside and she sits before food time And then we get a little picture of her and my boyfriend She has a vet visit on saturday to see how she is doing. Thank you for reading And here's another little picture of her. Look at how big she's already gotten in just that time From having good food Looks like a little brown pitbull with little white socks on her feet Here she is snuggled up with a little nylon Bone in a blanky Found her way in the best home Uh another update She's all better now peeing normally and drinking plenty of fluids. She's very food motivated and really well behaved with our dogs She's had a few accident, but i'm not holding anything against her. It's a journey and i'm so honored to be on it with her Look at those little eyes She has like these golden hazel little eyes Loves to stick her tongue out when she sleeps Has a very cute little pink harness Like sticks Potentially chewing on op's crocs, which is dangerous, especially with those power puff gibbits Big smile Very cute dog looks like like pitbull chocolate lab mix Is what i'm gathering Some days i'm off with my dog in psychopedia But so many people are just like so glad you found her. She looks like she's doing great I I just think like that's such a miracle like to find her in that dumpster. She was so tiny It's a very happy story But yeah happy ending. She's got a really great home. It's hard for me to get past like that first photo Why are you literally putting a dog in a dumpster that they have that dog had no shot of getting out of it No, that's the thing if you have a dog that has an accidental litter like if you Can't take care of your dog anymore like there's always people and shelters that will Help Like you don't ever have to do that. I just think that Like that's not a work. I don't have any of that person. Justin. This was supposed to be happy The dog got the best loving home ever Focus on the good it just affects me so much, but I just anytime There's an outcome like that from a situation like that. It's just so powerful and it shows the good in humanity and the good in just life because You know, you can also take from it that like when it seems like all Can just be lost and done and there's no hope. There's no chance There's always a there's always a little chance. There's always a little hope to have because You know as If I'm in that situation in that dumpster as that dog is like There's no chance no shot But the one I don't know what like if he heard the dog potentially or if he was at work like taking out the trash I you know, whatever the case may be it just It's so beautiful because look at how much potential that dog had look at how much love that dog has to give and how much life that dog has to enjoy And like in every one of those photos and every part of the aspect the fact that dog gets along with the other dogs Like it just feels meant to be it's yeah, even though I'm not a huge like meant to be destiny kind of person. Yeah There's a lot of things that Show that that that is a thing So it's just Yeah, it just makes you feel good. It reminds me of this video um tiki No, there's this video on tiktok a while ago and it's this person. It just shows this dog Curled up under this bush in uh like a shopping Center maybe a grocery store type parking lot and it's just like there was a little white one I don't yeah, I don't remember much about it But it's just curled up waiting and just you know having to fend for itself And it's just in its little spot for the night, but always on edge And like the beginning is tough because they have to catch the dog but and you know And it freaks out but then you start to see kind of like this post Clips of this dog's journey and eventually it's like laying upside down next to the person just like Happier than ever in the sun tongue out probably the same thing And it's just like That's what I want for all those animals. Yeah anytime you can give an animal that experience. It's just Beautiful I know there's a video. I think you guys should watch too. It's um A tiktok and it's about this little dog named tiki and tiki Lived with his foster mom for a while and I'm blanking on her name and she's just such a good Dog mom and it's like just the most magical rehabber I've seen on tiktok like ever But tiki was like about to be put down He was super fearful super shut down And this person started fostering tiki and really gave him the grace to like Come out of his shell at his own time and start trusting again Like tiki had a really really bad tragic backstory And sure enough tiki just blossomed and like Went and has now been adopted and this person has another foster dog and I just think like We all care about animals There are so many animals out there that need to be fostered to get them out of a shelter To create room to prevent dogs and cats from being put down Because you can foster cats too and they're just as great So if you want to like give back and like you're an animal lover like think about volunteering this summer I know summer and leading in the fall is a busy time at a lot of shelters and rescues So maybe go foster maybe just volunteer and help clean and feed and walk like there's so much you can do to give back um, I know With the floods in Texas like our heart goes out to everyone affected by that that's been heavy on my mind The past couple days here. There are many pets that have been displaced and it's just Tragic so, you know, if you're in Texas, maybe reach out to organizations there And we're really thinking of everyone that's been affected by that. Um I'll share a link for the red cross, but thinking of you guys That's all I got for this episode Head over to patreon if you want that other crazy story And on that note New merch is out. It's there the dark brown Only has a few left. I don't think we're restocking that one light brown Is here it's good great fit great quality But on that note, thank you guys so much for being here another episode and until next time Until next time. Bye guys. Bye Oh