What a Year

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Well, we made it. Despite being approximately 1,000 years long, 2025 has finally come to a close. We came, we saw, we screamed, we laid down, we made some jokes, and some of them dare I say, many of them even landed. There's a lot of this year we might not want to look back on, so don't worry. We did it for you. While assembling this our 2025 Best of Love It or Leave It episode hand picked by the Love It or Leave It team, we tackled so many hard questions on the show this year, like, is this the end of American democracy? Has the social contract been irrevocably broken? And most importantly, do white jeans make a gay? The answer to all of those questions is, we don't think so. But we'll let you be the judge as you listen to our favorite segments selected by our writers and producers. There are too many great moments to choose from. We got Bob the drag queen, John Marcos Araci, Roy Wood Jr., Tignitaro, and Stephanie Allen. At the end of the episode, I will be joined by Sarah Lazarus and Halle Kiefer, our writers because I made a bet. And we're going to see how that bet turned out, but I don't think everybody would be excited about this segment if I won. So let's get into it. What a year. First up, these are two of my favorite moments from this year. Bob the drag queen and Jessica Kerson screamed, look over they, them there back in April. And boy, did I. And then Andy Richter, Jason Isaacs and Paula Poundstown dig into what you can do with a vegans number two during one of the best rant wheels of the year. As things get progressively worse in American conservative media gets more and more panicked about gender and sexuality because if they didn't, they'd have to cover the news. I'm running out of things to say about it, which is why I wanted you to say it instead, as we all weigh in on the question, will this successfully distract straight conservatives from the many terrifying real problems affecting our country in a second? We're calling, look over, they, them there. Bob and Jessica sounds like a straight couple. Bob and Jessica coming over for dinner. It sounds like the host of a morning TV show. Yeah, it does. And since that, yeah, and and and that's the traveler for back over to you, Bob and Jessica. Hey, John. Yeah, it does. Really does. First up, the claim that sitting in front of a screen makes you a woman. What? Yep. To be fair, Jessica is sitting in front of a screen. So one out of three chances it will work. That's roll the clip. When you sit behind a screen all day, it makes you a woman. Studies have shown this and outworking like building robots like Harold, you are around other guys. You're not around HR ladies and lawyers. What do you do? Estrogen? What do you let me finish, judge? What a bag behind the screen. Yeah. Yeah. Can't wait. Can't wait to look at the beginning of the company, go sitting behind the screen. Yeah, Sasha. That's amazing. That's good. That man knows the flavor of penis. If he didn't apply it, that's it. That is it. I know it is. It's like it's like, okay, die doctor pepper, doctor pepper, penis penis. He's like die doctor pepper, doctor pepper. Jim. But he sits in front of a screen all day. He's on the news. I think he might be full of shit. Jessica, you're a who's special. It's called I'm the man. Yeah. Is that because you do stand up and you don't work behind the screen? That's like because of the term like I'm the man. I am a female comic who's very powerful and fearless. Yeah. So society's view of what a man is. Also, every time I've been with a woman, a straight guy, I said, who's the man? And I'm like, I guess it's me because I don't listen and I'm dead inside. I was a Taco Bell recently, not to brag. I'm there every night. But I pulled up to the drive-through and the lady at the drive-through was like, welcome to Taco Bell and I was like, hi, can I get the Doritos Locos? And, and the mountain dew zero. Uh-huh blast. And then she said, yes, man, I'm absolutely just drive up to the next window. And I was like, I don't mean I don't think my voice is that feminine. Okay, sure, whatever. So I was like, and I was like, I'm not going to correct her. It's fine. We pulled to the window and I look, it is a man. Because I said, I said, yes, man, we pulled up two men. We were like, what do we do? We didn't say anything. I just said, thank you, man. He said, yes, man, on your way. Kiss kiss, kiss kiss. That's an opportunity to kiss. Yeah, you should kiss. Mountain dew zero. That's a, that's a cursive drink. No, no, no, no, let me say right now, I'm not one to go on and on about beverages. That being said, intern, I'm pre-diabetic. So I can't drink sugar full drinks. So in, if you're out there looking for a great sugar free beverage, I'm going to rank them for you. So at the very, very top of the list, you have Taco Bell's Baja Blast Mountain Dew Zero. This is elite. You can't even tell us it's zero sugar. Then then you have a diet doctor pepper. Okay, absolutely amazing. Below that, you're going to have Coke Zero and Pepsi Max. But over here in the other world, there's this group of maniacs and they drink Diet Coke. I like diet sprite. Diet sprite is great. Diet? Diet Coke is a cult. It's crazy. It is a cult. No drinking with anything. They're like, good morning. I have a sausage and cheese and a diet Coke. So in my fridge at home, we have Diet Coke and one level down is all caffeine-free Diet Coke, SilverClan GoldCan. Wow. Because Silver Diet Cokes, you can drink until three o'clock. Gold Diet Cokes, you can drink three o'clock till morning. I would say you have reached a certain age when the caffeine and Diet Coke ascending you into it. Yeah. When you're like, if I drink this Diet Coke, I'm not going to get the bad asshole for the day. You are a woman of a certain age. Yeah, I am. I am of that. Whatever age you think that is, I have hit it. I am on the other side of that age. If I get anywhere near a full caffeinated Diet Coke after four o'clock, after four o'clock, two days are ruined. That's amazing. That is such a crisis. If I have a Diet Coke after three o'clock, the next day is fucked. I'm not better the day after that. That's how fucked I am. I imagine you have a Diet Coke or someone walks in like, I'm being breaking bad in here. What's going on? Guys, correct out in here. Next up, the idea that tariffs equal girlfriends. This week, Vox published an article titled The Strange Link Between Trump's tariffs and insil ideology meet the lonely men who think tariffs will get them girlfriends. Apparently, it's part of a larger online hysteria that claims women have cushy email jobs, writing them with a level of financial security, which keeps them from having to marry and have sex with socially dysfunctional men. If tariffs tanks the economy, women will be forced to marry men for economic survival, thus writing a terrible wrong against the duds. Can someone kill me? I'm serious. Can someone just kill me tonight? I don't think maggots know what a tariff is. I don't either. I genuinely don't think they know what it is, what it does, who pays for it, where it comes from, who came first to tariff for the product. They have no clue. And they will say, does anything. Tariff's cure cancer. Tariff gives you girlfriends. Tariff's gives you wings. Don't drink a tariff after 3 p.m. Yeah, I just, like, it's just like you're sitting in your, in front of your computer and your parents house becoming a woman, becoming a woman. Your gaming life isn't gone your way. You think that tariffs are going to fuck up the marketing jobs for the women and turn you into what a factory foreman? I hate to say it, but those guys who are not getting laid, not only could tariffs not get you laid, Jesus Christ could not get those guys laid. Tariff, that's your problem. That's your problem. You got Jersey bed sheets. Get it together. That was terrible. That was horrible. If you committed, we would have been in it. That's true. I said it's terrible. That's what I said. See? It worked. It worked. We're just Tariffin. Next up, maybe the TSA body scanner turns you gay. In a recent podcast clip that went viral, Christian nationalist pastor, expressed concern that the TSA body scanner returned him gay with its gay beam. I had to be molested at the airport to go to Florida. I just get on an airplane because I'm not going to go through the machine. I didn't let CJ do it. I wouldn't let him do it. I said, you're getting padded down to you, buddy. I don't want them turning you gay. I just can't take it. I just don't think it's the beam, my friends. You go through and I'll come back and go through security and you come out and go, hello. I mean, we know that's not true because all gays have TSA pre-check. Everyone knows. We would never stand in this way. You don't do that. Such an important point. We walk by. It's like you feel so VIP. You're like, you know. Looking at the straight men kick their shoes off, taking out their laptops and their fucking iPad pros and their Nintendo switches. Yeah. And finally, can white men, can wear, no. Don't finish it. The answer is no. I also, I misread it. It's not can white men. It's can men wear white jeans. Yeah, no, because they shit themselves so much. That's straight, man. Yeah, maybe the straight men shooting themselves. The Trump administration has ignored the Supreme Court of Center Nation into a constitutional crisis attack our universities, erased our history, but Fox News can't cover that. So they have to ask important questions like can men wear white jeans? I will say, in metaphys. No, finish the thought. Then why jeans are like hot like when a man wears white jeans, I think to myself, there's no way this man would ever be straight. A straight man would not think to wear white jeans for starters. And if they do, they would be covered and mustard and ketchup. Beef jerky Cheetos. Red Bull Cheeto does. They don't have the they don't have the tact it takes to wear white jeans. It's really, the white jeans, they're high risk high reward. If it's working, you feel like you're just you're crushing life. Look at me in these white jeans. The other thing about the white jeans is if the sneakers are off, you look insane. Yeah, you look crazy. Yeah, you look crazy. Everything has to be right. Not a lot of lesbians don't wear white jeans either. I just realize, huh? I love that no one just responded to that. Why do you feel very alone? I don't know. I mean, I do, but I don't know. I don't know. Let's just go over something else. Can you just agree with me? It's true. I have never seen a lesbian wear white jeans. And if I see it, I'll say, not a lesbian. You can't fool me, bitch. You're a lesbian? No. We got to get these cards checked. She's from Lebanon. Oh my god, you're a Lebanese. Yeah, I'm Jewish from Lebanon. So anyway, back, I got a lot of questions about, I got a lot of questions about chicken turners. So we're in good shape. Are you Jewish? Yeah. Me? Oh, I know. Hey, do me a favor. Never ask anyone that. I'm a dog owner. I live in Pasadena. You know, people leaving dog shit on around, like that's, of course, that's infuriating and should be punishable by something. And I do, it's the only reason that I'm for like CCTV everywhere, just to get people leaving dog shit. Like I just think there should be a whole part of city government just focused on that. But the thing that gets me beyond that is that you go to the trouble of picking it up. And I'm not one of those people that says, don't put dog shit on my trash can. It's a trash can. Put your dog shit in there. I don't care. But then they put it in the recycling yard waste. Hold on a second. Might as well throw it in the street. Can I, I'm going to ask a question. Yes. Okay. And you're passionate. Yes. And I love that. If I have compostable poop bags, which I do. And I it's filled with poop. Can I not put that in the carnivores poop is not compostable. It doesn't go in the yard waste. It does not. Really? It's not manure. It's not gray on soil. No. It's the same way that you can't put human shit in there. What? I just not know. Now we get why he needs scented bags. Now, Andy, I, in fairness, you're making a point to apologize. So all of my neighbors now. No. The reason is out there again. How does he prop himself up? Yes. I would say that the reason I wasn't putting human waste in the yard waste bin is not because I knew I couldn't. It's just simply that I wouldn't. But when I thought I genuinely am learning this from you on this stage that I thought because I went to the trouble of buying compostable bags that that meant that green and black were both acceptable places. No, that that poop is not. I mean, you of course, when it's mixed in with everything, it's, you know, it's, but it's, but it's not supposed to be not supposed to be compostable. If you had a compost pile in your backyard, you know, you could, like I used to live in an equestrian area of Burbank. And there, I would, there'd be horses on the street. And I'd put it in our compost pile because that's paid. Hey, hey, hey, it's an herbivore. But you, but dog shit, you don't want to do it. I'm a vegan. So I'm fine. That's right. That's right. All right. Just see him. I'm a vegan. It's okay. The other is off. Good. Uh, yeah, boy, you want, you want to get that information out to the neighborhood watch? I don't know. That what a fast anything to learn. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. Love It Or Leave It Is Brought to you by the League of Conservation Voters. The climate crisis is in a distant threat. It's here. It impacts everything from the air we breathe to where we call home. But even though things might feel bleak, there's real progress happening. Thanks to organizations like the League of Conservation Voters, LCV for short, mobilizing people to stand up for the environment for over 50 years. LCV has translated our shared hope for a greener future into pro environmental policies that create clean energy jobs, make air cleaner to breathe, and water, safer to drink, keep public lands in the public's hands and ensure every community is a healthy place to live. Now more than ever, LCV is counting on people like you to sustain their work. Every contribution funds their advocacy from pushing for stronger climate policies to standing up to big polluters in the Trump administration. Progress is happening, but it depends on us. DonateTodayAtLCV.org slash Love It Or Leave It and help fuel LCV's critical work. Now through December 31st, every donation towards LCV's pursuit of a brighter future gets double matched. Together, let's make sure the planet never takes a back seat. DonateAtLCV.org slash Love It Or Leave It Today. Coming up, Tignitar on 70 Allen dog walk me and my partner, Ari, down the aisle in a radically unfair round of the newlywagame. After that Henry Winkler looks back on his creative legacy from freaking out the squares of the funds to writing through his lifelong struggle with dyslexia, also somehow Timothy Shalameh was involved. What can I say, the man's a Hollywood institution? Please welcome to the stage, my future spouse and the person whose wet towels I can't wait to pick up off the bathroom floor every single day until I die. It's the wonderful Irish warts. Alright, alright. Hi. Hi. Are you glad we did this? I'm Tia. Do you don't regret doing this? No. Doing what? Being on the microphone. Oh, yeah. I thought you meant engaged. I was like, well, now would be the time to kind of hash that out. Anything you like to share about the engagement? It happened. And now I'm on a microphone because of it. Tell us the engagement story. Well, I also, we planned it to with an inch of its life to the point where there was zero surprise. None. To the point where we discussed not just when we would do it, not just that we would do it at a dinner, but and not just that we would do it during dessert. But what dessert? I don't even remember the dessert. But we decided that we would do it. There was some cookie, I guess. But we decided we would do it when the dessert was placed, but before we ate it, because then we wouldn't face a we had a we had an overly attentive waiter, which we love. We love. But we were nervous that it would be interrupted. And so are you talking about this the whole time you're at this essentially? What about before you got there? The whole day. And honestly, weeks before. So it was it was yeah, it kind of took over. And there was and that was romantic in its own way. Sure. Yeah. But then we had a really nice day together. And then we decided on the moment and then we each had set. We decided we would each say something really nice about why we wanted to be engaged. And then we made it official. And then we exchanged rings. Sure did. Can I make my joke? Yeah, you sure can. And it turns out there's no amount of testosterone that can kill the part of a Jewish woman that wants a big diamond. That's true. That's true. That is amazing. All right. I really like can I make my joke? And then real quick. How far into your relationship? And did you decide I want to be marrying to this person? And who brought it up? And was like, I want to be marrying to. Well, it doesn't it involves the television program survivor. I assumed. As all engagements shut. Because I went on the television program survivor. And for what? To be a to survive. Okay. And we had only started dating not soon before. Like pretty close to when I had to leave. Wait, you were actually a cast member on there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know that you don't know that I was on the city. I don't follow I only know who Dini is. Right. I don't follow pop culture. No, no, for sure. And so I was on survivor, which meant I was gone and on away from my phone for five weeks or four weeks. And when when I got my phone back. So we had talked about we'll see where we are at the end of the year. This is May of last year. And when I got my phone back, we both I called you from Fiji. But we basically when I called having been away for five weeks, we're like, when I get back, this is it. And we moved in right then. You said that. Well, I had already moved in obviously because he had left the property. So I moved in. And so you called saying, when I get home, it's just me and you kid. Basically, four. And you said, you said, you were, you were, it wasn't like it was like you were in surprise by that. No, our little hesitant. Were you like, like, how long? No, I think I was like, basically like, yeah, I've pretty much already moved every all of my stuff in. Yeah. So that's a little bit of the old lesbian jumping out. And that and that it was a very practical thing. Well, my stuff is already here. So I guess we should spend the rest of our lives together. That's how it worked. To be fair, Steph, I used to have a loft downtown. And Stephanie came over in like what the first month. And she was like, I am so sick of trying to find parking down here. Should we just move in together? I was like, sure. Anybody else before Stephanie, I would have been like calling a friend me like, no, she couldn't find parking. And she's like, should we move in? But with Stephanie, I'm like, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. No one can survive her. But yeah. Also, the plumbing did break at your apartment. Yeah, my apartment flooded, which is also obviously a part of it. And did you call and were you like, so my plumbing exploded? Well, I had ripped the pipe out the wall that I go for. All right. And now it is with deeper grit that I hand over control of this segment to Halley. Welcome everyone to a segment we're calling the SUNYWIDE game. Thank you, Kennedy, for the title. We are going to pit one married couple against two spouses to be ever since being married for a decade definitely puts a thumb on the personal trivia scale. We tried to balance out the relationship deep dives with a more philosophical view of your partner. Did we succeed? It's too late to worry about that now because it's time to play the SUNYWIDE game. When I ask a question, I will be directing it either to TIG and love it or Stephanie and Ari. I paired you guys up based on how much I liked your vibe. Let us begin. Ari and Stephanie, what is the single most annoying thing your partner does? Now, love it and TIG, you're going to write what you think they're writing right now. So this is not what you personally think the most annoying thing is like what is the most annoying thing to Stephanie in her eyes or Ari in their eyes? I think this is, oh, that's a tough one. Wow. This is going to be devastating. All right. I gave Ari some suggestions backstage I'm not going to lie. Okay. Okay. Any idea is what if I can't think of anything? Wow. That's longevity. That's practice. That's practice. Stephanie just erasing wildly. List. All right. How are we doing? Are we still working on it? Nope. Okay. Right. A lot down there. Love it. Great. Okay. I'm ready. All right. Great. Everyone. Who reveals first? I don't think we thought that through. I think Ari and Stephanie reveal and then you love it until you reveal and see if they match. All right. So Ari and Stephanie, please turn your boards around and I will read them out loud. Ari has written, doesn't know how to pick up dog poop. That's a great one. Stephanie says her love of air conditioning. Okay. Love it. Let's turn yours around first. I do. I said constantly says let's deal with this task tomorrow until we die. Yeah. Okay. Be super-lated and then take I said okay. Great. Long last. Let's turn this bad boy around and we wrote wow. That's 10 years. Wow. How they got it? How's 10 to cold? Wow. That's how we do it. 12 years. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's one point for you. Just to be clear, when Ari says I don't know how to pick up dog poop, it's not that I don't pick it up. It's that they believe my technique is wrong. It's wrong. Do you guys want to smell the dog poop? He holds it up to his nose. Oh, he opens the bag up here. No, I defended. Ari claims the bag is open to love because it's open. That I don't want. That I don't try to close it at the ground that I come up and then I close it. What a nasty fight. Don't worry. They have worried about you too. They have eternity to resolve it. Moving on. I think I already know the answer at least for one of our couples. And it's just a question for Ari and Stephanie. Ari and Stephanie. Tell me in your opinion, who is more likely to ruin a vacation? Take that. However you want to take it. You know what I'm talking about. And is this just yes or no? No, this is. If it's possible, it is yours or Stephanie's name. And am I doing this? Yes. You're doing all of them. Okay. All right. Great. I see a big old answer on Ari. So we'll start with you guys. Ari, would you mind turning your board around? Yeah, I obviously come on now. Obviously said love it. Yeah. Very big, John. I wrote me not even close. Yes. Love it. Of course. Obviously. All right. Okay. Hey, and Stephanie happened many times. Step one another. Many times. So many. Um, many tricks. No point awarded or involved. Sounds like someone to some indoor vacations. Are you guys having fun? Yeah. What is the most likely thing to get you in trouble on a vacation? I was thinking, are we? Do we ride it on the board here? We've had some hospital detours. Well, my body has failed me a few times. Yeah, I know those count. That's that I was thinking you were going to think. Well, I think you want to know the way I've ruined vacations. Stephanie and I really differ on what time to leave for airports. And, um, in fact, we went through that getting here tonight, calling the car. Stephanie wanted to call the car to where we would arrive 40 minutes early. Not interested in that. I'm not, I'm not interested in that. Whereas I like to do this in roll. 40 minutes late. 40 minutes late. No, I'm not. No. Um, don't you start pulling indoor problems? We got to wrap it up before love of collapses here. Final question. Ariane Stephanie, what is your weirdest habit? Obviously the one that you'd be okay, revealing tonight in front of all these people, not trying to end your relationships. So again, Ariane Stephanie, what is your weirdest habit? And then love it and take what is the, what just what you think is their weirdest habit? Oh my gosh. All right, Stephanie, I'll have you start first. What is your weirdest? It sounds so weird. Oh, okay, great. My cup in the bath. Yes, weird. My cup in the bath. And then take, I'll have you turn it around. Please be cup in the bath, money on with Stephanie points at all. Well, I didn't finish writing it where she points all of her fingers up at the water faucet in the bathtub. So similar. Same thing. It's the same thing. She either, when the water comes out of the faucet, I notice because I go sit in on this stool next to the bath and talk to her while she's a... Enjoy your cup, yep. Yeah. And she, and the water comes out, she's in the tub. The water's coming out of the faucet and she makes a cup with her hand for the water or she does this to the water. So it's, I hadn't finished writing the whole thing, but it's the water. Wow. And we'll give them the point. We'll give them the point. Temperature. But come on, that's pretty impressive. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's not even that weird. Well, this is what, this is why when I say I thought it was serendipitous, that's your idea. Yes. What an interesting and exemplary cup. Thank you. My little cup. All right, Ari. So we have also, aside from indoor problems, we also have indoor weird habits, too. You know, right? I love that. Right. Am I right? Right, ladies? Save it for the bathtub. Ari, would you mind revealing your weirdest habits? Bringing up to do list items right before we fall asleep for things months away. Great. Excellent. Wow. First of all, I feel very seen by that answer. Oh my God. Don't tell me it's the cup in the bathtub. No, it's, it's a similar, I would say this, it is connected. You will see how it is connected. If Ari leaves the house, they must shower when getting home. No exceptions, even if it was just like 10 minutes, that, that once you're outside, you are unclean. Yeah. I like your style, Ari. Yeah, I'm real clean. Love it. All right. But yes, that is, that does happen. But that was, relates to my item earlier, where I said I like to put off little tasks forever until we die. And I like to talk about them as I fall asleep. And I think weird is annoying, annoying is weird. So really, it is the same question. We just reworded it. And that somehow was the game. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you for playing. How are you, everybody? Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Well, in, in celebration of this milestone, I'm here. We're introducing a segment called 80 for 80. For those at home, we are, is that me? That is a version of you of what could have been. This is 80 for 80 in the style of 80 for Brady. Yeah. I think we look great. No. I And so we have, we're going to try to get through as many of 80 questions as we can. In honor of your 80th birthday, Milwaukee was constantly declared October 30th, Henry Winkler day. Happy days was set in Milwaukee. Yes, it was. Previously, I've erected the bronze fans. Do you have to be able to pull off a leather jacket to achieve your level of acclaim? You think? Do you know, I was not able to wear leather in the beginning. I had to wear cloth because ABC thought I would be associated with crime. So at a very hard to be cool in cloth, I am not kidding. The collar did not stay up. It's very funny to imagine a time in which this was dangerous. This sweet, this sweet character with his leather jacket and white t-shirt. We had Rob Reiner on. Yes. Rob Reiner had played a tough in the style of the fans where he had worn a leather jacket. But it's like, I'm sorry, but this is just a sweet Jewish boy on a motor cycle. Well, they wanted a tall Italian and they got a short Jew. That is true. But I loved it. I really did. I loved it. And you know, my parents were shorter than I was. And they were from Germany and they were really not supportive at all. And they would call me Dummahunt, which means dumb dog. What? Yes. Because I'm very dyslexic. So I didn't do well. I'm in the bottom 3%, academically in America. Then that jacket, I called my parents, I said, well, Dummahunt's jacket is now in the Smithsonian. Wow. Do you ever, do you ever feel insecure about being short? I, I feel insecure about almost every single thing. It is only in the last 10 years. I saw myself as a, I'm honest to God, as a block of Swiss cheese filled with holes. And in the last 10 years, I have tried to make myself into a block of cheddar. Wow. What is it? So you really feel like, so when you were, when you turned 70, you were carrying some of the insecurities you carried when you were being called without a doubt. Really? Yes. And in the last decade, you shed some. Because you know, unless you actually do some work, you are who you are. And that doesn't go away no matter what changes. Your age, your, your, your physicality. The inside pretty much stays the same. It is really up to you to make yourself more whole. And do you think you talked about being dyslexic? One of the children's book that's just coming out, right? You were one of the children's books you've written recently. Okay. Can I brag? Yes. All right. The 40th, my 40th children's book came out September 30th. Thank you. Can I, I would, I would like to say, and no pressure at all. But the holidays are coming and I, right? It's about a little duckling who dreams about being a detective and she's an environmentalist. Yeah. And the duck is not dyslexic? The duck is not dyslexic. But, but there's an overchover. The writer is. Yes. Yeah. But can you write? Hang Zipser. Hang Zipser. It's 28 novels about a little boy. Me. Okay. Great. Great story. PS87. I went to PS87 on 78, just up the block from where I was born and raised and grew up on 78th between Broadway and Amsterdam. So PS87. And I went there and I read Hang Zipser because he also goes to PS87. You write what you know. And so I went to one an award show and there was Timothy Shalamet. And I went up and I said, I have to shake your hand because you are really terrific at what you do. He said, I'm a hugger. And so he gave me a hug. I was thrilled. And then he said, the first time you came to PS87 with Hang Zipser, I was in the fourth grade and I was in the audience when you read the book. Oh my god. Wow. Little Timothy. Yeah. But the boy in that book has dyslexia. He is me. He is you. Yes. So the emotionality of that little boy in the book is true and the comedy my writing partner, Lynn Oliver. We, the comedy we made up. But what I'm good someone I'm asking is do you think your insecurities came from dyslexia? Like how much of a role at dyslexia? Well, you know, you, I took geometry for four years. Same course. I took a regular school and in summer school. Regular school summer school. Regular school summer school. And I finally passed it with a D minus so I could go to the one college that accepted me. Emerson in Boston. And thank you. I got in and I nearly got kicked out but I got in. And from that day in August of 1963 that I passed with a D minus, not one person has ever said hypotenuse to me. But sometimes you're figuring out which direction to go. And then you think I know my left because it's the arm I stick out the the window when I'm driving. That's how I know my legs. Really? I struggle with that too. You know what I struggle with? I have to get in the map like on friends. I got to rotate that map. Whatever direction I'm facing, I got to turn the map fully around. Is that true? Yeah. I can't read the map. Boy, we'd be terrible in the amazing race. Or would we? Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. Love Or Leave It is brought to you by Sundays. We all love the idea of feeding our dogs real fresh food. But the reality is that fresh dog food usually means taking up freezer space. Time to thaw and prep. Then a lot of mess when you serve it. Get the good without the hassle with Sundays. Sundays was founded by veterinarian and mom, Dr. Tory Waxman, who got tired of seeing so-called premium dog food, full of fillers and synthetics. So she designed Sundays. Airdried real food made in a human-grade kitchen. Using the same ingredients and care you'd use to cook for yourself and your family. 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Following that, John Marcus Raising, Roy Wood Jr. Wake us up about the future of late night at Montreal's Just For Lapse Comedy Festival, mere days after Stephen Colbert got the axe from CBS. And also, why are we on the subject of education? Look, since we on the Supreme Court, look, I get it. Like black history is American history and it should be taught, but not in every school. I feel like, like, I feel like white people, I don't really need y'all to know black history like that. Like, it's actually none of y'all business. It's actually really none of y'all. Because like, have you ever met like a white dude who went to NYU who learned about black history? That's the most annoying motherfucker you've ever met. Like, one time I was talking to a dude, one of these types of dudes and he was like, you know, he was talking to me about black history. He kept referencing shit that I kind of didn't know. But instead of being like, oh, yeah, that's cool. I'm like, get the fuck out of my face, dawg. You're telling me about James Baldwin for a fuck? I don't give a fuck. Get the fuck out, bitch. Like this? Tell me about my shit. My shit. He was trying to be a friend. Nah, he was being a racist. That's racist. I don't know how it's racist. Well, I can't tell you exactly why it's racist, but I felt racial. I felt racial. Hey, that's shit happening. Your feelings are valid and we are not going to question your feelings, not on this stage. How about that? I still feel targeted. All right, last one. On a recent episode of his podcast, Terri Carlson accused Pete Buttigieg of being secretly straight. I've always wanted to interview him. He's never agreed to interview, but I'm going to ask him some very specific questions about gay sex. And he's beginning to answer. I doubt he even knows. I love how excited he got about it. Really specific gay sex questions. I think he's right about being put in a judge. That dude said he would take a pill to be straight. Right? I mean, who am I going to be? He's this? And that doesn't exist. Well, I think you go through that phase. I think some people go through that phase of self-hating where he thought he would take a pill to stop being. But I don't think he'd take the pill anymore. Because then what he has a husband and kids? I mean, he's literally the gayest. You got a husband and kids. Listen, man. Listen, man, he's from where he from Indiana? Yeah, that's right. That's the kind of white dude who want to be straight. He wanted, I get it. He wants to be a military, y'all. I understand Pete. I mean, fuck, he could have stayed in the closet, all. Listen, y'all. Listen, y'all. He's here for a while. Listen, we're not going to get, we're not going to get, you know, my fellow American. That's not how we get. We're not going to get that. And Pete is not dead. This is why this motherfucker can run for office, dog. Like, he could be the first gay president. Because this motherfucker on paper is the president. He was mayor and fucking middle of nowhere, fucking Indiana. He went to the military, he went to the fucking top. Pete is tripping. That's a straight man. That's a straight white man on paper. Fucking tripping. But this motherfucker's such a dick. Pete should have pulled the Beyonce. He should have pulled the fucking Beyonce. Let me tell you something. We should have faked it to the fucking media. And then hit us with one of these when he's a facial president. But that's not him, because America's not going to vote for this shit right now. That's why he should have faked it. Get it vote for him. He should have faked like a straight white man. He has zero votes. He's not voted in. And he was fucking bitches. And they hit us with the walking, walking dog. I some way. He should have faked it. I agree with that. But also, I just think, you know, like for him, it's like, listen, I'm trying to be here for all of y'all. I feel like I would just shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up. Let me, I was saying the same thing with Hillary. Hillary should have been like, Autumn, Autumn, white women. Shut the fuck up. Let me do this. He could have, he could have really, because like the thing is Pete, Pete exists. And let me tell you something. Are you arguing for Pete? I'm arguing for Pete. Because let me tell you why. Because my mom, my mom during the campaign, his campaign for presidency, my mom, at some point she got on the horn. And she caught me, she was like, I'm thinking about voting for Pete. And y'all don't know my mama. I'm like, you just was okay with me being gay yesterday. And now you want a motherfucker that's stuck, dig to run your country? That's progress. And my mama is life skiing in the same, severity as Kamala Harris. So I'm telling y'all right now, y'all not ready for them kind of problems. Katerpoin? No, I'm kidding. Like I fucking said, he wouldn't made a great president. He should have faked it like Beyonce. When everybody was like, they don't Beyonce black, we should have been saying they bought Pete. We're the, oh, yeah. Peter fruit cup. Hell yeah, he ain't fucking fruit cup. I like fruit cups. He sounded like my uncle. He's the problem. No, the problem, the problem, the problem is not the fact that he gay. That's why America fucking make me sick. This is why I'm American. Why the fuck, why the fuck it got to be about being gay? What about who he is as a mother fucking person? He's a good person. You know he, he's worthy of God damn job. He got the stats. He got, he did the fucking work. He did the homework. He's a man of America because he gave, he ain't fucking qualified. Man, fuck y'all niggas, man. Pete bitch. Pete bitch. You should be on his next step. Pete bitch. Pete bitch. That's what it is. And I, Pete, if you are there, if you're watching this hire this nigga, okay? You're not saying? She will get you a leg. But you got people out here listening to Motherfuckers' ed who was never in the Motherfucka military, didn't fucking complete college. So don't know what the digits are up here making up their own theories and ideologies. You got people listening to his motherfuckers and about fat Pete bitch. Pete bitch. Pete bitch. Pete bitch. Pete bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This week the nation reeled as CBS canceled the late show with Stephen Combar, which will end next year. The announcement came on the heels of Trump's settlement with CBS's current company Paramount and Donald Trump took to true social to gloat, saying I absolutely love that Colbert got fired. What were Stephen Colbert's three words in response to the president? Jean-Marco, you take it. Fuck you, Trump. It's incorrect. Go fuck yourself. That's correct. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. That's so, that's so harsh. I feel like Trump is Colbert's most loyal viewer. I mean, it's such a case of sore winning. I feel like Trump would want Colbert there. I mean, Colbert let people like my mom blow off steam. You know, once that shows cancel, my mom's gonna be like, fuck, I guess I have to storm the Capitol now. And I mean, have you, have anyone see the South Park episode last night? So this is what happened. He's such a sore winner. He gets rid of Colbert. Now South Park would just secure to $1.5 billion deal with Paramount Plus, release an episode where they just talk shit about Trump and how small his penis is for the entire episode. It ends with a two-minute AI-generated video of Trump walking through the desert, stripping down fully nude, and then his penis saying this message is endorsed by Donald Trump. And now Paramount Plus can cancel their deal, but they still have to pay $1.5 billion. You should have stuck with the enemy you knew. Roy, you've been in the late night game for a long time. What was your reaction to the Colbert news? It was, you don't do it like that. If it's about budget, you get an opportunity to trim fat and find solutions. Colbert was not giving that. Jimmy Fallon's face budget issues. They go to four nights a week. So if Myers faces budget issues, they got rid of the AG ban. Jimmy Kimmeling them, they have their issues. And so Jimmy takes more time off during the summer. I know a lot of that. It's about the stress of late night in politics. I'm going to be around the sun more. But it still helps the budget if you have guest hosts. So to say that Colbert is over budget, and then you just immediately go, we're going to cancel it. That means that either you hate the man or you just really do not have a plan. And I know that late nights at a tough pinch, because this is still the same network to Paramount's credit. Gordon leaves, you replace it with Taylor Thomson with After Midnight, which is a much, much cheaper show to do. And when Taylor decides to not come back, rather than look for a new host, rather than replace her on the cheaper show, they just said, fuck it, we're not even going to replace that. And they air literally episodes of comics Unleashed with Byron Allen from 15 years ago. And that time slot, which just shows you what they think of the value proposition of that time slot. And that's not a dig at Byron Allen. I'm just saying that they're content with just whatever the fuck is just if I could put it up there. We're talking about episodes of TV still in standard, the square shit. Like it's... So are they trying to abandon late night as a format? I think that they definitely are trying to figure out a way to do it a different way, but I don't know that they have the solution. I don't know if they are... The solution's name is Greg Gottfeld. I mean, late nights are a lot cheaper when you don't have writers. You know what I mean? Have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen Gottfeld? I've seen Gottfeld. It's got... It's the jokes. I thought they had writers. I mean, they do, but they're not putting their own to it. Also, Gottfeld is technically a prime time show. And I'm tired of people's categorized. If we're going to get pardon us for a second, it is sag after talk right now. Yeah. It doesn't come on after 11, 30, so technically it's not a late night show, but he keeps saying he's the king of late night, but you're not. You're the king of prime time unscripted that could be late night. If we were on an hour fucking later, it's not stop lying to the people. And I'll say that even shit like Gottfeld makes me laugh sometimes, but it's still as hard to... Wait, what is it make you laugh? There are punchlines every blue. Oh my God, there's more editing in that than an Epstein prison video. Oh! Oh! The... My point is... The network television clearly does not have a solution for how to create a profitable product at 11, 30 or 12, 30. So much so that rather than brainstorm something, we'll just air something from the vault in the meantime. And I feel like next year or I think in two years when the rest of the boys' contracts are up across the network, it's going to be interesting to see what happens. I think we'll end up seeing something that is very similar to what is happening in sports. If you watch sports television, they go, oh, you got a good podcast? Here's four years 80-mill Pat McAfee. Just come do that shit over here. That's easier than developing a show. And I think you'll see something similar like that. You know, like a show that maybe has three pink couches that already has a following that could, you know. They know where to find me. And yet they'd ever seem to look... The plan was for this always to be a podcast for a decade. Now... That was the plan from the fucking beginning. The late show loses apparently $50 million in its current formation, but there's $1.5 billion for South Park. So $50 million in the grand scheme of things is a rounding error for Paramount, which is a $30 billion revenue business. The fact that they have decided that the late show brand, a marquee historic legacy institution, which we do not make more of. We don't make more of these globally known brands in media that are from before social media, that whether it's the fact that all of our movie stars are 60 years old, or the fact that these... We don't make them anymore. And the fact that they can't find a way or don't want to find a way to get the value out of the late show, which still gets millions of views on YouTube, which still could be something that exists on streaming. That could do all... It says they have chosen that they don't want to find a way to make this worse because they don't want the headache, because all of these big companies that kind of sucked up your... The NBC's, it Disney owns ABC, right? Comcast by its NBC, Paramount owns CBS. All these companies sucked up all these American icons and institutions because they saw synergies, because they saw prestige, because billionaire's thought will be fun to talk about or to go to the premieres, back when there was no risk because there wasn't a president who exploited and abused his office to put his thumb on the scales to try to get cover-gy liked, right? And so all those threats about how dangerous corporate media would be have become true. And when these guys are finally tested because they actually cost something to have a comedian on every night making fun of the president, they just don't care. But I do think we have to acknowledge the fact that a lot of late night, and I understand that in reaction to Trump, it felt like the entertainment had to become as partisan that could be, because it felt like there was something so evil that you had to focus all your attention on it, that I did think it did not criticize power in general, criticize one side of power. And the problem with that is I did think you created a partisan late night that did turn off a lot of people. And I'm not saying you that they should have been nicer to Trump by any means. And in fact, I think they should have been meaner to. All people in power or more apolitical. One of the two, you choose. But I do think there's a reality where you late night, you know, people love to talk about how Carson was apolitical. And that allowed him to host any award show and everyone could enjoy it and allowed him to be a kind of figure in American culture that everyone could enjoy. Now, you could argue that with someone as fascistic as Trump that you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have anyone who isn't just targeting him every single time. But I do think comedy and comedians in general lean too hard into focusing on one particular thing that they lost a lot of people. What's so interesting about South Park going this hard is because they have a lot of credit where they never really panned her to anyone. And I do think late night and comedy and political comedy in general has to step back and look at how we critique not just one side of things, but that you're constantly. So you can bring in more people. You need to, I don't think, you have a tent for shows. The same way, a political party has tent. You need to build a tent around making fun of those in power. Whether it's Hillary Clinton, whether it's Trump, whether it's Nancy Pelosi, whether it's convenient to the moment or whether you feel that an election is coming up, the moment you start isolating and you push people away and then you never bring them in and then you never sway anyone's mind and your entire audience are being panned or two and kind of get some steam off every night. And I do think there's a consequence to that. And I'm not saying, Colbert, should have been canceled. And obviously, I think the reasons are just to pander to Trump for this deal. But I do think late night comedy has to take accountability of what it is to, in the face of something that feels so evil to still criticize the people that enabled him, because it's not just him, it's the people who enabled him. And a lot of those are Democrats. But what you're talking about is noble. It's very noble, but it's not maximum profit. Because if you've created a show that is somehow one day walking up this far on the left side of every issue to stand in the pocket and do exactly what you're talking about, we're now you're going to wrinkle the one of a couple of people that are giving you a ratings bump at a time where TV is dying. John Stewart to his credit, the first day John Stewart came back last year, he called Joe Biden old. That was like literally 30 seconds into the episode. And they were all, oh, how could you? That's right, he's one of the greats. And now look now, it's like, well, shity, he was old and even the crack head agrees. And so, and I think where trade parking at Stone Differ is that they have never had to taste the dopamine of public adulation. And that is a difficult drug to fucking turn off and go, I'm going to stand in this pocket and be hated. And I'm okay with that. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. Love It Or Leave It brought you by Our Frames. For anyone still hunting for the right gift, Our Frames makes it look like you planned it all along. Look, it's hard to think of the right gift for family members sometimes and every year it's a challenge. But with this, you get a somebody a nice picture from you. Loaded up with sweet moments from your past. So thoughtful and people really love it. It's both an object and an experience. You know, people love experiences. It's a gift you experience over time. You can pre-load photos before it ships and keep adding from anywhere anytime. Upload unlimited photos and videos to your frame for free. Just download the Aura app and connect to Wi-Fi. It only takes about two minutes to set up a frame using the Aura app. Ted Cerandos loaded up an Aura app with pictures of South Park featuring Trump to give to Trump as a gift. So that was a smart thing he did. Genius move. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag so there's no gift wrapping necessary. If you want to personalize your gift, you can add a message before it arrives. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it for limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off. Aura is best selling Carbormat frames. Name number one by Wirecutter by using promo code Love It It. That's a-u-r-a-frames.com promo code Love It. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holiday. Support our show. Mention us a checkout terms and conditions apply. Next up, we have Robbie Hoffman and Rachel Bloom, who joined for a very special episode. Both my parents and my future in-laws were in the audience. Even my 10-year-old nephew Bennett got to take part specifically the part where Rachel wasn't talking about the idea of pegging her husband in this clip. It's that- even saying it now, it sounds crazy. In this clip, we review classic Jewish stereotypes and celebrate the Queer's Truly. It was a Passover to remember. Speaking of Jews, I also make David Crumholz and Anna Gasteyer pick their favorite New York cramudgins during maybe the happiest week in recent Big Apple memory. The week's on, I'm Donnie, officially became the next Mayor of New York. Also, Danny DeVito fans, beware. You're in first gear. Robbie and Rachel, I think it's fair to say that it's part of our collective Jewish heritage to shy away from exhibiting any traits that Goeim might consider cliche. For example, using the word Goeim in front of the Goeim. However, in the spirit of Passover, I wanted to give all of us an opportunity tonight to lighten our mental load by embracing some Semitic stereotypes. In a segment we're calling, if the Jew fits, I will serve up a Jewish stereotype. And Robbie and Rachel, you'll tell us whether or not the stereotype resonates with you. First up, complaining. Kveching. What's wrong with complaining? To complain is to enjoy. To me, one of the same, I could be on a yacht and find it too shaky. It doesn't mean, it doesn't mean, it means I'm enjoying, I'm alive, I'm in the experience. There's something that I find baffling. Why are Jews so cold? Or hot. Or hot. My family, my, my, you can't be under a draft. My grandfather, when my mom was growing up, they would have to restaurant hop if the restaurant was too cold. But, but we come from, I mean, some of, I don't know, desert people. Well, I guess, yeah, look, if we're talking OG desert people, so I guess it's not, but it gets cold in the desert too. I was going to say in Europe too. Yeah, for sure. So it depends how long your DNA is remembering back. I just said, Jews are cold. They are cold. We were, we were in Mexico at a really nice hotel over the holidays. Excuse me. Not to brag, we've been to Mexico. So we're there and we're sitting at this, and we watch this, this, the, the, it was, we were there around Hanukkah. So we knew who all the Jews were because we had done a candle lighting. And so then we're sitting at this table and we watch just Jewish family after Jewish family, just say no to this one table. They just got walked to the table. I remember this and they were like, nope. And they would get walked to another table. And then another Jewish family came, they tried to say that, nope, it was behind a pole, they couldn't see the view. What moved? Move. Three Jewish families said no to this table. And then a lovely, very clearly not Jewish couple are sad at this table. They eat their home meal and they're so happy. And at the end, the, the, the, the man said the most kind of Christian thing I've ever heard, which is he turned to the, to the waiter and said, would you please send the chef our compliments? I don't think a Jews ever said that. No. I always have envy for these type of people because it takes me so much. I feel like it's like if you get started watching porn, then you need crazier and crazier porn, these type of people. So like sometimes I'm on a plane. I was on a plane next to just a regular, minwestern type of lady. She must have been mid 50s. She ordered Pinocchio or whatever. She's watching Mall Cop 2. Not Mall Cop 1, Mall Cop 2. Kevin James, in a mall. Paul Blart, the Paul Blart one. What? Paul Blart? Go on. Paul Blart? I don't know. Was it Paul Blart? Kevin James. Yeah. It's Paul Blart. I don't know why I'm connected. I feel like I'm correcting Kevin James's pronouns, but it's, I'm not. It's just, it's Paul, I think it's Paul Blart. Have you seen King of Queens? I love that show. Anyway, she is. This lady, it's, it acts to me. I middle see this lady. It's like, even the setup to any joke. She's already dying. She's like plot-stow. Like, she's like fucking dying. Then as soon as the joke hits whatever their slapstick stupidity falls off the thing, she's, the wine is everywhere. Like, she is, she's dying at this movie. And meanwhile, I'm still looking for something to watch. It takes me so long to find something. And this lady could just throw on whatever's there and enjoy her life. And I have an envy for these people. Absolutely. No, I know it is. There's something about, it's beautiful. You're just sort of like, that's so cool. They just enjoy so much. I, I, I still get like that when it come, like, I will rewatch any of the Austin Powers. And I'm back to being in middle school. And like a couple of weeks ago, I was like, my daughter has to see Austin Powers. And so I turn on Austin Powers too. And the first thing is like fat bastard having just fucked Heather Graham. And I'm like, nope, never mind. She will not see Austin Powers. Have you seen, has your nephew seen Austin Powers? Okay. It's pretty funny, right? Where he goes, I've got big enough pieces of power. I'm in my crop. That's really good. So he's seen some of this stuff. He knows about it. How old's to nephew? How old has been it? Benny, how old are you? Oh, he's back. Oh, you're only nine. I'm not. What is... Yeah. No, bro, nine is too young. Wait, you're 10. You're nine? No, nine is really young. And actually, I can't guarantee my performance. Oh my god, we got to jump ahead. We got to jump ahead. Can I also say what for the record though, my five-year-old completely understands gay people? It's not for anyone who's like, how are you going to make... For anyone who's like, don't kiss in front of my kid, are you going to make me explain gay people to my kid? It's really easy. You just say some men love men and some women love women. They go, okay, it's so... It is true. The first time I heard about a trans person or anything like that was our cousin, Pinsky, who was enormous. He was the size of the car, and he was the greatest guy. And he would come to visit us. And we don't... I don't even know how he's my cousin. But it's like, Pinsky's in. He's got candy. And so we're in. And Pinsky showed up. His girlfriend must have been six-four. So we're like, this is a tallest thing we've ever seen. And we went up to my mother. And my mother was just like, making, like, making. And I'm like, Mom, what's up with this? And we were like all asking it. Like me, my brother's from... It's like, why? Pinsky's girlfriend is so tall. Like, just a tallest girl we ever seen. And we kept saying, how tall are you? How are you, your kid? How tall are you? You know, and she was happy to tell us in whatever. And I was like, what's with Pinsky? And she goes... She was born a boy and now she's a girl. And I'm like, oh, okay. And it totally made it sense. It made it... That's why she's tall. Like, it was like, oh! I must have been like five or six years old. I'm like, oh, make sense. And we all moved on. That was the end of that. There was no follow-up. I was like, oh! Okay. And then we just... Yeah. And he just was like... He was with the trans woman for years and years. We never knew she was a trans woman. We never even had that language. But we just knew... She's a boy and now she likes a big girl. And... But it never came up past that again. It was just like we figured it out. So it's very easy. And then you don't have... If you make it a bigger deal, it's like... If a kid falls... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. It's like, it's fine. If you make it a big deal, what happened? That's not the... They're going to be screaming crying. It's almost like we need to take the whole conservative movement. And just when... And then show them a bunch of trans and gay people, and just go, you're okay. Yeah. No, it's no big deal. You're okay. You're fine. Yeah. Just you're going to get up and run around and have a good time with your friend. You're okay. Yeah. You're okay. You're a tough little guy. You're okay. Exactly. Have you... Have any experiences with some classic hermongens? Yes. I worked... They're both dead so I can bash them. It's Dick Cheney, you were telling me about your name? I... What's that? Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney, yeah, I worked with him very closely. What up? I... Just constantly complaining about his back. No. I don't know. I worked with Alan Arkin, who was quite cramuginy and hilarious and lovely, and way funnier when he was angry than when he was trying to be funny. You ever be... You ever round someone where they get super duper angry? And it's the funniest thing you've ever seen. And you have to hide your laughter. He would note it. I say, it's not even funny. I don't know where you're laughing. I was standing on a bridge in Nova Scotia looking out over a lake, and I thought, I should kill myself. So I'm going to throw myself in the lake. Instead, I decided to spend the rest of my life working on myself. He's a wow. And now it's time for a game we're calling, Armagh Kamajigeden. Here's how it works. I'm going to name our Kamajigeden, who's either from New York, or really seems like they should be. David and Ana, you're going to blind rank that mudge on a scale of one to five, with one being the most mudgeingly. But you won't know who the next Kamajigeden will be. Ooh, this is true. You're ranking them from one to five, but you have to be careful because you know it will be next. Okay. Okay, first... Ah! Yeah, I'm checking to see if she understands it as well. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I just want to make sure everyone's comfortable. I'm fine. Is this fun? Remember, Avonheimer? Yeah. I'm ready. Yes. We have Vermont, Senator, and Brooklyn's native son, Bernie Sanders. Oh, man. Wow. Here's the classic photo from Biden's inauguration. Yeah. I was once interviewing Bernie Sanders, and mid-question, he went, he leaned back and looked to his aid and went, Ha, ha, that's real. That really happened to me. He did a real blow. It was a real blow. That's curmudgeon behavior. Yeah. That's curmudgeon behavior. On a word... Where do you think you're going to rank? Okay, I'm just going to say he has messages of hope that are veiled under messages of doom and dread. So I'm going to say he's a three. I'm not going to give him the number one spot. One is the most curmudgeon. I'm going to say three. Because he is. I was actually going to say the exact same thing. So much of it is about hope and optimism. I mean, yeah, so five is our top. Five would be the least curmudgeonly. Yes, I'm going to say three. I'm in consensus here. Next up, we have Fran Liebowitz. Oh. Yeah. One thing about leaving your apartment is that there are so many other people out there that great thing about my apartment is sign from the fact that it's a great apartment is that I control if there are other people in it. A classic curmudgeon sentence if I'd ever heard one. I'm going to go, you know what? She's really. Yeah. I'm going to say number one. I'm going to take a risk and say she's the most curmudgeoning. I know what he's doing. Yorker. I mean, let's just say two because we got to do the math. You like math. I do. I do like math. Okay, a two from Anna. Next up, Larry David. Oh. Hmm. Where are we on the, Caroline? Where are we on the rankings to this point? Because we're going to have to put him in a slot. Well, that makes sense to me because it's all a joke. It's all a bit. His mind works. He's a comedy machine. It's all a bit. Do I think he's liked that in real life? Probably to some extent. Yes, he's very much that in real life. Yeah. I saw him. I had to fake an orgasm for four hours on a car rig driving around park avenue up and now because I did an episode of curb where my running board of my car was broken and we were on a date and by the time we pulled up in front of my apartment, he was like, do you want to go up and I was like, no, I'm good. That's like a long time to chat with someone in between fake orgasms for hours, just going around and around. And he's hilarious, but he's a crank. Yeah. What an amazing achievement to make. I don't feel like talking to people and sometimes I'm in a bad mood. You're delightful brands. I know. Because you can just walk out at any room he wants at any time. And everyone's like, classic Larry. Yes. Huh. Brilliant. Yeah. What a genius. And to take everything insane he's ever done and make an incredible piece of television out of it. I mean, he really did famously storm out of Saturday Night Live, which absolutely everybody has at one point or another wanted to do or in several people have, but where he threw his pages and stormed out. He famously tells the story, he was one of the things we talked about. We were driving around the blood. Have you ever quit a job? No, I'm the worst. I just put up with a few. Just take it on and have a lot of extra therapies. And I had to quit one once. You did? Because of a curmudgeon. Okay. Come on. Absolutely hated me. And every time I told him I loved him it made him hate me more. And you have had him on this show. And he fucking loathes me and I was lovely to him. I worshiped the guy. I would have combed his hair if he asked me to. And he's been on this show. He has, God damn it. That's it. And he's curmudgeonly. One of his most iconic characters is an incredibly curmudgeonly person. You know what I'm talking about. I don't. Okay. Now maybe we should leave it that way. We'll leave it there for that's where we'll leave it. Oh! Oh, you want that? I'll say it. Danny DeVito fucking hated me. And it was so bad that I had to quit. What happened? It was unbelievable. I don't want to tell the story, but it was unbelievable. Look, he had just gotten sober and gone vegan at the same time. That's a mistake. Too many changes. It's too many changes. Too many changes. Too many changes. It was. I can't give a alcohol in. Just and meat. You got to have a Big Mac and a beer. He cursed me out one day. So bad for the, I said there was a line. We're doing this play and I was doing the rehearsal. And there was a line where I say, you know, you could go to the actors' home in New Brunswick is the line. I don't know if you guys know what play that is and I'm not going to tell you. But anyway. And I said in rehearsal, you know, I said, well, there's the actors' home in New Brunswick and he said, wait a second. Is there a question mark at the end of that line? And I said, I said, well, no. Then why do you say it like a question? I said, I don't know, I'm just being rehearsal. And he said, say the fucking line. And that was after a long string of abuse. And I thought, and my wife was pregnant with my first child. And I had like all this insecure, I was like freaking out. And I was like, I said, I need a break. And I went outside and I called my dad. And my dad, New York City mailman, worked his ass off. Had to be at work at 2 a.m. every morning for 30 years. And he was always the guy that was like, take the money and don't complain about anything. So I knew and I called him and he was like, you quit. He was so upset. And then I told him the story. And he said, good for you son, don't take shit from anybody. And I went back in and I said, I'm sorry, but this is not for me. And I'll never forget he was sitting on a bed. And he got up, which wasn't much of a change. And he looked at me and he said, the fuck! And I said, I can't make you happy, man. Fucking nasty. You hate me cursing me out in front of everybody. I fucking say it in a line. What the fuck? Yeah. It broke my heart. Really, truly. Yeah, but you did the right thing. You did the right thing. I would have cried too, but you did the right thing. I did the right thing. Yeah. Yeah, really you did. Yeah. Thank you. Because by the way, too, it's eight a week. It's rehearsed. So like, that's not going to get better. And look, he's probably a lovely guy. He was going through a very difficult time. Yeah, I kind of wanted to be a wreck. And I just want to say that, although no one, if this ever gets out and know what no one's going to see this part, where I say it. No one's going to include the passion for the curmudgeon. And I'll tell you why. No doubt, Fran Lieberwitz is incontinent. No doubt. And if you were walking around with a giant shit between your ass cheeks. 80% of these people have IBS. That is true. It just goes with the territory. Right. It's there's a reason they call it a sour stomach. Before we go to break, if you're not sure what to get, your friends or family this year, you can skimp the socks and you can give them a friend of the pod subscription instead. They will get the good stuff at free episodes of all their favorite crooked shows, exclusive content like Dan Fyper's, Polar Coaster, and bragging rights for supporting independent progressive media help us build the progressive ecosystem. It is this gift that keeps on giving and keeps them in the loop without losing their sanity. Grab one for a friend or for yourself at crooked.com slash friends. We are going to be rolling out more content for subscribers. We are really proud of the community we've built so far. And it really helps us grow crooked media and reach more people. So thank you. Thank you for becoming a subscriber. Plus check out our season finale of Bravo America, featuring Holly Madison from the Girls Next Store. Holly talks about being the star of a reality show and being a symbol of the Playboy fantasy on television while feeling like an object when the cameras turned off. She opens up about what it has been like telling your story on her own terms and she even shares some potential political aspirations. It was one of my favorite interviews. She's a fascinating person who has been through a lot and through a lot of cultural change in which she was honestly treated like shit and came out the other side. I really appreciate the conversation. I think you will too. So please check it out on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. I am now joined by my writers, Holly Kiefer. Oh, hello, Sarah Lazarus. What's up? For the second official Love It Or Leave It, Sandwich of Justice. It was really a sound effect. While running our November 1st episode, I bet Sarah Lazarus is Sandwich, a sandwich of her choosing that a joke I really believed in would in fact get laughs during the live show. Lazarus said it would not. And listen, you're not going to believe this. She was right. But I'm man in my word, especially if those words are god damn it. I have to buy Sarah Lazarus a fucking sandwich. So Lazarus, how are you feeling about your world? Is her in win? I'd like to say that I take no pleasure in being right, but that would be a lot. Yeah, you got to be honest. This is a space of honesty, injustice and reconciliation. Yes. I take pleasure in being right. I take pleasure in eating a sandwich. That's too great. Too great taste to taste great together. This is our second sandwich. The first sandwich went to Halley. Yes, it was one of our YouTube videos. In case you want to go check it out, where we sort of get into the weeds about joke writing. And I would be clear, these are always love it, making a bet with us. Yeah. The people he hires to write funny jokes for him. He says, I bet you this is going to work. And we say, okay. And obviously the loser has to buy a sandwich. In that case, love it was incorrect again. And I received a sandwich of my choosing. And it was, I think this is a great way. I mean, you could also listen to us when I tell you this. But I'd like this better because in that situation, I don't get a sandwich. Well, this is a great way. This is a great way to agree to disagree. Because we have a lot of conversations about which jokes work and which don't. And I will defer, I'll be persuaded. But once in a while, there's something cookie and strange. Sometimes it's long. Sometimes I want to fight for a long story. And we're going to listen to it. And we'll see how long it is. And they have work, like they do work. Absolutely. They will. But the one that I bifft on with you was a pretty confusing story about it. It is a finance here. Trying to get a chocolate business going despite tariffs. And even as I say that, of course it didn't work. It was you calling them to let them know the business would not be moving forward. And also you were yourself, which I also think made an extra layer of confusion about what was going on. Yes, yes, absolutely. But you have to swing big if you want to hit those homers. And I am laughing now. Yeah, that's true. Yes, the joke talking about the joke has been funnier than the joke. Yes. Another great sign. So we're going to revisit the unedited footage of the joke bombing. Because did we cut it from the show? Or did we leave it at what? We cleaned it up, including the most, OK, we're calling it shameful. It was shameful part of the entire saga when I tried to rig the audience reaction in my favor ahead of time. Instead, I just ended up humiliating. Just like me to heck said in this joke. You know what? Let's listen to the clip. And you can judge for yourself. We're going to say it. I was going to say stop the steal. There's a joke coming up later that's really going to require you to believe. And I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm just letting them know that it's coming, all right? And so far, I'm worried. I'm worried, given where we're at right now, that I'm not going to have you when we get there. And the problem is, I bet someone at the office, a sandwich, that it will work. Now, this, what I've just done truthfully, what's cool, is it won't. This is happening now. When we get to that joke later, it won't matter. It will work or it won't. It will live or it will die. But then we will remember what I said here. And we will circle back to it to see if my energy about you will see. Speaking of Presidencies dragged down by their own violent lawlessness in Latin America, on Monday, Pete Higgs said that 14 people were killed in strikes against several boats off the coast of Mexico, the deadliest attack in Trump's ongoing campaign against alleged drug traffickers in the Pacific and the Caribbean. Shall we toast to a job well done, said Pete Higgs F, to a four star admiral who is a recurring dream about making Higgs F cry because Higgs F keeps falling off his tricycle and spilling eggs everywhere. LAUGHTER Now, here's the question. I'm going to, you can say yes, and you can say no, and I want you to be honest. Did the person who bet me that that joke would fail? Were they correct? Yes? Yes. LAUGHTER Or no. She gets the sandwich. Let's face it. Let's face it. Fuck. Here's something that I learned from watching this. On stage, I thought it was closer. Watching the video, that joke bombed. And you just keep mugging. I hope you got him. You're mugging. You're mug crazy. I will. That was hand. So I want to make two points in my own defense, which is one, I genuinely believe that what I said before the joke, which was a few minutes before the joke, did not, could not have tipped it in my favor. I do not think if it worked, it would have been because I had prepared them, because they couldn't have known what joke I was talking about until it was over after they'd already laughed or not. So as much as I am being shamed for claiming to put my thumb on the scales, I don't know. I think I was putting my thumb on something. I didn't get anywhere close to the scale. And I think that's what makes it shameful. Is that even had worked? I would have been able to tip my hat to that. Because it would have made it work. Exactly. It would have been comedy. Exactly. And the fact that you put your thumb on again, wherever it went, then it just didn't, it didn't move the needle. And yes, I did mug a fair amount after. But that was in part to try to get a laugh, because the joke was dead. But to get a laugh based on again, the preview of the joke. And I think that you did. I think that ended up being a fun moment, even if the joke itself did not work. And we did want to talk about why the joke didn't work, because I had one reason. You had another one. I think there's several. Well, here's what I would say is the setup is so long, you need a quick punchline. To once you start that long run, it's long on long. And it either has to be short on the long, short, short, or long, short. And I think unfortunately, the whole thing was too long. And then what was your reason? Well, there are a couple. I thought of another one while watching it. I think deadly boat strikes hard to set up a whimsical joke based on deadly boat strikes. Yeah, a lot of that this year, I would say. Then you also start with Pete Hicks saying something, but then you go into the mind of someone else. And I think that's a hard jump to take people on. Yeah. Was there a third reason? I mean, I'm sure there are. There are many more. I, yeah. So looking, I think that the biggest and most important reason was the topic. It was just really hard. Now, we had a joke that did work a while ago. I don't know how long ago it was about a recurring dream that Mike Pence has. And I, as a point of pride, believe it is important. If you are going to make up a joke dream, it cannot do. And we do quite a bit. I feel like. We do the right amount, I would say. And it is my genuine philosophical belief that if you're going to make up a joke, you cannot do joke tropes. You can't do naked in school. You have to make it. So this is maybe where we are parting ways. I believe it has to be something that could genuinely be an unexpected dream. So I believe Mike Pence's dream involved his wife dressed up as Abraham Lincoln while he was trying to get out of a bird cage. And to me, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, but so I, but I don't think we landed on it. Because you were all fighting me about like, what are the eggs? Why are there eggs? I was fighting with specifically on the tricycle. That's where I was like, oh, I was fighting all of it. I just think. Yeah, you were. This was so confusing that we needed something to ground it to make people go, oh, it's a dream. Yeah, I know. And then his teeth were falling out. Like, I feel like they're, you said that. And I was like, no, everyone's teeth falling out. Yeah, to be clear, we never want a joke to fail. We pitch dozens of volts. This is our job. This is how we have health insurance. We want the joke to succeed. We want this to be wildly successful. We're not telling you this just to stop by your influence. I know. And I'm grateful. This is, this is the debate. This is the beautiful. Look, we've said this before. But I genuinely think that there is a magic between the three strange aspects of our personality, the kind of, like the way that Lazarus chisels a joke, like Michael Angelo, where like she starts at the hand and just generates a perfect hand. That's true. And then the way you take a bucket of slop and throw it up against the wall. I'm a different advisor. What can I say? My God, look at that. That looks like a house to me. Look at this little space, it's crazy spaghetti. We can pull out of here and eat. Yeah. And there's something in that. That's like a, that's a beautiful, a beautiful, complimentary thing. But sometimes I say, I know better. And then I get a sandwich. And then I get a sandwich. Yeah. Now, to bring in the ceremonial sandwich of justice, here comes Kennedy with a sandwich. It's a kind of processional of the sandwich. Wow, look at this. So I hate it that, but like, I think, so here's what we have now. I think what I'm looking at here is a tofu bon mi. Is that what we're talking about? That's right, it's the vegan bon mi from endocino farms. Oh great. Now I have long been of, I believe that this should, happens, I think people should be eating it on camera, but I have been vetoed in that belief. So I'm dead for free. No, and I would be clear, nor should you. Well, I'm grateful to the both of you for your incredible writing. Thank you for hiring us to do this, the only skill I have, which is writing jokes. So it's just a treat to be able to do that. And thank you for that and for the sandwich. And especially the sandwich. I genuinely love our Thursday sprint, which we call sprint, which is really much more of a marathon at this point, where we go through. Where we go through all the jokes. And we try to figure out how to talk about the week's news, even when the news is dark to find a way to make it funny. And what I also love most about that is we talk about, not just the math of jokes, but the ethics of jokes. And with the point we're trying to make, and it really is one of my favorite things I get to do. In a show I love making with this incredible team that is in here sitting behind you, how fun we get to make a live comedy show every single week for our jobs. So thank you both. You look at me and I will say, well, every week, I'm like, I don't know if I could do this ever again. I don't know how I would have gotten through this year not being able to write jokes about what is happening. Like I feel like that is the function of the show for so many people who work on it and the listener that it is like, thank God. You know, we think we have jokes. Thank God for jokes. And one sandwich. Two sandwiches now at this point. Hell yeah. Howdy, Sarah, the Holy Team. Thank you. Happy holidays. Happy new year. And we will see you in 2026. Oh boy. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crookie Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more. You can also find love and relief on YouTube or videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crookie's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free, love and relief with and Podsave America episodes, subscribers, those of Pods, and more. Sign up at Crookie.com slash friends. Love to leave it as a Crookie Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Loveett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Howie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Argoal. RR writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Kyle Seglon, and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Steven Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shersher. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kudurner-Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see, because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Mia Kowman, Belon Villanueva, and Rachel Gaiski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt DeGroat, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the writer's guild of America East.