Summary
Phil Hanley discusses his lifelong experience with dyslexia, how it shaped his career trajectory from modeling to stand-up comedy, and the broader challenges of neurodiversity in education and society. He explores how his learning disability, combined with supportive parents and discovering comedy, ultimately became the driving force behind his success and personal fulfillment.
Insights
- Dyslexia and neurodiversity are increasingly recognized as real challenges rather than character flaws, shifting from dismissal to legitimate accommodation in recent years
- Parental advocacy and identifying a child's strengths outside academic metrics is critical for neurodivergent children's self-esteem and long-term success
- Stand-up comedy provided Hanley with the first meritocratic system in his life where effort directly correlated with results, contrasting sharply with school experiences
- Many successful people share traumatic origin stories; adversity in childhood often correlates with developing empathy and creative problem-solving skills
- Social media and online platforms have democratized comedy career development, allowing comedians to build audiences without traditional gatekeepers
Trends
Increased public awareness and destigmatization of neurodiversity (ADHD, dyslexia, OCD) in mainstream cultureGrowing recognition that dyslexic individuals excel in 3D thinking, architecture, and creative fields despite reading challengesEducational systems slowly shifting from remedial segregation toward inclusive, strength-based approaches for neurodivergent studentsTechnology (GPS, speech-to-text, digital tools) providing practical accommodations that improve quality of life for dyslexic individualsComedy and creative fields attracting high-performing neurodivergent individuals who develop alternative cognitive strengthsMental health and therapy becoming normalized as tools for processing trauma and managing neurodiversity-related stressMeditation and mindfulness practices gaining adoption among high-performing individuals managing ADHD and anxietySocial media engagement becoming essential for comedians' career growth, shifting from venue-based to audience-based discovery
Topics
Dyslexia diagnosis and educational accommodationsNeurodiversity in children (ADHD, OCD, dyslexia)Special education systems and their effectivenessParental advocacy for children with learning disabilitiesSelf-esteem development in neurodivergent individualsStand-up comedy as meritocratic career pathCrowd work and improvisation in comedySocial media strategy for comediansMale modeling industry and career transitionsImmigration and citizenship processesMeditation and mindfulness for stress managementRelationship challenges with neurodiversityWriting and memorization techniques for comediansEmpathy development through adversityTechnology accessibility for dyslexic individuals
Companies
Huel
Nutrition brand providing high-protein ready-to-drink beverages and powder supplements for convenience and fitness su...
Roe Sparks
Prescription sexual health treatment brand offering sublingual tablets for erectile dysfunction with fast-acting formula
BetterHelp
Online therapy platform providing accessible mental health counseling and couples therapy services
Squarespace
Website design and e-commerce platform offering all-in-one tools for building professional online presence and email ...
Warby Parker
Eyewear retailer offering affordable prescription glasses with virtual try-on and brick-and-mortar retail locations
People
Phil Hanley
Stand-up comedian and author discussing his lifelong experience with dyslexia and its impact on his career and person...
Neal Brennan
Podcast host and comedian interviewing Phil Hanley about neurodiversity, comedy career development, and personal growth
Shalom Harlow
Model and childhood friend who encouraged Hanley to pursue modeling in New York, leading to his eventual comedy career
Malcolm Gladwell
Author cited for his chapter on dyslexic individuals who excelled in 'David and Goliath' book
Nate Bargatze
Comedian referenced as example of someone who adapts joke delivery slightly between performances
Richard Pryor
Legendary comedian cited as example of someone with traumatic origin story who became exceptionally funny
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedian whose work at Comedy Cellar inspired Hanley's early comedy aspirations
Colin Quinn
Comedian at Comedy Cellar who Hanley admired and wanted to interact with as part of his comedy dreams
Dave Chappelle
Comedian referenced for his casual approach to acknowledging gaps in knowledge with 'DC public schools' catchphrase
Freddie DeBoer
Cultural critic and Substack writer whose novel explores the banal reality of living with mental illness
Sam Morril
Comedian friend from Comedy Cellar who transitioned to theater touring and social media presence
Norman Brown
Comedian friend from Comedy Cellar who transitioned to theater touring and social media presence
Quotes
"It's the driving force of everything that's occurred in my life is being dyslexic for sure"
Phil Hanley•Early in episode
"Find what they're good at and encourage that because if you don't, you're going to have a low self-esteem because school tells you you're dumb every day"
Phil Hanley•Mid-episode
"Stand-up was the first thing ever in my life that the more I put into it, the more I got out of it"
Phil Hanley•Late-episode
"I have such an appreciation for dyslexia like my book starts very dark and ends very light because I'm so grateful"
Phil Hanley•Late-episode
"The beauty of comedy is you take something that's shitty and you get a bit out of it, it kind of makes it worthwhile"
Phil Hanley•Late-episode
Full Transcript
My guest today is a guy I've known. We've sat at the comedy cellar table over a dozen times, I would bet. We've spoken near each other, to each other, but don't know each other very well. And he's got a book out called Spellbound, and he's on tour now with the same... Let's fucking double up. Let's call it Comedy Tour Spellbound as well. It's Phil Hanley, you guys. Phil Hanley. Applaud for him wherever you are. Okay, Phil Hanley, nice to see you. Nice to see you. So the essence of the book, from what I understand, is being dyslexic. Yeah. Now, here's what I want to say about dys... You need to listen to what I want to say. What I want to say about dyslexia and ADHD, it seemed like no one knew either of them. Yeah. Okay, and then people started to say they had it about 20 years ago, and it became a bit of like a garden variety. Like, yeah, I'm just like, it was like, oh, I'm OCD, whatever. It became like a thing people said. And then in the last two or three years, people have started to come out and been like, no, this is a fucking problem. Yeah. ADHD is a real problem for me, or for people. Yeah. And dyslexia was a real problem for you. And tell me about, because it, it, what, it seems like it's a, it's defining and created a domino effect over your entire life what it's yeah it's i mean it's the driving force of everything that's occurred in my life is being dyslexic for sure which is must be fucking infuriating it it well it's it started and back now people back then it wasn't people didn't even know what it was and when my when i finally got tested and found out and my mom would be like oh no he's dyslexic teacher's response would be like no i still think he's lazy and he's not trying but it was just you know It's mission impossible for me. Yeah. And so kindergarten was, you know, they thought, okay, this, you know, the young man has a hope. And then like first day of first grade, it was just like, bang, like my version of Oliver Twist. So you look at a black, you look at the alphabet. Yeah. Basically the crown molding of every first grade classroom. Yeah, it taunts me. Yeah. And what's it look like? Well, to me, it looks like a picture of letters, but for me, what it is, is I can't identify a symbol with a sound. So if I can spell a word, right? Like your name, I could spell Neil, but I've just memorized that over the years. So a non-dislexic could look at like a street sign or something and just read it. I can't even ballpark it unless it's a word that I've memorized. Like I can't. And not memorize like you sat down with cue cards. It's just repetition. Yeah, but so any word, Like if I'm reading a lot, I do improve a little bit just because I've memorized more words. And do you ever take time and memorize words? No, no. God, no. But it just happens over the years, you know? But like you go to McDougal Street, that's where the cellar is. You start to realize, oh, that sign says McDougal. Yeah, I can recognize it as a picture. But, for example, if I was inviting someone to a show at the Cellar and I was trying to differentiate between McDougal and the VU, I would have to Google the word McDougal to get the spelling of McDougal. I can't spell the word McDougal, even though I've been going to that street every night for 12 years or something. So you must have your life must have been terror. Yeah. School from first grade. Every teacher thinks you're stupid and lazy. Absolutely. 100%. And then they put me in special ed with kids that were, you know, more severe. Their university includes social skills and stuff like that. But I understood. I'm like, oh, no, this is a huge stigma to this. I understood how shitty it was to be in special ed. And it was of no, it didn't, it made me a worse student. It didn't help anything. So they didn't know what you had? No. By that time, they would have known the word dyslexia, but they didn't have any special techniques or anything. It was just really easy school. It was like school to make you less smart than you were before you arrived type thing. And did it help you with your self-esteem? Oh, God. No, it destroyed my self-esteem. Meaning the school being good, and you're like, I'm acing this special ed. No, because we were studying my first special ed experience. They took me out of my school and they put me in a different, you know, section of my hometown of Canada. And the teacher, the first part of the year, we learned Christmas carols, which I'm just like, this is fucking ridiculous. And then second year, we we we built a we we we we've a place mat. So it was like Christmas carols and then kind of like singulated carols in September. Yeah, like starting in May as well. No. And then after Christmas, we we we did we woven a place mat like it was I was a kid. being like i can't read but this is insane like this is like a make-believe sweatshop okay well was this a unique experience or were like hundreds of thousands of dyslexic kids experiencing this at the same time yeah i would assume i mean back then now you hear about programs and special schools for kids with neurodiversity and stuff like that back then i don't know if they existed they certainly didn't exist in my in my hometown it was canada yeah uh ashwa ontario yeah okay and did you what do they do with dyslexic kids now i mean i think there's some encouragement and there's some they recognize now that dyslexics do excel at different things what do they excel at i mean i don't believe you there's a ton there's a great in uh malcolm gladwell's book uh david and goliath there's a great chapter on people that are dyslexic that have excelled like oh i know a lot of people i actually right i i agree with that part i'm just wondering what are the specific categories a lot of artistic stuff yeah we do something they call 3d thinking so there's a lot of dyslexic architects and and stuff like that uh so like i can diagnose if someone goes comes to me and says like i think that my kid might be dyslexic they're really struggling reading i'm like what's their personality like and they're like oh they're really outgoing they're great socially and all this i'm like yeah they're dyslexic because we do well socially and stuff like that does it feel like you're overcompensating i mean it's probably not conscious but does it like you're like fuck okay how do i get them to not yeah i mean i think just human nature like for me i would stare at a page and not know what what was going on in class right for two hours whatever then i would they would answer i can only imagine i can that must have been like you're in a free fall it's like you know when you're if you're hanging out with two people there's three of you and two of them speak like italian and they start shooting the shit in italian and it's the most boring five minutes of your life you're just like what the fuck are they talking about yeah that's what school is like every single day until you're done school all day every day like and then you're penalized for it and called dumb and stuff like that yeah you just it's just not the way your brain works what math i think i was really this is the thing that was a bummer i was really good in math but then because i was in uh you know basic subjects or remedial subjects for english they just put me in remedial math too my math teacher was the fucking gym teacher like it was yeah uh and word problems they could they soon as x represented something i was out man because i couldn't spell represent and they wouldn't fucking i remember my mom i remember in third grade i got zero on a geography test and we had to name the provinces and i would draw what i knew the word saskatchewan look like and you could like identify this kid no that he's trying to say the saskatchewan and they would just get zero so because i couldn't spell i would fail everything and my mom would be like so clearly he is spelling the yukon here or drawing the yukon and they'd be like yeah we if we did that for him we do that we'd have to do that for everybody so okay so then what do you think this is the biggest block by the way i think we've ever had i can't think of a bigger more significant persistent block than like i i mean it's basically like not illiteracy but it's kind of close yeah it's cool i mean dude i for to get here on this today i've been thinking about this for three days to like and i had which part the getting the ad the time and then the address from my hotel to to getting the from the my publicist would say be here for neil and then i would get the 8228 you know your address into the Uber app and get it right because if I could get it wrong and I would just end up in another part of town you know I would assume that copying and pasting has been a godsend or no yeah like when I can but I can't copy and paste from like a PDF to the Uber app you know so when I can it's definitely I think you could actually just so you know just so you know I think you can Okay, it also affects my computer ability. Yeah, I believe it. It's whatever. I think you're stupid. It's fine. Yeah, I think I kind of think everybody's stupid. Finally, a real reason. Thank you. Okay, so what did you think? What do you think was going to happen to you? What's funny is, okay, tell the people this story because you've had a funny life. Well, I am from, it's a tough town. It's a hockey automotive town, Oshawa. And I think my parents were concerned. I got so lucky because my mom advocated for me. She went every year at the end of school and would talk the teachers into not failing me. They wanted to fail me every year, first grade, second grade, like every year they wanted to fail me. And then my dad, to my dad, what was really important is that we showed up for dinner on Friday, Saturday. we'd have a big family dinner we'd invite friends and that I had to be funny and that was appreciated and that's what I say to parents of dyslexic kids I'm like find what they're good at and encourage that because if you you're going to have a low self-esteem because school you're told you're dumb every day and not only like report cards aren't subtle you know it's it's right there in front of your face and you need to find what your kid who has a neurodiversity is good at and and really celebrate that and my that's not what that's not what happened to you though no well you didn't i'm i'm thinking about you were a model oh yeah i mean well okay yeah so i so but i had so when i was a kid growing up i had some faith that i could do something you just think i'm on a conveyor belt and i'm headed toward a giant blade were you in the blade yeah yeah the blade was real close to my throat i would say what was it just just i mean i knew i really wanted to get out of my small town and i didn't know what i was gonna do and anything that was like you could like a report card i did terrible sports i did terrible anything when there was a scoreboard but when i look back i was always funny and had social skills and had good friends and all those things so that saved me and i had a family that never once questioned if i was intelligent or that i would be successful no one really guided me to the direction. No one really knew what I was going to do. So my friends finished high school. They went to college and I applied for a job at the convenience store, uh, the bodega across from my high school. Didn't get it. And, uh, which would have been exactly what the teachers thought I was going to do with my life. And then I had a friend who was a model and I came to visit in New York just on a whim for a weekend. And were you, it was Amber Valetta, right? It was Shalom Harlow. I'm sorry. Who was best friends with Amber. Right. That's back when I used to follow the models. You had to, because there was so little culture that they said models were supermodels. Yeah. And then we would all go, you would be interested in them. And they basically brought nothing but their faces and bodies to culture. I'm sure fine women all, but just like, that's how little culture there was that you would just, you would fixate on these people and then you'd pick five or six TV shows and you'd watch them over and over and over again. Exactly. Yeah. Um, so anyhow, so you go to New York, are you trying to, you trying to sleep with her? Uh, no, no, we, we were really close. She was just part of my friends growing up and, uh, I went just to hang with her and we're still actually really close, but she uh she was like oh you should be a model and we did i did she hooked it up and i did a couple test shoots and then my look at the time it was like when they wanted like guys that look like they do drugs yep and i have a joke where i go it looked like you do drugs i'll do you one better because i you know was partaking at the time and uh and in america they wanted the all american kind of like tell me he'll figure guy back then yep and so i i moved to europe and and did that for four years where they wanted guys who look like they did drugs exactly yeah and you did actual drugs uh by that time i had kind of stopped but i what were you doing i started doing like drinking and stuff like that and doing acid and stuff when i was like yeah really early early teens okay so no but not cocaine and no i just think cocaine when i think of drugs i think of cocaine but everything else but back then like lsd now it's like if you do lsd you expect the person to be dressed in head-to-toe luna lemma you know what i mean now it's like yeah uh enlightened moms but back then even acid was like a dirty thing and i remember having a therapist and being like yeah like i just felt like i was doing a lot of drugs back then it's like that and he was like of course you were doing a lot of drugs you had gone through the the equivalent trauma of like three divorces by the age nine when you discovered something that would take you to another dimension you fucking held on to it for dear life on acid you could read perfectly correct i'm kidding unbelievable yeah i got my phd um did what's funny to me is uh i did i did acid in high school i don't know i i guess i don't see it as like i never thought it was that crazy but i think it's just regional yeah absolutely whatever your neighborhood was um okay so then you become a model for four years yeah in europe ages what to what uh i guess yeah it would have been like say 20 to like 24 or something like that or like maybe i started when i was and did was that fun Was it a better, was it a good part of your life? Well, yeah, I mean, it was. Not the modeling part. It was weird because- Because as a model, I almost don't want you to be able to read. No. Yeah, no, that's a prerequisite. But they, no, for me, it was like, from where I was from and for who the people I idolized, I really thought it was like one step away from being in a boy band. Like, I really thought it was like an uncool thing to do. Well, that's what's funny. A male model is, I mean, I don't envy you. I don't no guy really respects it no it's like uh yeah it's like being it's almost like playing professional basketball in China like oh cool I like it's like kind of like a conversation ender we just go okay yeah you're a male model okay it wasn't so but it was weird because I didn't fit in in school the scholastic part and then modeling I certainly didn't because I thought it was so ridiculous and I'm like we're wearing someone else's dockers and this is funny and no one else thought it was funny people took it really seriously and I did that uh for four years but I always think back that when I decided to quit my parents encouraged that which is like crazy because it was quit modeling yes because it was either that or like dig trenches like I really wasn't qualified to do anything um but I I did I lived in England which I loved and I'm playing England soon and I still have my friends from back then and stuff like that. So it was a great experience and as far as like those years that you're supposed to learn shit in college, I you know, learned a ton living in Milan and Paris and London. So good experience, money fine. Yeah. Like nothing happened but it was like a fun thing to do. Yeah. Yeah, it was great but what it did was my dad didn't care for his job when I was a kid. What was his job? he was in the insurance business yeah he was also a model he had a dyslexic mom but um so i was just like hellbent on having a job that i liked yeah and then what modeling did was i would meet photographers and stylists and and and people who were so packed like a photographer was like i got a camera when i was six and i knew this is what i wanted to do so i was like fuck what do i want to do yeah and so that's why i quit modeling i kind of quit when i started kind of making some dough stuff because i was like so hell bent on finding my thing you know what's good dough as a male model i mean some of those dudes make crazy money but i i mean you would get like you know you you cut for when you start you do like a fashion show say you did armani fashion show you'd get paid what you would get for one fashion show what what a comic would get their first kind of headlining weekend you know what i mean like we'll tell people because i would be like you know like 1500 bucks or 1800 bucks something like that to me was just like oh yeah and then i started catalog stuff you make a ton of money you know you could make like 10 grand in a week or something like that and i did my first catalog my last job was my first catalog job i went to germany and i tried on like 400 winter coats in like you know two weeks or whatever sorry two days i find trying on getting fitted the truly the most on on just so soul destroying it's steavy you're just like i hate this dude when you're modeling they pull you around first off there's always a language barrier and they yeah they pull you around and they like you know yeah just they need to get the shots off and on is the is i truly would rather dig trenches than take pants off and on that and Yeah, so I tried on coats. Coats I could deal with? It's pants that get me. You're going to have to wear pants. Yeah, yeah. It's a pain in the ass. Oh, look, I'll model, but only if I don't wear pants. No pants. But yeah, and then I did a commercial. I did a Pontiac commercial. In America? No, it was in England. Okay. Sylvester Stallone did the voiceover. It was like a big budget thing. May traditional luxury rest in peace. Luxury with Attitude. The Bonnet Bill by Pontiac. I was like, maybe acting is a thing, you know, because it was like a little bit of acting in it. And I took an improv class in this weird church basement in England in King's Cross, the neighborhood. Yep. And I got my first pop from this mixed bag of just, you know, this motley crew of improv people. And I got a pop and it was this weird epiphany. A pop like a big laugh. I got a laugh. Yeah. And I was like, holy shit, this feels identical. to making my friends and family laugh my whole life like it felt good it felt as good as making my dad laugh yep and so i was like that's it i want to do comedy and i moved to vancouver and started comedy uh how old are you then i would have been like 24 or 5 and you decided vancouver over toronto that where my parents had retired and moved there And there was a thing there was like an improv scene So I started, I did some improv. And then finally I tried stand up and then stopped doing improv and just focused on stand up. Guys, can you believe we're already one month into 2026? That doesn't mean it's time to move away from your goals. Nuh-uh. Not this year. Lock in. And that's where Huel comes in. Huel is a perfect solution for high protein routine support, busy days, habit building, convenience, and control in 2026. This is the year you show the haters that they were wrong about you. When do I use Huel? 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So there's absolutely no care for dyslexia. Doesn't matter how much money you have. Nothing matters. No. I mean, now they're saying that if you recognize it really young, you can kind of help your kid learn to read. But that all didn't exist for me. That's what I've heard. I haven't experienced that. Yeah. I certainly talk to kids that are battling dyslexia. And it sounds like they're having a very similar experience to me. Like, I fight back tears when I talk to these kids because they're trying so hard. You try so hard. And now there's more pressure to go to university and stuff like that. and I listen to these kids. It is so heartbreaking. And they're like, I write my stuff out on Bristol board and I do all these things and they work so much harder than kids that can just naturally read. And they're penalized and they're disrespected and they're called lazy. And it's like, you know, they're working a million times harder. So yeah, it's really heartbreaking. But yeah, I mean, it's just something that you have your whole life. And are, okay, does it free you up from having to read books in a good way? I force myself to read every day, but it could. I mean, it's a good excuse not to read. And what do you force yourself to read? Just anything? No, I mean, there's certain things that I can read. Charles Bukowski I can read because it's real like boom, boom, boom. Okay, so you prefer short sentences. My understanding is you can't really see the middle of the word? I can see. No, I mean, it's different for a lot of people, but I can see the word. But again, it's like if I'm reading a book, someone's name, I blow past it. Street name, I blow past it. But the best way to describe it. I mean, as a as a able reader. If I'm reading Asian names, go fuck yourself. I'm literally I'll remember one of them. Yeah. But like my aunt, this person that I'm like, I can't. I'm not used to these letters and I don't know how to pronounce the name anyway. they're all asian names to me man so yeah so this is the best way i can describe it is i remember when obama put out his first book and i was really excited to read it i wanted to hear his story and the way he writes for me my dyslexia is so because he'd be like yeah i saw neil and i hadn't seen neil and then all of a sudden he would go back to the first time we met right at the comedy cellar and i'm just like what the fuck is going on audiobooks so is it just a word audiobooks obviously i listen to audiobooks but it doesn't they don't captivate you and they don't take you to the same place that reading a book does so i just have to be i buy a lot of books and sometimes i can start it and be like oh okay i can finish this one but sometimes like the first obama book i was just like there's just no way i would love to know this story and you have like a day to sell it and get your money back or i mean i don't know what i just have a pile i just have a pile yeah on my floor um that's how you know you live in new york because you're on your floor yeah um did you uh okay okay how's your self-pity level it's funny i mean i i was pretty miserable as a kid i mean my friends probably wouldn't say that but i i was like there's no way that it wasn't i wasn't depressed from like seven till you know whatever and then you finish school and it's still like it's like when someone like gets out of jail and they're still you know experiencing trauma from being incarcerated yeah i was still fucked up for for many many years but now i i mean i have such an appreciation for dyslexia like my book starts very dark and ends very light because i'm so grateful i mean there's no way in a million years i would be here right now talking to you or doing stand-up or being able to get sweet tickets to the dead this weekend like i i it's it's everything that i cherish is because i'm dyslexic i'm so grateful that i'm dyslexic so you believe that the dyslexia led you to the rest of your life absolutely yeah um and you that's not a trick you're it's just like that's what that that's the sequence of your life yeah and it took a long time to appreciate it when i finished you'd still be stuck modeling well i i yeah i don't know what if i didn't find comedy and stuff but like ending the writing the book was a really i i hold like a lot of resentment to the teachers that because it's not only did they mistreat me but i'm like who mistreats a kid you know what i mean yeah oh of course they're it's it's unbelievable they chose to spend their life working with children and then treating one in particular like shit like so when i finished the book it felt like closure and it felt like i finally proved those bastards wrong. Yeah. You know? So, yeah, really finishing it and selling it and being able to talk about it and stuff, really put a lot of closure and made me, I have such an appreciation for being dyslexic now. Yeah, it's funny. You think about the way the world used to be, and I don't know, I'm sure lots of the world still, the Western world, is the cruelty toward kids was sort of just built in. Yeah. It was like this weird sadism toward children. Yeah. Which I get like, teach the children well, whatever. But spare the rod, spoil the child, all that shit from the Bible. But it seems like a pretty easy thing to stop. Yeah. That they just didn't want to stop because it was a cheap thrill or something for adults, I think. Yeah, it was so, it's so weird because it's something that anyone can, everyone was a kid, you can relate. Yeah, it's so odd. It's a very odd thing because my girlfriend has a son and like dealing with him, I'm like, I get like a little testy sometimes because he's four or five and that's just the, they're like a little, they're crazy. Yeah. But I don't get that testy. No. Like I understand like what's happening. Yeah, because he's trying to figure stuff out. Yeah. But yeah, they used to not care. No. They used to see it as like an opportunity to be shitty that they enjoyed taking. Yeah. Like they grabbed, I mean, they, they made kids work in mines at one point. Well, that I get, that I, that I get in that, like, it's cheap labor. It's free labor. I like, I understand like the, the simple equation of that, but like being mean to a kid, it implies that there's something satisfying about being mean, which I don't, again I'm no saint but like I feel pretty shitty pretty quickly when I when I'm mean to anybody of course but a kid cause you know they're just trying to figure it out you know alright so you had so what's great about life is it's a problem that you make peace with but then you've got I'm assuming lots of other problems emotional problems and just general problems Well, yeah, because it- Tell me about some of those. What the podcast is about. Well, it's funny. I got asked to do a talk to kids with ADHD, and I was like, I was like, oh, I don't have ADHD. First of all, they're not going to listen. I don't, yeah, exactly. I don't have ADHD, but, and they're like, well, you know, related to dyslexia. I watched a YouTube video for like 30 seconds on ADHD, and I was like, oh, I have ADHD. Oh, that's funny. And telling my mom, and my mom's like, oh, dear, yeah, you're dyslexic, it was so bad, we didn't even want to like bring that up. So yeah, and I have OCD. So I have dyslexia, ADHD, and OCD. Wow. Yeah, it's a lot of letters. So all the things that I kind of began with, I inadvertently covered them. Okay, so ADHD, what's that doing? Well, to me, it's funny. I've just developed all these coping things. My ADHD, dyslexia is so in the forefront that I don't even, doesn't even, a lot of things made sense when I learned that I had ADHD. And a lot of things like, for one, when I write jokes and I force myself to write every day, I always play music. I always play The Grateful Dead. And I used to think to myself like, there's no way Seinfeld is blaring the dead when he's writing. I'm being lazy or whatever. And then I found out, oh no, with ADHD, it actually helps you focus having music or having some- Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So, yeah, you just kind of develop. I've just kind of developed little things. Like hacks to get around it? Yeah. Yeah, totally. And how are you as a romantic partner? I think I'm good. What do they think? They think I'm great. Is that true? No, I think so. I mean, I think I'm a good partner. I think there are certain things that are like, my current girlfriend is like, I want you to plan a date for us. And I'm like, okay. But for me, it's like our, you know what I mean? Looking at trains and looking at- No, it's not for you. It's for every guy who, because, yeah, go on. It's just a lot. But yeah, also, especially for you, I would say. Yeah, and so I think dating me is a somewhat unique experience because I'm sure they've never been with a man that can't spell appreciate or Wednesday. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do voice notes help you? Or speech to text? Anything? A little bit, but speech to text I don't fully trust. Oh, and then you got to read it. Yeah, and then sometimes you get it wrong. and I can't you know I like that's the thing you just need to accept that there's going to be times where you appear dumb or unintelligent because you can't I'll get the wrong word what is the walk me through the acceptance of that because that's a thing Chappelle used to have a very easy thing if we'd be talking or I'd text him a word or I'd text him something or whatever and he'd go he'd go I went to DC public schools I don't know what that means right it's just a simple sort of it's an easy way to say I don't I don't know that word yeah he's by the way he's obvious I'm not saying this like this idiot I'm just saying like one of the smartest guys I know one of the smartest guys anyone knows yeah would just go I don't know what that word is and he had a simple just DC public schools yeah that was his it was like a catch-all it's a decent bit for I don't know that Yeah. Do you have those? Oh, I just, I mean, anyone I interact with throughout the day knows I'm dyslexic. The lady that I ordered lunch from knew I was dyslexic. How? Because they'll just be like, hey, I'm dyslexic. Like, did it, you know, is this, what, is that? Because I like a mistake that I do Do people think you kind of like I dyslexic Do they think you being cute or are you legitimately I don know I think they might know I sincere But like say artichokes and anchovies very different eating experience Sure. I couldn't, if anchovies committed a crime, I couldn't identify it. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's, artichokes go to jail. Yeah. For a long time. Yeah, absolutely. Anchovies raped a lot of people. They're evil. Yeah. um did you uh do you but i have no shame i have no i just accepted it don't even it's literally just like hey i don't speak english it's go back to the english thing of like i don't speak your language absolutely and i have no shame and i'm proud that i own it and i'm proud that i don't feel shame it helps what really helped is stand up because like a stand up was the first thing ever in my life, ever, ever, ever, that the more I put into it, the more I got out of it. If I wrote every day, I got some new bits. I know. It's disappointingly fair. Do you know what I mean? It's fair and like, okay, so it really is up to how hard I work. One more. I can pretend it's like, oh, they don't want people like me. No, if you work, all the Hall of Fame is the most prolific joke writer. Yeah, it's busting your ass and it's doing the shit that you don't like like people like oh i hate listening to my sets well that's a huge problem because you whatever you don't like you have to accept that it's all part of the thing that you love and just it's part of it you know yeah but yeah so that's it's the only thing that's ever had that and it's working at stand-up even more so than uh like exercise or something like that because you can like sprain your arm or pull a muscle whatever stand-up no You just, the harder you work, the more you get out of it. When you say you write every day, do you, how do you, do you, do you write shit down? Yeah. It's because you meet standups that are like, it's all in their head. No, but I'm, but they're not, I'm saying with the dyslexia, can you write and spell and everything? Yeah. I mean, my approach to life, if it's a huge pain in the ass and that feels right to me, that feels what I should be doing. So yeah, I write, I type into my computer. I'm not asking as like, how do you do stand-up? I'm asking how do you specifically do it with your portfolio? Well, I have the most disorganized system, but I'll type it in my computer, misspelled. No one would know what the fuck I'm saying. Then I'll take those jokes and kind of write them out a bunch to filter out and get rid of extra words. And then I'll just pace and try to memorize it. But it's a pain in the ass. Like, for someone who's dyslexic and for someone who I improvise a ton in between jokes, my jokes are memorized to the T. And when I see a comic that tells it different each time, I'm just like, holy shit. Yeah. Because I'm so in between the jokes, I'm so loose. I've never, that thing of comics who tell their jokes differently, I've heard people brag that they tell their jokes differently. I'm like, no, you don't. Because jokes work. there's one way to say it that works better than other ways. And I don't believe that anyone knows about the funniest way to say it and doesn't say it that way. I've seen, I saw Nate, Nate Bogazzi, who's so obviously amazing. He, I saw him at the cellar working on a Tonight Show set. And I've heard him say that. And then I saw him at the cellar. I think I heard him say that. But I've seen it in my eyes. He did a joke. It killed at the cellar. Then I saw him on the Tonight Show the next day. And it was slightly different. And I was amazed at that. I almost can't. I would say he's the exception. Yeah. But I still would argue that there's a way to say it that's better than other ways. In fact, I said a joke of his on here and then had him send me a video of how to say the joke. Have you heard Napar Gatsy's joke about that? No. It's basically talking about how dumb our brains are. and it's like so if one part of your brain tells your mouth to smile another part of your brain will be happy and it's like didn't you hear the conversation in the other part of the brain like you're right there uh all right that's kind of that's kind of a joke neil uh i don't think you did it i mean you didn't do it great i'm letting him we're in tennessee yet so you know i'm from Tennessee. You have a smart part and a dumb part. I'm going to mess it up now. You had a smart part and a dumb part. And if you're in a bad mood, the smart part, they tell you to fake smile and then your brain will think you're in a good mood. Well, it's like how dumb is the dumb part that you can, like it's right, they're all in the same head. It's the same brain. So how's it not like, yeah, I hear all this planning going on. That's the gist of the dream. I think I might've done it worse than you did. So there's a correct way to say the joke. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I, I, I saw him. Yeah. No, I'm with you. Switch the words. Was he, did it get funnier or worse? It got, it was like the same. Yeah. Okay. But, but I, I, I agree with you. I think there is, he is the exception. Yeah. Cause I don't, I think his, yeah, his is all sort of like about finding what his brain means. Yeah. Or like, what am I experiencing? Yeah. So I think it would work for him. But, okay, so what are your, so you're a decent boyfriend, but can't plan, can't write notes, which is 40% of boyfriending, as far as I'm concerned. Driving's a bit of a problem, too. Yeah, well, what do you do? Uber? Yeah, I mean, like, in LA, right now, Uber everywhere. But would you say things are getting better for people that are dyslexic in the world generally? I think people, it's getting. Because of computers, is my point. I don't know because for me I really struggle maybe like I really struggle uh using using computers and stuff like that and but one thing that really helped me I was a terrible driver like death-defying GPS really helps me because before I'm driving and reading signs which is insane it's like cooking a meal and juggling like it's like it's two activities you know left from right and I don't say that like flippantly I know no no yeah yeah I'm um yeah I do I do that's a that's a that can be a dyslexic or a nerd that's a pretty common neurodivergent thing yeah absolutely but I'll struggle a little bit like for like if my if I'm like exercising and I have a trainer or something and they're like lunch and they want me to put my foot backwards right and I'll go I'll do the opposite I think that's a lot of people oh really just yeah just saying I'm letting off the hook. Oh, good. Congratulations. You're not as divergent as you think. You're still very divergent. Guys, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay. You deal with Squarespace at all? You should because it's like the basically the top, maybe the greatest website design platform ever. Like in terms of like for a for an easy to use like i don't know a ton about computers i don't know a ton about graphics i don't know a ton about websites i don't know a ton about any of this stuff this is like the the one-stop shop for everything it's the it's like the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online basically there used to be a lot of you used to have to like go to a lot of different websites to get like email integration a mailing list, domain names, graphic layout things. You had to know programs, you had to know, I think Python, was Python a thing you needed to know? You needed to know C plus, you needed, you had to have a lot of talent that you didn't necessarily have or care to learn. 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Now, the funny thing about trying glasses on, when they're wrong, they're wrong. That's like you want to throw them off your face in a split second. The other thing about eyeglasses is they're so expensive, you want to punch somebody in the face, which is a thing I didn't know about. So the thing about Warby Parker, it's great. It's you go in there. They got a lot of IRL stores, brick and mortar, as we used to call it. I bought these glasses, swear to God, and a week later they came on as a sponsor. I mean, if that's not kismet, I don't know what is. They got good styles. They got like, oh, these are cool, these are cool, these are cool. They don't have really anything dorky. So this is my first pair, and I got to say, pretty successful. I did the eye test there, and then they sent them to me. I don't know, no complaints for me. I look cute. They got a virtual try-on thing, which I didn't do this time, I didn't really like. But you can, you load in a picture, I think from a few different angles, and they show you what the glasses will look like on your face. Guys, these are Hardy in Honey Amber. Hardy in Honey Amber. Yeah, they're cute, cute as hell. I wish I had more to say, they just work. I don't know what to tell you. I've been wearing them for a few days. They're great. I don't think about them. They're cute. They're not giant frames, because when I'm on stage, I don't want to cover my beautiful eyes. It's storytelling. I have so much storytelling in my eyes. And my girl likes them. And you can tell they're made with good stuff. It's not garbage. It's good. And, oh, by the way, the price. The other thing I didn't realize about glasses, they're so expensive. it's and these are like oh this is what glass this is what glasses should cost and then the prescription is cheaper than it would be normally i don't know where i've been going but this is like the first time it felt like fair so that's where i'm gonna be going warby parker gives you quality and better looking prescription eyewear at a fraction of the going price our listeners get 15 off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses, Warby Parker, W-A-R-B-Y-P-A-R-K-E-R.com slash N-E-A-L. That's 15% off when you buy two pairs of glasses at Warby Parker dot com. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please tell them it was from me. It would mean a lot. These are great. They're really good. I don't know if you can. I'm going to get closer so you can really see. Let me switch angles. Pretty cute. Pretty cute. Okay, good job. All right, thank you. Bye. How do you see your life progressing? Like, are you happy with how it's going? Yeah, I feel good. I mean, I... Because you were like at this... Here's my interpretation of your career. Is you were doing... You were like a seller guy doing spots in the seller, headlining. not really known for anything i'm sure you did a couple tv shows you did a you did and then you seem to like develop a following on some platform i don't know if it was reddit or youtube or something but at a certain point i was like oh cool he's doing theaters yeah and i didn't i didn't how did that happen and i don't say that like no it shouldn't have i just don't know how yeah no i so I started in Canada and to go from Vancouver to New York city, it sounds like it's just a plane ride, but it was a lot. Yeah. I did establish myself in Canada enough to get a resume to, to get a work visa for the States. And my goal, when I first started comedy, I watched comedian and Seinfeld was running spots at the comedy cellar. And I was like, to get to the comedy cellar, like Mount Olympus to me. And to shoot the shit with Colin Quinn. We're like, just, yep. I mean, it should be every comedian. Thought about Colin today. Dream. Yeah. So, I mean, I finally got to the cellar, and then I just was so content for years of just doing spots at the cellar. Like, I would think to myself, oh, these are the good old days. I was living in the West Village with a 75-year-old woman, and I would walk to the cellar every night, and I'd be like, this life does not get better. How long was that? I lived with her for a couple years. Until she started getting demanding, making plans. Oh, we broke up. Yeah, yeah. So I, oh, right, yeah. Don't worry, don't worry. It's not for you. You don't have to laugh. They barely laugh. Thank you for at least acknowledging it. Thank you. But I like walking down Bleecker Street. It was either that joke or she kept sending you to the store to get anchovies, et cetera. Go on. Those two. But so I and then, I mean, you know, my friends that I was every night at the cellar, all of a sudden they weren't there as much. You know, all of a sudden, like Sam wasn't there as much. Norman wasn't there as much because they were, you know, posting social media and stuff like that. So I, at some point was like, okay, I got to start doing that. So I had always done, I'd always riffed. You're not saying they weren't there because they were working on their phone at home. They were touring and started doing theaters. So I, at some point started getting really proactive with posting online. I started with Instagram, posting clips on Instagram and stuff. And I had done, you know, I'd always done a lot of crowd work because I started working. when I started opening for people in Canada I had about 8 minutes of material and had to do half an hour and we'd be doing these like fucking logging camps in northern British Columbia and there was a bar that I used to always do that had a hockey net and people had sticks and were shooting at the net in the bar and then the UFC would finish and while the credits, the screen was going into the ceiling they'd be like, Phil Hanley! And I'd have to do half an hour and I'd have 8 minutes of material so I'd be like, please heckle me please drop a glass and beat your ass yeah yeah great absolutely in Kelowna BC everyone and you cannot really read yeah sign me up still can't read so I I would just when I started my act when I started doing stand-up I I would just hope for a glass to break or a waitress to get in an argument or something so I could riff um anyway so I started posting after 20 years of kind of riffing on stage in between jokes i started posting those in between things and it started selling tickets but i had done stand-up for so long yeah before them um so yeah so it just came from like missing sam and mark yeah no it came no i know what you mean though where you're like why are they how did they okay i already do that now again like we were saying about working at stand-up it was like the thought of getting an editor having a camera in the i was like this is the biggest pain in the ass but i started doing i swear to god i was standing whatever feels like the biggest pain in the ass do that including when you have a new bit you know what's coming up next you're like do i really want to disappoint these people this badly and tell them my idea yeah we got to but um Yeah, so, I mean, those guys started getting, you know, Norman was kind of the first person I met in New York and stuff, and those guys started doing so well, and I just started, I was, like, just looking at what they were doing, and they were active online and all that stuff. So I started doing that, and, yeah, and then miraculously started, you know, selling. Finally, there weren't six people there to see me. There was, you know, more people. Yeah, and you make so much more money. Yeah, you make more money for sure. When people show up for you. opposed to i mean no i i would do i would know that someone was there to see me if they were wearing one of my friends merch like right if someone's wearing like a tuesdays with stories shirt i'd be like oh shit i have like almost a fan this is you know it's like you're it's not even your fan but it's like adjacent to exactly i'm adjacent to having some success that's so funny Okay, so do you have any other, what issues do you have, like, in, are you late, are you prone to laziness and you have to overcome it every day, it sounds like? No. Or now it's you just have developed the habits you won't even. Yeah, I just developed the, yeah, I don't think, I think it would be hard to have a learning disability and be lazy and get anywhere. like I think you just still live with your parents if that was the case yeah which I did do when I started stand-up I moved back to live you must be very empathetic I would think yeah it's funny someone asked me what are the positives of of dyslexia and that is I have so much empathy for people and yeah I yeah I really do because um yeah I really I feel so grateful things could have gone really differently for me if it wasn't for my mom if it wasn't for my parents yeah I always feel like most people that are, that get into, I mean, most people in life, it's like, kinda got either failed by their family or failed by society And it sounds like you got failed by society I mean it doesn sound like you got failed by society and that made you who you are it it funny you i i 90 sure it was you that said this and it's in my book uh i don't think i said neil brennan i think i call you because i'm not 100 sure that it was you but maybe i'll remember the way i pictured it we're at the comedy cell table they're talking about another comedian yeah whose father passed away really young and you were getting up to go downstairs to do a spot and you just overheard someone said yeah his dad died when he was like you know 12 or something like that and and you were getting up and you go that'll make you funny and you walk down yeah yeah yes and it's so true i mean look at you know richard pryer's life or look at yeah it does you there's always a horrifying origin story but for the most part it's very rarely i mean just having your parents to advocate for you, your mom especially, that's a different gift that most people don't get. Yeah. A lot of times, most of the time, if it exists at all, it's inverted, meaning the parents are abusive and a teacher takes you under your wing and shows you whatever, lets you perform at the end of class or whatever. Yeah. It was like, the teachers were shitty. Teachers were shitty, yeah, across the board pretty much. My last year, I had a cool teacher, but yeah, it was my mom, but that's the beauty of comedy and that's the beauty of dyslexia and I really talk about a lot in my book is that like the beauty of comedy is you take something that's shitty and you get a bit out of it it kind of makes it worthwhile like the the bit you were saying where I would bring the woman on stage that was like devastating I bombed in Regina to the KFC employees of Saskatchewan it It was a provincial thing they had there. I ate it so bad in that show, went upstairs to my hotel room to check in with my girlfriend who was flying to Vancouver to meet me the next day. And she broke off with me over the phone. Like it was devastating. But by New Year's Eve... How did you have the transcript? Because you recorded it? No, I can't. I like remember what she said. Oh, got it, got it, got it. But then I write it out and present it as a transcript. But it's on my Instagram if you want to check it out. cut it with the Samorell fucking Mark Norman tactics enough but yeah so don't you think that's the beauty of comedy is that something doesn't hurt as bad if you can make other people laugh with it it's such and I guess it's the same I guess you could do that with songwriting and other things but stand up there's just the irony of this almost killed me and now let's celebrate this together Do you believe in a because of your situation? Do you believe I'm assuming you're very liberal? And I don't say that in the in the in the sissified way. Like, you know, you have a Kamala sweatshirt. I'm saying, do you believe in like people need help? Oh, God. Yeah. I like I always I've said this to my girlfriend. So many times I'd like, how have we accepted one person is homeless? Like, how are we cool with, like, getting into bed? And why is that person, like, he's not better? Like, he's, or she is suffering from mental, they're like, oh, they don't want to be helped. They're unmedicated, and they don't really, you know, they haven't received a lot of help. They might be a little reluctant, you know, out of the gate. Yeah. But. My friend of mine, a buddy of mine, Freddie DeBoer, is a, he's a, he's a substack guy. He's the sharpest cultural critic I've ever read. in my life, historically, whatever. But he just wrote a novel, and it's about a woman with mental illness. And it's not glamorous. It's just about the everyday awful slog, the banal slog of mental illness or any sort of neurodivergence. It's just worse. Yeah. It's just worse, but we're so afraid of losing what we have that we don't want to help anyone below whatever below us yeah like we're i don't want to lose my place in line and all that shit but it is it's yeah it's that's why the bible exists because people need to be reminded like hey yeah don't be an asshole and you're like ah i want to be an no it's so much easier yeah i when you i i'll go through and i stop watching it because i i can't sleep when i watch it at night but if you watch those soft white underbelly documentaries uh-huh every single one starts with someone just didn't get a fair shake at the beginning of their life yes oh something happened and they were let down by someone and that's it and that's the case with people that struggle yeah and do you i mean it that's yeah the amount of people that are just lazy assholes is really small yeah and chances are they have a job or you know or whatever they're doing a really bad job they're teaching first grade to me lazy assholes can you imagine um and what so and what are your sort of goals for your life do you what are you are you have emotional goals do you have personal goals what are your goals now do you uh do you want to be a parent do are you yeah i i i adore kids i'm so close my nephew is 18 now but i when i was leaving when I was leaving Vancouver to go to New York, which was my dream. Yeah. I was like kind of dragging my feet because my sister was so cool and she'd let my nephew stay up and I would put him to bed after my sets and stuff like that. And that was so hard to leave that. Why don't you have that then? A kid? I think it, for me. I don't say, I'm literally just like, well, why don't you? Yeah, well, I mean, I would, I want that. I but well for me to even and I'm not like no at the top of anything in stand-up or my career like that things are going well and I'm really happy but for me to get there like everything takes me more effort than it would anyone else like me getting to my flight today is what most people did to finish their finals at university or whatever so I mean I I really took a lot of effort for me to immigrate to the states and get settled and established and somewhere are you a citizen uh it's funny i'm writing my citizenship exam next week um is that you go to a place and take it yeah yeah um so i have a i have a green card and then i will be a i'll be a citizen yeah great and uh just based on your instagram uh yeah does that help do you have to like make yourself a viable member not for citizenship you got to answer some questions you have to do an exam so i'm i've been studying for months i'm sure most people do you know look over it over the weekend i've been doing 100 questions the same 100 questions over and over again for months but um do you do it verbally how do you do it it's now it's verbally yeah okay now it's verbally you so you are studying verbally no i'm studying on on a on a computer very carefully um the 100 questions i go over them every day but um god damn it man it must be i gotta say i would be really mad if i were in if i were if i was dyslexic i i i've made peace but it's like it's little things happen and i'm getting better but it's like for example if i'm texting and i'm in the room and you're asking me questions it's like one you can you do one thing it's hard to not snap because for me to send you a text if i'm running late i'm like dude i'm gonna to be 10 minutes late it's like in a movie when someone's like detonating a bomb and they're like should I pull the red wire because I could easily just be like make it seem like I'm not coming if I'm not careful of what do you meditate is there anything I do I meditate a lot and have meditated for many years yeah um and it helps diffuse the stress so to speak I think so yeah I think it helps me I think it really helps me I do I do TM and then I also do Vipassana and when I'm going through vipassana is more intense because you got to do it for an hour yep and that i think that helps me in a lot of ways because vipassana it kind of removes you from what's going down it kind of like gives you you're like not a step back but it gives you a couple inches back and i think it helps me on stage to help i think it helps me be in the moment okay so you you would like to what's the longest relationship you've had with a woman uh six years and so you that was the lady that broke off with me over the phone. And that was a while ago, right? Yeah. And you keep bringing it up. I mean, it was a great bit. Do you see, like, having a child, by the way, is fucking so difficult. Yeah. And do you take that as a thing of, like, I'm going to bring that, I'm going to welcome that in as rewarding as it would be to add a big layer of difficulty to an already sort of difficult experience. I like the idea. It's like when you get a pet, you know how like there's like, and this sounds, you can tell them on my way to a Griffo Day concert, but I feel like you introduce like a pet or getting to know my girlfriend's cat. It's like, there's like, all of a sudden there's love somewhere where there wasn't love before. You bring an animal into your life or like, I mean, when my sister had my nephew, it was like the peak for my family. There's just so much love because, so I just love that. I just like that idea. And yeah, I feel like I would be, you know, a good parent. I've been told that. Yeah, I believe that. I mean, again, very empathetic. So that would be the main thing. And what do girls say you're, why aren't these relationships working? I think I'm in a place now where I can focus more on, like, I mean, it was, for many, many years, it was just stand-up. I just focused and did that. And it's not that I didn't prioritize. I just really didn't. Not that I didn't prioritize. Well, again, there's only so many hours in the day. You need seven hours of sleep. You know what I mean? You have a lot of stuff that is compulsory. Yeah. You can't not do it. Yeah. And survive as a human being. So how much time is left to focus on a relationship? Yeah, there wasn't. I feel like there's more now. But like the book took me eight years and it was like intense eight years. You know, it was probably minimum wage all in what you made. Oh, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I got I mean, my managers, I was happy with what I got paid for sure. But yeah, I mean, the amount of work I put in. I mean, I went over every word like you would a three line joke. I did that for 70,000 words. and uh so you want to have kids or a kid and but it's you've got your hands full i think now it's definitely it's definitely i'm in a position where i could do it now but yeah i do not do you want kids no oh really no i've never wanted them really ever no never i've always i even when i was a kid i loved like hanging out with my younger cousins and stuff like that i know I was the youngest, and it was too big and chaotic. So I don't, my associations with family, when you're like so much love there, I'm like, is that what you guys got? So it was more like something else. Yeah. Again, it's not, it's just something else. It's just a different experience. Yeah. But I don't, but I understand that that's what most people want. So if somebody wants it, I'm just like, well. But I'm also very aware of like, how long it takes me to do stuff. I think I'm probably slow doing things. Okay. Like reading or whatever. Yeah. And procrastinate and then do it. Like I have good work ethic for a comedian. But I don't think, but I'm still like this could be so much better. Oh really? Okay. Because I think of you as someone that's got it. I do. I do have a good work ethic. I think that's what you were going to say, right? Yeah. So I do, but I know where the bodies are buried in terms of like procrastination and just laziness and like not doing the new bit not you know what I mean like not figuring out a way to be tenacious as time goes on it's hard to stay as like sharp and as dogged I'm finding or recently I got like a burst of it in the last month or two of like oh fuck okay Yeah. But, um, so, okay. So, but, and emotionally you're, are, do you find yourself overwhelmed a lot? Like your experience as a person, are you overwhelmed a lot or are you, were you overwhelmed and you've gotten better? Because are you even keeled or no? I mean, I do my best. You always seem nice. Yeah. I mean, I certainly try to be. and yeah no you keep i mean if if you do have a learning disability or nervous you're yeah you're overwhelmed a lot but again meditation helps and also i know i can do one thing at a time you know and i and at each i keep developing different ways to approach things like for me to get a flight in the morning i'm like the planning starts like 24 hours before like everything's like my My watch is in my shoe, my like everything while it's in my pocket. I can't. Yeah, I just I can't misstep it all or everything falls to shit. What when you say your watch is in your shoe. So you planned out the sequence? Yeah, just so everything's there. And I'm not in, you know, I'm not going to forget my watch in a hotel or whatever. Everything is just there. like, you know, the beginning of like a bank robbery movie where they come in and they're like, maybe it's this, you're in a special situation, maybe. But I, I realized like, if I'm on the phone, even if it's on speaker and I'm parking, I can't remember where I parked. Interesting. Yeah. I like, I can kind, I have to go like, wait, like it's not secondhand. I have, I have 10 of those things where I'm like if I'm doing X then I can't also be doing Y because it will it like short circuits me somehow so I'm with you in terms of planning I've started thinking with stand up I've started thinking myself as like a kicker like an NFL kicker where like I'm not going to be cool before I go on I can't shoot the shit I need to focus on what I'm doing oh dude yes and then i'll do the afterward fuck around as much you want yeah i can't i don't have that luxury i'm this the amount of times that i've walked around the mcdougall block and down minetta lane around the cellar to go over a joke in my head and the people are lining up to go to the show like yeah you don't look cool no got a piece of paper and i'm reciting shit yeah but i If I can do that, then I can be- Better on stage. Yes, I can be calm on stage and in the moment on stage. But leading up to that, no, I'm fretting. When I'm on the road, I see comics. They're like hiking and fucking axe throwing or whatever, however they're passing the date. I'm in my room. I sleep in. I meditate. I get a coffee. I'm like, I'm on my weekend of work starts on my way to the airport Thursday morning or Friday morning or whenever I go out. And no fun occurs when I'm on the road. It's, you know, afterwards we'll go out or get dinner with the people that I'm working with or whatever. But besides that, dude, I'm like, there's not a second of like, oh, this is fun. I'm like, maybe. It took me till very recently, like the last big tour I did where I was like, I would just write my act down. Yeah. Before I went on. And it seemed like dorky. It's like, yeah, I guess. I don't know. All this like hustle culture doesn't. I think part of the underside of hustle culture is like a lot of these people. I wouldn't include myself in hustle culture, but I would include myself in like, I can't be good any other way. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I don't have, I don't, I have neither pride nor shame. I actually have more shame. It's closer to shame that I can't just be like, hey, whatever, fucking cigarette, smoke weed, do a shot. And then what? No. It's crazy. Yeah. No, I'm not. I got like, I mean, I got to like eat properly, excuse me, eat properly, meditate for an hour. Like it's, it's all prep. And afterwards, yeah, I can have fun and da da da da. But no, I'm, I, for, I don't know how many sets I've done in my life, but always write out what I'm going to put. Even if it's jokes that I've done a million times, I always write it out. Yeah, I really, I've been trying to do a new joke and I wasn't, I was doing the thing like, I don't know. Neil, you're not going to be able to do the joke. Yeah. Unless you memorize it. Dude. And the people I was like, I'll work it out on stage. What? I know. I've never worked anything out on stage. I'll add something but I haven't been able to figure it out yeah like so rarely to me me saying I'll work it on stage is like I'm just not gonna do it like it's not gonna improve I gotta sit down and go over it yeah I'm not gonna be able to survive as a person yeah you're basically saying like I'm gonna I'm writing my own death certificate cause I can't I'm too cool yeah it's funny cause we talked about nate earlier but it is like yeah i can't do that no um all right well dude i'm rooting for you oh thanks i was already rooting for you i'm now i'm rooting for you more i hope people that didn't know you will go watch your stuff because you're fucking really funny oh thanks um and uh and and the story the the the backstory is awesome oh thank you yeah i'm so stoked to be here i was honored to be here i i have to thank you again years ago you were doing your three mics show and we barely knew each other and someone was like just text him and ask him for tickets and you gave me tickets and I was so inspired by that show oh great thank you man well it was great to see you right on I'm gonna pound you cause I just wiped my nose thanks Neil mommy