NFL Schedule Predictions & Colin Jost on SNL Finale, Joke Swaps and Life as the Plus One | Ep 191

How nice is it to be the less famous person in your relationship? Huge really. Really. Really. It was hard as a stand up because I would have jokes about either the idea of dating or the idea of marriage or what that is. I can't be like, she's nagging me about this. Everyone's like, shut the f*** up. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Welcome back to New Heights. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a wondrous show as you know, brought to you by Adobe Acrobat. We are your hosts. I'm Travis Kelsey. He's my big brother, Jason Kelsey. I'm out of Cleveland Heights, Ohio. Shout out to the Heights. Shout out to the University of Cincinnati and all the Bearcats out there. We miss you guys. Subscribe to YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts to follow the show on all social media at New Heights show with one S for fun clips throughout the week. Jason. How you doing you underdog over there? Haha, doing good. EGA championship. This guy is laced with apparel right now. Why don't you tell everybody what we have coming up? Yeah, we do have the PJ championship here in Philadelphia this year at Erhatmic. We are selling some merch there that is centered around PJ championship, raising money for the foundation. So excited to don some of this gear. I know. All righty, 90% of us, we got another great episode. We're gonna look at what we know so far about the 2026 NFL schedule as well as answer some of your no dumb questions, which we'd always love to do. Today's guest is SNL's Colin Jost. That's right. Oh, it is in the house. The Jost is here. The Jost is here. I love it, man. Put it on a T-shirt, man. The Jost is here. I love that. That sounds good. All right, anyways, we're gonna start off what we always start off with. A little bit of that new news. New news. New news is brought to you by American Express. Yes, yes it is. I found out you were in London on the internet. That was fun. London is fun, Jason. Did you do anything stereotypically British while you were there? For the most part, had some really good food and enjoyed some plays. Saw Sadie Sink and I believe Noah Jup is his name. He is fucking phenomenal as Romeo. Sadie was phenomenal as Juliet as well. Okay. Have you ever had Indian food in London? I did. I've had the best Indian food. Well, I'll say second best because Kumar makes the best Indian food. Shout out to Kumar. I would say it was one of the most surprising meals that I've ever had. I went to a spot called Jinkana, which was fucking remarkable. Nice. Every dish they brought out, I didn't ask a single question. I just dove in. The only question that I had to answer was how hot or how spicy. How spicy. The heat of the spice. Like it's like butter chicken, like standard Indian dishes. Or is this like kind of like another? It was its own rendition. I don't think I really understood what we were ordering. Okay. I kind of went with what the table was getting. Nice. You would have never had curry with me. I don't know if that's true. I've had curry before this. That's right. Kumar? Yes. There we go. What's your favorite kind of curry? I like chicken masala or chicken matika, I think is the other one. Matika? Yeah. It was, I believe Kumar's made the matika for me. This one was the chicken butter masala. Damn good. With some garlic naan. What level of heat? So they asked you what level of heat? Yeah. What was the rating system? It was a table consensus. We went more on the mild side, but it was still, like Ed Kelsey's sitting over a bucket of chicken wings. It was still hot. Watching Jeopardy. Yeah, I was fucking leaking. That place sounds awesome. It is phenomenal. And now that I know that there's one in Vegas, everyone in America needs to go try it. I can't wait. I love Indian food. Anything else you want to talk about on the eating? You were a little bit upset. You feel like we're uncharacteristically been referring to you as a picky eater. Is this not accurate? No, it's not. It's not accurate at all. But it's fun to play around with because I was, I was at one point, yes. Where, where, and I will give you credit, you opened up the curiosity of eating. It took me to be probably 22-ish, I think it was. Maybe 21 and absolutely shit-faced at a sushi spot, eating half-priced sushi for the first time in my life, knowing that I had, I had a really, I don't know, thought of sushi to be. Appetizing. Yeah, I wasn't very fond of it at that point. Raw fish, you're excited. I got you. Raw fish and some of the sauces and the topping and just like, I was like, why are we doing this? Just give me the fried rice. I'll be good. And I was hammered and you told me, dude, just eat this, you're gonna love it. And I did. And then I've loved sushi ever since. So she's like, I can't go like more than a week without getting sushi, you know? Yeah, that was cloud, it's called cloud nine now. What was it called? I forget what it was called back then. What was it? It was dancing wasabi? That is what it was. I think so. It became one of my favorite spots. Well, the funny thing about that part is it was always half-priced. It was, that was the most- No, no, no, no, no, except for dinner hours. Dinner hours, it was not. It was like lunch, 11 to three, and then four to, I think like 10 p.m. was like, like regular price. And then, but from like 11 to three half-priced, and then from like 10 to four a.m. was another like half-priced. I guess we were just never, we were always outside of the hot- We never went there for dinner. Yeah, I don't wanna do this again. But Taylor has gotten you out of your comfort zone more than I ever did. I remember screaming at you to try Benihana's special sauce and you would not try it. And I still, I'll probably, I could try it now, but I'm just like, I'm not gonna dump it over my entire Benihana. I love Benihana. Right. I like it just the way it is, just the way they cook it. I don't think it needs a sauce. I'll do a little spicy mayo, a little yum-yum. You have been on record as you are an anti-mayo. You do no mayo. Yeah, straight mayo, I'm out. But you'll do spicy mayo. Not a lot of it. I'm not fucking lathering up a sandwich and doing it. If I wanna like, have it like drizzled over some like sushi or like over some like... You're in on aioli, so it's basically what you're saying. Yeah, I'll have a nice little spread, but if it's like, if it's coming out of a burger and like getting on my fucking face, I'm out. I can't do it. It's too much sauce. I don't need that much sauce. I'm gonna get a burger now. All right. All right, let's keep moving along here. End of the schedule release is coming out Thursday. As of this recording, that's all we know. We know nothing about the schedule. There's been a few games released. The schedule has leaked so far. Per Adam Schefter on Pat McAfee is as follows. International games. We have one in Melbourne, Australia. The first game in Australia ever. That is gonna be Rams and 49ers. So cool. Another Brazil game this time between the Cowboys and Ravens. Always a slate of London games. We got commanders, we got Jaguars. We don't know who they're playing, but they're gonna be there. Paris, France. Have we played in France yet? I don't know, have we? I don't believe I've seen this. The Saints. Lucky guys. Yeah. Who doesn't wanna go to Paris? Madrid. I was gonna say Madrid, the Falcons. I know the Chiefs were like, I think Spain might be the only one that we were in on. I don't know if I'm even allowed to be saying this. Is that news? I don't know. Can we look that up real quick? What do you mean in on? Like you're a... I think that may be one that we like... A candidate to be in? Yeah, that we... Cause you like put in bids for these games. For sure. Well, and you can kind of... Because it takes away a home game, you can actually submit to be one of the like home teams or whatever, if you want, I think. Mexico City, 49ers, Munich. We got the Lions. Munich's gonna love the Lions and Dan Campbell. Yeah, I guess the Chiefs... I mean, I guess we have been lobbying for it to play in Spain and the Falcons are, I believe, our like 18th game. Like we don't play the NFC South, but we... There are extra game next year. So it could be a little Falcons, Kansas City? Our 17th game. Let's see if Travis is calling it. You say you think Week 9 Falcons vs. Chiefs, you're saying it right now in this podcast. Yeah, you have no inside information. That's so obvious. You have no inside information. It's so crazy. We're just guessing. I don't. I'm guessing I know that we play, that's like the only team on here that we play, outside of the 49ers. Okay. Mexico City, we played there before. Nice. I don't think we play the Lions. I think we, yeah, we played the NFC West this year. So, and then as I said, the Falcons were our only extra game this year. So I think that's our only chance of playing abroad. I mean, Spain, it's pretty nice. I've never been. It's pretty nice. Never been. Looks really nice. Seeing picks. People. Beautiful. Beautiful people. Great wine. Piaia. It's about all I know. My friend Alejandro Villanueva is just like sitting there, like yelling at me right now. For not knowing. That's what I know about Spain. For not knowing. Alejandro, we're sorry. I'm still. Comes off a little too fancy. Spain comes off a little fancy to me. Is that accurate? No, that's very false. That's not accurate? It has its very nice spot, and it is a very elegant feel, but fancy? It just comes off a little snooty to me. No way, Jason. Do not. I don't know if that's true. I've never been. I just when I think of, especially to Madrid, I'm thinking of like. Madrid. What do you think they speak? French. Madrid and Barcelona are the two big cities. That's all I know. This conversation is going absolutely nowhere. All right, perfect. So maybe, so Travis is basically guaranteeing that the Falcons are playing the Chiefs week nine. I'm guaranteeing it in hopes that we do because I want to play in Spain. Regular. There we go. Regular season games that have been confirmed. Week one, the Cowboys vs. Giants on Sunday Night Football. There's going to be a Thanksgiving Eve game, so a Wednesday game. They don't know who is going to be yet, but there will be one. That's probably, I'm assuming, one of the games that they sold to Netflix or something like that. Christmas Day, another scheduled game on Netflix. Week 18, Saturday games are going to be scheduled. Saturday game will be scheduled on Netflix. This is the topic right now, is a lot of these games going to networks and platforms that viewers have to pay for. You know, the game for a large port of existence was free on basic television. As long as you had the old rabbit ears, you could watch football on Sunday. But you can still do that on Sundays, but I think it's always been, cable has been whatever area you're in is the game that you get, which is why when we are growing up, we got Brown's games, but then when the Browns left, we got Pittsburgh, Detroit, and Cincinnati games. What's interesting is that still the vast majority of the games you can get with rabbit ears. Like if you think about it like that, like you can still, as long as you got some old fucking antennae, you can still watch over 80 some percent of the football games. There is a lot of criticism and I get it because it's changing. And I don't know, you have to have all of these different platforms now, if you want to watch all of it. But previously, before those platforms, you couldn't watch all of it. Before YouTube TV came out with Sunday, well I guess Sunday ticket came out on Direct TV to start, but even that you couldn't get unless you had Direct TV. Now it's never been easier to watch football games. You want to watch everything. And if you still don't want to pay for it, you still can watch the vast majority of football. Mary would just go to the Paninis down the street. That way you can fucking watch every football game you could ever ask. You could go to Buffalo Wildways, you can get it all. Yeah, yeah. Do we want to try and predict which chiefs games will be in prime time? I think that's a good fun game. Oh, okay, yeah, let's do it. All right, if I was commissioner, which games would I be making to the chiefs? How many games do you think we would be on prime? This is the problem. Your guys division is getting better. So previously most of your guys prime time games are outside of the division, right? So like Denver this year, is that a prime time game? We would always have a prime time in division game. But now like the Raiders. Do you have prime time against the Raiders? What on what? 100%, I had four touchdowns. Well, the Christmas game? No, again, a Christmas game versus the Broncos. Yeah. The divisional games, I feel like those are all, those are a big focus for these like networks to get these rivalry games. Yeah. Well, you want the divisional games because they mean more for the playoff seedings and especially at the end of the year, they're big. Typically get better football when you play in division. Yeah. All right, well Broncos game to start the year. I bet that that would be a prime time game. Well, it's not to start the year, it's just the first fucking logo. Sorry. Yeah. Broncos that virtually one, if not both of those games will probably be prime time, right? So in previous years, we've had up to five or six prime time games. That's coming off of the Super Bowl. Yes, exactly. This year, so I'm going to guess three to four. I'm going to guess three high end four. I still think the Kansas City Chiefs are a draw that the league's banking on. I think so. I'm playing modest. You got, as long as you got Andy Reed, Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelsey, like. Don Heddle, Texas Gusslinger. Ha ha ha. What about TV? So let's say four to five. If it's five to six, maybe now it's four to five after a down year, one down year in the past decade. All right, Broncos, virtually guaranteed to be one of them is going to be a prime time game, right? Yes. What about non-division games? Which a Buffalo, I mean, that's, that's for sure going to be a prime time game, right? I don't know. We, we, we played them a mid afternoon or like that second wave of games that, that four o'clock slot. Yeah. I think we played them and, and Bangles the same. But both of them could be, I think if we get a home game, I think Patriots are probably the, the big one that I think people would want to see. Yeah. Let me say this. If, if I'm the network, which games do I want to see the Chiefs playing on my network in print time? I want to see them playing the Broncos. I want to see them playing the 49ers. I want to see them playing the Bills. I want to see them playing the Rams. Seahawks, Seahawks, or just because I know there's a lot of bad blood and rivalry is the Bangles, right? Yeah. Those are the six games to me that look the most appetizing if I'm a network. Yeah. I'm with you. I guess you're good chargers too. Chargers are really good last year. They, Tackles got hurt. They're going to be, well, they lost Jesse Minner. We'll see how they do defensively with the Tackles healthy. Justin Herbert in there. They're going to be really good. Harbaugh still at the helm. Is that a good list? 100%. I think I've kind of, I left out the Patriots. I don't know why. I mean, I know they went to the shoot bowl. That's still a, a big one. Yeah, it is. 100%. So is San Fran at home. I think that's all. That's going to be a big one as well. The only reason I think I left to Moscow is like the other teams all have like, you guys really don't have a lot of, well, I guess you do from back when Tom was there. Like recent see there hasn't been like a lot of bad blood between the chiefs and Patriots. Yeah. Whereas with the 49ers, obviously you guys just played a shoot bowl not too long ago. I think it's not as much on field, but there's still that back and forth with the right, with the organizations and the, and the fan base is, yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough. So we'll do that. All right. If I was a betting man, I'd say a Chargers home game. I'll go San Fran at home and then the. Mile high Denver. To away games. That's what I was going to say Denver away and I'll say Chargers away or not. Chargers, Seahawks, Seahawks away. Do you already know that those are the, oh, okay. It's already got him home on the way. I didn't even notice that. Good job, Travis. Yeah. That's where I'm going with it. All right. Shout out to the Eagles Autism Foundation Challenge. They raised over 16 million dollars. That's right. Holy smoke. It's every year it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Shout out to Jeffrey Lurie, the executive director, Ryan Hammond, close family friend, but also Rye has been killing it. Every single year it keeps getting better and better. Jeffrey Lurie has put a lot of resources into this. And so far they've raised over 56 million dollars over the last eight years. Sheesh. Absolutely wild. Man. Yes. So it's, it's been highly successful. And on top of that, it's especially this event is just an awesome event for the community, right? Everybody comes out. We're all together. You're exercising, you're talking, you're shaking hands. I mean, it's a very just fun day, especially when the rain holds off, which it did, thankfully. And I bike 10 miles again, Travis. Did a little 10 mile bike ride. Oh, yeah. No chance. Did it in right around 42 minutes, which I'm pretty happy with. 42 minutes? Listen, that's not bad pace. That's a decent pace. What's that? What? Let's I don't want to do the number. How fast are you going? 4.5 by 10. How do you? Oh, how fast are you going? Yeah. Like how, on average, how fast do you think you're going? Well, you're going 4.2 or you're going, so 10 miles. Uh-huh. You're going 4.2. Why am I, I'm trying to divide it by 10. This is not working. You're not doing it the right way. I'm not doing it the right way. No, you're going to take how long it is and then divide it by. We're going 10 miles in 42 minutes, which means. I don't want to do however long a mile is times 10. I don't want to then divide it by. Well, you're going a mile every 4.2 minutes. Every 4.2, yeah, every 4.2 minutes. So you're going one mile every 4.2 minutes. That's it. So you extrapolate that to, so 4.2, 60. There's 60 divided by right around, I mean, let's just call it, you're basically. 60 divided by 4.2. You're almost going 25 miles an hour. You're going over 20s. No chance. There is no chance. It's not right. You know how fast you would have to be fucking battling. I'm doing the math. You need to be fucking toward a France. Let me do 4.2 is 60. I did 4.2 with 100. That was what, why it was up. So 4 divided by 60 is what? 4 divided by 60 is 15, right? So you're going and then 5 divided by 60 is, that's where I'm getting the point too far out. No, that's not it. That's like 12. So you're going like 6, I was going like 16 points, something miles an hour. No chance. What do you mean? That's what the math, that's something like that. I'll give you maybe 12 miles per hour average. I mean, I wouldn't have finished with that time if that was the case. Exactly. Oh, you have a discrepancy on the time finished. Yes. I mean, I know for a fact it's 42 minutes. Seems a little far fetched out. I think they gave some of the contestants little chips in their bags. Maybe I had to chip my bag. Maybe it was a little faulty chip. Also, we bullied Armace and Thomas into switching his number. Don't fucking do that, Armace. No, we're not doing this. We didn't bully anybody. So he just happened to change his number the same week that we put out a video saying that 34 shouldn't be worn by somebody of his position. I'm pretty sure nobody saw that. I begged a different. There's a social media clip of it that would beg to differ. How many people saw that social clip, Brandon? Nobody. Jake? Armace and didn't. Well, I mean, it's very coincidental that he switched it to 51 right after we talked about it. You don't know how fast he switched it. I do. No, you don't. We just see. You don't. You're just assuming. There was a practice where he was 34. And then another practice where he's 50. Well, that was the rookie camp. Yeah. OK. So he's 34 at the rookie camp. Then he became 51 after that. When has he been in the building to have 51? You haven't even seen him in 51. Yeah, I have. I've seen him in a jersey in 51. Where? In a video that they said they said they was going viral. Can we get some assistance here from people in the rundown? Jesus Christ. I'm trying to get Jake. I don't have the answer. I don't do social. How dare you? I mean, we just we straight up just didn't make a social clip of that. She just plainly lied. Brandon and I are like messaging like, what the fuck is he talking about? It's in the full episode and a bunch of people. A bunch of people were shitting on us for not remembering 34. They were more mad about the Walter Payton thing. Yes. But that was all in the full episode. I did not ever score to touch down on Super Bowl. Well, you want me to say. Get him. He's a bow jack. Get him. Come on. Don't do this to Walter. All right. 51, though. Where is the evidence? I do switch to 51. Jake, get back in here. Where is the evidence? I haven't seen any of this. I've seen this. I think the chiefs posted like updated rookie numbers and they had. That's what I was. And that was it. All right. So that but it's like a graphing and none of those are official. Technically. And why are we doing this? Because a bunch of people on the Internet are claiming that we bullied him into changing his number. And I think it's accurate. I think there is an accurateness to this statement. No. No. No. There's only one way. Our our Mason, we got to get you on the show so you can tell Jason that he didn't get bullied. It's a wearing a different number. All right. There's a bunch of people on here. Pretty pissed off that we didn't remember Walter Payton, a case sweetness, wore that number, which he had. I mean, major file on our part. We definitely should have. We fucked that one. But did we go down the list of people who are 34? We were trying to remember who knew it was running backs. We did know that. And we were trying to remember who wore 34. We couldn't do it. We couldn't for some reason, we didn't think we could hit in the head for a living. All right. Sometimes it just goes right over our head. Doos daily. Doos was doos. Well, I'm pretty sure who else wore 34. Let's check that out. Oh, 34, 34, 34. I can see a Steelers. Steelers Jersey 34. I don't I don't know. Alrighty, we got some good ones. OK, some really good ones. Yes. Alrighty. Are they all running backs like we thought? They are all running backs. Knew it. I knew it. At least four of them you should know. All right, four. All right, sweet. Yeah, Walter. Bo Jackson. Nice. Well done. How did you get Bo Jackson so fast? Because it's fucking Bo Jackson. What are you talking about? No, did we somebody write that down? How did you just pull out Bo Jackson? Bo knows it's the fucking one of the best. We were just talking about this five minutes and you didn't say Bo Jackson once. And then you just looked at it like you was a fat. 100 percent. Somebody. All right, whatever. All right. Yeah. Bo Jackson. 34, 34, 34, 34. Wait for it. Wait for it. Was. I want to say like Marshall Falk. You would be wrong. Give me an era. Give me an era. One was from our era growing up watching football. I would say the latter half of it. Like high school and middle school years. Very iconic running back. Whose career had ups and downs. And who's doesn't? Well, this one was very down when it was down. Oh, Ricky Williams. Ricky Williams. There you go. Legend. Legend for multiple things. And then the other one is one of the most iconic running backs of an era before that. Oh, no, he was 32. Gosh, 32 has got a fuck ton of them. I was going the white running back from Miami. Who are you? Like how far back he was the same era as Brian Bosworth? Matter of fact, has a legendary highlight where Brian Bosworth cannot tackle him. Are we talking about Bo Jackson again? I don't think it was Bo. I thought it was the other guy. He's from the same era, basically of Bo, I think. This is so fun. I love this trivia stuff. He also ran a sub five second 40 at 50 years old more recently. Gosh, what are you thinking about? Eric Dickerson, who are you thinking of? I think you might be doing politics now, which maybe I shouldn't even mention. Oh, so Walker. Yeah. There you go. Were those clues accurate? Yeah, he was he was a part of the the big trade that that evidently got Bo, right? Led to no Emmett Smith. Emmett Smith. Damn it. That's right. Cowboys. I'm an idiot. He is the one that broke that Brian Bosworth was trying to tackle and broke the tackle, right? No, that was Bo Jackson. That was Bo Jackson. Yeah, that was a funny name. We should do that more often. It was Bo Jackson. We just sit here and bond her. I mean, listen, they'll cut it up. It'll look better. Finally, tickets still available for our live show in Los Angeles. That's right. That's right. You guys are not going to want to miss this one. We're getting fired up for this one. We're going to put things together. I can't wait to shoot Jason right in the face with a T-shirt cannon. And he's never going to see it coming. Guests are starting to come out and when they do come out, I'm assuming these last few tickets will go quickly. So if you're on the fence, just know that once these guests get announced, which we are not 100 percent sure on. So we're not going to announce them right now, but we have some leads. Leads. Leads. Yeah, we got the guys over there working in shifts. All right. Yeah. The link in the description to buy is down below this video. If you will be in the LA area around, what are we doing this again? Like June, June 15th. 15th. Yeah. There we go. June 15th. All right. That does it for new news brought to you by American Express. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Adobe Acrobat. Acrobat just got a big upgrade. Now you can make a ton of changes to PDFs in seconds by simply chatting with Acrobat's AI assistant. You just put in a request like delete page four or add a signature and password and AI assistant will walk you through the process. Quick, clean and done in seconds. This means less guesswork and more time saved. No more hunting around for the right tools or searching for answers online. Just chat, sit back and get your files updated in seconds. Adobe Acrobat with the new AI assistant helps you get way more done with your documents and way less time. See how productive you can be by learning more at Adobe.com slash Acrobat. Thank you to our partner, American Express. All right now, 92 percent is questioned for you. What's the number one most stressful part of traveling? I mean, it's got to be the airport, right? Bingo, you could have it all planned out. Then find yourself running through the terminal coat half on phone at 3 percent. It's chaos. 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And that leads us into No Dumb Questions, which is brought to you by the greatest mattress company ever created. Who's that Travis? Sleep Number. Very good. Reminder, you can preorder our No Dumb Questions book right now at Kelsey Clubhouse. We have a few No Dumb Questions. One is from HLS Eifert. HLS Eifert. HLS Eifert. What Pokemon character best represents the Eagles and the Chief? The Eagles and the Chiefs. I'm assuming that's what it means. Yeah. The hashtag Bulbasaur. I think people just like saying Bulbasaur. I feel like Snorlax best represents myself. As for the Eagles, it's got to be a Pokemon with some attitude, a little bit of grit to it. What's a gritty Pokemon? What is a gritty Pokemon? Like Onyx. I kind of want to look at some Pokemon because I haven't played Pokemon in a while. Definitely have to go with the original like 151 or whatever. Charmander. Is that a Chief? Is that what the Chiefs are? I think Charmander would be like a Charizard. I think would be a Chief for sure. Similar kind of colorway. Oh, there we go. This helps. OK. Similar colorway, but is there a team that is more associated with fire? That's weird that there's no teams. Like you have the flames in hockey, right? There's no like fire teams. And the NFL, right? Am I blanking on one? I don't know. Was Zappados be a good one? Oh, electric. I mean, yeah, it's got to be a bird, right? So you got Zappados, you got. Why does it have to be a bird? Well, it's Eagle. Oh, you're talking about you. All right. So we got Zappados. Little Zappados right here. One of the ice birds. I think it started with like an A maybe. There's like an A bird. A bird. I kind of think I'm I keep coming back to Zappados. So we could be one of the bats. What were the bats called? Those things are fucking annoying as shit. And they just they kept fucking showing up. Nick Sirianni's famous flower speech. There's that one flying flower. I kind of feel. What's the goat? What's the haunted one? The ghost one that flies around. That's what I feel like the birds. It's purple, not the right colorway, but kind of it's got some menacingness to it. I got nothing in my in the cards. I've already opened. Think of a ghastly. There's ghastly. There's Gengar. Gengar. Zubat, I believe is the bat. Zubat. Zubat. Articuno was the A bird you're trying to think of. Articuno. I'm going to go Zappados. Zappados. That's the bird. Yeah. Little zappy. I think we're at Charizard, man. Charizard. Going full evolution. Petting my home's thrown fire. What is Travis Kelsie? I think we already went through this on the like the mine. Oh, yeah, we've already done that bit. All right. If you had to live in one Disney movie forever, which would you choose and why? Okay, Christian 04. Man, one Disney movie. Could live in it forever. Yeah, that's a good fucking question. Oh, how do you just one? Heavyweights? You just want to live at the heavyweights camp forever? Camp Hope. Get on that blob, man. It does look fun. Patch that thing back up. Come on now. Have you ever been on a blob? Never, man. I've been fucking dreaming about being on a blob since heavyweights came out in the 90s. Well, let's fucking make it happen, Travis. All right, let's fucking do it. Now, give me on a blob. I'm saying heavyweights, man. That shit was so fucking funny. I was going to find out where you get a blob from. All the fat kids when we were growing up, they were ended up being the funniest, most enjoyable to be around. It's true. Fat people are just better. You didn't get good until you got fat. I didn't. Yeah, nobody liked me until I became fat. That's such a bummer. As I get skinny, people hate me more and more. What's Jason's? I kind of want to go Alice in Wonderland. Just for, just for Eiffert or Seyfer. Got a little bulbous heart for you. What were you saying? You're going which one? I'm going to go Alice in Wonderland. That shit was wild. Alice in Wonderland or Alice in Wonderland? Alice in Wonderland. I could dig that, I guess. Super trippy. You're right. Kind of scary. Yeah, but I mean, eventually you kind of get used to it, right? I don't know. Yeah, Alice seemed to. Probably if I'm going my favorite one, I'm going. I'm going to Latin. Just have a gene around all day, can do whatever I want. Well, do you only get three? Well, no, you do. But the first wish you do is you wish for more wishes. And then you set him free and then he's just your friend. But he still has the power somehow. Is that how it works? Did you just make up your own version of Latin? At the end of a Latin, he sets him free. And then I think he still is like around in the other Aladdin's they make like multiple. No way. They made more than one Aladdin. Oh, yeah, I think there's like three. There's at least three of them, I'm pretty sure. Where the fuck have I been? I have not watched them either, to be honest with you. But there are multiple Aladdin's. Yes, you cannot ask for more wishes, but you can grant him freedom and then he becomes your friend. That's the way you get the genie. You grant him freedom. Then he's your friend, but he still has power. So he still can kind of fuck around. That's the point of him being free is that he doesn't get put under the spell of only giving three wishes and going back in the. I know, but for some reason when they set him free in multiple iterations, he still had powers. And then he was still helping with his powers. Man, I got to watch that again. That doesn't sound like it's right. Well, it's a good lesson for kids. If you want something, you know, and you ask, you only get like three times for something like this guy's fucking annoying as shit. But if you are good to them and you give them freedom, they'll help you out and you do something for them. Then they'll help you out in perpetuity. All right, which Disney movie are you so out on that you would never even want to live in that movie? Yeah, what's my least favorite Disney movie? I don't know. Let me look at let me look up. I'm going to go. I'm going to. Look for help. I don't know. You go first. You think of one? I probably say. It's hard to do like what do we mean when we're living in them? Are we becoming like a specific character? Sounds like, yeah, like you got to live in that world. All right, if we're doing that, then I'm going hunchback in order down. I don't want to be that living in a fucking tower and just fucking ringing bells. And I don't even remember what the positive end of that story was. Well, he got. What was he didn't get the girl? I don't think I think you just like they were like friends. I don't think he got her. No, he like she like kissed a frog or something and he became cute. No, that's and that's the other one is Beauty and the Beast. I feel like that's the most fucked up story that I feel like there is in. What? Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, the Beast can't become handsome. I mean, it feels like the message is like, hey, no matter how bad and ugly this person is, you can change him. Another good one is Shrek. Shrek is a banger. That's a great one. That's a very fun one. I live in that one. That's I don't believe a Disney movie, but that is a banger. I think it's a kid's movie. We'll accept it. I don't. That's what Dreamworks or it's one of the ones that's not Disney. Associated. Sure. Pixar is Disney. I think it's Dreamworks. One of those animated studios is an offshoot. It's not Disney. I don't. Yeah, I have four kids. Travis, just trust me. I think Pixar was once on its own and then it became. You are correct on that, I believe. I don't think it was always a part of Disney, but now it is. All right, that does it for no dumb questions brought to you by sleep number. Hi, let's get to our convo with Colin Joest. This conversation is brought to you by Mentos. Sh maker. All right, here goes Colin. Hard to our guest today is a writer, comedian and fairy boat owner from Harvard University. That's right. He's a two time Emmy winner, five time WGA award winner and a New York Times bestselling author and the winner of five thousand two hundred and fifty dollars on the college edition of Weakest Lake. You know, he's the host of pop culture, Jeopardy or from his almost four hundred episodes on SNL. As the longest tenured anchor of weekend update, please not a two percenters. Welcome Colin Jones. Let's fucking go. There we go, baby. There we go. I got to save her the best that best intro I've ever gotten. Where were you for every time I did stand up? That come on. Listen, if you ever need a guy, need an intro, how how many are you still doing? Stand up time out. Let's get to this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll still tour a little. I mean, now just with kids like less than I used to, but I'll still probably do maybe 50 shows a year or something like that. Oh, hell yeah. That's fucking badass. Yeah, Jason's always wanted to do it. I'm terrified of ever doing it for people that want to that would ever want to do stand up with your best advice. Get ready to suck. I mean, you know, it's different for you guys like you guys would already have instincts about it that are better. But when you're starting out, it's just it's it's sort of brutal for a while because even things you're like, oh, that's good. You get out there in the rhythms off or something. But, you know, some people are just naturally funny. And so you get away. You would already have a head start. There's hope, Jason. Are there a lot of Harvard grads in stand? Like, obviously, I know Conan, but are there is there like a pipeline of Harvard to comedian? There are like there was a guy, Dan Mince, who was really funny, who was who did stand up when I was there. He still does stand up. He's a voice on Bob's Burgers and he's been. Oh, yeah. Yeah. B.J. Novak, who was in the office, he did stand up around that time to I think there's more younger people that do it now that are there. But there it wasn't a huge thing. It wasn't like there wasn't a lot of performers like Conan came from there. He did. But I don't think he ever really did stand up. I think he more did the point. He was like sketch stuff and then became and then did tonight show. So you didn't go to Harvard to do stand up? It didn't help. They begged me not to. That certain image we want. We'd like to uphold at this institution. I went there weirdly to do economics and then quickly abandoned that pursuit. There was someone at school with me who had written a book called Homeless to Harvard about their journey to Harvard. And I feel like now I have to write a book called Harvard to ferry. My going the opposite way. Starting economics end up in ferry. There we go. Perfect. Well, speaking of sketch comedy, we do have the SNL final finale coming up this weekend. Pretty awesome one. Will Ferrell and Paul McCartney. Come on, man. It's hard to beat that. That's not it's so good. People are like, is this the last episode ever? Where do we go from here? I know we had will on here and we talked about this time on SNL. Just comedian in general. But one of the things he said that I still take with me is just full said. He's like, if you want to do and you want to be a great comedian, or really, and it's probably works for anything in life, but you commit hard. Where do you fall in line with that advice? Like, is that what you've kind of feel like is giving you as much success in SNL as well? Yes, definitely. There was there was no other plan. There was no like plan B. I feel like it was either going to work out or I was just not going to do anything. But he will is will. The other thing about will it's so great is he always keeps a little bit of an element of surprise, which is so nice on a live show. It's insane, man. He would come in with like a different kind of costume, an element you like just adds an ascot or whatever, like something that you didn't expect. And when he enters the scene, even the people in the scene are like, let's put it. And he and just the fun. He has a genuine level of fun that he brings. Like he would come when he was hosting and he used to do this when he was in the cast. He would he just would come into the writer's room and he would wear like a scarf and glasses and he would say he was a writer that they brought in from L.A. Yeah, the week and he would just sit there and be listening. And he'd be like, hmm, yeah, maybe that that one line, maybe you flip it. I could see if you in maybe just flip it. And then he'd like order lunch, a long, elaborate lunch order. And just like a guy that likes doing doing bits is the best energy. Oh, my gosh, it's fucking it's so impressive, man. I can't say in a bit to save my fucking life, man. And this dude just does it just every every minute of the day. It feels like when you first when you first jumped into Weekend Update, the first one that you ever did, were you terrified? Oh, my God. So so good. The problem was it was even weirder because I had been there as a writer. Like I had just become head writer. Like I felt like I was doing well as a writer and I'd been doing stand up. But I was really doing a ton of SNL writing. And so I at first I worried like I was going to be so bad that I would lose both jobs. They'd be like, you're so bad on camera. We're also taking away your pen. I'm not even letting you write anymore. And I was so nervous. Like I remember just like drinking bourbon before I went on to calm my nerves. Stay loose. And just the adrenaline immediately just burned it off. And it was weird because it was also like I was doing it in front of all my peers who I had been working with, the whole crew who I've been working with. But then it's suddenly you're in a totally different role. And and you're really self conscious about it. Yeah, I can only imagine. Now that you've been doing it for a while, is there one is what's harder? Writing or performing? I think writing is harder. Like it's hard to do. I don't know. I still find writing is hard. Like it never gets really easy. But performing is just a whole other skill that that you don't know if you have until you're doing it. Like it's really hard to work at. You can get better for sure. Like you can work at acting. You can work like it's a skill you can develop. But you also kind of need some spark or something that you don't. I don't know what it is, but you need something and and something that comes across on camera that is a little less, I don't know, definable. I don't know. Oh, yeah, especially when it's fucking live. Yeah, I mean, I think whatever else I do in life will feel easier. Because even if I do a movie, I'm like, oh, I can get another take. It's so liberating. Like we never get a second shot. And as a writer, too, like you'll write something. And if there's a something goes wrong or someone flubs a line or something, there's a technical cue, you never get to do it again. Yeah. Right. And so when something actually goes the way you imagine it, you feel like it's a miracle, like you pulled it off and, you know, you're you're you're so grateful that it came together. So as you know, I'm sure there's, you know, there's and I'm sure, you know, too, there's things you think are going to work and then they don't. They they tend, you know, and then there's things you're you're like, I don't know, maybe I'll try it. And then maybe it was something that surprised you when you hosted that work. You know, oh, I'm not even just on SNL. There's stuff in the football world that I'm like, this will guarantee happen. Coach, can we just put this in and then we try it in practice. And there's like, it gets gloved and nothing. And I'm just sitting there like coaches, right? He told me that wouldn't work. That's good. I'm glad to know that happens there, too. Yeah. Yeah. You've been working on the show for 20 plus fucking years now. Are there still like some starstruck moments or any hosts or musical guests that are just like, holy shit? Yeah, I mean, still like, I mean, I feel Paul McCartney is someone that's still, even though he's been come around a bunch. And it's just the coolest guy ever. Just the smooth cat. A beam of light. Yes, sir. Super. Yeah, super. And I like just like my this last year, he was he was there for the 50th anniversary. You know, he played, which was one of the most incredible ways you could end episode of television is to have him play the last three songs from Abbey Road. I mean, that was just seeing everyone from the original cast, from people who were there, like watching in tears. What a great memory, you know, moment. And there was he was doing rehearsal. And so I told my parents who are huge fan, they're like, I was like, come down. You got to see this rehearsal. I'll sneak you in. And he's like, I see him. He's up there playing and my dad calls and he's like, we're getting in a cab now. And I was like, dad. What are you doing? And just they walk in comically, like right after he had finished rehearsing. I was like, guys, and and Paul, like he's he can send. This is how great a human he is. He sent. I think he got almost sense that they had just missed it. And so after he finished playing, he like came up and was like, hey, how's it going on? Paul, I still get a nice little memory spent spent like five minutes talking to my parents and it just immediately made the whole situation like even better than if they had seen him before. And it's like he just has those instincts, you know. Absolutely. It was great to see him try to get through crowded into the building with and he's just wearing a hood. And someone's like, sir, you can't just walk in here. And he just like puts the hood up. And he's like, this way, you could do whatever you need, sir. Yeah. Are you and Michael Shagin to do a joke swap? That please, please. Oh my God, that's two weeks away. So it's like, OK, this thing from. We haven't planned. I couldn't tell you anything yet about it, but I mean, we'll see. I'm sure we'll try to brainstorm some version of it, see if we can come up with something that would feel feel satisfying. It's hard to keep. And also, I'm I don't know if you noticed that a little bit of a structural disadvantage. So she plays into it perfectly. God, it was the time I feel like I got him the most nervous because he's he's such a Kendrick Lamar fan. When I started getting him talking, weighing in on the feud, like talking directly to Kendrick, I could tell he was really, really genuinely worried about what I was going to say. Now I got him. Now you know what it's like for me every time. But I'm open to ideas if you guys got any pictures. Yeah, we are the last. You said right. So I can't even put a sentence together, actually. I am curious. So for that, like for that bit, that's been one of the most like longest tenured bits at this point, right? But then I said, yeah, like, what is the process for that? Do you guys have any idea going into it? I know they do the rehearsal like right before the show. Like how much of a wild card are you truly like on the hook of like, what is what am I about to get? Oh, well, so we have people ask about it. Well, it's you know, there's we have a dress rehearsal, but at the dress rehearsal, we do totally different jokes. Yes. And sometimes sometimes they're more tame, sort of to lull the other person into a false sense of security. This one's actually this is not that bad. You have an easy night here. And then sometimes they're actually a little harsher because you can, you know, you can say one thing that's not going to. Inocent air. There's really been ones where I where I said he made me say a joke. And the host that we came up to me after and was like, are you OK? Touch my shoulder. I was like, he can't do that to you like that kind of vibe. It evolved because it started where we just wanted another chance to do jokes that the censor had stopped. So we we originally did it as just jokes that we weren't able to tell early in the year. And then I perhaps foolishly suggested, wouldn't it be fun if we didn't know what was coming? And so it was like, oh, that made sense to give it to each other. And I remember Shay being like, OK. All right. Sure. We can do that. And I was like, yeah, I really brought it on myself. Thank you for doing it because it's one of the entire like fans of SNL's favorite batsman. It is thrilling to do, even though it is also terrifying. And my family every year is very worried for me. I remember my mom. I remember my mom saying like a Rosa Parks graphic came up and my mom was like, I was just I thought our whole family was going to end. We're going to have to just shut down the family. Are we using the word bit correctly? This is another thing. There's like, yeah, like, yeah, I think so. That is how I would say that, too. I feel like there's there a little bit interchangeable. Like, I would say this. I would describe that as a bit. Nice. OK. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh, for Travis. Fuck you, Jason. Thank you to our partner, Mentos. 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We got the liquid IV. Oh, yes. Oh, let's try it out. Look at Jake's fancy cup. It's a nice cup. Only the best for Liquid IV. It's actually so good. That is dangerous. It sounds very good. Yeah. Honestly, when you see the flavors ring pop and you go, what does that taste like? And you taste, you go, no, that's a ring pop. It really does taste like a ring pop cherry. Brings me back to like being at the town pool as a kid. Yeah. Hammering ring pops. Brandon, you needed some electrolytes, huh? I'm not sure. There's a rough weekend, boys. Hydrated. Well, now it's got that nostalgia flavor bursting with tart cherry notes and the hydration you need. Just one stick in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster than water alone because of Liquid IV's hydra science. An optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients. 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I did want to ask you one other thing, which I don't even know if we're putting this up. For weekend update, is it harder now with how much the news cycle changes? Like you guys start writing this stuff usually like that week earlier in it. Yes. I mean, it all gets thrown out now. Like if you have a joke you love on Monday and it completely irrelevant. So we do most of it now on Friday and Saturday. Like Friday and Saturday now is just wall to wall because it's all different now. It's like that's completely changed since when I started. And even the cold opens, like we used to have cold opens that we wrote for the table read on Wednesday, and they would still make sense as the top story. Now, like the top story is never the same between Wednesday and Saturday. So most of the cold opens now we write on Friday and Saturday too. The times is changing. They are changing. That's fucking awesome, though, man. Before we go anywhere, though, we got to take a take a peek at this. This 2005 card we have here, a little NBC Universal, baby. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, what? I feel like the sideburns, the sideburns are so long, they may go underneath and connect under my chin. I was going to say, you do a little Abe Lincoln. You just had to just straight along the chin. It also looks I'm wearing like a like a such a flesh colored t-shirt that almost looks like I came shirtless to work. The Burt Kreiser here. A young Burt Kreiser. This is still this is still my ID. So that photo still comes up for the security guard. And you could tell every time he's like, wait a second. This is still your photo. He brushed that hair forward real quick for me. This is still what I. Yeah. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's hilarious. It doesn't go. It doesn't go forward anymore. That's what the guy says. That was thank you for the show. Yep, you're clear. You're good. And it was just a different. I was just a different place in my life, you know, the burns, man. What was the hiring process besides this wonderful photo? I just walked up with that badge and I was like, people don't know it's just a sign up sheet. That's it. Yeah. The process was I wrote. I wrote a packet of like six sketches and people we still, you know, the when I was head writer, like we still read hundreds of submission packets every summer. Oh, everyone goes through. So it really people's stuff gets read who submit to the show. And we still hire people from just from packs. If something makes you laugh, it's kind of it's a rare thing. Like if you read a packet and you still and something really genuinely just makes you laugh, reading it, that's a really good sign because that's that's just hard, rare to do. But I submitted a I submitted a packet one year before I got hired at the wrong time. Like I didn't even know when to send it in. And so I sent it in and then clear no one ever read it because it was not a time they were looking for writers. And then I submitted in the summer and Tina was was one of the head writers there. Harper Steele was another head writer there. And they just read they liked some of the sketches that I wrote. I was very, very lucky. And so I came in and interview with them and then I and then I had to interview with Lauren the same day, which luckily I didn't even know I was going to have to do. Why do you say that? Well, because I would have been so nervous. I was less I had less time to worry about it because they were like, and we're just going to have you go interview with Lauren. I was like, oh, sure, cool. Got it. Yeah, let's do it. Because you're so nervous. I mean, actually, Will Ferrell, if you know this story, but he went to interview with Lauren and he as a bit like came with a huge suitcase full of money. And so he was like, I'm going to go in and be like, Lauren, if you're on the fence, maybe this would change your mind. And open the suitcase. And then he said he went into me with Lauren, carries in the suitcase in Lawrence's office and is instantly so nervous that he never does the bit. And so they have the whole interview and then he's just like, and it seems like he's like going to get the job. So he's like, it was great to meet you, Mr. Michael, thank you. Just stands up with a suitcase and leaves. So it's like it was in a way even crazier that he thought I brought a suitcase to a comedy interview and never did the bit. So legendary. So interview with Lauren. And then one of the producers like stick around for a while and I was like, OK, so I didn't know what that meant. And then he just put me in a writer's office to just sit there and wait to see. And I didn't know for what I didn't know what it meant. And so I'm in this office for like an hour or two hanging out just like alone. And then the phone rings in the office like this random writer's office. And so instinctively, I was like, I guess I'll answer it. I mean, he's office. I just pick up the phone and one of the producers who's there also in the building tells me that I got hired. So I'm sitting there. So I was sitting. He called me from another office and I just answered a random telephone. It was told I got hired. So epic. Yeah. Tina Fey, Philadelphia legend. What was it like being in there first year going into a room like that? Very intimidating. I mean, and she was such a she had written so many sketches that I love. I didn't even know until I was there like she had written all these. Like there was one where Christopher Walken is the census taker. I don't know if you ever seen that one back in the day. It's like him and Tim Meadows. You got to watch it. It's just it's just like pure random nonsense, basically. And which is the kind of sketch I love. You know, I love I love and it's so well. Every line is a joke and Christopher Walken, who's one of the best. It was so good in it. But she had written so many great sketches too. So it's a very intimidating head writer to to put, you know, to submit sketches to. And there was a lot happening that year because a lot of people like I started with Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader and Andy Sandberg. We were all new together, which is just an insane, truly one of the best groups of this is for people to think about to the show. And all and that was it. They were the four actors that came in and then two writers who worked with Andy with the Lonely Island, who came in and Brian Tucker, who had worked at Chappelle's show. And that was our group that we started with. And there were all these cast members that were kind of in there in their last year. So it was a big transition year. It was the year like Tina was leaving. Maya Rudolph was leaving. Rachel Dratch was leaving. A lot of people who had been there and Tina was starting 30 Rock. So that that was like that process was happening that year. We saw that like the show starting up. And so we as a group, like all these new people, we started figuring out getting our stuff on onto the show, like how we could sneak in. And there were some incredible. I was looking back at the episodes from that year and there's just crazy pairings like Steve Martin and Prince was a show. Oh, yeah. My first my first episode was Steve Carell and Kanye, which was just walking Kanye first episode. Tom Hanks and the Red Hot Chili Peppers was a show, which was pretty awesome. Love it. Love it. Jack Black and Neil Young, pretty. Jesus. And then it was like all these great shows. And then the last episode I just saw the season finale was Kevin Spacey and Nelly Furtado. Like I was like, I'm sure Nelly Furtado is so happy to have that ticket. They're like, what'd you do SNL with? Um, this guy, Kevin. So fun. What a great, what a great seat. But it was really it was pretty cool. And so many of those people were like my idols. Was it always SNL for you? Was that always like the gig once you dropped out of economics? Yeah, everyone, if you leave economics, you just like, all right, that's the way to go. We have a ton of just former bankers. It's mostly we I do. I would have worked anywhere. I mean, I would have worked, you know, I applied everywhere. I applied and just didn't get, you know, I applied the Letterman. I applied to, you know, Conan. I applied to the Daily Show. I wrote Specs. I wrote a Specs script of Arrested Development when it was on. I wrote a Specs script of. Scrubs like shows that were on at that time and just didn't get didn't get traction anywhere. But I would have, of course, loved to work at SNL. I think I didn't let myself believe I could. Yeah. And so then when it worked out, it was like, you know, holy shit. It was incredible. And it was luckily because I did drop out of economics, normal job. I think it made it easier on my parents that it was a show they had heard of. Instead of, you know, going somewhere where they would be still very worried about me. So it was good. Well, I got to know you've mentioned all of these ridiculous guests, hosts, musical artists. What was it like having Travis Kelce honest take on Travis Kelce as a host? Fantastic. I hope you know. I hope you know. First of all, I thought it was a great show. It was a great show. I don't know how I would compare to others, man. But the entire week I was like over the fucking moon, dude. It was insane. No, you had the you had a perfect approach to it. Obviously, you know the show you and you threw yourself into it. Absolutely committed everything. And I mean, I hope you come and do it again. It would be fantastic. Whatever you want. Do you do? Are there any? Is there any coaching maybe for his next? Coach me up. Coach me up. Yeah. What is it? Coach me up. I got no. I'll look through the game. I'll go. Little hook you up. I'll get in the phone room. I'll mark a couple things up. Late entrance here. We're dead weight. Infections wrong here. I'll get in there. I'll go. I'll be a full guy section. Went from Australia into British halfway through. I'm sure the notes would all be for our own. Would on our own side, like we should have written a better joke here. There were some standouts, too. Having a meal at the American Girl Store. That was really good. Oh my fucking god. I should go back and watch that. I mean, it's absolutely hilarious. And so much fun doing that one. I was like, I'll be a creep. You were a little too good at it, to be honest with you. It was a little. I think it was. You spent like months at that just doing research. I was actually. It was a mess at a point. I was getting porter houses the entire time there. And then you spent like months after you hosted there, too. And you were kind of really trying to get people to know this. I was trying to get my. He's really trying to get my name out there. You still get like 10 percent off food there, right? Like any time, like a lifetime. Only the stakes, the really high play high price stakes. And they still card me, Colin. They still card me every time I go in. And I don't understand. I'm not ordering alcohol or anything. And I'm age. Mickey Glaser hosted and I did a sketch with her that was like. American Girl, they make a larger version of the American Girl dolls. And then instantly it's just like guys coming in like, yeah, I'll get one of those. That's a banger. Well, how did it compare for you? Like what you thought going in because it's such a blur. Once you're going, it must be such a blur at that day. That's the thing. I I went into it like with zero expectations. I was like the one thing I wanted to do was like just be a teammate, let everybody like tell you what like what to do, how to do it, where to go. Don't try and put your twist on any of the like writing or anything like that. Just go in there and like be present and enjoy the fucking ride. And I think it was the coolest experience I've ever had in my life. Like it was SNL. As I got a I got a text from Peyton Manning giving me advice on he was like, dude, just buckle up and enjoy the roller coaster and just dive in. Just be all in on everything that they're telling you. And that was the best thing I could have heard at that moment because I was going into it blind, not knowing how everybody was so goddamn funny on SNL. But then I quickly realized after jumping into all the little writing rooms and here and everybody trying not necessarily pitch me apart, but get me to understand a part just how talented everyone is up there and how much of like a family and unity it is up there. So I just went in. I just went in with zero expectations and hoping that I didn't fuck it up on Saturday. No, no, not at all. I mean, it's the thing you realize too is, you know, the writers are also nervous and also trying to figure it out. Like, you know, they don't necessarily know what's going to work and they're trying to figure out what's fun for you to do or what would be a good look for you to in a scene or world for a scene, you know, which is where if I did it again, I would actually be able to tell them, oh, I can do this kind of accent. I can do this. Like I just went in there and somebody asked me, do you have any accents you can do? I'm just like. Fuck. We don't want to take up too much more of your time. We got a last section. We got no friends, no way to go. I have nothing. It's never mind that we will be here. I don't want to see my kids. You are starting season two of pop culture, Jeopardy. Oh, yeah. On Netflix. That's right. You are an economic Harvard. Well, I guess you didn't graduate with economy, but economics. I graduated in pop culture. I had to shift it over. Would you be would you be better at regular Jeopardy or pop culture Jeopardy? Oh, 100 percent regular. Really? Yes. And I'm not I don't think I'd be very good at Jeopardy. Like I'm not I'm not really a good triv- the thing I realized I said it almost is like a yogi bearer phrase. I literally told someone I'm good at trivia if I know the answer. Like, uh-huh. Right. There's certain things I know well, but I don't have a there's a huge blind spots in regular in anything. But Jeopardy, the level of knowledge and the breadth of knowledge that people have as Jeopardy contestants is so impressive. It's crazy. Pop culture is even is even crazier to me because it changes so much. And there's so many areas of pop culture. And this is definitely weighted more recent, you know, which is sad because when there's the category about the 90s, that's the one I feel like I can get. I'm on this. Yeah. Yeah. And then but and weirdly, sometimes that's a category where no one will get an answer now. And that just makes me feel very sad and old. As two guys who are also of the plus one fraternity and have this same experience. How nice is it to be the less famous person in your relationship? Huge relief. It's really funny because I feel like it's I think I'm probably almost approached more because she's less approachable. So, you know what I mean? Because I'm on TV. I have like a lesser people are just like I'm in their living room. So they were just like, hey, what's up, man? How's it going? She's actually almost like so famous that they don't they don't believe it a lot of times, too. Like I we've been we've been traveling and we've been standing at the passport check and the person is looking at her passport and he'll be like, has anyone ever told you you look like Scarlett Johansson? Genuinely. Like genuinely asking and not real even though he's looking at her name because he's like it would be weirder if it was her and just give it back to her and not think it's it's a really kind of awesome. So the plus ones out there. The other thing I noticed too is that if we're ever ordering food, you know the order is not going to be right. Because we like go to like go buy a sandwich or something. She'll order and the person will recognize her and then doesn't write down nothing about the sandwich distracted all the ingredients are wrong. We'll open the sandwich and nothing is. What did you say? It's really funny. It's like bread and just like a pickle. Yeah, it's good. I feel like it's we can we can, you know, commiserate. That's right. I'm on the team. So hard. I'm here for it. You also it was hard as a stand as a hard as a stand up because I would have jokes about either somewhat the idea of dating or the idea of marriage or what that is. I just can't. There's nothing that will I I can't be like she's nagging me about this. Everyone's like shut the fuck up. It's really it eliminated that part of stand up. All right. Well, can you please tell us our next question? Can you please tell us about the time Jimmy Buffett saved your life? Oh, my God, with pleasure. It was it was really pretty. I mean, RIP, what a great dude. Like, really, I was randomly seated next to him at a dinner in at like it was I was there with I was dating a girl at the time who was there with friends who were working at Vice Magazine and and I was just randomly seated next to him. And I had never met him before and I didn't know it was him. And so it was like over the course of dinner, he was like talk. I was I surf and he heard that and he was like, oh, he just want to talk about surfing because he loves he loves surfing. And only after a while, I sort of noticed little subtle hints that it might be Jimmy Buffett, like he would say something like, wherever I open a new Margaritaville, I like to go and find somewhere to surf near where the Margaritaville was. This might be Jimmy Buffett. Interesting. And then he was really gracious and and, you know, knew I like to surf. So he's like, I'm going to go surf tomorrow morning out in like, I think it's like the West Coast of of St. Park. It's like a more remote area. Why don't you come surf? And I was like, oh, my God, of course. It's fantastic. So I went to meet him and I got there and I kind of immediately thought, realized that maybe it was a thing where he said, like, oh, you should come by sometime. But did it mean it? You know what I mean? And he's like, yeah, come hang. And I was like, great, I will. I'll be there tomorrow morning. And suddenly I was like, am I psychotic that I just took him up on this? And it was just like him and his family. And then there was like a surf instructor that was out there that was just kind of helping them. And he lent me a board and we went out and I kind of was hanging back and they all caught waves like in a row at this. And again, no one was there. It was kind of amazing. Like no one was at this break. It was like a nice sort of five, six foot wave rolling in. And and then I finally was like, I'm going to catch a wave and I caught a wave. And I remember when we were going out swimming out, Jimmy was like, be careful when you get into shallower water because there's a lot of rocks. Like, don't don't ride it all the way in. Yeah. And again, because it's him and I'm talking to him and I'm excited. I didn't pay. Yeah. Any of the advice at all. I didn't pick old. And then rode the wave all the way in and went to turn around on my board and paddle back and I couldn't paddle forward. And I was like, I don't know. I didn't know why. And then I realized that my leash had been stuck under one of the famous rocks he had told me about. And I couldn't get out and the waves were coming. And so I couldn't get reached down and get it. I was like trying to tug it out, which probably was making it worse. And I was stuck. And he was like, are you OK in there? And again, I was like trying to play it cool. So I was like, oh, yeah, I'm great. I love it. I love all this water I'm swallowing. I'm doing great. And then I started getting like kind of nervous because I couldn't get loose of this rock. And so he sort of sensed it and had or his the instructor there had like a knife knife that he just probably for this reason, like to if someone got like the way you would in scuba diving like a couple of times, right? And so he swam and cut my leash off and got me out. And then literally he was like, I think that down the beach might be more your speed. Like that might you might like it over there. And so and then I was. And then, of course, I was like, oh, no, I destroyed Jimmy's leash. And so like the next morning I went to I found like a surf shop in St. Bart's where a leash costs like two thousand dollars. Same parts leash. Yeah. And then bought it and brought it all the way back to because I was like, I can't leave him with this broken leash. And of course, like he wasn't there and the guy who was there was like, you did not need to do that. He has like a hundred lead. It's fine. But I was like, I should do this. And then and that's the last time that I got this over with him. All right. The legend, man. Very good. Incredible. God damn, that's good. Lastly, what's your welcome to SNL moment? Like, what do you mean? Like when I was welcome there, like or if I welcome someone there. It's more like we asked this to like NFL players, anybody in their field, like when when was it where you were like, oh, my God, I'm I'm doing this like I'm at. Yeah, like a welcome to Hollywood moment. Welcome to the NFL. Yeah, that. Yeah. Yeah. One of them was I was like getting like I was doing pretty well as a writer. And I remember Lorne saying, can you come into my office? And I went into his office and Mick Jagger was there. And he was like, Mick Jagger is doing a show in Indianapolis tomorrow. Do you have any jokes he could do? What? Yeah. And I was like, what? You know, I'm thinking like of all things Mick Jagger needs, it's not. So he doesn't. He could say anything and people are going to scream. You did. And on the spot, I was like, just trying to think about what I was like, he's he wanted to talk about Indianapolis. Like what kind of jokes? I was like, what jokes do you do normally, Mr. Jack? That was definitely a I don't even know what I said, I feel like because I also wasn't even didn't even know he was going to be in there. That's kind of that was like that was a real welcome to Hollywood moment. And then. God, I'm trying to think of like what another what another one is for me. Like there's just like, I don't know, through the I think that one of the ones still even more recent, which was just like a keeping it's like keeping it in mind as I go through it, because I still have ones that are. Of course, shocking when I put them in context. And I remember doing opening for Chappelle at Radio City, which was like a couple of dreams come true. That's like that was really awesome. And then I was going to LA and he was going to LA and he was like, come do a let's go to a Lakers game. And so like we went to a Lakers game together and we're in like the player. They just immediately wherever he goes, they're like, wherever you want to go in the stadium, you're welcome. So like we're in the players tunnel and he's like, do you want to smoke? And I'm like, sure. I never I never smoke. But I was like, I did show us. Like we're going to smoke a series. I'm sure I'm like, sure, no problem. I would love that. I'll I'll look totally natural doing it. So we're smoking. We're smoking in, in, you know, in Lakers Arena there and in the Staple Center. And and then someone's like, do you want to meet? Cream Abdul-Jabbar? He's just over here. He's like, there's a little lounge. It's like cream. It's just like a couple of people hanging out like cream Abdul-Jabbar. That was a moment where I just was thinking this is a great, like what a wonderful combination of so fucking folks to to be in a little little lounge. Yeah, that's a pitch me moment. That sounds like a fucking dream. Yeah. And it's it's very nice when you get to work with people that you that you love, especially, you know, it's an athlete, yourself included, like LeBron, like LeBron coming to host, Peyton coming to host, like that. Those are really those are moments that you kind of can't believe that you get to to do that because you writing for people that you love, like Larry David or Julie Dreyfus or people who are comedians is already. But then when it's an athlete, it's like a double thing of you never thought you'd get to do it or a musician like writing something for Nicki Minaj or something that's totally, totally a thing, you know, different, different out of your world. It's it's the best. It's so cool. If that's why the job is just who else gets to work with those combinations of people over those years? It's pretty amazing. I feel very, I feel very lucky. Well, you should do. I appreciate the stories, man. Thank you for, thank you for the time, the stories, all the above. Thank you for all the fucking laughs on SNL. The the season 51 finale airs May 16th at 11 30 Eastern, as everyone knows. And we cannot fucking wait to watch it on NBC Peacock with host Will Ferrell and musical guest Paul Sir, Paul McCartney. Enjoy it, dude. You can't wait to fucking see it, man. Pleasure. Thank you guys for having me on. I appreciate it. Oh, and also starting May 11th, new episodes of pop culture, Jeopardy will premiere on Netflix. So every week. Oh, yeah. Enjoy it, ladies and gentlemen. I will say if you're a Jeopardy fan and a pop culture fan, there are some episodes that are incredible television, like the game play. You will blow your mind. Like there's a semifinals and the finals were like shockingly dramatic and cool. So fucking nothing to do with me. The actual people playing the games are like you're going to your mind is going to be blown if you're a Jeopardy fan. That's pretty awesome. Nice. Oh, yeah. We'll fuck that out. Appreciate you, dude. Alrighty, thank you to Colin Joest and that conversation was brought to you by Mentos. And that is the end of this episode. That's right. Thank you to Colin Joest reminder. There are still tickets available for our New Heights live show in LA on June 15th. Check out the link in the description and make sure you're subscribed to the New Heights channel on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Once again, New Heights is a wonder show brought to you by Adobe Acrobat. You're going to want to download it. If you want to be organized and make life easier in your business world. Follow the Sean, all social media and new heights show with one S for fun clips throughout the week. And thank you to our new Heights production team. We love you. Until the 92 percenters, we love you too. We'll see you guys next week. Ooh, we're going to get some some NFL scheduling next week. We'll see how accurate we were in the chiefs. I might not read, but I enjoy the arts. OK, I'm not doing this anymore. OK, doing what? This whole Travis only likes chicken figures. All right, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm looking who said that was the case. You and you did. No, both used to. No, we never said that. You didn't like food before you started doing with Taylor. That's all I'm saying. It's a bogus. And you stop. You flew out of the country to prove a point. You flew out of the country to prove me wrong personally. And I say you're welcome. I got you out there. OK, so because I don't eat mayonnaise out of a jar and because I don't fucking eat at a restaurant that I just blindly go to and don't really enjoy goat, blindly go to says the guy who made the reservation. I blindly went there. You took me there. I was looking at restaurants around the area and that happened to have a good star rating. But I go is it goat is like third word in that title. You knew it was coming. Yeah, so as ladies, does that mean I'm going to fucking eat a lady? No, I don't know. We refocus on Shakespeare. I got to admit, I've never I've seen like Romeo Romeo. Where are the road? Like I've seen like bits. I don't think I've ever seen the full. Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, I have no idea. I know the premise of it essentially is how we got to get you out of the house. Love. Yeah, I think we had to read Midsummer Night's Dream in high school. That's the only. Oh, yeah. That's the only Shakespeare play that I've really actually read, I think. We got to get culture. We got to get culture. We did. We did Hamlet. Oh, but I don't remember. I don't remember much. Hamlet's to be or not to be. It's like the Prince of Denmark. I played in high school. I know there's war, right? So from what other people tell me, Hamlet is like the if you're a dude, you're going to be into Hamlet is what I've been told. Hamlet are probably. I don't know how accurate that is. That's probably very dude heavy, too. I actually saw much to do about that. That's a that's a movie. Another play I did in high school. I think I've seen much to do about nothing as well. Big Shakespeare. Don't laugh at your evidence. Would you play red? And what was your character? I was Benedict. That's the lead, by the way. Oh. Starting quarterback. Your boy right here also played Hamlet. Come at me, Travis. Clearly went to a very small school with not a lot of stars. Son of a bitch, Kelsey.