Winnie-the-Pooh - Chapter 1

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When I first heard his name, I said, just as you are going to say, but I thought he was a boy. So did I, said Christopher Robin. Then you can't call him Winnie. I don't. But you said, he's Winnie the Pooh. Don't you know what there means? Ah, yes, now I do, I said quickly, and I hope you do too, because it is all the explanation you are going to get. Sometimes Winnie the Pooh likes a game of some sort when he comes downstairs. And sometimes he likes to sit quietly in front of the fire and listen to a story this evening. What about a story, said Christopher Robin. What about a story, I said. Could you very sweetly tell Winnie the Pooh one? I suppose I could, I said. What sort of stories does he like? About himself, because he's that sort of bear. Oh, I see. So could you very sweetly? I'll try, I said. So I tried. Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Winnie the Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders. What does under the name mean, asked Christopher Robin? It means he had the name over the door in gold letters and lived under it. Winnie the Pooh wasn't quite sure, said Christopher Robin. Now I am, said a growly voice. Then I will go on, said I. One day when he was out walking, he came to an open place in the middle of the forest. And in the middle of this place was a large oak tree, and from the top of the tree there came a loud buzzing noise. Winnie the Pooh sat down at the foot of the tree, put his head between his paws, and began to think. First of all, he said to himself, that buzzing noise means something. You don't get a buzzing noise like that, just buzzing and buzzing without it meaning something. If there's a buzzing noise, somebody's making a buzzing noise. And the only reason for making a buzzing noise that I know of is because you're a bee. Then he thought another long time and said, and the only reason for being a bee that I know of is making honey. And then he got up and said, and the only reason for making honey is so as I can eat it. So he began to climb the tree. He climbed and he climbed and he climbed, and as he climbed he sang a little song to himself. It went like this. Isn't it funny how a bear likes honey? Buzz buzz buzz, I wonder why he does. Then he climbed a little further and a little further and then just a little further. By that time he had thought of another song. It's a very funny thought that if bears were bees, they'd build their nests at the bottom of trees. And that being so, if the bees were bears, we shouldn't have to climb up all these stairs. He was getting rather tired by this time, so that is why he sang a complaining song. He was nearly there now, and if he just stood on that branch, crack. Oh, help, said Poo, as he dropped ten feet on the branch below him. If only I hadn't, he said, as he bounced twenty feet on to the next branch. You see what I meant to do, he explained, as he turned head over heels and crashed onto another branch, thirty feet below. What I meant to do, of course it was rather, he admitted, as he slithered very quickly through the next six branches. It all comes, I suppose, he decided, as he said goodbye to the last branch, spun round three times, and flew gracefully into a gorse bush. It all comes of liking honey so much. Oh, help! He crawled out of the gorse bush, brushed the prickles from his nose, and began to think again. And the first person he thought of was Christopher Robin. Was that me, said Christopher Robin, in an odd voice, hardly daring to believe it? That was you. Christopher Robin said nothing, but his eyes got larger and larger, and his face got pinker and pinker. So Winnie the Pooh went round to his friend Christopher Robin, who lived behind a green door in another part of the forest. Good morning, Christopher Robin, he said. Good morning, Winnie the Pooh, said you. I wonder if you've got such a thing as a balloon about you. A balloon? Yes, I just said to myself, coming along, I wonder if Christopher Robin has such a thing as a balloon about him. I just said it to myself, thinking of balloons and wondering. What do you want a balloon for, you said. Winnie the Pooh looked round to see that nobody was listening, put his paw to his mouth and said in a deep whisper, Honey. But you don't get honey with balloons. I do, said Pooh. Well, it just happened that you had been to a party the day before at the house of your friend Piglet, and you had balloons at the party. You had had a big green balloon, and one of Rabbit's relations had had a big blue one, and had left it behind, being really too young to go to a party at all, and so you had brought the green one and the blue one home with you. Which one would you like, you asked Pooh? He put his head between his paws and thought very carefully. It's like this, he said. When you go after honey with a balloon, the great thing is to not let the bees know you're coming. Now, if you have a green balloon, they might think you are only part of the tree and not notice you. And if you have a blue balloon, they might think you are only part of the sky and not notice you. And the question is, which is most likely? Wouldn't they notice you underneath the balloon, you asked? They might or they might not, said Winnie the Pooh. You can never tell with bees. He thought for a moment and said, I shall try to look like a small black cloud. That will deceive them. Then you better have the blue balloon, you said, and so it was decided. Well, you both went out with the blue balloon, and you took your gun with you, just in case, as you always did. And Winnie the Pooh went to a very muddy place that he knew of, and rolled and rolled until he was black all over. And then, when the balloon was blown up as big as big, and you and Pooh were both holding on to the string, you let go suddenly. And Pooh Bear floated gracefully up into the sky and stayed there, level with the top of the tree, and about twenty feet away from it. Hooray, you shouted. Isn't that fine, shouted Winnie the Pooh, down to you. What do I look like? You look like a bear holding on to a balloon, you said. Not, said Pooh anxiously, not like a small black cloud in a blue sky? Not very much. Ah, well, perhaps from up here it looks different, and as I say, you never can tell with bees. There was no wind to blow him nearer to the tree, so there he stayed. He could see the honey, he could smell the honey, but he couldn't quite reach the honey. After a little while, he called down to you. Christopher Robin, he said in a loud whisper. Hello? I think the bees suspect something. What sort of thing? I don't know, but something tells me that they're suspicious. Perhaps they think that you're after their honey. It may be that, you never can tell with bees. There is another little silence, and then he called down to you again. Christopher Robin, yes? Have you an umbrella in your house? I think so. I wish you would bring it out here, and walk up and down with it, and look up at me every now and then, and say, Tatatat, it looks like rain. I think if you did that, it would help the deception which we are practicing on these bees. Well, you laughed to yourself, silly old bear, but you didn't say it aloud because you were so fond of him, and you went home for your umbrella. Oh, there you are, called down Winnie the Pooh as soon as you got back to the tree. I was beginning to get anxious. I have discovered that the bees are now definitely suspicious. Shall I put my umbrella up, you said? Yes, but wait a moment, we must be practical. The important bee to deceive is the queen bee. Can you see which is the queen bee from down there? No. A pity. Well now, if you walk up and down with your umbrella saying, Tatatat, it looks like rain, I shall do what I can by singing a little cloud song, such as a cloud might sing. Go. So while you walked up and down and wondered if it would rain, Winnie the Pooh sang this song. How sweet to be a cloud floating in the blue, every little cloud always sings aloud. How sweet to be a cloud floating in the blue, it makes him very proud to be a little cloud. The bees were still buzzing as suspiciously as ever. Some of them indeed left their nests and flew all around the cloud as it began the second verse of this song. And one bee sat down on the nose of the cloud for a moment and then got up again. Christopher, ah, Robin, called out the cloud. Yes. I have just been thinking and I have come to a very important decision. These are the wrong sort of bees. Are they? Quite the wrong sort, so I should think they would make the wrong sort of honey, shouldn't you? Would they? Yes, so I think I shall come down. How, asked you, Winnie the Pooh hadn't thought about this. If he let go of the string he would fall, bump, and he didn't like the idea of that. So he thought for a long time and then he said, Christopher, Robin, you must shoot the balloon with your gun. Have you got your gun? Of course I have, you said, but if I do that it will spoil the balloon, you said. But if you don't, said Pooh, I shall have to let go and that would spoil me. When he put it like this you saw how it was and you aimed very carefully at the balloon and fired. Ow, said Pooh. Did I miss, you asked? You didn't exactly miss, said Pooh, but you missed the balloon. I'm so sorry, you said, and you fired again and this time you hit the balloon and the air came slowly out and Winnie the Pooh floated down to the ground. But his arms were so stiff from holding on to the string of the balloon all that time that they stayed up straight in the air for more than a week. And whenever a fly came and settled on his nose he had to blow it off. And I think, but I'm not sure, that that is why he was always called Pooh. Is that the end of the story? asked Christopher Robin. That's the end of that one, there are others. About Pooh and me and Piglet and Rabbit and all of you, don't you remember? I do remember and then when I try to remember I forget. That day when Pooh and Piglet tried to catch the heffalump. They didn't catch it, did they? No. Pooh couldn't because he has an any brain. Did I catch it? Well that comes into the story. Christopher Robin nodded. I do remember, he said, only Pooh doesn't very well so that's why he likes having it told to him again. Because then it's a real story and not just a remembering. That's just how I feel, I said. Christopher Robin gave a deep sigh, picked his bear up by the leg and walked off to the door trailing Pooh behind him. At the door he turned and said, coming to see me have my bath. I might, I said. I didn't hurt him when I shot him, did I? Not a bit. I nodded and went out and in a moment I heard Winnie the Pooh bump bump bump going up the stairs behind him. Support for the show comes from Deal. Let's be honest, most HR platforms are stitched together using several different services and softwares all at once. Of course the problem is when there's multiple programs at use your AI can have trouble navigating across all of them. Deal's different. It's a single AI native system for HR, IT and payroll built from the ground up. That's why AI Inside Deal can actually run real work onboarding, compliance, payroll, approvals all under your rules. Whether you're five people or 50,000, Deal scales with you. See it in action at deal.com slash audio. That's D-E-E-L dot com slash audio.