My husband gets ANGRY when I read at home… and accuses me of ignoring him! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2674

Hey, this is Dakota. And this is Keon, your favorite OK Store time host, and we've got some great stories coming right up. But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human. No drama. My husband gets angry when I read at home and accuses me of ignoring him. Well, are you? I enjoy reading books, but my husband feels that it is rude for me to read when we're both home because I'm ignoring him. To be clear, this does not happen in excess by anyone's definition. I have read a maximum of five entire books since we got together a decade ago, primarily to avoid upsetting him. We have very similar work schedules. By the way, this comes from user wannabeavada. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to rslashokestorytimesubreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we're here to give some good advice, goofery. We don't have all the answers. We just know what we know. So let us know what you know down in the comments. And OP says, Or just like, wants attention 24 seven, which is also very weird. Well, maybe we'll find some more information in the comments. Lapis Lazuli says, like, read when you want. No announcements are needed. Yeah, that was another thing I caught. Where it's like, why do you have to inform him that you're like, going to go read? Like, what do you have to inform him about everything that you do? That's not good. Put your earbuds in and say there for white noise. Not the a-hole. Compensate1995 says, not the a-hole depriving you from doing something that you love is notably controlling and restrictive. Doesn't he have things that he likes to do by himself? If the answer is positive, that is the epitome of hypocrisy. Is there any chance that he's jealous of you, that you can read and comprehend books and also enjoy it? You have to find the roots of the problem to tell you precisely what bothers him in your reading so you can solve this. You don't need to abstain from reading books. That is a wonderful habit and hobby. Passively repressed replies, it's likely that he does this with anything she enjoys that isn't about or with him. My ex did this to me. He told me that I was wasting my time, but at zero issues forced me to watch him play PlayStation for hours on end. This is a massive red flag. And Travera says, shamelessly jumping to the top comment here, sorry, not sorry. Some of my favorite times in life are when my wife and I are curled up on our sofa together with us, with us both reading, or one on the phone or a game or something like that. We can go a couple of hours without even talking to each other, just content in each other's company. What is wrong with your husband that he can't do the same? OP, you are not the A-hole. I've read in excess of a thousand books in the decade I've been with my wife. Your husband needs to chill out and let you enjoy a book, and you need to tell him that. If you enjoy the series, you can read the whole lot in a week if you want. If the silence bothers him and you are engrossed in a good bit, then he can go for a walk or meet some friends or even put on a film. Feisty Asaurian says, my wife and I call it being companionable. We're near each other, spending time together, but each doing what we'd like to be doing. There's an edit here from OP. Yeah, I agree with all those comments. Yeah, no, this is like a genuine thing for relationships, is to do what you do. You can do it with your companion, without your companion. Do what you love. Yeah. If you like gaming, you like reading, you like going to the movies, whatever it is with a hobby, you don't need your partner there 24-7. Or if you want them in your space at least, you don't need like full attention from your partner or vice versa 24-7. Yeah, it's truly, it's a troubling sign. Edit, wow, I got a ton of feedback. This will take a while to read, and I'm sure I can't respond to everything. So I'll add a few things here. He does the same thing with headphones, but aside from expecting me to be available for immediate comment, he is not harmful in any way. I have friends that I see regularly, I can choose to leave the house without question. I have full access to my financial accounts. I make semi substantial financial choices, like a weekend to get away with friends or buying a new office desk without permission or guilt. This does not involve yelling, but there are guilt trips. They're framed just as what I have expressed here, that he feels ignored and that it's rude. He works totally alone, and I do think that is a source of his understandable need for lots of evening and weekend interaction. I just feel this request is an inappropriate expression of that need. No, he doesn't have many friends, just one really. Otherwise, it's mostly just my family that he spends time with. His doesn't live nearby, but he gets along really well with mine, and they all genuinely enjoy each other's company. Yes, we have pets. Yes, he has hobbies, but they're easy for him to pick up and put down without notice. Lots of household projects, carpentry, etc. No, he does not like to watch sports or play video games. We both already have therapists, who we have seen bi-weekly for years. It's mainly been individual therapy, aside from an approximately six-month period of couples therapy during a time of crisis in 2019. Yes, he is able to read, but he has some mild insecurities about his intellectual abilities. Oh, is that really all it is? He's like, if you read too much, you'll get too smart, because I'm not smart enough for you, so you can't read. He's also just a little lonely. He only has one true friend, it seems like. He hangs out with your family. He works from home. This guy is just lonely. Yeah, I mean, in a sense. Regardless, he should be able to give you 30 minutes to an hour of silence, so you can read. That's crazy. Yeah, and he throws a fit, or gets all huffy and puffy, to just get 30 minutes to an hour to read a book? That's crazy. So there's an update here. After some input here, I read for about 90 minutes in the bedroom last night, he was watching some TV, and he did ask, you don't want to hang out with me? I said he was welcome to put in headphones and come join me. He said, nah, and continued to watch TV. It has me wondering if maybe he saw some of the responses to this thread, because it was unusual. I truly don't understand why he wouldn't just say, okay, and put headphones in and watch whatever he was watching next to you. Like, I don't get it. I mean, again, sometimes people don't want, like, just want to have their own alone time and alone space, and that's okay. I think this needs to be communicated to him, and you need to talk to him genuinely and be like, I need a alone time. I love you. It's like, I need a alone time, and it's like 30 minutes to an hour, where I'm in the study or just reading my book, and it shouldn't bother you that much. And then you can ask him, why is it bothering you so much? Why does it make you feel like you have to get upset, or you need my attention in that specific time frame of 30 minutes to an hour when I read my book? Why do you get, why do you do that? You can do it after that, when I read a chapter, or two, or three, but why in that time frame? Just like, I'm not going to disappear. I will be here. Just I need, I just want time to read. I'm not going to disappear in the book. It's not like Narnia. I'm not going to go into- That was a wardrobe. That was a wardrobe. I take it back. Which is the one, oh, it's the never-ending story. Which it does have an ending, funny enough. Not for the people in the book. Well, maybe for the horse. Well, let's finish this. Nevertheless, it went well. I plan to make this part of my Sunday and Wednesday evening routine, until I can trust myself to be more casual about it without giving it up again. To 85% of you, thanks so much to the other 15 yikes, but such as the internet. What a neat resource. I would have never known if this was really the norm or how other people read for pleasure in their private households without this tidal wave of input. Thanks for the small glimpses into your homes and lives. It's funny what parts of our routines are silently unintentionally intimate. And that is the end of that story. My husband got me a cheap ring from Timu, and I hate it. You probably get a better husband to off Timu, honestly. My husband, 37 male and I, 33 female, have been married for 10 years and together for 14. We've been struggling in our marriage the past year, mostly me not feeling loved or appreciated, or like he even likes me at all sometimes, and him getting frustrated about it. By the way, this comes from user SouthernfriedWeirdo, and this comes from our subreddit. Nice. So if you want to get your story read just like this person, submit it to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Keon. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice goofily. We only know what we do. We only know so much. So let us know what you do in the comments. Pretty please. As OP says, anyways, we haven't bought gifts for each other the past few years because we just focus on the kids. Well, that and he never uses the gifts I buy him, even when they are exactly what he asked for. One year he asked for a fish tank. I got him a huge fish tank at PetSmart, and my parents got him a $100 PetSmart gift card. The tank sat in our shed for six years until I gave it to my dad. And my dad was super excited and put fish in that in that weekend. Then another year I got him a nice dartboard after he said he really wanted one for our porch. It's still in the box sitting in our laundry room after two years. This year I told him I wanted a really thoughtful gift from him. Something that he thought I would love. Something to do with my interests. Something he saw that reminded him of me. Nothing crazy, but you know, thoughtful. We open Christmas gifts early because I have to work Christmas Eve night and Christmas night. Hospitals never close. He got me a phone attachment that you put on your phone via magnet sticker that comes with it and connects to your phone's Bluetooth and has a camera button that you can press to take photos on your phone. The phone that already has a camera button. He also got me two pairs of the exact same fleece overalls, two different sizes because he wasn't sure. They are both way too small because I have a long torso and have trouble with overalls anyway. I thanked him for the gifts and then just forgot about it. Later, he made a joke about how I didn't have to use the gifts if I didn't want to because they were just cheap stuff from Timu. I was shocked, but just kind of laughed it off because I didn't want to fight on our Christmas day. I looked up the items on Timu and sure enough, they were there. He spent $15 on the camera thing and $22 on each pair of overalls. His gifts cost me about $600 total, a Milwaukee poll saw that he specifically picked out. A thing that keeps fitted sheets in place because he complains about ours moving all the time. A car heart shirt, a new fire pit because ours broke last winter and he loves sitting outside by a fire. And some undies from a brand he had been wanting to try. I feel like I put in actual effort. He also took our three kids, who are four, six and seven, to Hobby Lobby to let them pick me out a few things. The kids did great. They picked out a big foot picture to hang on the wall, a diamond painting kit, and some wood blanks to paint. All of those things match my interest and I truly love them. I do appreciate him doing that at least, but the gifts actually from him? I'm so disappointed. This happened after our 10 year anniversary in October when I didn't get the ring upgrade. He's been promising me for 10 years. We talked about it for weeks and I designed the ring exactly I wanted and sent him the link. He agreed and even said that I could pick a more expensive stone. I told him I was okay with the less expensive stone and really just wanted a ring that fits because my original engagement ring has been too small ever since my knuckles grew slightly bigger when I was pregnant with our second child. The anniversary came and guess what? No ring. I asked about the ring and he said that he thought I was going to order it. I was so disappointed, but I just let it go. I do want to point out that he is the best dad I can ask for when it comes to our kids. He spent days building a tree house as their Christmas gift from him. I've been a stay at home mom for five years and just recently went back to work part time only because I wanted to, now that my youngest is in school. We do not struggle at all financially. I think you guys need to try counseling to figure out what the gap here is. Sounds like he's a good dad. Why is he being such like an unthoughtful partner? Or a terrible listener, but that's gut goes in the same mindset. OP for what I've been getting is that you just keep getting disappointed and at this point you're just like, I don't care anymore. Like I'm okay with just the bar being so low and just being okay with that. Again, he doesn't have to get you the most expensive gift, but it's the type of gifts he gets you and just how he goes about it. He's not even excited to make you happy. No, he's just like, I got you overalls. And then when it comes to you, it's just like you go above and beyond and you should be appreciated for what you get him. And obviously his love language could be something totally different from yours. Gift giving is obviously yours because you go above and beyond. But he's a great father, but he also should be a great partner and a great husband to you. Yeah, yes. Yeah, you're not like, again, you're not asking for purses, things left and right. But to be appreciated and be loved and like given something that you want, you know, should be delivered from his point, from his end. It's a little bit left here. I am not a materialistic person at all. I never really do or buy anything for myself. I put my needs behind his and our kids every time. Most of my clothes come from thrift stores, which I do love. While he always turns his nose up if I buy him anything secondhand, I busted my butt creating Christmas magic for our kids. Even though he paid for all of our kids' Christmas gifts, I put in the mental energy of deciding what to get them, making sure it was fair, wrapping everything and playing Santa. I did not go to bed that night before 3 a.m. While he went to bed around 10 p.m. and left me to do it all myself, I just feel like he put no thought or effort into my gifts and I'm so disappointed. I also feel selfish for feeling that way. Would I be the a-hole if I brought it up or should I just let it go and we have some comments? No. Yeah. I've seen you three times in the story. I'm disappointed. I'm just so disappointed. At a point, this shouldn't be your relationship. You shouldn't be disappointed in your relationship time and time again. Yeah. It's really, you wouldn't be the a-hole for bringing it up. I think it's just be brought up in a way where it's like, hit him with that you're a great dad, real right out the gate. But it feels like, I don't know, it feels like you're just checked out. It just feels like you're checked out. What's going on? Why is that? We have some comments. Comment number one says, bring it up. You've been together long enough. You have kids and it sounds like your relationship is good. Communication is key, honestly, as you probably know. It wouldn't hurt to voice how you feel when it comes to gift giving. Opie responds, it's not terrible, but he has definitely been going downhill lately. Comment number two, not the a-hole. Maybe this year, ask for marriage counseling or therapy for yourself. Even if I know what I'm getting for Christmas, I asked for one of the things I asked for my husband for his surprise. Question, did you give him a list? My hub doesn't buy me anything I don't need unnecessary, even if it's from Timu. If he has a clear list and prices to know where to go and buy things from it. Not every guy is perfect, but sometimes if you tell them clearly what you want, they will follow. Opie responds with, I do keep an Amazon wish list so I can remember stuff I want when my parents or sisters ask me around my birthday. I've sent him the link a few times over the years, but he's never bought anything from it. I have asked for marriage counseling a few times this past year, but he thinks it's dumb and he says he doesn't have time. That's not great. Again, it just sounds like the respect is so far gone. Yeah, and that comment's acting like it's like, well, have you given him an exact list and bold like uppercase letters? It's like, is it the same thing as asking like, well, have you asked him you tell him the sky is blue, but have you asked him to look up and make sure? It's like, I don't know, it's just like elementary level initiative here. It's giving though, it goes in one ear out the other and he just doesn't care. It's a matter of caring and he doesn't care. Yeah. Opie keeps saying, he is great if I tell him a specific item, but I wanted this to come from him. And that is the end of that story. That's the whole point. I want my Christmas gift to be you taking initiative and getting me something nice. That's it. And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one. My wife betrayed me with my best friend and now I'm questioning my kids DNA. Is there any loyalty in their DNA? We've been together for 19 F and years, married for 13. Obviously we've had arguments and disagreements over all these years, but nothing that would make me think this is it. I can't be with her anymore. I still loved her all the way up until it happened. By the way, this comes from user acceptable mess 110. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we're here to give good advice, goofy, but we don't have all the answers to all the things. We only know what we would do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says, we have a 10 month old daughter. So everything has been rough the past year. It's our first baby, lots of stress and sleepless nights. I work and my wife doesn't. She's home with our daughter during the day. So I understand how hard it's been on her. I'm no saint and I'm not perfect, but I help a lot when I'm home. Yet she still does most of the work. We're very close with another couple. We've known them for about eight or nine years. They're our age and have a year and a half old. And we hang out with each other a lot. The four of us have been on many trips and have shared sad and fun times together, becoming even closer since having kids. Since we've known them for almost nine years. I really think of the guy as my brother. Think of his wife as my sister. And I love their son so much, just like he's my own child. My wife and I have even talked about asking them to be godparents of our daughter. My wife and the husband play volleyball professionally. And except for two to three months before and after our daughter was born, they've been playing three times a week at different gyms. My wife is really good and competitive. And volleyball is like therapy for her. So obviously I've been encouraging and supporting her. It's really helped her after pregnancy. Sometimes he comes and picks up my wife. Sometimes my wife goes and picks him up. The thought of them doing something other than volleyball had never even crossed my mind. A few nights ago in bed, my wife fell asleep with her phone in her hands. I picked it up to put it on the charger next to her. And saw what shattered my whole life. Her text messages with the guy. The last messages were kisses and hearts saying goodnight to each other. How much they love each other. My heart was pumping, still not sure what was going on, hoping that maybe it was all from his side, but no. My wife was also expressing love and affection to him and telling him how she can't wait until next time they see each other to be in his arms. I really couldn't read much of the text since I was processing anger, betrayal, frustration and disbelief. But from a few of the texts I read, it seemed like the guy always had a crush on my wife since we all met nine years ago, but never expressed anything until about a year and a half ago when something happened. And their relationship started. I couldn't continue reading as I was almost throwing up, so I put her phone down and went to bed. I couldn't sleep at all that night and the nights since. Obviously this is all I'm thinking about every day and all day since, but I can't help myself not to think about the fact that our daughter's 10 months old and 10 plus 9 equals 19, so almost a year and a half ago. We were actively trying to conceive back then, but still what if? What else could have happened a year and a half ago? I have so many questions, but don't really know what to do next. I have ordered an at-home DNA test kit, but after reading more of their messages on another occasion, I'm pretty confident that so far their relationship has been mostly emotional, and the only thing physical has been hugging each other. Oh god, I hope so. I don't know. Wouldn't that be great, right? It don't matter. It don't matter if it's just emotional now and they're just really good pals. It don't matter. Yeah. It don't matter. It doesn't. It's already an affair and this is brutal. Yeah. I'm sorry, OP. I am sorry. It seems that the guy is trying to push the limits though as the hugging has just started a month or so ago, and my wife is feeling uncomfortable with their rate of progress in the physical domain. Still, she's an adult and no one is forcing her to do anything. She can say no. She can stop the guy. She is choosing to send hearts and say she misses him and that she loves him. In her messages, she has mentioned quite a few times that she still has feelings for me and can't really compare and choose between me and him. Wow. The fact that you could read that, again, just there's no point to this game. Just step away. It's ridiculous. I loved her to the moon and back until discovering all of this, but now I'm disgusted every time I see her. Every time I play with my daughter and kiss her, I see her smiling. I just can't help but cry and think how my selfish wife has ruined the life of this innocent, pure little angel. I'll see what the paternity test says next week, even though it looks like they haven't had any spicy sleep. This one's rough. That's- I just, I feel bad, OP. I'm sorry. It is just betrayal after betrayal, but you've got to find the truth. But I think the best thing you can do is one, get some therapy for yourself. Get a divorce. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Yeah, it's kind of insane. It's kind of insane, the timing. The timing is so crazy. Why? Why is it? Why is it that children make people do insane, terrible things in their relationships? The adult child, and then it's like, now I'm going to be terrible. I don't know. But if you need to find the truth, because it's just going to be, it's going to, it's going to keep spiraling. You're going to keep spiraling until you get the DNA test, the results, which you're doing, but it just sucks. It really does suck. I'm not sure what to do next. Part of me wants to confront her and know the truth. Part of me wants to work it out and try to understand her reasons and recover from this. Part of me wants to sock that guy in the face. Part of me wants to get a divorce as soon as possible. And part of me wants to sneak around and find out more about their relationship and how far it goes before confronting them. You shouldn't even do that. You already know that something's gone terribly awry with this. I don't think you need to keep digging. No. I think if you do anything, if you're conflicted, it needs to be like, you sit down and you're like, I know about the thing and we need to talk about where we go from here and I need to know what, what did you think was going to happen? Like you, like what, what, we need to talk. Part of me wants to warn the guy's wife, but feels sorry for ruining her life and their son's life. Yeah, what the F do I do now? My mind is still not in the right place, so I don't want to make any rushed decisions. If I want to work this out, how do I approach it? We've got some comments. Comment number one, you're going to get the same advice here about finding a lawyer, collecting evidence and moving on. You deserve to be treated with respect. She obviously has no respect for you or your family, or she wouldn't have betrayed and deceived you for nearly two years. She's been living a double life for nearly two years. What else is she capable of hiding from you? Do you truly believe you'll ever be able to fully trust her again? Do you think she would ever willingly admit the affair to you? You should 100% tell his wife as well, but make sure you have evidence when you do. She deserves to know the truth as well. Second comment says, from a regretful survivor of infidelity, not a love affair on her part, just a fun distraction from reality. I stayed and didn't tell the affair partner's wife. After 10 years, it still haunts me. From her, it's the same old story, no responsibility, little remorse, trickle truths and gaslighting. Never full disclosure and ownership. If I had told his wife the reality of what she was doing, she would have got smacked between the eyes, possibly literally. No hiding, your life was a lie. The future you saw was a lie. Your version of her is a lie. It's already over. Don't live with it, don't have mercy or pity as her life unravels. Yours has. Lawyer up, plan, be calm, start over. You'll never be at peace if you stay. It's always scary to change. You want a shortcut to the life you believed you had, I repeat, regretfully, it is already gone. Leave it behind and move forward. You'll be okay, you'll do better because you deserve better. And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one. My wife had an affair two months after our wedding. Why did you wait? My wife, female 24 and I, male 31, have been together for almost four years. Everyone do the math. Yeah. But last week I discovered via her diary that she has had a one month emotional affair with a colleague from her new job two months after our marriage. Little info on background. By the way, this comes from anonymous user 5576. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time separate it. And I'm Angie. I'm Sophia and we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We just know what we would do in this situation. So let us know what you would do in the comments. So, Opie says, the two of us met four years ago and clicked instantly. She was my first serious partner after a previous long term relationship, which also ended due to my ex's infidelity. It felt like a match made in heaven. We had the same views on life, opinions, moral grounds and sense of humor. We adopted a puppy after four months of being together and quickly started living together with surprisingly few hiccups. Wow. Ah, ah, of course we had our ups and downs. She had battled with minor depression and was using medication though she was lowering the dosage during our relationship. Her parents were dealing with their own infidelity from her dad's side. Wow. I was sometimes more individualistic and not giving 100% to the relationship, according to her. Despite these few cons, the pros seriously outweighed them and all went so well that we married this September. Shortly after finishing university, my wife found a new job in mid-September. Since the beginning of November, I felt something was off. My wife was exceedingly more detached. Whenever I initiated conversation, she would reply shortly without follow-up questions and walk around the house listening to podcasts. She started cooking only for herself while I always cooked for the both of us. She found new friends at work and started spending a lot of time with them, but did not provide much information about them. She told me she was getting a new tattoo only 20 minutes before her appointment, despite knowing my reservations about tattoos. I sensed something was off. During a cleaning of the house on December 1st, I found her secret diary when she was not at home. What was in it shocked me. You read it? This relationship wasn't going great anyway. Yeah, what you read it is. I don't like it. I don't like it. I mean, you know, why would she write down her affair? That's crazy. But also why would you read someone's diary unless there were already issues in the relationship? Yeah. She wrote about feeling a connection with a colleague from her new job. She described him as shy and she liked it. She wrote that she went to his lecture on her own invitation. During their latest meeting, they discussed how he had mentioned her name to his mother and how he considered her a partner. She reciprocated the partner claim in the diary. That partner reciprocation happened on the day she told me she would go to the cinema with her close female friend, but she went there with this guy. There was also a page describing how she visited a flat for rental and planned to sign a contract during the week I found the diary. I was shell shocked. I confronted her when she returned home. She cried, had a panic attack and said that they were never physical with the colleague and that it meant nothing. She claimed the rental was supposed to scare me into giving more to the relationship. I was emotionally overwhelmed and asked her to go to her parents house for a few days and pack lightly so I could recover and think about our relationship. What surprised me was that she packed three huge suitcases and left. Wow. I don't think she's coming back. Yeah, I feel like if she's already got another place. Yeah. Like, yeah. She's just going to go to that place with all her stuff. I presumably. This just doesn't seem like a very good relationship on all fronts. Seems pretty bad. Yeah. After a few days, I called her and asked about the situation and offered to meet to discuss her emotional affair. She responded that she felt angry and humiliated that I had punted her out of the house and said she would meet me sometime in the following week. One week after this with slight communication but no in-person meeting, I went to her parents house with a bouquet of flowers on the advice of a friend and told her that we were still spouses and that I would like her to come back so we could deal with the situation as adults. She was angry and told me that she was not going anywhere and that I was pressuring her. A few days later, my wife wrote me that she would be unable to meet this week and that we should still give ourselves time apart so we do not act based on emotions. She still showed no word of remorse for the affair. She added that she would like to collect her additional belongings this weekend and that her female friend would join, which I assume is her shield for not being alone with me. My wife also wrote that we should discuss our relationship in mid-January at the earliest. This is my current situation. My emotional state is in tatters and my head does not function clearly. I confided about my wife's emotional affair and the subsequent events to two of my closest friends who know her well. One thinks that my wife needs until mid-January to calm down to understand how she hurt me and perhaps approach me sooner because she is in a cycle of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. The other thinks she is a silent quitter and preparing for a new life. And this is literally like the devil and the angel of the children. One side of me thinks she is testing me. The other side thinks she's just breaking up. Right. Right. What do I think to you? I think she's quite quitting. I think so too. I mean, it kind of sounded like she already was beforehand. She's like, I already put in my journal. She wrote in her journal, I'm breaking up with you. I know you were going to read this. Yeah. So I thought I'd do it here. Yeah, pretty much. I really do wonder what her plan was though, because she said that the apartment was supposed to scare him into committing more to the relationship. It's like, well, when were you planning on telling him about the apartment? She's like, shoot, I forgot that part of the plan. Ah, damn it. I knew I was forgetting something. Yeah, it's an important part. Oh, well, dang. Now you know. That's it. I have so many questions. Why did she cheat on me two months after the wedding? Why is she not remorseful? Why is my wife acting like the victim in this situation? What does her decision to meet almost two months after D-Day and separation aim to achieve? Is she continuing contact with her colleague and building her relationship with him? Is there a realistic chance to salvage this relationship? Thanks for your opinions. And we do have some comments, but I don't know. I don't know. Yes. Yes. No. Yeah. I agree. There are some comments. Comment number one says, dude, she's angry because clinging to her anger allows her to avoid shame over what she did. And you can be dang sure that she uses this time apart to explore her feelings with the coworker and test drive his suitability as a prospective partner. Until there's consequences, she will never stop. Best move from you would be initiating divorce and inform her parents that divorce is because of her affair with this coworker. And unless her unemployment influences alimony, also inform HR of their inappropriate relationship and that you're divorcing her because of this. OP, the flower stunt? No amount of pick me dancing will salvage this. It will have the opposite effect. Read, leave a cheater, gain life and get away from her. Comment number two says also it could be that she is seeing this other man to see if their relationship would work. You can't reconcile with her due to no remorse, no apology, no taking responsibility, etc. Protect your finances. Comment number three says, dude, I think she's just testing the waters with the other guy. At the moment, you are the fallback guy. She is giving herself enough time to understand if it works before she needs to deal with you. It could be salvageable, but I'm not sure you want that. Stay strong. She's strong. And that's the end of that story. Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I refused to accept my fiance's mother's gift because I'm scared to be judged. Don't be scared. My 36 female fiance, David, 34 male, name changed and I have been together for about six years. His family is very wealthy. Although I am very successful and a high earner, my fiance works for his family's business and makes more than I do. By the way, this comes from user, I love pizza too much 36. Me too. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story time, subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we are here to give good advice. Goofly. We don't have all the answers though. We just know a little bit that we know. And if you know stuff, freaking tell us in the comments. Or else. Or else. And OP says, I never want to be perceived as a gold digger, which is why I try to keep my expenses strictly separate from his. I pay for my half of everything and if he ever gives me a gift, I make sure to get him something of equal value. David has often insisted on treating me, but I always refuse. I really don't feel comfortable letting other people pay for me. My fiance has learned to respect this. After we get married, we'll split all household expenses on a 50-50 basis. Our wedding is in October. His parents insisted on paying for a grand wedding for us, but David and I convinced them that we would rather pay for it ourselves. The other day, David's mom showed me a diamond and sapphire necklace and earrings set that she had kept for David's future wife. She said she wanted me to have it and preferably wear it on our wedding day. I felt very uncomfortable with this. I never accept any presents that I cannot afford on my own. I told her I was flattered, but that I could not accept something so expensive. I explained that I would not be able to give her something equally expensive in return and that I was not okay with that. She said she didn't want anything from me and that David's sister-in-law had also been given similar jewelry when she married his brother. I told her I understood it was their tradition, but I could not compromise on my principles. She said, okay, fine, but I could tell she was unhappy. Later, David told me I should have just accepted the jewelry because it would have made his mom happy and because I was part of the family now. I explained to him that first, I'm not really part of his family in the same way he is, and second, being part of the family does not mean I'm going to mooch off of them. That's not what that is. That's what I'm talking about. You think it's going to be like it makes you seem like you're in a bad light by receiving a gift. Well, this is probably just some principle that was drilled into OP like throughout their childhood. No, I guarantee that. I was going to say it's the step. You never take anything expecting not to have to give something in return, blah, blah, blah. I guarantee you this stems from something that was taught in their childhood that ain't nothing in his life is free. Yeah, except gifts, right? I guarantee you OP never received those as a kid or like, oh, you'll get this gift, but you have to give me something in return. Yeah. That is, I guarantee you where it's coming from and it's a terrible mindset to have and it sucks, especially if that was when you were a child. Yeah. OP continues, David told me I should compromise and at least wear the set on the wedding day. I refused again as for my wedding, I would rather wear jewelry that I had bought with my own money. David said he understood and would speak to his mother. However, David's sister-in-law called me this morning and told me his mom was still upset and that I should just accept the gift and that I was going too far with the independence thing. I have a feeling that David's mom is the one who put her up to this. I do want to know what Reddit thinks. Are they right? Am I going too far with this or are they crossing the line? Am I the a-hole? And there is an update and I think they're right. I think they're right. Again, I know your principles are what you stand on 100%, but if it was just like, it could have been even like a traditional thing. Where do you draw the line where you just won't accept anything? Yeah, I mean, you're not even really, and you're not an a-hole for this. It's just like you're like locked in to just that one way of perception. Yeah. If someone cooked you something and they made it for you, you're like, no, no, no, I need to cook it. Yeah. It'd be like, no, actually, I can't eat that because I can't cook that for you. That's what it's like. Not it's like fruits to vegetables here. It's different contextually. Like if this was just out of the blue out of nowhere, just like, I just thought you would like this. It's like, well, then that might be, but it's for your wedding. It's for your marriage. Yeah. And if that's really bothering you where you don't want it, why don't you just wear it for the wedding and give it back? Yeah. I have a feeling OP is going to come around. I hope so. But I have a feeling. I feel like a lot of people on the internet can see where you're coming from, but if this is going to be keeping like, this is really causing a rift in the family or making things just get worse and worse. Yeah. Yeah. It is going to, if you do, it's going to make a weird vibe. It is. And that was what you were trying to avoid. You're trying to avoid a weird vibe. I get it. You're trying to be independent, but the fact that you're like, I'm not part of the family. Not part of the family. I mean, I do agree that it's like, it's not the same because you're an in-law, essentially, but like, you are still a part. Yeah. Anyway, we have an update. I posted this weeks earlier and I am now back with an update. I read all your comments and advice about not thinking of gift giving as strictly transactional and I would like to thank you for your help and your honesty. Anyway, my partner, David, and I got married just three days ago. After posting about the necklace incident and seriously considering all of your comments, I decided to speak to his mom. The next time we met in person, I sat down with her and told her I was sorry if I had heard her feelings. I told her I was honored to know that she would consider me a part of her family. My mother-in-law took my hands in hers and told me that she respects me a lot for being so independent. She said one of the reasons she's sure her son made the right choice is that it's clear I'm not with him for his money. She said she was proud of me for all that I've accomplished and the hardships I've had to overcome. She said it was okay to accept gifts from those who love you. I nodded. I had never really had a heart to heart with her before. Up until this point, our interactions had always been very formal and I didn't know that she felt any affection for me. I didn't know how to react. She then gently asked me why I was always so distant and why I felt the need to prove that I'm not after anyone's money. She told me I don't have to and that everyone already knew I'm more than capable of pulling my own weight and paying my own bills and that it was time for me to relax and let my guard down a little. I was tongue-tied as I often am during emotional conversations. I thought about telling her all about my childhood and traumas but I did not. As I did not want to burden her. I have not even told David. As it was time for me to leave, we hugged awkwardly and I just nodded. And for the first time, I almost cried. Yeah, you are just in a plate metal suit of armor and you can get out of there. It's all right. Yeah. From what we've gotten, OP, you got some thick, tough skin and that's okay. But it's also okay to feel loved, to feel appreciated, to feel not on your toes 24-7 or be judged or looked upon a certain way. And I think this is the family for you. You don't have to tell them why but they know and you know and I think this was a crazy conversation. I think you need to talk to your husband or which you just married and go see a therapist and talk more about this because this is some crazy stuff. Yeah, because you don't have to share all of your traumas and childhood, whatever with your partner or your in-laws but you should have somebody to be able to talk about that stuff with if you haven't talked to anybody. A few days later, my mother-in-law came over again. She brought the necklace and earrings set that I had refused to accept. I still didn't want to accept it but I also didn't want to reject it again. I was trying to figure out what to do. I must have looked stressed because my mother-in-law told me I didn't have to give myself a headache over it. She said it good-naturedly with a laugh and asked if I would like to just wear the earrings to the wedding along with my own necklace that I had bought for the occasion. I was relieved and excitedly said yes. I loved that idea and I thanked her. She had taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Later that day, David told me his mom was very happy that we could work things out. The wedding was beautiful, a quiet, intimate affair with lots of fun and laughter. I still have not worked out all of my issues but I will continue to try. And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one. My mother-in-law canceled Christmas because she doesn't want to give my son a gift. Your son gets nothing but thoughts and prayers. And we do have a trigger warning for verbal mistreatment. Hello everyone. At last it's time for a joyous holiday season of discussing Christmas at the in-laws. To preface, my future mother-in-law has not been a fan of mine since I started dating her son. I have an eight-year-old son from a previous relationship and he considered my partner, who we will call Bill, as his dad. We also have a six-month-old daughter together. By the way, this comes from user DubZPOP. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to dr. slash okstorytime subreddit. I'm Keon. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice googly, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments. Please. And hope he says, due to Bill's mother and the rest of his family not liking me, they claim it's because I had a child before I met Bill and that I have a tattoo. I've never spent a holiday over there. Bill always came to my family events, so I figured it was time for me to spend one with his family. A couple months ago, we had a family meeting and discussed all the issues, laying everything out on the table, and I genuinely thought we were moving forward and starting fresh. Mother-in-law apologized and was even called out by sister-in-law for being manipulative. I truly thought this was the end of the issues. A month ago, I texted Mother-in-law to ask about Christmas plans and let her know that I wanted to ensure my son would be included in the holidays too. She beat around the bush about it, but silly me thought she would have some sense as to not exclude an eight-year-old during Christmas. I was completely wrong. In a recent group text between her, Bill, and myself, she said that she wanted to do a family Christmas present opening ceremony before the rest of her family got there for lunch. I asked if my son was going to be included and stated that if he wasn't, we would not be coming for the present opening ceremony so as not to make him feel left out. Bill and I hoped that in saying this, she would say that my son would be included and that she was excited to have us over. Nope, not the case. Mother-in-law replied that we could just have another Christmas when my mom was able to watch my son so it could be a family-only thing. I texted her back, although I didn't say all of the vulgar things I really felt. I stated that if she cannot accept my son as an addition to the family, welcome him with open arms, I could no longer have either of my children involved in their family. I told her that we wouldn't be over for Christmas and that I truly hoped she would reconsider what she is doing and how she is behaving. I told her that when she is ready to make more Christian-like decisions, as she claims to be a devout Catholic, she could apologize to me and Bill, and we would decide if we were going to forgive her for what she did to our family. Bill is conflicted because his grandpa is ill and this may be the last Christmas he has. His mother also has him enmeshed, which he is trying to work out in therapy, but does have lapses and judgment on occasion. To put it into perspective, Mother-in-law has told Bill that if he and I lived together unmarried, despite having a baby, she would make him pay back every dime of Catholic school that she forked out for him. We do live together and she can suck it. She's the only one like this. I've met Mother-in-law's parents and siblings and they all apologized for how she treats me and my children. They claim they don't know why she's like this and even assured me that she's the only person that acts like that in their family and that they are not like her at all. Nonetheless, Bill is super upset because he wanted to spend time with the family that he didn't see often, but he doesn't want to upset me. We even discussed him taking the baby so she could meet his aunts and such, but I don't even know if that's what I would be okay with. Why should I split my kids up on Christmas? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my son not getting material items. It's the fact that Mother-in-law is willing to push Christmas presents to another day instead of making an attempt to include my son. Even if it was a dollar store dinosaur toy, my son would be grateful. I hate that Mother-in-law keeps putting Bill and me in these positions where we have to decide what to do. Why can't she accept me and my son? She doesn't even fully accept our daughter because we aren't married. She does on Sister-in-law's baby and even makes comments about how he is the favorite. I'm so upset. She can think what she wants about me, but she's being horrible to my son. And that's where I draw the line. I'm willing to hear any feedback and we have some comments. Yeah. I mean, if everyone is so anti-moms thoughts and ideas, if you think it's gonna be... Well, here's the thing. It could be also very scarring to a child to see an adult, especially like a family member in this case, go off like that. Maybe don't go. But the fact that your husband, Bill, is like, oh, what should I do? What should I do? What mommy wants? Or what my family wants? The fact that he's really in that debacle, very crazy. Yeah. I think it's very clear. You silly baby, your mom and or your mother-in-law, you show up, if you get... You bring gifts for your son. And I doubt she's gonna even make it like a big blow-up. It'll probably be like something she just does under her breath. And all you do is you just silly baby that away. And if she says anything about him not being in the family, you go, oh, yeah, what are you crazy? You're so silly. I would get her a silly little baby. I would get everyone a Christmas presents. If you really want... If you are doing this, deciding to go over, get everyone a Christmas presents, get her a piece of coal. And you can say, shove this up your butt because it's so tight. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to make a diamond. There's some comments. Comment number one, she is a CU next Thursday. She would rather lose her son than admit she is wrong. Would it be possible for y'all to have the family over without her? To exchange presents, even if it is after Christmas? I would have a couple of presents wrapped with only the to address to make sure son has something to open. Hope he responds with, we have plans with my mom on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and now afternoon. His family travels from out of town, so I don't think that's possible. His grandparents live only a couple hours away. I'm sure we can at least venture out to see them, even if it's not a Christmas themed visit. Comment number two says, I wouldn't worry about what to do. The thing to do is avoid her. She doesn't want to be inclusive, period. Partner can see her if he wants for a couple of hours, but you and your children stay home. What she's doing is harmful for both of them. Partner and you can seek out the other relatives without her. I mean, why give her the satisfaction? If Bill, your partner, really needs to see her, I mean, it's been said in the comments. Like, invite them over to your place or just don't deal with her. She's not the worst time. I don't even think it's for her, dude. Like, he's saying it is grandpa's like, it might be his grandpa's last Christmas. I think you guys do. I don't think you should just flat out avoid her for this. I think you should go. And then if she presses an issue and she doesn't change her, you know, she doesn't start singing a different tune, then it's like, all right, that was your test run. Goodbye Christmas. Goodbye Easter. Goodbye holidays. You're not seeing our kids anymore because you're deranged. But I wouldn't have probably that last moment of like Christmas with grandpa, whatever. Because I don't think, and I mean, if she's going to have a conifption, like, yeah, you don't want to scar your children. But if you think she's just going to be like, huffy and annoying about it under her breath, because, you know, an eight year old is not necessarily going to pick up on all the nuanced, like, social politics going on in the family. It's Christmas. It's going to open presents and then play with them. You want to make the kids holiday the best it can be. Yeah. Her being involved, I don't think it's going to be that. So we have an update. We had a phone conversation with the in-laws to try to settle things and gave them a chance to make things right. Father-in-law called me a witch, screamed other things at me and said, I hate being told that I'm wrong. And Father-in-law threw things. For me, simply asking that they see my point of view about why this is upsetting to me. Point proven on why they are in-laws from heck. Yeah. I think maybe if that, if the father-in-laws throw in stuff around and screaming at you, no, don't go. Don't go at all. What's Bill doing in this situation? Yeah. Better be defending you. I sincerely hope they can find peace in their decisions. Needless to say, we will not be seeing them anymore. So sad. I wish I could say that I'm stunned, but I'm not. The good point is mother-in-law from heck. Apologize for father-in-law's behavior. No contact is where we sit and where we will stay. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah. Invite those family members that you want to hang out with or that treat you right. Over. You're in-laws. They can stay away. Yeah. That's crazy. And you can go on a trip to grandma's house, have a little thing there. But yeah, that's insane. Father-in-law's screaming and throwing stuff because he's like, I'm someone told me I'm wrong. It's crazy. You're like, that's not very Catholic of you. And they go, ah, ah. But that is the end of that story. My boyfriend's mother is always around and it's making me lose my patience. Oh. Maybe you should get away from her. Me, 20 female. And my boyfriend, 26 male, usually spend the weekends in each other's houses alternating every week. But honestly, I'm not really a fan of spending my weekend at his house. And by the way, this comes from user WeasleyMarianna. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we're here to give good advice, goofily. Because we don't have all the answers. We only know what we know. So if you know, uh, some stuff, whatever it is, put it down in the comments. And, uh, OP says, when we're at my place, we have more privacy. I have a normal relationship with my mom and she works at night, which leaves us with a house for ourselves during the night. Most of the day she's sleeping and the rest of the time we talk to her and spend a normal amount of time together. We watch a movie or something. And even if she's home all day, she leaves us alone to do our own stuff. Study, go to the salon, go shopping, whatever. But he is very, very close to his mother. And when I go to his house, I spend 70% of the time with him and his mom. She treats me very well. There's no competition between us and no toxic behavior. But wherever we are, she is also there. We hang out in the living room and she participates in all of our conversations. Watches every movie and TV show with us, has lunch and dinner with us. Sometimes she annoys me. I think she talks too much and I have no place to complain or be rude. And I don't want to because I'm at her house. I always leave mentally exhausted when I go there. We also spend alone time in his room, watch movies together, sleep together, go out every now and then and talk. But only if I discreetly ask him to. If I didn't, I would spend the whole day with her. And this is slowly wearing me down. Today was not different. We spent the day with her from 8am to 3.30pm. And then we went on a walk until 4.45pm. And when we got home, my mother-in-law was talking to her sister, his aunt. And then she passed the phone to him. And he stayed talking to her until the time I needed to leave at 5.30. Only getting off when I asked him to take me to the bus stop. I was clearly upset and he asked me why but I couldn't explain. So he got upset with me because we had a great day and he wanted to be okay with me before I go. All I wanted was to spend time with him and him only to do whatever we wanted. Watch a movie, talk, be intimate, or stay in complete silence without listening to his mom's voice for even 5 minutes. And there is an edit but before we get into it, I will say, if you haven't like clearly communicated how you feel about this to him, that's the problem. Full stop and that problem starts and ends with you. Yeah. If you haven't brought this up as a big, big thing for you, then you have to. You can't just like, oh, can we just hang out in your room for right now? Or like, oh, okay. I'm cool with hanging out with your mom. Yeah. Everything seems like it's been real discreet and low key on the communication style. And you just need to brute force, have the 5 or 10 minute long, maybe awkward conversation. And then it's out there in the open and it's very clear what you want and expect when you go over there. But then if his response is, you're crazy. We don't spend that much time with her. Or, oh, I just like hanging out with both of you guys and he's not respecting your boundaries or giving you a compromise or anything like that. Then I think it's best to get out of this relationship. I mean, there could be a compromise there where it's like, well, I mean, it's her house. We're going to see her, but let's maybe limit it to, she's maybe a couple hours a day. Or like, yeah, if the day is like, we can plan it out and like, okay, we're gonna be hanging, it's like, is it just gonna be you and me time today? Or is it gonna be you, me and your mother time today? Yeah. There's an edit. I called her mother-in-law because English isn't my first language. And in my country, we just call our partner's parents the same before and after marriage. So I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Plus, I don't think I can demand anything in her house. She can be wherever she wants and I will not take this complaint to her. What I want is for him to have some sense and to take me to his room where we can have privacy like I do when we're at my place. I find it weird because as I stated earlier, it's not like this at my house. My mom spends time with us and we enjoy it, but she has more to do than just hang out with us. And it's a kindness when she gives us privacy to watch movies or be in the living room or the cinema by ourselves. I do the same for her and her boyfriend. We never ask that of each other and I would never ask her or anyone to get out of a room to give me space. But it is tacked and I won't demand it from anyone in their own home. And we do have an update. I hope this update is I talked to my boyfriend clearly and openly. That's that's it. It's six days later. I talked to him. Yes. And told him I was feeling overwhelmed at his house and wanted more privacy. I explained that I was there to see him, not his mom. He said he usually stayed a lot in other areas of his house because he doesn't like staying in his room all day and doesn't mind his mom's company. He also said he finds it weird that we spend a lot of the day in my room when we're in my house. I told him I do that because it's my personal area in the house and I like being by myself in the privacy of my room or office for most of the time I'm home. But when no one else is home, I spend more time in common areas. We decided to change the dynamic a bit. We will alternate months instead of weeks from now on. Last Sunday, he listened and we spent most of the day in his room. He also insisted we go to the building's gym at a different time than his mother since most of the time she wants to go at the same time as us. I agreed that when we're in my house, we would spend more time in the living room in the mornings or in the backyard at night. Since I'll have a month off from his mom, we'll now spend some time in common areas of his house but a reasonable amount. He also said he understands his mom can be clingy and invasive sometimes, but he doesn't believe she does it in a bad way or on purpose. He said it's just a lack of tact and that she is very dependent and attached to him, which is sometimes overwhelming even for him. I don't believe there is Malice in her behavior either, and if there is, we can overcome it. If he doesn't help me in a situation where there is Malice involved, I have no problem leaving. Good. That is the right response. If your partner's parents treat you with Malice and they are just like, yeah, you gotta deal with it. No, you don't. You can leave. I think it's also, I mean, I don't know what your situation is or how things are for his mom and your mom, but I'm not saying you guys should live together in any way, but maybe it's time for him to move out. If his mom is so dependent on him or attached to him or all that jazz, if that is an option for him to move out, he's gotta move out eventually. He can't be with his mom 24-7 for the rest of his life, especially if you guys are looking to further your relationship down the line. It's gotta happen sooner or later, so that's just my take. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is a good compromise. I think we're on the right track. We're working on something. The fact that you guys are compromising and working through it, great response. Many people advised me not to move in with him, and I agree. Not exactly because of his mom, but because I think I'm too young to move in with someone. I plan to move out of my mom's house soon if everything goes well, but by myself. Not with him or a roommate, because I'm not very social, and for that, I need money. My mom herself does not see the problem with me staying for a year or more in her house, because we get along well, aside from the fact that I am a cleaning maniac and she is messy. In my country, it is common to stay a few years after reaching adulthood, sometimes for life. For those who were kind, thank you for all your comments and advice. It helped me get my head around the conversation I needed to have with him. Now, I wait to see if he will work with me to maintain these changes, and that is the end of that story. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I said I hated school, and I made my teacher sister-in-law freak out. Freak out! To keep a long ramble short, I hated school. Every second of it. I didn't have any friends, and the few subjects I did like were usually spoiled by the teacher either being too strict or too, let's make sure everyone participates, which let me just say, ground my introvert gears down to wheels. By the way, this comes from user SoftRecord7569. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Keon. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. Unfortunately, we only know what we do, so let us know what you do in the comments, please. As Opie says, so on to the actual point. My brothers and I were having dinner at dad's. My second brother's fiancee, let's call her Jill, is studying to be a teacher. We aren't friends, but we are friendly, and she's expressed excitement about teaching children. After dinner, we were all bouncing hypotheticals off of each other for what we would do for money, like you see online. For example, you get five million dollars, but once a day, you're dropped into a random part of the ocean for 30 seconds. I was pretty boring with my answers, according to them, and all in good fun. I did claim I'd use the ocean one as an alarm clock every day, which gotta laugh, made me chuckle. The next one was, would you go back to school to take grades one through 12 all over again? All 12 years, you get a living stipend and a million dollars per grade, you pass. One million for first grade, two million for second, etc. So 78 million total after all 12 grades. Everyone said yes. I said no. Jill pressed me for my reasoning, and I said something like, you cannot pay me to go back to those 12 years of heck. I was being playful and didn't mean any offense. She kept pressing, asking why I thought it was that bad. I didn't want to ruin the mood, so I gave the generic, I hated school and spent each year waiting for summer vacation. I just don't think I could take another 12 years of that. The rest of the evening went fine, but later that night, my brother texted to say that what I had said really upset Jill. She was worried about how she could teach students who might hate her as much as I hated school. He clarified that he knew my feelings were valid, but asked if I could maybe talk to Jill through my experiences at some point, or at least apologize for how I expressed them. I am sorry for upsetting her, but I really don't know how else I could explain myself in that situation without turning the whole thing into a pity party. Am I the hole for what I said or how I said it? And we have some comments. No. No, dude, you're not. She's just like, I don't know, she's dealing with like, wait, not every kid likes school. What? What? Yeah, there's also something for like, I want everyone to like me. I want all my students to like me. Listen, teachers have their favorite students. Students have their favorite teachers. Sometimes, like even if you're like the coolest teacher in the world and you're teaching the best things, everyone's entitled to their opinion. Yeah. They're not going to, they may not like you. They may not like your teaching method. I'm sorry. It's like one of the biggest things with teaching I expect is that you got to learn how to teach kids who don't care. That's a big, big one. Yeah. Teachers are going to have class clowns. It happens. I feel like she's really pressing for something that she shouldn't be pressing on. I don't think you need to apologize for the way you said it, but you could just like explain why you didn't like school so much and that it really didn't sound like it had anything to do with your teachers. Yeah. Look, you turned out fine. Look at you now. Yeah. And we have some comments. Comment number one, not the a-hole. She's upset because you didn't like school. If she's that sensitive, she might want to rethink her career. That's a good point. Kids are brutal and they will chew her up and spit her out. The facts. Well, she'll develop both callous over time probably. There's a reply to this comment. She will need to stick to younger elementary because middle school and high school kids will eat her alive. Kids are brutal. That was another reply with that. Younger elementary kids have no filter. They'll just destroy you without malice because they can. Comment number two, does she actually think every kid is going to love school? If she does, then she's in for a rude awakening. I'm a teacher and have been doing it for 26 years. I knew from day one that's not the case. You did nothing wrong. Comment three, saying, it doesn't sound like she's upset. You said it just more so that she got a reality check that her students may feel the same way. And she's upset because she thinks some of her students feel that way and she wants to help them. Jill was pushy, but not to the point of causing problems. No one ruined the evening. Your brother is the only one overreacting in my opinion. It sounds like Jill was just venting. And a last comment here saying, I think OP could be really helpful with a new teacher. Sit down with her and explain how an introvert feels about mandatory class participation. What could have been so different to make you like school? Or at least hate it less? You won't be blaming her for anything, but you would be giving her tools to help another kid from hating school as much as you did. And there's an edit here. Thanks for all the insight. I haven't really had time to reply to anything since I'm still at work, but has been very helpful. My brother, Jill, and I will be meeting up for coffee after work. Hopefully things will smooth out. And we have an update. Yeah, I don't really think there's a big deal here. I think your brother's probably just being like, I don't know. Jill was like, Jill was upset. She's talking to me. I don't know what to do. So can you fix it, please? Yeah, even just like the school thing, it's back to the original set of, oh my gosh, is no one good? Like is everyone going to hate me? Everyone's not going to like me? Not everyone's going to like you. I'm sorry. That's just the way of life. Even if you're the perfect person to them and you treat them with 110% respect, they may not just like you. I'm sorry. Yeah. It happens. Do we have an update? First, thanks again for the support. It means a lot to have so much encouragement, even though I currently believe not the A-hole is more appropriate. On to the conclusion. And to add to that, we're all feeling a little silly. It turns out there were some communication issues. Shocking, I know. Jill, my brother and I just met for coffee today to clear the air. First, an apology to all of you. Since you were so certain I wasn't the A-hole, I completely forgot the detail in the retelling. Uh-oh. Unreliable narrator. Apparently in clarifying my answer to Jill last night, I did mention having some really obnoxious teachers. Jill misconstrued this as me thinking all teachers are obnoxious, including her. Especially because I had basically just implied I'd rather risk my life in the ocean than go back to school. So she thought I disliked her. Yeah, it really does just go back to, you don't like me? You don't like me? You think I'm terrible? You don't like me? That's what I'm saying. There's a little bit left here. I feel like this was a little bit silly, like you said, but even if this does stem to like, oh no, you don't like me, I'm teachers are all crappy. It's like there are some good teachers. There are some bad teachers. It just happens. It was a little silly, but it's nothing, uh, some good communication can't sort out. Yeah. Finish up the story here. My brother blesses stupid little heart further misconstrued her venting to him as her borrowing grief from the future, which she has done before regarding her future students. He took the initiative and texted me without her knowledge because his first instinct was to help her. We cleared things up. My brother is now on notice. He is not actually in trouble. That's just their sense of humor. Thank you. I interesting. Jill is looking forward to becoming part of the family. She took my answer as a tacit rejection of her. Once I actually hashed out my issues for my school days, she completely understood my views. She knows not everyone likes school and was just worried I didn't like her specifically. We're all good. I blame the holiday scramble havoc for none of our brains working. And that is the end of that story. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.