#178 - Mark Normand

Welcome everybody to Stop His World 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We've got our boy Mark Norman returning to the couch. Special on Netflix. It's been out for two months at this point. As we all know, you gotta get that late April bump. When you're promoting a special, what you need is after it's out of the top ten. To just get it maybe 300 more views. Yeah, thank you. We're on YouTube soon. But yeah, thank you. Watch the special. None too pleased. Very funny stuff. Yeah, thanks for coming, buddy. Thanks for being back on the program. Thanks for having me. Great upgrade with the apartment. This place is sick. Thank you. You're in Manhattan. I'm in Manhattan. Your doorman's a little annoying. We had a great time. He's the man. He's cool. He really is. I would I like someone attentive. Yeah, he's on it because he is he fucking knows it. He'll chat with you. And if he was bad at his job, it's the most annoying thing of all time. If he's good at his job, you get warm when you talk to him. It's like a family member that's good versus bad. Yeah, it's like, listen, if you my mom calls me all the time, it's like, it's my mother. She's done everything for me. It's like, do I read? Do I have? Do I want to pause what I'm doing and talk to her right now? No. I'm talking to her mother, whatever. But then it's like some uncle calls you. You fucking just some piece of shit from the motherland and money. Please don't report me. Tough times. It was the 80s. But yeah, your mom won't stop calling me. The whole thing. But no, I know what you mean, but he saw me dealing with the box outside looking for your name and he was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm going to see Stavros and he's like, yeah, he's a celebrity. I'm like, I know, I know. I've known him before that. I was around in Cumptown, baby. So pre-Cumptown. You were. I was. I remember that gig we did and I opened for you. You were opening for Schumer and it was a bar. Yes. In Fells Point. I remember that. It was a, I believe, Deleopholes, if I'm not mistaken. So you weren't headlining. No, that's how much we've actually known each other. Yeah. Is that you were like featuring, transitioning to headlining. Right. Like featuring solidly. Yes. That's when we like, and then yes, that was a very funny, that was a hilarious gig too because it was just like, you know, we just got hammered. We got so fucked up. That's all you did back then because we were all sad. Yeah. Yeah. But we had some good times. We had some great times. Yeah. That was fun. A shitty Baltimore fucking bar, getting drunk as hell. And then I was living with my parents and nothing to lose back then. You were like, I talked to Bobby Kelly. I think I'm going to go on the road with him. I was like, whoa, quick bragging. Holy shit. What a beautiful fucking innocent time. Yeah. Baltimore was cool. But I did a guy put a show in a guy's house. He had like a three story crazy house. And we did that show too. I took you to that show. That was amazing. That was really fun. Shout out to a friend of the show, Peter Mooth. He's been on the show. Yes. That house was awesome, dude. That was like, they had like just some guy owned it. And it was like just a, it was like the classic. It's like when a rich kid like puts his powers to use for good. Yeah. And it's like, hey, I've got the resources. I'm buying a house and I'm not going to be, because there's nothing worse than when a fucking rich kid would remind you who's Nintendo 64 was when they're like, when they're getting bullied because their personality is bad. Right. Okay. I guess we won't play my Donkey Kong country. That was the worst. Yeah. Oh no, no, it's okay, dude. We were joking about why to fuck your mom. I had a friend with golden eye. If you started beating him, you would just unplug it. I was like, you're a fucking school shooter before school. Shoot your terrorist. He was the worst. That's the worst. But this guy had a little money, bought a fucking and let the boys hang out, had great parties. It was a fixer upper, but it was fun. It was just beer everywhere. I miss it, dude. Made out with a girl in the bathroom. I remember. Love that. That was fun. Fun times. Yeah. I, I, that, how that party, that house is maybe one of the first places I had like confidence separate from anything. You know, it was like, that was, I remember like getting to fuck girls from parties at that house and being like, whoa, I'm not a fucking fat gay loser anymore. I can get a girl with big tits to come to my shitty apartment, to come to my shitty, or like the first time you're like, want to get, the first time you say want to get out of here and it works. Yeah. You want to go watch TV? I'm like 22. I'm like, want to get out. I don't believe it. I'm like, oh, my voice is cracking. Want to get out of here. That was great. The first time you start getting laid after parties, you're like, oh, getting drunk was fun. But this is, this is what I want to do. I should stay sober and get them drunk. Maybe even get like, I don't know, some kind of medicine to get them drunk faster. You put on a Cosby record. Joke of satire, satire. We are not rapists of any sort. Humor, humor folks. It's good for you. Yes. Oh man. Now you're, now you're putting me down memory lane too. That, what would you say is the best year of your life? If you had to pick one year. That's tough. Cause it's a tough one. Cause you know, you've obviously accomplished plenty of stuff and even in the special, great special about having a kid, there's so much good material there. You know, you've accomplished professionally, personally, shit's going good. But when you have to boil down and there's different metrics too, right? There's like pure happiness. There's being carefree. Cause those years, mine might be the year we met when I was living in my friends. My friends were letting me live in a subsidized house where it was like, they literally just let me pay $300 worth of rent. Hell yeah. I was like, guys, that's all I can afford. And basically my pitch was you want $400 more a month, but the guy could be annoying. Yeah. Or do you want the, I'm the best hang of all time baby. And they went for it. Shout out to them. Shout out to straight George, friend of the program was one of the original patron and Was there a gay George? No, but if you met George, you'd know why he's called straight George. Oh, okay. Cause you have to let people know he's straight. Got it. Got it. Feminite man. Got it. Got it. Okay. And I won't dox the other person, but we should come up with a nickname for him as well. Cause he, we got to get him in the mix a little bit. My old roommate from that year in Baltimore. I don't want to give away his personal information until I know he's cool with it, but we had a very funny setup. And anyway, there's something about that to me that was like, um, I don't know. There's like the, uh, how intoxicating potential is. You don't have to do anything. You just have to maybe do something. Yes. So it's like, I'm like, dude, I'm, yeah, like you said, dude, Bobby Kelly might let me open. I get to share, I get to share a best Western with Chris Scopo. I get to get the laugh. I get to do fucking seven at Laugh Boston. Oh, that was, yeah. Hope is the best. Cause you know, we've all made it, but it's still not as happy as you are when you were about to make it. No, exactly. The journey is what it's all about. And not even, a lot of the journey actually sucks dick. Yeah, of course. But there's four good parts of the journey. It's like, it's not even, it's the journeys of destination. She's like, no, they're both dog shit, but you're happy like for four days out of the 25 year journey. Yeah. It's the little wins. You get laid here. You have a great night here. It's kind of like when you, you driving to get Coke. It's almost more fun than the Coke. Oh yeah. Oh, the second you're fucking, when you're in the car. Yeah. You're like, whoa, baby, what are we going to do? And then you're fucking sad as fuck afterwards. Oh yeah. Then you hate yourself the next day. You know that, but regret, but on the way there. I spent 12 hours talking about Donkey Kong in a fucking, in a hotel room with four other guys. We all offered drugs to the one hot girl. She did a line and left. And then it was just, oh, wow. And it was just us talking about GameCube. Yeah. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I just like it. I like, I like it better. It doesn't fucking matter. Fine. Fine. You're fucking places. You got a fucking Nintendo guy. Fucking fuck. You know, I love you get the three red shells. You're unbeatable. I play with Yoshi. Yeah. Yeah. Dude being such a fucking loser that you're doing Coke or Adderall. I remember doing these exact thing happening at a party and then me being like, oh nice. I feel like, you know, I tried to add, I snorted Adderall for the first time in, in college. And I'm feeling like, you know, you're buzzing. You're like, this is awesome. I'm going to fucking party all night. And I just ended up truly playing GameCube upstairs, upstairs where you go to smoke weed. Yeah. You go in, you smoke weed in the one room at the college house. Right. And you, and you leave and you try and get pussy, whatever. I got, I was on Adderall. I smoked weed and I just truly played fucking Mario Kart. I bet you had a good time though. It was okay. But it was into it. But it was one of those, but it was one of those words. Like, you're like, Oh yeah. Would I play like two games of Mario Kart? And you're like 430. Oh yeah. Yeah. Where the girls go? I don't even like these guys. They just got in the zone. Yeah. And what do you say when you go downstairs? Like where they're like, where the fuck were you? You're like, I was trying to get pussy. You can't say I was playing GameCube for four hours. I was playing GameCube. Yeah. You just go downstairs. It's one fact. I playing an acoustic guitar. And you're like, just two guys making out in the kitchen. You're like, Oh fuck. Yeah. That's, yeah, dude. There's something about the clock. Truly, I think that, because to me, I keep coming back that one year in Baltimore. Yeah. It's like right before I move. Yeah. I'm making friends with other comic. Like the fact that, because when you're in a small town, you think you might be funny, but then when you like comics that you like think are good, actually tell you that. Yeah. That's big. Huge. That's huge. Anytime, cause you're just swimming in nut. You're like, am I good? Am I bad? What is going on? Am I ever going to make it? You have no, like, no lifeline. So when anybody said like, Hey, you got something or that's a great bit. You're like, Oh, thank you. And then that feeds into just your light, your, your like confidence as a guy. Yes. And then, and then you're like, Oh yeah, this is awesome. It's, it's second semester senior year stuff too. Where it's like senioritis, especially when you're going to go from a small city to a big city. And then, you know, you move to York, you want to kill yourself for a decade. Sure. That year in Baltimore. Cause it's all up. Everything's up. And you, I don't know about you. My imagination is so gay. I'm like picturing me killing there and like Todd Berry high-fiving me and a guy with a cigar with his feet up going, you got it kid. You know, meanwhile I bought, I bought in New York for like two years because I was doing rough rooms. I remember one time I went on stage and I was just doing Seinfeld for the first year. And this guy went, I was walking to the mic and he goes, and it crushed me. I was crushed cause he got me right to the core. He nailed it. I was like, you're right. And I just went off on him on the mic and then, how dare you? I'm a totally different kind of comic. What's the deal with assholes? Yeah. I didn't break in New York, like out of my bullshit, like rolled up sleeves. What's the deal with till a guy heckled me and I called him out and that was working. So that's kind of how I broke free of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking, yeah. It is very funny how the pressing the first couple of years are. Oh yeah. I got bed bugs. What do you think? Me, I was a bed bug scratcher. Really? Yeah. Oh, it's hell. It sucks. I'm still like paranoid. You wake up like a non-bed. I bought my first non-metal bed this year. It's been 10 years and for like five years I would wake up and be like, I got him. Yeah. I got him. Totally. Yeah. It will fuck with you forever. I thought I had an STD. I went to the hospital because I didn't know about bed bugs and he was like, I don't know. I think you're fine because they had them all over here. Oh, interesting. All the legs and I was like, oh, this is bad. And he goes, I can give you a biopsy, but you don't have healthcare. It's going to be like two grand. Oh my God. Two grand. Jesus. A biopsy. Oh, I was like, I want to go to the hospital and examine it and all this. And I was like, fuck it. Let's do it. And I like went into my savings or whatever. Oh my God. Define that you have bed bugs. Define that he's like, it's a bite. It's a mosquito bite. I was like, fuck me. I wish I had an STD. You cut. Oh, so what kind of STD are you thinking is on your thought? Like just you've got rotten pussy juice on your thighs. I didn't know. I didn't know. Cause you know, that was a good offer. Some real trash. Sure. Of course. So okay. What now, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but do you have like an era or a year year that if you had to put, do you have one? Cause I do think my answer probably would be the year I'm 24 right before I moved to New York. I think so. I think just pure happiness. That's pretty good. I was broke as fuck. I had no money. I'm eating fucking beans. And I would cook beans and eggs in the oven. Wow. Cause it was quicker. And I would just eat off the aluminum foil. Wow. And that would just be like, it's like what I could fucking afford. Yeah. And chicken thighs. That was like when I wanted to splurge, I would have chicken thighs. I still buy that rack of frozen ones. The wife cooks them up. It's amazing. But yeah, that's pretty, I might go 2011. That was a good year. I like started opening for Schumer, quit my job. I got to the seller in about 2013. And I was doing the road. She got up to arenas. So I was, you know, getting laid by, you know, arena gals. And that was pretty great. While you were in like an eight year relationship too. No, no. Was that, were you broken at all? I dated a girl for like 10 years. High school, sweetheart, college sweetheart, moved to New York together, did comedy. She hated it. That broke us up. I was single for like four years. I went ape shit. And then, you know, that's, That's a great time to be singles opening for Amy Schumer and arenas. Cause yeah, she can't fuck them. Yeah. You know? So that was exciting. Yeah. Just private. Everything was crazy and new. And she paid so well. I bought an apartment off the money. She paid me. Yeah. Like so that was good times that I met the, eventually met the future Mrs. Norman. Look at that. Yeah. So I had a good run. It was a roller coaster. 2011. That's nice. Yeah. I had to pinpoint it. And I was at the cellar every night and just, you know, Sam's there and Lister's there. We're all hanging out. It was, it was a good, good core crew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Elders, do you have a one year that stands out to you? Uh, honestly, the year when I was working at CBS radio. I remember that year we were roommates. Yeah. That was like just such a nothing job. And I, and I had just a very productive like three to six months where I was like, legit exercising. Just went to like monk borderline in cell mode. And then you met your wife. Then I met my wife soon after that. Who would be coming to be your, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was a pretty good time of my life. I fuck with that. I like that. You were happy. That is true. I was happy. You could dip into getting high and eating Ben and Jerry's whenever you wanted to. Cause I was there holding that down still. For sure. I was still depressed while you were coming out of it. And you had the Ben and Jerry's already. Dude, we had the Ben and Jerry's in that house. Fucked up. There were no money. I probably spent. It's not cheap. Those jokes. It's not at the time. They're probably at the time. This is almost 10 years ago. Six bucks probably for like the, for like the, the pint. That's a lot. And I'm probably averaging 20 a month. Woo. You know what I mean? And that's, that's, that's might be low. 20 a month is crazy. If we're being honest, that might be on the low end. For someone that doesn't menstruate. That is a lot of ice cream. So that's a hundred. That's a 180. Let's just say 200, $200 a month when my rent was $500. Oh my God. I've never done the numbers. My rent was 500 and my ice cream budget was 200. And I made no money. Oh my God. Your crush, it was like the way Shane is with Bud lights. You're doing pints. It was a blood bath in there. Mark, your, your, your Ben and Jerry's pint was never safe in that freezer. Never, never. I would never hesitate. Especially when I was like, hi as fuck. And I was like, I'll have a couple of prison rules. And it's like prison rules. And I was like, well, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just go to the grocery store and get another one. If he gives up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. You're like Norm at the bodega. You know, they like. They stop and they put one on the table. No, you know, I never settled into my, the right ice cream spot. I always had to look at five different. I had like a, a network of bodegas I would go to. Yeah. Cause some of them didn't have the good shit. I like truly knew when like my bodega got ice cream shipments. Wow. Like I knew when. This is like Miami drug shit. You know when the chopper's coming in. I was like, oh fuck, we're behind. It's like, don't, don't go to the corner. They don't have anything except strawberry cheesecake. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Give me the chunky monkey. There's a one called like late night something. Tonight do. Tonight do. Who are you talking to, pal? I'm talking to. And later they would make a variant called Netflix and chilled. That was very similar to that. Okay. Yeah. I love that. Actually that was more chunky. That was more chubby hubby. Got it. I was a chubby hubby guy and Netflix and chilled had similar core elements. Okay. So you listen, you ever want to talk Ben and Jerry's. We're the guys to talk. Do you go cream based or do you or like vanilla based or chocolate based? It depends. I probably find myself gravitating chocolate. Same. Or something interesting. Yeah. That's what I liked about the chubby hubby. It was malt flavored ice cream. So it wasn't quite vanilla. It was vanilla with a little twist. Got it. They also had the cores at the time. In fact, now I walk by a freezer and I see the new stuff that I missed out on. And it really makes me feel nostalgic. What do you gave up? It's not too late. I can't be. You can have a taste. If I let that back into my life. You have no, I really think ice cream is my will. When it all is said and done is my greatest addiction. Wow. When it's all, when I really think about how many times in my life, what I can give up the easiest. It was weed for a long time. Food, I guess in general. But if we really boil it down to the type, the food, that's the problem. It's the fact that at night I can tack on anywhere from 300 to 3000 calories in desserts only. Wow. And so I think like, dude, there's a, like, even, there was like, there's like been years of my life where I still have ice cream almost every day, but it's halo top. Like I've been on methadone. What's that? Is that the nice one? It's like low cow. Oh. It's not good. It doesn't taste good. But it's about the ritual of eating an entire pint. You ever do the thing where you eat it with a fork and you kind of skim the top and you think you're eating less? Of course. But you're still just there for an hour and a half. It still goes down that much. But you're like, ugh. Well then you can dislodge the brownie bits easier. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You're talking like Charlie Sheehan in the documentary. I mean, it really is the way. Wow. It's truly Charlie Sheehan. That's what's in my, like I bought, hopefully, what we'll say, I've given up on quitting ice cream and I bought one of the Ninja Creamy machines where you can make your own ice cream bases. Well, no, you're making it at home. But you can make it from like a protein shake. Okay. And it's like 250 calories. All right. But it's a whole, it's a whole pint. Got it. So anyway, we'll see. We'll keep you updated on how that goes. Okay, okay. I'm just worried you're gonna pull a like a Matthew Perry in a hot tub. He's gonna have one last night and it's gonna be all these canisters. I'm not kidding. The hearing about Gandolfini's last meal. They have the meal on record. Sometimes I just look at that and I'm like, like I'm not joking. Like I'm calm thinking about that. Yeah, I've looked at that so many times too. Like I, the thing that always stands out is the double fried shrimp. I know. That he had a thing of fried shrimp and he said, fuck it, I'm on vacation. Give me a whole other one. Yes, he was in Rome. He was in Rome with his new wife. Oh yeah. He's got the best room of all time. Dye's in like a hot tub probably. Like I think it was like, do you have the thing pulled up? I think there was a couple of pina coladas in there. Two orders of fried king prawns, a large portion of foie gras. Oh, that's what did it. That's what did it. Four shots of rum, two pina coladas and two beers, which is like, that, you know, I'm gonna do that every day at the beach this summer. You know what I mean? That's nothing. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's the combination. It's a speed ball of foie gras and four shots of rum. That's an incredible, that's an incredible order. Yeah, it really is. I want to experience that. So like, is it fucked up to take solace in the way one of your heroes died when you know you have the exact same problem? Right. Like I hear that and as morbid as it is, I'm like, that sounds awesome. Maybe it's because I'm depressed. Cause I'm like, I would love to have a great day in Italy. Have a great meal and die peacefully in my sleep. That sounds nice. And I do think it's cause I'm depressed. Honestly, I do think I'm sort of, it's like even being fat is kind of coward suicide. Where you're like, it's slow. Right. It's like a gas leak. Eventually this will happen. But I don't have the guts to do it. And you're having a good time on the way there. You're having a good time. But also Bourdain should have gone that way too. Let's be honest. Bourdain, I think what he hung himself or something. Yeah, who knows? You know, we really can't get into the end of Bourdain's life. But I do hear there's a great film coming out dealing with another, the earlier part of his life that everyone should really enjoy. Oh, hey, all right. Yeah, something called Tony. And I may or may not play a fat line cook in it. Whoa! All right, okay. Wow, is it documentary? Yeah. But yeah, it's a movie from the future. It's the first ever time travel movie. I'm fucking 50 in just a Greek restaurant cooking up fucking calamari. Right, right. But yeah, dude, sometimes I'm like, is this morbid how much like, I'm not getting comfort I get out of thinking about dying like James Gandolfini. That is pretty badass. He went out happy. And we don't know that. It's obviously tragic. And I feel bad for his family. But in that moment, like sometimes, I guess again, who knows, maybe it's purely depression and craving death on some level. It's also tough for the wife. She's like, my husband and also the bill. Yeah. She's gotta get that bill in Rome. I'm sure that was a couple grand. I mean, I saw it. Can we, before the ambulance again here, can we just settle up? Yeah, exactly. She's like, I'm with my husband here. You gotta leave with the gurney. That's how you know that would get the ambulance. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. What, yeah, do you, have you thought about your death at all? Are you a man who thinks about mortality? I should, because I- Because you're anxious, but it doesn't feel like you're worried about the ultimate death. I'm not worried about death. I'm worried about people and you know, whatever. But like I drive drunk, I don't wear a helmet when I ride a bike. I do a lot of drugs. Yeah, I should worry about that. I live on the edge. Sure. Like Liszt is worried. He's like, look at this lump on my leg. It's cancer. I'm going down. I have none of that. I could have like a big old egg shaped car bunk with my ass. And I'm like, let it ride. You know, just go around it. But yeah, I don't worry about death too much. But I should, because I got doored once on a bike. Whoa. Went over the door. Holy shit. I was on my moped and I hit a pothole. Oh, so this is kind of recent. Well, the doored was about six months ago. The moped was about two years ago. Oh my God. Pothole fell off, no helmet, knocked out. On 8th Avenue, knocked out. Oh my God. Just in the street and construction workers carried me onto the sidewalk. And I woke up and I was like, fucking sew and pain. My head was ringing and they were like, you good? I was like, I'm good. They walked away and they pulled my bike off and I just rode home. Oh my God. You rode home in the bike. And I was so in pain, but you just faked it. You know, you ever like walk into a glass wall and you're like, hey everybody. Oh, and your nose is hurting like hell. But you just gotta go, oh, they're all laughing at you and you pretend to laugh and you wanna kill yourself. Yeah. Interesting. I should take it. And I got a kid now. So I should. Yeah, I was gonna, just the kid have had any like worrying about just you have to be around for it. Yes, it does give you that. Which is kind of nice. I had no reason to live before, you know. I just wanna come up with a new bed, have a cocktail. But now I'm like, oh, I should eat right and whatever exercise hang out. Yeah. And you gotta set an example for him. Of course. That's fucking hilarious to think about. Yeah, I got pulled over drunk driving once. This is like a month ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How fucked up is this? The cop was like, wait, are you that comedian? I'm like, oh yeah. And he goes, make me laugh and I'll let you go. True story. I'm not gonna say the state because it might fuck the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I told a black joke. Yeah, yeah, what's gonna happen. Yeah, definitely the police will be held accountable for their actions. You're right, Mark. Yeah. You could have a fucking video of a guy shooting a woman in the head and they'll be like, we don't know. But God forbid you say Alabama on a podcast. Anyway, go ahead. Oh yeah, it was Rhode Island. Yeah. And a small state. But yeah, he was a cool guy and he was a comedy fan and I told a black joke, he didn't laugh. And I was like, oh, and I told a gay joke, he didn't laugh, I told a trans joke and he died. And he's like, get the hell out of here. And I was like, brrrrrrr. That's so funny, we can track what's hack in real time. Like, oh, I guess, yep, oh. Let's figure it out. Just want a cop alike. Blue collar guy, I love it. Wow, they really evolved. The black joke didn't work. He's like, oh, can you, he turns his body cam on. Yeah. Give him the black joke again. He turns it back on. I find that very tasteless, Mr. Norman, just winking at you the whole time. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, good times. What's going on that like cops think about trans people? Or like just blue collar, it has become the go to, if you're fucking stupid, it's like Polish jokes or like racist or whatever. Now it is transit away where it's like, why did this many, it's like, you don't fucking live in, listen, you live on the Lower East Side, you live in Bushwick. You might come across trans people. But it's like, I bet most of those people see a trans person in their life. I think that's what it is. I think they're not exposed to it. So they're like, ooh, that's kind of exotic. Like a joke about it. And they hear about it so much. It's like autistic and trans, the clock's ticking on those jokes, you know what I mean? Because it is, there's both novelties, I think you're right. That it is like, it's more nuanced than. Right, right. You get the pronoun joke, there's a lot of layers to try. You know, and you get a dick joke. It goes back to a dick joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot there. It is so fast. Like I don't know how the fuck it happened that culturally, that's like a main signifier. What's the newest thing too? It's like the newest thing to joke about, you know, like Polish is so fifties, you know, then it was like blonde jokes. I guess that's true. It starts in pure, it starts in pure color. It starts pure black, white. Yes, easy. Or you know, whatever, different color. And then it moves on. That is fascinating. I wonder what the next. What's the next thing? I remember when like dick pics were a thing, you know, with the iPhone. Now everybody has a dick pic joke or dating apps and everybody has a dating app joke. So yeah, what is the next thing? Cannibals? What's the next demographic? I don't know, pedos? But yeah, pedos is been around. Pedos is pretty fair. That's timeless. Albanians, you wish. No one cares enough about the fucking ways to get Belushi's. Yeah, they're Albanian. They do have, there is a little internet cache to Albanians right now. That's true. And now this unfortunately is, is positioned as one of the top online Albanians. Another one of the, another thing. Yeah. Another one of the many things he doesn't deserve. That he gets that hairline. Got a damn it. Yeah. Wild. That's a perfect hairline. Do you covet the hairline? You're looking okay. I'm okay. I do the pro-peesh. I grow out long. But when it's wet, I look like a sweaty rabbi. It's bad. I worry about a pool. I don't get my hair wet. Ooh, okay. You'll get in the pool with the fuck it. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you can just let it ride. There's a certain level of freedom tonight. That's a beautiful thing. You're not caring. Yeah. Or yeah, you're kind of a no-man's land. Exactly. Because you're not, you're not gonna go, it doesn't seem like you're gonna go to Turkey. Right now, no chance. But you're out of nom. I'm still in the shit. I'm like in the bush. No, I went native. I'm like, it's all bullshit, brother. Let it go. You started an opioid farm with a Vietnamese woman. Yeah. I've started a fucking compound on the Laotian border. In an NGO. Yeah. You know, I'm enjoying going fucking full native, hairwise. Well, chicks, I think they dig it. Cause they're like, this guy is cool and confident and doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. It's back to, it is back to, it is, it's definitely novel. Where no one, no one lets their hair everywhere. I mean, look, the, the advancements in fucking plugs Unreal or out of control. We have close friends who Out of control, out of control. The Mateos, the Soda. I mean, they're open. They're open. Everyone on, dude, you find out like everyone on TV has hair. I know everyone on TV basically has hair plugs. And what's crazy, we have footage of like Kimmel, Seth McFarlane, Elon Musk, Joel McHale. The list goes on. We have them in the, you know, 1998's when they're fucking crazy, crazy back. Totally, totally. I don't know. We'll see. You would know, you're good. You're, you're fine. You're not going to consider, you're not going to go plugs. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe later in life. I would only, I'm only debating it because it's, it ain't cheap. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm waiting for it to come down. You're doing okay. Like a flat screen. You're such a piece of shit. Remember these old, old, old big screen TVs used to be $10,000. Then you get them for like, you know, 500. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. You're right. That is so funny that you're still, you're still worried about that amount of money. Cause I know it's not cheap, but like you're fine. I, I could be fine, but you know, I got a poor man mentality. That's true. That is true. You do, I guess that's important. It is important to stay. You'd rather stay cheap than be somebody who doesn't understand money at all. Which is kind of where I am, where I'm like, cause my whole life I never care about money, but on either, in either way, like I should have been cheap. I should have known what stuff cost, but I never did. And then I just kind of kept going until I didn't have to. I'm basically prime to get Bernie made off. Don't try it. Nobody tried. All right. I got a couple of layers of protection, but I really don't like, I just- I'm the same way. I got a bunny guy and that he saved me. But like my wife, she was like, let me see your finances. And I was like, oh, shit. Okay. What is she gonna do? Steal it all. I eventually showed her after hours of fighting. And she was like, she's like only fans, only fans, only fans, only fans. Venmo directly to a 22 year old barista. No, that's the thing. You're too cheap to ever get fin domed. You'll never have. No, no. No way. No way. You will never get exploited. You would go letterman so fast, dude. I would. You would have all public announcement. You'd be like, these whores are trying to get me for my money. I will never allow that to happen. That happened to Louis Anderson. Remember that? No. Oh man. He was hosting Family Feud, great gig. Yeah. My dream gig, by the way. Great gig. I would love to be, to one day host Family Feud. My number one game shows. I'm putting that out there. Someone, look, Steve Harvey's gonna do this job for another 20 years. He's built for it. He'll be doing that till he retires. He has one move, by the way. Somebody says something stupid and he goes, yeah. Absolutely. I do not, the incredulity is his number one move. That's a sister's name. Yeah. But yeah, no, you're right. Okay, so Family Feud. I would love, that is my, that is, I would love to be 60 and host Family Feud. And you do like, what do they call it? Bump, bulk shooting? Where you shoot like six in a day? Yeah. You're done for a month. So I'm putting that out in the universe. That's my showbiz sort of like retirement gig. That is great. That's a sweet gig. Remember the old one, you could kiss every woman on it. That was big. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, the one guy just fingering every fucking, every grandma, you look beautiful. And then the guys just have to sit there. Right. And they're smiling as this guy. Like that is, by the way, that is how, like everything in society is degraded. You used to, a level of fame. Like being a game show host. Yeah. Allowed you, you could, you had prima nocta over everyone in America. Bob Barker and all those whores. By being that level of famous. Yes. That's fucking crazy, dude. Crazy. Anyway. Anyway, what are we talking about? Oh, Anderson. Yes. Whatever to Louis. Cause I'm a big, I love the show. I have the show Louis. Remember that show he did, the kid show? The cartoon. Cartoon, I fucking loved it. Yeah. Anyway, give us your recollection. Then Eldis will fact check. I don't know everything, but I know he was a closeted gay guy. Back then it was a 90s. Really hard to tell. Really hard to tell. Yeah. And eventually played a woman on TV. But yeah. And it was incredible at it. Great. He's so funny. That is one of the best. He plays a, he plays Zach Galifianakis' mother in baskets. Yes. And he plays a middle aged, an elderly woman. And it fully works. It totally works. It doesn't even come off as like a gimmick. No, no. In like eight seconds. At first you're like, ha, that's hilarious. Louis Anderson is a pregnant woman. And then you're like, that's his mom. Right. And then 10 seconds and you're like, whoa, that's his mom. It's basically Robert Downey Jr. black. He is as a woman. Like he just pulled it all perfectly. But yeah. So he was hooking up with this guy. He would like hook up with a guy in Vegas where they shot every, you know, a couple of weeks. Oh, they shot in Vegas back then. I think so. And they would just hook up in a van. He would blow the guy. And then he'd be like, don't tell anybody. Then one day the guy's like, I'm going to tell the press unless you give me 20 grand or so. And then the guy and Louis like, all right, all right, all right. And then, you know, a month later is like, you know what? I need like a hundred grand now. And he's like, all right, all right. And then millions of dollars go by. And eventually the guy's still told something like that. That was mostly right. What I'm seeing here is Anderson made several payments to Gordon totaling around 100K before eventually going to the FBI where when Louis went to the, oh, Louis went to the FBI. Yeah, yeah. But he was still at 100K. Oh, I was way off. It cost him 100K to just to fucking. Cause it was just accumulating, I think. Cause they kept hooking up. Yeah. The guy was arrested in the sting operation and sentenced to 21 months in prison. Good for Louis and the restitution. Yeah. Wait, wait, why did the guy get arrested? Because it's illegal to fucking bribe someone. Blackmailing him. But isn't it illegal to pay for sex? Well, I guess he was paying for sex. He wasn't paying the guy threatened to tell tabloids that Anderson had solicited him for sex years earlier. I don't see that. Yeah. Yeah. And Louis was afraid that would like damage his rep. Poor guy. That sucks. Tim, now look at Tim's life. Now you can be part. Now you can openly be a gay villain who's who dresses up as members of the media. Tim dressed and mocked the woman who runs CBS News. You can now be, that's how gay you can be and not be as scared of the media. Whereas Louis Anderson is like, just probably having gentle gay sex in a van and then doing a great job hosting. And now you can just, at least we've made some advancements in. It's true. It's like Ellen couldn't be gay. She got canceled. And then she was like, okay to be gay. And then she got canceled being a cut. Yeah, being of progress. Just a piece of shit. Yeah. Here's a little fucked up tidbit about Louis. He also, his sister alleged that he suffered elder abuse on his deathbed when his fucking agent and manager conspired to change his trust. Jesus. Like in his dying moments and make themselves the primary beneficiaries. What? Wow. Dude, Louis Anderson is the man. He's the man. That pisses me the fuck off. I've opened for him a few times. Really? Yeah, cool guy. He was the first fat comic to do the, let me get the mic stand out of the way. You can see me. Which has been done to death. He did it first in the 80s. And that, yes, respect to him for that. That's a good one. Love you, Louis. Fuck, dude. Yeah, he truly would have been a dream guest. Cause I feel like right as I, I try, I think I like, there was like something up in the air where I could have opened from very early. And I was, that was the most pumped I was, but I was way too, it was like, would have been a real stretch at the time. Cause I feel like by the time I was even, you know, 10 years ago, like when did Louis Anderson die? Ooh, I don't know. Oh, really? That reason? Wow. Yeah. The coolest part about opening for him, you're like, in awe, he's killing. He's, you know, he's got jokes from decades and decades. But then we'd go to McDonald's after. Fuck yeah. And then he would order like crazy shit. And you're like, it was like, like opening for him. Oh my God. It was like, that was wasted on you. I know, I know. I was like, I'll have some nuggets. And he's like, get out of the way, son. But if you're like open for prior, then he's just like, let's do blow all that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're not a blow guy, you'll figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. You'll figure it out. Damn, dude. Yeah. He was the fucking man for sure. I did love Lou. Louis, the cartoon was a fucking banger. A lot of fat representation. Yeah. Back then, too. He was kind of a cool little fat kid. And I was like, yeah, hell yeah, that's me. You had fat Albert and then Louis. That wasn't much for fat kids. That's true. And then you had heavy weights. Oh, that was great. Great. Great movie. Great movie. You had a couple of pretty like Mighty Ducks had the fat goal. He had a couple of guys. By the way, that guy is not doing good. Rosenberg. He is. And he was in heavy weights as well. Yes. He was really talented. He was great. He honestly, I probably modeled a lot of my personality as a little fat kid because he was like the cool fat guy. Yeah, he was cool. He always had wisecracks. He would do like the, he would raise his eyebrow really? And now the guy's, that guy's looking tough. I think meth got him. I mean, dude, being a child star. It fucks everybody. There is no way like that should be illegal. Yeah. If you try, if you take your child to every audition should be a sting operation. Oh, that's good. Every single time a parent takes a child for anything. Yes. They should go to jail. I love it. They should go to fucking jail. Well, it's weird. You're like you, it's like a cattle call where you bring your kid like hoping that he gets discovered and you get rich. Right, right, right. It's so weird. You're using the kid. Yeah. It's the same with pageant cunts. These pageant cunts. Pageant's even worse. That's crazy. Pageant's even fucking worse, dude. Yeah. I mean, I watch every one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to fucking feed. You've got to feed security cam footage from every Hilton garden in ballroom. Like she's got potential. Yeah. I like her. I've got like a fantasy football league going with spreadsheets. I like the Virginia chick. I think what you're describing is just how you got to Epstein's Island. I mean, that's the other thing is like everyone, acting for sure, but pageants are straight up feeder systems for pedophiles. Easily. There's no way that, the fact that that exists, I mean, that is despicable, dude. Pedophiles must love it because they can go to the audience. It's like a show. It's like, you know, you get a free strip. Yeah. It's like going to a fucking fashion show. Yes. Oh, what's coming up this season? Exactly. Who are the children to groom this season? Right. Right. So, I mean, the pedophilic shit that goes on, like they don't have that in other countries. Do they, Eldis? Do they have like, are there European beauty pageants? This is where I'd love to blame America for something, but it probably is. Unfortunately, they probably exist other places. I'd say so. Yeah. But we have a very, like, there's some about that, like Southern church-y type of, you know what I mean? There's just some so fucked about it, but, you know, whatever. Yeah. Now it's just a bunch of Florida teachers is keep fucking students. Every time I open Twitter, it's just like a new teacher, and they're all kind of like, kind of hot. Yeah. It's so strange. Yeah, some's in the air down there in Florida. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you'll know. Anyway, you're not, you're preparing your son for his first pageant soon, I'm guessing. Yeah, hell yeah. Well, what's the boy version of that? I got a little boy. I guess it's like, the altar boy. Yeah, yeah. The yellow is the boy version. Yeah. Oh yeah, so what, because the other thing is that your kid was born like a couple days with my nephew. So I always think about, when I track my nephew's development, I think about your son, because I'm like, oh, what's this little fucker up to? Oh yeah. They're basically the same age. Yes, 17th. Yes, yeah, MLK weekend. And Trump's inauguration. Yeah. So everybody's like the saddest day ever, and I was like, this is a great day. I'm like fist pumping in the street. Hey, best day ever. We always knew it about Mark. He finally comes forward and shows who he's been the whole time. Google Mac. You named your son 47. Yeah. 47 Norman. Yes, and not because, you know. My wife's barren. OK, OK. All right, all right. Donald Trump, junior Norman. Speaking of Coke, that guy loves the yam yam. Every time I see that guy on TV, he's like. He's a big coke. I know, dude. It's so fucking annoying that just objectively, some of the worst people of all time won the decade. Like DJ T. Jr. just gets to be on cocaine on TV. He only did listen to what that fucking idiot has to say. He's the most classic example of a fail son I can possibly imagine. He's accomplished almost nothing without. And then plus the like, how he's got to fuck you up psychologically for that to be your day. Like that story about totally that story about. I don't look up if there's a poker fool or not, where he's going to take him to a Yankee game. And he's like in a in a jersey and Trump slaps his son in front of his friends for not wearing a suit. No, it's like, is that real? Elders or did I get got by some MSNBC? AI shit. That's great. But then you got Hunter Biden as well. You got the two sides of the coin there with the code. Coke folk. Who do you really want to do coke with? Oh, you got to go on. Hunter in a, you know, in a mile by a mile. I remember those videos of him with hookers and doing crack in a town. I'm like, why would he film this? And I realized, oh, he's on crack. Why would you film this? Yeah. Yeah. He's he really, I mean, now you're like, not like now every fucking like every there's like a story where it's like, oh, yeah, Baron Trump just made $40 million on crypto. It's like, give me the old fashioned corruption where it's like the son is getting his dick sucked by sex workers. Yeah. He's on crack. That's a fun presidential scam. I know. And he just he did an interview with Callahan. Yeah. It was he comes off so incredible and like a very smart guy. And it's like, yeah. And then I'm like, of course, like, why would I judge this guy? This is what I'm like. I would do drugs with fucking a couple of prostitutes for a week. That sounds hard. That sounds awesome. Sure. It's probably some of some of our money. Yeah. But you're like, this guy can talk. And then you realize, well, yeah, he's a cokehead. Yeah. He can fucking talk about anything. Talk about fucking doggie con. He comes away and he comes interested. Yeah. I watched the whole thing. I was shocked at how because I put him in the same kind of bracket is like, oh, just some political fail son. Right. And he's and and then when you think about like that family got so fucked up by the like good son getting fucking brain cancer out of nowhere. Bo. And then you think about like, damn, these people fucking grow up under such a fucked up microscope. Totally. Being the kid of a politician. I mean, it's like child star times 10. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Like, yeah, I mean, it can go it can go that fucking. I mean, anyone anyone who's parent is a politician. If you want to be president, you another person should be in jail. Everyone that wants to be president is a sociopath. Yeah. Thinking you deserve that much power. Yeah. I can't even imagine being raised by that. Even if he's like a good the funny thing is the only time Biden seemed like a reasonable human being and not completely senile is when you would see their leaked exchanges between him and Hunter. Right. And you'd be like, son, I love you so much. Yeah. We're going to get through this. And you're like, damn, he's capable of being fucking cogent. Yes. At least a good father. Yeah. Yeah. He's been running the country. Right. But he could at least give his crack heads. Yeah. Former crack addicted son. Some solace. Right. Well, that's why Baron is so because he doesn't seem to have a vice. So he almost seems scarier. He's got like a Darth Vader thing where he's just like, yeah. He's like eyes on the prize. He's like nine feet tall. Yeah. He's dark. He's gloomy. Yeah. There's there's a yeah, there you know, like the weird like the type of fucking guy who's throwing Trump right now and pretending it's cool to be a pedophile. You know, they've got some like designs for Baron being president. Oh, you know, something's in the works. No, like when like there was that AI, early AI of like Trump with a beard and a shaved head. You ever see that? All these guys that just make Trump seem like hot. They weirdly want to fuck it. They like he's like their daddy that they respect psychosexually. Yeah. You know, they want Trump. You know, they want Baron to be like our seven foot tall president. Oh, yeah. Who like gets every every ethnic minority out of the country. Like they have visions of Baron Trump and like white armor. On like a fucking horse. Yeah. Being shit like that. Isn't it weird that he goes to NYU? That is walking that camp like he's walking through Washington Square Park right now. It's crazy. Oh, dude, I wonder that. He's got laid. He's got to be. He's got to be. He's 611. Wow. He's rich. He's getting pussy. Yeah. There's no way you're not. But he doesn't seem like he wants it. You know, that's what I want in a young presidential son. Right. Right. I want 100. Yeah. Oh, dude, if you, if, if Baron gets busted doing fucking ketamine with fucking strippers, I like them. Then I'm like, all right, I'm listening. You got, you've caught my attention. Yes. It's like what Malaney did blowing. You're like, all right. Yeah. You know, I like you. Oh, I like you way more now. We, I became friends with Malaney fully post, fully post him on cocaine. Exactly. And it was a moment where you're like, yes. Yeah. You're one of us. Yeah. You're fucked up too. Clearly is one of. It made, it made Malaney snap into picture, into like, because you're like before you're like, is he just like a comedy robot? And they're like, no, he's a fucking ad. He's been fucking, he's yipped out of his mind. I know. And he loves comedy so much he fucking does. He writes like jokes on cocaine. Oh, that's what it's all about. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Because before he was so polished, he was always a great comic. Yeah. But he was, he just seemed like a, like a relative that went to Yale that you're like, oh, I don't want to talk to me. It definitely humanized him as a just not. Because the one thing I do love about stand up is that it does. There are people that if you took us doing comedy out of the equation, we would have almost nothing in common. Right. Like I do. I do like that as as like kind of embarrassing as it sounds, it is an identity in a way where I'm like, I do get along with people that outside of this, I wouldn't have any and get along with them and form real connections. Yeah. In a way where it's like, what did I what would I really have in common with somebody who like, you know, like you went to fucking Georgetown. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like, like just but because he was so good at comedy, it almost took me a while to realize like, oh, he's like a fucking, you know, like a rich kid from the Burbs who went to Georgetown, whatever. And then when you throw the drug use in there, one of us, one of us, one of the wall street. One of us, one of the roasts in the background. I loved when the rest was just like his main credit. Yeah. He's like, he's just one of the most hilarious careers of all time. I know. In Wolf of Wall Street for one second. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, he's literally is. Wow. He's one. He's in. He's a trader. What? In whatever, Strathmore, whatever the fuck. Yeah. Well, that fits. I mean, he's he lives like those guys. Yes. No, it made sense. I mean, yeah, the in the Breaking Bad universe. Oh, that's right. That's right. Now, do you feel on the movie sets? Do you feel a little like, oh, these guys are like, Thesbians and I'm a fucking, you know, nightclub comic. I mean, I mean, dude, I'm on begonia. It's Jesse Plemmons and Emma Stone. That's the top best actors alive. Maybe I think the best actor of their generation. I'm obviously a little biased, but even before I work with them, I read like, I felt that stone and plemence. It's like, I really do think it's pure actors. Mm hmm. Nobody is better than them. So that was like fucking insane. I mean, I would have been like Leo in the trailer of Once Upon a Time where you're like, come on, man, you're going to stop eating Ben and Jerry's every night. You got to get your act together. Dude, not even kidding. There was a day where I got so lucky that my big one of my big scenes the night before, for some reason, I just went to fuck. I went, I took the train into London, friend of the show, Caleb Heron, you know, Caleb, very funny, very funny. We got fucked up on Indian food. And then even without him, I'm eating a little treat. Some, you know, I'm in a foreign land. I got to try all their treats or shit. Thing there too. Yeah. Indian food. Yeah. Oh, dude, so good. And I get, I just overeat and I have a horrific headache. And they're like, hey, we had to change the, we had changed the schedule. Sorry, you're not shooting for like, you know, a couple of days. Oh, great. I was like, I almost fucked up. Wow. Like my big, like it was nerves. It was nerves like it was truly nervous eating in a way. Stress eating. But still, I was like, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. You almost had so much fucking like Biryani. You had a sodium headache and would have been bad on set. Yeah. That whole thing was so surreal that I just that the whole thing felt like a dream. Sure. Like it never felt real. I mean, this is Oscar, I think best picture nom here. We got nominated and, you know, Stone has won two fucking Oscars. Plemmons has been nominated. He should have, I think he should have won this year. He's the fucking man. He's great. But on that, on that set, for sure, it was fucking crazy. And then, you know, then you go to tires and it's like someone who Shane met at a gas station. Has the fuck has like a major B plot of the season. Like, I'm okay here. I'm feeling pretty good on the tire set. Yeah. But, you know, it just it just kind of the other thing you kind of realize is that, like, you know, it was a crazy moment to just be like, these are just dudes. Yeah. Just fucking. And I guess I got lucky because they're both just actually cool people. But also you see people have been on TV and you see them as films and you see them as like larger than life. And then you're like, these are also 36 year olds. All the same. Like we grew up at the same time. Like it's like it kind of demystifies them. And I do think in a weird way, stand up as such bullshit and so like tough in ways that it's like you're embarrassed so much. You bomb so much. Even your friends will roast you to fucking smithereens. That when you're just on a place where people have to be professional, you it's easy. You're like, no, no one's going to come after me. Yeah. And my co-stars are going to call me a big fat piece of shit. Yeah. You're going to get heckled by the crew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I actually fucking I have a great time doing that shit. So we'll see until until that fucking until I have to open that Greek restaurant. You see, we'll see how it goes. Yeah. But you know, man, yeah, you're on a roll. Yeah, it's crazy. I don't fucking understand. I never I was like, oh, hopefully I get to be in some stuff. But we'll see how it goes. You're cooking and work begets work. So then some season something out. Do you think the cult movie was the was that help? I think it helped in that. No, but like the whole reason I made it because I was like, I was like, I think I can act and no one is ever going to cast me in anything. I think very quickly after that, though, I got. I mean, tires in Bagonia. I got like I got tires. Right after the cult movie and they just that was just some friends with Shane. Yeah. And I think those would have I think what the cult movie has been helpful for is now I it I thought it was going to be a launch. I don't think it really did much. OK, in terms of getting me more work. But now the fact that I made it, I think proves to people that like, oh, he's written something he's written executive produced and starred in something. So now it's like now they've seen hope. This is the hope anyway. Yeah, that they see me in this other shit and I do OK. And they're like, oh, we can trust him a little more than a random guy. He's already made his own movie at a time when nobody makes movies. That's true. So, you know, whatever, we'll see. I got some ideas, but I also just, dude, I'm craving not doing shit. I know I'm craving not doing again with the poor mentality. I have that like relevance mentality like, oh, God, like Ari just took eight months off. Nobody noticed. Now he's back. We're miserable. We hate to see him. He looks like an ayatollah now. He's the gay one. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he's back and he's like coming out of the gate hot with his fucking TV show or the storytelling show. That's going to be huge. Shane's in it. Nates. Totally. So, all these miss Pat and it's going to be big. It's going to be big. So then you're like, oh, Ari's back. OK, there you go. But I get worried like if I'm going a week, my wife's like, let's go on a fucking vacation. You psycho. I'm like, I don't want to. I got to do this Upper West Side New York Comedy Club spot. Or those cities going to forget about me. Yeah. Well, it goes with your class. I think your biggest issue and it's mine, too. It's a lot of people's. But you have that you have like a class, like a bit that I'm jealous of because it was like it's basically just your headphones. The headphones. Oh, yeah. You were the first you you got you had a great take. I think that's a really great joke. Is that everyone when you hear a great joke, you're like, I felt like that for the last six months. I've never been able to put that together. But it's like, yeah, just you're just just saying like thought, you know, thoughts are not good. It's like, yeah, I feel like every I think we all live through. I think when AirPods first came out, everyone was just didn't have a thought in their head for five years. So true. I really think that. And I do think what you're describing is staying in the anxiety of it means you never have to reflect, you know, because you're constantly in the rat race. Right. So you're just like, it's survival, survival, survival. If you have fucking took two weeks off, you'd have to think about yourself. It would have to be your thoughts on an even larger level. Yeah. I think that's your. Is that what it is? I think that's your big thing. Interesting. I think that's your big thing to conquer. OK. It's a little. I think you're, you know, and I get it because I I'm the same way where it's scary to sit down and like, honestly, self reflect. As opposed to just keep doing it because I'm a dude, I've been talking about taking a break for four years. Exactly. And every time we talk, it's like, oh, I got to finish this first. And then the break's coming. I don't ever thought about the reflection. To me, it's more of like, you know, you're going to be rusty. You're not going to know how to stand up anymore. You're going to lose your your house. You know, so that ended. I think the pandemic ended all those thoughts for me anyway, because I was the same way over on a technical standpoint. And then you can't do stand up just because it doesn't exist. And I feel like I wasn't that bad when I came back. Yeah, it took like two sets. Two sets and you're fine. Yeah, yeah. Two a week tops and you are better rested, whatever. But I don't know who's to tell you that's my hunch. I feel like everyone could everyone who's in that mentality could just use a little time off and you'd have to just face the stuff you've been running from. Interesting. Being real with yourself. That's funny, because every vacation I went to, we went to Miami for New Year's. That was like a little vacation and I drank from sun up to sundown for like nine days or seven days and just put some mushrooms in there and whatever. Oh, dude. Yeah, it was it was wild. I kid. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the pool with the kid. You know, holding him. No floaties. You're using him as a floatie. Yeah. He's saving me. Yeah, I do think self-reduction is scary. And look, I'm just it's a little projection here, but I think a lot of my friends that I see similar traits in, I think we all need to actually be like, what am I what is my life like? What have I done? What's good about it? What would I like to change? And again, this is mostly projection because I'm in a state right now where I'm like, I need to actually think about what I want. Right. Because the worst thing is you do the math and you're like, wait, is my career directly detrimental to my happiness? And unfortunately, I hate to admit every time I've been running the equations a lot. Yeah, I've been running the numbers. And the answer really is do not work as much. And there's just and I still try to be like, no, I can figure. I can figure. I can do it. But I just anyway, every man on the street, I see it's like, here's a me with 20, 85 year old guys. They all say, don't work as much. I wish I hadn't worked as much. I wish I saw my family more. I wish I slowed down. I wish I had you like, oh, God, maybe they're onto something. Every one of them says that. Yes. Then you have not not one single one. No, yeah. It's not even the one guy who's like, I loved it. It was right. I know what I miss some stuff. But the the energy of it wasn't nobody. Nothing. Nobody thinks that. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Another great joke you said about the headphones where you're like, oh, I thought that yeah, Goldman has that great joke of we're about depression. And he goes, you know, the thing about life is, is it's every day. That is such a great line that we've all had that like another day. Here we go. Yeah. So good. Patrice, a similar idea where it's like you can't call out of being in love. It's like when you're yeah, it's kind of a similar idea to the. Wow. Yeah. It's funny to like Patrice love with a woman is depressing. Like actually loving a woman is like, can I get a break from loving my wife? You know, it wasn't even his wife, but yeah, dude, that called the Goldman depression stuff is unbelievable. He's a he's a beast. All right. Well, listen, we've it's time for us to take some, you know, we can talk about ourselves, but really we need to take we need to help the people. We're in some ways me and you are beyond fixing. Yeah, let's let's fucking let's focus on this next generation. Yeah, we're like, we might help that car that gets in a wreck and the door never closes. Right. That's us. You can do everything. But we were still going to be fucking dented. Well, that's the eldest esteemed guest or guests. Long time first time, you know, the fucking deal. Thanks, man. So basically, I'm a student teacher. Right now, I'm currently teaching in the middle school. And there's a student of mine who really wants me to get with their sister. And what I'm not going to lie, she's pretty hot. The sister, not the student for reference. Your student wants to fuck her sister. And you're thinking about it. You fucking idiot. You finish up. But this is crazy. Well, the sister is like 25. I'm going to be 28 in a few months. The sister's already like a nurse have their license and shit have a house, apparently. Why is this? And I'm going to be graduating with both my masters and bachelor's. And I was just curious to know how could I let my student know that I'm down to date her sister. But how can I do it in a way that doesn't come off as like creepy or desperate? What? Wait a minute. This guy's out of his fucking mind. I don't think this is so bad. Wait a minute. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. The sister is 25. Does the sister even know he fucking exists? That's a good question. He's saying a child who he's teaching. Yes. Wants to set him up with her sister. Yes. And he's like, nice. Well, she's 25. It's a fucking kid. Seven seven year old. And he's 28. Huh. And he's 28. He's 25. Look, look, look. I'm not saying that if this guy met this sister and they hit it off and he asked her respectfully to go out, that it's very that that's weird. It's not weird for this guy to happen to be dating. Yeah. One of his students, older, one of his students, family members, right? That's not weird. Teachers are in the community. Fine. What's weird is having a child you teach set you up. That's to me. He doesn't even know this is a fucking 12 year old. Right. Did she how does she said to her sister? I want to because the other thing is like it's a weird thing where maybe this kid is trying to process her crush on an adult to get a good. Up there just like by setting it. Because we've been in middle school and we've all had a teacher we've loved. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sometimes that's just an innocent whatever. But sometimes it's innocent for kids that crushes whatever. I had that and I was homeschooled. It's in whatever. But I just think having a child who you teach during your trial period of teaching right set you up. It's not even like during a parent teacher conference or during a conference. He sees the sister. They have a cute little moment. Yeah. She's like you're doing such a great job with my. You're doing such a great job with my sister. There you go. And you know I hope to see you with the fucking spring fair or whatever. Yeah. Right. We don't this woman might not even know this guy exists. Yeah. A child. A child wants two adults to fuck. Right. And he's think that's to me this is the odd part. Yes. Not not that he might date. Students you know a student sibling whatever. That's I'm not saying that's weird. I'm just saying because yes now let's figure this out. Let's say we try we're trying to get him laid from this 25 year old you know sibling. How does he go about it. Yeah. I think you got to wait because he's a student teacher so he'll never see this kid again. Probably once the year is over. I think you should wait till the year is over or the semester is over. Then I think it's a little more appropriate. Sure. But then what you fucking take this kid's fucking you steal this kid's address from the school. You like have a great summer. What's your sister's Instagram. Yeah. There you go. I'm not. This could be a small town you know that people. That's what I'm thinking like just thinking of if it's like a small town kind of thing. I can kind of see this vibe a little more. Yeah. You cannot be a teacher who gets their 12 year old student to set you up with someone. I think if he was gunning for like damn this student's got a hot sister. Let me work this out. But the student is coming to him going my sister's single. You guys to be perfect together. I don't know. I think this is kind of. But then what does he do say. OK give me your sister's number. Does he say that to a student. I think the girl the student has to go back to her sister and go. Hey he's interested. Where do you want to go with this. Isn't it a little odd that a child is your go between. It's a little odd. All I'm saying is what I'm saying. He's not fucking the student. No no no. So we're OK. Look look he is not a criminal. Yeah. This is a wholesome call and I'm not accusing him of anything. I'm just saying the only way this happens is if there's a legitimate. Is there some school event. Is there a graduation. Is there something where because we don't even know who this fucking. Again we don't know if this girl even knows that he exists. Yeah. Or if this is just a fantasy that his 11 year old student has. Right. So the only way the only way this happens is if like or if you're truly blessed. And this is a small town. You're out at Chili's one day with the fellas. She's at Chili's with her family. And you can be like oh this is Mr. That if you have a weird one of those weird seeing this teacher in the supermarket moments. Yeah. And you happen to be with your sister. OK. But to me even though you're not I'm not accusing of anything untoward here. I'm just saying it's too weird to push the envelope in any way. This is something you have to see if it happens. If it happens great and no one's saying you're weird but to just be like hey can I get your address. Can I get your sister's number. Like imagine if a fucking principal just overhears. Hey what's going on. Can I get your sister's number or what. Oh yeah that's good point. When you're like that. If so if a different parent. Yeah. And by the way he's student teaching. Right. Yeah. What does that mean. I don't even know what that means. He's not a he's he's he's ending his master's or whatever. It's part of your training to become a teacher. Just student teach for six months or whatever. OK. So what if this ruins his fucking. What if this gets back that he was trying to fuck this student's siblings. And again that's not being a pedophile. But it is like a string that we will all admit that is a weird relationship to have with an 11 year old. That's the weirdest dating. It's inappropriate. Thank you. They ask yes there's no dating app. Yeah. Have our underage siblings set us up. Right. Right. So anyway that's that's my take on this. You cannot push the envelope. You have to sort of let it. It's kind of like when someone asks can I get back together with my ex. It's like look if you fully break up you fully lead different lives. You're you go no contact and then you happen to come into each other's lives again and hit it off as different almost essentially different versions of yourselves. Yeah. Maybe. But when you try and keep getting back together with someone it's never going to work. No no. And to me this is one of those like you got to set it free. There's just a girl that sounds cool that you might be able to fuck. Either it happens or it doesn't. But you cannot push the envelope as a student teacher in my opinion. That's all I'm saying. We're do I say let it ride buddy get that number. I mean like I've watched enough incest porn where I'm like this is wholesome. This is nothing. No I mean compared to student teacher in propriety compared to what a 28 year old man and a 12 year old girl could have as an inappropriate relationship. Yeah. This is nothing. Yes. Exactly. But it still is technically an inappropriate. You're right. But I think it's about how you play it. You go up and go hey you want to connect your sister's number in the hallway. You know the guidance council hears that you're going to jail or whatever. You corner her. You say I have a gun. Something bad is going to happen. Unless you give me your sister's number. I do. I do wonder if there's a small element here. It's like is this is this teenage girl just fucking with you to very possibly like you know the girl. You should date my sister and like. Here's her number and they're just fucking fucking with you. They're just does she even have a sister. Is she trying to get you to send her nudes so that she can accuse you of being not that this child is I'm not trying to make this child a mastermind. But that's possible that I mean look he said the sister was hot. So maybe she concocted a photo to just take a picture out of a magazine or true whatever. Look this could this could be a very wholesome thing that unfortunately our world has ruined. Right. Right. It's again not to keep quoting different great bits. But Bill Burr's joke about how pedophiles have ruined like going up to a fat kid and giving him a new year. Yeah. Get out there fat boy or whatever. Kids. I like get that fucking thing away from you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately because yes this is like almost some like 1950s. Yeah. The school teacher. Oh I met your older sister at the sock hop and we hit it off. Right. Exactly. We don't live in that world anymore. Yeah. I guess that that's gone. And for thanks to Florida. Thanks to Florida. That's gone. Thanks a lot horse. You ruined everything. So yeah man good luck energetically maybe put it out there that you want this you know vision boards is about as it's about as active as you can get. Manifestation is about as active as you can get. And wait in my opinion wait till the semester end. Mark thinks you should fucking ask for the number. Yeah I'd say fuck the sister and the mom. Have a good time. Yeah. And then set a timer on your watch for when she turns 18. All right. LD what else we got little buddy. Yo stop Elvis esteemed guests long time listener first time caller. I've got a bit of a doozy. It's a longer one. So hang with me. I've been business with two childhood best friends for the last five years roughly. We opened a company together after working our 20s in normal corporate jobs and business has been relatively successful and so far so good. However six months ago one of my business partners broke up with his at the time girlfriend because he took a bunch of Molly and saw one of our employees in a wedding dress and decided to start dating her instead. That relationship has created a massive shift in the power dynamic and definitely some tension between me and my other business partner and him because this employee has been a problem at our company for the entirety of her tenure. She is miserable and depressed all the time. There is no dragging her out of it. She is just an awful miserable person. Unfortunately my business partner who started dating her is starting to become an awful miserable person. So my real question is what the hell do we do? Do we confront him and tell him that dating this girl is only creating more problems? Do we just let it ride out and start to cut him out of the business? Add a loss as to how to handle this. This is tough. Poor guy. Intense and he is an autistic little cat struggles to express his emotions outwardly and it's gotten to the point where we just don't want to be around him. So I don't know what you think we should do but curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks buddy. Can you explain though so this is a he broke up his girlfriend and started dating an employee. Yeah. Basically. Basically yes. They basically started a small business that seems to be going well and he broke up with his girlfriend and started dating an employee. So there's a couple elements to this. First of all your friend fucked you. Right. That's important to note that he is your he's your boy and he completely fucked you. And by the way starting a business with your friends you know I have done it. Obviously there's huge downsides. Sometimes your best friends barely know how to do their fucking job. Yeah. I would actually love it if Eldis was competent and actually started fucking JP on the side. That would actually that would help stop you baby enterprise a lot more. I'd be a tall baby. Eldis is definitely the one carrying it. He has the birthing hips. Yeah. But so OK. The first thing is there's a business perspective. Yeah. And there's a friendship perspective. And this is also classically why people tell you not to go in business with people very close to you. Right. Yeah. So I think you have to start from the friendship perspective. You have to start from there because this is your boy. Right. And he is you know he has trouble with whatever this thing whatever you need to tell him like you got to figure this shit out. Yeah. You know we can't. The other thing is he's really complicated things because it's an employee. Exactly. If it was just if you just had some dumb bitch girlfriend you could figure that a little bit. But now they can't fire her. That's a fucking that's a crazy lawsuit probably. Right. And you have to kind of be like dude what the fuck are you doing. You have we have to figure out a way to fucking like you know this was a mistake I mean taking Molly and dating in first of all did you ever punish him or did he ever get his comeuppance for dating an employee. That's a very interesting like how small is this company. Is there an HR. Did you guys say what the fuck are you doing. You're her boss. You can't fucking do that. Doesn't sound like it. Probably not. Right. So you have to have a conversation. I don't know how that goes because I don't really even know what you can say to him. Yeah. To get like what do you need from him to break up with this person. That has its own. Yeah. Well I think the only thing I can think of is because you can't fire she might sue so that sucks. So you got to go. Anything that happens with her is on you. Yeah. And like you can't affect the whole company. Yeah. So maybe you can get that in writing or something is like you brought this crazy bitch into this situation. So you're responsible for her. So she tries to fuck us Sue us. You're going to have to deal with that. I don't know. This is a tough one. Yeah. Or just break up. Try to break up with her. I think yes. I think like this is really this is a difficult. You could do a us or her kind of thing. You get the two friends like break up with her. Stay with the job or. I think I think a good starting place might be like do you even understand like what happened here with your friend. He's essentially describing this guy blowing his life up like he took Molly. He dated. He broke up with his long term ex and I don't know what he meant like the wedding dress saw one of our employees. He had a vision. He had a vision of this depressed woman in a way. I didn't get that either. That's how it felt like to me anyway. Oh this guy sucks. Yeah. A vision. But it's like what happens. That sounds like you know I don't know how old they are quarter life mid life crisis something where you're just like. Well first of all even leaving the corporate world and starting a business. That's a little fucking midlife quarter life crisis right there. It's positive because you want to be like fuck the corp. I don't want to be a corporate fucking slave. I want to start something with my friends. So yeah maybe all of them are have a little bit of that going on. Right. But I do think so there's the friend portion and you do have to have a tough cop and that's a good point I'll start to cut you off because I think you're right we need to have the conversation that's like what the fuck happened man. Can we start. Can we start there. How are you feeling. It don't even make it about her specifically be like dude I'd be honest. You've been a little erratic. You've been a little all over the place. Your mood. Don't don't link it to her. She's like you seem to have gotten more depressed like let's talk about how you're feeling like is everything like you know we've had a couple crazy years because that's the other thing when you have a successful business popping off. It is like you don't really have time to reflect. That's a classic. Pour everything into the business. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So maybe you could be like hey man we've been doing this for a couple of years it's kind of stable. What the fuck's going on. We feel like it's going a little. You feel like you feel a little depressed. You feel a little erratic. You broke up with what's your face. You're with you start dating an employee. You kind of fucked us there. Let's talk about it and really go to him as friends first and foremost. But then you also have to have the business side of it. Right. It's like and look like if Eldis was ultimately doing something it was fucking things up so so bad. I would just have to be like if I was just fucking addicted to fucking drugs cheating on his wife on the road. I'd be like all right man well you're suspended indefinitely. You have to go to fucking rehab. Yeah. You have to figure your shit out. You're my boy and right now you're fucking both our relationship and our business up. Yeah. So I'm not going to fire you but I am going to say you can't fucking be here until you finish. Figure your shit out. But he's also sane. I mean you know the other guy. They talk about he's like a weirdo where he's not. He's lost. OK OK. Like and so that's so you got to approach him as a friend first. But you have a fucking business here and I hate to and and there are obviously things that are more important than business. You know we're we're an anti capitalist podcast here. We don't think just money for money's sake will make you happy. There's nothing wrong with having a successful business but putting just success over everything is a mistake. But also if you're running a business you want to make sure it's fucking functioning. Yeah. If one of your friends is fucking it up you can be like hey after we've had the discussion about you as our boy this is blood into the business. And now you've kind of fucked a couple things up where you're dating an employee. That's a fucking nightmare. We might have to demote you on paper or we might have to do something because like now you know you don't want you can't. You don't want it to be behind his back because you don't want business to have destroyed your relationship. He's fucked you. You want to give him the opportunity to redeem himself. But then if he does if he's like fuck you it's love. How dare you talk in this way. Then he's decided. OK fine we're in a corporate fucking now it's like us versus you. Yeah exactly. And then you do maybe have to cut him out or just sort of like have him have less decision making or whatever. Or buy him out. Yeah two against one now. Yeah. And if you pick her over the company it's not a good sign for the company. So I think the way to do it is to give your boy because the cold hearted way is cut him out business wise. It's like he fucked you behind his back. Yeah. Come up with a plan to cut him out of your business. Right. Right. Because he's a headache whatever. That's the smart on paper move. Right. The human thing to do because and by the way if he wasn't one of your best friends I would even say that might be the smart thing to do because he's clearly putting your business in jeopardy. Yeah. The fact he's one of your best friends means you have to do a what is not smart from a business standpoint and approach him with all your cards on the table and be like I care about you let's figure your shit out. Here's how you fuck the company. Here's how we need to fix it. And if he if he takes that personally and he's like fuck you whatever that was your attempt to being the bigger man. Yeah that's true. And he kind of squandered it. Yeah. Because he did by the way he did fuck you again. If this fucking got fucked up and posted his dick on my fucking YouTube and got it taken down. Yeah. I would kill him. Right. I would beat the fuck out of him. Right. I would I wouldn't cut him out of my life again because he is my best friend. Yeah. But there would be a there would be retribution. Let's say right. And this guy needs to understand he's kind of fucked you. Right. You can still be the bigger person and not be a cold hearted fucking businessman first and foremost. But if he pushes your hand you can still just cut him out because he did fuck you. I think that's sort of after thinking about it I feel like that's right to me. There you go. I mean I wish we knew what they covered it would be great if it was like Truth Social or something. The guys who did Oly fans. Black Rifle coffee. That would be awesome if we have some troop coffee. Right. Yeah it's probably yeah it's going to be such a bullshit. It's like we do so remember Cheapets we're doing. Yeah exactly. We have we have a licensing deal with like fucking Hasbro just some low level bullshit. Yeah. Anyway that's an interesting one that is tough. And I bet you this guy is just this is classic quarter life midlife crisis. Sounds like it. I started a business he's dating the wrong he's dating a depressed girl with bangs and piercings probably he's never tasted depressed pussy in his life. Right. He thinks it's the elixir. He never was a open miker in his 20s. Yes. Yes. You know what I mean. He owns a company now. Yeah. She's been with him. I'm sure he's never had that before. Of course of course. A lot of problems here. Mm hmm. Hit us with another one a little L dance. Hi Stav. Me and my husband are in a non monogamous relationship. Oh. I don't really date that much mostly because I hate people. Sure. But he's very outgoing so he does have like a few girlfriend. Respect. I am. Unfortunately every time he gets a girlfriend they want to have sex with me. I don't mean they want to have sex with him too. I don't want to have sex with them. Like I barely want to have sex with my husband. Wow. I'm an anonymous relationship. What's going on. This is interesting. I'd love to talk to her. Mm hmm. So how would you tell these girls that you don't want to have sex with them in a way that makes them want to continue having sex with my husband. This is crazy. I can't believe my wife called him. Yeah. Yeah. Oh dude why. Yeah. Why the fuck do you patch in Mark's live voicemails. This is a wild. This is a good one. This is a real. I'd love to talk to this person on a live call because I think it's very interesting to think of a non monogamous relationship working solely because we you know we get questions about mismatch sex drives a lot. Sure. And there's something kind of nice about someone who's not really like a weird poly sex nerd. But she just seems to be a kind of an open minded person who's like look I don't like fucking that much. I love my husband. If he wants to go out and fuck girls and he wears a condom and it's safe. Great. Yeah. I respect that's kind of you never hear about polyamorous relationships that are purely about like logistics. Yeah. It's usually about feet touchy feeling kind of people trying to get over some kind of sexual. Yeah. Just some kind of weird relationship to sex. This is a very pragmatic one that it's kind of fun and fun to talk about. Yeah. And also they're trying to bang her and she's not into it. That's also rare. Most of the girls like let's all fuck and let's all be together. Which is probably my read is that these women want to sort of because these are all clearly people who are very comfortable in being a polyamorous non non monogamous situation. To me it's almost like when you're the girlfriend that gets to fuck the wife that kind of cosigns you as like an upper tier girlfriend. They kind of in the in the hair power rankings. Yes. Yes. If you're the one who got to be in the threesome with the wife. Yeah. You sort of have her blessing almost as the top as the top concubine. Very interesting. That's my guess is that there is some kind of psychology here. Yeah. I conquered the husband and the wife. Right. Right. The wife gives me her tacit approval. Right. And you know maybe they're just you know also maybe they just you know they want to fuck you they think you're hot whatever that makes sense to. Yeah. But how do you tell them. How about you. I don't think that's a big problem. No. I think your boy your your husband and his girlfriends can fuck each other. Yeah. Like if they really want to threesome you know they they'll I don't think this is a big deal. You could just be like I'm not really into it. By the way he's in a great setup. This guy. This guy is not going to be like oh come on. Exactly. Why would you ever threes with me my girlfriend. No he's got he's pretty pumped. Yeah. You don't even really date. And I would ask is this like just look maybe I'm just being too after praising it now I got to play the opposite which is like is you know it's in the news right now. Are you in a Lindy West situation. You know you sound kind of sad. Are you just are you just depressed person. That's OK. Listen if you're a depressed person or maybe you just have a flat affect maybe you're very happy and maybe you don't have a high sex drive. That's OK. But by the way being the lack of sex drive is part of depression sometimes. That's true. That's true. You used to have a high sex drive. Did you used to be more outgoing and because you know you didn't even say like he's less horny than me. You're like he's a more outgoing guy. Yeah. Maybe you're just a homebody who does she says she doesn't like people. That's fine. Doesn't like fucking her husband. She said even you're even like so. Now maybe this is best case scenario. You're kind of like ace almost asexual. Yeah. And you do have a true romantic and even platonic and life partner love with your husband. And you're like yeah it's not that important to me. I don't care if you fucks girls. Great. But I am curious. Is that really the case because you just sounded a little sad to me. Agreed. And it's like I'd love to make I want to make sure you are actually OK with this. It's kind of my thought. Yeah. Because is anybody really OK with this. We do a lot of Polly stuff but a lot of it falls apart. Yeah. A lot of it ends in drama. Sure. I agree. And I think what unlocked me was when people are like well what about regular marriages. When a Polly person is like OK yeah our relations do end bad. What about your relationship. That's a good point. That's actually one of their best counters. That's pretty good. Because when I heard that because I used to love arguing with you know my like I have like friends back home who were like really like. Because look to me I think they just reinvented cheating. Yeah exactly. Branded when someone is like when someone is like I'm solo Polly it's like you're just getting posted you're getting dick. Yeah. Solo Polly means you're seeing people say they're solo but Polly Amorous OK means they're not in a relationship but they're just letting everybody know if we ever got in a relationship I would also need to fuck other people. Damn. Which to me just means like no you're just you're really just dating. Yeah. That's like a lot of this is just rebranded. Exactly. And listen to me. I think I could see myself being in a fucking you could argue I have been in open relationships with all the girls I've dated in the last couple years because I've never been in a committed relationship. Sure. But I have you know I've seen there's people in my life that I see on a regular basis whatever by accident you kind of enter into one of those. But it's like yes I think the amount of people that this really works for is probably really small. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I do think if it does work it's it is a situation it is the best case of this one which is like yeah I'm just it doesn't bother me and I don't want to fuck that much and this is just who I am. So maybe that's just who you are but to my antenna are up. Yes. Like let's let's examine this. Yes. Are you actually happy. Yeah. You know what I mean. Because if you're really into the Polly world you would be kind of like oh the husband and the new girl want to fuck me. Yeah. Like at least be flattered by it. She didn't even seem flattered even as someone who doesn't like dating very much because you don't like seeing other people. It's like well ostensibly you trust your husband. Exactly. So this is actually an easy way for you. If you if you weren't social but yes silver platter my fucking husband's already you know vetted her exactly if you're by which I assume you know I'm sure. She's got to be fine. But anyway that's even the way she's framing it and makes her husband like sounds so passive or something and it's like how can I just keep these horse on his day. Like and keep the intimacy and sex completely outsourced so I don't have to like deal about like worrying with that with him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's living. He's busy this guy. Yeah. It's like does he even notice that. That she's kind of sad that you're kind of sad. Sound like. Or all right. Yeah. The thing that shocks me is the idea that you would be you would have found someone you want to be with and then you're still on Tinder. Yeah. It's a lot of work. I knew I've known people who are in over relationships and it's like and they really do like their partners and I'm like you guys got it. Yeah. You want to go have a first date. I know get to know somebody. Some of them just fuck if they just fucked out a kind of I don't understand that way more where it's like look we're adults. If you have fucking fuck every once in a while but it doesn't mean anything. But these are people who have multiple girlfriends and you know whatever. So anyway I would examine it but also your actual problem does not sound like a problem. No you got it. You got it made you don't want to fuck your husband and somebody else is doing it and you have to turn them down a few times. Yeah. You're good. You're cruising. But is that her problem overall is a lack of communication because if she doesn't know how to say this she definitely doesn't know how to say more complicated. That's true. That's true. If she has any nuanced issues with their arrangement she has no way of voicing that. But yeah. I would love to see if you can contact. I'd love to talk to her on a on a live call. Yeah. I'd love to get to the bottom to get to the bottom of this. And to your point about the marriage also falling apart because poly shit falls apart. Poly shit you break up. There's no legal. Right. There's no money. There's no like pre-nup or lawsuit or lawyers or anything. Or does it end up worse where now you have to pay four people. Look I'm not giving my wife's boyfriend Jonathan a cent. Yeah. I could be a bit. Yeah. All right. I'll write it down the fourth hour we got to get that going. Mm hmm. Little LD why don't you play us something fun to go out on little buddy. Sure. Let's try this one on for size. Stop. Eldest guess. So my name is a family name that's been in my family for several generations now. And the name itself like first and last name together are kind of hilarious. And it sounds like a porn star's name. It's something along the lines of like Hugh Johnson or something like that. Obviously not my real name but it's an awesome name. And it's been nothing but like a great asset in my life to be honest. The girls love it. The guys love it even more. Yeah. Now when it comes to my wife. His name is Dick Harman. Yeah. Dick Rock. Dick Rock would be an awesome rock. That's a great name. Dick Rock. Luke Warm. Keep going. My wife and potentially keeping the name in our family. She's totally against it. She thinks it's a ridiculous name which I kind of agree with but I said it's done nothing but great things in my life. So the question is keep the name or not. Thanks. I love the show. Bye. I mean I'd love to know your real name. Yeah. But you got to keep the name. Yeah. Come on. If it's a generational thing. Look it's one thing if you have a generational name. Like I've known people who are like you know whatever Stanley whatever the fuck the 9th or the 6th. Like I knew somebody who was like somebody the 6th. His son would have been the 6th or the 7th. Wow. And he's like that's cool but also my experience with it and they're not rich or anything. People expect you to be some like some air some air some like and he had a horrible time with it and he just decided we're stopping it. Wow. Because it wasn't he doesn't really feel any connection it whatever and it's like OK that's totally your decision. But if this has been around the family for generations and it's funny and you like it. That's the main thing and here's the thing you can change the kid's name. Right. Or they can go by fucking you know junior. Yeah. Or whatever the fuck. I think you got personally I think you got to keep it and I think where you fucked up was not having this conversation with your wife earlier. You know what I mean because man look maybe it's not a deal breaker for him. Maybe he's like to me I'm just I still can't get Dick Rock out of my head or like. The founder. Who's that what the fuck with the Seattle the quarterbacks his grandfather was named something hilarious. Oh really. Can you look it up Sam Darnold grandfather he was the original like Marlboro man and he was like Dick honestly not far off it was Dick something. Dick Stroker or something like that. Damn Dick Hammer Dick Hammer. That sounds like one of the Trump's operation operation Dick Hammer Dick Hammer. We're giving Israel all of Europe for Operation Righteous Dick Hammer that Dick is circumcised. Dick Hammer. Come on. That's anyway. So let's just say it's Dick Hammer. OK OK and your wife wants to make your son's name Gregory Hammer Frank. Oh the Frank Hammer sounds pretty good. But it's not we're getting bogged down in here but the idea that I had Dick Hammer in my family and I willingly chose not to bestow that on my son that pisses me the fuck off. The idea that you would not keep your hilarious name and again he loved it. Right. If you had an experience where like this sucked people treat I got made fun of and look let's be honest you you might have a you might not have your your kid might have a kind of dispensation where they don't like it and that's all right Nick names exist name changes exist who cares. I think you at least have to give when it comes to tradition if it's something you like I think you got to give it a shot. Can you go also can you go legal name but then have a nickname. Sure. You know like give the kid the name but just call him something else. Dick is so good because if they don't fuck with it when they grow up we don't know that it's Dick go Richard I know but as an example it's like. Is your name something that could go by those same rules is there a long version I wish you told us his name so we could work really because hammer you could do Jack. Yeah. Jack Hammer. I mean there's a lot of fun things to do anyway text text out this your actual name and we'll think about it please it takes me later. I'm curious to but I I am firmly in the camp and look obviously you're appealing to us we're stupid right yeah we're the kind of people that if we met a guy named Dick hammer at a bar we're buying him drinks all night we're taking him out we're trying to make him our best friend yeah on the strength of his name being Dick hammer or you know Dick rock or whatever Jack off me. But so whatever but I do think they're even you take that out of the mix I think in general family and tradition as long as it's not it doesn't you know stop you from developing a sense of in individualism as long as there's nothing you know that you're embarrassed by or they did anything fucked up because that's another problem with like tradition it's like some of the most like you know some of the most storied New York families it's like you go to all the streets in like Brooke like Stuyvesant that's basically a list of slave owners in New York. Unfortunately sometimes tradition does interact with some of course un-chill things all the time. Just a fun fun what do you got like rusty hog rusty hogger yeah I love that man so anyway you got to keep it you're fucking fucking bitch. No I get where she's coming from to. But her name is Harry Coose that's a guy. Wait Harry had a Harry had a coos there we go. Yes keep the name and let us know what it actually we want to know dying to know he didn't tell you secretly in any back channel did he held this. I just sent out the text let's see if we get we will not get it in the 10 seconds. A small one just a pooper that's going to do for folks go watch the special yes none to. Please on Netflix right now and yeah thank you for I guess we're done touring eldest. Oh actually I just film my I just film my special. All right just a couple just two days ago I was filming my special hell yeah anyway that's going to do for us folks thank you go see Mark on the road listen to go listen to Tuesdays listen to we might be drug you do you do really you do podcast with two of my favorite guys in the world. I don't even think about that do the funny is that I'm in Joe really are like my boy maybe the two and Soder yeah like who once I moved we're like so over the top nice to me. Yeah I was like fuck man what's going on here we got a good crew out there good crew good crew anyway that's going to do for us folks we will talk to you next week bye bye. .