Girlfriend Agreed To Date Another Man To Prove Her Mom Wrong | r/Relationships

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Now, today's first story comes from a deleted user, and it says, me 29 male with my girlfriend, 28 female of two years. Her mum wants her to explore other options. It's wearing us down. Brief backstory. I met her mum once at a wedding, and it didn't go as planned. It wasn't awful, and I didn't make an ass out of myself or anything like that. I just didn't have a conversation with her as much as she would have liked, I guess. I was just so distracted by friends and the usual wedding antics. This is the one and only time we've met in person. I've met the dad a few times, and we're cool. That was a year ago. Since then, she always had a slight distaste for me. She doesn't hate me, but she never gave me another chance. I recently found out she argues with my girlfriend very passionately about how I'm not the right one and how my girlfriend should date other people. These arguments have been happening every time they come to town or my girlfriend visits them, at least once or twice a month, and apparently it got really intense last week. My girlfriend says her mum had a nervous breakdown halfway through the argument while my girlfriend was defending me and giving her the reasons why she likes me. She's extremely stubborn, and I think that's being generous. She does this to my girlfriend's dad too, always mentioning how she could have had another life without him, wish she dated more etc. By the way, they're married in their late 30s. So now, there's this guy. Don't know his name or who he is. My girlfriend's mum knows him through one of her friends, her son. She keeps asking my girlfriend to go on a date with him and gets more adamant about it every time my girlfriend mentions me. Learn behold, my girlfriend buckled and accepted the date. She says it's the best solution to the problem, that maybe if she just goes on one date and explains to her mum why she didn't like him, then it'll thaw the situation. The date is being set up as we speak. I'm torn. Of course, I didn't agree with it. I asked what would my girlfriend think if I were to do that. And she said it would hurt her a lot. I know it's only one date, but I can't stand the thought of another guy trying to put the charm on my girlfriend. Also, if I give up my self-respect by giving in, her mum will walk all over me every time. I thought of every alternative under the sun, even to my girlfriend to mention to the guy that she's already dating someone. I got furious when she told me she wouldn't ruin the date by saying that, as much as I tried to think of an alternative. I got shot down and it made me think that maybe my girlfriend's mum finally got inside her head and now she does want to date other people. She even said, well, if the date does happen soon, I can't say no. After I asked her to buy us some time, by putting off the date until we figure out a rational solution. She did have one good idea though, to write her mum a letter, letting her know that I'm aware of the situation and that would love to meet her one day. Just a simple and nice letter, explaining why we've come this far and how much the situation means to me. I already did and I'm planning to send it out once we proofread it together. However, I feel like the situation has already wore us down to the point that we both feel like we're on different wavelengths all the time. The part that hurt about it the most is that we had a perfect relationship with each other and we never did anything to hurt one another, until this got in the way and made things awkward between us. I'm not sure what to do or how to approach it, it's depressing my girlfriend and trying to buy time has taken a mental toll on both of us. I don't want her to go on the date at all. I would never forgive myself for letting it happen without trying my own approach first. This is just a whole bunch of what the fuck, isn't it? The girlfriend's mum is projecting her own marriage regrets onto her daughter and instead of setting her own boundaries, the girlfriend's solution to this is to actually go on this date with another guy to somehow prove the mum wrong. I mean, she won't even tell him she's taken because it would ruin the date. Absolutely a whole bunch of no's on this. The real issue here is that, you know, your girlfriend is 28. I had to go back and look at those ages after I read that and she still can't tell her mum no. She's choosing her mum's approval in this over you and no letter is going to fix this because the mum doesn't want to be convinced. She wants to control and like they say in many stories, imagine you carried on down this path and it all worked out in the end and if the girlfriend can't stand up to her now, what happens in the future when, you know, you used to get married, you have kids, you bought a house, any of that sort of stuff, she's just going to try and control further. This is just a whole bunch of no's. Commodore says to OP, no, no, fuck all of this. Your girlfriend doesn't have to explain you to her mum. She doesn't have to go on a date. She has to be an adult and tell her mum to shut the hell up. Just to be mean and direct with her mother and shut this down. Fuck your dumb letter. You don't matter here at all. You're fine. The mum doesn't need a letter. She needs someone to give her a swift kick in the ass. I realize that this is the least relationship sounding advice ever. But generally the underlying assumption is that there is a miscommunication or a way to get out. Here the problem is that this mum knows how to get what she wants by being a huge bitch. Shut that down or leave this woman. This is a good time for an actual ultimatum for a change. OP says, I've come to the realization that the letter will do me no good. After reading the responses in this thread, I would like to play a small role in helping my girlfriend with this since she has a ton of other fires to put out unrelated to this issue. When I say small role, I mean offering her my side of things while we work towards a mutually beneficial situation and not actually addressing her mother directly about this issue. Commodore says, yeah, your girlfriend let her win. That means she's going to get much harder on the matter from now on. If you give someone like that an inch, they take a mile. You're in for some shitty sailing until girlfriend figures this out. OP says my thoughts exactly. I told my girlfriend that if her mother wins, she'll exploit our passive nature every time and it will eventually lead to the end of our relationship. OP then edited the post after those comments and said thank you for all the responses. I assure you that I've read each and every one and I'm trying to respond to them while I'm at work. I'd also like to add that if my girlfriend does choose to go on the date, she's doing so against her own judgment and plans to keep it as brief as possible. Still doesn't make it any more appropriate but just thought it'd be fair if I cleared that up. Edit 2, her mom doesn't want us to break up but she just has this insane belief that my girlfriend should keep the relationship open until she decides exactly who she wants to be with. This is done for two reasons. Number one, my girlfriend has dated quite a bit and knows what she wants. Two, we've been getting along incredibly well for the past two years and for some reason her mom is convincing herself that it's not genuine. Possible underlying issues. Edit 3, thank you for all continuing the discussion with me. I have a pretty clear picture of what I should do now when she gets back into town. I'll post an update after we have a conversation about it. In the meantime, I ask you all to believe in the ones you love. So some point later, OP does come back into update and says, so I had a talk with my girlfriend last night, told her to basically put her foot down now or we have to suffer her mother's toxicity for the rest of our lives. She said there was no way she could do that to her mother. We argued about it for two hours. I told her she needs to grow a backbone because if not with me, her mother will control every other aspect of her life and continually cause unwanted misery towards her and everyone else she decides to date. Then it came out that the date I mentioned in the post has been set up and she's agreed to see him. I blew my lid and told her that disrespects me, our relationship and herself. She even admitted that her mother has in fact manipulated her to believing that having an open relationship is a great idea. I lost all respect and trust for her and there's no way to earn it back. She said she would compromise by going on one coffee date with this guy just once and would take a break for a month. For the sake of leaving things amicably, I agreed to the compromise but I told her once I walk out the chances of her seeing me again are slim to none. She cried about that and for once I didn't feel sympathy for her. I comforted her while she was crying but my mind was already checked out. I'm curious what the next month will bring. She said she would like to keep in contact with me in some way but I'm not intent on contacting her anytime soon. I'm just pissed that I left some books there that I was currently in the middle of reading but I should have a text in a couple of months to pick up my books. What hurts the most is that we had such a great relationship together. We got along well, our arguments were few and far in between and usually ended on a good note. It was a perfect relationship but an external force course I down for. It hurts because I had no control and I basically had to give up an incredible relationship for the sake of pleasing someone that only matters to a certain extent. I just feel so deflated and I never had a chance to defend myself or fight back. If we hated each other I would understand but we didn't. This breakup will suck for a while. I'll admit that. I've never been in a relationship like this before. It was so great. Then it became a train wreck. Literally overnight. And edits, thank you for the supportive comments. I just want to make one thing clear. I haven't actually agreed to the compromise. I'm just a nice person at heart and didn't want to storm out of there with a big fuck you attached to the story. Please remember that we had some great times and I still think she's a kind person. Maybe not towards me or herself but we're all human after all. Only half heartedly accepted the compromise so we could have an amicable split. Of course I won't take her back after a month or follow through with the compromise. Population tire says to this one and quoting I lost respect and trust for her and then says you're not the only one. Seriously your ex is pathetic and you're doing the right thing by removing yourself from the situation since she has no desire to do anything but what a mother tells her to. Opus says funny. She admitted to losing her self-respect as well. Up all night says most of the posters are flaming your ex because she chose her mother over you and the future. It's sad that she has such devotion to a mother that she let her screw up her life but some children have a tough time cutting the apron strings. I'm sure that one day your ex will wake up and realize that she's let her mother fuck up a perfect relationship. In the movies girls like her end up marrying losers having 10 kids and forever thinking about the one that got away. Edit I've never wanted an update more. Opus says I told her this not in those exact words but I did tell her that her mother will make her miserable for the rest of her life and this situation will bite her in the arse when she least expected. Echipster says call her up and ask to get your books and when you're there get your books and tell her there is no month break because it is fully over. Opus says meh can't be bothered by it at the moment. She said she will call me throughout this month to check up on things so when I feel like getting my books back I just ask her to mail them to me who lives six miles apart. Another commenter says I'm a girl with manipulative parents and my mom in particular hated my ex for what she perceived as a lack of ambition in him. She was always putting him down behind his back and telling me I was too good for him. Did I ever agree to go out with someone else because of her manipulations? Fuck no. The girlfriend is using her mother as an excuse. Unless she has the brain of a four-year-old there is no way her mother manipulated her into believing an open relationship was okay. She wants to date someone who isn't you and she's only saying that it's because of her mother. All this talk for a month long break is her way to test the waters with this new guy while keeping you around as a backup plan. Fuck that. Go no contact with her. Get a friend to go pick up the books for you and cut this girl out of your life. Opus says her argument against standing up to a mother was that she's an only child and comes from a traditional family. I call it an excuse and wasn't having any of that. It just proves she's just too far gone in her mother's manipulation. And opus was 100% better off out of it. I mean as soon as she started saying that she was going to date this guy absolutely out of there. But I thought opus was wrong about one thing when she was saying about that it was the mum who caused this breakup. You know partially so but mainly it was the girlfriend that did it. She had a choice at every single turn and chose mum over her partner. And don't get me wrong. I know manipulation can do massive damage to people. We've seen it time and time again within these stories. But at some point someone needs to make that change for themselves and opus can't do that for them. She's 28 years old. And in the end opus just dodged a lifetime of this. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. 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Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions, and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings by $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Next story comes from Vent Throwaway. From the off my chest subreddit and says, my fiance says I'm overreacting for being upset that I ended up sitting alone at a football game. It's been almost two months, but I can't get over it. I don't even care if anyone reads this. Almost everyone I know says I'm overreacting. No couple of people who say my feelings are justified, but anyone who likes football seems to think I'm wrong and my fiance is right. I don't watch or pay any attention to sports at all. Not my thing. My fiance loves sports, especially football. I understand everyone has different hobbies and interests. Football is basically a religion here. He's always asking me to go to a game with him. I'm not interested in football at all, but since it was important to him, I said yes. He went to a game with his brother. My fiance was excited because it was the first game of the season. We had three tickets, but when we got to the game, only two of the seats were together and the other one was somewhere else. I don't know how that happened. I thought the tickets were always for seats together. My fiance said he didn't know what happened. I ended up being the one to sit alone. I wanted to sit with my fiance, but he said the other seats were better and since I don't like football, it shouldn't matter where I sit. I hated it. I had strangers all around me and a lot of them seemed like they were drunk. No matter how many times I asked my fiance to have his brother switch seats, he said no. I ended up spending most of the time by one of the places that sell snacks and drinks instead of at my seat because a couple of the strangers were rude and I was nervous sitting alone. There was one security guard, but all he said was that it's normal for people at games to be loud and excited. I did not have a good time and at the top of it, my fiance and his brother basically gave me the silent treatment on the way home from Chicago because their team didn't win. My fiance says I'm overreacting and that football games are safe for women, so I'm blowing things out of proportion. He doesn't see a problem with me having to sit alone. We have argued about it. I don't care if anyone reads this or not. I'm venting because most people think my fiance is right and say it's not a problem to sit alone at a game. I felt disrespected and him telling me I'm overreacting is impacting our relationship. I'm fully prepared for people here to agree with him too, but I had to vent somewhere. I kind of feel for this. You know, he's been asking you to go to this game for some time and you decided to finally go for him more than anything. You got no interest in football, so you'd think he'd be taking your comfort and putting that as a priority, not making you go sit somewhere. It's just so wild to me. For me, the real issue isn't the seating. It's that he put his comfort over yours and the vent he's invited you to. That's such a strange mindset, I think. And then calling you overreacting when you had feelings about it and then him saying to you that you're overreacting and that football games are safe for women and you're blowing things out of proportion. No, it's not about that. It's just about basic respect. He's putting you last when, you know, you prioritized him by even coming to his event when he's invited you multiple times and you got no interest in it. You wanted to show interest in something he loves and then he put you last. But paint dealer says I personally would have been pissed if someone convinced me to do something I don't like, only to leave me alone slash around complete strangers. Are you supposed to ask the strangers how the game works? Wanderer says no, you have a point. The problem was that your fiance dragged you to an event you already don't enjoy and then made you sit alone away from him for his own enjoyment. He didn't take how you felt into consideration because he didn't and doesn't consider it a big deal. 20 says I'm a sports fan but I hate baseball. If I was sitting alone at any sporting event aside from baseball, I wouldn't care. And if my husband convinced me to go to a baseball game and then didn't sit with me, I'd be so pissed. You weren't interested in the game. Why would you want to sit without him? Also, I was in a situation kind of similar to this where husband asked the people sitting near the worst seats if they'd like to swap with our better tickets. That way we could sit together. Your fiance was a dig. Sessel Penney says red flags is always this self-centered and selfish. You don't shop to a game and just find out. One ticket is somewhere else. We always know our sporting concert events seating in advance. You know when we purchased them, I'm guessing someone, Hint Hint, knew the seating arrangements ahead of time and did not tell you. At least during this excursion, someone, Hint Hint, had a lot more about their own happiness versus spending time with his girlfriend. Teaching her a little about the awesome game, sharing the excitement and experience, making positive memories and ensuring her safety. If this is regular behavior for him, I hope you haven't dated for many years because I would not want to look back on my life with regret for not pulling the plug and leaving the jerk sooner. If this is not regular behavior, it's time for a sit-down conversation about why this wasn't okay. Adult, logical, respectful conversations are relationship enhancing tools that we all need. Good luck and God bless you, OP. So it was soon after that OP did come in with their update and said, My sister gave me a wake-up call. She asked me what I would say to our youngest sister if she were in my situation. Without even having to think about it, my answer was that she should leave that guy because he obviously doesn't respect you. It woke me up for stupid out of being for staying and for not standing up for myself. If I would tell her to leave because she deserves better, why wouldn't I do the same? It opened my eyes about how I accepted my ex-fiancé disrespecting me and not listening when I'm upset. I broke up with him and have moved in with my sister, the one who woke me up, not my youngest sister. She gave me two months worth of rent so that my ex-fiancé couldn't say I was abandoning the lease on our apartment. He can sign a new lease in January or move out but at least he can't use that against me. I don't know what I would do without my sister. She is going to help me pay for a therapist so I talk about my issue with accepting my ex-fiancé treating me badly. I'm also stepping away from dating until I figure it out. I appreciate all the support I got in my last post and also everybody who told me I deserve better. I've turned off my messages because I got some nasty ones sent by people who are fans of the same football team as my ex-fiancé. I do appreciate everyone who told me that I wasn't overreacting and said I deserve better, even though I don't know any of you. It really helped. And I think just fair play to OP on the back of that one. OP does deserve better in the end. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below Let's move on to another story. Now our next story is from the Am I the Arsoul subreddit. No update yet. I just like to cover these ones in a while because we never get to cover them because the majority of them don't come back with an update. But this one's from TimeUnion1592 from the Am I the Arsoul subreddit and says Am I the Arsoul for dropping my kids off with my wife when she is with a grieving friend? My wife's best friend Jesse lost her husband about a month ago. My wife has been at her home almost every single day since. My job has me being on call some nights and money is tight so I can't not be on call. I know Jesse is struggling but it is stressing me out a ton to be a basically single parent since my wife is never home. I've talked to her about cutting back but that ends up in an argument about me being heartless. Yesterday I was on call and I actually got called in. I couldn't leave our two daughters at home alone, six and nine so I called my wife telling her she needs to head home now. I need to leave. She told me no and to figure it out. We don't have the money for a sitter. My parents live too far away. Her parents aren't allowed near the kids. They suck and my friends have their own lives and families. So I packed up the kids and on my way to work dropped them off at Jesse's house. My wife was pissed that I did that. When I got back we got into a huge argument and I told her that she actually needs to be a parent, that I am very sick of her playing house at Jesse's house and we have our own kids. She thinks I'm a heartless fucking man and I told her to be a parent to our own kids. Absolutely not the asshole in this situation. I mean your wife's figure it out when you had a work emergency is absolutely wild and you tried multiple times and she just seemed to shut you down every step of the way and left you with zero options. So you did the only thing that you had available and don't get me wrong supporting someone who is grieving is absolutely a wonderful thing. But she's got priorities and she's got two kids at home who also need their mum. And I mean a day maybe even a week of visiting your friend to support them is absolutely fine. I get that. A month of doing this when you're relying on your partner to take full responsibility of your children at the same time. It's just not sustainable is it? And it just kind of felt like it was some serious deflection going on there calling you heartless for wanting her to parent her children too. But virtual map says a day with a grieving friend is needed. A week is kindness. A month when you have kids at home is bizarre. Bitter Scorpio says not the asshole. So she basically wanted you to either choose between getting fired or leave your minor children unattended and risk CPS involvement. Your wife is now collecting her children. She needs a reality check. There's being there for your bestie and then there's completely disregarding your responsibilities. Jesse needs to call some family if she needs this much attention or consider inpatient care. Bramley says not the asshole. It is extremely unfair and emotionally manipulative for your wife to be calling you heartless and to be putting the weight of being financially responsible for your family and the childcare entirely on you to figure it out. She is a wife and a mother before she is a friend and her duty to make sure her kids are cared for and her husband has the ability to put food on the table comes first. If this was a week or two I'd say you need to grin and bear it and let your wife wholeheartedly support your friend. But a month is completely unsustainable and shows no sign of slowing down. Silly tugboat says not the asshole at all. Your wife is straight up neglecting her family and responsibilities. Sure she is supporting her friend but she is doing that at the detriment of you and her family. Not okay at all. Ironic and honestly manipulative to call you heartless when she's not even willing to be there for actual family. Marriage counseling like yesterday and this would be non-negotiable because there are clearly other issues going on. Good luck. Opie had some comments giving additional information. The first one they said yes her schedule for the past month has been go to work then go to Jesse's house and come back after the girls have been asleep. Even with both of us working money is very tight. Someone suspects that they may be having an affair together and Opie replying I highly doubt that. They're more like sisters than anything. They've been best friends since elementary school. It's like 25 plus years of friendship. Opie adds my wife was more pissed that I dropped them off when she told me to figure it out and doesn't think that solution was acceptable. Don't really get why. I haven't really spoken. No I don't think she realized this is not sustainable and nothing I've said makes her see that. She usually leaves on weekends. Though she is at least back to see the girls a bit she's still leaving to go to Jesse. I had a lot of the comments on this one just suspecting that there's more to this than just this initial issue but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love. 2. Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive's name your price tool for years now. With the name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. 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