Strait Privilege

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See full terms at mintmobile.com. What a scream. We installed telephone wires across rural Britain over a century ago and you're still paying to use them for your broadband today. If it ain't broke, what? Stop. Your days of selling phone age broadband are over. Blast. I've spilled the beans. Upgrade to 100% full fiber. Gigaclear. Faster broadband for rural Britain from only 19 pounds a month. Price may rise during contract. Teas and seas apply. Check availability at gigaclear.com. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter here for the late show. Yeah, we are. We've got a great show for you tonight. Jolken Booster is here. Simone is here. And we're all feeling romantic and apocalyptic. And while we plan to go out with no regrets, we'll end the show with some second thoughts. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Easter morning, he had risen and Trump was pissed. The United States president, is what he technically is, wrote on social media, Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day all wrapped up in one in Iran. There will be nothing like it. Open the fucking straight, you crazy bastards. Or you'll just be living in hell. Just watch. Praise be to Allah. Wow. At least when Obama praised Allah, he had the sense to do it in private five times a day every day for his entire life. On Tuesday, with Trump's 8 p.m. deadline for Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz fast approaching, Trump went further, writing on true social, a whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don't want that to happen, but it probably will. Trump is acting like someone is forcing his hand, but his hands can't be forced. His hands turn to dust with a slightest bit of pressure. So in the wake of that post, many former Trump acolytes called for his removal from office via the 25th Amendment. Enough is enough, said Melania from behind a pair of groucho glasses. I feel like I did it better in rehearsal. Doesn't matter. Rowe Marjorie Taylor Greene, 25th Amendment. Not a single bomb has dropped on America. We cannot kill an entire civilization. Good for you Marjorie. We talked about it. You're allowed in the secret Jewish bomb shelter underneath Russ and daughters. Come on in Marjorie. Greene later went on CNN to explain her point of view. The president has a long history of shocking and unprecedented social media posts. Why was this the final straw for you? Because it's absolute madness. How can any person that is mentally stable call for an entire civilization of people to be murdered, to be wiped out, to never come back again? It's like the Holocaust, Greene continued, except this time it's real. And then less than two hours before Trump's deadline, the president announced on True Social that the U.S. and Iran had reached a two-week ceasefire. Good news! The U.S. will not launch a campaign of wanton destruction against the civilian infrastructure of Iran. The bad news, this counts as good news these days. I guess on some level I personally never believed he was actually going to unleash a genocidal attack across Iran because I was at like a quarter tank on Tuesday and I didn't fill up my car. Like if I really believed it was going to happen I would have gotten into the evening. I would have gone into the deadline with a full tank of gas. So on some level I didn't really believe it. Here's how Fox News processed Trump's decision. So Democrats are already saying that this is taco. That boy's chicken's out. Let me give you another acronym, Nacho. Never avoids confronting hard obstacles. Yes, yes my boy. Let the cringe flow through you. To defeat Chuck Schumer you must become Chuck Schumer. Anyway, I have another acronym for you. Trump was never fit for office and still defending him is an embarrassment. That's right. It's when the father has a day. Both sides will now negotiate based on a 10 point plan Iran previously submitted to Trump which includes lifting sanctions, allowing uranium enrichment and granting Iranians control of the Strait of Hormuz and all restaurant reservations for tables of 12 or more in Beverly Hills. Pakistan signed on to mediate the deal with talks to begin on Friday in Islamabad. The White House confirmed that Trump is sending junior deal boy Vance to negotiate. That means JD Vance has to go directly from Hungary where he is campaigning for Putin stooge Victor Orban to Pakistan without first coming home. More like I didn't pack for this, Stan. Meanwhile, according to the Financial Times, Iran plans to charge vessels the cryptocurrency equivalent of $1 per barrel of oil to pass through the Strait of Hormuz which could be millions of dollars per ship. Trump claimed in a call with ABC's Jonathan Carl that he and Iran discussed collecting fees as part of a joint venture saying it's a way of securing it, also securing it from lots of other people. It's a beautiful thing. Let's just say Trump made him an offer they can't Hormuz. And then on Wednesday Israel bombed Lebanon and Iran announced that the Strait would be closed again even though it had never really been reopened in the first place. Israel claims the peace deal doesn't apply to Lebanon and when you read the fine print it does look as though the Lebanon bombings only stop if we pay for ceasefire plus. Vance then said the whole thing amounted to a whoopsie daisy. I think this comes from a legitimate misunderstanding. I think the Iranians thought that the ceasefire included Lebanon and it just didn't. We never made that promise. We never indicated that was going to be the case. And you can see how this happened. Everybody's remote. Just uses Zoom and Iran uses Teams. Israel killed everybody who knew the Wi-Fi password. So it's tough week for news. It's okay. Vance also made the case for why it's fine for Iran to retain the right to enrich uranium after all. The Holy Bob said, which again I found fascinating as he said, we refuse to give up the right to enrichment. And I thought to myself, you know what? My wife has the right to skydive, but she doesn't jump out of an airplane because she and I have an agreement that she's not going to do that because I don't want my wife jumping out of an airplane. That's interesting. How often is this coming up, buddy? How often is Usha asking to skydive? How often does she lie awake at night imagining the 50 seconds of freedom and weightlessness between God and the ground where there's nothing but whoosh and eternity and gravity and the secure embrace of Dustin, the skydiving instructor, who didn't even know who she was. Remember that? Being unknown. Remember being unknown to the world, to your husband, to yourself. Anyway, speaking of the country's number one Catholic, the Free Press reported that back in January, a senior Pentagon official met with the Vatican's ambassador and lectured him about the pope's criticism of Trump's military aggression. Boy, right when the Catholic Church stops protecting pedophiles, we get an administration obsessed with protecting pedophiles. The pope from two popes ago was literally in the Hitler Youth. It's like ships passing in the fucking night. It would have been, I mean, the Catholic Church, an older version of the Catholic Church in the Trump administration would have been peas in a fucking pod. Now they got the woke pope from fucking Chicago. Yeah. And also, by the way, yeah, put the pope thing aside. Your plan is to get a 70-year-old man from Chicago to stop sharing his opinions. It's inconceivable. During the meeting, the Undersecretary of Defense for Policy and a guy who legally can't be rejected from Yale because of his name, Elbridge Colby, reportedly told Cardinal Christophe Pierre that the U.S. military had the power to do whatever it wants and the pope better take it side. Colby also reportedly brought up the Avignon Papacy of Medieval France, where the French monarchy gained control of the papacy from 1309 to 1376, bringing on what historically is known as the era of the stinky popes. Got him. Got him. Schism. Schism. Schism. Schism. Is schism acceptable or no? I think schism. I think schism, if you're Jewish. I think schism is acceptable, technically. It's schism. I know it's schism. I know it's schism. A department in defense spokesperson called the report highly exaggerated and distorted. Being dramatic, moi, how dare you, said Cardinal Pierre, seen here before swinging his velvet cape over his shoulder and heading back into the cathedral with 100-foot ceilings and dozens of fully dressed skeletons. Most dramatic fucking people on earth. Look at this. Fucking queens. All right. Speaking of fully dressed skeletons, we cannot lose sight of who is responsible for a president as lawless and corrupt as this one, Republicans in Congress. Talk of the 25th Amendment is a tacit admission that Trump should be impeached and removed from office and the people that could do that not only refused to do it, they refused to hold him accountable in any way whatsoever. Here's what the official Senate GOP account tweeted on Tuesday after Trump threatened to wipe out Iranian civilization. Iran would be wise to take President Trump at his word. They can choose the easy way or the hard way. The hard way. I choose the hard way, said a sweating flustered Lindsey Graham. That's why our job is to turn our collective anger of Trump into action, to win the House, win the Senate and ultimately take our country back in 2028. So please do me a favor and go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up right now because my God, we've got to take Congress and start turning this country around. Melania Trump just dropped this today. And what you're about to see for those listening is an interminable walk to the microphone followed by a completely off the wall surprise statement that we don't even understand the context of yet. As of right now, we have no idea why she's did this. What the fuck is this? Let's take a look. She starts from so far away. Good afternoon. The lies linking me with the disgraceful Jeffrey Epstein need to end today. What the fuck is that? Where did this come from? Why are we hearing about this now? You distract us from Epstein with Iran, then you distract us from Iran with Epstein. And so the glorious cosmic dance continues. And like I said, and everyone say it with me, Twin façade, hey, Twin façade, hey, and we've got a great show for you tonight. We'll be right back with Joel Kimbooster and Simone. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of love it or leave it coming up. Love it or leave it is brought to you by into cloud. There's a lot happening right now. And most of it is loud, historically loud and not in a good way, which is exactly why people are becoming more intentional about how they unwind into cloud is designed to help into cloud is a fully legal online cannabis dispensary for gummies, exotic flour, premium pre-rolls and zero sugar THC sodas. Everything is federally legal. HemTHC lab tested and shipped discreetly to your door. And with 420 right around the corner, it's always 420 zone where new customers get 40% off all month long with into cloud's biggest sale of the year. 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In this episode, John and Tommy talked about the election results at a Georgia in Wisconsin and how Fox News is coping with Trump's failed war in Iran. If you're not subscribed, here's what else you're missing. Polar coaster with Dan Pfeiffer, open tabs, the behind the scenes newsletter from PSA editor Reed Chirlen, ad free breaking news from Pod Save America. So why subscribe? You're supporting independent progressive media that will never be owned by an Ellison. I'm 99% sure. You know, to say never in this life is crazy world of ours. But it's all I mean 99.9999% almost impossible to imagine Ellison being involved almost. It's impossible. Impossible. I'll say never. So sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Please welcome to the stage my two hottest guests ever. And we've had Danny DeVito. It's Joe Kim booster and Simone. Hi. Hi. Hi. Thanks for being here. Come on in. Welcome to you both. Hello. Nice to see you. Joel. Yes, sir. You got gay married. I did. I did. In January. I technically December. It was New Year's. It was New Year's wedding. Yeah. Okay. I never thought I'd get gay married. I never thought it was for me. I think gay marriage is a lot like deep dish pizza in that it is it's it's great but it's not marriage. So it's its own thing. But no. But now that I'm gay married I think it is real. Well it's funny when you said deep deep vision I thought no that makes sense. It's deep dish pizza is kind of incompatible with the gay lifestyle in a certain sense. You know. Not mine but yeah. No, no. I was just saying it's a sort of a it's a it's a big commitment. A deep dish pizza. Yes. You know it changes the course of the evening I find. The course of the week sometimes. Of course sometimes the course of the week. Yeah. Simone what do you think about deep dish pizza? You know what I love deep dish pizza I think it's lovely. Me too. I love it too. I've actually never had it. I'm going to be real with you. Oh. I've never. Did I offend somebody? I'm sorry. I've never had it. No. But I have been to Chicago so gay for that. Yes. Work. Oh it's so good. But it's not pizza. But it's not pizza? No. What is it? It's its own thing. You're on scrubs. Yeah. Woo. Thank you. People are so excited about scrubs and then there was a rumor that Zach Braff was dating an AI. I am familiar with the rumor. And now I had heard the rumor the rumor the rumor mill on basically just everyone. I had so many conversations. I had texts. I had people that were like, oh my God, did you hear? Blank is dating an AI. And it was seven different people. One of whom was Zach Braff. And then he had to say, no, I'm not dating an AI. Yeah. I got a lot of text messages about that too because people knew that I was working with him and they were like, oh, is he dating an AI? Is this believable? And I said a lot of things but he is still technically my boss. So I will say it was so unbelievable. And I couldn't believe that the rumor was started. Be careful, bitch. No, I love Zach. Be careful, bitch. Protect the check. He's great. And I think it obviously came because there was a literal storyline on this season of scrubs that he's dating his AI. And I think it just sort of got extrapolated from that. Right. That was sort of in the fictional world of the show. But there's other people that I think are much more plausible to actually be dating an AI that I believe. And we can talk. We'll talk about it. We can just talk about it. Oh, I thought you were about to pull up a whole powerful one. I was like, this is the new segment. And Simone, everybody is so excited about, stop that train. Hey! The trailer is so good. Oh, it is. I love it. I love it. So it's RuPaul's comedy. It's you and a bunch of other drag race alums. And many other D-list gay celebrities. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about though. We have a clip. Oh. Madam President, we have an emergency. The situation is ongoing. Look at mother. We're monitoring it from every angle. Tell it to me straight. There's a glamazonian express headed directly into a massive storm. Now tell it to me gay. Oh! So it's a lot of that. I saw a very early screening of this movie. D special effects. What? They haven't even told us the screening yet. What the fuck? It's incredible. It's everything you want it to be. You're fantastic in the film. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone is fantastic in the film. And it is exactly what it promises itself to be, which is gay airplane. Yes! Yes! That's the perfect description. It is just like if you are craving the naked gun airplane, like it is that, but through the RuPaul lens, that is so delightful. Always the movie she wanted to make, I feel. That's what it felt like. Who in the movie was like, oh my, like what like queens from the show were like, oh wow, they're actors. Oh, juju we made us laugh all the time. That was the one. She was the one we would always like have to stop ourselves and be like, we're on camera right now because she's funny. She's the, y'all gonna laugh. She's funny. So Kristi Noem tried to band drag on the, lovely segue. Wow! Just no loops straight into Kristi Noem. You know what? That's my fault. Yeah. No. No, it's good though. Speaking of people with just incredible features. I think it was right. Speaking of guns. Speaking of guns. Speaking of guns. That's a good one. Yes, y'all. So Noem tried to band drag on college campuses in South Dakota, but her husband was, wait, did you just say cousin? Cousin? Are they cousins? Honestly, they might be. They might be. I was about to say. Cousins are very popular. Cousins. Cousins. Husband was putting on a breastplate at home. How far do we think Brian Noem would have made it in Drag Race? Oh, honey. He wouldn't have even made it in the door. Those monkey boobs? There is such a fine line, but a big difference between a drag queen and a cross dresser. That's true. And there is a distinction there. And this man is a crossy. He's not a queen. This is me and my friends called Cedar Chest. That's what this is right here. This is drag. But if you were to give, if you, I, and I see the difference and I know the difference. Yes. But if we were, if you were going to say, you know what, if let's say, remember when, let's say we're in, we're dressing up the, the crew. We're in the crew episode. He's, you know, he's, he's needs a lot of tips and a lot of pointers. He needs a lot of tips. What are we, what are we doing to help Brian Noem get into drag? First of all, we're putting a lot of spackle up there. Yeah. We are, we are reshaping this entire foundation right here is where we're starting for me. Cause that's not my daughter. I, that's right here. This is not my daughter. I feel like the proportions are also quite off. Those are quite all one boob is doing. This one is tits up literally nipple up and this one's tipped down. So I don't, my daughter would never look like that. So tits would be forward. She is not in the house of Avalon. Yeah. She's not a house of Avalon girl. Well, not yet. Not ever. What if we're at the beginning of a journey? We have not even all we, all this, all we know, all we know is that this person is married to Kristi Noem. Yeah. Who was, you think she knew? You know, I do think she found the breastplate and was like, who knows, who knows, who knows. Oh, they're balloons. That's even worse. Yeah. Get a breastplate girl. Like you can get them a lot of places these days. Lowe's, Home Depot. Now, taking inspiration from Joel's new podcast, Intimacy Coordinator. Yes. We have invited our closest friends and enemies to submit their most confusing, surprising or unexpected sex and dating question, as well as a few questions from our team. And boy, people have a lot of weird shit going on. Oh, shit. It's, look around. Look around, which is why it's time for a segment we're calling Intimacy next Tuesday. I like that. All right. Here's, let's see, we have some questions. First question. I don't drink anymore and genuinely don't know how to set the mood on a first date without booze. Any suggestions for date ideas or how I can just, it says here, nut up already. Not, uh, I, you know, I don't drink. I haven't been drunk since 2022. And I think like a really good alternative if you're looking for a non-drinking focused date is Ketamine. And I think that could be really like a nice sort of different mode to go because that's, you know, that's sort of, I'm Bushwick sober. Wait, so Ketamine. Ketamine. It's everywhere these days. Everyone's talking about it. There's a lot of sick horses in this country. Okay. Does it make, does it make the horses, does it put pep in their stepper? Does it chill out? No, it's a horse tranquilizer. No, I know that. But for humans, does it bring us up or does it bring us down? It's down and sort of lateral into a different universe. It's so great. Cause if you do enough of it, you start to feel like you're playing yourself in a video game, which I find is the perfect state of mind for a first date. Cause then it just turns into like a session of the Sims, you know, and that's, that might ease their, their anxiety about first dates as if they're just simply playing themselves in a, in a simulator. But for the first date though. Yes. For the first day. Oh, I feel like that made me go, I made me go left. Not right. Are you yourself, are you yourself on Ketamine? I really am like, I'm all of a sudden you hear about all the, so many people are micro dose in Ketamine. There's so many people getting Ketamine loss hinges. I'm hearing a lot about Ketamine and I just like, is it all I know is, I know weed, I know alcohol and I know mushrooms. Where am I? Where am I in that world? I mean, it's definitely, it's a light hallucinogen. So it's closer to mushrooms than it is to weed, I would say for sure. Interesting. Interesting. But it's perfect for a first date cause it does give you, um, what is the, um, aphasia. Um, so you, you're unable to forget what people's faces are. You're unable to speak, um, and, uh, words don't come. Great listener. Great listener. Exactly. Great listener. Close this down. Close this down. Just receive. You don't want to get to know them. You just sit and stare. No, I mean, my real answer for this would be activity based states. Like I think that there's, there's a lost art to like going bowling or going putt putting or going doing something. Bowling is a great first date. I actually find bar dates to be really, um, bad for a first date sometimes because it's just like you're just sitting there and there's nothing but the other person to focus on, which is sometimes for good, but sometimes it's a first date. You really do need to like have something to be doing to sort of make it a little bit more like easy to get to know the person so that it's not as awkward if you don't have something immediately to say to them. That's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. You need more time where you're facing the same direction. Yeah. You just, you just need to be able to rotate through different shapes. Exactly. I think. And that's smart. On Call Her Daddy this week, Nikki Glaser talked about her hot husband fetish where she likes hearing about her boyfriend sleeping with other women, though she doesn't sleep with other people herself. Is this a fetish or just a sign of having too many bookings? She just, she booked in busy. She too successful that she has to outsource this ass. Um, I mean, is cuckolding is like a fetish. It is. Like I know a lot of people who are into sitting in the corner and just, you know, um, and not being engaged in it and like hearing it. I, I, I, that could never be me. No, it can never be me. Yeah. You want to be involved. I want to be involved or don't ask, don't tell, you know, like take me to that space. Like if, like the thing is, is like, if I'm out of town and my husband has had like an amazing hookup, I like don't, I'm like, who cares? But if something funny happened, then I want to know about it. If there was some slapstick involved, then please share divulge, but yeah, like someone slipped on a banana peel. You know, or like a piano fell on, on like a, a board and paint flew up in the air. He's often looking up with Wiley Coyote. Yeah. For sure. Right. You go like this and nothing happens. It doesn't explode. So you go all the way down to the very real, go all the way down to the bottom of the bridge and you're like, what's happening? Then boom. Simone, a couple was looking for a threple. This is somebody, this is a person saying, I'm talking to a couple who's looking to be in a threple. I'm not against the idea. Do you think functional threples exist or are we fooling ourselves? Ooh, it's funny you asked me this question because if I was ever, I don't know if I could ever bring in a third because I get jealous, but I do have a friend. I do know what I'm saying, but we could do, see, I have a friend who's in a threple. They have the whole life. They have a kid and everything and it works for them. So I guess it does work, but for me in my brain, I don't think that's, I don't think that's a triangle or a V they're set up. Are they all in a relationship together or is it one person has a husband, but he also has a boyfriend, but the husband and the boyfriend aren't dating? No, they're all together. They're all together. So it's a triangle. I was like, wait, does that mean that all of them are coming at him or are they all fucking each other? I'm sorry, I was going to sexual. I'm sorry. I get like, oh, you know, like monogamish style or like open, but you know, we're a couple committed, but we do things. That all makes sense to me. The second you have two boyfriends and there's two birthdays, that seems like life is hard to work and two of our three. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Because listen, I get like this. I obviously understand non-monogamy from like purely sexual like perspective. Like I get like the variety or the distance being sort of necessitating or whatever, if you're into that. I cannot fathom doing all the work parts of a relationship with multiple people. Right. Because that is at the end of the day, like I love my husband, but it is work to make that happen every single day. And I can't imagine having to, I mean, how could you ever give 100% to multiple people? I know people who do. I'm like, Samar, I have friends who have been together for over 20 years in a in a threple and it works very well for them, but I am not built that way. Yeah, I don't judge it. I'm more amazed and astonished by it. And I think, do people not care about their jobs enough? You know what I mean? Like should people be working harder? The shift, the shift to work from home really changed. There's still a lot of people. But hey, they have a lot of love to give. So yeah, a lot of love. Lots and lots of love. Not me. Not me. Oh, this one, I thought it was, I recently went out with a woman who looks a little like me in her photos. In person, we look shockingly similar. Is there a level of doppelganger where you just look too much alike today? Oh, it feels like it happens to gay people a lot. Yeah. I really want to know, is this a, is this a, a het couple? This is two women. Two women. Okay. Because I was going to say like, when straight couples, like yeah, it's like go off, cusband, you know. Cusband. I, listen, gird your loins for being made fun of, for being, you know, girlfriend twins or what have you, because it is like a funny thing to joke about when you see it out in the wild. And, uh, inevitably it also happens with couples end up starting to look more and more like each other, I think, as they get older too. But my thing is, is if you have happened to find someone that you are falling in love with, which is such a rare thing in this life, like do not let shit like that stand in the way of it. Because like, like, if I, like, listen, did I plan on marrying a white man? No. But like, that is who came into my life, who, who loved me and who I fell in love with. And I'm not good. That's such a, a statistical anomaly for that to happen to a person. And I would never deny myself that because it's not convenient for my narrative, you know. And I just think like, so it's the same with shit like this, where it's like, yes, you're worried about the optics of what the world is going to see. But at the end of the day, if you found somebody like that, then don't let go of them for something so trivial. Uh, I just want to note that this was from, uh, our head writer, Halle. This is Halle's experience. Halle? Oh, Halle. I'm going to text Halle and talk about this with her later. Yeah, we're on board, Halle. So you used to think, oh, I won't get married. And then you got married. What? Like you were wrong. Why were you wrong? Like what, what were you wrong about? You don't know what you don't know. And listen, I think like I had never been in a relationship until I met my husband. And so I was learning a lot of things about myself and what I wanted on the fly as I was falling in love with him. And I think for us, like, A was like, we both love a party. And B, I think I realized suddenly what marriage was, which is that it wasn't so much about our commitment to each other because we could have been partners for life and we didn't need a marriage certificate. Tell us that we were going to do that work to make sure that that worked. But it for us, it for me, at least it became this thing of like, when you know, you know, when you tell someone you're writing a book and then it's like, well, now you have to write the book because that person is going to check in with you and be like, how's the book going? And then you don't want to be embarrassed. Our wedding ceremony and the vows that we made to each other in front of all the people that were most important to us in our lives is sort of the macro version of saying we're writing a book. And like, you now have to keep us on track. And like, we included everyone in the ceremony in in in ways to make it so that like, they felt like they had an investment in us as a couple. And we need your help to make sure that this stays intact. And so like, when I thought about it in those terms, and it was so much more about community and not just about me and him, it made suddenly a lot more sense. Yeah, it's funny too, because I would like it make both of both. I remember talking to you when you were a person that was never going to get. And it's so funny talking to you now, because really what you just described is the absolute textbook conservative idea of the purpose in a good way. And I'm good at the purpose of marriage. And I do think there's something interesting about like growing into that once you have the right person. Yeah. Simone, what do you think about the institution of marriage? Listen, I've never been married. I'm not on my way to be a married as of yet. If you see somebody out there. But I think it's a great thing. I think if it's something that you are prepared for and it's something that you really love this person, I think it's a beautiful thing. And I think people that introduce it knowing that and the weight of that, I think it's something that everyone should experience with someone they love. Hopefully I get to do that. I'm not opposed to it, but it's just never happened to me yet. You guys would throw a sick ass wedding. Oh, honey, the wedding. We got here's my idea of my wedding. I would go to the town with the town square town hall and I would get my marriage certificate. I would spend the money on the party. I want a party and I want to get to the people I love and the people we love. So, you know, it's, I guess I could get a dress and a cute tux, but you know, I want to have multiple party outfits, darling. That's more fun to me. We changed for sure. Something to look forward to. I'm excited. Yes, you get an invite. Yes, we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. 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Commitment free subscription start at as low as $11 for meal, skip deliveries, pause canceling time for my six meals. I get something that's like a fun pasta. Then I get some healthier options. Uh, then I just try some new stuff every week. That's what I do. Taste craftsmanship in every bite from the award-winning chefs behind Cook Unity. Go to cookunity.com slash L-O-L-I. Go to cookunity.com slash lowly or enter code lowly before checking out to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code lowly L-O-L-I or going to cook unity.com slash lowly. And we're back. Yeah. First of all, I just want to say that I'm so excited for Stop That Train. Thank you. Me too. Which is in theaters on June 12th. Yes. And Simone's at World Pride in Amsterdam and at a Pride Fest near you. Uh-huh. Go to at the underscore Simone on Insta. That's right. For more information. And Joel's on Scrubs on ABC and Hulu. Hey. And the IntubiC coordinator on smartLess Media launches on May 18th. Wow. Really? Yeah. Do you not know that? I didn't realize it was that soon. It's coming. May 18th. That's cool. May 18th. That's dope. I love to hear that. It's time for I Love It or Leave It Classic, The Egg of Truth. And this week, there are only two topics we want to talk about, sex and the end of the world, based on the news. So we have two eggs here. We have the egg of erotic truth and we have the egg of apocalyptic truth. In a segment we're calling the egg of truth, the end is coming. Shit. Work. Visual joke. So here's, here's how it works. We have one egg has apocalyptic questions. The other egg has horny questions. This egg is ready to go to Folsom. Yes. It is. It's a leather egg. So perfect. Ooh, she's rid of her video. Daddy egg. Only fan. And just to note, there are some apocalyptic erotic questions distributed randomly in both. Nice. Simone, why don't you kick us off? Okay. Would you like an apocalyptic or an erotic question? Oh, let's go erotic darling. All right. What's the worst pickup line anyone has ever tried on you or that you have ever tried? So this is when I was younger and I was, you know, watching TV and I was like, oh, let me go talk to this boy and I, I'm going to embarrass myself. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to embarrass somebody else. And I did the cliche one of like, oh, did it hurt when you fell? And they were like, what? It was like, oh, you know, when you fell from heaven. And then of course it went nowhere. But I was like, oh, you know, that was that was for TV. Okay, great. Check. But yeah, no, I tried, you know, it was like 19, 19, 20 years old. Shall I a little Reggie? That's my boy name. Yeah, I bet I bet it worked for you. Oh, no, it did not. It did not. Joe, what about you? But I tried. Um, so this was the day LA reopened after the pandemic. And I think people had forgotten how to flirt, but I was at high tops in WeHo eating a buffalo chicken salad, shout out the best salad in the city. And I was standing because it was so crowded eating the salad and a guy approached me and said, you do not eat that salad confidently. And I was like, what does that mean? Insecurity just dropped. And then he like, he literally then like, he was negging. Like he was trying to like, and then he, he proceeded to like hit on me and asked for my number after that. And I was like, why would you start with a bizarre insult? Um, but that has stuck with me every time I eat a salad. Now I wonder if I'm confident. Did you give him your number? No, never. How were you eating the salad though? You want to demonstrate that? I was standing, hoovering it into my mouth, which feels pretty confident. Yeah. But from what I'm seeing, you look very confident. I don't get it. Joe, would you like an apocalyptic or a rather apocalyptic? Let's do apocalyptic. Uh, if you could survive the apocalypse, but you had to live in a cave with, with Trump's cabinet, could you do it? Yeah, I think I could actually, um, because who knows where the food is coming from. And, um, there, there's a lot of them in the cabinet. And, um, I think post apocalypse, the rules around cannibalism will sort of have shifted a little bit. And I think I could overpower most of them. Wow. Simone, what would you like? Um, let's do a paka-laka lick it. All right, let's do it. I'm just doing this one. Do you think you could eat bugs? Well, what kind of a bug are we saying? Like a grasshopper? We talking about a spider that's an arachnid. Are we talking about like a, um, like what kind of an ant? Any bug? Um, I guess if I had to survive, I gotta do what you gotta do, honey. It's fear factor at that point, honey. Have you ever, everyone's, while you look at a stripper, you're like, that's a bug. So I can't eat other bugs. No, bug. I eat a big bug. Why can't I get a little bug? That's right. I had a grasshopper taco once. Not good. How was that? Not good, but it was fine. It was fine. Where did you have that? I had a restaurant. Ah, was now was the grasshopper supposed to be in the taco? Yeah, it was grasshopper. It was on the menu. Yeah, it was on the menu. Grasshopper. What comes on a grasshopper taco? Um, uh, well, it was a grasshopper's and then some kind of a salsa. Uh-huh. The truth is when you eat a grasshopper taco, you do forget the accoutrements because you really are remembering that you ate the bucks. That's it. That's all that's there. So I don't remember anything other than the fact that there was bucks. Oh, that's a good, another good question. Are there condiments? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, then yeah, I can salsa it up. You gotta salsa it up. Put a little something on that. I mean, hell, it's the apocalypse. I'll eat the mayonnaise. I'm sure. Yeah, sure. Why not? I'm not sure. Yeah, I think mayonnaise is good. Cupid mayonnaise. I think people have the, I love the Japanese style mayonnaise. And I think they're people that don't like, like, Hellman style mayonnaise that might enjoy a Cupid mayonnaise. It's just a different kind of mayonnaise, a Japanese style mayonnaise. Is it lighter? It's just a little different. Yeah, it's just a little different. Let's do an erotic question. Yeah, let's do an erotic question. What's the oddest place you've had sex? You know what? It's interesting. I find the like, where's the craziest place you question, like to be of the who, what, when, where, why, the least interesting. Like I find like, who's the craziest person you've ever had sex with? So more of a judge. I will say, like, honestly, it's not that. It's not exciting. It is the back of a Subaru behind a target in my hometown. I think that's interesting. It's not that interesting. People have sex in their cars all the time. It's happening right now outside. I'm sure. All right. Then what is the most jaw dropping thing someone has said or done on a date with you? Um, somebody, oh, this was not a date. I'm not a big dator, but this was a hookup. But the first guys I ever went to his apartment in New York when I moved to New York. And he, I got there and he said, we have to do this in the living room because my husband's home and he's really racist. And I was like, what? Um, and I was like 24 at the time. Um, and I was really proud of myself that I only gave him a blowjob. I was going to ask, I was like, did you give him some bitch? Cause I would have the exit girl. What's coming out that room? Yeah, it's sort of like come up with a different reason. Yeah. No, I was like, you don't have to be honest about everything. No. There's so many reasons you can keep it down. My neighbors. Well, it was one of these things where like it wasn't clear. I was like, but against me, you know, like I was, I was obviously would have put up with it if it was anyone else. Um, but I was like, it's specifically me. Yeah, but you. Yeah. Model minority over here. Come on. How could it apply to me? M.M. Simone, what kind of question would you like? Oh, let's do erotica. Do you ever think about how gross sex was in history? Yes, I do. Actually, I do. I like, I like historical dramas. And sometimes I look there and I say they didn't do. I know they didn't do. Okay. And I know you use a king or whatever, but that's, can we say peasant? Sure. You're a peasant and I know you didn't do. So yeah, I do. Like I do. Like, like, ridgerton, but for real. And it's like, no, the smell, the wool, the wet wool, so much, so much sweaty wool. Yes. And they would pee in their dresses and just walk on about their day. No, you know that? I did not know that. Yes, baby. They would pee in the dress because they didn't have no toilet. And so they would just have to let it go. And that beautiful silk thread. Are you describing your time on drag race right now? Yes, I am. Actually, I am. You got me, bitch. You got me. I didn't want to talk about that online. Let's see. I want to do an apocalyptic one. Let's do an apocalyptic. Oh, here we go. An asteroid is heading toward Earth. What is the length of time left on Earth? At which point you stop doing skincare? Oh, I'm going to the end. So it's so let's say I'm going to the end. Let's say we find out that the asteroid is going to hit in five years. I think we're still doing it. Absolutely. But if it's six months, are you really going to do red light? Oh, absolutely. I'm going out with glass skin, honey. I think leading up to like maybe two weeks or a week is when I would stop. So that's interesting because then you can actually measure the sheer percentage of time you're doing skincare as a share of your time on Earth. Doesn't take long to slap some SPI on people. OK, if I know an asteroid's coming, sunscreen is done. Sorry, no way. It doesn't matter at that point. It doesn't matter. I'm free. I'm free. Are you committing crimes? Are we committing crimes? Oh, listen, listen. That's what I'm saying. We got to do it. I would do it like a victimless crime, like Rob a Walmart. But like not like one with the. We've already done that. You know, that's why we hope they're going out to if there's an asteroid coming, everything's going to be behind the little glass things. Yeah, that's true. You know, you're pushing the button. Let's do it. We'll do one. Let's do let's do one more of each. Hmm. That's the same as the one about the history. All right. Oh. The world is ending. Your partner is giving you the green light. What celebrity are you fucking before we blink out of existence? Boris Kojo. Michael B. Jordan. Okay. Okay. Wait, who was yours? Boris Kojo. Who's Boris Kojo? Oh, he was on what was it? Station 19. He was, you know him. He was a. I know who you're talking about now. What was it? Madea's from reunion. It's yep. From reunion. He was the bus driver. You didn't see it. I'll show you. Oh no. You'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I promise you're going to look at that man. You're going to be like, yes. I'm going to change my answer. Okay. Only because Michael is like too top of mind. It's an obvious choice, but Riz Ahmed. That's who I was. Okay. Riz Ahmed. Riz Ahmed. Interesting. Okay, good. Yeah. I had to go with the straight ones because the gay ones are too attainable. You know, little too accessible. That's true. I'm going with Martin Short. I think we'd have a good conversation. Okay. Yes, I bet he has some wild stories, bitch. I just liked it. You know, I just like to have the evening. Yeah. Okay. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by blinds.com. There's a version of your home you haven't lived in yet. Where the light behaves, where the rooms feel finished, where you sleep until you decide to wake up. 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You can customize it to the window. You get free samples. They come right to your door. You can choose something that looks cool. They have all kinds of blinds and shutters. You know, don't sleep on shutters. Right now, blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code LOVEIT at checkout. Limited time offer. Rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. The world moves fast. You work day, even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Co-Pilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more at microsoft.com slash m365 Co-Pilot. And we're back! Woo! And now it's time for everyone's favorite exercise and self-correction. I mean, reflection. Second thoughts. Here's how it works. I have a list of potential second thoughts for us. Let's see. First second thought, Danny DeVito caught a stray in the intro for tonight's guest. I think that was a bit unfair, so I just need to bring him up. Oh, I jumped into the Kristi Noem question without any segue. He was probably jarring for you, and I'm sorry. Missed opportunity for sure. Yeah, there are so many obvious, fun ways we could have gotten into it, and I didn't even... I would have loved to see you thread the needle of connecting dog murder to whatever we were just talking about. Joel, any regrets? I regret wearing shorts on an elevated stage because I feel like, you know, that was a mistake. I think they look nice. Thank you. I like the shoes. I like the... There's a kind of... There's kind of like a schoolboy energy to it with the shoes and the socks and schoolgirl kind of mixed in there with the socks. What is the... Speaking of shorts, on your thigh, there's a molecule. Oh, this is poppers. Is it really? Yeah, amyl nitrate. Poppers. That's... Look at that. It's scratch and sniff. Oh, okay. And then... And that's fun. Poppers. Is it really poppers? It is really poppers. It's sort of a joke that I wanted to make forever. It's good. It's a good normalization starter. I think it's good. Because it could have been something like it's serotonin. Oh, no. I love when my PA comes in and she's this wonderful straight woman, and she's like, I love organic. Can I bet I can guess what this is? And I'm like, baby, I don't think you can. I don't think they were covering this one in med school, but maybe they were. Maybe they should. Simone, do you have any regrets? Any second thoughts? No, I had a lovely time. I had a great time. I look great. You guys were lovely to talk to. That's the fucking joke. You do look great. The lighting is great. The audience is lovely. I have no regrets. No regrets. No. And I don't regret. I need to date more, it seems. I'll do that. We gotta get out. Hey, we gotta get out. Yeah, I have to get out there. Anyone? No? All right. No. I thought I would try. That was me trying. You know what? This is you trying. And that's beautiful. Thank you. It only takes one. It only takes one. That's right. Joel was a hardened cynic. One and done, baby. One and done. And look at you, marriage. One and done. And I don't regret making everyone think about how gross sex used to be. And with that, that's our show. Thanks, everybody. Thank you to Joel from Booster and Simone. We will see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter right here. There are 205 days until the midterms. Holy shit. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pods of America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods, and more. Sign up at Crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It's written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. Halley Heifer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus is our senior staff writer. And Jocelyn Coffman, Peter Miller, Allen Pierre, and Suba Argoal are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sher Sher. Thanks to our designer, Sammy, could earn a raise for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolle's Claudia Schang, Mia Kelman, Dilan Villanueva, Jay Banks, Milo Kim, and Rachel Gieske for filming and editing video each week so that you can. Love It or Leave It is produced by Lee Eisenberg, and our head of production is Math to Grow. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. Love It or Leave It The world moves fast. You work day, even faster, pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work, built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use, helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more at microsoft.com slash n365 copilot.