Rachel Bilson: From People Pleasing to Knowing Your Worth (FBF)

Oxford Montessori School is now Oxford Millwood School. A new name, the same genuine care, academic ambition and belief in every child. Set within a beautiful rural campus, just 20 minutes from Oxford City Centre. Our small classes, personalised pathways and strong send expertise give pupils the support, challenge and confidence they need to succeed, especially those who may not have thrived in larger settings. Find out more at our Open Day on May the 21st. Search Oxford Millwood School Open Day. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Rachel Billson, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much for having me. I am a big fan of early 2000s TV shows and not to freak you out. I am the biggest OC fan, maybe not ever, but kind of ever. Are you serious? I still watch it to this day. You know those shows you go back and watch a little? Yes, of course. The OC always through and through to the core. Love it. That's so awesome. So I'm happy to have you on today. Thank you. Very fun. Thank you. I'm flattered. For my problematic listeners, you know who you are, if you've never watched the OC, you have to watch it to give them a little background. It's basically these rich kids living in Orange County, California, drugs, sex, relationships, family drama, all the things. And you're doing a rewatch podcast. Yes. Yes. Which is amazing. Oh, thanks. What is it like going back to relive the OC phenomenon? Oh my god. So it's so interesting. I was 21 when I did the show and it was my first real big job. Watching it back, honestly, the first few episodes, I had such an emotional reaction. I got depressed. I was like, oh my god, because it's like 20 years later, basically, right? And I'm like, so much life has happened. What did I do? What did I do? And when you say what did I do, like, do you mean like in terms of like the show or just like, just life? Just life. Yeah. You're just like, whoa. It's just more like you're basically playing back the last 20 years ish of your life. And you're like, it's all just going through your mind as I'm watching this because I'm like looking at this like little like pudgy face, like 21 year old with like a lot of bronze are on and like questionable clothing, which is coming back, which is also very confusing. But like, I'm watching it just going like, oh shit, you know, and my boyfriend at the time was on the show with me. And so it brings up all that about life behind the scenes. When you're that young and you're on a show and you're dating someone on the show and you're like the it girl on the show, everyone's obsessed with you. But then you're saying like, I'm looking back and like that was still me as a young woman, like, and I'm watching back. So there's like emotions for you. And then everyone still wants to talk about it all the time to you, which how does that feel? Well, you know what, I will say, I wasn't like, Misha Barton was obviously like the it girl, and she was 16 years old. And I can't even imagine what that would have been like to be 16 with that kind of attention in every magazine cover. Like I still had a lot of anonymity and like my own life and my boyfriend and we were very domesticated and kind of like grandparents at the time. Like we were like old people, like newspaper in the morning, same breakfast every morning. Like it was really, we see you guys were like the couple on the show. I guess you're right. But Josh Schwartz, the creator would always take, you know, things from your own life and incorporate it into the into the show, like Golden Girls, huge Golden Girls fan, he put it in the show, we sing the theme song. So there was so much you had to be careful around Schwartz, like what you said or did because he's like, that's a next week's episode. Absolutely. What is like the most common question you're asked about your time working on the OC? I mean, a lot of it was just like, what was it like, you know, getting that much attention that quickly and working together and how was everyone on set. I know there's been like mixed things out there. Yeah, we had a great time. We had a lot of fun in general together, personalities hanging out. But yeah, a lot of the things were like, how did it feel to have that much success that quickly? It is kind of a unfathomable feeling at that age. Like I know what I was doing at 21. It was not that I was drinking in college, being a full degenerate, having sex and making bad decisions with my life. Oh yeah. Oh, I did that just earlier. Okay. But still on a kind of a pedestal of people watching you. And so I'm interested to know like when the OC became popular, how did it affect you, your family, your friends? Well, you know, like I said, because I was in a relationship, I was definitely on a different track and going through it together. So having that support really made the difference. Okay. So to anyone that hasn't watched or the OC stands that are just like, just say the name, Summer Roberts, your character was hot, popular, rich, the Ick girl. And then she starts basically getting into a relationship with Seth Cohen, who was played by Adam Brody. And so you have an onscreen relationship. And then you start an offscreen relationship. Yes. When was the moment you knew you had feelings for him? Oh my God, it's so funny. I feel like onscreen was kind of playing offscreen. Because in the beginning, there was a triangle between another character, Anna Stern played by Samira Armstrong, and then and myself and Seth. And I felt like it kind of played into real life a little bit. Like Samira and I were both like, wait a minute, I'm like, I like Adam. No, I like Adam. And like, it kind of was happening offscreen. And you know that that competitive side of you, like with a guy and you're like, no, no, no, like, hold on. It was like, I don't know if that heightened it. I obviously thought Brody was super cool. I knew him before the show. A friend of ours had dated him, actually. I know. So we knew him a little bit and he was hilarious. Right. And I'm a sucker for a sense of humor. Like, absolutely. I mean, that is my weakness. So was there like a moment on set that immediately you were like, I'm going to go for this. I remember standing in the hallway. Okay, I don't remember anything. And the fact that I remember this is kind of insane. I was standing in the hallway and I was dating someone else at the time and Brody like talked to me about the relationship and gave me advice on why I shouldn't be in it. And it was like this moment of like, Oh, I want to be with you. You know, and it was like this, this pivotal moment. And there was like a Halloween party. I think it was a Halloween party. And he kissed me for the first time. And that was it. Like it was like, okay. And that was Off's camera. That was like that kiss you're saying Off's camera. I'm like, wait, was it set in summer? But the first time he kissed me on screen, I think that was like the first time like, Oh, is there something here? Right. That can be confusing. You know, if you're doing a show or a movie and that happens, sometimes you get confused. Like, Oh, do I really like feel this way? Am I feeling something? Or is it just, is it true? I've heard from actors like you can tell a little bit if someone's more into you because there's like an appropriate way to kiss a co-star. There's no tongue in television. Okay. If someone tongues you, you're going to be like, Oh, either like, Oh, no. Or like, Oh, wait a minute. No, I'm just kidding. Never tongue on camera. No, no, no, no. Okay, wait. So that's really fun. And then do you have any advice for someone who is newly dating someone in their work environment? Oh my God. Oh, advice. You know, it sounds like I should probably be a pro with my track record. I think that just be friends first because I think that'll help. Yeah. Because usually it ends sometimes. I, you know what? I love you being realistic about it. Yeah, we love the realistic side. Oh yeah. I'm very real. Like, yeah, false. Yeah. So when you're on set, was there ever an instance where dating someone you're working with? Like, was there ever something that was hard about that aspect? When we broke up, like that's the harder, I don't, you know, and then we both dated other people on the show while we were together in real life. So sometimes you can be a little jealous. I mean, we was kissing people on the show for your characters or the characters. Oh, I was like, wait, who did you date? Like, he was like kissing Olivia Wilde and like, of course I'm going to be like, well, fuck, you know, but I also get it. Like, can I kiss her? Like, how would you guys broke up? No, we were together. We were together. Okay. While that was happening. That would be a hard one. That's a hard one, right? Olivia Wilde walks in her characters. And so cool. And she's the coolest person in real life too. So you're like, well, I love her. And you're like, wait a minute, your boyfriend's kissing her and then it can be confusing. Yeah, it's just that kind of stuff, but that's normal. So how long did you guys date for? I think like three years? And was that three seasons? Yeah, we dated pretty much the whole show. It was such a huge show that blew up. And everyone was obsessed with you guys, like the four people that were like the main kids on the show. And to have you being able to have a relationship with someone to be your rock and your go to person while like your life is kind of changing before your eyes. That's a I'm sure like a bond you guys will always have in like a yeah. Yeah. And even reconnecting with him. I spoke to him. He came on the OC podcast. Yeah, it was great. I love seeing him anytime I see him. Nothing but fond, like loving feelings and great memories. So fun. Okay, your character, you were so lovable. I'm wondering how was your personal like real life Rachel Billson high school experience? Oh, God. Oh, man. School for me. I wasn't so much like an academic, I would say. I just it just didn't interest me. It's not like I couldn't do it. If I sat down and really studied and focused, I could do it. But my interests were like all over the place. And growing up in LA, I think I grew up a little young like at 15, my friends and I and Olivia was here with me like we'd be getting into the clubs like do you know, that's just what life sounds like summer Roberts. I mean a little bit a little bit. I still remember exactly what I was wearing where I was the time of day who I was with for the season three finale. Oh, like, I've got the chills. I've never and I still have not recovered from it. I have any I mean, you know who hasn't Marissa anyone that hasn't watched the show pause and go watch it please spoiler the main character dies tragically like the most tragic like fuck you. Vulture okay. But he was so hot. Oh my God. He was so hot. Sorry. You've dated him. Oh my God. Absolutely as you have someone in the audience and God bless you because I had his like poster this guy on Cam Gajanda. Is that how you say? I don't know. Gajanda. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was obsessed with him. Anyways, Marissa dies. Yep. Misha Barton's character. Yep. What was your reaction when you learned that Misha's character was getting pulled off the show? It was very traumatic. Everyone felt it. It was it was so somber on set and you really because you're a family and it is like a family member is leaving or dying and it was brutal. I mean still I can picture it in my mind and it's it's just it was traumatizing. Literally. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't remember like behind the scenes really like the last time she was on set or anything like that but it was definitely a dark time. Did you talk to Misha about her decision to leave the show? I don't think I ever had a personal conversation like why are you leaving? I think it was a joint decision. I don't think it was like her decision like I'm gonna leave or Josh and Stephanie's decision to be like we're getting you know you're being killed off because whatever. You know I don't know what really happened behind the scenes as far as like who made the actual decision. I think that Josh felt like a lot of her storylines had run through. I mean what else could you put the girl through? She literally like overdoses, shoot someone. You know I mean every possible storyline was done with that character. You're right and it didn't seem fitting for her to like go I think it was like she was gonna go work on her dad's boat or something. I mean that's not Marissa's not going to work on a boat. No. Absolutely not. Like she's going to Fashion Week. Right. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious or unsure that's okay. Those feelings are more common than we honestly think. Whatever you're going through you don't have to go through it alone. Daddy Gang having someone with you to listen and understand can make all the difference. Whatever is keeping you up at night. Therapy with BetterHelp can provide you with tools to help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. 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Brothers Cider is all about real fruit and real flavor and that IRL energy you just can't fake. It's a little unexpected but it always makes for a refreshing addition to any get together whether you're throwing a last minute hang, a house party or just something that somehow ends up being way bigger than you ever planned. It's intentionally different in the best way possible. Seriously Brothers Cider has joy in its DNA. It was born at Glastonbury Festival so it's rooted in music, spontaneity and just honestly having a good time with whoever's down. Next time plans come together out of nowhere, look out for brothers and bring a little more real life joy into it. Grab brothers for your next get together. It's a brothers thing. How did the cast dynamic change for season four? Towards the end I started to work on something else at the same time simultaneously so I was so distracted that I wasn't really in it all the time presently so I wasn't feeling all the things. And you had broken up with Adam at the time. Towards the end. Okay so I guess it kind of felt probably like time to move on like by season four. Yeah especially like working on another project and it was a film feeling like okay like let's this is ending like what's happening what's next. Okay we're moving on. Okay. We are both the daughters of therapists but in your case you were raised by a sex therapist. Yes so my mom's always like I'm not a sex therapist I'm more like a sex counselor and whatever. The woman will talk about sex to your bloom and the fate like as a daughter like I know your mom's a therapist so yeah but just like really coming with it no problem I'm like I remember going on the Wendy Williams show and I think I used cunnilingus and they like blurted it like they had to bleep it out. I'm like is that a bad word like what did I say you know because my mom's always like cunnilingus and you know like all the proper terms and right and you're like that's what I grew up around. I'm like isn't that what it's called oh sorry eating eating me out like what you know I'm like was that would that have been better Wendy? I totally get it. I that's I think fascinating where when you grow up usually you're hiding everything from your parents you're like I don't even want them to know and to be raised by a sex counselor or a therapist. How do you think having your mom have that profession impact the way you handled relationships growing up? You know it was always like a very open household like nudity like all of it you know so feeling like really comfortable in your skin which was great and talking about it all like the night I lost my virginity I was very young and my mom the next day sitting me down being like let's talk about sex I'm like how did you fucking know like how do you know these things you know it was just like that all the time. Rachel you're glowing sweetie. Honey there was like a weird crunchy towel in the bathroom. No that's not real not real condoms only I was like very young. Okay so you so did you then tell your mom in that conversation you lost your virginity? Yeah I was like yeah mom I did it she's like how was it I'm like it was very quick and like whatever. Who is like I had the bad sex in my life? My first time? No you don't enjoy it. No! You know your vagina is supposed to be like. No you don't enjoy it like I didn't really enjoy sex until I was like much older you know. And I respect you for saying that because I think a lot of women I've said a lot on my podcast it's really it's almost like you feel shame if you don't experience an orgasm or you're not enjoying it right away and so there's like this weird thing. And then women don't want to say they're not because like I had a lot of teammates I was on a soccer team in college and everyone would just be talking about like oh my god like I had the best sex last night and meanwhile I'm like out of these 12 girls talking there's no fucking way every single one of them just had an orgasm last night. No there's no way. There's no way. Like so it's like you lie about it almost because you're embarrassed and you want to like fit in. For sure. And you're like what's wrong with me but I love that you're normalizing like hey I didn't enjoy sex till later. No I've always been brutally honest I've never faked an orgasm like I'm not that person to lie to put on airs or whatever it is. Like it's like no I never faking it. No I can't do it. It took a very long time for me to be able to and I think it's important. Why would you lie? What is the best sex advice that your mother has given you? A.K. give it to us. A G-shirt with a S Rachel. Oh god I'm trying to think. I mean she's always very into like relaxing like to the point where your first gyno you know your gyno appointment like envision your vagina opening up like a flower and take breaths and like I'm like all right I'll try it like here comes the rose like you know what I mean but it's helpful because it makes it so relaxed and just even having those visuals which is like super weird to some people can be really helpful you know I was like 13 the first time I went and you're young like it's hard to do that. Oh my god you're so in your head and that's the thing about orgasms too like you're so in your head and if you have that pressure or whatever it's never gonna happen. Never. Ever. Ever. And it's so but it's so hard and I just want to normalize that it is hard and like you're not alone if you're listening and you haven't had an orgasm. Absolutely. You are not alone. No you're not alone. I feel like in the past I know I have definitely faked an orgasm. I know. I feel like most women have that I've spoken to. I think that there's two parts. Number one and maybe if I was in college and I was like I'm never having an orgasm I'm gonna f**k and fake it so it can be over which I know is so bad and I don't do that anymore but there's another way to get them to finish like you say the right things or let's see. Absolutely. Here we go. Oh my god. Harder. Here we go. And then I think the other part is like there's also sometimes where I know like I'm having such incredible sex but I just know that I'm not going to get there and so I'm gonna fake it because I genuinely like you know what I had great sex but I'm just gonna fake it at the end because like I he probably is gonna keep going because he thinks I haven't finished yet and I know he can finish so just go ahead and right. Just like what do you do though to like if a guy's like have you finished like the pressure like how do you tell guys basically like no I didn't finish. You know what I am so honest. I can have great sex. It's hard for me to orgasm but after all it's like oh my god like you know that was great or whatever you want to say like it felt so good and it's hard for me to orgasm has nothing to do with you like obviously I think we can get there or sometimes if you can't you don't say those things but but if it feels good you want to give them props. Obviously the phenomenon of like porn and guys being obsessed with trying to like get a girl to score and like get a girl to like come. Yeah. They try so hard and they're almost have you ever had a guy be so focused on trying to give you an orgasm like how do you go about that basically being like like tapping his head being like calm down right like what do you do yeah I just pulled them up you pull them up oh yeah like it's just not yeah you know and I think a lot of guys if they know what they're doing they can tell if it's not going to go that way you know and I think that comes a lot with experience in age like with a younger dude they might not really know you know but a guy who's been doing it for a while he gets to know what's up. I agree I think sometimes ladies if you're listening and you're struggling with that like that's such good advice of like sometimes you literally don't need to say anything like I've done that so many times where I'm like okay like come fuck me like right just pull them up and like yeah for sure let's go and then they'll be like oh okay it's yeah it'll just move on yes okay have you ever been in a relationship where your partner had different sex drives than you and how did you guys handle that for sure you know that's an example of getting in your head because I have been in one where like or maybe I haven't been as interested after a while in having sex with the person and in my head I'm like okay I had sex today if I wait two or three days okay maybe I can do it again on Thursday and then he'll be okay you know but then you're in your head and then you're like oh fuck and and I had that for a while like even after a relationship being stuck in that and overthinking like we had sex today okay when do I have to have it again to you know that is the most relatable thing just to pause you right there I can imagine how many women are like me too Rachel what the fuck do you do to like combat that right it's yeah it's it's it's so tough right because battling your head and your body because there's totally different things and even if I want to have sex my head could be like no I don't really want to and then you're stuck in that pattern of like okay I'm gonna calculate this do you feel like when that happened to you with that partner because I hear what you're saying like that that specific it felt like you're kind of like I'm not sure if I'm in this anymore and like I don't know what I'm doing right did it go on for a while did you end it did you find any like remedy for it yeah it's probably like the last year and a half of doing a pattern until it finally broke off yeah you know and just sticking to that and being like because I'm a very I'm a people pleaser that carries over into relationships but I feel like I feel like in those moments I feel like that's a good red flag for yourself to know like hey Henry no I'm letting he needs his face there you go oh my god thank you I think in those moments what I would say to women is number one it may be a good red flag for you to be like hey maybe I'm not as into this person as I thought yeah like listen to what's going on also I would say I've sometimes had moments where I'm just like out of it with my sex drive and it's not my partner and so sometimes like maybe finding time for yourself to master right maybe which is way easier like if you need orgasm it's so much easier and quicker yourself because you know your body so well and then I feel like sometimes for me and I don't know if you feel the same but like sometimes then when I do that like maybe I'll be a little bit more horny that day and then like I'm like oh I kind of would want to have sex tonight like right so just making sure just checking in with yourself is really what it is about and it's really not about your partner yeah it can be either there is a difference totally for sure and I've been in both how do you approach bringing a toy into the bedroom for the first time with a partner okay so I have very little experience with this I didn't even have a vibrator until a few years ago like I was gifted one from a guy I was dating I was like fuck yeah like that's awesome like okay he's totally open and that I feel like that shows a guy with awareness right and I had I've only used one with that person and I haven't really brought it back since but I would like to did you like using it with your partner I did accept there was like one thing we were doing it like really hurt like it was not the right no it's like maybe this isn't the right way to be doing this but I think it can be totally fun and it should be more accepted and I know there are guys out there that would feel like their ego hurt like oh why do you need this like I can give you this it's like no your tongue can't buzz like no like it doesn't actually vibrate but like just having guys that are aware and like oh this is gonna help her and then they actually are about you being pleasured as well I think is awesome have you used it alone eventually without your partner oh yeah for sure and I think they're great and I feel like I actually it's funny I was gifted one as well back in college like your first one yes I was literally using a toothbrush at the time that was in the electric toothbrush the back of the head hey you know and my friend Lauren was like I went through a breakup and she was like Alex come with me I'm like where are we going and she brought me to a sex shop and she was like we need to get you a vibrator because stop using your toothbrush I'm like I don't brush my teeth with it please let me clarify right but I think it was a it was a cute moment because then afterwards like I definitely enjoyed time alone with myself and I enjoyed time with my partner more but I agree like you have to find the right one for sex right and I think you're right it takes a certain partner someone that's confident in themselves and wants to make sure that they're pleasing you if maybe even if your partner was like oh Rachel has mentioned like sometimes it's hard for her to orgasm like let me think outside the box because I want her to enjoy sex as much as I'm enjoying it like let's get her a vibrator I think that's someone that's really confident in themselves and the relationship and wants you to enjoy yourself our sponsor today is brothers cider I think we all kind of agree at this point that the best memories are made in person and not on screens there's nothing better than when one text turns into a group chat which then turns into like okay everyone time to come over and suddenly it's a whole thing and you're having the time of your life no overplanning just everyone showing up as they are and that's exactly the vibe that brothers bring brothers cider is all about real fruit and real flavor and that irl energy you just can't fake it's a little unexpected but it always makes for a refreshing addition to any get together whether you're throwing the last minute hang a house party or just something that somehow ends up being way bigger than you ever planned it's intentionally different in the best way possible seriously brother cider has joy and it's dna it was born at glaston berry festival so it's rooted in music spontaneity and just honestly having a good time with whoever's down next time plans come together out of nowhere look out for brothers and bring a little more real life joy into it grab brothers for your next get together it's a brother's thing this is an ad for Shopify guys starting a business can be so intimidating and lonely and you're like I don't even know where to begin what do I do and looking for a tool that not only helps you run your business but simplifies everything 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that's Shopify dot code dot uk you recently mentioned that your breakup with actor bill hater was worse than child okay I did not actually say that I'm happy you brought that up whoa let's clarify I said okay obviously he and I were not still together so we broke up but um it was during you know a time where you could not leave your house okay you had to sit in whatever it was that you were going through so I had to deal with this I had to deal with being alone and taking care of my kid and like everything else and I'm like being isolated and not being able to connect with any humans not being able to help myself like I got into a depression like all of these things that time having to be forced to face all of your shit what I said was harder than childbirth is anything more painful fuck no maybe kidney stones which definitely is a close second but like no I didn't say that you know all breakups are hard of course you know of like especially when you are in something that you're really into and things happen you know and fucking things change and uh you know there was a pandemic like there were so many things going on um yeah so it was a hard time I cannot imagine I think I know a lot of people message me going through breakups in pandemics I mean people were going through so much in the pandemic whether it was almost like a breakup within yourself of self realizing something there was a lot yeah and so I completely understand what you're saying with regard to that think about it and the first thing you want to do like after a breakup is like get out there and you know socialize and be out with your friends and like you're you know do your thing and you literally can only sit in a house with your child that you're taking care of you can't even take care of yourself first you know right and just sit with life and everything that comes along with it totally so it was just like about being isolated and going through the pandemic with all the things in life when you broke up because it was a pandemic was it like a phone call like did you even get to see this person in person when you guys broke up it was not yeah it was not in person yeah well because you know in the beginning when you're so isolated and you're so scared because you don't know like you're like oh my god I looked at someone like am I gonna die um and you know he has his own family he has to think about I had my own family to think about and like obviously bryer's dad like you know it was like our bubble so like we're not gonna see anyone he's not gonna see anyone so it was definitely done and not like your normal like in person way what helped you ultimately heal from the pain of that heartbreak with bill you know what was so interesting having it was almost like a blessing in disguise so having to be alone with all of the shit and your thoughts and not leave the house like I had to look at everything and I'm like okay I I've been in therapy for years which I love big fan big advocate huge and like do therapy like right if that helps you like I was reading books I was doing things that I I never had time to do um and it gave me that time to just really do things for myself like yes I'm looking after my kid but there was obviously shared time so I would have time absolutely alone alone alone yeah and I got to do the things that I always wanted to do and it really helped me and it was like oh I'm focusing just on me and it's not about the guy or you know the relationship it's literally just about me as a human I was happy that I was forced to sit in like the pain or the the hurt or you know all the feelings that come along yeah with it because I got to get through it some people will hold on to that for years like because they'll distract themselves totally you don't actually face those feelings you're feeling I mean can if we can talk about that a little bit because I think a lot of people can relate to that topic of like kind of knowing something maybe isn't right but and again being in a pandemic like how did you or I don't know if it was your decision but come to that decision of like I'm this is gonna end even if it's a pandemic like how did you get to that point to end it or whoever ended it I think it was the stress of the situation in the world that led to it um no one knew how to be or react you know and I think it was just a result of that alone the stress of it all oh really yeah because do you think if the pandemic hadn't happened maybe I mean I would think it probably would have went on maybe a little longer but then in retrospect looking at it you're like obviously it would have ended because it did you know like it's not but maybe almost ended faster yeah yeah so I guess it's kind of like a good way to look at like a positive because I think a lot of times like we get deeper into it and more time goes by but ultimately it's not the one so it was like I said blessing in disguise in many ways have you through relationships now like when you think of the one and like what your wants are how have you found that through what you've gone through with your past relationships in your mind I think that's everything and I think people and as you get older you know I'm 40 years old you go through all these experiences and you're like oh I'm taking things from each thing right so there's always a positive because it's like I recognize something in this relationship that did not work for me so the next time I need this and I've gotten to a place now where I know exactly what I want what I need and for the first time I'm not afraid to say it can you give us an example of something from any relationship you've ever been in that you're like this is something I know personally for me that just like doesn't work for me in a relationship hmm and then also a need like someone controlling is never good you know and I like I said people pleasing I was definitely weaker and I could like be subjected to that and be like okay like yeah I'll just do whatever he says and that's a pattern with me in a lot of the relationships I've had so that's something like huge that I'm like no I need to make my decisions and I need to stick to what I know and be strong like the strength in me would always be a lot weaker in relationships when I was younger and now being older I know exactly like how to speak up for myself I should say our sponsor today is brothers cider I think we all can agree at this point that the best memories are made in person and not on screens there's nothing better than when one text turns into a group chat which then turns into like okay everyone time to come over and suddenly it's a whole thing and you're having the time of your life no overplanning just everyone showing up as they are and that's exactly the vibe that brothers bring brothers cider is all about real fruit and real flavor and that irl energy you just can't fake it's a little unexpected but it always makes for a refreshing addition to any get together whether you're throwing a last minute hang a house party or just something that somehow ends up being way bigger than you ever planned it's intentionally different in the best way possible seriously brother cider has joy and it's dna it was born at Glastonbury festival so it's rooted in music spontaneity and just honestly having a good time with whoever's down next time plans come together out of nowhere look out for brothers and bring a little more real life joy into it grab brothers for your next get together it's a brother's thing this is an ad for Shopify guys starting a business can be so intimidating and lonely and you're like I don't even know where to begin what do I do and looking for a tool that not only helps you run your business but simplifies everything let's try Shopify okay the commerce platform behind millions of businesses worldwide Shopify helps you use premade templates to build a beautiful online store plus Shopify's ai tools can write product descriptions page headlines and enhance product photography you can easily create email and social media campaigns too and take advantage of Shopify's expertise spanning everything from inventory management to international shipping and processing returns I have told you guys but the minute I started selling merchandise for call her daddy on my own when I left barstool I immediately started using Shopify and it literally changed my business they were the one-stop shop for everything it was like I had a complete back end without having to actually have a back end of a bunch of people working for me and it was pretty incredible so turn your big business idea into reality with Shopify on your side sign up for your one pound per month trial and start selling today at Shopify dot code dot uk that's Shopify dot code dot uk have you gotten to a point though where like you can recognize when it's happening yes and then know how to get out of it yeah I mean it's one of those things because when you're in something and you don't see it then you get out of it it's so clear yeah that now that you can recognize it because you've acknowledged that you can recognize it anytime it comes up you're like oh no he's doing this thing yep I'm not okay with it what is the need what are you like these this is something I definitely need in a partner I need someone make me cough me in the morning like fuck yes thank you honestly I create just like on top of me missionary like some dudes that like aren't down with that I need a man on top of me sometimes you know what I mean and like that's another thing sexually I'm like yes like own it I need to feel it like like Carrie says in sex I need to feel the weight of a man on top of me it's like I can so relate to that guys if anyone's listening Rachel needs coffee and missionary I mean I feel like it's doable are you currently single I am not okay okay is he bringing you coffee in the morning and is he doing missionary that's actually great okay great is there anything that you look back and you're like there's a theme throughout people you've dated a theme I do I have noticed this isn't this is a generalization right I think I've dated quite a few actors and I do think that some of them not all have very like self-involved tendencies um and I think that just kind of comes along with the territory a lot of the time right I'm not saying all of them that I've dated have them but it is a theme um and I don't like it do you think you would ever stray from the actor oh yeah for sure I always tell myself like never again and then of course you know you're in another project and another person um but no you know and I will say you know with respect for my daughter's father he is not like that I get what you're saying of like it you don't want to fall into that tendency and then you're on a movie set is it hard when you're um single and on sets to like not get involved in that kind of stuff well for sure because think about it any workplace you're in you're surrounded by the people you're around them every day and you'll meet different personalities and sometimes you'll really have chemistry with someone totally doesn't matter where you are yes it's a set but it's literally someone you're spending mostly 12 hours a day with so you're going to get to know these people better than you would get to know someone you're just casually dating in the beginning because it's literally that's why I feel like a lot of people do get into like workplace relationships I'm not encouraging everyone but like any job you're at if you work in sales real estate it doesn't it doesn't have to be entertainment and you are with that person all day every day and it starts as a friendship right it starts as your cordial you're going to get to the coffee together you're going to craft surfaces together and right then talking about your life and all of a sudden that blossoms into like oh yeah maybe you could be no though it could always end of course and if it's gonna potentially always end be friends be friends and like protect yourself and like make decisions of like before you jump in I think some people that have maybe like I think actors are lucky because it's like then you're off to your next project right it's like summer camp a lot of the time yes yes and if you're in a nine to five sweetheart that's not all day round baby so make sure you're going to be cozy if he's in the cubicle and like a couple weeks later you guys break up yeah for sure because that's difficult way difficult okay you get very personal on your pod has it been cathartic to talk about your personal life on your podcast it has like I'm still a very private person like I won't like name names or you know but I want we wanted to create a space that and you know what before we started I listened to your first call her daddy and I was like my my podcast yes the fact that you were so just transparent and like didn't give a fuck like you said ever you know what I mean it was just texted me and I said I want you to degrade me yes oh my god that's awful god bless I remember that recording that to this day you do oh my god I remember going in there and just feeling I'm just gonna say everything that happened this week right I had no idea what I was doing I'd never listened to a podcast in my life before I recorded that I think my voice was so affected so fake I was like hi guys this is Alex like I can't listen back so it paint well I get it it's like watching your first project you're like oh my god like what is that I get it but that being said just the very like transparency and just being super honest and open I fucking loved you know and so my best friend Olivia and I were like we want to create a safe space where women or even men you know we have men coming on now just being open and honest and getting into it and not afraid to speak whatever's on their mind like obviously we go there about sex but we it's life right and we're moms and it's it's a whole different thing and it's a different phase of life but it feels really good to have our own platform to do that I love that and I think that listen I have had some where I come up with fake names for people and then people still find it out so don't do that if you're a private Rachel I'll give you that tip don't come up with like oh this one's door number three and this is Slim Shady and don't do that but when you talk about the themes of what you're going through that is relatable because we all can relate in some capacity we're all human beings going through depression anxiety happiness stress sadness like hard times with your romantic with your family with your friends and so I think like it's cool to have anyone sit down in front of a microphone and be open like I think everyone can appreciate that I would hope so and I think it's accessible and people like kind of crave that authenticity yeah and I think for me it's like okay I can speak personally about my own experiences but I don't want to like bring other people in that don't have a mic in front of them and can't either defend or share their side that is the catch 22 of it all sweetie and I'm still trying to figure it out I know right you gotta like push the boundary but it's also like respecting I get it respecting people in your life absolutely I think I read you don't introduce your child to people you date I've learned yeah from you know mistakes in the past that you don't want to do it too quickly yeah but luckily you know she's only seven now and she was a lot younger before and whatnot so it probably didn't resonate as much as it would now per se um but yeah I think that's super important because I don't want it to look like some revolving door or I don't know how it's gonna affect her and she's number one for me like totally hands down before work before men before anything um and so I don't take that lightly have you had a lot of people that are respectful of that yeah I've only had positive experiences luckily but also that speaks to like me knowing what I need and want now so I'm not going to entertain anything if they don't understand the kid comes first and I think that's great and it's also like ladies be fucking confident like you did the most incredible thing in the world which is bring a human being onto this earth and like if someone is not going to be positive and accepting of however you want to handle the boundaries tell them to go by themselves and find someone better for sure and a lot of women have those insecurities I think absolutely moms or whatever age you are at that point and just thinking like oh our guy's gonna want it's like oh fuck that yeah you know totally being a public figure most of your life is there anything that you would like to share that you think maybe is like a misconception about you or people maybe think about you that you're like oh I would like to like clarify and kind of just say my piece on that god you know I feel like I've been fortunate enough to have mostly a positive response and I think you know I love that it's important to me like how I carry myself setting an example whatever but I'm super fucking crass and like have a dirty sense of humor and I'm not afraid to show it and I think it'll come through on broad ideas like the new podcast um but I feel very fortunate like I feel like I've gone through this time of my life where I've been you know working or whatever um in a decent way where I can be proud that my daughter will see how I carried myself what do you attribute that to because I think a lot of people like fuck like this shit like I got me fucked up by being in the public whether it was maybe they didn't come from the best family to give them values or whether no that's yeah like what do you think you why you just end up having such a good like straight and narrow path of there's not a lot of drama around you I think that the support system you have around you is huge all my best friends are my best friends since high school and before in junior high never strayed from that I don't make new friends often um and my family I have a very supportive family um and I grew up that way and a loving open mom clearly um and I think that is such a big part of it and people around you that know you so well they can just if you have a moment you're like no no no no no no like get the fuck back down here oh what are you doing and I have that and we trust that and it's like the friends like no you can't borrow my new dress like it's that comfortability of like I haven't worn it yet you know yeah you can be real with you you can be real totally no I really respect you saying that and I feel like it's really cool to get to sit down with you because we respect your work so much and so now it's cool to be able to like sit with Rachel Bilsen and and talk with you and get to know you I'm such a fan of yours I was like oh my god I got this it like it was just such a cool thing and I think this is great this is so beautiful what you're doing I love it and inspired me to you know just be able to go there like you gave me the confidence is like you can be who the fuck you are and say what the fuck you want and still be a successful woman in this world and it's awesome Rachel thank you so much for coming on Caller Daddy our sponsor today is Brothers Cider I think we all can agree at this point that the best memories are made in person and not on screens there's nothing better than when one text turns into a group chat which then turns into like okay everyone time to come over and suddenly it's a whole thing and you're having the time of your life no overplanning just everyone showing up as they are and that's exactly the vibe that brothers bring brothers cider is all about real fruit and real flavor and that IRL energy you just can't fake it's a little unexpected but it always makes for a refreshing addition to any get together whether you're throwing a last minute hang a house party or just something that somehow ends up being way bigger than you ever planned it's intentionally different in the best way possible seriously brother cider has joy in its DNA it was born at Glastonbury festival so it's rooted in music spontaneity and just honestly having a good time with whoever's down next time plans come together out of nowhere look out for brothers and bring a little more real life joy into it grab brothers for your next get together it's a brother's thing this is an ad for Shopify guys starting a business can be so intimidating and lonely and you're like I don't even know where to begin what do I do and looking for a tool that not only helps you run your business but simplifies everything let's try Shopify okay the commerce platform behind millions of businesses worldwide Shopify helps you use pre-made templates to build a beautiful online store plus Shopify's AI tools can write product descriptions page headlines and enhance product photography you can easily create email and social media campaigns too and take advantage of Shopify's expertise spanning everything from inventory management to international shipping and processing returns I have told you guys but the minute I started selling merchandise for call her daddy on my own when I left barstool I immediately started using Shopify and it literally changed my business they were the one-stop shop for everything it was like I had a complete back end without having to actually have a back end of a bunch of people working for me and it was pretty incredible so turn your big business idea into reality with Shopify on your side sign up for your one pound per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.co.uk that's Shopify.co.uk Maria Sauvignon Blanc a vibrant New Zealand wine that's perfect for every occasion available at Allgood Wine Retailers