Stroke at 18 Years Old

Hi guys, it's me, Davora. I am so excited to finally share this with you all. I've officially launched a new subscription channel called We're All Insane Plus, where inside you will get access to never-before-heard bonus episodes, all podcast episodes completely commercial-free, and my brand new show, We're All Healing, where I sit down with experts, therapists, authors, and healers to talk about how we actually process pain, reconnect with our true selves, and rebuild after trauma. You can subscribe to We're All Insane Plus in-app on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or you can head over to we'reallinsane.com to learn more. My name's Courtney, and I'm here to talk about my stroke that I had when I was 18 years old. My childhood growing up was I had three siblings. siblings. I had a mom. Everyone has a mom with that, but I had my parents there. And growing up, I did a ton of sports. I was very active. I played volleyball, basketball. I did gymnastics. So I loved doing all those and that it would have me doing them year round where I wasn't like never not doing something. And so I just loved, you know, sports. I loved being like, being a part of sports. And yeah, I, and I never knew something was wrong with me until like, you know, the stroke happened. So prior to that clean bill of health, yes nothing yeah okay like i was i was perfectly healthy i was i every time that they went to the doctor they're like oh yeah you're good right i'm like you're fine and i third and i would be like oh okay well i'm fine and they say i'm fine and i'll just believe them yeah you're not gonna question it yeah especially when you're young yes i'm like i'm i'm especially like i'm not gonna like question my like my doctors because obviously I'm like they're the professional in this and I'm not so I I'm like oh well I'm fine so and yeah growing up I just had a normal childhood I I had a it was not anything out of an ordinary um I my parents did get divorced which you know should have happened you know like it just did not like work out they were just I love them both but they do not mix well together it happens yeah so like I'm like it's fine and it's it's uh it's better now but when I in 2019 I graduated from high school I was just like, you know, starting my life, like going to college and, you know, figuring what I wanted to do in this life. And I, at the time I didn't know really what I wanted to do. I didn't know like what I wanted to do, like pass, like for a job or anything. And so I just was, I was just thinking maybe I'll just take a gap year of like, you know, just figuring my stuff out before I actually go to college and or maybe I was like maybe I can do my generals get that over with and then like figure out what I want to actually do yeah and um so that was like my thought process process of it because I was really like I don't know I don't, I really have no idea what I want to do. And so I graduated in May, at least end of May of 2019. And earlier that year, my great aunt passed away, my grandma's sister. And I was very, very close to her. I like I it was just not it was somebody that was very close to me some people aren't very close with like you know great aunts or great like like someone that's not yeah immediate yeah like you're not even like your cousins it's like it's it's just but our family we were I was very closer We would always go to like power together and we'd always go over there to their house for Christmas Eve, you know, because they always did like a Christmas Eve party and they would always host it. And we would like all of our family, like even extended, like would go and be there. And they just loved Christmas. And so did I. And so did we. And we would always just go and spend it with them. And, yeah, and, yeah, she died that, she passed that same year. And we, in August, they were planning on going down to Lake Powell and, you know, spreading some of her ashes around Lake Powell, like, because that was her favorite place to be. and so in August they were planning on doing that and I I was like I want to go I want I want to be there for all my family because I know that all of like the rest of my family like my uh my cousins aunts uncles and all of them are all all going my my mom and my wasn't going because my sister was actually getting married two weeks after that trip or even like even after that trip when it was done it would be like a week until her wedding so they're just planning on staying back and my brothers had um sports that was going on during that time so they didn't like end up going either so I was just the only one that was able to go with like for my family like I I was just the one to be able to you know go for us and I was I was glad and I I was able to go because I love like Powell and I love like all the things that you get to do there like boat like a water ski water a wakeboard uh wake surf and tubing i just loved all of it i loved doing all the things that you get to do down like pow and like when you get to spend time with like family too that like is a really special thing for me to you know be there with family because my grandma my grandma was coming and my grandma and grandpa were coming just like for like a couple days for like the spreading of uh her ashes and because obviously that was her sister and so she came came down she she was well she's she's still old but she was very old at the time so being outside all the time wasn't was no air conditioning wasn't like you know yeah a lot for her and then um but she really wanted to be there for her sister and um i to this day i still very much admire my grandma for that and the day where you know the whole stroke happened i remember waking up and i felt pretty pretty like awful and it feel good um i just started my monthly cycle on monthly cycle so i was like maybe it's that i i'm like i may maybe i'm just being dramatic and i i just don't know like it's what were the symptoms that you were feeling i just felt like sick to my stomach um i felt like not right if that makes sense like i knew something wasn't right but i was like maybe it's yeah like me starting my monthly cycle my my and because i don't have like I always get very sick when that happens so I try to play it off as like oh it's just it's just that yeah and so my grandma and grandpa were um going home that day planning on going home and I was just thinking my like I don't feel good and I I miss home and I miss like my family I'll go down to the dock where we're dropping off my grandparents off to their car so I can be able to call my mom and see like if I should go home or not because we parked our houseboat. We don't have any service there and so when we have to get service, we have to go to the dock to you know get service and you know talk to everybody and so I when my aunt was taking my my grandparents down to the to the dock and letting them you know like helping them get to where they need to go and so I just asked oh like can I join like is it possible for me to join and they're like yeah sure like you're you know you're free to like come with us and so I was like oh okay and so my aunt um my uncle my um my grandparents and then uh my my cousin Jordan and then my cousin Scott were old like much older than me I was at 18 at the time they were like almost 24 maybe 25 and then the other one was like 28 29 something like that i i i they are very like much much older than me um so all all of us collectively like got together and um went to go dropped him off and i just remember like feeling like oh i don't know i don't know like what i want to do i don't if i should go home or should like if i should stay like me i'll probably get my answer from you know calling my mom and seeing what she wants me to do were you supposed to stay i had like two more days and then i was i we would be going home anyway but i was like i am like not feeling good yeah not feeling good but also i'm like very homesick i'm a person who like i i get very homesick when like my my family isn't there and i'm just like um i'm the same way yeah no like i'm like i love to be home yeah like i love to be home i love like like i would love to when my family gets like you know to be there and And I, even though they were my extended family who I got to hang out with, and I love, you know, spending time with them, I still was like, I just miss my family. And so I, we get to the dock and dropping my grandparents off. And I remember calling my mom and be like, hey, and she was at like Costco. And I was like, hey, can you talk? she's like yeah I'm just with Haley Haley's my sister getting stuff for the wedding it was like at this time I was coming up in like a week and a half or something about like two weeks and they're like hey we're like how are you feeling how are you doing and I was like oh like I'm feeling kind of sick I'm feeling kind of homesick as well and I'm like I don't know like what I should do. I should like go home or like not go home. And because I only have two more days left and she's like, my mom was like, yeah, you should stay. You should, you know, spend time with like your, the rest of your family, like rest of the family. Cause we don't get together that often at that time. Hi guys. Just a reminder that my merch is live and you can use code insane 10 for 10 off your order all you have to do is go to we're all insane.com so she was like yeah i'd like to be there for our family and you only have two more days left and you can just come home but if you if the sickness continues then obviously you can come home like i don't want to like push you but i think i think you only have two more days left and you might feel better by you know that like the closest end of the day like you know you never know and so I just thought like yeah like I only have two more days and I love being at Lake Powell and I like get to do all the things and so I just thought you know like I can just tough it out and at this time we was like 10 a.m. in the morning, like, like something like that, like 10, 11 a.m. And, um, I was like, yeah, like, I'll just stay. And so we drop off my, um, grandparents. And at that time we, uh, it was just my, me, my aunt, my uncle, my, my aunt, my mom's sister, my uncle, and my two cousins, Jordan and Scott. And we were just thinking, oh, like, what should we do? Should we, like, you know, two? Should we, like, wake surf? Like, what should we do? And we heard that the other boat that had some of my other family on it that were using that boat to wake surf. And so we're like, oh, like, we should be the tubing boat. So if, like, anyone wants to tube, they can, like, leave off of that boat to come over here. If you want to wake surf, you can go on to that, like, other boat, and we can just switch off whichever, like, one you want to do. And so we were just thinking, oh, yeah, we can do that. And, like, we're down for tubing. And I remember thinking, like, I'll be tubing with, like, people who are much older than me. I like they're boys and they they like to go fast and I was I was like I like to go fast too and so I was like I'd tell him my aunt and uncle I was like you don't have to like you know slow down just for me I like to you know I can keep up yeah I can keep up with them like I you don't you don't have to worry about me and I'll be fine and they're just like okay like we won't do that like we will just you know go and then if it's not too much for you you can just say like you know don't do that you can like you know slow it down and so i was like okay and so we start you know getting the tube out and then you setting it up and um we start you know starting to tube and then uh i remember we were going and we had this um like right like a wipe like a pretty big wipe out and where we're like all like laughing you know like wow that was like so crazy like well like i was just so insane like that's just what we were thinking like oh that was so fun even though we wiped out but you know it was still fun to me and so uh we had two tubes we like one had my cousin jordan on it and then one of them had me and my cousin scott on it and then we would just jump from tube to tube like going uh you know like doing your thing yeah doing our thing like we just you know playing around and um yeah but like that's what we were doing and I remember like our second time after our big wipeout we start going we weren't going very fast at all we're just like starting to go and you know getting you know started and so I remember like the beginning I just remember like I feeling very very weird like not not right at all I just remember like like looking around and being like this doesn't feel right this doesn't feel real like I don't know what's happening I I don't know what's going on but I didn't want to like worry my family so i try to like not tell them because i was like oh like maybe it'll pass like maybe it'll just yeah yeah maybe it'll just figure itself out and so i just like you know we're just like feeling yeah not not right i felt like all the energy was being drained from my body like super fast and i just remember like it got so hard to like stay awake and i i was i just was i i don't even remember if my cousin like was asking me if i was like okay i i was just so i don't know even know at that point like what was happening and i know that we were going very fast and then um I just remember my right arm stopped working and so it let go of the tube and so like and then I like crashed into my my cousin Scott and then I like flew off of the tube which was like very unlike me because we weren't going like fast at all we weren't doing like had no bumps we weren't doing anything but like I just fell off and you literally had the stroke while tubing yeah yeah like I I and then I I got I wiped out I like landed into the water thankfully I had a life jacket on so I was able to to stay afloat because if I if I didn't have the life jacket on I don't know if I would have been able to I probably would have sank because I had no idea what was like I had no idea and like I probably would have like you know at that point I I was just like so close to like passing out I don't even know what would what would happen yeah and yeah thankfully I had the life jacket and um they came around my aunt and uncle and they like came and picked like were trying to like come pick me up like are you okay like you you wiped out and we were going very fast like are you okay and I had I tried to say yes like I'm okay and like speak to them and like didn't so know that like I'm okay but I couldn't I couldn't say anything I tried to get words out but I physically could not. Yeah. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. Right. Like, I felt like. Did you feel like your whole body was paralyzed, basically, or was it just the right side? Yeah. I felt like everything was, like, at that point was, like, shutting down. Yeah. And so I was, I tried to, you know, say it, but, like, I couldn't. Yeah. And so I just shook my head and, like, to say, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. And so I just shook my head yes. And they're just like, no, we're going to need a verbal answer for, like, we need to know that you're okay. And I, but I couldn't, I couldn't get any words out. So I just, I just said, I shook my head. And I, I, I couldn't say yes. I, I couldn't say like, no, I couldn't say anything. and and that's when my aunt was like yeah like maybe we'll you know get back on the tube and then we'll pull you and then we can like yeah assess you and like let you take a breather and like that's just like what we're we're planning on doing we were like let's just let's just take a break and so uh I tried to get back on the tube from the water but I couldn't because like everything was like shutting down so my my cut my cousin Scott had to lift me back on the tube and when I back got back on the tube like I just remember like at that time I was like yeah like I need to lay down I need to lay down so I was like laying on the tube and and they were like pulling us in and I just I just remember like after that nothing like i i passed out like one they were pulling us in because i didn't it was just a point i was like no like everything was like gone like i felt like everything scared i yeah i feel like i felt scared because i didn't know what was happening and didn't know I've never felt this ever. And so I was like, am I dying or am I not? Or am I just like having like a weird episode? Like what's happening? And I, I, that's when I like passed out. And I just remember waking to my uncle driving super fast on the water and waking to my other uncle that was on the other boat. They went and picked him up when I was, you know, out and I was passed out and they went to go pick him up because they didn't know what was happening with me. and so they wanted you know help from him as well yeah and he he is my mom's brother um so they they just wanted some extra hands and you know like because they when I was passed out they were trying to like you know revive me and they saw you know the droop started to happen you know on that one side of my body and my aunt knew what was happening but she didn't know for sure because she's not a doctor or anything but she was like oh no this is like serious she's like out and we because at the first like the beginning they're like oh maybe she just has a concussion like maybe it's that but then they saw the droop started to happen and they're like no and my aunt was thinking there so I was like oh this is like serious so they're they're like we gotta get to the doc and get her some help we had to call an ambulance we gotta you know we have to do this we have to call our mom and like I have to call my sister and we have to do all this and so I was like at that point they were just getting water from the lake and uh dumping it on me to try to like you know awake me and because I was still out and then um by doing that it I did oh like like that did wake me because I just remember them dumping water and I was just like I'm like no I just remember them they're like oh hey you need to stay awake like like are you okay like we we need to just like to stay awake we we can't have you going back like you can't having you pass out again on us and it was so hard for me to stay awake it would i just i again i felt like all the energy was being drained out like still and i was like i i can't like it there's no way that I'm going to be able to stay awake and I just remember my my cousin Scott he was like holding me and while we're on the boat and then they just can't continue to dump water on on me and so I felt like that also had like it that helped me stay awake because having cold water dumped on I don't know. No prevents. Yeah. Prevent it. It definitely prevents it for me. And I remember at that time, if you know anything about Lake Powell, it was like 12, 1 p.m. And at that time, like the waters are just so crazy because everyone's out doing stuff. There's like out like, you know, tubing, like, you know, like getting their houseboat, like taking it in, taking it out. They don't like they're all like people were like always up and doing something. So the waters are always so crazy during that time. But I remember it being just so like smooth and glass like and like it was it was just so crazy. how because if it's you know choppy and like crazy as it would have been during that time would have been much harder for my uncle to drive fast so like they can get me to you know help yeah get me help and but it was just yeah like it was like last it was it was it was so clear and smooth and it they were able to drive like much faster than they thought they would and i for one thought that was a miracle and and in its own right and and then my aunt she was trying to find service but you know if you know anything about like pow you only places that you can get service or dogs okay and that from where we were that was not the case at all we were not close to a doc at all and um my my i just remember my aunt trying to find service and then and she was just like oh yeah i got i'm i know i'm not going to get service but i'm going to check to see if like god is out there and you know and like maybe they'll give us service i don't know like yeah yeah and then well for whatever reasons she was she was able to get service like two or three bars were usually like every like 99.9 percent of the time there's no service at all and she got service and that was when they were driving you on the boat yeah and to to get me to the dock and get service and she was able to get service before then and so she was like oh my gosh and so she was able to call uh an ambulance for me So um she she was able to call that And um and then she was able to call my mom who was four hours away, four or five hours away. And then from what my mom was telling I mean, she just remembers my aunt being, you know, like hysterical, being like, like not hysterical, but like acting scared and being like, you need to get down here now. And I don't know what's happening with Courtney. She may have had a concussion, but she knew what was happening with me, and she knew it was a concussion, but she didn't know. like she she just like was just i feel like too it's like a big thing to be like oh she's having a stroke without actually knowing it's like you can you know yeah think it but not be sure yes and like she's again she's not a doctor her family like her not yeah and it's hard because you were doing an activity so it's like naturally you think oh maybe something happened yeah and like i like i crashed into my yeah my uh my cousin and then i flew off and they're just like maybe they hit heads or right you know yeah something something like that and so i just uh my mom was just telling me that she called me like called her and she said you need to get down here now and she's just like where where and they're like well i like that we're getting her an ambulance right now i don't know where they're going to take her but i yeah i just need you to just start heading here now and so my mom hopped in her car you know as fast as she could you know getting stuff from home and then i hopped in her car and was trying to drive down to lake powell because she really didn't know what was happening if i was going to stay there if i was going to you know either the the closest hospitals were in either Nevada or Arizona. As the day wraps up, get the scoop on what's been happening with Here's the Scoop, a new podcast from NBC News with your host, Gasmine Vasugian. We'll take a deep dive into the day's top stories with NBC News' trusted journalists. It's a fresh take that's sharp, thoughtful, and it's informative, bringing you closer to the headlines and conversations that are shaping our world from the front page to the zeitgeist. Here's the scoop from NBC News. Listen daily on Spotify. Or St. George. Yeah, Arizona or St. George. So she was like, I'm just going to head to Lake Powell until I hear something different. And we got to the dock, I remember, and there was nobody there. Nobody there. and they're just like uh not even the ambulance wasn't the ambulance ambulance wasn't there yet and um they're just like we need to find somebody we need to find somebody and um the only they found somebody and there was the only two people on the dock and they're like we need like like your help like my something's happened to our niece and we we need your help and they came and you know starting assessing me and they're like uh like do you do you know like any medical stuff and they're like oh like they were a father and a daughter and they're they both were uh the father was a a doctor and then and the the daughter was a nurse that's crazy yeah and so they were able to like you know come and set me and you know like do all these things you know to like try to figure out like what was happening and then they're like yeah you need to get an like and like a lifelight out here like now ambulance here you need to get a lifelight out here she needs to she's having a stroke and that my they knew yeah and but and uh my my i am remember was just like i knew it like i i knew it and like i i wasn't going crazy i wasn't going crazy but like they she needs to get to a hospital for them to confirm what what's happening but she looks like she's having a look she looks like she's having a stroke and so um she's like oh my gosh oh like we need to get like an ambulance out here and then like a couple minutes go by and the The ambulance arrived and they got me into the ambulance. And I just remember feeling like the energy wasn't being drained out of my body, but I still wasn't able to talk. Yeah. And so I was like, I just remember getting into the ambulance. I couldn't walk or anything. So they had to like, you know, put me on a stretcher and, you know, like put me in and then actually like start assessing me. I get into the ambulance, I start doing all these things like, oh, what's your name? Like, where are you from? Like, do you know any of that? And then I get an answer. I get an answer, like, what's my name? I only could shake my head yes or no. But at this time, like, I knew that all the energy wasn't being drawn out of my body. So I'm like, oh, I'm fine. I'm like, I'm fine now. Like, I'm fine. I don't need like all this I feel like this this all is like crazy but I mean to stroke me wasn't being like oh like wasn't all in the head like right in the head because like I was like thinking I I couldn't talk and I'm like I know that like shouldn't have been nor like on normal things for me so i'm like maybe you you probably did yeah you need people there you like you need all that because you can't talk yeah and this whole thing just happened to you and you still can't talk and you don't know like really what's going on and i couldn't really like move my right side like my right arm like my right leg I can I can move it a little bit but like not as much as you would think and um so I I don't know just at the time I was like oh I'm fine and I don't need all this like it's I'm fine and then they after they were done assessing me they're like yeah we're gonna get life light out here she needs to get to hospital and yeah and then they're like do you know where like you're sending her and they're like they're probably going to send her to st st george regional it's a hospital down in st george utah and they're just thinking my my family's from utah we're from utah so like they're gonna be the closest hospital is st george utah so they're probably gonna be sending her there and they're like okay so my i my aunt called my mom and they're like they're going to be sending her to St. George Regional. They're lifelighting her to the hospital and so that's where you need to go and my mom was like oh my gosh like it's that's so far away like I'm going to be driving for four hours like she's going to get there and have nobody at the hospital because my uncle was who was with me at Lake Powell what I tried to ask the lifelight if uh if the if he could come with me because i remember at the time he would it was he promised me like while everything was happening not to not like leave my side and not you know he would you know do everything in his power to not leave me and they they just were like no it's like already too full with everybody on board like all like the paramedics on on flight and it's just it's not gonna go it's not gonna work and how long was the flight to the hospital it was like an hour i feel like okay so it was far yeah and like i don't like maybe 45 minutes i i it was a very fuzzy to me like like i don't know but i just remember it not being like a super quick flight I really don't remember how long it was, but I'm thinking maybe 30 minutes to like 45, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, something around there. So my mom had the bright idea to call my aunt, my poor sister, who lives in Vegas. And Vegas from St. George is like an hour and a half. and uh st george where i live syracuse is like four hours and so she had the right idea to uh to call her um her sister and uh to get on the phone and be like you like something's happened to courtney you need it like head there right now she needs somebody there with her while everything is going on like while everything is happening and so my aunt drops everything and you know has starts heading to St. George and I just remember being like the like my my uncle he was giving trying to give me a blessing and he was asking if anybody if anybody out there was a like holds the priesthood that could help him give me a blessing for my time in need you know, to be able to feel comfort, feel peace. And holding the priesthood means that you, like, are given the, like, the Aaronic priesthood, the Melchizedek priesthood. In this case, I think it's the Melchizedek priesthood that you need to, like, need to hold to be able to help give me a blessing. and so that's like the highest you know on like highest thing that a person can hold in our religion and it it's not something that you you can get like very easily it's something if like you know continue to work for and my my two of my my cousins at the time the my uh jordan scott didn't hold the priesthood at that time, so they weren't able to help give me a blessing. But when he asked if there was anyone out there, and one of the lifelike paramedics was like, I hold the priesthood. I can help you give your blessing. So they both gave me a blessing while I was on the stretcher and before I got into the um the helicopter and the lifelight and so I just remember him I he just telling me I I can't go with you I can't like I know I promise to be with you and but I I just know that they need to get you somewhere safe and we need to get you help and they that's what they're gonna do like I'm like I there's no room for me and I I bet your your mom's on her way I I will you know because we still had everything on the boat we I saw all my stuff on the boat like all like all my my suitcase on like everyone's suitcase because there's so many people like so many we like food um you know suitcases like pillows like like we had so much stuff on the boat that were they had to go clean the in the houseboat off and then do all those things so they they couldn't just like leave it yeah you know leave it out where they were so they're like we we have to go take care of this and then we can after that then we can we'll come see you and i just remember being like okay and then i i just remember getting into the um the life light and looking out like on the mountains and remember like thinking still i'm fine i'm fine i don't need all this i'm like i'm i'm i don't feel like i'm gonna pass out anymore i don't feel like like feel like anything still couldn't talk still gonna move my right leg or right arm but i'm i was thinking in my head yeah i'm fine and i don't know why i thought like i'm like i'm fine but i i just was crazy back then i don't know i don't know but still it's like thinking i just they're all like they're working on me i'm like i don't that i don't need all this yeah and then i remember like actually like focusing like on my right leg and arm like i was like oh i i can't actually move my right arm this is one like the first time i was noticing like oh i can't actually like move it i this is so weird like i'm not able to move it move these both of both extremities that i have and i've always been able to use i'm like this is this is a not right and I'm like this is like what's happening and then uh a couple minutes go by and then I just remember moving my right foot and like just a tad bit and I just remember that's when everything like clicked in my head I was like oh like I'm not fine like I'm I'm in like i'm in a lifelight right now i'm getting worked on by these nurses these doctors these paramedics like you like i'm not right like what i what just happened and that's when i like started like to freak out yeah panic and i just remember like crying and i started to cry and like freak out and like be like what what's like happened to me and that at that moment like after i realized that he could like everything clicked that's when i was able to start talking but not it wasn't coherent at all okay and so i was trying to like talk but it wasn't like people weren't understanding what I was saying and they they were just blessed their hearts but they were trying so hard to like decipher what I was trying to say but I I'm like during that moment I wasn't I was you know trying to talk but I couldn't and I had a droop and it it just was not coming like coming out and they're like oh we'll get you to help we're getting you to help and they're just trying to calm me down yeah and um i just was i i was just not having it because i was like i at this very moment i was like why was i able to well wasn't able to talk until now like why and then why is nobody understanding me why like what what i i was just very it's frustrating yeah very frustrating because i was trying to like talk and you know say stuff and they weren't understanding what i was trying to say and i was i was it's very frustrating when whenever that happens because if like yeah we're speaking another language to somebody yeah and they're just like huh and you're just like like what what what am i you yeah i even can't like you can't like communicate with anybody um so oh yeah freaking out yeah i just remember getting to the hospital and i just remember them like rolling me into saying oh i just remember saying like an 18 year old, you know, had like an accident, like, you know, and they rolled me to the ER. They were assessing me in the ER. And I remember this one nurse was, you know, caring, caring for me so much. And I, you know, I just, I just felt like she, I had a maternal wave go over her because I felt like no this isn't any any kind of nurse she was actually scared for me and like you know wanted to be there for me because I again I got there all alone yeah and so you didn't know what was happening no and she didn't know who I was but she her maternal instincts got kicked in and And she was just being my mother when my mother wasn't there. And they were still assessing me. And then I remember calling my, getting my phone, like getting my dad on the phone on FaceTime. And I don't remember who called them. Yeah. I don't know who like did all that. But I was, I remember seeing them and I'm like, I started, again, started to freak out. and I was like like I don't don't know what's happening I don't know like what's going on and he just was like oh like some something really wrong happened like something has happened that is not good so yeah I just remember talking to him for a little bit like trying to you know talk to him at least even though like my words weren't coherent and you know I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn't get the words out and that in itself was very frustrating because when you know what you want to say but you can't physically get the words out and say sentences like your body is going against it and it's like I knew how to do this like an hour ago and I can't do this like it's so weird to not be able to do this it's scary yeah like it's nothing that I've ever like experienced yeah and I I just remember being so frustrated at that that because I couldn't get any words out and um well I couldn't I could get words out but I couldn't get like it wasn't coherent and he couldn't understand what i was trying to say and so i couldn't speak sentences because it like was all jumbled in my head and i was like i don't know how to like speak sentences so like i would only say one word if i wanted to say something and so like i had or like even the right i had a right with my left hand because i'm a i'm a righty but like this hand was not like this arm wasn't working so i had to like write with my left to write words what I was like actually like trying to say so I remember being in the EF for like 30 minutes at that time and then my aunt who lived in Vegas came and I was she was there and I just was I just remember being like oh my gosh like I have I have somebody now like I have somebody there that you know I'm I know and I just remember her being there and they're just saying oh we're gonna take her for CT we're gonna take her for an MRI we got to figure out like what's going on we have to confirm like what's what's going on and so they got me to CT that we did the ct and then got me to the mri and i just remember being in the mri machine and it's super loud if you've ever gotten one it's like very loud and like at that time i was very scared of like you know the situation and that just made it like an at the all-time high because you're in this like tube yeah tube that like goes around like it's very very loud and it's not a quick like procedure like it's it takes a bit and so i i just remember like crying and then having them like you know tell me oh like we need you to calm down but i was like trying to like calm down but then i wasn't you know it was just a lot and so they had to like do things like over and over again because I still was like you know freaking out and so they had to like do things like over and over again and um and then once they were done I remember like going out of the MRI and then um that's when I first saw my mom she she was there and I again I just started freaking out and like crying and then like I don't know what's happening and then my mom just saw the droop and she's like oh my gosh i don't oh my gosh like what like what what's happening and she just saw like how i can talk i can i can talk like coherently like she was like what like she was just i was just talking on the phone yeah earlier today like and like what happened yeah what happened and they get me to an ICU room and I just remember doctors like nurses like so many of them filling my room yeah and also because you were so young yeah what the heck yeah and uh they were like is is she on birth control is she on birth control and then she's like no she's not on birth control and apparently that can cause uh what uh birth control can cause clots that can you know travel up to the brain and you can have a stroke from you know so scary from birth control and so but then uh so that's why they were asking is she on birth control and my mom's like no she's not and so she they were just thinking oh like then what what happened like why did she have the stroke but yeah uh back to all this all the the doctors the nurses the so many people like just filling my room uh all at once and they they just sat you know had to try to sit my mom down and uh they're like hey like can we like talk outside and so I they took my mom outside and that's when they said we you know we looked at the MRI we looked at the CT and it looks like she had a stroke and it's the clot we she had an ischemic stroke which means that what it was a blood clot that cut off the brain's um blood supply and um get or um hammer hemorrhagic that you can have and you can also have a hemorrhagic stroke that means that the brain is bleeding and but it was just a clot went up to my brain so do they know what caused the clot yeah okay no well at the time no okay because they just knew it was from a clot yeah just knew there was a clot was in my brain and that's you know ultimately happened what happened and my mom just was just so like in shock like she just told me like she just fell to her knees like like she couldn't believe what she was hearing what they were telling her and they were asking like how did she have the stroke and they're just more like we don't know ultimately because we while we asked that she was on birth control is because birth control can cause clots and that can travel up to the brain right and she's not in birth control so we're just we're like why does she have one so we're they're like we'll do everything we can until like to figure out like what like why she had the stroke and i if you get to the hospital in time uh like i think six hours after like six like before six hours is like the max um you can get this medication that you like it's called tpa or tka or something like that You can take and it can reverse all the defects that stroke caused. But my timeline, since I had to be, you know, driven by boat, looked at and assessed at Lake Powell. and again also assessed and looked at lake pow and then being flown and then looking look being looked at and then assessed in the er and then then going to do all these tests and then then then at that time i was past the six hour mark so i wasn't able to get that medication that could reverse all these defects i was uh i was it was too late and um they were just saying like it was past that mark and we like we we don't know exactly when she started the stroke so like we can't get the medication to her and my mom was still like in shock and you know she didn't know how like how to like handle it my uh and my my dad and my um my stepdad were driving down separately from because my mom left when she found out like what was happening and she left before like my she said that if it's nothing I don't want you to come if it's nothing but if it's something that I'll give you a call and I'll give you know her dad a call as well um some she called my my stepdad and my my dad and saying like you need to get down here and they my stepdad and my dad weren't like oh on the best of turns because you know it's like when they did get divorce and yeah they just like it's weird and like it's just you know they they he didn't my dad didn't like my stepdad because you know it's just how it goes and I just I I just remember them telling me that like they just got into the car started driving and then like they started to talk and then I actually like cry and you know having the heart to heart because you know about like this whole situation was like so much for both of them because I've had my stepdad in my life since I was 11. So at that time eight years And I had my dad in my life forever so and so like both of them like i i just loved dearly like so much and so like it was just hard for them to like to hear what was like actually going on and they were able to like drive together and have no issues whatsoever and And so that in itself, I feel like, was a miracle, you know, having them just, like, being, like, so softened. Their, like, their heart enough to, like, come together and be like, I, like, we will get through this together. And I just remember that night, like, after my stroke happened and, like, I was there. I and my my dad and my stepdad got there and I just all I wanted you know was water I wanted water so bad and I was trying to say like water like because I couldn't say like I want water I didn't know how to speak sentences so I had to say water I just tried to say water like there's like uh videos of me because a nurse uh told my mom to document everything from now and um everything from now until you know a couple years go by because so I could look back and see my progress and see how far I've come because obviously I'm gonna have to like go through rehab I'm gonna have to go through like so when you have a stroke it completely is resetting like everything yeah I had to relearn how to talk eat swallow a walk I couldn't like I really couldn't I couldn't even walk I had to relearn how long did it take you to relearn those things like to the point where I was able to be like on my own like don't need nobody in like two years and it took me like having to do rehab for like those two years like non-stop because I did rehab in the hospital like inpatient rehab for like three like three times so occupational speech and physical therapy all three each one one hour a day and so that would be three hours each day and so they would just come to my room and they're like all right that's your time to do your rehab and so i had like i had to do that every day no breaks and yeah that they're just saying like we we ought to get her like after she's that after she's like able to get out of the icu we need to transfer her to like a rehab center like a narrow rehab center so she could do inpatient rehab and um my mom like it was like uh like okay I'll try to like do some research and like inpatient rehabs inpatient hospital rehabs neuro rehabs that are close by where we live and so she was just doing that uh doing her research but yeah I was that first night I just remember like wanting water so bad wanting water so bad and I was finally able to get uh the word out like water and then uh they were able to get me some water but then I like started to like cough it up like I couldn't swallow and that's when they like realized my I could I my swallowing ability was also taken and so i had to get a feeding tube because because they needed to get like you know nutrients like water in me but i couldn't swallow so they had to put a feeding tube in and i was the feeding tube was in for like a week week and a half and because until like i I had to do rehab to you know learn how to for those muscles to you know start to work and had to do like all these things like blowing into like a like this thing like I don't I'll even know what it was called but like this rehab thing I had to blow into it and then I had to like swallow like swallow like my spit like trying to learn how to like actually like using those muscles and yeah i was just trying to drink the water and i couldn't and i was like so upset but then i remember just thinking i just i won't i want to walk like that first thing i was like i just want to walk around and i like proved to anybody like everybody like i could walk i can like and probably for yourself too yeah at that point it's like i just need to get out of here Yes, I just want to, like, you know, walk. And then so that they were like, oh, like, oh, like, okay, we can try to, like, get you to walk. And so I, my mom just said to me, like, she just remembers me ripping the cords out, like, out from the wall that was connecting me to all these stuff. Like, my IVs, like, my heart monitor, my, like, all, I ripped everything out. and so then they got me a walker and I just started to walk and you know I was you know emotional at the time because again I wasn't the same I I couldn't walk the same it was very hard for me to walk and I was using a walker too and I was I had like two CNAs with me by my side you know helping me to walk and i just remember being like oh my god what what like i i don't understand like why like why what what's happening like why can i walk normally either like what like everything's not right like everything has just been has changed everything yeah in a second yeah in a second and it just was like became so like it became too much for me and so like that's when I started to cry and like again it was just a lot for me and yeah I just started to walk and I have a video of me trying to walk and all that. It's, you know, me like crying because I can't walk normally. And it was, yeah, it just was too much for me, too much for me to handle. I was 18 and I, I thought that I had my whole life ahead of me. And now I'm, I'm childlike again, where I had to learn, relearn how to walk, talk, eat, like everything. And I didn't know how to handle that at the time because I'm like, again, I was, even though I was 18, I was, I'm just a kid. I was barely 18, like two months of me being 18. And I was like, I'm, I, even though I'm considered an adult, I'm not an adult. There's no way that like you, there's no, I still I'm 24 now I'm like I'm not I'm not an adult I'm still I'm a 24 year old teenager I'm like I like I'm still there's always so much to learn exactly so I'm like I'll probably be married and have kids where I'll probably be like I'm not I'm no adult I'm like I'll probably I don't even know when I'll get to that point where I'm like yeah I'm an adult but and I yeah at that time I definitely did did not feel that I was an adult at all and they you know got me back to my room and I was able to rest but then they were just trying to figure out why I had the stroke in the first place because usually people who have this kind of stroke where a blood clot goes to the brain and cuts off the blood supply it's usually an older person like an elderly person that um has a stroke you you only hear people who are like older have these type strokes if the because um usually this doesn't happen very often but people who my who are my age or younger that have strokes it's usually from uh the brain bleeding okay and but i had the clot so they didn't they're like why why why like she's not on birth control she like why she like had this you know why they're trying to figure it out and you know a couple days go by and uh i started uh my brain started to swell and it almost got to a point where my brain was starting to swell so much that they were i they almost took out a piece of my skull to let my brain continue to swell and but to have like room for it to you know continue to swell because that you know at that point like i like with when my brain started to swell i lost all like ability to move like my i was able to move like a like a little bit of my right a little like right leg a little bit of my like right but when my brain started to swell that's when i lost everything i couldn't move it i couldn't move it at all like my right side was paralyzed and i'm sure that was even scarier too because then you're like i'm here i'm supposed to be getting better yeah and then it feels like you're digressing like digressing or like even worse and and so i'm like what like i'm losing like everything and then they're just like doctors are there trying to assess me and then a nurse uh that was uh down in the er i got my mom's number and was like um you know because she had that maternal instinct being like hey if you like you need anything you can text me like you can you can call me with anything that you need and and also like I had this stepmom and that was a nurse and so my mom like was you know friends with her as well and so she like got on the phone with her and she said that if she starts losing all ability from her brain starting to swell there's a medication that they can give her to you know not like to have it you know calm down and like not like lose like all of her ability yeah and then so they weren't giving this medication but i've like lost everything and but we were just so confused and my mom i was talking to the doctor and was like why aren't you giving her this this medication like why she's like well she's not really like losing any ability really and she's like uh yeah she is she was able to move her right arm and leg and now she isn't like she's lost everything so you give that her give her that medication now so and they gave me that medication and they calmed everything down and my brain started to you know to unswell or like you know yeah go down yeah go down and so they didn't have to take out a piece of my skull to you know let it wow like that's crazy yeah they had that you guys had to tell them yeah exactly and so they're like yeah like she hasn't lost any ability so it's fine but my mom was like yeah right she did so we were like i was like you know thankfully that i got that medication so they were trying to figure it out since you know birth control was out the out of the picture they're like we just need to like do some more tests and like trying to figure out like why she had this type of stroke and then like the next day uh that's when i started to run a fever and really a really high fever and they're they're like the doctors were thinking she has an infection somewhere she has an infection somewhere but we don't know where it's coming from we we have to figure this out like they did some like tests or whatever and like yeah like she's septic she's septic and that means uh um yeah like i have an infection in my blood and some like some of like it can be fatal substance can be fatal sometimes and so they're like we need to like figure out like where this infection like where it's happening and so we can figure this out like and you know she doesn't this doesn't end up fatal and so they were like discussing and they're like oh like let's just like look like closer at like her heart like let's just look closely at that and like see maybe if that's like where the infection is happening or coming from and so they they did like this scope and where uh they put me to sleep and then um they put this camera down my uh my throat and so they could like fully like have a closer look at my heart and because they did an ultrasound but then like they said it was fine but then they're like we need to like actually look at it like closer like not just a notice I need to look at it closer and so um after that procedure you know happened where they look closely at my heart but this whole camera down my throat um that's when they found out that I had um two holes in my heart that I had never known about never known about and they were saying, yeah, she has two holes in her heart. One, which is a PFO, what's they call it? It's called a PFO, which essentially everyone has. It either closes or it doesn't when they take their first breath of life when they're born. It either closes or it doesn't, and you can have like a full life with no complications if it doesn't close. It was just the problem was that the other big hole in my heart it was an esd that was the problem that and they were like right next to each other too and that's when they're like yeah this is probably why she had the stroke because blood clot was traveling through her body and then went through the both those holes and then went straight up through her brain okay and so like this is probably like the probably the cause the stroke and if we wouldn't have found these holes she would have been in heart failure and dropped dead by the time she was like 35 30 so like it's crazy yeah like like i know this is like a weird thing to say but like like they were just saying that it's like a blessing yeah a blessing in the size yeah and so we were like oh awesome like like we're not awesome that she has these holes but like thankfully we found like the reason why she had this joke and thankfully we were able to you know fix the problem so did you have to get surgery on your heart i did so like after a month after I got out of the hospital, I got, I had a half heart surgery and they closed both holes or just one? Both. They closed it because they were able to put the, the, the device. Cause there, there's a device in my heart now, but they were able to close both of them and not like, then I get, uh, they were able to close both of them at the same time with closing. how was that surgery it was like i remember like them putting me to sleep but like i remember not fully being asleep i like it was weird it was like in and out and in and out but i didn't feel anything but like i still was like i'm awake and it's like a weird feeling when like you like you had to recover from the stroke and heart surgery yeah same time yeah heart stroke heart surgery and like being septic and so they had put me on like major major antibiotics so that like i had that were giving uh to me in this in this pick line uh that a pick line is um like essentially like a bit like a tube that goes straight to your heart and administers the um the antibiotics and but it's like this tube that goes through my arm and goes all the way to like my my heart and it's like essentially like a not like a permanent ivy but like because you can take it out but like you don't have to like keep you know yeah you know it's just there and so I had that I had to get that procedure so I was able to you know have that pick line as well because that is it's an easy procedure but like it's still a procedure and so like I had that and like I had to recover being from being septic and having all these antibiotics like put into my body and um and that's when like I remember being neuro rehab and from all these antibiotics like put in my body it was killing the like the bad um bacteria but also the good bacteria in my body it was killing everything and so what happens is like the longer you stay at the hospital the more likely that you're going to get sick so i got sick again in the hospital because again the antibiotics was just killing everything yeah and so like the ultimately the bad in the hospital took over and that's where i got c-diff um c-diff is uh it's like a intestinal intest am i saying that right intestinal yeah intestinal disease yeah and it just like like causes you to like feel pain in your um your intestines and like go to the bathroom constantly like and like i remember like going to the to the bathroom every two minutes because i every two minutes i couldn't sleep because i had i had to go to the bathroom like every two minutes like every time that i would come back into my bed like walking with my ivy like my ivy pool getting all that settled into my bed i'll be in there for like two minutes and i'd be like i have to get back up again and my mom had to like oh like like she had to help me because i couldn't walk by myself and so she didn't get any sleep either so i also got that too and that was so painful in itself where i'm like there's just so like so much that has happened where i'm like i just want to like die i'm like i please i'm i'm like this like this is too much for me to handle i'm i'm like i just would rather you just you know take me out and you know we can call it a day because i'm like i don't know if i could like live with this and they couldn't figure out what's going on with me either with the c-diff before they were like like I was sick and then they're like what's happening with her and they're just like I don't know what's happening like they're trying to figure it out they're doing all these tests to see what what's happening and then my my mom was telling like the nurses like my my stepmom who was a nurse and then the other nurses that uh we grew grew close to at St. George Regional because at that time I was transferred over to IMC which is in Murray, Utah which is like 45 minutes away from my house but she was like she's so sick we don't know what's going on though and then like explaining all of my symptoms and they're just like she has C. diff that sounds like C. diff like have them check for C. diff and she's like oh okay like then i'll tell like the doctor and then like or the nurse is like this is what they need a test for and so she went to the doctor and said oh you need a tester for c-diff and uh that's probably what she has and they're like yeah i don't think she has that though like it's like it doesn't that just doesn't make sense and i i i really don't think she has this and then they kept doing like all these other tests and couldn't figure still couldn't figure it out and of course that's what it was yeah and like still couldn't figure it out and then i i like at that point like i i could not eat i could not like i could not drink or anything i i was like i want like i i want to die like it's too painful and then my mom was like so fed up uh it was like 4 a.m of me just like staying awake because i i couldn't you know sleep i couldn't you know get like a night's good night's rest because i was up and going in the bathroom constantly and so she's just like she left the room and then like went up to a nurse's station and she was she was demanding she was demanding you get the doctor here now and test for his seat If I'm done playing this game with all, like, we don't think she has it, like, test her for it now. Yeah. Like, and so they tested me. And what did it come up? I had C. diff. And I was able to get the medication for that. And that's when I started to feel better after. I started to, like, feel like the medication start working and, you know, kicking in. and uh i my mom was my saving grace she is like she was my sound of voice yeah oh in the hospital because obviously you didn't have one yeah i didn't have one she like was with me every step of the way like that woman never left my side she when everyone told her like we can stay with courtney you need to go shower she would she would fight me like no i don't need to i don't need to like do this i i can sleep here i can like it's fine i don't need she we can't we became super close in during that time because we were with each other like constantly and i i'm i'm very i'm like so blessed for that time that I got with her during that time because yeah we we became so close and I I like I know that was like a not so great thing that happened on but a good like a great thing happened like came out of it you know getting that relationship with my mom and I I just remember just like being after the stroke being so like all like the bad and of my life being stripped away from me because in the hospital my mom said that like I was like childlike again being like like saying hi to everybody that we like like wheeled past like as I would be in a wheelchair because whenever I would I'd go anywhere would be in a wheelchair there I would say hi to everybody and like I would I was so happy in the hospital like even no like this these things were happening to me I was so happy and you know and she said that she felt like she was she was talking with Jesus you know like like a like I like I was so close to him at that time that I might like everything was just shining through and this horrible heat thing happened to me yeah for sure but I I wasn't focused on that and I was able to look at the positives I was able to you know like that's what I focused on and I was like so blessed to be able to like be that way you know like doing that like because some people like you know when things get hard or something they just shut down they they just like they're just saying like it's too much like I I can't like they but I was able to you know shine through the bad and yeah my mom talks about that with me all the time and she just was like I just you were just so happy and do this do that hard time I looked up to you. I still look up to you because you went through this hard thing and so many hard things. And you weren't mad. I was sad with all the things that happened to me, but I wasn't angry yet. God, for having this happen to me. you know and i was also grateful that i was able to bring peace to like my family and you know yeah um because they're they're all just you know worried about me and all these things but i was able to bring some peace knowing that like i wasn't you know struggling mentally i was able to feel like feel the good and a mostly bad time you know yeah i don't know like explain that though i think too you know sometimes we realize the reality of life when the worst things happen and it's sad sometimes that it takes something traumatic or scary to happen but i feel like sometimes it's in those times that we really start to notice the small things the things around us what's important, what matters, what doesn't. And I think that that really can bring people together. Yeah. You know and I think that like you said before it was a horrible thing that happened and terrifying but at least your life is saved Yeah You could have been healthy your whole life and then all of a sudden you know with the holes in your heart you could have had kids so you know like it could have been married like i like and then they just lost their mom you know like it would have been like worse yeah worse yeah so i i you know and then now are you do you feel like you have fully recovered or are you still in any type of rehab or anything or no um at this point the they my insurance stopped after two years paying for on my rehab so i just if i want to do like some rehab i'll just like go to the gym okay so like you know here and there like try to work on some things you know walking uh lifting weights stuff like that um but yeah after two years we're like yeah she doesn't need it anymore like my answer she's like yeah she's fine do you feel like you've fully recovered from it or not yet i i feel like i'm 90 better i feel like there's like 10 where i can be like a hundred percent but i would say i'm mostly better so like like right and it's amazing you know like yeah Because you would never know from the after looking in, which is, I always think that's so crazy and interesting and something that people need to remember. That's just like you're a case where you would never know what you've been through or what has happened. Exactly. You never know and you don't know like what other people are going through or have been through. Yeah. and my stroke from where i was at the beginning like i had a like a major stroke where to be where i am right now is a blessing in itself yeah right and and like how long did it take for the drooping to go away oh my gosh that took like six months really yeah were they did they know if it was going to go away or not the they were like yeah like she has to do like when does speech like my speech rehab would be like you working these muscles on like the right side of my face you know try to like get them to you know start working and doing those muscles like working those muscles like helped me to build it yeah build it more i still like i still feel sometimes i do still have like a droop i i because like it's my face and i'm like yeah there's there's something like not right about like you know me talking yeah okay yeah just so that makes you know yeah maybe yeah no like i feel like never know yeah and then the right side of your body like your your right arm and leg do you feel like that's pretty much all better or do you feel like there's still like some weakness on that side i feel like there's some weakness still on that side but um the the only thing that really bugs me about the side is my nerve pain i developed okay very severe nerve pain from the stroke and the nerve pain is constant okay and never goes away and even taking medication for it it doesn't take it away so i feel this pain all the time sorry no you're kidding so and there's nothing that they can do about that because the medicine doesn't work no they're just like the it's like again with the brain like they don't know okay yeah they're like it could either go away or it doesn't we don't know that's crazy and it's been six years yeah of me having this and i'm like well i don't know if like maybe it's gonna go away or not yeah and so i'm like praying to heaven almighty that it will go away but you know if it doesn't i do think it like i feel like it is at least for me it would be so reassuring to know the cause yeah because i feel like you know if you just have something like that happen don't know why i feel like you're living in this fear every day of like could it happen again yeah but i feel like the fact that they were able to find that cause of it yeah and like fix the holes in my heart yeah like i feel like it kills two birds with one stone yeah i figured something out that could have affected your future and then it you know it's scary but and i think it's interesting when you were talking about how you kept thinking you were fine i feel like that was your body probably trying to protect itself yeah your mind because if not you go into shock and panic yes because like right when you can't move yeah you're like right because like when i felt like right when i moved my right right leg for the first time that's when everything clicked and then that's when i started to like yeah it's going to panic like when you lose control of your function of your body and you know we take it for granted like so many small things you know and i mean people realize that even when they get sick with like a cold or something and you're like oh, I just want to get better. But, you know, when you lose function and you can't do simple things anymore that, you know, seemed like just part of your everyday routine, it puts things into perspective. Yeah, for sure. Because like I was 18 and like ready to start my life and like ready to be an adult. And because I was barely an adult and but to be transformed back into a kid again we're learning how to do things it's just it's frustrating it like physically sets you back but i think mentally it it pushes you forward yeah you're going through something that people your age don't typically go through how to grow up fast yeah and grow up super quick because like it's mentally challenging to say the least yeah you were right i mean so many people could probably really to just wanting to give up and be like just kill me yeah because it's hell yeah that's horrible it i like it when i was just keep like when i got like getting sick and sick and like in the hospital i was like all right right what's next yeah like i'm like you just if you're just gonna if you're gonna take me just take me right like just and everything was so different like one thing after another after like it's the it's terrible yeah and i i was just like at that point I was just like, I don't. Yeah, I'm done. I can't handle another thing that's going to happen to me. I'm like, did you end up going to college after? I am in college right now. Oh, good. Amazing. When did you graduate? I graduate in two years. Okay. Two years. So I just barely started. Okay. Because, you know, doing rehab for two years and like, you know, yeah, it takes time. And I, you know, yeah. And what do you want to do? uh i am going to school for nursing okay and i the reason why i am going to school for nursing is because when i was in the hospital for my stroke the in the neuro icu i had this one nurse you know there's like nurses out there that are like you know not softies they're just Yeah, like they're just not softies. They're just like, you know, they're just there to like work and do their job and, you know, not like. Yeah, like after the workday is done, like go home, you know, like she's she was very like not like hard hearted, but like, you know, like very cold. not cold but like it's like when like just like to the point yeah yeah to the point and when i she she like when i was her patient one time i i like i just i softened her i remember just softening softening her and to the point where she would stay after her work days like 12-hour days, you know, to come and talk to me and my family, you know, see how it was doing, like, see how, like, I was progressing, like, any, like, she would come and talk to us for hours and hours, or, like, I wish I, she was helping me shower one time, and I got dressed, backdressed, and she was, like, helped me dress, and then I remember her brushing my hair, and, you know, after the shower, She was putting the condenser in my hair and brushing my hair. And I remember, like, looking at her and being like, I love you. Oh. I love you. And she's just like, I love you, too. Like, I love you. And I just remember, like, softening her, like, her heart. And she brought her makeup from home, you know. And her makeup brushes, her makeup palettes, and came and did my makeup one time. because you know i wasn't able to like you know get dressed up there i was just i was in a in a gown and like i like have videos of her you know just doing my makeup and me saying trying to say palette and she's like what i'm like palette palette it was her makeup palettes and she was like oh yeah like palette like even though we couldn't really talk on like like i couldn't talk to her i we still like connected in like an emotional way like a mental way and i she showed me that what i want to do is be a nurse like because after high school i really again i didn't know what i wanted to do yeah and she showed me oh like this is like my path this is what I want to do because in high school I didn't take any like um anatomy classes I didn't like there I had no idea that I wanted to go this route right until then and I'm so I'm so thankful for her I'm still in contact with her to this day because I'm like you know checking in because you know checking in with her like I just like I have visit her like every time that I go up to St. George, like I would go visit her. And I, I just, I'm like, and the, when I was staying in that neuro rehab down in Murray, that the nurse in the ER that was, you know, was, was maternal over me came and brought her son and, you know, came and visited me and she came down here and uh you know came and visited me and uh took the time out of her day to you know come see me and come say hi that's so sweet and I was also grateful for both of them both of them and they both showed me what I wanted to do was was health care well I think too like in those times when you are struggling and you're in need of course it's great to have your family there is support but i think having medical professionals that also make you feel like you're important yeah like you're at home that can be really comforting and they can feel very safe and it is important to have that yeah it's scary it is scary you're in something like that you're terrified you're frustrated you're confused so to have somebody that knows what they're doing kind of support you through that and and also be there to yeah soften the situation it is helpful Yeah, it's very, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have that because they changed my life. And I'm like, I want to do the same for them because I know that they changed my life completely. And you can do that for others. Yeah, I want to do that for somebody else. Yes. And use my story to, you know, tell everybody that, you know, you can get to, you know, where I am. Like, you know, like I had like I worked in a spinal cord rehab as a CNA after my stroke because I got my CNA right after like, you know, when they showed me what I wanted to do. And I was like, this is what I want to do. So I got my CNA certification and I started working as a CNA. And I worked in the spinal cord rehab department. And I remember just having like people there just, you know, doing therapy because, you know, they lost function in their legs or their, you know, their arm, like everything. Like you like it's either, you know, one or the other. And I remember having this one patient, you know, talking to me that they like were skiing and they had an accident and broke their neck. And now they're here and he doesn't know like he didn't know how to like, you know, take it. And like he like doesn't because everything was he was fine one second and the next he wasn't. And I was able to be like, I use my story to my advantage. But I was able to say, I know I'm not, I didn't have like the same thing happen to you. But I once was, you know, normal, happy and nothing wrong with me. And then one second, everything was taken for me. And I was able to be like, I had a stroke and I had to learn how to do everything. Like I was in rehab for, I was in the hospital for over a month learning, relearning how to do everything. And I think that is so important and incredible when people can relate to somebody and be like, I truly do get it. Yeah. I had to relearn too. And I think that that makes it even more special that you are, you know, wanting to help people and helping people that are going through similar things like that. Yeah. Because you genuinely get it. You're not, you know, and it's okay. some people do treat their job just like in and out you know yeah they're there for that but i do think that you know people like you are even more important in the sense when you can just like you give that that relatability that's what people need most i mean we are meant for human connection yes people need that connection and they need that helps them get through things no i i agree with you a hundred percent then when i first left the hospital there the rehab center i went over over to the like the hospital to say hi to everybody like all my therapists my nurses and you know doctors there just like say hi and there's this one therapist that was like we have a patient here who's from France. She was over here, you know, going to school, and she had a stroke, and she's in this room, and I feel like she would benefit from you talking to her about your story and how, you know, how you're progressing. So I was able to, you know, go chat with her i even though like we didn't speak the same language because obviously she's in france but i was able to connect with her emotionally and just like you and the yeah yeah and you know tell her and like tell her it's gonna it's gonna be okay it's a long road but it's going to be okay yeah and like i like if you need anything i'm here and like after she got out of the hospital she like i like her my mom would talk to her mom because her mom like flew down from france you know be with her in the hospital and then when they went home they she would send me stuff i would send her stuff we would email back and forth and i'd get pictures of her like doing stuff like she loves like horseback riding you know and i i loved it i i loved you know it makes a difference for sure and i was i was glad to you know bring some peace to her and her mom you know because again she like has had a stroke and she was young she was in college and in a different country her mom wasn't there her mom was back in france right and i was able to bring her some um some comfort and i was i'm very very blessed to be able to be that person for for her as well because even though you wouldn't think like out she wasn't doing anything for me because i was the one talking to her she but she changed me as well of course and it also helps you not feel like your situation was like that you're alone even yeah through it it doesn't mean that you don't think about it or still have it there that like you it's part of your story and journey as well yeah it's going to help you just as much yeah no definitely and um i'm so thankful for all the the people that i've you know met because of this and i am just like so like even like opportunities or like you know experiences that I've happened in my life and I'm I'm also grateful for that as well and when my mom was told that you know you should probably like you know record her doing stuff or like talking um you should like you know so she can see her progress as she she goes along so if she gets frustrated one day you can be like remember how you were the first day or the second day or the third you're not like that now you're so much better than where you were now and that would make her like make her feel so much better yeah she would yeah like record me doing stuff and then she decided one day that she wanted to post one on on twitter and she just wanted like you know like at least she just wanted prayers for me you know she just wanted to put something out there to people because she had like five followers she was just she it was not like a poet like she didn't post on there she was just there to like stalk her children and now she just posted like saying like this is my daughter she had the stroke like if anyone out there who's following me just like please pray for her and like like a couple of days go by and one of her like her friends who she saw a couple days that are like have you been on twitter like have you have you looked at your twitter and she's just like no she's like your post about courtney went like is by it's going viral like it's so like so many people are like retweeting it like favoriting it and like reaching out to her and like you should go see it and so she went to go see it and she had like so many people try to like reach out to her she had like a basketball player on the cavaliers like want wanting to like you know see how i was doing and then wanting to send me stuff and he sent me stuff and a football player from the denver broncos wanting to send me stuff and uh like so many like all i got i was get she was getting messages from all over the world saying like i'm praying for you praying for your daughter and she was like i'll like the like this is insane insane like how many like how people how people are reaching out Yeah, like come together and, you know, praying for this girl that people, they don't even know. But they, like, they're, you know, DMing her their stories and, like, saying, like, oh, like, I'm praying for your daughter. And, like, God, this is what I went through. And, like, she was just so grateful for all that she had. It was seriously, like, all over, people all over messaging her. and I was also like very like grateful for all those people who reached out to me and my mom and yeah you know I couldn't thank them enough and then um that's when I started to you know get into to TikTok and I was like oh like maybe I could like you know start posting my story on there and that's when I started you know getting a following from my story because you know yeah it's not like a normal thing right and people love to connect and hear yes what people have gone through yeah exactly and it's amazing you never stop sharing it i always tell my guests like if you're open to sharing your story never stop sharing no because it always helps so many people so many people like i've had so many people like reach out to me talking to me about their like their stories and like it makes me feel close to them you know and i love like hearing you know their experiences and their stories and i that's probably one of my favorite things about having this you know people following is people reaching out to me and saying like saying like their story and i love it i i love it i i that's yeah my favorite thing about it and and it turned into this thing of like you know you know posting and like about my story or like my days of like you know as a stroke survivor you know and the you know like about my heart surgery like like all these things like i it's just some place where i can just like you know vent if i wanted to and then but also help people and how yeah yeah exactly the best of this world is perfect yeah it's perfect yeah and like obviously like there's hate but obviously it's fine it's everywhere it's the part it's the downside of social media yeah those people you know i always say this somebody that can have first of all negativity and anger that's its own demon but yeah somebody that can hate on somebody that, I mean, hating on someone in general is so stupid. You have to be a miserable person. They really, yeah. Doing that for somebody that is just trying to share their story or, you know, show their life or whatever it might be, you know, if you don't like it, don't watch it. Yeah. But if something is triggering something in you to have a negative, mean reaction, that's only a reflection of you. Yeah. No, like it's definitely, like that's, I totally agree. I had this one time because I had to relearn how to drive, obviously, because I had to get my driver's license again because I lost that function too because, you know, I had to relearn how to do everything. So I relearned how to – I got my license again when they said, oh, like, you're pretty much better, so I think you can have your license back. and so I got it and then my neurologist gave me like a handicap parking because it like walking for me like places if I walk for too long like I get super tired and like it's just like at Disneyland if like we're walking around I I get like tired like way more tired than anyone else still went through something yeah so traumatic that it's like even if you are better it's normal yeah like unexpected that you might have to take things slower and easier yeah i'm like i just said what people ask me to say about you having a handicap yeah yeah tag yeah i i had a handicap and i parked in the handicap and spot and i was like i think it was going to like, you know, a store, like Target or something like that. And I remember somebody saying, are you sure you're able to park there? And you look fine to me. And I was just like. But once again, that's a prime example of somebody looking at you from the outside and judging. That's why we should never judge other people. Who cares? Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't need to explain something to you because I don't even know you. Somebody is parking there and they are fine. That's their karma. Yeah. Not yours. Don't worry about it. You know what I mean? Like people are just outrageous with those kinds of things, but never let that, um, deter you know what you haven't, but always keep sharing and letting people know, you know, the ins and outs, obviously within your comfort level, but that just helps so many people. It's so important. I think that it's amazing that we have platforms that people can share their stories and, and connect with people through an online platform where it doesn't have to be face-to-face yeah it makes the biggest difference it makes people feel like they aren't struggling by themselves you know there's nothing like relating to somebody who's gone through something especially if it's somebody that's younger and like it because especially if something like that happens you could feel like well this only happens to older people or like that's what you would think but being able to find other survivors that that's happened to it it really it makes you feel better yeah in your situation because like before the stroke i had i heard nobody nobody my age have having a stroke ever and then after then i started to hear like so many other people like you had opened up new doors yeah like open like opened up like a major door to me um me feeling i'm not the only one out there because at the beginning I was like this happens to nobody this happens to nobody and then like after time goes on time went on I'm like oh there's so many other people out there that I didn't know about that have had the same thing happen to them and that made me feel made me feel peace like Like, I'm not saying, like, I'm so grateful that you had that happen to you and, like, we're able to share that. But, like, I'm just grateful for you to, like, to be able to share that with me. Yes. And I'm very glad to, like, you know, make you feel comfortable enough to, you know, open up to me, too. because it's just not something that you want to like share louder than the world most times but like for me I'm like I I do because I'm like I I yeah it's my story and I I I want people to know that I I didn't just get here just because I got here from work hard and determined like hard work and determination and i i just know that not having like the competitive nature that i did have like you know playing sports and all that and it didn't i wouldn't feel like i didn't wouldn't have that drive that i did yeah have that makes sense and to you know fight yeah fight and to get better to where I was and I was grateful for me to you know like also have that as well you know to you know have that fight in me and wanting to get better yeah absolutely well you did amazing thank you