#180 - Robert Smigel

Welcome everybody to Stavis World 904-800-STOV. Colin will solve your problems. We have an incredible episode. Robert Schmeigel is here, a hero of mine, one of the funniest guys. But, one of his friends, a very high profile friend of his, he will not stay for the whole episode, but he did have some things he wanted to get off his chest. So, very quickly, like, whoa, try of the insult comic, dog! Stavi! It's Stavi, baby! That's me! What a thrill! Thank you for being here, Triumph. Thank you. Aren't I a good actor? You're incredible. I'm so excited! No, Stavi, baby, yes, it's so exciting. Everyone calls you Stavi, baby. Am I correct? That's right, Triumph. I understand that's because you look like someone rolled an infant around the barbershop floor. Am I right? That's actually not right. That's not correct? No, no, no, no. Okay. That's just kind of... That sounds like some kind of joke that was pre-written then. No, no, no. That's just, yeah, just, I don't know, a nickname. Has nothing to do with me being an infant rolled on, discarded here. Okay, all right, I'll take your word for it. Well, let me ask you this, you know? Yeah. You started the show with the opa, which implies that you're Greek. Right, right. 100% Greek, I understand. 100%. The God that you're most associated with is Buddha. Oh, Buddha. You see? Because Buddha has a huge stomach and this gentleman to my right also, well, you get the idea, you have eyes. But you know, I'm kidding. I kid, I kid. Of course, thank you. You're so likable. That's why you're a hit. You know, you have this magnetic personality. Thank you. And not just because your body has its own gravitational pull. You're like me, you know? Your foul mouth, you're a politically incorrect liberal. It's okay. Don't do it in the middle of my jokes. Do it. Maybe after the punchline, you know? Boy. I'm sorry, Triumph. Have you learned nothing from Conan watching him all these years? It's okay. It's okay. He's still talented, folks. I assure you. No, you have this wonderful magnetic personality. Did I already do this joke? I have my own gravitational field. Yeah, I did that one. My God. What about? I mean, I am like 700 years in human years at this point. That is true. So I'm entitled to a little abyssal Alzheimer's. Okay. You're like me. Your foul mouth, you're politically incorrect liberal. Few people realize this is an actual human being. You're just like me. No, let's go through your incredible career that led you to this show in this incredibly shitty apartment. You started... Hold on, this is okay. No. You have low standards. And it's okay, you know? You need to have low standards when you look in the mirror. Okay. You became famous on Come Town. That's right. And I'm not referring to your beard. Come Town. Now that was known as the flagship podcast of quote unquote, the dirtbag left. I suppose. Yes. Which is coincidentally, that's also what everyone says when you leave a room. The dirtbag left. Honestly, I'm a huge fan. Now that's what I'm talking about. Honestly, I'm a huge fan. Now this is a good time to put the cigar back in the mouth. Yes. There we go. Now honestly, I'm a huge fan. I mean, honestly, you are as funny as you are gross. Now that's not fair. That's not fair at all because a gross is 144 pounds and you look much closer to 315, 320. Did you have a nice Easter? I did. Tell me what colors did the kids paint you this year? See now we're unpleasant subjects, the holidays. By the way, I know you're not Jewish, but you might want to, may I suggest celebrating Passover just to go a week without bread for once. I'll keep it in mind, Triumph. Thank you. You deserve a cigar. Okay, but now you're wonderful. You're, look at this guy. You're so down to earth, you know? Fame hasn't changed you one pound. And it's great, not today, but it's great that you like to still wear Hawaiian shirts, even though Hawaiians are constantly trying to roast you on a spin. You see, again, because, now that's an either or with this joke. So you and I the thing can decide, you know, I know you've been eating, I understand you've been eating better lately. A little bit, sure. Lots of fruits and vegetables, even though every time you have an apple in your mouth, people think they're at the luau. You see, okay, so that's an either or with a bow. Well, okay, we keep them both. Whatever you say, you know, I don't maybe want the kids to see how the sausages are made or eaten. Now you're wonderful. He's so much more than a fat podcaster. Honestly, I am really simplifying the complex site that you have before you. For example, this is an actor. I loved you in Pagonia. Oh, thank you. It's like you were born to play a child molesting cop. I think there's a little more to it than that. But yeah, thank you. More to it than that with the aliens and all that. No, you know what? By the way, I read you inspired another movie. I read that the writer Andy Weir got the idea for aliens eating the sun in Project Hail Mary after seeing you at the breakfast buffet. That kind of metaphorically inspired him. Not pretty much metaphorically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somewhat beyond metaphorically. I could literally eat the sun triumph. That's what you're accusing me of. Why are you putting yourself down like that? Dream big. Come on, Stave, you're doing great. He's in an Apatow movie and he's worried about eating the sun. You can do it. I understand he's in an Apatow. He's everywhere. You're also on tires because a regular couch can't support you. That's a thinker. That's a thinker. And people love your film. Let's start a cult. You know, that's where it all began. You shot that movie. I understand for under a million dollars. Despite a $900,000 craft service budget. Yes. No, it's about the name of that movie should have been not let's start the cult. Let's finish those cold cuts. But people love this man. People love you because even though you're still anti-woke, you lean heavily to the left. But then sometimes you also lean to the right. The point is you need to lean on something in order to stand up for more than a couple of minutes. I know you've been through a lot in your life. I don't want to joke. You know, a lot long ago things looked much darker and you're kind of falling apart and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put you back together. That's going to bump with the earlier egg joke. I think you've got to confuse with Humpty Dumpty. Well, I'm worried about the earlier egg joke, you know, again, it's going to step on it. Right. So that's again up to the editors. Sure. We don't, I don't know if you're familiar with the program triumph. We don't do a lot of editing. Oh my goodness. I forgot that. For you we can. No, no, no, no. I respect your lack of professionalism. No, this is a great man. All kidding aside. The fuck was that? Even trucks fart around this guy. They want to fit in. No, you're a wonderful man. And, you know, I want to say, you know, we can joke all we want, but this is a truly, this is at heart a very serious and selfless man. I mean, this man helped elect Mondani. Just so that he could give New Yorkers free rides on buses, even though he himself can't physically fit in one. And with that, I rest my case. What just happened? Yeah, your, your friend came. He was actually pretty rude to me. What an asshole. What's going on with that guy? You guys go back, huh? Wait, I got a hold on. You need a second. Give me a second. Hold on. I put, I make them extra hard just to alpha the guests. Oh, fuck. That was. I have to chug it down. Yeah. Further alpha you. Of course. One of the gayest waters in the system. Robert, thank you for being here. Get hydrated, baby. That was, uh, you have an audience. Yeah. We have a stadium. There's 15,000 people watching us out on that side. Thank you for, thanks for being here. Triumph. Holy shit. You really mix and mix and that's what's that about your, your, I like the logo. It's really pretty. It's just the graphic design. No, this is the nets when Jason kid. Yes. I remember that team. I love that. That was a cool team. I love the nicks now. Sure. I mean, that's really my team. But the Jason kid team was cool. It goes. Jason kid team. They had, uh, uh, Kerry kiddles. Of course. Instead of Kobe Bryant. Yep. Yep. That was a big one. Uh, they had, uh, Keith Van Horn, the great white hope. Of course. Richard Jefferson. Young Richard Jefferson. Hi. Duncan. He was awesome. Yeah. Now he is just an annoying. Now he's annoying. Yeah. Now he looks like a claymation dinosaur. Uh, and I believe in, in his retirement, he's got that kind of going for him. He's got some teeth wise. He's got little dino teeth. Kerry kiddles also had sort of a gumby claymation. They were very claymation type team. And then Kenyon Martin very, very, yeah. He was incredible. He was the man. I was there when they were swept by the Lakers. My dad managed to get tickets somehow. Really? For the finals. And it was, uh, yeah, no, but they, they were a great team, but they didn't have anybody to guard shack. I mean, that's what happened. They would get, they would come out of the East and then they would just get rolled Spurs than the Lakers. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do? So welcome back to the 2000s basketball hour folks. This is very dangerous because I would talk about this for an hour. I know. I know. I saw the, I saw the Knicks hat. We're good. That's interesting though, because as a, you, now wait, you grew, you were born here. Born in Manhattan. You were born in Manhattan. Okay. But you did go, I mean, all your. Like I think of you as a Chicago guy comedically because of all the, so it's interesting. Yeah. I didn't, I had just assumed you were a Chicago guy, but we're talking to you. You were born compliment. Yeah. Yeah. So you were born here and then how long did you probably assume that wasn't Jewish, which is strange, even more credulity. Yeah. This is one of those. I thought of you as an Irish son from Chicago. No, I lived in Chicago for a couple of years after college. I was a disaster for me. Oh, really? Trying to be a dentist. You're trying to be a dentist. My father was a really talented dentist. He developed like tooth bonding. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. My mom worked at a dental lab. If he saw you right now, he'd be like, I could close that gap. It would take me a half an hour. I love the gap. Of course. They asked to, this is the gap. Don't ever close. Thank you. So he invented tooth. So you could, you were trying to be a dental nepo baby. I didn't think I could be in common. Who thinks they can actually see this, you know? So you went, so you, but you went fully, you finished colleges like a dental student. It took me literally five and a half years and transferring. I started at Cornell because I was a good high school student. Science was the hardest thing for me. I tried to take pre dental courses and they're just fucking weed out. Yeah. Yeah. They just go extra fast to just separate who's too fucking stupid. You know, that's my favorite. When you get to college day one and you meet a bunch of idiots who are like, yeah, I'm pre-med pre-law. You know what I mean? Pre-led. I got a Spanish minor. Like they think they're going to be like the first ever doctor, dentist, lawyer combo and then they fail out of biology one on one. Yeah. Instantly. Yeah. No, I didn't have anywhere near that confidence. I was just like, I better do this because what else am I going to do? I had no ambition to do anything but be funny. So you just assumed, all right, my dad's a fucking dentist. I'll just be a guy who laughs, who makes, you know, gets fucked up and roasts my friends and be a whole and be sad, picking a people's teeth, being in a sad existence. I thought I might like it. Well, bonding is more, tooth bonding, like that side of dentistry is more fun than drilling cavities and shit. Okay, okay. Interesting. Because people were really grateful. Like, hey, you closed the gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. I like it. So you wanted to be a niche dentist. A niche dentist. You couldn't even see yourself as like a broad, you can't. No, no, but that's the thing. In college, in pre-dent, you have to go through all that shit. Like my dad was like, this is such a pain in the ass. I could teach you what I do in a couple of weeks. You don't have to learn any of this shit. So he looked at it like caulking a leaky faucet. He didn't really look at it as, yeah. No, there was like an artistic element to it for him. I get that. He loved it. He hated being a dentist until he figured that out. And then he loved it. And I thought, you know, this is a great way to make a living. And then I'll just be funny on the side. Like I was in high school. Right. Oh, you were like a little class clown. I was of such a pain in the ass. I made fun of my teachers. I drew cartoons of my friends. I imitated everybody. And in a way, like that's sometimes I like kind of miss that. Like just being funny for funny sake. It was pure. Yes. I feel that I would draw on the margins of my notebooks, like draw cartoons. And there's part of me that misses. Totally just being just totally from inspiration whenever and when you're not supposed to be doing it. Yeah. Like that's not a commodifying it. Instead of calling. Yeah. Part of my job, my best, just calling my best friend an idiot has become part of my job every, every week. And every time you think of something funny, it's like, okay, how does that translate into financial reward? Right, right, right. It's like, you know, you can't just fucking laugh and enjoy it. It's like, wait, is that something I can do on, on, you know, Colbert, if he ever fucking stays on the air long enough to acknowledge me? Have you been on any of those late nights? I bet you've been on Fallon. No, I've done. No, I did. Seth Meyers, which was so fun. That was a really fun one. No, I haven't done anything. You don't need those shows anymore. Yeah. The reality is you really don't need it. Like even that stuff is like, you're just totally fun. Right. Like I'm like, I want to do this because I grew up imagining being the guy who does this, but having four good YouTube videos. Yeah. So much more important than like going on The Tonight Show or some shit like that. But I still would love to do it, obviously. And it's like, it's pain in the neck for me because like, I did try until Conan moved from New York to LA and, and, and Saturday Night Live too. I did the cartoons there. Dude, TV Fun House. So fucking nice. And if anybody, by the way, and I do want to take a second and say, Chill of hands. Who liked the Anthony Houston? Yeah. This is very funny. You were literally watching this podcast. You're watching how entertainment has degraded over time. Because, because this is more popular than real entertainment. For sure. We're aligned here. You cannot run. You will not hurt my feelings. I also know this is a mistake of history. What my life has become is a mistake of history because you used to podcasting as opposed to like, you know, you did the fucking cartoons on TV. Check out TV Fun House. If you haven't, if you haven't, the ambiguous, the gay duo is it is so, so much of like, I mean, so much of what you did. You can just see in how comedy has gone. Truly like, like triumph in and of itself. It's like roasts. Understanding there was something people, you actually had an angle. It was funny. It was like, it was actually doing like, you know, this care. Why the fuck with a doll? You know, it kind of started where the joke was entirely on triumph. Right. Right. Right. The first time I did it, his punchlines, like three out of four punchlines were just for me to poop. Yeah. Just the shitty switcheroo of complimenting you and then just saying for me to poop. Oh, you know what? It does break my heart. I didn't get it for me to poop on. I will admit that. I'll get it back. At the end of the show, it'll happen. Oh, this call, call triumphs people, please. Let's see if we can get him in. I'll see what I can do here. The end of the episode. He's already in a limo on his way to, you know, I saw him sniffing two rockwilers on the way out. Yeah. A lot of dog piss in this neighborhood. Yeah. Couldn't wait to get out of here. No, but it was, yeah, the joke was entirely, almost entirely on him. And then it was like, we quickly realized we could bring it back because Conan as a talk show host was unbelievably funny, but he liked to make fun of himself more than other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And but we would have shitty, not shitty. I don't want to put these people. But I will do it. Shitty. You were on the late. You listen, you're the 1230. The second guest, 1230. No, no, the first guest. The first guest. And we would have people like, we would have people like John Tashon. Right, right, right. Who was like, you know, the audience is dying for Conan to make fun of him in some way. You know, or William Shatner or Pauli Shorer. Oh, yeah. We would have people like that. David Hasselhoff. Yes, of course. And Triumph became this cathartic outlet for the audience. Yeah. Like he would interview David Hasselhoff and then he'd say, we've got a very talented. You met him at the Westminster dog show and here he is once again. And yeah. And then he would rip the shit out of so great David Hasselhoff and the audience would be finally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's beauty of beer? What is like, it's distilled. It's like you get a nice shot of exactly what you wanted. Bang, bang, bang machine gun jokes. It was awesome. I mean, I loved it. And it is. Yeah. So much of it is like so much is roast. What's what does well is like sort of like roast humor or, you know, really good character based. I mean, the fucking the bears guys. I realize I've been ripping you off by doing a Baltimore version of somebody told me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who told me that? And it didn't bother me, but he said, I don't know if you know this guy. He's the president of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Yes. You know, Tim. I loved him. He was the first guy. He's from Baltimore. Yeah. Oh, that's right. He turned me on to you. He turned me on to you. He said, you got to you got to check this guy out. He's hilarious. And but yeah, I basically, I just want to say thank you because I'm realizing how much of your shit I've completely ripped off. The ambiguously gay duo is essentially come town. I mean, I mean, that is the jokes are like, we're gay or are we? We basically we got paid a lot more than you did off of that probably. You know what I mean? Good for you. Good for you. Of that concept, you know what I mean? And then just, you know, shitting on each other and then the bear, you know, the super fans sketch. Yeah, I basically just did a Ravens. And obviously I wasn't trying to. It was just you grow up with these things and you want to make fun of them, but it's universal sports fanaticism and stuff. I mean, that's a much less direct ripoff than like not to name drop, but I actually got Letterman on my podcast and I wanted to ask him this and I was afraid to. I didn't want to get into Jay Leno. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Letterman did ask here. We'll ask him. Well, no, we did something on. I was I wanted to talk about. I'm kidding. I don't have different friends with Letterman. Letterman run for the hills. He was within 10 feet of this man and that's on Letterman because he's missing out. Letterman is right. Yeah, he thoroughly repulsed by the concept of this man, much less his physical presence. I'm just saying this is what he would do. Yes, yes, yes. That's why I'm here to just talk about it because he's never going to know. No, no, no. Unless they do like five Apatow movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm a couple more Oscar nominated movies away from being able to do season four or five of, you know, my next guest needs no introduction, which they had a couple of stand-ups for a while and then he was like, all right, let's get the fucking energy. Like, really? No, it's next level. So you're you've got him on and what's the pod called? By the way, humor me humor me. I'm not the type of person. Thank you. They've already know about it. I heard about that. That's great. I'll talk about that in a minute because it isn't really like a conversation. It's more like a stunt show. But Letterman, I wanted to ask him about I was telling him about how everything that he had done on the late night show, I would not let Conan do when we took over that show to the point where I wouldn't even let him do fucking remotes, which is the best ever. And I'm like, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone who's copied, I've seen people try to copy Dave and do that and they look terrible. Dennis Miller did it. Right. And then if Sejak did it, I'm like, if Sejak couldn't pull it off, how dare you think you fuck was I think Vietnam veteran Pat Sejak couldn't do it. You can Harvard boy. I don't think so. But I the very first bit we did was like the reverse of the Letterman bit. Louis CK came up with it. It was called actual items. And it was like Letterman did small town news where you just hold up. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Leno did and then Leno stole it from him. Yeah. And I wanted to ask Letterman about that. He did just straight up rip that off. And then if you ask him about it, it's like, why Dave invented headlines all the fun. Dave invented the new. It's like kind of. Excuse me. In this context, yes. I was like, what else can we joke about the polio back theme to Dave invented the polio back theme. It's like, no, it was such a blatant ripoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn't have the balls. But well, hey, you told me about wanting to ask about it. So that's that was like 6% as entertaining as if I had done it with Letterman. Hi. Fair enough. Fair enough. But I like to bring back triumph whenever you requested. No, no, no. I that the way what was actual items and it was just because I remember this bit. He came up with it. It was basically like, would you believe you can't make this up folks? And then it was totally. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Look at this headline. I mean, look at this ad for waterbeds and then look over here though in the corner. Right. I actually remember this now. You know, and I don't remember what the joke, but it would have been something like, look at over here in the quarter. Hitler would have never. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just some random thing about just complete absurdism, not approved by Adolf Hitler. Why would they put that in? We don't need to know that. That's an assumption. Well, who knows? Maybe the rest, the remotes. I know you mean about, you know, it's when you're starting a show, you want to be fanatical about what the tone is. What it did was it forced us to put our own stamp on that time slot and we did. You definitely the characters, the like absurdist stuff, masturbating bear. Yeah, yeah. Or just interviewing celebrities by doing their photograph and cutting out the mouth. Yeah. And that's and Triumph actually came out of that because Letterman had been doing Westminster dogs, like running up and down the aisles, like real Westminster dogs behaving like crazy dogs. And it was funny. Yeah. But my wife had just given me a bunch of dog puppets because we were newlyweds and we were at a furniture store that had a rack of these. Yeah, yeah, other animal puppets and I, they were so realistic looking like Triumph face and and I just grabbed one, put it on my hand and immediately sniffed her ass with it in the middle of the store. You know, she thought it was funny because, you know, this is the perfect woman for me. And then she surprised me with like seven of them. And then like two weeks later, I'm watching this Letterman Westminster bit and Westminster really was coming to town. Oh, wow. And that's what made me think of that whole bit. And then I do Triumph to like four months, four years later. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. But we had other Westminster talents like a dog, you know, two dogs did dueling banjos and another dog lit his own farts and another dog. This was my favorite. Another dog was like an impersonator. And so, you know how Triumph had a fake paw? Like so we would give this dog the fake paw and he would put his head, he was put his head paw on his forehead, like Jack Nicholson, hacky impersonate. Right. He'd be like, I am Jack Nicholson. You know, just the hackiest. Maybe Schwarzenegger in there too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the whole every Jack Nicholson impersonator put their hand, you know, they would kind of get the balding. Yeah, it was kind of like a, yeah. I'm Jack Nicholson. Yeah, you show the ball. You make yourself look widows peak. Yeah, me and you don't have to take a lot of, do a lot of work to do that. No, we're headed up. That's exactly, exactly. You knew a hat guy instantly when you'd started going. How quickly did you go to hats? Fast. And what age were you in dental school? We went fast for me. I had a pretty healthy Jew fro until I was in my mid 30s. Oh, that's not bad. And then I still like didn't quite realize how gross I was getting, you know, and then by the time I was in the Conan writers room, the standard, the grooming standards weren't that in the two early 2000s, Conan writers room. I was like a seven in that room. It's like when they talk about a Midwestern 10, you know, the Conan writers room ads, like six digits. Yeah, that was, I mean, I can't imagine, but that is a, that's a fucking, you do have like, you like a legendary run of, you know, even when you're going to Chicago to start, you're, you were like an improv group with Odincurc, right? Like not quite well. No, I met early on, but he was doing his own thing. Okay. And but you're playing at the player. Yeah. Tell me, I went to this place called players workshop, which is also where Bob had started. And it was nice. It wasn't like second city where it's like, okay, you're going to learn how to like, you know, F Scott Fitzgerald. Oh, you know, people love to pretend what they're doing is bullshit. And to the what improv people love to pretend what they're doing isn't bullshit. They love to put like real rules. The second city that like when I did like a UCB class and it's like, I know the Harold and all that fucking, there's the 10,000 yards stare about improv. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes when you get the Harold going and you're just like, you're just out of, it's out of body, man. No, I could never do that. I could never improv like that. And I also felt I would watch it. Even, even the corny stuff like where it's a game like, okay, you're in a proctologist's office and it's 1929 and F Scott Fitzgerald, you know, you're right. It's a Shakespeare theme, whatever those kinds of games. And that's the shit they were doing it second city. That was the early shit. And then they got into the more sophisticated stuff you're talking the Dell close stuff. So what was the players thing like, I would watch this and I'd be like, this is, um, I want to do stuff that's funny because it's funny, not because it's off the top of my head. Right. You know, it's like, this is like, if that was a sketch, I don't think I'd find it as funny. I'm just like, it's like a magic trick. Right. I want to, so I thought improv was a very useful tool. Yeah. And that's how I started using it at second city. What they did that was really interesting. They would do their second city show and then they'd have a set afterward that kids could go, you could go for free. You didn't have to pay for the show. They will let you sit in the back or stand on the back and watch great improv performers and they weren't doing the games. Shit. They were working out sketches. They would pretend they would say they would take suggestions from the audience and shit. And then they would tailor it to a sketch. They were already doing based on your suggestion of Nixon. Here's a restaurant in Washington, DC or whatever. Right. Right. You could see and they're really talented, amazing people like the most famous that I got to work, watch work was the guy who ended up being a Dan Castellonetta Homer Simpson's voice. He was there and a lot of amazing Mike Haggerty. You may be familiar with him. He was in a lot of John Hughes movies. These guys were so funny and it was really inspiring to see them just work out sketches in front of an audience. Totally. You have a premise, but you're improvising off the premise. That was always the interesting thing about Second City because like you, I kind of feel the game stuff is not that useful, but I liked how they would kind of almost like stand up. They would have a sketch and they just work on it in front of different audiences to get it to feel right. Yes. And the best ones were the type of sketches that you didn't see much on SNL because a lot of times when we were on SNL, we would write like one joke premises where it just builds and builds because you don't have time to like work on it and give it real texture like these guys did or the kids in the hall were like that too. They always worked on their stuff and there were so many jokes beyond the premise and that was really cool. Yeah. Anyway, so what was the, because I've the group you're doing in Chicago, what was their sort of philosophy? What kind of stuff? I wouldn't give us credit for having a philosophy. It was just guys trying to be funny. It was just people like, you know, just guys who and girls who would watch these guys and we just come up with our own premises and work on them and develop them. And I was a little more of a TV guy. I had more TV parodies than Second City usually did just because I was a TV nerd and but actually ended up lending itself to writing for SNL because when, so I got SNL because a guy in my comedy group got into a movie that Al Franken and his partner Tom Davis back then were starring in and it was shot in Chicago. And so they came to see our show and they really liked it. And Franken was like, you're like, you remind me of a mixture of Harold Ramis and Albert Brooks. And I was like, so I'm Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. But he was great and they took us out for beers and that was it. We thought that was the end of it. We felt like some validation. Of course they liked it. But then like three weeks later, like Saturday Night Live had this gigantic turnover where Warren Miclens came back. Oh, that was that was the timing summer. Get the fuck out of here. Because people did like, he did this insane or he left. And they did. They put a book cast, which when you look at the people, the talent was incredible. The eye for talent was absolutely correct because it was like, yeah, like you said, Qsack, Quaid, Robert Downey Jr. Fucking Michael Hall, who was hilarious. Yeah. Michael, all those John, you use these. Yeah. Julie Louie, Jyphus. Well, then no, that was later. That was previous. That was previous. Oh, never mind. Okay. But that but that crew, I remember seeing that the crew that failed or whatever. Yeah. All those people are they became super stars and different ways. Yeah. Like casted that was right. The rest, the rest of the infrastructure is just weren't necessarily sketch performers. I mean, Joe and Qsack is still one of the funniest people I've ever met. And she school. Yeah. School Rock is one of the funniest performances I've ever seen. And then making her horny for the bass player at the end. Yeah. And it clicks. It's like, of course that character is so repressed. And this exactly her guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was that she's all she's like boiling over that whole scene where she's talking about Stevie Nicks and yeah, you know, I'm fun. Yeah. Just trying to convince Jack Black that she's anybody who can turn Jack Black into a straight man. Yes. Has got skills. Totally. An energy you don't see when someone is completely singular. Yeah. You're like, fuck. Yeah. I mean, I'm not close to that, but they've not exactly nailed it that way. Who reminds me of her a little bit and who just made Jack Black a street man. Do you watch SNL? Yeah, I watch it. Oh, SNL. Well, Ashley Padilla. Have you heard of this? She's really funny. Yeah. I mean, I have some friends on it and I don't watch it as much. And I didn't know. And so usually I'm kind of aware of people who come. I'm like, oh, fuck. Fuck. Yeah. You know, whatever. Marcelo got it. Sarah. Sarah is a big fit. She's been on the show a hundred times. She's one of my, you know, a good friend of mine. But I didn't really know Ashley. And yes, she has that kind of like exactly that. Right. A little Q-Sack that she's got that Midwestern and she can tap into that mania. And she doesn't mug. Doesn't mug. Just plays weird people. Yeah, it's understated, but a crazy person. Very real level. Like just like 10 degrees crazy. Totally. Incredibly original. Well, I mean, my favorite. Yeah. I mean, the guys who really fucking turn it up, it's like Conor O'Malley, Tim. Oh, they like they. Robinson, Tim Robinson is so funny. My kids, I have like, they were like 12 years old when that show came on the air. And I they never had any interest in SNL. Like I would occasionally they knew what I did and they wanted to see some of the stuff I did, but they never wanted to watch the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Tim Robinson's show, they watched every episode, every season. They fucking loved it. That's fascinating. Yeah, they got it because it was more human comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just connected with them. There is like a base sort of like primal element to like Tim Robinson and Conor to where it's like some of it is guttural screaming. Right. It's just like literal guttural. And it fucking they found the context to make it work. But yes, Ashley, I don't know her, but she's so so fucking funny. And yeah, they have some good there is a lot of there's some talent. Many people on the it seems like a nightmare job, though. Seems like I mean, I know it was scary as hell. So you're so first year, especially because now so the context of you coming on the show is there they had this huge turnover. It was never have gotten hired if they had. Oh, holy shit, I was like they turned the entire staff over. And this is what was the 1985. OK, years ago. Hell, yeah. And they turned the entire staff over. And then I actually back then the Writers Guild would let you hire people at below scale. Like, no, seriously, the fucking me or own fucking guild. The the you know, it was a good thing. Oh, it's a good thing. OK, being on the production side as I was later in life. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you have a budget. Yeah. And there's nothing you can do. This is your writing budget and what they were. Oh, the huge conglomerate that gives you the budget. Yeah, give you a little more money. They could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Then I was like, what the fuck's with NBC? And I realized, no, this is the budget. Lauren has he's making the decisions. Right, right, right. He's got to with the money he has. But me and two guys from Kids in the Hall, Bruce McCull and Mark McKinney. Oh, wow. We're all paid like two thirds of scale. Yeah. And it's like. Otherwise, one of us wouldn't have made it. Yeah, yeah. You know, if you give that person the option, all three of you are saying, yeah, yeah, fucking pay me nothing. Uh huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like they were going to do it in perpetuity. Right, right, right. I didn't it didn't happen my second year, but. But I wouldn't have gotten the one of us wouldn't have gotten the opportunity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, and I think there's a logic to that. If people are just starting out. Yeah, for sure. As long as you can do it. But you said the key word perpetuity, because what will happen now is they'll be like, oh, well, I mean, we we signed you onto that. And then you're three, they'd be like, so you're good with that number minus five percent. You know what I mean? Well, now they just like bring a young writer in. Yeah. Okay, so we're going to scan your brain. Yeah. We're going to pay you scale to scan your brain. And every time you think we get a little notification, you think from here on in, even after you've left the show, we own it and that's OK. You know, oh yeah, we have a year option. We have a year option. I'm down. I'm down. And my name is on the show. Yeah, for a week. Yeah. Yeah. But you can always say, you know, you've got that screen cap. That's right. We'll get you a chain. We'll get you a picture on the stage. That's all you need. Yeah. And, you know, in your obituary, 70 years from now, you know, so and so former SNL writer died penniless. Obviously, there's no pension. I mean, you know that. Of course not. But that must. I mean, so this is so I mean, it's nerve wracking to get that show as an accomplished comedy performer, writer, whatever. But you're talking about your fucking four years out of fucking that. But I was like, I grew up with that show. And I think I was really the first fanboy like SNL. Family 85. Yeah. Yeah. So when I was a teenager, we would stop our high school parties to watch Saturday Night Live. You know, and I just remember like, must have been a lot of pussy getting got at those parties. Believe me. You're like, what's pussy? What's pussy? Andy Kaufman's on. Are you? You want me to care about a vagina? Look at him. He's the foreign man. He's so funny. He's fucking got his hair combed weird. Yeah. You want me to think about kids? He's talking with a funny voice. That's all I needed at that age. I mean, we were I went to like the nerdiest school to like just mostly Jewish kids on the Upper West Side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, every every party would be stopped. Yeah. For SNL. So when I got there or so, you were not only was I like nerdy about Lorne Michaels and writers, I fucking knew people on the credits. Like, you know, there's like this woman, Audrey Perdickman that I would always see every week. And I'm like, yes, I know you. The production coordinator and like a fucking set designer because there'd be like Rolling Stone articles that I would memorize. And it's like, yes, Akira Yoshimura, you do the sets, but you are also spectacular as Sulu in Michael O'Donnie Hughes legendary Star Trek NBC sketch. So are you happy that you weren't born? You're lucky you weren't born with the Internet because you might just be a Reddit guy that never leaves his house. You might be running the SNL message board instead of actually being on the show. It's a miracle. I got hired because I know a lot of funny people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of funny people that never did anything. Yeah, totally. And so I'll never I never take it for granted, you know. And I guess I just. The only person that and I was so in awe of the place that I wouldn't like a lot of people get there and they're like, I'm going to get you in. I'm going to get you. I couldn't do that even with my for people that I love. Yeah. The only person that I ever recommended was Bob Odin Kirk. Yeah. I got him in because he was the funniest person in Chicago. We all agreed totally that he was just mind bogglingly. Ahead of everybody, in my opinion. Yeah, I had a better career at SNL than he did. But yeah, he was he was a fully formed comedian. Totally. Totally. You know, I was like, like you say, I was out of dental school just figuring it out. Yeah. Happy to be there. Not dental school out of pre dental. Yeah. Couldn't even get the dental. Yeah, I was just trying to figure out how to write comedy. And Bob was just way more advanced. And that's probably why he didn't succeed at SNL more because he didn't care. I could see that when you have your own voice. He wasn't in a place. Of course. And like I was trying to score. He's trying to put it and he inspired me in a way because I think I got more free with my comedy writing even. And I was more confident having been there a couple of years and I had a lot of success. And then. But I started writing sillier stuff because I saw Bob and then Conan got on the show. And he also. Oh, yeah. He he really wanted to succeed, but he inherently had less. He was less in all of the place as well. You know, he was like a more of a money Python guy or SCTV guy. Oh, wow. Loved SCTV. But I was like a kid from Manhattan and to us. Saturday Night Live being the coolest show on TV and have being a New York show. Yeah, it just means everything to me. Johnny Carson had left the tonight show to move. I'm getting really dirty for you are. And I love it. People who are like weren't didn't. If you didn't serve in the Vietnam War, I apologize. For all the references. But there was no marquee show on in New York anymore is what you're saying. No, that it was like SNL was all. And New York was like a shithole. Right, right, right. I love totally totally like my favorite movies are The Wizard of Oz and Taxi Driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taxi Driver. Similar themes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I just love the way New York was shot. It was so grimy and but real. Yeah. You know. And so I loved I thought I was the coolest kid living there. Totally, dude. But but I really went SNL. Like had that opening montage celebrating New York City. Yeah, it just meant everything to me. Totally. I mean, I get that. When I growing up, I was a comedy nerd. Yeah. New York, the first times I visit, it feels like fake. You're like, I'm really here. I met the famed comic strip. You know what I mean? Like I got I got barked into the. I get barked when I'm 14. I got barked into a 5 p.m. at the comic strip. And I'm like, wow, I didn't know they had 5 p.m. At that era, they did. And here is the 90s. This is this is no two thousand years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is probably 2000. Who went at five o'clock? It moron children who don't understand. Younger morons. Yeah, yeah. It was like me and like, you know, it's exactly what you think. Getting barked into it. It was probably a 6 p.m. At the comic strip, it was me and five people. And, you know, and it's one of those things where you've done a horrible show where you're like, who are these fucking idiot tourists? They barked into this. I give you credit, man, for having the resilience to stick with it because I couldn't. I tried stand up. Really? I will like what changed my life really when I was a struggling, whatever, pre-dental idiot. I was I had already transferred to NYU. I didn't live on campus because my parents lived in Manhattan. And back then, NYU hadn't bought the entire village. And why you was a piece of shit back then, right? No, that's how I got in. No, I mean, it was not it was not what it is now. It's just very funny because, you know, you read about NYU. And it's this you see a marked shift where it's like a lot of your heroes went when it sucked. And then there's like a yeah. And then like for me, when I moved here, the kids that went to NYU were like some of the most high achieving. It was like it was basically it was almost like entertainment industry Ivy League, basically, because it's like that and maybe USC or, you know, whatever, film schools. But like NYU, like now it's fucking those kids go in there. And I mean, like half the even the kids from like on SNL right now, the like, please don't destroy kids. Oh, there are. They were they met you and they had a bunch of fucking all the there's so many people that came out of there. There's so much more comedy going on now. Like there's like improv groups, many improv groups that are happening in the school. Yeah. But yeah. So that's I just wanted to because there is a because the NYU we know now it's like New York in the fucking 70s, 80s was not, you know, no, no. So you're living at home. I'm living at home because they wouldn't let me live in a dorm. So I don't know. I know the kids in my classes, but and I'm struggling, like I said, like I it's funny because you grew up there, too. So it's like you should have a social circle, but they all left for college. Yeah, yeah. So they have I find out they're they're throwing a stand up contest. Oh, nice. And I'm like and I'd always seen, you know, should I ever try stand up on a Monday night at catcher? Yeah, you strip. And I was like, what if somebody I know sees me at NYU? I was like, no one's going to know me if I eat it. It took being so socially depleted that bombing could have no negative impact. Yeah, yeah. So I wrote an act. Yeah, I just wrote an act over like a week and I just did it. And I tied. I was like one of three winners. Yeah. And and where was this? Where was it? It was at the like the Student Center. Cool. So a big room and they, you know, wow. That was the first time you ever did anything comedic. I never performed. No, I'd done I've been funny in front of my kids. I mean, my friends and I was like in the lead in the school play or that kind of stuff. You act you did. You did. Yeah, yeah, I loved. I was in summer camp, yeah, yeah, yeah, summer camp. I would do funny things, but never in front of strangers. Right, right, right. Never made strangers laugh in my life. And that made you think like, all right, I can fucking do this. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's possible. And then I never left my brain after that. Maybe I could do something, you know, and then it was really I still finished pre-dental because I was like now it was like damage control. Of course. What am I going to get out of college? Of course, I still finished it. But so I that contest led to another college like the winners we got to compete against other colleges at the comic strip. Oh, six. I got a normal hour. Yeah, yeah. And I did a similar act, but I modified that. A lot of NYU humor. Like this is my campus. Yeah. Try showing your ID at the Webster Hall and getting it, whatever, those kind of jokes. Of course. But I also. So then I went to the comic strip and I added this bit about Reagan trying to keep his dick down while fucking Nancy. Good stuff. And it was like he's like fucking Ernie's like, you know, instead of a baseball or whatever, he's like social programs. Children eating vegetables, giving the poor a fair shake. Yeah, all that kind of treating AIDS. Yeah, exactly. It was all that kind of stuff. So that was my closer and it murdered. And as it should have. And I can't remember what what ended up making him come spontaneously. He slipped into something that I don't know if it led to Jodi Foster or something. I don't know. And then. But then so I won that contest. Wow. And then I got a spot. Wow. The comic strip. Yeah. And then I did the spot and they gave me a 930 spot on Thursday. And I did OK. Not a bad spot. I did OK. And then the manager, you know, gives me, you know, your materials top notch. You just got to get used to like, you know, hey, folks, how you doing? You know, be a regular person. You know, I'm like, OK, regular person. Anyway, did that guy know who was about to take over stand up comedy? Little did they know in the 70s, it would be nothing but dorks who can't make eye contact. Yeah, stand up. The next four years is like 1982. Even late. They had no idea. Yeah. At post post fucking sport. Right. It was hoodies and no eye contact. And my heroes were not, you know, regular stand ups. My heroes were like Steve Martin, Andy Kaufman. Right. Right. Right. And so like I would start the act fucking dressed up as an orthodox, you know, synagogue patron. I had I literally went to Coney Island. I went to Coney Island because you couldn't get cotton candy anywhere else back then. Now you can order it on Amazon. Back then I like took a fucking subway all the way to Coney Island. Wow. Got like tons of cotton candy and went on stage with a fucking cotton candy beard. Incredible. And I just did this Andy Kaufman thing to start the show where I just like be like the old men in my synagogue. You just pull out. Yeah. Pull out a prayer book and like no, didn't give a fuck about the audience. Started turning. Yeah. With his with his finger. And then I would do it as long as I could until they started laughing. And then I would keep going until they started to stop laughing. And then I started eating a piece of my beer. Then I would get. And I can't remember how I segwayed out of it. But then I did a lot of conventional stand up after that. That's beautiful, though. From an artistry standpoint, the fact that you had to that bit cost you six hours of your day, probably. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like, oh, that's nothing. Yeah, six hours. Just the other day, Letterman was my guest. Yeah. And I wanted to it was the day after his birthday or a couple of days after his birthday. So I wanted to give him something as a present. So I don't know, again, the people who served in, you know, Iraq. Yeah. Remember this. He would like have a bit where he would talk to the audience and after the audience would do some testimonial about a brush with a celebrity called Brush with Greatness, he would like, we have a gift for you. It's the late night ham. Yes, of course. So I had I got a you know, we had stickers with the name of my show, Humor Me. So we gave him a ham with late night. But then I also had seen an episode where he's like, and here's a special gift for you, stationary from the office of Tom Brokaw. It's like shitty NBC stationary. So I was like, oh, that's too funny. Yeah. So I literally like. How do you get stationary? I went to Walgreens. I couldn't find stationary. I just wanted plain fucking stationary. I finally went to that store, Michaels. Yeah, the art store. Sure. And like, I got a box of like, you know, plain stationary with just an envelope. And then I came to went to my house and I like matched the font from the desk of I made it Lester Holt. Because that's just a name that I knew would make it loud. Yeah, that's a good one. And I figured out how to. And then I'm like, God damn it, how do I load these? This is an eight by 10. You're type setting. I'm type setting. I'm doing this and like, I'm putting it in the fucking printer and it's saying it doesn't match the size. And I literally took hours and hours to give him this stationary for the last bit. You know, this is 40 years later and I'm still. I love it, though. Like to get it right. Yeah, you got to get it. I don't give a shit. I'll do whatever it takes. And there's something about the effort. Put it. It's there's a metaphysical. Yeah, you gain something from the more of your soul that's in the bit. I really believe that that it will. If somebody handed you that, yeah, you wouldn't be saying it with the same verb. It's true. You wouldn't be you wouldn't be like, this is my moment. You wouldn't have to. And it meant more to it meant more to me that he liked it because of all the work. Of course. And on the other hand, I'm like a father. I have children in my house. You have someone who could do it. I need help with my homework. God damn it. Letterman must be pleased. I need to see a rise smile or you're fucking dead. You hear me, kid? If Letterman doesn't give me a rise smile, you're sleeping on the fucking streets. I'm sorry you got a C plus, but wait till I show you a copy of Letterman's rise smile. You put that on the on the fridge. You take down your kids a plus. You put a fucking Letterman smiling at your lester hole cover the C plus with a smile. That's fucking great. Was there a moment you talk about how how intimidating and stuff as getting an SNL, what's the moment? Not the first thing you got on, but what's the first thing that you were like? This is me. You know what I mean? We're like, this is I'm in my element. I mean, tell me the first thing you got on that you're I'm sure you're pleased with that too. But I mean, like, was there a moment where you're like, oh, yeah, this is a type of shit? I finally cracked doing my thing because, you know what, I don't know if I ever had a thing. I think one of the reasons I was successful there was because I was versatile in terms of like what made me laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like I've done everything from incredibly broad comedy with triumph to really subtle stuff in some of the movies I've written for. It was really hard to get subtle stuff on SNL, though. Yeah, I could see that. Like there's a sketch. I I would say the sketch that was the most me that I submitted didn't get on. And it was like something that Jim Downey loved. Huge fan. He's the man. Man. Yeah. One of the great writers in the history of the show. And he was the head writer that first year and from a number of years after that. And the Billy Madison speech he gives. Oh, yeah. When we were kids. I mean, I had I probably still if you gave me like eight minutes could come up with it from memory. I had no idea. Like that's that that's what I'm that style of humor just pervades. It was so fun to see. Totally absurdism. But anyway, so you're he's a performer like he wasn't even a performer, but he has like three popular memes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that one and the Jeffrey Epstein thing. The Jeffrey Epstein thing went crazy. It's fucking insane. He's so fucking funny. Yeah, but I submitted this sketch called It's a Wild, Wild, Wild, Wild Kingdom. And the joke was that it was there were a lot of hidden camera shows. You know, it was called Candid Camera, but there were other ones, practical jokes on people. And so I wanted to do a show where they played practical jokes on animals. And so it was called It's a Wild, Wild, Wild, Wild, Wild Kingdom. And and it was jokes like, you know, we would have a goat. We would shoot a goat from, you know, a surveillance kind of camera. And it would be next to a mailbox. And that was like an old staple of like these shows. Yes. Get a load of the goat's reaction to the moving mailbox. What's he what's going on with that mailbox? Look at the goat's face. And it would just build to like we told this turtle that it was going to meet Bert Reynolds. What's his face? When he realizes that it's a Bert Reynolds impersonator. And there's just a snap zoom on a turtle. So fucking funny. Downey loved this pit so much that I submitted it like twice. And Lorne Michaels went, what the fuck are you doing? And Lorne Michaels said something really profound, like my second week there. He said, if you make the cast look good, you look good. I'm already worried about that cast. Right. Somebody's got to help Anthony Michael Hall. Right. Right. Right. Right. And but it was really smart advice. Yeah. To be an SNL, right? Because SNL really is about letting the performers shine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how, you know, I figured out how to how to work there for the most part. Like I said, like the first few years, it was really just trying to come up with the smartest ways to do stuff that'll make the performers look good. Yeah. Well, they put you on camera a little bit too, though. You got to be on there, you know, I mean, actually the very first week, I was a backup singer to Madonna. Madonna was Madonna was the first guest. That's crazy. The biggest star we ever had. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is like peak material. Total. Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. She was the host and I wrote a sketch where I got out, I got a sketch on my very first week. It was a Spanish. It was a it was like a sabado gigante. Yeah. Yeah. You got to just thought of this was before La Isla Bonita, but I just looked at her and I just thought she'd be a great. Her face is just perfect to play a Spanish variety show hostess. So I wrote this sketch with the two Canadian guys, the kids in the hall. Guys. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And I wrote a mashup. The beginning of it was a mashup of take on me, Yaha Song and La Bamba. And somehow I created this mashup, which did it with a Spanish beat. And Damon Wayans, John Lovitz, and they needed a third backup singer. So it was me. I'm just it's just so fucking surreal that I'm just living in a cot. Yeah. In Chicago, two literally weeks before. Yeah. I shared an apartment with two other guys and we'd alternate. One of us has to live in the living room and sleep there on a couch. Of course. Well, then like three weeks later, whatever. I'm Madonna's backup singer. That's fucking wild, man. Well, what about OK, so what about Conan? Was there like a thing? I mean, at that point, you were you already were so locked in with Conan. We I mean, just the actual when we started that show, the actual bits. Was there like, I mean, obviously, trying to outlive that was that was. Yeah. But that was years later. That was much. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, with Conan, it was all about like coming up with shit by not doing what Dave did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even going back to before Conan got the gig, I was like dreaming of like, what would it be like? Because Letterman was we knew Letterman was leaving and the first person they asked was Dana Carvey. And so immediately I was like, we could do sketches. We nobody's ever done that. Yeah. Like a sketch kind of format where you play characters and you know, Steve Allen had done a little of that. This guy Steve Allen. Of course. Before I was born. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I just knew about him. And but when Conan got it, that's what led to like, yeah, we can do a lot of performance oriented stuff. And we and the philosophy was we're going to make shit up. Letterman did found humor with stage hands and people on the street. We're going to make shit up. Yeah. And so that's what we did. And we but we like, I had so much confidence back then. Yeah. Because I was coming off like eight years of SNL. Totally. Banger sketch after bangers really cocky. And, you know, it was a little stressful because Lauren had was the brilliant mind who realized that Conan might be able to do this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a great pool. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you see the first year of doughy ass Conan. You know what I mean? He's got he kind of looks kind of chubby, too. He looks like a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just how his face is. He's obviously not a fat guy ever. But like, but he just looks young. Yeah. He was so nervous. Yeah. And he's setting up bits for like 10 minutes. You know, so we thought what would be the best thing to do, you know? Yeah. No, he was scared. And but before the show started, he was just this guy who made us all laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the in the office and I was like, he's going to be fucking so fucking big from the start between these bits that were coming up with him. And Lauren would say, anybody? Do you think what if he doesn't? Yeah, we got it. That's we really were like that. It was like, really? Does he have to? Yeah. This is this is my time, man. Because it was like for us, it was like, this is going to be our playground where we can do all the silliest shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That we wouldn't dream of doing Saturday Night Live. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and you got to fucking do it. No. And now now you're in the mud. You're in here with the in the podcast space and you got you got your own podcast. Tell people about it. Oh, yeah. Because you are here in the slot with the piggies now. You used to be TV film legendary bit after legendary bit. Of course, let's not forget your star turn as the chemistry teacher and Billy Madison. I've already I just talked about, you know, Downey's my performance. You got to be more like Boroughville. I was being a lot of sampler movies. And it was fun. The guy who got thrown through the door and of course, in Happy Gilmore. Of course. Yeah. And the wedding singer, you know, a lot of people only know me from these five 30 second cameos. It really is the iceberg thing where it's like people might know you from, you know, this camera like, oh, that's a guy who I guess I guess that's a struggling actor who could only book these things. And then they see you have the fucking largest comedy writing career of all time. It's like the iceberg peaks this much. Most fun acting I ever had was doing curb. I got to do curb and I got to play this foul mouth baseball. I was a mechanic who sponsored his softball team. And Larry Charles, the director was like, you know, brought me on as like, I want you to do a pregame speech. And I was like, can I be dirty? And he's like, please. Yeah. Yeah, that was that was the best fucking awesome. But but yeah, in terms of fuck, what was I thinking about here? I was the pod. Oh, yeah. What's going on with the pod? So, you know, working people find it in my sixties and I'm I'm clearly past my prime now. I don't know. You get so I was like, time to do a podcast. That's what so many, you know, so many people I admire. Some of my colleagues, right? You know, everybody from Ted Danson to like, you know, practically the whole cast of the office of every fourth lead on any big sitcom. Now I love the rewatch where it does a rewatch pod. Yeah, we're going to do. Yeah, rewatch. Yeah, let's talk about, you know, episode. I love that like I love Susie and Jeff and I love curb your enthusiasm. Yeah, it's one of my favorite shows. One of the best shows. So I was excited. Oh, Susie and Jeff were doing one. So when they get to season 11, I'll get to be on. And I saw like Susie, the like about a year ago. And I was like, so what year are you up to? Oh, we got canceled. He made it to like season three and a half. Yeah, the secret is they have to be sort of famous, but not famous enough that it gets in the way of stuff. Or people just don't want recaps that badly. Is it? Yeah. Well, what? It's start. I think the one that really did it was the Sopranos recap. And that was Imperiali and Sharipa. But Imperial and it was during the pandemic. Yeah, I think the Sopranos is so good. Yeah, an Imperial and those two guys have such a Sharipa is just the man. He's just like classic. Yeah, tri-state, you know, awesome hospitality, just classic what you want. And then Imperiali is such an interesting. He's got the he's such a, you know, specific actor. Obviously, you know, also, there's no pressure on them to be really funny. No, no, no, no expectation is much lower than Susie and Jeff. Yeah, exactly. A comedy podcast. You're right. That's a great point. They have to. That's a really great point. Is it's like it's not as funny as the show. If it's a comedy, exactly. You're right. There's all this pressure. You can do you can do a rewatch on a drama. Yeah, because then being funny is fun and it's a change of pace. That's a great point. The comedy ones are never going to work. And there's also like a mystery to like what was David Chase thinking at this point? Right, right, right. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Curb. It's like, well, wasn't he fucking funny? Oh my God. Odin Kirk killed it. Yeah. He really did kill it. Yeah, he really did kill it. Yeah. We'll be right back. Guess when we come back, guess who else killed it? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But this is not like that. Your podcast. My podcast. My podcast was my wife's idea, actually. So during the pandemic, actually, what I did have a lot of fun doing. I was I got this opportunity to do a sketch show again. I never wanted to do sketch again. I did the show where it was a terrible idea in my head. It was like Fox wants to do something like spitting image with the fucking live puppets. And I was like, oh, that's terrible. There's already Saturday Night Live. I'd much rather see humans do their take on politicians than some fucking inanimate puppet that can't blink or change expressions. Yeah. And I'm having this conversation with my manager and I said, you know, the only thing that would be funny is if they interacted with humans. And then I stopped and like, oh, that would be fucking funny. Yeah. If I got like an Alec Baldwin puppet to yell at paparazzi. Yeah. Like real paparazzi. An Alec Baldwin puppet to call his daughter puppet a rude little pig. You know, that would be really well too. No comment. Alex a friend. No one funnier on 30 Rock. He is the funniest thing about you dug your hole. Yeah. He's never gonna. He's never gonna. Coming on stop. He's well. He'll come and say, thanks a lot. The fuck's the matter with you? Actually, that would be a great podcasting, getting dressed down by it by by Baldwin for me. Like Baldwin puppet next time. He'll just do 30 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. You think this is entertainment? Anyway. So. Yeah. So I had a writer's room on on zoom and we just had so much fucking fun. And I like had forgotten how much fun it is. The most fun part of doing comedy is coming up with the totally the riffs. The again, it's like not for it's not what I want to do. It's ironic because I said improv is, you know, but. Ripping. Ripping is fun. And so I was like, what if we did a show like we call it the not a show and we're just coming up with sketch ideas for a show that's never going to happen. Of course. And that seemed fun, but. My wife was like, I don't know if that's going to sell. You know, it's just a bunch of old white men making each other. Yeah. She said, but what if you make it interactive? Yeah. That's like, what if somebody, you know, you have a call in line and people want to help like somebody's got to make a speech at a wedding or somebody's got a job interview and they want to come off funny or somebody wants to write somebody a fan letter and wants to impress that person. And then you and your comedy friends will punch up, you know, or come up with ideas. And like that really is a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not only because even if we come up with bad ideas that are fine because they're inappropriate somehow. Yeah. And so that's what we've been doing. And I have like all these funny people on. I'd love to have you on anytime. I'm so down. And we would, you know, we've had like a guy from an acapella group came on. He's like, we really need help with our banter in between songs. That's actually such a hilariously ridiculous premise. So I had like Mikey Day and his writing partner, Streeter. They're like literally two of the best writers who've ever been at the show. They're amazing. And we just had a great time talking to this acapella guy. But then. We they did a show and we had people like bring cameras. And we saw what they incorporated that we used. So we have like an epilogue. So we also have an epilogue to find out if any of our advice took. Yeah, I like, you know, it's a one. It's this American life does the callback. Yes. Yes. Yes. So so yeah, where are they now? Yeah, what happened? We have epilogues and we bring the person back and they tell us how they did. And we if they're if it's an audio thing, we or you know, or if it's video, we we show clips. I love that. That's great. I mean, again, that's just a you just have done more. You're doing a better version of this show, basically, because what we do advice, we do advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love that you're actually catching up with them. And when we get a callback, that always is that always is a thrill. So why don't we why don't we fucking give this to give some real advice? I would do that. I mean, I'll do my best. But this is I'm terrible at this. This is great. I mean, every every problem they'll have, I'll just try to punch it up. Please. No, no, jump. That's the we don't have to help anyone here. Oh, good. We don't have to actually help anyone. I'm not a healthy, normal person. We can roast them. That's you know, I don't want to do we we've done that. OK. Yeah, they know what they're signing up for. OK, good. We'll just and tell the people what's the podcast called. Oh, it's called humor me with Robert, Michael and friends. And it's going to be available. It debuts May 8th. It's available right now. What is it? What's today, eldest? People like me. If they like that idea for a day, it's the week after May. Is it May 15th? Yeah, it's either May. Yes, it's May. It's either out or it's about to come out. I think the show's out right now. Everyone, check it out. What a producer. This show starts on Monday. Yeah, it's already available. It's available, baby. Why? I harder. Wherever artists are exploited. Yeah. Spotify. Apple music, you name it. Wherever we're getting pennies on the dollar. We're there. Elvis plays a call, baby. Yeah. What's up, stop, Elvis, esteemed guests. So I got a little bit of a dilemma. So my grandma has said since I was a kid that if any of the grandkids get tattoos or piercings, that we get cut out of the wheel. Now, as things stand, it's just me and one of my cousins still in the paperwork. My grandpa was a farmer all his life. They ended up finding some oil on his land. Oh, I'm pretty sure on grandpa's. There's a nice check waiting for me if I hold out. Now, I don't know if she was bluffing or not, but I really want to start getting some tattoos. I'm into, you know, more alternative golf girls, and I think it added might help me clean up a little bit more in that area. My grandpa passed about five years ago, and I was waiting for my grandma to, you know, before I started getting them. This is. I figured, you know, after grandpa died, she wouldn't stick around for too much longer. But she turns out she's not kicking. And, you know, she's had some hard problems here and there, but she's not stopping. Now I'm 27. Problems here and there. My biological clock is starting to tick. And I don't know if I just hold it. Yeah. For to get tattoos. Yeah. Biological. This guy's on the phone with his fucking grandma's cardiologist. He's like, buddy, look, this tattoo is in from fucking Vancouver. If I don't get goth, Chucky, if I don't get hellraiser on my back, how am I going to get pussy from Latina baddies? Goth, Latina's fucking asshole. That's so funny. If that's the only way you're going to get laid. Having a goth tattoo. I don't know. I just I would maybe just I would hit on your grandma. I have your best shot there. That's a good point. How can we get grandma to die faster in a positive way? Maybe you get somebody to dig her down. You know, maybe you're both. Maybe you could both or, you know, have grandma go out on a high note, maybe. Is there more to this call, Eldis? Biological clock is starting to tick. And I don't know if I should just pull the trigger on these tattoos and disrespect my grandma. Or if I should hold out, hope she wasn't lying about cutting us out of the wheel. I don't know. Maybe I just get some tattoos you can't see. I don't know. She's like 88. So like could go for a while. Oh, no. What do you think? My grandma's 94. I would think of some other way to attract women. Then the tattoo, like maybe, you know, develop a personality. You know what I'm saying? I feel like there's other ways beyond tattoos. Sure. Sure. And listen, by the way, you could get tattooed by a goth tattoo. Now we're talking, you know what I mean? Get her some tattoo. Get by the way, you could wear a goth. Woman. Oh, buy her. Buy her. How about the if you're trying to fuck a goth baddie? Why don't you take the 500? I mean, I don't know how much money you have for this tattoo because pretend you're like some kind of goth sugar daddy situation. You know what I mean? And by the way, what's stopping you from wearing a all black suit and getting a little eyeliner? You know what I mean? Why? Why does this have to be goth? Let's be goth other. Where about some black leather pants? Oil yourself up. Get into some of those. You know what I mean? Tattoo. And that what about? Can you try it on? Can you try on some henna tattoos? You know what I mean? Are you going on vacation? That grandma won't know the difference. She's too old. Can't get away with a henna tattoo. Yeah, I assume this man, if she's taking it that seriously, he might be Jewish because that's like a. Yeah, you know, let him be buried in a cemetery and that's any grandmother's dream for her children is that they get to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. It's like a priority at their feet. And she most grandmothers want to be buried with you like you're their dog, like their king Tut. She wants you in the mausoleum with you with her. So I would say get goth in other ways. Get goth, you know, be Toby McGuire in Spider-Man three, grow out your bangs. The venom, the worst. Spider-Man wasn't good, but he is emo. He's venom for a set. You know what I mean? Channel him. I would say don't you can't. And by the way, you think you're not disrespecting your grandmother because you're you've you've launched a when will my grandma die timer the way perverts had like a when will the Olsen twins turn 18 time or going. No, you're you perversely wanting your grandmother to die. So you can get a tattoo is disrespecting. Problematic. You're not you're not not being disrespectful right now. You're literally rooting for your grandma. So I'm pretty sure that goth will go out of style before your grandma dies. Like, you know, I don't know. I think it's here to stay. Goth is finally here to stay here to stay. I don't know. I've been doing a lot of touring the Midwest. Goth sort of like the way fashion kind of goes to the middle of the country and everything is like 10 years behind or it just kind of stays. Goth started in like the 90s. Goth is goth is in small towns now. Like you go to a regular town in like the Barista or the Gladiate Walmart is a little goth goth is mainstream. I bet this guy isn't even calling from the I bet this guy isn't even a coastal elite elders. Give us a let us know where his area code is from. Don't dox him fully. He's got to be from. Yeah. Not not. Huh. We'll bleep it. But it's off there. I mean, see, I'm 100 percent correct here. Yeah. Yeah. OK. So this buddy look. Grandma's not fucking around. And she's from. Don't blow the inheritance oil. Start. Yeah. Get some fucking get some eyeliner. Oil. Slick your hair. You know, get a bull cut like Toby. Get bangs. Get like bangs you could fucking do over your eyes. And then when you see grandma clean up nice, but right now focus on trying to get head without the help of tattoos. That's what I would tell you. There's got to be another way. It's got to be. I feel like I feel like it would be like more gratifying if you just learned how to get pussy normal too, because it's like you also don't want to be like a lame tattoo late bloomer. That's true. I think he said he's 27. Twenty seven. It's kind of there, but definitely like, you know, I see. Especially when you're in your 30s. His real problem. At some age, it's not going to help. Yeah. It gets really depressing when you get the divorce double sleeve. When you get the divorce back tattooed, that's a fucking problem. So that's his real issue. It's not OK. So to give him some grace, it's not that he wants his grandma dead. It's that grandma's life is happens to be coinciding with his prime tattoo years. And so and I do agree. If you're in your 30s, getting decked out in tattoos. And you, you know, and there's not some reason for this. You're not you didn't beat cancer and you're celebrating. You're just a 30 year old lame guy who was who now thinks you're cool. That's not going to work, bro. I fucking promise you. So yeah, get like I said, you can. What are Goths into? Dracula fangs. Yeah. You know, I'm kind of an old guy. Sure. Sure. Sure. You remember I was into no, but I was. Back in the 90s, the girls love fangs. So I imagine the same thing now. They liked fangs in the 90s. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you weren't a goth guy. Alvira, though, I'm sure you must have beat off to Alvira. You know, you're my sons are listening. Can't talk about. You know, I'm not going to. Wow. So you're so you want them to know their dad's a liar by you. No, I'm not taking the fifth. Alvira. Oh, yeah. She was pretty far down on the list. Yeah. We have different tastes. No, goth. Yeah. It's he's going to be fine. He just needs to just needs to find something out. What if he just like, you know, what? What are their goth activities? Right. Right. Right. They would inspire a goth. Here's what you do. Maybe you could say, oh, I opened up this makeup. Whole set. I have this makeup store. They got me all this black lipstick. I can't use. I'm giving away black lipstick. And then you you put your address. Now you put it on a bowl. It's like the goth girls are coming trick or treating for goth for black lipstick. But then when they show up and it's like, what's with this guy? He's not tattooed. Well, that's where I thought the henna might come into contact. Maybe pretend you're an supplier of goth of black lipstick. Right. And that you got there. You got too much at the factory. Right. Or if you and get your henna tattoo and your Dracula fangs and your Dracula fangs. And I think that ought to do it. I think if you give away black lipstick, you should be able to get some pussy from goths. If I had a gavel, I would smack it. And I would say next question, Elvis. Where'd you get a gavel? Miss Pat will come for your whole can. Maybe I could smash whole cans together. Not a bad idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, stop. My name is Sam, a big fan for a long time. You guys are doing well. You and the guests and LD just got a question for you about dealing with some neighbors and or my wife. We are married with two little kids that have a two year old and a seven month old, both girls and our next door neighbor has two kids. Also a little bit older. I think the older one is three years old, not quite four. And he has started peeing outside the house. Like on the side of the house where my daughter's could potentially see it. The neighbor's kid, the neighbor's three year old boy is pulling his dick out and pissing. It's a kid peeing. That's what he's worried about. I had the house where my wife and my daughters could potentially see it. Oh, come on, man. It's a little bit. My wife has brought it to my attention that I need to go and talk to his dad and tell him that this isn't appropriate and it needs to stop. I'm a little uncomfortable about that. I don't want to start trouble with an otherwise good neighbor for something that I think little boys just kind of do. Hell yeah, brother. Oh, I was hoping you could give me some advice on how to start this conversation. Right. All right. Thanks, man. Wow. You're now going to be able to do this. This guy has the neighbor has sons. It could be so much worse than a three year old peeing. Yeah. I mean, look, dude. Yeah, absolutely. Three year old peeing is like adorable. What are we doing here? Humanity. What's humanity? We you know what I mean? It's like people piss. Now, if it's just dad, if the dad is pissing at the. But even can I honestly, if the dad is pissing off the side of his porch, that would that would be fair to listen. I'm just saying my own backyard. I want to be able to piss on my every once in a while. I get that. But if a little kid is seeing it, right, right? That's true. That's the only. If the dad is pissing with his dick pointed to your window, that's a big problem. I'll give you that. If you could just. You know, five degrees to the left so that your dick, even even the silhouette of your dick, it's just I don't want that. If you do it around sunset, so it really is. We really see it. Oh, that you're the shadow that your dick is casting. It's just it's not during sunset. It's so long. My daughter can't miss it. And it's making me insecure. I know it's just a shadow, but I don't like seeing a dick that much bigger than mine outside my own home. Yeah, that's a whole other can of worms. Yeah. What if this kid, what if this little kid has a big dick and that's just making the dad jealous? That's a big. I can tell he's going to have a bigger dick than mine. You know, his dick's already kind of dangling. It's kind of dangling already. Look like it's three. Did it dangle yet? How much hang time did my dick have at three fucking kids like dangling almost as far as his balls and I'm sorry, I don't want my daughter to see that. Something so obscene, such an obscenely large penis that goes almost down to your whole balls. Yeah. Where there's smoke, there's fire. It's usually about my experience when people complain about their neighbors, kids, dicks, scratch the surface and the guys got insecure dick issues. So it seems like you've got a little ass dick, man. Yeah. And that's OK. And that's fine. It's OK. You can have a very. Unless your wife is the one, your wife's instigating this. So maybe she's maybe she is like trying to let you know, let you know that. You gotta step it up. She knows. Yeah. It's making me really uncomfortable having someone with the same size penis as yours, pissing outside of their yard. All right. So let's. I don't know. I just like. I don't think I think the wife needs a talking to. There is a little bit of that. There is a like, because I think. I guess my question is how often has this happened? If this is the thing where the kid is out there, you know, three times a fucking day or something weird. OK, but. If did this happen a couple times? It has it gone to the level that you have to say something. He makes it sound like it's happening a fair amount. Yeah. Did he did he really specify? Not really specify. He just said that. Talking to the mic. You're the producer. The kids. I have to tell you that started doing it. This is fucking insane. Recently. So OK, so I would say keep tabs on it. If it raises to the level of something to say, we have to say something. First, I would talk to your wife and be like, look, I get it's a little weird. He's a little fucking kid. Let's not let's not be crazy about this. If I were to have a conversation with my neighbor, I would I would just kind of be joking and be like, exactly. This is kind of a humor me situation. Super. Like make be light about it. Fully be like, oh, pick up and you have it. Your kid is like, is that like how? Well, now I'm thinking now I got to think of something funny. Just think of something funny. Yeah, I think it's some funny. Just don't you have people you could ask who professionally do this dialogue? It in. That's what you say. Oh, yeah, dude, just go in there. It's like. What's he going to do when it snows? He's going to. You know, is he going to pee? Then we'll know he's done it. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you just got to go into them and be like, oh, your boys. It literally just be like, my man's out there. I see my man's out there pissing on the fence or just, oh, I know that move. Like whatever, just gentle kind of like what's up and just talk to him about it because it'd be like, is that like a new phase? Like what's he? Because by the way, innocently, the parents don't. You think these parents want their kid pissing outside? Oh, who knows? I guess that's true. I also we got a little not to be, you know, again, a coastal leaf. We I did hear a little twang on our callers on our callers voice. That's all right. But I think ultimately I'm with you. It's not that big a deal. Talk to your neighbor. Like it's kind of a fun thing. And be like, oh, I see what's going on. I remember I used to piss outside all the time. It's like, well, he just started doing that. And he just fucking just learned about pissing outside or whatever. Whatever. Yeah. Like when my if my nephew got into a pissing outside phase, we would joke about it. If you know what I mean? Makes sense. If and then the guy he'll probably be like, what the fuck are you joking? You look at my fucking kids, Dick, you fucking pervert. Yeah, you look at you know, my son piss outside. Yeah. Why the fuck are you looking at where my son pisses? Meet me outside tomorrow. And so, yeah, you could be in a duel at high noon for all we know. Yeah. But, you know, I say, keep it jokey. But it's better to joke about it than to confront him in a serious way. Hey, man, we got to talk. Everything OK? Yeah, it's about. It's about the your son. And his tendency to you know what I'm talking about. I think you know what I'm imagining that about your toddler. Yeah, I would take that tone. I'm my wife's a little worried. My infant children might see your son's penis. That's the other thing. Your kids are small, too. Who fucking cares? Who gives a fuck? Right. Yeah. Fuck. It's kind of healthy not to be. But seriously, you don't want to introduce shame at that age. That's a great point. Right. And it does feel like your wife is coming at this from some type of propriety thing. And it's like, guess what? Little kids do inappropriate things all the fucking time. He's a three year old. It doesn't matter as long as this kid isn't pissing outside his hole in a year. All right. I think we really clearly solved that guy's problem. Next question. Elders. Yeah, chill. So far, neither people had a serious problem at all. No, that's the beauty of the show. Drama queens. OK. Savvy and eldest and guest. Basically, what I want to ask is. So I am a sex worker and escort in particular. So I want to thank you for your support of sex workers on the contest. And we appreciate that. We're hope we're very pro on this podcast. I was like, Jen, because I have this client and he is really hot and Mary is and shooting on his wife, the normal M.O. And basically the last time that he came to see me, he admitted that a couple of appointments before he, the condom broke while we were having sex. And he ended up coming inside of me. And he picked this for fucking Robert, man. This is the first real problem. This is the first one that's an actual problem. I'm I'm good. I'm not going to have good advice, but I'm I'm interested in hearing it. It takes a wholesome twist. Oh, does he? All right. You go ahead. That he knew the condom broke like last time I saw him. And I. This is the fucking this the pretty woman reboot. This is the gritty reboot. No, but if it were any other client, I'd cut him off for pulling some shit like that, brother, but he's like, no, he's not and really good. Stop, dude. Stop. What are you fucking talking about? I've ever had and I don't really want to give him up as a client. And my question to you is, do I have to? Yes. Do I have to never see him again? Yes. Is that like really, really fucked up? Yes. Or can I just like be more aware? No. In our sessions while I'm seeing him. Are you out of your fucking mind? Kind of just like get over it because I like to see him. No. That's my dilemma. Thank you for listening. Let me know what you think. Bye bye. I'm more torn than you are. I'm sorry. I mean, when you think about it. Sure, sure, sure. People are performing a service. True. Like you say, you claim to be pro-ho. I am. I am. I am. This is a woman who's actually deriving a modicum of real pleasure. Real pleasure. Yeah. From one of her clients. Right. And, you know, most of the time she's just taking it for the team. Of course. Of course. Of course. Taking it for the team. Yep. Sucking it for the team. Right, right, right, right. Taking it from the behind for the team. Yes, yes, yes. Servicing the team in a number of ways. Yeah, yeah. Fucking worst of all, just whacking it for the team. And here, I don't know. There's a part of me that's like, it's not like being a sex worker is the safest job in the first place. Sure, sure, sure. So it's like, oh, you might get pregnant. I mean, I'm assuming that the guy, I mean, he could not. Would raise it, of course. First of all, he could marry her and raise it, of course. Oh, no, I'm not assuming. I would make an honest Christian out of her. So I guess she didn't get pregnant. I guess so. So maybe the guy's shooting blanks. Oh, it's possible. What if she, what if she's got the triple. Gets the guy, what if she tells the guy, you got to get a vasectomy? He'll be like, yeah, I just did. And then be like, oh, good news. I actually got one yesterday. So can we keep going? Yeah, right. That's a good point. I would say ultimately, you're still your job. And let's say you worked at Subway and one of the people there, it was really hot. OK, sorry. Yeah, she was really, you're sexy. Accidentally gizzed on the credit card that he handed her. And as soon as you made the best Italian BMT of your life, he nuts all over it, doesn't tell you. And I have a confession to make. I mean, I did, I did press 25% for your tip, but I don't know if you noticed, but there was gizz all over my credit card and it probably clogged up your machine. And the doctor pays not working. I can't risk my machine getting clogged up again. But he gave me a 25%. I don't know. Yeah. OK, ultimately, I think you should make a principled stand here because this is your job and you have to set baseline standards. And if you start letting this motherfucker nut in you, next thing you know, he's doing weird or shit. Wait a minute, who says he's going to continue to nut in her? He's he's what if he's like, I swear to God, you know, you can inspect the condom before we, you know, I really don't think. Create that kind of bullshit standard. I think she's she's not in control here at all. He has the ability to control her clearly. That's fair. And so I think I don't I mean, and I'm going to guess the psychology of, you know, if you're if you're an escort, a lot of people I've met who are sex workers, there's a psychological component to what attracts you to that, why you're good at it, whatever, whatever, that I think this guy's probably tapping into some problematic shit in your, you know, in your sex worker psychology. But but he does he what about the fact that he confessed? Like, think about it. Sure. If he saw he fucking broke a condom, he'd buy like how many other guys could have just, you know, or sure, sure, like, I don't have to tell her. It's also she doesn't have to ever know that it was me. It's also a little worrisome that as a professional, you're not keeping tabs on who nuts in you and who doesn't. Well, yeah, that's the fact that he had to confess is a little worrisome about the OSHA standards. She must be really into this guy. Yeah, she was in the moment. Yeah, exactly. When your whole day is me, you and Eldis and then some fucking some fucking hot guy walks in, you're like, oh, nice. So I get it. I get why you're swept up in the moment. But I would say you have to set boundaries. And here's the other thing. Talk to more professional sex workers, obviously, who know about the funny podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But reach out to people who are because my hunch is that I get one. I get the I get the reason you want to. You don't want to do this. But I think you must set a standard for everybody to keep you safe to make sure that this guy is, you know, who knows? Maybe this guy confessed. Maybe he's a good guy. Maybe he's also playing mind games here. Maybe he likes having control over this person who maybe at first had very strict boundaries. But the more they get to know each other, they're loosening. And he's seeing how much can I get out of this is pure speculation. I like to see the best in people. I like to see that. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Been my standard firm as a comedy writer. I get that. As a dog puppeteer. When it comes to Philanderers who not in sex workers, you like to see the best in them. I'm more of an Ellen DeGeneres kind of comedian. A Cosby DeGeneres type. A Cosby. Yeah, yeah. And our worry here is that this guy ends up a real Cosby type. We're feel good comedians. Yeah, I see that. No, you're right. He could. I just I don't know enough about the guy. We have the guy call in. That's a great. We I would actually love to talk to him as well. But that's what I'm going to tell you. Reach talk to like some some more experienced sex workers. That unfortunately is my and by the way, make sure you're double checking and seeing who's notting in you and who's not. Because you're in a dangerous line of work for multiple reasons. You don't want to get some kind of weird disease or whatever. So it sounds like most guys, she's just it's just a job and that's like all she's thinking about. Yeah, yeah. She's at the factory and then this one guy, she's in the zone. He's in the zone. I get it. You know, I get it. She's getting her pussy eight nicely. Kind of feel like, you know, you want her to be in the zone once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perks of the job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So look at the very least. OK, reach out to them. Reach out. Talk to people who are more experienced at the very least have a real like if you ever do that again, you're fucked. Conversation, set a real boundary. But my hunch is you must maintain boundaries when you're doing a job like this. And you know, you know, we're doing the best we can, but I just want to offer a disclaimer. I'm a fucking idiot. Let's just make that clear. I have no idea what I'm talking about. And, you know, so just take that into account. Yeah, Robert's like, I've never cheated on my wife with a sex worker. Don't ever listen to me at all. That's true. And it is true. It is true. I said that in a jokey manner, but we all I think we all know that I got excited by the set designer at Saturday Night Live. This is as nerdy as it gets. This is an earnest man. It takes a nerd to make fun of nerds. That is true. That is true. And we've got affection. Yeah, yeah. We've got a nerd pervert over here. We've got a classic nerd over. I'm not saying I'm not a pervert. Don't pigeonhole me. I'm sorry, you're right. Just because I'm straight laced and, you know, nerdy doesn't make me not a pervert. Jesus. You're right. And that's fucked up that I would assume that man. And I hope you accept my apologies. Again, my sons are listening. They're pissing out in the backyard as we speak. I would have let them. Yeah. I don't know. Again, I just like there's nothing wrong with shame at that. Yeah. Shame at that age. And like, you know, shame is shame is a plague. I think it is. In many ways, that's a plague. And this lady as a sex worker shouldn't have shame. She shouldn't. But the John who knotted in her without telling her, but he did tell her. That's right. You're right. I mean, you're right. He exhibited some shame. Isn't there a place in forgiveness in this world? Again, it's a great question. If Triumph were here, he would say the same. Yeah. I think Triumph is very pro sex worker via the guess. Oh, yeah. Triumph helped Frank Sinatra bury hookers in the desert. Just got a long history of back when you could call them hookers. Of course. Of course. That's back in the day, folks. Now we would call them. Baby. It is. What else we got? Well, listen, guess I am a bartender. I have some regulators who come in probably like five days a week, four or five days a week. Okay. Every time they they nut the beer without telling you beers and three shots before they go to their bartending jobs. And then they give me like 30 or 40 bucks. Nice respect on that 30 or $40 bill every time. That's alcoholism for the love of the game, by the way. Kind of. So he's torn because they nut it inside him. And I want to keep this going. After three or four drinks, they want to fucking nut inside me. And sometimes because they're drunk, they forget to use a condom. And I don't want to give birth to a, you know, a female turd. Sure. Sure. That is not 70% of the calls on this show. Yeah. I did. Sure. Come back. There will be another nutting inside you question for sure. I promise. Sorry. This is hilarious. So respect to these. I love when you see a bartender. When I'm in a bar at happy hour and you see a guy come in, you just see a guy come in, put fucking 20 on the thing. The guy serves him. It's exactly this situation. Usually you see beer in a shot and the guy leaves immediately. That's one of my favorite things to watch. Just as an addict, real addiction. This motherfucker is so, it's so about ritual because these are bartenders. They, I guess they don't want to seem, you know, but they could sneak getting fucked up at their job if they wanted to. They really want to, they could drink for free, but going there, supporting another guy, supporting the whole ecosystem of drunks. I love seeing shit like this. I could see that. It's like, it's like, you know, being a fat guy, just getting an ice cream cone on a hot day for just for just because, you know, you know what? It's dessert time. It's time to support my local ice cream truck. Yeah, I have ice cream at home, but I'm getting them fucking Mr. Softy here because I want to help the fat ecosystem. Let's finish. Let's see what else they have to say. All this end of worried, like, I know I can't afford to do that. Should I ask them to stop doing it? That sounds crazy. I don't want to fuck my own money. No, but like, they don't need to be doing that. If they just like 10 bucks, I'd be fine. I don't know if I feel like I'm really like asking them to stop. Pay for your. You didn't need it. Do you know the career of Kevin Spacey? Have you heard of pay it forward? That's the only thing I know him from. He's a great actor and a great guy from what I can tell from the character there. I think it's I think it's based on hurt much about it. Actually based on him as a guy from what I can tell because I'm not really familiar. Yeah, I think he's I think I'd like to do more research on him. Yeah, yeah. I don't know much. Except he's very all I've heard is that he's very warm and giving with children. Yeah, he's kind of like he's really he's a big mentor for people in the community. I know just in general. He has he is conducted events in Mixers Park. Yeah. At night, networking events at yes, networking events in public parks, often late at night, because people work when work days. Of course, if you want to, you know, you don't have time for self improvement unless it's off hours. Yeah. And this is when, you know, he waits until people have already had their, you know, their day and they've gotten all their activities out. Maybe they've seen a movie. Now they're tired. Their resistance is low. Right, right, right, right. I don't mean resistance to getting nutted. I mean, no, no, no, no, no. Their resistance to sure changing their life, not wanting to have a good time. Right, right, right, right, right. In a public park in the middle of the night. Their inhibitions are low. Yeah, their inhibitions are low. You know, anyway, he's a facilitator. He's a facilitator. He's like a party facilitator. Yeah, yeah. So I would say, can you be the Kevin's? No, no, this is great. Yeah, the Kevin's space you wish to see in the world, you know, you know, the pay it forward. The pay it forward thing. Yeah. So you're getting tipped out of control. Instead of telling these people, fuck, you know, you could look, you could have a conversation with them, sure. Why don't you go tip a fucking, even poorer bartender than you a little bit? Or give a, you know. I mean, again, I'm a nerd. I don't do a lot of this stuff. Sure. How many bartenders do you see who really take on that role of like, this guy's a mess. He's got to stop. Yeah. Are they pretty consistent? I think that's an old fashioned archetype. Right. I don't really think you see that anymore. You don't see that anymore. The guy polishing the glasses as they come in. Hey, what's going on? Life isn't cheers, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I know. I understand. But, but I think that's why I'm asking. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think, I think though, this guy's saying it is cheers. It's kind of cheers for them though, because he sees them all the time, five days a week. So they have some relationship. But they're functional. They're not obviously they're going to work. Right, right, right, right, right. So they're not even there. It's not like they're making a fuss in the they're not making a scene in the bar. No, no, no, he's just he just is being the guy. You're concerned for that. Yeah, that you're saying who even is this guy? This guy even exists. This guy wants to be the caring bartending archetype. Right. Which is cute. But I also think. But on the other hand, you're a bartender. You're a fucking bartender. And they're bartenders. And they're bartenders. These aren't like these aren't like college kids. Like I remember when I when I went to college, my scholarship just put the money in my right. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like and I did them like there were times where there'd be like a thousand less than I needed to pay for school. Because that for like two weeks, I saw the account. It was so these aren't like, you know, college kids. You can't afford it. Kind of like telling a coke dealer, dude, I'm a little worried. You're going a little. Are you are you snorting? I'm a little worried. What's up with this turquoise pinky nail? You just got installed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just you got to you got to pull it back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. From the dealing. No, no, from the from you. One step at a time. Right. Right. Right. It was like a crazy before you walk. Yeah. Let's take care of you. No, I'm still going to deal. Of course, you got to make a living. Yeah. But you can't listen. They know, by the way, these are probably older bartenders than him. Right. I think this guy, this is the circle of life. This guy's like, these guys can't afford it. He's in his 20s. These are 37 year old bartenders. They're broken down. You know what I mean? They have nothing. They're about to get. I have a buddy who was talking who's like about to get divorced. And he's like on vacation now because he's like, that fucking bitch isn't getting half. She's like, I'm dwindling this shit down before she gets shit. These guys could be spending their ex wife's future settlement money for all you know. Right. Yeah. These guys are down, dude. They're coming every fucking day and getting three shots and three beers. And you think a little talking to from a fucking 27 year old bartender is going to change their lives. They're not going to listen to them. They're going to be like, that's cute, honey. And then they're going to worst case scenario. They're like, oh, thanks, man. They will never come back. They'll never come back. They'll be like, fuck. They'll go to the bar next door. They obviously think they've got it under control if they're able to work. Yeah. You know, seven hour shift after that. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. They got their system. And speaking as a man who for like, there was three years of my life that are a complete fugue state, right? Where I was just like so addicted to mostly food, but also pills and drugs and whatever the fuck at the same time, they're probably doing a great job. They're probably, I'm, I was in the fucking zone when my addictions were completely controlling me because that's how you get away with staying addicted. You have to stay good at your job. And so look, there will be a rock bottom for them. There is for everyone. You ain't the motherfucker that's taken him out of it. Enjoy the extra fucking $240 a week. You're fine. Or if you feel guilty, give the money to a methadone clinic. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, yeah. I think the beautiful halfway point here is donate a little bit of it if you really don't mean. Donate it to rehab center. Yeah. Yeah. Totally, totally, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking go to a, go to a, buy all the stale donuts and coffee for a fucking 12 step meeting or some shit. You know what I mean? You'll figure it out. It's like one of the dumbest things that there was a trend. I don't know if it's still happening. Do you remember this when, and I'm a tree hugger, sure, sure. Roll pussy, sure. Me too. Of course. Nerd. Yep. Bitch. Saturday night, live, whatever. I'm so many bad things. Jew. That's yeah. Whatever. Old piece of shit. You want me to keep going? Yeah. Ugly, receding hairline. I'd say fully bald, but sure, receding hairline's fine too. All right, all right. All right. Thank you. The crowd disagrees with me. All right, I've been proven wrong. He has some hair. He has some hair. I forgot what my point was. And a piece of shit. Tree hugger liberal. Oh, yeah. Do you remember when, so this is like the having it both ways. Yes, yes, yes. Like donating to a methanol. Remember when people, there was this thing that was going on where if you were environmentally conscious, they would figure out your carbon footprint. Yes. So you wouldn't have to sacrifice anything. Like, you know. Right, right, right. You're a cast guzzling car or the insane amount of heat or air conditioning. Right, right, right. It's a million things that we all live with it. And half the people complain about cars and all our fucking, all our VCRs and televisions are like on all the time. We've got clocks in that kind of shit. Just as bad. But anyway, I remember, I'm not going to say who, but a comedy writer who was an activist was like, you got to do this. It's great. They figure out your carbon footprint. And then you have to make a donation. Oh, and that fixes it, huh? Isn't that convenient? All I have to do is give some random guy. And we're talking about like you're fucking polluting the environment. You're speeding up the death of the planet. What if you made that? But I gave money to people who are going to protest. People like me. This allows them to break up meetings with Chevron corporate speakers. And they walk on stage and they say, and we throw some pain on them, something old school. Throw oil on an oil exec. That's not bad. If you guys, I take the do domestic terrorism. We have two different opinions here. I'm saying fund it. But you could do both. I think there's fun domestic terrorism. I mean, look what happened. I mean, some of it works. Like nobody wears fur anymore. Yeah. That's pretty fucking great. That's what I'm saying. But I know you're saying where it was like, it was kind of like the thing where the Catholic Church is like giving you dispensations or whatever. Where it's like, oh yeah, you can keep sinning. Just give us 80 bucks. So it's like, yeah. You're making up for what you're, for the damage you're doing. And by the way, you're not because you could just do both. You could actually not pollute and give money if you really wanted to make a fucking difference. I'll give money, but only if I can, you know. It's the breaking even. You're basically just like, well, breaking even, that's the highest form of activism I could possibly think of. We want to actually make progress. No, how about yeah. We want to move it and then move it back. But you don't listen, buddy. You're not fixing the, no, no, you're right. That shit is fucking dumb. And it's like, look, you're not gonna, you can talk to them in the way that they're regulars and you can have a rapport. And I think that's fine, but don't ask them about their tipping. They know what the fuck they're doing. It's not about you. If it's not you, it's somebody else. And yeah, you know what? That's a good point. Don't even bother fucking donating any of the money. Use it on, buy it on cool shit. Get sex workers and use a condom the whole time and tip them well. There you go. Everybody's getting fed in the Stavies World ecosystem this way. You know, and maybe subscribe to Robert's new podcast. You've accomplished a lot. Eldis, you have something fun for us to go out on here, little buddy? Hey Stav, hey Eldis, hey guest. I hope you're all having a wonderful day. To keep it short, I'm planning a little Euro trip with my best friends for the summer. And we're gonna be bopping around, going to a couple of different places. And one city that I'm super excited about is Amsterdam. Because I've never been before. And as with probably every other stone or on the planet, it's been like a lifelong dream to- Eat from space cake and do mushrooms at a cafe in Amsterdam. So I really, really want to. Even for non-stoners, it's a dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny when you go there. And it's like, because it is awesome. But I hate to, now I'm being a fucking pothead, hipster, where I'm like, sister, it's not what it used to be. Where it's like, when you went, dude, the first time you went and weed is illegal here. Right. And you smoke weed there. It feels, if you're doing something illegal in broad daylight, you're like, now, I mean, I have like, probably $800 worth of different weed that I've forgotten just in this. I bought weed with a fucking debit card. You know what I mean? But not to be a dickhead, sorry to, it still is pretty fun. When you hit at a cafe and you do the whole thing. It's like gambling in Las Vegas. Like you can do it in your fucking basement now. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But there's a glamour to doing it in this town where everybody does it. Where so many people have killed themselves. That's the thing I can't get out of my head when I'm in Vegas hotel, the nice hotel. I'm like, thousands of people have killed themselves in here. I'm at the fuck, I won't say a real name, but man, you're just in one of those. You're like 10% of the rooms in here have seen death. Right. Easy. And that's the worst. They've seen a lot of other shit too. But still the glitz and the glamour still does get you when you're on that strip, baby. Well, Vegas isn't what it used to be either. Yeah, that's true. Everybody's dressed as like you. Yeah. Right? When I was like 14 years old, my parents took me to Vegas. Oh, wow. Which they were very cool parents, you know. That's awesome. And but we had to like wear fucking jacket. I had all that dental bonding money. Yeah, dental bonding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we like, and I had to wear like a jacket in the casino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And somehow they let us play. Like back then it was, you know, a mob run and nobody gave a shit. So I played blackjack. It was a 14 year old and a fucking in a big lapel. Yeah. Oh, super. Yeah. Brown my suit. Fuck. Yes. It was the 70s. Fuck. Yes. But yeah. So I get the, you know, but that's actually a great point. I wonder if Amsterdam is just like filled with cargo short kids. I think it kind of unfortunately is now it literally, it's not guys that dress like me. It's literally me. And now everybody goes to like, I love Amsterdam, you know what I mean? And I'm in a fucking floor. I'm in a Hawaiian in shorts. You know what I mean? Like I'm not, but I think, I don't know what it was back in the day, but still Vegas is a great point. Is a great comp. Cause it's like, yeah, it's not what it used to be, but they're still, we play a lot of casinos. Yeah, it's still exciting to. It's not Vegas, you know, the other casino, they're fun, but you're in Vegas. And at night Vegas is so much more cool looking than in the daytime. It really is. I mean, so is New York actually. Yeah. But there is something at night with all the neon. Totally. No, they tap into that. You can't see the cargo shorts at night. Yeah. It's just everything's. Okay. Let's finish her. Oh, sorry. The problem is my friends who I'm going with, it doesn't really do drugs like that. Like she will, she'll partake a little bit, but it's just overall not really her thing. So if I wanted to go, you know, eat some space cake or like smoke some weed, she likely would come with me, but just not like do it herself. Okay. And it's not really fun to, you know, be stoned around mushrooms by yourself while your friend is sober next to you. You're gonna make friends. But I also don't know if I'm ever gonna get a chance to go to Amsterdam again. Yes. So my question is, should I just do drugs anyway? Like by myself? For sure. Or should I? Yeah, you just go. She's going right. Be mature and forego the space. Be mature. Enjoy some quality sober time. Everybody over 12 says the word mature. It's hope and pray that I make it back to Amsterdam. What do you think? This is so easy. Come on, do drugs. What are we even talking about here? Do the drugs. And by the way, I'll say, I, me and elders have actually benefited from this. We have been, we have a friend, friend of the program, straight George, who does not really do drugs, you know? And so we have- Why is your friend isn't judging you? Yes, exactly. As long as you, I would say it's about the dynamic. Because I have, I would actually say, if you're with a really close friend, who you trust and like, having them be sober is a positive. Someone now is Google maps-ing. Cause I, me, you know, I've been fucked up. I'll have plenty of days where I'll just kind of get fucked up beyond, you know, I'll take a hundred milligrams of intervals and I'll walk around. And I'll be trying to get dinner for six hours. Cause I'm just confused. I'm like, oh, I should go here, dude. Oh fuck, I'm on the wrong train. Whereas like, we had a be, one of the best, some of the best members of my life, for me and Eldis, stoned out of our fucking minds on mushrooms and straight George, driving us down the fucking, we were on, where was it? Uh, Was it, uh, Mahalo? The PCM, Mahalo and Drive. We, yeah, we went up, we went to the PCH. It was fucking awesome. Could he handle that, like a whole week in Amsterdam? Like, would it get old? But I think he gave us one awesome day, right? We had that one great day that it was all about getting fucked up. But I would say for her, like smoking a little weed, that doesn't count as getting fucked up to me. That's like having a couple of beers, right? Like I, if you're, Is that all she said she wanted to do? She wanted to take mushrooms. Well, I would say, you don't do mushrooms. You do mushrooms once in the week. I don't think you would, you're not doing mushrooms twice in a week. Yeah, that's fucking, and by the way, we actually knew an insane guy who was addicted to mushrooms. And that should have been the tell that this guy was going to lose his mind. People, when people move to New York and can't, standups when they move here, they start doing shit like getting addicted to mushrooms. Oh God. And making weird, anyway, so I would say, tell your friend. I think it really depends a little on the friend. Just want to make sure that the friend can handle it. That's fair. Okay. Again, my sons are watching. So I shouldn't talk about this as if it's cool. Right. But, you know, they have, they're in high school. They have friends who are doing all. I'm sure they don't know about drugs. No, no, but one of my sons has a million allergies and immune issues. So he can't drink. He can't do all kinds of shit. And he has a good time. He's like, he's amused by his friends. Yes. At parties. He's used to it. Totally. But I don't know if he could handle like a whole week. Totally. Amsterdam. But here's the thing. It's a, this is a conversation, right? Does your friend want to do something kind of boring that you don't really want? Can we do a little horse trading? Where it's like, you want to go to some museum? I don't give a fuck about. I'll give you your boring music. Although I will say the museums in Amsterdam are great. I'm sure. Is there something you can do for your friend? And you can also say, by the way, look, if you and your friend were going to fucking Rome, and she was like, I want to spend, I want to see the Coliseum one day. And you're like, I'm not going, you dumb bitch. You'd be like, oh, that's kind of rude. You're going to Amsterdam. You are going, hey, I want to do mushrooms one day and walk around the parks. I mean, of course. That's what you fucking do. So I think it's really reasonable to have a middle ground. It sounds like her friends would probably be cool with it. Your friend knows you, right? And that's all that you can ask. As long as the friend's not judging you, there's never a problem with it. Totally. So that's my question is, is your friend somebody who's cool and can do, and again, we're not talking a week, because a week, if you're talking about like being around somebody who's fucked up for a week while you're sober, that's hell. That's what I'm saying. But one day could be kind of fun. How long did she say she was going? She went for a week. Yeah, a week. Again, as the resident mushrooms expert, I don't even think you're put on for your sons anymore. I think you just really don't know how to do hard drugs. Not that mushrooms are hard. You're not doing mushrooms. She wants to do it one day when the weather's nice, go outside, walk around. You also want to, they have a specific kind of mushroom. I will say this, you have to chew a lot. They're fresh mushrooms. They're not dried. So there's less drugs in them. The dried ones are much more potent. So you have to chew a horrible, weird tasting mushroom for a long time. Those are some bad, yeah, yeah. The trough, they call them truffles there. Either way, and here's the other thing. They have different strengths. So you could do some mild, and we did some mild little mushrooms. One day my buddy, because I've gone to Amsterdam twice with the same friend, straight George, and he, the first time he did that. Is that all he's known for? That he doesn't do weed and mushrooms? Pretty much. He's kind of the. An absence of a personality. He literally. That's his thing. Yeah, he's sort of the only guy who's a real person in our friend group. He's got a real job. He came on the tour. I see, I see. He came on the tour just to kind of make sure we were eating vegetables and he did laundry. He's the man. He's one of our, I don't know, my best friends. But yeah, find the right thing, figure it out. I think you can get away with one day of mushrooms with this friend. And a little toking every once in a while. Going to a cafe and you smoke a joint and your friend gets coffee, that's fine. They do that shit at Amsterdam all the time. So it's really about the friend. You're right. Is she the right friend? And what's so about her? Is she, does she have a mature approach to going to Amsterdam or is she like such a geek that she's like, I gotta get high all the time? Right, right. Don't be corny about it. Yeah, exactly. Don't come with your own fucking reggae, fucking drug, like that. You got a fucking hat. You got the big Bob Marley hat and fake dreads. You're like, whoa, man, it's four 20 somewhere. You don't want to be doing that shit. No, no, everyone will point and laugh. If you're just... And they'll bond with your friends. Yeah, absolutely. But yes, you're going to Amsterdam. She knows what the fuck it is. If you, again, if you're going to Hawaii and your friend's like, I'm not that interested in the beach, they're an asshole. You know what I mean? You can get at least one beach trip. I don't see the museums in Hawaii. But yes, that's a very long answer to a short, do the drugs is my advice. Robert's is a little more nuanced. Oh, just make sure your friends, you know, respect your friends' tolerance for it. I agree. And your friends should respect your desire to have some fun. Your lifelong journey, absolutely. Meet them halfway and talk about it in advance. I love, boom, done and done. You're good at it. What are you talking about? You're good at advice. You just nailed it. I once played a rabbi at a comedy club. Yeah. Cotton candy beard. Cotton candy beard making a comeback. Good bit. Good bit. I actually have played like rabbis in like four different movies and TV shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's my thing now. You're great. I actually have grown out this beard because I'm about to play a rabbi. Oh, really? In a show. I can't say what show. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Were you, what was your character in Punch drunk love? Were you? I was dentist. You're a dentist. That was an inside joke that he made me a dentist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to know him at SNL. Oh, cool. He was a huge SNL fan. Oh, interesting. I love doing that movie. I love that fucking movie. I love that movie. And that scene was crazy because we shot it once. And then he, like, and he was very happy. And then months later I hear Paul wants to rework the scene where I can't remember the characters. And Barry smashes through the glass. Yeah. You know, he wants to restage it. And so that means we're going to have to restage that scene. So we do the exact same scene again, where Adam, you know, makes this confession to me and he starts crying. But he added this one element where Adam starts making this funny noise when he cries. Yeah. And he's like, just saying, you know, sometimes I feel like I can't, whatever he said. And then he's going. Eh. Yeah. Yeah. And we laughed. We could not get through a take. It's incredible. Yeah. And he was so fucking mad at us. Yeah. Because it was like, we have time. It's the end of the day. I think we can get the scene. I think we can get this. It's one shot. They know their lines. We're going to get this. And then we're just anticipating the moment where he's going to go, yee! That high pitched. And one of us would laugh. And we were reduced to like five year olds. We would giggle and we'd be like, that was your fault! You did it! Meanwhile, there's this fucking serious Paul Tamasanderson crew. Don't give a fuck at all. No. I just cannot believe these fucking children. They're mad. And then somebody told me he ended up using take three. Yeah. I don't know. And I asked him about it years later. He's like, no fucking way. It was like 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Yeah, you were great in that. Love that movie. Usually nowadays it's a rabbi. Anyway, we're plugging punch drunk love. Punch drunk love. Catch it. I believe it's on Amazon for $495. But it's worth it. It's not one of his most highly regarded movies. But it has a cult following. I love it. And if you're a comedy fan of like Sandler, Your Generation, it was the most. I love that movie because it takes the Sandler character from Billy Mattis, the early Sandler character. And it makes it's like, how could this person be real? And Pete D'Anderson, he was like, I love that because he's clearly such a fan of Adam Sandler that he put all his one of the greats, one of the great filmmakers decided, I'm going to solve this puzzle of how can we make Happy Gilmore a real guy in a drama? And find the source of his rage. And it feels real. Oh, so real. It's incredible. And Sandler's, those early characters are so important to me. But they're cartoonish in many ways. And to find real humanity. I think that's still his best performance. Yeah. Yeah, probably. He's amazing in that movie. He's so good. And that's not taking anything away from fucking on the gems. No, no. Or a number of movies he's been writing. But it's also because it's his thing in such a different context where you never get to see that. You never get to see someone. And not only that, a genius puts you in a position to do your thing in a completely different way. It's such, and you're right. It's such a, I think it is a greatest performance because it's a very hard thing to do. To do it that well. To be that guy and it's just, you feel so hard. You feel for this kid so much, so many times throughout the movie, your heart breaks for him. Yeah, oh my God. In a way that's like not remotely manipulative or formulaic. But it was not well received by Adam's fans back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, we just saw the water boy. What the hell is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his fans and Paul's fans didn't receive it well at first either because they were like, what the fuck's Adam Sandler doing? And like, because Adam didn't have the respect he has now. But see it now, you see what a fucking genius both of those guys are. We're fast forward and it's an incredible piece of art. Yes. And the fact that they could see that in the context of let's keep doing, because water boy was a huge hit. What was, I don't remember what Paul Thomas Anderson did before that. What was right before that. I mean, come on. That was, yeah. So it's like, I get why it wouldn't be well received. And still that makes it even more impressive to me. But we literally, I joked, but we did just spend 15 minutes talking about how awesome. This has been at the movies. It's been the, it started as a basketball podcast and it ended as a shitty movie podcast. Shitty podcast, not shitty movie. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. But this was incredible. Truly Robert, I mean, seriously, dream come true. I've been a fan. I've told you, I told you before, since I was a child and I feel sorry that I have to say that to you because of how I look now. I was once a blushing boy. Uh-oh. No, no, no, no. I was once, I was once a boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm very touched by everything you say. And, you know, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, I, you know, I, I mean, I come from a totally different generation, but I really had a great time and this is an incredible show. For me to bullpah. Oh, no. Yes. Oh. You see, because it's not good after all. Fuck. It's the atmosphere. Oh, try. Oh, fuck. Okay. There we go. That's beautiful. We're ending on that. We'll cut there. Robert, thank you so much. You're the man. Watch the podcast folks. Or listen to it. Listen to it. If you can't handle my face. I understand. Listen to the podcast. Yeah, listen. I'm, this is again, you're the man. This was so fucking cool. Come back anytime. I'd love to do the pod whenever you'll have me. Let's go listen to the podcast. Come, I think we have anything else to plug. I think we're actually done. Special coming soon folks. More, more about that very soon. And we'll talk to you next time. Bye.