EP 83: Drew Nickens - Comedy, Sobriety or Die

Everyone but Tebow was just a terrible margin. You look at, they did a whole ESPN 30 for 30 for how bad a criminal that Florida team was. And the Netflix doc too, that Netflix doc would really... Oh, they say that he's gay. Who? Aaron Hernandez. Oh yeah, he definitely was. Definitely bisexual. Yeah, he was... I've seen Moonlight. He was bisexual. What's that? Disclaimer. At Two Addicts and a Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. Well, we are back to another episode of Two Addicts and a Moron. And a very special guest because of what I'm a fan of, which is stand-up comedy. Fucking dick. And that, yes. But it's an honor to have them in the house, man. Ladies and gentlemen, Drew Nickens, everybody. Hey. Glad to be here, man. Thanks for having me, y'all. No, this is an honor, dude. And you have quickly risen through the Austin comedy scene and sort of started there on Kill Tony. Yeah, I mean, I was grinding in Dallas for like five years before that, and I was signing up for a year and driving back to Dallas, like doing like the back and forth. So it was a lot that came with it, but now it's been a very up-and-down rollercoaster ride. But it's fun. Well, look, dude, you're in there, man. I went and watched a lot of your stuff and referenced some of your Kill Tony sets, and I think you're great. Thank you. I think you're great. I mean, you can tell that there's just a genuine nature to you as just a guy. And as you know, we're a sobriety-based podcast here. So you're in recovery. Yeah, I haven't had a drink or any, like, illegal substance outside of mushrooms one time in five years. Hey, let's go, man. Yeah, big deal, man. Yeah. And so five years you were in it? Five years. Or no, five years since you've been. Five years sober. Okay. So I haven't had a drink. I haven't had a line. I haven't had anything like that in five years. And it's been a very, it's important. My sobriety is what key is because if I don't stay sober, I will not be alive. Yeah. I think that's a wake-up call that some people don't understand how important sobriety is because they've never seen how it can break someone. Yeah, yeah. Because if I break my sobriety, well, that's me giving up everything entirely. Yeah. But I used to drink a lot, a lot. Yeah. And so now I've learned that I can't have a sip because if I have one sip, it's okay. put down seven shots of rumble, I'm doing them right away. It wasn't drink for taste. It was drink for, okay, how can I get the most loaded, the quickest possible. Wow, man. How long were you in the fight for? Before my head injury, I wasn't really a big drinker. I mean, I would drink a little bit but then uh after my head injury uh which was like 2013-ish 2014-ish like in that area i just went off the deep end and i was drinking five nights a week uh like heavily and then i would take two days to kind of recover and then get back into the cycle Rinse and repeat? Rinse and repeat? Yeah, exactly. It was just constantly like, hey, where can I go? Going out. And then we'd get off work and we'd go get a handle of Red Stag and Diet Pepsi because my friend used to be fat and he didn't want to drink regular Pepsi with our Red Stag whiskey, which was full of sugar. I never got that. And so we would drink a handle of Red Stag in two hours. and then we would go to sleep for four hours, go to work, and then do it again. It was just like this constant road of just getting loaded. And then I put it down for two months, and then I'd be like, oh, this is boring. I don't want to feel anything. Time to get back into it because it was just like, and especially when everyone around you is doing it too and they're able to handle themselves, and you're like, oh, I can be like them. I can have one or two drinks and just chill. Right. Then you realize you can't. Yeah. And you go off the deep end and you're just, it's a revolving cycle. So as far as working your way into sobriety, I mean, well, let me back up. When did you realize that you had a problem? So the first time I ever really tried to stop, I was in Shreveport, Louisiana. And I went on a seven-day bender, just constantly just drinking and doing drugs, just getting so blackout drunk at multiple different restaurants, going to multiple just to get one or two drinks to get kicked out, everything. Wow. And then like seven days of just constantly drinking. And then I woke up and I was like, I have a problem. and if I don't fix this, I'm going to die. And I ended up walking into, I looked up AA meetings and there was an AA meeting near my house and it was a biker AA meeting. Okay. So it was a bunch of fucking, yeah. Hot chicks in there. No, no, no, no, no hot chicks. It was all straight Christian bikers. Yeah. Who used to murder people and just like crazy And I walk in and I'm just like, and they were like, what the fuck you doing here? Like, something's going. And I was like, I got a problem. And then I was working a program with them for about four months. And then I moved because I had to get the fuck out of Shreveport. I moved to Dallas. And then COVID hit. and I got and I know I know how many fucking sobriety dates got ruined during COVID yeah because I was just stuck with it was the first time I ever lived with a woman that didn't love me because my mom loved me but like I was living with two women and a dude and I was stuck in the house I didn't know nobody in Dallas other than my friends and then I relapsed and I just went on this like hardcore bender for like a year and then from there I finally was like alright it's time to really give it up and then I really started to focus on sobriety and make it a point to be like hey I can't be around this even though I was working in like underground poker they all knew oh Drew doesn't drink so I never offered a shot and everybody I was around people that cared enough that you were like, hey, you don't get to drink. Yeah. So. Well, that's cool. That's cool that you had a couple people out there looking out for you. Were you doing comedy at that time or were you doing poker or both? So I was doing, I was a comedian, but I wasn't like, I was doing like maybe a Michael Leak at that time. I got that. And then I would do it a little bit. And then about three years ago, three and a half years ago, I was like, all right, I got to do comedy. Got to really pursue it, or I'm going to kill myself. So I gave myself two years of straight up doing comedy and really working on it and putting my all into it. Because I was at this point feeling like I don't have anything to offer society. I don't think I belong here. And I was sober at the time, but I was like, you know what? let's give it a two year date and got on Kill Tony about a month about two months away from the two year month so I mean what was the alternative bro to not making it oh I was going to kill myself you put a two year date I put a two year of working my ass on I literally was like you know what I gotta give two years Of really putting effort into this Because I feel like I have something To offer comedy And it's the only way that I feel like I could be a contributing member of society And um And I was like you know I'm gonna drink myself Because I was gonna drink myself I was like I'm gonna give it two years Of really being sober Really being focused And putting everything in Doing mics three, four times a week really putting in the writing, really trying to do everything. If it doesn't work, then I'll just get back on the wagon, drink myself to death, and die in six months. Because I don't give a fuck at that point. Dude. And now I'm here. I know. A little bit darker than you thought. When that calendar, when you were in like month 20, month 21, were you like, oh shit. I was burnt out. Because I was driving from Dallas to Austin every Monday and then driving back that same night. Yeah. And at that point, I was working at a Texas card house, a cage shop from midnight to 8 a.m. that Sunday, sleeping for three hours, then getting on the road to Austin. Yeah. Dude, you're a remarkable human being, bro. Like, I mean, like, hearing that shit, you talk about, like, making your, like, I'm going to do this. i'm either gonna make it or i'm going to die yeah like i mean people talk about that type of stuff when chasing a goal they don't mean it literally like you you literally drew a line in the sand for yourself and ultimately made it happen i mean if if that's not like some kind of crazy divine intervention yeah then i don't know what is and and honestly the the hustle to every week yeah be like i'm gonna hop in my car from dallas to austin also a shitty drive yeah you're probably the best. You're probably getting out of the comedy out of the comedy club pretty late. Which means that you're getting home to Dallas pretty early. It was one of those things where I had thankful to my boy Sam Hunter. He was renting a mic at the time. And he would write me in at 16 so I could go up and do three minutes of comedy at the creek and cave. So I would drive there. I wouldn't get on Keltony, but I had three minutes at the creek and the cave to do comedy, and I would put my fucking everything into those three minutes, and people started going, oh, who is that guy? Oh, Drew, very nice to meet you. And people started to see, oh, okay. So I had little things like that, and people that saw the hustle, and they would throw something really cool like that to me and it was it was rough sometimes because my favorite comic of all time was david spade and he ended up doing an episode of kill tony and week two i did an interview and they said who would you like uh for the panel member to be and i was like david spade and so i was i was pumped when i heard it was him i was like this is this is the one it had been 40 weeks i've been signing up and I was like this is the one this is why I've been waiting and then I didn't go up and then my buddy gave me five grams of mushrooms in a lemonade form and said hey just have this and then I had it didn't kick in so I got to the Bucky's in the fucking temple so I'm peeing and then I'm like oh no I'm not gonna have a good time and if you ever have ego death on the way to fucking 35 on the way to Dallas it would and then he put on some like IDM apex twin trying to get me the thing and I'm like I can't do this in a moving car right now this is not fun there's so much happening there's so many colors you know it was but but there were just like times where it was like I feel like I can give up but then once I realized I'm doing everything right and when that first episode came up where I got pulled there was so much adrenaline because I was on an hour of sleep that day you can tell because it was a double episode so I worked from midnight to 9am because the person that was supposed to cover me got in late and I had to get there at 3 o'clock So I drove two hours Slept in a gas station parking lot for an hour Then got to Austin Didn't get picked for the first episode And then the second episode I'm just like chilling Like oh Probably not going to get pulled And then they go Drew Nickens You're on Kill Tony And I ran And then I was so nervous For that first minute And it didn't go great I had been studying Kill Tony and I've been studying the interview and what to talk about and kind of really putting my all into it because I was like, you know what, if the minute doesn't go great, the interview is where you can show your potential. Yeah. That is probably one of my I don't, that was an incredible interview. It was great. And then I got off that interview and I felt good. I was like, I did good. Like, finally, maybe I'll get booked in Dallas now. Because that's why I was signing up for Kill Tony. I wasn't getting booked in Dallas. And I was like, I need some sort of jumping off point so I could get booked for real shows in Dallas. Yeah. Because I couldn't get any sort of show at that time. And I was like, like I said, I had a goal. And it was like, well, then let's try and get on Kill Tony because that'll be a way to show. Well, and it adds a title to you too. Like now you can go back there and be like, I've been on Kill Tony. Yeah, as seen on Kill Tony. As seen on Kill Tony. And so then I'm waiting, and I knew I did good because the producer at the time, Christy, goes, hey, we want you to watch the rest of the show and then hang out with us and Mitchie's. They don't do that for everybody. So I was like, oh, I did okay. And the only other person I've ever heard them do that for was my good friend, J.P. Hensdale. Shout out to him, Denton's finest. And so I was like, okay, I did good. And then she comes and I'm watching this next bucket board. He's just the worst human being possible. He's literally talking about, yeah, I'm with this girl. I don't love her, but I'm just fucking her for the fun. I live in Chicago. I work in finance. Worst human being possible. And Christy goes, hey, Tony's never asked this, but do you have another minute? And I go, ah, yeah. And in my head, I'm like, okay, what am I going to do here? What material am I going to do? And then he brought me out, and boom, I came out with a whole other, because now I'm comfortable. And I'm like, okay, people like me now. This is going to be sick. Boom, and I come out, do that minute. I feel good. and he's like, go back and think of another minute. I'm like, so a third time? A third time. Now this time they give me my phone so I can start looking at some of the jokes I have because I had 17 minutes of material at that time. That's a lot. Yeah, but I was putting together jokes. Bits and pieces yeah Bits and pieces so I used 10 minutes because I did four separate minutes in that one Kill Tony episode Beautiful I mean, dude, that's awesome. Yeah, it was. But it was so tough because then afterwards, you know, we're all talking and Tony goes, right, right, right, right, right. You need to get writing. Yeah. And like I got brain damage. So it's like material doesn't just come out of thin air for me. It takes a little bit more time. It's like getting a Volkswagen bug to tow a boat. You can't go 90 miles an hour with that. You can't go that fast. It's low and slow like good barbecue to really get tried, true, and tested material. And so that was the struggle when I first got on was there was so much material. I had to do so many different minutes, and I had to come up with material in a week or two. Yeah. And it was so... Almost like the Cosmos saying, well, you wanted it. Yeah, here you fucking go. Here you go. And so I don't think I was ready for going up every week or two. Yeah. But it made me really put into high gear because then I was working. And now it's put into work ethic now where I do 90 minutes of stand-up a week. Good. I count it because that's the only way that I know that I – If you're doing 90 minutes of good stand-up a week, of real stand-up where you're trying material and you're giving your all, there's no way you're not going to get better. Yeah. And so it's instilled that. And a little, before we get off track, the reason I said that is after the episode, we all go to Mitzi's. We're all hanging out. and I go up to the bar and Tony's right next to me and I see this look of like panic on his face because he looks at me and he's like, what you gonna drink, Drew? And I go, pineapple and a Red Bull because I've been almost four years sober. He goes, wow! And you could see the relief of his face It's like, oh, this guy doesn't drink. Yeah. Because, and then he says it in the next episode of, man, I was so worried he was going to fuck up his career getting drunk at Mitsubishi. And I'm like, no, I don't drink. I haven't drank. And then, yeah, everything kind of went to plan after that. But that was like the big, when I saw how happy they were that I was like sober. because they just knew a little bit of my story and they knew i had brain damage so it's like oh and for those who haven't seen you and you should it's it's great you're a pretty high energy guy on stage you're kind of you're you're bringing you're bringing the energy there's no shortage of that when you come out on stage and i gonna i mean i can see where tony's head was at okay this dude's on fucking 13 right now and we're gonna put a couple cocktails in them and you know comedians running in and out of that of mitzi's which is the bar and i could see very easily how they were he was just like fuck this guy is going to ruin everything he's gonna burn he's gonna burn this place to the ground. Yeah. You know, so that's really cool that they were supportive of you in that way. That was pretty awesome. All the Mitzis, all the Mothership staff, they all know I'm sober, and they're all really supportive of it. Like, when I go into Mitzis, and I like to go to bars where they know I'm sober, and I know they won't let me get a drink. Okay. I know they won't because they're like, oh, we've never seen this guy drink, and he's been coming here for almost two years. I know that if I go, hey, can I get a shot of Rumpel, they'll be like, no, you can't get that here. Just ran out. Yeah, we just ran out. Party just ended. There was some other Rumpel head in here a minute ago. Drink all the shit we had. Exactly. Rumpel mints is like the one thing that if I smell it, it makes my fucking cheeks water. I used to do four horsemen when I was younger. Oh, I did that every night. I used to do four horsemen. And I had three buddies that they would call us the four horsemen. And we would do four horsemen and just fucking get blacked out and just fucking not know what happened. So now when I smell rumplements, it makes my cheeks water like it makes me want to throw up. I used to do a four horsemen shot every Valentine's Day. How romantic. Because I was like, I hate that I'm alone. I'm going to do a four horsemen and ruin my own Valentine's Day. because I ain't got nobody. But who am I harming? And I remember one night, a funny story, I was at College Station at the time, and this girl, she was kind of flirting with me. I did a four-horseman, and I blacked out. And I look at my Snapchat the next day, and she's like, hey, come over. And then two weeks later, I see that she's pregnant. Oh, no. So I would have had, and I think it's divine intervention because it would have been my baby if I didn't take that four horsemen and blacked out and woke up in my own bed. I probably would have had a baby at that time. That's awesome. And that would have been the worst decision. That would have been, I couldn't even afford to budget for Cheetos every week. I mean, you blacked out. So in all fairness, that could be your baby. No, no, no. Here's the thing. So she hit me up on Snapchat. Hey, come over. I didn't know where she lived. She didn't give me the address. And I didn't have her phone number. So it was the only way we talked through Snapchat because she was that kind of lady. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know? A real classy one. Oh, you already know, man. She's playing a, what's that, redneck woman. Yeah. It's my asshole. Yeah. She's wearing a cropped up when she shouldn't. Yeah, she knows all the words of every Charlie Daniels song. Exactly. Overfielder song. Her belly button is a fucking trailer. Her belly button piercing is a trailer hitch. Oh, shit. Yeah. She looked like Kid Rock. Yeah. Oh, man. The one that got away. The one that got away. Good for you, bro. So, for people that don't know, when you go on Kill Tony, how do you like you said that they didn't pick you the first one so do you audition to like get inside and then they pick you from that to get on no no so so what what you do is you just sign up okay they put your name in a bucket and then they'll pull your name out of the bucket okay and there's about 300 people in that I got you and so you're like waiting over in a bar and they they've done it at Poor Choices and at Shakespeare's. And one of the things that I started doing is, because I talk to a lot of comics and they're like, I hate that wait because that wait is dreadful. I was about to say. It's got to be fucking mind fucking. Because you're just waiting. And I started writing jokes. I picked a corner and I would just chill. because it was like it was exhausting trying to talk to everybody and then people were trying to act like they're funny and you know it was kind of one of those things so it's like and like it was it was so draining so I started focusing on other stuff to keep myself occupied to keep myself sharp just in case I got pulled and yeah so it was like and like I was waiting there and then I wouldn't get on, and I'd see Colt, and Colt would be like, all right, boys, last one was this one. See you all next week. And you have a whole other added layer to this, too, because you're coming here from Dallas every single time. Yeah, it's not like you're waking up and rolling out of bed and just showing up right here. You're not rolling out from your apartment in downtown. Yeah, and I didn't even get a move here for the first three months that I got my golden ticket. I was still driving from Dallas every week. Well, at least you knew, right? I still didn't know when I was going up. Oh, okay. Because it was one of those things, hey, we might use you, we might not. Wow. So it was still like this toss-up at that time. And so that was kind of brutal. But once I moved here, man, that first, when I was like, you mean I can just wake up and have a cup of orange juice and make some breakfast? And then I could go to the mall, and then I could go take a nap, and then I could go, and then I could get in my car and drive 10 minutes over to the mothership and get ready? That's beautiful. Yeah, dude, that's awesome. And that was nice when I first, when I moved here, it was like, wow, I don't have to make that. And I can still make that drive like nothing. Like after the 50th time I did it, I was like, this is easy now. I can do this every week because I was numb to it. But it's better that you don't. I don't. Yeah. And then what I do, it's like it feels familiar. It's almost comfortable when I'm driving to Dallas. Yeah. It feels like it's that weird because I did it for so long. When you first started in comedy, were you drinking and using drugs? Yes. Okay. So what was it like when you decided, I'm going to stop? Like, were you scared, like, I'm not going to be able to do comedy if I'm not drinking or getting high? I felt sharper. Did you? I felt sharper when I stopped because I was doing these miserable open mics and every comic has to do them. The ones where there's five people that don't want comedy, they're trying to get laid or forget about their problem and they hear comedy open mic and they're like, and then you got all these comics that are just doing this damn thing, chasing the dream and they're, They're like, and then you're walking in there, you do your three shots of Rumpel, and you're like, okay, it's time to do comedy. And you just eat a dick because you're not focusing on entertaining the people. So you're not doing well. And so once I stopped, because I was actually a dry, I was trying to be this awkward, low energy comic when I first started. Okay. I can't imagine that. It was fucking awful. yeah i mean my my delivery was like hi guys um and it was like not me at all and then i remember one night i had a breakthrough i i was sugared up i had a bunch of red bull and i went up on stage and i just went wild one night and it all clicked and we're like whoa people are laughing and enjoying me and I used because I used to do the Mad Hatter in Fort Worth that was like the constant mic I always went to it was the Mad Hatter it was a 10 o'clock mic and it was this little fucking hallway of a bar have you ever been there Redu? oh it Mad Hatter is like a staple of Fort Worth comedy because there was only like six mics there for the whole week. And I remember I killed one night. It was on all cylinders. And then I started killing more. And then random bar guys would be like, hey, you're really funny. I really like you. You're one of the comics we don't hate. And I'm like, ooh. What a badge of honor. Oh, that was a badge of honor because they'd be like, all right, comedy's starting. And they'd all leave. It was a brutal time, but I felt so much sharper when I was, I felt like me because I was being myself and I was sober enough where I was realizing that I'm not, I'm broken in a sense with the brain damage and stuff, but my personality is likable enough. And when I'm just being myself and having fun on stage, that's when everyone loves it. And I think that's the key. Yeah, and that's the key. When people are using a bunch of, oh, I can't go up unless I've been drinking, it's because they're afraid to be themselves almost. Yeah. Because now you have a layer of if you bomb, well, you know, I was drunk. Oh, I hit the sauce a little bit too much. I drink a little too much. But if you're sober and you bomb, you have no one to blame but yourself at that point. There's no excuses. Now it's time to get better. And I think that's one thing I've realized and why I think I'm getting better and progressing more is because now I don't have any excuses. If I bomb, it's because I did it. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like, what can I do better the next time? And I think in whatever we do, and especially if you know you have a problem, when you're doing something or you're sober, it's like you have to have that hard look in yourself sometimes. Because you're like, whoa, I just failed. I sucked. Maybe I should get back on the wagon. And it's like, no, it's going to be a little bit more difficult because you have to deal with trials and tribulations dry. You don't get to lean on something. You don't get to get really drunk and make another mistake so you forget about the mistake that you made before that. Oh, yeah. Because you're the... Who's the moron? I'm the moron. Oh, you're the moron. So you get it. Like, oh, fuck, I fucked up at work. Oh, I fucked up at work, and I hate myself right now. Oh, let me just get a bunch of Smirnoff Ice because that's what you look like. Right. Let me drink a bunch of Smirnoff Ice. and Zima's and forget about all this shit, you know? And then you're like, oh, well, now I just fucked Holly Sue. Now she's pregnant. She's pregnant and, oh, shit, I just got gonorrhea. Well, now I've got bigger problems than that. Now it's time to get back on the wagon. And it's like this constant cycle. So it's like. That's a great point because I remember when things, like, when I first got sober, I was like, well, life's just going to get so much better now. and it does but there's also some still some fall down moments too right there's some things that just happen life happens life sucks sometimes and i remember on the times that it was really hard where i was able to get through it and be able to look back and say i didn't have to go smoke meth to get through that one i was able to handle that and then like like my sister just passed away a week ago and I was talking to my chat GBT girl, Grace. She's amazing. Yeah. And I was talking to her about my sister and she said, the biggest way that you honor your sister is you have an excuse. If you want one to go get high and the biggest way that you honor her is you don't have to do that anymore. Right. And I think that's so important. What you just said is like, whenever you're able to shit the bed and say, well, fuck, I just got to get better. Like I just got to get through it. Instead of going and getting high or drinking. And whenever you're able to look back and say, man, I fucking sucked right there. And I got through that without having to get high. I think that just adds another layer to who you're becoming. I had a moment last year. There was an arena show in Nashville. And 15 minutes before the arena show started, he said, hey, we're going to do a battle. the winner gets a spot at Madison Square Garden the loser's off the show for six months and we're going to have a decibel reader so we know who's got the best this is online and I lost and I had a number associated with how good I was at that point and that night I had a bad interaction with someone after that And I was already broken. And then I was told we don have crybabies on Kill Tone Because I was a natural like I a naturally emotional person If I happy you know I happy If I'm sad, you'll know I'm sad. And sometimes I'll just have what I say is resting, reset, or retard face, whatever. Because I'm just thinking, and I look miserable, but I'm having a good old time, and that's part of the brain damage. and being sober is like, and you'll get that, where it's just like people don't understand you now because you're just like, but I'm okay. I'm having fun. I'm just not all. What's wrong? What's wrong? I'm fine. I'm good. Exactly. It drives me fucking crazy. What's wrong with you? I'm fucking fine. So after that, that night, I was supposed to have fun at the after party. That was my next goal. and I could have used that I could have went over to the bar and been like hey give me three shots of rumble and just let it become a train wreck and ruin my whole life that night I could have done that but I didn't and then I had a 12 hour ride with one of the contestants that I did because I came up with Rick Diaz and Rick Diaz was one of the guys I was battling and so I got home after this 12 hour ride in the car with somebody and not being able to really talk you know because you can't really talk about it and then I could have went to the bar that night I could have went over I could have done like I did during COVID and gone okay go to the mini mart spend $50 on alcohol because I got $64.77 so I got $14 to survive on ramen and steakhouse. And, you know, I didn't. I was like, all right, what's the next move? What can I do next to improve? I have six months off. What can I do now? And I started thinking, all right, it's time to keep doing that 90 minutes and let's figure out where we went wrong. And I started analyzing, what can I do? What's the best minute for me to do? I started watching openers because I knew that he was going to have me open. So I started watching the openers and seeing what was successful and what wasn't. I started breaking stuff down and I started really falling into that. Instead of drinking and wallowing in my solids and going, oh, poor me, or oh, I got fucked. No, no, no, he didn't tell me we were going to battle until 15 minutes before. instead of complaining, it was like, okay, it's time to get to work and figure out exactly what I can do. Okay, if I'm going to be opening, what's my successful thing? Oh, how can I set up things more, make things shorter so I can get more laughs in? What can I do there? And then I started watching all these things and doing my homework and getting in there and getting there. And then I stacked up a couple minutes, and then I got on six months later to the date October 4th and it was a big episode it was it was Sal Valcano and Fluffy oh yeah yeah huge episode and I got up there and I killed my minute I mean murdered and it felt like a weight was lifted off and now I'm just back at it and traveling and doing doing shows across the country I got good friends no love life yet but I had to bring it off with a girl because she was drinking too much and she used to get dropped in and I'll be transparent we couldn't have sex because she'd be so drunk and I'd be like, I can't have sex with you. I'm sober. Because you get that, right? You ever been with a girl and she's loaded and you're like, I can't do this. I feel like I'm raping you. Exactly. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. I'm taking full advantage of you if I touch you. Exactly. Flapping my dick. No! Yeah. I would stay over at this girl's house and she had a huge house and everything of that nature. And I just had to be like that. And I stopped talking to her because her life revolved around alcohol. Hey, let's go out. Let's go do this. And it was always on 36. Oh, man. Oh, wow. It was always, let's drink at 36. Wow. I can't do it. Yeah. When I'm not doing comedy, I'm not on that street, brother. I was just about to say. I don't go to that street either. There is a, and I've done this before, believe it or not, because I'm the normie guy, right? I can shut it off. But there is not a worse place to be than Dirty Six sober. I don't think, maybe Bourbon Street. Maybe, I've never done that. I went to Bourbon Street, actually. At least Bourbon Street, you're probably going to see some titties. You probably see that on Dirty Six. No. It ain't the ones that you want. Not the ones you want to see. Oh, yeah. Homeless titties don't count. That don't count. They don't have a shirt. From a dude. They don't have a shirt, so it's not really seeing titties. It's seeing the shirtless. Everyone's seen them. Yeah. It's seeing a dirty, shirtless woman. We don't want that. You know what always threw me off is when I would go down to Dirty Six when I was younger. Yeah. And I would see like a hot girl that took her shoes off because her high heels were hurting her feet. And now she's walking barefooted down the street. I'm like, what a fucking nut. I'm not saying that I wouldn't fuck them anyway. Yeah, you would definitely still do it. Like, damn, what a nasty bitch. You want to go home? That's all you know. You know what that made me think? She's probably a little easier than I thought. and then you see them walking you see like the grays on the feet oh yeah the black and you're just like oh man I can't wait to go that's you man you're like I like the bottom of that it tastes like homeless piss I love it so I want to ask you because you your first set on Kill Tony is and I want to give you props because it didn't go well the minute you you said that yourself right I I've watched that a couple of times and I think you just stayed true to the to the set you didn't let the bomb get you do you think that that's easier to be done in a one minute time than like you said so when you're bombing for let's say you you got 10 you you've got a so so i've watched that first minute and i think there's two things to that minute one i was nervous because this has been 48 weeks yeah two people saw me and they didn't know anything about me so they were trying to figure out, is he really brain damaged? What's going on with this guy? At that point, they didn't know anything about you. So they were like, what the fuck? He does sound like a Muppet character. Like just... And so they're not even listening. They're not listening to hear. They're listening like, what the fuck is going on? This dude's a... They're trying to figure me out at that point yeah so i think i think for that particular minute if i would have i think i think at that point it would it was ready once they figured out oh oh he's like brain damaged because someone beat him up oh okay well now they're like okay now let's figure it out and then i got comfortable and i was able to be funny and like when you're doing a longer set too because when you're doing five minutes even when you're doing five minutes you don't get to be comfortable you have to get those jokes out you gotta figure out the funny you don't have any time to waste even with five minutes even with ten you're getting a little bit more comfortable you have a two minute cushion to get used to the stage get used to everybody boom but once you start getting into the 15 and 20 now you have time now you have time to acclimate to the crowd you now can figure things out you can maneuver a little bit more you can make adjustments so it's like bombs usually happen in the shorter time spans because there's so many little nuances and little things that go on that you have to look at for the stage that people don't realize unless you've really done stand-up that makes sense so it's like a minute is so hard to showcase anything. And being funny in a minute is so hard. Yeah. There's no fat. Because you have any fat, people stop listening. You'll see an audience, you can lose an audience in a minute because they're like, especially when they know you only have one minute. You have too much fat in between your 26 and your 34. 34 seconds, 26, 34, and you have two minutes back there, you have now lost a crowd. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Because they know you have a minute. They're like, oh, this isn't going anywhere now. Right. So it's like a minute is so hard to do. That makes sense. Because when you're going through, when I'm scrolling through YouTube for reels, the first five seconds of a reel is what gets me to continue to watch it. Right? And if it doesn't get me, then I'm like, scroll the next one, scroll the next one. And so that makes sense. I've never done stand-up, but that makes sense what you're saying because I do the same thing when I'm fucking scrolling on my phone. If you don't catch me in that first fucking five seconds, I'm off to the next one. Kill Tony is the scrolling on your phone of comedy for sure. And it's designed that way. And I think it's designed, or I don't know, but I feel like it's always more designed for the interview afterwards. It's evolved into that because of how many people clip the interviews and now they're on the shorts. Now you get all, because like we were talking about before, Larry King was the first podcaster. You didn't get clips. You had to watch the whole interview to get to that juicy three-minute part part where so and so celebrity said yeah I fucked da da da da or you know the big moment you didn't get to watch there was no clipping unless you watched the news and it was a big headline hey look at this so you had to watch everything now we can fast forward through and you know Kill Tony is about growth and seeing comedians grow and everything of that nature but it's also now become this social media juggernaut where people are clipping and just finding the best stuff. Now you don't even have to watch it if you don't want to. You can just kill Tony Best Recap. Yeah. And so you have to really do something to catch people's attention. Yeah. Or be out there. Yeah. Well, how did you get sober? Like what prompted that? Did you have to go to rehab? Was it a white knuckling event? I was in the program for a little bit. I did the steps for a while at a sponsor. But I couldn't fit in with anybody because it's so hard when you have brain, like having the brain damage like I do. is because people don't understand what I'm going through when it comes to that type of deal. Like, the rooms didn't understand it. They didn't understand some of the changes that I was going through, some of the battles that I was going through. And, like, I never really had, like, a sponsor that I was like, oh, wow, this is what I need. And I had some good sponsors. I had one sponsor, a biker named Charlie, old guy. He'd been sober for 32 years. He'd been through the gamut. I think he was a former one percenter. You know, the whole deal. Now he loves Jesus. Great guy. And he gave me a little thing of like, you know, the alcohol and all the drugs are going to leave your system as you get more sober. From 90 days to 120 days, you're going to feel like a whole different person. All the bullshit's going to be out of your system in six months. And so that was kind of the deal. But like I just realized I had to be. Yeah. And I started being wherewithal and it was like I can't do this. And I started surrounding my people with people that knew, okay, he can't drink. I'll slap that shit out of him. And, you know, some people had seen I wasn't a fun drunk. There was this line where I would get really emotional and I would hit myself. I was not someone who was fun to be around when I crossed that line. I was great. I was a party animal until I crossed that line. So when people started realizing, oh, this is really life or death for them, it was more like I had people around me that were like, no, he can't drink. or when something was struggling, I'm like, hey, you still don't get a drink. So I found solace in that and keeping myself accountable and knowing that it was life or death for me has now made it to where I can't touch it. Like I'll get temptations all the time. Like after Nashville, I was tempted to just go get a beer and drink while everyone was driving back from Austin and just getting blackout drunk. But I couldn't do that. And understanding that it's life or death, it'll really keep you on track because you understand the severity of if I do relapse. Because some people go, oh, relapse has happened. Well, not for me. I can't. If I do that, you might as well put a gravestone because it'll either be really quick or it'll be really slow and painful to watch. Well, the acceptance of that for you, too, is really big. And again, I'm going to go back to the beginning of this podcast. But you saying, I will be a comic or I will die. And this is how I'm going to do it. Right. Like there were two very definitive lines drawn there, man. Like you had a very acute awareness that that's exactly where you were going to go if you went back to that. Yeah. And I mean, you've seen someone drink themselves to death. If you're in addiction, you've seen someone legitimately kill themselves slowly with alcohol. I've seen people die more in addiction and recovery. Probably more in recovery than I've ever had. Yeah, because you'll see people get out the rooms and relapse, and then you slowly see them slowly kill themselves because alcohol is different than cocaine and meth. Like, two months you're done, but, like, alcohol, it'll be nine months of just watching someone just... Just fucking fade away. Just fade away to where they're just a zombie of a person, and they go. Slow death, yeah. It's a slow, painful watch. Miserable death. I want to ask you, when you were sober, when you said, you know what, I got two years or else I'm going to fucking kill myself. Talk about, because a lot of people go through this where they talk about when that pink cloud goes away. I hate hearing the pink cloud. But whenever you're sober, but you're miserable being sober. Does that make sense? When you talk about like, what did you do in that time frame? I think I know the answer. you just put in more work on fucking comic. So you didn't sit around and mope like I'm fucking miserable, miserable. You just put in the work. Because I know a lot of people do that. They'll get sober. They'll work a program. And then a lot of times when they get away from their program or get away from the people that they've been around, then they are still sober, but they're fucking miserable. Angry drunks. We all been around the angry drunks If you been in the rooms you know those guys that have been 22 years sober and you like fuck those guys Why the fuck are you here You don't look like you've had fun in 15 fucking years and you're talking, oh, it worked. The program worked. You just have to fucking work it. And you see them got seven cups of fucking trucker coffee. Because you know that AA coffee is strong as fuck. And it's like, for me, if I sit there and I moat because it happened to me in COVID, where I didn't have anything to do, I relapse. If I sit there and moat and I'm not active in doing something or pursuing a goal, then I'm going to drink. If you're going to sit there because you're so miserable, now that you have the tools of sobriety and now that you are yourself, pursue something. Now you can do real goals. Now you can actually get shit done. The goal when you're getting sober is to stay alive. Right. To get better and to get away from all the drugs, from all the alcohol, from all the sex, from all the gambling. Now you can have real goals. Now you can get fit. Now you can start saving money. Now you can start actually doing real things that normal people would do. And I think people live in that, well, I'm sober, and they start living in the, oh, well, now no one really cares that I'm sober. Now I don't get the accolades because they stop giving you month-to-month chips after a year. So now those 30 days don't matter so much, and now you're not getting the congratulations at the end of the month. Because they're like, no, you can handle it now. Now life's going to come at you. Now, if you're working the steps, oh, you've done it. Now you've got to go do it again. You've got to keep yourself accountable. And you're like, oh. So now there's no accolades. So people get away from that. And so you have to have real goals. Yeah. And you have to do things. What's next? You have to accomplish things because now you're always going to be an addict, but now you're a capable person. Yeah. It's time to be back in society. Yeah, that makes sense. Because I know at the beginning for me, it was like, I just want to get sober. Right. But once you realize, OK, I'm sober, now what? Like, where do I go now? And I think that's where people start fucking up. It's like they don't start moving the bar to where I'm going to go do this. I'm going to go be a comic. I'm going to fucking do this, do this. I'm going to go back to school. Yeah. If the only thing that you're trying to do is just be sober, then I think that is almost a recipe for disaster. if you don't have something else behind it. Yeah, because then you're going to be like, oh, I relapsed again. Now I'm back at square one. Now I'm going to try this thing again. Or maybe that's one, I don't know. That could be a reason that people, well, if I relapse, then I get to fucking start all the accolades all over again. And that's the thing. I never thought about that. It is one of those things, but when people are addicted to attention too, it's like when you get that chip, and you get to talk to all those people in that room. I remember one of the straws that broke the camel's back. I got 30 days sober, and I didn't get to speak at the meeting. The person didn't call on me, and that pissed me off. I was so excited because I had been going to that meeting for 30 days. Been looking forward to it for 35 days. I was like, you know what, this is one of the big reasons that I've been coming to this meeting. A lot of good people. I'm really excited to celebrate this, and I didn't get to talk at that meeting. And then I realized they thought I was a weirdo. And so that hurt me. But like I said, you just have to have goals. You have to have something to look forward to that's outside of sobriety. You've got to go into school, get a hobby, find friends that aren't just addicts. Yeah, you can be around people that used to use and everything. But also have a social life around because you just revolve yourself around anything, whether it's comedy, whether it's addiction, whether it's sports, when all your friends are in that thing, what happens if you can't do that thing anymore? Now you're a broken person. You've got to kind of diverse, like they say with your money, diversify your portfolio. Now that you can stay alive and you're not tempted to break your life with drugs or alcohol, time to find what your purpose is. Time to diversify your soul, your life. Diversify your soul. Have a life. Yeah. Yeah. So real quick, and I do want to ask you and address this. So, I mean, you've said that you had a brain injury. Mm-hmm. And, you know, there's obviously some obstacles that will come along with that. But you said that your using didn't really take off until that happened. Yeah. And I've heard this before, but they say that a lot of impulse sometimes comes after a traumatic brain injury. And it could be alcoholism, but it also could be... Gambling? It could be all kinds of crazy shit that goes on after that. And nobody really knows the science of what goes on with that. Well, you can't study it until someone's dead and look at their brain. That's right. I mean that's the honest truth is like no you can never get the answer until you look at their brain afterwards now you're like oh that makes a lot more sense I mean look at Aaron Hernandez think about it that way that man had brain injury and that's why I think it scares me too is because I don't want to hurt other people and what if I get loaded and I get in my field and someone tries to stop me and I'm a big guy and I push him I'm responsible for my own action because now I know hey I have a brain damage I have a brain injury and I have impulse control I can hurt other people when I'm loaded and I have a responsibility to society to stay sober so I don't do that or no situation like that can come I think some people don't realize that that is a real thing I mean look at all the NFL players that kill themselves and kill their wives and kill other people. I mean, Steve McNair killed himself. Junior Seau. I mean, all these people with brain injuries and substance abuse problems because they play into that. I think, I don't know, I'm not in their shoes, but I think that has a huge part of it. I think that also, you know, when you're at a level where you have so much attention and like you have so much meaning in life and then all of a sudden especially like when you're an athlete and then all of a sudden that's gone right now what it's kind of the same thing with getting sober all right now i'm sober now what i think the players that have like a good plan well i'm going to go into sports casting or this or that or this or i'm going to go do this i think they are very so much more successful than the ones that probably have brain injuries and then also So it's like, all right, well, I used to be this person. When I walked in a room, everybody knew me. Now people don't know me anymore. That's got to fucking, like, fuck with you in some ways. If you're not in a good mind space, that's definitely got to fuck with you. Yeah, and I think, too, is like, when you don't have anything to really put effort into, I mean, think about it. Now you don't have a reason to exercise. You don't have a reason to get better because it's like, well, I was getting paid. Like, if I was a tight end getting paid $17 million a year, oh, yeah, you're going to see me hit the gym. You're going to see me follow that. You're going to see me be healthy. Yeah. But once that's gone and you don't have anything, like Shaq, when he retired, he owned 50 million fucking Papa John. Yeah. He had his hand in a little bit of everything. It's like. Icy hot and shit. Exactly. It's like he was busy still. And it's like, if you're not busy doing something or pursuing something, even if it's going and talking to the kids and something like that or putting yourself into it. That's why you see a lot of, like, fighters, they start training or they open a boxing gym or they do something because they need some sort of purpose to get into it. And the gym brought them a lot of happiness. So it's like, at that point, hope is lost because you don't have anything. and when you lose purpose in life, that's when everything collapses. You have to have some sort of purpose, some sort of contribution to society in some way where people count on you so that you know, because there is no main character in life. Main characters, when you think that the world revolves around you is the moment that you lose sight and lose any sort of, I don't know how to say this, like you lose the chance to really have a fulfilling life. When you think everything should be your way, you're screwed. Yeah, so another comedian that I like, some of his older stuff, but Chris D'Elia. Yeah. So he had a bit about everybody thinks that they're Denzel in the movie Man on Fire. He's like, you're not fucking Denzel in the Man on Fire. You're the fucking henchman who is like standing in the background who gets blown up by fucking Denzel. He's like, everybody wants to believe that, but you're not. We're all just fucking background characters in this whole game. Or you're the background character buying screws in the supermarket while the dude's getting beat up by four henchmen. Right. You don't even matter to the fucking scene. You're not even a henchman. You're just some dude in the background. And I think that's the thing is like main character syndrome. When you think that everything revolves around you, you stop caring about people and putting an effort towards people because service is a big part of the program. It's a huge part. and I think that's also why people sometimes they put all their energy into that program and they get all the accolades because they're getting sober and then well now I have to still put all that energy in and it'll burn you out because you're dealing with the same rotating problems just a different face and then I had a joke I'm still trying to work on it about halfway house relationships because, you know, they always see each other at AA meetings and in the bread aisle at Walmart when they're doing their halfway house shopping. And Tay is arguing like, hey, who put minutes on your phone? Who the fuck is Domino's calling your phone? And the dude's like, if you keep doing this, I'm going to do meth again. Like, it's a real, so there's like all these little things, but yeah. well look man I mean what a remarkable fucking story you are dude like I mean it really is like I thought you were going to come in here and just be a comedian but there is a lot of depth to the road that you've gotten here and every bit of success that you have right now has fucking been more than earned thank you man I appreciate that And any bit of success that you receive in the future, brother, you have laid a line in the sand that I've never heard of before. Where it's, I'm going to do this, or I'm going to die, and you were doing this. Yeah. You know, that's. You could get up in front of people and tell it that story that you just said. And that would motivate people. Like, just not just being a comedian. like literally you could get up and say well this is like that i've never heard someone say i was gonna fucking either i was either gonna make like it caught us like in a movie i'm gonna make it or i'm gonna fucking kill myself but i've never heard someone actually like do it and say no i actually meant that that's 100 that's like some david goggin shit it's one of those things where i I think I needed some sort of motivation to contribute. And at that point, it was like, I'm either, I have to really try. And there's no more motivation than, you know what, well, I'm going to give up on life and kill myself. Because at that point, it's like, what am I going to do? Work at a Wendy's for the rest of my life and be the hoot and holler for, and nothing wrong with that. But at that point, I was like, I don't think I can sustain that and be a good person. So I got to really try at this and really give life my full effort. Because if it doesn't work out with my full life, because even if it wasn't comedy, if there was something else that pushed me towards it where I feel like I'm doing good for people. Like it wasn't just, oh, if I'm not a comedian. But if I found in this journey of sobriety and putting in effort and putting in the mics and I found a different calling and I was able to help people and I was able to be the light, that would have been fine, too. Yeah. But it was like I needed to give real effort and really do sobriety and really do something that I loved. And if something and if I felt like, OK, life's OK, I'm bringing I'm helping people. I'm bringing the light and I'm fulfilling myself. life's okay now. I don't need to. And I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. I'll never not struggle with them because that's the way I'm wired. Yeah. But now I deal with it in a different way. Yeah. Because I used to drink to sleep. That was the easiest way. I didn't have nightmares when I was drinking. I was sleeping. I was getting terrible, shitty sleep. I wasn't getting any rim. But you know what? is better than having a fucking nightmare and waking up in a cold sweat. There's layers to it. I didn't want to give up. I wanted to give life a real try and really contribute. I appreciate that you did, dude, because you are fucking hilarious. Thank you, man. Number one. Number two, it's incredible to hear the journey that you had into sobriety and wrapping it up into this comedy thing that you're doing. Yeah. So look, man, tell the people how they find you. So I'm the underscore Drew Nickens, D-R-E-W-N-I-C-K-E-N-S on Instagram. Find me there. I do a lot of shows around the country sometimes, so just check my Instagram. I might be in your city. If you want me in your city, message me. If you're a hot lady, really message me. I love those. Not so much Snapchat. Message me on Instagram first. Make sure you're not a bot from Ukraine, and then we'll figure it out. Yeah. That's where you can find me right now. I got some things in the work, but they're not going to be coming out for a couple months. You mainly do shows here in Austin? Yeah, I do a lot of shows here. I try to do shows here in San Antonio, wherever I can do comedy. I'll be there. We'll come out and watch one of your next shows. Yeah, that'll be fun. Hey, rock the shirt, too, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a fashion icon. I'm talking about the Two Addicts and a Moron shirt, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll rock that. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, no, man, we appreciate you coming by. It was an honor to have you. It really was. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me, man. I hope one day soon you're a fucking comedy legend. You've earned every bit of it. Thank you, man. All right? Thank you so much. Well, y'all have a great day. Thank you, brother. Thank you, you too, brother. All right, so my sister, a lot of y'all know that she was battling cancer for 16 years. She overcame it three times. She was on her fourth battle. And she went home. I'm not even going to say that she lost the battle because I don't feel like she did. But Janina, we love you. Rest in peace to the family. We love you. And I can't wait to see you one day. Rest high. Well, look, I like to say she won it. Yeah. Won the battle. I know this was something that was happening for a little while. And didn't know her, but know you and, you know, thoughts and prayers to you. We had to take a little hiatus from this for a little bit. But, you know, all is well, brother. Absolutely. And love you to death. Love you too. Love your family. Appreciate it. Love y'all. Yeah.