Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. Hosted by Tony Miantour. Broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories. Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears. These real-life journeys inspire, connect, and remind you that you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, unwavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health. Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Miantour. Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. Joining us today is Andrew Neal. While returning to his parents' home, he crashed into an illegally stopped vehicle. Ten days after the accident while recovering at home, he had the first of many psychotic episodes that changed his life forever as he stabbed his younger brother through his arm. He spent seven months in a jail cell and was found not guilty by reason of insanity. He was then committed to the Virginia State Hospital System for a period of three long years. His inspirational journey is one of music, writing, children's books, and all the things that keeps him hopeful for a brighter future. So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors. Thanks for coming on. Yeah, I really appreciate you having me and doing stuff like this. It's important. Oh, it's my pleasure. And I do agree with you. It is a very important subject to talk about. So if you would, tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, long story short, I had a traumatic brain injury in 2009 with a car crash. I suffered a TBI and after that, right after that, I started having trouble like mental illness, you know, and I would seek treatment and stuff. But long story short, one time I was like in a manic episode and just raising thoughts and I punched the walls in the house and my brother came down and was like, what's going on? And there was a knife on the counter and I thought he was in posture wearing a suit. So I stabbed him and hurt his arm and then the cops came and that kind of started my journey as far as being incarcerated for something that I did like in the spur of a moment in the course of like a minute, you know, really changed my life forever. So after that incident, what happened next? So like about nine months in a little jail cell, 23 hours a day. So after all that happened, how did that affect you and change your life? Sometimes it's kind of like, you know, as I look back on the dark cloud, I see the silver lining because it lets me appreciate things like being able to go outside or drink a drink, you know, just makes me appreciate the little things in life when you have been kind of locked up like that, you know. But another thing too is I'm a musician and artist and I write songs and stuff. And after I got out of jail, I went to Western State Hospital in Stanton and I stayed there for about three years and then I got conditionally released. And then now I'm doing pretty good in society and I'm not going with I'm very stable. I have a good balance. So was it the accident that you was in that started this whole journey down this path for you? The traumatic brain injury. Yeah. Well, yeah, that was in 2009 and it was a lot of things. And I was, you know, sometimes I would take meds. Sometimes I wouldn't. I didn't think it was that serious, but it was pretty serious. And I, you know, I would have psychotic breaks. But now I'm on good, some good medicine and very stable. And yeah, that kind of really kind of definitely set off the avalanche about some of my my struggles with mental illness. Okay. So how did they go about treatment? How did they figure out what was going on with you so that way you could get the treatment and everything that you needed so that way you could move forward with your life? Well, I would say the Western State. I had some really, really good doctors and I was very fortunate to get care of a lot of people don't don't get the care that I got. You know, I was very lucky and blessed. They actually did some exposure therapy, kind of go over some trauma that happened to me when I was little and that really helped a lot. And then also they used some different medicines, but the one they settled on was on clausaryl. That's really been very effective for me. But also I started to exercise again. Growing up, I played football a lot. I got some concussions and they say that that might contribute to some of the problems I was having. You know, I actually got a scholarship for lacrosse at West Point, but I dropped out because of some just depression and stuff. So exercise really helps as well my treatment and I read a lot like self help books. To answer your question, the treatment was really it was a combination of therapy medicines, exercise and mindfulness. You know, and also I've always been a positive person to just to have a positive outlook on life. So something like that, of course, it affects your family, it affects your friends. So how do they handle it? Did they get behind you and support you to help you get through it all? What was going on through their minds during this process? Yeah, it was, it was tough though, you know, really, really tough at sometimes they found some support groups with like with NAMI and stuff like that. But it wasn't it wasn't always easy, you know, there's a lot of stigma still attached with mental illness. So they never gave up on me, you know, there was some times in the hospital when I was struggling and you know, and even the doctor said they didn't know if I was ever going to get better. So, well, it's absolutely good that you did. So what do you do now? Looking at what you're doing? What does your life look like day to day? It's pretty good. It's pretty balanced. I exercise a lot, I read a lot, I do a lot of chores around the house. My parents sometimes go to Florida, so I take care of their house when they're gone. I see my doctor every month or so. I'm in the process of my work. I write children's stories in poetry. I actually have teamed up with an illustrator from Boston and we're going to start illustrating some of my stories. So that's kind of cool. That's very cool. And I have a band called Code Purple, Andrew Neal and Code Purple and we have our stuff on Spotify, all originals that I wrote and we practice every now and then we get together and practice. We actually played in Charlottesville, there's this thing called Fridays After Five. It's like downtown. It's a pretty big deal. We played there last year, so that was a pretty cool thing. Yeah, it's great that you can be creative and still do what you want to do. But I do a lot of chores. I really try to pull my own weight. I pay rent and I do a lot of chores around the house and I also have a cat and she's very therapeutic too. We have a son, so. Yeah, that's just so good. Animals are very therapeutic and just help so much. Now with everything that you have going and it's a lot, what's your future look like? Do you have any goals and plans that you're thinking of now? I just take it day by day and I do have a vision for my future, which is important. I think with mental illness, perspective is key. A lot of times people are, even myself included, I was so caught up in looking back at the past that I never moved forward. But now it's like my perspective is on the moment and I have hope for the future. I'm looking forward to things and I think that's really key to mental wellness. Absolutely. So when was it that you got your first diagnosis to the point of where you started seeing what was going on and figuring things out so that you could move forward with your life? I guess it was probably, I don't know, maybe it was a long journey. I had ups and downs. There was times when I was self-medicating because I had a really bad back injuries. There were times during the opioid crisis when, but I guess when I was really starting to feel good, the pandemic threw a monkey in my wrench, but I think that did a lot to everyone. I guess sometimes it's almost like I also had non-Hodgkin-Phoenphoma. It's cancer-free now, but that was five years ago. But I guess the illusion I'm going to make is sometimes with mental illness, you get better and you're doing really good for a while, but then it's like you go back into remission. As far as me now, I think to answer your question, I guess it would probably talk about 12 years to get to this level of awareness and this level of knowledge, this self-awareness and to really self-actualize myself and not be who society wants you to be, but just to be my true self. There's a quote saying, the world will ask you who you are and if you don't know, the world will tell you. The world's not telling me who I am anymore and I'm answering that every day. It took a long time. I know time is relative, but it's almost like Israel is real life in the desert. I was wondering for a long time. It took them like 40 years. So I'm 36 now and I have a lot of forms under my belt. But one thing about me is if I make a mistake or something, I usually tend to learn the hard way, but once I learn something, I tend not to repeat it. Yeah, that's great. Now, I've talked with several different people. They talk about their daily struggles and of course what it takes them to get through those daily struggles to continue. Do you have those daily struggles that you have to work through to maintain so that way you can keep moving forward? Yeah, I mean, definitely there is a Western state, a very nice place named Sherry, where it says you make the weather where you are. Sometimes though, there's some storms that we have no control over. Like, and I think a lot of it really with me, I think I've really got the psychological stuff down, but sometimes especially with the head trauma. I really think sometimes it's more the physiological stuff that I might have to deal with sometimes, just like maybe a little bit of social anxiety here and there. And I just got to ground myself and I write poetry. That's kind of how I make sense of the world. And they're really short ones to the people can memorize, act and memorize them. But to answer your question about how I deal with my struggles, just really the social anxiety and fear of trusting people. You know, me, me, me, I, I, I, like too much of these words and peace starts to die. So it's like sometimes like the way to peace for me is like I try to focus on, I do focus on myself sometimes, but I try to care about and love other people. And that really, you know, it's in giving that we receive. And it really just helps, you know, when you have that mindset of just trying to love other people. That's a great way of looking at things. Because even though you have daily struggles, you can work around them in the way that's most comfortable to you. Yeah, there is daily struggles. But, you know, like I said, every now and then, I always kind of remember my past, my scars and where I came from in that jail cell. And every day out of theirs is a gift from God. And there's some people that weren't as fortunate as me that, you know, things could have turned out way different by God's grace. It didn't. And I got a second chance on life. So some people aren't as, you know, some people are going to be there. You know, yes, you are very correct. There are many people that are not fortunate enough to be out of jail. And because you had things that worked out, it's given you a better life and also a lot of hope. And it's funny, you know, I watch this documentary on ESPN about these people in San Quarin that ran a marathon. It said that the US has just 5% of the world's population, but it has 20% of the world's incarcerated people. So, you know, it was just it was pretty interesting. But another thing, too, is to get back to the question about the daily struggle. Even people that don't have mental illness in this world, in the climate of this world today, I think everybody is struggling. And the biggest thing I think just to trust that to have like your circle of comfort and to know that people love you and that you love them and that, you know, your cat loves you and you love your cat, just the little things. When you lean on the little things, the big things don't crush you. You know? Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it. Now, when you have a bad day, how you cope with it? How do you get past it? That way, you know that you can sit back at night and say, you know, I had a bad day, but that's OK. Now I've got tomorrow. Yeah. Well, there's different avenues. One, you know, physiologically, you know, you can take like a PRN and supplements like L-fining, which is found in Greteen. I think I might be pronouncing it right. Oh, finding it's like an amino acid. It's found in Greteen that that helps calm you and take a warm shower, take a break from other people for a while and go out into the woods or just deflate there. And one thing too is I read a lot and I read and this does go back to your question about how I deal, how I kind of cope is I read about Mohamed Ali and he would the ropey dope. And sometimes like on the early rounds, he would just lay on the ropes and let the person, you know, so sometimes I do that with my mental illness. You know, on some days when it has the upper hand, I just lay back on the ropes and kind of just let itself punch itself out. And and I know that this too shall pass. And then I just move on from there, kind of oversimplifying it. But yeah, all that matters is that it works for you. Now, are you looking at doing an applicating at all? I really think eventually I want to I want to start doing that. I live in Gordonville, Virginia and in Charlottesville. They have this thing called Blue Ridge Clubhouse and it's a pretty good place. Monday and Friday, they have different groups and workshops. So yeah, I think it's important to know that you're not struggling alone. Yeah, absolutely. And plus you have the lived experience of what you've been through and how you live your daily life and how you're living it now. So because of that, do you have anyone that reaches out to you that may need some help that needs a little guidance and possibly a little mentorship that you can give? Yeah, definitely have some friends, especially from when I used to live in the group home in Charlottesville. I still stay in touch with some of the people from there. One person in particular, who's really kind of going to some things right now. Everything that's going on in the world. So I can't really put in the words, probably was feeling, but that's a tough time right now for him. And he has mental illness too. So yeah, just being there for him. And I really do think some of my poems really do kind of help people. Yeah, that's great. Do you find at any times that you will do some self-reflecting? You look at what you've done, analyze it some and then use that to see how you can better yourself from day to day? Yeah, I mean, I would say sometimes that I probably need to have a little bit more self-reflection than I normally do. I did start writing a little book about like stuff I know is about my symptoms and stuff. So the more knowledge you have about something, the more you can handle it, you know, for example, like one thing is like sometimes I miss here things. It's almost like my ears have dyslexia. They miss here things. So my acronym for life is learn, improve, fight on and enjoy. So that improved part, like you say, I try to do that every day. I try, but yeah, there's probably a lot more room for self-reflection. I mean, you know what I mean? Because that's pretty much a self-reflection. I mean, it's like, you know, it's pretty limitless when you really think about it. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. So what should go to when you just want to get away from everything and be like on your own little island? What should go to to just relax and use that enjoyment part to keep moving? Yeah, I would say as far as like what I go to to enjoy life. Yeah, what puts you in that place where you just have that great feeling, not worrying about anything and just live in life? I guess music is a big part of that. Playing guitar, you know, writing songs and stuff. And sometimes I'll play at open mics, which really helps. That's like even last night, I just played at one at a place in Charlottesville. You know, playing music is very, very rewarding for me. And I have no, you know, brandos ideas and, you know, not going to be like I was looked at anything, but I do think one day, hopefully I can maybe write or mouse and lines for somebody for an artist of some degree, you know, and especially children's stories. That's great. So tell me a little bit about your children's stories. What kind of stories are they and what are you writing about? They're all a little bit different, but I would definitely say the overall arching theme at the end of it is hope. Like there's one about Earl, Earl the squirrel and you, the little kid helps him find his, his, he gets hit on the head by an apple and a little kid, you know, who goes around searching for acorns and he could help some, like at the end of the story, for instance, it goes, and whenever you see a squirrel that hops, know that God loves for you, never, ever stops, you know, so stuff like that. And that's just a little, little line, but it has a message of hope and that, um, I think the kids need that nowadays. Yeah, that's great. It gives a lot of kids a lot of hope and it's good that you're writing it. So how many books have you written so far? I would say probably I've written like almost five of them songs, but the children's stories that kind of, and I've written a lot of poetry, like hundreds of poems, but I would say only maybe like five or six children's stories, but I'm really going to try and start here in the ground running more of it. Have you got them published yet? No, no. I've only got one thing published and that was a poem when I went to community college, they selected my phone. That's great. It gives you inspiration to keep moving forward and doing bigger things. Hopefully, God willing, I'll have more time to kind of realize some of my dreams. But another thing that like you said that, um, for coping, you know, like spirituality is big and the first Corinthians 13, like the love chapter. Sometimes like you can do all these things, but you don't have a good heart. Like it's worthless. So I try to always remember that. And also, you know, humility is a big thing too. And the Latin word for humility is hummus, you know, which means a like living earth or of the earth. And that reminds us like when we're humble, like grounded in the earth, you know, usually mental illness feeds off, at least for me, to pet off my ego or like, you know, everyone's out to get me, me, me, but when you're humble, it almost disarmed, it helps me disarm my mental illness, you know? That's very interesting. I've never heard it quite put that way, but that's really a great way to look at it. I'm glad that you can. So what would you like to tell the listeners about your journey, the things that they should know about what you're doing, what you're trying to do, what your future looks like, anything that you think is important that they hear? Well, it's almost kind of like Job, you know, a lot, you know, the car crash and then the cancer and in 2000 after the car crash, I had my first psychiatric episode and I was days, three times like cops and my kidneys almost failed and I had a start. I was at on the top of the world. I had a scholarship. I was at West Point and then, you know, two months later ours and a little jail cell for like two days. But then it was just a very long story. But I guess, I guess, you know, hope is a very important thing, you know, and and just like believing in yourself and that you're, I mean, just look at your hand, like it's such a beautiful, you know, thing. And if I could say anything, it's like hope is a beautiful thing, but it's very fragile. It's almost like a, like a votive candle on a heart and this world's, especially now it always been, but it's just so windy and that hope gets blown out. So I would just say protect the hope in your heart and just take it moment by moment really, day by day, you know, because that's all you can do. Yeah. That's a great point. Now, before all this happened, you kind of took life for granted. I mean, you're not the only one. A lot of people do it. They never think about tomorrow. They only think about today. It's a hard reality to admit that life is that precious and that fragile at times. So what's your mindset now on the way that you look at life compared to how you looked at it for any of this stuff ever happened to you? I would say it kind of goes back to the middle of the aspect. And also when I do something, I just don't do it. I get it done. I do try to do it with a good heart, you know, and I try to see other people too. Before all this happened, I was almost kind of whether it be culture conditioning or whatever, but I was a little bit just desensitized. And but now, like when I go check out the store, I see the clerk, you know, and I lurk in the beanstove, you know, and sometimes I guess I would take that for granted in the past, you know, to actually just see other people and kind of have empathy. A lot of people on the server, you know, billions, it's not all about me really, but a little acts of kindness. Those are some of the realizations I've had is just humility, empathy, little acts of kindness. And when I do something, life is short. So I might as well try the best you can to do with love, you know, out of all of the religious teachings, they try to stress that. Yeah, those are great words to live by. Now, with all this has happened, everything that you've gone through, your parents, your brother, have you mended fences? Have they gotten back to where everything smooths out and livable now? Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. You know, they say actions speak louder than words. And I definitely didn't kind of just speak my actions more often than not. So I'm going to turn 37 in August, you know, some children's stories. And I don't know, I have hope for the future. So, but yeah, if they answer your question, yeah, my family, they didn't give up on them. So that's just another aspect of how fortunate and blessed I am. Yeah, that's just awesome. Well, I really appreciate you taking the time to come on the show today. Yeah, well, thanks for doing that. It's important. Thanks, Tony. It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone who has a story to share, tell them to contact us at why not me dot world. One last thing. Spread the word about why not me. Our conversations are inspiring guests. The show. 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