EP 77: Born in Chaos, Built in Recovery

Disclaimer. At two addicts in the moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. And we are back to another episode of two addicts and a moron, the very special guest in the house, like the UT, getting ready for them to not make the playoffs. There are no playoffs. No, they're not. You're talking about football. Yeah. I represent volleyball. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. volleyball we play Penn State tonight and we got a game after this podcast that we're going to cool, man. Easy win. Defending national champions. All right. Well, I'm a hook them and I think we got a hook them from Joe to you. Look at them. Look at them go back there. There you go. Joe. There you go. Joe. All right. Well, got a very special guest in the house. He's a buddy of ours. We work with our guy with this guy. It's not him. Yeah. It's her. Hmm. The better. Better half. Our buddy. Yeah. Our our buddy Evan for sure. Yeah. landed a wife by some fucking miracle. No clue. No idea how he made this happen. Yeah. But. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this Megan Stagwin, everybody. Hey. He doesn't know how. Yeah. Yeah. He has no idea how he's actually said that before. He's a lucky guy there. Yeah. But yeah. She just goes. Yeah. Yeah. He's real fucking lucky. So, thanks for coming. Yeah. Of course. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Absolutely. And what brought you here? I guess sharing my my sobriety journey. And my testimony. I'm glad you guys had me on. Thank you so much. Mike. I really appreciate it. For sure. It's been a long time coming. Yeah. You should have had you on probably way sooner. Yeah. It happens for a reason. Yeah. For a reason. How long have you been sober? Um, two years, um, October 22nd of 23 years when I finally got sober. Let's go. Grab on the chips and stuff. Uh huh. Yeah. So it's been good. Um, you know, it's been a journey. Um, but I'm glad I finally, you know, quit relapsing. So I finally got sober and took it seriously. So grateful for the program. I don't know where I'd be without it. You know, I was like super out of there. Smoking mats somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what it was? Was it? My DOC was cocaine and alcohol. Yeah. So I mean, I couldn't find the cocaine though. Definitely. Yeah. Like whatever. There. Yeah. Whatever I could, you know, went in Rome. Yeah. Pretty much. So it was really alcohol. Alcohol was the starting point of it all. I think I was like 14 when I started really dipping off into the alcohol, but it's funny. You said that about the math. I was actually 13 when I did math the first time. Whoa. Before I even started drinking. Um, oh, your first ever was bath. Right. Right. Right off the roof. Right. Right. I don't know what else they do. We were on our way to steps here. We're going to go right to the fucking top. Yeah. That's me, dude. Yeah. I don't know. We were on our way to what is that Halloween thing? Um, they have in Austin. It's like October 5th. The House of. House of torment. Uh, yeah. So we were on our way there. And I fucking did the math. And it was not a good time. That's not. I was like, so not okay. Whoa. That's terrible. Yeah. So like I was up for like, you know, three days. My mom's like, why the fuck do you keep vacuuming your room? And I was just like, are you complaining right now? Completely completely rearranged my shit. And then after the time that was done, I was like, oh, man, I'm never going to fucking do that one again. I didn't like that. So I stayed like, you know, sober for like a good year because the math was the first time thing I ever fucked up on. You know, well, then I started drinking. And the first time I were drunk, I drank bottle 151. And dude, I was out of there. So I woke up in the yard. And I was like, keen at one with 151. Yeah. Well, dude, you know, I'm in from Lago. I don't know if you guys know about Lago, but it's nothing but party. Yeah. And Lake life. And so like all of my friends had mansions out there. And that's what we did. Everyone had a bar, you know. Of course, though, I knew 151 was like strong. So I was like, okay, let's try it. So yeah, I got super sick. And that was the first time I ever drink. But ever after that, I just took off with the drinking. And then I started to mess around with cocaine. At the time I was like 16. My dad had went to prison when I was like 12. So like after that is when I started like really starting to trip out because he was like my best friend. So my mom did everything she could to try to support me and my sister. And it was, it was, you know, it was really hard for me to try to heal from that because it was like an open world. It was kind of like, you know, he died, but you know, he was still we could talk, but I just couldn't see him. You know what I mean? How long did he go to prison? He did 16 years. Yeah. So then by the time he came out, I think I was 23. And then they had him on, you know, parole and all the house arrest. He actually got released on the CARES Act. I don't know if you guys ever heard of that. No, what is that? So I fought my fucking ass off to get him out of prison, dude. Like I wanted my dad back. You know what I mean? And even though he was locked up, we kept a solid relationship the whole time. I always make sure, you know, if he can money on his books, whatever I could from a very young age. You know what I mean? He's my best friend. And so there's this thing called the CARES Act. Once you it's for mandatory minimums. If you like have non violent drug charges, they work with you on that. Well, when COVID hit, they were letting everyone out on a house arrest because they couldn't keep everyone inside prison because people were getting sick and everyone was getting COVID. So he ended up actually getting out. And when he got out, he called me and he was on my grandma's phone. And he's like, Hey, what are you doing? And I was like, I just went on a bender. I was sick as fuck. And I was like, Oh, nothing just hanging out. What's up? And he's like, Oh, nothing just getting a cheeseburger from McDonald's. And I was like, what the fuck? They letting you. And then I was like, why are you calling me from my grandma's phone? And I was like, did she three way call or what? And he's like, No, he's like, I'm out. And I literally, when they say like, it feels like someone died came back to life. Yeah. You know what I mean? After being years and years of growing up inside of prisons to make, you know, like to visit him, I never wanted him to be alone. You know what I mean? I would travel everywhere to make sure I could see him at least once or twice a year. I dropped the floor. Like it was like someone shot me, dude, because I couldn't breathe. You know what I mean? And I, none of us expected that because he wasn't supposed to be out until 2026. And so this was in 2020, you know what I mean? And it was huge. So I got in my car after I slept a day because I did not want him to see me like that. And I drove out there and, you know, he's been, he's been clean for 22 years. Fucking bad ass dude. Yeah. He's like the sobriety wizard dude. You know, besides my sponsor, if I need something, or I don't understand something, I call my dad. Did he get sober in prison? Yes. Uh huh. Okay. So he had a sober up kind of the hard way, I guess, is that what he said? Yeah, that's where he find his sobriety. He found, you know, his higher power in prison. You know, he, he doesn't work a program. I think 16 years on the inside, give it gives you a lot of time to think about how strong are you meant that he works a program. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like he works a program, but he just doesn't go to a meetings and things like that. So, um, but by far like, yeah, the wisest guy that I know when it comes to sobriety or anything, you know, and he's still, he's not off paper yet. Uh, they actually just moved him from parole to probation and, um, he's so close to being off. Yeah. Finally to be free. And then once he is finally done, wants to move up here with us. Where is he? Albuquerque, New Mexico. That's where I'm originally. Oh shit. Yeah. So long trip. Yeah. When you found out he was out, he was in Albuquerque. Yeah. So they had him at a camp in Las Cruces, New Mexico. No, exactly. Yeah. The La Tuna camp. Uh, and then when they let him out, he just, you know, went right up to Albuquerque. Well, we're from. Okay. Yeah. It was good stuff. They had him a lot of different places. They started him in Sanford, Arizona. And that was the hardest time trying to be able to go see him there because I lived out here. But then he got moved to Big Spring, Texas, a federal penitentiary. And that's where I was able to see him a lot growing up more. And then at the very end, they moved him to Luchina. So I always wonder when you're in prison today, like keep you close to your family. Or I guess like when you're in prison, they're just like, fuck it. You're going wherever you going. You can request. Yeah. So like if they're trying to bring you to like Ohio or like Colorado, you can put in a request to the person who is over your case. Yeah. I have a daughter here. I have a, you know, Graham, your mother here. And usually they'll go by that. Yeah. I guess they probably looks at it. I guess they probably look at your visitation to because I'm sure everybody says that like, like, I can't move. I got someone here. Let's see who actually comes and visits you. Oh, no one's came and visited you and fucking four years. Yeah, you're moving. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I guess that makes a difference. Yeah. I was, I was very grateful that they kept him in, you know, they put him in Texas of all places. Because I thought for sure that they were going to have him in New Mexico. I was young. You know, I mean, I couldn't drive all the way out there. Yeah. So when he moved to Big Spring, it was only a four hour drive. I did that as much as I could. And I'm just going there by myself. So. So 14 years old. And you're starting to jump off the deep end a little bit. Yeah. And it sounds like the first time that you drink was pretty fucking gnarly because the Cardi 151 is some nasty shit. Like I, I don't think I've ever drank in that straight before. I think it's always been in something. Yeah. And even when they're like, yeah, has a car to one 51. I'm like, Oh, shit. Okay. You know, so that's a pretty young age to hit it that hard. Yeah, I was pretty broken. Yeah. So I want to get into that. What do you think? I know dad going to prison, played a big role in that word. Forget prison, but they'll basically the loss of parent. Yeah. Or there are any other factors that you can think of that that kind of sprinkled into that that would have caused you to go that hard that quick and then go back, you know, go back to it. Pretty quick. Yeah. You know, I think after my dad got locked up, like I said, my mom did everything she could, like, you know, raise me my sister out there. So I was the head of the house. I mean, I had to, I had to get serious about it. And for some reason in my mind, my dad had a drinking problem before he went to prison. It was all I really knew. And I was like, man, you know, I want to be like my dad, but we're fucked up way. And I think that's what really started off like with me thinking that, you know, it was okay for me to be doing what I was doing. And I was like, I was like, I'm not going to be doing that. I was like, I'm not going to be doing that. I'm not going to be doing that. I was like, I'm not going to be doing that. I'm not going to be doing that. I'm not going to be doing that. I'm not going to be doing that. So it was just a lost little gem out there of like a of a lake town, right? Like everybody thinks lake when you're in Austin, you're thinking Travis, you're thinking, well on the other side of the fucking cove, there's little town called Lago Vista. Yeah. And by some place baseball out there all the time. And it's a beautiful little city. Like I mean, just driving through it. It's a really nice little town. But I can definitely see like how it could be a little bit of a party central to definitely because I feel like a lot of the people out there have a lot of money. You know what I mean? Like it's quiet out there too. You know, you don't get caught. You know what I'm saying? So like you want to throw a party the cops are like, hey, don't do that. Yeah. See you later now they're not like that. Now I hear that they crack down the pretty fucking strict, but back in the day they weren't so well, Lago is not like the lost little secret anymore. Yeah. I mean, how old are you at 29? Okay. Yeah. So I mean, it's there's a lot of people moving out that way that want to go. Like people who have money, they're like, well, we could save a boatload of money by just going to the other side of the lake. Yeah, no brainer. Yeah. And it's quieter. There's not a lot of crime, but the crime's getting worse now. Obviously the people are moving there. But it's, you know, it's crazy about Lago is that like, you know, once you once I got sober, I didn't think I could get sober out there because I grew up out there. You know what I mean? I'm homecoming plane. I did all the shit. I was wildest but and then when I got sober, I was like, dude, I don't know if I can do this here because all I ever knew in this town was the rolling stones, you know, a sack and a bottle of jack. You know what I mean? Yeah. And when I finally got clean and I got fucking serious though, I started to see Lago in a whole nother way. And from a sober point of view, it's actually a really beautiful town to live in when it's not full of your sick mind and your bullshit. And you know, the people you want to surround yourself when you're that way, I love Lago now. I have a great church. You know what I mean? I have a great community out there and I have a personal trainer, I have a lot of clients out there that are amazing. You know what I mean? So seeing it in that perspective, it opens your mind to be like, wow, like I really was sick. And I was, you know, I love to be around other sick people. And I thought that's what Lago was just about. That's all this place is just fucking. Yeah. I like it. It's funny because like when I when I was in my addiction, I'm from a small town, Biter, Texas. And when I let like when I moved from there, I wasn't on drugs. So I literally thought like it was the greatest place that you could be like I will never leave this place. And I left there for work. And I moved here, but I would always go back like every month, right? Cause that was where all my people were. And then whenever I became in my addiction, I would go down there, but I would hang out with different people than what I grew up with. Because whenever I'd go down there, I'd have to find someone to party with. So that's why I would go down there and find. And I would always tell people like man, the exit when I pull in there, like it's just depressing because it's just all meth now. That's just that's a whole town. It's just meth knowing that I'm a method. It's just real fucking. It's just real messy, right? Real meth up. Yeah. But now that I'm sober when I go back there, I don't even think about like the bad parts. I think about man, I'm coming here to see family. Right. And now I get to go see some friends that I used to hang out with before my addiction that I kind of walked away from. And it's funny, it's crazy because I was telling one of my friends, his name is Dale. When I first got sober, I had to make amends to him. And I said, Hey, I would love to meet up with you and make this amends to you. You know, I missed out on your bachelor party. I missed out on your wedding. And like there's no reason for it, blah, blah, blah. And I really make that a really, really love to make that up. And he was like, you know, the fact that you're sober now is amends enough. I don't care about the past. Let's just make new memories now. Right. So when I went there for Thanksgiving, I got to hang out with him for a little bit. And but yeah, I don't even think about it now. It's kind of like what you said, like, it's just a beautiful place. When I go back there, now it's like, I'm here for family and friends. I'm not here to go. Now I still pass some of those spots and I'm like, fuck, I used to get high right there. But I don't stop. And I don't, I don't, I don't try to call other people up. Like, you know, that's just not the reason for me to go there anymore. Yeah. Destiny and Haven and Kaelin want to move there. Like that's where they literally want to move. They think it's the greatest place in the world. After I've threw there before. It's pretty cool. Yeah. Vider Texas. I've been through there before. So Vider just where is that like in the Yeah, Beaumont. Yeah. You got Houston. You got Beaumont. Right. Vider. And then orange is really the next big. And then Louisiana. Okay. Yeah. I remember driving the Louisiana for baseball and chess. Yeah. Going through it and be like, Hey, Vider Texas. There's fucking Mike's old stuff. It's crazy because when you go through a small town like that, you literally get through like four exits and you're gone. Yeah. You're out of there. You would never think that that place has so many people that live there. And that there's just so many good people that live there and so much fun there. Because when you drive like when I drive through Austin, I'm like, Holy shit, this place is huge. But when you go to Vider, it's like few exits and then you're off to the next little city, the next little town. Right. So. Well, it's to your point though, too. And to yours too, just saying it's like drugs are everywhere. It doesn't matter if you're in a hog of this or Austin or fucking two below Mississippi or wherever the fuck right like the exit. The shout out to below baby. Yeah. Where'd you pull that one from? To below Mississippi straight off the dome, baby. I studied maps in addition to addicts. So but the point is is the experience that you want to get out of a city is it is exactly what you're going to be looking for in it. Right. And if you want to find the drugs, you'll find them. Yeah. You want to find the beauty of things. You'll find that too. It's all about your mindset. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. One hundred percent. So I think that's really good. So 14. We're 29 now. So you got sober when you were 27. Boom. I'm fucking doing all kinds of math. I'm on it. Like a beautiful mind. And you know, it was a man. How many times did you try to get sober? Shit. Okay. The first time I was 18. I went to my first AA meeting. My mom made me go and I'll sit there and also. And I ended up meeting my okay. So my sponsor was the first person who brought me to that meeting that now. Yeah. I've known her since I was 13. I mean, her son used to be friends. And you know, I've known her for a long time. And as she was my neighbor too. So she was the one who told me to go to an AA meeting. And I went to the AA meeting and she's like, are you going to come back? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At that time, it made me want to drink more. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, dude, what the fuck? I'm out of here. I'm going straight to the lake. You know what I mean? But you were kind of forced to. I was. I wasn't forced. It was more of my mom saying, please, dude. Yeah. Like this is fucking a lot. Like I was 18 year old fucking heathen, dude. And I thought I ran shit. I was like, I'm fucking ill. Chop of it. Like I didn't get a fuck. You know what I mean? I really had like the cojonies of like, you know, I don't know why. Yeah. But I did. And I ended up getting pregnant with my son at 19. I tried to go to New Mexico before I got pregnant to get sober out there. Right. I went to go stay with my grandmother while I was there. All my dad's shit was there, dude. And so instead of getting sober, dude, I fucking went off the rails because I was like a reminder of him there. But I couldn't. I couldn't see him. I can smell him. I could do it. You know what I mean? And it hurt me worse. So I was just like, fuck, I can't do this. And so for some reason in New Mexico, there's like, there's liquor stores, but you can buy liquor from the gas station. Yeah. You can go to Walmart. Dude, I was having a yield day out there. I was like shit. And the bottle of crown out there, like compared to like 30 bucks here. A bottle 19 bucks. Yeah. So I was like, count change. You know, like I'm. And the gas station too. Yeah. So I got I got worse out there with my alcoholism. And so I was out there for a couple months. And I stashed all my bottles like under my bed. And when I left my grandmother moved my bed, there was like 50 bottles of crown underneath there. And she was like, what the fuck? And she was so pissed at me. I would have blamed it on your dad. So bad. Yeah. That was dead. Yeah. Not in my mind. Not in my mind. And like, he was that was his fault. Yeah. Yeah. She was she was pissed. And so I took off back to Lago. And then I'd, you know, it's easy to drink out in the middle of nowhere. So I started hitting the spots. It's easy to drink everywhere, man. But that then no one gave a fuck if you were underage. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, not in Lago, you know, you can, you know, they don't care. And so I started, you know, just hitting the spots, getting drunk, doing dumb shit. I had my first son and I was good for a little while. And then I took off with the alcohol again. You know what I mean? I couldn't cope. I was young. You know what I mean? I was 19 when I had him. And I thought I knew it all. I thought I had the whole life ahead of me. Did you think when you got pregnant that having a son was going to change? Like I'll be able to fix this. So really up. Yeah, I'm going to be able to do this. I've thought for sure because I stayed sober, obviously, through my whole pregnancy. So I was like, shit, nine months of that. That was a breeze. Yeah. Fuck, dude. And it was two months of that kid and I was drinking again. Yeah, I'm for roll though because like I couldn't, like handle it. You know what I mean? I was a single mom right off the rib. So I was just like, oh, shit. And that was like one of my biggest regrets when I started when I got sober and started working the program. Dude, like the shame and the guilt that you feel as a mother knowing that like you fucked off the last, you know what I mean? So many years. Yeah. That was really hard for me to forgive myself, but I'm grateful for the program and the steps that I've been able to work through there because I don't think I would have been able to without the step work. I went through that a little bit with my daughter because I was, she was six when I got sober, right? And she's 10 now. But I know like looking back, there was a lot of shame in there and a lot of the things that I did, but I wouldn't change it because I would have rather been using when she was one to six rather than six to 12. Damn right. Because they would, they know so much more now, right? So during that time she just thought dad was tired or dad was taking a shit for three hours in the bathroom or whatever when I was in their smoking bath. But sometimes I used to beat myself up for that, but now I'm just, I'm really grateful that I stopped whenever she was six rather than seven eight nine 10 11 and then she's a teenager. What is your dad doing? He's not not around. Right. So I wouldn't beat yourself up for it. I'm sure you don't know. No, no, no. I mean, I do living in men's and gay man. That's what, that's what I always tell myself is I would have rather, if there were six years that I was going to pick to be a drug addict, it would be her first six years rather than any of the other six years. Yeah. I think I feel some pain sometimes still now like when I think about like their baby years and I'm just like, damn, like I don't fucking remember a lot of things. Yeah. And I'm just like shit and you know, and also I think the mother I am today, you know, to mean some of the things are like it was really hard to move. They were so used to a way of living like when I was drinking and should I sloppy dude, you know what I mean? And so when I got sober, I started, you know, being clean and like my whole personality changed into the person I'm growing into today. And it was hard to even, you know, I don't know how to say that like help them learn that's not how we live and go through those growing spurts with them because they're like, you know, I don't want to clean up after themselves because they didn't have to. Right. Right. Or don't want to do this or you know, don't want to do that. And I had to be very patient because in the end, you know, it's not their fucking fault. Yeah. You kind of have created. Yeah. And so I had to completely not only rewire myself, but also rewire my kids and show them this is the correct way to live, you know, and like for me, anyone else that's a very good point. I went, I went through that with K-Lin too, because I like during my addiction, I just bought her everything. Yeah. And I was like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really No, you have to work to be able to get things. You can't just say, oh, my dad would get it for me, right? And then she used to run into that with her mom. Her mom had to tell me, hey, like it I'm always the bad guy because she'll say, well dad will do it for me or dad would so we had to get on That same page too as far as co-parenting. Yeah, so that's a great point. I never really thought about that until you mentioned it I'm like I went through that too. Yeah, so the growing spurt for everyone, you know what I mean? And then you're you're like, you know, for me I was like fuck like you guys the common courtesy of just cleaning your fucking room is so hard for you guys and because like I just didn't give a fuck. Oh, yeah, I mean, and it's not your guys' fault. So like I'm gonna guide you gently through this but you know, but it then also you know it just gets better as time goes by and kids are resilient. Yeah, and you know they're They're fucking amazing kids man, and I'm so grateful to be sober for them now because that they don't deserve Anything fucking yeah, you know what I mean? And honestly When I decided to get sober I I went to this Viking festival and I had relapsed and I drank a bottle of Jack A whole time out. Yeah Viking fest. Yeah, I was about to ask too What the fuck? Can we explain this real quick because quite honestly If it's how I picture it inside of my fucking brain right now fucking flaky was playing you For relapsing because that's what it's all about. Let's shrink out of a horn. Yeah, I did that And where some Viking hats and let's fucking go. I dressed the whole way, right? Okay. I was sober for like two weeks and I don't know if you guys watched Vikings movie. Yeah show. Yeah, you know flokey. Yeah, he was there. Whoa I got to fucking kick it with him. I got to crash with him. Yeah, I got and then by the end of the night I knew okay, so initially coming up to that relapse though like I was sitting there and I knew I could call someone And they were all drinking around because I was still hanging out with my old friends, you know what I mean And I poured a glass of Jack and I sat there and I stared at it for like Five minutes and I smelt it I swish it around and I was like is it worth it? Is it worth it? And I said fuck it slammed it off the races Yeah, I got into three fist fights that night nice dude. I love Viking fest That's dude it was but it was like my friends that were there. It was like rough. So I ended up, you know felt super super bad over that, you know, because I had to make amends to those people after that which I did yeah but That was that was rough and Yeah, that was that was my first and last relapse after that. I want to go sober. I got sober for good You know, I was like yeah, I fucked this. This isn't working for me anymore And I didn't have a choice You know like to go to rehab or anything because I didn't have anyone out here That's what I was gonna ask. Did you ever go to rehab? No, my mom lives in New Mexico my dad lives in New Mexico I was by myself out. Mm-hmm. So my mom it came down and she saw I was fucking up and was like dude Like I love you, but you don't have the choice You know what I mean? It's just you and those kids. You're gonna have to do something and you're gonna have to do it faster You're gonna end up losing your kids and I was like Fuck that, you know, I mean and no matter how much I was fucking up and I was not you know being a good mom those kids meant More to me than anything So initially when I first got sober they were the reason why I got sober for sure You know, I mean further on into my sobriety I was doing it for myself because we learned that you know We deserve that too, but they're what saved me because you know, I was all they had no one else was Gonna do it for me and you know Time to stop being a bitch and grow the fuck up. Oh, I did Yeah, when I first got in the program they used to always say you got to do it for you You got to do it for you and I was like I don't care about me Yeah, I didn't at the time my why was K-Lin for sure Now that why I turned into doing it for me like what you said But if it would have been like if I didn't have K-Lin I probably still wouldn't be sober. I don't know if I don't know if I would have got to the point To where I would have said oh, you know what I needed because I didn't think that I could get sober anyways So my reason was definitely for her and then it turned into for me too But like whenever they were saying that in the beginning like you got to do it for yourself I was like no, I don't give a fuck about myself. Yeah, I could care less about me Yep, and if it's about me I'm going to because when things get hard for me If it's just about me I will quit I'm a quitter But if it's if I if I got a turn and look at my daughter and say man, I'm quitting on her too That's what kept me continuously going for the for the first six months for sure. Oh, yeah There's no doubt you know eventually it turned into it's or doing this for us now But at the beginning. Yeah, like all the times before when shit gets hard, I will quit I don't I don't mind disappointing myself But disappointing that little girl that was something different. Yeah, that was Facts because after that last relapse, you know, it's acting the fool and I was letting it you know Just take over me my kids all that shit And my son asked me all my please don't drink anymore that shit broke my heart And he's never said it before then wow and never said it after then thank you god, but Um, you have two guests. I have three three kids. I have yep 10-year-old and eight-year-old and a seven-year-old wonderful wonderful wonderful kids Boys girls. I have two boys and a girl Nice, my daughter is the middle child and then I have two beautiful bonus babies to 17-year-old in the five-year-old which one's your favorite? My husband shut up He's not even his favorite. Yeah, get out of here Yeah, it's funny. Just but so as far as it sounds like you were Taking it pretty serious before the relapse though Something like you were kind of in there because you switched it around You were looking at it and so seem like you were kind of kind of Going in on this recovery thing so I know definitely what got you there That time and we'll get into that in a second, but the time before that Oh, I want to hear about this one. So okay, yeah, okay So I was with um uh My child's father my ex-husband at the time and it was a very toxic relationship and uh It was very very very bad. Um, it was very abusive physically abusive and I went through like eight years of that Well right at the very end when he knew that I would didn't want to be with him anymore He flipped out and almost killed me and broke my arm and Fuck right in front of the kids dude and I like Uh, you know, it was it was so bad like I ended up waking up in the hospital and just being like what the fuck happened where are my kids You know what I mean and luckily cps didn't take me because I had a home girl that found out what happened Logos a small town solid cops at my place can grab my kids, you know what I mean? um and Good friend good friend a wonderful friend actually, you know, we're still friends today um I New then that I had to get sober because it was it just got fucking serious I'm never gonna be with that person ever again I almost died this time took me years of getting my ass beat You know that to the certain point where finally It got to the point where I could literally get your ass beat too I well yeah, I couldn't see my fucking left eye for a long time I thought I was gonna go blind. I was like dude. He fucked me up bad and um I just I just you know it it sucks It took that long for me to finally get it through to my head, but I'm very grateful to god that You know, I was able to see after that and like trust him and be able to move on because I wouldn't be where I'm at today Who I'm with today, you know what I mean? because um You know that's what I think when you fight against What he has planned for you for your higher power You're gonna get nothing but shit because it's not what he wants for you you know to me And um, I kept fighting back and I I wasn't trusting in him and I didn't believe in myself, you know what I mean And so that's when I initially got clean my homegirl uh, invited me to an NA meeting And I remember I I went to my first NA meeting And I was like fucked up you know to me no one in there and I was like pissed at the world I hated everyone, you know how the fuck am I gonna support my kids with the broken arm and I did it though. I didn't get a fuck nothing was gonna stop me but um I've just that it was so funny my first meeting. I went in there like I was in prison dude I was like I fucking started everyone like bitch try me like the whole time dude Yeah, like I was not happy and they're like the best people ever like My sobriety And I was just like yeah, but that's a last shit you want to hear when you're in that state of mind Well, no for me in my pride Like but should you judging me you think you're better than me like I don't know why you know to me and I don't know why Because we're judgment. Yeah, yeah, we're just everybody that person on your shoulder that saying fuck that person and fuck this place Yeah, what are we doing here that bitch is lying. She's not happy right there. She's Do you see how she just looked at you? Yeah, you know, it's like that that was my thing, you know And uh, I just kept going though. I kept coming back. I kept hearing at the end of it keep coming back Uh, you know, you die if you don't you know keep working the program and I was like Okay, I'm gonna keep coming back. So I initially started the program in NA Um, I had a sponsor, you know, I went to meetings regularly. I tried to start the steps in NA um, I just I wasn't really feeling it at that time um, my you know drug of choice is alcohol. So when I heard about AA was very like Leary about joining AA because I had started in NA and I had like my like you know, that was my thing You know what I mean? Um, but I'm glad I did because when I joined AA Saying I'm an alcoholic instead of just saying I'm an addict me did something differently It broke something in there because I I you know, I'm an alcoholic addict. That's what I say, you know what I mean? Yeah, and um That that worked better and I I got a sponsor one of my husband's friends to sponsor me for a couple days until I found The one I told you guys about that I met when I was 13. Mm-hmm. She's amazing Um, but I've worked the steps and Actually got it fucking done dude and I got through those steps and I started sponsoring and That's what I do now dude. I live and breathe my recovery So funny story when I was in rehab your husband Evan Was the first person in there that I was like I want to I want to be friends with this guy Because he's just cool guy and He went the first meeting that we ever went to you know when they hand out the fucking readings Yeah, well they had got him with one of them and he's like here hold this and I'm holding it And then I didn't know that I had to read the motherfucker now because he starts laughing do you remember this Motherfucker so now I'm like I'm trying to give it away to other people But everybody else in there has been there before and they're like not me not me and I'm like Fuck like I don't read that good right right so I had to read this in front of everybody and I was he was laughing his ass off the whole fucking time like But that's the first thing he did to me and then when we got home I don't know if you remember this Evan. I was like man I said do you judge people when you're in those meetings and he said yes That's I'm very judgmental too and I said man I said I'm looking at everybody like I'll beat the fuck out of him I'll beat the fuck out of him I'll beat the fuck out of him And he said something that you need to do when you're doing that He said because I used to do that too and he said sometimes I still will He said I was taught to go introduce yourself myself to them And when I go introduce myself to him they end up being such a nice person Yeah, and I'm like wow who's the asshole here? Definitely me That's something that Evan taught me two things so he fucked me on the reading And then he taught me something right So he taught you he was an asshole Yeah, he taught you that you were an asshole He laughed You both of those two things I hear you want this you want this everyone's like fuck no That's awesome So I want to talk about you being judgmental like that Yeah, and being that way like fuck this place, fuck everything Fuck you people Mm-hmm Fuck that book, fuck you Yeah, I was literally in my mind So how long did it take you to get through that after you kept going back I think after the first 30 days Because I remember when I got initially sober Um, I was going to consistent meetings Um, I think it took me a good month because 30 days of thousand nights Yeah, I think two weeks after I got sober I went down to the lake and all of my old crew were drinking and someone put A jug of fucking jungle juice in the back of my car for some reason for everyone to get their shit out of I tripped out I was like you mother fuckers like I was I went nuts because I just got sober you know what I mean Yeah, so disrespectful And uh I but I had like a mental breakdown and so like I took off I went back to the house and I like you know when they say you like Have that moment with God, right? I've always had God in my life Just completely backslided that was my moment for me like I was screaming in the bathtub and just like Screaming as loud as I could under the water obviously so my kids didn't think I was fucking yeah freaking out and I was not okay, you know what I mean? And I did it for like a good Hour and then when I picked up that 30-day chip finally It like resonated with me. This is where I want to fucking be and then I slowly started to trickle away those people that were you know Staying in my life that were causing me Problems. I think that was one of the hardest parts was people I grew up with you know I mean because I grew up with those people from the day of the 13 Yeah, I want you to talk about that because that's one of the hardest things I think from a lot of people to do yeah, it was hard for me and I remember because I'm a loyal person right? So coming out of rehab. I remember I was telling Mickey another guy that was in rehab with us I was like man, I've got to like call everybody and tell him like I can't hang out with you anymore and blah blah blah And Mickey was like you don't owe them shit You don't know anybody in explanation like this is about your recovery And you just have to walk away from those people right he said you can love them from a distance And if they ever want to get sober you can be the first one to help them but you don't owe them shit so That made it so much easier for me So talk about how That is because if you surround yourself with the same people It's only a matter of time in my opinion like if I go sit around people smoking meth I'm gonna smoke meth There's no doubt about it. You don't go to the barber shop unless you want to get a haircut Right, you know what I mean? So talk about how that was for you As far as walking away from people that you grew up with and that you partied with for so long And how did you replace those people because I had to replace those people with People in the program and other people that were trying to do like People that weren't fucking still on people's mail and smoking meth and shit. So how did you How did you come to what? Just laughing at that last day. It's pretty funny people that were stealing mail That's a funny thing to say That's a like you I know you blow by shit, but I'm a moron dude. I don't get this shit I just I saw his raising. I'm like that is not normal You just said like hey, I'm thirsty like yeah, I was stealing mail and yeah, 132 o'clock You know fucking males coming Y'all stop smoking we gotta go find some credit cards But talk about how that was for walking away and did you talk to any of them and let them know hey I can't I can't do this anymore. Did you just cold turkey from them? I eventually did that So It was really hard for me at first because I had like an undying loyalty, you know to people because I've known it for so long And they were all I really knew what friends were. I guess I didn't even know what a real friend was you know what I mean and Once I like started to get more self-confidence I think and started to see these people in the program that really cared about my well-being And I noticed that I had a problem and Also a sponsor that would call me out of my shit because they fucking care not because they're being dicks because If you're gonna be in this program take it seriously. You know what I mean? um I was able to just let them know Hey, you know, I'll always love you, but I have a different path in life right now I've really got a focus on getting sober and You know you guys drink a lot and you guys party a lot and I can't be around that right now And that's how I ended it and I feel like that was honest You know what I mean? Yeah, and I wasn't being a bitch about it and they knew I was struggling so they were kind of like Go for it because I already tripped out. Yeah, I like you festival. They're like right, you know, bye You probably need this. Yeah, you know, I mean that's fucked up like they're all you know right when you throw the And then I'm the worst one right when your drug dealers recommend and rehab to you. Yeah, it's like fuck up Literally that like I'm not gonna lie to you that happened to I didn't know that but I just threw that out there anyways Hey, you might have a problem. I'm not selling you this shit matter fact here's a number call it because you need fucking help literally That is literally what happened to me. So uh, yeah, so it was it was an easy break from that um And then I just started surrounding myself from people in the program because I was like You know, I you want to hang out with people that you want to be like one day You don't want to hang out with people that are stagnant. Yeah, yeah, for sure You know what I mean, but also it's like important lessons to learn how to have fun Being sober. That was the hardest lesson ever. Yeah, so Couple more things that I want to ask you but talk about that because I think that's an important thing to share because So many like I think I try to put myself into that I drink Right now like I'm you know, I don't struggle the same way that y'all Do or did normie fucking normie but I even struggle with that Right now. Yeah, like just thinking about it as a normal guy like if I give up drinking like What do I do? Yeah, what do I do for fun even on my like little stupid normal basis But being surrounded by This program and a lot of people in it. I've been able to see that it's More than possible to do like it's very you In fact, it's easy to do Yeah, after a minute well after a while for yeah, right? So Tell me about that like how how did you figure that part out? How did you solve that ruby? Because the other thing and you can probably tie these two together, but fucking booze is Every that part and that had to be my DOC. Yeah, dude like it's fucking Everywhere like there's no dark corner with a fucking dude in a hoodie Beer from yeah, right you just go to the first corner that you fucking find and buy it so Kind of In any order that you want but for you and you're so you're two years is great And I'm really proud of you, but that's still pretty new. Oh, I call myself baby in subriding Yeah, you know, you know, I mean I've learned some great things, but I've I've got my whole life ahead of me Right now it's just one day at a time. Yeah, and it always will be I get you know, it's definitely I'm still learning um that was one of the hardest things for me was to Try to find fun and things I guess because you get that dopamine rush when you drink. Yeah, and I really think that you know Like that's a real thing. You know, I mean the dopamine and serotonin I think I stayed away from a lot of those things that I would do initially when I would want to drink like go to the river Like I loved go into the river and buy a you know 24 pack of mickle of Pack of cigarettes and sitting in water or not moving all day, you know, I mean So I didn't go to the lake very much. I really just try to focus on my recovery for the first couple months until Strong enough to go out and not be tempted because you're you're learning you know, it'd mean and you're trying to learn better habits and Once you get you know more comfortable in being those in those places and you have confidence that You can do those sober and you want to try it sober. Not that you can do them sober that you can try it. Right um I actually went to the river with him and Glen Rose and it was my first time at the river since I had gotten sober and that was like our super big trigger for me you know what I mean and I went and I'm so grateful that my husband's in recovery because that makes it a lot easier but um I was not tempted to drink And I was just like holy shit. So now what do I what do I do like what what what do I do for fun in this moment? You know what you lay down and you close your eyes and you'd be thankful to God that you're here and you just relax Relax like you were supposed to do yeah, instead of all the other times Your fucking body with junk yeah being sick the next day. You're actually there for a vacation Welcome to the good life. Yeah, I mean, and that's how I felt. I was like holy shit. This is what vacations like clean and I think I fucking like this. Yeah, and so we go on vacations all the time now and I did it because we have a good time, you know and I could never have done that before but I guess it's just uh I call it a mind opening once you're woke. There's no going back. I mean I think it just comes with time and You know time I guess So You're on a river And you're floating it and you have this moment where you're like thankful but You're basically floating in a river full of people Pissing probably hammered You know what I mean like yeah So you can be right down the lane. Yeah, do just like you're floating in a river of piss number one gross. Mm-hmm I don't want to do that That's fucking gross everybody just peeing there's no fucking portal potty. Nobody's got no river and fucking eight hours. Yeah Yeah, yeah Um Now talk about how you were um How you were Walked into 7-11 to grab a fucking energy drink or yeah, I just and you had a walk by the fucking booze aisle or the four locus or the The four locus. Yeah, yeah, I get some locus Yeah, that was my psycho ask for sure definitely drink slip knot and four locus dude all the way Ha nice. Yeah, so what I mean how Is that hard for you or was it hard for you? Yeah, um because like I said that particular place that we went to Used to be a spot that I'd like to go because I wasn't from there so I go get fucked up and you know I know have the same gas station. There's only one. Mm-hmm You know, I mean so going back in there and you know walking past the the booze and the four locus and the mickalobe It It's it's there okay, and it's right in front of you and you got to look at it But then like you ask yourself and you know inside am I strong enough to overcome this and I don't know about you guys and this is just for me But I'll tell myself you know, put me in a little bitch and keep going Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm so that's just I'm not here to give up So well, it's even deeper than what you just said though because not only is it there and It's but nobody's gonna tell you know what the cash register right there And I'd be like oh no, you're in recovery. We're not there's nothing judgment either. There's no judgment There's no nothing I know by metham front of people. There's like what the fuck? But if you go by beer right as soon as it comes though that thought You know, I had a sponsor tell me let it go yeah, you know what do you mean instead of trying to like Ponderonics yes worse place you want to be in your head. Yeah, I don't want to be in my head when I'm in the fucking gas station around some liquor Hell no no, nope, nope, I just let that shit go and I just keep on moving and you know what Something I'm working on with myself because I am early in sobriety because I move a lot I don't think I I can't like I don't Rest enough because like now that I'm sober. I feel like I have all this shit to make up for right mm-hmm and I'm working on that right now. That's something that I'm working on but yeah work harder on that yeah definitely trying because You deserve it. Yeah deserve the fucking layerhead down and rest though. Yeah, right? You're doing good and For what it's worth I'm proud of you. Oh, thanks and And you know like I said your husband's buddy of ours has been for a little while now and I know that Alcohol alcoholics are always fascinating to me in here Because of what I just brought up to you without always like trips me out. Yeah It's like yeah, like I was going to chucky cheese you go to the fucking Lake line mall you go to the 7-11 you go wherever like there's a beer tap or a beer Every fucking yeah, right? Like and I always like envision myself if I had like I would just stay away from the booze isles like Go out of my way in a grocery store to stay away from it, but okay But I'm just picturing it in my head. Yeah, like I hear so many of you guys talk about you're like What can I think work in the steps and when you get to a certain amount of sobriety time, you know what I mean? I feel like um When you truly have that spiritual awakening that that Want Goes you know what I mean like there's always gonna be an option for you because we're always gonna be alcoholics or addicts But having that spiritual awakening and having a higher power that you can rely on when you shake it's tough Like if I feel like I'm really in a corner and people are getting thrown around me and I'm not feeling comfortable Want to leave but to all pray. Yeah, I mean I have Free I can pray whenever I want wherever you know whenever I want How much I want and I'm grateful for that, you know Just being able to surrender that to my higher power and move on that works to me So that's pretty much how I get through it. I mean just keep moving Well, that's cool. Yeah, now Like I just mentioned Evans our friend We're very protective over our Evan. Yeah, so I'm gonna quiz you on Evan right now. Okay, all right In Mike feel free to pepper in some fucking questions. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, I got you the first question What's Evan's favorite movie? Hmm his favorite movie we should start with that. Yeah, look at him. Okay. Don't look at him right here right there Um his favorite movie Well, I can't actually tell you his exact favorite movie I just know he likes to watch movies that most people are like Into world dying and so and he likes to put them on at 10 o'clock at night right before bed And I have extreme anxiety before sleep But that's why you can't rest. It's not because you feel bad about it It's a fucking Evan. Yeah, he's turning on murder and shit. Yeah, like the world is ending Be ready oh all the time just like that predator Viscous alien or someone stuck on a light tower. I don't know what movie that one. That's called tower Holy shit. Yeah, I was not okay. I couldn't sleep for two hours after that I was sitting there like that movie is insane if you've never watched that's a fucking good. Yeah, it was a good movie But it was like yeah anxiety ridden. Yeah, like why are we watching this right before bed? But he loves it so I'll watch it. Yeah. All right favorite color of Evan's favorite color. I would have to say blue You you did that like like I just Would like to keep sleeping next to you. So okay. Yeah, you're like whatever All right I saw it on believe his favorite colors blue like after his response Yeah, I'm sure red okay. All right What was the sport that he was really good at soccer? There you go. So he says Yeah, definitely soccer all right last one Okay What's his favorite song? Um, I know when we first met it was that uh He dedicated this one song to me. He played all the time. Okay You know what I'm talking about. I'm on the spot right now. Yeah, that's what that's on purpose. Oh wonderful I want It was we can we can call this on chat. Yeah, I can't remember it right now. Babe. What was it? No, I want to I want to know what it is Oh Well, there's that I can just say any song Yeah, it was a super popular song, but you know, he's in the country though He actually got me in a country music, which was pretty cool. Some of metalhead. Yeah me too That's what I was gonna ask you at the end because you'll love him because he fucking like Who's your top three metal bands are your top three bands? hate breed uh sepatora and Let's see Soulfly Okay, sepatora and soulfly are a little bit of the same. Yeah, uh, the same dudes. Okay, so then yeah, give me a little bit of the soulfly first hate breed and Parkway drive Okay Wow, yeah, you're really into the metal. Yeah, she sends me some songs And and like I'm like that is way too fucking hard for me dude like some of the shit she sends me like Like hate breed. I can't listen to hate breed. Yeah, you can You do the hate breed is so good my question for you What's one thing that Evans taught you in recovery? Oh Evan He's taught me so much in recovery. He's the one who got me to switch over to AA because he thought that that would work better for me Which was the best thing I've ever done um So many things um, I know one thing he said it in particular to me one time though was about resentment And he's like if you saw someone that you resented uh, or if you saw someone you knew down the aisle at Walmart And if you see them and you feel anything but oh, hey, what's up? Or like if you feel any ill intentions like oh, you don't want to see that person or you get nervous Probably have a resentment you know what I mean, and it was so true for that particular person that I was thinking about I thought about it and I was like, I saw that person in the aisle You know what I would I be good and I was like, no, I wouldn't Because I have some work to do you know what I mean? And so that was one thing that he said to me that stuck And there's there's so much more I got with him when I was three months sober So he was about a year A year, you know sober so I learned a lot from him yeah because I was pretty young in recovery Yeah, luckily we've been able to grow together though and um our foundation You know of our relationships on God and then our recovery so yeah, you know what I mean That's I think the most beautiful part and why it works because We can do for best friends like that is my best friend, you know, I would do anything for him Yeah, that was a proper answer there right That was a proper answer from her So What we're gonna do is I know Evans We've been talking to Evan about coming on here Since pretty much the inception of this fucking thing, right and he doesn't want to right for Just His own personal reasons and that's fine. We he knows he's got an open door here anytime he wants to come But what I'm gonna do right now because I put you on the spot Okay We're gonna put Evan on the spot. Okay, and we're also gonna do it here on camera I'm just gonna ask you the same questions that I asked her But since I did it with her and this is how we're gonna end the podcast my friend Get over here, bro. Come on Sit right beside sit right beside your honey. Yeah, I'm right here, dude. Thanks. Oh Hey, one thing I want to ask to Last one. Yes How is motherhood being sober? Yes, that's this is a great question Um, because I know that you're a foot. I know you personally and I know how good of a mother that you are How so yeah, how is it? How is motherhood being sober and how much more joyful is it being a mother sober and what it was? It's beautiful This I every day. I'm grateful that God made me a mother, you know um I love watching them grow up and I love being a good mom to them for them to be able to see like What a true parent should be like, you know, and I'm grateful for the second opportunity that God gave me to be able to To love them and to you know give them the life they deserve. Yeah, kids don't fucking ask to be here You know what I mean and so um Just I'm just grateful for the second chance and I'm not gonna take that lightly and and now that I'm you know Further on into my recovery My kids know what it's like to have a mom that's in recovery now Mm-hmm, and I just wanted to get better from here. Yeah, I want them to have everything I ever had and more and I am grateful that for when they always know that they have a place to go to when it comes to like God church And then if anything God forbid ever happens in the future and they need AA They know that they have somewhere safe to go to for recovery. Yeah, the resources there. That's very well said Very well said All right, Stagwin pull it over pull that microphone on over buddy. All right What's her favorite movie? Oh, I couldn't name the movie but you guys even know each other what the fuck is going on Like a queen of the queen of the day. Okay, so you know you knew the movie. You just didn't know the name of it. It was terrible Yeah, she made me watch it. I just had to sit there quietly and nod my head So bad Yes, he does look like a trini By the way, we love those we love you Yeah, corn's dope bro Yeah, yeah, but did you like it for the movie or the music? Oh, dude For that vampire Yeah, all right cool. No, what you're dressing up for like Halloween next year You're like it wasn't even all the week Tuesday night And Um, what is her favorite song? Favorite song? Would be one of those metal songs that she will only listen to on headphones because she cares about okay Stand that he breathes love I can't deal with it. He was just working out to it the other day. Don't want him to be when I'm pissed off And I want to like exactly if I can't have that kind of energy because I can't I'm in recovery So is she yeah, she's a better. Yeah, and uh favorite color first would be green green All right, that's his favorite color Is he right kind of on all accounts? Yeah, it sounded like you haven't knew a little bit more Yeah, I sound like my buddy is it's kind of killing it right now and What's the one thing she's taught you in recovery I know there's a lot, but what's the one thing that sticks out the most? How to feel safe For sure Any elaborate I mean just being able to be completely transparent with any emotion Uh challenges Or any insecurities Uh, she's allowed me to feel safe. Hmm. I mean, that's my ultimate need in my right yeah, and uh Yeah, it's been beautiful That's awesome. How long have you guys been married? Shit What just about a year and a half yeah, it was about to say is Same thing Yeah, you all know the date important color You know, have a new date. What was that now? I'm 18 Yeah, I had a guest seven times the other day before I got it I knew the month, but I didn't know the day says like third fourth well fifth six seventh eighth not enough Well in my defense I had just had to have spinal injections right before we went to go get married So I was not havin yeah, the pain well Yeah, hold it all Cool, can we do a podcast from there? Live live podcast that you're wedding that would be the coolest thing ever I can definitely I can see y'all having the tattoo person you know how they have the tattoo people about it Yeah, we've got one for you Travis sleeper Travis sleeper does those we had him on podcasts and he actually done he's done like A handful of them Evans actually the one that referred Travis didn't you tell me about Travis? He's working. I was like he's the one that referred Travis to me for destiny Yeah, yeah, I don't even know the guy. Yeah, I just seen his work and knew that he was in recovery in Austin You're gonna do it. Yeah support our people. Yeah, yeah Well Yeah, there you go Nice Well Thank you for coming on move that back in the middle of y'all Perfect and Thank you for getting on here I'm gonna come Yeah But I took it easy on you know, we didn't sit here pepper you with a bunch of shit like I just wanted to do the fun thing We should we should put her on the spot. We should have like four people from our rehab come on Would you come on for that? I would I would come on for that. Yeah All right, we're four the guys from rehab come on dude. That'd be great plenty of we have three microphones underneath there Oh, yeah, that'd be fun. Just just fucking chop up stories. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, I want to see that Well look Evan knows this but we're not worth saying it to you but the doors are always open to you Come on anytime if even if you just want to hang out on the couch or whatever It's fine And if you need us for anything I mean you already know that but Look at you and tell you the same thing you You ever need anything or need us to show up for anything that you're doing Happy to do it. I appreciate that. Thank you guys so much for having me on. No, thank you for coming. Thank you for coming So I think we got another one in the bag do we have anything to like Announce or talk about or I do want to get I want to tell my sister. I don't want to give a sit shout out to Janine Janine we're praying for you. We love you. You're in our thoughts. You're in our prayers. Keep fighting keep Doing what you're doing and we will see you for Christmas So yeah dude my sister's battling cancer And she's been beating its ass for a long time. She's just like her fourth bout and um You know we love you. So that's all I want to say cool Well I think we got another one in the books here guys. Mm-hmm. You say yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for coming Yeah, it's got the fuck out of here. I'm down All right, thanks you guys in the moron. We're out of here