What's going on my friends welcome to the Ryan Lee podcast will be love to keep things short and sweet for you want to just give you something each and every week that we believe is going to add value to your life this week is no exception. Today I want to talk to you about a new approach to criticism. A new approach to criticism. So here's a deal. If you're going to do anything with your life at all, if you're going to do anything significant, you're going to get criticism. Now that I'm thinking about it, even if you don't do anything significant, you are going to get criticism. If you're an elementary, you're going to get criticism. Okay, if you work in McDonald's, you're going to get criticism. If you are a fortune 100 CEO, you're going to get criticism. If you are in NBA, you're going to get criticism. If you play in a church league, you're going to get criticism. If you're a referee for a kindergarten game, actually real talk. If you are that person, you probably get more criticism from parents than anybody on the planet. Now, here's a deal. When it comes to criticism, there are a lot of ways that you can respond to it. One way is, well, you could ignore it. I mean, that's some people's plans. You know, yeah, ignore it and pretend the words just don't hurt. You know that old line, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I mean, it's a cute rhyme and all, but let's just be honest. It's terrible advice. It's a terrible mantra because if we're being honest, words sometimes hurt. Words that sticks and stones, they may not break your arm, but they certainly can call us internal bleeding. Another approach is to say, oh, I don't care if people think about me. Yeah, yeah, I don't care. I don't care. It's like they're talking to you, but it's almost like they're talking to themselves at the same time, right? And I just sometimes I'm stopped people right there. Like, really? You don't care at all. You don't care what your spouse thinks. You don't care what your kids think. You don't care what your friends think. You don't care how they feel about the way that you show up for them or not show up for them. Come on. Of course you care, what you probably mean is that you don't care what strangers on the internet think or what colleagues you barely know. Think, but let's just be honest. The whole, I don't care what people think thing usually gets thrown around as if it's some badge of honor. When I get it, you can have this idea that you know caring about what people think about you is like wasting all of your cares and you only get so many cares. You don't want to be wasting all your cares on random internet trolls and you should start like budgeting these cares for the people who actually matter and I get it, you know, save your cares for people that share your last name, your house, your Wi-Fi. I get all of that, okay, but I just don't know that the best response to criticism is just not caring. I don't even think it's realistic. What's interesting is another response to criticism is to immediately discredit the critic. Yeah, and this one, it just feels good in the moment, right? Who are you to tell me anything? You've never carried the pressure of leadership. You don't have all the facts. You don't understand my job. You're just jealous. You're not even my customer. And what's that called? What's that posture in that moment? It's defensive. And that kind of defensiveness might make us feel better for a second, but it also guarantees that we learn nothing from what was said. And let me just tell you, this episode is personal for me. So I'm going to let you in behind the scenes a little bit here at the Ryan League group, okay? So last month, I gained 100,000 new followers on Instagram, right? In the process of gaining 100,000 new followers, I lost 10,000. Yeah, 10,000 people unfollowed me. Now there's a version of me that would love to say it and bother me one bit, but that's not true. I would love to tell you, I don't care. I love to tell you, I'm not even paying attention to that. Well, when you see 100,000 new people start following, what kind of catches your attention if you have an account, does that make sense? So I clicked on like insights, because I have like this business professional account on Instagram, whatever. And it's like, yeah, here's also, here's how many people unfollowed you. I'm like, well, thank you, Metta, for that information that I don't care about at all. Of course, I'd love to say that I don't care, but it's just not true. I sat in my office wondering, what did I say or do that may 10,000 people? It unfollowed. So I'm not talking about today's episode as like some distant idea. No, I have to navigate this every single day. In most of the time, when I get criticized, sometimes even by strangers, sometimes by people close to me, I get defensive. We all do. It's the natural reflex, but the problem is, you and I are simply not our best selves when we're in defensive mode. Nobody is. Unless you're a lawyer or NFL cornerback. But being on your heels all the time is not a winning strategy. So what I want to help you do today is go on offense with this. I want you to be able to use criticism to your advantage. Here's what's actually happening when you receive criticism. Your brain is registering it as a threat. That's why it feels so heavy. The same parts of your brain that process physical pain light up when someone critiques you. That's why a harsh review or negative comment can feel like a punch in the gut. That to the fact that your brain has a negativity bias. In other words, you will remember the one bad comment way longer than the dozen good ones. I will sit with 10,000 people who have unfollowed me versus the 100,000 new people that have followed me. So if praise feels slippery, criticism feels sticky. That's how that works. And you would need a whole lot of positivity to outweigh simply one negative comment. Some studies actually say you need seven positive comments to outweigh one. So if you get 10 negative comments, you don't need to go to church and sit with 70 people that are just like, man, God loves you. You're amazing. So here's the deal. If you have ever struggled with this, just know you're not broken, you're human. So if that's our reality, we have to ask ourselves, what do we do with it? I think the biggest mistake we can make when it comes to criticism is processing criticism in the wrong places. Too many of us often run to fans to make us feel better. Yeah, we go to the people that we know are going to tell us the most positive things and they're crazy. But fans, that's not the best place to process feedback. Fans will just hype you up, but you need as a safe person you can call and say, hey, I got some feedback. And I don't need encouragement right now. I need honesty. I need a safe place to process this. It sounds like this. Hey, did I got some feedback that they said, this engaged with the kids. Yeah, my spouse told me that I said, and you've sent me with my kids like, is that true? Like, do you ever see me just kind of checked out? I'm just, I'm just trying to grow and I am a little offended right now, but, but tell me, what, what's your perspective on that? Or, hey, I got some colleagues who said, hey, your body language and meetings, it's just negative. You think that's true? And then you can let your trusted person tell you the truth. Maybe they'll say, yeah, sometimes you do cross your arms or you do look like you're annoyed. Or maybe they'll say, no, I think they misread you. Either way, you've got a safe place to process the criticism to grow. In fact, I'm going to give you a quick format for processing criticism with a trusted voice. Number one, a start by telling them exactly what the criticism was. Word for word, no sugarcoder. Number two, then ask the simple question, does this have any credibility? Yeah, does this have any credibility? If they say yes, ask, can you give me a specific example where you've seen this in me? That keeps it concrete instead of vague. Yeah, can you give me a specific example? Hey, I'm really trying to grow right now. And perhaps you see something that I just don't. And then number four, finally, ask, what's one small adjustment I could make that would change how this comes across? Yeah, now you're using criticism to your advantage. And that way you leave the conversation not just with feedback, but with the next step that you can actually try. The point is, don't waste energy defending yourself in the wrong places. Use criticism as a chance to refine, to grow, because here's the reality. Sometimes the critic is just flat out wrong. Yeah, they could be idiots, but sometimes they could be right. And if they are, the best gift you can give yourself is to have a safe place where you can hear the truth, process it well, and actually grow from it. So the next time criticism comes, don't ignore, don't pretend you don't care, don't just discredit the critic, don't spiral. No, go on offense, use it, because the more energy you spend defending your image, the less energy you'll have left to actually improve your impact. My friends, thanks for listening to the Ryan Lee podcast. If today's episode helps you in any way, I would ask that you don't keep it to yourself, share it with a friend, and hey, it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Also, I send out an encouraging text each and every week. If you like to subscribe to those text messages, you could text the word podcast to 469 809 1201, and you'll start getting encouraging text messages from me. Also, in the show notes, will be this quick format for processing criticism with a trusted voice, and so you can check the notes for that to help you get better with processing criticism. My friend, I'm looking forward to next week's episode. Have a phenomenal week.
