#397: All Oogie All The Time

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Adel, Aaron, I know that the two of you have been so mad that they are not putting comedy movies in theaters anymore. Well, do I have a shocking declaration for the two of you. Shock me. Shock. Okay, shock you. Let me rub my socks on the carpet. I just saw Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, and it is fucking excellent. Humming a what? Huh? Who? Blah, blah, blah, blah. What? Okay, this movie is so funny. It's the first, like, mockumentary-style film that I've seen in a while that was making me laugh out loud. Plus, it's, I will not get into it, but when the twists come in this movie, your jaw will hit the floor in a good way. in a way that makes you say, I have to clean up my jaw now, but I do like that it touched the ground. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this the movie that Variety called It's Insane That It Exists? Yes. And fandom said, gives no fucks, a movie you absolutely must see to believe? Yes. You have to see this. A comedic miracle, says Sunshine State Complex. A comedic miracle, JPC? Yes. So the plot of the movie is they have a plan to book a show at the Rivoli, but something goes horribly wrong, and then Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have to watch this movie. It is only in theaters starting February 13th. Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. It is so fucking good. I'm there. I'm there. Again, run. Do not walk to the theaters February 13th to see Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. You do not have to be familiar with the show. Just go see Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. You'll get it. It's fucking great. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was being fried. 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 8, 9, 10. Guys, we got a letter from the Riddle Podcast Union. Hold on. It says urgent. Oh, good. Um, to whom I make concern, that's us. Sometimes those letters, Aaron, that you get in the mail that say urgent are just like scams. They're like, urgent, open immediately. It's like window washing. No, but they're really exciting opportunities for credit cards that only have like 50% interest. No, those are good. Tell me. Those should be in my pile. No, you can't say. Ow, my credit cards. Ow, my pile. Okay, let's see. To me, I'm a concern. It has come to our attention that the three of you do not have understudies. Per union rules, the three of you each need an understudy in the event where you cannot show up to the podcast. Adel, did you know we were supposed to have understudies? Yeah, I got... Oh, sorry. I thought you were in the other room. Oh, I was yelling like you were far. You're right here. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi. Um, what were we talking about? Piles? Oh, understudies. Did you know we were supposed to have understudies? Yes. I got a email, um, the day before we recorded our first episode. Um, about eight years ago. About eight years ago. Uh, it was about concerning labor union laws. and it said since we're all technically kids, we cannot work more than two hours at a time. So I said we're all triplets. So if anyone asks... Okay, I don't... I love that we're cutting corners. I'm not sure which corner we cut and how. I, Aaron, did not elect to have an understudy because why would I want to fuck someone who looks like me? Huh? Understudy, right? Someone who studies under us? Should I just burn this or do we want to respond? Casey, would you like to be my understudy? I'm just going to fill out this paperwork really quick. I'm just going to say in the event in which Aaron is too tired or too lazy to show, you're by which in regard to Casey, Tony will take over all of her. Is there an understudy night? You know, like the one night where people come in and they're disappointed because everybody's played by understudies. Casey, if you're Aaron's understudy, you're going to have plenty of opportunities. Nobody might want one where his family can fly in for it. I think we have some previous live streams that are an indicator that you're going to get in there, Casey. You're going to have some spots. I don't know what you're referring to. Aaron, are we going to get into trouble here? Because I thought we were working under the whole understudy chain thing where I was your understudy, you were mine, and Edel was yours. Yeah, it says that that's not allowed because we are not good at pretending to be each other. I'm a little offended by that. I'm a little offended by that. Oh my God, there's two of me. Oh my God, which one do I kiss? I'm a little offended by that too. Hey, I'm Aaron Cave. Oh, that does sound like me. Hey, Aaron. Hey, I'm Aaron Riffy. Aaron, can you do Holly Hunter? Oh, great voice. She has like a little lish. Lish, yeah. I'm Holly Hunter. I don't think so. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Hi, Mr. Incredible. Can you say like, hey, Mr. Incredible, I need you to stretch me. Hi, Mr. Incredible, I need you to stretch me. I realized that was intentionally. I'm going to put Holly Hunter down as my understudy. Mrs. Incredible doesn't need anyone to stretch her at all. She can stretch herself. Yes, that's right. That's right. I do. My voice occasionally has been compared to Starley Klein, who plays Violet in Incredibles. Is that the same person who does the podcast? Yes. Are you serious? The mystery podcast. She's a frequent contributor to This American Life. What the fuck? She's a very aspirational career. I'm a big fan. I remember listening to a podcast about her and she found like a like a rodeo belt or something mystery show is that her podcast? mystery show is so good yeah very good very very good Adel who do you want me to put down as your understudy? who okay so plaid lazy boy recliner and who is hmm? oh no I'm talking about the chair uh yeah yeah let's do that alright a comfy inviting chair will henceforth be Adel's under city? Or should we do a person? Put Craig T. Nelson. Oh, Craig T. Nelson! Adel, can you do your Craig T. Nelson impression? Hey, coach. Hey, coach. I don't... Hey, coach, it's me. Uncanny. Uncanny. SpongeBob! Okay, let's see. Do you know Dauber is Patrick? What a world. And JPC. I'm going to say Captain Hook impressionist. Adol, what do we think we should do for JBC? Let's see. Do one of those boardwalk caricatures of Captain Hook. That'll be for me in a pitch. Steve Buscemi. Steve Buscemi. Steve Buscemi. Put Buscemi. Put Buscemi. Aaron, put Buscemi. Steve Buscemi doing an impression of Captain Hook will be. JBC's understudy. I think we're solid. I throw the letter in the trash. Trash. Lights on fire. Spirits and oogie ghosts come running out, screaming, moaning. You've been very into the word oogie lately, Adol. Have I? Looks over at word of the day calendar every day is oogie. I bought a Nightmare Before Christmas word of the day calendar. The last six months has been oogie boogie. It's been all oogie all the time Okay I know what I'm getting at all for Christmas this year It is an expensive Time consuming joke Oh it looks like for March it's clown with a Tearaway face That's one word Interesting Interesting How are you guys Good Yeah I'm good Solid Like a rock If you are so solid then how can I tip you over oogie oogie oogie oogie couldn't get him he's solid speaking of oogie oh and tipping over does someone have some news well I was just gonna say I think we're two months out but April of the penguins is right around the bend and I'm very excited speaking of oogie I'm very excited too who's won so far honestly I won the first year Boston Wadlers won. What the fuck are you talking about? Boston Wadlers won in 2020. Okay, that's not you winning, Aaron. A lot of brave penguins died to get you that win. They weren't brave. A lot of cowardly penguins perished. Who won last year? Four-way time? Might have been you. What was your team last year? The New Orleans Night Owls. I think you won. I think you won. Are you going to do back-to-back years? Who do you think is going to take the cake? I'm going to go ahead and say I think this is Casey Toney's season. Oh, Aaron keeps understudy. I'm checking the Penguin Baseball Wiki, and it seems that it has not been created. So we don't have to worry about it. Good. You know what? Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Casey, do you think you have what it takes this year? I don't know. I think I have what it takes. I think my cowardly penguins absolutely do not. And we should tease that we're not doing penguins this year. Well, hey, we should maybe tease this next month. I don't know why we're teasing this a full month. I like to tease. It's pretty early to tease something. Sorry, that was very oogie of me. I'd like to go ahead and tease Penguin Baseball 2027. Yes. Water Wars edition. Okay. I actually do know that I'm old man puzzles. And I'm a woman now. I've got a blood test. I'm a woman now. I can be responsible. I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown adult. Are you saying Old Man Puzzles is a woman now? Old Man Puzzles has always been a woman. 2026, the year of the Old Man Puzzles is a woman. Go back to episode three. Play the clip about the woman living alone and holding a candle. Hmm. Hmm. And then it's a whoosh sound. I live alone and I'm holding a candle. How can I afford all these candles? And then we whoosh back. Although I'm not allowed to ask Casey to do stuff like that anymore. JBC gets mad. A smash cut to an Urban Outfitters. Kisses up to him. Somebody stealing a ton of clothes. A smash cut to Ed DeBevick's. And someone's eating a hamburger and smash. And then we zoom in on Aaron Keefe. Does a smash cut, to do a smash cut, does it need to have a sound effect? No, I think it's just like a quick cut. It's just a hard cut, right? There doesn't need to be any sort of sound effect. Unceremonious hard cut. Got it. Okay. Yeah. But like a blam or a crunch doesn't hurt. I think that if we're going to use the term smash cut instead of like hard cut, it should come with, it has to have like a breaking glass thing, you know, like when Stone Cold Steve Austin like came out to the ring, you know? Okay. Smash cut to us walking through a crate and barrel trying not to knock over all of the wine glass displays. Smash Mouth to the wine glasses everywhere. Somebody once told me. Smash Mouth isn't great. Somebody once. Smash Mouth to a Ferris wheel. And Aaron, you and I are seated in a cart, but JPC is dangling from it. Oh, no, stop the ride. Smash Mouth to us at a Smash Mouth concert, and they're not playing their own music. Aaron, he's dead. There are no more Smash Mouth concerts. What? Aaron, how? That guy's dead, Aaron. The man. Oogie boogie. Okay, guys, I don't want to do riddles just as much as the next girl. To celebrate the life of the guy from Smash Mouth. Oogie boogie. Go ahead and leave us a one-star review on Apple Podcasts. Do not do it. Do not do that. No, leave us a five-star review that the title is one star and that technically counts as one star. Yeah, technically counts as one star. Okay. All right. Okay. Me thinks the lady does protest too much. Okay. These are from Lauren. I'm so grateful for you, Lauren. Thank you for sending in these riddles. Hi, team. So grateful for you, Lauren. I'm grateful for Lauren. I love you, Lauren. Don't say that. I love you, Lauren. Lauren said hi, team. Yeah, hi, team. I never thought about it, but we are a team. We don't play like one. Who's the captain? GPC's the one in the boat that is the one yelling at us. Adel's the one rowing, and I'm leaning back like I'm being taken on a picnic. I guess I don't want the responsibility of being the captain, but I do want to be able to say I'm the captain now. Sure. But I guess that guy wasn't really the captain. He just kind of became the captain a little later on, right? How about I was the captain then? I was the captain then. You are the captain then. You're like wistful. You're saying it as you're being mutinated. That's the like, I'm the captain now. I was the captain then. I am a paralegal and I run weekly riddle team channels for my law firm. And I have torts inspired movie riddles for you all. Sorry, torts? Yes. It's a tort. I'm glad that you asked because Lauren answered it in the next sentence because we don't know. Even though I'm technically a lawyer after following the Karen Reed trial for so many months, I'm not. I just learned a lot. A tort is an act or omission that gives rise to injury or harm to another and amounts to a civil wrong for which courts impose liability. Okay. Interesting. And it's T-O-R-T? Yes. I would assume it's a single tortellini. Yeah, it is short for tortilla. Tortilla. Tortellini. Okay, wait, hold on. Explain what a tort is like. I'm stupid. Erin, you're not using chat GP tort, are you? No. You better not be using chat GP tort. I'm looking on Reddit, which is basically cutting out the AI middleman. It's a fancy legal term for someone did something wrong to you and now you have to pay for it. Tort? Yeah, it's like, it applies to civil law, right? Like if you knock down my, you're my neighbor and you knock down my fence or something to cut down a tree, I don't know. Chumba bumba to you getting knocked down. However neighbors interact with each other, then I would be like, you and me are going to tort law court. And then if you're guilty, you go to tort jail. I would watch tort court. on TV? I think all of it is tort court, right? Is it? Yeah, because it's all civil. None of those daytime court shows are like a murder trial or something, right? They're all like... Can I ask an old lady question? Sure. How can I get my email to look have the font look bigger? It looks so small on my computer, and I'm having a hard time reading it. Can I tell you, I was on a plane pretty recently, and I was sitting next to an older person, and their font was so big on their phone. It's a lie to me, whatever, but I was not trying to read their phone, and I felt like a passing glance, I got the full picture of whatever they were doing at any time. And I really wanted to be like hey man just turn your phone If it going to be that big do some OPSEC here I don need to know your text messages What was your question about Is it still about torts Erin No, I need to zoom in. How do I get the writing to be bigger? Control plus or command plus. Where's the plus button on my? Erin. This stays in. This stays in, Casey. Erin, it's right next to the delete button. above the equal. Yeah, Alt F4. It doesn't do anything when I did that. Is it on a web browser? Yeah. Yeah, it should. I mean, that's a telly. Smash mouth to Aaron at the Genius Bar. Hold. Don't hit Alt F4. Alt F4, Aaron, if you don't know, this is something that used to be big in video game communities when I was a child's child, where people would be like, how do I get this thing that unlocks StarCraft and someone would be like, yeah, just hit Alt F4. And Alt F4 closes the program. So you would just see this person exiting the game lobby. How do I do this? Outstanding. Just like an absolute troll move for 14-year-olds in the 90s. Aaron, I'm telling you, oh, you have a Mac? Well, it's controller command plus. But that's how you make your font bigger. It's not doing anything, though. Aaron, I don't know what to tell you. Aaron, send me your emails in a Google Doc. I'll print them out in a larger font and then mail them to you. Oh, no, no. Okay, I know what I'll do. I'm going to copy and paste this into a Word doc. No. I can't get it. Is there somewhere on my, it says that if I, on my browser settings, I can. I mean, you can. I thought Casey would help me. Well, you have a Mac. We're PC people. You can hit command and then do you have a mouse wheel? Are you using Safari too? No, I'm using Chrome. Well, in Chrome, do you have a magnifying glass in the URL bar? Aaron, launch your extension. In the URL bar, a magnifying glass? No. The navigation bar at the top of the screen. Audience, hold tight. We have some customer support. No, that's search. The magnifying glass is a search. Okay, Control-U will get you into the source code, Aaron, and then just copy and paste whatever you're looking through from the source code into a Word document. That's what I said I was going to do and everyone laughed at me. Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, what do you see on your screen right now? You're not my son. Aaron, what are you trying to look up? Is it possible you didn't buy Groupon, you bought a living social? No, no. I tried to get my email. What does it say at the top left-hand corner? Why is it so small? Why did this happen since all I'm- Aaron, can you just pinch to Zoom? I don't know how to do that. Can you pinch to Zoom? Oh, well, you don't have a- Do you have a touch screen? It's on a laptop. She's touching her. Aaron, what are you trying to look up? I'll just look it up for you. What do you need? I'm not trying to look anything up. I'm trying to read this email. Does your mouse have a scroll bar? Yes. Hold command and then scroll in. And then scroll up. Up. Command. Erin, can I ask something? Nothing's happening. Try control and then scroll up. Nothing's happening. All right. Erin, what did you do the previous eight years? What do you mean? On the show? I'm saying- Or just generally. What happened now? I don't know. I've mostly been in bed. I've been very, very sad. Okay, hold on. This is going to drive me a bonkers coup de grace. Just do the Word document thing. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If I do these three dots and then I do history downloads. Well. History downloads. Oh, Zoom, Zoom. Oh, no, it's at 100%. Oh, no, I can do more than 100%. Wow. Yeah. I did it all on my own with no help from boys. you're not allowed to cut any of this out oh I'm cutting all of it out bitch oh you can write that you're cutting it but ultimately who makes that choice but if you close your eyes okay what were we talking about? torts in the hints below see Lauren thank you now I can read this now the font's big I do have really bad eyesight and I actually do think it's getting worse by the day. Well, yeah. I mean, it is. That's aging. Right. How long until I can't drive anymore, you think? Now? How old are you now, Erin? 34. Say 35. I think the water wars are going to come way before you have to worry about giving up your driver's license, Erin. In the hints below, I've described one or more torts that occurred in a film. To get the answer, add or change one letter so that tort is included in the film's title. This will make sense. Yep. Add or change the letter. Okay. Yes. Woody commits defamation against Buzz by claiming he is not a real space ranger. Tort story. Tort story. Tort story. It's toy. There's only tort once. What? Toy. Toy. Tort. Tort. Tort. Tort. Tort. Tort. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I get it. I get it. Toy. Tort. I get it. Yeah. All right. Let's be done. I'm just kidding. 10 minutes of tech to do one and then just trash it. All right. Next email. Oh, my God. This is too big. This is way too big. Maximus Decimus Meridus commits assault and battery against his fellow competitors in the arena. Gladi-torty. Gladi-a-tort. Tort. Yeah. Gladi-a-tort. Yeah. Willy Wonka might face a suit for property negligence due to lack of guardrails around his chocolate river. Charlie and the Chocolate Factor-tory. Yeah. Factor-tory. Factor-tory. Factor-tory. Factor-tory. By threatening to drop a speck containing Whoville in a pot of boiling baziel nut oil, it could be argued that Sour Kangaroo is committing intentional infliction of emotional distress against the titular elephant. The Lorthrax. Torten hears a who. Torten hears a who, yeah. What did you say, JPC? The Lord Thrax. The LaTorte. I would like to see a scene. Adol, you are the prosecution, and you can pick any Dr. Seuss character that you are suing, and these are your opening arguments, and JPC, you have to play whatever Dr. Seuss character he wants you to. Your Honor, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish? Now, I count three fish in two colors, so unless I'm crazy, one of these fish is lying. There's only two fish to be seen. Your Honor, your Honor, if I may, could I get like a bowl of water or something? or seems kind of a little cruel and unusual that I... Do we have to do a brief recess or is your client... Can someone take control over your client? They're having an emotional outburst here in the courtroom. I can take control over my client. Let me just sit here and maybe I'll try it. Yana... This is really serious. Yana, this cat is ambulatory on two legs. It's bipedal. Most cats are on all fours. Uh, objection? Uh, can we have the lawyers step up? A cat on all fours? A house without doors? Y'all, a house without doors is not a house, that's a shed. Can I have the, um, the council all join me here at, uh, my bench, please? If everyone can just come up, please. I would like to talk to the lawyers privately. And my axe? My bench are yours. A cat on all fours. I expect more tact from you. This is a really high-profile murder trial, and I just need everyone to sort of lock in. You are doing great. Prosecution, I'm... No complaints. Yes, you're doing fantastic. Mr. Hat. Your Honor, Your Honor, may I speak freely? Yes, but you cannot speak for the trees. You cannot speak for the trees. I would never dare to speak for the trees. I can barely speak for the knees. Are you drunk? Oh my gosh, let me smell your breath. It smells like mushrooms and vodka. We're going to have to do a brief recess. The cat in the hat is drunk. See, the cat in the hat is always drunk. He's a constantly drunk one. Yeah. And thing one and thing two I think are pretty stoned. I think they're on meth. They have meth vibes. Is redfish, bluefish, is that a line from a Dr. Seuss story or is that a... It's a book. Straight up. The whole book is about the fish. Yeah, it's for babies. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. And then what happens? I think they go on an adventure. Do the fish have personalities that I don't know about? No, I think they're just like a list. I think it's like a list-y book. It's a list-y book. Ah, look it up. Like Hop on Pop. One of the places you'll go. Hop on Pop is a list? Yeah, because Hop on Pop, right? Isn't Hop on Pop, It's only like one part of Hop on Pop is even about Hop on Pop. Everything else is just a bunch of rhymes. Right? I'm afraid I haven't read Dr. Seuss in 38 years. One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish. Black fish, blue fish. Old fish, new fish. This one has a little car. This one has a little star. Say what a lot of fish there are. Yes, some are red. Yes, some are blue. Some are old and some are new. Some are sad. Some are glad and some are very, very bad. Oh, God. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I don't know. Go ask your dad. Some are thin. Some are fat. The fat one has a yellow hat. From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere. Here are some who like to run. They run for fun in the hot, hot sun. Oh, me, oh, my. Oh, me, oh, my. What a lot of funny things go by. Some have two feet. some have four some have six feet some have more where do they come from I can't say but I bet they have come a long way a long long way we see them come we see them go some are fast some are slow some are high some are low not one of them is like another don't ask us why go ask your mother now what did we learn? that Dr. Seuss is kind of fucking like chopped and washed and hacked and shit like the fuck was that? That the one fish's car is ruined because you put a car in water and it ruins the car? I was looking for maybe a little bit more of like, this is an English class, so let's dig deep. What do you think it's a metaphor for? Oh, so this is like what's that Edgar Allan Poe thing with all the colors? Telltale Heart, probably. Telltale Heart. The mask, what is that? The red mask or something. Count of Monteado. Emasculation. Aaron, you think that was a metaphor for something? It better be. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of nonsense words. Aaron, I'm mostly impressed that you didn't Google that story or anything, that your eyes just went stark white like Bran in Game of Thrones. Yeah, you saw that too, right? If I actually wasn't here, I completely blacked out, but I did read the whole thing, or say the whole thing, right? Erin is half mintat on her mother's side. Your mom's a librarian, right? Librarians are mintats. That's what I'm saying here. All of a sudden, I can see through the eyes of a bird. I'm sure that's fine, though. Yeah, I think Dr. Seuss is fucking nonsense. I like the colorful pictures, but when you take the pictures out, it doesn't make a lick of sense. No, no, no. Even if he can talk to animals, this veterinarian faces strict liability if his wild patients should attack. Doctor Doolittle. Doctor Doolittle. Fantastic. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate you. And enjoy your law, Lauren, is what I'll say. Enjoy your law. Lauren. Lauren. Lauren. Lauren. Lauren Tort. I think we're getting it. Let's go on a break because my brain hurts. Adel, Aaron, what do you think of my new hair? Before you ask, before you ask, yes, I did pull every piece of hair from my head because I was so stressed out about business finances. Yeah, buddy, that looks stressful. I love my new JPC wig. Thank you for this. And the best part, it was super painful to do because I used my hands and fingers. Wow. Should have used found, right, Aaron? Should have used found. You should have used found. Found. It saved you from all the stress. Oh, I should have used found. Found makes it easy for small business owners to put all of their finances in one place. Instead of a bank account here, QuickBooks there, tax invoicing apps stacked on top. Instead, I should have just used found. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. Why did I not use Found? And that's the thing, JPC, is they've made it so easy. They've even automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send your invoices for free and pay your contractors, everything all from one app. They make it easy to regain control of your business finances, so you can come back to doing what you love, JPC, like making wigs. Well, I am going to be doing a lot of making wigs now because I'm going to have to open up a new small business line that sells JPC hair wigs and people would buy them. So I can't even joke about making them because people would buy them. But I will use found and I will not stress out about having to use multiple different platforms to do everything that I need to do to run our business. We use found and I think that you should too. So take back control of your business today. Open a found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by LeadBank, member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found. Oh, Aaron, look, the hair's in the shape of a backwards hat. I'm JPZ. Look, I'm JPZ. Whoa, I love it. I wish I had my hair back. Smells awful, though. Come on. Okay, well, let me just do my final measurements here. Everything seems even. Check the doors. Adel, Aaron? Mm-hmm? I have, using my skills as a woodworker, have crafted a well-built wardrobe. A magical one where you can go into a magical world? No, I tried it. It's just wood. But it's well-built. GPC, when we said every adult should have sort of a well-built wardrobe, we didn't mean like the actual frame, like an actual wooden wardrobe. We went like in a quince way, like, you know, like having a lot of adult, well-made. The quality clothing that lasts. Quality pieces that work together. They hold up over time. You know, that's what quince does best. We told you that. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season. I have a raincoat from them that I love. I held you down sort of clockwork orange style and held open your eyes while I showed you that quince's premium materials thoughtful design and everyday staples feel easy to wear and they're easy to rely on even as the weather shifts in Chicago this is making sense now because I was like you were talking about how quince works directly with top factories and cuts out the middleman so you're not paying for brand markup just quality clothing that's what you said and that's what you were doing with my eyes and can I be honest with you I did not build that well of wardrobe. I mean, this thing is pretty loose. No, it's pretty loose. You can knock it over with a feather. Oh, a nail just went right through my thumb. That's the best case scenario. They only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I love their home stuff. I love their clothes. I can always count on them for the best quality. So don't be like that absolute fool JPC. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't be foolish like JPC? Right now, go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. That a full year to build your wardrobe and love it And you will Now available in Canada too Don keep settling for clothes that don last Go to quince Q dot com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns Quince dot com slash riddle R-I-D-D-L-E. Quince, Quince, Quince. My name is Mr. Tumnus. Please come with me. I'm going. He came with the thing. I found him on Fiverr. Hey, JPC. Hey, Aaron. What's up, Al? Yeah, what's up? I was looking up at the night sky and seeing all these things shooting across the night sky, and I was wondering, what all is out there in the night sky? Well, stars. We're at war with the Palladians. What? UFOs. Wait, the Palladians? Are those some sort of aliens? And rockets! Which reminds me, this weekend, you guys, I realized that I had been spending so much money on a subscription that I forgot to cancel. I did the whole free trial thing, and then I forgot to cancel it. I've been paying for it a couple months, but Rocket Money reminded me. Oh, thank goodness. Please tell me that you're using Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Oh, big time, big time. And growing your savings is more important now than ever, what with the upcoming war with the Palladians on our doorstep. now palladians are paladin aliens of course and they come here wanting our i want to say oxygen but with rocket money you can set budgets and goals get personalized insights and regular reports and receive real-time alerts for large transactions upcoming bills refunds and low balances because you're going to want to save as much money as possible so you and your family get to buy Spaceship parts. Plus, the app consolidates your checking, your saving, your loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. So, when you're spending money from the secret checking account that your wife doesn't know that you have to fight the Palladians, baby, it's for you. It's all for you. It's for the family. You can see that from your Rocketboard dashboard without getting overwhelmed that your wife is going to find out about your secret Palladian bank account that you're using to fight these guys. And if you're saving up to fight the good fight, You can do automated savings that grow towards your goals. You can adjust the amount and the frequency, a set it and forget it approach. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash riddle. RocketMoney.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. They look just like us. You say joyfully. They look just like us. I want to say oxygen. okay we are back from break how is everyone's orange slices in capri suns um good mine fell on the floor yeah i was gonna say you guys are looking to the left and right that you did they fall on the floor mine fell on the floor i thought i was supposed to open the capri sun with the orange and it got real slippery and it both fell on the floor. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, I left you guys alone for two seconds. It's kind of a skim. It's kind of a skim. Every time I'm alone. Well, you left us alone and we're both wearing bright orange sweaters that say, do not leave alone. Yeah, that's on me. That's on me. What do I want to do now? Do I want to do more listener submit or want to read from a book? Let's have a vote. Everyone, this is a democracy. Is it? Everyone gets a vote. Okay. It's the first Tuesday of November, so. Do you get a vote as well, Erin? No. So it's a two-person democracy. Oh, boy. I don't know if this is going to work. Casey can vote. Oh, Casey can vote. Everybody put your vote in the chat. Okay. What are my options? Listener submitted or from a book? Casey said listener. JPC said Obama. And Adel said, we try to raise Dr. Seuss from the dead. Okay, democracy is over. No more democracy. No more democracy. It's a tortalian, tortal, tortal, tortalitarian. Totalitarian, tortal, tortalian. Tortalatorian. Perfect. Perfect. Okay. You know what I noticed over the last several years? No. When I'm old man puzzles. Oh. I used to read long-winded riddles. Riddles that were like a little bit more story-based. And we used to focus more of the episode on those. Sure. I got less and less attracted to those as we went. But I was handed this book at a live show. This has a little bit of longer riddles. So I'm going to try to reintroduce that back into the fold. Got it. This does require a level of listening that feels harder to do post-COVID lockdown. I think our attention spans have gotten shorter in the last several years. How do we feel about paying attention for a long period of time? No. Perfect. I completely agree. If you tried to do this to me, I'd freak out. Do we need a pen and paper by chance? No. You just need to turn your listening ears on. But that feels hard. So if you need to play a game on your phone, it happens. When you say we need to be listening, do we need to be listening to the story from the book that you are going to read to us? Or do we need to be listening to the little rolling, I want to say, movie that's playing in our head that is the little hot dog and the Coke saying, Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby and have ourselves a snack. Yeah. I would say if that feels like an emergency, if that starts to be sung in sort of a manic way where they're trying to get your attention, focus on that. Otherwise, maybe focus on the riddle. Great. Let's all go to the lobby. I guess it's kind of an emergency. I do have a question. Yeah. The popcorn, the hot dog, and the big soda are going to the lobby for snacks. What are they getting? Because they're the snacks. People. In the longer cut of that, which they cut out because they didn't show it to you in the movie theater, they were going, they were getting like a person roasting on that hot dog spin. Yeah, like a spin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an arm. They were eating people popcorn, which is, I want to say, eyeballs. I don't love that, but that's what it is. You're drinking blood. Uh-huh. Yeah. People popcorn. That's in the longer cut. But it's not blood. It's like blood mixed with carbonated water. so like the blood is the syrup so it's ooh actually that might hit I'd like to see a scene GPC you're the hot dog hot dog I did it for you Adol you are the soda I am the popcorn and we are all kind of like high at the movies and we're commenting on the movie that we're watching holy shit holy shit they're gonna to go to space and destroy the asteroid? That's fucking nuts. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Why wouldn't they just train astronauts how to use a drill? Why would they train oil drillers to be astronauts? Isn't astronauts way harder? Who's eating my bun? Who's eating my bun? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Why the fuck? Why the fuck? Sorry. We tried to get dinner before this and then we were running late. Oh, my God. I just thought of something. What's up? Is the straw my mouth or my dick? Oh, my God. Don't answer. Put it away. Hide it. Hide it. Oh, my God. Hide it. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. You can't shove your dick back inside. No, I'm just covering it up. I mean, cover it up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Do you guys think he's handsome? Who? The guy in the movie? Oh, oh, yeah. Oh. Wait, which one? Michael Park Duncan? Owen Wilson? Steve Buscemi? Steve Buscemi. Oh, yeah. She kills it. Horn dog. What a great character. What a great character archetype. That's my bun. Okay, fine. I'm going to take one of you. I'm going to take a little bite of one of you. Because you've been eating my bun all night. I'm a soda. Hey, you three got to leave shining a flashlight on you. This is not a place for an orgy. This is a movie theater. One of you has your dick out. The other one's eating the other one's buns. You gotta go. The three of you have got to go. All right, all right. All right, all right. What's caught? Okay, it's fine. Well, let's see the ending, and then we'll get out of here. All right, all right, okay, all right, we're going. Oh, he's putting an animal cracker on her tummy. What movie is this? Armageddon. Armageddon. Armageddon. Armageddon. What movie has Ben Affleck putting an animal cracker on Liv Tyler's tummy? because I remember the part with the training them to go to space. Yeah. Because then he says that in like the commentary or something of it. That might have been Owen Wilson's big break. I think it was. The best part about that movie is that Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck have sex to a Steven Tyler song. And it just feels like, that kind of feels a little wrong, right? That's your dad singing. Your dad's singing right now. I would like to, that's so funny. I would like to do an experiment. Right now, this is going to be a scene, but it's actually just us doing the commentary for the beginning part of this episode. So we're going to do DVD commentary. We're just going to try to remember the best we can of what happened at the beginning of this episode. So you can layer this later, listeners, if you want to hear a commentary from the beginning of the episode. See, and I think what Aaron's doing here is so brave. Because normally, peek behind the curtain, we cut out 10 to 15 minutes per episode of Erin trying to zoom into her computer screen or find out she I mean it took a long time to figure out what a tab was she kept trying to pay her tab uh her various tabs we were watching her feed one dollar bills into her computer um but we left it in the episode and that I feel like that's a pretty brave choice and did we leave it in the episode? Or did Aaron go through the edit and she sort of made sure? Well, another peek behind the curtain is that Aaron doesn't post the episodes and what Casey does is he can make sometimes fake files and gives them to Aaron and says, this is the episode. You can definitely hear this episode. And then someone else goes and puts the real file in the episode. And Aaron, what do you have to say about that? Oh, Adel's about to make a joke and he sticks the landing. Adel, how Did you get a stunt double to do that? Yes, that was actually Oksana Bayul. Oh, wow. Remember her? Yes. Remember Oksana Bayul? Scene. What a strange combination of letters coming from Adol Shogirufa. Oksana. I like Oksana. Oksana Bayul. The absolute tug of war that's going to happen behind the scenes in this episode between JPC and I. This is going to be emotional warfare that Casey's going to be in the crosshairs of. and Adol you should try to do a secret edit the secret Adol edit and get one over on both of us this will be like the Zack Snyder director's cut you make it four hours longer and much much worse anytime more work is required from anyone in this podcast there is zero tug of war it is one person may decide to do it and everyone else does not Mike Peters was surprised to see his windows slide open and was positively shocked when he saw two strangers climb inside. What transpired next could only be described as a despicable act of thievery. Mike watched with fascination as the two thieves systematically began to remove the priceless Persian carpets, artwork, and jewelry. Having stripped the room, the thieves climbed back out the window. Incredibly, Mike went back to what he had been doing before and the thieves arrived. And soon he forgotten about the entire incident. Why wouldn't Mike, who was in perfect health, have tried to stop the thieves or at the very least called the police after they left? Sorry, you said at some point the thieves arrived? Mike went back to what he had been doing before the thieves arrived. Oh, okay. Is this like in Sims? Is this like a Sims? Yeah, they're all Sims. Gabe? Mike Peters, in my imagining here, is not a human. I got to think that Mike Peters is like, what's something with no memory? Like a silkworm or something like that. Like a spider. Do we know about spider memory? All the silkworms listening to this are so offended. For 15 seconds. And they just forgot about it. Yeah. Is Mike Peters a human? Mike Peters is a human. It said that they were stealing Persian rugs, right? So because in my mind, I was like, oh, he's like in the hospital. He's got like some he's got like some memory disorder or something like that. He's in perfect health. He's in perfect health. And you wouldn't steal Persian rugs from a hospital, right? So it's got to be a place that you are stealing. You're a bad person you are. And if the hospital is super fancy. That doesn't apply here, though. The amount of liquid, the amount of bodily fluids that are hitting that Persian rug. Yum. Bed pan on a Persian rug. Ooh, la la. Bed pan on a Persian rug. I did a deep clean of my couch yesterday with my wet couch vacuum thing that does the fabric cleaning. And I have a white couch, and I was like, oh, it's actually not that dirty. This should be okay. Jet black water in the vacuum. it was disgusting and i was like oh my god i lay on this all day what have i done you have a black dog and a white couch huh i know i do that's that uh did you get the couch before you got lou no after but shout out to all form couches because yeah it's in really good shape still and it cleans up really well hey if you want to give if you want to stop giving a shit about any piece of furniture or like thing that you own in your house, all you have to do is have a kid because they treat it like absolute garbage and you go, okay, good. I'm now releasing the part of me that cares about things being nice. Now everything, now everything, you can just beat the shit out of, who cares? The house is to be lived in. Yeah. Is that, is Mike Peters a baby? Yes. Mike Peters is a baby. JBC, you help me. Mike Peters is a baby? This is my baby, Mike Peters. Actually, that fucking rules. Introducing your baby first and last name. Mike Peters is a baby. This is my baby, Mike Peters. Yeah, but why is your guys' last name Abrams? We just love the name Mike Peters for a baby. Mike Peters was actually my dad's best friend, his old war buddy. And so when he died, we said, we're going to name our kid after you. And we went literal with it. Mike Peters as a baby, it feels like if you want to have your baby have like Bruce Willis, look who's talking voice. Oh, yeah. You're like you name your baby like Mike Peters and give them like a. A badge because I feel like Mike Peters baby. I feel like within that sentence, someone's flashing a badge. Yeah. Mike Peters baby. Mike Peters baby. How long has the person been living in this residence? I say about three. Oh, he's asleep. Mike Peters, professional baby. I guess there are like plenty of people named Mike. I know a couple of Mikes, but it also does not seem. I feel like when they're a baby, you go Mikey. You're like, this is Mikey. And then like later on, you drop it to Mike. But like Mike Peters is just it's too old timey of a name for a baby. Yeah, it's too formal. Even though it's not Michael, it's too formal. Yeah. If anyone needs a pet name for your pet, Mike Peters is really funny. This is my baby, Donald Johansson. Excuse me? Walk away from me. Donald Johansson doing tummy time? I wouldn want this musty old dump if you gave it to me snapped Ida Gamble Look replied Sam Sham Clem may have been a whacked out hermit but I have a feeling he hid a fortune on this property This house has been boarded up for seven years All you need to do is pay the back taxes and my modest fee, and this little gem is all yours. I'm out of here, cried Ida. Wait, just let me show you the secret staircase I found. Sam pulled back the oak press paper paneling to reveal the hidden staircase. Look, that step is loose and there's something shiny behind it. Sam pulled back the loose step to discover a small collection of shiny sterling silver cutlery. I knew it, exclaimed Sam. This house contains a fortune. I think I might buy it myself. Not so fast, replied Ida. You offered me the house and I just bought it. How do you know that Ida has just been scammed. Well, I mean, as far as schemes go. Let's all go to the lobby. It seems like a pretty obvious scam for someone to be like, hey, do you want this thing? And someone would be like, no. And then for them to immediately find something very valuable in it and be like, whoa, look at this. I found something very valuable. That strikes me as like three-card Monty, like you're getting scammed immediately here. Yeah, yeah. but why how how do we know what detail gives it away other than the obvious vibes seemed like he knew where the hidden panel was i mean the whole thing right is there is there one thing in here because it seems like a collection of like hidden panels sterling silver yeah but like what like what is an odd like this what are they what are they looking for treasure? No, like what, um... Love? Oh, are they in love? No, it's an indicator. I guess you're never looking for it. It's an indicator that he... Is he too precise when he says sterling silver? Like, does he know it's sterling silver like too quickly? Do you have to get that tested? No, but you are zoning in on the right detail. Okay. Sterling silver doesn't shine. Ah, yeah, sterling silver is dull. If Clem's musty old house had been boarded up for seven years, the sterling silver cutlery would have been badly tarnished and not shiny. It was an obvious plant by the master of scams, Sam Sham. By the way, Sam Sham, not the master of scams. First of all, buddy, got to change your name. Go with maybe Mike Peters a little more innocuous if you're going to be running scams on people. I'd like to see a scene. Okay. Aaron, you are running a scam as a fortune teller. So, GPC, you are a hapless customer who is going in for the first time to get your fortune told. Ah, I knew you were coming in here today. Oh, my God. Oh, that's wonderful. That's, oh, my God. You must be the real. Do I sit anywhere? Ah, yes, sit in. Oh, I knew you were going to pick that chair. Oh, yes. It looks like the one chair in the room. I didn't know if there was other options of chairs. My God, you're good. Whoa, this is so crazy. A message is being channeled. Throw me in to me. That's why I'm here, for a message. Oh, my gosh. You're about to tell me. Tell you? Your bank routing number. And your social security number. Wow. I guess I don't mind telling you my routing number. Those are... And the account number. Yeah, I was going to say, because those are just like... And the social security. Unique to banks, so... But the account number and the social security number, I was going to tell you that? Yes. It's very important that you do... Your life depends on it. Okay. 021-719-84. And then my social security number is 618-2121. Not so fast. Christ, Mike Peters, baby detective. We've been circling this lady for three months trying to get her. Mike Peters, you'll never get me. You can't crawl fast enough, idiot. She's right, of course. Throw me. You have to throw me. You can barely hold up your neck. What's going to happen when he throws you? You can't grab onto nothing? You're going to pull yourself up on the coffee table and dance a little? Yeah, right, Mike Peters. You'll never catch me. I jumped out the window. I thought I was on the first floor. Two stories up. I guess I'd pick up Mike Peters and throw Mike Peters out the window as well. Mike Peters, baby detective. He's a freeze frame out the window. Smash mouth to me, hanging on my feet. Can I go? Should I go? Feed. It happened in Alaska during the winter of 1993 when a small, fully loaded passenger plane tried to approach the runway during a violent snowstorm. The control tower regretfully informed the pilot that due to the inclement weather, the runways were closed to all air traffic. Furthermore, all airports within a 300-mile radius were also closed. Upon hearing this, the pilot immediately informed the passengers of the news while turning the plane around and heading back from where they had just come. Incredibly enough, within a half hour, all the passengers were safely inside an airport terminal. building. How was this possible? The plane was on the ground. The passengers and the crew were approaching the runway for takeoff when they were informed that the runways were closed and their flight was canceled. Oh, what a happy ending. That's always such a fun ending. Yeah, I'd like to see a scene. You two are pilots and you were flying a plane and you both don't want to be the one to give the bad news over the intercom because you don't want to be the bad guy that you guys are not going to be taking off. This is your captain speaking for United Flight 483 nonstop to Phoenix. We have a bit of bad news, and my co-pilot Chad is going to tell you that right now. Yep, this is Chad. I am your co-pilot. Of course, Captain Dan up here. He is the head honcho, the main captain. The bad news that I was going to deliver, I know we said earlier in the flight that the expected weather in Phoenix was going to be a balmy 78 degrees. It's now looking like it's going to be 82 in Phoenix. Unfortunately, that's not the end of our bad news. More over to Dan. Captain Dan. Speaking of 82 in Phoenix, my aunt is 82 years old today. And I just got word that she did pass away. She fell in the shower, conked her head, and died on impact. So if you need to get off the flight due to that information, please make your way to the front of the plane. We'll let you out. Quick style. If you look to the left, you'll see your co-pilot, Chad, about to make the announcement. Chad? Chad again. Looks like somebody checked a wolf in their checked luggage, and the wolf is loose in the bottom of the plane. So if you are allergic to wolves in any way and you want to make your way off the plane today, United will, of course, reimburse you for a different flight. If you're fine with a loose wolf on a plane, stay on. By all means, back over to you, Dan, for more plane news. In plane news today, one of you is a real passenger and the other 87 are air marshals. I'll leave it to you to figure out who's who. Back to you, Chad. Speaking of Air Marshals, the Air Jordans that you bought at Marshals are fake. You have 24 hours to return to the store if that applies to anyone on the plane. Please exit the plane now. Back to you, Dan. Just a heads up for all you passengers who might have Jordans or any other patent leather shoe. Patent leather is a term used for the cheapest quality of leather. They call it patent leather. Some people think it means genuine, but it's actually a term for the cheapest cut of leather. Back to you, Chad. Speaking of genuine, genuine, doing a special performance of Pony in the O'Hare Terminal 5 break room. If you are interested in attending a free concert of genuine, singing only the song Pony as many times as he can before he passes out, feel free to de-play now. Speaking of pony, I just want to say a quick announcement to one of our passengers. Stay golden pony boy. Stay golden. Whatever that means to you. Are we going to take off or? Take off? Take off? Yeah, we've been on the runway for like two hours. This thing's like 40,000 pounds. What are you talking about? That's what airplanes do. What? Scene. The two dumbest men alive. It's like 40,000 pounds. Okay, okay. Let's do a voicemail theme, please, Casey. Boo! Boo! I don't have my beef. How about some fish? I must have my beef. On your knees, fuck butler. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. This is nuts! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Man! Unbelievable. Okay, I'm going to do ringtone. That is another one from Jane Cipher. And of course, this is Jane Cipher month because Jane Cipher submitted four of those. So we have two more to go. Thank you so much for submitting. If you want to submit a voicemail, 30 seconds or less to hrrpodcast.gmail.com, of course. That fucking ruled. Hey, glue crew, this is Johnny down in Pensacola. Let's see if I can do this in 30 seconds. Adel, I just got back from New Orleans. Those are three things I probably should have done but didn't. JPC, with the way this world's going, what are your top three budgeting tips? And Aaron, what are your top three tips for keeping sane and happy when the bullshit just won't stop? Thank y'all for everything you do. We need y'all right now. Stay strong, y'all. What a charming message. What was their name? Couldn't quite make it up. I want to say Johnny and Pensacola, but that just, it just, it sounded very Johnny, but it could be, it could be, it's Pensacola. We could just refer to this person as Pensacola. Here's three things you should have done. Number one, pronounced it Chapitulis, not Tecapitulis. I think it was Mike Peters. Oh, Baby Detective. Number two, you should have sought out Laiuzas by the track, the best hot butter shrimp boboy in town. Wow. And number three, you should have tipped the band at Preservation Hall to play St. James Infirmary. or tie your rag because they do take requests. Okay. Okay, three for me real quick. The first one, number one with the bullet, budgeting is not necessarily about controlling your spending. It's about understanding your spending. So the first thing you have to do is don't put any judgment on yourself. Just get an idea of where you spend your money. That might help you make further decisions or it might just help you figure out where you spend your money. Number two, budgeting does not mean that you can't get anything like nice for yourself or do fun things for yourself. So remember to give yourself some grace and remember that, you know, taking care of yourself is just as important. So it's important to, if you need to, spend money on yourself in that way. And then number three is set manageable goals, I would say for it. So like if you're doing it for your first month, you should just set a goal of like having an awareness of your money. And then like after that, if you want to spend less on like dining out, you can set that as a manageable goal. But don't try to do that your like first month because it'll lead to failure and failure will make you want to stop, which it shouldn't. Failure should make you want to try again. All right, Erin. JPC, that was really great advice. Thank you. Everything that Adel said about New Orleans, I couldn't tell if he was making it up because I've never been there and I don't know any of those places. So my advice, I'm going to hit you with the classic Mr. Rogers look for the helpers. That's been incredibly helpful recently. There's always people helping in dire situations. So that will help you self-soothe to remember that humanity has some good in it. Consume stuff that you enjoyed when you were a child. Try to make a younger you proud. And my third piece of advice is go and get your blood work done. Make sure that your inner health is okay. And maybe you are vitamin D deficient like the rest of the population. And get that worked out. because that will give you a little boost up if you're feeling a little blue and a little bit down. Aaron, you're always saying stop making your blood work for you and start working for your blood. Exactly. It's grind culture mindset. And I guess, oh, go ahead. I was just going to say I don't know much about budgeting, but I'd also say I don't know how old you are, But I would say start investing for retirement and I would say buy five to 10 to 12 houses. Yes, that's actually that's huge. That is huge. If you can buy five to 10 to 12, which is recent Scott Besant advice. So insane. That made me laugh out loud when I saw it. Anything to plug guys. I want to plug gum shoes and dragons. I don't think that's a theme song, but I would be close. That's pretty close. Check that out. We have a lot of fantastic guests. We have a lot of fun on the show itself. We have a Patreon, so check all that out. Also, please listen to Hello from the Magic Tavern. And check out our Patreon, Hey Riddle Riddle's Patreon, especially, not to tease it too early, but especially in that oogiest of months, April, because we will be doing April of the Penguins, which means penguin baseball. Aaron Keefe, anything to plug or promote? um check out quality time if you're in los angeles i've met so many very sweet havert over to listeners at quality time recently that have been like in town visiting friends and there for other reasons and happen to be there at the same time as quality time and it is so nice um that people have been showing up but if you can follow us on instagram to see when our next show is jbc review to read anything to plug yeah keep leaving these five-star reviews people this one i absolutely love and I'm I'm there's some ones coming up that I love as well this one just says five-star review from Lorelei Faye that says a guy I met on tinder told me about this podcast he turned out to be a pervert and I ghosted him but two years later I'm still listening to the show hope you're doing well Josh Mike Peters Josh Josh and a wag of my finger to Josh Josh come on this is a wake-up call and Josh whatever you did to be a pervert it sounds like it wasn't A good pervert. It sounds like you were being a pretty naughty pervert. All right. Well, we're going to keep an eye on that. And hot dogs. It's not hot dogs. It's only for Patreon. Why can't I do it here, too? Why are we limiting ourselves? I guess you care. Oh, in the chorus. One, two, three, four. Hey, Rachel, Rachel. Let's all go the lobby. Let's all go the lobby. Let's all go the lobby. To get ourselves a treat. Hey there, pranks and dressing rooms. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of Public Access. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or sorry, 7-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.