Presenting: Julia on Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Okay, let's say you buy some apples at the store. You're only going to have a rough idea of where or how they're grown. Maybe you throw the cores in a trash can. You're not thinking about where they're going or you try not to. All in all, our relationship to our food can feel disconnected. One way I try to reconnect is by using my mill food recycler. Sure, mill has totally changed my home life in a lot of practical ways. It works automatically. You can fill it for weeks. It never smells. But this part is just as important. When I use mill, I'm participating in a circular system. All the food I don't eat is helping to grow the food that I do. It makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger. And that feels really, really good. And it's all so ridiculously easy. I just drop my scraps in my mill and it transforms them into nutrient-rich grounds overnight. I have mine sent to a small farm, but if I wanted to, I could use them in my garden or for my backyard chickens. If I wanted backyard chickens, and I don't. And well, I don't know. Maybe I do now. Maybe mill is transforming me too, just a little. If you want to feel more connected or you just want your kitchen to feel less gross, try mills, risk-free trial, and just live with it for a while. Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer. Hey, it's me, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. We are officially back with a brand new season of Wiser than me. To celebrate your out of this world support for our show, we've been brewing up something special. A Wiser than me, mere traveler. It's a versatile, sustainable travel mug to keep your coffee hot and your tea cozy all year round. It's perfect for Wiser women on the go. Head over to Wiser than me shop.com to grab yours now. OK, here's the show. Hi Wiser than me listeners, it's Julia. We're taking a little holiday break, but while we're away, I went to share a conversation I had with my good friend Conan O'Brien on his podcast, Conan O'Brien needs a friend. We talked about what inspired me to start this podcast, my very first first grade school play where I realized I might have a knack for comedy and a few other things. I think you're really going to enjoy it. And after you listen, check out Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever you get your podcast to hear Conan's conversations with folks like Jeff Goldblum, Bill Hader, Amy Poler, and many more. Happy holidays from all of us here at Wiser than me. Uh, my name is Julia Louis Dreyfus. Hi. And I feel, you know, not much. OK. Without being Conan O'Brien's friend. So it's like a, it's a dead feeling. It's a really, you just feel dead. No, it's not dead. I mean, I feel very much alive personally, but when I... Hello, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs friend. I put a tiny pause in there after hello and welcome and then the title of the podcast, just to create drama, dramatic tension, incredible tension. Anything could happen this episode now. I don't think anybody knew what we were listening to. Anything could happen and anything will. Oh my God. I don't feel safe. Mm hmm. I've triggered you with my silences. How's everybody doing? How are you, Mr. Gourley? I'm doing pretty good. We haven't seen each other in a while because you've been Galavant and in Globe Trotten. I've been Globe Trotten, Galavant and out there doing my thing. Yeah, I've covered a lot of ground, but I'm back. You got sick. Yeah, I'm got a little sick, yeah. It's alright. It's just what happens. When I travel a lot, I always catch a cold when I'm in the plane a lot. And some people say it's the selfies. I love to. I will offer a selfie if someone doesn't even want one. Oh no. Yeah, I'll be like, hey you. Do you want a selfie? What? Don't you want a selfie? I was a late night king. What? I really... There goes all the dramatic tension. I was a late night king. There, that's their tension for you. Anyway, yeah. So if someone has a cold in any of the places I've been, I will catch it. And how about you, Sonia? How are you? I'm good. I feel like I don't want to say this because it makes me sound really stupid. But I live in Al-Tedina and there's a lot of animals there. And we have friends down the street, these guys Jeff and Amanda and they're wonderful. And they always warn us if there's animals. When you say animals, when you mean like, Barbers, Peacots, coyotes, like legit animals. Peacocks. Yeah, there's peacocks just chilling on our street. In our neighborhood too. Yeah, what is that about? I think they're all from Arcadia and the Arboretum. They all escaped. Oh, you know what? You mad at me because... I didn't want you to have the answer. Is that true? Did they escape? They were escaped peacocks? I don't know if they think they are escaped from just... Yeah, they're Arboretum. You know what's funny? We have... They stole her grilled cheese. Well... It's not about anyone. You know, to immediately accuse of peacocks. We saw it happen. Oh, you saw the peacock do it. I have to say, LA is a very strange place because these animals get loose. There's a whole bunch of parrots that live in our neighborhood. They're safe. They're safe. Yeah. And they're up in the trees and they all know filthy limericks. Mom's wasn't waiting for me to talk it. She was like, you had a second. You know, you're like, I'm trying to raise my children. Ha-ka-ka-ka-ka. And it's awful. It's terrible. But yeah, these... Yeah. There's very strange animals roaming around LA. And Al-Tedina, it's a little out there. It's up there. It's up there. It's an elevation. That's you live up to the mountain. Yeah. So our neighbor, Jeff Textas, was like a bobcat headed towards your backyard. I love it. I love it. He immediately thought he meant the machine and not the animal. Oh, I thought you were going to say Bobcat, a gold plate. So this is why this is stupid. But wait a minute, you thought Bobcat meaning the snowmobile? What? Like a pool excavator? Wait, what are we talking about? Wait a minute, this is so stupid. What? This is why I didn't want to sell this... Bobcat is a... Yeah, I thought that's what he meant. It's just like a snowmobile. I thought someone went to a bobcat. Or a little mini tractor. And then was driving it into a vacuum. Oh my God, sonat. It's so stupid. But then I have to pull this up. It's very quick and it's very easy because it's so stupid. But this is what I thought he was talking about. I thought he was talking about the machine. I'm just going to search Bobcat because that's the only... When I heard Bobcat, I thought it's the thing that races around on the snow. Bobcat. Is that not what Bobcat is? That's what I'm talking about. You're talking about a bob sled. I'm thinking about the machine. The tractor. Yeah. I'm playing this up then because my thing might be too confusing. No, it's what we're talking about. It's fine. All right, all right. It's nice for people to see your flaws and foibles. So he tells us that and then he just went bobcat. Just went towards your backyard and I go a real one. You still mean a real tractor? I thought he was. What if it was a bobcat riding one of those little vehicles? Oh, that would be great. Yeah. And he looked at you and he winked right at the camera and went, get it. It was so stupid. So this whole time he's texting me, warning me about this animal. I think he's talking about the machine. So he goes, no, bobcat gold weight. Yes, a bobcat. Oh, wow. I go, why? Why? Oh, Jesus. So all this time you could have been rescuing your twins in the backyard from a murdering wild animal. And instead you're going back and forth like bobcat, real one. What do you mean, bobcat gold weight? Woo-hoo. This is me on the background. He's like wrapping them up in tortillas. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, and then I go, why? And he goes, maybe Steve Goodberg was running around. So we're just having two different conversations. It's so stupid. And then I, and then it hit me. And I go, I thought you meant the machine. And I was like, like someone rented a bobcat. It was going to do work in our backyard. And then it hit me. And I was like, fuck a bobcat. Yeah, my children are back there. And I just covered them in ham gravy. As is an older Armenian tradition, when children go out to play alone in the backyard. Yeah. This is serious business when we moved into our house. We were inherited two bunnies, and they were killed by a bobcat. Oh, yeah, I think you, and then didn't you make a thing for them so they would be saved? Well, this is sad, but the bobcat took one of them. And we thought it was a coyote. So a coyote proofed their pen. By the way, the people that gave us this were the people that lived their prior and said, oh, there's never been an issue. Well, they had three large dogs. So they were keeping the, we didn't have those. And so I coyote proofed it. And then the next day the other one was gone. Wait, so when you coyote proof something, it doesn't bobcat proof it? No, because bobcats are actually small. They're not much bigger than a house cat. So I made like a mesh fence that a bobcat could still get through. I didn't know there were bobcats in there. I got a call not too long ago that there was a ram in my backyard. And I was so excited. It was a dodge ram. And it was doing figure eights. It was, it was the realtor. And we could just keep doing this on and on. I got a call that there was a segue in my backyard. And I said the scooter and they said, no, just the transition between speech and our guest today. My guest today, hold up. There's more. Oh, no, there's not. You, I had the perfect way in. You fucked it up. Speaking of segues. My guest today played one of the most iconic sitcom characters of all time, Elaine Bennes on Seinfeld. She also won six consecutive Emmys for her role as Selena Meyer on the HBO series Veepe. God, that's a funny show. Now she has a new podcast, why's there than me available wherever you get your podcasts? I'm thrilled, delighted. She's here today. Julia Louis Dreyfus. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here. Well, thank you for including me and your fancy, uh, situa. Oh, are we being videotaped? Yeah. Oh, I should have gotten proper hair and makeup. You look amazing. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. You do. All right. There you go. Thank you. I'm assuming. But I should put lipstick on. I'd put lipstick on. You want some of mine? I'm going to give you my lipstick. Oh, please wear lipstick for this episode. Please put some lipstick on. But then my germs will be on. Is it OK if I really use that? I don't care. Oh, wow. It's your color, too. It's kind of a copper. Yeah. OK. A cop. All right. Because you should know I have to say anything about this. OK. You put it on like an idiot. Look at it. Because I haven't done it before. Oh, no. Oh, no. You look like a drunk clone. Oh, god. How does it look so good on her and so awful on you? First of all, I have to say the color is not bad on you. That's what I'm saying. Right? This would be my color. What color is this? So I know. It's made by Mac cosmetics and it's faux. OK. Well, we know what my color is. It's faux. And I'm committing to this. Good. And now at some point I might wipe it off. If we start talking about something really heavy, I don't know. I might wipe it off. That's a so much of it. The only issue really, honestly, it does look good. Is that it's out of bounds. Which is does have an insane asylum looked to you. I mean, a real joker thing going on. But isn't that the classic thing when a... Can I fix your lips? Yes. OK. Does this fuck up the podcast? No, not at all. This is dynamic. It enhances. Yeah. Oh, I had to stream once. OK. Quiet. OK. Quiet. Yeah. Wow. It's good. This is special. Does anybody have makeup remover? This man has done a number. Look at me. Yeah, it's better. OK. Now mascara. OK. Now listen. We'll leave your fantasies out of this, man. Hoes. Penny Hoes. Sonny will tell you that I am a serial over-applier. Oh my god. Like when I put some block on or anything on... It's angry. Like... It's an angry kind of Irish Catholic. Damn. Yeah. But that's good about sunscreen. Yeah. But when I brush my teeth, I brush them real hard. And my gums bleed. And I've had dentists say your skull is coming apart. Yeah. Because of the way you brush your teeth. OK. And I'll say, I just hate myself. And they go, yeah, you just gotta try and just chill in your brush your teeth. But listen, back to me and then... And then back to you again. And then back to me a third time. And then getting to me... Wow, I think... Yeah, we're running out of time. We're pretty much done. You were right to really not feel anything when you came in here. You were right. Your instincts were on target. This is your second appearance on the podcast. OK. Yeah. Uh-huh. And so clearly you were delighted or your team was delighted. So they had you come back with your wishes. Yes. I just love having you here. You are adored. You know that. Well, that's very nice of you to say. I actually did have a good time when I was on your podcast last time. It was one of the first podcasts I'd ever done. I think. And now you have a podcast. Oh, yeah. And now I have a podcast. You have a podcast now. And I listened to your interview with Jane Fonda. And I thought it was great. Thank you. You have a terrific podcast voice. I'm not a fan of my voice, but I think your voice is really good. Thank you. It's a great idea for a podcast to wiser than me. Wiser than me. Yeah. You're talking to older women getting there wisdom. That's the plan. When I first heard you heard you had a podcast and that you had done a bunch, my initial thought was I was hurt that I wasn't invited. And then I heard that the premise was I'm talking to older women. And then I thought again, I still think I could call the fight. Come on. It's just, you know, I use right on the edge. Maybe, but it's a terrific idea. It's really good. Thank you. Yeah. I find expanding to do it. And also daunting because I'm talking to some hyper intelligent people. And so, but I got the idea because I saw, did you see Jane Fonda's the documentary about her? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was so blown away by the scope of her life and everything that she's done and thought and been. And then I started thinking, well, we need, why are we not hearing from older women? Right. I mean, for real, why are we not hearing from older women? And so that was really the genesis of this. And it's been just pretty mind blowing that I talked to Isabelle Ande and Fran Liebowitz. Please so fabulous. But lots of, but all walks of life. And it's been darling love and I'm talking to Carol Burnett tomorrow. That's amazing. I know. I know. Some people throw around national treasure and you think, yeah, Carol Burnett, she should be in there. Sometimes they throw that term around and you think, no, not national treasure. But yes, my God. My God. My God. And she's like, going to be 90. Yes. Isn't that remarkable? Yeah. She's going to be 90 years old. God love her. She's great. Yeah. What an extraordinary life she's had. So it's been interesting just to go look to do it through the lens of, you know, give me tips from the front lines of life, which is where you are. And tell us, tell me what I should know. What do you wish you had known now that you know it? And you know, it's been pretty fantastic. Something happened. I think for most of human history, we revered old people. That's right. They were the elders. Yeah. They were the elders of all the wisdom. And then sometime around 1966, we decided that anyone over 40 was an idiot and shouldn't be listened to. And I think that was a mistake. I'm sorry. This is the serious moment where you forget your way. I don't forget it. I don't forget it. And trust me, I think especially women need to be heard at this moment. And this lipstick is helping me. This is going to undertake. It's going to undercut like, what if I start really talking about how racism is a problem? I really start talking about very serious stuff or genocide in some foreign country. And the video comes out of me with this makeup on. It looks like you just had a fudge cycle. I got to say I don't think it's bad. I think it's a subtle color. So I'm not, I think it works for you. Yeah. It's going to smush it around a little. It feels good too. Why do you smush it? Yeah. What's that? Here's a Kleenex. I don't know if you wanted to take it off because you're trying to make a serious point about aging. Gratifully. But I also think actually, I think that, oh, I was supposed, oh no, there's the belly button mark. Sorry. I actually think that older women are particularly discarded. Yeah. More so than men. Yes. No doubt. Yeah. So, you know, let's change that narrative. How many are you going to do a year? Do you know? How many of these are just? Well, I just did 10. Okay. That's a lot. Yeah. I'm going to switch to one with Jane Fonda and it looked like you'd put a lot of thought into it and it felt very well constructed, especially the first part. And I thought, huh, that's different than my approach. We go in half-ass and start babbling and maybe some lipstick is exchanged. But yours was, I felt beautifully put together. Thanks. That's really nice of you to say. And yeah, I worked hard. Yeah. Yeah. I feel about this, but I feel like we're in this nice place. This was something I think about all the time in show business where there's so many different ways to put yourself out there. And I know that there used to be a time when the goal was get a TV show, get on a TV show, and then get into movies. And I'm thinking especially when you were on Seinfeld, it's probably like, okay, I was on SNL. Now I'm on Seinfeld. Yeah. And then I get into movies and then I become a movie star because that has to be the trajectory. What we see now, no one cares. They just care about good work. I know what you mean about the television to movie thing. And back when I was doing Seinfeld, that's when I had both of my kids, you know. So the idea and we were making 22 episodes. Remember those days when it was 22 episodes of season or 24 or whatever. So the idea of going off during the hiatus and making movies was just no bueno for me. I couldn't bear the idea of it. And the irony of all of this is that like in the last year and a half, I've made a ton of movies. Yeah. It's so weird. And you're in the Marvel universe now. I know. I am. That's not. Tell me about that because once you're in that club, forget about it. I don't know if that's the case, but I'm really doing this to impress my kids. And I'm not sharing you. I really am. I mean, they wanted, you know, they both would say, mom, come on. Why can't you be in whatever the hell it is? And I said, yeah. So I met with these guys and I said, you know, I could be. I mean, I could do something. You know, I could punch somebody and, you know, fly around or whatever. Anyway, cut to. That was all it took. And that was why I don't. By the way, that was my pitch. That was the actual pitch. I mean, okay. Well, guess what? I think I could punch somebody and fly around. Maybe take a punch. I could be punched and people could fly over me, but I don't see why I can't be part of the plastic man feels like you. I mean, I, okay, I'm very. Get your reps to get them a meeting for you with Kevin Feige and all those people and pitch yourself. Yes. Yes. I'm going to. Well, this is my pitch right now. I don't get out a lot. So I'm just going to send them this segment of the podcast, but Kevin Feige and the Marvel gang. I come on. I, you know, I've got a fan base. Why are you making noise? I don't know. I think maybe you'd be like an extra. Is that mean to say? Yeah. Come on. But I think that. I'm just drafting extra. Yeah. Hey, who's that hand? He could. He could drink a water in the background. He could be like a snarky. What? Yeah. What? Yes. You could. My superpower is snark. First of all, you're not going to have a superpower. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. That's what I was trying to say. Okay. You're not going to be one of the hero. No. Okay. So I'll be the, I'll be a guy who is, I'm working, I'm cooking the books in the background. Yeah. You might be like a corporate snarky guy. That I could say. That's true. This is fantastic. Yeah. Maybe I'm not setting this tomorrow. It's too late. Your cast. But I mean, so your kids now. My kids. My kids. My grown men children. Right. You're 45 year old children. Yeah. Seriously. No, they, but now they must want to come to the set because they want to see like, oh, you know, you're shooting Falcon in the winter soldier. I want to be there. I want to, I want to meet Falcon. I want to see all this cool stuff. They, they haven't asked me to come to the set. Maybe they'll come. I'm going down. I'm going to be shooting, starting in June for many months. So I suspect that they may want to come then. And there's going to be lots of fancy people in it. And so they'll get to meet. If they come, they, they would get to meet. I don't know. We'll see. Maybe they'll come. I have to say my kids never ask to meet people. They're very polite. They've never bothered to meet anyone. And then every now and then they, when they do really want to meet someone, I don't have the cloud. Right. Right. So like, you know, my daughter would flip if I could say, hey, you know, Taylor Swift, do you want to meet her? And that's not happening. Taylor Swift's team has told me. No, I haven't even approached. Right. But you're pretty sure you're going to get a pass. I'm pretty sure that, that, I'm not going to try. Yeah. So I'm, I'm not going to try. Okay. Well, fine. I can't help you. I think you could. No, I can't. I think you could. You have more cloud than I have. So, Taylor Swift's people and say, look, Conan's kids want to meet her. Well, Conan wants to meet her with one of his kids. Oh, that's what this is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I want to go in first and have like a, and have like a lunch. And then my daughter can come in at the end. Okay. Yeah. Why don't you fabricate a pitch? You've got this company now. So why don't you come up with a story idea or something? You were pitching her a, that's it. That's how you're going to do it. That's how I do it. Yeah. And you say you need to pitch it to her just like over lunch. And then you have your kids come by. Right. Okay. We figured it out. Yeah. This is perfect. Now we've got to figure out the pitch. You play Flaylor Snitch. That's your marble name. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I don't have a good pitch for her. Hey, prime members. Did you know you can listen to Wiser than me, ad free on Amazon Music? Download the Amazon Music app today to start listening ad free. If you're like the Wise Women on this podcast, you're really, really busy. That's why my idea makes appliances that handle things while you move on with your life. Like the one touch auto-fill French door fridge with a water dispenser that fills your cup perfectly. So you don't have to sit there and supervise water. Every idea appliances made for people who already do a lot. And especially for those who notice when things aren't working and quietly fix them anyway. You've learned to handle it all, but sometimes even the best multitasking can't cover for things that don't work. That's why my idea appliances are dependable, efficient, no guesswork appliances that do their part. They let you focus on the things only you can do without adding to the mental load. There's also a dishwasher with a three-stage total drawing system that opens on its own when it's done. That is some Jetson's level convenience. Also, they have this incredible auto sensing wash machine that adjusts the water level to your exact load and a range with five burners, three racks, and more possibilities than your group chat dinner plans. So go do the sensible thing. Go to mydea.com and let mydea handle the small stuff since you're clearly handling everything else. Visit mydea.com to see how you can bring home a little wow today. When there's a job to be done, the wisest choice you can make is finding the right people with the right skills to make it happen. If you're hiring, indeed, is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other sites. Give your job the best chance to be seen with indeed sponsored jobs. They help you stand out and hire quality candidates who can drive the results you need. Sponsored jobs boost your post for quality candidates so you can reach the exact people you want faster. And it makes a big difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 90% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs because you reach a bigger pool of quality candidates. Plus, with Indeed sponsored jobs, you only pay for results. No monthly subscriptions, no long-term contracts, just a boost whenever you need to find quality talent fast. Join the 1.6 million companies that sponsor their jobs with Indeed. Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all your boxes, less stress, less time, more results now with Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job. The premium status it deserves at indeed.com slash wiser. Just go to indeed.com slash wiser right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash wiser terms and conditions apply hiring do it the right way with Indeed. Imagine you finally have a free day out on the town. You're about to enjoy nice lunch when you get the alert that a window has been broken at home and your miles away. ADT security systems are built for those moments and help keep your home safer with 24-7 monitoring. No one wants to feel unsafe at home and with ADT you won't. Their systems are professionally installed by train technicians so you can trust them to watch out for your home from day one. ADT has the most company operated monitoring centers in the industry. And the ADT Plus app lets you keep tabs on your home from virtually anywhere. Don't wait to prepare your home for an emergency. When every second counts count on ADT visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP. There's no denying it your hair changes as you age and not always in the best ways. Hair that was once lush, smooth and shiny is now dry, frizzy and flat. It's a fact of life. That's where K-18 hair comes in. It's not a hair care company, it's a hair science company. They couldn't find real lasting hair repair so they invented it. Seriously, it's trademarked and everything. Their patented K-18 peptide perfectly fits into the broken parts of your hair structure, making it strong and healthy again. This stuff works fast too. The K-18 Leaven Molecular Hair Mask reverses damage in 4 minutes by working deep within your hair's innermost layers. Whatever you put your hair through, heat, color, chemicals, this mask delivers immediate and lasting results. They've got everything you need. Shampoo, conditioner, volume spray, hair oil, even adorable minis for when you're at the gym or on the go. It's molecular, it's science driven and it's delivering soft, strong, bouncy hair for everyone who tries it. Seriously, you'll flip for hair that feels like new. Shop K-18 Mask at Sephora or get 10% off your first order at K-18 Hair.com with code Wiser. That's K-18 Hair.com and use the code Wiser. Who are the people that you've met over the years? Because you probably have just had the chance to meet everybody at this point. Have you met everybody? No, me talking about. First of all, I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I've met everybody? Honestly, I'm kind of private and I don't go out there and try to meet everybody. The word on the street is that you're desperately trying to meet everyone. That's what it says in my notes. Desperate to be met. It says, wants to be seen. I think you're reading your own bio. Oh, shit, this is Conan. I'm sorry, where's yours? Here it is. I was going to just ask you, what was it like growing up with freckles? I was going to compliment you on your such a great comedian in every way, but I think one of the hardest things to do is physical comedy. Did you figure out, oh, I can do physical comedy and I can do it very well. Is that something you figure out when you're a kid? There was in a moment, I just think I'm just trying to get the laugh. If physical movement can... Is called for. Is called for, I'm all in. I always think these things reveal themselves when your third grade, fourth grade, is when I think people start around them, is when people start to figure out if they're funny or not. Well, to that, there was a play I was in in fourth grade called Serendipity. I was the queen. I was a queen character. At some point in the play, somebody was supposed to say something to me and it was going to make me faint. I did it and I got a huge laugh, but I didn't mean it to get a laugh. I don't even think it was a particularly funny scene. It wasn't meant to be funny. It was just the queen fainted. I got the laugh and I was very pleased. You got that dopamine hit. I got that hit. Then you're thinking, how do I get more of this? More of this. Yes. Now, was your family funny? Yes. I mean, not like... It wasn't like a crack a joke, every second kind of a thing. But yeah, there was a sort of a black humor that was in place that was very... What shall we say? Life-saving. Yeah. I can... Is your family funny? Yes. They're very funny. But it's this theory I have that comedies this way to address things that are not supposed to be spoken about. Yes. So if there's any tension in the family because we're rigidly Catholic or we are... There are certain areas that are not to be spoken of. That you get around that by being funny. And that's a way to sort of talk about things but not really mean it. Are you practicing Catholic now? Well, that's a very personal question. Yeah, but I'm curious. Well, then you have a right to know. I would say I'm in the... I think it's in my bones. I would say somewhat lapsed. Let's put it that way. Did you raise your children in a religious way? Well, there's going to upset people but no. Mom, dad... They're not listening. Oh, thanks. Not because they're too old because they just isn't really... They don't like my stuff. No. I would say we raise them to be highly ethical and moral. Yeah. But start quizzing them on details from the New Testament and they will not do well. How about you? The same. Come on. For real. I mean, I wasn't raised Catholic. I was raised nothing. But... If only if you were raised nothing and then raised your kids very rigidly Catholic. That would be... No one ever does that. No, you never go out of that way. No one ever says, you know what? Yeah, exactly. That's funny. You can't get the toothpaste into the tube. No. Right. That never happens. Right. There was a period of time that my mother took us to the Unitarian Church. But then the minister... I think he killed himself. Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry. No. But he did. And so, didn't feel like the right fit anymore. Yeah. If the guy who's leading you on your spiritual journey takes himself out of the picture. Yeah. I mean... Yeah, that's not good. God love him. But anyway, so... Yeah. So I did not have... But my husband's was raised a big time Episcopal and his dad was a minister. So he grew up in the church. Yeah. Yeah. Actually in Santa Barbara, by the way. That church on Santa... Or it's actually on Eucalyptus Lane. Yeah. They have beautiful churches up there. They're the Spanish style churches. Well, this one's craftsmen. It's... It's called all saints by the sea. Craftsmen's church. Gourley, you'd go in even if you didn't want to worship. I'm ready to convert. Yeah. No, it's a beautiful church. Yeah. It's nuts. That's the problem. The church gets a lot of the best architecture. It just doesn't seem fair. Yeah. Yeah, it does, right? Yeah. There were churches where it's known that celebrities go there. There was a church in Santa Monica where I think Arnold Schwarzenegger used to go and people who went to the church used to say he'd like... When he marched down the aisle for communion, practically with a cigar and his mouth. He's a happy bite. He's got that Catholic church at like seventh street? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a pretty church too. Yeah. I've gone in there to look at the church. I like to go to churches if a celebrity is going to be there. Totally. And then I try and get him... Then I try and get him for the podcast. Oh. Like they're in line for communion and I'm like... I'm like, I'm gonna stay. Arnold. Arnold, I'm a lot easier to... I'm about to take communion. It's like all the guests lay around you. It'd be so religious. Yeah, all the guests that came in had ashes on Ash Wednesday. They're all hyper Catholic. Mark Walberg is back for the ninth time in a row. Mark Grammer. Yeah. There wasn't... You weren't raised in a strong religion. That would be very different. I imagine that. No, I was not. I was definitely not. I was... My dad's side of the family. His father was Jewish and... And with the name... Last name, Louis Dreyfus, people assumed I was Jewish. But... So I sort of... I am very proud of that heritage, but I wasn't raised Jewish either. So you're a mix. There was a blend. Yeah, totally. Okay. I'm so in favor of the blend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I've talked about this, but I am a pure, pure dose of... Catholic, Irish Catholic. And there's nothing else in there. And I think that's where leads to madness. And I'm very much envy my wife who's a blend of like some Welsh and some Scottish and some English and some Irish. And she's much more intelligent and much sainer than I am. And I think that's a better way to go. And I'm happy that my kids are a blend. Yeah, that's good. And plus, you didn't... I mean, they're... And they're sort of nothing, too. Right? I wouldn't say there's nothing. I think there's nothing. And my kids are nothing, too. I'm going to have to pull my kids aside, you say. You're nothing. No, that woman you adore. Because I've told you this before, but we talked about this last time, but my wife... It was a tough call, but my wife made the decision our kids are watching VEEP. And at a fairly young age. And she would make a motion to like cover their ears, but not really. And anyway, the point being that... And they were really young, because... They were young, yeah. And I would be... I don't need to tell you, but some of the writing on that show, not some of the writing, a lot of the writing, I think brilliant writing, such great comedy, such great performances, one of the great shows, Downright Filthy, and very descriptive when people are going after each other. Yeah. And the male anatomy comes up a lot. My wife just made the call like, this is really funny, and I think our kids should see it, and they started watching it. So now I'm going to go home and tell them, you know that woman that you love, she just described you as nothing. Nothing. Were they too young to get it? Did they like it? They... I think funny is funny, I really do. I think they got a lot of it, and they really loved it. I'm curious about something, because we're on the subject of VEEP. You got to talk to Kamala Harris about VEEP. Yeah. And what's her perspective on the show? She loves the show. She said, I saw her actually recently. Believe her or not, I'd never met her until like two months ago. And she said, I love... She said to me, I love the show, it's incredible, and it's really like real life. And I said, I know it is. You want me to get you out here? But she had a sense of humor about that. It'd be great if just then someone had come in to tell her something, and she had been as filthy as you are. Why don't you take your dick and shove it up your own... You know, I quit out. Right, exactly. Oh my God, it really is. That's incredible. Yeah, I think probably not quite as sweary, but yeah, they're just people trying to get the job done. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. I hear what you're saying. Now, she would be... Well, she can't be on the podcast because you have to talk to older women. Yes, that's right. What happens if you really admire a woman and you think she's done an amazing work, but you don't want to call her older. Can you have her on the podcast? What do you mean? Can you age her? No. What if you had the chance to have Taylor Swift on? Oh God. You're not going to get to her, man. You've got to let it go. If I do get to her, I'll let you know. You're talking to let me know. No, I'm not. I'm just curious if... What are you learning then so far in the podcast that's... What is informing you? Because you're talking to these amazing women. Are they teaching you stuff that's inspiring you? You know, Jane Fonda, particularly, she talks about the different acts of life, the first, the second, and the third act. She's in her own mind. She's sort of broken down the aging process into three acts. And so now she's in her third act. And she's done what she calls a life review, in which she really went back over her life and tried to understand where it is she has been. Right. Which is an interesting thing to consider personally. So I'm in my third act. Right. And so I'm starting to think about, wow, it was mind-expanding to me, talking to her, and so many other people, Ruth Reichel, for example, the former editor of Gourmet Magazine in the New York Times Food Critic. And she also, she's like 75, I think. And she was talking about how important it is to keep doing things that frighten you, which is an interesting thing to consider. And basic things, like really honestly, staying physically fit. She didn't say this was very much Jane, and also Isabella Yende. Staying physically fit and healthy is hugely meaningful, as you get older. I mean, it's so obvious, but then when you really start to consider it, I think to a certain extent, you don't think about getting, I mean, you do think about getting older, but it creeps up on you. I mean, how old are you? Do you mind my asking? Not at all. And this is a frequent topic of discussion, much of the delight of my compatriots here. I don't know exactly when this drops. Okay, this drops on April 17th, on April 18th. I turned 60. And so everything you're talking about is stuff I've been thinking about, because there was so much of my career where I was the youngest guy in the room. Tell me about it. And people would say, you know, I was in college, like the young guy that ran the magazine, the comedy magazine, then, you know, when I got a late night show, I was just turned 30. So you're this young whipper snapper? Like way too young, you know, people were like, what's snow and green. And then there was just years and years and years where, what was the host at 1130? And then there's the, that Kookie rooster guy over there in late night. And then what happens is suddenly, it felt to me like it suddenly flipped to give us your wisdom, old man. Like what are you talking about? But it happens. It does happen. And now I interview a lot of younger people in comedy and like, well, I grew up watching you. I was in diapers as you were hitting 50. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, what happened? But I'm, I keep coming back to the same general feeling of gratitude and just happy to be here. But I will tell you, I've been doing a lot of inventorying. I do, I've been thinking of it in 20 year cycles. Like, okay, one to, you know, age one to 20 got me to this point in my life. Yeah. Age 20 to 40 got me to this other part. And then 40 to 60 got me here. And so that's how I'm thinking about it. It's got me keeping score, adding it up. And for the most part, feeling content about, you know, which is fantastic because I mean, what else is the point? Are you pivoting in any way? Like as you move into this next sort of, what do you want to call it? Your next 20 year section? I call it my dodej. Into your dodej. No, but for real. Like, are you making adjustments? Are you thinking about it like that in any way? Yeah. No, it to be, I mean, there's all these jokes that come to mind. And I think, no, just, yeah, just tell. Just tell. But first the jokes. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to a lot of work done, Shane. Yeah, I'm getting an eye, John, Shane. No, the, the, the reality of it is I love. I mean, we started talking about this and I, we addressed it already, but how this technology has changed. There's a way now that I can be practice my craft, whatever you want to call it. That'd be in high flutin, try and get my personality across, which is in essence, I've been trying to do since I was a kid. And then when I got into broadcasting, it's just trying to do that on a, on a bigger scale. But this podcast has been a real revelation to me that I can, you know, you came on the late night show several times and we had some really great moments. You did some great stuff. One of my favorites is when Tina Fey came on. Oh, that was fun. And it was really fun. That was a fun bit. We had worked out a whole bit where you were on my show and you wanted to steal Tina's Emmy and you knew Tina was upstairs at Saturday Night Live in the building. That's right. And I enjoyed you to come with me and we were going to go steal it. You ran up a stairwell. We went up a stairwell. It was so much fun. That bit came out well. Yes. And we did it live. We did it live. Stole her Emmy came back down and there was a great moment where we continue. We go on with things and then she shows up in the doorway. Yeah. And so I guess the point I was making is there were things that you could do comedy bits and we could have a short conversation. And I loved that. I'm not. I adored that and I'm glad that I got to do it. But now the fact that there's a way that I can talk to you in this way, in this manner. In a more sort of genuine. Yeah, genuine. And it feels different to me. And to me, the whole key is just keep trying new things. Right. And that's the thing. Keep trying new things. Don't just keep as much as there are people that would say, oh my god, I just wish Seinfeld had kept going. No, Seinfeld needed to stop. Right. And then you needed to do sitcoms and then you needed to do single camera. And then you needed to, you know, you're just like you need to do movie work. And then you have to do, you have to keep trying things that you are that challenged by and they're not in your muscle memory. So to me, that's the thing is I just want to keep putting myself out there in different ways. And, and then be honest about it. If something doesn't work, it didn't work. Yeah. Well, I mean something will eventually not work. But that's okay. No, not for me. I'm just a. No, no, everything you do is perfect. Well, that's the subtext of the whole interview. Yes, yes, pardon me. Yes, of course. I'm not going to be in the obvious. But, um, never a stumble. The Conan O'Brien story. But I think, but that is actually never a stumble. That's my, that's my bio title that I'm going with. Never a stumble to Conan O'Brien story. But yeah, I think that. Trying new things, keeping it sort of fresh that way is, is I think in, well, first of all, it's a great way to live life. And also I think it's a great way to, uh, to have a long javelin. I think. I think. I also think one of the things is I like a lot is that I work with some people that are older than me. But in this business, I'm constantly meeting young talent and an intern can walk in here with a point of view that will inform me. Yeah. Just keep your mouth shut. Which I have a trouble. It was about to say, I don't think you're taking your own advice. Well, I can hear them as I'm talking. As I'm speaking, I can hear. I don't know. No. No. I'm wrong about everything. But these guys are going through big birthdays as well. And I don't know if you're doing the same thing. Are you taking, you're, you're going to hit 50? I, I very much have tried to keep, uh, take a new look at physicality and be healthier too. So I feel like I just have a, I have a very new daughter and I feel like I've got a, I've got to be fit. I got to be around. I want to be around. I want to feel good. Yeah. And Sona had twins. Yeah. Um, a year and a half of the year and a half of the year and a half of it. To be around half of it. To be around half of it. To be around half of it. Yeah. And I turned 40 in October. Wow. And it's funny. You bring up, uh, learning things from older people because my grandma was such a big figure in my life. Yeah. And she was just always happy just being around the people that she loved. And I, I feel like I've taken that from her. And so turning 40 wasn't like, it wasn't, it didn't weigh on me too much because I just, you know, I, I try to just take the joy just like she did and everything. Yeah. There's also a perspective about I went home recently to Brookline Mass and I was up visiting my parents and I went up and I was sitting in my dad's study and he's sitting at his desk. My dad's 94 and we were chatting and I said, Dad, my, my 60th birthday is coming up and he looked at me and he was like, you're a kid. Yeah. And I thought, Oh, he's right. I can't wait. He's right. You know, I'm around so many young people who probably look at me and, and um, they think you're 94. Well, no, it is funny. Okay. I'll reveal something. Um, I know that you are a Mark Twain recipient, Mark Twain word recipient. Yes. Yes. And deservedly so. And recently, I've been asked to, you know, present, help present, you know, whatever it's called when you show up for your, when you speak on behalf of someone who's getting a Mark Twain. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Surprise. So I did it for Lauren Michaels and did it for Will Farrell and then this year, Adam Sandler you know, asked me to come and, and speak on his behalf. And I did. And I had a really good time. And then briefly, there was like a big text exchange that everybody was on. All these people that presented in our friends with Adam who are very famous are on this huge text chain. And I'm on it too. And everyone's talking about what a great time they had and things are going back and forth. And then someone mentioned someone who was really old and, and I think it was Adam said, Yeah. I mean, he's older than Conan. And I thought, Oh, shit. I think all of these guys are younger than me because they were all a little behind me at SNL. And so I got on the chain and I said, wait a minute. Is the new definition of old in comedy older than Conan? Is that like no? No, no, it was, no, it was, it was funny. It is. I think the age gap that you're talking about makes more, it hits more when you're younger. When David spade, when David spade is asking, can he help you to the toilet? You know you have a problem. Okay. That's just a fetish of him. Take his help. David, I didn't notice. He's always asking everyone if he can take them to the toilet. When I was doing VEEP, I had the same experience when I realized, Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm the oldest one here. Right. And I had not been the oldest one. I'd also, I'd been the, yeah, because when I was hired on SNL, I was 20 fucking one. I mean, I was young. So what's the language? I'm sorry. I am so sorry. What's learned from our elders here? Okay. You don't hear that kind of language from a Jane Fonda. Oh, yes, you do. Oh, yes, you do. You know what I loved? I got to talk to Jane Fonda. And of course, I was just blown away. And when the interview was over, we get a picture. And I don't know if you remember this, but we're getting a picture with her. And I'm being so deferential. And also in this era where you just want to be very hyper respectful of women's boundaries, like I'm always making sure that like my hand is maybe sometimes not even, and so my hand was like not even touching her, you know, I was, I was, I was, had my arm around her. Her breasts, is that what you're about to say? What's not even touching her breasts? Both feet run both breasts, because I think the feet don't count. Yeah, I can dislocate my legs from my pelvis. So both legs were like slim gyms up in the air. No, what I mean is that I kind of had my arm behind her, but I was being like, it's Jane Fonda. Yes, of course. And she, it was so great. She went, oh, come on. And she took my hand. And she placed it on like, I guess we're an appendix scar would be and held it down. And you ought to know now. Yeah. And she placed my hand there. And what I loved about it was, I just was like, God damn, she's sexy. And it's all, it's, I mean, first of all, she looks amazing. She looks amazing. But it's also not about that. It is, it is about her, her attitude. And I was just so enthralled with her. Her age like 85 just disappeared. No, she hasn't used it. Like an etch of sketch. Like if you shake it, it just went away. And I thought, and I think whatever she's doing, and they're so meant, there are other people like this, whatever they're doing, I want to be playing that game. Totally. I want to be making people touch my lower abdomen against their will. Is that what I did? I take the wrong thing away from the smile. I guess would be, yeah. Yeah, okay. All right. Well, that was Isabelle Aanday is another person that I spoke with. And the novelist extraordinary writer, Pulitzer Prize winning writer, and she is 80, 82. I am telling you, the way she was talking about being in her 80s, it made me want to be 80. For real. Like what? Well, because she's let go of so much. She's relaxed. And her priorities have gotten, shall we say, hyper focused. That's nice. Yeah, it's really nice. It's funny you say that because I was driving with my dad a couple of years ago, not that long ago, but like five years ago I'm driving with my dad. And he's a very smart guy and scientist and a doctor. And I'm driving and he's sitting next to me. And I just said, you know, it's a truism that older people tend to drive slower. And I said, now, is that because of, you know, changes in the synapses where you process information a little more slowly, so you go more slowly. And my father said, partially that. And partially, when you get older, you realize there's no hurry. And I thought, shit. That's very profound. You have to. Yes. Things you understand, as you start to understand, I mean, I'm just starting to understand them now, but I mean, having kids really helps. But that was a huge moment for me of, it's really not about me. This is what life is about. Yeah. Yeah. But then that went away and the career came back into focus. Sure. I called my son career for a couple of years. I did. He has a name. I still haven't remembered it. People would say your career is flourishing. I said, I love him too. Career, get over here. You've got to flush the toilet career. But no, I do think there's stuff that you pick up that has to, it just has to drip into you slowly over time, but you start to understand. Yeah. Now, again, there's a lot of older people out there that don't. I've known some very neurotic, impatient, worried older people. So it's not like all people do it, but if you can figure it out, you do let go of a lot of things that drive you crazy when you're in your teens and 20s and 30s. Right. If you're lucky, there's more of a, you know, I know this word is used a lot, but a more mindful approach to living life that you can adopt that can be hugely meaningful, I think. I think you started to cry or else some water went down the wrong way. I'm very choked up by what I'm talking about. Let's get your lipstick back on. Yeah, exactly. God. I know you're a very busy person and you've been very generous with your time. I really have been and I, you're people made it very clear to me that this was, you know, not high on your list of things to do. And the rate you charged, my God. Thanks for coming up to the number. 150,000 for a 45 minute conversation. That's incredible. That's at a discount. Yeah. And a private jet and you drove here. You just charged us the amount of a private jet. But I'm, I'm, I don't know, time, time with you is time very well spent. I adore you and back at you. Well, back at shit doesn't really count as a compliment. Oh, God. Then I'm taking it back. Smart. Keep making the podcast because I really like it. Thank you. And it is, I, you've done all 10 for this season. Yes, I've done all 10. Okay. Why is there then me? These are really great conversations and I love that you're out there having those conversations. I think it's a very cool project. Yeah. So, thank you. So, thank you. And I will one day put on a wig and some lipstick and I will come in and you will interview me as an older woman. Julia, Louis Dreyfus, you're, I love you. Thank you for being here. I really do. Back. No, don't say back at you. Back. To the future. I'm going to go watch that movie. Spring invites a reset. Windows open, shelves cleared. Only what's useful and well made, kept in rotation. Windows can follow the same rule. Fewer pieces, better pieces, nothing wasteful. If it's not versatile, thoughtfully constructed and built to last, it doesn't deserve the hanger. That's where Quince stands out. Elevated fabrics, clean cuts and pricing that makes choosing quality over quantity feel both sustainable and smart. Quince creates high quality wardrobe staples from premium materials like 100% European linen, pure silk, organic cotton poplin and lightweight cotton cashmere nets made for shifting seasons. Seasonal colors and prints keep everything fresh while versatile, well constructed designs make getting dressed simple. By working directly with safe, ethical factories and cutting out the middle man, Quince delivers lasting quality without traditional retail markups. At crisp, poplin holds its shape, the soft gauze isn't flimsy and thoughtful fits are designed to perform season after season. It's really incredible how the Quince linen pants don't wrinkle like every other linen you own. It's why thousands of customers consistently rate Quince pieces between 4.5 and 5 stars, truly great clothes worn every day and genuinely loved. Right now go to Quince.com slash wiser for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it and you will. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to qunc.com slash wiser for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash wiser Hey, it's Hussam Minhaj here from the Hussam Minhaj doesn't know podcast among other things. And I hate the smell of rotting food almost as much as I hate wasting it in the first place. Thankfully now I have mill. Mill is a food recycler that is odorless, guiltless and completely effortless. See I've always wanted to reduce my food waste. It is one of the easiest ways for an individual to make a big impact on the environment. But I just cannot stand the mess of a compost bin in the kitchen. So with mill all you do is drop in your scraps and you let it go. It works quickly and quietly turning your food even small bones into nutrient rich grounds. Now I take out the trash way less yet my kitchen smells way better. And I don't have to feel guilty when my zucchini gets moldy. Plus it looks cool. Yeah this trash can alternative is so fly people keep asking me where I got the giant Alexa. It's chic and savvy but you have to live with mill to really get it. But you can try it risk free for 90 days right now and get $75 off with code hmdk. Visit mill.com slash hmdk that is mill.com slash hmdk. I think we have something we need to address as of when this episode comes out tomorrow. Big boy. It's your 60th birthday. You are obsessed with talking about my age. What do you mean? He is obsessed with talking about my own birthday. You bring it up. What's this got to do with me? Because you have brought it up on the podcast easily seven times. Easily seven times you said well I'm going to be around 50 but that means coming straight to 60 I want to keep this on the down low. Comedy is all about being young and I'm putting it out there that I'm in my late 40s and you every single time we get on my like well in three more months someone's going to be 60 and then it's just a hop skipping a jump to 70. How are you big boy? This is you left right and center lately baby. What is happening? You seem very. Wow. You seem excited. I don't want to die. Touchy. Why? It's the grave. The grave back in. But it's just a number man. Oh. Yeah. So bringing up again and again and again. Six zero. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be 60 by the time this thing warps tomorrow. Oh right. You're turning 50 in May. That's right. Okay. Yeah. And you just turned 40 and then Adams also turned 40 recently. This is we work in decades here. It's crazy. Eduardo, how old are you 35? 35. Yeah. Okay. Well, you're going to need to age five. Get on sinking. Get on sink. Okay. Get in face. Yeah. We need to sink up. So you are now almost to turn 40. You're almost turning 40. Can I go backwards? No. Okay. You can only go forward. You compare it to women being on their same menstrual site. Like how do you even know what that is? I read about it once in Glamour Magazine. Okay. It was in it. I was reading it article called Seven Ways to Keep Your Man Happy. Oh. And that was to menstruate with other women. Yeah. Man love it. Man love it when women sink up. Yeah. Man love it. That was number six on the Seven Ways to Keep Your Man Happy. Actually, you shared about 70. I'm 80. Okay. Yes. Let's address it. Yeah. I realize I came down on you a little hard, but I will be honest. You've seemed a little obsessed with my birthday. I just want to wish you happy birthday. I think it's a milestone birthday. I know. I think this is... I know. You're saying it's just a number and it's a milestone. But there's a good thing. Take a side, dude. What? That's a good thing. This one's exciting. It's a big one. I want to see me in my grave. Oh, well, that's true. And I want to put you in there. Well, you're doing it. Hey, buddy. Big one coming. Big six, oh buddy. You started like a year ago. A year from now. The big six, oh buddy boy. It's just interesting that we all turn on deck. It's so interesting. It is. And a guy like you would get so old. Oh god. This guy. Oh, this guy over here. Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine with it as you can tell. Yeah. But I do. It's something I think about sometimes, which is, you know, I'm a... I've been such a foolish physical comic in my life. And then I think I'm just want someone to tap me on the shoulder when they say it's looking sad now. Well, now you can do prep falls, but they'll be real. Well, yeah, but I won't get up afterwards. You'll hear a shattering sound and a hip will go rolling into the gutter. Be honest. No. If we had said nothing and just let your birthday go by, you wouldn't have liked that, right? I would have had something to be bitter about. Oh, so you wish. As Sona will tell you, is the greatest gift. The greatest gift you can give me is something a little, a little hatred, a little gross. You know what the best is? If he gives you a gift and you never acknowledge it. Never say thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a gift and you're just kind of like, I have this already. And then you just kind of set it aside. Yeah, a good gift would have been to forget my birthday and then I could have hated you for it. But I also get to hate you for bringing it up. That you're 60? Yeah. Okay. There you go. One more time. 60. Exactly. Can I say something though? You take good care of yourself. I do. You are exactly the same, at least to me, in terms of your physicality and the things that you do from when I first started working for you. That's why I don't think you'd be upset because you look good. Yes. Yes. I've, I listen, I'm thinking of having a lot of work done. Oh. And I know that that's not necessary for a podcast. What are you going to get done? Oh, your tips. I want big boobs. I like huge boobs. And I also want those butt implants. What I would get done is butt implants because I have no ass. You know that. You're going to go for like a Kardashian body. I would like, what do they do? How does a butt implant work? It's in there. What do they put in there? I thought they put that from other parts of your body. It's not in that magazine you read. Yeah. Seven ways to keep your man happy. No, they had very, I think it was written by a maniac because it said like sync up your menstrual cycle with other women. Yeah. I think Kardashians are so rich they just get like butt transplant. Someone else's butt is a given to them after the big coin. They get a bit coin put in there. You could donate your butt for his birthday. I got, I need all the butt I can get to you. This guy isn't, you know. Okay. So it says for a BBL, which I think is what you're talking about. Brazilian butt lift. Correct. It says fat is removed from the hips, lower back thighs, abdomen and or other areas with liposuction. Oh, you don't have. I don't have. I don't have. But I don't, I don't think I have a lot of fat in other areas of my body. I think if I do it to my head, be really funny if I suddenly had a really skinny head. Oh. Like a really, really skinny head and then a giant ass. And I literally had fat from my cheeks put into my bottom. You know, and my big fat Irish paper mache head suddenly became really skinny. Okay. But I had this fat ass I was carting around. Your hair is the same size. Yes. The hair is still a big puff pastry. Okay. They don't put silicone in the boobs. No, it just says they inject the fat into specific points in the butt. How does it not fall like sag down like saddlebags? Sounds like a remote for Conan. I know. I gotta get it done. I will say I do a lot of sort of mental gymnastics in my head. So turning 60, I start to do the math in my head of, well, wait a minute. When was my dad 60? And he's 94 now. And still doing well. But you do the math in your head and go, wait a minute. That wasn't that long ago. It doesn't feel that long ago that he was my age. But it seemed older, right? Yeah. I started to realize that you start to hear things like people that you thought when you were a kid were really old when they played that character in a movie were your age. And you think, oh my God, I really, have you done that? Have you done that? I did. I've been out of the oven because Brando played the godfather at 47. Yes. And that was great. But he was playing someone who was older. Yeah, but still. Well, also in like 40, I think Norm from Cheers was 40. I think Cliff was 40. I think Homer Simpson is supposed to be around 40. I mean, I think they make it like you've given up. Like at that age, it's sort of like, all right, well, I'm just going to be like a big fat toe and just sit at the bar. I'll not that I know. I don't want to say that about Norman Cliff. But you know what I mean? Like they made the character seem older back then. Right. Right. You're going to probably live a long time. That's a terrible thing to say. Oh, I'm sure you're going to be playing. I'm sure you'll survive at least the day. That'll take. Okay. Well, thank you. You know, I'm sorry I jumped down your throat, Gourley. It's all right. Just try to wish a guy a happy birthday and a- Which birthday is it? One, two, three, four, five, six decades of human life on this planet. Adam, are you right? He brings it up a lot. I actually think you're both right. I think it is a milestone. And so it is like something to acknowledge. It's a big, it's a big birthday. Sure. But you're right that he's brought it up so many times. But I also think that you are, I think that you are sensitive about it though. You are sensitive. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be. Can we talk about my original ideas? I wanted to get him a gift and just make this about giving you a gift and it was that cardboard aircraft carrier you always talk about. You have as a kid whoever's responsible for that just didn't do it. Did him we look forward and we couldn't find it? Yeah, something like that. Anyway, happy birthday. You guys look like you really tried hard. Who did? Yeah. So your choices were get Conan a joyous gift from his youth. Basically give Charles Foster Kane his rose butt sled. Or just grind it into his ear that he's getting old. Which one should we do? I'll go tell him you were going to get it. Yeah. And then not get it. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Good for me. Good for me. Hey. Someone dropped the ball. Well, I still got it. I'm a podcast now. That's the real gift. Yeah. The real gift is it. People listening think I'm a real hipster. I'm a real cool cat. Anyway, well, thank you. Thank you. And I am sincerely if I can be sincere for one second just great, seriously, just grateful that to be around. So that's nice. I really am. So, okay. No, literally, I am. You've done a lot. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think, I mean, No, but I'm grateful to, I'm grateful to have this birthday. Yeah. Here's to another 60 more. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, it's so painful. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Happy birthday. Happy. Yeah. And I'm sure the gifts are, huh, I don't see anything. Oh, we do a little bit. We can show notes. You could have gotten me something else. We had such a good idea for a gift for you. Watches are nice. Yeah. Yeah. You would have loved it. All right. Thank you. Happy birthday to me. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonomu Obsession, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Klau, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson, and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 3-2-3-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever Fine Podcasts are down. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Your Wolf.