Did They Really Post That? w/ Mari Takahashi | Reading Reddit Stories

I know that you want to listen to your podcast, so I'll keep it short. Because if you think it's important to make a duurzame keuze, can ASR maybe help? I think, how then? Well, for example, when you're doing something to do with the things you love to do with Schade. Will you know more about the instructions where a duurzaam schade-restal can be? Go to asr.nl slash duurzamekeuzes. This does ASR for you and a duurzame community. ASR does it. So, then you can now listen to your podcast. Starting a business can be overwhelming. You're juggling multiple roles, designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life. Shopify helps millions of business sell online. Build fast with templates and AI descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at shopify.nl. That's shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's episode is a classic Am I the Asshole episode. And I'm joined by two good friends. I'm joined by Spencer and a Smosh legend. Mari Takahashi is here. Hi. Hopefully the OG host of this channel. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I guess so. It was holding down the fort. not knowing what I was doing at all. But doing it all. Editing everything, right? You're doing the whole shebang. It's one of those, you just throw yourself into something and then you never know. Yeah, no, we were looking at, because I know Social Team wanted to do something with you that was like a throwback, and we were looking at all the old titles. Don't look at them. Anytime you're in anything, they're like, Asian lunch. It's just like, it's just Mari does anything and they're like, Asian blank. That was the, yeah. That was the time. And also, It's also not wrong either. It's like technically, it's like Asian Reddit stories. That is the description of what's happening in the video. Have we done one of those yet? Write that down. Asian Reddit stories. Oh my God. It's 2010 all over again. Yeah. Well, we're happy to have you back. Thanks for having me. It's fun because it just feels like you're plopped back and you don't know what year it is. but I don't know, the comfort of being around y'all never goes away. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Well, are you ready to read some stories? You have to read them. No, you have to read. I'm taking a break. No, I'm just kidding. One of these days Shane drops the iPad and it's just blank. It's been blank on there the whole time. It's just like all of it up. That would be awesome. That would be amazing. Really cool. Our first one is an Am I the Asshole, posted October of 2025. Am I the asshole for replacing pictures of my cousins with pictures of my dog? More context needed. My grandpa's birthday was a couple weeks ago. Six weeks before his birthday, I texted all of my siblings and cousins, there's nine of us, and told them to send me a picture of themselves within the next four weeks so I could put it on a phone case for our grandpa's birthday. Two weeks later, I sent the text again saying I needed a picture of them and anybody that chooses not to send a picture will be replaced by a picture of my dog. I had three cousins tell me to screenshot something from their Instagrams. I didn't respond. I sent a text out the day before I put in the order saying anybody that did not send a picture of themselves in the next 24 hours would be replaced by pictures of my dog. This is your second warning. Second warning. The same three cousins never sent pictures. Their spots have my dog in a sombrero, my dog at the pumpkin patch, and my dog in a chicken costume. They came over for my grandpa's birthday and saw him open his new phone case. They saw that their pictures weren't on the case and got mad at me for not picking something off their Instagrams like they told me to. I said that I sent three reminders to send me a picture with a clear warning that anybody that did not send a picture would be replaced with a picture of the dog. They knew exactly what would happen. My grandpa finds it hilarious, but their parents... Oh, thank God. But their parents are telling my parents that I kept them off the phone case on purpose and they want me to apologize. Am I the asshole for replacing them with pictures of my dog because they never sent me a picture? Woo, what a ride. What a ride. What can be said? No, not much can be said. I mean, I would say to take the time to explain so much of what happened over a phone case, valid in being upset about it, that person's going through something, you know? Where it's just like... They kind of thought, I think they thought they had the best gift of all time. Like, they were like, this is gonna make Grandpa's life. Grandpa loved it. Grandpa did love it. Grandpa loves it. Grandpa also thought it was hilarious that three of the cousins were replaced by dogs. Yeah. That's kind of amazing. Yeah. And those photos of the dogs probably better than any of the photos of the cousins. It's like, bro, just Google me and throw those images on there. Yeah. With that said, the dogs have a lot of variety. They're in different costumes. So there was a lot of thought put into that. I agree. At least. Yeah, absolutely. I was going to say, this reminds me though, because this type of behavior, I fully understand it because I feel like family group chats are very much a thing where people just ignore it. You just like, everyone has their family group chat on do not disturb. Yes. Oh, no. I mean. I mean, no. I was going to say. No. What I was going to say is this reminds me of getting like memes for who memed it or guesses for Shane guesses. where it's like you have to text everyone a million times and be like, hey, I need you to submit this. And it's like, ah, I can't. There's just no response. There's something funny about when something is so easy, you keep pushing it off, and it's the thing you don't get done. Whereas if he was like, hey, I need all of us to knit a sweater for grandpa, there's almost like an argument to be made of like, that might be easier to get people to do because it's a bigger undertaking. So it's like, oh, we're going to take it seriously. But it's a photo. So it's like, I'll send a photo at some point or just look at my Instagram or something. Do we think OP should have screenshotted their Instagram pictures? No, this was way funnier. Okay, that's fair. And Grandpa appreciated it. If he wanted to get petty revenge, he could have picked the worst photo off their Instagram. True. Just something bad. Or like an environmental shot that one of them took on their Instagram. That would be funny. I'm not even in the photo. It's like, it's from your Instagram, bro. Or their follow count or something like that. Like, ooh, which cousin has the least followers? Oh, brutal. I will say, if Op was really thinking about Grandpa, though, probably would have made the move to screenshot the Instagram. Yeah. It's like, do you even care about Grandpa? Yeah, what did Grandpa do to it? I get that. What would Grandpa want? Right. But they made the right call. Grandpa really enjoyed this. Enjoyed the dogs. So you call it Op. Do you say Jif? Say Op? Yeah. Op. I like Op as if he hates his grandpa. It's like, oh, my Op. I'm the Op, yeah. So actually, that was a trick. I knew you said Jif. Yeah. I know that. That's something I know about you is you say Jif. Okay. Okay. That's something that you've clocked about me that you remember that? Yeah. I don't want that to be like on my permanent rap sheet that you remember me about. It says Jif. Your microphone is Mari Jif. Mari Jif. Brutal. That sucks, dude. Take that. Check, look. Wow. The verdict is not the asshole. Comments, Grandpa liked it. That's all that matters, not the asshole. Whatever, bro, Grandpa liked it. Someone said, not the asshole. You gave them plenty of warning and told them exactly what would happen if they didn't send. Yeah, you could have screenshot something on their socials, but they didn't want to make any efforts, so they didn't need to be on the gift. Someone tagged the subreddit malicious compliance. Someone also said, also, let's be real. They probably would complain if OP picked the wrong pick of them off their social media. There's no winning with these types of people. Who would have been the funniest person to jump in on the thread? Like, would it be Grandpa or one of the cousins or like? Grandpa. I'm thinking Grandpa jumping in the thread being like, I loved it. I think Grandpa worrying the chat being like, was this the time you guys went to the pumpkin patch? You look great. And it's like, Grandpa, that's a dog. You look good here. That's a dog, Grandpa. I don't think so. I don't think so. Not the asshole. You could have easily just left every human off and put photos of your dog and it'd be okay because it's your gift, not theirs. And then we have a note here from our producers. Unfortunately, we don't have pictures of the phone case or dog because according to OP in the comments, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I have a pretty weird looking dog. So I think pictures of him would be identifiable. Oh. I thought it was going to be, I have an ugly family, is what he was going to say, for sure. Yeah, my dog's awesome, my family ugly. Yeah, the cousins who did submit, not the ones I wanted. That's why grandpa was stoked. He's like, oh great, your dog, not our ugly. Our ugly nephews. That's Bob Oger, my ugly, ugly children. My little ugly children. My little ugly children. I know you want to listen to your podcast, so I'll keep it short. Because if you think it's important to make a cost-effective choices, can Acer maybe help? I think I'm going to think, how then? For example, when it's cost-effective to make a cost-effective decision. Want to know more about the insurance where a cost-effective choice is? Go to acer.nl. This does Acer for you and a cost-effective relationship. Acer does it. So, now you can listen to your podcast. designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life. Shopify helps millions of business sell online. Build fast with templates and AI descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.nl. That's Shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Quince. In the past, I have purchased clothing that only lasted a couple of wears or the material felt extremely cheap and uncomfortable. As someone who is constantly building their wardrobe, I'm looking for premium pieces that have longevity and easy-to-wear items. Quince has organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets, which are perfect for changing seasons or California weather, jeans, leather, tees, activewear, you name it. They literally have everything to build your perfect wardrobe with all the essential staples. I recently purchased the 100% organic cotton rib polo sweater. The description says smart enough for the office, easy enough for off-duty. Perfect. I don't have to change multiple times a day in between work and going out. And I'm already considering getting it in the other two colors that it comes in. Looking through the website, it's got all the essentials you could ever need. I mean, and it's good material. It's great stuff. I mean, hey, this jacket here, this is Quince, and I love it. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash pitreddit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com slash pitreddit. Free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash pitreddit. Back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? September of 2025. Am I the asshole for not wanting our friend to ever come back to our house after he ate literally everything we owned. My friend, a bear. I get both sides. My friend, Yogi Bear. Goldilocks. My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance, let's call him Kay, reached out saying he'd been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he asked for. During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but forgot his wallet or claimed he could only use Apple Pay, not accepted at our local supermarket. He'd eat way more than his share. Once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other pizza and a half without contributing. Still, we felt bad for him. We felt bad for him, so we let it go. We stayed friendly, and a few months later, we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care. Eat the dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire, fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc. When we came back, everything was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam. Bro, the whole can of who hash? Oh, shit. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese. Even my husband's supplements, creatine, broke the pill. He was like, oh, I'm so hungry. He's buff as fuck. Yeah, he had all those steroids in the closet. I did them all. He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just two weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it's insane how much was missing. He's going to go back. I didn't confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about. It's just a pan. Why are you making it a big deal? Uh-oh. I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out. I told him. What? You guys want to get dinner tonight? Your place? Hey, you guys cooking something? He floats to their window. Oh, my God. It smells so high. He's going to bust some, like, creamer. I told my husband I don't want him in our home ever again. My husband says I'm being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that's his choice. But I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected. So am I the asshole for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house? What's this? No face from Spirited Away? It's just like, oh. Oh, my God. I really want the other side. I want the friend side. The other side is just, oh, so hungry. I could eat them. The other side is a family of raccoons. The only things that remind me of this is stories where wild animals eat a ton of shit. I one time was staying at an Airbnb, and there was a mini fridge on the outside, like on the back porch, that you could use. And there was kind of a little latch. White people should. And we had, like, a full carton of eggs, some milk, all this, like a whole bag of cheese. And in the night, like, some raccoons got into it. and I'm talking the whole carton was empty. The whole bag of cheese, shredded cheese was empty, all this stuff, and I'm like, somewhere there's a raccoon that's just like, oh! That's so cute! A balloon of a raccoon just like, oh! But it also reminds me of Cocaine Bear, the real story about a bear who got into a bunch of cocaine and ate it all. There was a movie, right? They made a movie, a fictionalized version. Elizabeth Banks. But in real life, the bear just had a good time and passed out. but in the movie, he killed me. I did see, people died. No, and I did see a video recently of people unloading groceries and a bear comes up and they have no choice but to surrender their groceries. Oh, you surrender your groceries to the bear. Yeah, and it's just, and he knows it. Bears getting into people food. Bears like, oh, I forgot my wallet. He's like, oh, did you guys have an apple? Okay. Then you ruined my pan Okay It just a pan bro Okay Back to the story The verdict is not the asshole and I think that completely fair to this guy I very much have the vibe of when we have guests or if you have someone who's cat sitting or dog sitting or whatever, I'm like, yeah, like, help yourself to everything. Everything. That's my vibe. But no one's ever actually taken everything. The implication is that, like, within reason. Within reason, yes, of course. Like, if I'm staying at someone's place or I'm cat sitting for someone or dog sitting, and they say that, I'm like, I'm going to still be reasonable. I'm going to know, like, oh, I'm not going to. If there's something about fruit gushers, I might have a thing of fruit gushers. Oh, I might have a fruit gushers. Yeah, absolutely. But so my, I'm going to play devil's advocate. Okay. He's a hungry boy. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever been so hungry? Like, if you are truly, so it was 17 days. 17 days. If you're in a house for 17 days, like, think of your apartment, I mean, maybe not specifically yours, but like, I think I could go through most of the food in my apartment, if not all of it, in 17 days. If you're not buying anything. If you're not buying anything. If you're not getting DoorDash or anything like that. Just dry scoop and creatine. Yeah, if I'm like, if I'm eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich a day, let's say I'm eating two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a day. Two jars of jam and a jar of peanut butter. That's not that crazy. But the thing is, with most food at home, I feel like it's kind of the cycle of like, well, I'm kind of tired of this. Let me buy some more. But if you're committing to those foods, I think you're finishing them. There is a giant Costco bottle of olive oil. Yeah, there's a lot of olive oil. There's a lot. But a giant Costco-sized olive oil. That's this. I love olive oil. I'd be using it all the time. That's a lot to get through in 17 days. He had to get his essential fats every day. Yeah, my God. He was like, the drain, so hungry. You don't like pouring all oil down the drain? Yeah, we love doing that. What's it called? Is it a fatberg that's like when it's like a bunch of fat and tissue paper? Coagulates. Coagulates and it clogs up the drain. Yeah, that's what he's making. He's doing experiments. He's a man of science. He's like, so I made a volcano out of paper mache. holy crap see I almost this has me almost fascinated where the next time they go on a 17 day trip it's like hey leave only lean chicken broccoli rice come back he's now a bodybuilder yeah it's like now you can do experiments on him it's like whenever you leave the house he will eat he will eat what things can you leave there to see if he'll eat it I just do performing experiments on your friend is like the funniest phrase ever It's like, well, I've been performing experiments on you. We wanted to see what you would eat. We wanted to see what you would do. If you would eat anything. Have you guys ever had a friend where it's like you go out to a restaurant together and like no matter what's left over, they'll just be like, oh, like let me finish that. Oh, yeah. Even if it's like, yeah. It's awesome. Yeah, it's sick. No, like in many ways that's like, it's such a great friend to have. Someone who will like take leftovers or whatever. I mean, here we have a Luke. Yeah. Yeah. And Luke is. We don't waste food here at Smosh because Luke takes it home. Yeah. I hope he's cool with us saying that, but it's fantastic. Oh, he does. Yeah, we have a guy who takes it home. It's a great system. Yeah. No, they should leave a bunch of Vegemite. Oh. The next time they leave, they should have their normal food, but then like 10 jars of Vegemite and see if he goes through all of that. I feel like it's an acquired taste. Give him 17 days. Give him the most acquired tastes around the world. Yes. Vegemite, natto. Yes. Durian. Durian, yeah. What's the fish, the fermented fish? But he'll acquire it. He'll acquire the taste. I want to see what he'll eat. Yeah. Experiments. For me, reading a hypothetical story, this surpasses now where I'm mad into being, like, fascinating. Yes. And it's also hilarious. Yes. But yes, disrespectful. He is not being conscientious. Yeah, the pan ruining. If he's not conscientious of this siloed thing in his life, what else is he not conscientious about? Yeah. Space? oh man, like taking up space this stuff sitting like this the whole episode like this and like clearly your legs are touching and you're like that's not bothering you and then you do this and then you're like cool when there's the touching and sometimes I'm just like have you guys ever seen when people have their hair over the back of the of the plane or like their feet up in between the thing, I'd be like I'm tickling this Oh, with no socks on? Yeah. Oh, just dogs out. Yeah. I'm like, it's a liability. See, if this person was also that person, I'd be mad at this person. I think they very likely could be. They seem like that. Oh, now I'm mad. They're not thinking about other people's stuff. Now I'm not curious. I'm mad. He's absolutely the asshole when they brought up the pan. He's like, it's just a pan. It's like, yeah, you ruined it. You got to pay for it. All right. Comments. He didn't consume it all in that time. He emptied your place and took it back to his to last him a while. He stole from you like he was on a shopping spree. That is the most likely scenario. He's a forager. I'm laughing at the idea of him eating it all. That's funny and awesome. Like, okay, shaggy. Him stealing it. Him stealing it sucks. Someone said, I know, right? What was he otherwise doing? Drinking a cup of olive oil mixed with some creatine for breakfast every morning? Someone said, not the asshole. That sounds like something a fitness bro would do. Yeah. Someone said, not the asshole. this person is not your friend and your husband needs to rethink anyone who mocks his wife over something that person destroyed. This friend has little to no respect for either of you. If your husband wants to lessen himself by continuing this one-sided friendship with this guy, it's on him. However, you do not let anyone who treated your home the way he did back in again. You can decide if you'll reconsider if this guy apologizes, but he's not allowed to be in your home alone again. Home alone? OP said, I think it's because we live outside our home country and it's not that easy for him to make friends here. I feel like he's being overly patient because he's very lonely. Still, I do realize this is something I need to talk to him about. I just needed a bit of validation, but I do plan to have a conversation with him on different terms, because a real friend doesn't do this kind of things. Stop befriending raccoons! You know? Stop befriending forest critters. Anyways, alright, moving on. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Comes from October 2025. Am I the Asshole for saying ew to a picture of my roommate's boyfriend? It's just like Home Alone. That's woof. On a burner account, so hopefully they won't find this. I, a 19-year-old girl, have been living with my roommate, who's 19, since February of last year, and ever since we have moved in together, our relationship has been total chaos. She is a great Dane that doesn't have enough space in our apartment. She doesn't care about the cleanliness of the hardwood floors nor being very hospitable towards guests. She is temperamental and gets upset over what seems like nothing, and I can't get through to her why my friends and I don't want to spend time with her, despite her wanting to be the center of attention constantly. She tends to get upset whenever she cannot be in control of a situation. Whether I have places I wanted to go and she tags along, yet insists on going where she wants to until I cave, or gets really mad and starts complaining despite the fact that she tagged along with me, not the other way around. She used to be rude to my friends, but has been better with that. but since that happened, my friends would rather not spend time with her since she tends to be very selfish and we don't have much in common. She expects me to talk to her when she is sad all the time but doesn't care about anything I do as well. Anyway, the other night... Anyway, she's a stupid, dumb idiot. Anyway, the other night she exploded on me because after sending a picture of her boyfriend, I responded, ew, because I thought it was funny. I had my friends over earlier that day So I'm concerned that may not have helped, especially since she wanted to go out with us. But we said no. Oh, that's crazy. She got upset and said I'm constantly mean to her and she regrets ever meeting me. I would normally brush that off. But then when I said I would be going to bed, she said, don't wake up. And I felt that seriously crossed the line. She blocked me and won't speak to me now. Am I the asshole? Wow. Dude, many layers. Oh, to be 19. I'm mean again. Many layers, and I'm going to eat all of them. Talking shit about this roommate for like 10 minutes and then being like, and then I said, I won't hang out with you. I'm like, stop trying to prime us against this person. You did an asshole thing. I don't care how much you hate her. She sent a picture of her boyfriend. You say, ew. I mean, that is pretty funny. It's funny. I mean, I guess like. But it's also like, you're not on that rapport. Yeah. That's a fully fine response from a lot of people if, like, you get the joke. Yes. She knew, like, oh, yeah, this person who I hate. But we got this report going. Was it, like, boyfriend? Is this the boyfriend reveal? It might be boyfriend reveal. That's crazy. If it's boyfriend reveal, that's rough. Also, though, you know what I'm thinking about is, oh, you guys are going out tonight? Can I join? No. I don't think so. How do you say no? How do you say no? That's a tough spot to be in. And it's why when people are like, if I'm ever in a situation, I feel like it happens here where people are like, oh yeah, we're doing this thing tonight. I'm not gonna ask if I can join. I'll be like, people will ask. You wait for the, yeah. I wait for an invitation, but I'm not gonna be like, can I come? Because what do people say to that? Well, you kind of have to say yes. You have to say yes. Unless it's like, oh, we have a reservation for five. But I also, yeah. And even then it's just like, We'll try, we'll call it and try to make it for six. Yeah. Why does that feel so vulnerable? Like you're in third grade being like, can I come? I think I, I understand even if it's like a couple good friends of mine and we're a group, but I'm like, I get like certain, like there's certain situations, certain dynamics. Maybe people want to talk about something. I don't know. It doesn't bother me. I don't think about it. But man, to, to ask, to, to ask, to join, to go out and be told no. Oh, and you're 19. You had that layer. Oh God. The van's pretty full. Yeah. Sorry, the Hyundai can't fit anymore. Oh, my God. Yeah, but I think... It's like you're 19. It's like if you're in college, you're probably walking some... I don't know. I'm like, there's... There's not a good situation. But I'm like, based on everything they wrote, I'm like, you're probably the asshole. I want to know more about the Great Dane. I think they're probably both just assholes to each other, it sounds like. Having a Great Dane in an apartment, though, that's pretty crazy. Great Danes, I thought, can actually manage pretty well in small apartments because they're pretty lazy. I just mean size-wise. Oh, size. They're huge. I'm like, that's a horse. Yeah, it is a full horse. Yeah. But we also don't know, like, did they already have the dog? And then this is just something that they're annoyed with? Or was it brought in after? You know, it just seems like there's so many layers that they're already not lacking about this person. Yeah, true. Like, the circumstances of the move-in are... Our roommate situations are messier than anything else. Verdict was asshole. Comments. Comments, ew. Comments. Why did you include the first two paragraphs? Straight up. They have nothing to do with the conflict at hand. All it's doing is creating the narrative you want to push forward. For the actual question at hand, Are you the asshole for saying ew at a picture of her boyfriend because you thought it was funny? Yes. Yes, you are. It was uncalled for and frankly mean. Someone said you're the asshole. It's mean. Yeah, it's mean. You're the asshole. She sounds unpleasant to be around, but in that specific interaction, you were being an asshole. Someone said everyone sucks here. Not going to lie, you both sound exhausting. Responding ew to someone's boyfriend photo is immature and rude, and you are clearly trying to paint your roommate in a negative light. Your roommate has controlling tendencies and blocking and silent treatment as conflict resolution. You both suck. Get paid. Don't wake up. Can't wake up. Look at my boyfriend. Ew. Kill yourself. Don't wake up. Don't wake up in such a childish, like, oh my god. Like, oh, it's a war. A war is going on in this apartment. Oh, man. The poor Great Dane. Get the Great Dane out. I know. That great danger, they're just going like, he's like, I rate the whole kitchen. I drink all the olive oil. Come on, Scoop. I'm now going back to the previous story. Imagine that guy making a sandwich out of everything in the house and unhinging his jaw. Bro's making shaggy sandwiches every night. He has all the ingredients for his shaggy sandwich. A quart of olive oil. I'm saying you probably are, if you're making a shaggy sandwich, realistically, you're going to want copious amounts of olive oil. Or like, you know. Oh, it's going to need it. Like oil vinegar. Yeah. Like, you know. Because it's kind of like Italian. Like, I know he always uses salami. Shaggy's always uses salami on his sandwiches. A shaggy sandwich is eldritch in nature. Yeah. It's unknowable, but he's probably not using, like to me, a jam would not be on a shaggy sandwich. I disagree. There might be a little corner of it. I think you could add some jam to the sandwich. You know, if you've got some turkey in there. I think of like a cranberry. A cranberry. We don't know what kind of cranberry jam. A seasonal shaggy sandwich. We must move on. That's what the ghosts want us to do. We're not usually like this. We're not usually like this. You're trying to convince me. We're usually more professional. Yeah. Okay. I understand that you're listening to your podcast, so I'll keep it short. Because if you think it's important to make a successful choices, can ASR maybe help? Now I think, how then? Well, for example, when you're selling your products that you love, you're not going to be a harm. Will you know more about the insurance where a successful choice is? Go to asr.nl. slash duurzame keuzes. Dit doet ASR voor jou en een duurzamere samenleving. ASR doet het. Zo, we kunnen nu lekker naar je podcast luisteren. Starting a business can be overwhelming. You're juggling multiple roles. Designer, marketer, logistics manager. All while bringing your vision to life. Shopify helps millions of business sell online. Build fast with templates and AI descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.nl. That's Shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. Today's episode of Reddit Stories is also sponsored by ZocDoc. 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Pretty much everything is on this app. Anything that you're worried about, any symptom you want to look for, any type of doctor you're looking for, you're going to find it there. I mean, I certainly did, and I found appointments super fast. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash PitReddit to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash PitReddit. ZocDoc.com slash PitReddit. Thanks, DocDoc, for sponsoring this message. Back to the show. Mmm. Nectarines are so good. Next story comes from Am I the Asshole. Comes from October of 2025 Am I the asshole for crashing out because my friend called me a passport bro Ooh Hmm Ooh Brutal Let's... Curious about this one. I think I know what this is. Have you ever heard of a passport bro? I think so. What do you think it is? Is this somebody who travels to other countries and like sleeps with people? I think it's, yeah, they're going to another country to try to find a wife in that country. Oh, a wife specifically. Okay. That's kind of my understanding is like, yeah, this is someone who's traveling to like kind of find, yeah. Like marriage tourism. Gotcha, okay. So it's not a good thing to be called. And this guy's crashing out. And he's crashing out. I'm male, 26. I've been with my boyfriend, Luca, for five years. Basically, we met when I went to Italy for a photography project, and we clicked really fast. I'm fluent in Italian. I've been learning since I was 10, and he is 100% Italian as well. Two years ago, I moved in with him in Italy. A week ago, we visited Canada, where I'm from, and stayed at my friend Emma's house. She was basically all over Luca and flirting with him and everything. Luca told me he was uncomfortable and I told her to stop. And then she started fucking swearing at me, saying shit like I was creepy for going for Italian men. Luca is legit the only Italian man I know. Then she called me a passport bro. And then she was like, you're fucking creepy because he has a more feminine and younger face. So basically you're attracted to younger Italian men. The jumps this girl jumped. Luca and I are the same age and she was like, you're not teaching him English so he can be clueless and you can feed your white savior complex. And at that point, I fucking crashed out and said some not nice things. And told her she should lay off on the Omegaverse yaoi she's reading. Which was kind of out of left field for me to say, I admit, but I was mad. Now she's mad and got our mutual friends to gang up on me and Luca saying I should apologize but also set boundaries with her. Am I the asshole? Okay. We have to save these Italians. This one's got a lot of... So it's sounding like... This is a shaggy sandwich and it's out. This is a shaggy sandwich of a story. Yeah. He's not sounding like a passport bro. He was in Italy and he met someone. Then they clicked and they've been dating for five years. He didn't go to Italy with the intention of this. Meeting someone. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't sound like he's taking advantage of this person whatsoever. They're both the same age. From the facts presented, OP has not displayed Passport Bro. He could be omitting things. No, what it's sounding like is that his friend Emma is just kind of weird. She wants to fuck Luca. She was all over Luca. Luca got uncomfortable, said, hey, can you say something? I'm uncomfortable with how she's acting. The second he drew a boundary, she lost her mind and is trying to guilt him for it. So that's what's going on here. Verdict, not the asshole. Someone said, not the asshole. She was the asshole the moment she started flirting with your boyfriend. Then it sounds like she was projecting. She's probably jealous because your boyfriend sounds pretty cool and even trying to play fair for your sake. Forget about her. She's not a friend. That sounds pretty well. Don't wake up. Don't wake up. Someone said, not the asshole. Just what? How does she act like that and think she's in the right? And the fact that your mutual friends are ganging up on you either means this isn't the full story or your friend group has severe brain damage. It's all that Omegaverse yaoi. That's what Omegaverse yaoi does to you. Do you know what the Omegaverse is? No. It's like some people are alphas and they are made to breed specifically the omegas, right? And the betas are kind of separate from it. I'm not doing a good job explaining it, but it's this whole, that's the Omegaverse. So omegas are the breedable ones? Yes. So then it's an Omegaverse yaoi because, okay. Yeah, but I think that would just mean it's all gay. Oh. Yo. I'm learning so much. Wow. Wow. Omega versus Yowie Reddit stories? Would do numbers. OP responded to that comment saying she only told them about my Yowie Omega versus comment and they genuinely won't listen to my side of the story. They're calling me an internalized homophobe. Someone responded to that saying time for you to ditch them, I guess. Boy, you literally have a boyfriend. How the fuck are you homophobic when you're in a gay relationship? She's probably just super jealous because you have a hot boyfriend and she does not. What does she even think? She's flirting with a man in a gay relationship and it doesn't occur to her that he's most likely not interested in her. What was her goal here? All of this doesn't make sense. There were additional comments bringing up you can be homophobic if you bash Yowie. But OP wasn't doing that really, just making a dig at Emma, which he regrets. But yeah, she just sounds jealous. No, pulling the homophobia card just like, you know. Like Yugi? Yeah. Like Yowie? No, that's exhausting. That's unfortunately very exhausting. Very exhausting. But hey. Get out of it. Get out of it. Get out of it. You're in Italy. Someone said, not the asshole. You need to take that girl to Italy and find her another boy because she is clearly jealous of what she doesn't have. Someone said, Italian here. Please do not bring her here. We don't want her. Okay, but bringing her to Italy with the express purpose of finding a boyfriend makes her a passport bro. A passport bro, yep. So, our next story comes from Am I the Asshole, October of 2025. Pretty active. These are recent assholes. Yeah. Am I the asshole for being bad at D&D? Probably. Okay. Skill issue. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I'm already prejudging here. Using a throwaway account because my campaign mates know my main account. So I've been playing D&D for about two years and have had a long string of player characters that have died during the campaign. I think the count is at six or seven. I genuinely try not to just put my character in dangerous situations, but I often feel like the rolls just don't go my way. First one was a barbarian, and I was going reckless for every attack, and then the bad guy got some good rolls and just crit me a few times in a row. Then they finished me off during death saves. Then another one I decided to try being a bard, got silenced and immobilized. Then some generic low-level guys just came and beat me up and I was not able to fight back at all. Hey, this guy can't talk. This reminds me of, there was a story where the DM created a bird that hates you that just killed, that like wiped the party because it was like, yeah, this bird hates you guys. He was mad at his party. Yeah. So he was just like, yeah, and enter the bird that hates you. The bird that hates you. This one was actually a little funny at how useless I was. In any case, I know I'm not very good and will often try to strategize, and my group mates always seem to be on board, and then the plans just don't pan out at all. I play for fun and don't particularly mind being bad, but my friends have been getting progressively more upset at me and even saying things like I'm an asshole for always dying and wasting their time. Oh, that's crazy. I will genuinely never try to go recklessly into a situation, but it feels like no matter what I do, all the aggression gets focused on me, and then I get overwhelmed. I have started asking them if I should just leave the group and let them do their thing. This would be sad for me because this was a group of close friends, and I thought we were having a good time. It's only been in the last three to four months that they've started becoming more angry towards me, and I genuinely don't know why. In any case, all input would be appreciated, and there may be a perspective I'm not considering. but am I the asshole for being bad at D&D? Okay, I have any... I mean, no. No, he's not the asshole. I was going to say, I have limited D&D experience. Obviously, we've done it here at Smosh a little bit. But you're telling a story together and the DM does have some control on what's going on. The fact that you were silenced, immobilized, and then a group of characters beat you up, I'm like, I'm questioning, like, I think the DM's killing you a little bit here. Yeah, it feels... Simon said immobilized is pretty intense. It feels like, I know there's a lot of nuance to DMing. And so maybe it's truly just a string of bad luck. But it's like, how much can you blame? Like, you know, I would imagine you'd want to collab with the DM to be like, hey, what am I doing wrong? Like, I would talk to the DM. It's also not just the DM, it's also the group. Yeah. It is a fellowship. It is everyone together. You die as a barbarian? Wow. I mean, that's the rest of the group also not coming through. I cannot blame this guy. Six to seven characters dying in a two-year campaign. That is absurd. Like, that is going beyond, you can't just roll bad and have that many deaths. You can. I can roll pretty bad. But even I didn't die that easily. Maybe, like, I want to know who else is dying. Like, are they the only person dying in these campaigns? Is everybody dying? But, like, also the purpose of D&D is to have fun, man. Yeah. Like, you're not playing it professionally in this context. You're just having a good time. It's kind of like if you're playing pickup basketball and someone's playing way too intensely. It's like, hey, man, we're just having a good time here. We're not trying to, like, we're not trying to make the league. So... What league? The NBA. The. The league, dude. Capital L. The league. Yeah, this just... I'm questioning this DM. I think this DM's killing him. I think the friend group doesn't like him. It also seems... The D&D drama that I hear is agonizing. Some of these D&D groups are going through it. If you do anything with that close of a group of people for that long, I think there's always inevitably going to be drama. Not all of them. I feel like I hear about good ones, but it is a pot that can easily boil, it feels like. Comments. How old are you and the other people involved? Me on that. He ran into it. How old are you? That's crazy. How old are you? Wait, what was it after how old are you? How old are you and the other people involved? Including the DM. Apologies, new to posting on Reddit. I am a 28-year-old man and my friends are 25, 31, 27, 33. The DM is a 32-year-old woman and she says she is trying to stay out of it. Someone said, not the asshole. This sounds like a DM issue as much as anything else. A DM shouldn't be killing off players so easily. I'm sorry, how is the DM staying out of it? Yeah, the DM's like, I don't want any part of this. It's like, you're running the game. Dead. My DM, even when things get dicey, there are always ways to get out of it, and that's what makes a good DM. Also, your teammates should have been trying to help you. It's a team game. Yeah, if you die on death saves, it's like either the DM is sending someone to kill you during death saves or nobody came to rescue you. Yeah. Not the asshole. Well, D&D is about having fun with friends. At no point has any group that I have been a part of has ever been upset that someone's character died. There are only three explanations I can see for this. One, your friends are jerks. Two, there is something left out of the story above. You are taking forever to make decisions or you require 100% of the DM's time while you make a new character which stops the game or some other social thing that is causing the game to be unfun for the group. Or lastly, this is fake slash AI. OP responded, they never used to get upset and it felt like the last three to four months was complete about face. I try to be quicker with decision making, but these days I get more anxious with each of my turns because I don't want to be wrong. My friends have all been playing for 10 plus years and I was a new addition. Update. The next day. Thank you everyone for your insights and support. I decided a few hours ago to reach out to the DM and just let her know I'm going to find a new group or just separate myself from this one. After a long conversation, it came out that actually this group was in fact doing this on purpose, and the DM was in on it. She ultimately told me because she says she felt guilty that it went so far, but this explains her lack of insight or help, I guess. Apparently, this group had trouble getting through fights, encounters, and the DM got frustrated that this was interfering with her storytelling. Then when I came around, they found that having all the enemy's attention on the new guy allowed the real players to explore their stories and encounters without having to retreat all the time. Honestly, it seemed like some convoluted logic to me, and I'm assuming they started expressing this anger towards me as a way of keeping me useless via insecurity of my experience and decisions. This inevitably made me feel like it was my fault, and then when my own decisions stopped killing me, they would just allow my character to gradually die off by not equitably distributing help. In any case, I'm definitely out of this group, and they definitely are not my friends. This has made me really confused because I just don't really understand why they had to go about this in such a hurtful way, but I appreciate everyone for helping me get the courage to talk to them and push hard enough to actually get some truth. So this group was so bad at D&D that they needed to get someone in to be a punching bag so that they can... Also, so bad at communication. Oh. There's so many other ways to tackle this issue. Play it differently. Like, what the hell is going on here? Yikes. Yeah, that's way worse than anything I could have imagined. How bad at storytelling do you have to be that it's like, okay, we got to have someone so they can handle the bad stuff? And even like, I think there could be a world where you almost like communicate with someone where it's like, oh, and I'll make the character that keeps dying and like kind of like throwing themselves. Like that is a character choice that is funny. And like, maybe they figure out what to like keep resurrecting him and that's part of it. Like that's the cool thing about D&D or any RPG is that you can. Yeah, but the setup is that they are purposefully targeting him so the others get to play the game. It doesn't make any sense. And that's what I'm saying. There's so many ways to circumvent that issue or be clever about it instead of just stringing a human being along. Yeah, it sounds like they're really bad at D&D as a group. Bad players, bad friends. And it sounds like they're just bad problem solvers, like period. Yeah, straight up. Yeah, you tell them. Yeah. bad problems. Don't wake up. The DM's also a bad DM because that just doesn't, it's a world where the logic doesn't make sense, you know? Like, you're supposed to be telling an interesting story. It's like, oh yeah, well everything in this world hates this. Get silenced. Get immobilized. Yeah, get beat up. Alright, our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? September of 2025. Another recent one. Am I the asshole for drawing an ugly portrait of someone who passed away? Like a caricature? Oh my God. Ugly in quotation. So maybe OP does not think it's ugly. Yeah, maybe they don't think it. For context, this happened a few years ago during my second to last year of high school. I recently shared this story with my friends at university and they argued over whether I was in the wrong, which is why I'm posting this. In my second to last year of high school, a girl in our grade passed away. She was terminally ill and the school did a short assembly speech and a memorial was set up. Admittedly, I was not that close with her. We were acquainted and spoke occasionally, but we weren't close friends per se. On the day before her memorial, I drew a portrait of her and brought it to school. I noticed that in the area set aside for her memorial, there were some framed photographs of her as well as portraits drawn by her friends. To be clear, I was not even planning on sharing my portrait to begin with. I intended to see if other people were sharing portraits first, since I didn't want to overstep. I would also say that I am a good artist. I had a reputation as the class artist. When I placed my portrait next to the other portraits drawn of her, one of her friends came up to me and told me that my drawing wasn't welcome. I was confused since I saw that there were other portraits, but I realized that they were all drawn only by her close circle of friends. I was also told that my drawing was so ugly that it had to have been on purpose to mock her. Multiple people mocked my drawing. What I don't understand is that even if my drawing was ugly, that was obviously never the intention. I made the drawing to commemorate her, and she had no right to disrespect me so openly. Even if she were a close friend of hers, she didn't have any right to decide whose artwork could or could not be placed on the memorial. Am I the asshole for refusing to take down my artwork? Edit, this was years ago. I do not have the drawing or any images of the drawing. I do remember that it was a pencil drawing done on a sheet of paper. All the other drawings at the memorial were also pencil drawings. Edit number two, thank you for all the comments. I just wanted to clarify a few things for those who have been asking. Yes, I was grieving. You do not have to be close friends to feel the emotional impact of their death. Secondly I only mentioned that I was the class artist to corroborate the fact that I am not a bad artist and so I was singled out for not being in their friend group My motivation was the same as everyone else Thirdly, this was an open memorial. People brought all kinds of things. Chocolates, pencils they may have borrowed from her. Random things like that. The only people to bring drawn portraits were I and some of her closer friends. Pencils? She loved pencils. She loves pencils. The verdict is asshole. So, we can now listen to your podcast. accomplish with Shopify by your side. And I think I never... Maybe for not taking it... Because to me, if someone was like, oh, that's not welcome here, I'd be like, oh, shit. Like, I need to leave the house. Like, I need to leave the school. Yeah, I think the verdict makes sense because OP, in the way they're writing it, and I know it's been some years, but it seems like they're making this all about themselves. And I don't think it's that the drawing was ugly. I think it's that she keeps mentioning it was like me and her closer friends. It's like, all right, so like her closer friends probably don't even know you that well. So they're like, why are you bringing this here? I don't know. I've never, you know, I never went to high school in person. So I never experienced anything like this. Obviously multiple layers of that. So I don't know the like etiquette and nuances of it. I mean, I do think it is always kind of like a thing when this is a weird topic. But when someone dies, it does feel, you almost feel protective of like, oh, they were my friend in that way. And if someone comes in who it's like, oh, you barely even talked to them. Maybe that might have been their POV. It's like, why are you grieving? It's also not a competition. There's so many layers to this. So many layers. Yeah. Grieving competition. Challenge pit. Challenge pit grief. Yeah, I mean, but it's like, I don't think they're, asshole's a strong word, I think, for this, but, you know, they drew a picture, they tried to put it up, like, I don't know. It sounds a little bit like, yeah, everyone was grieving there, not just you, and this was a complicated situation, and they felt offended by that for whatever reason, and it does, I think it ultimately just seems like she made it about herself. Yeah, well I think initially it probably wasn't and she was also a teenager. Yeah. You know, going through grief and these really heavy feelings and this was an expression of how can I use my talents to, you know, honor somebody. Right. And trying to get through those feelings as a teenager is already so, so big. But now looking back on it, I would agree that not being able to think about what's external and what you can't control and making it about the one thing that you can control, which is yourself, and making it about yourself, I would agree that, yeah, asshole. But originally, probably not that. Yeah, we're not saying you're a bad person for what you did. It's just like, oh, here's why what happened happened. It's like, what can you control now as an adult looking back on the situation? But I think agreeable that as a teenager, I mean, come on. It is a weird situation. Someone telling you, like, your drawing's not welcome here, though, that would send me. I would crash out. Yeah, I might crash out. Yeah. I'd be like, ew. Someone saw the drawing of the girl and said, ew. Yeah, no, that's really hurtful. Oh, super hurtful. And especially, like, you know, as a reflection of not only you wanting to do something nice for somebody, even if you didn't know that person, I think that it is still your way of expressing your art. Right. Maybe OP is just like legit and annoying person that nobody likes. And so when they brought the drawing there, everyone was like, we don't want that. It's possible. And they left that part out of the story. It's like OP, 19, annoying. Yeah, I think, because I think I am a little confused. Like I said, I'm speaking from a very outside perspective when it comes to like high school. But like an open memorial, I'm like, you kind of think like everything would be welcome? Like the whole school's bringing stuff? chocolates and pencils weird thing to leave pencils that you borrowed where's the effort pencils that you had borrowed it's like here here is it back high school's such a complicated rough place and then you add this layer to it so and you're like visible and you're seen and you're probably feeling like everyone's judging every move you make while you're in that grieving process so then to bring a drawing up and have someone be like mm-mm-mm yeah I'd be I'd be mad I get that I also think it's a tough one to like recount because I'm like, that's such a like, I don't know, with a story like that, I'm like, I wasn't there in the moment because that sounds like such a wild thing to say at an open memorial that I'm like, I don't know who you were in high school, what your relationship to these people were in high school, what the vibe of everything. What if OP was a bully? We don't know all that stuff. Some people like don't reconcile with themselves being bullies back in high school. Yeah. They don't think they were bullies back in high school. There's just a lot of stuff that's going on where I'm like, at face value, yeah, it doesn't sound like it was awful. I need more details. But the way they're telling the story is, I think, where the asshole verdict is kind of coming from. So the verdict was asshole, but the comments are kind of all over the place. We have one. You're the asshole. You didn't draw the portrait to mock her, but you did make a girl's tragic early death about you. And even years later, you're making this moment about you. Her friends likely felt like you were encroaching on this moment. They lashed out at you in grief, which isn't fair, but they were children who had just lost a friend. You should let this one go. It has like 4,000 upvotes. OP said, fair enough. Someone said, no. Hit him with the fair enough. Someone said, no assholes here. You are all kids who lost someone their own age that they knew. For some of those kids, it may have been their first experience with death. I know death is always hard, but there's something a little extra jarring about losing someone your age when you're that young. Everybody grieves differently, and while you didn't do anything wrong, I also understand why they lashed out. I'm sure there was nothing wrong with the drawing, and they were just being teenagers, which is emotional enough on its own without adding losing a friend to the mix. Lastly, someone said, you said that you intended to honor the deceased. I can't know if the multiple people who mocked your picture were bullying you or if it really was an unflattering picture. You admitted that you and the deceased weren't close. On the surface, since I can't know what anyone was thinking, it seems that everyone behaved badly. No one should have mocked your artwork and you should have taken it down in the interest of peace at a funeral. Everyone sucks here. Interesting. That's such a hard thing to do as a 17-year-old, to have your art mocked and be like, you know what, you're right, I'm not going to make it about myself. I have so much empathy for a teenager going through that. Totally. Adult, different story. It's a tough thing, too. It's one of those stories where it's like, we're trying to draw these lines of like, who's in the wrong, who's in the right. I'm like, it's an awful situation. And yeah, like, you're all teenagers going, like, dealing with grief. Things are complicated. Like, yeah, I do agree with like, let it go. Like, move on. Agreed. Yeah. I think judging how somebody grieves is such an interesting thing because it's probably a projection of how we're judging ourselves of how we're grieving. You know, and like, that's a projection. But yeah, letting it go, agreed. It's been years. It's high school. It's a sucky situation. All of it was sucky. You get a jink, it's high school. And you know, it's like maybe it is bringing it back to the point of honoring that person. Right. Draw better. Oh, wow. Wow, Spencer. Anything else? Get better at drawing, dude. I would have left your pencils or chocolate. I'm sorry, I'm really hung up on that. Yeah, you are. No, it has me wondering what those memorials do after, what do they do with all the stuff? Give them to Spencer. This guy loves pencils. I would commemorate the pencils. All right. It's time for our final story. It comes from Am I the Asshole. Am I the Asshole for cheating at an eating competition? He's back. No, it's not him. He wouldn't mean to cheat. I would love that. So our local restaurant that has really good wings was hosting a hot pepper eating competition recently. Y'all did a few of those. Yeah, we've had a few of those. With a bunch of coupons for free wings on the line, I have a weird genetic quirk where my body doesn't register capsaicin normally, so my spice tolerance levels are way higher than normal. So I entered the competition and won the coupons, but my friends are now telling me that I cheated and I should have let normal people compete and get the wings. I'm so reddit. Am I the asshole for competing? The wings are so good, though. He's like, he's like. Sorry, dude, you're an X-Men. I was going to say, he's like unbreakable, but for like eating wings. That's how shit works, man. Like, what's his name? Lance Armstrong and his big ass heart. And the drugs. And the drugs also. The drugs help. The drugs help. Joey Chestnuts. You can't tell me that guy has like a normal stomach. He's got to have some sort of genetic thing going on. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's being like. oh NBA players like you guys are all cheating you're all really tall yeah can't do that no but him having like the mutant power of not being able to like taste that's that's kind of awesome yeah it's like that's your calling yeah truly but then there's a sadness also of not being able to experience spice there is a sadness that's true that's sad that's the sacrifice I'm gonna say though like I I wonder if his butt has the same powers because that that does there's a Is he the asshole for succumbing the asshole to it? That was the first time I had to have a habanero pepper here. I was like, oh my God, that was awful. It was like horrendous. And then later when I used the bathroom, I was like, that was worse. That was terrifying. I was scared. Yeah. First time I did habanero on the channel, it was with the warp zone. And one of the warp zone and I went into the bathroom at the same time after the shoot was done. We came out like 45 minutes later at the same time. and we're like, yeah. They had to eat so many peppers back then. So many. So many habanero peppers over the years. Like, easily a dozen. Like, I think it's time to bring it back. We gotta have, like, Angela and Amanda, like, I would actually be down. Yeah. Like, has enough time passed? Like, because we brought back Five Nights at Freddy's, like, last year or something like that. And I'm like, is the time, is it pepper time again? Pepper time! Pepper time! I'm just gonna do it on Smosh Mouth. We're just gonna be talking. I'll just pop up. Smosh Mouth would be funny as fuck. I'm gonna do that, do smelling salts at the same time. Just be fucked up. Have you ever done smelling salts? I haven't done it. Smelling salts is crazy. I did it once. Is it actually? It's crazy. I just always watch Jujimufu have it. I did it once for a TikTok. I was at home by myself and I was like, I've always been curious, so I'm going to do it. And you truly just buy it. It's cheap. What's the experience? It is. It's like getting slapped in the face. You know how horseradish does that to your nose? Imagine that times a million. where like you truly like the bottle was here and I went like, I was like, okay, I'm gonna try this. And I have the TikTok. I could, we could show it a second of it. I see God. I see God. Oh my God. It's crazy. I was genuinely like, I'm gonna try to like not react that much. I'm gonna do my best. And I, it's not like, it's also just like the moment and then it doesn't go away for a while. and I was just like, oh, oh. I'm just crying tears. I mean, it wakes you up. So what did, okay, so people do it before, like, lifting weights and stuff. What did it make you want to do if you, like, like, you just, like, had the superpower? I don't think in that people, like, but it truly is like, oh, my adrenaline, everything. I was like, oh, my, like, but mostly it was here. And it's just, like, it goes through, you feel your entire, like, nasal system. Start drinking olive oil. It's nuts. I'm just chugging that olive oil. It was unbelievable. It's not painful. It's just like, whoa. Are either of y'all in the video where Courtney eats the raw onion? I don't think so. And she's like crying the whole time. No, it's not the raw onion. It was the, or the- There's a raw onion where she takes a bite of a raw onion and like, they're- I've taken bites of raw onions. That's not so bad. Courtney did the, no, Courtney did the chip, the one chip. The one chip challenge. She did that, and truly we almost were like, should we cut? Are you okay? That was back on show with no name. What's that chemical that's on like sour patch candies and stuff? Oh, Garrett's favorite. Oh, malic acid. Yeah. I don't react to that. That's insane. See, I have what this guy has with malic acid. That's a weird superpower. Sour stuff just doesn't, it reaches like a limit, and then it doesn't get more sour. I'm like thinking about the malic acid, and my mouth's already like. I did so much malic acid on Eat or Eat It, and I just was fine. Say that sentence without the Malik. I know. I did so much acid. Comments, congrats. You are the Michael Phelps of chicken wings. If he wasn't cheating by having a genetic advantage when it comes to swimming, you weren't cheating by having a genetic advantage when it comes to spicy food. Someone said, it's like telling a guy who's seven feet tall not to enter basketball dunking competition so guys under six feet can have a fair chance. Someone said, fuck that. You didn't cheat. Your friends are weak-minded individuals. Not the asshole. The lion says. Someone said, your friends are stupid. They should have bet on you winning, not the asshole. Bet on it. Someone said, we need to get you on Hot Ones. Update. Thanks, guys. Update. I'm on Hot Ones. Thanks, guys. Sean Evans here. Thanks, guys. I guess the consensus is that the chicken wings gods blessed me and my friends are just jelly. I now have to embark on the holy pilgrimage to all hot pepper contests in the Fire Nation to conquer them all. Wish me luck. Since many people ask, no, it doesn't hurt throughout the whole body. Go. Nor on the way out. Wow. So he's got the superpower all the way through. That is the true power. That's awesome. Unbreakable. That's really cool. What else do you do other than winning these contests and getting free T-shirts? What do you do with this power? Hey, what else do you need? That's kind of all you need. Just any, almost so many restaurants you could go to and probably get free stuff. Because they all have competition. Just me sitting down at Chili's. Allie, whatever you want, just give me free wings. Like that guy could be on every single wall at so many restaurants. Like, Halal Guys has their, like, wall of fire, whatever, where you have to do their challenge. He just doesn't have to pay for dinner. Just go do that. Anyways, well, that's all our stories today. And they, I cried laughing nonstop. This was amazing. The guy eating, the guy who eats his way. Favorite guy. The man who eats. The man who eats. These stories, hey, they ate. Yep. Mari, thanks for being here. Yeah, thanks for having me. This was great. Yeah, so fun. And Spencer, you're out of your mind. As always. Thank you so much for watching and listening. Before we go, Mari, is there anything you want to shout out? Anything you're working on or anywhere people can find you? You can find me at AtomicMari as usual. And I don't know, I'm just up to a bunch of stuff. Enjoying life. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Sick. Sick. Thank you for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Bye.