Webby-Nominated?! The April Fools Strike Again

I thought this was about the fact that we're up for a webby award on the sit on the podcast. I didn't know. Wait, there's someone who's coming in. I'll talk to you later. Oh, bye. To fill the audience in. It's very flattering. Well, this is big news. Yeah, this is, we're up for best comedy podcast with some other good quality candidates. Conan. Is it Conan? He's in there. I voted for you. If we don't win, I'm going to call voter fraud. John Reeves gets a little aggressive sometimes. Michelle and I talked about it. You got to go get up in his grill and kick his ass. No, but he knows. Yeah, he knows John Wick stuff. We don't give a s***. We're landing on the moon. We're getting moon dust and coming back. Oh, I love it. One of them goes, guys, guess what I packed? They weren't looking. The f*** tune, buggy. My headphones, the metal part of the headphone, it was plugged in, but wasn't all the way in. And that's what she said. That's funny, right? Yeah. That's what she said, baby. Welcome to the show. We were just laughing about some hilarious things. Do your best fake laugh, best actor. Three, two. Oh, wait. Is that what you're doing that in Busboys? No, I go like this. I go, that's funny. That's a good one. Wait, you knew that on everything I say. Oh, I just mean I'm faking it. My acting could be just as good. I'd like to, because I'm in the mood for it. We have a guest on right up front today and he may come back later. Quick guess, okay. This is a guest and his name is Mr. Pierce Morgan and he's here to talk about the movie Busboys. That's a pretty good guess. Hello. David. Okay. Now, I understand you have a movie out called Busboys. That is true in two weeks, yeah. And it's all rated. Pretty much, yeah, I'm pretty sure it will be. Do you think it's appropriate that you should do an all rated movie at this time of your career? You know, that's a good question. I just think sometimes a younger audience likes that and you got to mix it up a little bit. Right. I just don't think you need to sort of have crass humor to try to connect with an audience. Am I wrong? Well, you're not wrong. I mean, it is a bit juvenile and stupid and non-PC, but you know what? That's what you got to pay the price if you want three funny jokes in your movie. But I understand there's a scene where Tim Dylan is talking about your private parts. Is this what you find funny? Is this something funny that you think is actually funny? Well, no, I think we just, we reflect the real world out there and everyone's playing it very real and it's just a movie that I think might change the world. That's all. Well, quite frankly, because I just want to say I find it quite offensive that you would come out with a movie about Busboys. It's all rated at this time with all the trouble in the world. And I really don't know why you're doing that. I know. I think we were, I thought this was about the fact that we're up for a Webby Award on the sit on the podcast. I didn't know. Wait, there's someone who's coming in. I'll talk to you later. Oh, bye. I reckon I didn't know what he was talking about. So I was going to come in and just sort of say hello. I think Busboys is a great idea. I think it's a fun movie. And I've already bought my tickets like Theo Vaughn told me to do. Yeah, Jeff Bridges, you'll like it better because you'll sort of grade it on a curve. You're not that uptight about it. Yeah, the only thing that Pierce Morgan's missing is a sense of humor. So I got my point. That's a good point. All right, thanks. He sounded a little like Sling Blade there, Jeff. Well, it is. I used to do, I used to, Jeff Bridges, he'd be like a surfer dude and then he did True Grit and he'd talking like a cowboy in True Grit and then he did the press tour and he still was in character. You know, I figured that. Yeah, they do that because it's like the guy that played Elvis. Yeah, he did that Austin Butler. We're up for a Webby though. I don't know if you know this. I heard that. I heard that. Yeah, this is to fill the audience in. It's very flattering. This is big news. Yeah, this is, we're up for best comedy podcast with some other good quality candidates. Conan. Is it Conan? He's in there. It's Bo and Yang and La Culturistas and Heather probably knows the rest. But the point is it doesn't matter because we are the one to vote for. So you have to go online. I just try to do it to vote for ourselves embarrassingly, but you have to like log in. So we'll do it. Well, if we win and I don't have to be online or we'll go there, if we win and we go up there to the podium, what do you think you would say? What would you say to the universe about winning the Webby? I don't want any time limits. I want to talk. It will be long enough, our speech, to call it another podcast. It'll be 45. It'll be a podcast. We'll check with the higher-ups. I would just say, I would say, look, I'm so glad to be with all these wonderful podcasts. And any one of you could win. I share this award. I share this award with you. It's... Don't proceed. Don't proceed. The rich don't pay the fresh share. They don't pay for money. They don't take the fresh share. Don't proceed. Don't proceed. I don't know they don't pay their fresh share. I'm the only voter in the academy voting for the Webby. It's just me for comedy podcasts. And I voted for you. If we don't win, I'm going to call voter fraud. Also, okay, you know, there's a voter ID debate going on. I don't really know what the whole thing is. Why would anyone have to show ID to vote? Get out of town. Exactly. There's another story married to that where there's... Listen, I have to show my ID to do almost literally anything in life. Drive a car, go to the airport, do an... You know, you buy beer. So I don't think having an idea is a crazy idea to vote, but there's something in... I just read that this is funny, Connecticut. On such a minor thing. Connecticut. Yeah. They don't want the voter ID, right? So I'll fucking mangle this story. But they're getting with the recycling five cents. They give five cents, but they're upping it to 10 cents for their recycling. They'll pay you. Oh, yeah. You'll get 10 cents instead of 5 cents. Turn in a can or some kind of milk cart. So what they're finding out is people are coming from other states to take it to the end of that. So they say you have to have an ID to do it and you have to be from here. You can't cross the border into our state and do it. I say, and this may be a hot take and I don't want to get people upset. That is terrible. Let's get rid of all IDs. I would be fine with that. No DMV, no ID, get on an airplane, amen, my name's Doug. I'm in seat four, right? Please. So just get rid of the IRS. I don't have an ID, dude. I think it's an over... We're over identified. So if we're going to get for voting, let's do it for everything. Five year olds can buy a pint of whiskey. I'm fine with it because it's less stress on me. I don't want to have to go get a real ID. I don't want to do all this stuff. So please make it easy on me also. I will tell you, I know you're a fan of my mother, my lovely mother, Judy. She's the best. And oh my God, you know what parents do and she the other day, she hit me up and she's first of all, she's so sweet, right? Absolutely. Kind of innocent in a sweet way. Right. Very innocent, Dana. Yeah. I'm just trying to be, you know. She's out at Costco where she spends 90% of her money. Anyone, any senior, you know you're a senior when you live at Costco. My mother-in-law is 94 Irish, wonderful person. Just Costco is her second church. Yeah, it's a great hangout. So great hangout, what did I just say? Hot talk Thursdays. Okay, so she goes to Costco and in the classic, she texts me, this is what I wake up to. There's a little family and she said, I was shopping and there was, the woman was crying, she was standing line, but she kept crying and no one would talk to her. So my mom went over, of course, predictably, and she said, what's wrong? And she said, they have nowhere to live. It's a mother and father and they have four kids and they just came here from some part of Africa. And anyway, she, the dad is like a doctor, but they don't consider that a doctor here. And you know, when we were younger, we had a Vietnamese family live with us and the dad was a doctor. Really? Yeah. I never heard that story. Quy, Shin, Tron, and Lan, Trang, and Lan. We adopted a kid and called him Quing Hoa. Quing Hoa, is that his name? Quing Hoa, yeah. And he love kind of rice products. He's kind of making fun of the story, I think. We'll get to the heavy punchline. It's not. It's that Harper stays in this back room in her house. She invites this woman for just a couple of days to stay in the back room. This is recent? Yeah. And she said she could pay $40 a month and at six months, if it doesn't work out, we will, she'll have to find her own place. And she said, I feel bad, but are you okay with this? And I said, I'm a little nervous about it because of, you know, Nancy. Just anything. People, I said, don't give just random people our address or your address and him come over. I said, maybe you could help out with some cash. Anyway, it's all a fucking April Fool's joke. And I couldn't believe it, Heather. Isn't it great? She got me and I was just going, Mom, I don't know what to say. Isn't it good, Heather? I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you and it's so exactly up Judy's alley to do all these things. And it was just like, I got you. I couldn't let you let you die on the vine any longer. And I was like, oh my God. Then she told Rosie, then she told Rosie, told her parents. Anyway, everyone I know was we were trying to, I should have done it to you, Dana. It would be so great because no one probably got you on April Fool's. And then I realized my brother Andy is in on it too. It's so he was like, I'm going to call Dave and go, did you hear what happened with Mom? What is going on? I don't know what to say. I got to stop this, but they're here. I'm like, they're here. I would have flipped. Well, it's a great, in a way it's a great turn because I was thinking early onset dementia and then it flips to where she's very, very smart and clever. You know, it's just a total switch. I mean, because $40 a month got my attention. Where can you get that? Maybe the Congo or something? Yeah, that's a nice place. That's places of three bedroom, three bath. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, out of the world, no one really carries cash. I know you have a big wad all the time, but I don't always. No, so stuff it down the front though. It's for a different reason. That'll do it. Yeah, I got a big one. Look at this money. So what you do is, it's different if someone says, Hey, could you buy, could you buy me some lunch? You know, rather than giving them cash and they might go get a bottle of whiskey or whatever. So, I say, you know, I say, here's a temporary subscription to Apple TV so you can watch the new movie Outcome with Keanu Reeves because I have a small part in it. Instead of food? Oh, it's just a pleasure. Well, just to give them, you know, something to do. And then I think they appreciate that over food or something. Well, initially it was like a turkey sandwich or hamburger. Now they're in front of orso's. Could I get a sirloin tip and a side of- That's smart because they go, you go, here's $10 for dinner. And they go, I happen to have the orso menu here. And the Craigs menu. And the swordfish is fresh. Yeah. They even charge for bread. So we got to be, by the way, I went to Craigs last night. I saw Lovitz. Hello. No, you didn't go to Craigs. That's where careers go to die. No, it's not. It's where there are a lot of hot stars there. Vincent Price, JaJaGobor, George Burns. It was fun. Lovitz wanted to go. He loves Craig. I love Craig. He said he's coming on soon. We're going to have him on. Well, I invited him on. I said, come on on and goof around a little bit. Yeah, he's a goof. I will. He's a solid goofer. Welcome to Paddy's piece, sirriere. Your blind date is already at the table, and there she is. Cousin Brenda, what are you doing here? You're married anyway. Substitution brought to you by Paddy Power. Cousin Brenda makes way for Beth, the office crush. Oh, get in. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. Tee's and C's and exclusions apply. hittingpluscameralware.org. Okay, well, I have more stories for you. Oh, I have more theater gigs. I have my last theater gigs are coming up, so I have Nashville in two weeks. Where are tickets right now? If I went on a ticketmaster, does it say going fast? Single, single. It says low ticket warning. Low ticket warning. That's it. That's been the name of a special. It's so fucking fun. I know. Because it is, you gotta go, I better get the ticket. I don't even want to see this show. And they even even warned me. Low ticket warning, low ticket. Singles only, single seats only. The Rhyman in Nashville. And in that day, we're going to run around. I keep forgetting to talk about this Keanu Reeves movie. That's the week before on the 10th is outcome that comes out. Cameron Diaz, Matt Boomer, David Spade, Jonah Hill, Drew Barrymore, isn't it? And that comes out. I want to see that. I want to see you in a big budget, big movie star Keanu and you. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. Articulate. I'm gonna have to take a... You know what's nice about Keanu? Most of my day was making... Well, was trying to put out the fires because Keanu made maybe every single person on the crew cry. Because of his sort of benevolent kind of spiritual... Yeah. Screaming. Oh, you're saying he was a... Yeah. Word. Huh. That'd be interesting. I guess that would be April Fool's. No, no, but no one would even believe that. Keanu Reeves. Don't be afraid to kick his ass. Keanu Reeves gets a little aggressive sometimes. Michelle and I talked about it. You gotta go get up in his grill and kick his ass. No, but he knows, yeah, he knows John Wick stuff. No, I know. He's... We've talked about this, but yeah, he's just chill. I did a thing with him once and he was... Tom Manx was there. We're all having lunch at a table and it's Julia Roberts and we look over and he's like 50 feet away at a table by himself and no one else is around. They're like... At the kids' table. Come over here. He's shy, you know. We're at the fucking Oscars? Jesus. You don't need to know. You don't need to know everything. Others can get out in the neighborhood. I signed an NDA. But yeah, he's... That was the flight that he took, little commuter flight. It had emergency lands. Oh, right. Bakersfield and he just bought everyone a hamburger or something. No, I went on the bus with him and made sure they were all dropped off before him. So anytime someone with power in life because that's what you have if you're a celebrity at that level, puts other people first without any publicist around, I kind of tend to respect that person. He was sort of as advertised and loose and just very unassuming that he was even on a movie set and just... I play his neighbor in Malibu and I'm kind of a douchebag. Wait a minute. How are you going to get into character? You're such a nice, sweet person. So why are you going to play a douchebag? What kind of method fucking cool like LA guys when they talk to you and they brag about stuff and start dropping names and shit. So it's pretty... Sounds fun. It's a fun part. Yeah. And he was cool. So I go to New York for that premiere, which will be tonight. Tonight you're flying to New York? Well, no, tonight when this airs Monday, I will be there. Oh, yeah. I understand. And anyway, so I tell him doing the Ryman in Nashville on the 17th, then Pittsburgh, and then Charlotte, back to Charlotte. That's last one. And Charlotte's a big one, big place. So we got to try to fill it up. I love it. Yeah. Is it an arena or anything like that? It's a big theater. It's big. It's 2800. What? I got to fill it up. That's the hard part, dude. Low ticket warning. Low ticket warning. Sort of low ticket warning. I just had some thoughts about... Yeah, give me some thoughts. Just kind of interesting after all this time that this, the Strait of Hormuz... I didn't really get the memo that the Strait of Hormuz, because I think when I look at Carg Island Strait of Hormuz, I think of a Kirk Douglas movie in 1965, we've got to open the Strait of Hormuz. And it's like, feels so medieval and yet the world economy revolves around it. 100 trillion this 26th. So it's kind of like, I guess we ought to have an alternative plan in case that Strait of Hormuz is ever closed again. We really, we're really relying on this Strait of Hormuz. I call it the S of H. I can't say it enough. I know. And I did notice Trump in the last couple of weeks has said make a deal more than even he does. I think they're going to make a deal. I think they want to make a deal. They're looking into a deal. We're going to offer them a deal. They may take a deal. Else we're going to bomb them into the Stone Age. It's like, take a deal or Barney Rubble. It's the Flintstone. You're going to be like the Flintstowns. I don't know. People that live there that want, that don't, it's just such a, it's always the same thing. You're fighting with the higher ups. People live there like probably nice people. No, it's just probably, you never know. Suburbs and, you know, Iran is as big as Texas or twice the big, it was just gigantic. I don't know. I have no solutions. Peace and love. I have no opinions. Ring goes on the other podcast, Fly the Wall. And that was a great time. We won't overdo it, but what a great time. He wanted to come on this one. He said, no, no, you got your own. Yeah, we don't want, we can't, we have to talk too much on this one. I know. Oh, I got another thing. Well, it said might be in one of the stories. There was a big moon launch. So people are to moon launch. Is that what happened? Well, they're not going to land. Artemis. Yeah. Artemis Gordon from Wild Wild West. Yeah. Yeah. The Artemis. It's a pretty big rocket. It's NASA. It's nasty NASA. It's not Star Link or, you know, base rose. It's an old school NASA. Yeah. And that's, um, Cape Canaveral. Yeah, there it is. It took a lap around the earth. It's already done. Well, it took off yesterday. I think it lapped around the earth and then there's slingshotting. It'll be to the moon like on in three days or it's at the moon right now or whatever. It takes a while to get out there and it's going to go further away from the moon, further in outer space than any, any humans have ever been. You know what? The guy stepped in shit because of course people love this quote. One of the dudes talking goes, you know, it's great because this is the first time we've been to the moon and blah, blah, blah. And then he said, I think he was saying in conjunction with also doing this, but once he said it's the first time we've been to the moon, I went, I told you. Well, here's the weird part. Go ahead. In 1969, early 1969, in July, we put men on the moon. We had a mission to do exactly this. Just prove that we can go get around the moon. So the astronauts on that thing, the rest of their life, cocktail party, the astronauts on that. Did you land on the moon? You can't be a bigger star. You could, there's no way you could be a bigger star than one of the guys on the moon. Walked on the moon, but you're like, go to a non-star. I got really close. Got a good look at it. There's a turn away at the cocktail party. You might as well be an extra. Yeah. You're either the movie star, you're the moon v star, or you're the extra. So here's my question. Do they have the equipment available to call an audible? These astronauts, they're really close. They go, fuck it, Houston. Oh my God. Because I think they're testing a module. We're going down. We don't give a shit. We're landing on the moon. We're getting moon dust and coming back. Oh, I love it. One of them goes, guys, guess what I packed. They weren't looking the fucking dune buggy. Yeah. And the weird part, they have one extra astronaut and I was surprised who it was. It shocked me, but he wanted to go. Oh, Kimmel? Oh, my Nami. Oh, God. Hey, everything's good. Go ahead. He's very jovial, my Nami. What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. Even the moon? Yeah. My dummy's up there. This is not my fake laugh, but an actual half cough, half laugh. Yeah. You know what's funny? Dana's never really sick. Pretty healthy dude. I don't believe in it. Good job. No, guess what? I'm going on the road a little bit too and when you start getting in airports and up and down for everybody, it's a recipe for a little bit of viral activity. I'm going to ask you a question and you give me your professional opinion. We're going to let the audience in on the inside base. Yeah, okay. This is, I was anticipating this. Go ahead. Corporate gig coming up. I was just telling Heather this yesterday. Yeah. And it's out the side of Nashville, which I love Nashville, and it's a cool place. Cool. But they have various duties you do. So the money's fine. I say great. It's more like how much do you do when you're there? Most corporate gigs, you go, you might meet the CEO backstage. That's all part of it. They have to take a picture with their kids, say hi for a few minutes, go out, you do 45 minutes, and maybe take a few pictures after whatever. But they like it. Boom, boom, boom. They have the shit to do. They have something. Yeah, yeah. You're not, there's usually a, you're kind of the entertainment and there's awards for the company and all that is a day and there's a year and it's their people for the yearly thing. So they said VIP photos for 15 minutes with the heads, fine. Sit with them at dinner for the dinner. I could do that if that came to that. That's not a big deal. I still haven't done my 45 yet, which takes some energy. Then this is where they get you our 15 meet and greet with photos. And I said, how many people about? And they said around 300, 350. I'm like, I don't think I can stand for an hour 15. I mean, I can't and the flashes, people don't know, I don't like too much light. Blashes for an hour 15 and then to get in the bright lights on stage because I'm a colossal pussy, maybe America's most. That's pretty stout. I, you know, I've had, I've never heard of that much. I did a college once in the 90s and I think I did close to a thousand because all the whole student body. But that was just like early days. A thousand. It just went on for a long time. But, but that was rare. That was an anomaly. Usually you don't meet and greet longer than your performance. So you kind of think. Never. It's usually, it's usually the top employees and they go, we have 30 people. Is that possible? They have a step and repeat. You have a backdrop of their company, photographer, they organize them. Everyone's pretty, you know, some people a little juiced, that's fine. They walk in, say, hi, okay, what's your best side? I put them where they want. Picture, picture. They move on. Thanks for coming to the show. And then they move, you know, it's an orderly fashion and it's fun. Yeah. It's fun. And I said, I can't do it. Well, and they were like, they're not bending at all. I go, can I do 30 minutes? They're not bending. I'm like, why wouldn't they bend? I don't know why. So anyway, these are big problems. But I just thought, I'm going to do it. That's the problem. I want to do it. I would just say this and I understand that it would sound like not, not work, but it's small talk and you want to make a moment with each couple people coming through and sometimes another one, it's okay. And they're always a really big meaty guy who maybe thinks it's funny to shake my hands. And I literally, after a while, I mean, I've been crushed so many times, I can start doing this. Crush it. It's just giant. Hey, come here, little buddy. So I get thrown around, they put me in their shoulders. But it's not really, I don't want to meet people. If you didn't say anything and I was in a room and people were milling around and I started bullshitting, I could be there for an hour. But the fact that you have to be, and honestly, because my neck trouble, I'm like to stand for an hour, 15 and entertain and be like all the energy of that, which it sounds like nothing to anyone, I'm telling you. And I may be being crazy and I'll probably do it, watch. But the show is also kind of, it's not super hard. It's just that takes a lot of thinking and try to make sure I bomb. Well, because it's a tough audience. Yeah. You never bomb. I would say, could I do 150 before and 150 after I'm trying to think of... Oh, people to break it up. Or could you send me stuff ahead of time to sign? Like Joe Derpink. Gotta wake up the next morning and come in and do the other 3,000 people. By the way, who are they turning away? I mean, it's so it's really the almost the whole audience, I guess. I know. I guess it's one of those things that I do. The only side note I would say, if they can get, because sometimes you go to a place to go, there's no mean grief that kind of cancel it. But the fact that those people really, that's a lot of people. It's like Christ sinks. What are you, Taylor Swift here? Everybody gets a bus boys spade popcorn bucket with my face on it, which they are making, unfortunately. Okay, another thing quickly. That was a great story, though. I loved it. It's kind of inside, but it makes me look like such an asshole. No, we understand that. We take that every second. We're just saying, these are just things that happen to us. It's just odd, because no one knows what the money is. If it's $50, would I do it for $50? Well, what people say to me constantly, when I'm doing those kinds of situations, they go, you must hate this. Oh, they always say that. And I donate. When I'm doing it, I donate it. Now, anyway, I have one more story. Well, Lyme disease is taking over the country, but that, we'll talk about that next week. Paul McColthney has been banned on Reddit after posting photos, videos from his show at Fonda Theater to his subreddit. Yeah, I don't even know what this means. I don't even know what it means, because foreign language. Yeah, I have no idea what it means. But subreddit is a place, I don't know. Reddit is just a place where people go to talk about a lot of things. But I think he posted something he's just not allowed to. And it's just funny that Paul McColthney gets kicked off. Well, and the assistants have to come up and go, Paul, Paul, Mr. McColthney, I'm sorry, but you've just been banned on Reddit. Imagine him, the world's the most famous man. Well, you know, I think it's okay. You know, I mean, they're shitting on me. You know, I'm playing, you know, I'm playing a straight-o homoose to try to get a peace movement. I'll be on one of the islands. I'm going to try to get everyone together. So I don't know if me be on Reddit, but I have to ask you a question. What's Reddit? Yeah. Well, he posted photos. I'm sure he's got someone to, oh, hang on, Heather. Heather, I'm going to send this to you. We have audio. So you can get to Phil. I don't know. It's so unimportant, but the Reddit was more exciting because Paul's got some intern or somebody going, I've got Yan, Tooby, Reddit, Squeebsquab, all the big ones. And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And then the guy breaks the rules and Paul's going to jail now. Just after being jailed in Japan for having cannabis on him. That was the last time he was jailed. You should have gone to that show. Paul in LA at the Henry Fonda Theater. Well, what I did was I tried to get tickets and I, it's, I shouldn't have done it, but I, I called up the theater to get tickets and I just, I just made myself sound like Henry Fonda the whole time. They didn't take me serious. Yeah. I'd like to score a couple of tickets. I know the Henry Fonda Theater is hard to get tickets to. I reckon I get a contract. You were handed Henry Fonda? Yeah, or just, I just sounded like Henry Fonda. Yeah, that's a good idea. I know the guy said, oh really? Who'd you have on the podcast this week, Paul? And you go, no ringer. Oh, no, these little, I forgot my toys today. Oh, that was my phone. I turned it off. Oh, thanks. No, they go, you like Ringo better. Ringo, Dingo, Dingo. I like them all. I know. We like them all. Ringo was fun to have on. We had Ringo and Paul. We just need the other two. Okay, next story. Okay. This is, okay, stop. This is Abby Hornetschak. Hornetschak. She, I think is the daughter of a famous basketball player, but she's also a sports reporter. So she does one of these things where they go in and wrestle or assume a wrestling or a jujitsu. Yeah, watch her try to wrestle. Okay. Oh, hey. Oh, well, there you go. Oh my God. Wow. I mean, with sound, it's like, Well, the only question I get right up. Well, can you break someone's neck that way? Or is it? Yes. But I saw a follow up with this. The person that threw her said, well, I knew at the end, you turn a little bit and it doesn't snap their neck. I'm like, it's a little itchy and not scientific. Yeah. Uh-oh. Is this the noise? Whoa. Okay, we go. Oh, I mean, that's a slam. I wouldn't for a million dollars let them do that to me. Okay, that's no, I mean, the time that I did it for you, it was just, it was just fun. The grass was pretty soft, you know, when I threw you three around. But you just hugged me and then we rolled on the floor and I go, I don't know what, what are we doing? You guys didn't want to hurt your neck. Why would you guys roll around on the neck? Is that what you, you know, idea of fun? Is that your idea of fun, David Spade? I actually like Piers Morgan. I do too. I think he's interesting. I was watching. It's pretty funny. I like you're doing it. I like you doing it. I'm coming on to it. I was watching him and Tucker Carlson. They do a lot of, you know, fricking frack together. They do a lot of that. And I'm getting another guy in there and the guy was giving him so much shit. Did you see that was a rapper or something? I don't know who it was, but they were like, Oh no. Yeah. He gets people crazy. Adam. Oh, people are getting fucking, Piers Morgan. Piers is getting pissed. If you want to save a few quid British gas have a way you get half price lecky and it's called peak save on every Sunday. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. It's called peak save. 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We're killing it Dana. I can't believe it. What's this? Oh I like when you hear like ancient ruins and then they're like oh they were actually set up for Wi-Fi. You're like win 50 million years ago. What really? Okay what's this? This isn't that but what is this? Yeah video from India has gone viral on the internet where people charge any device from a stone and the most interesting thing is this is more interesting. From the mysterious Kailasa temple. They always find these places. Yeah. This temple is known for its ancient mechanisms with perfectly crafted small detail. Okay when they build these things you go who really built this with rocks? I know they sat in the mud and had thatched huts and yet they could build like a shopping mall with rocks. This is from a single rock that whole thing. Something's going on. It was built. It would take about nine such tunneling machines and more than 60 days just to process the stone but the most interesting thing is that recently a video appeared on the internet in which the author claimed that this technology was passed down to him from his ancestors and in ancient times people used laser technology to process such structures. All too much to process. I can't process this video. When they show like Machu Picchu wherever they did emperors and groove and all these places yeah there's just so many places in different countries that are so well built and so 45 degree angles stones that are so heavy. Yeah. Yeah they had a donkey and they had a guy. I'm like they're like we couldn't do this this good today with all our stuff so something is going on. They had a million guys just with ropes pulling a stone in the pyramids and then another million lift them up. Yeah we working for a million days. Yeah all they have was like a stick and they didn't even have rope and they built the pyramids so I don't know. I want it to be alien intervention to be honest. I think that's kind of cool that aliens came down and did a little assist and maybe they'll do it with us and solve the straight up harm moves. Yeah the straight up harm moves that's where that's getting a lot of press these days. If it ends the world the aliens will come down and go what do you think good good straight up harm moves. They should go widen it a little bit and help us out a little bit. Well we should like never the whole world should get together and go how can we get fertilizer and helium and oil all around the world without the straighter news. Can we do it with some kind of. We're relying on too many yeah things like that it's too much it's too hard. Yeah all right next one. New York bill to cut off outdoor lights by 11 p.m. advances passes committee 20 heads to full vote. So is this good or bad I don't know. Oh it's great if you're a criminal it's fantastic. I mean they've done they've done movies about this. That's the greatest way to increase crime is to go a full blackout with any kind of street any kind of light. Yeah but it says a proposed law dark skies protection I was telling Heather this they always name it something that sounds great. Dark skies protection act. Why did the dark sky what is that what are they talking about light pollution reduces light pollution that's physical light in your eyes. Oh it protects wildlife. Okay how how. Well you know I've never been a squirrel in Central Park so I'm not going to judge or put words in his squirrel mouth. And I talked to an owl and owl said oh how. Oh man we have owls up here at the farm I love it. What. Let's ask Sarah Sherman. Oh Sarah Sherman. I'm sorry I fucked up. Oh yeah I heard a little squirrel thing on update. Oh yeah when Sarah Sherman was a little squirrel. Well well we had she can do an update this week and talk about that. I can't wait till it's dark at night. Half of it is that it is really funny and that Sarah is enjoying the costume so much. She's having so much fun that it's very infectious. It's the silliest thing. The best thing you can do is can you play a girl that is like just a pustule zit. She's like oh my god yes please. Of course. You have an arm growing under your face. Could someone be pooing it out. All right. I will do one more then I'll tell you the one we didn't do that I thought. Okay but we do have the alien video. Oh this is it. Let's see it. Yeah okay alien video here we go. What we'll do about 30 seconds. Okay. Claims military breeding aliens and humans. Oh there's no sound but I'll tell you what the guys. Oh we don't need sound. So the guy is in Congress and he says what would you what do you think is going on. He goes well I was briefed last week and again he says it would just scare people too much and he goes how because someone else came out this week and said there are hybrid humans. Someone else was sort of well known and we're like oh that scared me and he goes I see why they don't tell people but they should but everyone would flip their fucking lid it's too much. Oh I know the truth so I can't tell you. But he said it was so when he was talking I was like I don't like this because he's like an old dude he's like listen man. Well what don't you like about it you think it's true. He said you won't sleep at night yeah he said it's just the shit they have on and you go even hybrid people I would be. I don't like it. So you won't offer proof of the hybrid humans and yet you want us to believe you without any anything that we could actually look at or see. Yeah ideally just believe me and there's no proof at all. Well he's trending he has married women wanting to marry him he's like got a deal with Exxon. Look look look here's your wrong Dana what are you gonna do are you gonna be scared or not. I'm just go back to science fiction I mean look AI was already done in 2001 how one you know cannot yeah the day the earth stood still 1959 spacecraft lands in the White House lawn this giant silver robot comes out has it just ends there right. Yeah so that's what we need we can't get mysterious it's buried we don't know we need a fucking alien robot 50 feet tall coming in a spaceship and no one's interested even in pictures of aliens anymore or UFOs because it's all AI is the first comment AI so we are kind of possibly could be hoodwink unless you see it physically which is going to be the future in the future if you say someone says we have video of you robbing a car and stealing it you go AI and there's going to be a shadow of doubt. Absolutely you really literally can't believe it I do find myself saying that a lot now to myself AI yeah AI that's an AI and so I would love for aliens to come down I think of it if you took you know the Taliban or whatever the Chinese people Trump and throw in anyone you want Hitler throw in anybody get them in a spaceship put them out toward Pluto and they got a big viewing thing they can see the sun in the earth they start crying and hug each other. I can't believe it. When you get down to what really matters and how scared it will be. Once we are so alone I love the world. We are so alone in the universe. Everyone would be hugging each other? Yeah I think so all the everything would fade away that or if well yeah stupid problems yeah if Jesus came back today. I get it by the way okay that's it that's enough to talk about I think you did a really good job today Danny. I was kind of puppet heavy today. You weren't that puppet heavy I like peers. Well listen you did another podcast that was slow at times humorous and others well I hope you'll try to do better next week Spade. Yeah we will. Good luck with bus boys I saw the trailer looks pretty good and also what's the name of the one with Keanu Reeves? Outcome. Well Outcomes not a very good title you don't want to you don't want to give the outcome to something before you see it I don't even know if I need a ticket Spade. Spade you know Outcome John is about Keanu is a huge star like Robert Downey he sort of collapses because he goes into drug addiction and disappears alcohol and he's making a huge comeback and he's got his best friends with him not me Cameron and Matt Bomer well yeah well no John hang on and then he says and then a week before his big movie come back and he's been 90 days sober he gets a call his lawyer gets a call we have a tape on him and it's going to ruin his life and it's going to come out right before the movie give us 10 million dollars so he's got to figure out what's on the tape who's got the tape and do I pay the tape and he has to go re re look at all his relationships it says who actually doesn't like me out there and he finds out a lot of people don't well that's a great story David Spade but now I don't have to see the movie because you told me the whole story you can't give it all away but it was a great movie while you had it yeah it's it's not the Cowboys which was a great movie I saw to drive in never give away the whole plot of the movie you gave away the whole plot before you see the movie really know he's he's being um what's it called when they loves to dance oh boy they're dancing is this the new Brock back mountain remake ah I do uh anyway no that that um take away what's it called howdy duty what's the come all right I'm sorry outcome I'm going to see that movie in the theater and then I'm going to see bus boys uh week later two weeks now you're gonna see outcome on apple tv and the fuck I'm in your own mansion and then you can go out and see bus boys I didn't know it was a live streamer yeah but they make great movies okay I'm gonna put it on I'm gonna yeah I've got apple tv he almost being blackmailed that was the word I couldn't okay okay we got it all right thanks everybody and we'll see you next time hey guys if you're loving this podcast which you are be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app give us review five star rating maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend if you're watching this episode on youtube please subscribe we're on video now fly on the walls presented by autosie and executive produced by danie carvey and david spade heather santoor and greg holtzman matty sprung kaiser and lea rice denis of autosie our senior producer is greg holtzman and the show is produced and edited by phil sweet tech booking by cultivated special thanks to patrick fogarty ebb and cox mora curran melissa wester hillary shuff eric donnelly collin gainer shawn cherry kirk courtney and lauren viera reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show you can email us at fly on the wall at autosie.com that's a u d ac y dot com