This episode is brought to you by Ninja Lux Cafe, the three-in-one machine that makes a espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew. No worries to skills required. You're listening to Comedy Central! From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, in America's only source for new. This is the Daily Show with your host, Michael Costa! Yeah! We got a good one tonight, boy! Welcome to the Daily Show! I'm Michael Costa. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Gavin Newsom is ready for his close-up. The Kennedy Center about to get that BBL, and you won't believe this Trump-acted like a dick. So, let's get into the headlines. It's no secret that things have not been great in the old US-A lately. Government shock troops are rampaging through the streets. Billionaires are stripping our last remaining news outlets for parts, and I just bought a pint of raspberries that cost $43. But, don't worry. President Trump has an announcement that's going to turn everything around. America is back. There's a new hat we just came up. America is back. America is back. Thanks for that inspiring halftime speech coach. Team, I know we're down 55 to zero, but on the other hand, I made a hat. Hope that helps. Good luck in the second half. It's bad enough that he release hats as often as iPhone updates, but it doesn't even look like Trump's heart is in this one. Can someone ask him a fun question to cheer him up a bit? And please, make sure it's not about a subject that he's desperately trying to avoid. A lot of women who are survivors of upstains are unhappy with those redactions that came out. Some of them entire witness interviews are totally blocked out. Caitlin Collins, an X-Nay on the dead Edo file pay. This is supposed to be a fun merch drop. Trying to hold the president to account is really killing the vibe here. Mr. President, why don't you answer the question in the dignified and respectable manner that we've come to expect? You know, she's a young woman. I don't think I've ever seen you smile. I've known you for ten years. I don't think I've ever seen a smile in a face. I'm asking you about surviving. You know why you're not smiling? Because you know you're not telling the truth. Damn. That is messed up. Can I talk to the president alone for just a second? Hey, DJ, few thoughts. All right. I don't know if there's ever a time to tell a reporter to smile, but I'm almost positive. It's not when she's asking you about sex trafficking victims. I mean, even... Cheers! Even if she did smile, would that make it better? Hey, I'd like to ask you about that pedophile ring. But to be fair to the president, he's really tired of being asked all these questions that he refuses to answer. I think it's really time for the country to get onto something else. Yeah. Yeah, of course you want to move on to something else. I would too if I was in the Epstein files thousands of times. I feel the same way when the IRS tries to audit me. Hey, guys, I appreciate your interest, but me and my business, Jacuzzi, are ready to move on. But you know what? Donald Trump is right about one thing. There are a lot of other important issues to focus on, like what exactly? The president has announced his intention to build a giant arch across from the Lincoln Memorial. Weeeeee! I'm the president. My arch is gonna fly. And now it's fighting Godzilla. And now it's telling Barbie to smile. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. And now it's marrying the Washington Monument off. Oh, yeah. Is that what you guys laugh at? Stuff like that. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so the president has decided to spend his time building a giant arch. How giant are we talking? The Washington Post reports it could stand as high as 250 feet, just 40 feet shorter than the US Capitol. Two people say he's going to touch to the idea despite some architectural experts being alarmed by the scale. I'd like it to be the biggest one of them. Wow, get excited. The other side of people, Trump is building Washington DC's hottest suicide destination. First off, it's never good when the architectural experts use the word alarmed. And secondly, do we need the world's biggest arch? This is how you can tell Trump doesn't live with Mulania full-time because this is one of those ideas men have when they're home alone for too long. Whenever my wife goes away two days into her trip, I'm like, really, you know, we do need a skate park in this living room. I don't... And as for the arch design, it's basically just copying the Arctic triumphant. And honestly, if we're going to be derivative of France, let's not just settle for their arches, how about socialize health care? Or even better, the right to... Yeah. They're even better, the right to start a riot when your boss emails you after 5 p.m. But 5... But 5... But 5, I guess, go build your arch. Then we can get back to those important issues that you are so eager for America to return to, so what do you got? President Trump announced that he will shut down the Kennedy Center for two years for a top-to-bottom renovation. Oh, no, Trump is shutting down the Kennedy Center for two years. But I promised my wife we'd go see the Bulgarian national modern jazz dance company damn you Trump. Strange he's doing this now. Since they already renovated the Kennedy Center the last time he was president. There can't be another reason he wants to shut it down for two years, right? Right? Right? That planned closures coming after a slew of artists, cancelled performances once the president purged the Kennedy Center's board, naming himself Chairman and putting his own name on the building. Ah, yeah. He decided to close the Kennedy Center, the same way your friend who collects dolls decided to become celibate. Come on, Trump, you can replace those performers. There's plenty of great conservative artists like Nicki Minaj and Kanye West, and I'm sure someone else will also have a mental breakdown soon. Also, hasn't the Kennedy family been through enough? The assassinations, the scandals? Spending Thanksgiving with RFK Jr. instead of Turkey, I spatched Cock to Raccoon. But five, I'll give you the arch, and I'll give you the Kennedy Center. Just please, for the love of God, stop building stuff and focus on your actual job. The president has shared what he calls the first public rendering of the future White House ballroom. The estimated cost of the project to skyrocket from 200 million to now 400 million. Oh, that's right, the ballroom. I mean, I guess it doesn't suck. But for 400 million dollars, it's definitely not blowing me away. I mean, who designed this thing? Frank Lloyd, just alright? Architecture slam! Let's sum up how we got here. The president of the United States is in the Oval Office, insulting professional reporters for asking about his administrations, mishandling of the highest profile sex trafficking case in American history. And instead of answering these questions, he'd rather spend his time on his construction fetish of building his arch, a new Kennedy Center, in a giant ballroom he and his friends can dance in while the rest of the country collapses around them. Or, in other words, America is back. God. That enthusiasm is infectious. For more on the president's makeover of Washington, we go to Grace Coolinschmit in the nation's capital. Grace, please tell me they are going to be done with all this soon. Absolutely, Michael. After that arch and the Kennedy Center, they're going to be all done. Great. Few. Awesome. Nice. Oh my god! This is just the beginning, honey. Just you wait till they see what they got planned. They are going to build a small statue of Trump to sit on the lap of the Lincoln Memorial. Then Trump is going to add a second dome on the Capitol because you know, boobies, and every name on the Vietnam Memorial Wall is getting Trump added to it. Wait, what? That seems really disrespectful. Oh, how dare you say that about the thousands of Trumps who have died for this country. Grace, what is the point of all this? Why does he keep building stuff all over DC? Well, Trump is very invested in his legacy. He wants to make his mark on the city's territory so people will always remember that he was there. Mark is territory? You're making him sound like a dog? Yes, exactly. Donald Trump is just like a dog. Specifically, one of those dogs that got too in bread and now has all these weird health problems. I didn't even know a dog could get cancels. So, who's going to spend his entire term putting up buildings around DC like a dog who pisses all over the neighborhood? No, eventually he will run out of ideas for buildings. Okay, thank you. And then he will actually start pissing all over DC. Why would he do that? Because he has a good boy. He has president good boy and that's his spot and that's his spot and that's his spot. Grace, you can't just pee on everything in DC. He'll run out of pee. No, no. He's 80 years old. It's like a water bottle and hamsters cage down there. There's always a little bee dripping off the tip. Oh my god. Grace, that's... Grace, that's really upsetting. The country's falling apart and the president is spending his time lifting his hind leg and spraying a fine mist of pee all over our beloved capital. Gotta tell you this is making me depressed. Well, you've been depressed. Is making the rest of us depressed. Could you try smiling a bit more? Fair. Hey, Grace Coolens, man, everyone. When we come back, we find out more than we wanted about Gavin Newsom. Don't go alone. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Welcome back to The Alien Show. Gavin Newsom is a constant presence in the news these days, whether he's gearing up for a presidential run, beefing with President Trump, or more recently, beefing with Halle Berry. I mean, I'm not usually one to pick sides, but I gotta go with my celebrity hall pass on this one. So... Sorry, Halle Berry. LAUGHTER But how did Gavin Newsom become the towering political figure he is today? We're about to find out in a brand new daily showography. From the state that brought you President Ronald Reagan and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger comes an exciting new politician ready for his close-up. Audiences and critics agree Gavin Newsom is inspiring, savvy and charismatic and has awesome tweets. He's now playing in select venues but is preparing to be released nationwide. This is the daily showography of Gavin Newsom leading man, for your consideration. Gavin Christopher Newsom was born in 1967 to a family that was as San Francisco as stepping on a syringe in the tenderloin. San Francisco generation. And thus began Newsom's classic rags to riches story. My father is closest friends in the world through some of the richest families in the world. Fine, he's a nipple baby but so is Dakota Johnson and we love her. Plus, Newsom can also do the humble beginnings thing. I grew up with a single mom and she came from nothing, she struggled all her life. You see that? You can play rich and poor. That's what I call range. Chris and Bale has nothing on this guy. After going to college on a baseball scholarship, Gavin followed in the footsteps of so many young graduates by opening a winery. With nothing but his grit, his refined palate and the financial backing of an oil tycoon. Yes, things were finally starting to work out for this tall handsome and athletic, well-connected young man. Owning this small business gave Newsom his first taste of the issues affecting real Americans. Not so now for a second tired of quirky wines, wines that are painted, wines that are sent back in restaurants. Move over, Bernie. There's a new man of the people in town. Newsom's wine company was a hit. He had the smell of success with some oaky notes and I want to say, Jerry. But soon a health code clash with City Hall led to sour grapes. So Newsom took his complaint straight to the mayor who had a strange counteroffer. Willie Brown, the mayor said, I'm going to point you to the parking traffic commission because I was bitching about doing business in San Francisco. Getting appointed to a position he knew nothing about, soon gave Gavin the confidence to aim even higher. Willie Brown was termed out as mayor and there was an open seat. I think at 33 I announced why the hell not. And with that stirring message as his clarion call, Newsom landed his biggest role to date. Mayor, he quickly made his mark, digging the lead on gay marriage. Separate is not equal. Because he wanted everyone to experience the joy that he felt with his wife, Kimberly Gilfoil, a California district attorney who definitely has a type. If Gavin and Kimberly were practically San Francisco royalty, even if they didn't quite know how to use chairs, but like so many celebrity marriages, it ended into force. Sending Gavin into his bad boy era, he lashed out at the press. That was a great shootout. You can't help yourself. He reached for the bottle. Rumors of possible alcohol abuse have dawned the mayor. There were even rumors of an affair with a staffer's wife. But of course, you can't believe everything you hear and read. You want to make it clear that everything you've heard and read is true. Oh wow, okay. To get back on his feet, Gavin threw himself into his role as mayor, tackling homelessness. We better solve the housing problem. And high speed rail. We'll be back in 2017, celebrating this completion. Always yearning for a larger part. Newsom soon landed the role of California's official understudy, new tenant governor. Now he could focus on exciting new projects like ending homelessness and building high speed rail. This is the biggest infrastructure project in California's history. But as a versatile talent, Newsom was able to tackle these tough issues while also starting a talk show. Hello and welcome to the program. A platform he used to ask the hard-hitting questions important to the people of his state. You're not one of those method actors that becomes that character off screen or you are. But this rising star couldn't be held down. And soon enough, Gavin ascended to governor, a role that would finally allow him to tackle important issues like homelessness and high speed rail. You can see the progress we've actually made. They're laying tracks to get to where they start to lay the tracks. Soon, this futuristic bullet train will take people from the thriving hub of Merced all the way to the shining metropolis of Baker's Veal. But Governor Newsom has also faced setbacks like having to hide half of his money maker during the pandemic and making some hard choices like limiting public gatherings. Well, most public gatherings. Newsom broke his own rules by attending a lavish birthday party at the famed French laundry restaurant. Like chef Keller's short rib sous vide, Gavin found himself in hot water. I made a bad mistake, so I want to apologize to you. Such emotion, such pay those, such humility. He can do it all. It was a dark time for Gavin. He even based a statewide recall election. Luckily, the COVID vaccine meant he could show his whole face again. So he won easily. Now pass the pandemic and the recall. No obstacle or small child could stand in his way. He was now totally free to work on his priorities like high speed rail and homelessness. And this time, he actually made progress because company was coming over. Folks say, oh, they're just cleaning up this place because all those fancy leaders are coming in a town. That's true. Take no Hollywood. That's how you appeal to the Chinese market. Soon, Gavin was preparing for the role of a lifetime, president. Gavin Newsom, potential contender to replace the president as a democratic nominee. But sadly, that year there were two even more charismatic stars ready to shine. Then somehow Donald Trump swept back into the White House and Gavin knew exactly what to do. We need to change the conversation. And that's why I'm launching a new podcast. And while Trump was sending his soldiers into the streets, Gavin was ready to fight back in the tweets. California Governor Gavin Newsom has been mocking President Trump with all caps, social media posts. It turns out Trump was the co-star that Gavin had been waiting for his whole career. A political star perhaps has been born. And so we ask that you consider Gavin Newsom a screen-ready Christian-Bale-type, ready to tackle chronic problems like homelessness and high-speed rail. Plus, he dances while he talks for some reason. He's a governor with a future as bright as his smile and as his former comment mate likes to scream. The best is yet to come! Gavin Newsom, he's more than a politician. He's a leading man. When we come back Miss Patton, we're going to the end of the show. Don't go away. Cafe Quality Brews without a barista. That's the Ninja Lux Cafe. Yep, no skills needed. Richespresso, balanced drip coffee, rapid cold brew. All made by you because barista assist technology handles the details. Grinding, weighing, brewing, so you don't have to. Finished with silky microphone, made with dairy or plant-based milk. Hot or cold, hands-free, still no skills needed. From first timer to full-blown coffee fan, you can brew it all. Brew it all with the Ninja Lux Cafe. No skills needed. Cafe Quality Coffee without the guesswork. Make espresso, drip coffee, cold brew, and more with the Ninja Lux Cafe. Listeners of this show get $60 off the Ninja Lux Cafe Premier Series with the Code Steward, exclusive on SharkNinja.com, while supplies last. That's $60 off the Ninja Lux Cafe Premier Series with Code Steward, exclusively on SharkNinja.com, while supplies last. A well-built wardrobe is defined by pieces that work together and hold up over time. That is the core of the Quinn's philosophy. Premium materials, thoughtful design, and everyday staples that are easy to wear and easy to rely on, especially as seasons begin to shift. Quinn's offers a wide range of essentials crafted with quality that lasts, including organic cotton sweaters, versatile polos for every occasion, and lighter jackets perfect for the changing weather. Each piece is engineered to hold up daily wear while maintaining a sharp look season after season. Working directly with top factories and cutting out the middlemen, Quinn's eliminates the traditional brand markup, providing high end clothing without the luxury price tag. Furthermore, Quinn's is committed to ethical production, partnering exclusively with factories that meet rigorous standards for both craftsmanship and social responsibility. Refresh your wardrobe with Quinn's. Go to Quinn's.com slash Daily Show for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's qiuinc.com slash Daily Show, free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinn's.com slash Daily Show Welcome back to Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, actor, and co-creator of the hit BET Plus series. Now in its fifth season, the Miss Pat Show. Please welcome Miss Pat. Come on! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! We made it. You made it. Oh, we made it. You made it. I remember 12 years ago I was performing in Indianapolis. You read the club. You say, can I do a quick little guest spot? I said yes and I learned right away. Don't ever give Miss Pat the mic. You are so funny. You've been so funny. This show is great. Thank you. How are you feeling about it all? I never thought it would last five seasons. Every time they keep renewing it, it's the people. We've been nominated for three Emmy nominations, first time for B.T. Plus. Yes, yes. So, if it ends tomorrow, I did what I came to do. I mean, it looks like this traditional sitcom. And except, and everybody loves Raymond, his brother's car won't start. And family ties, there's a problem at the high school prom. The Miss Pat Show, you're harboring an immigrant from ICE. Yes. I mean, it's real shit you cover. It is because you know what the, I would say the networks are so scared today to tell the truth. And I, you know, immigrants are in my neighborhood. Yeah. Be honest, all of us is from somewhere else. This is nobody country. I don't know who told Small Pecker White Man that this is their country, but it's not. And without immigrants, what does this country will be? We can't lie. Yeah. So, last year, when we got together, we decided to do an episode. And it was hard doing this episode because the network pulled it twice. Not only did they pull it twice, they added it. It was so much more than it won't get to see because they was like, no, no, no. But I'm glad they finally let it go. And, you know, we just want to make a stand on real things in life. Because we tell her everything put in a cookie cutter. It's great. I mean, immigration, LGBT kids. Yeah. I'm okay, do it. I've been sexual abuse. I mean, it is an excellent show. It is raw. And when I watch it, I'm going, oh, this is Miss Pat. Yes, it is. This is your point of view. Excellent job pulling it off. You swear like crazy in it. I mean, I mean, it shit. You have a whole season. The three different times. It's like, he ate my **** good. And I'm like, oh, this is a sicker. No, I never said nobody ate my **** good. That's been since the 90s. And I'm a Christian now. Okay. But we do curse because I curse in my everyday life. Guys. And I didn't want to be a mama. You know, they never betrayed a mother like me on TV. But let's be honest. No matter what your racist, I might not be your mama or your aunt. But you know somebody like me. Yeah. And that's the person that I betray. And people think in real life, oh my God, you, my mama, you, my aunt. I don't know you, but I can be that on TV. It's, it's excellent. Was there pushback from the network on swearing? Well, let me say this. We started out at Fox, Fox sold at the Hulu. And I said the inward. And Hulu said, hey, I know and dropped the show. And BET said, well, come on over here, black people. We'll let you be black. I love that. So, see, I didn't, I wasn't aware of the journey that's taken. It was five years creating this show along with three writers. So many, I used to, it was a running joke for me. It was like everybody has had a piece of the Miss Pat Show. And you know TV, you don't get a chance to recreate the same show three times. I was lucky. I got three deals and recreated that show three times. And I found a young man by the name of Jordan E. Cooper, who understood my voice, who listened to me, and helped me create a Miss Pat Show. It's crazy to me because I'm just picturing us in some shitty comedy club Green Room. Yes. You know, and again, I never should have given you the microphone. But you made it. You, I mean, it's not just the Miss Pat Show. You also, your stand-up specials. You made it. Did we do last-coming stand-in again? I made, we did last-coming stand-in. I think I got eliminated pretty quickly, but we can end it at an edit- No, I think you were farther than me. I think we were, you were, you were, you were, you were the main thing. What was this cooking show you're doing? Because you famously do not cook. I do not cook. I don't know how to cook. A lot of people think I can cook my, cause I'm a plus-sized woman. This is strictly chick-fil-a-body. Okay. But I decided, one day I was sitting there, I said, I can't cook. And it's the same old cooking show all the time. I said, why don't I invite people into my home and show me how to cook? And I just started inviting people. Now I got people booked all the way up to March and April. And it's really cool, cause we talk about real life, and we're really making the meal. And I'm really learning, too. Now you're gonna tell y'all I'm gonna go do it again. Right, where are you learning? Where are you emotionally with our current political situation? I'm at the same place you had. Okay. I'll watch you every night. What preparations are you taking if anything? A doom day. So I've never been scared in my life. You know, I grew up in the inner city of Atlanta, and I grew up in places where white people have a very vision of what black lives are like. That's what I grew up in. And I've never had to buy gas mix in the hood. I got me two gas masks. I did not buy the kids one, cause they cost a lot of money. So the kids are gonna have to use a towel if it comes out. Put the t-shirt on over the face. Yeah, put the towel. I got really thick towels. I stole from the hotel. Please steal from the hotel. They got really nice towels. And my garage, I have two garages, and they're just full of stuff. And my house is like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, y'all don't understand what's coming. We might be stuck in our house. You know, ice might, when they get through with his spending people, you know we're next. Yeah. We're next. And I want you to come to my house. You jump my fist and you're gonna be chicken breasts. You're about. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't have a fist. I have a gate. Right. Fair enough. You made it. You got to get your... I am not made it, Mike. I'm doing okay. You got to stop saying I got relatives out there. Okay, sorry. You're dead. You know, I am not made it. I worked for Costa. Soon as I get it. Soon as you show this, everybody gonna be hitting me up through Facebook and say the white man said you made it. You're in the... you're in the fifth season of the Mipad Show. I'm liable. You're. I'm a PA. But, I, in seriousness, I mean, your story's insane. I have. You have been sexually abused. You want me to tell you a few things? Oh, yes, many times. You lost them. Nipple, you've been incarcerated. Yes. Yet here we are as a comedian, making art, making content. What, how would you advise younger people out there who aren't so sure of their path at the current moment? I just tell people believing yourself. Nobody's going to believe in you like you believe in yourself. There was so many times when I started to tell my story about what I had been through. I had two kids by a married man by the time I was 15. I got shot, been in prison, dropped out of school in the eighth grade, had been through so much. So many people did not believe in me and told me to stop. So many people say, how dare you talk about, you know, being sexual, you being molested. How dare you talk about being shot and selling drugs? I said, this is my story. So I'm going to tell it. So believe in yourself. Because nobody's going to believe in you like you believe in yourself. And I told my husband 20 years ago, I said, I'm going to make you retire. Guess what, y'all? My husband is retired because I believe in myself. I love you. Thank you for your work. You're so funny. You've always been funny. Please stay as funny as you are. The Miss Pat Show is now streaming on BET Plus. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. Give it up for Miss Pat. This episode is brought to you by SimplySafe. And this, SimplySafe on, is the sound of peace of mind. SimplySafe's sensors, HD cameras and 24-7 security monitoring protect your home inside and out against break-ins, fires, water leaks, and more. So you can relax. Visit SimplySafe.co.uk slash pod for an exclusive discount. That's our show for tonight. And here it is, your moment of zad. A stunning admission in federal court today reveals the government is being, in their words, overwhelmed by Operation Metro Surge. A Department of Justice attorney told a judge that the federal government system for processing and responding to immigration cases, quote, sucks. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show week 9 to 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
