I CHANGED one birthday plan for my son…and it shattered our bond! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2675

Hey, this is Angie. And this is Carly, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two minute break from our sponsors that keep the show alive. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. I changed one birthday plan for my son, and it shattered our bond. How dare you change the birthday plans? I, 47 male, have a son, 14 male, from a previous marriage to my late wife. She passed two years ago, and for my son, the wound is still very fresh. My son and her were very close, as they look exactly alike, and had a lot of the same interest in reading, history, and art. By the way, this comes from Creepy Werewolf, 4914. And if you want to spend your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Carly. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. Their favorite place in the world is the British Museum in London. Their passion project has been redrawing pieces from the museum for the last two years before. The last four years for my wife's birthday in June and my son's birthday in December, we go to England for a week so they can spend time in the museum. However, since she passed away, my son and I have continued going for his birthday. The problem is with my new wife, 39 female. She's only been with us on this annual trip once last year, and she complained the whole time. She's only been with us on this annual trip once last year. Now, however, we recently found out we are expecting a child together in May. She raised it to my attention that the money I've used for the trip could be better used to be saved for the baby. Don't you freaking dare. We could instead do something else for my son's birthday. I thought about it and I agree. I was worried how he'd take it as this is the only thing he wants for his birthday. He didn't ask for gifts or cake or party. All he cares about is this goddamn museum. We broke the news to my son yesterday and he flipped out. He was so upset and when my wife tried to tell him why we were saving the money and where the money was going to, he said he didn't give a damn and we got into an argument about it. He said he was upset because if he didn't go this year, he'd miss the new exhibit he'd been wanting to see and he accused my wife of doing this on purpose because she already doesn't like me, he said. I admit I yelled at him and he started crying and for the last 24 hours he hasn't spoken to me. Am I the a-hole? Yes, just so easy. Yep, yep, yep. So much so, if these comments don't absolutely wake you up and take this kid to the museum, then I don't even know. Take this frickin' kid to the museum. What 14-year-old boy wants to go to a museum for his birthday? Yeah, you have a special boy. Special boy. Take the boy! Like, I don't know where you guys live, but yeah, okay, London trip, expensive maybe, but British museum, three. OP clarifies on the timeline when his late wife passed and the trips the family took together. OP says, no, I'm sorry if I worded that confusingly. What I intended to say is that we took this trip twice a year when my wife was alive. So four years ago we started taking these trips. Two years ago my wife passed away and we took the trip once a year. Since my wife passed away, we took the trip once a year. Commenter two says, what museum are you talking about? There are hundreds of maybe even thousands of museums and art galleries in England. Oh, and you're the a-hole. Seriously, what the heck is wrong with you and your witch of a new wife? OP says, the British museum in London. W W dot British museum dot org. Commenter three says, you're the a-hole and so is your new wife. In fact, she's downright selfish. All she cares about is the baby that's coming. Neither she nor you are considering the child that is already here. One that is hurting deeply first from the loss of his mother and now from his father's stupidity. And yes, OP, you are beyond stupid. You are blind to the fact that your new wife is already putting your unborn child before your son, who you have an obligation towards right here and now. As he is your firstborn and shouldn't be shoved to the side for a baby that's not even born yet. So get your head out of your butt. Tell your wife that she needs to shut up and do what's right by your son. Cause I can promise you that if you forgo this trip and ignore what's important to that poor child, the damage will be done. He will drop your sorry high like a bad habit the moment he turns legal and I'll never look back. Then you can spend the rest of your life whining about how he never wants anything to do with you. Comment four says, your shiny new wife chose to act worse than a whiny toddler and ruined a trip that was meant for a child on their birthday as a memory for his mother. You allow this woman to make your son feel terrible in his favorite place in the world on his birthday. You allow this woman to take the one thing your child has ever wanted to shift it over to something that has nothing to do with your son for his birthday. You yell that your son for reacting badly to being shoved aside for your new family. You allow your new wife to mistreat your son, not even bothering to raise any questions at she hates me at all, of course you're the a-hole. Update, November 26th, 2025, one year later. Oh! Are we at the museum again? We better be at the museum for the second time. This better be his next birthday. We went last year, we're going this year. So a year ago, I, 48 male, made a post online about the issues I was having with my son, 15 male, and my new wife, 40 female. I've gotten many messages and comments asking what happened so I decided to make an update. So the big thing first, did I take my son on his birthday trip? No. But let me explain. So after my son and I got into a fight, he went and complained to his uncle, my late wife's older brother, 47 male, and his husband, 47 male. I'll go ahead and say that since my late wife got sick and even after she passed away, her brother and I never got along. I wonder why. I wonder why. I wonder why. Maybe because he thought you moved on really quick. Is it because you pulled another woman out of thin air and had a baby with her? He, his husband, and most of her family liked to judge me for how quickly I remarried. I'm judging you too. I'm judging you. I am judging you too. They better have taken this kid then. Maybe you can go live with them. If you had just said, you know, it's been two years or a year and a half and I've started to date again, I'd be like, yeah, you know what? They shouldn't be mad about that. I even would have judged you less for it had you stood up for your son at all still. You found a girl within the year, got remarried. I'm just assuming that you at least took a year. But presumably you found this girl within the year and then married her within the next year. That is, that is, I'm judging for not being over it yet. Yeah. However, my son has kept a good relationship with them. And once he told them about what happened, they called and offered to take him themselves. I was all for it, but my wife was not. Oh my God. She thought if we let my son go with them, they'd fill his head with lies about her and only deepen the rift between us. Since the situation was causing her so much stress and she was pregnant at the time, I decided to decline their offer, which only made things worse. Eventually, after about three days, we finally sat down and talked. He said he was unhappy with the way she was treating him and often felt like she was trying to erase his mom's touch from the house. He felt like she was constantly criticizing him and didn't want him around. When I confronted my wife about this, she was offended. She said she wasn't trying to erase mother, but simply add her own touch to the space. She wasn't criticizing him, simply parenting. Eventually, my son accepted that he wouldn't be able to go on a trip. And was noticeably bummed out about it. So his boyfriend and his friends spent his birthday at our house trying to cheer him up. A sweet gesture, but I don't think it worked. Over the last year, my wife had our baby and now that my son's birthday is approaching, he's become bitter and resentful over what happened last year. He spends more time away from home. He's been rude and disrespectful to his stepmother and been seeing his therapist more frequently. It doesn't feel like OP learned anything. I don't think OP learned a dang thing. He was like, just let hear me out, hear me out. And then proceeds to say the most stupid thing. And then immediately just go to your wife and believe your wife. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you believe, you listen to your wife when she said, well, well, your son can't go on the trip with his family because they're gonna spread lies about me. Does that mean that he can't go spend time with them at all unsupervised? I'm assuming he probably hasn't seen his uncles in forever because of the whole rift with the new stepmother. Which is ridiculous. You were tearing your entire family apart OP, you suck. Now that we've all adjusted to having a new baby and my son's birthday is approaching again, I'm thinking if I should resume the tradition of taking my son back to the museum. I think it would be a good idea to hopefully do some family bonding. And honestly, I'm feeling really guilty about what happened last year. No, OP, you leave your wife and the baby at home. I don't even care about her. She can be with the baby. And you guys go to the museum, just you two. My wife has her reservations for saying it would only reward his bad behavior. He didn't have any bad behavior. Do anything wrong. He asked for one thing for his birthday. All he wanted was the museum. And you refused even when you didn't, you didn't even have to pay for it. And? That's a thing. The exhibit that he wanted is gone already. It's gone. You didn't even have to pay for it. There is no excuse. You didn't even have to go. You had two people willing to take him. And from the sounds of it, they live pretty dang close. I guess I'm making this update to not only inform the people of Reddit, but also ask for a little advice. What should I do? I only want to be a better dad. Comment one says, update three years from now. Why doesn't my son talk to me anymore? Reply, I'm gonna ask Reddit strangers for advice, not listen to any of it. And then ask for more when not following the original advice that made my situation worse. Where did I go wrong? Comment two, this dumb guy. I hope he enjoys the next three years because once that kid is 18, he's going no contact. My God, I'm so upset that this idiot doesn't see how wrong it is to express we're not going on the trip. And aren't you excited that it's to spend that money on my new child? Yeah, like your birthday money is going to the new kid. The kid that wasn't even born at the time yet. His wife is trash too. She didn't want him to go with his uncles cause she's a controlling piece of crap. Well, I says two years max son will be 16 this December. I hope his uncles are there for him after he goes no contact with this irresponsible man. Reply, I guarantee they're already planning on out to get him into college without OP support. Yeah, I'm sure that, you know, if he gets into a good college or something, he seems smart. Yeah, I'm sure wife will be like, oh, well that one's for the baby. Yeah, we just, you can go to like a, you can go to community college. The newborn, we actually need to start his college fund from your college fund. Yes, sorry. And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one. My father offered me his business, but with one crazy condition. How crazy is it? I have always been the scapegoat of my family while my brother has always been the golden child. Long story short, he could never do any wrong and learned my parents manipulative self absorbed behavior and grew up to be like them. But with one exception, he's incredibly lazy. By the way, this comes from user writer's block squared. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we're here. Give good advice, Goofley. Cause we don't know all the answers. We only know some things, right? So let us know the things that you know. He lives with our parents, doesn't pay any bills and has only ever had one job, which was given to him by our dad. My dad pays him to do work that he has openly admitted his very lackluster. My brother barely got his GED after dropping out of high school and he recently got another part-time job through my dad that he is also doing poorly at. After college, I moved away to another state. I worked as a teacher for a few years, had kids and eventually decided it would be best for my family if we moved closer to home. We wanted to be near connections and support. And I also reached out to my dad to tell him I was interested in taking over the business if that was something he wanted. He told me that it was exactly what he wanted. Since then, I've been flying back and forth constantly to get licenses and learn the business so I could apprentice and eventually take over. The last time I flew out, it was to obtain a license that my dad had pushed my brother into getting. My brother failed that test six times before finally passing and then refused to do any of the work that license required. I passed it on the first try. I later mentioned to my dad that I was unsure how my brother would react to me taking over the business. My dad's response was that he should ask my brother if he wants it first and that maybe we could co-own it. I told my dad that I was extremely apprehensive about co-owning a business with someone who has zero work ethic. My dad insisted that, quote unquote, survival mode would whip my brother into shape. First of all, being made the co-owner of a business is the opposite of survival mode. Survival mode is you are now unemployed and you have two weeks to find somewhere to live. That is survival mode. Ooh, do we go through with this? If you were OP, is there gonna be any budging on, no, he's gotta work for me? He's gonna be lucky enough to be working here because he's negligent and doesn't do anything. Well, OP sounds smart enough to probably have a very solid contract put into place. And honestly, it sounds like you could just convince the brother that he doesn't wanna work there anyway, that he doesn't wanna be a co-owner. I can see that brother. No, I can see the brother be doing the totally different opposite, because the brother's not gonna work there now. The brother's just gonna be a peeve. Well, no, that's the thing is it's, that's where the contract comes into play. You have all these stipulations where it's like A, B, C, and D in the contract. And if you're not doing those, you can be released from your co-owner position at will. I don't think daddy is gonna approve this. So I told him I didn't believe that for a second. What I see happening is me doing all the work and getting half the pay while my brother coasts like he always has. My dad told me today that he spoke with my brother and that my brother was wishy-washy about it. He then said he would talk to him again to try to work something out. That is not what we agreed upon. It sounds much more like he's trying to convince my brother to accept co-ownership rather than seeing if he wants it outright so my dad can absolve himself of guilt for passing it to me alone. Here's the part that's driving me insane. I knew this would happen. I told my wife that my dad would absolutely choose my brother who has no children to support over me. My wife believes my dad cares more about his legacy than I'm giving him credit for. She thinks I could lean into that and explain that the business will fail if my brother is involved. I've tried to explain to her as gently as possible that being the child of a self-absorbed person teaches you one thing very clearly. No amount of logic reasoning or trying to decipher their motivations actually changes anything. Scapegoats cannot just play the game. No matter what I say or do, my parents will always choose my brother over me, over logic, over their grandchildren and even over their own legacies. They would rather sabotage everything than risk choosing me. They would accept less contact with my kids, destroy the business or tarnish their own reputation if it meant not breaking their pattern. There is no hope of changing this dynamic. This is simply how it goes for scapegoats. So because my wife can't fully understand this reality and honestly, I'm glad she doesn't, I thought I'd share it here. Maybe you can help me feel less insane. Maybe someone has lived this exact story and knows something I don't and truly ask me anything. Thank you for reading. And we have an update from 16 days later. I think we've said our piece, like if it's really not, that they're not budging and you know, they're really gonna just let your brother coast and be the golden child. If you don't think it's worth to put up with OP and you know what, you can be sufficient and take care of yourself and you don't wanna deal with it, I think you know your option. I finally spoke to my dad and he gave me an answer. He said that my brother told him he was interested in the business but that he didn't know how much that really meant. In other words, my brother is leading him on. My dad fully intends to leave the door open for my brother to assume 50% ownership of the business at any point, even if he never puts in any work. I told my dad that my brother is clearly leading him on and asked if he was willing to tell him the business would go to me if he continued doing that. My dad said he was not willing to do that. Instead, he suggested a trial run after which I could go start my own business if I didn't like working with my brother. So he suggested you can actually be his mentor and run his apprenticeship so that then he can run the business. This is insane. And then you can build another thing from the ground up for yourself. That's insane. Living near my parents is only financially viable if I have sole ownership of the business and my dad knows this. I told him there is no trial run. Either I move closer and have full ownership or we look elsewhere in the country. He seemed genuinely confused by this. I explained that I have to choose between teaching which aligns perfectly with raising kids and taking over a business I know nothing about in an expensive area with my brother who has already undercut me before. He asked me for an example of my brother undercutting me which I gave. My dad suggested that maybe my brother has matured since then. Stop moving the goalpost, dad. That's it. It's the golden child, the self-absorbed parents. They're gotta keep moving the goalpost indefinitely. There's no stoppage to it. They're always gonna keep protecting the brother. OP knows this. OP just like, all right, if you're just not gonna, at this point I think I can see where OP's coming from. There's no point for OP to keep continuing this. And you know what? That legacy is gonna be an embarrassment to them. That's on OP. That's on the brother. I think there's the moment, this is where you start strong-harming. You go, this is what's happening or it's not happening. And that's the end of the story. I told my dad he wasn't going to convince me that my brother had matured. I said that since he has decided to leave the door open for my brother, I'm leaning towards teaching elsewhere. That's when he started to sound scared and asked why I wouldn't just give it a chance. I told him I had already explained why. I also told him that if he ends up selling the business, he should still be proud that it served its purpose by providing for his family. And I meant that sincerely with no spite or passive aggression. That sincerity seemed to scare him more than anything because it showed him he no longer had leverage over me. We ended the call with him saying we could talk more later. I told him he's free to talk as much as he wants, but that I already had my answer and would start making plans for my family. We do plan to move only a couple of hours away, but I'm not telling him that. I'm letting him believe that his choices are the reason we might settle far away. My mom has no idea that I was ever offered the business. If she found out that my dad's decisions were the reason she wouldn't see her grandkids regularly, she would be furious. I briefly considered using that to my advantage, but I've decided I'd rather just teach. Business isn't worth it. I think just finish it. I think we've said our piece and OP has said their piece. And they, you know what? There are people like this out there. It's just ridiculous. So I do for you OP and you know what? Do what makes you happy and gives you the least amount of headaches. Yeah, you did it right. You did it right. You did it tight. Instead, I'm dropping subtle hints to my mom that we're considering settling far away. I know she'll tell my dad and it will make him sweat more over time. He tried to manipulate me into taking care of my inept brother and now he's stuck with the consequences. He can't sell the business because he offered it to my brother and my brother will keep delaying. My dad will likely work until he physically can't anymore just to keep the door open for my brother and it will all be for nothing. I'll be watching the chaos from a distance knowing I chose what's best for my children and I'll leave you with this. Nothing scares the crap out of a narc more than your freedom. And that is the end of that story. Yeah, good luck OP. Yeah, I mean, even if he is the way that, you know you say that he is, then I'm sure if you did take over the business he would just be continuing to run it through you as a proxy. So you would never escape. He would then, you know, he'd be double checking all your stuff all the time. He's not gonna walk away from it like that. He saw you as a literal tool. Like, all right, this is gonna make his, like the golden child get the business, set him up and he'll be fine on his own. But that is the end of that story. And we've got another one. My sister pushed open marriage ideas on my wife and I lost it. Stay away from my wife. That's my wife. I am 24 and my wife is 23. We got married last year when I was 15. We love each other, understand each other. I love my wife so much that I'm basically a simp. Heck, even if she told me she wants to eff another man I would probably cave in. I would choose her over any of my family members, even my parents. By the way, this comes from user stunningpanda743. And if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Keon. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice goofily. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments. English isn't my first language. So forgive me if I make mistakes and I want opinions from people outside of my culture. My wife told me a few days ago that my eldest sister who is 27 is constantly texting her and calling her. My wife showed me the text and long story short my sister tried to convince my wife by educating her about open relationships and she should find a job. So it doesn't have to rely on me and even said that she shouldn't allow me to control her. We all come from a place where majority of women are housewives. My mom, other women in my family and my sister except my eldest, she's nuts. We are traditional and stick to our traditions that has been working for us all since from the beginning. First of my priority was to comfort my wife and remove all the doubts from her head. I hugged my wife and told her that I would never restrict her. If she wants to stop being a housewife or wants to go out with my protection then I won't stop her. But this is something that she has to think for herself instead of letting others tell her what to do. My wife said she is fine with the way things are and she would never get near any other man except me and our family members. She didn't wanna lie to me, that's why she told me. We both comforted each other and made love and decided to cut my sister off because what she's saying is completely dumb. I called my sister and told her to stay away from us both from now on. I am cutting her off. She said she was trying to help my wife and educate her. I said, no, you were trying to ruin our happy life and I don't want you anywhere near us. I cut her off and my sister keeps calling me but I ignore her and even my own parents said I should make up with my sister because brothers should always protect their sisters. I just told them I need some time and eventually I'll forgive my sister. But am I the a-hole in this situation? My sister's putting twisted ideas in my wife's head about how it's evil if I work and she doesn't work and I'm controlling her and telling her to eff other men while still being married as if not lying to me and I agree to it making it okay. I'm so effing disgusted. We have some comments. Is OP the a-hole? I don't think so. I think maybe like culturally this is like a way crazy thing to bring up for you and like, I don't know, it does. It just basically reads like your sister's like, yeah, shouldn't you be like way unhappier and less satisfied and like want like these other things that would like put your relationship like maybe in jeopardy? I would genuinely ask my sister like, well from you and your wife OP like, why are you helping educate her? Comment number one, if your wife wants to work, she can and if she doesn't want to, she doesn't. So long as your bills are paid and you can put a bit aside for a rainy day, it's no one's business how you and your wife choose to live. If you were struggling financially, one person bearing the weight of that is a different matter. But if your wife wants to break with tradition and work, then all you need to do is encourage and support her. And if she doesn't want to break the tradition, then all you need to do is encourage and support her. If you're happy, she's happy, nothing else matters. So he replies with, yes. Yes. If my wife wants to work, I wouldn't stop her, but she needs to think about it herself instead of letting others like my sister brainwash her. And I am not even worried about her working. That's like the least of my concern. It's just money, which I don't care about. I got plenty. I am more angry about my sister trying to convince my wife that it is normal to have more than one partner and women can have spicy sleep with multiple men. And somehow it's okay as long as I consent, but disregarding our marriage? Comment number two, not the a-hole. Your sister was in the wrong. I reckon everything you said sounds pretty spot on. Plies, I feel the same. My sister is trying to ruin our happy marriage and our life by telling her that she should be with other men and she's relying on me and I'm controlling her. Stuff like that, which annoyed my wife as well. And I think that's why my wife told me everything. It's not just about her being a housewife. For us, that's stupid. I would get so angry knowing that my wife is with other men and I know she would feel the same if I had private moments with a different woman other than her. I'm so disgusted by what my sister said and even questioning if she's my sister or not. Who says stuff like that to their own sister-in-law? My wife and I decided to be together until we pass away and help and support each other. Why is it necessary for us to bring another man or woman in our life? I have been overthinking about this whole situation, but I still can't understand what my sister was thinking and I still don't see her point. Another comment here, not the a-hole. This is not gaslighting. Your sister is just a nosy weiner. I wanted to cut my sister off, but my mom asked me to make up with my sister because she wants both of our children to celebrate New Year's with family like we always have. I said I will talk to her and it depends on if my sister agrees to not interfere in my marriage. So I gave her a visit to talk. It was a bit awkward, though after our huge fight, I asked her why she interfering in my marriage and telling my wife all kinds of things and ruining my marriage by corrupting my wife's mind. I said I am willing to forgive her and we get along as long as she stays away from my wife. She said I have no right to tell her what to do and my wife has every right to talk to whoever she wants. She said this is the reason why she wanted to educate my wife and not be controlled by me. I asked her how am I controlling? She said that telling my wife to do something is controlling behavior. I'm ordering my wife around. I got all the power because I earned, but she doesn't so I decide everything for her. I told her that it's not what she thinks. We both are okay with how things are. I'm working and she stays and takes care of our house and we are even thinking of children. So she will be with them. We are equal partners. I then said forget about money and work and asked her why did she educate my wife about open relationships and stuff? My sister said that women can have fun and no longer their husband's property. And since my wife has only been with me, she doesn't know much about things and she wanted to get her out of her traditions. And if she wants to experience fun outside of me, she can. That's why she was trying to educate her. I guess it's just like, I think it stems back to your sister not having a healthy relationship or maybe something with your tradition. I can see it and it's y'all are all very traditional. Again, we don't know what culture this is, but you are all very traditional and she has become the first in the family to like step outside of that and like be, you know, surrounded by all of these different ideas and contrary ideas. And because of that, she thinks that that is just the best or better way to go about things. It is a very like someone who is 20 years old thing to do. I learned a thing and it's better than your thing. I know it is because I learned it. It's just the way it is. Yeah. I said it was very offensive to tell my wife to have spicy sleep with another man. Spicy sleep is a private thing between a couple. Nobody else needs to know about it. And you telling all this is corrupting my wife. You can have whatever opinions you want and hate the way we operate, but don't interfere in my marriage. My sister said she just wanted to educate my wife and tell her how things are outside of traditional perspective. I said, I don't care. And if someone so much has touched my wife, I will fight that person. And my wife would unalive me if I do the same. And it's not her job to tell her, sister-in-law, what you should do. We were going nowhere with this conversation. So I just asked her if we can amicably bend this new year together and put our differences aside for our mom. She agreed. I'll try my best to not hurt my parents and be amicable, but I don't understand what she's thinking. She wants my wife to work and have spicy sleep with other men when my wife and I have led our life perfectly. So why is my sister interfering so much? Honestly, bro, I feel like the answer to that is not even because she wants to change your marriage. It's just like, she thinks she's doing something that's righteous. She thinks that she is a liberator, bringing this information to your wife so she can free her. It really has nothing to do with you guys. I just also- It just has to do with her having learned this stuff and been exposed to it. And now she's like, I have to be the messenger. But that is the end of that story. My husband lied about his work dinner because I'm not his wife yet. Mmm, those things are completely separate situations. I, 26 female, was with my boyfriend, 28 male, for four years. We built a life together, met each other's families, and even worked on moving in together once my lease was up. We talked seriously about the future. By the way, this comes from remarkable golf, 5143. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. And I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, lately though, things haven't been great. The relationship had been rocky for a while. Communication was off, there was distance, and I often felt like I was doing most of the emotional work. Even so, I stayed and tried to fix it because four years felt like something worth fighting for. He told me he had a work dinner and said it was employees only. I didn't question it since usually these company functions encourage bringing partners. I've been trying to keep the peace lately instead of creating more tension between us. The next day I saw a post on Instagram from a coworker of his. Like I said, his company is very family oriented and usually encourages partners to attend events like this. Her post mentioned that partners were welcome and he was in multiple photos sitting right next to her, looking very comfortable together. What made it worse was that people in his office openly call her his work wife. I had heard him mention that before. Uh-oh, that's not good. I don't like that. And it always bothered me, but he brushed it off as a harmless office joke. Seeing her post him like that, knowing people already framed them that way made me feel sick. That's when it clicked that he hadn't been honest with me. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't think it was a big deal and that he didn't want things to be awkward because we aren't married. Huh? You don't wanna bring your girlfriend to the office gathering because you were married and you, what, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, why would that matter? How would that make it awkward? Like, oh, this is my, ugh, what am I supposed to call you? You're not my wife. Yeah, like, this is my girlfriend. It's not so, it's so lame. After four years together, that explanation felt like the old one, two in the gut. Okay. Well, the real question is, if he's so awkward about you not being his wife, why doesn't he propose to you? Right? It's been four years. Been four years? Doesn't feel like he wants to propose to you. It made me feel like I was someone he wanted to openly claim in his life. I also asked why he spent the night sitting with her and why she was comfortable enough to post him online, especially with the work-wife dynamic. He got defensive and said I was overreacting and that she's just a coworker. But at this point, it wasn't just about the party. It felt like the final straw in a long line of moments where I felt pushed to the side. I just shut down and told him I was done. I was going to spend the night at his place, but I just packed my stuff and left. It's been a few days. Some of his friends have texted me saying, I'm blowing things out of proportion for ending things over this, which I've ignored. He keeps calling, leaving voicemails and texts saying he's really sorry and wants to talk. I don't know anymore. Like we spent so much time together and maybe it was actually a lapse in judgment and I was being rash, am I the a-hole and there is an update. Four days later, any thoughts? I mean, I don't know, like good for you for like sticking to your boundaries and being like, that's not cool. Screw you basically, I'm out. It does feel quite quick. Yeah, I will agree with that. For four years. Yes. But maybe if you're having this reaction, then maybe this wasn't the right relationship for either of you. Yeah, maybe if you have felt this way for a while, then that makes sense to react that way. But I feel like maybe give him the benefit of the doubt or at least have another conversation. I probably would have had another conversation and said, this is how I feel. I don't want you to diminish it. I am upset that you didn't want to bring me. Why did you feel like you would have been awkward? You know, have a little bit of longer conversation. And if at the end of it, he says, oh, well, I don't see you as like a long term relationship or you know, you have that revelation or you're not getting the answers you want, then maybe it's like, okay. Yeah. Well, everyone in the comments was right. I honestly wanted to believe it was just a stupid lapse in judgment or that I had made a rash decision after months of feeling in love. But no, there really was something going on with the coworker. Two days after my original post, we had to set up logistics for picking up the rest of my stuff from his apartment. He was still begging nonstop with calls, long voice mails and paragraphs about how he never meant to hurt me and nothing was going on. My best friend came with me when I grabbed the last of my things and even then he was still trying to convince me to talk. Hear him out, give him another chance. He looked panicked, which honestly made me second guess myself for half a second. I mean, guy's a loser. Yeah. Four years couldn't see what he had, chose this, you know, nothing relationship with his coworker over you. I hate when like guys like, you know, you've been with them like four years, you know, all this stuff and he's like, oh, you can't come with me because like we're not married yet, blah, blah. That's on you. Yeah. You know, that's on you, sorry, but I don't know what you want from me. And then also the fact that it's like, oh, so you're gonna gaslight me, make me feel bad about that when it's not even my problem and then not take me and then also cheat on me and then be like, no, take me back, take me back. No, you disgusting freak. Ew, get out of here. I couldn't have said it better myself. But fast forward to now, just a few days later and guess who posted what on Instagram? The coworker, the work wife, the one he swore was just a coworker. She made a whole soft launch style post about how it's so lovely being partners in and out of the office, full photos, them together smiling, comfortable. Girl, that's not a soft launch. That is a hard launch. Yeah, he launched it, full launch. That's a full launch. Very, very not new. So yeah, it wasn't in my head. It wasn't an overreaction and it definitely wasn't just work. I'm hurt, but I'm also weirdly relieved. Everything makes sense now. The distance, the defensiveness, the lies over something as dumb as a company dinner. I didn't blow up a good relationship. I walked away from a man who already checked out and didn't have the respect or backbone to admit it. Blocking in was the easiest thing I've done in months. Thanks to everyone who told me I wasn't crazy. You were right. And honestly, I'm glad I trusted myself. Comments from the subreddit, comment one says, my husband had a coworker try to claim she was his work life at a team launch. He was furious, publicly shut it down and requested that he not work with her closely again. By the time I heard about it that same evening, even HR knew he was unhappy about it. That's how a good partner responds when people disrespect your relationship in this way. Anyone who allows that kind of disrespect is not a good partner at all. And that is the end of that story, folks. It seems like OP made the right decision and trusted her gut, so good on ya. Yeah, honestly, good for you OP for sticking to your gut and just knowing when to get out of there because I know so many people, including myself, who would have been like, well, I don't know, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and I don't know, I miss him or something and then you're back where you started. I guess this work office girl made a lot easier when she posted the brief. Yeah, for real. And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go to the next one. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axolotl host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. On booking.com, it's easy to book your holiday home. And thanks to flexible cancellation, there's no more. Luch is all booked, folks. Oh, Kaz and Robert coming now. With booking.com, you're free to be flexible. Oh, easy. So you can go from home to holiday home with no dramas. Bigger place booked. On booking.com, finding a holiday home is easy. And thanks. Booking.com, booking.com. Yeah. Terms apply, available on selected properties. Rural Britain, is there any greater value out there than giga-clear, full fiber from only 19 pounds a month? It's out of this world, speed and reliability. Fast upload and downloadiness right here in rural tranquility. Saturn's rings. Is that a bull? Gigaclear, faster broadband for rural Britain from only 19 pounds a month. Season C's apply, 18 month contract. Prices may rise during contract. Check availability at gigaclear.com. My girlfriend snapped at my friend on vacation, so I told her to apologize. Don't talk to my friend like that. This weekend, I, 26 male, took a little friend vacation with my close friend group. A few of them invited their significant others. And I've been dating my girlfriend, 25 female, long enough that I don't think it would be awkward to bring her along. By the way, this comes from Castro was right. And if you wanna submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I am Savannah. I'm Sophia. And we are here to give a good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We would just tell you what we would do in this situation, but we would love to know what you would do in the comments. As OP says, my girlfriend gets along with all my friends very well except one. Uh-oh, my friend Jessica, 25 female, is a very nice girl. And in a lot of ways is very similar to my girlfriend. Uh-oh. There's your first, first, don't tell that. Your girlfriend. Yep, the strike one. I think this is just one of those cases where people who are similar just repel. On paper, they should be very good friends. They aren't outwardly rude to each other, but it's clear they just don't vibe. Three things happened on this trip that led to disaster. First, on our day there, we planned on going to the beach. While we were getting ready, my girlfriend realized she was feeling bloated and had forgotten to pack a one piece swimsuit. I told her we could just chill in the room, but she said she wanted to go down to the beach and that we should buy one at the resort shop. On our way down, we ran into Jessica and I told her we were going down to the shop to look for a new bathing suit. Jessica then offered to let my girlfriend borrow one of hers, but my girlfriend immediately rejected the offer and said we'd buy one. So that was a problem. Okay, well, it depends on how she said it. If she was like, no, we're gonna buy one. Okay. Yeah. Could be a tone thing. Yeah. Cause I feel like that's nice of Jessica. It is nice of Jessica. Yeah. Second, we were at a bar drinking and dancing. Jess is only about five, five and probably weighs less than 130 pounds. She's also pretty much skin and bones. So she's a lightweight. Eventually she got pretty wasted and started finding everyone, trying to get us to take a shot. When she got to us, I was down, but my girlfriend wasn't. I told her it would be fun, but she said no. That's not an issue. Just let her say no. Yeah, just, I feel like, you know, no, I don't want one. The end. That's what I do. Yeah. Jess then said we were being boring. So I just took a shot with Jess. This set my girlfriend off. The final issue was the next day. My girlfriend and I were late for breakfast because we were getting intimate and lost track of time. Okay. Which was wrong of us. All right, it happened. There's nothing wrong about that. Hey, it happened. Apparently Jess said she'd come get us. And as she walked past our door, she heard noises and went back downstairs to everyone else saying we may be a minute. When we got downstairs, the group was crying jokes, which I thought was not a big deal. Then they said Jess had hurt us, which made my girlfriend mad. This was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back. My girlfriend snapped at Jess, telling her that she had been catty all trip and that she was just trying to have a good time. She told her to stop being such a pick me. This caused Jess to cry. I told my girlfriend she needed to apologize and resolve whatever beef they had. My girlfriend said that Jess needs to apologize for acting like she did. And that I was being a wiener for taking Jess aside. We've been fighting about this since we got back and things are now awkward with Jess. My friends are split on this. Some think my girlfriend was being overboard, while others think she may have had a point, which I don't understand. I'm wondering if this is, because I think there's one of two things that could be going on here. One, your girlfriend is maybe overreacting and is jealous of your friendship with Jess or is he's reading into things that aren't there or you are perhaps being oblivious of subtle girl catty-ness that maybe you're just not picking up on. I feel like if the girls had wrote this post, we would have been like, oh yeah, I would have been totally pissed for something. Yeah, he's just like, well, this happened. And like, you know. Yeah, I'm wondering if it's that or if genuinely Jess has not done anything. Because I don't know, it does seem like, you know, the one she was, you know, had too much to drink and was just like, oh, you guys are being boring, you know, whatever, blah, blah. Which I get that, that's like everyone's response if you don't wanna do something that the group wants to do. However, if she's coming over, because it could all read differently. It could be like Jess's coming over and being like, touchy and like, oh, you're being so boring. Like, oh, like why don't you have a drink with me and then doing that. And then maybe with the bathing suit, she's like, oh, well, I have a bathing suit that you could borrow or like, I don't know, it's tone. I feel like there's no other way to be nice. I don't know how you would say that to me and me. But it could be a tone thing. Or your girlfriend could be reading it into something that's not actually that. You could borrow my bathing suit. Yeah. Yeah. I am going to apologize to my girlfriend and tell her I was wrong to defend Jess and that I'm going to talk to Jess to make sure she doesn't ever speak to my girlfriend like that. Again, there are some comments. But we don't really know how, we don't really know how, I don't know. Yeah. It really could go either way. Comment number one, Info, is Jess single? Did she have a significant other on the trip? Would her swimsuit have fit your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend shy? Does your girlfriend drink or drink hard? Because that makes a huge difference. One thing is to be lent to a bathing suit. Another thing to be offered a bathing suit that everyone knows is going to be too small. Even if it is just height wise, let alone weight wise. The other two look like a single girl that keeps coming to get the attention of her man. Pestering for shots, maybe she felt you guys were having an intimate conversation or such. And then coming to get you out of bed, catching looks at you, spending time, maybe hoping that she could convince you to leave the girlfriend to get ready on your own and come down with her, talking about the noises, hoping to embarrass my girlfriend in front of everyone. Those O.P. responded, which I got downvoted, Jess is single. Now that I think about it, Jess is really small. Not saying my girlfriend is big, she's normal weight, but Jess is skinny. Ooh, ooh, wait, yeah, that is so rude. O.P., you just didn't pick up on the cattiness. Yeah, if Jess is a lot smaller than O.P. and is just not at all O.P.'s girlfriend size. And then says like, oh yeah, you can borrow my bathing suit. And then O.P.'s girlfriend has to be like, you know I can't borrow your bathing suit. Yeah, that's a little rude. So I'm not sure. Yes, and she's no stranger to taking shots and handles her booze well. Comment number two, sounds like you're dating a confident and independent woman who stood up for herself and isn't willing to take Jess's mean girl crap. I bet Jess has ruined past relationships for you as well. You're going to be a lonely dude if you don't start reading the room better. Recognize Jess's rude treatment and stand up for your girlfriend. Oh, there's an update. Two weeks later. Oh boy, let's do it, let's do it. I know everyone hates me, but I was asked for an update. I just wanna say everyone was right. I was an a-hole. I was being a pushover. I was a crap boyfriend and partner. I prioritized Jess over my girlfriend's feelings and that was so crappy of me. My girlfriend and I are currently on a break. Whoa, oh dang. Sorry, yikes. So Jess really dug her nails into that. I tried to apologize to her and make sure she understood that I knew how wrong I was. I told her I was sorry for letting Jess disrespect her and that I'd never let that happen again. My girlfriend said Jess has been like this to her since we started dating and I had been either ignoring it or unable to see it. Through a tearful back and forth, my girlfriend told me she wouldn't let herself feel second to Jess. She said that when I figure out what's going on between Jess and me, then we could talk, but until then, she wants some distance from our relationship. Honestly, go this girl, standing up for herself. Sucks that you didn't see him till right now. Yeah, I think a break is good. I think you need to spend some time and figure out what were the blinders. Did your girlfriend ever bring this up before and you just said, oh, no, you're just making problems. Why were you so quick to diminish your girlfriend's feelings if she had raised these concerns? And why were you siding with Jess more so? I think those are all good questions. Yeah, I think those are very good OP for you to turn inward and reflect on. All right, let's see. That evening, I was heartbroken, but I wanted to make it clear to Jess that she would not be disrespectful to my girlfriend if we got back together and that she owes her an apology no matter what. I thought it would be better to have this face to face as there is a lot of ambiguity over text. I went to her place and she apologized to me and said she would call my girlfriend to apologize. I went home in the morning and spent a lot of time reflecting on the bad decisions I had made and how much I hurt my girlfriend. I understood how right everyone was to say I was being a crappy boyfriend. I admit, I effed up. I didn't protect the person I was supposed to protect. I was too blind to see Jess being catty and mean to her. If my girlfriend takes me back, that will never happen again. And that is the end. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah, I mean, honestly, in my opinion, just because it, I don't know, I've been hurt, but many men, I would just be done with it. I'd be like, I'm out, sorry, I'll go find someone that actually is a good person for me and defends me and doesn't just be oblivious because that's annoying. Sometimes you learn from a mistake and you have to take it to the next relationship and it's not something that you can take in this relationship. Yeah, which stinks, OP. I mean, I would like to believe that you were just oblivious to it, but I think that there was a lot of different things that happens. There were a lot of signs that happened on that vacation. And I feel like you just kind of were like, I mean, yeah, but kind of just like making excuses for Jess. So, I mean, pay the price for your actions, I guess. Yep. Sorry, OP, but. Sorry. And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go to the next one. My ex said that I was his future while asking for space. Maybe he wanted to spend his future with you in space. And you misunderstood. You are the future. I, 25 female, am struggling deeply and could really use perspective and support. My ex, 23 male, and I have a long emotionally intense history. We broke up, but we never really emotionally separate. There is still love, attachment, and unresolved hope on both sides. He tells me he loves me if he's a future with me and hopes I am the person he builds a life with. Yet at the same time, he says he's unsure and overwhelmed. By the way, this comes from Blooming Blossom. And if you wanna submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. And we're here to give good advice, Goofley, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. I actually do have all the answers. Ask me anything. Ask him anything. Five, next. And Opie says, we met in June, 2022 under intense circumstances. I had just been kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. And through a mutual friend, he took me in for the night. That night changed both of our lives. We talked until sunrise, opened up about things we had never told anyone and formed a bond that felt immediate, deep, and unlike anything either of us had had before. At the time I was in another relationship, not harmful, but loveless. Yeah, okay. I eventually ended it because I realized I had developed feelings for him. We started seeing each other more. The chemistry grew and we officially got together in January, 2023. From the beginning, our relationship was intense but complicated, well, because you trauma bonded. We were both dealing with regular use issues when we met. I was struggling and he was struggling. We both quit the night we met. We also both have a lot of trauma. Him and I have a painful past. I am anxious attached and he is fearful avoidant. That's the best combo I've heard actually. Our relationship has not been smooth. His friends initially disliked me because I did not fit their beauty standard and they wanted to keep my ex in the same miserable loop he had been in. They pressured him to leave me. His father also pushed him to break up with me because of our age difference. What is the age difference? I will get that. How old are you? We broke up twice in late 2023 due to outside pressure and his internal conflict then got back together in January, 2024. You ready for this? Yeah. 23, OP is 23 and, sorry, dude. No, no, no. OP is 25. The X so on and so forth is 23. There's no age gap. But the thing is we never really separated. Even after the breakup, we continued acting like a couple. We talk every day. We go on dates. I sleep over at his place. We cuddle, have intimacy, hold hands. You got your holding hands. And talk about marriage and kids. And y'all aren't together. Y'all broke up and you're planning marriage and kids. Everyone around us says we act like an old married couple. He says he cannot imagine a future without me and does not want anyone else. Then why are you guys broken up? Because it feels so good. During this first year of our relationship, I found some inappropriate messages from early on. There was spicy texting with one girl and dating apps downloaded, but not really used. He took accountability, apologized sincerely and has not repeated those behaviors. I worked through the trust issues with him, but they still left me a bit fragile. Recently, he opened up to me in a very deep way. He admitted that the real reason he keeps pulling away is not lack of love. It is fear. Fear of hurting me, fear of relapsing, fear of losing me, fear of failing and fear of falling from too high. He said loving me feels overwhelming because I matter so much. And his nervous system goes into panic. After that conversation, he became very anxious and withdrawn for a few days. We worked through it and came back from it even stronger. We've had amazing days together after that. When he is around me, his guard lowers, his gaze softens, his muscles relax and he genuinely smiles and acts like a puppy around me. Besides his dad, the rest of his family love me and I'm really close to all of them. His dad is also coming around to me and he has started to like me too. I have done my best to be supportive and steady, to be the calm in his chaos. I am able to read him like a book. I know exactly how he feels, what he feels, why he feels that way and where it comes from. Besides external conflicts and disturbance from other people, our relationship has not been bad. You have not told us many good parts of it. I mean, the good part is that I guess you guys got clean together. That is good, you know what? That's a great thing. That's pretty intense, but also kind of an intense baseline to set up a successful relationship off of because there is a word called relapse that has happened before. Yeah, you put all this pressure on the relationship. Then yeah, not only that, but then like, okay, now if you're in a relationship and your partner relapses, are you gonna do that as well? Scary. On the contrary, the thing that makes this even harder is that there is nothing wrong with our relationship per se. We communicate well. We push each other to be and do better. Well, it seems somewhat true. We are understanding, compassionate, loving, compatible and respectful. We love each other and value each other so much, but now he has asked for three weeks of defined space. Also, I just wanna go back for a second because you said there's nothing truly wrong with your relationship. For seemingly most of your relationship, you have been broken up and just acting like you're in a relationship still. Which is not good for the brain. No, no intimacy and very limited contact. He says it is not a test that he will not disappear and that at the end of the three weeks, he will come back with a decision. He says he loves me deeply, but does not trust himself. Yet, do choose me fully and consistently and he does not wanna keep dragging me through uncertainty. This is his message summarized basically. He said, staying close while he's unsure is not fair to me. He asked for three weeks of defined space so he can understand himself and decide if he is capable of choosing me fully and consistently, not just when emotions are intense. He promised he would not disappear and that he will come back with a decision at the end of the three weeks. I am heartbroken and terrified. I love him more than anyone I have ever loved. He feels like my soulmate, my safe place and my home. I am scared the space will turn into a permanent breakup. Did you say anything like that about your last relationship? Would be my question for you. Yeah. And if this relationship were to sort of fall into a valley of sort of, because it sounds very dramatic right now. Y'all are breaking up, but staying together and there's emotional turmoil and indecision and blah, blah, blah, blah. And a lot of people confuse that with like, oh, well that's what a relationship needs to feel like. No. Like it needs to feel like unstable or like, I don't even know if unstable is the right word, but it's like, it needs to always be something going on that like proves that we are like working through something together to fix something. And it's like, once it settles down, are you gonna be like, dang, if this feels like a loveless relationship? I was gonna say, it sounds like he's giving a lot of what you want to hear and what he like, not necessarily that, but you say things, he's saying things, but he's not really doing them per se. I don't know. Per se. Per se. It just doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship. And it seems like you guys both put a lot of pressure on this relationship to fix things in your lives that you need to go figure out separately. Yeah. You need to come to grips too, that this relationship started out of infidelity on your part. Yeah. Doesn't feel like you own that at all. I am scared that his avoided attachment and lack of emotional permanence means he will forget how strong our bond is when we are apart. Then that means that you don't have a really strong bond. I am scared of losing him and honestly scared of having to rebuild my life without him. I do not know if I should hold hope or emotionally prepare to let go of that one. Yes. I do not know how to survive these three weeks. I do not know if love like this can survive fear like his. If anyone has been through something similar, especially with a fearful avoidant partner, I would really appreciate insight, honesty, or even just kindness. OPI would absolutely recommend a therapist and working on your own identity separate from him. Like who are you without this relationship? Or who are you without a relationship? Yeah. Took the words right out of my mouth. And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here. And we're going to get back to the stories, but here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors. My friends with benefits keeps giving me unsolicited advice and I'm getting tired of it. Sounds like not a benefit. So I, 33 females started chatting with this dude literally four days ago. Let's call him Jerry, 30s Mel. We started chatting on Christmas with the intent of a little spicy time. This came to fruition the following day. December 26th of 2025. We had a lovely time. He massaged me, cuddled afterwards and the conversation flowed easily and was pleasant. Though it was much deeper from both sides, than would be expected for your typical friends with benefits dynamic. By the way, this comes from what is this shiz? And if you want to see my own stories, you know where to go. Our show, Showcase Storytime subreddit. I'm Riley. I'm Sophia. And we're here to give good advice goofily. That's our job titles. Your job is a comment what you know down below. So the following day after on December 27th of 2025, we messaged quite a bit. But it started to feel kind of odd. I mentioned something medical that happened as a result of our encounter, popped a hip out of place. Which is a common occurrence for me, but yet still painful. He starts trying to ask if I even tried to pop it back in. The yacht's out of place, but you could just push it back. It starts just throwing out all sorts of just do this or that. Advice at me. This is something I've dealt with my whole life. Connected to other issues, so it came off weird having someone I've known. Two days, trying to give me medical advice with no training and very incomplete information. He would not let the subject go. Cling onto it for about 30 minutes while I gritted my teeth and tried not to be rude. He already had done this the morning regarding my cycle. Telling me to go see a doctor and giving all the Google Doc type nonsense. I've already looked at a million times. So I was frustrated and simply told him to please stop questioning what I know or don't know about what is normal for my body and to stop trying to diagnose me for the teeniest things of information. I could tell he was a little blood hurt, but for the time he let it go. December 28th of 2025 rolls around and I'm busy packing up my life to head back to the ship I live and work on for most of the year. I'm not sending in-depth messages, just quick replies as I can manage. Early afternoon he asked if he's done something to anger me since I'm not talking the same way. I tell him I'm just busy packing and he tells me he needs to communicate if I'm gonna be quiet. I was puzzled because it's day three of talking. We're not BFFs. We're not in a relationship. We are very new acquaintances at the best. I think that's kind of fair though. Like y'all are not in a relationship. Y'all are friends with benefits. I don't think it's fair for him to expect like a level of emotional, but yeah, but they're not like, they're not at that level of emotional connection. And they've been specific that they don't want that. I gave you my PP. I think if you specifically define that it's friends with benefits or it's casual, then you can't expect the things that come with like a relationship. One of the most special things about me is my PP and the reason that we use it in our encounter should mean that we are special friends too now. But that's what you want and you have to clarify, I want this to be important. I want this to be a relationship. I think if you both clarify that it's not that, then you can't be like, I want to have boyfriend level. Access to you at all times. Like I expect boyfriend level access to you at all, yeah. All the same, I reassuring him that everything is fine and tell him I will be more mindful of the communication he needs in the future. We plan a little social hangout as a detour on my route back to the ship. We have a nice chat, just chill in the car and talk. Cool, I get to the boat, get settled and everything seems fine. Today, he asked what I'm up to and I send back a selfie of me with my accordion on my lap. He comments, of course, I'd expect you to have one of those. I spawn saying I have two. I explain this is my crappy one, I take out to sea, so the salty air doesn't ruin my nice one. You go out to sea with your accordion. I'm imagining you have like a sailboat that you just like at sunset, you're just like. I just, that's what I imagine. Anyways, he immediately starts suggesting things like, clear coating the outside of the good accordion to protect it. He has zero clue what my concerns are and knows not even a single thing about accordions. He gives about 10 pieces of advice, all of which I keep stating will ruin the instrument entirely or render it making it unplayable. I finally specify that the issue is not wanting to rust the tiny metal reeds inside the instrument that create the sound. No, you cannot coat them. There is no space to do so and it would mess up the tuning. He suggested getting reeds made of a different metal and starts throwing a random types of metal at me. At this point, I'm saying, no, I bought this instrument for the specific reeds inside it. There are many different qualities between accordions and I sought this one out for specific reasons. I'm not going to simply negate everything I wanted it. I still have not asked once for advice from him. I even clarified that I have had an entire conversation with people who made this accordion and thousands of other ones about this particular issue and to brainstorm what I might do to protect it and this goes on and on. So I finally send, why is a simple answer never good enough for you? I say anything about my physical health and it turns into a whole thing. And now this too, it really stresses me out, makes me feel like you doubt I'm smart enough to have already done my research and it just feels irritating and insulting. That's not something you tell in acquaintance. Honestly, yeah, I kind of agree. Like I don't think we need to tell friends with benefits that you think that they're frustrating you and annoying. I think- You just ghost them. Well, no, don't ghost them, but you can say, hey, I'm not like, I no longer want to continue this because of, you don't even, like you could tell them the real reason, but like, I feel like there are certain things that need to be communicated clearly when you have that sort of casual relationship, but I don't think that this is, I don't know, like this is the type of thing that you would have a conversation with like a partner or like an actual friend. So it just feels like unnecessary to have with someone you don't really seem to like. Yeah, that's true. I was just gonna say like, yeah, the solution, the simplest solution is just get rid of the guy. Yeah, fine. Unless they feel connected a little bit more than just friends with benefits. Yeah, don't call them an acquaintance. Yeah, which is then it's a different story. I don't know, he is popping Opie's hips somehow. Yeah, maybe it's just that good. I guess so. She's like, I gotta fix him up. So he responds saying, he just wants to help me and accuses me of not wanting to hear opinions other than my own. He admits he has no clue about any of this and says, I'm deflecting. He says, I'm making him feel like he isn't worth a try and that he can't talk. I'm pretty irritated. I explained he is missing the cues that the topic is gone now, refuses to let go of a conversation and move on and keeps giving advice where I didn't ask for it. He is requiring more communication than the friends in my life combine. And I don't have the energy or desire for every offhand comment to turn it to an unsolicited advice session. He goes back to accusing me of not wanting to talk to him and says, this shouldn't stress me out. I tell him again that it does stress me out. Him retreating into, I just can't talk to you commentary feels like a projection or manipulation. It's a continued choice to acknowledge and accept that I am conversing to converse, not to get endless advice from someone who has no clue what they're talking about. Yes, how do I feel if someone else told me the same thing? I told him for not wanting advice, I didn't ask for. I tell him I have received that from the past from someone. While I thought I was being helpful, it turned out that they really wanted to figure it out on their own. I chose respect their wishes and simply stopped giving that advice unless specifically asked for. Why is there more? OP, come on. I think we just end it, cut and dry. Tells me he respects that, that I don't want advice and I didn't ask for it and says it was more like suggestions, not a you have to do this kind of thing. He immediately goes to say, I'm criticizing and being defensive that it isn't healthy. So he would just stop talking unless we can have a respectful conversation. Am I crazy? Yes, for staying here. For making us read this. It's like if you're in a circle of grass, that's not, you're not blocked, you're not enclosed or anything. There's a different area that you wanna go to and you're like, I wish I could go to that area. I wish I could leave this circle of grass and go to that different area. There's nothing preventing you from doing that. Let's just go. I don't understand how not wanting unsolicited advice is criticism and defensive. I'm very close to just ending all communication with him. I had hope he would become a good friends with benefits, but I don't have the mental energy to do verbal gymnastics and make him understand that suggestions are still unsolicited advice and that he is not respecting my wish to not do that all the time. Would I be the A-hole if I just put things to a stop now? No. You wouldn't be the A-hole if there was literally no reason for you wanting to put a stop to it. You could just be like, I'm not feeling it and you could end it for any reason because guess what? He's not. He's a friend with benefit. Also, that's it. It sounds like he wants more. Hope he says he made it very clear from the start that he's not in a place to pursue anything deeper. Well, then he needs to stop asking for something deeper and you just need to stop hanging out with him. Yeah. And there we go. And that's my advice for you. But that's the end of that story. This is an I Heart podcast.