The Lie Of "Stranger Danger" | Full Auto Friday | 2/27.26

What's up everybody? It's Friday. Well, by the time you listen to this, it's Friday. I'm doing this on Thursday. Before we get into it, I got to do a little bit of admin work or administrative work if you didn't come from the military. Where do I begin? A few things. I guess first and foremost is this. I don't like selling stuff. If anybody has followed the show or me for some time, that is obviously a part of what I do. I have some merchandise that's associated with the podcast. I'm wearing one of the shirts right now. I'll talk about that in a second. But I'm not a good salesman. And oftentimes I don't think I do a good job of perhaps talking enough when I should in certain areas. Specifically, what am I talking about? Okay. I have a book. The book is getting ready to come out April 14th. This is what's called a galley copy. It's like 90%, probably even more than that. But I can give you an example of what it's missing here. Author photo, not here. There was a time where I only had one of these and I did do a social media giveaway. And to everybody who reached out and said they wanted a copy, thank you so much. I did send it to the person though. So if you were not notified that you won, you didn't win. This book comes out April 14th. The publisher took a risk on me. I'm a non-published author. Jocko wrote the foreword, took a risk on me in supporting me. And he was able to read his portion for the audio book as well. I was able to read the audio book for what I wrote. Joe Rogan wrote an amazing blurb. A portion of it is on the front cover. And the reality is they cut it down from a couple paragraphs that he wrote. I have no words to express how thankful I am. Jack Carr wrote the inside blurb. All of those people took a risk on me. And I not only am contractually obligated to do the best that I can to promote the book, but I want to do everything I can to make it as successful as possible in a way to say thank you to the people who helped me create it. legitimately wasn't my idea. Point in all this comes to this. I would humbly request that if the podcast has ever been a positive influence or impact in your life and you have the ability, whether it's through an audio book or the hard cover, because these soft covers come out eventually. I don't necessarily know how it works. I know they're printing the hard covers right now, of which I don't have any and I shouldn't until mid-March. But if you can, if you've ever gotten value from the stuff that I do, do me a favor. Put this episode on pause and support me in making this book as successful as possible. I'll put a link in the show notes that will send you to a portal that I got from the publisher and it has everything from the written book to audiobook. And you can buy it on Apple or Audible. You can buy it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, whatever it may be. That would be my humble request to you, the listener or viewer, depending on how you consume the medium. It would mean a lot to me. Um, because more than anything, I just don't want to let down the people that help make this possible and also help make it what it is. So that's on the book front. I mentioned the t-shirts. I just redesigned, uh, some t-shirts for the podcast. I'm kind of over the overly graphic phase. I want something simple. You can't see it very well, but this just says ch and it's got lat long for kalispell montana what's the back look like you might ask i don't even know if that showed up on video because i can't watch it in real time but i'll put a link to those in the show notes as well uh if you had to choose between the two do me a favor support me via the book and not the t-shirt this is just a t-shirt of which there are many but in the future actually all the branding is going to be uh more like this one more lifestyle stylish in nature, less crazy over the top graphics. And that way people can hopefully feel more comfortable wearing it all the time. Let's get into this. Let's do question number one. Here we go. This is what you guys came for. Not listening to me ramble, try to ask you for money, which I absolutely hate doing. Question one. I've been listening to the show since 2020 and I got hooked when you had the quant on for the first time. For those of you who don't know what that is. That is Mike Glover. He is my quantitative. I am not sure if he is good at math, but he and I both agree that he is Asian and he is the one who called himself the quant the first time, not me. So I feel like I can use that term or other people can without upsetting him because he was the one who created it. I'll keep it as short as I can as it's late. And I hate being on technology more than I need to outside of work. Your insight would be appreciated though. A few years ago, my wife and I were at a theater. It was the middle of the movie when I noticed a loud knocking coming from the exit door to our left. I like to sit at the very top of the rows. So I maintain higher ground. It's also a way better visual. Remember the first time my kids wanted to go to the theater and they thought that sitting in the front row was the best way to experience a movie. And then they had neck pain. Cause you're like, ah, staring up and you can like barely focus your eyes. Cause it's so close to your face. If you're into that cool. If you're not into that, the higher seats are better, not only for high ground, but for a viewing experience as well. Okay. So a lady sitting next to the door got up, walked to the door. Actually, hold on. I like to sit at the very top of the rows so I maintain higher ground, but I do my best to enjoy public settings without the paranoia and try to replace it with preparedness. Good call. I support everything so far. A lady sitting near the door got up, walked to the door and opened it for the stranger on the other side. As she walked towards the door, I wanted to become vocal. However, what ran through my mind was I would have to shout very loud to have her hear me as it was on a very loud scene. That shouting could cause fear and a response with someone else in the theater. and I didn't want to become a target myself nor my wife in any way. My mind raced. I thought of Aurora, Colorado, where a shooting where this exact thing happened and that's how the shooter got entry into the theater before shooting it up. I sat there, my left hand lifted my shirt and I placed my right hand on my pistol grip, also a P365 fuse. That is a SIG firearm. I own many of them. This is a fantastic, the 365. is a fantastic platform, in my appendix carry holster. I thought first about standing in front of my wife first before anything else, if there was a threat or perceived threat, ushering her out quickly if time permitted. The stranger turned out to be another moviegoer who sat down and enjoyed the movie. I was on the edge the rest of the movie because mostly or mostly because of how I didn't do anything? Or should I have? What a great question. You have the rest of your life to question yourself on the things that you have done in your life and the things that you could have done in your life and didn't. There's lessons to be learned from both of those, but at some point in time, actually, the greater hope for this would be is that you can put this down, right? And maybe my answer to this will help you. The Aurora, Colorado shooting was gnarly. And I looked into it a little bit. Everything you said was correct. That is how an individual gained access to a theater. Now, every time that you are in a theater, if you were to hear somebody banging on an emergency exit, should your mind go to that place? I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer to that, but given historical events, and on this one, I know it's a data point of one, but it's still a very important data point, and the damage there was substantial, I can't blame you for thinking about that. And I'm about to completely mess up this parable or analogy, whatever it may be, but this helps me sometimes, and hopefully this can help you. And it's a thought exercise. You're in the woods in North America, and you're having a great time, and you start hearing some hooves. Now, the hooves don't necessarily scare you because this isn't a thought exercise about whether or not you are being scared. It's a thought exercise about what you should maybe consider or expect. You're better served in that environment, in the woods, in North America, where you hear hooves hitting the ground to peek out from around a tree and see a horse, as opposed to thinking in your head, I bet that's a zebra and you peek around and it's not because what's the likelihood of finding a zebra here in North America? Now I say that, let me tell you something. I'm aware of a zebra here in Kalispell, Montana. And I'm not going to tell anybody anything other than that because I'm not a narc because I don't know how this person has this. I don't even know if this is a wild zebra, but there's a zebra up here. How they got it here? I don't know. Do I want them to lose their zebra? No, because what's more awesome than a mountain zebra? I don't know if I've ever seen anything more awesome than a mountain zebra, but if every time that I heard hooves in the backcountry, I thought I was going to see a zebra, I'd be really let down because I've actually only seen this thing one time. Today's episode is brought to you by Better Wild. If you follow me on any platform, you know I have a dog. I love dogs. My dog's name is Javelin. He is of the most superior breed on planet Earth in the history of humans, and that is a mini Dachshund or a Dachal, depending on where you're from. I love that little guy so much, but he is tiny, and his digestive tract is like this small. He's just a very compact package. Just like humans, dogs need probiotics and good bacteria in their stomach to strengthen their gut health and calm an overactive immune system. And this is why I use the Better Wild Allergy Relief soft chews. And I'll be honest, when these showed up, I didn't know how Javi was going to react to them. He really likes popcorn and things like cheese, of which I give him only sparing amounts. But some things he will literally turn his little snood up as. These he devoured. So I was hesitant at first, no issues incorporating these into his diet. They're the first and only chews with ancestral advantage wolf probiotics derived from your dog's mighty ancestors, the wolf, that help restore a healthy balance of good bacteria in the gut. Better Wild is committed to helping your dog with science-backed, veterinarian-approved solutions that you can feel great about. And right now, Better Wild is offering the listeners up to 40% off your order at betterwild.com slash clearedhot. That's betterwild.com slash clearedhot for up to 40% off your order. Betterwild.com slash clearedhot. Back to the show. I think you get the point of the, and again, I don't know what this would be, a metaphor, an analogy. Is it a parable because it has to do with animals? the very, the vast statistical likelihood that what you are going to encounter is going to be somebody trying to get back into a movie theater. And the statistically anomalous event that could be incredibly destructive to you, to people that you love and people that you don't even know in the same moment is what you're talking about. Somebody from ill intent and similar to the roar a situation. And again, I'm only aware of that happening one time. So my point in talking about that headspace is you will be in life, in my experience at least, you will encounter a lot of situations where there are opportunities to make leaps in assumptions and in judgment, which can directly impact emotions and anxiety, a little bit like you talked about at the end here. It didn't say that you were losing it, but you were on edge a little bit because you were questioning yourself and just what had happened because of what happened that one time in Aurora got you to a place that you didn't know if you should do something or if you should just let it go. Right. So it's going to happen in life. You're going to be presented with these opportunities. I don't want anybody to live their life in a state of paranoia, but I do want people to be prepared that evil does exist and that you may, it is incredibly unlikely, but you may encounter it. Just like you may encounter a zebra, but almost always it's going to be a horse or up here an elk or a deer or something like that. I think you get the point in that, right? So does that mean you should ignore it? Absolutely not. Does that mean that you should live your life in a paranoid manner? Absolutely not. What can you do to help yourself? You can prepare, which you already mentioned. So you have a 365 fuse. That's great. I do have a few questions though. And this is based off of, I'm not going to say this is a deficiency, but I think it's something that people don't think about that often. And it surprises me that they don't. And that is that half of every day occurs in darkness, or you spend a lot of your life in environments that have other than direct sunshine levels of brightness. So the 365 fuse, I think comes with tritium sights or trijicon sights. It may not though. Did you have a red dot? Did you have a flashlight on your weapon? Because there's another issue here too. You might be able to see your sights, but what if it is just dark enough that you can't see what is in the other person's hands? Are you going to risk everything to include your freedom on a maybe somebody has something in their hands Or would you like something that is very easy to attach to the 365 weapons platform that can illuminate and make that decision for not make the decision It will provide you the information with which you can make that decision And also flashing somebody in the light, in the eyes, in the lights, man, one of those days with words, you flash somebody in the eyes with a very powerful light, they're going to be disoriented. And let's say it is somebody who has ill intent. They might actually have their effectiveness drastically reduced. So that's going to be a two thumbs up as it is. But what are you going to do in this situation where it's darked out and cool, you can see your sights, but you can't identify with any level of accuracy and precision what somebody may have in their hands. It's going to be a problem. And you want to talk about a level of anxiety and uncertainty, man, live in that moment for a bit with, again, the totality of what may happen, even just legally from a decision that you make on incomplete information. So food for thought, half of every day is at night, everyone. I have, it's across the table. I have a flashlight on my pistol. I almost never use it. In full disclosure, my pistol almost never comes out of the fanny pack that it's currently sitting in, except for when I'm doing a press check, making sure that everything's still going, making sure my battery's good on my red light, making sure my battery's good on my flashlight, and putting it right back into the fanny pack. I do that quite often, but there's a reason why I have all those things and why I do those checks. It's so it allows me a level of functionality regardless of the environment that I go into. There's some other things you have to think about in these environments. Backdrop being one of them. If a person maneuvers into the middle of a room and they have people behind them, how comfortable are you taking a shot in that environment? Is it possible that you could injure others in the attempt to stop somebody? Yes. And I'm not going to tell you whether or not you should do that. I will just say that there is a reason why you should train and be as capable as possible. I'm not even going to answer as to whether or not I would take that shot or not. I am not, I'm not even going to say I am more proficient with firearms than other people. I have more experience probably with firearms than most people, but proficiency and experience are two very, very different things. So these are things you have to consider though. And these are questions that you may be forced to answer on the stand. And that can be a real, real tough environment for anybody to navigate and live in. And I would also say this, you need to have the answers to these questions before you find yourself in these situations to help you reduce anxiety. You need to understand and know your go, no go criteria before you can't, to the best of your ability, before you find yourself in one of these situations. It will help you act quicker and it will help array for you potential options that you have. So standing in front of your wife, not a bad idea. You know, I don't have too many suggestions for you. I would not advocate for pulling your pistol out of the holster. I don't think it rose to that occasion. You know, if you were thinking about already standing up and standing in front of your wife, sure, that might shield her a little bit. Depending on if you were sitting in the middle of the row or on the edge of the row, you might've considered closing the distance a little bit. So maybe you would have had, if it had come to a ballistic exchange, you would have had a shorter distance to cover with that. Maybe a better ability to visually identify what was or was not in somebody's hands or their intent as they were coming into the theater. So those, I mean, you can think about it from that perspective. All of the preparation though, that will help you in these moments occurs before you sit down in the movie theater. It's the time you spend on the range, the familiarity that you have with your weapon system, and honestly, conversations that you would have with your wife as well. I would hope that after this, you not only have shared this with me, even though this occurred years ago, that you shared it with your wife. There's no reason to not have, especially if you are focusing on preparedness. I would hope that your spouse is to at least a degree as well, or you have talked about some what ifs or have a vernacular that you could use that is maybe a little bit different of your outside of normal communication where she's going to realize and understand that you are recognizing a threat or perceiving a threat that maybe she doesn't and it doesn't have to get crazy and it could be just something between the two of you because if you're with a team you're only going to be as strong as your weakest link if she doesn't understand what's going on if she doesn't understand why you're doing what you're doing you know, you could do everything right in air quotes and actually potentially put her in more risk because of a bizarre reaction from her just because she's confused and doesn't understand what is going on. So I hope that you shared this with her, the communication with her upfront, the preparation upfront, realizing that you want to be able to see at night upfront, all of those things. And also the recognition that more than likely it's going to be a horse, not a zebra, but you're put in the work in case it is a zebra. So you're going to be okay. This is how it feels, you know, on the edge of your seat, because you were questioning yourself or you got yourself to a place where you were a little bit emotionally escalated. That's what it feels like. You know, I'm not immune from having those things in my life as well too, whether it's even overseas where it's, it's up and down and it's peaks and its valleys and its spikes and its cliffs, your body has natural emotional reactions and physiological reactions to these things. You can see people who can be cool, calm and collected in the middle of a tactical situation and they shake afterwards. And a lot of people view that as like some type of, oh man, they must be a pussy or they must be scared. It's like, no, it's probably just the adrenaline working its way out of your system. Or they could shake during and be totally cool, calm and collected afterwards, like totally lock up during and be fine afterwards and everything in between those things. So I think being on edge and questioning yourself is actually a great thing. These reflective, what could I have done better? How could I be better prepared? Will serve you better in these environments going forward. I think it's glad, or I think it's glad. Wow, really a word day. I am glad that you feel that way. It's the person that thinks, no, I don't have to worry about anything and I'm just gonna be a game time player and I'm gonna step up and handle all issues. when they present themselves, I worry way more about that person than I do about somebody like yourself. So take it easy on yourself. You already have many, many steps in the right direction. You're already tactically paying attention. You're making decisions based off of preparation and thinking through if A happens, I'm going to do B, or I'm going to put myself in this position in case A, B, or C does happen. Layer in that communication with your spouse, work as a team, share with her your concerns as well. I don't know about you and your marriage, but I don't want my wife to be worried about things that she hasn't shared with me. Offload a little bit of that anxiety onto me. I'm talking about my wife and our relationship, but do the same thing with your wife too. She's not going to want you to be the only person thinking about this and she might help ground you a little bit in that horse reality than the zebra one. So you're doing good. Keep doing what you're doing. Maybe do a little bit more here and there. Preparation is going to be the biggest key. That's all I have for number one. All right, question two, we're going to shift gears a little bit shorter question. Then we'll go back to a little bit of a dark one. Hey, Andy. Oh, not that this one's amazing, by the way. Sorry. Long-term listener and love the podcast. I've just been totally blindsided by my wife wanting to separate and having to tell my two young boys the news. It absolutely broke them and me. I am a distant listener in the highlands of Scotland, but any scraps of guidance on how do I go about any of this would be greatly appreciated. My man, I am sorry. I am sorry that this happened to you. And there is nothing that I'm going to be able to say to you that is going to make this hurtless, that is going to make this easier. But I do have some suggestions and I do have some advice. Take your time when talking to your kids and make sure that you are in a good place. So you can talk about this from the place of being the person that you want to be, not emotionally falling apart. And I'm not saying it's bad for your children to see emotions, But what they really need right now in a tumultuous situation like this is hopefully two parents, whether or not those two parents can get along, that are as stable and rock solid as possible. And I think there's actually only one thing that you can say to your kids that is hopefully for you and your wife slash potentially future ex-wife that is true. And that's this. regardless of what happens in the relationship between the parents, each of those parents individually will always be there for the kids. Now, maybe you are unsure of your ability to do that. And maybe you have no idea if your future ex even wants to. So let's carve the future ex out of this because you can only control yourself. Maybe you are unsure as to the way forward. Am I going to be able to provide? Is this going to have to change everything about my life and I'm going to have to work my ass off and take every job and miss time with my kids and all these things to provide for them? The answer to that question is who knows, depending on your situation and maybe, but your kids don't need to hear that. They need to hear that regardless of what happens in their life going forward, as you're working your way through this, that you are going to be there for them, that you are going to be there with them. And then more importantly than all of that, you need to live up to that. Now, I understand that there are situations, maybe you're the sole breadwinner. Maybe you're not. Maybe you travel for work. Maybe you work remotely. I am not sure. There may be things that will be required of you that takes you away from your kids. and you may not be able to be there in every moment. That is okay. And it's okay to have those conversations too. But what I mean is this longer term vision of that just because mom and dad are making a decision that the relationship doesn't work, that it has no impact on how you feel about your kids and the level of dedication and love that you have for your kids. Those are two very separate things. And I toiled with this personally. I was the one who made the decision to leave my marriage, my first marriage. And this was one of the main things that I thought about was the impact that it was going to have on my kids. Is it going to change how they think about love? Is it going to change how they think about relationships? Is it going to change how they think about me? And you want to talk about lost sleep, looking at a ceiling fan, even though I don't have a ceiling fan, but I would imagine that's what I would be doing, staring at the ceiling as it slowly went around. Instead, I just stared at the ceiling. I get it. I know exactly how you feel. But this is going to suck for your kids. I think even a great divorce, whatever that sounds like or looks like, is going to be tumultuous to a degree. You are taking the foundation of what they consider to be normal and you are turning it on their head. Their mom and dad, who, depending on the age of your kids, you didn't include this in the email, maybe their processing ability isn't as good as it will be later on their life and their mid to late teens or into their twenties. Maybe they're single digit age, very different experiences, you know, and the single digit ages, mom and dad are, you're the center of the known universe for your kids. And I don't know if they can even comprehend what that means when two planets are going to collide and then head off in different directions. Um, God, I've thought a lot about, you know, with the divorce is first off, there's no such thing as a good divorce. I think there are good reasons to get a divorce, but I just, especially if you have kids, I hesitate to use the word good, but would it be better to do it when they can process less or better to do it when they can thoroughly process more? I don't have an answer there. And there's probably pros and cons to both, but being that rock for your kids, maybe even overexpressive to them on how they're just not going to be alone. How regardless of whether or not mom and dad stay together, you are still their dad and you are always going to be their dad and you are always going to be their form. And I know I'm getting repetitive in nature, but there's a reason for that. You don't know how this process is going to be, but you can control whether or not you are that person, whether or not you are there for them and the way that you are going to express them. And you need to be. And if you have to travel for work and things like that, that's okay. You can verbalize that. But when you're back, you need to be back. You need to be the dad. You need to be in that environment. And you need to make sure that they understand that they're not going to be alone. I would also expect this to come in waves. Actually, more like maybe not waves because it doesn't have to crash. And we'll say the tide. You'll have good days and you'll have bad days. Your ex-wife, future ex-wife, she's going to have good days and bad days you're going to have and your kids might as well too. There might be days where it seems like they're not being really impacted by this much. And there may be other days where behavior is so outside of normal that you don't understand what's going on. Maybe just think in the back of your head, man, this might be the expression of whatever it is they're going through, trying to work through. My point in saying that is as adults, we have better abilities to communicate and you can go out and find help for yourself. Make sure you think of that for your kids. And again, this depends. I have no idea if they're infants, single digit age, tweens, teenagers, 20s, whatever it may be. But you said they were young. So there are people that specialize in helping young children boys and girls work through things like this So reach out wide Reach out proactively You don have to wait for the tide to go up and down a bunch of times before you do that. Find people that specialize in helping families go through this. The last piece of advice I will give you is this. I hope that everything goes well for you and this is amicable and it can be quick and it can be fair and that co-parenting will not be an issue for the rest of your boys' lives and that it'll be a stable environment on both sides and transfers will be seamless and communication about the kids will be seamless and you guys can absolutely define every aspect of co-parenting. If that isn't the case, regardless Regardless of what the other side of that equation is doing or saying or they are behaving, do not under any circumstance deviate from being the example that you want to set from your boys. The other side of that is talking negatively about you. Do not engage and do not return fire. The other side is trying to restrict in some way, shape or form or be punitive with you, with your time with the kids. Do not lash out at that person. Use the legal system, which may take longer, and you may lose a little bit of time up front, but it is a better path than hammering it out with your ex-significant other while your kids are watching. I'm not incredibly familiar with the divorce laws in Scotland. I'll assume they're all, I don't know, I'm asking who's going to say they all have some degrees or level of being similar. I actually have no idea if that is the case, but don't ever deviate from that person. You're her talking around in town, saying things about you that aren't true. Let people believe them. Show your kids who you are. You don't have to tell them, show them who you are. Not once and not twice, but over time, over years, over decades, They will figure it out on their own. That's a lonely path for a little bit, especially early on. But I'm telling you right now, it pays so many more dividends than getting into the pig pen and just throwing shit everywhere else just because somebody else is. Under no circumstance do that. And also be okay with you having some up days and some down days. Be okay by this process destroying you sometimes. It sucks. This whole, the concept of what you're talking about sucks. It's okay if that levels you on some days. And it's also okay to have days where it doesn't seem to be bothering you as much. And you can see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. You can start to think about what your future may be. It's all okay. There is no textbook for how this should go. Base it though on being there for your kids and you're gonna get out of it okay. And that's all I have for question two. Today's episode is brought to you by AG1. Well, guess what? We're into February. How many of you are still just jamming on your New Year's resolutions? I think the data shows that most people are done with them by about 21 or even 14 days. I've talked about this, man, for well over a year. My goal to dial in the macro and micro, but oftentimes the micro elements of my hydration and supplementation game. And this is where AG1 comes in. I use it in the morning to hydrate and it helps me dial in all the micronutrients that I honestly just don't pay attention to. AG1 is the opposite of complexity. It takes about 20 seconds. One scoop, boom, into the water in the morning. Eight ounces is what I go with, you're done. 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This is a limited time offer, only available while supplies last. That's drinkag1.com slash cleared hot. Drinkag1.com slash cleared hot. Back to the show. All right. Question number three. Here we go. Shifting gears a little bit. On January 30th, I was admitted to the hospital via the ER for multiple DVTs in my left leg. Once admitted, they also found multiple pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. Dude, you're having a bad day. I've had a pretty good life and a full life. I am 58, and this is the first time I've ever been admitted to the hospital. I've had several outpatient procedures but never admitted. They did two separate procedures to remove the clots from my leg and lung. I am now in recovery mode, which leads to my question. I know you went through an unexpected and serious medical event a year or so ago. I'm married to a beautiful lady that is 10 years younger. I have always been active and in shape, able to do anything and everything around the house. Suddenly, I feel like a huge burden to her. I can't even take out the damn trash. Did you struggle with this? Do you have any advice on how to keep mentally and emotionally healthy as I move through this recovery process? God, this question stings. I had never really been around a hospital either until I had an intestinal blockage, which basically Leah saved my life by lying to me and saying she was going to continue driving home towards Kalispell when we were in Utah and then drove to the nearest hospital of which I was laying on the hospital floor, waiting room floor, mostly because I was sweating at the time and it felt way cooler. But yeah, that progressed pretty rapidly to emergency surgery, getting zipped all the way open. Apparently they take your whole intestines and they lay it out. I was not, I was physically present, but not emotionally present for that. Yeah, it was wild. And that you want to talk about being completely and utterly, literally, and I guess metaphorically flat on your back. When I woke up from that, I have never felt more useless in my life. There was, there was several layers of sutures. The outermost layer was stapled, which I swear they just went to Home Depot and just grabbed a stapler or OfficeMax, whichever one was closer. And the very first day they said, we would like you to try to stand up and walk to the nurse's station, which I would say conservatively was 15 feet away. I stood up, I coughed and felt like my legs were going to fall out from underneath me. The pain in my stomach was ridiculous. Barely made it to the maybe halfway to the nurse's station. Maybe I made it the whole way. I don't even remember. Laid back down and immediately went to bed. So I understand exactly what you're talking about. Here's the cool thing about what you wrote. I have always been active and in shape and able to do anything and everything around the house. Suddenly I feel like a huge burden to her. Well, you're her partner and it sounds like you guys have a fantastic relationship. And if you've been able and willing to do everything around the house, I'm going to assume, I'll make an assumption here, that she has noticed that over time, which I'm sure was appreciated. I'm sure she also notices that you just had very major medical procedures and she knows the person that you are and who you were and what you have done and probably can put the dots together as to why you're not doing those things right now. Like I really don't think we got home four days later, maybe five days later after my surgery. I don't think that Leah A expected me to or B would have been anything other than pissed at me if I had been house cleaning when we got home. Actually, if anything, she kept telling me to stop doing the things that I was doing. And I was like trying to go roll out of bed and take a piss or put socks on or go to the sink and fill up a glass of water. She was pissed at me for doing those things. And the reason I was trying to do those things is I was exactly in the headspace that you were in. I was used to being so capable and able to take care of myself that it pissed me off to the nth degree that I couldn't do any of those things. So I kept pushing it. Not like I wasn't trying to set myself back, but it's just that headspace of I used to be able to do so much. What do you mean I can't go get my own glass of water? And I got a wife telling me to lay down and just tell me what it is that you need. You're going to be fine. Your wife knows who you are. She knows the work that you've done around the house. Probably not a voluntary thing or something you opted into to have this happen. So let her do what I bet she wants to do, which is take care of you. That's what a partnership is. That is what a healthy marriage is, is that somebody who absolutely cares about the other person. And I don't know how anybody feels about their wife, but when I think about how I feel about Leah, I want to do absolutely everything that I can for her at all times when she's healthy, let alone if she were sick, I would want to like redouble my efforts and do even more. Not because I feel like I have to, not because I feel like I'm burdened, but because I love her more than I have the vocabulary to describe. Let's just assume your wife is like that. Okay. Now, if you can get yourself to be a lazy sack of shit for a few days, obviously a joke, right? You're literally flat on your back because of medical procedure, what you're going to get is this, a lot of time to think about whether or not you're going to be able to fully recover from what happened to you. And that's what, that's what happened to me. And man, you want to talk about this self licking descending ice cream cone down to an emotionally unhealthy state, especially if you went from active to flat on your back and like, Oh, am I going to be able to get back there? What am I going to do? As soon as I'm ready to go, I'm going to go right back to the level of activity it was. Nope. Don't do any of that stuff. So now my advice specifically for you, other than to let your wife take care of you is this set a really long-term goal for getting back to where you were. It's probably the safest way to do it. I know plenty of people that have hurt themselves in the rehab process worse than the actual initial injury, or at least re-injured the knees would be a great example. Somebody goes in and gets one of the L's replaced, ACL, MCL, PCL, right? And the surgery goes great. And they're so like, I'm doing my rehab and they're doing everything that they're supposed to be doing. And then all of a sudden, bam, it goes again. Why? Because they were pushing it too hard. What they actually should have done is backed it off and lowered that trajectory, right? Lower the trajectory. You're going to be okay. Control the things that you can control. This is one of the things I did. I'm like, okay, I can't do much. My caloric requirements are probably lower than when I'm incredibly physically active, even though I think there is an increase when your body's trying to recover. But I was like, okay, fuel. Let's fuel this recovery with the highest quality humanly possible. That's 100% something I can do laying flat on my back. Hydration. Let's get hydration on board. And I actually, I got off the narcotics after a few days. I didn't like how they, and I never have liked the way that narcotics in that setting has made me feel. And it's like my skin was oily. It was really weird. And I just wanted to flush it out. One of the best ways you can do that is with hydration as well. And I set realistic goals for myself. The first time Leah and I went for a walk, I think we went to the end of the block and back. And I felt like I could have done more in the moment. But then when we got back to the house, I was pretty tired. Then a half a block. Then three quarters of a block. then once around, right? And then two times around, three times around, four times around. And this is being measured not in days. This is maybe a week or two. Eventually, I was prohibited from doing anything that would even break a sweat until the staples were removed, which I think was, it's been a few years, three to four weeks. Feel free to correct me if I was wrong on that one, but I think they said three to four weeks. Got those taken out. And then I started to walk a little bit farther. I would get up in the morning and I would walk a little bit. And the only reason I was actually sweating as I was wearing a jacket that was a little bit too much. It was in the wintertime months, and I would rather be just a little bit warmer because shivering hurt my stomach. And it just was like a mile, then a mile and a quarter, then a mile and a half, and just slowly, incrementally working my way back to this. But that's a very tough mental game, especially for guys. You want to go too hard. I could have 100% blown out some of the sutures or actually the way the doctor described it was the, what would be the word for it? Thread for lack of a better term, even though I know we weren't sewing a blanket. The thread that they used was so strong that if I didn't give the muscles and tissue enough time to heal, it would actually rip, not the thread, the muscle tissue itself. So it'd be like a knife, essentially, or two little knives, just pulling it apart. Then we're talking about hernias, all sorts of stuff. So by going too hard, I could have absolutely injured myself. Probably not as bad, but set myself way back. And I kept reminding myself of that low trajectory distant horizon And now I look back on it I am older than I was then I lighter now and more physically capable than I was But that starts with the good foundation fuel hydration sleep Now not everybody feels the same way about the narcotics post-surgery that I do. And it's not that I wasn't taking pain meds. They switched me over to basically liquid Tylenol and ibuprofen, than regular Tylenol and ibuprofen. And I got off of it as quickly as possible just because I wanted to get my body the best opportunity to recover. And I was sleeping my ass off. So don't discount that either. You're going to want to be productive. Be productive at resting and recovering. I would recommend when you get to a place where you don't need the pain meds, get off of them. I'm not saying rush to get off and I'm certainly not a doctor giving you medical advice, but I think your body can recover better and will give you better feedback on when you're pushing it too far if you're getting a clean signal back. If you're in pain and you can't sleep, do what you need to do to be able to get through that phase. I'm talking about in those weeks and months afterwards. So that is what I chose to do. Talk to your medical professional. It has been my experience though every time I can get that cleaner signal and I can listen to and feel my body better off of those things. So you're going to be okay. Mentally and emotionally, the farther you get from this, the better off you're going to be. You're going to have days where you feel like you can't do anything and days where you feel like you can do more. Appreciate the fact that your wife wants to take care of you and then take care of yourself. Take the time that you need and just keep telling yourself this. It's gonna be okay. You are going to get better and then slowly work at that. And if you can do that, you're gonna be just fine. All right, last question. Get a little bit darker. Hey, Andy, I would like to know your thoughts on whether it is better to be aware of online grooming or to be blissfully ignorant of it because of the stress it can cause just reading about it. This question comes from a conversation I had with the owner of the company that I work for. The FBI made a press release stating the following about an 18-year-old from our area, which is Los Angeles. A Pennsylvania man has been arrested and federally charged after grooming a girl who recently turned 13 years old to send him sexually explicit material of herself and images of self-harm over the internet. A pattern of abuse consistent with nihilistic violence extremist NVE ideology that culminated in law enforcement rescuing her at a Santa Clarita Valley motel. I have three young children. The owner has two children under 10 who I have seen playing Roblox, a game facing widespread controversy over child safety concerns. If anybody wants to hear more about that, I did an episode almost specifically about Roblox with Nick McKinley, the CEO of DeliverFund. So just go to the Clear. page and put in Nick McKinley. I've done basically once a year we try to scare the crap out of parents on issues just like this. The last one we did was specifically about Roblox. I shared with him that the attorney in the press release advised parents to keep their children offline. His response was something like, statistically, it could be one in a million or one in a billion children actually get hurt from something like this. Those stats are wrong. And you can go on Google and find stats that are going to blow your hair back even more. So this particular attorney, I don't know why he would say that because those stats are readily available, actually. They should have statistics and facts in the press release instead of spreading fear. Children would be more vulnerable if they weren't allowed on the internet because they wouldn't know how to navigate once they do have access. People would be happier if they didn't have to read stuff like this. So basically the attorney is, from what I'm getting this, telling people to bury their head in the sand, which I don't know if you guys have ever seen the sticker, but it says hope isn't a strategy or a good strategy. Being a father of children who are too young, in my opinion, to have access to the internet yet, I would like to hear your opinion on letting kids have access to the internet. I would also like to know if you agree that people would be happier and less fearful if they don't read and have a reaction to statistically unlikely things like this. Or do you think it's better to be aware of the evil that is around, even if it leaves a mark on your conscience? I almost always am going to fall on the ladder to answer as directly as possible towards the tail end of your question. It's not as statistically as unlikely as you may think. And it doesn't have to be how the internet is such a wild tool. Emphasis on tool. Is it as dangerous as a gun? No, I'm not going to make that leap. Is it non-dangerous? Not at all. So it's somewhere in between completely innocuous and let's just say designed to take life. Somewhere I've been, I mean, actually I just described just about everything in life. So that's probably not the best analogy. It is not a non-consequence free tool. As adults, what do we do, let's say, in a professional occupational setting where you have to use a tool that is like that? Well, you're probably going to get training. You're going to get education. You might even get a mentor assigned to you, an apprenticeship program, if you will, a left seat, right seat. So you can gain experience and exposure under the guidance of somebody who understands the tool, the limitations, and the dangers. I think we should treat the internet like that. I was having a podcast episode yesterday, a fantastic episode with a woman named Erica that will be out in two weeks. And we were talking about the internet. And it's, you know, if you only get information from the internet, it'd be really easy to think that we live in the most dangerous time for human beings. But statistically, it is the safest time. But you can go down these rabbit holes and be bombarded with negativity. And people often focus on that aspect of the internet. But it also allows you to gather inspiration from people you would never meet and research and educate yourself on anything that may interest you and stay in touch with people that you no longer geographically live with and stay connected with people that have moved away. So there's such beautiful things that can come from it as well. And her and I were connected over the internet through social media, which has potentially huge negative consequences, especially on a developing mind, but also that we would have never sat there, right? So again, what is it? It is a tool. Are there people out there that will prey on your children? Yes. Now, what can you do about that? There's two things. do some research stranger danger you know the when i was growing up the ice cream truck down by the river that you're going to get shoved inside of and never seen from again that was like the the warning of the day and it was probably before my generation too when you look at the actual stats of people that are the most danger to children, it's usually inside of your social circle or family network. And that sucks to say, but that's what the stats show. So it's much more likely to be somebody that you know that is in your social circle or in your family that preys upon your own children than anything else. Now that's in geographic close proximity. So So there's whole conversations and training and education around your kids on that stuff. Having boundaries. Speaking up, saying something, if you're ever meant to feel uncomfortable. Open dialogue with parents. Sharing things like that. Not keeping secrets. You know, I'm not an expert in this stuff, so I'm repeating a lot of the things that professionals have said. So that's the family that physically can touch your kids or social circle. Then there's this other tool, right? And I wish more people would realize this, that when you give kids access to the internet, you are not giving them access to the world. You are giving the world access to them. Yes, the first part of that statement is accurate as well. But the more important part of it to me is the second. You're giving people that would have no ability in a world where this tool didn't exist to interface and interact with them. Roblox is an interesting platform. And it seems like it would be hard pressed to argue that they don't know that their platform has what is going on without them knowing about it. And a lot of it comes in non or off platforming these kids, which is exactly what you're talking about. This Pennsylvania dude grooming a girl, she found her at a Santa Clarita Valley motel, 13 years old. They off platform. So they'll get you off of Roblox. They'll get you into discord. They'll get you texting directly, whatever it is. But that's their fishing hole. God, I hate to use that analogy, but maybe it's accurate. Why do they go there? Because that's where the kids are. And that's the other level of training, education, and open communication that I think you absolutely have to have with your kids. We live in a world where the internet exists. Let's not pretend like it doesn't. I know a lot. I don't know a lot. I was about to say, I know a lot of parents. I don't know a lot of parents that say this. I know some parents that say this. My kids don't have cell phones or smartphones, so they're safe. Okay. Do they have friends that do? Do they have a single friend that has a smartphone? Because guess what? They're on it. They have access to the internet. Your kids are going to access the internet. Why not from the earliest of ages, whether they can understand it, have collaborative, open communication about not only the beauty of what the internet is, but the dangers. and show them how to use the internet. Introduce them to it via the tools that you want to provide for them. And there are tools for parents that can make the internet experience safer for children, whether that's an age restriction. You can go down a whole rabbit hole, and I highly recommend that parents do that. You can have programs that will report back to you your children's online usage, and sometimes they think that's a violation of privacy, but the internet is a privilege. It's not a right. At least the way I look at it, I have one child who's getting ready to be, excuse me, 18 this year. And at that point, she can make the decisions she wants to about whether or not having stuff like that on her phone. Like right now we share Life 360 location. I do that with two of my three kids and it's not forced in any way. It's actually just nice to know where they are. And I have no problem with them knowing where I am either, right? So that was collaborative. Would she push back probably on an internet oversight tool? Sure. Is she paying for her phone bill? No. Does she get to make that choice until she's 18? Probably not. And that can be an uncomfortable conversation, but I'd rather have that conversation than wonder if my 13-year-old daughter was at a hotel sending sexually explicit images and being leveraged by an adult that wants nothing good from her and should never have access to her in the first place. So burying your head in the sand to me is never the strategy. This goes back to the first question, paranoia versus preparation. The world is going to uppercut your kids in the face more times than you would ever want them to. Why not prepare them for that? You don't have to scare the crap out of them. You don't have to turn them into paranoid little monsters, but slowly build over time. Talk with them, explain to them, answer their questions. One of the things that I appreciate the most with all three of my kids is that we will have open and honest communication about everything. Drugs, sex, alcohol, life, violence, heartbreak, all of it, good days, bad days. They don't have to put a filter on it for me. And sometimes when they're telling me stuff, I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to hear this as a parent. But I'm so incredibly thankful that they tell me those things because at least then, and there's a reason that they tell me, it's because they trust me. I don't freak out. I don't raise my voice. I don't flip out. This is emotional as I pretty much always am. And we can talk about things that are going well, things that are dangerous, things that I'm worried about. It's going to be at this tone of voice. to the best of my ability. And they know that. So I'm not going to go flying off into left field. I'm not going to scream at them about anything, even things that I think are insane or could be dangerous. I'm going to sit them down and try to talk to them to the best of my ability. The reason why I don't yell at my kids is that anytime anybody's ever yelled at me, I immediately stopped listening. So why would I take that same approach with my kids? That open and honest communication really helps. Do they hide things from me? Yes. Do they do stupid things? Yes. Am I aware of some of those stupid things? Yes. Am I aware that I'm never going to know everything that they're up to? Yes, I am. But I also know who those kids are. And I also know the tools that they're taking into the world because I've taken the time to hopefully help develop them with them. And that's what I think you should do. Do not bury your kids' heads in the sand. Life is coming for them. It is your job as a parent to prepare them to the best of your ability to give them tools. You're not going to be able to solve all their problems, but hopefully you can give them tools that they can use and combine to solve problems as life starts kicking them right in the teeth. And it's going to. Ending on such a positive note. That's all I have for this Friday. See you guys Monday.