Addiction Missions
57 min
•Feb 6, 20264 months agoSummary
This episode of The Bonfire features hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly discussing personal anecdotes about home ownership, snow removal equipment, relationships, addiction patterns, and past technology ventures. The conversation ranges from suburban living challenges and snowblower comparisons to reflections on infidelity, shopping addiction, and nostalgic memories of early 2000s web design and comedy apps.
Insights
- Addiction patterns manifest across multiple domains (substances, shopping, technology) and individuals often substitute one compulsive behavior for another rather than addressing underlying psychological needs
- Home ownership creates unexpected social friction and judgment from neighbors, particularly around maintenance decisions and lifestyle choices
- Personal relationships require clear boundaries and honest communication; deception-based solutions to relationship issues (hiding purchases) create more problems than they solve
- Technology adoption in consumer products often prioritizes features over practical usability and long-term reliability, leading to buyer's remorse
- Social capital from fan relationships and professional hookups has diminishing returns and can create awkward obligations when the relationship ends
Trends
Battery-powered outdoor equipment gaining market share over gas-powered alternatives due to environmental regulations and ease of useSmart home automation and heated flooring/driveway systems becoming standard expectations in suburban home designSubscription and recurring service models (plumbing, snow removal, landscaping) replacing DIY home maintenance among busy professionalsInfluencer/celebrity fan relationships creating service economy opportunities but with unclear value exchange and sustainabilityAddictive consumption patterns shifting from traditional vices to technology gadgets and luxury goods as socially acceptable alternatives
Topics
Electric snowblower performance and battery technologyHome ownership maintenance challenges in suburban settingsHeated driveway and pipe warming systemsRelationship dynamics and financial transparencyShopping addiction and compulsive purchasing behaviorEarly 2000s comedy technology and web designComedian apps and digital fan engagementPlumbing and HVAC system design decisionsFlexible vs. copper piping in residential constructionNeighborhood social dynamics and judgmentGenerational differences in technology adoptionTattoo artist collaborations and fan relationshipsFour-wheel drive vehicle operationOil heating systems vs. modern alternativesFunctional fitness equipment and home gym design
Companies
Samsung
Advertised Galaxy S26 Ultra smartphone with privacy display and promotional tablet offer
EE
UK mobile network provider offering Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra with monthly savings and tablet promotion
TUI
Travel company advertising vacation packages with luggage allowance, hotel options, and dining choices
Greenworks
Manufacturer of 80-volt battery-powered snowblower and shovel equipment discussed for performance and reliability
Ted's Montana Grill
Steakhouse restaurant owned by Ted Turner, discussed as casual lunch destination with mixed reviews from hosts
CNN
Referenced as parent company of Ted's Montana Grill owner Ted Turner
WCW Wrestling
Wrestling promotion brought back by Ted Turner, mentioned in context of his business ventures
Iron Master
Fitness equipment manufacturer providing functional trainer and V2 bench with customer service recognition of host
Major Fitness
Fitness equipment retailer with backorder issues on functional trainer equipment
Bowflex
Manufacturer of adjustable dumbbells discussed as smooth and high-quality fitness equipment option
Joe Weider
Fitness equipment brand with adjustable dumbbells and stand, referenced as vintage 1980s-era equipment
People
Big Jay Oakerson
Co-host discussing home ownership, fitness, and personal anecdotes throughout the episode
Robert Kelly
Co-host discussing shopping addiction, relationships, and past technology ventures in comedy
Christine
Robert Kelly's wife, mentioned for home management knowledge and vehicle operation assistance
Black Lou
Show producer discussed for fitness equipment trades and personal relationships
Jacob
Show producer involved in lunch discussions and personal banter with hosts
Dan
Referenced as person who left the show and is discussed in context of restaurant preferences
Max
Robert Kelly's child, mentioned in context of home life and hypothetical scenarios
Kurt Iverson
Robert Kelly's web designer who created elaborate website with animated orbs and interactive elements
Manny
Chicago-based tattoo artist who performed work on Big Jay and attended show with crew
Lewis J. Gomez
Fellow comedian referenced for using fan base for services and home improvement projects
Ted Turner
Owner of Ted's Montana Grill and CNN, discussed in context of restaurant ownership and WCW Wrestling
Ben Bailey
Made joke about Robert Kelly's website being more famous than him during roast
Ralph Sutton
Attempted collaboration with Robert Kelly on app project early in their interaction
Quotes
"Pussy's free if you know what you're doing"
Robert Kelly•Mid-episode
"I'm an addict through and through. I am an addict. So if it's drugs, alcohol, sex, cigarettes, tobacco, now here's the thing too. We need a little deception in it."
Robert Kelly•Late episode
"Welcome to home ownership makes you want to fucking put a brick through their window"
Big Jay Oakerson•Mid-episode
"The hookup is good until it goes bad"
Robert Kelly•Late episode
"I don't know how to spell Massachusetts"
Robert Kelly•Mid-episode
Full Transcript
Grab the unrivalled Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra with an incredible privacy display on EE, the UK's best network. You can save £20 per month, plus claim a Samsung Galaxy Tab S10 Lite. Now we're talking. So get yours today. Offer ends 28th May. At TUI, we give you more. More outfit choices, with 20kg of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels, built around what you love, like that swim-up suite. More, race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, ooh, that looks good. Food options, from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in-store or online. You book it, TUI sort it. Not all in-app to protected. Keys and C's apply, selected hotels only. See website for details. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Crossen and Robert Kelly. Terminator timelines, we're back in the studio for the first time, even though it's Thursday for you. We came in today. Tuesday. It's Tuesday. Nice and early. Nice and early. We're gonna get some hummus. So we get a nice break. Oh, you wanna get Jiu food? Well, you brought it up. No, I didn't. I thought you said, let's go get Jiu food. You misunderstood me. I explained it in that moment, but then you had Jiu food on the brain after that. I always have Jiu food on the brain, right? Jacob? I like that. What did you say then? How did I misunderstood you? How did the word Jiu- I think I was just saying that we'll have a good amount of time. I forget the wording of it, but what I was saying was, if we started two, we'll have time. But I was even saying that the deli, you get the time to really sit and chill. I think I said, maybe I said chill or something. You thought I said Jiu. We were always driving through them on soon. Because I'm always here, Jiu. You do. The place he wants to take you is good. Yeah, but it might be a little, it might be a little, you might need a little more time than what we have. It's a really, yeah, you gotta sit and enjoy. You don't wanna rush it. What do they have there? A lot of stuff. Well, we're on the radio. Be descriptive. What do we have? Here, look at the menu. We tried everything. We had hummus. We had babagodouche. Yeah. He ordered lamb chops. Oh, so good. You don't like a lamb chop? No. I wasn't what I, but there's a lot of grilled food to look to. Well, he's not Dan. He's not gonna let you get whatever you want. No, he's fantastic. Yeah, I'm not gonna, I mean, I got to, but I take it to a different price. Yeah, yeah. That place is great. You'll like it. Yeah. Jacob, you wanna go to lunch just me and you? Ted's Montana next week. I can't go there with you. Wow. Why? It's hard. We need our own place. I bet we'll have more fun. Just me and you? Just me and you working it out. Now you know what? Okay. I'm bringing the crew. Whole crew. Let's go to Ted's Montana next week. All right. I'm not attached to it. Why do I feel shitty? Huh? Let's go. Oh, I didn't wanna put you through it. I thought I was doing, I thought I was being a good friend to you. You know what? Thank you very much. This is a pure spite meal. You're gonna make you sit through Ted's Montana? It's not good, Bobby. It stinks. No one who goes like it. You haven't been there. I like it. Dan likes it. Well, then why wouldn't I take you to your favorite place? Huh? Then why would I take you to your favorite place? Ted's Montana's. We're doing it. I bet he loved Mickey Mantles when it was in town. Jacob lives the hard rock, Bubba Gum Shrimp. Chicken has tourist taste. Yeah, he does. He really has tourist taste. You stink. I'm gonna head over. Hey, where are you guys going for lunch? I'm gonna head over to Bubba Gum Shrimp and get the Captain Dan platter. We should go to Ted Montana. We should have Ted Montana's delivered here one day and do a taste test to see how good it is. We should do it today. We'll do it today. We'll get what you get. We'll get what Black Lou gets and what DJ will taste test it on the air. I mean, I can save you time. It's not delicious. Why are you going? For the company. You can go to the park and get sandwiches. I'll make you guys peanut butter and jellies with chips. But Dan's got to foot out the door the entire meal. Look at Black Lou's face when I say peanut butter and chips. They tell me the exact same thing. The exact opposite thing when we're not on the air. Because they don't want to crush your soul. You're on the edge all the time. I don't own a stock in the place. I just like it. Emotional you do. You have emotional stock in it. It was originally our spot. Oh, stop saying our spot. This isn't a fucking notebook. Stop being so romantic about the stupid lunch date when you and a guy who's on the date when you and a guy who fucking left you. Do you think Dan likes you? I don't think Dan likes these guys. Not only does he hate that place, he's doing this out of like just so he gets into heaven. He's not just assuming he's like at some point these guys are going to be like the food's terrible. We don't have to do this. Dan left you with me and Jay. He doesn't like you. He dumped you on the fire station of this room. Yeah. He dumped all you fans too. So fucking stop fucking me. He gave birth to you in a prom bathroom and then dumped you in the garbage pit. The garbage barrel. Barrel, thank you. That's a bonfire word now. You're the firemen that are raising us. And I'm raising you. Dude, you're raising us. Really, man, you gotta let go of this fucking relationship that doesn't exist. Force yourself to eat a shitty mushroom steak. Ugh. Do you get steak? No, you get salmon. I don't want to be too fancy. You get salmon. What? I'm not going to order a steak there. There's no such thing as too fancy at Ted Montana's. Buddy, you can order seven entrees with me and Jay. We wouldn't care. I would just go with you. Go what you want. If you looked at me once and said, is it cool if I get, I'd go, get whatever we took you. We're not thinking about that. Yeah. I'm not going to order that. Steak. No. I'm pretty sure that we've bought you guys steak at Del Frisco. No, you have. Yeah. One of the best steaks. I'm saying go. It's a casual lunch. I feel that's taking advantage of it. I want you to let go of it. I want you to let go of it. I want you to fucking move on in your life. You wonder why you're stagnant because you hold it on the fucking anchors. You're right. Let go. You know what? You're right. Dane takes you to a casual stupid lunch at a shitty place owned by CNN. Me and Bobby, I say the first time it's nice out, we take you somewhere where we all have to dress up overly nice. I can't remember that far back. What? No, no, I'm saying we'll take you. Oh, that was a little, no, that was a dig, Jay. That was a little, that was a little spear in your chest that you didn't feel. Well, I don't think he understood what I was saying. I don't get what he said. Well, he said, I don't remember that far back because we took them out to eat two and a half years ago. Oh, no, no, no, for sure. Yeah, but it was worth four years. It was fantastic. It's been in my house. I've provided food in these situations. We had a barbecue in LA. We had a big pool party. We smoked cigars. We do it all. We do it all. We do it all. And we go with the Dantanas. Don't forget Hawaiian food in Vegas where I dumped. I know Dantanas. I rip here to, you get to come to the show. I know Dantanas isn't fucking Ted Montanis. It's two different people. Yeah. Sure, Dantanas is just a fantastic family-owned business for the longest time and Ted Montanis is owned by a guy who owns CNN. Yeah, he's dead. He's also dead. Is he dead? Ted Turner's dead. No, who's the guy who owns CNN? What was his name? Ted Turner. Ted Turner. Oh. That's Ted's Montana. That's him? Yeah. You're going to a fucking- A franchise? I didn't even know. From a CNN owner. He brought back the buffalo. He brought, he what? Which you know is close to my heart. He also brought back WCW Wrestling. Why do you go to a steakhouse? That's crazy. I wish you brought back the Comanche Indians and they killed you when you went in there. Why do you want that? Because I hate that you go to the stupid pants and have some motion on them. Well, he was saying about we didn't take them, it's been a couple years. I didn't say that. I said we're not taking them to a casual lunch. We're going to take them somewhere soon when it's nice out where you have to dress up. Where is that by the way? I don't know. There's too many places like that left. No, well we, you have to dress up. I want everyone to, it will be required that you all dress up. Let's go to Keen Stakos. Pretend it's the 30s and Christine can't go because it was only men. Okay. Well that means I can't go too. Oh, sorry. We'll make it the 60s. I'm pretty sure the women, that's bad too. I think we'll get the 30s. It was getting better though. It was getting better in the 60s. No, here's the thing. You guys started fighting back. I think as long as Lou dresses a little less nice than the rest of us and butters our bread for us, they'll understand why you're here. And you'll be fine. Yeah. You'll have to stand during the whole meal, but that's okay. You have to stand the whole meal and you probably have to cut at least one of ours food. Wabble de dabble. And yeah. You'd have to say that once in a while. That'll be your name also if you don't mind. He goes, hey, this is Wabble de Dabble de. He'll be our assistant. Assistant? What are they? What do they call them? Our leash? He's my attache. My valet. Yeah, valet. There you go. Dude, I'm done with this winter shit. Yeah, dude. I'm done, dude. I just can't. I think I might be a snow bird. I can't do it. I can hear that. The only place we could do it is Miami, but I fucking hate Florida. I don't mind Miami. I'll do Miami for six months. Six. Please. Yeah. I'll do it for six months there. Let's sit down and party, man. Do some gay-offs. I would do for two months. I would do absolutely January, February. January, February, Miami. We get a little apartment in the same building. Just me and you. Yeah. What about Christine though? Everybody else will be here doing the show. Oh, they stay here. We go there. I believe we can work out of Miami. Black Lou as a family. That's right. I have a family, but I'll leave them for two months. DJ Lou has a girlfriend. You can't get that close to international waters or she's going to be taken back home. What? Especially in Miami. They'll put her back on one of those tubs and push her out of the ocean. What I'm saying is I don't want your girlfriend to get deported, Lou. Black American. No, I know. But she reads a little Hispanic. She reads a little bit. Oh, thanks. She reads a little Hispanic. I would do Miami for two months. This is getting even for a month. This this this mid January to the end of February is going to suck. I was irate at how much of a hard time I had with the fucking snowblower yesterday. Yeah. And how much I think it's a shitty machine. And then watching the video of you getting just the shovel thing and how good it seemed to work. I was like, that's I should have just had that instead of having a tractor trailer in my garage. Well, I have both. I have the one you have, but yours is better than mine. And then I have the snow shovel from the same company, same voltage, 80 volt. But you got the trick is, bro, you got to go out while it's snowing, do it once, come back out, do it again. Five minutes with that thing. Five minutes. So you do it. I shoveled a snowblowed. Is that how you say it? Three times. You blowed. I snowblowed three times. Blowed. That's the trick to using an electric snowblower. You can't just go out like a gas one and just fucking tear through anything. You got to go out while it's snowing. If it's going to I had 16 inches at my house. Yeah. Yeah. So I do it three times. I went out during the snowstorm, kind of at the end and then the next day and it only takes you 20 minutes to do driveway. So yeah, yeah. No, it's quick. That's the trick with the old me. I have neighbors come over and say things like you wanted to live in the suburbs, huh? Oh shit. You had him come over and then come over and hand me a card for a boy who can come over and do this better for me. It's better that you do that. Sell that thing and have somebody come and do it. You're one of those. What do you mean? I'm saying that you're one of those. When it snows out, you just have a guy come. That's where I need your right. No, you're not going to get a Bobcat for a Bobcat. He has to know how to. You can't have a Bobcat. I should probably have a Bobcat. You can't have a Bobcat. You'll kill somebody. I'll sell. I'm going to sell the thing and get myself a Bobcat. Christine's going to drive that right into your gym. Right into your gym. I didn't know what I was doing. You can't. You're on the road. You're on the road. Get a guy. You're a guy. Get a guy. They'll come over as soon as it's done and you they'll come and then it'll be done. And you'll be like, I don't even know how they did that physically as human beings, how they did it. And they'll just use shovels, which is nuts. Yeah. Yeah. You know what they do have though that I saw? You can attach it to the back of your truck. It hooks onto the ball on the back of your truck. It's a plow head. So you just back up and it pushes the snow. That's pretty crazy. The good thing about the truck is it just goes right over. I know, but then you pack the snow down and then it's too hard to get up with a shovel. Well, then when I got out of the car, I realized it was up to my knees. I descended down. Yeah, that thing right there. That's crazy. Black Lute had something on his thing today that was the plow that drops the side down in front of the thing. That's in Canada. But yeah, it's a plow that also takes the snow and puts it into a dump truck. Well, it's the one that puts it in the dump truck, but then you showed one that where the arm drops down to get in front of your driveway. Yes. If all these things exist, why do they do it the wrong way still? Because they got to pay for that thing. You know? I hate people. The biggest part about shoveling is that the next day when the plow comes for the city road, they just cement you into your driveway and then you got to go deal with that. Look at that. Look at that. Perfect. That's amazing. Right? Yeah. Where is that? Is that in Jersey? That's also in Canada. That's in Canada. But it's like, how much taxes do we pay? You tell me we can't get that. Dude, Black Lute wants to be white so bad he just watches Canada videos all day. That's how you do it. By the way, that's the first... Black Lute calls Canada the motherland. Yeah, it's the first... Black Lute, it's not the motherland. That's the first... You're upsetting other black people with that. It's the first course in becoming white is to watch all Canadian things. You just got to watch Canadian videos. I'll take you there. Yeah. You should just get a guy to come over. She calls them and they... Oh, they would... Actually, you don't have to call them. They just come. Yeah. Yeah. I apologize for Christine coming in a little bit late. It is borderline my fault. I got a car out of the driveway this morning with four-wheel drive low. You know what that means? I'm just learning. Okay, yeah. Four-wheel drive low, which will pretty much get you over anything. I think I can climb a house of four-wheel drive low. So it got her out and then, you know, so she could be there and then I went back inside and I was like, I got the car of the driveway for you. And when she got on the highway, it was still in four-wheel drive low. He didn't put it back. She called first year and I was in the phone with Finoya. And she called and I was just like, you're in the queue at this point, having a good laughy conversation. And then she called like another time and I was like, well, that's probably something. So I hung up with him to call her back and she was like, I can't get the car to accelerate. You're in four-wheel low. You got to just switch it. You got to pull over. You got to pull over neutral and put it back in. Right. And then she goes, I'm pushing the button. It's not turning off. It's not turning off. And I go, hold the button in. And she did. And she goes, all right, thank you. She was so frustrated sounding. And it is funny because that was just a guess to hold it down. I didn't know if that was going to turn it off either, but it did. Because when she goes, when she goes, thank you, I was like, worked. She goes, yeah. And I went, OK. The train falls out. Yep, it worked. Yeah. I hate it, but the neighbors, the the buddies. No, I think it was his, maybe his dad or somebody just goes, you want to move in the suburb. So again, they're just like those phrases. I'm a little overhearing now. Welcome to home ownership makes you want to fucking. I want to put a fucking brick through their window. Yeah, I know. Welcome to home ownership. That's not what home ownership always always is. And I was asking this, why? There has to be the best thing for everything. Do you know what I mean? You don't have to worry about the constant things. Yeah. Isn't it just the best? Can you just do the best thing for it once? Yeah, it's a Mexican guy. No, I mean, like they'll do everything like our windows, our windows in the house. I have Fabio that comes over and does anything. But I bet you have some of these are windows in the house. Crazy drafty. Crazy drafty in front of those windows. So I'm like, isn't there just a way to make that not the case? Yeah, Fabio, Fabio, my windows are drafty. OK, I'll be over and then they're not drafty. My God, it fucking fixes them, dude. Huh? You're going to have to change the windows. No, you can fix them. You can put some you put the double pane. Well, yeah, that's expensive. You can put caulking around the windows. No, but it's expensive. I'm not even saying I can get these things or afford these things. I'm just saying, tell me there is the thing to work towards for everything. You could have the perfect house. I know you could have a water heater that's not a fucking big tank and just be a thing on the wall now. That should be the thing. They keep saying about your. And these, by the way, this is coming from the babblings of treat me like a 13 year old girl who knows anything about home repair, anything. But it always like, you know, make sure you don't have one of those houses where you have to let the water drip so your pipes don't explode or you do this. They're like, isn't there just a thing they could do to pipes to make sure that never happens? Like pipe warmers, if these things never been they have to exist. They have pipe warmers. You can have you can have pipe warmers put on. There's roof heat. There's roof heat. There's driveway heat. Yeah, probably walkway heat. There's walkway. I have bathroom heat. Bathroom heat is not a necessity. It doesn't change something in the house. So that's a problem. That's a luxury. Change my fucking old feet when I go to the shower and I go. You're plenty fasciitis. And then I go now I go. When I take a poop, I'm like, ah. This dude, there's everything you can do to your house. Right. But it's the cost of doing it and who's going to do it? But I'm just saying there is a solution for all of these things. Yes. There's the perfect floor. These epoxy floors I keep seeing in my algorithm can't be real. They're real. I would have that happen in my house tomorrow. But my expensive to just to build the house with everything that would be perfect and never give you. That's the problem. They do use the stuff and then it's on the. The problem with those things too is you get these things done and then they break and you fucked. Like my if my heated floors when we first got them, they weren't working. So he had to go in and pull up a thing. And that sucked. Sure. You know, but so when they do break, that's like when I got a fridge. I wanted the fridge that does everything. And but you get those things and then they break and your fridge is just a fucking dumb fridge that doesn't work. Isn't there an update on a fuse box? It's not a bunch of fucking wires. Looks like everything I'm going to touch. I'm going to get zapped across the room like fucking Marty McFly. Yeah. Maybe it's the kitchen. I'm going to slap against the wall and slide down. You know, the fuse box, I think is the most frightening thing in the house. I'm like, why is this so archaic? Yeah, in the middle of everything, you just exposed wires everywhere. Well, we got this all different versions of switches and markers to tell me everything. We got a written in pencil. It's like marker. Yeah, it's like kit. I guess that's one of the kitchen things. We got the generator for the house. And you could get the generator for the house that automatically turns on, runs on propane and just if the thing shuts off, it just flips, goes and you know, miss a beat. But we got the one that you have to go outside, pull the generator out, start it, but I have to plug it into a certain plug I had put in. But I have to make sure I shut off a certain thing on the fuse box. I would just move. I know. And he showed me five times and I still forget it. Yeah. Christine's really like if me and Christine break up, like I have to leave because I don't know how she's she's looked at the things. She's had time to like study and things. I have no idea. It's like, we got to shut off this valve and this valve for the sprinkler thing right now. And I'm like, dude, if it would just explode. If I thought about it, if Don, I was thinking about this this weekend, if Don died, I'd be fucked. I don't know anything. But on the the bright side, I was like, I'm just going to get a two bedroom in Manhattan and then send Max to PS 72, 15, whatever school is in that area and just live life and deal with it and just go and just be like, dude, walk up the street to school, come home. Here's the key. We'll have a blast. Where's Don? She's dead. Oh, she's dead. I'd have to sell the house. Oh, OK. She died. I'd have to sell everything and just fucking collect that money because I'd have to simplify everything. I don't know the bank accounts. I don't know where the money. I don't know any. I don't know my fucking my my Medicaid. I don't know shit. I don't know how to spell Massachusetts. Me and Christine's exit exit meeting would really be like, do we have a plumber? What's his name? How do you get a hold of him? Does he show up? Is he good? Yeah, I hope. I hope I die first. Who's the handy guy? Do we have an electrician? Is there an electrician? I think there is, right? And does he handle this stuff? No. OK, I'm going to have to give him hand jobs to Fabian like Don does. Is that scary noise, the heat coming on? Because I don't know. I'm not here enough. I know. I wanted to get. I wanted to change the heat out for the split units. I wanted split units all over because they don't make the heat. We have oil heat. So when it comes on, it's just like click, click, click, click. Oil heat. King, king, king, king, king, king, king. What, you Ebenezer Scrooge? Isn't that really expensive? No. Oil, oil, oil heat. Oil heat. No, it's like fucking frontier prices. Guy, the guy came the other day. He just fills up this big grubby tank. And I think Bobby just trades goods for it. Yeah, I traded Beaver Pelt and Buffalo High. Yeah, banana bread loaves. Yeah, no, oils. It's a little tiny thing, too. It's the easiest one. And it's the safest. What is this we're seeing? On the screen. Oh, you had this? I was just like, I think it was up. And I was just trying to find the snow stuff we were talking about before, and then we just switched seats. Oh, that's nothing. I would like to know what the best snowblower is. Like what the... I think my neighbors have it because they all had the same one when I saw them out there killing it with theirs and them watching me punch mine. Ars is really intense. What do you mean intense? It's just like a huge piece of machinery. I hate it. But why does it... When you're saying it doesn't work, does it not turn on? No, it works. It's just like, I don't know. The batteries go to second. Can I be honest, the batteries go quick. I also don't think... It's just not actually great for the fucking brick part. Yeah, you're right, bro. I'll be right. I think it's catching. He saw Max with the shovel you had. What do you mean? On your Instagram, you saw Max with the shovel. Oh, yeah, the power shovel, the Greenworks 80 volt. It's pretty good. Yeah, I saw that. There was a deal with that and another snowblower. We should see and ask our neighbors what to do. Why don't you just get the snowblowers? Snowblower that your neighbor has. I need to get rid of this one for... Everything's about getting rid of. How much do you want for it? Where'd you sell this one? How much? For my snowblower? Yeah. $7,500. But dude, it's not... That's a lot of money, bro. Yeah. That's like... Pick up only. I get an antique Corvette for that much money. You don't know what I paid for it. Yeah, I do. I told you to get it. That's true. I'll buy it. No. I will, I'll buy it. Because yours is better than mine and mine's fine. Is it? Yeah. Yours is the upgraded version. Greenworks. 80 volt, right? Yeah. Yeah, there's two. Three batteries. How much? 400 bucks. How are you getting it? I have a truck. I'll drive to your house and throw it in the back of my truck. We'll ride it up. Is it like whisper quiet? And does it have... No, it's crazy. It's like for... I don't know what it is. That's a good one. It's like for a fucking football field or something. You know why it actually sucks the power out because you got the one that moves. Oh yeah. Mine you push. Oh, this one drives. Mine doesn't drive. Got away from me a couple times. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna crash this thing into the... I was like, really careful when I got to the house I would stop like way far away from it just cause I was like, watch me fucking destroy something with this thing. That's the ultimate. I mean, it's nuts. It's like... You get it, I'll do half price so you get it out of my house. All right. Oh, you spent that much? Yeah. I'll do half, half. Jesus. I bet we could sell it for half. Yeah, you could, but why don't you sell it? I'll buy it. What do you want, a thousand? Why don't you just send us the one our neighbors have and then you take this one? Whatever that costs. You should just get the one your neighbors have. You should just get the one my neighbors have. But I don't know why you haven't... Mine, I do the whole driveway on one battery. The brick has a lot to do with it. Cause I tell you, when I got to the sidewalk part into the sidewalk, the sidewalk was surprisingly easy and good. That went actually well. Yeah, so it's going to do... The sidewalk. The end of the driveway and the actual brick driveway, it catches and I probably fucking the bricks up when I'm doing that. Yeah, the bricks suck to shovel. Yeah. Or snowblower or anything. Even with a better snowblower. You know what you can do really easy with them is you can heat it, cause they just pull the brick up and lay stuff under and then in between. Yeah, that's true. You don't think you can pull the brick up. Nobody listens to our show. I know, they don't care. They're just, he's waiting to play a sound. He's waiting to write something down that we said wrong. I made a whole reference to yesterday. Black lives waiting for Christine to have a stroke so we can jump in that chair. Bobby said it was super easy. Bobby said it, yeah, he's hoping Christine... I got it. He said he goes, are you kicking Christine out, Jay? He starts talking and I go, are you kicking her out? Jay, I'm trying to learn how to close his eyes without you knowing. Yeah. Hey, is she gonna stay on the show if you kick her out? Yeah. Yeah. Is there a ban on gas powered things in Wayne? What made you go battery? Bobby. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The battery one works fantastic. That's the one you have right there? Yeah. Well, no, I have the 80 volt. That's... That's 80. No, that's, is that a 80 volt? Yeah. But you have the 22. I have the 22, I have the bigger version of that, but I do have that shovel. That shovel's the shit. So what would you do with your one? I'd sell it for $1,000. No, I'd probably, yeah, I'd probably sell it next year. I'm buying a new one next year. I'm gonna get the one you have next year. No, just take it. I thought you had one now. I will take it. Can I do payment plans so Don doesn't get mad at me? Can I, can I launder, can I launder money through you, Christine? I'll be taking it honestly and just do something nice for us one day. Just put it in a Starbucks. You know what, I'll do it. You know what, you pay for Keynes. I'll pay for Keynes. We'll just do a bag laundering scheme that we have. Well, it's so funny. I never did that with you. I tried. You know, you tried. You know, my eyes on moving when we moved was so like big on certain things. That's what's kind of like, it's almost like having to make corrections now. This is why I got like the gym, like the whole piece with the stack and all the stuff. Because I got that bench that was awesome, but it takes up the whole garage and you could just bench press on it. That's it. No decline, no nothing. And I got the dumbbell set. It looks so nice on there, but it takes up so much space for I used two sets of those dumbbells only. So Louis got me on a good thing. I was just like, we're just trading dumbbells. He has the adjustables. Yeah. That I saw last night that are great. Really, the Bowflex ones are smooth. I have them too. So I'm gonna, and I go, yeah. So if you just get these out of here, you can get a good adjustable trade. So we can call it an emotional trade right now, Bob. But you come get that snowblower out of my fucking garage. How about this? I give you another set of adjustable dumbbells so you can, the thing about the adjustable dumbbells that sucks is that you have to adjust them, right? Hang on, let me hear me out. Let me see your confusion. Are you trying to get rid of adjustable dumbbells? No, I have a Joe Weeder set of adjustable dumbbells. Do you have the back of a comic book? Joe Weeder with the Phil's Sand? No, they're fucking great. They're the high end. I have a 12 year old owner of sports in their current shape. He doesn't understand modern day athletics. They come with the stand and everything. The standard from when? So if you're doing like 20s and you wanna do 35s, you can set them, the two sets and different things so you don't have to change it out. I'm not gonna have anything in my gym that says Joe Weeder on it. I'm not a fucking 17 year old working out in 1985. Do you work out with those wearing a tight rolled headband around your head? All right, then I'll trade you. With aggressively positive 80s rock? I have a Jack Lillain shake machine that I'll trade for the snow blower. Are you tired of getting sand kicked in your face? With my new system. And Bobby's got the, you're gonna give me the weight set where the arms for the catch are on the inside. You have the bench on the outside of them. And I'll give you my Annette Vunicello album. Working out. Thank you. Why don't, why don't? I would definitely take this off your hands because I'm gonna buy that one next year anyways, I think, after the season. And I can just sell mine to somebody. But I would definitely do it, but I would have to tell Dawn, if you allow me to do this, I'm gonna tell Dawn, you're gonna give it to me for like half of what you say, you're gonna give it to me. And then I'll give you the other half in cash. So it's, it's- Bobby. Laundering, but it's not, you know what I mean? It's kind of just- Bobby. What? You. And I mean this from my heart. Okay, from your heart. She's just cheat. Because you like to wrap your life up in a bunch of deceptions, but in your mind, you're like, well, I'm not getting other pussy, so this isn't that big of a deal. Because I know some things, Bobby. The streets are talking. When I was at Shane's show on Thursday, a little person who works at a comedy club, we know she goes, God, I'm so tired of being Bobby's. Yes, that's for me. And Bobby just had to get it bagged thing. And I'm like, oh, he's using you too. He tries to use Christine for that. Did I do that with somebody else? Liz. Oh yeah. Yeah, Liz is my other launderer. I really do run a mob bag laundry assistant. And it's like, I had Liz lying. Liz goes, I don't know where she's goes, oh, Bobby, what's he gonna make me tell Don that I ordered another bag through him or whatever? He makes me go, no, he just makes you do that too. He has to do that all the time. And the way Bobby talks, he thinks Don's like so controlling the money. It's like, no, you have a problem. Like you're shopaholic. Yeah. Like she has, like, you'll go broke. She probably rather you get other pussy than spend all the money on bags you don't need. Here's what I'm doing now is I'm buying little knickknacks off of Amazon. No. Oh. You can't get unsentimental knickknacks. I got, I just got something, oh, it was so bad too, because it came. I usually the stuff comes and I hide it in my office. It's a little thing that you put on the back of your iPad that holds you, magnetically holds your phone to your iPad so you can have your phone and your iPad next to each other. And I hooked it all up and it just fell off the bag, off the back of the, the, the sticking system doesn't work. You're using Timo. I know. I know. I'm gonna stop. I should just cheat. If I was cheating, when I was cheating, I didn't buy anything. Right condoms. Just pussy. Just old fashioned pussy. Oh, do I miss buying pussy? Buy some condoms, dude. I don't want condoms. If I want to cheat, I want to cheat. Roll the dice. Get some eggs. Get some herbs, maybe a kid. Maybe another kid. Yeah, maybe another kid somewhere. Thorn, what are you gonna do? Leave? So what I have another kid somewhere. NBA Pete guys do it all the time. Yeah, he's gonna call you grandma by the way. Cause you're old. Not like his young, young mama. Yeah, you're not second mom, you're a nana. Nana, dawn. Yah yah. Hi yah yah, don't call me that you fuck a cocksucker. Hey, don't talk to my son like that, dawn. Don't talk to my other son like that. I can't cheat. I wish I could. I wish I really wish I could. Black loot, don't film the part where Bobby keeps saying that he can cheat. I don't want to cheat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, keep that on. I love my, look, I love my wife so much. Oh, cut it off, this is crazy. I'm so happy. Cut it off. I love her. Just have to learn boundaries. Who does that? I have to learn boundaries. I wish I could cheat. This cocksucker's trying to get us a hit video, that's why. Turn it back on. He's like, oh no, I'm FaceTiming God. But I feel like you're putting your cheating energy into finding manipulative ways to get the hags. You're very insightful. I am an addict through and through. I am an addict. So if it's drugs, alcohol, sex, cigarettes, tobacco, now here's the thing too. We need a little deception in it. I understand what you're saying. So now it's gadgets. I'm saying you need a little deception. You don't just, at the end of the day, your results are the same literally if you go, it's like, don't I, blah, blah, blah, I worked, I'm getting this thing I want to get. I got a high pussy in a bag. No, I'm saying like you could technically just like, not put foot down is the wrong words, that's not your relationship. But I'm saying you could be like, I want this thing, I'm getting it, what do you mean? I make a lot of money. You could do that. But you like, there's a little bit of like, yeah, there's a little cheat. There's a little excitement to it. It's like, oh my gosh, you're gonna see that bag? Is she gonna see that bag? Anthony's just new? Do you know what I call it, right? I do these things. I call it a mission. A mission. I give myself missions. That's what they are. Just cheat. It's, that's still a mission. Yes. Yeah. But you're gonna be happy with that mission. That's a dangerous mission, Jay. But you're happy with that mission and you are holding a fucking bag that you eventually have to sell because you're like, why do I have so many God things? You don't have this many things. Yeah, I know, I have too many things. You just keep shifting your things from bag to bag. I just found a microphone. I bought microphones for a microphone. Why? I bought these little. In case your microphone is something to say. I had these DJI microphones. Sure. And there was a microphone, a little mic that you put into the mic and it's just a wire that goes up. It's a smaller mic. So you could hold it like a little mic. What are you, Bob Barker? Yeah, it was like a little Bob Barker mic that I've never used. It's like a Bob Barker mic for a GI Joe? Yeah, it's a, dude, I'm not gonna fight it. It's a problem. I like technology and I've taken sex. You've always liked technology. But I've taken. You also got pussy. I got the pussy more than technology back in the day. And I had less money. I didn't have enough money. I live with Billy Burr. Pussy's free if you had to fucking get it. It's like mining for gold. Just hang out, get enough of you. Hey, you were funny. How funny was I? Black Louis, you filmed that, dude. That's the meme right there. Because you're like I said, that was like a fucking PSA. Pussy's free if you know what you're doing. Yeah. You should have given double gun barrels. Yeah. So, I mean, back in the day when I used to hang out and I mean, that was a mission. Hold on, ask her if she would rather you cheat. No. Or have or buy frivolous things. No, no, because I'm afraid of the answer. Do what you want. I don't care. Yes, I don't care. I'm moving into the tiny house with Barry. Who the fuck is Barry? Who the fuck is Barry? That's our... He's a tiny man. He's our Mexican guy up in the Hampshire. Is he? Yeah, they don't have Mexicans, so it's white guys. Oh, he's a white Mexican. No, he's a white, just a white redneck. You up in the further up north you go. You still say things like Andale to him. Yeah, Andale, Vamos, Amigo. Vamanos, Hermano. Yeah, it is a... Chicks were fun. Trying to meet chicks after shows or trying to hook up was a fun thing. Having multiple hookups was great. It might be more dangerous for you too, because you're far more social than I am, too. I'm far more social, but here's the thing too. But when you weren't getting it, you know what I mean? Because you go in spells, it's like, oh, you got a bunch and everything, you're vibing. But then it always dies off somewhere. There's like a dry spell. Those are the worst of times when you have nothing and nobody. Jesus. That's why you gotta go to hookers and that's just the bottom of the barrel. What's up? If he was single, because we've seen him in action, Bobby is a smooth talker. He'd be getting ass, man. Well, I would be getting ass that looks like my wife now. No, I disagree. I mean, you do. I mean, not saying it wouldn't look like her, but younger for sure. Maybe 30s, 40s, maybe. 30s, without a doubt. You think? I think if you're just talking about pussy, late 20s. I don't know, I feel like I've been out of the game and you guys are trying to talk me back in. No, I just. You've never gone out in a world where like 30s is like young and hot to you. So that's like a unique place to be. Well, I've always liked older women. I've never really liked young girls. Right, but you think 30 is an older woman. 30 is more mature. Yeah, more mature. They're more mature. Late 30s, mid 30s, that's a chick who's been through life a little bit. If you're talking about a relationship, for sure. But you're still gonna hook up. You can go, you get late 20s probably even early 30s. I wouldn't mind that chick. I don't know how far you could have gotten, Bobby. I wouldn't mind to check in the 40s just because they're gonna be as tired as I am. Bobby, stop putting this dog whistle out over the air to try to get 40 year old women trying to fucking come around. I don't mind 39 through. He goes, if you're 40. 48. And you can just keep your fucking dumb mouth shut. Yeah. I like a small ass. I like big tits, fake or not. You could have picked up that Instagram beautiful girl that served us. Yeah, but I would have picked her up from one night. Pick her up? What do you argue? Yeah. Here's what she would have done after we would have done. What did I do? It would be like she did heroin. She got hypnotized. Yeah. Yeah, she'd shake out of it. No, I disagree. She was, she loved talking with you. Yeah, but that only goes so far, Jacob. After one night. Yeah, but have you ever had sex? Yes. Okay. And then you answered my question. A few times. With a couple different people. I do have to find, here's, I working out was becoming an addiction. I haven't worked out since Wednesday. And I feel like, I feel like shit. And it's just so happens every time I stop working out for a few days. It's just so fun to have anybody as a body like any of us saying working out as an addiction. Well, no, because it was like, I really wanted to do it every day. I know what you mean, sure. So it was like, I was in that mode for a good month where I was like, I got it, I feel good. It was kind of, you know, routine and Wednesday, I just clicked off. Cause our snowstorm is coming. Gotta pack on some pounds to survive. You living in a big room? Just in case. That's the way my fat brain wraps. Fat Bobby still lives in my head, dude. And then I was eating, I was just eating breads and shit all week. I think you cheating is be the best thing for not just you, your family, your overall health. No, God forbid. You also, I feel a little guilty in this because we haven't done the bonfire workout crew in a while and that's my own fault. Yeah, I was doing that workout by myself and I was loving it. I know, but I'm such a good motivator. Well, yeah. It was on the clock. No, you were, it was good. For a minute there, it was good, but here's what sucks is I didn't work out for four days. And then last night I went to my cigar lounge and one of the guys came in and he goes, ah, you're getting fat again. I was like, what? And I literally wanted my body to implode on itself and then eat itself. I felt like, I don't know why those, you know what I mean when someone notices that you gotta look like a, it's not like I'm 360, you cunt. I took off a middle-aged woman. Yeah. I mean, I put on a, I might be swelled up a little bit, but it's in your head, you're like, I worked out, I feel a little blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you put on a couple. You look completely different in your mind, yeah. Yeah, but it just fucking crushed me. I wanted to go to the gym right then and there. I see pictures of myself now and I'm still like, oh my God, what a flaw. I think nothing's changed. Oh, you crazy. Bobby, it's time to crush some bands. We're doing it Saturday. Saturday, I'm in. All right. I'm in Saturday. We're training, getting ready for the fight. Bobby's training. I love the bands. Got to do it right. But it's, here's the thing. Hang on, Bobby, what's the thing? Fight, train in, end word. Got to get it right. It goes everywhere. It can fit in every single song. I'll find a place for it to fit in. Man, yeah, I don't know. It sucks being an addict. It sucks having that thing where you're always gonna have something. I'll tell you. And it's the lesser of two evils is what you try to find or replace it and replacing it is a hard thing to do. I'm saying save money. Save your family. Cheat. Yeah, but if I cheat, I'm going to wind up paying for it. I'm going to go down the road of paid sex. How much do you need it? I told you I'm an addict. Yeah, dude, I started out with coach bags. I wound up with Louis Vuitton, cause you're a girlfriend. Yeah. I got a $150 coach bag and thought I was in the mix and then I found out, not really. Oh my God, can I tell you a funny thing with ordering that I just had? It was such a good and bad. So I ordered that functional trainer. Got the big functional trainer coming. And I ordered. Is that a trainer, a trans-SA trainer? Yeah, it's a transitioning trainer. Let's go Jay, get up. I got a transitioning trainer. Yes. I got that coming. I ordered it and I ordered separately the bench. I showed you that bench. That was cool, the iron master. It's called V2 Bench. It's very cool to use with the machine. And I emailed about, you know, I was like, hey, just I put the order in. I thought the email was kind of wrong that was in there. I fixed that now, but here's my actual email. And my email is, I use my personal email, which has my name in it. And he goes, he writes back, he goes, hey, just want you to know, ship this out on this date, FedEx, it's gonna be coming to you, blah, blah, blah. And I'm sorry if this is forward, but my curiosity is so peaked. Is this the big Jay? And I wrote back, yes, sir. And then he wrote back like, oh, the huge fan, blah, blah, blah, this is what we're coming to see in Seattle. Right. It's so cool, I go, well, you know, I keep seeing, not getting any updates on this, because of the email thing, wrong email, I'm not getting updates on the big machine either. So I go, let me email them. Probably gonna recognize the thing too. And they wrote back, goes, we're on back order, man. It's gonna take two to three weeks. You'll get it when you get it, I'm sorry. I'm like, okay. Did you say, hey guys. I'm the big Jay O'Gerson. I'm the big Jay O'Gerson. Yeah. Guys, you are dealing with the big, I should tell Iron Master, I should tell Iron Master to call major fitness and be like, hey, tell major fitness, this is the big Jay O'Gerson. They treated me like I was a jerk off. They go, yeah, dude, it's on back order. So it's coming. For two to three weeks, we've upped our staff, we're doing what we can. Here's the worst part about those little hookups when they know it and say, oh, that's great. Is if in years to come, when that guy doesn't work there anymore and you call back up and I had a hookup with countertops when I was doing my kitchen, the guy was like, dude, is this Bobby? Can't open anything. Yeah, dude, I hooked me up, gave me a big discount. And then when we moved into this house, I called back and I was like, hey, I'm looking for blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it doesn't work anymore. Hey, yeah, I was friends with him. I'm Robert Kelly. Cool, what do you need? I was like, ah, shit. The hookup died. The guy who hooked up getting us our last car when we lived in the apartment, drove it down from like Sierra. I picked up what we wanted in it. You know what I mean? Like he drove it down with somebody he worked there. It was the big, then he was like, he stayed in touch and then he's like, dad, dude, not working anymore. And by the way, it was under some bad circumstances. Then he was back with them. He's like, I'm back. And then the next time I heard from him, I was like, hey, dude, could you post this, go fund me? I'm having some real hard times. Oh, shit. And I was like, oh, geez. Did you see? God bless Lewis. I was at Lewis's house last night. Everything in his house is being done by him. He's like, yeah, I need this to be done right here because of the HVAC system. I'm having a little bit of a problem. But another fan says they know HVACs. They're coming over and then the fan who built the machine and then another fan's going, oh, damn, dude. You really have a, you're really going to be leaving yourself wide open to everybody. Hey, you want to go see where Lewis J. Gomez lives? I think Lewis invented Craigslist through his fan base. Yeah, he's been using, I remember when he would do gigs. For rides. Yeah, hey, I need a ride. Four hour rides, like long rides. But a stranger. Yep, doesn't care. So weird, God bless him. Yeah, it is weird. But also he was a stranger, but he was a fan. So his mind was like, he could sit there. That's like a time we could drive for four hours and have a guy go, God, what's it like? Do you know the stage lights like that? He goes, well, as a born performer, I think, you know, like he's going to be like that. Do me a favor, hand me that book. That's my book. Open to page 56. This is where it comes from. Drive and read. Hey, you want to listen to my audio book three times? Have the problem with the, when you friend or somebody that you know or as a fan, it hooks you up, that if something goes wrong and you become a pain in the ass, if you paid for it, go fuck yourself. Exactly, you're paying. Dude, you already got the thing for like on like the half price. What more do you want? That's the worst. And you're like, oh, nothing. I just got wrapped up into the hookup of this. You're like, I would have paid for all of it. But when you started telling me you were hooking me up, I started getting wrapped up in the hookup. Yeah. Cause it is the thing at the end of the day, when I was like, I was worried when that guy was gone from that place. I'm like, yo, what are we going to do and we want to get the car traded in this time? I'm like, just go trade it in to a guy. To a guy. And then Christine said that I was a comic to that guy I promised Saturday Live tickets to. I don't know how we got from Eurocomics to promising SNL tickets. I'd say yeah. It'll take exactly, you don't know how? No, I know. I can tell you exactly how. You should stop talking. Who do you know, blah, blah, blah. But Saturday Live is my favorite thing. You know anybody that's Saturday Live? blah, blah, blah. Do I mean, it's there. Why? Why? You should have lied. It's when you went there and said, he's on the road, he's a comedian. Look him up. They all knew my stuff when I walked back in there. It was awful. It's awful, but the hookup is good until it goes bad. There was no hookup. Zero hookup. They didn't give you, they knew you and didn't give you nothing. They didn't know me. They got to know me after Christine said, and he'll be coming in to buy this to finish the thing. He's on the road, he's a comedian, blah, blah. So then they started looking me up. And then they still didn't- When I came in. So your comedy wasn't worth the hookup? No. They were like, hey, he's good, not a hookup good. Not a hookup good. Yeah, this isn't Louis CK good. No. We were hooked up at all. I thought I could think of it. Well, we weren't hooked up with the fan either. That's the thing is sometimes the fan stuff. I had a printing thing right over the road. No, we were hooked up. Can I tell you something? I would consider a hookup. This guy brought the car to my front door, took the other car away, and I signed three minutes of paperwork. And it was official. It was all real deal. That's a hookup. That's a hookup. In its own thing, that's a hookup. Not one second in a car dealership dealing with a thing or a person or waiting. That's a hookup for sure. I had my friend do my plumbing in the house. I mean, he gave me a huge hookup. Did all the plumbing in the new house, from the bathrooms and kitchen. But in the bathroom, in the main master bathroom, sometimes when you turn the water on, it's kind of not coming out with pressure. And to save money, he didn't do copper pipes. He did flexible pipes. So if the maids just put stuff in there and it kind of kinks the pipe. So I have to go under and move the little flexible holes around and then the full water pressure will come out. And then when I call them up, I was like, hey dude, this is not where he's at. I gave you a deal, but I didn't put in the copper pipes to make it a, I put in the flexible pipes. I put in paper pipes. And he's like, you want me to do that? And it's like, dude, no, just stick with the, thanks for the deal. You gotta kind of just take it on the chin. I know, because if you bought it, you would just go, what's the best option? What's going to work the best? Can I afford that? If I can't, what's the next best thing? He just goes like, I'll do a hookup for it. I'll make sure your water runs. That's what he's really saying. The water's going to come from one place to the other. That's all you gotta worry about. And then when you call that person, it's like, what do you need now? Right, and then you're like, yeah, exactly. And then you know, eventually they're going to say something like, never meet your heroes, right? Like you fucking reached out to me and told me how to do this. Yes. You were like, yeah, no, I'm a fan and I do this. Yeah. It's the worst. And you know they're talking, they're like, yeah, he called me again last night. Oh my God. The hot water and the heat went off. Oh, I guess it's fucking flexy pipes. I've never heard of our kinking. Oh, I guess his water's not coming out because his straw that I made for pipes is bent. And I fucked up when we did the bathroom, you saw my shower. It's like seven feet by five feet. It's just unnecessary. You fit your entire family in there. Your tiny family could all fit in there. The dumbest shower ever, but I love it. But it has the huge rainfall, the two shower jets in the wall, and then the hand held on the other side. And he goes, dude, put the pipes on the other side because the pipes now are on the kitchen side. And if anything happens, I'm gonna have to rip down your kitchen to get to these pipes. You have to rip all these tiles down. And I was like, I like it on this side. I like it over here. And they just go, fuck it. Cause I'm giving you, I don't give a shit. And now if anything goes wrong, I'm gonna have to get a new kitchen. Just fill your kitchen and fix your bathroom pipe. Yeah, I'm gonna have to get a new kitchen and I'm gonna take all the tiles off. It's gonna be fucked. The other wall. Hey, this guy, you wanted to live in the suburbs though, right? He could have just, welcome to home ownership. He could have just cut into drywall and just fixed the pipes on the, in the bedroom, from the bedroom. I don't go, you, and by the way, it's not the wrong move. You're looking for a deal. Lewis is looking for a deal. Well, I like a deal. I'm not looking for it. I like a deal too. But I mean, I am also willing to just go like, if we could, as little contact as possible in this. And I just tell you the, and you tell me what the thing is and you do it. And then, you know, I'll order you guys a pizza if you're here for a while. You just pay for it. I'd rather just, man. Like the hookup thing. And the thing is like, the guy who did Lewis's gym thing is a fan. And he's like, he did it great. And I went and looked at yesterday and it is built perfectly. He did a good, really good job. It's smooth, everything's smooth on it. And I'm like, fuck. And he's gonna know where I live too. Yeah, and it's also the thing too, is that you get these emails or text messages like two years later during Christmas. And you say, hey, happy birthday, man. Oh, happy, merry Christmas, man. Hope everything's going well. And you're like, who the fuck is this? And then you get a scroll back. I'm the guy from the hot tub place. Yeah. You say, oh, this guy hooked me up. Hey, how you doing? How's it going? You have to find back and see one message where it goes like, hope you really enjoyed all those treats I brought you in whatever, Phil. And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like a hookup though. I do like a hookup. They're gonna say a hooker. I do like a hooker too. I just don't trust the hookup. I always think, I always think there's a, to use your analogy, I always think there's a flexible pipe happening in my hookup. I think there's a, I just see that coming. Yeah. You know what I mean? I have a fence hookup that we were gonna put a fence in. To move stolen products? No, that's Christine and Liz. Oh. They're your fencers? My fencers for bags I'm selling. No, I wanna put a fence up in the backyard. And someone contacted me right away. And I was like, hey man, I do it. Blah, blah, blah, but he's all the way in Rhode Island. He's like, dude, I'll come up. And I'm like, that's too- As I do the thing is, I'll put myself up in a hotel. Yeah. How about you're like, buddy. I don't want you to do that. Please. Cause then it's gonna be like, oh, there's no hotels. We're gonna say, I'll just sleep in my truck. I'll just come in, sleep downstairs with Max. And we cost a day, Max. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna let you sleep- I got your family now. Honey, my tattoo artist lives in Chicago. He came with the whole crew. He came with the whole crew. He wanted to let me, if you want to do tattoos in the green room, I was there for like, some three PM on Saturday. He said we do tattoos in the green room. And I want some stuff and there's stuff I need to fix too. And I was like, and then as it gets closer, I'm like, do you want me to bring any ideas of what you might want to get? Or if anybody wants to get something in the green, I was like, ah man, just come enjoy the show, dude. You know what I mean? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I just feel bad just bringing all their shit to do it, to do it for you. I know it's an advertisement form too, but I mean, they're the Skankfest tattoo artists. I love him, Manny. Manny, yep. He's the best. He did all my recent tattoos. Yeah, yeah, Manny's fucking fantastic. He's the best. He's the fucking best. I love seeing him too. Yeah, the hookup is, I had a guy, I remember when apps, do you remember when comics had apps? No. Yeah, dude, there was a time, I had the Robert Kelly app. And this guy from Tampa was like, you remember the Robert? I know it was a square with the RK, like the Curse of RK. You all right, Lou? Did you pass out from how funny that was? Yeah, this is what you get on camera, Bobby talking about the Bobby app. Please, Bobby, continue. Pussy's like gold, it's free if you know where to look. He. No, there was a, you know, because back in the day, I was the king of like comic technology, like social media. My website was ridiculous. I remember the Orbs. The Orbs, I mean, I had three different versions of that site. A little Bobby, a little cartoon Bobby came out and threw, not even cartoon, a little Bobby. A little Bobby wearing, what do you think? A small collar motorcycle jacket. It was a. And he comes out and he grabs an orb. And if you go. It was the microphone. If you go tour dates, he grabs the orb and throws it at the thing and then tour dates pop up. It was, I walk out on the top, but you heard click, click, click, click. Like I had high heels on. I'll never forget Bobby. Bobby's web designer was like his Dr. Gonzo. His name was Kurt Iverson. I never forget because his last name was Iverson. I was funny. I think it was an Asian guy named Kurt Iverson. Asian Mexican from Kansas City. I would walk out the top and there would be a microphone. I grabbed the mic, I take off the mic and then I go, and the mics would just all go into orbs. And then when you push tours, I would reach up, grab one of the orbs and go, whoop into a bigger liquid orb in the middle and my face would shimmer. Why is this not so an active site? Plus $35,000 a month to keep active. What was it Ben Bailey joke about my website? Remember that on the roast? It's more famous. No, he goes, yeah, Robert Kelly is the only comedian who has a website that's more famous than him. Yeah. Yeah. But I had an app guy contact me about comics apps. And he made me this fucking crazy app that, had Google Maps in my head, it was in my little head and you'd touch it. All the link would pop up on the state. Do those things? I like that as a thing. I want an award. It's showing your tour dates. It's showing your tour dates, I don't mind that. We got into a big fight over it because we won this comedy, the best comic app of the year on Comedy Central Awards. And we got into a fight because he wanted the award, but I wanted the award. So we had to ship it back to each other every six months. You and Kurt? No, not Kurt, there was another dude down in Tampa. Oh, yeah, yeah. I would have to mail the award back to him in six months and then he would mail it back to me. And then I just kept it. Ralph Sutton's, his first interactions with me of trying to do something together was I think talking about an app. You wanted to get behind, you wanted me to get behind it. I forget what it was for exactly. I think it was like, it was almost like a cameo type thing, I think. Yeah, absolutely big man for a quick minute. So funny to have an app. But also just the idea, like the pompous nature of like a lot of those apps that the comics did, or just famous people in general making an app. It's the idea that like, hey, if you want your mouse can be my face. Do you know what I'm saying? The idea of that, like, oh, do you want to have your Siri voice be my voice? Like it's so dumb. Like why would you want that possibly? Yeah, the app, you know, it's funny is my first Robert Kelly live they did in Houston, Kurt Iverson, I had that joke pissed the pants monster. Of course. You remember pissed the pants monster. What do you do pissed the pants monster? So if you put the CD into a computer, you remember a desktop pet would come out, a little monster would come out on your- The pissed pants monster. And P on your computer. Yeah, your pissed pants monster. I was like, but people were like, how did you do that? And I'm like, I don't know, that's what you gotta do. You gotta have the pissed the pants monster. You're moving and shaking, you know why, Bobby? You were cheating. I love it. I need to cheat. I need to start cheating to get my mojo back. My creativity is on the basis of me trying to get new- You were moving to the stars, dude. And you know why? It's because you had a good woman and you were cheating, that's why. I don't know if I was cheating on that, was I? I don't know. Just do that out there. Just do it in the bit. Wow, that hurt. Just do it in the bit. Don't listen, fuck it, I was. With her cousin, dude. God forbid.