Mind Matters: Special guest Rex Sikes

You are now tuning in to Discover Your Potential. So listen, participate, be inspired, know that you can discover your potential. What stops people in their tracks is a small mental packet of energy. It is called a thought. They think I can't, by Rex Sykes. You're watching Discover Your Potential, and I'm your host, Dan Gilman. And today, we have an extraordinary guest with us, Rex Sykes. After a skydiving accident nearly robbed Rex of his life and caused him to spiral down in negativity from a couple of years, he locked himself in his apartment for about six weeks to sort things out and sort things through, developed the confidence to face the world again, living happily and successfully again. But I'll let him explain his story. During those weeks of deep introspection and meditation, he discovered the keys for transformation, which he has shared around the world. And ever since he discusses this in his book, Life on Your Terms, Live the Life You Want. I want to introduce our very special guest today. Dan, it's so good to be here. Thank you. It's so good. It's an honor. It's an honor and a privilege to have you here. An honor and a privilege to be here. Thank you. So what I just wanted to start with, what is your upbringing like, or what was it like? And what was it like as a child? I mean, it was a normal, I guess, middle class upbringing, but both my parents were doctors and my sister and I were raised in parochial school and went to public, you know, junior high and high school and a year or so of college. And I quit and then, you know, decided I was going to full time pursue an acting business. My parents put me into acting and dancing and acrobatic classes when I was three and four, actually dancing and acrobatics at three and acting and four just to have me well rounded. They never thought that they would have a child who wanted to do that. But I ultimately, about five said, I want to be an actor. And at six, I wanted to be a mystic because of the parochial upbringing and going to the mass in Latin and not understanding a word of it. Just seeing this guy up front with all the innocence and poppin circumstances that he's got a connection somehow. So I want that. So I convinced my mom to do one, two things. One, we, you know, every Saturday we watch movies together. So that's why I wanted to become an actor. And two, I convinced her to read me books like Khalil Gibran and the Bhagavad Gita and ultimately Napoleon Hill. And by the time I was 11, I was practicing hypnosis with my dentist, who was a hypnotist and a stage hypnotist who said that they would help me learn the art and the craft. And it just went from there. When I had the skydiving accident, I was prescribed a fatal combination of pills. It should have killed me, but it didn't. And so I'm glad to be here today. But it robbed me of my memory. I lost my then girlfriend. All of my friends destroyed my movie career and was pretty destitute for some time until I did lock myself into my apartment. Now, I stayed in that apartment literally for six weeks without, I mean, I did go out because I had to buy food. So I'd go to the grocery store a block away, but I didn't go out. I didn't socialize. I just sat in a chair and did internal work on myself. I visualized, I affirmed, I tried everything. And those six weeks, you know, I've been for over 40 years, I've been telling people, you know, what stops most people is a thought. that mental packet of energy, the quote that you just cited. And you know, when most people quit, when most people fail, before they start, before they start, before they even get going, they talk themselves out of it. It's that it's the conditioning that we grew up with. Same conditioning that I grew up with is why I ended up in that chair, ultimately, although it was, you know, I mean, due to, you know, what you might say circumstances be under control. That's where the universe gives us a gift. It kind of goes, wake up and gives you the opportunity need to wake up through hardship usually because we learn more through hardship and failure than we ever do through successes you know if the path is easy then it's cushy and we're comfortable but when the path gets uh turbulent that's when we have to fall into our resources so i did all the heavy lifting back there in that apartment for almost all of my students in other words you don't have to spend six weeks doing what i did but you but you absolutely can transform your life using what I had discovered back then. And one of the key discoveries that I made was, I was visualizing, I, you know, I was aware of Maxwell Maltz and the idea of imagery, I was aware of, you know, different hypnosis and different self-help things. I'd been meditating and practicing Napoleon Hill, or at least I've been reading Napoleon Hill since I was 11, but almost daily, but I didn't, I didn't practice it. I mean, I read it, I studied it, I thought I was practicing it, but I didn't. I kind of dabbled. And the important thing to do is learn to actually apply things and to do them. And I wasn't doing them. So in that six-week period of time, I started to apply and try and do everything I did. I relaxed. I did the hypnosis. I did the meditation. I visualized. I affirmed. And I realized about three weeks into it that I kept saying things like, why did this happen to me? How come I'm so unlucky? Why doesn't anybody understand? How did I screw my life up? How long is it ever going to take? I'm never going to get over this, am I? And I realized that I was asking myself all sorts of really crappy questions. I didn't want to know how long it was going to take or why I was broken and why these things happened. I wanted to know how I could get better and how soon I was going to get better and how quickly I could go out and face the people in the world that I had lost. And could I win them back by transforming myself? And what would I need to do in order to transform myself? And what were the first things I would discover in that process? And what would it feel like to be confident and to be, you know, outgoing and to be able to walk, you know, and look like I, you know, I was a person to be reckoned with as opposed to this broken person. So the questions direct your mind. so here you have on the one hand i always do this dog crap or diamonds and the um the point is is you have a choice but most people don't know when number one they don't know they have a choice because they're never told they have a choice they're conditioned to think otherwise they think circumstances events other people dictate their life and and or um that they should just do what everybody you know what they've learned to do growing up and going to school they get a job they get married they retire and they die they pay taxes in the meantime and they live paycheck the paycheck. So we're conditioned not to really be creative thinkers or something. I mean, some people break loose, obviously. Some people buck the system. Some people become entrepreneurs. And most people really want to be happy and live a good life. But it's the frame or how big the box is that they live with it. You know, they don't, most people don't wake up to that unless there's a tragedy. It's kind of what I call the Christmas Carol phenomenon. You know, Scrooge lived his life the way he lived his life until he was visited by three ghosts, you know, in a dream, essentially, or was it real? And even though it's a work of fiction, during that time, he, you know, he realized, well, I can't live that way anymore. I got to live differently. And he transformed his life. So, and that's something that we all can do. So I wrote the book, Life on Your Terms, create the best life, you know, ever kind of thing, create the life you want and to help people to be able to do these things. And it really is about the trans, you know, there's a scripture that says transform yourself by the renewing of your mind. And that truly is where the power is. Many people ask themselves, as you mentioned, the wrong questions. And I wanted to ask you, how does someone know to find the right questions to ask? Well, they don't. I mean, that's why I'm here. I mean that I mean you know they either stumble onto it or fortunately they were brought up in it I mean questions have been around forever I didn't invent questions what I did was I did invent something or create something called the directed questions and because questions direct your mind if I say hey Dan where did you get your shirt you can tell me either I don remember or I got it as a gift somebody gave it to me or I went to such and such a store and I bought it I had it for 10 years you know and you know that kind of thing You don say I play baseball and you don go I was abducted by a UFO or you know I like toast You tend to answer the question you're asked. So when you put your brain on a search for the right answer, the, you know, what you're looking for, the brain will go look for it. And it works this way you know this thing called the tip of the tongue phenomenon i go oh my gosh what was that person's name and the harder i try the more evasive it seems or i want to remember a movie title or a song telling me give up i go it'll either come to me or it won't anyway minutes later hours later days later or even weeks later suddenly it drops in you go oh that was bob oh my god i can't believe i couldn't remember it was bob right the brain works on it the subconscious mind will work on it long after the conscious mind gives up when you pose a question to it now here's the thing if i ask you you know what's the capital of massachusetts and you tell me the answer then the brain doesn't have to go any further because it knows the answer but if you ask a question you don't know the answer to brain has to keep working for it and looking for it and that's what i discovered in this chair is how to direct your mind using questions i didn't want to know how long it would take me i wanted to know how soon i could get out of that chair and feel confident. I wanted to know how I could surprise and delight myself by discovering how incredible I was, not why I was so broken. And most people have been trained and our psychologists and our therapists all have you go back and dig through the crap and dig through the garbage and find all your wounds and all your hurts. And while that is not necessary, it's not and it's not bad. I mean, it's not, you know, you can do it. It seems to be a huge waste of time. You know, I would prefer to go right to the source and go, how incredible can I be rather than how broken am I? And can I find out if I'm incredible after I get rid of all the broken stuff? Because guess what? When life offers you hardship or you start something new, all that stuff comes up anyway. If you say, I've made $20,000 this year and I want to make $100,000 and you go, oh, I don't know if I can do that. Well, right there, you know, you have a belief that you might not be able to do it or you don't feel deserving. All of this stuff will come up. Doubts, fears, frustrations, hurts, angers, disappointments, sadness, all that comes up so that you can release it. The problem is, is that other people have you sift through all this stuff in order to get prepared, to be ready to change. And I go, let's just go change, as Scrooge did. He didn't, you know, change can happen in an instant when you make a powerful decision. Now, and change is very simple. It's not always what we would call easy. And I'll wrap it up with this. What you think determines what you get, dog crap or diamonds. If you think it's going to be hard, most likely it's going to be hard, or it's going to be harder. If you think it's going to be easy, it may not be as easy as you think it is, but it'll be a whole lot easier than if you think it's hard. This is why Henry Ford said so brilliantly, if you think you can or you think you can't, you're correct. He added something in a different time and a different talk. He said, I never let what I cannot do prevent me from doing what I can. This is so really, truly important. I don't let all the hurts and wounds. I don't go back and look for every scrape and every cut and every wound and every disappointment and every heartbreak and every thing that happened to me in order to feel good now. I focus on feeling good now. I direct my mind to that because as all of the thought leaders throughout history, and especially Napoleon Hill and Wallace Waddles and all the famous ones have said what you focus on is what you get so it's become things a man as Emerson said a man is what he thinks all day long so if you're thinking about your wounds guess what you get you get the dog crap if you're thinking about all the ways that you could improve your life or all the ways you're already wonderful and resourceful because you have all these talents hidden within you you just don't know it yet because you're not looking for the talents, you're looking for the hurts. When you go for the talents, now you can change nearly instantly. But that said, I had six weeks when I emerged from that apartment. I didn't burst out like Superman. I pretty much came out like a toddler. I mean, I was moving through the world, still trying to figure out how the world would respond to me. I felt better. I felt more confident, but I wasn't sure, but I was moving forward. And I was taking a step by step by step approach toward reclaiming my life, living my life on my terms and creating the life that I wanted. And anyone can do that. And you can do that, too. So, you know, it's really it's really magical. It's really wonderful. And and that's why I wrote the book. And that's why I do programs for over 40 years now and have influenced countless of thousands of people to live happier, healthier, wealthier, you know, to the tune of billions of collective dollars. But it's not the money so much. It's the joy and the fact that people are living for themselves and helping others, too. It's not a selfish way to live. They're living for themselves and being compassionate at the same time. So I'm very happy and pleased. And none of that would have happened, most likely, if the bad thing didn't happen to me back when I had gone to the skydiving, when I did the skydiving. So from adversity, as Napoleon Hill would say, there's always a seed of equivalent opportunity, and you just have to be able to find it. Holiday shopping can sneak up on you fast, and suddenly you are staring at a long list wondering what on earth to get everyone. This year, I wanted gifts that felt fun, meaningful, and actually inspiring. That is what led me to Uncommon Goods. It is full of clever, creative finds that instantly make you say, Oh, wow, I have never seen that before. And with their Cyber Monday sale happening right now, it is the perfect moment to grab something truly special. 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And some people, sadly, they get in tragedy. They let it consume them. And other people find it in tragedy. And they look back years later and go, best thing that ever happened to me because I wouldn't be where I am today had that not occurred. And that's what I say. What kind of questions can one ask if you don't know where you want to go in your life or your career or start finding solutions? How quickly can I discover what my purpose is? How soon will I be able to find out what I truly love to do and what is it that I love to do that would put a big smile on my face? And how many different ways can I begin to move forward in my life doing those things that I love and I enjoy and then, you know, making money at it or however you want to define it. But you assume that you know what it is that you like. I don't know what my purpose is. That doesn't get you anywhere. Right. It just affirms that you don't know. But if you go through, I'm looking to discover that thing that really makes me feel wonderful. And I'm willing to wait for it. And I'm just curious how soon it will show up and when it shows up, how delighted will I be and how surprised will I be in the many different ways it shows up and allows me to move forward in positive ways. Yeah. Well, I created something called the Attitude Activator using questions like this. And it's there in all of my programs, Mind Design, the Law of Attraction program, how to get how to train how to how to change your thoughts and transform your life Those programs Tesla and Einstein and the different things that I do the Ultimate NLP Home Study Course They all have these, you know, addressed questions and the things that we're talking about. that's the attitude activator i created because um after i had gone through all this what i discovered was in thinking about it i was like the difference between where i was when i was stuck and broken and frustrated and hurt and where i was when i was moving through the world more confidently was a matter of attitude it was one was i can't do this the world sucks everything is wrong it was dog crap and the other was i can learn to do this i may not be perfect yet but i can learn to do it what do I need to do in order to learn and and can I take each step along the way feel more and more confident you know and so I started to direct my mind and I realized that what was really changing within me was my attitude towards things instead of looking at the world as a horrible vicious cruel heartful place I was looking at it like this is this is this can be my playground and where I truly came into my power as a in this respect was I one day realized I own this planet. And so I, and I, like I tell people in LA, I go, LA is my town. I own it. And they go, oh, you're such a, an egotist. How can you say that? I go, it's not that I, the sole owner of the planet or of LA, I've got lots of co-owners and I don't traipse through people's property or, you know, trespass. But the attitude was I'm here, whether I'm here a million times through reincarnation or I'm here one time, whichever life this is, I got to make the best of it. So I might as well act as if I belong here. I might as well act as if I own this place. I'm not going to act as a visitor except to respect other people's rights to be here too. I'm not going to go, I own this place, so get out of my time. But I realized what ownership meant was caring. It meant to be involved. It meant if one, I had to make my life so incredible because it was that, but I could also do that and help other people do that. I could help the planet and the environment and the animals and the people and all that kind of stuff so it extended out from me as opposed to to making it like i'm just living my life and go screw yourself and that's why i wanted to teach it and share it essentially was so at the time when i started this you know i was doing workshops i was teaching meditation and meditation and hypnosis and nlp and business area um it it occurred to me in my research for my programs. And at that time, there were a handful by comparison today of studies that talked about the placebo effect, which this is really important. A placebo is different than the placebo effect. The placebo is, it's the little capsule or the, the amulet or the, you know, the procedure that's considered, you know, magical. But the placebo effect has to do with our beliefs and Travis Air Force Base did a cancer study that determined with cancer patients that those who did well with the treatment or who went into remission, who beat the cancer, essentially, that attitude was the number one predictor for success in health and healing, especially toward the attitude of the treatment. And I looked at that and went, wow, you know, And I realized that my attitude had changed. And I started looking more into attitude and placebo and visualization and all these kinds of things. And at that time in the 80s and the 90s, the early 90s, there were maybe 100 studies, maybe 150, something like that, that you could find. Now they're close to 45,000 or more. And they all say attitude is the number of predictors for success in any area of your life. What you believe, like Henry Ford said, if you think you can or you think you can't, you're correct. So here's the thing. people will say i've tried everything which is number one is bs because they haven't right they think they have but they haven't they say they have but they have it um and that's based again on our culture at first you don't succeed try try again right and or baseball you go first second third base you come home and you're done yeah you don't it doesn't go keep going keep going keep going we do have things like the little engine that could but but it pales by all of the other examples of why you should quit. Have a plan B, have a fallback, go to school, make sure you do this, follow the road, be a good puppy, and then everything will work out. And so attitude. Yeah, that's where we're all conditioned, right? We are conditioned. And you know what the difference is, is all I did was I started to reprogram myself and recondition myself. So how long does it take? Let's answer that because people always wonder it takes as long as it takes if you wanted the body if you wanted to sculpt your body like arnold schwarzenegger did it would take as long as it would take to do that you it's not a microwave magic wand take a pill and suddenly you have this body or you wake up the next day it's the repeated correct consistent application of the right food the right rest the right exercise that will condition you and have you sculpt that body but during that process which may seem difficult to begin sometimes, you acquire the habit for doing it. You find the intrinsic motivation. As you begin to win along the way, you start to feel like a winner. So I always tell people have little wins. In fact, at the top of my book, I'll hold it up. It says start winning up here because what you want to do is you want to create wins that carry you forward. Now, Muhammad Ali has been famous to say, I hated training. He became one of the champion boxers of all time, right yeah he said i hated to train i didn't want to run behind a car when it was cold and wet and damp and i didn't feel like training he said but i realized if i wanted to be a champion world champion boxer i had to sacrifice what i wanted this moment for what i wanted then my purpose and that was and he told everyone before he was that he was the greatest i mean think about that for a second yeah in his head he was already there yes his head i am the greatest you just I think it's attributed to Will Smith, whether he said it or not. He goes, all along, I was the greatest. You just didn't know it yet. You know, it took you time to find out, but I knew it. Conor McGregor, you know, apparently what he did was he had his girlfriend take a picture of him with a champion's belt, like slung over his shoulder. And so he would look at this day in and day out. Jim Carrey went to the top of Mulholland Drive and looked down and said, oh, you guys are going to work with me and wrote himself his $10 or $20 million check. It starts here. But it also ends here. If you think you can or you think you can't, you're correct. And that's why attitude is so absolutely important. And then as Henry Ford said, I never let what I cannot do prevent me from what I can. And what happens with most people is they let what they think they cannot do stop them from doing what they could be doing. and that's truly sad and that's why they have to learn that's why i'm here to tell people take back your life begin to live life on your terms not don't let circumstances dictate it don't let events dictate it don't let other people dictate it live it on your terms and create the life that you want to live for yourself and then make it good for everybody else too yeah and i would love to uh our audience to hear more about you know your book life on on your terms but i also want to let them know that they can find it. You can get it on Amazon, but here's what I'll tell you. Right under my name, it says Rex Steven Sykes, it's rexsykes.com. That's my website. If you put a forward slash book, B-O-O-K, after rexsykes.com, fast book, it will take them to my website. And from there, they can go to Amazon and get the book, paperback or hardcover. And when they do, if they return to the website with their receipt code, and you should do this, anybody who has my book should do this i'm i am gifting people a uh a training called the mastery loop which is on how to master your mindset your feelings your behaviors and any skill that you want to learn it's an online training valued at 497 it's a video you know that you learn from and um and i'm and it's a bonus for buying the book oh that's great and it's rex sykes.com forward slash book right and it's it's it's my gift to them so it's to you it's absolutely free when you put your receipt code in a little box there, but it's all explained that when they go to that site. Great. Well, I was going to, I'm going to gift a few of our listeners, uh, your book, cause it really special It special to me Uh and I going to actually get copies right from your website then Cause I got copies on Amazon Well again you you go through my to get to Amazon Oh okay I mean at this moment I not fulfilling orders but Amazon is Amazon is, yeah. Okay, great. So where you get it or where anybody gets it is Amazon, but they go to my website to get the training. Yeah, that's one thing I didn't do. I went just to Amazon. And for those people you gift or those people who are part of your show, So if they email the site and say, you know, I'm from Dan Gilman. I'm from Discover Your Potential. I got the gift. We'll give them the training as well. But now I just said that on the air, so anybody could say that. Right. They're going to have to prove it, I guess, at that point somehow. Because I don't run that. Other people do. So they'll have to. Yeah. Well, for whoever is interested in requesting copies of the book through us, Discover Your Potential, So I'm going to give three to four lucky folks, or maybe more, who email me at cindy at cindygilman.com. That was my mother's old email address, but that's cindy at cindygilman.com. And we'll get you a free copy, as well as Rex is going to give you a wonderful, amazing gift. So just send us your email, your name, email address, and tell us what you found inspiring about today's show. and it will be wonderful to hear your input. Plus, here's what you can add. I would love an email photo of people with the book. I have so many photos of people going, you know, like that and celebrities and otherwise that it's really, really cool. So anyone who wants to send me a photo, they can send it through you or however. And also, please do rate and review the book at Amazon. That's absolutely crucial for Amazon when they get rating and reviews. And if everybody who rated and reviewed my book, if everybody who bought the book or has the book would rate and review my book, I'd be through the rough. It's just amazing. That's great. Well, that's so cool of you. That's awesome of you, Dan. It really is because, you know, the people who have read the book and are applying the book are just, you know, are experiencing changes in so many ways. And I couldn't be more thrilled because, you know, I've been in this business over 42 years doing this. I was teaching prior to that. I taught magic and acting and, you know, different things. My goal has always been to be like a quarterback, not the star of the team, but the guy who passes the ball to the person who catches it and runs it in or hands off the ball to the person who runs it in. So it's important that people score. They own their own wins and they claim their own victories. and you know I want my children to do better than I do I want them to thrive and live long and have a happy and prosperous life far beyond me I want the same for my students and I will say that many if not most of my students who I've been involved with over the years we still stay in touch I mean you know we have I can't say all of them but you know a lot of them we stay in touch because we created this family kind of atmosphere back in the in the 80s and 90s and you know it's just really it's about it's about what you can do not what i've what i do yeah that's great yeah i actually have a copy of it it's digital so i carry i've read it and i put it on my iphone and ipad i'm just waiting for the hard copies so that's great i'm really excited to i love i don't know i just love the physical copy of books me too me too i i get i do it for travel because i can't carry everything with me. Exactly. That's what I do. Yeah. But I, I love books and sadly I have crates of books. I don't know where to put them. Well, there's two things. One is, and this is just a little aside. When you read a book, you know, and you actually turn the page, it's different because you're using different, a different process and looking at a screen. I mean, it's there and you're scrolling and everything, but we're, we're, we kind of grew up doing this, you know, for hundreds of years now. The other thing that's really important is to take handwritten notes. People use typing on the computer. When you handwrite, the writing is intricately tied to the neuro cortex. They call it handwriting, script writing, brain writing, essentially. And we make almost an infinitesimal number of neuro connections through handwriting because we never sign our name or write the same way twice. We're close to it. That's why a graphologist can say these patterns, you know, but there's enough variation. You know, I mean, hardly ever sign my name the same way if I'm signing books or contract, whatever. It's weird. I mean, I have a signature, but it still looks different. So what you're doing is you're actually working your brain out when you handwrite. And this move in schools to get rid of cursive in favor of iPads or computers, when you write, you only make eight repetitive movements. You only use these fingers, essentially. so those are the only things you do and all you're doing is the same thing and then when you use an ipad or a phone you're either doing this thing or this thing and so you're not working your brain out so we're literally becoming dumber we now have a phone that i would explain it i have my calendar and all my phone numbers in my head once i got an you know a phone a smartphone suddenly all my numbers are in the phone i don't know any of them anymore you know addresses gps's everything does everything for us we are really getting stupid i mean quite frankly um that's what scares me about ai no i just and rightfully so it's one thing to to um to have it be an accent to what you do it's another thing to replace what you do i mean just look at the number of people whose jobs are being replaced by you know i mean which on the one hand you can say well that's good because we'll find different jobs for those people really maybe not really or will you just find more ai applications so then what happens well it's you know um and most people most people want to be productive they don't want to just sit and be cutesy i don't know anybody i've never met a person i i take that back i met one person who said i don't want to work i don't want to do anything i just want to i just want to collect a check and eat donuts you know and have coffee i've never but in my entire life of my entire life that i've only met one person like that not that they don't exist but it's so rare but most people want to provide for themselves for their family because we're also conditioned we've grown up to say you know it's a self-esteem thing you're you know your job sometimes defines you and that's why people when they're out of work sometimes you know feel like i i don't know what to do now i don't know who i am i i know we're running out of time unfortunately but I absolutely would love to continue this conversation. Absolutely. I mean, true. I would love that. Yeah. Sooner rather than later. We'll do it soon. We'll actually do it very soon. So thank you so much for being here today. And it's been an honor and pleasure. And people remember audience, send in your email at Cindy at Cindy Gilman.com. Make sure you put an image so that you can get. have a book, right? Oh, that's right. Yeah. So if they, once that's true, once you have the book, send the image in, that's true. You can't send an image in before they have, before they have the book, unless they take a picture of you getting the book and so they could, they could do that as well. But thank you again, Rex. It's, it's been an honor and a pleasure. And I can't wait to have you on again. And especially to talk about hypnosis, because my mother did hypnosis and guided imagery as part of her work. So I can see that really interesting connection there. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, anytime. And, you know, I'm an open book. Excellent. Great. Well, thank you so much. Ian, thank you so much. Discover your potential. It's a marvelous show. I'm so glad to be on it with you. Thank you so much. Well, our goal is actually to touch as many lives as possible. That's exactly what my mother did when she was here on this planet. And I wanted to continue that legacy. and continue our show. That's beautiful. Keep doing it. You're doing great. So great. Thank you. And as my mother used to say, do something nice for yourself and do something nice for others. This is Cindy Gilman, and you're listening to Discover Your Potential. So until next time, do something nice for yourself, but do something nice for someone else.