Hilarious Katherine Ryan on Stand Up Comedy, Motherhood & Marriage

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Like look, I have- You know how you always like what someone else's body is? I used to love the way the cartoon of Porky Pig's girlfriend or one of those pigs, they'd wear heels. Oh yeah. I like- I thought that the sexiest was like a chunky leg in a high heel. And I think it's because it's I don't have that. You would love me dressed up. That's exactly what I look like. I'm incredibly ham colored and I've always had like toddler legs my entire life. And I just covet legs like yours and a complexion like yours. Yeah, we should swap bodies. Do a freaky Friday. Oh my God. Well, for those of you that don't know about you, you have had numerous specials, you do a lot internationally. Now, do you have three citizenship? Are you Canadian, Irish and English? Just two. So I will pick you up on World Renowned. I'm like quite famous on one small island. I moved to the UK 18 years ago and I'm not really selling the size of theaters and sometimes arenas that I can sell in the UK. But I have a show tomorrow. I think it's like 330 all this way. Like I traveled. I was delayed as well. And I've done the math or maths as we call it in England. Yeah. I traveled one hour for every eight people coming tomorrow. So yeah, like I wouldn't say I'm World Renowned, but I love it. And I'm just so blessed. And I have never performed in England or Australia or well, I did, we did a little fun Australia thing when I was on Chelsea lately. But yeah, and everyone's like, you should do, you know, you should do English. You should do Ireland. And I am open to it. I, but I would be doing it. I think I'd arrange like a whole trip around it. And I would probably choose a small place because I wouldn't want the stress being that it'd be like a first time, you know, no, they'd be thrilled to see you. Like when you go out that way, I think in Los Angeles, there's access to so much. Yes. But if you went to Australia, especially New Zealand, they're very good comedy audiences there. Okay. In the UK, they'd come to see you. But do you think that motherhood has impeded your ability to tour internationally? Well, my, my experience is different. It's funny because you're here and you have young kids and your Instagram, which has over a million followers and a lot of great stand-up clips. You're pregnant and a lot of it. Yeah, I'm pregnant. I literally just said to Brandy and Julie, who are on my show all the time, I'm like the only person that did a stand-up special where I wasn't pregnant. Like I feel like, you know, Allie Wong, Amy Schumer, so many great comedians in the last like five, 10 years have, I almost feel like they're waiting to film their special to be pregnant. Like, cause that like gives you an extra like, well, it's an extra audience member, but also it's, you know, and, and so, no, I kind of went, my, my career was a little back, little backwards in that I was doing stand-up. I sold some shows, but I wasn't like a touring stand-up at the time because I started in LA. Yeah. And so then, and then I had kids and it was like far away from where I lived. And then I like didn't really do stand-up for a few years. And then working on Chelsea lately, I was a great opportunity to open for her and become, and then I became a headliner and wrote books. And then from there, my kids were like school aged. Okay. So I really enjoyed that time away from them. And like having, then I was like a guy comedian that just wanted a hotel room to just sleep in throughout the night. So I never experienced the traveling with the kids that are little. And that's what you have right now because tell us how old all your kids are. I've made some mistakes. I don't know what happened kind of around. I don't know if it's like long COVID that sent me into the psychosis where I was like, I need to breed as much and as often as I can. I just became like a tradwife overnight. I decided to have as many babies as I could have. It would have been really good to become addicted to something less damaging like fentanyl. But instead, no, I've just been pregnant actually six times in the last five years, but I've had three children. Okay. I regret that. I have an older daughter who's 16. So that was from a previous relationship? Yeah. Okay. I should have just stuck with like one chic daughter. And the babies are all here now and I, you know, I wouldn't send them back, but if I never met them, I wouldn't miss them. And they really make it difficult. So there are four, just turned three and the babies three months and we brought the baby to LA and it's. And that's with your current? With my current, my first husband. Okay. So the first one you weren't married to? No. Oh, I like to call my husband either my current husband or my first husband. Yeah. Keep him on his toes. People love that I've let people know about the starter marriage. Oh, was that you? I did not create that. I just remember every story that's ever been told about anything, whether it was on Oprah 30 years ago or on Good Morning America 10 years ago. And there was a book called The Starter Marriage, which was you have a marriage, but it doesn't produce any children. Key. Very key. And then, and it's kind of over before you're like 35. Yes. And then, and people love that because it's like, it's forgiving. Like, if you, if it's not working out and you haven't had the kid yet, it's just a starter marriage. And this message, I think should be rolled out to women everywhere. If you don't have these extra layers of complexity, like even I was like this at 23, I'd go, well, it'd be really difficult to leave him now. No, it's not. You're not married. You don't have kids. You don't have a mortgage. You just leave. Like women need to be walking away before it gets really like, imagine how complicated it would be to leave my husband now. It'd be awful. It would ruin my life. I was talking to a girl the other day. She's younger than I am. Her kids are school age. And she just was like, listen, I'm married for love the first time. The guy's literally right there. She goes, but if anything was to happen, it's either for a lot of money. Or nothing at all. Like I'm never getting married again. And I'm like, oh my God, that's like just so funny that it's like, I do feel like there's kind of like a lot. Maybe it's just the algorithm knows what I want to see. A lot of it is just like women being like, like I've seen these videos where women are like, when you get home and you think you're alone. And then they do like a video where you're just here like, slam the door like, and it's just them. And you it's comforting because you realize because when it's happening to you, you're like, if there were cameras in this house, every single person in this world would feel sorry for me and me on my side. Yeah. But then because of social media, someone puts out a video like that and everyone's like, oh wait, we're all in the same boat. That's just their species. It's a scam. It's just their species. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that's why there's this concerted effort to shame single women, single mothers, child free women. Because once we get into it, we're like, oh, this wasn't maybe worth it. And I say that I love my husband. Yeah. But it's like, oh, there was this different path for me where I was just single with my one chic daughter. That would have been really good too. You should only get married if you really like a daily reminder of gender inequality and injustice. If you like that, like you can have it all. Kids, a career, resentment, you can have it all. Well, I am after 25 years of marriage. I can't believe you've been married that long. Why? Is your husband incredible? No. Okay. I'm incredible. You are, yeah. I believe God will reward me for these sacrifices. I do believe in heaven. Okay. And I think I will be like, there will be no purgatory for me. I don't know what's going to happen to him. You're going straight to heaven. I'm going straight to heaven. I will put in a good word. I will tell the doorman, get him if you want. Yeah. But right now this is my table, like with my parents and we're going to hang. Yeah. But I know I do get over things quickly. Ugh. But there are times where I'm like, oh my God. And then the next day, I'm like, I can't believe I ever thought that way. I don't know. That's just our vibe. Like every marriage is different. Every marriage is completely different. Someone, you know, could put up with infidelity or whatever because maybe they own a helicopter. Maybe the husband is really sweet and complimentary and they're like, I don't want to fuck you anyway. Yeah. I don't judge anybody's situation. No. And I think that's the problem is that women, and I think that's why women like love to watch housewives like get divorced because they're like, I'm kind of jealous of her life, but her husband hates her. Hey, like now I don't feel so jealous. So I think it's, you gotta realize that like everybody has a different situation. Everybody's tolerance is different. Everybody's vibe is different and whatever works for you. But what I've realized also is there's certain things in life like, okay, so you have these young babies. Let's talk more about you because I don't need to probably like Heather, we've heard all your fucking stories. But I like hearing them live. Okay. So you have all these young kids and can I ask a personal question about do, are you a breast feeder? Oh my gosh. Yes. And it's everything to me. You love it. No. Oh, I believe in it. Again, I don't judge anyone. It is fair. Again, it's your own thing. Me too. It's so difficult. Even if you have a supply, it's difficult. It really chains you to the house. Right. I think the thing that separates me and Stefan digs, I think, is the same number of children. Yes, I've breastfed everyone. My first daughter, I breastfed her maybe too long, like two and a bit years. But is anything too long? She's not trying to get your nip now. No. Some of the cares. I know. I believe in it. I believe that all that too is annoying. Like to be judgy of someone that goes into toddler years. I mean, yeah, if they're playing soccer, yeah, it's too old. But like the rest of it is like, what works for you? You know, like these little nip pads. Just in case you say something and I am moat and then I lactate all over this Valentino jumper. So yeah, breastfeeding is every, I'm very Courtney Kardashian in that way. I'm granola, crunchy. I sleep with my kids. Great. All three of them. We have, how many bedrooms do we have? I'm doing very well in the UK. Probably like five bedrooms. Great. We sleep in one. We sleep in one bedroom. The entire family, like we're on Charlie and the chocolate factory. Do you have one of those special beds? Because I've seen that on Tech Tech too. A lot of people are doing the larger beds. Yes. It's a nightmare. And I believe in it so strongly. My husband and I are actually very much aligned on attachment issues stemming from being left to cry in your room as a baby and we respond to our children's needs immediately, blah, blah, blah. Obviously we're still having sex because we keep having kids. Yeah, good. But people in Britain are very fascinated. They're like, when do you have sex? Wow. I'm like around 10 a.m. when people are either at nursery or napping. Yeah. I'll tell them. They're not prepared for that either in England. They're like, they're very buttoned up. But yeah, you have to be creative. And are you on any kind of birth control now? No. No. So you're going to roll the dice for a fourth or fifth? It would be a fifth, right? It would be a fifth. I'm very controversial rolling in to an abortion clinic with a triple stroller. I just can't have one more. But I think I read the other day that Claire Danes at 44 had a surprise pregnancy and was devastated. I read this actually, I think just in the car in Los Angeles, I read that she didn't believe that it could happen. She thought 44, she was home free and it just, it throws your life into turmoil. It really does. There's such a blessing. I'm not Irish, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know about Irish women and their very good old eggs? I don't think enough people know about that. They should be warned. It is a real thing. Yeah. Because I'm 100% Irish. I thought I was a one quarter French Canadian. That's what my mother thought she was French Canadian. But then when I took the test and I was all Irish. Well, French Canadians, not an ethnicity. Right. And people said, no, I think Irish people came to Canada and some lied and said they were French. No. I think that's what, no, that's what happened. No. Then how am I 98% French and my mom thought she was French? No, I'm 98% Irish. Yes. So like 100%. Right. My dad was 100% already. So I thought I was 50% of my dad and my mom was 50, 50. She said her mother was French. French, Canadian or French? Well, French and then like, I guess French, yeah, French, Canadian, whatever, in Canada. So like, but anyway, they're not, but they're not like. Have you seen Hamilton? No. Sorry, don't get mad at me. So I learn about history, especially American political history from West End musicals. And so the French and the English both were battling over territories and land in America and at that time Canada as well. And I heard the worst deal ever was the French sold, I think it was the Mississippi River to the English for like a million dollars at the time. And that became like the way for trade and everything else. It was like a terrible mistake. But that's why they're kind of French in New Orleans. I got it. And there are French. And so the Accadzie, as we grew up knowing them, because I'm French, Canadian too. Oh, no, I took, no, I took lots of French, but I don't know any. Your mom didn't teach you. I'm a bad mom. No, my mom, my mom didn't know French either. Oh, fine. Nobody knew French. You just took it to school and you don't learn it after that. You just have to get through the memorization, then you forget. Okay. Well, in Canada, we do know it. Oh, good. Because there are French roots and the French Canadians really dig into their French culture. They keep trying to separate from Canada and become their own country. Get back. Yeah. So like they're French, but no one's ethnicity is Canadian apart from indigenous people, right? So, so you came up zero French, zero. Zero. Maybe she's Irish and just like settled in French Canada. No, that's what I think. I think that they, I think, because first I thought it did someone cheat. Like that's kind of exciting. No, I think it was just a bougie thing and they like kind of fibbed about it and my mom never knew. And now, but what I was saying is my, my grandmother had children very late in life and her four days back when there was no fertility. And I remember going to the doctor and I was rolling the dice and he was like, you should not be rolling the dice. Like you have like viable eggs. So I warn Irish girls that you could have viable and if you're Irish and you're trying to get pregnant, then this should make you happy. But maybe you need to be a little careful if you're not. I think because I'm still breastfeeding, my youngest baby is only three months old. So I don't have a regular cycle yet. When I do, I think I will. But you're still boning. Yeah. Without protection for sure. So, I mean, so you have these three little kids and what happens when you do go on the road? How often do you go and who takes care of them? It's hell. So my husband is a stay at home dad. But again, the injustice of that, especially when you're breastfeeding, we do have an Annie just in the daytime, not living with us like many English people do. So she helps out my oldest son who's four. He's just started school. So he goes four days a week. And then my little girl who just turned three, she goes three days a week. A little bit of a break. Yeah. So he does get a little bit of a break and I just haven't really, I haven't been here since I was pregnant with my three year old actually. So it does definitely affect my work. And it's, it's like a mindful practice not to be jealous of the boys because it's so easy every day to be like, if I was a dad, I could do this, I could do that. I'd be in LA this week by myself, but I'm nursing. Yeah. Well, and also it's like, even women that have careers, it's like still they, I believe it's just our innate inside of us. It's like we are mothers first, no matter what that career is, even if it ever happens to be, you know, present United States or whatever, it will still be mother first. You wouldn't think that about like a guy who's like, let's say the chief of police. No. You wouldn't be like, I'm sure you think about your kids all day long while you're running the city. No, you'd be like, he's the chief of police. You know, and it's like, so that's the thing too. It's like, and with being female comedians, nobody's ever like to a male comedian, oh my God, it must be so hard to leave your two little kids to go do the Tempe improv. But we should say that to them. Yeah. It's like, we should start just being like, oh my God, where are your children? Who's watching them? Are they? Are you? Yeah. Are you co-sleeping? Like how do you tour when you're a dad of one? Well, you do that. You know, it's yeah, but it is a thing. Like there is a woman, Erica Komisar, who I really love and she appeared recently on the Kardashians and she's this renowned psychologist. She talks a lot about attachment theory and attachment parenting and she's made this return to biology, which is weird because I'm really, I think I'm very progressive. I believe in equal opportunities for everyone, but the biology just isn't there. Like our newborn, who's three months old, my husband has not looked after her. He's looking after her now and I'm a bit concerned about it, even though it's only going to be two hours. Yeah. I have spearheaded the care of that child. And then when she's older, my husband will look after her a bit more. Like he's really good with the toddlers. He's so good with toddlers. Not great with the teenage girl. Not great with the newborn. Yeah. But there is this biology where, sorry, like you can be as feminist and progressive as you like, but you are their mother unless you're in a lesbian partnership and then you're the other mother and then maybe you get to be a bit of a dad. I don't know. I find that interesting too. And as someone that did use daycare and outside help and stuff, now my kids are grown and I think we're all good and we're all great, but I would tell someone and I have that if you can avoid that, you know, it depends on the age. Well, sometimes you can't and sometimes your career can't allow it and sometimes your economics can't allow it. Yeah. But if you are in a position to have it be that maybe it's just on rare occasions someone watches them, but the baby that you're that whole like, um, caring the baby thing, I never really did like I never really wore the baby because I am so lame because of the ankles. He would have killed right over. I'm so lame. I never like I always had a hard time like situating that bejorn. Yeah. Yeah. So I like to either just to carry the baby or put the baby to stroller and like I was all I ever wanted to do was like be a mom and I love being a mom and I have a lot of sadness that like I was really busy during that time and working and I don't I wouldn't be sitting here today if I didn't make all those same decisions because it doesn't wait for you and when the opportunity comes, you've got to take it. But it is, it is hard. And then it is really hard when you choose to be a stay at home mom and just like the 80s, if you're still staying at home for 20 years and then you're 45 and your kids are grown and your husband's like, yeah, I'm fucking the secretary and goodbye. You are fucked again. Which is why people said you should have a career. But then also, yeah, it's natural. And one of the things I saw like, yeah, maybe that was that same Kardashian or somewhere else about how especially like the boys want to be really near their mom until like five. And then they're really good to like go off. And I think sometimes even as little people are like, oh, why is he such a mom was born like right away. And you're like, he's four. Like who cares? Like that's what and that's what I've always said about that. Like your kid is not going to be going, hey, I'm coming home from college mom. So you know, get my side of your bed ready. Like it's never gonna happen. You know, and even people that sleep with their kids really long. Yeah. For a few people I know, like there was a family we knew and their daughter was like in the bed and then she had a bed in the room and people kind of snickered about it. They're fine. She married a Marine. She's a vet. They have kids. Grandparents visit parents. Grandparents still married to each other. Everybody's fine. Yeah. They parents didn't break up. The girl didn't get weird. It's like whatever works, but in those situations it was the child that said, all right, like I'm ready to have my own room now. And so I like again, I agree with, I just feel like there was a time in media that we were just fed so many things about like, you know, letting them cry it out and all that kind of thing. And you just have to do what's right for you. Yeah. Everyone's got that one friend who's always wearing the cutest outfits and you're like, where did you get that? Can I just go shop in your closet? Well, that is whatnot. What not is the greatest shopping app. It is the number one live shopping app in the US where shopping happens in real time with real people, real conversations and incredible deals. You almost never pay full price. You shop named brands across makeup, perfume, clothes, handbags, jewelry and more all without the retail sticker shop. This is the best place to find great deals on products you love. 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I finished my last tour just before this baby was born. OK. The tour that I did when my son Fred was born, he was coming into the green room. He was coming on the road with us. That was hell because you never know who you're going to get. And Fred was a very difficult, like unsettled baby. So he was not like a happy fat tour baby who would just sleep all the time. Not at all. And then I toured pregnant with Fena. Some of my kids have quite controversial names. I love it. Fred Fena and what's the other one? Holland, Holland, like Holland Taylor. I love it. Yeah, I love it. I saw her on the red carpet and I really love like older, powerful actresses. She's great. And the lesbian community in general. And a May, December lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holland Taylor. So my baby's named after her, but also my husband's Dutch. So that's cute. Fred, it was his father's name. You wear those little shoes in your family? We do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We split the bail. But yeah, like it has been. And like today, we had a little row. We call a fight a row in the UK. OK. I use the UK language just because of, you know, tired of being corrected by my teenage daughter. I have to like absorb their language. I think I said jumper earlier. I've only been here a few hours, but yes, my husband bless him, like is very helpful and very kind. And he really is the love of my life. We get on like funny, but on the way here, we've both been ill. If you can. And this is the other thing with kids. They're just like super spreaders. Yes, we're sick all the time. We're on this massively delayed flight. My milk supplies low. I get emotional about that. I'm just normal. And so I was just about to leave to come and meet you. My husband's like, just going to have a cigarette in a shower before you go. And I was like, no, no. How come all my stuff comes last? Like moms are just meant to fit it in, slide it in. And yeah, for the last five years, I can't believe I still have a career. I actually can't believe it. I look at someone like Nikki Glazer, who is amazing and so deserving of her accolades and has just been admired in our industry for years and years and years. And I think she's visiting Dr. Diamond. She is child free. She's prioritizing these foot massages and writing her show. And I'm like, I am very lucky that people even come to see me. I'll have one tit milking on stage. I'll be pregnant again on stage. I'll be throwing up backstage. I'll have a baby in the green room. Like it is ludicrous what I've not to. But I bet there's moments of some of our friends that are child free female comedians because I always see everything as lemonade. And I'm always like, you're going to have so much material falling from the sky. No. From your daily life as a mom. No, because of Brooklyn Beckham ruined that for us. And now we have to keep our children's lives private and we can't monetize them or share photos of them. But I mean, but I'm certainly not tell jokes about them or we'll be humiliated online. Well, I have told stories about my same kids. And one thing I had said when my first special came out where they would have access to watch it, I just said, I don't want you to watch it till you're 16. Because I'm like, then you'll, at 16, you won't care about the Hot Wheels joke, OK? That I told about you, you know? And you won't get it. And one time my son did happen to watch it because it was like on the Tivo. And he got mad about something my daughter told me. And then that was it. And then I was going through old videos. And there were some videos where he was like, stop filming me. And I did. I never put on anything that they didn't want. I didn't share a lot of them in the Chelsea Lately days. I never, people didn't even know I had kids because I thought that was the classy thing to do. Then I was like, oh my god, I could have been exploiting these kids for years. And now that they're older, they don't care. But I still always ask. I always go, do I'm going to tag you? And they're boys, so they're not like thirst buckets. So they're not trying to build up their thing. But I'm like, hey, the other day my son turned 20. And I said, I found a funny video of you. And he's just like, and he looks so cute. And he's like five. And he's like, I love you because you gave me hardwood floors because we like redid the floors in his room. And it got a lot of views. Now, I don't know if it's because he was shirtless in four. I don't know. Oh god, that's the other thing. But he's 20 now. He's 20 now. But I looked and it was, well, thank god, mostly my followers that liked it because I was like, this is weird. But everyone loved it because the thing I wrote was like, my son always had great taste. And most of all the comments were about hardwood floors, which is carpet. He's got an eye for interiors. But I said, this is the video I want to post. Can I tag you? And he's like, yeah. And so I'm like, OK, fine. Like, I think you have to be like that. And I do think you should be careful about the stories you tell because I know it's low hanging fruit to say your kid is dumb or they're an asshole or they're a bed wetter or whatever. But I'm like, you got to think of yourself at seven. And if that story was out there for the whole world to see. So I love Kevin Hart and Bert Kreischer. But is that how we pronounce his surname? Bert Kreischer, yes. Yes, I love them. But I saw in both of their specials, they had material about their daughter's first period. And I was like, not OK. I'm going to say it right now. Not OK. I don't believe so either. I mean, I know a guy on the radio that talks about what his daughter will look like when she's older if she'll need a boob job. And talks and the people are sitting across from him. And they're getting paid to be there. So they have to just laugh along with it. And I had a real moral issue with it. And that's one of the reasons I'm no longer on that show as a guest. But I didn't like it. And I don't think it's right. And I don't think you should be joking or talking about that. It's the same stories that I've told where there was a woman who was doing blogging with her children. And she made her daughter do an ad for her first period. And that girl now is part of a book about how fucked up it was. And it's like, you just have to think about that. Absolutely. And you have to talk about them and everything. But I think it's also how you write the material, like if it's your perspective. And I always felt like my stuff was self deprecating. Like I was a bad mom. I feel that. And this was just the boy-mom thing. And I'm trying to get cute before an event. And my son dropped a hot rod next to a giant shit. And I have to scoop it out when my husband's golfing. And I'm like, fuck you. And like, you know what I mean? So I think that there's ways to do it. But yeah, I agree with that. And but in that way, I'm saying about child-free. And I have said childless and people get really mad at me. So I like that you say child-free. We've both been in trouble. Female comedians with that is that I bet there's times where they've been like, oh, sure you have a new hour, Catherine. Because you had another fucking kid to talk about. You have another birthing story. You have another getting into the school story. And they're good stories and they're relatable stories. And they're from your perspective. And I do think sometimes for people that don't have that, maybe it is harder to come up with material. How many more Tinder jokes can you have? How many more things can you say? I don't want kids. My whole, I'm happy I don't have kids. We're like, you're 50. No one's expecting you to have a kid at this point. Your shtick is getting a little old, like whatever. So I think everybody has the thing, but it's your life. And then when you become a grandparent, that's a whole other thing. So it's great. It's like as long as you can talk about your life and you have such a strong point of view that no stages of your life, it's just your point of view. You're not necessarily exploiting people. But I was really worried actually about alienating the audience that I had in the UK because like 2019, my last Netflix special and then I have two subsequent specials on Sky in the UK. But that special was very much about being single and you don't have to fit into a traditional shape of a family. And I really had it all figured out with my lovely daughter and I was really killing it. And then I fell into the trap of like, have you ever, I'm curious. Yeah. Have you ever, you know how in this world of Ozepbic, there's a lot of people that have made their career out of being funny and fat or, you know, or I don't want to say fat, that's whatever. I think you could say fat again. Okay, okay. I think we're saying fat. Well, whatever. That's their character. That's this, or they're bold and body positive and they want to be healthy too. And so then they've slimmed down and then the audience is like, you left the good fight. Like you left the, did you feel when you became the quote unquote, tradwife? Did you have any singletons that felt that you had abandoned their cause and sold out to be, you know, baking your own bread? A little bit. Yeah. I just had a few messages. Mostly people were on that same journey with me. They were also being taken in by the allure of a husband and kids and like, mostly they were making the same mistakes. But there were some people who were like, I don't listen to your podcast anymore because you talk about your kids too much. And I was like, That's nice. Yeah. That's what I needed to hear after the show. But it is fair. It's like, if people recognize you as one thing and I changed the way I looked, like I don't get pregnant in a cute LA way. Like I gained all this weight in my neck. I say I got pregnant in my throat like a tropical frog. I just looked incredibly different and loads of people because my thing was kind of being glamorous. I had always had a really nice figure and I wore beautiful clothes on stage at a time when maybe female comedians were discouraged from doing that. I do. I want to talk a little bit about that. Yeah. Wait, did you have a point before I interrupt you? Because I'm an, I'm an eruptor. So I just go ahead. But I just got incredibly, I looked different is what I'm saying. I got like ugly and fat for five years, which is fine if that's what you like. But I'm from a toxic generation. Yeah. And I really missed being attractive. I was like, oh, well, yeah. But go on with your. Well, I was going to say about your, I love your, your looks on stage. That's kind of you to say. And I, when I came up, it was like Paula Poundstone. Okay. Who's so talented. And suits and ties and pants suits and Joan Rivers would dress up and dress. But at the same time, her whole act was saying how ugly she was. Which I was always like, I don't get why you say calling yourself fat when you're a size two and you're very pretty in my eyes and everybody else is like, whatever, even though, but she was hilarious in every way. Yeah. And very, very generous to other female comedians. But I was going to say like, so I was always like, I never showed my legs until like three years ago. Back on the ankles. I never did because I thought it was like distracting or something. And I just was like, oh, you were like jeans. Yeah. But now I'm like, I don't know how many more years left I have to show these legs. So now I do wear more. And I love that a lot of female comedians like you, Nikki Glaser, you know, Hannah are wearing like either everybody's wearing glamorous outfits or everybody's wearing the Dave Chappelle garbage working at the at the auto place. Yes. And whatever your authentic and whatever that I mean, literally, I call that the female comedian uniform. And I, and like, if I'm like at a target and I see a girl in it, I've done a video that I'm like, hi, where are you at the Improv tonight? I don't know why that became such a thing. But I, I love that, that you dress up and that like my two of that were doing in the fall, I'm like, I'm going to bring, I'm going to dress like Luanne. I'm going to get Giovanni. I'm going to, I'm going to just do the whole thing because I'm like, I don't know. First of all, I can afford these outfits finally. And I don't know when I'll have the next opportunity to get all dressed up and have, you know, hundreds of people look at my beautiful dress and people like looking at your beautiful dress. It's sort of like, I don't know why we took us so long to figure that out. It's a Trojan horse. Did you always dress up when you started, when you were young? Like in the clubs in Canada, yes. But then I would be discouraged from doing that. How would they discourage, who would like an agent or something? The bookers or I didn't have an agent in Canada. Just like the guys at the club would just say, well, you shouldn't dress like that because the women will hate you and the men will fancy you. It'll be distracting. Like you should hide your femininity as much as you can was the message. That's why I did it. Yeah. Yeah. But I know, you know, that again, it's so disappointing for, you know, for them to show themselves as we think women hate each other and women don't. And I get so many messages from ladies who might not otherwise think that they'd be into stand up comedy. And of course we both know there are so many women who have internalized misogyny and will say, well, I don't think women are funny or they'll go, I think you're funny, but I don't think other, you know, they'll just. Well, I always said, stop. Change your language. Yeah. When you say, I'm excited to come to see you this Saturday. I'm dragging my husband. And I'd be like, if your husband got tickets to Chris Rock, he would not be dragging you. No. You'd be excited to go. And I'm like, why are you putting your husband in a place where you feel he wouldn't enjoy me? If he likes you and you're funny and you like funny, he will enjoy it. And so many straight men like great, fabulous, funny females, especially men, like under 50, especially, but even the ones over 50 like it because they say relate like it's me, it's their wife. And, you know, they, and I'm not male bashing. I think sometimes women are afraid. I usually I'm male bashing. I think they're afraid to bring the husband. Yeah. Have it be an hour and a half of male bashing. And then they have to walk on eggshells with that fucker for the next week. I would do things. And I think that's why they don't want to bring them. And I do. I think we are constantly thinking about their ego and being fragile about their ego. So then I had to be like, look, I actually don't male bash. Like I'm raising sons. It's your husband will not be offended. I'm not going to call him out. Like, but whatever, come or don't. Like I'm sick of it. Yeah. But my, but the thing is, I think women are so supportive of other women. Yeah. And we need to focus on those women. However, there are a lot of women that unfortunately the hater ones, I think the, the culprit of the, the, the anonymous online hater that I'm sure you get as well. I think they are frustrated comedians themselves. I think a lot of them are mad that they didn't pursue a dream. Yeah. And, or I remember with this one woman I worked with, she, um, was a head of me in the standup world and in age and in success and all that. And she, um, you know, never had kids was, uh, pregnant and chose to end that because she said there was no way I could continue this career as I traveling stand up. That's what she believed. That's what she either told herself or believed it, whatever. And I felt she had a real resentment towards me because I was able to do it all. And she was told you couldn't. Yeah. And, or whatever, or, and so I don't know. It's like, it's a weird thing. People project a lot. There's a lot of, there's so many times where I'm like, and hence this is why we're not further along, like, because sometimes we are not thinking and being supportive of other people's dreams and being like, that's great that you're doing this all. You know, it's amazing. And so you have, um, okay. So you, so you got started in Canada. You were like working at Hooters training waitresses. And then what, what made you first decide I actually think I should be a stand up? Well, I was valued comedy. So I would watch it. I loved the David Letterman show and Joan Rivers, obviously. And I loved the golden girls. I would just watch all of those things. There's part of our culture growing up. Loved, loved, loved, funny women, funny people. And then I never considered that I'd be a stand up comedian at all. I wanted to be the thing that I thought got you the best life, which was uncomplicated and pretty and soft and gentle. And I wasn't those things because I would say, I don't know, like, I was just a weird kid. So I would say something that I could see my parents would stiffen up. Like I would offend people somehow. I'd try to be funny in a room where my dad especially was like, no. And, um, like I was a bit provocative as a kid. And I didn't want to be that way. I didn't choose it. I wanted to be like Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears. I was growing up in that generation. So as soon as I graduated high school, I moved to Toronto, which was like the big city near-ish to where I was from. I started working at Hooters. I got breast implants. I was like, this is it. I'm going to be a nice girl, like the right kind of cheerleader girl. And I'd get in trouble at Hooters for, again, like trying to be funny. I was never trying to be funny. I just said weird things. Yeah. And there was a standup comedy club next to the Hooters. And I thought as an exercise to get it out, I'll do amateur nights as a hobby. I'll leave it at that. I'll just go and be weird at the comedy club. And then I'll continue my path. And was your path as a pretty Hooters girl, was the path to get married and be a mother? Yeah. Okay. So you wanted just like a nice life as a normal, cute girl. I used to say to people, and I don't know where I got this. Because I went to university as well. Yes. I'd say when they'd ask what you want to do with your life, I'd say I want to be an educated housewife, which I'm the opposite now. Did you ever hear the expression, oh, you're here to get your MRS degree? Yeah. Love to get an MRS. I didn't go to a school like that. I went to quite like an artistic school where, you know, there were no doctors and lawyers and those kind of men to meet. I really didn't place myself in the right. Like I like that there's conversation now around like meeting rich men, what they should do, what they should pay for. Because I think feminism, which, you know, has evolved and will continue to took us on a little detour where our generation were like, I'm going to split the bill. I'm going to earn my own money. I'm going to be autonomous and independent. But then we're also picking up a lot of the mental load, a lot of the childcare, a lot of the housework and these younger girls, because I do have a 16 year old and her friends, they've like taken it back to, oh, I want to work and I want my husband to work, but he has to pay for everything. And men have to lead and play on the date and follow through and take initiative. And I'm like, it's, it's weirdly traditional with a modern spin. But no, I dated like broke losers exclusively in university. And with, yeah, with, with me, I always loved comedy. And I thought, I knew I should do that. And my parents would even say, Heather will be on that stage one day doing stand up and yeah, but I really knew I wanted to be a mom, like a married mom. And I thought there's, there could not be anything less attractive to men than a female stand up because of the boldness, because of the like, to tell it like it is. But then I decided like, I have this talent and I'm not using it. And that's, you know, an FU to God. So I was like, started to do it. And then there was even a point where I was like, they don't just have a child of my own. I just know I have to be a mother. Like I'll just do it on my own or whatever. What age were you thinking this? Like 27. Wow. Like I would just go like, because I wasn't in a relationship or anything. And I was kind of like, I just know I have to be a mom at some point. I think people that haven't made what you kind of were in this position with your daughter. I really don't love it in. Is you have the child. Yeah. Well, is that dad involved? Not really. So I've been careful never to slag him off just because I don't think it's the right thing to do. And I really protected him while my daughter was young. I would never say anything bad about him. But now she's 16 and she can see for herself that unfortunately he's not a bad person, but he's never made any sacrifices, never paid anything for her. Just kind of texts her, which I think is bread crumbing. Like, hey, love you. How are you? Which is better than no contact. But he hasn't been like the type of dad that you would want for your daughter. Do you know what I mean? I would say to dads, I think I would be a great dad, like a non contact parent. Me too. Because I said, I think every mother would be a great dad. Yeah, I am a great dad. When you think about it, you are a fantastic father. I'm the best dad ever. But what I would do, I can't fix anything. And this is to all the like, you know, fathers for justice, like the dads who listen to your podcast, all you have to do with the teenage girl is drive to the mother's house, send her a text and go, do you want to come get Starbucks with me? If not, if not, all I've ever said to give me that advice so much. It's all they have to do. It's all the teenagers care about. If not, I'll go get you a Starbucks. I'll drop it off. You come to the car. I'll give it to you. I'll say, hey, how are you? Love you. Here's your Starbucks. Bye. Like no pressure. I have said this so much because I think people, they in the state of California, they kind of created, you know, I don't know, 30 years ago, that the men should have 50 50 unless there's a real issue there. So if they want it, they can have it. And now I think hopefully people, I try to spread the word on this show that I've talked to children that were split 50 50 and it wasn't necessarily the best for them and it wasn't necessary in keeping the relationship. It just made the child's life chaotic. And would you like to live out of a suitcase? Two different places. I mean, sometimes at nine with two different and then you forget the soccer pads and now that your parents are fighting and it's really your fault because you're nine and you should have remembered to pack the soccer pass. I mean, it's just too much. And it's like, I've said that too. And I've had a friend that was like dating a divorced dad of a teenager and something I would never do. He was getting all like but hurt, you know, because she and I'm like, and I said to him, I had the opportunity to listen. I go, I, my parents were married forever. I lived with my dad. I loved my dad. I didn't want to hang out with my dad at 16. It's like weird. It's not who you want to hang out with, but you love them. So all you have to do is exactly what you said. Be consistent. Take him to lunch brunch. If they, if they have something that big, we can don't get all fucking but hurt and call them a little pig like Alex Baldwin, understand you're the parent, they're the kid, they'll come around, they'll mature. Great throwback reference. I mean, like, grow up. It's not about you. Fuck her. Ireland named her child Holland as well. Oh, but absolutely. The flow goes one way. And I've heard so many dads go, well, she's using me for rides. I don't get anything back. Oh, you only call me when you need money for homecoming. Who cares? Yes, you're my dad. The flow goes one way. Parent to child, like there's nothing they can do wrong. Just make yourself available, make some type of sacrifice. And unfortunately, no, my daughter doesn't have the dad that I would want her to have, but yeah, not a bad person. And you know what, that could change. You never know years go on. It may never be the thing, but it's good that you never got to a place that it's like severed because you never want to be the one that's like, well, I don't even have, you know, and listen, when you put together the wedding and you pay for the whole fricking thing and she and he's there and they're still, you know, so what? Like, so what? Like that's that's so interesting. So, OK, get your stand up life when she was almost two. OK. And then we weren't really good even before that. So as soon as I had her, I was like, oh, gosh, I'm going to have to make a go of this myself. And then I just thought that being a stand up comedian was conducive to single motherhood actually. It's like a stripper. Well, yeah, it is. Exactly. I always feel like strippers always had like a four year old son. Because you can be home in the day and then you work when they're sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So did you start traveling with her? Like, what was your big break? She came everywhere with me. So the UK is so amazing for stand up because it is small, but there are gigs in all these towns and cities every night of the week. So I started touring properly, like a small tour. So wait, when did you move from Canada to the UK? Before she was born. Because he was English? British. No, he was Canadian. Oh, but he wanted to live. Well, it's a sad story. He wanted to be a comedian. I know. And I don't really think I don't know what he's doing. So wait, do you met on the comedy circuit? Yeah, which is such a red flag. We shouldn't do that. This is I know. I never wanted to date a comedian. And I always thought they just wanted to be my friend and give me tags to jokes. And then when they would hit on me, I was like, excuse me, have you looked at yourself and have you looked at me? Why would you think I'd want you? You're broke. I didn't have that confidence. I was like, you're broke. I can fix that for you. You have mental health issues and addiction, you know, I'm a first born daughter. So leave it to me. I love that whole first born daughter stuff that's going on too. It's a thing. Are you a first born daughter? No, I'm the youngest of five. But isn't that interesting? Because sometimes the youngest has first born daughter energy all over again. Interesting. Probably that would be the case with me. I also find it interesting that a lot of comedians and comedy writers are the youngest of big families and just like all the two presidents are first born males. Are they? And they've been killing it. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's so interesting. But I would bring her with me. Yes. Yes. The first time I did television in the UK was May 2012. So my daughter was almost three and that went very well. We have a lot of panel shows in the UK, a lot of opportunities to be funny and to be seen on television, which sells tickets to your tour. So then I was always touring after that and it just, I just got really lucky. My career just got our life got really great after that quite quickly. Have you ever thought of doing like a bigger like you brought up Bert Kreicher. So his show is on Netflix right now. Yeah. And it's a scripted show based on his life and his daughters and his wife. And it's his humor. It's edgy. It's a little different. It's not your typical comedians sitcom based on their life story. Then there's Leanne, which is very is also a Netflix. She's great. And they changed her life and made her divorced. And that was at first she was like, Heather, I didn't want to do that. You know, she's like, you know, you've added her to your list of celebrity. She's just like, she's so genuine and so sweet. Did you know her on the circuit before she exploded? Well, years ago, I was like trying to sell a show or whatever. And my manager sent me her pilot. I had never heard of her. And it was like, and I was like, who is this Southern like blonde woman that, you know, this is like 15 years ago that has sold the show. How do I not know about her? And I remember there was a whole funny bit about how she has to have sex with her husband in the closet before church so that they could get chicken after and like, you know, and all their like her funny, like her, her stick, you know. She's so good. And but really clever and really funny. And so, no, all those pilots didn't go. And then she came on my show a couple years ago, just when her standup was really going off and then, of course, she has the Netflix show. But I like how sometimes they do change it. And it does make sense from a writer's point of view. It is funnier that you're divorced. It is funny to see you date and have hot flashes. All that works for him. It's funny that they made the daughters younger. And I know that they went to the same all girl high school that I went to. Oh, really? Yeah, I actually got an email to speak in a class about podcasting from a student. And I was like, Georgia, are you Burt's daughter? She's like, yes, will you speak in the class? And I was like, yes, this is great. So the story is they're at, you know, a private, a private school, whatever. And it's very edgy. It's pretty sexual. Have you seen it? No. It's it's sexual. But I believe it's in the. In the truth of his life as as a dedicated dad, but his sense of humor. And but, you know, obviously you make a few little those changes. Have you ever tried to do a show about your life being a mom and all that? Yeah, I have a series on Netflix called The Duchess, and that is about. It's like a departure from my life, like you said, there are changes. So it was it came out right in the height of COVID. And that's not a good time. No, Netflix had this brief cancellation. Do you remember the show about the little dancing girls? What was it called? Very sexual. Well, I think it wasn't. But the branding of it seemed like it was going to be. And they shut down all their social media because people got so upset. I forget what it was called. No, I know what you mean. No, the Duchess came out that week. So we had like no social media promotion. Some people liked it. Some people really didn't. I loved making it. I think so it was about what it was about. This single mother who had one daughter and who was considering having another baby with the estranged father, even though they were like arch enemies. And that was something that wasn't true in my real life, obviously. But I just thought, I think I know a lot of women who are dissatisfied in their marriage, but they stay to have one more baby. Yeah. And I think I know a lot of women. Chloe Kardashian, again, it all comes back to the Kardashians. If Chloe Kardashian could just watch the Duchess because it really is her life. This this woman was fashionable and she was fun and she had a foul mouth. I really based it a little bit on like Kenny fucking Powers. I really loved if you see Kenny Powers. I feel like I know that name. It's Danny McBride. And he had an amazing series called Kenny Power Eastbound and Down. Oh, Eastbound and Down. Yes. OK. And I loved that this man was like complicated and he swore and I love male villains. Yeah. Tony Soprano. Yeah. He's looking for his softness or his redeeming qualities. Right. For women, we don't really get away with being like that. They want to see our vulnerability, but this woman was not vulnerable. Her vulnerability, I think, was in her hyper independence as a trauma response. But she was like, I want to have a second kid with this guy. He lived on a boat. He was wild. He was, you know, again, crazy. In creating this world. Yeah. So was she a stand up or no? No. So. And when you were like meeting with execs and stuff. Yeah. At any point, did you pitch it as she's a stand up because they never want you to be a stand up? They never want. No, I didn't even get that far because I knew they never want you to be a stand up. So she she this angered people, actually. She was a ceramic pottery artist. OK. But she was really rich and people all the time, even men that I really admire, men I really love, they'd be like, oh, I had a problem with why was she rich, though? Why was she rich? And I was like, why is Ricky Gervais character in Afterlife who writes for a local print magazine got a five million pound Hampstead heat mansion? Nobody asks why the men are financially solvent on television. Yeah. If you're going to create a character, why not make her rich? I wanted her to be rich. I wanted a single mother to be really satisfied to love her child, to be rich for no reason. I wanted it to piss people off. But maybe she was like an incredible, you don't know what her back story is. Maybe she got money from her parents. We don't know anything about her parents. Her ex husband was a pop star, like a disgraced pop star. Maybe she got money from that split and invested it well. But they just they didn't like it. They were like, why is she rich? And I went because of your reaction. That's why she's rich. I just wanted this woman to be rich. But that didn't go ahead for a second series, but it was fun to make. It's so unfortunate about timing like that, because I kind of had a similar thing with my second special. It was like around the COVID where first they were like, no, we don't want it. And then they're like, oh, shit, this COVID is lasting longer. And we're not going to be able to have anything. So maybe we do want it. And then, OK, no, no, we don't. And then I'm like, well, I'll just put it out. And then by that time, people were like, started to go out again. And they were like, well, this isn't like, like, you know, like you needed that window of like Tiger King. Yeah, Tiger King. You need that to never know what's going to. Yeah, like it could be a boo boo. Yeah, it could be. It could be. Yeah, it could be a weird thing. Would you ever does anyone want to explore it now? Because now with this, all these babies, or do you just like doing your life on social media and doing stand up? I mean, I still do a lot of television in the UK. Yeah, I see you do a lot of like funny, improvisational, like game show type of. Yeah. And you're so quick with it. That's really good for you. Not with these pregnancies that has turned my brain to mush. But I do have a 2026 goal to like get hot, get thin. I've got the extensions back, like I'm going to recover. I'm going to do like surgically whatever it takes. I'm going to recover from all of this motherhood stuff. I'm going to keep being a good mom, but I want to like. Until you get pregnant again. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you've scared me now with the Irish egg story. But I don't know about you. When you're a stand up, you're alone a lot. Yeah. And you're your own editor and the audience laughs, so they don't laugh. And you write your own material and that's it. I did find it a little bit difficult working as part of a team and having to take notes on our TV show. Yes. And having to justify choices. You have a hard time. I had a hard time when I was in that because I've been in that situation a couple of times with pilots, scripted pilots that didn't go to the next level. But they did by the pilot. We had to write it. And at a hard time telling the other co-writer, because they always had to put me with like an actual showrunner, which I understood like, no, that's dorky. That's corny. That's not funny. That's not me. That's low hanging fruit. I. I think I'd be better today in it. Yeah. Well, you don't want to. But I still have a hard time. Well, I definitely was not a bitch. I wasn't bitchy enough. I think if I would have, and I remember I let somebody read it. Yeah. This guy that I was like was like a camera guy in the TV show I was working on. And he goes, there's like a Xanax joke in here. And he goes, I know you've never had a Xanax. Like, yeah. And I'm like, well, the other girl wrote that. And I think it's relatable. Like I am the kind of person that would maybe take a Xanax. I'd love to have one one in town. I just had a Xanax for the first time like two years ago. Lovely. After like this, you know, or latest, whatever, us like the doctor gave it to me. And then when it ran out, I said, well, that was the best sleep of my entire life. And I would like to have more. And he's like, that's the reason I'll never give it to you. I'm like, yeah, bummer. But anyway, I just, he just I remember him being like, I just didn't see that much of you in this. And I was like, well, whatever. Everybody else wants to put their own stamp on it, too. It's great to be collaborative. And a lot of these people do have more experience than I do, certainly. But I think it's something that's lured it over women of you don't want to be a bitch. And you'll hear you want to be a rose? So and so is a bitch. You know, so and so is really difficult. We get branded with these terms. And then you go into a project and go, well, I don't want to be difficult. So I'll just like lay down and let everybody do what they want or maybe not articulate myself the way that I can and stand up and stand up. You can be a bitch to yourself. You can be a shrewd. Did you like cutting your own jokes or changing things? I'm really not good at the like deliberating and collaborating. And I certainly hate micromanaging people. Yeah, I don't want to tell people what to do. Yeah. At all. But it was still fun. You mentioned Brooklyn earlier and we kind of like got off on it. What what do you feel about that whole thing I've talked about as a boy mom? I side with Victoria on this one. But what do you think of that whole situation with Brooklyn and the wedding and all of that? Well, I just read in the car and it could be false information. But it said that Nicholas billionaire father gives her a million dollars a month. And I would I would alienate my entire family for that kind of wealth. Of course, I would. I'll cut old ties with my family now to be married to that girl, including the children. Take them like I get I get. And also it's a man. Also, he's a boy. Look, I mean, look at how it happened to Harry. It happened. I think it happens easier with men when it happens to a woman. Everyone is like, oh, my God, she's, you know, being held captive by a narcissist who's alienated and she's being abused. But when it happens to with a man, they're just like, oh, well, he got married and he doesn't feel this way anymore. And but I do think a part of it is the money, you know, like. I don't want for anything. You don't need for anything. Even though he came from the Beckham's and that was nice. Yeah. It's not a full time private jet money. You know what I mean? It's still still you have to hustle and work. Have you heard any juicy scoops around the town about her behavior? Yeah, that she's really unpleasant. Have you heard that? Yeah, like very difficult, very, very bratty and, you know, as beautiful as she is and everything. So beautiful. But then I'm always like, I take that with a grain of salt too, because I'm like, sometimes you're allowed to have a bad day. Sometimes you're allowed to not like your hair. That hair. I'm just saying there was a hairdresser that said she was difficult. I know he's gone on Reddit and everything. Yeah. He. Yeah. I mean, it's tricky because I love the Beckham's and I think what Brooklyn fails to see is he would not even be in an echelon of meeting someone like Nicola Peltz if it weren't for the decisions his parents made. True. Good point. Is she dating like Joe Schmo from the taco stand? No. No. She's married to him because he's a Beckham. And then his parents were still figuring it out too. Like it is very difficult to come from a working class background and be the biggest football star in all the world and to come from a regular family and to become a spice girl. Right. And the paparazzi were ruthless in the UK at that time. Like there was no conversation about boundaries or mental health or anything. And they were, people were so interested in them when they got together and then when they were pregnant with Brooklyn and they just had to make choices about how to raise him and how much to expose him to the world, I guess. I've been looking back as someone who's covered pop culture for 20 years. Yeah. I don't feel like I know everything about Brooklyn the way I do. Northwest. Right. I mean, like there's a level and I don't think he should really be. I thought, I thought I was shocking the letter. I think she wrote it about how they, they felt they were being paraded around. And so it's a red carpet. Like nobody even knew you were still a, we forgot you didn't go to the dad's birthday until you wrote that fucking letter. Yeah. Like you, I believe she wrote the letter. She wants to stay in the thing talked about and powerful and they're doing the right thing, the parents by just setting the text offering to drop off the Starbucks, just know that you're not ghosting them. I think you know, it doesn't feel reciprocated. Whatever's going on in that family and you know, they've made it our business, but ultimately it's none of our business. I think you can distance yourself with grace. You don't have to make a public statement like that. That you know is going to be world news. Yeah. It's going to humiliate. And also again, about womanhood, motherhood, David is not mentioned in the letter at all. It's like my mother danced inappropriately. I mean, it's all really on her being a narcissist and on her overstepping. And it's, it's very Nicola versus Victoria. It's become this female thing. And if a spice, I don't know, I know some people who are at the wedding in question. And I think it has been said by DJ Fat Tony. Are you familiar with him? He's very thin. So I saw the clip from the sun or whatever. Right. The one of the Yuki show is this is all Mark Anthony's fault. Yeah. Because he called Victoria to the dance floor. What kind of dancing? I don't know what she was supposed to be a Latin dance. So that's why he said, put your hands on her hips to go like that. I think it's and they had already danced. We found out later they had already had their first dance. But I think that it has made Vicky B incredibly relatable. Yeah. Because like, you know, Vicky B. The mother cannot do anything right. On the Vino's. Yeah. If a spice girl had like grind it up on me at my wedding, it'd be the best day of my life. I know. So, I mean, people have actual problems, Brooklyn. I also feel when I got married, I didn't feel like it was just my day. I did feel like it was my family's day and it was my parents day. Maybe because I was a performer and I was like, I've had more. Like, I never understood why someone was nervous walking down the aisle. I'm like, it's not like you're doing stand up in front of hundreds of people. Oh, for some people, they can. Yeah. So, so I get it and I get why you want it to be the way you want it. But like, I was like, no, I know I'm getting married in the church. I know I'm getting married. We're going to do it this way. They're paying. Did you enjoy your wedding? Did you find it? I did. I did. But if I was truly to say what I wanted or loved, well, I still think I would have gotten married in the church because I did always imagine getting married in that church. You are so religious. You've spoken about God a few times today. You're going to heaven. I believe it. But I went to Catholic school and I was the same church I used to sit there and like kind of imagine my wedding. So like I wrote that in the little thing and when we did and I would never, it would have killed my parents if I didn't do that. Fine. And I was just like, it's fine. But do I do? I think it's more beautiful to get married, like on the cliffs of like overlooking the ocean and having it be 25 minutes long. And yeah, I think your vows, then. I think that is a red flag. I think that I would do it if I was like, if it was for like a reality show. So it was fine for my. I would do it for those reasons. I think it's weird, a weird thing to do because when you're getting married for the first time, everyone's hopeful. Everyone thinks it's beautiful. You're young. When you renew your vows, whether it's for a reality show in real life, the people there know what shit's gone down. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And they're like, why are we here when I know who cheated? I knew or I know when they were fighting about which school to go to. And I like, I just feels it feels weird. If you were to do it, I think it's really beautiful. If like, I knew this couple and the husband surprised her after 10 years at the, at the church with like just like five couples, like it surprised her with it. And it was sweet. He cheated. No, I think he just knew that it would be lovely for her. So I think it's like, you can't have like a big thing when you come down the aisle in a wedding dress and you're like 60. Like it's like, I think that's weird. I think if there's like a weird moment where you can do it, maybe like, I don't know, I think it's weird when celebrities, like there's some celebrities that do it every year or something for like Nicola have done it already. They have. Yeah, because the wedding was so traumatic. Yes. They read it like, you know what it's like, come on. What the wedding also is one day. So I also feel I've a lot of, a lot of pins about the weddings. I feel also you don't need to invite anyone. I don't care what relative they are. If you feel like they are not there for the right reasons, if you feel like their vibe is off, I don't care if your mom begs you, don't have them. Now I didn't have that luxury. I had to have those people because my mom begged me, but I would say. You regret that. Yeah, I regret that. I think it should be take a minute then, like maybe don't get married this year, like figure it out, like, or do it's something smaller and then have a reception they can pay for and you don't really care because you already had like the moments. I don't know. I think it's great that people aren't ordering China anymore. I think it's great that people that you can put money towards their honeymoon. Yeah. I think all that stuff is, is good. What was your wedding like? I didn't have one. So we got married at, oh, you'll love this because you work so hard. So my husband's Canadian. I'm Irish citizenship, so I'm able to live and work in the UK. But for my husband to stay, we had only just had like a one night stand nine months before and his visa was running out. So you're about to give birth. No, pregnant. You didn't get pregnant on the first ball. I took the morning after pill, but probably I was, I was mentally lucid on that night. I was like, oh shoot. And I looked at my calendar. I was ovulating. I was like, oh, God, I can't be with this man forever. I'm going to take the morning after pill and then I married him nine months later. Anyway, okay. Yeah. But so I had to marry him to keep him in the country. Otherwise, like it wasn't something that was important to us. He already had a starter marriage with no kids like you described, which I love. And he knows he can't do better than me because he's already tried. Okay. And a woman, a wonderful woman humbled him before he came into my life. And so we flew to Copenhagen and we got married in a city hall because they don't have any rules about how long you have to be there. And then we, we did that at 11 a.m. And then we flew back and I did a stand up job that night in my wedding dress, which was like a green. But how great though, did you come on stage? I just got married and all that. Oh, I love that. In a green Valentino, just like T-dress. It was she didn't even wear white. No, no, no, no. Rappel. But you ever, do you have a fantasy about ever having like a whole thing and all the kids are like walking in it and carrying the rings? I wouldn't be able to say nice things about him in front of people at this point. You know, when you've known a man too long. That's what I think too about the renewing. Could you stand there and be like, and no, like, like I would feel that's what I've said. That's why I think renewing vows and stuff is weird. Like, like it should be at the start of your life together. Before he's pissed you off. Yeah. I love him. I really do love him, but yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it with a straight face. But is that because we're comedians? Yeah. And other people just move on from things and be like, he is the most wonderful man. I don't know. Yeah. Like, oh, I love it when you sneeze, like extra loud and clear your throat. Love it when you snore, like you're showing off. Yeah. Like you're asleep and I'm awake. Yeah, I love it. I love it. So great. All these kids have benefited your biological legacy at the expense of my career and figure. You know what I mean? Like that, but that's I have that outlet in my stand up. I'm actually quite mean about my husband in my stand up. But I think does he ever care about it? He doesn't. Like he's just got the best sense of humor. He doesn't care. And I think he feels so loved. Yeah. He understands why I'm doing it. And then I am like you. I turn the other cheek. I bounce back quickly. I don't have time to stay mad. Yeah. I have this outlet. There there one thing it was like one time he was like aerating me or whatever. Yeah. And now I will be like I have to perform, whether it's the podcast or whatever, I have to perform in a couple of hours and I have to be in a great mood and I have to talk about my fun, cute life. And so I can't take it. And the conversation has to end right here. Yeah. And then it does because it's like I cannot carry like I and I could. I could switch it off. I could be like, you know, that's what we have to do. We have to be like right away and be like, how you guys do tonight? You know, like, and that's that's the hard part about it. It's like we can't just go high need a mental health day. Although you could now that kind of stand up, doing very well. Just mental health there come out mentally hurting cry on stage for an hour. Talk about like everything that happened to you that made you sad that day. People love that. Are you being serious? Is that is that becoming a thing? I think so. Yeah. Oh, wow. I've seen all kinds of things. Are you familiar with the Adam Refringe Festival? I've heard of it. Yeah. Yeah. It's this amazing festival in Scotland where people do one hour and they do every night for 30 days. And it is really character building as a comedian. It's like it's a really great thing to do. But there's always the same hour for 30 days to really and then and then they goes like what they film it or something. If you're lucky or sometimes you might win an award or you just might come out of it. A better comedian. OK, great. And people come from all over the world. But it is quite a thing to have a narrative, especially like a sad, you know, narrative. A tragic thing. Yeah. There's there's one comedian. So it's more like a one woman or one man show versus like a stand up of jokes and stories. Yeah. And sometimes tragedy, as you know, could be really funny and it's fine. But I've seen shows about like sexual abuse and all kinds of wild things that you wouldn't be doing in a club. Right. You'd be like, hey, Saturday night at the casino. Let me tell you about my uncle. Do you think there's an unwritten rule of like you kind of need that to stand out? I think that it is rewarded critically to have that kind of narrative. Yeah. And I don't have an opinion about whether it's good or bad. I think there are no rules. You could write a very funny show about anything. Right. But yeah, Adam Rae does love a narrative and like something. Yeah. Like Baby Reindeer. Are you familiar with that? That was an Edinburgh show. Yeah, I refer to like haters as Baby Reindeer. Oh, like stalker hater types. Fine. I say, if my friends ever like, I can't believe this person. I'm like, they're bad. Imagine the, imagine the Baby Reindeer. Baby Reindeer. Like lives with her mom is miserable and jealous of you. Yeah. Like don't worry about it. How are you with criticism? Really? You don't mind? I, I, um, I do. Oh, you do. Oh, no. I do, but I've worked it out where I don't see it anymore. Fine. Um, I delete and block a lot of people. Okay. That's why my social media hasn't grown that much. I think I blocked like a thousand people and, um, you can just mute them and then they still follow you. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, well, from now on, you'll be here. Okay. I also, they don't know they've been muted. Cause I know I, I mute people that I, that I still am fond of, but I just don't like to watch their shit anymore. And I don't want the world to know that I'm not seeing their stuff. And then I did, but I thought when people write mean things, or if they think they're a bot or whatever, then I do block and delete. And then, um, yeah. And I don't go to the sites where there's mean things. It's just so it's one little comment under a thing. That doesn't really bother me, but they do take a block as a Medal of Honor though. Yeah. They'll put in their bio like blocked by Heather McDonald. Let's do that. Oh yeah. Oh, you're right. Okay. Well, maybe that'll stop now too. No, um, I, I kind of got over like a really good hump recently about it. And now I think I could like do a TED talk on it. Great. Of like how, what you should do and how you should see it to get over it. Because like I said, some of these people are like really clever. And they like bring up something that I wouldn't even know I had an insecurity about, you know, and it's like, Oh, or I feel really bad. Like I feel really badly, like that I disappointed them somehow or I didn't do my work right, or I didn't research this enough or whatever. And then finally, I was just like, this is a comedic conversation podcast. Yeah. I fuck up things. I mispronounce things. But one thing I do is I put it, I'm absolutely consistent. So if you didn't like this show, there's going to be another one tomorrow or Thursday. And like that's it. And I just, and I just go, it's not going to matter. It does. It's not going to make a difference. That's why I want to, before we end, I want to say I loved this. You didn't, um, was this from an article you did? It's beautiful. Your quote was, there are lots of men in my industry who've been canceled, but still earn millions. And isn't that the truth? Yeah. Well, they always ask you the same questions. Don't they? And interviews, I was pregnant in this. You can't tell my body, but you can tell my jaw. Um, I, uh, you look great. They'll ask you about sex predators in the industry. They ask you about cancellation. They ask you, you know, all these things. And I, I don't know. I'm not scared of being canceled myself, but I'm not sure it even exists as a thing. I don't think it exists anymore. No. And I don't think it ever did, um, unless you're like Harvey Weinstein, who knows, he could even come back. Um, but like, imagine that there was a time where it, there was a time like there was those couple of years where it just, it felt like, you know, like Salem, which kind of a thing where it's like, who's next? And then you, and there was time where it was very exciting. Like I get real happy. I'd wake up, but I'm like, who's next? Like, I don't know. I kind of got off on it. And then there were some that I was like, um, I think this guy just might have been like a rude date. I don't know. Yeah. I'm like, I just don't think he had good bedside manner as a player. Like, I don't think this guy did anything wrong. And that's where I was like, okay, now this has kind of gotten to a place where I'm like, we don't need to know everything. And then I'm like, some of these girls, this is a chance to write an article and brag that you banged an ugly comedian. You know what I mean? Like there was some of that. And then there was a lot that I was like, Oh shit, you know, the crystal ears of it all and all that, you know, still doing very well. Well, because the men don't care. And also the women forget too. And I'm also like, well, if, uh, you know, if the club wants to put that person up and that person is selling better than this person, I can't blame a club voter for wanting to sell as many tickets and make as much money as possible. Didn't Bill Cosby do the Riyadh festival? Was he one of the comedians who went out there? I think he was. Louis C.K. was out there. Is he, he's so he's out of prison. Cosby's touring. Yeah. And he's alive. I think. Well, he's definitely alive, but I think he did this festival. And I used to talk about, I mean, at that time. Yeah. Why would they care? It's tricky because there was a time certainly in Hollywood when a lot of this behavior was frowned upon. It wasn't illegal yet. It was just frowned upon. It would happen. Women would avoid it. They would just joke about it. Casting couch. Huh. Right. And then all of a sudden it's a thing. It's like Tyra Banks right now is being dragged for a lot of the challenges on America's next top model. Right. And I think that's mean. Cause I'm like, well, I kind of jumped ahead of it because now she's doing it. A doc that's coming out and she's going to probably say, Hey, you guys all watched it. It was a different time. Yeah. Things are different. And when Sarah Silverman said something really good, I can't quote it correctly, but it was basically like comedy is what's relevant. Yeah. And meaning it is timely and something that someone said 15 years ago shouldn't make you laugh as hard as it did 15 years ago. And that doesn't make someone bad. Like, you know, it's, it's, it's just historical. We said child less. Now we say child free. Right. And by the way, it sounds like I'm excusing sex predators. I'm not. Right. I am excusing Tyra Banks behavior on America's next top model because I did really enjoy that show. I was toxic myself back then. And also like that was the whole thing bringing up your act, its reality, but they're asking for you to do more. And whether you're a housewife or whatever, the sooner you act erratic and give them a scene that will make the TV, the quicker your mic gets removed and you can change out and take off your spanks and get into bed. Yeah. And so sometimes they're like, how much longer make something happen at this dinner? And then they do. I loved your conversation with Spencer Pratt the other day. Oh, thank you. And how he just set out to be a villain. He understood the game before any of us even knew it was a game. Right. Yeah, it was really good. Well, thank you. Well, I thoroughly enjoyed you coming in. I know it was a lot to get here. No, and I appreciate you coming because I thought this was a really fun time. I've always loved you. I admire you and I just couldn't believe that I got to meet you today. Getting to Los Angeles aside that had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my enemies at American Airlines. Well, tell everybody where they can follow you and where they can see more of your stuff. I'm only on Instagram and TikTok at the moment because that X site really troubles me. I am on X. I've not removed, but I don't. I don't post on there very much because by the time I post on Instagram and TikTok, I'm like tired. Yeah, I don't even make it to TikTok. I'll be honest a lot of the time. I don't. Well, TikTok's been really weird and like I'm getting no views. So I'm like, I don't even know if I want to take the time to put on there, but I have a lot of followers, so I feel like I should and I'll just wait it out until this weird algorithm figures out who knows. But Instagram Instagram is what I like the most. Me too. So I'm Kath Bum on there, which is weird. It's always been. It's just what my parents called me. Cute. Yeah. And your parents like your act? They do. My, yes. So my mother is so glamorous and cool and she's really funny and really the kind of woman who would upset people herself, you know, just very provocative growing up. Yeah. Um, and my dad wasn't really into it until I started doing very well and now he loves it. Oh, good. He was a bit like, uh, and then when I became very financially solvent, he was like fine. Okay. I love it. Well, everybody check her out. See if she's coming to your town or whatever. Oh, you won't. No, I'm never traveling again. Not until these kids are in college. So this is the last time. I don't think. Well, yeah, yeah. I think motherhood has made it clear to me. I can't do it. We're sick. We're here with a newborn. Yeah. She started her day today last night and I think I've been awake for four years and I'm not going to do it again. Okay. So I think you'll change your mind. I think you just, but I do think that you should be smart about it and feel like what kind of a tour or shows would work if it's like one month, one week in a month or something. Yeah. Um, you just have to make it work for you. And then you might. Yeah, I used to come out here all the time. I loved it with my daughter, my one chic daughter. I'll leave you with this. Just have one chic daughter. Learn from my mistakes and I love my children. I, I mean, I, I have a stepdaughter who we raised and I have two boys and, um, I just saw this at a comment somewhere where somebody was talking about families and someone just wrote, this is just in the comment. It just stuck with me. She's like, the only families that I've seen that are perfect are a mom and a dad and two daughters only. And I thought, and I told my sister that because we were like the youngest of five and at one point the others had grown up and they had kind of had troubled teen lives. And then my dad and mom would just take us on trips. And my dad used to just call us the fab four, but we, they were all the kids from the same parents, which I thought was like rude to my older sister, my older brother, but I was like, dad knew it was right. Like girls are easy and we got along. So if you can have two daughters that are best friends and then the dad kind of hangs back because he's the dad and it's the mom and the daughter show. Um, I mean, I'm just saying if you can create it, that's what I would say too. Yeah. No disrespect to the babies. I'm sure I will. I'll just respect my sons. I just think it's kind of a very easy, just think about those families. Yeah. In your life and how easy that family was and just tell me if I'm wrong about it. You're so right. Thank you so much for the best. Very nice to meet you. Thank you. When your meetings are powered by AI quality matters. 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