White Devil
57 min
•May 5, 202626 days agoSummary
Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly discuss a confrontational encounter with an aggressive bus driver, the Boston Celtics' three-point shooting dominance, and spend considerable time critiquing their Skankfest promotional photos, debating artistic choices and unflattering depictions.
Insights
- Restraint in high-conflict situations can be more effective than escalation, as demonstrated by Jay's choice to use creative insults rather than slurs
- Professional event organizers may inadvertently create tension with talent through inconsistent artistic representation across years
- Public figures' perception of their own image significantly impacts satisfaction with promotional materials regardless of objective quality
- Sports fandom drives engagement through live viewing experiences and social atmosphere rather than just game outcomes
Trends
Increased sensitivity around language choices in public discourse, with awareness of social media documentation impactThree-point shooting as dominant NBA strategy reshaping traditional basketball tactics and player evaluationDigital-first promotional strategies for comedy festivals requiring careful quality control and talent approval processesStreaming and live-watch culture creating communal entertainment experiences in home settings
Topics
Boston Celtics three-point shooting strategyNBA playoff basketball analysisConfrontational traffic incidents and de-escalationComedy festival promotional photographyVampire mythology in televisionSkankfest event organizationProfessional photo retouching standardsLanguage choices in conflict situationsSports viewing culture and atmosphereArtistic representation and talent approval
Companies
Plusnet
Broadband internet service provider offering 4G Fibre with speeds up to 900 megabits, advertised as sponsor
TUI
Travel and tourism company offering hotel packages with luggage allowance and resort amenities, advertised as sponsor
Villamarilla
New Zealand wine producer offering Sauvignon Blanc, advertised as sponsor with product placement
Netflix
Streaming platform hosting JokeFest comedy event where Jay Oakerson is performing
Sirius XM
Satellite radio network where Italian-themed comedy content is mentioned as popular programming
People
Big Jay Oakerson
Co-host of the podcast discussing personal confrontation with bus driver and Skankfest photo criticism
Robert Kelly
Co-host discussing Celtics game viewing experience and critiquing Skankfest promotional photos
Christine
Producer present during bus driver incident and Skankfest photo review, offering perspective on artistic choices
Lev
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, subject of discussion regarding artistic representation and retouching
Rebecca
Festival organizer responsible for promotional photo selection and artist coordination
Louis C.K.
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, described as looking fantastic in Papa Shango-themed artwork
Ari Shaffir
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, subject of criticism for unflattering artistic representation
Jim Norton
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, noted as having similar artistic treatment issues as other performers
Sal Vulcano
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, praised for accurate artistic representation
Joe DeRosa
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos with sandwich prop, discussed as example of artistic choices
Nick Mullen
Featured in Skankfest promotional photos, noted as looking fine in artistic representation
Tim Dillon
Referenced as big-name performer expected to appear at Skankfest events
Shane Gillis
Referenced as big-name performer expected to appear at Skankfest events
Carl Ruiz
Referenced as performer at early Skankfest events at Creek and Cave venue
Quotes
"You white devil, you a white devil"
Bus driver•Early in episode
"I didn't say the N-word. You're a hero. Thank you black. You're hero."
Christine•Mid-episode
"The Celtics are all white, which is nuts. It's crazy. And they're just shooting threes."
Big Jay Oakerson•Sports discussion segment
"It looks like fucking Jewish propaganda stuff from the war. It really does."
Big Jay Oakerson•Skankfest photo review
"I look like I'm contemplating my life and I'm about to die. Bags under my eyes. I'm fucking old."
Robert Kelly•Photo critique segment
Full Transcript
Switch to Plusnet's award-winning 4th Fibre from just £22.99 a month. Our sweet deal gets you fast and reliable broadband with no activation fee, with speeds up to 900 megabits. Oh, feels like a sugar rush! 4th Fibre that's full of value. That's a plus. Offer ends 6th of May. At Tui, we give you more. More outfit choices with 20kg of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love, like that swim-up suite. More race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, ooh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in-store or online. You book it, Tui sort it. All in app to protected. Tues and sees apply. Selected hotels only. See website for details. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Crisen and Robert Kelly. What is this? Who is this? Desiree. Desiree. Yeah. What is that? It's Desiree. Desiree. Yeah. Can you do me a favor? Can you stop that for one second? Thanks. Woo! I love it. You put together a whole piece for him? I ask you to play a song. Jay, one sec. Come on everybody. Since late last night you wanted to heavy production work. I wouldn't say heavy. Hang on a second, Jay. Three to one, three to one, three to one, three to one, three to one. It's over, over, over, over. I love you, I bounce on the bed till you come in with a hot chop of my business, my million's. Woo! Woo! My million's! Woo! Woo! Woo! You gotta give it up for the production. You didn't behave like this yesterday. Whoa, I was saving it. Killer production. Great. I mean, you gotta give it up for the production value, Jay. I didn't realize we could do whole skits and routines. Well, you gotta have a little motivation. You gotta call somebody up. Ask and you shall receive. I do call. I call and I just go, I go, hey, no, no, I just play this and then play this. Here's the problem. You have a theme song. The Celtics don't. That's fair. We had to come up with a little unique way to make a theme song for the Celtics. By shitting on your theme song. Yeah, by shitting. I liked the melting of my theme song. That was pretty great. That was pretty great. Undeniable. Yeah. Yeah. It's just about a wrap. It's a wrap. It'd be nice if they could win one more. Maybe. Take it deeper. I just take it in two more games. Be nice. It's crazy. MB came back for nothing. Nothing. Here's the thing though, is that it, first of all, the Celtics are all white, which is nuts. It's crazy. And they're just shooting threes. What's they do? It's nuts. They shoot 40 to 50 a game. It's crazy. How do you defend that? Just pass, pass, pass three. You hope that they are just having an off night? They just go, they live and die by it. But man, when they're on. It's on. It's on. That is fun though to watch. What? For me it was. You like watching it as much? Yeah. I loved it. I loved it. Oh, you asked him. I'm sorry. You're asking Jay. Go ahead. I think it's scary to be a full three-pointer team. I mean, I think like inside games more fun, but I mean, what a fucking game. Jesus Christ. Wow. And it's a bunch of little white dudes doing it, which is not a bunch of little white dudes. They're humongous white dudes. Most of them. One little white dude was uncorking on us. I mean, it was fucking crazy. Oh, this guy was, he had freckles on his shoulders. He's so ugly. Frickered. Yeah. He had freckly shoulders. That's how. No hair. He just, he just buzzes his hair. Let's see. Does it at home by himself? He's got those sunken, sunken eye sockets. He is unimpressive looking, but goddamn, it's like no one saw him out there because he just kept scoring. He kept scoring. He looks like he sold like crack in a black neighborhood. I think it was halftime. He does. It looked like it was going to be, I think it was halftime or right before halftime. It was like, all right, we got it down to like 17. So it's like, you can cut into this lead a little bit. And then he, and then he just hucks one up just like, ah, time's running out. Just hucks one up right in. And he like, you see, and beat almost turned around at that point and go like, I don't know, man, it ain't our night. Yeah. It was like a, it was like two seconds left in the half. Funk just shot it from half court. No, not even. He just threw it because it was like, I was it. Time was out. And he got around and beat and just threw it up. Like he did one of those, like his, his knees bent completely in the air and just threw it from his chest. Just right in. It was like he was going to win a Chrysler if he hit that. Yeah. Eagles are going to be intense though this year. Yeah. They're going to be intense. The Eagles are going to be so good this year. They're still into the sixes though. You still have a shot. The series ain't over. No, it's not over. It's going to be in tomorrow night. Very possible. It'll be tomorrow night. Oh, fantastic. And I was at your house. I'm going to make him go to the comedy cell or party. So I'm going to miss some of it. Well, well, we can always turn it on the TV is upstairs. No. Let's, let's, let's watch it. No, I don't want to. I want to watch the whole game. I'm going to go home. Oh yeah. It could be the last game of the season. Are you really going to want what, let me ask you a question. Are you going to call me before you watch it to see if you want to watch it? You're just going to watch it anyways, no matter the outcome. I'm going to watch it. If it starts getting crazy, I will eventually end up fast forwarding and watching and fast forward motion. I do. Okay. Good. Yeah. It was fun. When you're live, it's live. We had no choice. You got to just watch it. He did pause it a couple of times. How did you watch it? What was the whole atmosphere? Oh, the atmosphere went to Jay's house. Awesome. Jay's house is the best. I went through the backyard. He has a fence around his house, but he's got the big, big house. He's got the big, the big gate that you could like put a tractor through. I like that. And his lawn, when you walked up in his lawn, I was like, Jesus Christ, it's like a golf course. So I walked up there, came through the back gate. They were in the back lighting a fire. Had to help Jay light a fire because you know, he doesn't understand a lot. Fire pit? No, fireplace. They have a beautiful fireplace under their palapa. What do you call it? Pergola. You told me that. Pergola. Yeah, Pergola. Um, I mean, TV, couch, comfortable, not like that outdoor shitty furniture that's not, it's like an indoor couch outside. Uh, they had the heater going plus they had the fireplace going and then they had the TV going then. I mean, TV, uh, same TV, same TV. It's a good size TV. All right. You know, I don't want to get into it. I don't listen. He's been through enough. Jay's been through enough. I don't want to get into the TV. Could be whatever. I gave it all to some bus driver today on the way to work. You got no fight today. Oh, I think if he could have pulled over and stopped driving a bus, he would have liked to. How do you get a bus driver? I'll take exactly that. This guy, the fucking, I don't know if it's MTA or New Jersey transit, those buses on the highway, they don't give a fuck. No. When they're going into the tunnel, they will run you off the road. Yeah, they will. They just come over, they just go, I'm coming over no matter what. Almost like, there's been times where I've had to like, in like traffic, had to back up. Swerve or die. Swerve or die. That's it. Absolutely. So this guy did that. He was driving me into another car. Yeah. That I was able to like, I mean like dangerously avoid this happening. And I look back and I see this guy and I see he's like jawing as he's getting like behind me and coming around me. And he's coming up beside me. I see he's got a, he opened his, he opened the bus doors on the highway. Driving. Driving. To start saying something. He, he, so I see him with the door open, so I roll the window down. I go, what? He goes, you fucked up, man. You fucked up. You see him going somewhere. I go, fuck you pussy. You drove me off the road. You fucking cunt. And he was like, and he goes, he goes, wait, what? It was the next thing I said, I go, oh yes. And then I call him, this is great. I knew we were like going to be not near each other anymore. So I called him Bobby's favorite word in the world. The F word. Oh, I gave it to you. There's actually four favorite words in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, I was, I was nervous. The F one. The F one. I said it to him and he, he went, oh, and he's driving a bus full of people. He was really mad at that. He must have been one of the other favorite words. They don't like that word. Well, here's what I was going to say. I said, he's typing. I called him, I called him the F word nice and good, nice and loud. How did you, and then he went, what'd you put on the end of it? Let me hear it again. And he goes, and he just goes, oh, oh, this is the best too. And he was on the phone with me. She was on the phone. Yeah. And she could hear him. This is the best. Cause when I, after this moment, I remember something when I go, do you catch that? She was like, yeah. He goes, I was like, I was like, you know, I gave him the old. And he goes, you white devil, you a white devil. And then I just, I gave him these and I was starting to laugh. I gave him devil words. I started laughing. That was hilarious. You, I never got a white devil before. You white devil. There you go. And you'll see it in a Sikh high up. And then I rolled the window up. Yeah. And Christine as well as myself impressed. Didn't call me N word. Wow. Now you know, when I argue and something like that in argument, especially where it's like, it's fleeting. You know what I mean? Like you're going to be there. So it's not like a long-term friend or person. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're going for it. Anything else? My mind just goes like go for the jugular. Like get them in every way you can get them to make them my rate. And the fact that I didn't hit the N word. You're a hero. Thank you black. You're hero. You're hero. You've grown. Jay. I'm going to say this. You've grown. Thank you. She's so supportive. She hates racism. Yeah. She hates it. She hates racism, but she loves me. but he hates racism. Can't stand it. She can't stand it, yeah. I was really, I was like so happy with my, I was weirdly happy with myself. Although the interaction went wonderfully. Yeah. I mean, white devil is hilarious. Getting caught on white devil twice, one of the funniest things ever. Why, he's like, by the way, he's in a bus full of people screaming at the door, you white devil while he's driving. Bunch of white people on the bus going on. The people on that bus were definitely like, ah, shit, this guy's unhinged. Because the bus people would have to know, he almost ran me into another car, it was crazy. It was one of them, he's coming on an on ramp. Yeah, but they don't care. You're supposed to wait until there's an opening in traffic. Everybody on the bus is like, do whatever you gotta do to get me the fuck where I gotta go. I don't disagree with that. I agree with what I'm saying, but they would like, it doesn't matter, he makes the move and then to go defend the move, to go around and start like trying to start jawing at me is crazy. I bet everybody in the bus was like, yeah, that fucking goddamn white devil. Oh, probably. That's what I would say if I was at his driving mercy. That was crazy. It's so funny that that word made him infuriated. Yeah, you know. You know, sometimes you waste a little bit of time and your own credibility, your own willingness or ability to be right in the situation, if you zip that out there. But calling a black guy who's not gay, that word, it hits like thunder, maybe as much, but society is not gonna comment you that much. You know. Do you get what I'm saying? Well, I think we've all learned that, especially you as a young age, that black guys don't like gay jokes. No. They don't like it. You ready to laugh, y'all? Listen. No. No. That is great. No. You ready to laugh, y'all? You ready to laugh, y'all? You ready to laugh now? You ready to laugh now? You ready to laugh now? You should have said that after you called them the two. You ready to laugh now? I ready to laugh now? Yeah. Black guys don't like being, especially old school black guy like that. They're not like you can call that. Was it near 42nd Street? Where were you coming in? Highway. Highway, what, oh, on the highway coming? Was it going into a tunnel or something? No, shit. No, it was just like coming, like he was coming into traffic from an on-ramp. The bus drivers that come out of New York on a Penn Station to go to, they're insane. I used to go to Atlantic City and you would have to just take it. Like, remember there was a time when those buses would just fucking flip and over? Yeah. And people would just say, yeah, what are you gonna do? And they would actually give you $25 if you made it to Atlantic City. When you got there, that would pay for your bus ticket and you could use it on slot machines. Cause it was, they're so fucking dangerous. They do like a hundred miles an hour from Penn Station, through everything down there. They take the turns, you could hear the wheels skidding, just being on like the side of the bus. Well, there's a tunnel every day and Lou, you're on the bus going through the tunnel every day. You see, they don't, they, it's like, it's, I can't believe there's not more. I bet the, I bet the New Jersey transit buses have to pay out a lot of money a year in just settlements. I mean, I, how many times that if I didn't move, I'm getting hit by one of these things is crazy. Yeah. And I'm also a let people in like, I don't do that. I'm like, yeah, zipper in. No, you're very, you're very casual, casual traffic driver you are. Yeah, I'm trying to find my spots, but I'm also like, if someone's cutting, if there's, if I'm the car that would have to let the car coming out of a parking spot or something out, like I let him get out. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'm not like, so it's like, that was wild. So yeah. It's their road, yeah. They think they own the road and they're all unhinged. And even the happy ones are a little crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, have you ever been in a bus that's fucking, almost smashed into somebody? Yes, I've been in a couple. And you were on the bus driver's side, right? Cause you want to get home. I didn't even see it. I'm so wrapped up in my stupid phone. Oh, when you get on the bus, you just go in your phone, you go away. That's where he writes his lyrics. Yeah. That's where I do my business. I had to do that three times. They get into an accident. Lou Eight Miles was way home every day. He writes down his lyrics of the day. Yo, Bobby did a good one when the Celtics won. Okay, all right, all right. Oh, they really did last night. You have a great party though. What a good time. Good time. Party's the wrong word when you feel like that. Oh, I felt like it was a party. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, on my end. Okay, all right, sure. It was a party inside. I mean. The tracks, I suppose. It was so, like the indoor part was great. Then when we took the whole thing inside, pizza was great. Just a celebration it was, I think. Just a really beautiful celebration. Yeah. Well, I took it on that black bus driver today. Yeah. But let's all remember the important thing of the story. I didn't say the N-word. You didn't. You are a hero. Thank you, Nickelback and saliva. Take it away, Nickelback and saliva. And no one for hero. It's so funny because jokes aside, you really are proud of yourself. Oh my God, yes. I'm telling you historically, I just throw that hat. In that scenario, which I don't know if I've been in that exact thing. I'm just saying, I just know my, in my mind, I'm like, there I go. It's like, I only got three seconds with this guy. Let me just hammer him so the rest of his day is ruined. This guy must fucking killed me. I'm gonna ruin the rest of his day. But I was just like, you know what? He went low, I go high. You could have done your secret move in Tekken and took it and got a KO, but you didn't. You just got the win. I could have KOed this guy. That bus would have swerved if I did that. I didn't want to hurt those people. You would have heard the bus go, ss, the hydraulics would have been offended. Ss. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want the driver to die. But you know, I just wanted to ruin his day. You know, I kill everybody on the bus. He would just swerve. Yeah, I was worried about the people on the bus. It was me and this guy's world at that point. He's not worried about the people on the bus either. To open his fucking door. He's not worried about the people on the bus at home. Do you know how illegal it is to open your door on the highway of a bus? Well, he's probably not gonna do that again. Not anymore. I don't think he wrapped his brain around the idea that I could yell back. I was like, yeah. Christine being on the phone is the funniest part. I'm like, hang on a second. She's here's the wind. Like. So proud of myself. I really am. Were you proud of him, Christine? I am proud of him. I'm proud of him for a long time though. I remember I said, I was like, I was like, you really, I was like, you're at a place in your life where yelling a couple of these words on the street could just be detrimental to everything you have. Right. I guess it's just the world we live in. I was like, maybe cunts? Like, nobody's mad. And you really, he's not a, I mean, even the other one is like very rare. Yeah. What's the problem? You don't have context. You're not gonna understand the context. Well, he understands how, you know, that is a real dig to the guy who's saying it to. Yeah. If he said that to a white guy, he'd be like, no, I'm not. Right. They don't wanna hear that. No. When society would inevitably see the video of me yelling at this bus driver and saying the N word, they're not gonna wanna hear that. I just go for the jugular. When I only have five seconds. Now when it shows. They're gonna be like, you feel that way I go. Just like, I wanna ruin that guy's day. You did though. And that will ruin his day. But I found another way to ruin his day with only offending the gays. Yeah. Such a fucking amazing. Funny when I say it too, I will say, in that is like the, when you're trying to get somebody riled up and you call me F word, I will say, it is insane how far from my mind anything relating to gay has to do with that. It has nothing to do with them. It's really like, if it was that, I'd call somebody gay. And that's usually done more like in like a jovial thing. You know what I mean? You're being gay. But like that aggressiveness of that is not, it just like seems like, it's like, like what do you call it? Like a synonym for like pussy. To call somebody pussy, but I already called him a pussy first. That's, it's probably, it's pussy on steroids. Well, I gave him pussy. Yeah. I kept jawing. No, it's not gonna work. Yeah. F word, white devil. Yeah, white devil ultimate. You just called me like 75 pussies. Yeah, yeah. In one pussy. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly. The F word is like a ball of pussies. Yeah, it's a ball. It's like throwing a giant ball of pussies at him. Yeah. It just hit you all over your face. And you're like, whoa, what's going on? Think of the F word as machine gun pussy. Yeah. You're one pussy. One pussy, and it didn't do anything. But the machine gun pussy took him out. It took him out. And you didn't need to drop the nuke. No, I didn't even have to drop the nuke. Call me a white devil when about his day. It made me feel I've never been, that's never been yelled at me before. I said, isn't that more of like an Asian insult? What's the... White devil? No, no, that's a white guy. Is that more black? No, I thought that was Asian to white people. I thought it was like a very Asian thing to say white devil. I think they do say that also, but I think that's a pretty... That's a black thing. Yeah. Let me see, Christine, try to take another creation away from black people. That's crazy. Lil, I'm sorry, black lil. Sorry, black lil. Jesus Christ. White women. I know, they're the worst. I think that's an Asian thing. I think that's... they came up with that. The Asians. White devil? I mean, it sounds pretty Asian. I've never heard an... First of all, it would be white devil. Christine thinks the white people came up with the blues. It wouldn't be... It wouldn't be... It wouldn't be... Stir-fry. Stir-fry. She's also right that we would have thought of... I've always said we would have thought of peanut butter eventually. You know, it's gonna eat a jelly sandwich the rest of your life like a maniac. That's great. White people would have come to peanut butter. Yeah, we would have... We would have musher those peanut butter... Those peanuts up. I think I speak for all white people. I say black people, stop sucking your own dicks about peanut butter. Keep sucking your own dicks because you have the ability to suck your own dicks. Yeah. Not because of the peanut butter thing. Yeah. Suck your own dick because you can't. What else did they invent? Peanut butter and what else? Air conditioning, I think. Air conditioning? No shit. Yeah. Well, they didn't have black people to fan them. So they... Jesus Christ. What the fuck? So they had to think about... I mean, it's probably... Yeah, I don't know why white people can think of... White people were hot. It's not as hot as black people. They weren't doing all the work. I can't believe Jews didn't figure it out back in the pyramids. They did. They used to have white people fan them. It's called Friant, Joseph. Moses, it's called Friant. And it works through this small filter here. I am... I'm kind of... I've been on the internet all weekend. I'm trying to stay off... It's to call somebody the F word. We know. I'm trying to stay off of it a little bit this week. You know, trying to... Hmm? I keep going on and I keep getting hit with this fucking thing. And I can't get it out of my craw. Okay. What is it? Again, for I believe the fourth year in a row... I've been fucked with the Skankfest photo. Oh. Everybody's photo. I saw Lev first. How could it be bad this year? Everyone looks cool. I saw Lev. They made him thin and put him in a button coat that actually buttoned. Wait, did you see the original Lev though? Because we had to have it redone. Well, have you seen mine where it looks like I'm dying in real time? Yours is. Mine... Mine sucks. It does not suck. It fuck... It looks like I'm contemplating my life and I'm about to die. Bags under my eyes. I'm fucking old. I'm square. I mean, what the fuck do I got to do, Christine? I look... Wait, hang on. You look fantastic. Let me show you Lev. He has a button vest on. Okay, that... Oh, God. First of all, the first one is more what I would accept. Oh, God. Look it. That's him. Now go to that one. Yeah, fuck off. But we had to redo it from that. Yeah. Well, look at the one you redid. You still gave him... It looks good. Yeah, he looks fantastic. Now go to mine. Okay. Go to my patrocious... Wait, did you not post it? No, I'm not posting. I'm not... Why would I post that? He says he won't be a part of it. No, no, no. I'm promoting our festival. Yeah, I'm not fucking promoting false advertising. He looked like a vampire that's too fat to bite a neck. Well, he actually bit too many necks. He drank too many... I'm talking about the original photo. He drank too many rats. Yeah. Yeah, he missed... He drank a bunch of fat kids. Rat blood is more fatty. Yeah. It's the whole milk of blood. It's hilarious that they made him into this... Like skin blood. Lev isn't going to be able to button a vest. Sure. You gave him a button-down vest. That's nuts. He looks awesome. What does Bobby look like? Yeah, what do I look like? Bring it out. I don't look awesome. I'm sure it does. Oh, did you? Everybody looks awesome. You look fantastic. I look awesome. You look... Look, I expect you to look awesome. It's your festival. I haven't always looked awesome in those. You've looked good all the time, pretty much. I've always looked like a lump of shit. Fat robot? They do try to make you look like shit every year. Yeah, every foot. And I don't know what that's about. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it because I'm actually friends with the person who owns it and runs it. I'm friends with all three of the people who own it, run it. It has to be a saboteur. It has to be... There's something that's malicious. Okay, it's nefarious, and that's the only two big words I know that I can add to. Thank you very much, Lou. Did you say vicious? I said vicious, nefarious, and... Downright rude? Downright, not a big word, but yeah, downright rude. Downright was nice. Downright is fantastic. Downright insulting, I'd say. Insulting. Insulting. Downright insulting. That she... That she was... My friend. I mean, I was at her house last night. I feel like me and Christina have friends. She never finds it. And Rebecca, I love Rebecca. I fucking love them. Like, I do anything for them. They don't love you. They don't love you. No, it's not even like they don't love me. It's they don't care. They don't give a shit. They don't care. They take your love for granted. They take my love for granted, and they just fucking expect it. Now, I went to Skankfest the first one when I didn't even have to go. When it was at Creek in the Cave. When I was going, it was like, hey man, we got Bobby. We got Carl. We got all these people. It's a favor. It was a favor. And then Brooklyn, a favor. And now I guess your big time, I get it. I'm not a favor. Shane's a favor. Tim Dillon's a favor. The big names are a favor. I'm just, I'm expected to be there. You're Bob, you gotta come. I don't have to go. I don't. I don't have to go. What was the origin? There were two years in a row they did you dirty. What? Fat robot. Fat robot. I don't know. The other one was a fucking alien. What are the alien? What's this year, Miss Cleo? Buddy, when you see it, I look like I'm. I'm so sad you hate this so much, honestly. I think you look badass. I look what? What am I holding? That's a bad description you were giving by. That's not a bad picture. My argument here, that's not a bad picture at all. What my argument would be was it doesn't look like you. It doesn't look like me. And why do I have to, when you're making a photo of somebody, why do you have to give me bags? Even if I had bags, I have beautiful skin. I'll tell you why they tried to do that. To make me look old as shit. No. They made Jim Norton. I mean, Jim Norton looks like Jim Norton. He looks like a fucking worm with teeth. Well, can I tell you why? I'm telling you why. Bring Jim Norton's bag. Oh, yeah. Sal. No, Sal's fucking. Yeah, he's fantastic. No, but he's got the same eye thing you have. Yeah, they did tell us everything. Let me show Joe DeRosa. Bags. Yeah, with a sandwich. Look at him, garlic. But here, look, it's just this, I don't know, it's just this style. I thought it was a good. Bobby, what I would say about your thing is that it just doesn't, it's like, it doesn't look you, but it's, they should have done the beard or something. More because the issue with Bobby is. Because he did like gray beard. I think it's the eyes. I don't care about the gray beard. My eyes look like. But that's not an insulting picture of you. It's just, it's when you go, bring up Jay. Let's see how fucking great Jay looks. Look at Jay's bags. Yeah. Yeah, but he has them. He has them. We all have that. I don't have. Look at Jay. Bring up Jay. You think you don't have circles on your eyes? Buddy, listen. Jay's got the eyes too. I got two. He's got little, you look fantastic. You want to make you look like you're 15? No, but I'd like to look less than fucking 68. How's that? Do you have rich balls? I don't think you look old at all. I don't think you look old. I think you look badass. Well, that's fine. I do. And I hate it. I don't look badass. You could hate it and I guess it'll change it, but that's not a bad picture. How do you make less? Buddy, I can't wait. Listen, who was more behind you on Fat Robot than me? I mean, Fat Robot was a little crazy. That was what taught me that I should make sure. Go to Ari. I'll inspect things before I send them to people. Chris Isephano's got bags and looks gay as shit. Well, he is. Wait, go to Ari. Go to Ari. Top right. Right there. There. It looks like that's the way. Ari looks like Jewish propaganda stuff from the war. It really does. It looks like what the Germans would put out. You're not wrong. I guarantee you. All you should have had was a money coming out of the neck of his shirt. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's fucking terrible. You should have had fucking dollar bills coming out of the neck of his shirt. Do me a favor. Go to Rich Voss. Do you have Rich Voss? I'd love to see what Rich Voss looks like. I don't know if we accepted him this year. I don't know if we took Rich Voss this year. Hang on, I'll find out. First of all, they're done by a few. I want this guy. Can this guy do mine? Whoever did this, that's what I want. Can I see the original? Yeah, by the way, I will say this doesn't even look like it would be the same person that did Bobby's. It's not the same ours. It's not. That guy. I want whoever that guy is who made. This guy did mine. Whoever looks sexy as shit. Go back to mine. No, you're the same guy as mine. These here, however many they are, like 20 are the same person. I think one's AI versus an artist maybe. I don't think it looks good at all. I actually don't agree with you, but aside from it just not looking like you, I don't think you look old. I just think the eyes are not. They didn't capture something that makes it look like you, but they're not insulting pictures. But here's the thing also, what am I doing? Your false looks ridiculous. Again, it looks like fucking Jewish propaganda. This is this guy. But that's funny. I bet the guy is. He's a different artist. I mean, that looks. We know how he thinks. That looks like he has a box of gold. He has a box of gold and he's running. What is that, Ears? That is fucking so wild. Bobby should have no complaints, my man. No, dude. I want that. Look at how great he looks. Can we see the original Leffer one again? Yeah, the original Leffer. I honestly didn't know that we let Lef see it. He's just a fat vampire. Bring the rats to me. Bring the exact. This is like 2018 live. So, so in the, yeah, exactly. You know what they did to love? He looks sexy as shit. Just make me. I was also like 29. But you don't have to make me look. You can actually make me look good in the thing. I'm going to send you through the Lef filter. It's a created choice. You can say, hey, we can make him look. Oh man, how about having me do something? What am I doing? I'm not even doing. I'm just looking down like the, I look sad as shit. I think you're like the priest. Look at, oh wait, no. First of all, yeah, I'm like, wow. There's something over here holding something. Put your headphones on. You keep on off it does that. What do you, what's it holding? I look like I'm, oh cigars. What is it? You're holding the thing of cigars. I don't know. It looks like it's potions. Yeah, I'm a potion guy. That's what I want. Yeah, he's a vampire. You're fucking Dr. Jekyll. No, I'm not. Everybody's of, I'm, what am I? I'm just a guy. Dude, you're cool as shit. I think you're a vampire hunter and those are your potions. Give me a fucking leather strap around my chest and a spike and let me, yeah, like a cro, give me a, like a weapon. You're, you're, you're, I mean, they made your, your head slim. I think you look cool. Yeah, you do look cool. You look really cool. It's just, I'm telling you, Bobby, well, you're, all it is, is I just don't, there's, there's gotta be something to your face done that makes it look like you that they didn't capture. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It happens sometimes. And give me a fucking something like a weapon, like I'm killing shit. Instead of a thing of elixirs. You don't want to be the potions master. I'm holding his joint. You don't want to be the potions master. Yeah, I don't want to be the, I don't want to be the fat potions master. I joined the steak. You're a hunter too. You're a priest. See, you're at your part. Yeah, that's good. He's a priest. You're a Jewish priest. Yeah, he's got an awesome spike in his hand. I'm a Jewish hunter priest. And look at behind him. It's all gray. Look at his neck as fuck. His jawline is shredded. Your hair, your fade is amazing. Everything about that is so much better. Go back to my photo. Yeah, look at, I look sad as shit. I look like I have dimension. I lost my sight. The difference isn't enough. If it was a cross in your hand, you'd look like you're hunting vampire. If I had something than a bushel of elixirs, it might feel better. I think it's kind of cool. Elixirs are cool. Yeah, no, that's what everybody wants, the elixir guy. Oh, if you're a play Castlevania, most of the time your best weapon was when you were throwing the bottles of stuff, holy water. Yeah, sirs are awesome. We're fighting real vampires, Jay. I would like to have what you have, a weapon. I have a steak and a joint. You have magical powers. I'd rather throw Molotov cocktails of elixirs at these things. I don't have a, no, stop. You want to be a warlock? No, I, what? A warlock. That's not a, that's what it is. I'm non-descript. She asked if you would like to be a warlock. Oh, okay. They're going to change your picture. You are hostile about this. I'm hostile about this. You're over a reacting. It's, no Jay, how about every year I got to deal with this? Every year. And now it's getting too much. In the past, you have been bent over and dryly fist fucked up the shitter. Fucking shitter. This is not the case this year. But you know what? You're overreacting this year. How about this? It's not the case where I went, wow, you fucking did it. It's, it's meh. It's meh. I think you have no problem with that picture if the face resembled you more. Yeah. If it was, if it looked like me and I was badass, at least, it was- Jim is not badass. Jim has a much bigger complaint than you. I would, yeah, yours is much better. Jim looks like a larva with a cape on. I can only defend myself right now and I can't defend Jim. Yes. But I, for me, I would like to be a little more badass, Christine. And I would like the other artists to do it. I would like, I'd like to be leved up a little bit. How's that? Can you make that happen? Okay, great. Thank you. Thank you. Tell Rebecca right now. Can you let, can you let me too? Just so we can see if the guy has a better idea with left stuff. Oh, okay. So someone's jumping on the old Ben Wagon. We'll see what it's like. Yeah. I'd like to see what it's like too. I hope the new guy makes me a fat vampire. They just change your hair. Just sloppy. Yeah, they just put me, just cut, just cut, it leves hair shorter. What if they make me a fat vampire slayer and you're a fat vampire? It'd be something funny about that. No takebacks. We can't take that. Whatever they come up with next, we have to do. This is the thing. If they had a funny bone in their body, they would definitely make us. Two fat vampire hunters. Just two fat soldiers. On tiny, on tiny scooters. That's right. Like the fat guys on the little mini bike? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is where I hated that show, True Blood. First of all, they destroyed vampire lore. They were just basically nothing to do with vampires anymore. They just hung out at night. So many morbidly obese vampires. Oh yeah. Yeah. That was the best. How did you? Cleveland show had a great take on True Blood when they go, the wife was laid up in bed. And she goes, hey, can you take these DVDs back to the store? She goes, I thought I read a True Blood, but it's just some gay guys nightmare. Anything just under these, and then they just show like two like vampires. He goes, I thought I was True Blood, but it's just some gay guys nightmares. That sums it up perfectly. But let me ask you a question. You talk about lore vampire lore. When you get bit, you're that way for life. So if he bit a fat guy, say he was feeling weird. He was sick of hot chicks or hot dudes. and you saw a fat guy just sleep it in a park. If he bit the fat guy, doesn't he just stay fat for the rest of the year? No one's looking to add a fat soda to their crew. Hey, let's slow everything down a bit, huh? But in true blood, they wanted fat gay vampires only. It'd be funny just to see him turn into a fat bat and he can't take off. Yeah. Just keeps hitting the ground. Just a walking bat. He just obviously walks. Every time he tries to fly, he breaks a wing, he can get snaps. I didn't really want to fly. What are you doing? He goes, no, I'd rather walk. I'd rather walk. You guys want to turn back into fucking people vampires now? Hey, when you guys, hey, wait, you know what, guys, we should probably just go as people vampires for this. No, we have to go now. No, let's just like, let's just walk. No, you don't want to turn into a bat because you're fat. Guys, why don't we stop sleeping upside down by our feet? Let's just sleep in beds. I know the tree bench cannot hold you. That's why. He's the one who invented the coffin. No, I can do it. The fat vampire. Hey, guys, I got a new idea. We don't hang upside down. We sleep in a coffin. It kind of brings in the whole dead thing. You know what I mean? Listen, sometimes liking it into a cave. There ain't no liking it into that coffin. A big, huge, cushy coffin. Hear me out. OK, I'm hitting you out. And then during the day, we just sleep. And at night, we eat late at night over heat. Late at night. I bet your vampire is the only fat vampire is the only one that's like blood and food still. He goes, you don't have to eat anymore, though. You don't need that. He goes, I like it. I don't know if you tried to sell her wings with the Sella sauce. I really like it. Just folding the slice. You don't even digest this. You're dead. He goes, I know. But I don't know what it is, man. It hits the lips. Something about that taste. I think I'm addicted to the taste. Not so much to eating it. I'm a super taster, I think, since I became a vampire. I remember one thing. When you vampire deliver late night McDonald's to you, oh, thank god. Everybody else is sleeping. I remember one of the fat vampires in particular. I can never get them out of my head thinking, how is this guy a vampire? The fat vampire is always tired because he's up late waiting for food while they're sleeping. Well, fat gay vampires, in a sense, though, too. You want to get that cake. You know what I mean? Yeah. More cushion for the pushing. Outrageous vampire parties. Gay vampire parties. And there's the problem. Because whatever you turn somebody has, they're that forever. So thank god if you're in your best shape, that must suck to turn into a vampire on one of your up and downs. My fourth fat. That sucks. I get sick. Such shit. I look like a fat Puerto Rican guy. Oh, man. I wish you would have fucking, where were you a year ago, Lestat? Hey, can you come back in like six months? Six months I'm going to be in shape. I'm getting this surgery. I swear to god. Hey, Vlad, can you give me like six months? If someone told me I had planned it because you're going to become a vampire in a year, I would go into hardcore training. I'd be in keto with Lewis the whole year. Also, all my social media would just be me doing like cross cables. And then he goes, I'm training for death. Yeah. You know, fuck that movie. I can't wait to become a vampire so I can eat a cheese steak. You know, fuck that movie if a vampire was going to bite me now, I'd be like, please not now. Please not now. Give me just one more year of trying. You're always supposed to be hungry for blood. He goes, I know, but I don't know what it is. I know, but I still am. I'm still hungry for regular food. I still have this little thing above my cock. I just want to get rid of that before I come to vampire. Hey, is there any way you can bite down here and suck this out for me? For the vampire food. Hey, you guys want to split up. You guys want to split a prostitute and a pizza? Hey, hey, master, I'll give you two of my slices of beef or I'll give you a little bit extra of my part of the blood if you give me two of your slices of pizza. Ah, fuck. Rich's is just outrageous. It's just, it's just. Yeah, that should be angry. It looks like something Dave Smith would put out about having him as a guest on his podcast. Rich Vos came stole my rubles and left. It looks like rubles. Oh, man, look at that. Look at the one last year. Okay, click on fat robed Bobby. Yeah, there you go. Oh, this Queen Kelly. You look like a fucking asshole. Oh my God. That's nice. That's fucking great. That's great. Yeah, that's great. What was that the first year, right? Second year. Was that Brooklyn? First Gang Fest Vegas. Yeah, fantastic. That looks fantastic. Go to the next one. That's when they still thought you were doing the thing for them. Yeah, and then, oh yeah, old fat fucking Kane Bobby. I don't mind that except you look like Roy Orbson. Yeah. Christine, can you go back to True Blood Bobby? You also Bobby there, you could be. One we just saw the first one. No, you just showed it. That one, yeah. Yeah, that's me as a vampire. Hey guys, I got a bit during a parade. You're a court chester. Oh, really? Not really. I look like a court chester. I thought that was local drag queen Bob Dandy. That's my drag name, Bob Dandy. Bob Dandy? Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bob Dandy. Hey, what's up boys? Look at you. Is Robert Kelly doing Bob Dandy this year at the Fest? I'll fucking do it. I'll do Bob Dandy. Give it to Bob Dandy. We should do a drag queen show at the Fest. All of us perform. We all perform. Bob Dandy. Good God. Oh my God. I look. Interesting. What are you and your partner's problems with this? Is this Louis's underlying? Yeah, this is. Daddy issues. Yeah, make my, make Bobby. Wouldn't be his daddy, so he's upset. Yeah, make, make, fuck with Bobby. I guarantee that he leans in whoever's here. Make him look like a fucking idiot. What does Louis look like? Fantastic. Fantastic. He's the, like, painted like he was last year. Oh, Papa Shango. Yeah, Papa Shango. I saw that. Right there. Yeah, there it is. Wait, you see it? Oh, it's on the right. No, that's a, no, not me. Nick Mullen looks fine. No, Roshford. Oh, Roshford. Yeah, everybody looks great except for old fucking, I look like I'm blind. I didn't even see that. You don't not look great. Last one. You don't not look great. I don't look. She doesn't look enough like you. It doesn't look, it looks like I'm blind, holding fucking medicine. It looks like I have my medicine in my hand. Well, there's context to these pictures. Yeah, I have medicine and I didn't take it. That's why I can't see. That's what it looks like. I never saw that last year on the parade, queen, empire or whatever you were. Didn't either, by the way. That is the gazing I've ever seen. I didn't see that last year. I never proved that. You look like I never sent that to you. Let me just tell you. I feel like maybe it was redone before it got to you. Bobby, why? I just have it in my drive. After seeing all that, I'm real glad I got that F word out of the way when I was getting that bus driver. Dandy Bobby. Jacob, there's no reason to take a note. I said the F word. Yeah, stop taking notes, you rat. Yeah, look at how fantastic, Lewis looks. And by the way, he's fat right now. So. He could be fat under that. No, he can't. No, no, no, he's not fat at all. Look at his jawline is super sexy. You guys took that to make it a full on attack on Bobby. Yeah, it's a full on attack. But just Bobby for the record though, Lewis even has a bag under his eye makeup. So the bag die thing seems to be this guy's store. Okay, but if you look at the bags, most of the bags are little lines or very close. Go ahead, you can look. Look, look, bring another bag up. I told you what is that. That's a lot of it is to one, you have lines under your eyes. Okay, that's fine. But I don't have, they're lower and bigger. And I'm, look at everybody's looking at the camera. I mean, Sal's got. Sal looks like Sal though. That's what it's all it is. He has bags. Sal looks like Sal. He has, how many, do I have bags like big bags under my eyes? No. Do I? I don't think it's the bags on my phone. Do I have bags, big bags under my eyes? Could you go back to my phone? Big bags. The bags that are in that drawing. Do I have those bags under my eyes? You, these are a little slight. Bobby, they're not that. Actually, these are slider bags. Bobby. I think Sal's bags. No, I'm asking, look at my face. Stop making us tell you yes. Tell me those, no, you can. Oh. I mean, like if I'm looking right at you. Looking right at, do I have those bags under my eyes right now? Bobby, maybe the angle I'm looking at you at, identical bags to that picture. I'm not talking to you, funny man. I'm talking to honest people. You have to come up with mean shit to say it. It'd be funny. It's a meme. Look at me. Christine, be honest. Christine, don't be honest. Don't be honest. You can be honest. You can. Do I have those bags under my eyes? What? Lou, do I have those bags under my eyes? Lou, you guys are in a pact. It's similar. I wouldn't say it's that far off. And I have a lot of bags in real life, so. You do. You do. Bobby's going to do it. Why are you hurting me? I'm sorry. Because you hurt me. You asked him to hurt you. Hurt people, hurt people. Why are you trying to get hurt, you masochist? You know what? That's fair. Hurt people, hurt people. I think you look like a grizzled vampire hunter. Good. That looks cool. Then give me a fucking cool shirt. You're new to crossbow for sure, or stakes. You have the coolest jacket on. It's not a cool jacket. Why? It's a very cool jacket. It's like distressed leather. Everybody else has like tone. Bobby, I don't know. You got to set. You're a bad guy. You're holding a bag of fucking stuff. Potion. We don't even know what a fucking potion does to a vampire. Nothing. In Castlevania, it kills them. If it's holy water, it could be fire stuff. Go back to mine, please, real quick. If you look, look at my shirt, too. It's like everything's not even tight. What are you talking about? I just want a weapon. I want a weapon, and I want to look at the camera. Bobby, your complaints about this are crazy. But I'm telling you, if we take those bags away, it's going to look less like you. How about you? You know what? Fuck you. You have red dots. Listen, why don't you add those? Oh, great. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're on this spiral. I'm sorry. Sorry. We both spiral. You have to change it like 75 times. I just heard about it. Jay and Bobby both want to go through the lead filter. I want to go through the lead filter. That's all I want. And just give me right down weapon. I said they want to go through the lead filter, and Bobby wants a weapon, no potions. Fucking weapon. I don't want elixirs. I'm not a fucking nerd. I'm a hunter and fucking fighter. For the argument. These are hand drawn to hang in the venue, though. So I do need to have it edited, or I'm not going to have it to hang in the venue. When they switch it out so they can make things nice and easy, you can give me Bobby's elixirs and bags. Yeah. All right. Well, then give me his spike. Give me his thing that kills. Yeah, my dagger. You know what? I don't like that. What? I don't like your little fucking, your fake humble thing you just did. I'll take the elixirs. You liked it for a second. I did for a second. No, you thought about it. And then I realized what you were doing. You dirty vampire. Jake, you look like the guy from The Boys. You do. Butcher. No, you look like the guy from In Sync. Joey Fatou. I mean, always. You look like Joey Fatou. He lives life looking like Joey Fatou. Yeah, I mean, look, you have a collar that's popped. You got a fuck. You got tattoos. You got your sleeves. You're making fists. You're looking right down the barrel of the camera. No, no, fists. I'm holding a stake and I'm holding a joint. Yeah, but look at the way you're holding it. You're holding it like I'm a motherfucker. But go back to mine. Look at the way I'm holding my, I'm barely holding up my elixirs. Now you're holding them like. Yeah, I'll see you. The lettering is covering your elixirs. Yeah, I can't even know what's an elixir. You don't even know what it is. Yeah, the elixir's being there. It does take it away. And I'm like, I'm out in the woods. Well, that was condensed here. It's like, everybody else has like these fucking great backgrounds with shit. That picture of you last year is astounding. The background. There's only a few backgrounds. I want to fucking cool or bad. I don't want the woods. I thought. Just an old man lost in the woods with dementia in a fucking bag of elixirs. You're assigning a lot of things to this. I am. I am. I am. I am. Sure. Because it's years of trauma. He looks like a badass. That picture. They made me a fucking drag queen last year without me knowing. That's fair. And then a fat robot the year before. How far can I say? At some point, you can't lay down because that's how they walk on you. But you have to admit this isn't that. This is way better than that. It could go there. If I don't put my foot down now and make a stink about it next year, what am I going to be fucking dead? Am I going to be a fat fucking? What's next year's theme? Who knows? It doesn't matter. It depends where we're at. Huh? Maybe it'll be Seattle. It'll be suicide. Yeah, they'll just have me fucking hanging. But I break the beam because I'm so fat. Oh. The fat fat that can't get off the ground. Would you fuck me? Bobby hanging from a noose while a house is bending in the middle. Would be such a funny picture. You hung himself by a ceiling fan in the middle of the house and the house bends in the middle. If Christine doesn't have the artist make me a new two fat bats. I don't know what's wrong with you. I mean, we should be fat bats together. The bonfire poster should be just two fat bats. On the ground, walking bats. But one holding pizza and one holding a wing. Dude. Two bats fucking walking with sneakers with hokazons. I have Brooks. Two fat bats and heels. Walking and heels because we can't do the heels. I have a knee brace on one of my fat bat legs. Oh, shit. Oh, God, dude. Well, I'm hoping that I'm sorry for bringing it up. And I understand what you're saying. But I have to. I had to put my foot down, man. I understand. It's getting a little. It's almost there. It's getting a little. It's getting a little disrespectful for where, you know, where I came in the when I when I was there at the number one. You I was there. You were doing a favor. Now they treat you like you're doing like they're doing you the favor. Well, I thought you'd like it this year. Really? I really did not think that you were going to have a problem with that. I wouldn't have said after what we've gone through the Fat Robot. Yeah. I I didn't. I wouldn't have said. Robo. I thought that you. You made me you made me a Fat Robot one year. And that doesn't exist in robot lore. Yeah, it doesn't matter. There are fat vampires. Sure. Well, yeah, you showed us that with. I didn't make you a Fat Robot. I just didn't catch you were a Fat Robot before I attached a picture to you. But everyone involved should know there's no such thing as a Fat Robot. I literally said to me, I showed Maxie was like, why are you a Fat Robot? I mean, my son knew that they don't make Fat Robots. I mean, but isn't Fat Robot like great to have in our history? Yeah, no, it's yeah, great to have in my history, but I don't want fucking, you know, five by eight posters of it all around the place. Whatever you make it, you make them Flamin Bob, Dandy. Yeah, you made me Flamin Bob, Dandy. America's favorite. The correct art. I don't know if it exists. Fat Robot is a thousand times better than the the drag queen one, though. I'll be I'll be on Flamin Bob, Dandy. There you are. I actually like Flamin Bob, Dandy. More than I like this fucking old Elixir. Oh, you're crazy. You're crazy. And you don't know me. Oh, you're right. You don't know who I am. You know what? I know Bobby Kelly. I don't know Flamin Bob. You don't know who that is. This is what you got. That one never got said to you. You know what? I'll fucking take that. I like Flamin Bob, Dandy over that. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Ow, ow, ow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. I describe what we're seeing. Well, what we're seeing here is I think Flamin Bob, Dandy. It's Flamin Bob, Dandy before it becomes Flamin Bob, Dandy. This is how Flamin Bob, Dandy pulls up in his fucking weird colored toyotas. So yeah, this is when I I'm at my apartment on in Miami Beach with my my lover. This is before I go to become Flamin Bob, Dandy on Miami Beach. And I'm setting nights. This Bobby Kelly calls everybody honey. Hey, honey. Honey. Honey. OK, honey. I go like this, too. I think when I leave everything, I go to da and I leave. This was me learning from Fat Robot. OK, not sending it to you. Yeah. And then getting sexy, Bob. OK, listen, I don't mind gay magicians. Fucking Bob. But can we go a slide where we just post all of these? Yeah, it's fine. What's with Bobby's fucking long cock microphone? Yeah. And why do why do I have lips like I just sucked at somebody's balls? You know, that's how you like to hold your. Bobby, you do put up dick suck lips, you take pictures, but this picture is it's an actual picture of you and it doesn't look like you again. This is bizarre looking. No, it was put a picture of Bobby was into this. No bags in that one. Yeah, and Flamin. No, not not like the one they gave me. No, it's right there. They got they got the regular ones. Not the not. Bags, a little bit, not too crazy. Well, you wear your you know what? We solve the bags, having wearing tinted glasses, vampire hunter wearing tinted glasses. Yeah. Give them a cross cross made of swords or staffs or something. I would just take a cross made of like ivory or some like a real cross with some type of cross bow or some weapon. Two things. Maybe listen. Cross and a cross bow. Yeah. How about this? I'm giving the finger with a fucking cross bow. How about the cross bow is a cross? Holy shit. Wow. Well, you're my dog. Yeah. I mean, the evolution of the the the life I've lived in these photos is nuts. I've gone from me to fat to I mean, you don't have to be realistic. I mean, in one year to go from Bob Dandy, Flamin Bob Dandy to fucking vampire elixir hunter. Yeah. You for sure have a wanted poster from Skankfest South too. Yeah. What was that? They put your actual weight on there. Make you feel bad about it. I like alien. I would tell you. I told the story a long time ago, but do you remember Bobby? I don't know if I've told you this ever. The guy there was a guy named cousin Vinny. They called him comic when I started in Philly. It was one of the white guys that started in the black club, but he was like super Italian over the top. I forget his actual name, but I'm so glad they got out of that phase in comedy. What the over Italian? I love that that over Italian guy just faded out. We don't do that anymore. Yeah. Is that what you think? No, it's not what I think. I'm pretty sure it's the hottest thing at Sirius in every other place. Oh, did I mention that I happen to be Italian? Hey, I don't like fat, vent pies. I know they're so fucking egotistical because they think they are where from where pizza came from, where from where pizza came from? You cock sucker. His whole channel. We can't even get our own studio. That works. This must be. Well, we're probably going to be moving studios pretty soon. Anyway, this becomes Lil Mazzarella's Lil Mazzarella radio. He's going to come in. Your sister. Your sister. How you doing? How you doing? Now, see you later. They also gave me a second channel called Lil Maw 101, where it's just me saying how you doing on a loop? Oh, hey, hey, oh, hey, oh. So cousin Vinnie. Law's touched with him a million years before this. I went and did that. Beef and beer performance for my high school crush. Janessa for her dance troupe or whatever it was, Christine, right? Yeah. And well, it's like she teaches kids. Yeah. And and somehow she knows because they're all Italians. From Philly, she knew cousin Vinnie and he's hosting the show. And so bumping into him. First of all, that's one of the worst feelings ever. A guy who's like dabbled in it here and there since you saw him last, not really successful in that at all. I mean, I'm sure he's successful in life, whatever crime he does. Yeah. But like in comedy, nothing. So it's like we're doing all the catching up. He goes, hey, he goes, what do you weigh? I went. I mean, whatever it was at the time, I was like, you know, like. Two eighty or something. I don't know. Like why? He goes, I do a thing when I because I also do boxing announcing that when I bring you to the stage, I give like, you know, I go weighing in it, whatever fighting the heavyweight champion of comedy. I went, oh, please don't do any of that. I go, one, don't give my dimensions to please don't call me the heavyweight thing of comedy. He goes, no, I guess that's how I do. I go, please don't say my weight. That would fucking kill me. Please. And he just like I go to I did say two eighty. Because I remember what he does. He goes, you guys ready for your headliner now? He goes, your headliner weighing in at two hundred and ninety pounds. He gave me ten pounds. Because you said two eighty and he went, looked you up and down. He went, OK, I think that he called ninety. I think that he called me the super heavyweight champion of comedy. Two ninety is super heavyweight. Yeah. He's being realistic. What a frightening thing to say. Why do you do that? I was just standing backstage waiting a while like, why is he doing that to me? I asked specifically. Why do you do that? Why would you do that? You're doing that. Why would you do it? I'm in Providence this weekend. Yeah. You had this weekend. I'm doing a gig in Jersey Friday night. I got a private. Oh, I don't even know if it's private. It's a member Sandy Marks. Yeah. He called me up. He's like, I got a gig in Morristown, Jersey Friday night. So I'm going to. I was like, yeah, I'll go see him. Fuck you. But I don't. Yeah. Hell yeah. You don't know what the show is, though. To promote it. I'll get it during the break and but go to punch up dot live. That's it. Punch up dot live. Bobby's all over the place. Make sure you check him out. Cleveland, Stanford, Connecticut, New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama, Long Island, so much more. And we'll be right back. Oh, Jay, you're going to be somewhere. You're going to be. I said I've been in Providence this weekend. Providence, the comedy connection. Yeah. Love that club. And then I'm at Netflix, Netflix's joke fest. Look for me there. A lot of story wars is there. My tickets for them. Well, we're back. Crisp, vibrant and bursting with citrus. Villamarilla's New Zealand, Sylvignon Blanc is the perfect wine made to be enjoyed on every occasion. Whether you're soaking up the sun in your garden, hosting a backyard barbecue or unwinding after a long day, the zesty lime and lush tropical fruits are always delicious. Try Villamarilla, Sylvignon Blanc, a vibrant New Zealand wine that's perfect for every occasion. Available at all good wine retailers. Switch to Plusnet's award winning full fibre from just twenty two ninety nine a month. Our sweet deal gets you fast and reliable broadband with no activation fee, with speeds up to nine hundred megabits. Feels like a sugar rush. Full fibre that's full of value. That's a plus. Offer ends 6th of May.