Bob Odenkirk | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-16-26

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He has a new movie coming out normal that is coming out this Friday, The One and Only, Mr. Bob Odin Curse. Is this live, Bill? No, it is not live. No, cool, man. Do you want me to cut any of that out of the intro? Was that too nice for you? No, no, it's all great. I just was double triple checking because it's his Monday morning podcast. People don't usually put a day on their thing because they want it to live in this world of just like, when did that happen? Did that just happen? For years, people aren't sure. Did I miss that? I think it's okay. Oh, I've been podcasting before people figured out the smart way to do it. Oh, yeah. And what I like about my little mom in pop store in the podcasting world says, I haven't really changed it. I was a shithead in the 2000s when I did it last decade. And now, the production value with the guests has gone up. Oh, yeah. But I still just do it in my office with a little microphone on the thing. I never did the whole, you know... Oh, yeah, yeah. You never like tried to build it out into like... Well, I didn't get in this business to work. I got in this business because I had jobs. Right. I was in the real world. It's hard. Working is hard, but like screwing around. Yeah. Yeah, I figured it out. It's crazy how this big this has become. I think people need it. You know, my son wrote a TV show and it's just a family sitting around sort of bothering each other. That's all it is. They never leave the living room and it's brilliant. And everybody who's reading it is really loving it. And I said today, because we were talking to a production company that wants to help us make it happen. And I said, I hesitated to say this, but I was like, it's kind of like a podcast. And they were like, it is. It is. Yeah, because you just, you're just like right there with the people and they're just talking to each other. And you're like part of their conversation. It's like intimate. And like... That's not what they think. No, but why do people love this so much? Because I love it too. I love podcasts. I'm popping into Conan's all the time and yours and just all of them. And... Well, those people that you were talking to love it because of the idea of the money. Because it's expensive to shoot. You know, the guys at the top got like a hundred million dollar deals. So it was kind of like when we were doing stand up in the 90s when after like Cosby, Roseanne, and then Seinfeld went to syndication. Right. And then Ray and Kevin James had their show. They just started, you know, talk about your family. They got to see the show. So like they were all... Like the dream became get a comedian that can get on a sitcom and it goes... It was so crazy. Do you remember all those? I don't even want to name them, but there were so many misfires because it was just like... Yeah, Odin Kirk on ABC. I didn't have the name. What would they do with my family? What would they do? They'd say your wife is Jewish. So your kids are going to go to a Jewish school. So you're a knock around guy from Chicago. Yeah. Or what would they do? They say, yeah, like... You're a comedy writer. Hey, it's Dick Van Dyke. So, you know. Yeah. So now... And crazy shit happens because you got comedy people coming over all the time. Your comedy friends are your pals. The people you're right for. But you're starting to try to progress because now you're married and they're still single. So your wife as much as she likes those comedians... And what would yours be? Mine... I tried... I did that. I did the industry showcases. You used to go around with that? Oh, I tucked my shirt in and looked like I was ready to do star search and they just... I remember this one lady said, he's funny, but he has a weird look. And that was code for redheaded males are not the lead in anything. It was like an unwritten rule. So my wife actually did this. She's a manager now and a producer now, but she was young. She was scouting talent for exactly what we're talking about. And she was working for some producers. She saw Ray Romano. She said, you got to see this guy. He's great. I mean, he's built for this world. And they saw him and said, that he's got a weird voice. Won't work. No, that's what they're... You know what I love about Ray too? Ray is like... He's as good an actor as he is a comedian. And just watching him going from... Because they would just pluck you out of a comedy club and all of a sudden, you're with all these seasoned actors and stuff and you watch them go from the first season of that to all of a sudden. Remember that show Vinyl? He was great on that. Men of a certain age. Yeah. And he had this whole other like dramatic side. They're always surprised. I'm not going to name things, but I've seen him in things that weren't good, but he's still good. Which I think is like the sort of the benchmark of... When he was an actor, can be good in something that isn't working. Yeah. Well, you know that movie, that famously bad movie, The Room? No. Do you know it? Oh, that guy. It's like terrible. Oh, with the guy with the weird accent. Yeah. Oh, hi, Mark. Yeah. So they asked me to do it as a charity, make the film and any money they make go to this actor's home, whatever, hospice home or whatever. I said, sure, I'd love a shot at it because I would like to try to make it work. I would like a shot at this terrible dialogue done exactly as written, including all his weird laughs because he laughs all the time when he plays the character. He does this odd, strange, kind of like neutralized like laugh. You guys who don't know, it's all cut up on YouTube. It's one of the classic... Terrible. It's so bad it's good. You just sit and watch. Yeah. And so we did a run at it. I don't know if it'll ever see the light of day, but I really tried. I tried to come up with the logic. A lot of times, what it is is you have to take up a lot of thinking moments because his character would say things that didn't connect from one thought to the next. No. So if you put thinking in between those two, gosh, I'm, gosh, I'm tired. Oh, I love you, Lisa. Yeah. But if you put a big moment in there, God, I'm tired. I love you, Lisa. And you just take a moment to get to that other thought, get to that other emotion. You know, maybe you can make it work, but you can't really. But I was... No, but you know, it'd be funny because that guy's taken so much shit who made it. But then if you actually prove that he did in fact actually have a good movie on his hands, it's just he was the problem. Well, my theory is that the reason people like watching, because there's lots of bad movies in the world, you can find tons of terribly written, terribly performed things. But the reason it's so fun to watch is because no matter how off it is, you can, your brain and your heart is like, I know what he wants me to think. I know what he thinks he's doing. I know, I, it's right there. He thinks he's the hero in this moment. He thinks he's selling me this. You can feel it. It's right under the surface. And so it keeps you, keeps you engaged. That's my theory. Yeah, it's, there's a, there's a horror movie that I've seen clips of. And it's one of the great awful shots. Yeah. And I can't, I can't remember what the dialogue is, but it's like, and then you're going to come and you're going to kill everybody. And they like zoom in on his mouth like, because he wants the crowd to be thinking like, ah, yeah. Right, right. It's when it's, it's fun when it's, whether it's, you could say it's close enough or whether the intention is palpable enough that you, you're, you know what's, you know how far short it's falling. Right. It's not fun if you can't feel every movie, what some people don't know. Every movie, the first, when you first go to assemble it, it looks like the worst movie ever. And then you just have to keep going and going and going. It's the worst feeling in the world. It's always the worst because you cut the scenes together and those kind of work. And you're like, I think we got, oh, might be Godfather too here. I gotta say, I've only seen five scenes, but they're all great. And then you cut them together and it's just the worst. Yeah, it's garbage. Because nothing, it doesn't flow at all. And it's like sad. It's really a bummer. Worst is when, worst, the worst thing is when the director calls you from editing and they go, it's, it's really good. I'm sorry. I can't say it's really good. And then you go in and you're like, oh, what are we going to do now? Because he thinks it's good. And it ain't good. No, but I haven't had too many problems with that. But is he just saying that? I remember. No, because they're excited. It's because it's a weird thing of like, man, those images really took to the film. Like the film camera really captured my face. And my, it's like, they're so excited about just the notion that we shot it. And now you can watch it. Can you believe it? Yeah, it's called movies. I had a guy one time was making some merch for me for this tour. And I came down to look at it and it wasn't good. But before I could say anything, he just like, it was a t-shirt. He just puts it down. He goes, yeah, huh? Rad, right? Sick. And he was doing that. And like, he just, he pushed it so far that way. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, you, you put the things on the t-shirt that I wanted, but the way it's just, no, no, it's Rad and Sick. Yeah, huh? Killer. Whoa. He's like commenting on his own shit. It was really, it was very bizarre. And that was, yeah, very egg shell trying to get him to get it where it needed to be. We got there. But I think that, I think when people do that, they're like, they're insecure. And I just think from the very beginning, it just looked so bad. That was like the best when I did efforts for family. And I did that show with Mike Price from The Simpsons. And he was so seasoned, having done all the Simpsons. So the first animatic I saw, like my jaw was on the ground. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. He goes, it's always this bad. It's when The Simpsons episode's coming, this is how bad it looks. And he's just going like, just a little bit, we're going to get it there. Because at that point, it's literally like, stick figures over. I did, yeah, I did the Incredibles that film. Incredibles 2. And you did, it was animatic. Rough for numerous. It's amazing how much they changed their script. It's unbelievable. They rewrite the whole thing numerous times when they do those Pixar movies. It's crazy. Well, tell me about this, oh, normal. This new one. Got a fun movie coming out. It's crazy. It's Bonkers. This guy, Derek Colestad, wrote it. He wrote John Wick. He wrote Nobody. He had the story bill. And he showed me a couple of stories and he writes action films. He loves action films. And so his stories tend to be like, shit just happens. It just starts. It's just like, action starts and it just gets bigger and bigger the whole way. And like, that's a lot of action movies. I mean, that's, I grew up on that. That's what they should be, but not for me. Because I don't really think I'm selling the action. I mean, I do ultimately sell the action when I get to it, but I have to do the character. I mean, I have to play a person and you have to kind of be a wise, wise, wise. It's gotta be ground. No, because I miss working with you. And I miss working with you because I watched you do like, I got, people saw you on stage, but I got to watch you from day one in the rehearsal. It's doing Shelley LeVine. You know, Bill, I was so off balance doing that thing when we started. It took me weeks to feel confident and you helped me a lot. Kieran helped me a lot. Oh, you guys were great. Kieran's confidence was like kind of amazing, like his like pushback on the direction and the variety of. I just never go and like, we need you off book by Friday. It's like, it's not going to happen because he was in the middle of about to win an Oscar. He was on the promotion. He's like, yeah, I'm not going to be. Yeah. And like, what are you going to say at that point? It's just like this kid's about ready to win an Oscar. I think he knows what he's doing. We're still a month out. We'll be fine. But his willingness. But that was also like, that shouldn't have been like a public conversation in front of all of us. But I'd say about week three. When I saw you, when you did that thing, where you impersonated the director, you remember, when he went like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a big turning point for me. Because I was like, you and I entered into that thing kind of the same. We're both like, Hey man, I don't know Broadway. Kind of don't know if I belong here at all. But I'm just going to do my best. I'm going to listen to you. I'm going to be open minded. I'm going to give it everything I got. Very humble, really. But when you got pushed to that point, and you just started being stupid, and pushing back, I was like, I think maybe Bill's right here. I think we got to hold our ground and just know what we know. No, but Patrick, the director, he did stand up. So I knew he could handle break and he broke my balls and everything. I love that guy. Yeah. Because he was, yeah, I don't know. We were dragging ass one day and he called us on it. Yeah, yeah. He's doing it again in London. He's doing what? Glenn Gary? Yeah. Oh, wow. Like he planned, just like he planned. Remember the plan to do, I don't know if I should say it because I don't want to give away his cool thing. So we can cut that part out. No, no, you can leave that in, but I won't go further. Anyhow, it was really off balance and it took me a while to find my confidence on that stage, but I love that. I love that. I had a great part in that play. I had a lot of weakling. That's what I'm saying. It was my favorite thing. You were fucking great, Bill. I love it. You were so great. That poll was written for you. That's what I'm saying. That is the funniest shit ever. That's what I'm saying. God damn. Because he was taking away the glory of your sale. That's what I'm saying. Fuck you. Some of the lines in that. Yeah. Great lines. And then I got to do my opening scene with Michael McKeon. That scene, man. Nothing. The hardest part about that scene for the first few weeks is sitting across from him and not getting out of my head going, that's fucking Michael McKeon. I was like, oh, shit. And then I would find myself watching him going like, God, look at, look, oh man, I love that he just did that. And I'm like, oh, fuck, it's my line. You can't be doing that. Yeah, yeah. No, he saved me. I've told this story before in the podcast, but the funniest time he saved me, they call it going into the white room when you can't remember your lines. And I just got turned around because it was this thing. I always said it was two donuts in the parking lot and then you left. It's sort of like, you know, they killed the goose. I go into that twice. So I would get, which one am I doing right now? Did I already say it? Yeah, yeah. So I got lost in that shit. And coming up, I had this line. Fuck, I can't even remember the lines anymore. It was, yeah, something whatever. And it gets me depressed. At my age to see a goddamn someone was a Cadillac this month. PS two guys are getting fucked. So I couldn't remember where the fuck I was. And we were just improv and back and forth. And then Michael Fine looks at me and he goes, does it make you depressed? Like he literally, he literally fed me my line. And I'm like, yeah, my age to see a goddamn. Oh my God. But we, no, yeah. And we laughed. We fucking laughed the whole elevator ride that like, we didn't even have to talk about it. Like we walked off state, you know, thing went black and we were already laughing and we got in the elevator. We just laughed the whole way down. And I was saying, I'm sorry. He goes, no, man, it happens. It happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like people saved me. I can't remember what it was, but you guys would save me here or there. That opening scene, I was kind of, that was just difficult. But, but we should save each other when you're in those shows. And the great thing about Mamad is he repeats stuff so much that the audience cannot tell that you got lost. They can't tell. I know, but it's that repeating shit that gets you lost. That's what gets you lost. But at the same time, you can't go wrong if you just say, fuck, fuck, fuck, you probably hit on the word. You know, it's funny when we were doing it, I was like, Jesus Christ, like this is like, this is like going on for a long time or whatever. Now it just feels like it was like a blip. And I feel like it took me like four months to finally look back on it. I felt like, and I, because I really learned doing, doing that play, why you get two days off a week. Because the first day is just decompressing. And then the second day is relaxing. And then you go back to work. But all you did was you decompress for one day. And you went right back into it. You didn't have a, you didn't enjoy that decompression. I just love how they would try to do the math. Yeah. Well, you get off it like 10 o'clock Saturday, and then you don't have to come back till seven on Monday, which wasn't true. You had to come back six 30. So that's kind of like two days off. It's like, no, it isn't. Day off is, I'm not working today. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, yeah. It's not rough. It's, it's a tough schedule. It's mentally. I, but I would still take it over like, you know, some of the, all the physical jobs that I, especially my age now, but like landscaping, I was a grunt on construction, yeah, sites or whatever, even just like, you know, fucking Washington dishes in a restaurant, like when you got to clean the grease trap too, that's just something you will never, oh, just makes you gag even thinking about it. Like, so that's what I always think about. Whenever I'm in one of these stupid showbiz, like, you know, grinding your brain down thing. It's not too small a car for me. Fuck this car. No, my, I was in first class the other day, because I'm doing this promo tour. And, you know, I don't buy a first class ticket for myself. My wife would never allow it. And, um, the fucking you got to, you got to treat yourself. No, no, no. Fuck that. It's not important. You get in a, you get in a metal tube and you get out two hours later and you're in where you want to be. No, dude, I remember one time I was flying and there was a guy, a huge dude, and he had the middle seat and he was trying to be less huge and it was like this and like his, his, his, his lat. Yeah. Right. The joke I think I did on a corner. I was sitting next to him and behind him at the same time. Like I had to be like out in the aisle and it's just, yeah, I can't, I can't do that anymore. But all first classes is they treat you like a human being. Right. It's nothing, there's nothing else going on up there. Yeah. They give you a seat you can actually fit in. Yeah. Right. Right. They bring you some water, you know, it's kind of like. Yeah. Sometimes we get a little pampered and we got to remember what it's like to really have a job, to really work. That's what I do. I just think like, okay, this is as much as this is grinding me down. Was it worse than being on a roof in fucking July as a, as a, as a redhead? There was just like, dude, I remember when I had that job, I could not consume enough calories. Yeah. I was just eating sandwiches and sandwiches and sandwiches. Right. I was starving. How long were you a roofer? Fucking lasted eight days, dude. Yeah. Eight days. But I, one of the things, reason why I'm successful is I know what I'm not good at. And it was like, I'm smart enough that if you taught me construction, right, eventually I would know, but I didn't have, I didn't have a gift, you know what I mean? And I played drums for a little bit and I would go to the, I would go to the music store and I would just see some five, six year old kid who I could play, I could play drums better, but they were already expressing themselves and I'm like, that's what the gift looks like. I don't have that. I'm like, I'm a music fan. Yeah. And then when I did stand up, you know, I obviously learned from people, but that was the first time I did something. It just felt right. Yeah. Where I felt like I, I could just kind of go off like if you were drawn, you could just sort of doodle and eventually, yeah, figure it out. All right, everybody. This is kind of exciting. Billy old school, Billy analog. I partnered with vinyl moon to create a special edition album of my best Monday morning podcast ad reads over the years available alongside their amazing vinyl mixtape club. Here is the album here. I think, you know, they did the whole old timey style here. Some of my favorite ones, the zip recruiter, the sweaty balls with the John Houston piano remix weapons of mass destruction. No tear. I remember that one. What the fuck am I reading? Who was that one? That was Sherry's berries. Nature's box. Oh my God. They now they had no fucking sense of humor. And all that time I made my lovely wife laughing talking about that guy falling off the scooter. It's really cool. The artwork is incredible. Check out the color of the record. Are they all like this? This is limited. They're all this color, man. They're not messing around over here. Anyway, so now you don't have to go on YouTube and click through a whole bunch of me and get them all in one. Put them on. Take your gummy, eat your mushrooms, whatever you want to do. This beautiful custom album comes with a handful of my favorite ad reads over the years, pressed on a custom color with the unique MMP art vinyl moon partner with me to press this limited edition run of these albums, which are available only when you sign up for vinyl moon subscription membership for a new vinyl moon subscription membership. Did it? All right, vinyl moon is an independent vinyl club for music lovers and adventurous spirits. What are we talking about? Swingers? What are we doing here? Vinyl moon has been creating and sending mixtapes of new music and original artwork pressed on vinyl to members around the world every month for over 10 years. They got experience. Each of their vinyl mixtapes comes in a super deluxe packaging and they collaborate with different visual artists. Look at these things. They open up. I mean, this is the kind of stuff back in the day. You know, you take your drugs out, you take the stems out, you do all of that. Let me get, look at this one. Psychedelic, man. And they got all of these. They're also, if I can take one of these records out of here, they're all different kinds of colors. You know what I mean? Look at that one. Get the f***ing, look at that. They didn't make shit like that when I was a kid. All right, sorry. I got carried away there. Anyway, they collaborate with different visual artists to create really original jackets, special features and more, as you saw. And just like my album, their mixtapes are pressed on a beautiful color vinyl for a limited time. Money morning podcast listeners can get this limited edition record of my favorite ad reads for free when they joined vinyl moon with a three month or longer membership head to vinyl moon.com slash burr for more information about club details and to get your free limited edition record from yours truly v i n y l m o o n dot com dot co sorry slash burr v i n y l m o o n dot co co slash burr. All right, that's it. All right, normal from the creator of john wick and nobody comes the new movie normal, a double barreled shotgun blast of pure mayhem for sheriff ulysses played by bob odin kirk. A new job as temporary sheriff in the quaint town of normal minnesota was meant to be a welcome respite from recent troubles. But when a botched bank robbery interrupts the piece, a dark secret is exposed. And ulysses discovers that the town is anything but its namesake. Suddenly, everyone is trying to shoot the sheriff, and he has to rely on his wits and some crooks if he is to survive the night. And that's all before the, they say yakuza? Yeah, the yakuza shows up starring bob odin kirk, henry winkeler, come on, and lina headley, heady, fuck. See it only in theaters starting April 17. All right, policy genius, everybody, you know, it's springtime and it's time to take stock of the important things you need to do. You know, be nice to your wife, get rid of her. I don't know where you are in your relationship. But you know, this is, you know, it's a time of renewal, Andrew. Policy genius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from America's top insurers side by side for free. Is anything for free? Come on, Andrew. We need to do a deep dive to see who they're in business with here. Their license team helps you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life. 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Quo is the number one rated business phone system on g2 with 3000 reviews built for how modern networks work that's why more than 90 000 businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on Quo to stay connected professional and consistently reachable Quo works wherever you are right from an app on your phone or computer and let you keep your existing number add new numbers and new teammates and minutes teammates Andrew sink in your CRM and rely on seamless routing and and call flows as your business scales teammates scales it's easy calls text voicemails transcripts and content contact details all live in one clean view with full context that your fingertips your team communicates faster stays aligned and delivers a more personalized experience make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away try Quo for free plus 20 get 20 off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash burr that's quo.com slash burr Quo no miss calls no miss customers all right simply safe um if you're like me I hope you're not uh you're desensitized to dozens of notifications on your phone each day but if that that latest ping is from your security camera ignoring it could spell disaster picture this somebody's breaking in that piece of shit but you're given a huge presentation at work you got your fucking little flashlight you're pointing at a squeegee board whatever the fuck you call those things those those erasable boards you know you're at the movies you're on a flight at 30 000 feet you'll see the footage in a couple hours but by then it's too late they took your headphones and you're fucking I don't know your underwears that's why I choose simply safe simply safe is customizable whole home security system back by 24 seven monitoring agents I can rely on to act even when I can't traditional security systems only act after someone is broken into the house hey bring that back that's too late simply saves active guard outdoor protection can help break ins before they happen while other security companies lock you in simply safe comes with no long-term contract they'll earn your trust every day by keeping you safe and satisfied they are so confident in the protection they provide they even back it with an anti-theft guarantee I'm not the only one simply safe protects over four million motherfuckers every day they have 20 years of experience at home security right now my listeners can get 50 off a new system by visiting simply safe.com slash that's simply safe.com slash burr there's no safe like simply safe when you do stand up how written is your act and when you finally get to your hour and is there any chance that you would fall through a hole in that script or in that plan like in a play where you'd like drop five minutes and go like is that any issue at all because it seems to me when I watch that there's a however scripted it is it's in the moment as well like it's not the same exact every day. Yeah no so I don't write oh I haven't written in you just have the list of topics yeah so just what I want to talk about right and then I just tell it to the audience so I I mean I've been doing that I can't remember when I stopped writing yeah but I eventually started writing on stage but um yeah I don't know as far as like just going through the whole thing like I go out and like what I want to be is not thinking anything right well like I went out you just want to be present yeah well the second show when I was in Durham this past weekend the second show I came out and there's two people's faces in the crowd just sent the whole thing in a different direction and it changed the vibe of the crowd and the whole thing I just saw them in the front row and I was like oh and then my brain was just like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna do this joke and it was a joke that I haven't done further on down the line and you know when I was younger I would be afraid like no that joke doesn't go there and I need to open with you got to open with your your second strongest and then you have your third strongest in the middle joke and then the the the strongest one to close like I was believing in that and then after a while uh you know I just started experimenting with like well let me see if I can I can do this yeah some nights you literally do your act like backwards a little bit wow so that's what kind of happened on the second show well it's it's it's something that uh I always sort of equate it to like um like whatever your average Joe you know everybody has their getting arrested story or getting their ass kicked story or or whatever getting their heartbroken story you have the story in your head you don't they don't have it written down anywhere but you've told the story enough times you know where the beats are so it's sort of that philosophy yeah where do you do you get comedy from the world around you or is it from a service that you pay for what do you mean do you like me like a streamer you like observe the world and I used to like or do you pay a company like an AI company to send you yeah and then I you know I do is I do crowd work with the AI thing and then I just post that and now all of a sudden I'm playing football stadiums but you uh you have your stories in an order and you know the vel crofford oh yeah god I love watching him do stand up and he doesn't he just he's just riffing man he's he's just going now he he thinks I love that guy he thinks and uh bits I opened for him one time at uh some some I think it was University of Arkansas yeah and oh my like he was funny before the show he was funny during the show and he was funny I remember when he were after god and he goes uh he was all right thanks a lot thanks a lot and they were all like and they were all just it was so funny they weren't enamored with him and he was being mean to them but they still loved it yeah because he does it in this lovable way and go you know the students who booked you he goes they would they would they want to come and take take a picture with you and he's like why and they go they you know they just want to stay they want to see you and he goes he goes they just saw me I just did an hour of stand up how many times oh my god how many times he needs so no he has like some of the funniest stories like he told me he was walking through an airport one time and this family recognized him like oh my god we're the biggest fans our daughter wants to do stand up can can listen to one of his jokes because I really don't want to and they go can you just let's do it real quick and he just goes all right and he's got like his luggage and she goes okay one time and he just goes boom and then whole family laughed and he turned around and he walked away so yeah he was one of those guys so I don't know why he thought of him but you you and he and Breaking Bad is just insane that you guys are together there I learned a lot about acting with that guy oh yeah it made me do a different choice that scene with the the Benekie guy like when I was rehearsing it yeah I was all like yeah let me tell you something mother fuck all this this tough guy's shit and then I just happened to look before we did the scene I see me standing next to LaVell and it's like oh I don't need I don't need to be tough he sees the ramifications yeah that guy's through your muscle there yeah and I remember talking to this guy that that did security for this big rock band and I asked him the kind of guy he gets like tough guys he goes you want guys that are tough but what you want is guys that de-escalate like the last thing you want to do is bring a lawsuit to the band right so that's I kind of I combine those two where it's like okay we're in the suburbs and some cul-de-sac we can't be making a bunch of noise during the day there's probably moms or nannies at home out here so what you look at you don't want to give us some money but you got to give us money because this guy's fucking here so just so then there was only one moment where he sort of box I kind of leaned in a little bit just to remind him yeah and that was and I sort of learned that yeah that that wow thing of like oh doing like the opposite thing yeah yeah like rather than playing the yeah the obvious in the surface purpose stuff being such a hacky actor bill yeah no you're a great actor you got great presence is great and you're so great in that play I mean holy shit that's seen between you and Michael listen Magnolia's gonna kill me if I don't finish talking about normal so I'm gonna finish this is a great fun movie this is a fun fucking movie I've shown it to like eight audiences around the country I've sat there while they watch it they get caught up in it but the reason I liked it I was saying Derek had written these three outlines right this was the only one that had this opening chapter where it's my character I play a temporary sheriff not a real thing and he's at a town that needs you know has to elect a new sheriff but he's gonna fill in and something's funky something's weird you're a lame duck sheriff I'm a lame duck sheriff and I and I I'm both aware that something's funny and weird about this town but I also don't want to know it's like I don't want to know about that that's gonna be trouble I don't want to look at it and how long are you supposed to be just this temporary guy like eight weeks and I'm on day one when we join me so you just like shit goes crazy fast but I'm trying not to look at this mysterious shit that is around me kind of because you don't want the job you just well he you know there's a story as to why my character is kind of lost some faith in his own judgment and bottom line he's supposed to be here for a few weeks and leave and just don't get don't cause trouble right so then shit goes off because of Deus Ex Machina the hand of God something goes that something goes right I'm in and then it just keeps going off and I didn't even read this when I read the script but it just goes to the craziest place and the violence gets intense and insane and it even becomes like a horror film at times like I never saw that in the script these kinds of movies are coming back it's like a horror film so the audience is like holy shit like there's all these moments were like whoa like they didn't see that coming and it's intense and it's all because of Derek but it's also this guy Ben Wheatley this British director and these guys just love film the way you love stand-up the way you love comedy these guys love action movies and horror films well there's a lot of great action films have come out of England yeah all those lock stock movies yeah yeah yeah yeah fantastic yeah you know I just found one I I got a I'm because I'm always sending you yeah yeah I was watching some of then came to the other night by the way I found the series that you sent me and you know what that was I want to tell you something what that was that was the right instincts and just not enough support from like the network or maybe not enough skills around them like the people who wrote it knew what they wanted you could tell what they wanted to me yeah because I love the idea of the show it's the show starts off what's it's called then came bronze then came bronson that starts off and this is guy he's on funny he's on just like this little Honda motorcycle yeah like and this this guy next to him is like in a suit they're stopped at a red light and he's like in a car and he's just asking him like hey where you're going he's like you know I don't know like just just the difference of choices that they made and the guy in the business it was brilliant the inspiration for it was brilliant the tone was brilliant there wasn't enough good writing in that world for them to learn from like nowadays if you made that show if someone tried to make a show like that it would be better it just would be there I 100% there's a writing around you you've seen Breaking Bad you've seen Sopranos you've seen the wire you just write a better show but back then all they had to reference regarding that kind of hour-long drama was detective shows that's all they had wherever valley I guess big valley but you know it was a brilliant show Bill it was an attempt to take Easy Rider the vibe of Easy Rider oh yeah and kind of marry it to something that like a suburban person dad could like get with sort of sons of anarchy with only one son yeah before the whole thing but it's this it was really an attempt to go like everybody knows what you're pointing to in Easy Rider I get it we all want to feel that way get on a fucking fuck all this get on a motorcycle I just drive yeah and I don't this 20 minutes later your ass hurts you're like what am I doing I should have I should have taken my car but the adventure of it which was so much a part of society at that time everyone was feeling a desire to do that to get away from the recent past Vietnam and and I feel like that's what's going on right now yeah like people like I can't watch the news anymore I just can't fucking watch I can't watch yeah like I got there like somewhere in like like 10 years ago so when you ask him you really know where where I get my ideas and stuff from like I I kind of like just talk about my life and then what people kind of come up to me in a coffee shop that eyebrows up stuff like did you see what you know like I just keep hearing all of this stuff that is going on right and uh it's weird I don't want to get into but I wanted to tell you about uh so there's this movie what the fuck blazing magnum it's a canadian sort of like bullet dirty harry movie and they brought I want to see this yeah and they brought I think we're going I got a little production company on like Friday nights we watch movies and shit I'll let you know if you're around I don't know if you're promoting I would love to yeah yeah so we're gonna we're gonna watch this one and then there's another movie that uh Tarantino got the inspiration for kill bill from that looks really really fucking badass uh so those are like the next two so we watch like you know cool stuff and then also stuff that could be yeah yeah like that that one that blazing magnum I mean this like how grounded is that gonna be you know in the movie trailer yeah there's a blind woman for whatever reason walking towards an open like ceiling to floor window on a skyscraper and then you see her screaming I don't know I'm just like all right this is not going to be too I want to see that too I just love the balls of that title that's like blazing magnum it doesn't get better than that yeah I feel like dirty harry magnum force came out and blazing saddles that already come out so maybe yeah maybe that was a combination well this film is goes to a crazy place you're gonna love this movie and you're gonna especially love the last third where it goes fucking shithouse crazy and never stops and it comes out Friday won't set it up tonight I'll go see your movie this Friday I hope you will well you're invited to the premiere I don't know if you know tomorrow night you got invited then I'm going who are your people wait I didn't say yes 100% they did um 100% they said I hope you'll come um dude I came to your last one why won't I go to this one it's tomorrow night yes if you can't make it I understand no I'm doing what's come here's the bottom line is where is the premiere American Legion hall you know on Coyne good on Highland you mean yeah on Highland that's what you're showing you know legendary that supposedly they got a great theater there I've been there before they redid it so it's nice but before they redid it I used to stand up over yeah dude it looked like Humphrey Bogart was gonna come walk yeah yeah and it was one of those things where there years ago too yeah those guys were all veterans I heard Led Zeppelin one time after doing a show at the forum yeah they came and they were hanging out there I don't know if they played or anything but uh like the people that have been on that stage it's like Marilyn Monroe era fuck right yeah yeah yeah yeah that place is one of the reasons I did this movie normal was because it's like one of those old movies it's even we made a really cool poster um I'm gonna get can we get one of these for bill there's nobody here no I I want to show you this poster they made off the camera so people thought there's nobody here um it's just reminding me of those just gritty like it's just it's not what why is it different from what's made now it's not trying to be some big four quadrant thing it it's just trying to be an awesome little story that just entertainers for its audience yeah you know um we showed taking a Pelham one two three not that poster the alt poster that's a cool dude that looks like an old school yeah yeah and that's what it's meant to look like because this movie is an old school movie and uh I gotta show you this fucking thing it's so great um yeah here it is look at this sort special poster they made what this is the second old man with the cell phone moment why is this not I got one for you have you seen the funnier die sketch uh long haired businessman no no what is it oh it's fucking amazing it's a zoom call and all of these guys are wearing suits and whatever reason they all have like long hair yeah and they're just speaking in that corporate speak we're gonna get our ducks in a row we're gonna circle back and make sure we're firing on all cylinders and then somebody used the expression I'm gonna go open kimono here and I remember a long time ago when I was pitching this fucking show yeah and this dude from like he kept using that expression and he was not a good-looking guy and he had this big Fred Flintstone head and not even like a dad he used that and dude and we were like pitching to women and he was going like you know I shouldn't say I shouldn't have said the name of the agency but he goes like uh yeah I'm gonna just gonna you know I'm just gonna go open kimono here and everybody was always like dude what the and all you could just picture was his hairy fucking junk I just I remember I just kept saying like dude you gotta stop saying that we don't need that like people are recoiling he's like I'm trying to get people to start no he was one of these fucking just falling up the flights of stairs if you success you're just looking at the guy like right yeah he had like the intellect of a fucking bouncy house check this out it's kind of like what he was he was like a human bouncy house oh dude can we see that can we can we zoom in on that they made that just for us because for fun because it because of the kind of movie it is I also like it because it is well it's got the old school I know old school pistol there yeah all right well Friday night and tomorrow's the premiere so I'll see you tomorrow night that's great at the Legion I'm a member over there I'm an honorary member oh yeah yeah one of the war the draft order 2000 they have a draft Dodgers room no I got uh during that time we have a conscious object or space I am in the uh for religious reasons yeah yeah I could not be a hero no there was just no wars when I was growing up I cannot help my country I had the grades to get drafted there was just no draft yeah right I was coming are they bringing that back by the way I heard uh talking about it well you know what it is because we don't have an army big enough for the upper one percent greed that's what it is that's right that's what it is but just watch where you tell jokes because that's what they pay attention to it's not where they drop the bombs right it's where you go and make people laugh that's that's the real problem you got to keep your eye on the ball you got to get that straight yeah first that's the first thing you get your priorities in a row you got to keep these fucking stand-up comedians in line let these guys skim all the money but we'll get to the round to the wars we'll get to those that was one of the dumbest things I've ever been involved in um anyway I will be there tomorrow night and I still have to tell you dude like I the stuff that you and Kiran were doing from mid-may to the end of June with that fucking play yeah me and Prerecello we used to just sit there fucking die and laugh well we used to go down stay it was like the second part of the show and Kiran making John laugh what was John's character's name again uh I can't uh Lempke what was his first name we'll just say John he had that line where he just go John and he had his back to the crowd and then he just started going like John John John and he would just do it and John had to face the crowd and he would be going with this with this mustache and shit well I had the most freedom to try to make Kiran laugh and I was right here talking to him and doing the voices when I did it when I could never make him laugh and it's hard to make him laugh I only only made him laugh when I would try a new choice he wasn't ready for yeah but if I actually try to make him laugh yeah he was just he's gonna show you now he's like yeah yeah yeah but like remember that night that one that Matt and I when I played David Moss in the second act I played him his closeted gay I don't recall well he couldn't well I was doing all the manualism on stage because I didn't want to you know disrespect the crowd yeah so I kind of did a few of these and whatever but I was still doing it as like David and dude he just stared yeah yeah he's not gonna give it to you although I got him to go because I went so far when I did the Southern accent oh you did that was pretty what now I'm not you know I'm not Ricky here no no no Ricky told me about uh which you know like don't tell Mammon I did that yeah I don't know okay he didn't say you can't do a Southern accent he never wrote that into the script listen I feel like if the Tony if he sure loved it if he didn't trust you he would have been there that's how I looked at it that's right um anyway normal normal normal comes out this Friday night old school action movie over the time he says it's over the top because I've seen your nobody movie so if it's beyond that it is that's incredible is nuts all right it's great well it's great to see you dude I miss working with you so it's it's fun to even just have this here Bob Odentkirk everybody check out normal this Friday mass release in theaters get out of your goddamn house stop staring at your phone all right have a great weekend I'll see you okay what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday April 16th 2018 what's going on how how's it going man dude dude you're on the other side of it huh you paid your taxes you know hey take more than I make who the fuck am I I just did the fucking job let me give it to you you rich cunt what are you gonna spend it on you habidash and douchebag uh that's what you know something that's what really gets my freckled fucking goat about paying taxes I got no problem given these fucking douchebags the money I get it being a citizen of a of a country it's like having a membership all right you want those fucking potholes filled hey you want pens and pencils down at the fucking school you want the red light and then the green light and then the light bulbs changed you got to pay your fucking taxes so I don't have a problem with it the problem I have though is when they get more than I get and I did the fucking job how did you make more of my gig than I did and I was the guy up there fucking you know dancing around you don't go down to one knee in the end like fucking Elvis is I'm wrapping up singing his truth is marching on I don't get that part I mean I do get it I do understand that you know we have a lot of expenses in this in this country we got a lot of expenses you know what I mean we where we had we got 15 we got a 15 year road trip that was still paying for right going on 16 years 16 years a 16 year fucking road trip I'll tell you what freaked me out I did the rough and rowdy which was the fuck one of the great experiences I've had since getting into the business of show but in the middle of it uh Dan big cat cats looked at me and said we just bombed Syria and my first thought was not like oh my god we're at war because that's been the natural state for the better part of two fucking decades my first fucking thought was how the fuck are we going to afford that we're going to start another war and how are we going to how are we going to pay for this right this is like when you're watching your friend at the blackjack table going dude you got rent to pay come on it's over cards are cold let's go back to the room there um you know someday you want to buy a house but fortunately I guess we didn't start a war this was more like a drive-by you know we we did a drive-by with France as far as I can tell because um you know let me before I get in over my head which I think I already am I mean is there anything better than listening to somebody discuss foreign policy who doesn't even have the decency to watch the news whatever the fucking news is now you know I was reading this article in Rolling Stone oh I read a little bit this week believe it or not um I read this article in Rolling Stone about Facebook and the influence that it had on news like inadvertently and all this shit and uh and how they allegedly have like when you click on an advertisement on Facebook like they turn some fucking camera on and they take a picture of your face and they try to read the expression of your of your face and try to gauge the level of joy that you have to determine which ads you're going to see and uh the only thing creepier than that to me is people like dude what do I care you know if they're gonna figure out like what I want to buy just as a fucking like human being that doesn't freak you out that's somewhere you know I know they're not sitting there looking at it it's some fucking computer dude it's a computer it's not a person it's an algorithm dude um I don't know I just don't see any of this going anywhere good all right and then they're gonna like in this fucking unbelievably efficient way get you to buy something else that you don't need so then you got to throw something else out in your house that then ends up in that swirl of fucking trash and it's just like it just doesn't it doesn't need to happen so um I say that as I just clicked on something the other day about ready to buy yet another snare drum and I'm not even in a band I don't have any recording sessions coming up I just I don't know I've been trying to walk away from it but I keep thinking about this snare drum and I don't know I think I'm part of the problem why I can't remember what the fuck I was gonna look up oh why why did we bomb Syria this is this is how I learned about us okay and I'm gonna click on the first thing the US bomb to punish it for a chemical attack that's what I thought US bombing Syria in Russia's response you know Russia is in America we act like we used to date you know what I mean so then we had a bad breakup so no matter what anybody no matter what they do we're like that and then they do the same thing oh my god he's so stupid I can't believe I wasted time getting to know that person during world war two uh the United States along with Britain oh Britain was there too jolly good show in France bombed Syria does anybody in England ever say jolly good show huh I've been to France like two or three times and I'd never heard anybody go whoa all right bombed Syria on Friday night Friday night you know let's let's kick the weekend off right that's bomb Syria the decision to strike came one week after Syrian president Bashar al-Assad that's like a fucking number one draft pick name like a wide receiver except for the first thing you know like Tayshon al-Assad dude the guy ran like a fucking four 140 we just signed him I'm telling you right now guarantee it calling you right now put it on your fantasy team he's gonna get get at least 1500 fucking yads this season all right use chemical weapons against civilians outside of Damascus I believe that's the capital killing at least 42 adults and children after that attack president Donald Trump promised to exact a big price on the Assad regime the U.S. and its allies deliberated a response over the following week what are we gonna do we're gonna you want a fire bomb uh economic sanctions what do you say uh three to seven missiles maybe um including one on the outskirts okay and then on Friday night the country's hit three targets including one on the outskirts of Damascus all related to Syria's chemical weapons program a research center the store our storage facility and an equipment facility and command post wait they said we hit three targets they just listed three a four I mean research center a storage facility and an equipment facility and command post oh I don't fucking know the map of Syria shows the targets hit on Friday the strikes hit at the very hat of Syria's chemical weapon program and dealt it a serious blow all right that's fucking weird man so we did that and okay and I guess that makes the world safer somehow I have no fucking idea I I don't I don't understand how it gets but my his my his my question all right because God knows I don't fucking pay attention what if Syria somehow poisoned our food supply or cooked our economy you know what the fuck were we or started a heroin epidemic what the in this country what will we do to them why don't they do a drive-by on some of these fucking assholes who are allegedly American they are like American citizens what the fuck they're doing here is that ever gonna happen fuck no because those cunts donate to the politicians campaign funds so everything they do it's like it never happened and then they also advertise on these these so-called news networks so they never talk about this shit right but if all freckles goes down it tells the wrong me too joke all of a sudden I get in trouble this is the world we're living in I'm gonna keep asking questions my voice will keep going up higher you know what's serious biggest problem is it's not that they use chemical weapons it's that they didn't buy advertising on CNN and Fox before they did it and donated to the standing president be he a democrat or a republican and I am saying he because there's never been a who man as president you know and I'll tell you right now as long as they keep bringing women around like fucking Hillary Clinton I don't think it's ever gonna happen okay you got to have some level of warmth to you you can't come out there with an Al Gore's smile with with the fucking with with the Mike Dukakis look on your face thinking that you're actually gonna win it it has nothing to do with your policy all right you got to come out there you got to look relaxed you know you got it you got it you got it you look like you're comfortable you can't look like you're in way over your fucking head you know having that look on your face like do they like me do they really like me um I don't think there was anything more uh Donald Trump scowl was as terrifying as Hillary Clinton's that maniacal fucking smile where she's like I can't imagine like just imagine imagine you're hanging out with Hillary Clinton and you tell a joke and then she smiles the way she fucking smiled you would just be like oh my god I think this person's gonna bury an ice pick into the side of my neck and then Trump it would be over there all like look at that look at his face I still can't believe one of them won it but we came down to those two but we did but we did in the comedy ensues I don't mean why am I talking about foreign policy for fucking 11 minutes when you know what I did this weekend I went to Charlotte North Carolina all right and I went to the third installment of the barstool rough and rowdy tough man competition and I'll tell you right now I have I don't think I've had that much fun at any fucking show business gig since I can remember I want to thank David Portnoy and uh dad Katz for letting me uh sit there or run my yap for four glorious hours over 40 fights dude somebody would get knocked out and it was just like get him out of here and then someone else would go in and every fight there was a couple of boring ones um but other than that every fight was great and if it wasn't a great fight it was a funny fight like when you get two fatties in there and eventually they would get gassed and the fight would just start going into slow motion I don't know why I didn't think to start commentating in slow motion like slow my not slow motion slow my voice down there's a left hook to the right side of his face I literally could have talked that slow and kept up with the action but all right I got to give a shout out to the the fight it there was three fights to me that maybe more than that my top five fights of the night I would say uh all right in no particular order all right I would say the milkman his dude went in his whole promo he was dressed as a milkman drinking milk and was just like what the fuck does that have to do with anything and then he gets in the ring proceeds to beat the shit out of the other guy and the guy gets a standing eight count if I remember correctly now don't hold me to this there was over 40 fights and after the standing eight count this dude came running across the ring like Tyson did in his early days when he threw that overhand right like he was trying to throw somebody out at the plate from the warning track and hit that dude who looked like fucking geese ausby from the globetrotters like he literally thought he killed him this dude did the same thing ran across the room except did the the inexplicable he threw an uppercut with no lead jab nothing to set it up I saw buster douglas do that one time he got halfway led with an uppercut and got drilled in the face and that was it the night was over I'll never forget this guy goes you never lead with an uppercut well the milkman proved that theory wrong he ran across he did a running uppercut if I remember correctly and just knocked this guy the fuck out and then I understood why he was called the milkman because the milkman always delivers isn't that a nice story it was a great story and in there there was head trauma somewhere in that story there was head trauma all right then uh the dude who came in after the main event dressed as the pink power ranger this guy went in dressed as a pink power ranger five foot nothing a pink onesie on with little red sneakers like the kind of sneakers that you know people who embrace being a nerd wear now and for some reason they don't get the shit kicked out of them like they did when I was a kid instead they get glorified you know his uh nerd power whatever it is so he goes in there dressed as the pink power ranger and proceeds to take like 19 or 20 jabs to the fucking nose until he's bleeding just basically got his face redden he didn't get the shit kicked out of him but he got fucking knocked around so at the end of the fight the post interview fight he's standing there with his nose fucking bleeding I was just shy of profusely and they're doing the interview and they said we gotta ask why did you come in dressed as the pink power ranger I'm sorry I don't know the character's name why did you come in dressed as the pink power ranger and the guy just with a straight face just goes because she's a badass bitch I fuck her any day of the week I don't know if the kid understood how funny if he understood how funny what he just said was the way he delivered it I would say that that's the next great comedic mind in Hollywood because it was very Andy Koff but Stabby knows bleeding and the way he said I'd fuck her any day of the week he said it like the actress that plays that pink power ranger would be thrilled with that opportunity like oh my god I could fuck this guy any day of the week well the whole window of opportunity just opened I to the point I'm almost dizzy with my new options the thrill ride against the Bavarian Hungarian the German vs the American which all night long people were in the building chanting USA USA anytime anybody came in if you wore sweat pants if you had on a sports bra or whatever the fuck you had a bandana anything that had old glory on it people would start chanting USA USA even if the other opponent was also from the United States of America a thrill ride lost a unanimous decision I thought it should have been a split decision but he he fought a great fight and the German one just a fucking monster of a man that was a great fight and and then lastly was the frat boy versus the blue collar kid and you know you think the blue collar kid's gonna fucking come in there just like a Hollywood movie and show this rich so and so you know what a fucking knuckle sandwich tastes like or whatever and that's not what happened the frat frat boy kicked the shit out of the guy like the guy had no fucking answers and then he fucking the frat boy threw a left and he must have missed and he separated his shoulder look like and then he grabbed his shoulder he had it back up and they got the video he popped it back in himself like fucking Mel Gibson in a lethal weapon and he wanted to continue but the ref was like he can't continue so then the blue collar guy won yeah I don't even think I don't know if he even landed a punch so in the post fight the frat boy is fucking pissed he's got all his his frat buddies there and the blue collar guy talked all this shit oh yeah you're bringing all your frat buddies where they're not going to be in the ring to save you it's just going to be you and me and I'm going to kick the shit out of you well the frat kid didn't eat all his friends they beat the fuck out of that guy and uh and the post fight they were interviewing the frat kid going ah I'm not it's a tough loss and the frat kid's going I didn't lose I beat the shit out of him which was true and and then the the interviewer just kept going yeah but you know but you lost yeah but you lost he kept going yeah but you lost and I saw at one point the frat kid consider punching the interviewer in the face and I was actually nervous for the interviewer thank god the frat kid didn't do that and um then uh special mention would be the guy who came in he looked like an angry version of the lead singer from maroon five and he came in and in the first round did not throw one punch just put his gloves up on either side of his head and we were like what the fuck this is like like el prez seemed like he was getting upset you know like when dana white gets mad because someone doesn't put on a fight the crowd was booing and all of this shit and then uh he comes out for the second round and he kind of looked over in our general direction but not quite at us smiled and winked and I said oh shit he's doing the rope a dope he just let this guy rock him sock him and tire himself out and then he went back out there and started doing the same thing again and I'm like what the fuck is he doing but then eventually he started throwing punches they were there three one minute rounds and by the third round you know he'd thrown quite a few punches and landed quite a few but I still I thought the other guy was a clear victory for him and the judges came back and they gave it to the maroon five guy um so there's a little bit of controversy but um anyways when I was sitting there fucking rigged side about ready to announce boxing matches you know this is something that I actually it's one point in my life I wanted to be a sports announcer and uh before I realized that it was a lot of work and uh I had no idea how to do it so I just was like well I kind of get in trouble for making jokes I'll just become a comedian how about that well I was sitting in that that fucking ring the civic center there whatever the hell it was and it looked like early the crowd looked like an early 80s wrestling crowd and when they all started chanting USA USA I was just like this is so fucking surreal right now to be with this level of stupidity to be sitting in the middle of this I like this is the type of shit and I'm not saying that I'm smarter than these people all right I just haven't been around that level of stupidity since I was the the average age of the person in the crowd and I would go to invent like that and I would chant USA USA would you like my credits I went to a live taping of Morton Downey Jr show and it was screaming and yelling and standing up and applauding I saw Dice Clay in 88 at the Worcester Centrum and and with the crowd we all tried to boo the opening act off stage I booed another stand-up comedian before I was a comedian and karma came back to bit bite me in the ass you know when I fucking did that Philly show so I've been there and uh to be in an event like that a tough man event when everybody was chanting USA USA was so fucking surreal um and I just pictured all these fucking you know all these liberal people fucking being disgusted with it and it just struck me it was really funny and uh I don't know it took me back to I hadn't thought about it I actually had to look the guy's name up unfortunately Morton Downey Jr I couldn't remember his fucking name which is another reason why I'm so happy I got married and had a kid because that guy was so goddamn famous and I was such a huge fan of his and somewhere in the back of my closet I still have a sweatshirt from that going to the Morton Downey Jr show I got that I got this is what I did in the 80s I went to that I have a uh bud man hoodie do you remember when they they used to have a superhero for Budweiser I have that and I have a Stevie Ray Vaughn tank top I didn't get the t-shirt I got the tank top because it was the 80s and I wanted to show off my pasty guns you know because nobody did squats everybody just did upper body in the 80s from the in step tour that's what I have left from the fucking 80s but anyways I can't remember the fuck I was going with that but it was it was amazing and I want to go back to that venue and I want to do a stand-up show in the round in the middle of it that's how much I enjoyed performing there I mean actually announcing that's how much I enjoyed the arena so I want to thank everybody that came out once again thanks to everybody at Barstool if they'll have me again I would absolutely in a heartbeat I would I would I would do it again because that was just my first one and I think I was funny but I think I could be a lot funnier I just had to it was just a lot of shit to take in it's like what do I do here do I actually announce the fight I don't know shit about fighting right do I just try to be funny and then I also had to figure out how you know Dan and Dave worked so I wouldn't be in the fucking way so I kind of I thought towards the end got funnier so we'll see we'll see if I get enough I get another shot I would definitely do it and you guys you gotta fight you know I want to thank everybody that ordered it too because I think they uh I think that was their best one as far as as far as what I heard anyways let me read a little bit of advertising here do you remember when you try to look at some smart kids fucking test and you cover it up you know and you get mad at them because they did the fucking work I don't know where I stand with that I used to hate it when I was in school but now when I think about it the fact that that person did the work and then I just want to show up the I mean it very the very least I could have offered the kids something like hey I'll buy you I'll buy an extra bag of chips at lunch or some shit you know what I mean or whatever the fuck you want whatever whatever they used to sell there right all the junk food that's all they had was junk food they had a shitty meal and then they had it was like cookies potato chips just a bunch of shit and I remember like like for lunch sometimes if I didn't like the lunch I would just take my lunch money and I would buy all junk food and people would say dude you're gonna get a bunch of zits if you eat like that and I was like I don't think I'm gonna you know what am I gonna do have an apple and then get bullied he's eating an apple you know insert homophobic shit after that all right let's talk some sports here now I know this is a weird time for most people in most cities your hockey team and your basketball team are done for the year and now you're looking at your baseball team but when you live in the city of champions or at least you were from there and nobody won a championship until you left like me well the Celtics did and the Bruins won too when I was a little kid and I don't remember although I did have this little bobby your sweatshirt my mother saves everything I gotta find that thing oh my god that would be great find that thing put it on my cute little daughter take a picture oh god I gotta find that anyways if you live in the city of champions not only did your basketball team with 17 championships win it your hockey team with six daily cups also won it well I mean made it to the playoffs let's start let's start with the Boston Bruins there are up two games to none against the original six Toronto Maple Leafs who are trying desperately to end a 51-year drought I am a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs if the Toronto Maple Leafs get biased I will root for them okay I would like the suffering to end in Toronto all right I would also like us to beat them I want us to beat them first however if they do beat us then that will be my team all right haven't said that you got your asses whipped in the first two games of this series I mean just it was easy I mean I'm not gonna say it was the first two periods of game two were a little scary and period one of the first game you know that 51 when he did that that fucking slap shot from the fucking blue line that laser that hit the crossbar I was thinking like this game can turn in any second and I kind of felt that way for a lot of the second game it just never did because we have a guy named David Postonok on our team who's I would say at this point is just shy of becoming a superstar the guy's got nine points in two games he's making it so ridiculously easy he fucking scored the last goal he put the puck between his legs like he was fucking around before the game right they should have been globetrotter music that's the second globetrotter fucking reference in the same podcast within a half hour 31 minutes 32 minutes excuse me you find another podcast out there that's going to bring up geese ausby and then swing then fucking in a false set of voice voice can't even talk right now sink sweet georgia brown huh you tell me you tell me you show me a podcast that does that and I will show you a more successful podcast than this one nine points that whole fucking line a fucking bergeron Sean postonok and we're playing great defense tuka's been you know making some incredible saves you can tell right now that I haven't watched a lot of games this year all I know is that the front office of the boston bruins has not gotten the credit they deserve for the incredible rebuild that they did to this team they got rid of everybody oh look who's here hi what oh okay oh so then what I have to watch my beautiful little baby girl oh boo-hoo oh poor me all right no worries yeah all right buddy all right anyways okay bye bye I just gotta wait till she leaves I don't see any bad words in front of her um anyways so the back in ruins uh we got rid of like the whole fucking team basically other than chara um marseille and and and bergeron essentially as far as our big stars we got rid of johnny boy chuck bilan luci's tyler sagin dougie hamilton tim thomas we got rid of the coach clode julian we got rid of everybody and I was thinking like wow all right I tried to put a positive you know spin on it I like watching a rebuild and all of that stuff which I was I watched them all this time until this year when it all came together you know but I have a good excuse you know got the kid what am I supposed to do huh not go out there and and and play with my kid of course I gotta do that but um I don't know where we're like really young we're really fast and then we still have some veterans and then we got some other guys that have you know you know we got some like guys that have been playing like six seven years it's just this great mix and then all these young kids that are just flying around the fucking ice and uh I don't know what we're going to do this year in the playoffs it's looking good so far but uh I am liking the future and speaking about the few speaking of the future the Boston Celtics that's what you're watching that's out on the court because everybody's fucking hurt guy reirvigs out Marcus smats out and you know what I totally forgot about that Gordon Hayward kid played fucking half a quarter this year he's coming back next year so I'm just watching the Celtics this year to to see like as far as the playoffs to see like Tatum Rose here Jalen Brown all of these guys getting all this this uh just quality minutes in the playoffs it's just going to help us in the future and you know I I don't think that we were going to get by Cleveland or even Toronto Toronto looks unbelievable but my favorite thing in the NBA playoffs right now is the name of the Milwaukee Bucks coach Joe Prunty I swear to god every time they say it it's like did they just say cuntie and I don't know why but if there was a drinking game that every time they said Joe Prunty in the broadcast that I watched I would have been shitfaced by the end of the first quarter Joe Prunty I guess what's his face I can't remember his fucking name either Jason Kidd I don't know what happened to him he was there I don't know why he's not there and uh it's going to be great to watch I don't know how many games against the Bucks and Giannis Antetocompo Antetocompo so you see Antetocompo um let me actually you know what let me get let me get the proper pronunciation of that that was a fucking great game I mean it's it's you can't as a Celtics fan not be disappointed when you're watching it seeing all our big guns on the bench being like we would be kicking the shit out of this fucking team if everybody was healthy um Giannis Antetocompo you see how you say this guy's fucking name pronunciation what a show pronunciation here we go all right oh Giannis himself is going to explain here we go come on oh my internet sucks my internet sucks the Nigerian way you got to say with a D so it's Adetocompo but in the Greek way you say with an NT like Antetocompo so I changed myself like I think there's a way you gotta say the last name uh whatever you whatever you got just say you know it's Giannis Antetocompo Giannis Antetocompo Antetocompo you can say it with the T or the D you gotta love that the guy has that difficult last name he's like and I don't give a shit I don't give a shit I'm just gonna be dominating the game that's another thing too is uh I get to watch this guy for a number of games too who um I think he might be the next one you know once LeBron if LeBron ever gets old I would say this guy's gonna be the next one it's gonna be uh well maybe it'll be Kevin Durant and then him as far as like the best guy in the league and I'm saying that having not really I don't really know shit about hoop you know the fuck why why why do you guys listen to I don't know shit about boxing I'm commentating about it I don't know shit about foreign policy yet I'm talking about that asking why we're not having missile strikes on corporations um all right hippie music let's do some reads here for the week we're gonna do a couple of reads here for the week oh by the way I have to admit I gotta I gotta become uh Jimmy Swaggered at Billy Swaggered as far as my member I said I was gonna be vice free 16 days and actually the final two days in March is when I started this but I said I was gonna be vice free uh I gotta go a little Jimmy Swagger here I have sinned against you I fucked up Saturday night I went out with my lady and um we went out to go see some live music at this little club uh slash dive bar that we really love going to and uh we went there and he was like come on man you're not gonna have a drink you're not gonna have a drink and I'm like nah you know I told my podcast listeners I was gonna blah blah she's like come on you have one fucking drink I said fine you want me to fucking I was really annoyed with her because uh I realized how weak I was you want me to have a fucking drink right so I ordered some food and then I had a ordered a club soda with the lime and then I was just like if she doesn't bring up having a drink again I'm not gonna order one all right I don't want to throw away all these days right so she finally just goes look can you just have a hit of weed or something like that I was like I don't fucking like weed or whatever and she just I just fine I said fuck it I'll do it so I went outside the place and I took four hits off of this fucking joint and I hate weed I just don't fucking like it and I go inside and what happens every time I smoke weed is I just get sleepy and I want to go to bed so I'm watching this amazing band incredibly musicians and they could also sing too which is a plus they sounded like I like I like you were listening to a record they were so good and they ended up doing a cover of uh Led Zeppelin since I've been loving you um that Led Zeppelin would have been proud of and I'm sitting there in the corner of the bar being like hey man I just want to go to bed man like you know I think my pillow is like my best friend man and I just you know so so I blew it but you know what I didn't drink and yesterday was the big test because now that I fucked up the whole month I feel um I'm just like well well now what so now do I drink so last night I was thinking why might as well have a fucking drink because I blew it I said I don't be a pussy you had a couple of hits of fucking weed you didn't enjoy it then you came home and you went to bed so whatever I hit one hurdle all right I've jumped over all the other ones and I'm going to keep going plus I was also sober for the last two days of March so uh but I still didn't make a month then I basically made uh was that two days ago 14 I I went 16 days I don't give a shit I'm going to keep fucking going so whatever I blew it I blew it man I gave in to peer pressure from my wife you know she always ends up knocking me off the wagon though I remember one time I went a year and two days without uh booze and we were we were in uh Norway at this fancy fucking restaurant and had like a like a 12 course meal all these little bites kept coming out I was just laughing going we're never going to get full and by the eighth one I was like wow I think I'm going to puke and they just kept coming and then the end they came out with this cheese plate for dessert that's when you know you're a ritzy fucking place in another country dessert is cheese it's like you eat cheese for dessert really and it was this pungent stings the nostrils anchorman level fucking cologne but it was cheese and Nia took one bite was like I can't fucking no way so I started taking giant bites out of it and she was going cut it out don't don't you're going to get sick and my eyes were watering my nose was running but her reaction how concerned she was for me was making me laugh so hard that I ate the whole fucking cheese plate and it was it was fucking disgusting but in that meal she knocked me off the wagon she's done it to me a number of times what I'm trying to say is that I'm sitting she's Nancy but I won't kill her someday um so anyways but I have to admit that I really like uh you know the mornings are the best I wake up I feel good I work out you know then just four hits a week the next morning I woke up I felt like shit I just felt like I needed to squeegee my goddamn brain so um I don't know maybe she reminded me why I'm doing this so I think I'm going to do this right through to my birthday and then I'm going to be on vacation everybody I'm doing I'm doing a show in Dublin Ireland and then I'm doing um Royal Albert Hall in um which I can't believe in London England and then then I'm on vacation and uh for the next 10 days or whatever if I want to drink I'm going to drink if I want to smoke a cigar here or there I'm going to do that and then when I come back I think I'm going to jump right back on the wagon I'm going to try that's that's what I'm going to try to do because I'm eating well and I'm keeping the weight off and uh who's kidding who I became a dad real late in life and I'd like to be around so I got to shut down the potty a little bit right that's another great thing about having a kid if I didn't have a kid I probably would have shaved a good 15 years off my life um oh but what a fun time I would have all right let's read some let's read some of the um some of the music some of the uh music no hippie music that's why I said music some of the questions here for this week by the way did anybody see the uh Andre the giant speaking of civics the Andre the giant uh documentary you got to check it out you got to check that out my favorite part was um I guess in the locker room the only thing they allowed in the locker room were wrestlers and uh and the referees no one else was allowed in there and he would and Andre would always be in there playing cards and what I loved was one they actually had footage of somebody walking in there with the camera and Andre the giant standing up just going ah god damn big foot that's when he had the fro he stood up and the person just ran out with the camera that was my favorite part seeing a giant angry usually it's a gentle giant but actually seeing him fucking upset sorry all right guys sorry about that I'm supposed to fucking liven up your week not making you want to put your head down on your desk all right hippie music blind spot follow-up not original writer a billy red tits uh saw your first Cincinnati show with two friends last Saturday you absolutely killed prime burr this is why you're the greatest living comedian ah well isn't that nice and he said okay let me take let me take your dick out of my mouth why why do guys always feel like you know they get all fucking homophobic out if they compliment another man they always have to say hey man yeah that's a nice shirt no homo it's just like well dude I've known you for 20 years I would think if you you would have fucking made a move at this point you know you could just say nice shirt um as per the most recent Monday morning podcast I'm writing to to second John Fishman of Fish as a drummer you need to pay attention to you ask for start all right this is it I'm gonna fucking get into fish you ask for start albums I submit a live release you should start with live double album a live one or studio circa 1993 rift rift is my favorite album it's a concept album oh all right you know what I'm doing right now I'm fucking I'm gonna download it right now so I don't forget all right here we go itunes store I'm old I know you guys all use a cooler fucking downloading site all right fish with a ph r i f t let's see if I can get it where is it where is it rifts 999 bam clicked by downloading all right there we go I took your advice all right a picture of nectar's another good one would be my second favorite covers of all genres include covers all genres including jazz country calypso rock and roll in neo psychedelia man according to wikipedia I can't listen to psychedelic music because this is a small part of me that really wants to try mushrooms and when I get it when I listen to that music I always think like how much more intense would this be if I felt like I could hold my brain in my hand uh name for nectar you know what but I'll never do psychedelics because you have to be home when you do it but now I got a kid so I can't I can't be tripping with a kid can't do that that's when social services comes by and takes you fucking kid name for nectar's bar in burlington Vermont that's what the album is named after where they were the house band starting off their careers anyway love your shit and psych to hear your thoughts on John fishman uh fish drumming uh to me they belong in music history books but would love to get billy rowdy reds take on it signed from Kentucky all right cool oh I love I already love the title of this one here why I need an ar 15 all right all you hollywood liberals listen up I asked people in the middle of the country or just outside of Los Angeles which a lot of people in LA specifically hollywood consider in the middle of fucking nowhere right until they have a movie career and then they go down there we love you from bakersfield okay why I need an ar 15 I just listened to you talk about not knowing why anyone would need an ar 15 I didn't say that in an insulting way you country fuck all right I'm just saying you know what I mean if like you know for home defense it's just funny to me it's just like how much of an asshole are you that you need an ar 15 for home defense that basically on it you're such a cunt that on any given night that fucking hit squad from at the end of scarface is going to come over your fucking fence that you need to mow them down you need basically you know the fucking bazooka anyways the reason I need an ar 15 is because I have a small flock of sheep and I live in coyote country coyotes you live in phoenix coyote won't really coyotes won't really harm an animal as big as a cow but sheep or goats are fair game to them when coyotes attack and packs they tend to attack in groups of seven individuals Jesus Christ the fuck do you live we have coyotes out here they've they usually in packs of twos even though I am that's because they're all on some hollywood diet most of them die of anorexia so there's just packs of twos even though I am a fairly good shot trying to hit a moving target without hitting my sheep means that I might miss several times I need the magazine capacity of the ar 15 or a similar gun because I only have four milking use so you say it use what is it you'd ewe s ah Jesus fucking christ I mean this is an easy one but I'm not a farmer man use pro nun ch pronunciation what a show pronunciation here we go all right here we go here's how you say it come on you you you you did he need to do it three times how fucking dumb am I you how do you say it you yeah you oh you all right you you you he did a subtle different read on the second one you you oh god what's happening now sounds like I'm hungry oh 50 word mistakes hello and welcome back in this lesson I will show you 50 words that you are probably pronouncing you correctly right now and I'll also teach you how to say them correctly oh I thought you just was here to say I'm wrong you how do you say it well we say pronounce pronounced and pronouncing but pronunciation there's no noun in this word it's pronounced nobody says pronunciation you fucking click big cunt cat there's no og in there it's cat all right why I need an ar 15 okay so these coyotes come down in packs of seven to twelve oh my god and his use use use use our fucking runner I mean what a fucking exciting morning Jesus Christ that's like the ultimate video game so then you fucking blow these things away and then what do you feed them to the pigs I mean that that is you know these are these fucking assholes crossfit running down the fucking street like they're doing something this guy is inside watching deputy dog you know right and all of a sudden he hears one of his use going hey man they're coming over the hill right and then he's got to come out there with this fucking machine gun get some get some get some I'll tell you this right now if I if I could fucking rent a helicopter big enough and I could we could open a door and you could fucking shoot them from up there I would fly you around your own property sir while you did this with your fucking ar 15 um anyways I need a magazine capacity of the ar 15 or similar gun because I only have four milking use use use and I produce feta and parmesan cheese what a good shit I love both those cheeses thank you for producing that so I can eat it if I lose a single you you you that represents a significant percentage of my income for the year my that's you know all these Hollywood liberals I swear to god if you stole their fucking yoga mat or threatened to cut off their fucking man bun I bet every one of them get a fucking ar 15 but they put pink bullets in it my sheepdog can hold the coyotes off for a little while but not forever that's a fucking that dog's got heart huh holding off 12 fucking coyotes that's like when magic johnson played every position other other farmers in more western states need the ar 15 to protect from mountain lions or wolves so when someone said no one needs an ar 15 I guess they think that I'm nobody oh you're a somebody you make the cheese why did you have to go that route you proved your point and now you're trying to make everybody feel bad for you oh you're a I am somebody this is hilarious this is like self-help I guess they think that I'm nobody I am somebody and I have a legitimate need for an ar 15 oh let's clap round of applause that was just textbook huh what's he supposed to do let those yous get killed and then little kids can't put parmesan cheese on their fucking rig a tony god bless you sir god bless you your ar 15 and the wonderful cheese you make what do you do with all the dead coyotes huh man this guy that's that's fucking living out there I mean the first one the first one yelped when you fucking shot it I would feel like an asshole however though I would know good and god damn well that if I didn't make the cheese then I would be living outside next thing you know those pack of seven to twelve would be coming at me right gonna take a fucking bite out of my flat fucking freckled pasty behind can't have that good for you sir I'm glad they invented a weapon so you can keep making the cheese and you can afford to keep you know paying the banker cuts god bless you I'm convinced all right girl that's a great fucking argument that argument is nowhere you know what it is the smart people never take surveys they never get on TV so all you get is these moron gun owners going like well what if the government were uh all of a sudden not to be nice to me and I needed to fight them off with their f-16s and their tanks I need for home protection uh why okay girl at bar used my phone to venmo herself $300 now I don't know what venmo is but uh this guy basically explains it dear billy bass on the wall um the other night I was at this bar with a few buddies and we started talking to a group this group of girls I was hitting on this one girl and we talked for a little more than an hour her friends then said they were leaving and so before she left I asked if I could have her number she said yes and she asked for my phone to put her to put in her number or so I thought uh-oh while she was putting in her number I wasn't really paying attention and started talking to my buddy next thing I know she's handing back the phone and saying goodbye I told her I'll text her later this week and try and set something up well the next day I went to look for a number and I couldn't find it I searched and searched but the number was not in my phone I was a little disappointed but stuff like that happens all the time see this is why this guy gets laid he shakes it off that's right what are you f-ing gonna do take another swing right a few days later I went to venmo a co-worker money for lunch and in my trends in my recent transactions I see a $300 payment made to that girl from the bar well now you got your contact info hey lady this is what's gonna happen either you're gonna f-ck me or I'm gonna get my $300 back by the way you're paying for dinner uh with my money that bitch took my phone and venmoed herself 300 bucks while pretending to give me her phone number I gotta be honest with you if if if that was her plan the entire night and she was nice enough to to make you then ask for her phone number that man that's f-ing amazing it's disgusting but it's amazing he said I of course was furious and immediately thought of reporting her to the police and to the people who work at venmo but I thought nothing will get resolved because how can I prove I didn't send her the money and I easily tell your story right you gotta do so I would say he said oh I think you gotta do something anyway so he goes also I kind of respect the move it's a piece of shit move but pretty clever it is pretty goddamn clever what would you do in this situation I'd probably just eat the 300 bucks take it as a life lesson and I never like go after people I just don't I don't do it I'm just like well I you know I learned a f-ing lesson I won't do that again he said I could try and get the money back but do you think the effort and the hassle outweighs the reward I think you should do it because it's actually a crime she stole money from you and uh you know I don't know or you just let her keep doing it and then one day she gets caught and she f-ing goes to jail because she's probably not going to stop at this I would say you know something considering this whole f-ing new movement of just trashing guys all the time and always making women out to be the victim it'd be nice a little publicity out there that you know women have the ability to also be pieces of s-t so yeah let's even it out a little bit I would go after f-ing it I said 300 isn't going to make or break me but I do need to stand up for guys who wouldn't be able to pay their rent if a girl did it to them right any advice helps and go fuck yourself yeah I'd go after at the very least you know even if you don't get your money back just to f-ing it's good that you got that information out there so there you go fellas when somebody says I'll put my number in your phone um but you don't want to say don't do that because then they might be like well I'm not gonna f-ing give it to you well you know trust me f-ing this is built on trust um I would just I would use this guy's story I would just say well the last time I did this uh the woman took my phone and Venmo herself $300 out of my account so I'm just a little paranoid so what women give you the number of the time yeah they do are you gonna give me my number or am I just gonna go home and jerk off what what you you know whatever I don't know you guys figure it out I'm not in this world anymore all right I go to bed at like 9 30 every night now roommate smokes weed hi Bill I really like your podcast and really enjoyed your show in the tap theater last Saturday geez I must have good shows and sincey that's twice in uh three letters first time I see I saw a live show and it was fantastic I have a problem now I'm in college and my roommate and I live on campus well that doesn't sound like a problem that sounds like it's fucking time of your life we have our own bedroom and we oh we have our own bedrooms and we don't talk very often I'm okay with that the problem is he might smoke weed sometimes in the apartment he mentioned he smokes weed the first day we moved in I never smoke weed and I don't know what it smells like but the smells came out of his but the smells that came out of his room is not a cigarette I'm 100 sure yeah buddy that's weed uh the semester is almost over should I bring it up with him nah just get a new roommate he said it kind of bothered me with the smell we only talked once when we moved in I don't know what to do it's against the rule on campus should I talk to the RA absolutely not not dude don't talk to the RA RA is one letter short of rat and that's what the fuck you would be don't do don't rat him out really like your comedy and I think I'm the only Asian dude that went to your show thank you and go fuck yourself well thank you for showing up and bring some of your Asian friends with me I mean with you to see my show unless you're the only Asian in Cincinnati I have no idea I don't I don't know what's goes on I don't do a census um now I wouldn't rat him out if you're really concerned about the RA I would just say hey buddy I don't give a shit that you smoke weed actually I do care that you smoke weed but I'm not a rat so I'm not going to say anything to the RA but it is illegal and I'm concerned that how much I can smell it the RA is going to smell it and then I'm going to get in trouble too all right can you do a better job of blowing it out the window or stick a thicker towel underneath the door all right that's it I swear to God I won't talk to you again um but that sucks man you guys don't even talk to each other so the first day you came there and you were just like I don't smoke weed and this guy's just like well I'm fucking done with you everybody thinks pot smokers are cool I don't know this guy sounds like a cunt neighbor drove through my fence hey Billy belligerent the title sums up this email but I feel like I'm in a bit of a situation I recently moved back into my childhood home after being away for about four years unfortunately my dad passed away sorry to hear that but he left me the house that he paid off in full nice how the hell did he do that usually the uh they hit you with so many penalties and fees that you have to put the house back into play uh he said the house itself is in disrepair oh there you go leaky roof bad septic lines etc so I already have a lot to take care of in the coming months yesterday my neighbor and childhood friend got shitfaced and drove his new truck through my fence and this is some fucking redneck shit and got into and into the giant oak tree in my front yard the fence is wire so it was salvage salvageable I need to go to that pronunciation video salvage salvageable salvageable salvageable salvageable there it is but I was still pissed my other neighbor has security footage of the whole event dude it's everybody filming everybody now can you get away with anything including the hilarious moment when the guy when he tried to pull it back I guess the fence and fell on his ass against all my neighbor's advice I didn't end up pressing charges although my brother who lives with me as well did file a police report which is now on the drunk neighbor's record my question is that I do the right thing by not pressing charges and sending him to jail well how would you send him to jail I mean by the time you got the footage he would be sobered he could just say uh you know I was looking down at my phone on my back itched and I took my hand off the wheel I more or less cut ties with this guy because he's a volatile person as evidenced by this whole situation he has two young children one and three I think recently lost his job and has a lot to deal with so I didn't want to fuck him over even more and he did actually fix my fence when he sobered up however I I don't think this will be the last time something stupid like this happens should I have sent his ass to jail or did I do the right thing I mean I wouldn't have said anything the fact that he got up the next day and he tried to fucking fix the fence um I would talk to him about it say hey listen man you know I don't want to get into your business or anything like that but uh I love getting shitfaced too but if there's any way you could uber next time uh you know because if I was walking up the driveway you know you would have run over me you know I don't mind getting hammered or whatever but that level of hammered and then to drive is a little fucking crazy uh how's everything going with the job hunting ask him a couple of nice fucking questions and say listen I really appreciate that the next day you woke up he did the right thing and you fixed the fence all right now that's what I would say to him okay and then on the other hand I think the fence issue you need to look no further than the story of the three little pigs all right the wolf went to the first house little pig little pig let me in and the pig goes yeah I don't feel comfortable with that dude and he said all right well then I'm just gonna blow this piece of shit fucking house over and that's exactly what he did but he's a little lightheaded and the pig gets away he runs over to the fucking his other brother's house you know who actually went to college you know but just got a degree in philosophy so all he could afford was a house made out of sticks the wolf shows up he's like hey you little fatty open this door what a little pig little pig let me in and then the pig goes yeah man you know my other brother you know who took shop class he just blew his fucking house down he took shop class but for somehow he lives in a fucking house made out of hey I'm not fucking doing this so he blows that one down and then they go to his you know the guy majored in finance and stole a bunch of fucking money he's got a brick house he's got a brick but burn it out but burn it he's might of fat fucking over old people you need to you need to put up a brick wall oh man that would piss him off somebody did that in the next day you put up a fucking brick wall and then if he gives you shit just put your hands out like what you drove through the other one you you're gonna fucking run me over one night or hit this poor tree what about the tree the tree can't sue you it's a victim of fucking drinking and driving you can't take it to court it can file a complaint but it can't get there it's it's stuck in the ground then you got a little brick wall between the two of you hey buddy if you weren't such a fucking drunk you know I wouldn't have to do this um other than that what are you gonna do I would have my head on a swivel though when I got into my fucking driveway this is the deal I would just tell the guy just say listen man I'm not I don't want I don't want to call the cops I don't want to do any shit like that all right but if it happens again I'm gonna have to because you're gonna kill somebody all right I don't please don't put me in that position that's what I would say and then I would build a brick wall although I think I would deal with my set mctank first but you know what you can't take a shit if you're dead this is do you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna make you put the priorities up there you're gonna roll the dice that this fucking crazy motherfucker and his trunk's gonna truck's gonna come over there drop through your fucking wire fence I think you need an air 15 to shoot out his fucking tires as he comes towards your oak tree why don't you talk to the fucking cheese um how cool is that that guy he owns a farm and he makes cheese you know what I mean so rare do you meet somebody that actually has a job now that it's like wow we really need that we need that guy that we need you making another fucking app they can have some hoards steal three hundred dollars from you oh it's so easy and convenient that somebody you don't even know can just send them fucking money hey wouldn't you have her number from the transaction I'd call her up give me my 300 bucks back you fucking thieve in horror before I call the cops I'd get my 300 bucks back and then I would call the cops there you go that's what I would do with her the fence thing yeah I'm all right with that but I would tell him not to do it again all right okay that's the podcast have a great couple of days you can go fuck yourselves and I'll check on Thursday oh