Your Favorite ‘No Way’ Stories”| Reddit Stories | EP2680

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These are the internet's most favorite no effing way stories where today we're going to read the most no effing way stories. No effing way? That's what we get to do? Yes it is. And here's the first one from Hella Madal, 2061. They say, I was deployed in Iraq and was out on a convoy on December 31st, 2007. Long story short, I unknowingly pissed on an IED, which exploded 30 seconds after I walked away. Oh, wait, what is an IED? So you put it in your arm. Oh. And it helps you not get pregnant. No. Yes. Yeah. Those don't explode. It's an IUD, first of all. Oh, oh, oh, my bad. Also, I don't think that goes in your arm. IED is an improvised explosive device. Is that for sure? That is for sure. Or are you making it up? I'm not making it up, that's for sure. Savannah, could you perhaps search that up for us? So this was on my birthday. Now I'm going to contemplate peeing outside now. At least it exploded while you walked away and pants were already zipped up, I'm assuming. Right? 30 seconds in. Yeah. So I have it. It says an improvised explosive device is an unconventional weapon fabricated to unalive, injure, and or harass, typically composed of a container, initiator, detonator, and explosive jarred. Perfect. Well, OK. Told you. You were right. Everyone said no, Reilly. Good job. So Amy VP says, my friend John is a paramedic and a firefighter. He also teaches and certifies first aid in CPR. Now for those who don't know, CPR is not very effective. Like you could break your or something like that if you do it wrong. I'm pretty sure. It has a very low success rate unless initiated soon after an incident, which is why everyone should learn CPR. Even after revival, many people have serious health effects. One day, John gets into a pretty bad car accident and goes into cardiac arrest. The paramedics and police are dispatched. The officer first on scene, no CPR and initiates chest compressions on John. John is revived and although suffered severe memory loss is well. The kicker, John taught the officer CPR the week prior to the incident. Whoa. And the officer did CPR on him. Wow. John literally just saved his life, his own life. You said in a week this is going to be important. Can't tell you how, but it is. You're going to have to know these steps. Yeah. Samantha, do you know how to do CPR? I do actually. I learned it in an airport. An airport. Cleveland airport has a little CPR thing where you can learn. I mean, it's not like I'm certified, but like I learned how to do it. I mean, I've seen people explain it before. I think I was CPR certified like at one point when I was younger. Yeah, same. When I was a shallow depth certified lifeguard, I could only say people it was five feet or above. Is that because you can't swim? No, I can swim, but that was the only certificate they could give me. It's funny because I've never seen you swim. So I've never actually seen it happen. Really? You've never seen me swim? You've never seen me swim. Now, they'll blow your mind right in the quick. You ready? Do a lap right now. Bali. That is true. We went into the ocean in Bali. I've seen you swim just trying to tell everyone else lies. You're wrong. Glad dude paid attention. Yeah, me too. And Miss Beltran says, please don't tell people CPR is not effective. That's what this person said. I didn't say that. I mean, it's always, I mean, it's worth a shot, right? Because if you don't do CPR, person's going down either way. So, you know, give it a shot, guys. But also, I'm not a paramedic. But you know, Sirland Cipri says, here's mine. I was walking my older dog one night around 10 p.m. I had him off leash since it was late and we were in a neighborhood, no one to bother. I kept track of him for poo duty as he sniffed around and we were approaching an intersection. The house we were walking along was 20 feet from the sidewalk, which was where I was, and was edged by very large Juniper bushes, which he was checking out. Suddenly, he stopped and drove into a bush. Oh, this was odd considering he was nearing 10 years old. And although he's active, he's not crazy like that. No, this is a lab husky mutt for reference. Got it. He probably went after like a squirrel or a snake. That's what I would think. Out of the bush comes some sort of snarl slash scream. And all I could think of was, crap, you got a raccoon. Not rocket. And out leaps an immature mountain lion, at least 20% larger than my dog. Oh, it runs off down the road. And I stand there terrified, yelling, no effing way. As he comes back to me, wagging his butt like he's the greatest dog ever, which is very likely considering that that cat was much bigger than me. Oh my god. Yeah, that is insane. A mountain lion? A mountain lion. Good thing he won that whole interchange or that interaction. The mountain lion was running down the street. Have you ever seen a mountain lion? No. I have. Well, I mean, I've seen pictures, but not inshore. Well, I guess not like like zoos and stuff. I guess I've seen it. Yeah, there you go. There are so many mountain lion videos online. Yeah. Of people that see mountain lion at their car. And then they're like, oh my god, it's effing mountain lion. Yeah. Come on, nowhere, dude. Yeah, I know there's a lot of mountain lions near me. And we don't see them, but at certain neighborhoods, it's like, yeah, you got to be on watch. And there was like one area that I was going to, I was like with some friends at night. And we were just going to go like hammock, but the sun was going down like a lot faster than we thought. And we were like seeing multiple signs being like mountain lion area. They have no signs of attack beforehand. So, you know, it's just going to surprise you. So we got really scared and just ran back. But yeah, they're scary. But someone responds, it's a wonder your dog didn't walk back to you. Stand on his hind legs, take out a zig, light it, take a long drag, exhale and say, seriously, what's it going to take for you to effing believe me for once? And that's all we got. If your dog can do that, I believe he could speak English. He's just not telling you. He's just keeping it a secret. All animals can speak English, no other language. I think no other language. Well, what about the German shepherds? Or the Australian shepherds? What do they speak? English, but in a funny way. I remember going to Sweden and thinking those birds can speak Swedish. Anyone else? See, that's a joke of one letter right there. I think it could be better, but I appreciate that. We'll workshop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jay Cakes says, I've already told this one, but here it is again. My former English teacher went camping with his friends. They were riding on a bus and he decides to take a nap. When he woke up, there was a Coca-Cola can floating in the air. So he reaches out to grab it. And when he comes to a little bit, his friends are freaking the F out. Why? Because his friend dropped his soda can and my English teacher woke up and caught it. That's cool. So he woke up at the perfect time. It wasn't just hovering in the air. It was falling on him. And he caught it just in time. You know what this reminds me of? What? The think of another person that was sleeping and did something at the right time. I feel like this sounds familiar, but I cannot think of. Remember that guy that talked about his uncle at the party? Just tell the story. Dude. Oh my gosh. Oh my god, yeah. So we went to a friend's party and we're talking to this guy. And we're like, hey, how did you get your name? I got it from my uncle. He served in Vietnam. Oh, really? He's like, yeah. You want to hear some stories? He doesn't say it all creepy like that. But yeah. That's kind of how it comes across. We're like, sure. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, one day he was sleeping. And he was sleeping, like, watching over this hill. And he was at this one machine. He was sleeping there. Then out in the middle of the night, he just woke up and went with a knife. He looks up. And he got a soldier right through the neck. Yeah. That was like creeping up on him in one of the trees. And then he wakes up. I think his eyes were still closed when he did that. He just fell something. And then just went, and it gets this guy. And then Bro just proceeded to tell us 10 more stories just like this. Well, but then in that story, he woke up and he saw down the hill there were like tons of other people that were going to ambush them. And so he basically saved a bunch of people because he woke up in just in time. I don't know if we're technically allowed to even tell that story. Sorry, my guy. That was supposed to be private. Well, he told us at a party, so whatever. But it's all fair game. Yeah. Thank you. That's what I'm thinking. Pretty freaking cool. So yeah, your English teacher is very cool. That was great. Ghiblin84 says, flying 1,100 miles for an interview, I hear someone across the aisle yell my name. I'm thinking, that voice sounds familiar. Turns out it was one of my good friends from college. I'm thinking no effing way. He got an interview the same time I did. And we stayed next door at the same hotel the night before the interview. And now we're housemates. Both got the job. The end. Wow. That's a coincidence right there. Match made in heaven. Yeah. How sweet. That's cute. Do you guys kiss at all? Have you ever? Do you want them? It sounds like they want to. But there is another one. Wrestler145 says, one winter, I went sledding down a popular hill in my hometown with my brother and his wife. At the bottom of the hill, there's a frozen pond. That sounds a crazy ride. My sister-in-law hopped on the back of my sled sitting backwards, and we went down together. Due to the extra mass, we started going way faster than I expected. When I noticed, we were heading right towards a little kid. Oh, no. It's a Kenan event for every kid. My shoulders messed up because I got hit whenever someone was sledding. No way. My left shoulder got, you know, have you ever felt it sometimes? Crack sometimes. Oh my god. That's why. That's insane. My cousin hit me on the way down. Oh, boy. I just couldn't maneuver out of the way, so I leaned forward and scooped the kid up, holding him up like Simba. That's awesome. On the way down? On the way down. He couldn't stop and get out of the way, so he just picks him up and holds him in the air while they're going down the hill. That's amazing. Oh, wow. That's so great. Then I realized we were still about to sled into a frozen pond, so I bailed out and held the kid as high over my head as I could. I stood up, set the kid down, and looked around for his parents. When I saw a big dude coming at me, I was like, oh crap. Here we go. Then he got closer, and I realized it was one of my closest friends. And that kid that I ran into was his son, who I babysit regularly. Oh, nice. I thought to myself, no effing way, and gave him a big hug. The kid said that he thought it was awesome, and someone responds, what happened to the sister-in-law? Did she go into the pond? That's a great question. Yeah, well, how did that happen? She said. Opie says, I think the sled flipped after I jumped off with all the weight in the back. Thankfully, she didn't go into the pond. That would have been rough. Dude. And that's the end of that one. Epic. Oh my gosh. That is awesome. Are you kidding me? The amount of things that have happened to me in my life that I wish other people would have seen, I'd have so many stories just like this. Yeah. I'm just imagining being that kid, just standing there and being like, wow, what a fun snow day. Look at that snow angel I just made. Wow, this is so cool. And then all of a sudden being hoisted into the air and flying forward at full speed. Do it again, do it again. She's just like, whoa. That sounds crazy. Did you not get hit by a sled? No, my brother would always just throw snowballs at me. Oh. He was very good at that. Yeah, no, I have great reflexes. Did you play softball? Yeah, my mom coached it. Oh really? That's cool. Yeah, my mom coached softball. She was my coach. I was doing it and I remember I would get really competitive and I told my mom, if I'm not the pitcher, I'm not doing it. And she was like, whatever. And so she put me as a pitcher. Then after I would like, you know, not be good, I would walk like three people. She'd be like, OK. And then at least I would be happy. And then one day I was like, you know what? I'm not playing if I'm not third base. And she's like, oh my gosh. What is wrong with you? You're just like, well, I know what I want and know how to get my way. If we lost, I wouldn't go and shake the people's hands. Oh my gosh. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. I would not shake like the people's hands, you know, like afterwards when it's like, oh, good game, good game. Yeah, we lost. And my mom, oh, I would get in so much trouble. That's funny. That is funny. Oh my goodness. We have another one here from Deleted. My roommate had a huge fish tank with four chitch lids in it. What is that? What is chitch? Chitch lids are fish. OK, so I had I had chitch lids. But but I guess what we're asking, what do they look like? Oh, I could assume that that is what was in the fish tank. It was a fish. Oh. See, that's something I would say to pull someone's leg, but you were being for real. I ought to be completely honest. All I heard was four chitch lids. And I was like, oh, fish, I didn't even hear the first part. I see. So I was like, oh, they're fish. That's why my answer was that way. Also, Dutchess Cassana says sick lids. They're called sick lids. Yes, sick lids. Oh, really? I always said chitch lids. That's funny. This is what it looks like, guys. That's perfect. OK, thank you. So roommate had a fish tank with four of those things in it, four sick lids. One of them, the pink one, was really effing mean. And he used to pick on the other ones. I hated him. I had one like that. One night, I had a dream that I caught him with a net, threw him in a pan with some butter, fried him up, and ate him. I really hope this was just a dream. The next morning, I walked by the fish tank, looked in to discover the pink one was gone. Oh, no. I freaked out and looked all over the tank for him. He's nowhere to be found. When my roommate got home from work, I told him about my dream and that the pink sick lid is missing. He looked at me, visibly shaken, and said, dude, I'm going to start locking my bedroom door at night. Days and weeks go by. I am truly disturbed that I am capable of sleep eating my roommate's pets. Stop. No. Finally, I am so overcome with anxiety that I decide to scour the tank CSI style looking for clues. I pressed my face against every square inch of the tank, desperate to salvage a shred of sanity. After what must have been at least an hour, something tiny catches my eye under a large piece of coral in the back corner. OK. I reached in and pulled out the coral, only to discover the bones of the pink sick lid. It had been wedged between the rocks and the coral on the bottom of the tank. Oh my gosh. Somehow, the other three sick lids had attacked the pink one and telepathically framed me for it. Oh my gosh. Not only did they frame me, but they got me to confess. Oh my gosh. We didn't leave the tank. That's good. Didn't leave the tank. See, if you were sleep eating, I was going to be like, well, go check the kitchen sink. Is there a pan in there or something? Right. I'm like, are there bones in the trash can? I hope you didn't eat the bones. I hope you didn't eat it at all. Did you poop any bones? Yes. You feeling a little pokey inside? Anything poking your insides? Yeah, pooping the bones. Well, talk about dreams. Dude, someone randomly asked me, why do you think we have dreams? Yeah. What's your answer? I don't know. And you don't think that's an interesting conversation to have? I mean, it was at the time, but I was just like, oh yeah. Well, but I feel like it's the subconscious and the consciousness trying to make sense of this reality. It's possible. It is interesting how sometimes people do dream about things like this, where it's like there's no way they would have known that. No. Or things that happen in the future. It's like, ah, dude, I always have, like I always get deja vu. I have dreams about things that happen random things. It could be like months. Like I'll like have like a dream and then like it'll be just random. And then like one day it'll happen. I'm like, oh, deja vu. That always happens to me. But you know that it's from a past dream that you've had? No. No, it's not. No, it's like things that haven't happened yet. And then they happen. And I'm like, oh, like I knew that was going to happen. She's raving. Oh, wow. And it's just random things. Like it'll just be like, I remember like picking up my phone and like seeing this specific notification or something and be like, oh, I got an email from this person or like, oh, this person said something and I looked this way. But then like I always try to like play with it and be like, oh, in the dream, if I know that it's going to be like, you know, premonition, whatever, I will try to be like, oh, and after I'm going to do this to like mess it up to be like, oh, I know what I'm doing. Trying to control it. Can't escape fate. Can't escape. True. We have another story here. Red is one bird says, when I was 17, I worked for an excavation slash demolition company for the summer. We were gutting an old mill in New Hampshire to turn into high end lofts. One of the workers was standing on the top of some scaffold about 12 to 15 feet up using a handheld band saw to cut through a large pipe. As he was cutting a strap supporting the pipe broke, letting it drop down and pinch the blade. This made the saw shoot back towards him and push him off the scaffolding. Oh my gosh. This guy did a complete effing backflip while holding a working saw from over 10 feet up. He landed on his feet saw still running. Everyone stopped and stared at him for about five seconds before we went back to work. Whoa, you can't just go back to work like that. That's crazy, dude. I'd be like, what just happened here? Yeah. That was epic. That'd be like in the cartoons where they're like, I have everything's OK. You know, after he lands. No, his nose falls off. Yeah, is that right? I would have been like nobody, no one got that on video. No one. No one. Any access to these security cameras around? I would be going for it. I just had a sad thought. Oh, God. We hear a lot about these no effing way stories. Yeah. How many stories was it effing way? Yeah, like where this did happen and he didn't land the backflip. Right. I'm sure there's much more of those in the world. Yikes, man. Or sure. Super night. Oh, one says so I'm spending the summer in Nantucket. Friends of mine introduced me to a guy named Robbie. He and I hit it off. It's like instant bro love. I know what that's like. We spend days kicking it, smoking bowls and philosophizing. Then he leaves and we lose touch. Years go by. I'm on a subway in New York. This guy, I sort of recognize, is on the same car. He comes over to say hi, but it's my stop. So I get off. The instant the doors close, I remember who he is. It's Robbie. Crap. The subway pulls away and he's gone. Wow, cute Chaperone song. She got away. Dang. Years go by. I'm living in LA and it's my friend Leslie's birthday at some club down in Pico. We pull up to the front door. I hop out and the guy smoking a sig outside says, Hey, you. And it is gosh dang Robbie. No way. We have been best friends ever since he was the best man in my wedding. There you go. That's crazy, dude. Oh, this is what I love stories are about. Yeah, but bro love. It doesn't have to be love love. It could be bro love. It's so sweet. But if it's bro love, you can also make love love too sometimes. If you want to. But if you don't want to, that's cool too. We'll allow it. We got that kind of bro love. Where we don't make love. No, no, like this kind of love that this guy has with his bro. Yeah, so that's just. No, whatever. Yes. What? I just don't want you to share details like that about our about our love life. That's all. And you know what? I would never tell him this to his face, but I think Riley's very funny. All right. I wouldn't tell him. I would never tell him. Don't give him that. Don't tell him that. Guys, he is really funny. And I wasn't going to tell him that his jokes last night were bad, but he just kept telling them. So I had someone has to tell him. I had to tell him. I think you were the brave one to do that. I had to do it. I know he's gone. We have more stories, but Riley's freaking gone. Riley, come back. How are you, Riley? Where'd you go? I'm great now. I do think you're funny. I just was unsure about how to continue that conversation. I didn't want you to share too many details about us. I'm ready for the next story. All right. Safferson says my girlfriend and I were traveling in Italy and met this nice Australian girl on the train from Rome to Naples. We chatted a bit and learned that she had just left her friend in North Africa to start traveling on her own. Fast forward two weeks and my girlfriend and I are now on a bus from Brasov, Romania to Bucharest. And I am butchering that pronunciation. And we ended up randomly meeting the Australian girl's friend that was left in North Africa. Holy cow. Wow, that is actually pretty crazy. It's cute. And then you're like, oh my gosh, your friend. Yeah, I love meeting random people in traveling. That's like the best. And if you meet someone and then get a full circle moment like that, I mean, that's pretty crazy. The meeting people are traveling is the best. If you ever go traveling, you got to stay in hostels. Don't stay in hotels. Hostels is where you meet the people. Meet the people, man. Saint Lunatic 15 says a while ago, my dad and I had a driver pick us up from San Francisco Airport to drive us home. Since there was a lot of traffic, we had a bunch of time to talk and shoot the crap. Turned out that the driver's daughter was the fiance of my dad's nephew, my cousin, who both live in Cleveland. We attended the wedding a few months later and again, reconnected with the driver while there. Oh, wow. That's cool. Hmm. We started talking some more and then he introduced us to his wife. Apparently her and my dad went to the same high school, graduated the same year and even dated for a few months. The driver, the driver's wife. That's crazy. The driver's wife dated the dad. Dude, soon you're going to realize the driver's your grandfather. Oh my God. It's just going to keep going. This was in a very small suburban town outside of Cleveland. Small world indeed. I was recently at an airport coming back from California, North Carolina, and I stopped in Nashville for a little bit. While I was there, I see someone from my college. In Nashville? Yeah. I'm like, Stewie? Yeah. And he's like, Mac? That's what I went by in high school, in college. Yeah. We were like, I was like, yo, what are you doing? He's there by the board of plane. What are you doing? I'm like, just come back from LA. He's like, you're in LA? I'm like, yeah. Oh my gosh. Caught up a little bit. We were strictly acquaintances, but that's kind of cool. That is super cool. There was one time I went to Utah and I had a layover in Vegas or something, or in Nevada somewhere. And then I saw, I didn't know it was him, but I saw one of my co-workers at the time there. And then later when we were at work, we were like, hey, by the way, were you there? And he was on his bachelor trip or something like that. Things like that are very funny. Yeah, we were on the same flight too, but it's nice. But anyway, we've got more stories here. Bio digital says, when I was 16, my mom took me to NYC for my birthday. We left on a Wednesday and we're flying back Saturday afternoon so I could go to school on Monday. And my mom could watch my baby sister while my stepdad went back to work. On Saturday, we get on the plane. It rolls out of the tarmac and we sit there for approximately four hours without moving. On the tarmac and without explanation. Yeah. Four hours. Four hours. I get maybe an hour. The plane then took us back to the gate and said that they had some protocol that prevented them from keeping us on the tarmac any longer. And the flight was canceled. Well, my mom and I were freaked out to say the least, as it was pretty imperative that we get home as soon as possible. My poor stepdad is not very self-reliant. All the passengers rushed off the plane and got in a line to figure out alternatives. And my mom and I start witching about our situation. Yeah, those are the worst. I don't like those. Where your flight gets canceled and you have to like find alternatives and it's like, it's all day. Yeah, they were already on the plane for four hours. They could have figured out an alternative four hours ago. That's insane. We mentioned my baby sister who has Down syndrome and the lady behind us in line butts in and says that she has a brother with mental restrictions as well. This leads to us chatting in the line and talking about what BS that airline was. After a while, the woman who was with two friends and her niece nonchalantly mentions that she has a private jet and was only flying home on that airline to use up frequent flyer miles. She says that she sympathizes with our situation and how would we like to fly home on her private jet early the next morning? Stop it. No. What? My mom and I could not even believe. The lady proceeds to pay for us to stay in a nice hotel that night, takes us out to dinner and buys us steaks and flies us home on her private jet the next morning. And that is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Dude, if I had money, I would be doing stuff like this all the time. Oh my gosh. That is so awesome. That is crazy. I don't even know what a private jet looks like. My mom's best friend is a billionaire and has a private jet. Have you ever been on one? Have you ever been on one? I have not, but my mom goes all the time because she's like a whole thing down in Key West. That's awesome. Yeah. Her house is crazy. So cool though. We will get back to more stories as soon as Riley sits his booty down. All right, let's hit it. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And we're going to get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. We're supported by Ring. With Ring, it's protected. If you want to keep track of packages and see more at the front door, get yourself the RingWire Doorbell Pro. It's the best of the best. It's got 4K cameras, cutting edge security features. It is the iconic doorbell completely reimagined for the modern home. The live view and the two-way talk with audio let you see here and speak to who's there in real time and it has enhanced sound quality. It doesn't even matter if it's at night because we've got night vision. With night vision, get true color video with little more than nearby street lights and automatically switch to crisp black and white in total darkness. They have 3D motion detection. 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It's a story of human connection. So for 150 years, AT&T has been connecting people to the moments that matter. And some of the best moments, they're still the simplest ones. For me, it's calling my friends and setting up plans for a trip to the ballpark and creating memories we'll never forget. Connecting changes everything. AT&T. Wait, this is a soda? Yeah. And it has protein? 10 grams. No sugar? Zero. And it actually tastes good? It's Skypop. Skypop protein soda delivers the refreshing taste you want from a real soda. Crisp and delicious with 10 grams of complete protein, zero sugar and just 45 calories. So you're not choosing between great taste and real benefits. You're getting both in every sip. Skypop protein soda. Reach for the sky. Get your Skypop protein soda now at Target or Harris Teeter. Smoothie says, my no effing way story is more like a harder one. My fiance, no husband, and I had talked about getting a pet. Growing up, I only had cats. As an adult, I'm highly allergic to them. So we decided the dog would be best. I had no idea if I would even like having a dog since I never even played with one. I read up on Caring for Dogs and was super stoked that our town was going to have an annual pet expo soon. Oh, nice. That's perfect timing. Oh, we went to it hoping to get some info about breeds, adoption, supplies, etc. The expo turned out to be pretty much unhelpful as most of the vendors were selling dog clothes and treats. As we were leaving, I noticed that there was a couple of booths on the outskirts of the expo that we missed. As we walked towards them, I saw that one had a couple of brownish dogs. The smaller of the two really caught my eye. He was just the most perfect puppy I had ever seen. He was brindled and his fur looked like a brown tiger pelt, long, graceful legs and big rough and sharp face and ears like a foxes. His big brown eyes were full of intelligence. I talked to the woman running the booth and found out that they were a non-profic rescue organization run solely by volunteers. She informed us that only the larger of the two dogs were available for adoption. I pet the little guy for a bit and left. I found myself thinking about him a lot over the next few weeks. I hoped I would be able to find one like him when we were ready to adopt. I spent the next few months preparing to get a dog, renegotiating the lease to allow for a pet, getting supplies, researching foods, reading up on health care and first aid. Finally, we were ready to adopt a dog. We went to the Humane Society and struck out week after week. I could not find a good match. None of the dogs felt like they would fit in our little family. One day, yet again, after another disappointing day at the Humane Society, I was half-hardly browsing Cragglist pet ads when I saw that there was an adoption event a few towns away. We went expecting to be disappointed. Sure enough, the dogs at the event were not much better. Too energetic, too small, too big, too loud. I gave up, starting walking back to the car. When a white van pulled up into the parking lot. Scary. Hey, not scary. Some man going to say, hey, you want to come look at the dogs? Hey, I got dogs and candy in the back. Got puppies. You like puppies, right? My husband said we should stick around just in case the van was bringing more dogs. Sure enough, the driver got out and let out a single little brown dog. I immediately started walking towards the van, parked about 100 feet away. My heart knew well before my brain could register that I recognized that dog. As I walked faster and faster to the van, I remembered where I'd seen him before. I shouted to my husband, it's him. It's my dog. Turns out that he was the dog from the expo. And the last of his litter to find a home. Oh, stop, that gave me chills. No one else wanted him because he was shy and looked unusual. I thought he was beautiful. Within an hour, he was buckled up in the back seat in his doggy seat belt on his way to his new home. Oh, it's so cute. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Thanks for everyone who read the wall of text. Few people here asked for pics. Here he is. No. There he is. OK, cute. I love the color. We didn't want that. Look at him. He's so handsome. He's in his little patch on his fricking chest. I was at him bottled up in a blanket. I can't wait till I get to the spot to get my own pet. But then I think about that and like maybe I should just enjoy the dogs that are in my home. I just keep imagining like moving out and like getting my own cat and stuff and how that's going to be an amazing day when I could do that. But until then, I stay in my parents' home and I enjoy the dogs that we have there. Yay, they're good dogs. I love them and they are getting old. So I got to soak up as much as I can. The next story is from Wow, that's a big duck. This person says. Wait, you read that wrong. Now I read it totally right. This is that's exactly what it says. Wow, that's a big duck. Back in 2006, my brother and I were in Berlin just decking around, talking around. When these two Russian girls asked us a question in Russian, confused. We replied in English, nothing. Then they asked in German and it turns out they just wanted someone to take their picture. We obliged then get talking and hang out for the rest of the day. After dinner, we say goodbye and part ways. Fast forward to 2010. I'm using Live Mocha to learn a Russian and out of boredom, I click the link to review English submissions. I find one of a girl practicing ordering food in a restaurant. I see the display picture and think this girl's hot. Click her profile and I'm like, OK, this girl looks really everything familiar. Send her a message and we start exchanging this and that. And why don't you know it? It's the same thing girl from Berlin. Whoa. We got together over the summer in Holland and I think she's the one. Oh, how sweet. That's so lovely. You guys are in love. I love those stories and you're 20. I don't think it's going to last forever. They're not 20. Yeah, they are. Look at this user profile name. I mean, come on. I'm sure there's some 50 year old down there that are using usernames like that. How would you know that Irish ones? I don't know. For all we know, could be a woman. Anyways, either way, happy for you guys. We do have another story from good old best says so good friend of mine is in an airport in Canada in a bookshop waiting to get the flight back to the UK with his family about seven eighths at a time. Anyway, across the bookshop is Ian McKellen, who of course plays Gandalf. And my friend and his brother really loved Lord of the Rings at the time. They go over to him and he looks over, realizes that they may have recognized him and right then and there does an impromptu rendition of the bridge of Kazan, dumb scene. I'm sorry. I don't know how to say it. No freaking way. Complete with you shall not pass. Right in the middle of a crowded airport. He then gives them autographs. How's that for a no effing way? That's pretty freaking good. What a good sport. The fact that he was like all in for it too. Because I know some people when they get recognized, they're like, no, don't make me say the line. Like that's so little weird. There are. He just straight up did it. Dude, I could die after that. Yeah, that's pretty sick. Have you ever seen Lord of the Rings? Me. Have I ever seen Lord of the Rings? Yeah. Yes, I have. You have. I love Lord of the Rings. Really? No, I like actually didn't know that. I didn't know who you are. I think you're losing memory now. Listen, we can learn about each other still. We've only been together for two years. You know how many more we've got left? I don't know. We knew everything. We should know this though. I also like Star Wars. OK, I knew that one. You know that one, but not Lord of the Rings. Yeah, we dressed up as Star Wars characters like two years in a row. We've got stories to read, mister. I'm not not reading them. It's you. I just assume every man likes Lord of the Rings. Anyways, we've got more stories here. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axolotl host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. We're supported by Ring. With Ring, it's protected. If you want to keep track of packages and see more at the front door, get yourself the RingWire Doorbell Pro. It's the best of the best. It's got 4K cameras, cutting edge security features. It is the iconic doorbell completely reimagined for the modern home. The live view and the two-way talk with audio lets you see here and speak to who's there in real time. And it has enhanced sound quality. It doesn't even matter if it's at night because we've got night vision. With night vision, get true color video with a little more than nearby street lights and automatically switch to crisp black and white in total darkness. They have 3D motion detection. Does your doorbell do that? I don't think so. And if you want to broaden your range, we've got the outdoor campus to see more of the home, even in low light. Which delivers a wide field of view and enhanced video clarity with retinal 2K video. Your door, your yard, your home with Ring, it's protected. Shop cameras, doorbells and more right now at ring.com. What if your soda actually did something for you? Introducing SkyPop Protein Soda with 10 grams of complete protein, zero sugar and 45 calories. SkyPop Protein Soda offers four delicious flavors with big taste and real benefits. Light, refreshing and ready for wherever your day takes you. It's any time protein that helps you reach higher. SkyPop Protein Soda, reach for the sky. Get your SkyPop Protein Soda now at Target or Harris Teeter. Geico presents a 30 second podcast between your podcast. Today's story is shared by one of our listeners. It's called Betrayed by Bill. It was in that moment I caught who was staring back at me in betrayal or more like what? My insurance bill with trembling hands. I grabbed my phone and switched to Geico, saving about $900 in the process and never to be betrayed again. Now that was bloody riveting. It feels good when the story ends with savings. It feels good to Geico. Deleted says my sister was driving down the street at 45 miles an hour with her windows open and a deer ran into the street. Gosh, instead of hitting this deer, the deer jumped into her car through the window. It landed with its head in the foot part of the passenger side seat and its butt on the headrest. The deer was freaked the F out and with its butt in the air proceeded to crap all over the car. She obviously pulled over several people stopped to help and asked her where the deer was. She just stood there screaming, it's in the car. It's in the car. And a helpful man opened the door, pulled the deer out and the deer bounded off like nothing happened. For imagery, she was driving a late 90s Ford Escort at the time. No one believes this story, but it is 100% true. Can we see what that car looks like? Can we figure that out? A Ford Escort? That's what it looks like. Oh, it's one of those little guys. So it went through the window. Yep. And hung in there. I believe this story. I believe it too. But that's still crazy. Yeah. You and that deer were like, Ah, yeah. Screaming at each other. Deer scared saying, where am I? What is this place? The deer is literally pooping itself. Yeah. That's insane. I almost hit a deer once. That was pretty crazy. Yeah. Deer like to go at really bright lights for some reason. Like a little moth to a flame. Yeah. Another story from bio digital. Oh, this is another story from the same person. My family goes on an annual trip to Disneyland around January and February. In our 2011 trip, we had had a rough evening for various reasons. And I was in a pretty sour mood, which really sucks when you're on Disneyland. Dang. This makes me want to go to Disneyland now. Good for you. So my family and I trudged to this restaurant by our hotel so we can get some food right before they close. The place is super empty and we all look ridiculous with our grumpy faces and ducked out Disney pin lanyards, winty the poosh, sweatshirts, Mickey ear hats, et cetera. So we're quietly eating our food and my stepdad gets back from the bathroom and says he bumped into some nice old guy that complimented him on something. He resumes eating. And after a while aforementioned old guy passes us as he returns from the bathroom and he stops to compliment us on our Disney pink lanyards. And how he loves to see adults, stepdad, lol, getting into the Disney spirit. That is nice. So the guy proceeds to talk to us about Disney secrets, where to get delicious barbecue chicken, et cetera. And I'm like, ooh, wasted dudes at Disney classic. But then the guy starts saying things that pique my interest as a full fledged Disney expert, like how he sat on the bulldozer that dug up Tom Sawyer's Island. Oh, wow. So this guy is involved in Disney. Isn't that Island shut down? Yeah, I think it's that one, but it's like temporarily, it's not really like they still do shows there, but I don't think you can go there. But it might have been temporary. I don't totally know. Disney experts, let us know in the chat. I know we've got some here. I know we've got them. And he says how to get free food and milkshakes. What? Tell me. Wait, it says Discovery Island. Discovery. Discovery Island in Florida. Oh, yes. Florida. The Disney World one, where like some really weird stuff happened at it. Oh, a couple of people died. It shut down from the public and some people try to get on it and they're like, no, you can't do it. Good. What happened? There is a pretty, there is a really nice video essay on it. What? I need to find that out. Okay, wait. So this guy is telling us about how he dug up Tom Sawyer's Island and how to get free food and milkshakes and something about Uncle Walt. Hello. I furiously begin shedding my layers as the restaurant got 20 degree swarmer. Who was this guy? Start stripping for him. He's got all these Disney layers. So he's taking them off because he's sweating because we got a Walt. We got a Walt family line. She's stripping. She's, I don't know, this person. Lock in. I thought they said drunk dudes. She thought they were drunk, but now she's like, who are you? She's drunk. Eventually. My mom, who I don't think fully understood that this guy was probably a big Disney deal, asked him when his name was. Well, it was Donald Nixon, Jr. nephew of Richard Uncle Dick Nixon and has a crazy effing past. If you'll look him up on Wikipedia. Long story short, this guy took a liking to us and got us a reservation at a super exclusive club 33 at Disneyland and will do so for us every year until he passes away. Oh my gosh. What? Club 33 is super exclusive. I don't know what that is. It's like this secret restaurant, basically in Disneyland and you, I don't know how you get in, but I'm pretty sure it's just like really expensive. My mom's been there. She went with like some other Girl Scout moms, but like, oh, fun. Yeah. So they had fun, but I don't think you have to get invited. I think it's just like a good chunk of money. So they just had to save up for it. Oh, I see. But it's very special. But anyone can get in. I think so. If you can pay for it. Oh, there's a lot of wild stories. She's my mom's pretty cool. But, uh, that's crazy, especially since they go every year to Disneyland. You can get into club 33 guaranteed every year. That's insane. We went for the first time last month. It was a crazy experience, crazy amazing to clarify. And that is the best and wildest thing that has ever happened to me. I bet that's insane. We do have another story. This comes from Tuba Bacon. They say more of a big coincidence than anything. First week of college, my junior year, sometime during the day, one day I lose the dongle on my laptop charger. Not the dongle. I look everywhere for it. Can't find it anywhere. I get back to the room that night and my roommate asked how my day was. I tell him about losing the dongle and looking everywhere. He gets this weird look on his face. He looks at me and says, was it black and about this long? Don't talk about my dongle like that. All right. While holding his fingers apart. I tell him, yes. But I figured he's just f-ing with me. He asked, did it have a yellow tip with it? Like a little white stripe attached to it saying HP. Tell him, yes. But I still figured he was f-ing with me. He looks at me and says, dude, I'm sorry. But when I was leaving the cafe this morning, see this little black thing on the sidewalk, I pick it up and start looking at it for some reason. I can't explain why I did it. But as I was passing it in the dumpster, I just blurted out, sucks for this guy and throw it right in. Oh man. That's the realest answer ever. Oh my gosh. He insists he's not f-ing with me. So we put on some crappy clothes and went to the dumpster diving. Only took about 20 minutes to find it. Well. Of the 2000 plus students that attended my university, the one person to find it. And like a douche, throw it away was my roommate. But he's a real one. He went to go help you find it. That's yeah. Because that is also such a real thing. It's just like, ah, sucks for that random guy. That like, I'm sure we've all done something like that. I feel that way every time I put a nail behind someone's tire. Hmm. See, that's a little more deliberate. A little more illegal, perhaps. We're going to need to stop filling my pockets with nails. Just like finding dollars in your pockets, you just find nails. Mm-hmm. Just rusty nails. I got to put this nail somewhere. That's a safe spot. Got it. You notice when you say nails, I think fingernails. Anyways, noob star says this happened back in my undergrad days on the day of an econ midterm because the lecture hall is so large and the students are about 300 in seating, the professor needs a microphone in order to speak to the class. He's in front of the class giving his whole speech about the exam. 50 questions, multiple choice. Make sure to write your name on the scantron, turn it up here when you're done, etc. Finally, he bids us all good luck and leaves the lecture hall into his office, which is in the adjacent room. Well, he didn't realize that he left his microphone on. So while the class is, you know, pretty freaking quiet during this exam, we all listen to the events unfold inside of his office. We hear the brief muffled conversation he's having with the female teacher assistant of her class and the conversation stops and it becomes painfully evident that they're having spicy sleep. Oh my God. Quiet moans of the TA are magnified on the speakers in the lecture hall. The entire class remains silent. No one wanting to be the first to make some kind of move. Finally, the professor yells out loudly. Oh, and the microphone abruptly shuts off. 20 minutes later, the professor walks out to the lecture hall as if nothing happened. He was fired a week later. Yeah. Oh my God. That was so immediate too. Like, all right, lecture's over. Go have your test. Text. Rips off his pants like a spicy dancer gets at it immediately. I mean, that's crazy. He wasted no time. No time. You got to answer 50 questions. We got to get at it. Yeah. Are we got about good 20 minutes here? We don't even have the time to take the microphone off. That's how fast he was going for it. That's crazy. Skin thigh says, met a pretty girl online. Meet her for coffee and even into my birthday. She demands to see my license. Confused. I comply. Turns out we have the same birthday. Oh, OK. I mean, well, sure. What kind of do you? Very close. Yeah. More chatting. Turns out she was a drum major in high school and competed against my ex-wife, who was a drum major in a school some 600 miles away, who also had competed against her ex-husband. Also, her ex-boyfriend was dating my ex-girlfriend, which is like the third time this has happened in the city of 1.3 million. Oh my God. Most implausible part is that we are still together almost three years later. Wow. So it's just like out of four people, how many different combinations of relationships can we get out of this? And it happened. That's weird. That's insane. OK. Also, why was she looking at your license, though? I feel like she could just ask you. First date. I didn't even show you my license yet. You don't know if I'm legal. I am hoping that you are. Ruskin says, I met a girl in an anime convention in Melbourne, Australia. We got on pretty well as friends. Chatted for a while on NSN. What is MSN? Come on, you know it. Messenger. There we go. And then she decided to move to Ireland. We fell out of contact. About three months after she moved, I found the service that allows you to set up a crude MSS chat bot. You answer a whole heap of questions about yourself. Then you send your messenger away. The bot can hold a rudimentary conversation with anyone trying to speak to you. Someone does try to speak to you while you're away. A transcript is emailed to you. Bots can also chat with other bots. So you can test how well your bot responds to basic questions. One day I'm going to transcript in my inbox of chatting to a bot. It starts with, how are you? I'm good. What do you enjoy? I like stuff, yada yada. But a lot of the other person's bot phrases seem familiar. When I checked the bot's location, Ireland. Hmm. I messaged the bot's owner. Sam, is that you? Ruzzkin? What the heck? Our bots had somehow randomly chosen each other out of the tens of thousands currently active on the site. She eventually moved back to Australia. And that random bot convo was the catalyst for us renewing our friendship. Wow. Huh. Thanks to AI. Friends can be friends again. That's crazy. Also, Sofa King says I demanded my first husband's license on our first date when he told me his birthday. He told me his birthday was one day before mine. You couldn't just believe him. I mean, I get it if it comes up in conversation. There was just one time that I was on a date and someone asked me for my license and I was like, I went along with it because I was like, sure, I guess. But then later I was like, no, that was weird after learning other things about him. You know, so that's how I feel about the license stuff. It's just a little. It took me like a year or so. Have you seen mine? Yeah, I do not like my picture on it. My picture is the best thing I've ever taken. Really? I renewed it. So it's actually when I was 21. Oh, yeah. And you could renew it because it was like during the pandemic and stuff. And so like, you didn't have to like go in. You could just like renew it online. And so I did. And so my picture, it's still when I am 21. I'm literally 28 now. Like there's such a difference, but like I look so good in it. It's one of my best pictures ever. Yeah, I'm going to need to see that later. Is that little guy? How old were you and yours? I like 22. See, I'm 15 and a half in mine. Why have you not updated it? Yeah, I haven't needed to. I ordered a new license, but I just ordered it when I was like 20. So also because I wasn't 21 when my like first license expired, my license is still horizontal. That's why they stop you at the airport all the time because they're like, Exactly. They're like this lady or at like casinos and stuff. And like she's underage or a vertical or whatever it is. Barbecue Obama says. I'm sorry. Barbecue Obama. Is that what it said? Yep. A few years ago, I made plans to see nine inch nails in Massachusetts on their final tour with a friend of mine along with his two friends. We were from New York on the trip. The MIA song, Paper Plains comes on and three of us start singing along, making the noises obnoxiously, which annoyed the fourth guy, Shane. He tells us that he hates the song. Which ended up being a bad idea because my friend found out that he purchased the single for that song, complete with five remixes later that day. He says he hates it. And then he buys multiple versions of that song later. Is that right? Is that what I just hear? Well, his friend found it. So Shane hates it. But then I like, oh yeah. Oh, cool. Now I know what we're playing on repeat all the way home. We headed to a town a couple of days early. There was plenty of annoying Shane with the song, along with making jokes about how maybe we asked nicely Trent Razor will play at the concert. The day of the concert comes and as the opening act, Street Sweeper Social Club plays their set. The singer announces this next song is an honor album and launches into a cover of you guessed it, Paper Plains. Stop it. Took a few moments to sink in because I really couldn't believe that was actually happening. It was too perfect. Here we had been annoying him obnoxiously for the entire trip with this song, which the rest of us genuinely liked for the record, only to have the opening act of the concert play it out of nowhere. That is pretty funny. Take that, Shane. Hope you like the song now. Shane. Take that in the butt, Shane. I would have been so pissed if that happened. I would have been like, are you actually kidding me? Yeah. What the heck? What's your song you hate? Actually, I hate the the. Because people always say Savannah and I'm like, don't. Now we know what song to play all day, every day around. It's so stupid. What song do you hate, Riley? I'm not going to tell anybody that. Wow. Wow. Your dough asked says it was my two roommates and myself driving to a music festival. The drive was a little over an hour and we decided to smoke a bowl in the car about 15 minutes into the drive. Smart. I remember my brother telling me that a crap place to put any paraphernalia is the glove department. And because our bags are in the trunk, I decided to put the devil's lettuce in the center compartment between the driver and the passenger seats. I was fine and dandy until we get into town and the festival is taking place. Me not knowing the roads very well was going the full speed and almost missed the turn for the road leading to the driveway. Sure enough to part across street is a police officer in a big black Chevy suburban labeled K-9 unit. Oh, K-9 unit. Oh man. At this point, I was crapping myself and contemplating how prison life would be. This New York state. So the most I'd get for the devil's lettuce is $100 fine for less than 25 grams, but the bowl with the residue would result in a maximum fine of five years. I, I RC. Oh my God. The officer does his routine. You know why I pulled you over. Did I take that corner a bit too quickly? Yes, you did son. License or registration? I gave the officer my license, but I checked in my glove department and lucky me, no registration. Oh no. I knew it wasn't in the glove box because I had just been pulled over for speeding a week earlier. In fact, I had no F in clue where it was. The officer prompts me to check the center compartment for it. Crap. Using a quick mime trick, I rested my elbow and arm over the top of the well and told him that it doesn't open. Yes. Why not? I proceeded to press the button and give a good impression that the compartment was stuck in the closed position and he bought it. Wow. After five more minutes of questioning and running my license, he let me go with a warning to drive slower, went safely to the festival, scared, crapless with an amazing story. Oh my God. That is it for all of our no effing waste stories. Wow. You really, really mimed your way out of that one. See mom, becoming a mime is important and useful for this world. See? Oh my gosh. Okay. Here's a story about, I do not like cops because I always hate getting pulled over. I was getting a car for myself and I asked my grandma to drive me over to take my car and my mom was like, don't do that. That's your new car because I just bought a car and they're like, don't do that. You need to clean your car first and then go and sell it. Then you can go get your new car. I went and got my new car anyways with my brother and I was going to have my brother drive me there. He doesn't have a license. He's 15, but I'm glad it didn't. So my grandma takes me over, we drop off and then we're headed back. As we're headed back, there's a police checkpoint. Four things happened. Number one, I don't have my seatbelt on. Number two, I don't have a license plate on the back of it. Number three, I don't have insurance for the car. And number four, I don't have a registration for this car. Oh my God. So it's just all kinds of illegal. Four things. I have to go to court. Guess how much money I had to pay. He on guessed five bucks. Gosh, I don't know. Was it like a thousand dollars? So my grandma is a magistrate of this county and I knew the only guy that could get me out of it, which was Danny, hit up Danny said, Hey, is there anything else you can do for me or help me out? And he's like, Yeah, I can just tell him that I'll take care of you. Got out of the insurance, got out of the license plate, got out of the registration. Could it get out of the seatbelt thing? Okay. But they moved it from a front seatbelt to a back seat one. It only had to pay $10. Wow. Yeah, you can't lose. You were close. Oh my gosh. And I got a free lunch. Oh, wow. I'm still getting paid working on the sawmill because I had to leave during the sawmill part. Where'd you get a free lunch? So I got $20. My grandma took me to lunch after that. That's so funny. I was 16, 17. Okay. Question. When you were going to this checkpoint, how many people were in front of you before you stopped? It was like, I had a heel. Uh-huh. I couldn't even see. And you didn't think to put on your seatbelt before then? Like it happened so fast. Okay. But they just started it like the two cars ahead of me. Whenever it start like. I see. Yeah. Got it. But guys, be careful guys. Be careful. That's the end of that story. I hope you guys enjoyed those. If you have any similar ones, please put them down in the comments. We would love to listen to them. Mm-hmm. And read them. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you and see you tomorrow. Wait, this is a soda? Yeah. And it has protein? 10 grams. No sugar? Zero. And it actually tastes good? It's Skypop. Skypop protein soda delivers the refreshing taste you want from a real soda. Crisp and delicious with 10 grams of complete protein, zero sugar and just 45 calories. So you're not choosing between great taste and real benefits. You're getting both in every sip. Skypop protein soda. Reach for the sky. Get your Skypop protein soda now at Target or Harris Teeter. Geico presents a 30 second podcast between your podcast. Today's story is shared by one of our listeners. It's called Betrayed by Bill. It was in that moment I caught who was staring back at me in betrayal or more like what? My insurance bill. With trembling hands, I grabbed my phone and switched to Geico, saving about $900 in the process. And never to be betrayed again. Now that was bloody riveting. It feels good when the story ends with savings. It feels good to Geico. The AI shift is here and your advantage starts now. You're not going to be replaced by AI, but you might be replaced by someone who knows how to use it. Hey, it's Dean Greziosi. And right now AI is creating one of the biggest opportunities I've ever seen. But most people, they're stuck on trying to figure out where to begin. That's why Dean and Tony Robbins are stepping in. We'll show you the tools and the strategies. People are already using to work faster, buy back time, grow smarter and stay ahead.