Dominique Sachse Gets Honest About Divorce, Identity, and Finding Love Again

If you're a male newscaster, you are judged by your integrity and your truth-telling and your storytelling. If you're a female broadcast journalist, the first thing that you will hear about is, I don't like your hair today. You can be mad about that, or you can lean into the notion that this is an opportunity. That's harder in a whole different way, and I think a lot of women live like that. It's scary as heck. You got that pit in your stomach, and then you take the jump, and now you're in the water, and you look up at the diving board, and you're like, hmm, not as high as I thought it was. Sky's the limit. What can I do? I'm a reformed control freak. I was headfirst in the pool, dictating and directing, and I burned out. I don't have to control everything and everyone and every outcome in my life because first of all, I can't. I think that gets tougher as we get older. It can be a very scary thing for a type A driven woman to do is to back up and watch because two things could happen. first of all. I think one of the goals for all men and women is to be in our masculine and feminine at the appropriate time. The world's your oyster. Go get it. Just to start out, so you're 28 years in news. You now have a huge YouTube channel. I feel like what I got from it was like, it feels like you're people's friends. It feels like you're their friend, like I'm sharing this tip and that, and whether it's in music or I mean in makeup or fashion or, Hey, I'm having a bumpy go that, that it was, I thought to myself, what really struck out to me as somebody who's kind of a brute, like I'm sort of a brute is I go, this is a very hardworking, strong woman. And for years and years, like it's the volume of time that you've been doing it, that the amount of strength it takes to do it, I liken it to like ice skaters. They have to do all this really athletic stuff, but then with like kind of this grace and smile as they're going, which is harder. That's harder in a whole different way. And I think a lot of women live like that. I would agree. That's such a good analogy because there's the technical, right that you need to get down that's your skill set but the rest of it is presentation and there are days when you've got your skill set down and that could look like a myriad of things i mean it could look like being a career woman or balancing motherhood with that or full-time motherhood or whatever your technical skill set is but then presenting with grace right which is often how we try to show up in this world. And I love what you said about my, and I call them my community. They truly are. And Gabby, it was honestly birthed out of something that happened to me in the news business. And I kind of laugh about it now, but I leaned into it then. But if you're a male newscaster, you know, you are judged by your integrity and your truth telling and your storytelling and how solid you are and presentable and, you know, community minded and all those things. If you're a female broadcast journalist, the first thing that you will hear about is, I don't like your hair today. Or I thought that color was better on you. Or what shade of lipstick is that? Or where'd you get the blouse? You know, it's you are very, very much first judged on the superficial and then later appreciated for the credible. Okay, it's just it's a flip of the script for the women. It is what it is. Okay, it's just the way the world works. And you can be mad about that and dig in your heels and say, I'm a credible journalist and I want to be respected for what I do. Or you can lean into the notion that people are first seeing the external. And I'm going to respond to that, that this is an opportunity to forge a relationship with a woman in the audience who, yeah, has tuned into me or did tune into me for news content, but is also relating to me about maybe a particular hairstyle or a color or a blouse or this or that. So back in the day, this was before, you know, people like me had YouTube channels when it was dominated by millennials. I would literally get on my computer at work and I would type in answers, right? I would like, okay, so here's how you do a smoky eye. And I'm writing it out verbatim. And, you know, it just started that way. And it wasn't until I put kind of the first piece of content out there that was like that, that I actually got a, hmm, you know, this might be a good thing after all. You started so early, like what, 2014? And you still had your day job and your channel is huge right now. I have three daughters. I know you have a son, but there's an interesting thing of we get taught early. And I got the impression that you're sort of your parents, there was, from what I could gather, sort of like, oh, no, we're working at a high standard. You know, we're buttoned up, we're organized, we're doing it. And you make it look easy. But I think people don't realize that after time, because then we also change, right? I think we get more of our voice as we get older. we have more lived experience and and also I think when we're in pursuit of newer different things which you've really done I'm just curious how you you found the courage because a lot of times people say oh you reinvented yourself I don't actually believe that this is just an ongoing part of your story this is the extension of your story how did you have the confidence because you had a you know this job and uh an identity because then there's all that weird mixing together. When did you know, hey, you know what? It's time. And then where did you get the courage to make the move? I say, I'm with you too. You know, reinvention is so overused. It's more of like the unfolding of yourself. And I think we have many iterations through this life. We are not meant to do one thing forever. God gifted us with a lot of creative expression and talents and abilities, and there may be seasons for certain things. Now, there can be a common thread through all of it, which I would say in my case, the common thread is I love communicating a message. I love broadcasting. On the news side, it was very service-minded because that's how I felt my position was bolstered by being a community member who was providing a service to an audience that needed it, right? What's happening in your community to be better informed, to make good decisions, to know politically what's going on, whatever. And while that was a great season when it lasted, I would say my fuse was starting to grow a little short with news and politics. I had my fill. And as I was embracing this kind of new path with my beauty and lifestyle channel on YouTube that started back in 2014, and I was so blessed, Gabby, that I had a general manager in my television station who allowed me to do that. I think it was before they fully understood what was about to happen or what could happen from something like that. But I was able to do it simultaneously. And what I was finding was, again, same thing, community service, community minded, but in a very, very different way. So now I'm helping women. I'm kind of a face for women. And at that time, I was in my mid 40s. So I was this new face in a platform sort of dominated by millennials. And a lot of women who were in their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 60s at the time were coming and they were saying, okay, this is great. You know, somebody whose skin is like mine and who's facing, you know, hooded eyes and dealing with challenges with eyeshadow and trying to figure this out and how to style scarves or how to do this or repurpose wardrobe or, you know, eat healthier, you name it. I mean, it kind of parlayed into a whole lifestyle thing. But I was getting so much joy from providing content, first of all, that spoke to my heart and news wasn't speaking to my heart anymore. This was like soul filling stuff. And then being able to affect change and have an impact on a woman's life was awesome for me. So I was already beginning to feel this sense of, okay, the scales are tipping here and you're clearly, your heart is now leaning in another direction. You asked about courage. Here's where it gets interesting because, and this happens to a lot of women, I left a news career at one station for 28 years with health insurance, a 401k, pension. That's unheard of in today's world, right? I left all that security, and I was also going through a divorce at the time, for the hope and the promise of entrepreneurship and the promise of what could be. And I rolled the dice on myself, and I trusted God that he wouldn't steer me in a wrong direction if he placed this in my heart. And he has carried me through some very challenging, unique, and difficult times, but I am on the other side and better for it and joyful for it. So I think you have to just trust and you got to go. It's like that leap off the high dive. when you're standing up there and you look down, it seems so far away. It's scary as heck. You got that pit in your stomach and then you take the jump and now you're in the water and you look up at the diving board and you're like, hmm, not as high as I thought it was. So I think you just have to get over that imagined fear before you jump. And I think what comes to mind for me, you know, I've been an entrepreneur my whole life. Coming from a weird sport, it was like forced on me. I almost feel like when we can also get the relationship with the death that is status quo and then and you said something really important having faith I think a lot of times people say they have faith and it is hard to have faith but when you live by I'm going to listen to my instincts and my heart and I know that God's going to direct me in a place that reflects who I am and where I'm going to contribute next. It is unsettling, but it is also the idea of this unknown. You've built something that you don't know how big it's going to be. It could be 10 times bigger than you can ever imagine. And to me, that is an interesting, more hopeful way sometimes of living of like, oh, there's my pension. I go to work at this time. I work on these days. There's something really interesting for me when you can flip it and be like, man, sky's the limit. What can I do? Well, that's where hope, faith, and trust come into play. And I find a lot of women in this season are challenging that, questioning that, pressing into it. Maybe a lot of women who say they believe in God haven't really activated that faith. And that's what our Heavenly Father calls us to do, is He created us. He created this plan and purpose for our lives. Are we going to activate that faith? Are we going to trust in the plan, you know, and release our control? And it's not to say that we don't have our role and our part and our responsibilities, but I think, Abby, all too often, we feel the weight of, this is my life, and I have to control my destiny and I've got one shot. And I'm like, no, you know, and I used to be that way. I used, I'm a reformed control freak. I was, I was, you know, head first in the pool, dictating and directing and, and I burned out. I absolutely burned out because it wasn't, it wasn't my place. It wasn't my role. And I'm not even a co-pilot. It's, it's not that either. You know, some people think of, you know, oh, well, you're next to God in the driver's seat. No, it's not that. He leads. You follow. You submit to the plan. And I know that can be a really hard thing for a lot of women here to hear that word submit. But yeah, you kind of have to. But when you do, there is such freedom and beauty because there's a flow that starts to happen and starts to take place in realizing I don't have to control everything and everyone and every outcome in my life. Because first of all, I can't. To think that you can puts you at a superhuman level. It's impossible and it's not fair to do to yourself. So there's this reframe that has to take place in your mind in order to be able to kind of get to that next level that you're talking about. And I think it takes us out of our own essence. Because then when we are trying to control all the things, we've abandoned kind of who we are. And I think that gets tougher as we get older. Instead of returning back to who we are, we're moving further and further away. Don't you find in a lot of your conversations with people and just thought leaders in general that there is this intense, because you and I are just a few years apart, but there's this intense hunger and desire for women, especially kind of going through menopause and all these hormone changes and everything's just, you know, kind of the script is flipping. And there's this seeking of a rooting and who I was, you know, when I was 16 and what are her dreams and what lights her fire and kind of peeling off all these layers of these things that we thought were so important and getting back to the basics of pure joy, pure satisfaction, pure gratitude and giving. I find that we are desperately seeking simplicity. Not Susan. Remember that movie? but definitely seeking simplicity i you know i think i've had one luxury which is to come through sport yeah and you get to that a little quicker because you kind of strip down and then you sort of go oh you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna stay in this power um and then so i think i had that luxury early um and and you kind of offend people early when you're in sports like you know so you you get to avoid some of it, but you're still always working still to even just the onus of responsibility, being a parent, being a partner, being working, that can take you out of your spirit. And I thought about this with your, when you decided to go all in on you, on your brand, on your, you have a book, you have a podcast that I, and as painful, especially, I mean, divorce is painful for anyone, but I sometimes think, and I thought about that myself, like if I ended up getting divorced right now, I'm like, would that be harder? Maybe, maybe not. But I also thought in looking at what you did with that, it was like that also that big break allowed you just to say, okay, I'm going to do something totally new where I wonder maybe you would have kept everything as is. And so out of a very painful thing has also come this incredible expansion. Yes, absolutely. It birthed, I would say, a new life for me. I mean, I had been in Houston my entire life, practically. I was there since I was eight years old. So I was raised in the city. My entire career was in the city. I kind of dug in my stakes and I'm like, I will always, be in Houston Houston is who I am And you tend to wrap your identity in things that you not supposed to wrap your identity in And you right It wasn until the rug was kind of pulled out from under me. And, you know, so many things were happening in pretty rapid succession. I mean, going through a divorce, my mother passed in July of 23. And, you know, I was doing all of this full time. And that was about a month later was when I reconnected with my now husband, who was actually living up here. I'm in the Dallas-Fort Worth area now, which by the way, I never ever thought I would be. But it left me so stripped and so open to the possibility of anything where I think sometimes if you're so locked in to what you think life should look like, you completely eliminate the opportunity of surprise. and who doesn't love a good surprise, right? And if you are overly planning, overly formulating how life should play out, you miss out on the beauty of surprise. So I was just in that place where, you know, okay, it's like, okay, hit me. What you got? What you bringing on me? I'll take it. And, you know, my then boyfriend came into the picture, an old friend who, you know, we reconnected and everything just kind of lit up and it was so amazing and so wonderful. And it was only a few months after that that I got a call from my old television news agent. Mind you, I hadn't heard from him since I retired in October of 21. And he leaves me a voicemail and I'll never forget it. It's like Thanksgiving week. I was up here visiting Vic and I'm looking at my phone and I'm like, what, a message from Kenny? Okay. And I played out loud on speaker and he says, hey, you know, it's your old friend, Kenny. How's it going? I know you said you'd never want to get back into the news business, but, you know, Dr. Phil is launching a network and Joel Cheatwood, who tried to hire you back in Miami in 1994, is the head of news. He would love to have you co-host the morning show, but there's one caveat. It's in the Dallas area. I looked at that phone. I looked at Vic. I looked up and I was like, thank you. You know, there it is. There it is. But you have to be open in your life for the possibility of change and new people and new opportunities and things that you just hadn't thought would enter the picture. It's hard to meet people. Let's say someone listening is single. I mean, obviously yours was an organic, you know, connection and being reintroduced to somebody. But, you know, and you're out there and you're connected to a lot of people. You realize that a lot of people are lonely and they aren't hopeful for love. What trait do you, and maybe it was because you knew this person prior, but if someone was, you know, at the moment single, what would you say or invite them to think about as far as an attitude to be hopeful about finding someone? Because I think what happens is people think, oh, if this is what they want, I don't think you have to be with a person to be fulfilled. I'm simply saying if someone was like, you know what, I'd like that partnership or that companionship, you know, and I am older, I've been divorced or I haven't met the person. What is it, what attitude do you think would be helpful or even an idea about how to go about approaching that? I think it can be summed up in one word to me, and that is curiosity. I think that we have to remain curious about all things, and that includes potential relationships, to your point, if you want that in your life. But if you're not curious, and here's the other thing, you may have drawn a hard line in the sand and said, not for me. I don't want relationships. Therefore, you have eliminated the curiosity in potentially meeting somebody who could potentially fit that role. If you remain open and you remain curious just to people and relationships in general, maybe they just become a good friend. But curiosity can lead to the potential of something more without putting up roadblocks or hard lines. So first of all, I think that's that spirit that first has to start in your heart, that you got to be open and curious to things. When it comes to my husband, I almost said no. He had reached out to me. He was in Houston for an event. He was signing at Anime Matsuri. He's big in the anime world. And he reached out to me to co-judge a karaoke contest. And like I said, my mom had just passed a few weeks prior. And I said, you know, I'm so great to hear from you. Normally, I would say yes, but I'm just really not in that space right now. You know, my mom passed, etc, etc. And he wrote me back. He said, my gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Can I pray for you? Is there anything I can do? Do you need a shoulder to cry on a meal? You know, I'm here. And I sat on that and I almost just let it go. And then a day later, I texted him back and I said, you know what? I think I will take that meal. So I left myself open for something to happen. Was I looking for a relationship? No. You know, I had kind of resigned to, well, you know, I've been married and now divorced twice. Maybe it's just not for me, right? Maybe that's just not my lane. So, but being open to something allowed a reconnection to an old, you know, friendship that led to a building of new connections that led to a beautiful relationship today. So even if, you know, I had just been curious, right? Worst case scenario, I reconnected with an old friend and we had a great dinner and we caught up and it was wonderful. Best case scenario, wow, we discovered we had a lot in common. We had a lot of similar heartbreaks. We had a lot of similar hopes and dreams and there was chemistry. Amazing. So you have to be curious and you have to say yes to things that you probably want to say no to in the moment. So that means putting yourself out there. Maybe it means, you know, going to church regularly or joining a girls group or saying yes to the luncheon or saying yes to your girlfriend's birthday party. And you never know who you might meet there. Open and curious. And I think that's how you just open the door for just relationships, period. And we all need those in our lives. We all know that they're great for health and longevity, whatever they look like. I think curiosity is one of my, has become in my forties and obviously now I'm in my fifties. It's actually become one of the most important words, uh, because it's like that leads you to so many great places, right? You don't have to react. You can be curious why this person feels this way or chooses these actions. Um, you, you know, you could be curious about something that makes you nervous. I think it's such an important reminder. Me too. And I think it's such a great opportunity to learn. I mean, curiosity, wondering the why about something or the how opens that possibility to get another perspective, to learn something new, to be exposed to something new. It gets us out of our ruts, which we can often put ourselves in, in limiting spaces. And it's so important for the brain to be open, to explore, to try new things, you know, or learn a new hobby. I mean, anything. Curiosity is I think just that sweet golden thread of midlife and beyond that keeps you young, young at heart. You're a high achiever. You're funny. You are a high achiever. I see because when somebody does it in the way that you do it, it's like, yeah, there's a lot going on to make that happen. And I was thinking about for you to do the job that you did for so many years, for 28 years and now to be doing what you're doing, you have certain traits. I've experienced this as an athlete. You have these traits that really make you successful and they work. And then all of a sudden, it's not sustainable. You have to get new tools and do it new ways. And I was just curious, what were the things that you leaned on as a younger woman that through time you're like, okay, that worked for a while. And now I have to sort of let those go and sort of do something different. I would say, you're right. I am very, very driven. And I always have been, always. I've always known what I wanted to do. And I have pushed and I have pushed and pushed toward that goal. And I've been blessed. I have achieved goals and levels that exceeded expectations. But I think sometimes in that role, you can get a little hard and you can lose your soft feminine edge. I really shouldn't say edge, but that soft feminine side and you can develop an edge. and I think I took on a lot of masculine traits and qualities because I had to and I needed to in order to succeed in the workplace that I was in but I can't say those traits serve me well at home or well in relationships so you know you can you can be male-like in the workplace you can have this hunger this drive that this determination that has been stereotypically attributed to men right? And I say it's a stereotype because there are women who are just like that too. But here's the interesting thing. Men can be all those things and still be those things at home. Women can be all those things, but then you got to be the soft, cuddly mom and the nurturing, caring wife and all those things. So there's kind of this weird sort of bell curve that you're on, or at least you feel like you're on. It's like, okay, I'm, you know, I'm powerhouse and through this and I'm working harder. Maybe I'm working even harder than most men to do the same thing and to prove myself. But now I've got to bring in some femininity and some softness into the equation. And I think I struggled with that earlier on in my life. In relationships, certainly my son brought out plenty of softness and tenderness in me. But I would say in my romantic relationships. I struggled there and I tended to bring that drive and that focus and that linear type thinking into my relationships to the point where I felt like, well, shoot, I can do it better than anybody. I ought to just do it. And men can get very like, oh, okay, well, she's doing it. But then at the same time, you don't respect your guy anymore because he's not doing it. Do you see what I'm saying? It's a total catch 22. Well, and then also they don't know their place. Where's their value? It is so interesting. And it's also, if you're really hard charging female, oftentimes it's like, I don't need help. I can do everything on my own. And we don't know how to ask for help. And then we think, oh, they're not helpful. It's like, well, they don't actually know where to step in. It is such an interesting dance when you are really kind of doing that outside and then trying to bring that different energy in your home. It's a hard gear shift sometimes. Yeah. And I struggled emotionally with it because on one hand, I felt so competent in many ways. And on the other hand, I felt like, man, nobody's here for me. You know what I'm saying? So I never felt like I could get scooped up and nurtured and picked up in a way where at times I needed it because I think everybody just felt, well, she's got it. You know, she's got it. She doesn't need me in that way. And unless you express that and unless you let go, and I think therein we kind of circle back to the whole control thing, unless you just start letting go of certain things. You know, by letting go, first of all, you enable somebody else to step up and step in, which is important because you've got to see that. You have to see, first of all, are they willing to do it? And are they capable of doing it? There's a lot that you can learn in a person by backing up, but it can be a very scary thing for a type A driven woman to do is to back up and watch because two things could happen. First of all, things will not get done in the way you expect or anticipate. Or B, you're going to learn something about the person that you've chosen and you may not like it. I think that's probably really common too. I do too. amongst working, hard-charging women. I think what you're talking about is really, really common. Okay. So what is it then about your husband? Because it's dual. There's some trait he has or traits that he has that also gives you the room and encourages you to be in this other side. What is that? Well, first of all, I will say this. This relationship operates unlike any other I've ever experienced, and that is we both made the conscious decision to have the foundation of our then relationship, now marriage, to have it rooted in God. Faith first, God first. It changes everything when you do that. Everything. It's where the conversation begins and ends. It's how we start our mornings out there on the couch with our devotionals of the day, and we read a page in Bible every day, and we literally will spend 30 to 45 minutes cuddling, reading, and talking about how His Word impacts us, what it means, the interpretations. There is just something so beautiful about that because it's shared time, it's shared language that the two of you have, and you're both kind of starting your days, although different, although different tasks and things to do from a similar rooted perspective. So it's always kind of this landing pad that we get to come back to. So that's number one. Number two is we love and respect each other for who we are. Nobody's in this trying to change anybody. And I think that's the other thing that needs to be talked about in relationships. Don't go in thinking you can change somebody or they can be fixed. You know, that was another thing. I was the queen fixer. I just thought, okay, you've got potential. I'm going to help sharpen you and I'm going to help you actualize and get where you need to go. No, what they are is what they are. And you better like it. You better love it because that's what you're going to live with. So there's mutual. He's on the other side of this wall. That's why I keep referencing. He's a creative too. So his studio is right there. But there's this mutual respect, this mutual love. I love who you are. He loves who I am. There's such ease in this relationship and acceptance. And I finally feel loved for who I am, not what I do, loved for loving God, for loving Him, and for trusting. And I have let go. I have let go of my control issues. I allow Him to step in. I allow Him to do for me. He feels a sense of joy in that servitude, he feels a sense of masculinity in that. I finally get to sit back and enjoy some femininity and being cared for. So I've had to let go of a modality that didn't serve me and literally kind of erase the whiteboard, start from scratch and realize that this foundation is going to be built on rock. And it's like night and day. I've been with my husband 30 years and And I say, listen, we're actually really different people, but our values naturally are very lined up. We both grew up on islands. Kind of what we deem really important is completely lined up And it is important because I think you can work it out when you can sort of agree on these things But I do agree with you I think the space, even for the most hard ass, bad ass woman to just be like, to be able to say, yes, I will receive help and, and to have someone to, to rest in. Um, it's really a gift when, because I just think it makes us better. I think one of the goals for all men and women is to be in our masculine and feminine at the appropriate time, you know, and to develop both those sides when they're deemed important. I wholeheartedly agree with that. So when I see you, you're, you're, you're buttoned up, like you're organized. And I think about my own discipline, like my training, my this, and these are kind of traits. You have, you have a high polish where these are traits like they work. And I also know when I'm hiding in my busy schedule, my work, my discipline. And I wonder how you've gotten a relationship with that. Because when we do have those traits, they benefit us. But I also know we use them to sort of not hide behind, but it's like also maybe I don't have to get into the messiness of life or vulnerability or all those things. And I just wonder, you know, how you how you've gotten that as you've changed a little bit over the last few years, the relationship with using your polish where it works and then just being like, OK, here I am. I think that you've got to allow yourself to get uncomfortable at times. And, you know, you can be too much of a good thing is not a good thing. So, you know, if you're too polished all the time, then you've lost your humanity. There's a time for polish and there's a time to just sort of let it go. and what I mean by that is I mean here's an example so I'm very much a neat freak I like everything tidy and in its place I disorder makes me crazy if my brain doesn't function well in it all of that so it's like I know my areas where everything has to be buttoned up because I function better in that type of environment it suits who I am you know my dad was German need I say more. Okay. So, so there's that. And my mother, you know, also clean freak and, and every, every month she'd rearrange the furniture and the whole house would look different. So this is what I come from. But on the flip side, it's very, very easy to get lost in that because it can become safe. It's what you know, it's who you are, it's familiarity. It's where I feel productive. It's where I feel in control. So I find that I have over the years allowed myself to sit. So I can get lost in my work. My work is my comfort zone, you know, all of this, my happy place, it's great. But you can lose your humanity if you're just dialed in to polish, work, presentation, go go go grind grind grind so I will force myself to sit and not do and make sure that there are hours in the day or days in the week where I just am and that could mean going for walks without my playlist and just looking around me taking in nature just being no makeup relaxed chill sitting in the back doing the same thing connection to nature connection to self connection away from all of these sort of definers that we use to enable who we are, I think we've got to get back. And it makes you better, by the way, and I think you'll agree with this, at what you do, you have more to talk about if you can come back to the starting line and let's get back to who we really are and what we're thinking and what we're feeling and that kind of rawness in the moment, the loneliness in the moment, the quietness in the moment, away from the phone and dial in to this person. And so that's been the area where I have really, I would say, developed and have been working on is feeling a little uncomfortable in the quiet and by myself, and that's okay. Going inside is the hardest place to go. Sure is. You'll find all kinds of things in there. Stillness is a really hard thing to do. And like you said, that's where you get all the good stuff and the expansion continues because like at some point we can't have the same old story. Yeah, exactly. We have to create space to make new stories, to try new things. Again, here we go back to curiosity. Go out, go treat yourself to a dinner by yourself outside, you know, at a restaurant or whatever. You know, my husband travels a lot on the weekends. So our setup is kind of different. It's like during the week we'll play, you know, maybe our Monday and Tuesday is like a Saturday and Sunday for us, whatever. But oftentimes on the weekends, I can be by myself while he's at conventions and whatnot. And sure, I'll use some of that time to get some work done, but I'll also make it a point to not try to lose myself in work so that I fill the time until he's back because I feel uncomfortable in this alone space. No, it's really, really critical for me to be alone, to be quiet, to spend some time reading, spend some time just going out and about doing my things. I go to church by myself if he's not here. You know, all of those things matter because it establishes within yourself, I'm okay. I don't need a team around me. I don't need a person by my side to live life. I'm okay. And if that means sitting inside and doing nothing, amazing. Or if it means going out and doing life with a full face of makeup on, amazing. But I just think that oftentimes we We lose ourselves in things to do or people to be with, and we are least comfortable as our own companions. And it's sad. That's a great reminder. When you can be quiet and be with yourself or go somewhere unescorted and be like, you know what? I'm going to go in there and it's going to be okay. I'm really curious, when you were going through your divorce, did you pick up any, were you journaling? How did you get through that healthfully? Did you pick up some new tools to help you sort of navigate that time? Yeah, I definitely journaled. Definitely. I was going to therapy as well. I think that's incredibly important, whether it's cognitive behavioral therapy, whether it's a church-based, pastor-guided therapy or whatever. talk to somebody, get a perspective, understand, especially if there are repetitive choices and repetitive patterns, you need to get to the root of that stuff. Oftentimes we're still trying to resolve issues with mom and dad and we don't see it, or we're choosing people who replicate those people in our lives or certain things that we are accustomed to because we think that's love, but it's not really love. So see if there are patterns that are presenting and work through it. journaling is a beautiful thing because again, it kind of, you know, hooks back into what we were just talking about sitting by yourself and feeling okay. Well, what I love about journaling is that you're sitting by yourself and you're feeling okay with your thoughts because there's nobody on the other side to read it or to have that conversation with. So there's no judgment. And that's the beauty of journaling is this is a free judgment zone of purging and pouring out your heart. And it's cathartic because it gives you an opportunity in retrospect to go back, you know, as you heal. And that's what I love about it because you see your growth. So I encourage everybody to journal anyway, but during difficult times, especially because as you're working on yourself, whether it's in counseling, you know, whatever it may be, you'll read back to some of those feelings and thoughts and you'll be like, wow, you know, I've come so far. I've gained so much wisdom. I have so much perspective. I have so much more strength and confidence in myself and belief in myself. Look at where I am now compared to where I was then. So that's a beautiful thing to have just in general. I was also blessed, Gabby, that my mom was alive during that time. And man, she was crutch in my life. She was just amazing, an amazing person. She was my cheerleader always. I could do no wrong in her eyes. And she was kind of a regular on my platforms. And I miss her so much. I even dreamt about her last night. But yeah, having that person also, a loved one that you feel safe to talk to. I had that. I had made a new best friend in the high rise where I was living. And she and I were both going through divorces at the same time. So we had, you know, similar stories, different stories, you know, attorneys and fees. And I think, you know, it's just a hot mess, honestly. There's no other way around it. But to have somebody also journeying that with you is really, really helpful. So I, you know, I had the best of all worlds in that respect at a very, very tough time. Yeah. It's like you could give her advice that you think, yeah, I could probably use that too. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can help each other out. Young women are told, I mean, it's a little bit different now. I feel like they've almost, they're trying to almost like kill the family kind of thing. Culturally. Agreed. I think, you know, when, when you and I grew up, it was, uh, we had a group before us that kind of laid down the work of like, Hey, you can sort of really do whatever you want. You're, you know, you're, you're strong. You can be strong. You can get in the workforce. You can, you can be feminine, whatever. And I always say, listen, you, you can have it all, whatever that means. You just can't have it all, all at the same time. Absolutely. You know, and trying to get people to be realistic about that. I mean, even just by the nature of your female, your biological responsibility, if you are the one having the baby, there's just sort of certain realities that go on with that. But I'm talking, I'm thinking about young women now where I think it is confusing, right? Like we villainize men, which that's not good. So women are thinking, well, either I'm going to have a career or I'm going to do that other thing versus, well, maybe I could work and work on myself first, develop kind of my own footing. And if maybe somebody comes along and I feel inspired to do that, I'll do that as well. But there's a lot of pressure, however, which way you do it, whether it's a career, the way you look, you know, a relationship, things like that. I'm wondering, I feel like parts of this are breaking down, but in some ways also to a disservice to women. Yes, I would agree. I mean, I would not want to be a young person today. It's hard. I wouldn't. The culture and the climate in all ways is so confusing and it's disheartening to me. I feel like you and I, and my mother said she grew up in the best of times, you know, in the 40s and 50s. Well, I would say we grew up in the best of times. I mean, sorry, 80s were amazing. But what was so great about growing up during that time was that we grew up during this decade or 10, 15 years of the world's your oyster. Go get it. You want to achieve top level position? Go get it. it was celebrated to go out there and to have drive and to be successful, to climb the ladder. And you never felt like anything was going to get in your way. It was like, well, if I put myself out there and the harder I work and the right connections that I make, I should achieve it. You had belief in that system. You had hope in the system. It was go get it. And I think now it's, first of all, I just think they're kind of smacked with, well, you know, jobs are hard to get. Or you're going to be replaced by AI. And all of these things. And the world's going to blow up. And, you know, there aren't a ton of adults in the world either at the moment. You know, it's like. Right. Right. Right. So who's a mentor? Yeah. Who's leading? Who's guiding? Who's showing the way? Yeah. And they've all, and here's the problem. You know, they all go off to school and they get these great educations, but they're lost in these things. So eye contact and communication and being able to relate to somebody and carry on a conversation and have some depth, you know, these are the things that will get you into the door unless, of course, you've got a mom or dad that's got a connection somewhere. So a lot of kids are just relying on that, not their own efforts, abilities, and ambition and skill sets. so these aren't being cultivated. You know, as a mom, I made my son work in high school. He has worked throughout college. The value of having to show up and make minimum wage and work during hours when your friends are out partying and put yourself in an environment where you may not like all your coworkers or a customer may be rude to you and you actually have to navigate and negotiate relationships. Those are skills that I can't teach him and I can guarantee you his school isn't going to teach him. But these are the skills that are going to set him apart in his internship and his first job, real job, when he gets out there. And, and, you know, that's when like the pool goes from this wide and then it gets more narrow, more narrow and more narrow. And finally you've got, you know, the cream is rising to the top. But I refuse to let him grow up without developing those skill sets that you and I both had because I'm sure as a young adult, you were working too. I was a mall rat. I worked the mall. I worked as a lifeguard. I worked constantly. And I wouldn't trade that for the world. It was the best lesson. And then the value of a paycheck, the value of effort and dollar and what it takes to actually earn it and have respect for it. So I think just, you know, parents these days are so focused on having their kid in the right club and doing the right activities and the right this and right that, that they're robbing them from the most important club there is. And that is the club of minimum wage. And listen, dealing with human beings, right? Like we're still, I don't care how much AI comes. All the good stuff is, is person to person. Absolutely. It just is. And all the, in the big and the large interactions. So, okay, I'll get a little more superficial right now. Uh, because you, you talk a lot about, you know, beauty and fashion because people are curious. I mean, the amount of hairstyles that you've had is really impressive. It's endless. I'm like, that is amazing. Do you just get bored? Are you just like, I'm over this? I do. Yeah, I do. You know what? You're so funny. I was texting a girlfriend of mine the other day and these are extensions and she's got extensions too. And she's like, oh God, I really, I love your extensions. I'm like, well, don't get used to them because nothing on me lasts. You know I just I I see myself as a blank canvas and it like what do I want to paint today What do I want this canvas to look like You know and hair is an expression of that Makeup is fashion is I love the creative expression in all of it. And I also, I just don't have any fear. You know, I've been long, I've been pixie short, blonde, blackish brown, red. I have been every color, every cut, every everything. And I've loved it all. It has all been just sort of this fun painting in the class. You know, what do I want to do? So there's no fear to it. And I think it's been confusing and yet helpful at the same time, because I think a lot of people wonder like, OK, what's that? Why? What's going on? And I know I'm not like the typical woman. You know, my friend who I was texting, she's like, oh, my gosh, she goes, you change it up all the time. And she said it took me 10 years to go from a side part to a middle part, you know, and I have to remember that most people are like that. So, but I want to show them, here's, here's, I guess, for me, the fun in all of this is that just like men can wrap up their identity in what they do. And when they retire, they have lost it and they lose themselves. I think all too often women wrap up their identity in how they look. if their hair has been the same forever and they're afraid to change it. Well, okay, let's do a deeper dive. Why are you letting your hair define who you are as a woman, your femininity, your beauty? What is that? And what is the fear of letting go of that? And here's the thing too, and this is what I love so much about all of it, is like, all right, let's say you, you've had long blonde hair forever and you're beautiful. What if you decide to change, okay? What if you decide to do a bob or a lob or whatever? And you're like, okay, you know, I took the plunge or whatever. Yeah, I did it. Great. You know, I'm not a fan of it. Worst case scenario. Well, a year later, you're back where you started. But you've learned something about yourself because first of all, you've overcome this imagined fear, which I think is really, really important for women to do in and of itself. just overcome fear and overcome this attachment of what we think makes us beautiful. And secondly, the other, and this is the part that I love too. All right, let's say you do cut your hair into a bob and you don't love it. Well, maybe you find out in this kind of in-between grow out stage that you've discovered this look that's amazing on you that you wouldn't have found had you not gone there in the first place. So I think there are a lot of potential benefits. And you also get to deal with naysayers and commenters from whether it's in your own little circle, your family, your group, or whatever. Well, how are you going to handle that? And these also can show you things about people and show you some depth about yourself, which I think is far more beautiful than a hair length. So you like the rub a little, I feel like. You were talking about even doing the news. Okay, so that was before the internet. And obviously, the news existed while the internet arrived while you were doing the news and you have a very big audience and people are lonely and they're sad and they will just, you know, say sometimes pretty hurtful things online, but it feels like you're a person. And it's funny because you have this beautiful speaking voice, you're very, you know, genteel, feminine, but I feel like you're like, you, you don't mind to like kind of shake the cage a little bit. You're right. And I don't mind taking the heat for that because that's honoring who I was created to be. And if I choose to play it safe because I fear the heat, then I'm not out there doing what I'm destined to do. So if my change or my willingness to change, and that could be anything, Gabby, that could be a hairstyle, it could be a career, it could be a marriage. If that rattles somebody else's cage, it's because my change is forcing them to hold a mirror up to their lives. And that's where the backlash comes from. That's where the hate and the mean-spiritedness and the derogatory comments and all the crud that we face online. And I remind myself of that all the time. It's not so much me. It's how she's feeling about her. And whatever I've done has triggered it, has caused her to see it, and she's mad. And it's just being misdirected. So I don't take it personally. I mean, it's wild what you see out there. I would never think such things of somebody, let alone say such things to somebody. So it's, we've lost our decorum. And that is unfortunately, this incredible downside of what we do, and putting ourselves out there and having conversations and trying to affect change, which I think is the beauty of social media and all these platforms. The downside is everybody got a voice and not everybody's voice is nice and kind and uplifting. So you just you just have to deal with it. But you know what? I don't care. I think the time I spent in the news business and all the comments that I've heard kind of not hardened me, but prepared me for what was to come. So it doesn't bother me. It doesn't deter me. It doesn't stop me. And I always remind people, they're not coming into your four walls. Absolutely. And oftentimes, I want to almost write back, like, is this a bot? or then I'm also amazed that somebody would take time to write something that's mean-spirited. But I really got that from you. I was like, oh, she likes to... And not on purpose, not for the sake of doing that, but you don't mind if that's a byproduct. Correct. And I'm really glad you brought that up because you're right. I don't do it just to throw people off or I'm trying to gain followers. No, I mean, I'm honoring who I am as a person. I'm honoring the calling. And if I feel like a change, I'm going to bring you on with me. And if you don't like it or you don't understand it, well, maybe you're not my person, you know, or maybe you're just kind of following along because you're like, wow, what's she going to do next? You know, it could be a combination of all those things. But no, no, I'm not a stir for the sake of stirring it. It's just my modus operandi. I have to ask you because it's kind of right where I'm sitting and for different reasons, right? Like I'm known for being fit and kind of all these things. And you know, you're... And that you are. Okay. But you know, you go through time and there's just things in life. Like there is aging and gravity and it's all fine. I know what it is and I can pull all the levers, but it's just still what it is. And I'm wondering, because I have my own techniques, but just how you... you, cause you're, you know, your, your appearance and you talk about makeup and beauty and fashion. I'm just curious where you artfully balance. I joke with my husband. I'm like, listen, I don't get anything done, but then I might just one day get a facelift, you know? And he's like, but I said, listen, you never know. Right. And I'm, I'm just curious how you, you kind of keep the restraint where you go, okay, I'm going to let things be. And just that tightrope walk, because it is, especially as you move through, and this is part of your work, how you straddle that within yourself. You use the word artful, which again, kind of brings me back to what I do. I always, when it comes to aging, and I've had things done, by the way, you know, and I also don't pretend like I haven't. I mean, I've done videos where I've shown, you know, Botox, different uses of Botox, forehead, masseter muscle, you know, I'm a big tooth grinder. I have it done in the neck. I get like the stringy chicken bands and, you know, all the things. You know, I've had some filler done in the cheeks. I mean, I've had like little stuff. I've done lasers. I've done Ulthera for tightening the neck. So I kind of dabble and I experiment to an extent, you know, to an extent. I try my best to do what I can with my skincare. I mean, I would say the first thing that I did was I got out of the sun a long, long time ago. And I started using, my dermatologist put me on tretinoin and glycolic acid. So retin-A glycolic, I've been doing that since I'm in my late 30s, early 40s. Game changer. The way I eat, a clean diet, sleep, no alcohol, movement, exercise, weightlifting. You know, it's funny. I mean, we can sit here and talk about all the things, right? We can talk about the neurotoxins and, you know, fillers and all of that. To me, nothing, nothing makes a face, a body look better than a healthy lifestyle. First and foremost, a healthy lifestyle can completely reshape how you look. It can reshape the structure of your face. I'm also not going to negate good genetics. Some people are born with great genetics. Both of my parents looked incredibly young for their age. My mother had the, I would stare at her skin. She had the most beautiful skin. I was just like, I just, I couldn't believe it. You know, even in her eighties, amazing. You know, I always joked, if I don't screw it up, I'm really blessed. But you can't negate that either. So I think it's like all right, let's approach it from a what's healthy perspective. Let's take care of yourself in all of the natural ways first, right? And after that point, it's like, all right, what do I want to do? What do I feel comfortable with? What is that limit? And then the why. And here's the thing, Gabby, I always want to look like me. I want to look like me. I don't want to change me. I don't want to, I see, you know, women and they've had beautiful work done, beautiful, but they look like different versions of themselves. And that's their choice. And that's their journey. And I am certainly not going to judge that. I just always want to look like me. So it's a walk and it's an exploration. And like you, I kind of look at things and I'm like, okay, I can, I can, you know, the hollows like, okay, you know, I see that. And, you know, I see stuff shifting and, you know, what am I okay with? And then there may come a day where I'm like, I don't know if I'm okay with that. And that's going to be like an 11th hour decision. But it's, you know, and it's a fine line that we walk because, and I think that when you feel young and you do things that make you feel like, I don't know, I mean, I feel like I'm 30. I feel like I'm I feel like better than I'm 40 because I was going through perimenopause and my hormones were out of whack. I feel great. So I guess I just want all of me to reflect the inner me that feels really, really good. I understand that. And I think, I almost think we could all sort of land on 35 where it's, it's like you're mature enough, but then you're still having fun. And I think we could write, you know, that spirit, that energized spirit forever. Well, Dominique, I could, I could talk to you forever because I, you know, at some point, maybe I can talk to you again, because I would love to talk. I am also a step parent. And I know that people go through transitions, whether it's entering in or then if something doesn't work out. But maybe you, have you shared that, any of that on your channels? I've had a lot of people ask about that. And it's a sensitive area in all ways, you know, because it doesn't, it doesn't involve me and it involves children who are now adults. So I'm always so sensitive to speak to that. That makes sense. We'll leave it. We'll leave it at that. You know, we, I've learned that in life where you have sometimes where you have a shared story with other people. So it's actually, even though it's your experience, you're not really allowed to, to, it's not for you to say. Yes. That's, that's probably the best way to say. I feel like it's not for me to say, cause it's not only my story. Um, but yeah, I mean, I've, I've had conversations with a lot of women who have entered that step parenting role, have left the step parenting role, similar outcomes, different outcomes, similar experiences, different. It's, it's definitely not for the faint of heart. It's a role that, that is, as you know, very, very challenging. You will never get the love or appreciation as a mom, but you will put in the work of a mom. And yet you have to understand that role and be okay with that. And it's a very fine dance and balance. But I think if you are in that role and always come from a place of love, then that's the best you can offer. Something important, which is even if you're a step-parent, because I've gone through this with my oldest daughter, who's my step-daughter, no matter what, I have to act like the parent. Yeah. Yeah, you do. And even when you're like, you have to act like the parent. So in wrapping this up, I guess, well, first of all, your book is Life Makeover. You have your podcast, Over 50 and Flourishing. Yes. And you're killing it. You have a huge YouTube following. And you put out a lot of content. I'm like, that's amazing. Girl, I do. I am like, I'm tired watching it. It's not putting a game of heart. If you wanted to leave my audience with a last invitation as somebody who from the outside certainly seems like you've put it all together, if you want to make any last invitation or reminder to my audience or just something that feels important that's on your heart that you want to share. Well, I would invite them to come over if you are curious just about life in general in this stage of life. If you want to see somebody who's going to put it out there, like I do, and is very open and honest and transparent about all things, I'm going to show you the imperfect science that is creating and cultivating a life in midlife that can be fun, that can be outside the box, that can make you think, that will involve faith, that will involve getting outside your comfort zone, trying things, I will encourage you. That's what I am here for. And I hate the word influencer. That just isn't me. That's not what I see. But encourager, yeah, because it's about you. I mean, it's about the audience member. It's about affecting change in somebody's life and meeting her where she needs to be met. Sometimes I'm meeting women in changing up makeup looks. Sometimes maybe it's when I do a what I eat in a day video and it's like, oh, you know, that, okay. Whatever it may be, if I can just meet a need and affect a change and get a woman to think about maybe doing something differently that has a cascading effect in her life, wow, you know, that's what it's all about. So if you're one of those women, come on, I welcome you. You do all the little things and then that in the end, And you have vitality, you're healthy, you're youthful, you're growing, you're trying new things, you're in a new marriage. So I think it's also reminding people that those attributes, when you approach life with all of those attributes, you have a clear North Star. You can really do a lot of things forever. And I think you're just a really beautiful example of that. So thank you. And thank you for your time. Thank you, Gabby. It's been such a joy. Thank you so much. And to your viewers. Thanks. Thanks, everyone.