My friend wanted a FREE wedding… but I told her it’s unrealistic! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2577

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I, 24 Female, am a member of a friend group in which one member, we'll call her Coral, 23 Female, is getting married. She announced her engagement to her fiancé, 25 Male, a few weeks ago, and we were all happy for her. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Free Wedding. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Angie. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says over the weekend, though, she shared more specific plans for the wedding. And that's where things have kind of gone off the rails. She said she's been seeing a lot of people on TikTok and Insta showing how to plan free weddings. Weddings where the couple spends zero dollars aside from the marriage certificate fee, I guess. at first I thought she meant a city hall wedding which would be completely fine but then she got into the details and her expectations for the ceremony she's going to try and find someone with a large outdoor space to use not formally a wedding venue who will donate their area in support of love she's going to have all of her guests bring a potluck with very specific assignments she will have a friend officiate and a friend do photography a friend do save the dates and invites Her family do the flowers, etc. Including some harder to swing, in my opinion. Things like getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favors, speakers, band, etc. I'm not sure what her plan was for a dress. What's more is that Coral and her fiancé really aren't poor. From what I can tell, she works as an accountant at a big company. And her fiancé does software? Sales. Plus, his parents are loaded. Sounds like they just want to do the free wedding thing for the sake of it. That would be OK. But she's just shifting all the costs onto other people, some of whom are probably less well off. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the fact that she's saying, I'm going to have someone do photography. I'm going to have someone do the food. That's all things that you should be paying your friends for. Like the fact that it's just your friend doing it doesn't really mean. Like I get like maybe in the olden days. I feel like that could work. You know what I mean? Because in the olden days, we paid for a lot less things. Because it was the olden days. It was the olden days and we did a lot more work ourselves. And so but nowadays it's like, no, you need to pay for that. You don't just get companionship in exchange for the work. Like, no, all of your friends like you could probably recruit your friends to help set up the venue. Yeah, maybe. Honestly, I feel like the potluck thing could work as long as you don't say you have to make this. This is like you just said, hey, everyone bring a dish. Yeah. Some people, please don't just bring desserts. Right. Please bring actual food. Right. That could totally work. Yeah. Yeah. But everything else that you got here, no. Yeah. And I'm also hoping that at least, like, she's doing at least something here. Yeah. You know what I mean? What is she doing? Is she setting up? Like, what? Nada. What's going on? She's not doing anything. She told me that she wants me to make the cake and then sent me some pictures for inspiration. the cakes were ridiculously elaborate we're talking multi-tier fondant flowers gold leaf and one even had a hand-painted watercolor design i'm not a professional baker i just like to bake cookies and brownies sometimes i told her that those cakes would probably take me days to make and they wouldn't come out anywhere near as good she kind of laughed that off and said oh it's not about it being perfect it's just about everyone pitching in it'll be fun huh i told her that fun or not what she was describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding with time money and labor and that it was kind of unfair to expect people to spend so much on her free wedding or else she was expecting everyone to show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it was amazing it's like a group project that none of us wanted to do because we already graduated and moved on from all that so we don't need the credit she does graduate a year later than the rest of us. Okay, so she's still in school too. She's young. I said that if she wants a free wedding, she should probably just elope or go to City Hall because this isn't really free. It's just free for her. I might have been a bit more forceful in my wording, but I didn't swear or call her names or anything like that. She got super quiet and just looked at me for a minute or so and then left with another one of our friends driving her home. Later that night, I got a text from that friend saying I had really hurt Coral's feelings and that even if the plans were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Coral come to that conclusion on her own. Coral then messaged me just saying, sorry, don't worry about the cake. With no more context. I'm feeling pretty bad now, especially since Coral was so happy and excited and she never really said anything mean to me. Perhaps I should have just gone along with the cake since she said she wouldn't be mad if it turned out badly. But I'm worried that her wedding would not have been what she wanted and I was also frustrated about the cake request. Um... And there is an edit. I'll read this. Honestly, I feel a bit bad now. Coral really is a sweet person who's just a bit naive. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are tearing her up more than she deserves. She's always been the baby of the group, but I just got frustrated and ranted on this case. I don't know what the fiance thinks about all of this. I think OP's like, I don't know. You may have been too harsh. I don't know. I wasn't there. Yeah. But I think it's fair to be like, hey, you need a reality check. yeah I mean how are you going to come to that conclusion on your own if someone doesn't complain you know exactly exactly if everyone was like yeah okay right then she gets to the wedding day yeah and realizes oh everyone just kind of did the bare minimum um this kind of sucks yeah and like even then she'd probably just be like mad at them or something yeah like she's probably like there's it would be really hard for me to understand how she could just like randomly wake up one day and be like i'm expecting too much of these people you know like i i don't see how she would have done yeah i exactly so i think you're fine i mean yeah maybe your wording was off but at the same time maybe she needs to grow up yeah i don't know maybe maybe she just needs to grow up yeah and stop being the baby of the group exactly some of op's comments uh rtj arctic chain says jesus i only got through the first paragraph i would neither involve people in a wedding like that nor would I go. OP says I'm really curious if she would have told everyone in the extended family and friend groups showing up about the free aspect ahead of time. It definitely sounds like something she would take pride in but also I don't know how you bring that up. Particular path says not the a-hole your friend is being ridiculous and you were the only one with the balls to tell her. Be happy she decided to not force you to do the cake. OP says in her defense for the last few things she's been naive about she has ended up coming to the right conclusion on her own in the end so maybe i should have just let that happen and there is an update i don't know well now she's gonna speed run that now she's gonna get to the right conclusion right now exactly i think that's fine yeah i think you just grow up you you just gotta stop in the face of reality yeah and you're fine you're fine and then she'll realize whoa what was i thinking that was a terrible idea what a good friend for being so honest with me thank you thank you so much and if she doesn't feel like that then that's on her yeah update almost two months later uh hi there my last post sort of blew up lol i really didn't think so many people would be that interested in my silly friend group drama short recap my friend coral announced she was going to have a free wedding with all of her friends playing roles to volunteer a nice venue tent food photography band cake my role etc It sounded okay at first, but her expectations seemed unrealistically lavish. And I told her that, in stronger wording, and she got upset. After reading the comments, I honestly began to feel bad for Coral. She really is a kind-hearted person, but a lot of people interpreted her as an insane entitled bridezilla. That's really not the case. I decided I was going to make the cake, and I sent her an apology text, to which I didn't get any reply, that was making me really anxious. I still didn't think that Coral's requests were that reasonable and I wasn't expecting the wedding to fully go to her plans. But that's not for me to worry about. Finally, I got a message from Coral's fiance who will call Basil asking to meet up. I said yes. My expectation going into this was that Basil was going to tell me how much I hurt Coral's feelings and I was going to reiterate my apology and share some research planning I had done on the cake. That's not how it went, though. As it turns out, the whole free wedding thing was Basil's idea Interesting Basil, Basil, Basil Basil, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the food Yeah, that's not the impression I got before Basil didn't at first explain why he wanted to do it But when pressed, it sounds like it's so he could spend the money that he and Coral had been saving up for their wedding on something else A boat A Catalina 27, apparently i'm sorry if i found out that the my friend who uh who wants me to freaking subsidize their wedding make their wedding free let me do all the work uh-huh was doing that because you're trying to save up for a boat bro i'd be like i'm no not actually going to this wedding anymore no pay me you can save the money yeah you don't need a boat you do not need a boat have the wedding on the boat i guess if you want that and then and then i ah that's so annoying very useful and practical thing to have when you're living in the city especially if your fiance gets seasick oh we did one of those river cruise things a while back and she had a bad time basil says he'll help her get over that and sailboats are different i'm sorry help her get over it does this man know how seasickness works we'll just work through it we'll just work through she'll vomit and then it'll fine. Yeah, right? We'll just get over it. I'll just Dramamine her every time we get on the boat. Totally fine. She doesn't need to be awake while we're on the boat. Anyway, after my whole outburst before, Coral has apparently been having second thoughts about the free wedding thing. Basil asked me to talk to her, apologize, and tell her that it isn't a bad idea after all. He basically said I owe it to him to help clean up the mess I caused. if i was this friend oh my goodness i'm sorry so so now coral's fiance has gone to op yeah who's who's coral's friend yeah he's gone to op and said hey coral now has second thoughts about this free wedding and i might not get my boat i want my boat fix it i'd be like coral are you gonna marry this guy yeah honestly i you want me to lie to your fiance about my feelings and just because i caused a mess i mean what i don't feel great about that though i don't want to drive a wedge between coral and basil but telling her i think it's a good idea after all feels like lying and i guess actively advocating for a potential train wreck is a further line for me than just agreeing to play my assigned voluntold baker role boo basil boo basil sucks chop you up put you on the lasagna Yeah, it's all you're good for. Yeah. Come on, we're gonna put you on a little margarita pizza. Yeah. Because you're useless unless you're on that pizza. Other Italian food. Mm-hmm. But there is a little bit left. Moreover, this was my first real conversation with Basil, and I have to say I'm not totally convinced he is a great person. I don't know if he has exactly manipulated her into going along with this, but it kind of feels that way. So what do I do? It's been a little while now since I talked to Basil, so I really do need to do something. Be it what Basil asked or further involving myself in drama by telling Coral that I don't think the wedding or the entire marriage is a good idea. Some of OP's comments. Elle Qtion says, honestly, make the cake. Bring it to your friend like yesterday. Tell her she can have the wedding like this or any other way she wants it to be. But using the save money for a boat is the second stupidest decision she's making right after marrying the selfish a-hole Basil. op says right i really don't have any issues making the cake anymore but i don't know how to approach the rest of the situation with basil janus 1981 says don't make the cake don't lie and say this nonsense is a good idea you seem pretty sensible apart from on this issue what the f is the matter with you this is all unacceptable you were 100 right the first time round stop backtracking and let's be clear this crappy couple are foisting wedding expenses onto other people so they can buy a boat. You're an idiot for even needing to ask what you should do. That is a needlessly harsh comment. Opie says, I just don't want to tell Coral about all of this and have her end up going through with the free wedding and marriage, which would almost certainly mean losing her as a friend. Whose name says makes me wonder if Basil is telling, forcing her not to respond. Continuing to try to check in and being a friend to listen could be much bigger than you think. Opie says, I hope that's not it. I will try to reach out to her another way. Yeah, I feel like if that is the case, then if she just reached out and was like, hey, I want to talk to you about the wedding stuff. Can we meet up? Then Basil would totally be like, oh, yeah, you could totally meet up with her. You could see what she has to say. And then she doesn't say what Basil wants her to say. Yeah, I think you could trick Basil. You could manipulate the manipulator. And that's the end of this story. We're going on to the next one. my best friend kept ignoring my boundaries and i'm finally losing patience i can't take it anymore i female 21 have a best friend of many years whom i am actually also roommates with right now we usually rather stayed in our separate social circles and didn't have any overlapping friends by the way this comes from kedge cutie and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time subreddit and i'm angie i'm sophia and we're here to give good advice goofily but we don't have all the answers we just know what we would do in the situation so let us know what you would do in the comments so op says she was actually rather apprehensive about introducing me to her friends for whatever reason they were mostly people from uni she was always saying we just wouldn't get along pretty well which i respected and didn't really mind i actually got to meet one of her friends at a local festival she was pretty nice i got her instagram but that's pretty much it i never hung out with her again nor did i ever try to message her or anything like that after that. I should mention, though, I feel like my friend maybe didn't really want me going there with them in the first place. As she proposed, I actually should go with someone else and we can maybe meet up for some time when we were already there. That's weird. As I really wanted to experience this event with her, I got to go anyway. I don't know. It was weird, but I tried not to think much about it at the time. When we hung out in any group setting, it was always me inviting her to go out with my other friends. Then I had a really bad, depressive episode for like two months where I limited contact with a lot of people and stopped going out as much. So the hangout stopped. Recently, I've been trying to get back on my feet, started uni and started looking for a new job. And also, of course, rebuilding my social circle. One day she came to me complaining about her current social situation and how she felt like her friends didn't really get her and how they were kind of just on a whole different vibe than her. She's also saying how she's a bit jealous of me for being approachable and that people just take interest in me in general. She was applying this to my dating life too, as I did have some flings here and there recently. I honestly don't see it that way. I do feel like I may have a problem maintaining friendships as a neurodivergent person, and I work hard to get what I have. Anyways, I tried giving her some advice, and a few days later I got invited to an outing to a bar with a couple of my old elementary school friends I haven't seen in a while. After giving it some thought, I decided to invite her too. This outing started a chain of hangouts with these same people, during some of which I also mixed in some of my other friends here and there. Everything was honestly fine until one dude, who she's seen literally once in her life, confronted me about how after he gave her his Instagram, she just started spamming him with DMs and talking about things she never even mentioned to me. Uh-oh. Aw, man. Ah, it's okay. Think we're getting to the bottom of it. Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe we just, I don't know, take the phone away. Chill out, dude. All right. We'll get him next time. Yeah. She usually shares minor updates about her interactions with other people, even stupid things like someone texting her. Yet she's never told me she's been privately texting my friends after all these hangouts. He ignored her and didn't reply, but I immediately got a bad gut feeling about this. One year ago, I got out of the worst relationship of my life with a very clingy and possessive person. That person had done something similar. After I introduced them to my friends, they immediately started constantly messaging them one by one, sending them reels and whatnot, even if they literally saw each other one time. I always tried to respect their boundaries and never initiated any contact with their friends when they weren't around. I never really minded that until I found out that during a rough patch in the relationship, they started to make plans with two of my friends behind my back and talked about specifics of our relationship with them which ultimately became one of the many deciding factors in my breakup with them I got effed over pretty badly during this breakup I admit This led me to having to cut off not only my ex, but also two of my friends who, while not explicitly saying it, decided to side with my ex while simultaneously maintaining a facade of neutrality. It was traumatizing. One of those nights, we both got introduced to a mutual friend of our friends, whom I immediately clicked with. He invited me to his Halloween party and I accepted as my other plans kind of fell apart. I actually thought I'd spend Halloween with my best friend, but she already made other plans without even considering me. I still didn't care though. We don't have to spend every waking hour together. I was really happy I got invited elsewhere and it was honestly super fun. This guy also immediately invited me to his birthday party, which I even helped to plan a little bit. Another situation that had taken place was she met a guy, not from the friend group, but someone I met briefly in the same bar a couple of weeks ago when he decided to hook up with one of my other friends. Oh boy. So anyway, my bestie and him, they have a thing going on now, I guess. He didn't really strike me as a great person, but when I tried to voice my concerns about him, she got very defensive about it and basically stopped sharing any details about her dates with him. Interesting. Uh-oh. I don't care. She has the right to keep things private, of course. I was just worried about her, especially because that guy kept updating my other friend that he hooked up with all about his new relationship. Yesterday, she brought the guy over for the night to our apartment without telling me a word. It was also the day of the birthday party I had planned, and I was actually really looking forward to it as I saw it as an opportunity to get away from the weirdness and relax. As I was getting ready, she asked me where I was going, and I replied honestly. She immediately told me, Oh my God, right, it's that guy's birthday. I totally forgot. But I was planning to send him wishes. Thanks for reminding me. She then proceeded to send him the most love-bomb-y text ever. What? While she literally has a guy at the apartment? Yikes, girl. Just say happy birthday. That's all. Hope you have a good day. Yeah. You forgot it was his birthday. Yeah. Like, clearly it doesn't mean that much to you. Weird. He, being a nice person and knowing that we live together, asked her if she wanted to go to the party with me. and that's what she did. She even wanted my help picking out a last-minute gift. Wait, I thought you had a guy over. Yeah, where is he? He's in the closet. He's just sitting there like... Yeah, he's like, oh, okay. She's like, what do you think about this outfit? He's like, oh, it's nice. Yeah. Okay, gotta go. I got pretty upset and emotional that I couldn't even have this one thing for myself. I didn't ruin the party for anyone, obviously. I tried to be nice, but towards the end of the party, I started feeling crappy and a little ignored, so I got mean and snappy to her before she left. None of that affected my relationship with the other people in the friend group. We talked normally after that, but she hasn't talked to me since yesterday. I honestly don't really want to talk to her either right now. On the other hand, I don't really care for petty beef and want to resolve this stupid conflict as fast as possible as I don't want any drama. I just don't honestly really know what to say except apologize for my reaction. I feel really strange and conflicted. She is constantly excluding me from her private life, yet expects me to always be available for her and doesn't mind including herself in anything I do. I think you have to have an honest conversation with her because technically, although overall she's in the wrong. Yeah. You are in the wrong in this specific scenario because you were rude. And she doesn't necessarily know why. Yeah. I feel like that's a hard thing to bring up because like if you if the problem is that she's including herself but excluding you, then it's like it could come off in a very like kind of whiny way. If you bring that up of like, hey, like you are always part of my life. I can't be a part of your life. Like, I don't want to be a part of your life, but I want you to not be part of my life as much. you know what I mean well I think it's just saying like hey I don't see a reciprocation yeah in terms of like and it feels like I'm always being very inclusive and I'm not getting that same energy back uh and I don't know if we can necessarily be at like I don't know if our friendship is gonna you know survive if we're not on the same page that's a good way to put it yeah Yeah. Yeah. Like, this is just kind of how it feels unfair. I think it's just saying, like, you know, I don't want to put in what you're not putting in. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good way to put it. There's a little bit more to the story. I also realize I might be triggered due to my previous trauma, but I can't help feeling uneasy in certain situations. I am really happy for her that she's coming out of her shell and even started dating again, even if I don't like the guy. But I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my autonomy and personal space a little bit here. I don't want to be one of those bitter people who introduces their friends to each other and then gets mad. But at the same time, she's not being honest and upfront with me. One thing the situation has told me is that I really need to step up my boundary game. But aside from that, is there anything else I can do? I'm honestly thinking about emotionally detaching from her completely for the moment. I feel really drained by this situation. Am I the a-hole for seeing this situation this way? And that's the end of that story. I think you got a couple options. one conversation set boundaries two distance and move out actually I guess there's only two yeah I wouldn't call you like an a-hole for looking at it this way but I think you know maybe this is especially if we have past trauma relating to this I think maybe this is a great chance to practice our communication skills and just work on yeah talking about it and like I feel like avoiding the situation isn't going to help anyone so like especially not yourself so yeah i would say at least try to talk just give it a try yeah and that's the end of this story we're going on to the next one my friend made me her full-time emotional support and i've had enough i'm sick of it i female 45 have been friends with jessica female 41 for 18 years we met in 2007 and became fast friends we used to have a wonderful friendship The kind where we could do fun activities or literally sit around all day just talking. I've always been the come to me for a laugh kind of friend and Jessica could always use a good laugh. By the way, this comes from Ebers90 and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okstorytime subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Angie. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, Jessica didn't have the best childhood. She had a broken home, an unstable mother, a basically absent father and a family that didn't approve of her lifestyle. Things were not good and it left her with a lot of trauma. On the contrary, I had a wonderful childhood with no real. Yeah, literally. Jokes on her. I had a great childhood with no real traumas to overcome. Because of this, I've always included Jessica in my family events. So she never felt she didn't have a place to go on holidays. One thing about me is that I always want my friends to feel like my family is their family because my friends are extremely important to me. I'm usually a hard nut to cry, so if someone gets through my shell, I know there's someone who will be in my life long term. Through the years I've known her, Jessica has been through a lot. she's suffered the loss of her grandparents two bad car accidents major surgeries difficult breakups financial hardships and all the mental and emotional pains that go along with that jessica also went through a lot i was there for all of it and did my best to support her i've lent her money 1700 more on that later brought her food when she couldn't afford it been her personal chauffeur after two back surgeries, helped clean her house, and countless other things. I've lived about 20 to 30 minutes from her and would go to her house three to four times a week, always with food in hand. None of the things I did was ever because she asked. It was because she was my friend and I loved her. I also knew she didn't have support from family or her other friends. When I met her, she had a pretty large group of friends, but none of them came around when times were hard. Jessica was always looking for people to replace the love she lacked as a child. I consider myself somewhat of an empath. So I picked up on that and tried to fill as much of her need to feel loved as I could. The first big situation Jessica had after we met was in 2008. At that time, she had a job but got injured at work, which resulted in surgery and left her unable to work. That's the worst time. Oh my gosh. Worst time not be able to work. Work made me not be able to work. Yeah. She struggled for several months until she asked me to lend her $1,700. Not going to lie, this struck me as odd since I had known her just shy of a year. That said, I had always been a bit of a Captain Save-A-Ho. What? So I lent her the money. We had a long conversation about how important it was to keep her word. We came up with a simple payment plan. She was to pay me at least $50 a month until I was paid in full. I only lent her the money because I had it available and at the end of the day it wasn't going to make or break me if I didn't get it back but it was the principal she paid me twice and I haven't seen a dime more wow against my better judgment I never mentioned it again but I let her know she would get no more loans from me genuinely I don't think I could be friends with someone who promised to give me back the $1,700 I loaned. Yeah. And then only ever gave me back a hundred bucks. Yeah. That is nowhere close. No. You're missing a lot there. Yeah. We've got, we've got like a month's worth of rent left. Yeah. Times that by 17. Yeah. Since Jessica had gotten hurt at work, she had workers comp case. This was something her job would eventually have to pay for, but she had to battle in court for a long time. during this time she got into two different car accidents geez jessica oh my gosh she was not at fault in either and both involved 18 wheelers from large trucking companies jessica literally has the worst luck of anyone i've known both accidents led to back surgeries my god i need to know more details about that because how are you getting in crashes with two 18 wheelers and it's not your fault that's what i'm wondering like i feel like at that point i'm like yeah how close were you to those cars right how two 18 wheelers two separate incidents right where were you where were you driving into them were you in the blind spot yeah like were you were you too close to the back of it or something and then it had to stop and they couldn't see you there just genuinely this person seems like like workplace accident yeah two 18 wheeler car crashes like that's like getting hit by a train. Yeah. Like that's as bad as it can get on the road. I just don't understand how they could just not see you there. Yeah. As you can imagine, these surgeries left her unable to take care of herself for a while. With no family support and friends who only like to be around for fun, I felt I needed to help her. Not only did I feel the need, I wanted to help. I made sure she ate, went to doctor's appointments with her, helped care for pets and supported her during bouts of depression. By early 2009 Jessica was doing much better. She could get around on her own and life mostly returned to normal. I noticed she was going out more and meeting other friends while I was still always the one going to her. When I asked her to come to my house I'd get excuses about her back hurting. Then I'd find out she was driving 20 minutes to lift big TVs and do other things that exacerbated her injury bro she wouldn't even check my social media genuinely at that point i feel like she is causing a lot of these injuries like i feel like she's not being careful yeah and then she's getting injured yeah what um at that point i stopped making much of an effort to be around her we went two to three months without talking until she called me crying she had woken up paralyzed on one side of her face she was diagnosed with bell's palsy She needed someone and I went straight to her. The idea of her struggling alone did not sit right with me. Everything went back to what it used to be. Me always going to her. She tried a little more in our friendship, but it was mostly the same as before. The more I write, the more I realize how much of a doormat I was being. My people pleasing ways. Around 2010, this is only three years into the relationship. Not a very long relationship, but a lot has happened. our friendship changed i moved in with my then boyfriend now husband and started a new job i saw her less but still hung out when i could she remained on disability had no job and was just getting by her physical health improved though she still had chronic pain and bell's palsy never fully went away it went like that for a few years until i moved three hours away and got married. I visited her when I went back for work. In 2014, she moved to a warmer state for her back pain. I was worried about her leaving her support system and selfishly, I was going to miss her. I understood why she wanted to go and hoped it improved her quality of life. From 2014 to 2018, we hardly talked. She usually initiated contact and I assumed she was adjusting to her new life. I kept in contact over social media around 2019 when I got pregnant with my third child we talked regularly again she had a bad breakup and needed someone to talk to I had time as a stay-at-home mom so I listened by the time the video we were spending hours on the phone I felt she became very dependent on me if I couldn't talk she would text or use social media when I could finally speak, she'd say, I need to talk to you, like it was my responsibility to be there immediately. When I needed someone, she wouldn't hesitate to say she couldn't talk or would turn the conversation into the Jessica show. My people-pleasing ways let this happen because I didn't want to make her life seem less important. She would also give me advice on my relationship or my children, even though she had no children and no stable relationship experience. I didn't appreciate her assuming knowledge of things she hadn't experienced. I now choose not to talk about personal issues with her, which isn't a hindrance. From 2020 to 2023, I felt like I spent every waking moment on the phone with her. My children and husband asked me to spend more time with them, not on the phone. Oh, wow. I didn't realize it was causing issues. That's... Wow, it's that bad? When you know it's real bad. Oh my gosh. You're spending that much time on the phone with her that your children and your husband are like hey yeah i don't think i've ever heard of that kind of situation spending that much time actually with the friend i well yeah not with a friend i had a person who uh did that with like a partner like literally yeah they just always would be on the phone with a partner that one i've heard more yeah but with the friend i've not heard that one crazy i explained this to her and she said she understood yet when something happened that required her ear i justified being on the phone telling myself it wasn't a big deal it started causing issues in my marriage you gotta stand up for yourself op you cannot let this friend who has never been there for you once ruin your marriage i decided to stop answering every time she called i would only talk when home alone she noticed and asked what was going on i told her and she made it about how my husband didn't like her i wouldn't like you either girl he had never liked jessica She came on too strong. That wasn't the issue. I told her so, but she wouldn't accept it. We argued because I refused to let her manipulate me. Her accusations left me feeling gaslit. Ever since that confrontation, I make a point not to fall back into that. I feel she tries to pick fights to keep me on the phone. We've been friends 18 years, so I know her life. And she knows I try to solve problems. I suggest solutions, but she accuses me of judging her past. I feel like I can't do anything right for her, so I prefer to talk less. Not too long ago, we had another heated argument. She told me I don't love her deeply enough. She set a boundary and didn't understand why I struggled to meet it. I felt overwhelmed and ended the conversation. We tried again a few days ago. I feel I met the boundary already. I believe this is just a new way for her to demand more. She brought up her trauma and said it was why she needs more. I feel for her, but her trauma isn't my responsibility. Yeah, I need to pause really quick too because a boundary is something that you don't cross. A boundary isn't like something that you have to meet. Like I'm assuming what her boundary was is like, oh, I need you. I need more attention from you because I feel like you don't love me. Which is not a boundary. That's yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's not that's absolutely not what that is. She's totally manipulating. Very much manipulating you. Whoa. I can no longer give more than I currently do. I know that my pulling back may feel like I abandoned her. am I the a-hole girl you are a self a-hole yeah self a-hole to yourself yeah stop being a self a-hole I really want you to figure this out and really stand up to her yeah you don't need to be doing this stuff I just need all of the comments to be like girl what are you doing she's not a good friend she's she wants like a relationship from you she wants you to be her wife yeah that's what she wants she wants you to be her wife obviously you know I'm not saying like she's in love with you. Sure. But she wants a romantic level attachment from you. Right. And she doesn't understand that that's not how this friendship is. No. But that is the end of that story. Good luck, Kopee. Good luck. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here. And we're going to get back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. Almost 30 years together, four kids and some of reality TV's most unforgettable moments. We know a thing or two about living life out loud. We're taking you behind the scenes in our new podcast, Between Us, with me, Heather Dubrow. And me, Terry Dubrow. Between Us isn't about perfect lighting or curated Instagram grids. It's the unfiltered, behind-closed-doors conversations you wish you could eavesdrop on. Equal parts smart, funny, and a little bit scandalous. Every week, Heather will bring you an unapologetic take on the headlines, the trends, and the cultural moments everyone's texting about. And Terry will deliver insider beauty, health, and wellness insights you won't find on TikTok. Together, we'll tell the stories, spill the secrets, and share the hacks that keep life, marriage, and everything in between feeling fresh and fun. We may live in a gated community, but there's zero gatekeeping here. And plenty of, did they just say that moments? Listen to Between Us on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Usually on this podcast will kill you we talk about the diseases infections and biological threats that can make us really sick But right now we doing something a little different We're stepping back and looking at what the human body needs to keep going. When you consider what we know about sleep in humans, there's one rule that comes out. We are predictably unpredictable sleepers. We're talking about why sleep works the way it does, why our bodies don't follow neat rules, and why modern life makes rest so hard to come by. The second half of our series takes us to the digestive system with a multi-part series on what happens after we eat. Okay, I just have to say that all of my favorite words apparently are digestive words. Sphincter, peristalsis, duodenum. It's fascinating, it's funny, and it matters so much more than you think. Episodes of our new series run from January 20th through February 17th, with new episodes every Tuesday on the Exactly Right Network. Listen to This Podcast Will Kill You as part of the Exactly Right Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Segregation in the day, integration at night. When segregation was the law, one mysterious Black club owner had his own rules. We didn't worry about what went on outside. It was like stepping on another world. Inside Charlie's Place, Black and white people danced together. But not everyone was happy about it. You saw the KKK? Yeah, they were dressed up in their uniform. The KKK set out to raid Charlie, take him away from here. Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him. From Atlas Obscura, Rococo Punch, and Visit Myrtle Beach comes Charlie's Place, a story that was nearly lost to time. Until now. Listen to Charlie's Place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 8809 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time separate it and i'm angie i'm carly and we're here to give good advice goofily but we don't have all the answers we just know what we would do in the situation so let us know what you would do in the comments so op says for backstory my significant other 31 now 29 when this started is a surgical resident who moved to my city for his training he's an only child and had never had a girlfriend before me his family decided together that they would move across the country to be in the same city for his residency The family dynamic was always mother-in-law and significant other, with father-in-law doing his own thing, even though they are still married. Father-in-law has been very isolated, made bad decisions in his marriage, and is trying to make up for it. I am a 26 female, but I was 24 when this started. Month zero to three, I began dating my significant other. Things between us grew quickly and steadily. I made genuine efforts to be resourceful and positive towards his mother. Months three to nine, my partner had met my family, and I was continuously inviting him to invite his family to dinner and different activities so they could meet people since they were new to town. He vented to his mom during moments of stress or confusion, normal early relationship anxieties, misunderstandings, and ups and downs. Mother-in-law interpreted these venting moments literally and negatively. Without me realizing it, she began forming a fixed negative view of me built on assumptions rather than interactions. We hadn't met at this point, but I wasn't upset because I was the first girlfriend and this was a big shift. For months 9 to 10, I finally couldn't take it anymore and didn't understand why she wasn't meeting me when she was in the same city for 9 months. He finally confessed that she refused to meet me. Behind the scenes, she continued building a narrative that I am controlling, manipulative, or not good enough for him. She kept planting seeds of doubt, but he defended me and stood up for me the whole time. For months 11 to 12, November and December, once my significant other told me about his mother, he started venting constantly. She was constantly nagging him about everything, telling him his hair was receding, that he was becoming a heavy drinker. He maybe drinks once a week, that he was a bad son, and that she missed what they used to have. what's the jab with the hair receding in there yeah right it's like oh you're not my son anymore you're drinking all the time in your hair you're going bald how dare you oh my god she said I miss when you would come home from work and strip down to your underwear and tell me about your day I'm sorry what mom no why are we doing that first of all why are we missing that I miss when my son would get naked and tell me all about his day. He's like, you can tell me about your day with your clothes on. Yeah, you can just come home and tell me about your day. That's all you need. But then she said all of this crazy stuff about me too, which she could not have known because he wasn't talking to her about me at that point. For example, she asked, why is she still at your apartment? We had each other's location, but then she mentioned a charm that I suggested he get her for Christmas. The only way she could know that was if she was on the same Apple ID. So he changed the Apple ID so we had private conversations and she went berserk. She cut him off of everything, including the phone plan, and didn't talk to him for a while. At this point, he didn't want to fully face how controlling and manipulative she was. He wasn't justifying her behavior, but it was like he didn't want to face it. She still hasn't met me at this point. Newsflash, she won't meet me. month 15 to 17 she finally reached back out and it was obvious it was very different because he realized how controlling she is but he didn't want to lose her because he doesn't have siblings and they aren't close to extended family several small incidents occurred where mother-in-law made passive or critical remarks that i'm controlling him replacing her or that he doesn't invest in their relationship blah blah blah but he didn't go over to their house to see them at all he was standing his ground. For his birthday, I made my last effort. I invited all of his friends to town to the Airbnb because he was sad about the relationship with his parents and I wanted him to be happy and see his support system. He had barely seen his best friend for six years because of med school and residency. I asked his friend to invite his parents to a brunch. I swore I would not show up and disrespect their boundaries. It was Easter, so I would be at church. She then went off on the friend because he suggested my significant other not see them anymore or give in since they refused to meet me. She only knew this because she read all the text messages. After she attacked him and didn't see her own son for his birthday, I wrote a really sweet letter. Here are the contents. Dear Mr. and Mrs., I wanted to take a moment and reach out with sincerity and hope. I truly respect the bond y'all share with your son and I see how deeply meaningful that bond is. It is clear how much y'all love one another as well as how close your family bond is. I deeply love and care about your son and I only want what is best for a significant other and your family. I understand and recognize that this has been a challenging and emotional season for everyone. I know how much family means to a significant other. As I share that priority with him, I only want to positively contribute to his life and relationships. With an open heart, I would love the opportunity to meet y'all and build a positive connection when the time feels right for everyone. I want to be mindful and respectful of your boundaries, so please let me know if and when you'd be open to meeting love op i did not hear back from them and of course they guilt tripped him and said that all he does is break their heart because i'm controlling him by not letting them see him for his birthday dude they just totally ignored that letter yeah 100 you send such a nice letter and just nothing and then it's just like okay great so we're gonna burn that then yeah gosh that was my last attempt at hope and i was completely done after that Now, month 18 to 20, he has not given up yet, as expected, so he started going over there once a week for three months to spend time with them and give in. He thinks if he meets them in the middle, then they will relent and meet me. He asked to make sure I was okay and comfortable with it, and I agreed, because the cutting them off from seeing him, but not all communication was cut off, so we needed something new. He was seeing them for three months, and it was getting a lot better. until he finally said that we are the two most important people in this life and he just wants a one and a half hour meeting with an open mind she then sent a long message saying she and his father refused to accept our relationship and will not bend she claims they have seen every text from me my family his friends and that they've heard voicemails and private conversations for a year so yeah we're just like fully admitting to crime here now i'm just also like we are so far into this relationship at this point i'm shocked one that their first relationship has lasted this long two through all of this yes like because that's already impressive for like oh my god this is my first relationship and now it's like right yeah based on this she accused me of being manipulative controlling and constantly pushing my significant other and claimed she had a therapist confirm it she says i dictate everything in the relationship and labeled me as a self-absorbed person with adhd at minimum treating adhd as a flaw she also added harsh unnecessary comments about my looks intelligent and work ethic claiming i am not good enough for him but saying that's not why they shun me he then said to her i'm sorry that you feel that way i love her and when you're ready to be in our lives we are here what a great response that is yeah just like yeah okay well i i'm choosing her too bad so sad you had your time literally like that's it reminds me of like when i was younger and i would be crying about something stupid probably because i was a kid and my mom would literally be like okay well i can't understand you so you need to go stop crying and come back to me when you're done crying like that and this is like what they're doing yeah okay mom i'll be waiting i'll be waiting have your temper tantrum come meet my girlfriend when you're done yeah literally it's like come on dude come on month 20 to 24 my significant other pulled back completely from communication with mother-in-law he has not spoken to her for a month and a half during this time his dad underwent major hip surgery my significant other reached out to his dad only to ask how he was his dad responded coldly mother-in-law did not respond at all present moment my significant other remains no contact with mother-in-law mother-in-law has chosen to stand by her message with zero apology or acknowledgement my significant other is grieving the realization that she has been controlling and manipulative so that's it that's the story what do y'all think how can i support him have y'all had similar situations and there are some comments but um what do you think i feel like she's already been doing it like you've been there you've been super understanding about everything you can be there to comfort him like let him talk about it kind of thing but ultimately i feel like if if he finally broke and was like we'll be here waiting i choose her kind of thing yeah like things will probably be fairly smooth but there are some comments comment number one says he might benefit from some counseling with a therapist familiar with enmeshed family dynamics. That was a very sweet letter you sent his parents. You've done all that you can. Comment number two says, all this while doing a surgical residency? Do they realize they could jeopardize all his hard work? What horrible people. OP says he failed his boards last year because she started a massive fight. Luckily, he gets to retake it again and no one really cared, but he scored a 99th percentile on the MCAT, so test taking isn't the issue. Comment number three says, my crazy family had my Apple ID on lockdown too. Did you ever figure out how they managed to do that? I still can't figure out how they did that to me still. Opie says, his passwords are really easy if you know him. If you know one, you know all of them and she just figured it out. Or she was looking at his iPad that was there and figured out the password. How did yours figure out your stuff? did they read it can you expand i feel so weird because i haven't met them but my privacy was so violated and i don't know how to feel someone else responds it may have had to do with me being on a family plan but aside from that i have no idea i'm sorry you're going through that but what did work for me was making an entirely new icloud account with a new email that they weren't aware of and that plan go into your settings check which phone numbers and emails sharing to It's usually that. Oh, wow. Okay. And that's the end of this story. We're going on to the next one. My mother-in-law kept disregarding our newborn space and I'm losing my mind. I'm going to lose my marbles. So my partner and I are new parents to a four-month-old. I've unfortunately had a lot of negative experiences with his mother ever since we shared the pregnancy with her. She is constantly trying to tell us what to do and control situations. We do not live with her and we do not rely on her for anything. I tried so hard to be around her and do things as a family. I just really want to know if I'm the a-hole. By the way, this comes from suspiciousgr9756. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okstorytime subreddit. I'm Carly. I'm Angie. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we would do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. N.O.P. says, Since I've had my daughter, her dad hasn't really wanted to text everyone about her or send pictures. I, on the other hand, have sent his family, including his mother, pictures at their request and when I wanted to share things with them. I don't want anyone to assume that I started this. I was letting her babysit our daughter. I was sending photos and updates, all of the things. I wasn't doing too much with it, but I tried. I wanted my daughter to be around her family, especially her grandparents. I had great relationships with my grandparents growing up. Spending whole summers with them was great. And of course, I want that for my baby. However, she said and done a lot of things that made me very uncomfortable and upset. Firstly, when I was pregnant, she kept telling me where to go and what to do for everything. I had already planned everything out, and she just would keep trying to control things because that's what she did. I, of course, listened to her advice, but always ended up doing what I wanted because it's my pregnancy. I also have plenty of women in my family giving me advice as well, so I didn't really need her trying to guide me. We wouldn't even talk to her about things until after we already decided. It's a difference between wanting to be involved and wanting to control. So yeah, like I said, she just kept saying what we do or don't need and do or should and shouldn't do with our daughter. That unwarranted advice irked me so bad because she has her own five kids. She did what she wanted with them. Let me do what I want with mine. I'm venting. Sorry. Anyways, the whole pregnancy was like that. Then when I was in labor, she apparently was out in the waiting room complaining. Hey, speed it up in there. Take it so long. I got dinner reservations. I've been exclusively naturally feeding my baby since birth Well, when I was a few days postpartum, she said about the baby crying That baby is crying because she wants a bottle Or that baby is crying because she wants a pacifier Mind you in the hospital, I literally broke down crying with one of the nurses Because I was having trouble nursing So that really hurt a lot Especially since I had just had my daughter and was having a lot of emotions When the baby would cry around her, she would get up in my face and put her hands out saying, here, give her to me. I didn't because what? I'm a first time mom, but this isn't my first time taking care of a baby or child. For her to do that was just, why not let me figure out how to do things? She was only crying for maybe a minute or two, by the way. She did a lot of other small things that I can't think of right now, but enough altogether to make me not want her around. Then a few weeks ago, she did something really weird. I was about to get my period and wasn't feeling well mentally. I was seriously about to check myself in somewhere because my hormones were so messed up and I was scared it was really bad postpartum stuff. I wasn't just having messed up hormones, especially since I'm still naturally feeding. I hadn't felt like that since even with previous periods. I was really upset and not feeling myself. I asked my boyfriend to put our daughter down for a nap while I ate and calmed myself down. Guess who comes over uninvited and unannounced? His mother, of course, being loud while our daughter is trying to sleep. Side note, she's come over before when she was sleeping to ask to hold her, which I said no. But my boyfriend said she wouldn't wake up. It's fine. And guess what? She woke up. Another side note, my daughter has had so much trouble with sleep. So in the early days, getting her a nap was a big win and that really upset me. When we would let her babysit, she said, we don't do that over here when she yawned implying that she wasn't going to let her nap. I had to tell her she needed a nap and what time. Like what? We just, we don't, we don't believe in naps over here in our house. I will say, I'm sure not at four months old, but when I was like a toddler and stuff, my mom wanted to hang out with me too much. So I didn't nap. stop that's so funny and i am terrible at napping now i cannot sleep in the middle of the day oh my gosh that is so funny my boyfriend continued holding our daughter and getting her to sleep anyways she comes into the bedroom i'm in sitting on my bed and says hi but of course not just hi she starts looking around the room sees my wig she starts laughing about it then since i'm literally in my own bed, in my own room, in my own apartment that she came unannounced to. My front airbags are falling out of my bra a bit. I didn't get a chance to fix them because I didn't know she was coming into the bedroom. I thought she was just talking to my boyfriend. They aren't even fully out there, but she says, sweetie, fix your bra. I look down. Then she keeps saying it. I didn't fix it because I'm literally in my own home. They weren't fully out, by the way. I just kept blank staring at her because I really didn't want to be rude. After that, I just didn't want to be around her. She's constantly making me uncomfortable and upset over stepping boundaries. Then she calls my boyfriend and tells him he must attend Thanksgiving dinner with her. Even though he told me multiple times, he wants to stay home. She basically told him that our daughter and he both need her around. Said they both need to be around family for support and stuff. I understand wanting family around but why is she telling him what to do she also told him that her daughter is going to walk and she doesn need to learn to crawl she was saying all types of things on the phone call i sorry that crazy that baby just going from laying down to walking in right up just genuinely trying to control my daughter and him my boyfriend has no backbone and just agrees to everything but this mother-in-law's cuckoo cuckoo and i hate that last sentence that we just read of like the boyfriend having no backbone because yeah that was the only think i was thinking that you could really do like let's have him yeah like obviously you can say something you can confront or whatever but like the person that would have the most say in this situation is your boyfriend i was also so held up about the fact that op was more upset that the mom wanted boyfriend and daughter to and baby to go somewhere even though he didn't want to and not even the fact that she totally didn't cop an invite there like he was like like my son and and your new baby like you guys come to Thanksgiving. Like, where was your invite, girl? Right, yeah, what the heck? I'd be more mad about that. Yeah, right? I don't know what to do. I told him if he wants us there, then we will go. But he said we don't have to. I know he does want to see some family. He's been dodging all of his mom's calls and texts for weeks prior to their phone call. I feel like she thinks that's my doing since he's never been like that. But I don't know. He's just not been wanting to talk to her lately. I even asked him if he's going through anything but he says he's not i don't know what to do about turkey day my family wants to see me too so it's hard i'm not comfortable having our daughter over there without me because her dad has no backbone and i know that boundaries will be crossed everyone in his family wants to give her food and she's not ready yet according to the pediatrician i know they'll try because that's the type of people they are any advice am i the a-hole we have some comments uh let's say you not the a-hole yeah definitely i feel like that's so so easy to see yeah comment one not the a-hole come into my house come into my bedroom unannounced and tell me to fix my bra get out of here literally lol sounds like your other half is seeing with clear eyes now and as he's not willing to speak up avoiding is his tactic maybe it's taken having a kid and his mom's overbearing attitude coming out to really see it. Go to your parents for Thanksgiving. Life is too short to spend important family times with people you'll have to fend off constantly. Commenter 2, not the a-hole. Oh my gosh, I would never let her in my house again. I would avoid her for eternity. She's burnt the bridge with you. Kin keeping her is 100% on the boyfriend now. If he wants her to be connected with his child, he can send the pictures and arrange times to see her. You can just escape. and that's the end of that story wow wow wow yeah i really want your boyfriend to grow backbone i really want your mother-in-law to like quit it yeah that's hard to do but i feel like neither are gonna happen but maybe yeah maybe things can calm down yeah like honestly i think if your boyfriend doesn't say anything you just need to start saying things yourself which i mean i'm sure you i'm sure you would but like maybe talk about that to your boyfriend just like hey this needs to happen. I don't want to be rude because that's way worse for me to be rude than for you to be rude. Can you just be rude please? Yeah like can you set these boundaries because she'll listen to you. It's not even rude. Fully just being like hey and we're not coming to Thanksgiving. Yeah that's all. Like she's going to listen to you if you set boundaries more than she would listen to me. Like maybe she won't listen to you but she would definitely listen to me less. So please do that so I don't have to be mean to her. And that's the end of this story. We're going on to the next one. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axolotl host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. Almost 30 years together, four kids and some of reality TV's most unforgettable moments. We know a thing or two about living life out loud. We're taking you behind the scenes in our new podcast, Between Us, with me, Heather Dubrow. And me, Terry Dubrow. Between Us isn't about perfect lighting or curated Instagram grids. It's the unfiltered, behind-closed-doors conversations you wish you could eavesdrop on. Equal parts smart, funny, and a little bit scandalous. Every week, Heather will bring you an unapologetic take on the headlines, the trends, and the cultural moments everyone's texting about. And Terry will deliver insider beauty, health, and wellness insights you won't find on TikTok. Together, we'll tell the stories, spill the secrets, and share the hacks that keep life, marriage, and everything in between feeling fresh and fun. We may live in a gated community, but there's zero gatekeeping here. And plenty of, did they just say that moments? Listen to Between Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Usually on This Podcast Will Kill You, we talk about the diseases, infections, and biological threats that can make us really sick. But right now, we're doing something a little different. We're stepping back and looking at what the human body needs to keep going. When you consider what we know about sleep in humans, there's one rule that comes out. We are predictably unpredictable sleepers. We're talking about why sleep works the way it does, why our bodies don't follow neat rules, and why modern life makes rest so hard to come by. The second half of our series takes us to the digestive system, with a multi-part series on what happens after we eat. Okay, I just have to say that all of my favorite words apparently are digestive words. sphincter, peristalsis, duodenum. It's fascinating. It's funny. And it matters so much more than you think. Episodes of our new series run from January 20th through February 17th with new episodes every Tuesday on the Exactly Right Network. Listen to this podcast will kill you as part of the Exactly Right Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Segregation in the day, integration at night. When segregation was the law, One mysterious Black club owner had his own rules. We didn't worry about what went on outside. It was like stepping in another world. Inside Charlie's place, Black and white people danced together. But not everyone was happy about it. You saw the KKK? Yeah, they were dressed up in their uniform. The KKK set out to raid Charlie, take him away from here. Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush you. From Atlas Obscura, Rococo Punch, and Visit Myrtle Beach comes Charlie's Place, a story that was nearly lost to time. Until now. Listen to Charlie's Place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I accidentally shouted at my mother-in-law, and they never got over it. Say it with your chest. Me, 29 female, and my husband, 32 male, got married last month in October, but we've been together for eight years. All right, hey, you did it. You tied the knot. Good for you guys. He proposed in March, and we planned for a quick wedding as we want children, but he wanted to be married first. By the way, this comes from user ObviousWeekness3124, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okstorytime separate. I'm Dakota. I'm Vincent. And we're here to give you good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we would do, so let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, At the beginning of our relationship, things were rocky with his parents. However, when we bought our first house, things did a 180, and suddenly they loved me! When we started planning the wedding, my mother-in-law wanted to be involved as much as she could. Fine by me, I love her a lot. I even call her Mum. Um, however, despite the love, there just wasn't a lot to plan. As we had the wedding abroad and had a wedding planner doing most of the work due to me and my husband both working long hours. Think 15 hour days for me and a lot of his work is out of the country. I would ask her opinion on things where I could and she even came dress shopping with me. Now on to the main event. The wedding was going great. The ceremony went off without a hitch and we sat down for dinner. I suddenly came over really ill. My husband knows me very well, sees that I'm unable to eat my food, looks at me and says, You're about to be sick. He isn't wrong. I'm struggling to even take one bite of food. My sister-in-law, my brother's wife, sees that I'm struggling and comes over. She understands how I am and is just asking if I want to step outside for some air. Seeing this, my mom, mother-in-law, and maid of honor also come over, and now I am becoming very overwhelmed. My mom starts touching me, and I say, please don't touch me. Then my maid of honor does the same, so I repeat myself, please don't touch me. Then my mom does it again, so I again repeat myself, please don't touch me, along with my sister-in-law trying to tell everyone to back up at this point i thought my mother-in-law had walked away as i could no longer see her but suddenly i had two hands land on my arms and start rubbing them up and down i was startled to say the least and then with my voice admittedly raised i said please don't touch me i said it before and i said it again seems like an honest just like overwhelmed. I don't even, I wouldn't even say it's a mistake. Yeah, you're about to hurl on your wedding day and you've repeated yourself three to four times at this point. Yeah, it's just, don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me. Oh my God, why are you touching me like that? Don't touch me. Yeah. So it turns out my mother-in-law had walked behind me without realizing and was the one who then put her hands on my arms. After my outburst, my mom and mother-in-law walked away back to their table and my maid of honor and sister-in-law took me outside to my dad's apartment. All accommodation was on site and I proceeded to be sick. I felt a lot better after being sick, did the cake cutting, then it was time for the first dance. I felt ill again, but as soon as the first dance was over, I felt 100%. We put it down to me being nervous and sitting down having bottomed out my adrenaline. I felt bad for my outburst towards my mother-in-law, but I didn't see her for the rest of the evening. As we were all getting ready to leave the next day, I went up to her and said, I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday. That wasn't my intention, and I apologized for my action. I had rehearsed it beforehand to make sure I got it right, so I then proceeded to let her know why I think I felt so ill. Now, cut to last weekend, roughly a month after the wedding. We popped around to our in-laws and it wasn't the first time we had seen them since the wedding. We were all having a great time, eating dinner, etc. And after dinner, my mother-in-law went upstairs to grab something for my husband. And my father-in-law then asked me to explain what happened on the wedding day regarding my outburst. I explained and he then raised his voice at me, stating that he would not have any of that behavior now that I carry his family name and that it was unacceptable. Hey, Pops, you're making it worse. You're the one now making it a thing. Yeah, chill it, Gramps. You're the one instigating now. Mother-in-law, mom seems like she's all right. I do love that it's such a dad thing to get in the middle of something they weren't there for and then they're like, I'm going to make it worse and now I'm making it worse. I wasn't there the first time, but I want to be important now. He said I have an image to uphold and that it will not be spoken of again. And it's the end of the discussion. I was shocked, but I thought, okay, he isn't happy and he's allowed to have his opinion. I then asked him how he would have liked me to handle the situation so I could learn from it. But before I could get past the word situation, he started telling me to shut up and that it is the end of the conversation. where is your husband? Once anyone starts like disrespecting you your husband's got to like bring it up. Yeah. Yeah where's he? Where's your husband to say no you dad no you shut up actually. I tried again to say I just want to know what I could have done better. And at this point he went off on a tirade calling me disrespectful. I stood up looked at my husband and said we are leaving. I don't need to sit here and be spoken to like this. I started gathering my stuff. Father-in-law then continued to tell me that this is why I have no friends because I am stubborn and disrespectful. He said my husband needs to instill into me how to behave properly. He continued shouting, but I had not blown up or started shouting back. My husband tried to intervene while I gathered everything. I was crying as father-in-law said some truly horrible things. Again, where is your husband? Where is your husband to shut this down? This is insane. Mother-in-law came back downstairs wondering what was going on, and my brother-in-law sat at the dinner table in shock. Then father-in-law said my apology to mother-in-law was a half apology. He claimed he listened in on it, and all I said was, I'm sorry if I upset you, which is not true, because you then did apologize for your actions. I was giving my mother-in-law My mother-in-law hug at the time of the apology, so how would he have even heard the rest that was to her ear as I was trying not to make a scene? I tried to tell him that the full apology was as I stated above, but he wasn't having it. Mother-in-law and I then headed into the hallway as I was putting on my shoes to go. Eventually, I just left because I could not listen to what else he was saying. I waited in the car for half an hour before my husband came out as he was still inside trying to talk to his parents to find out where this was all coming from. It turned out there was more. His mom wasn't happy that I asked her to change her hair on the day. The hair and makeup artist was doing mine and my mother-in-law's hair and makeup in the bridal suite. Mother-in-law showed me a front-facing photo of her hair. I said, looks great, and wasn't aware she was going for the same style as me, even down to the pins in the same position. When I saw it, I gently said, oh, wait, that's how I'm having my hair. And my sister-in-law said, yeah, that will have to change. So she changed it, which took all of three minutes. Apparently, she wasn't happy about this. Anyway, my husband and I were in the car and started heading home. We got five minutes down the road, and he said he needed to turn back as he really needed the toilet. We live an hour away. So we went back, and I stayed in the car. I'm sorry. At that point, you just had this big blow-up. You're losing a sleeve in the woods, man. I mean, hey, what better way, though, to cap off a blow-up than by blowing up their bathroom? Dude, don't flush. You know? Make it gnarly. Yeah, give him some work. Mother-in-law came out to talk to me while I was in the car asking to please not let this come between the family. Why are you talking to her? Talk to your husband. Yeah, he's the one who brought it up. This isn't her thing. At all. This is 100%. This was your husband, the father-in-law. Everyone needs to stop talking to OP about this. Yeah, OP's a bystander in this. She said that when she joined the family, I wouldn't believe what she went through and that father-in-law isn't feeling well, which is why he's acting like this. Which honestly makes so much sense because I don't know if you know anyone with like chronic pain or whatever. But when people who experience a lot of pain like have flare ups, oh my God, they become horrific to be around or they can. Like it's certainly a thing. Yeah, I've known some people who, like, they've just had pain that they haven't addressed for years. And then once they address it with, like, a surgery or, like, taking care of whatever problem that is, they're like, oh, wow, I had so much energy focused on just being mad. Yeah. Because of this pain. It's like, oh, wow. But... Frees you up quite a bit. Yeah. This weekend, I got a phone call from my mother-in-law. We had a normal conversation. Then she asked what our plans were for the concert this coming weekend. I said, to be honest, I do not feel safe or comfortable being in the same room as father-in-law at this time. She said, oh, just push through. It will be fine. I repeated that I would not be comfortable. And she said just to come. I said to her that I'm not willing to put myself into a position that would be uncomfortable. ball. Mother-in-law then went on to say, I just need to hear him out as he has a lot more to say. At this point, I gave the phone to my husband and said to him, I can't do this. Please talk to her. And I walked away. I want them to have a good time at the concert and I would just be on edge the whole time as it is a stay away concert. I think I have covered everything, but to be honest, I probably haven't. So am I the a-hole? And that is the end of that story. How could you possibly be the a-hole? You were just berated by your father-in-law. Yeah, it sounds like you tried to make amends like the next day and then it got brought back up. No, this isn't on you. And that's the end of this story. This Women's History Month, the podcast Keep It Positive, Sweetie celebrates the power of women choosing healing, purpose, and faith, even when life gets messy. Love is not a destination. You have to work on it every day. Keep It Positive Sweetie creates space for honest conversations on self-worth, love, growth, and navigating life with grace and grit, led by women who uplift, inspire, and tell the truth out loud. I have several conversations with God and I know why it took 20 years. To hear this and more, listen to Keep It Positive Sweetie on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, son. Time to put out this campfire. Dad, we learned about this in school. Oh, did you now? Okay. What's first? Smokey Bear said to, first, drown it with a bucket of water, then stir it with a shovel. Wow, you sound just like him. Then he said, if it's still warm, then do it again. Where can I learn all this? It's all on SmokeyBear.com with other wildfire prevention tips. Because only you can prevent wildfires. Brought to you by the USDA Forest Service, your state forester, and the Ad Council. Almost 30 years together, four kids, and some of reality TV's most unforgettable moments, we're taking you behind the scenes in our podcast Between Us with me, Heather Dubrow. And me, Terry Dubrow. The unfiltered behind-closed-doors conversations you wish you could eavesdrop on. And plenty of did-they-just-say-that moments. But what's the latest rumor I'm gay, right? First of If I were gay, I would be gay. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Between Us, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.