Come join the Patreon! It's a huge community now with loads of extra cool stuff. Patreon.com forward slash show lo can go. Yeah, anyway, I hope you enjoyed the golden pants, Ney. Sorry about all the... Thanks for listening. Why don't you show me the levels? What? Test. Test. Where's the bloody... Oh, is that even recording if I can't see the... Test. Golden pants, Ney. Sherlock and Co. Test. John Watson testing the mic in his bedroom. 221B Baker Street. Test. Test. On the 10th of December, 2023. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Sorry, I didn't want to just... No, no, it's okay. But I could hear you. What are you doing? I'm just re-recording the end of Golden Pants, Ney, part three. It goes out in like... Two days. Yep. Right. Okay. Two things. I know your mom just stayed over, but guess what? Oh, no. What did she do? Please don't let her be weird. No. Nothing. I was just saying. Now, my mother is visiting. Oh. Okay. Ooh, great. She's gonna have my room and I'm gonna have the couch, so the office is kinda... It's fine. Don't worry. And the second thing. Speaking of the office, Stanley Hopkins is on the phone. Oh. Is it about the case? He says it's something else and he needs you right now. Okay. Um... Okay. My name is Dr John Watson. Once of the British Army Northumberland Fusillier Regiment. Now, a true crime podcast that based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. The End Morning. No. Morning, morning, morning. Welcome to the... Something of July 2025. I am your tourist partner for the day. Dear Marianna has ventured off to... I don't know, Spain? I think. I wasn't listening. So we, even though we promised it to each other after a few pints... Please. No. We promised we were going to have a touristy day in London, did we not? No. Ha ha ha. Look. Look, it's on your calendar. Trains of Northern Europe 2025 calendar. Good Lord, mate. Tourist day with Watson, it proclaims. Huh? Ha ha ha. Calendar says it. That means it must be done. Your rules, not mine. Up we get. Up we get to quote a really irritating guy I know. Chop chop, the game is afoot. Watson, up we go. This core is defective. Yeah, they all are. Just aim for the teddy near the actual chute. I don't want that teddy. Well, we don't want any teddies. We just want you to win, you complete. Oh. Oh, that's unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. Look at the caramel. Mmm. Oh ho. And on your right, you'll see Harrods. There it is. Look. Yes, I have seen it. Watson. You can buy many, many things in Harrods, and even as late as the 1960s, you could buy a real lion cub. Lion cub? Yeah. That's crazy. Can we get off this bloody bus now? Wow, look at this one. Here lies Sir Isaac Newton, incredible. I like this one. What, Isaac Newton? No, Westminster Abbey. Very appealing. Very satisfactory tourist activity. Yeah, dead famous folk. What's not to like? I with grief and extreme age shall perish, and nevermore behold thy face again. Therefore take with thee my most grievous curse. Whisper the spirits of thine enemies, and promise them success and victory. Bloody thou art, bloody will be thy end. Shame serves thy life, and doth thy death attend. Stay! Madame, I must talk a word with you. I have no more sons of the royal blood for thee to slaughter, Richard. All unavoided is the doom of destiny. Nasty bastard, mate. I'm telling you. I don't quite understand how you hold such disdain for a man that lived over 500 years ago. Well, because, you know, Richard III is just like one of those guys, isn't he? How could we possibly determine if he is one of those guys? Yeah, well, you know, that play we just watched for a start. I mean, Shakespeare doesn't get much wrong, does he? William Shakespeare provides us with many things, but accurate insight into a king that was at least 100 years before his time is not one of them. Yeah, the whole time through that, though, I was just thinking, you know, laugh it up, dicky mate, because some weird woman's going to find you in a car park in Leicester one day. Sorry, I don't quite follow. Richard III was in a car park. Yeah, he was buried in one. In a car park. Well, no, someone just chucked his body in a ditch back in the day. And the car park was later constructed. That's right, yeah, yeah, killed in battle, I think. Big acts to the face, as you do. And, um, he was dragged naked by a horse for a while. Why? Don't know. Don't know. I guess they didn't have TV back then, so you've got to make your own fun, haven't you? Once again, it seems rather cruel. Ha, ha, because he was a bell-end, mate. And being dragged naked by a horse befits such a person, does it? Oh, you too, man. Oh, hey, Wiggins! You make this eavesdropping business painful, Jesus. Watson here was discussing the demise of Richard III. Yeah, Sherlock feels bad for a man that is literally the cockney rhyming slang for turd. Don't you guys work no more? Uh, we're on holiday. You're on holiday? Yep. In London? Yep. The place where you live? Yeah, we've been tourists. Look, take our picture. Come on, man, are you kidding? Please don't. It means Tower Bridge, come on. I mean, look at that beaut. Actually, you get in the picture too, Wiggins. Come on, in you get, Wiggins. Oh, you're not getting in the picture. Do we have to smile? Yes. Three, two, one. Cheers. Cheers. Ha ha ha ha, glorious. Done. Is this what happens when the boss goes away, is it? Oh, well, yeah. Firstly, Mariana is our business partner, not our boss. Secondly, how did you know she's away? Cos I know everything and everyone. In fact, your boss pays me to know those things. Oh, you know everyone, do you? Everyone that matters, pal. Like, I don't know this lad here on the bike. You all right, Wiggins? Oh, maybe I do. Ah, can you not? What? Don't lean over the side. Why not? I'm looking at the river. Yes, but I'd rather you didn't. Why? Rather mesmerising though, isn't it? The churn and flow of the water. The reason why, Sherlock, is I don't want you to fall into the river. Well, I coined a wange to nail. I'd survive it. Yeah, and I'd survive another two hours of Shakespeare, mate. It doesn't mean I want to do it. Quite the remarkable structure, isn't it? Tower Bridge. Mm-hmm. Very nice. Do you fancy a pint, Wiggles? We're not doing this Wiggles thing, all right, John? Why not? I like it. A technological marvel of the Victorian era. Imagine being present in 1894 for its erection, Watson. Yeah, no thanks. Just imagine the erection, man. Are you picturing the erection, yeah? I would say act your age, but you are actually a child. I'm 18. Well, 18 and under get discounted tickets at the Tower of London, mate, if you want to join us for our next tourist experience. Never mind discounted. I'll get you in there for free, man. Thought you wanted a point. Wait, wait, wait. You can get us in for free? Yup. Why? Because I know everyone. Right, right. Hmm. Hmm. Something free or a pint of beer. Quite the predicament for you, isn't it, Watson? This is now known as the Bloody Tower, of course, but when it was first built in the 1200s, it was known as the Garden Tower. A much nicer name, I think we'd all agree. But its notoriety eventually prompted the new title, nothing more notorious, of course, than the murder of Edward V and Richard of Shrewsbury. Just 12 and nine years old at the time, they were put into the tower by their uncle, the safekeeping. But they were never seen again, and that uncle became the king we know as Richard III. See, told you, mate, wanker. Sorry, what was that? Uh, I just said it. It's very sad. Very sad. Very disturbing for the people at the time. The princes in the tower as they were known. Their disappearance prompted a furious backlash and the uprising by Henry Tudor, who eventually defeated Richard in battle and took the crown for himself, becoming Henry VII. That, of course, is the convenient truth. The inconvenient one is that Henry himself disposed of the boys and used it as a touch paper from which his rebellion was lit. And if you'd like to follow me, come through this way. See, told you, mate. This Thames path goes on forever. Not quite. How long does it go on for then? It finished back at the flood barrier in Woolwich. Oh. But this particular trail will continue right to its mouth, where it breaks out into its estuary before emptying into the North Sea. Yeah, right. Well, maybe we don't go all the way to the North Sea. How about that? Where are we now? Graves End. Wow. We cycled to Kent. We did indeed. Now we really are on holiday. If we turn off here. Yeah, Roger that. Turning off doing the little cyclist hand signal. It's a bit dainty in my execution there, but otherwise pretty good. We can just eventually take the high street right up to Ebsfleet and then return to the path. OK, fine. Why don't we just... Because I'm hungry. Not fair enough. Can you slow down, please? I don't know where the high street is. You do, apparently. You do know you've been here before. What the hell are you talking about? Come on. He is talking absolute rubbish. Rubbish, I tell you, dear listeners. Oh, hold on. You, the youths. Stupid bug. Lovely. Nothing like being mocked by intimidating teenage boys. Really gives you a boost of confidence. Ah, shit. Oh, for God's sake. Great. Great. Thank you. Flat tire. Flat... What? Hilarious. Mate, hilarious. Nice balaclava, by the way. You know it's a heat wave right now. Watson. You really are ugly. You need to cover it up. Will you please just ignore them? Did your mummy knit it for you? Did she? I'll get her to make me one when I see her. Shut your mouth. I'm picking her up at eight. Yeah, so if you want to be all tucked up in bed by then. Yeah? Man, when I act up. Man, when I act up, you keep moving like that, yeah? I'm not acting up, mate. It's just it's nearly your bedtime, isn't it? Have a little bubble bath with your boyfriend here. Oi, big mistake, bro. Big mistake, yeah? I'm in trouble now if a man is in big, big trouble. Oh, I'm in trouble. Am I? Oi, get off. Please move away. Thank you. Make fucking smoke that little pussy-ass bitch. Niggie's face broken. Ask him for change. Karma's gonna catch you. Oh, and what about you? You a fucking choir boy or something? There's no karma chasing you, is there? Watson, please. I am attempting to de-escalate. Oh, no, sorry. Sorry, mate. The right reverend bell end here was just delivering justice. Your man's moving bare mad here. He's gonna get dipped. My man will not get dipped. And neither is he moving bare mad. He is frustrated at your taunts. That is all. And the flat tire. Bro was moving mad with his mouth. Yeah. Man's gonna hold that. Yo, you regret chatting reckless fam, yeah? You regret it. I'm army, mate. Yeah, and I'm a doctor. I'll kick your ass, and then I'll stitch you back up if I'm feeling bad about it, which I definitely won't be. What was my man talking about? Move away, gentlemen. You don't touch me, bro. Please, I am asking that you just get... Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Put the knife down. Put the knife down. I could have knocked them out. All three of them. Yes, I'm sure. They didn't have to slash the other tire with that knife, did they? You know, I would have hit the big one first, and then when the other two would have come for me, do you know what I would have done? No, I do not know, because it is a total fantasy and a fiction which is materialising entirely within your own mind. Look, I held my own there. Not really. What do you mean, not really? If it wasn't for my de-escalation... They wouldn't have been able to get us both, mate. All right? Except they were armed, and we are not. I'm armed with a quick whip, mate. There's no greater weapon. I assure you, there is. Oh, God, there is something about pushing a bike, isn't there? Nothing feels more defeating. Nothing. Except when you have to give up on the chopsticks and go for a fork. It's total defeat. You will be on a new bike momentarily. Who does that to someone riding a bike? I mean, what in the name of jee- Oh, sorry, just realised we were next to a church. You're too slow. I will cycle to the high street. There may be other cycle hires, and we can make the swap. We're not in London any more, Dorothy. Dorothy? It doesn't matter. If you can find one, that'd be great. Thanks. One moment. Yeah, bye. Wonderful. Just walking in a graveyard, and... podcasting, obviously. I don't quite know if this is disrespectful or respectful. Or just neither of those. Just a neutral sort of, neither disrespectful nor respectful sort of thing. So, yeah, this is a graveyard in Gravesend. Gravesend in Kent. Still on the Thames. Don't know if you can hear. The old river sloshing away in the background, maybe. Not sure if Mike is picking that up, and... Yeah, just... I've always liked graveyards, cemeteries. Can make for some sad reading at times, but you do get some cracking names. Like this fella, Bartholomew T. Birch, 1799-1888. Look, it's not a bad innings. I think if you get in past 75 in those days, you've nailed it. Amos Broom, 1724-1760. Amos, mate, same age as me. Lived with honour. The moral sense that guides. I can't read the rest of it, because it's 260 years old, so it's kind of crumbly. Although, I tell you what, one next to him is 1677, and in much better condition. I think Amos might have been a wee bit tight with his graves. Don't tell you what, there's a big old, like a statue over here. With... It's a woman statue. A woman statue, have you heard yourself, John? This 1595-1617 poker hunters? Am I... am I going mad? We're a Wocomoco, Gloucester County, Virginia. Born to Powhatan people as Aminut, also known as Rebecca Rolfe. In March 1617, poker hunters boarded a ship to return to Virginia. She became ill within moments, and at Graves End was taken ashore where she died of unknown causes. Whoa! Just around the river bend, as she famously said, here she is. Unbelievable. Well, it's great to meet you, poker hunters. Sorry you're all the way over here in Kent, and not on your native shores. Shout out to poker hunters. I mean, she didn't email, but yeah, I think she deserves one. Did not have an easy life from the looks of it. From a brief glance at the old Wikipedia, passed around from her father's ownership to then Thomas Rolfe. I guess that depiction of freedom is just something Disney gave us. Watson! Yeah, on my way. Good to meet you, poker hunters. Thank you for coming on the show. You won't believe who I just... I'll give you a clue. She likes to paint with all the colours of the wind. I see your poker hunters, and I raise you. Oh, you do? Who's this then? Who's on your graves? Shall we do it like, um, like guess who? Do they wear glasses? Margaret Brackenstall. Can... Can that really be... Buried just a few months ago, in May. Wow. Told you. Told me what? That you'd been here before. Abbey Grange is just on the next street. No way. Well, it was. Closed down shortly after... it all happened. Yeah. Yeah. Nice to see you again, Margaret. I hope your final days weren't too... weren't too tough. She died. What? She died. Me. Our fifth case together. Yeah. And I never released it. You didn't? No. What? I never released those episodes. You never released the case of Abbey Grange? It was for my adventure. And no, I didn't. Do you listen to the bloody show? I did not release it, mate. Well, she's no longer with us. Perhaps it may be time. Her story is ready to be told. So, um... Yeah, hi. Hello. Ding dong. This is your captain speaking. I hope you're enjoying the episode. This... I've never done this before. I hope it doesn't impede your experience of this adventure. But... Yes, I felt that it was important you hear all that before I do this to you. Everything you hear after this point is from 2023. Um... Yeah, right after we sorted the Golden Pants, we were right back out to Kent with Stanley Hopkins to... to Abbey Grange elderly residence home in Gravesend. This adventure is... sad and bleak. And... contains all the difficult themes that come towards the end of our lives. The full warnings can be found in the episode description. Now, get ready... and come with me back in time. I know your mom just stayed over, but guess what? Oh no, what did she do? Please don't let her be weird. No, nothing. I was just saying, now my mother is visiting. Oh, okay. Ooh, great. She's gonna have my room and I'm gonna have the couch, so the office is kinda... It's fine, don't worry. And the second thing, speaking of the office, Stanley Hopkins is on the phone. Oh, is it about the case? He says it's something else and he needs you right now. Okay. Um... Okay. Come on! No, no. This way. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Not this one. Not this. I can hear that one. Yes. Calling units in the vicinity of Abbey Grange care home. This is PCSO Hopkins. Hello. Hello in there. My name is Sherlock. I'm a private investigator. Hello. Help me. We are trying to help. Can you open the door? I have a doctor with me. Hello. Hi. I can't. You can't open the door? I can't open it. Okay. What is your name, my lovely? Margaret. Hi Margaret. My name's John. Hello. Yes. Hello. Hello. Can you do me a favour and just make your way to the door and unlock it for us, please, Margaret? I'm tied up. I think I'm... Someone has tied you up, Margaret. Is that correct, my love? Yes. Jesus Christ. My friend, she's not moving. There's so much blood. Margaret, I'm just going to ask you to stay calm. We are going to sort this. I promise. What did you, um... What did you get up to this week, Margaret? I, um... I went to see the ponies. We went on the bus. Oh, that sounds fab. And we... There was a theatre night. The local theatre. Theatre? Oh, and I missed it. You invite me next time, all right? Ah, yes. And I had seat 32. That's my lucky number. I said to Evelyn, it is going to be a good play. And it was wonderful. That's great. That's so great. 32, eh? What are you doing? It's a care home for the elderly. So, that means very little electronics. They don't get on with them, Watson. Yeah, you want to see my name with her iPad, mate? Sherlock, I've got units on the way. She is restrained, and we have, from the sound of it, a second victim with a severe trauma. I'm not qualified to enter this scenario. Yes, you are. Anyone is. You take photos, Stanley. Understand me. You take as many photos as you can. Preserve the scene. We'll do. Yes. Roger that. So, low tech. To keep the residents happy. And we have conventional locks. And I am more than proficient. In cracking them. Open. Oh, nice one. OK, Margaret. We're just coming in. OK, everything is going to be all right. OK, everything is... Help her, my friend. Please. She's... OK, OK, OK. Jesus, that's a lot. We have got a problem here. You should lie. There's so much blood. I can't find a puddle. What? Oh, man. Excuse me, excuse me. You call an ambulance, please. Move out of this room immediately. Let me deal with Eustis. Please, just call an ambulance. Margaret, let me take a look at that restraint for you. I can untie that knot. God. Goodness. Right, I need both of you to wait in reception. Are you an officer? I'm a PCSO. So... Then I need you... Just call a fucking ambulance! Eustis, my darling, are you all right? Is that her name? Eustis. Yeah? Eustis. If you can hear me, my love, you've got quite severe facial trauma. A lot of blood. I'm just going to put you in the recovery position and keep your head elevated. We don't want you choking on that blood, do we now? Oh, dear, lots on the carpet. Not to worry. It'll be all right. It'll be all right. Check Eustis's pupils for me quickly. We'll do. They don't seem all that responsive, and they're uneven. Shit. Shit. Oh, but looks, that could brain injury. Yeah. What, erm... Erm... What do we do? I keep her in position. We get her to a hospital. Then, erm... Then... We... We find the monster that did this. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com.
