Welcome to the Horizon Part 9: The Mountain

Eleven years ago an energy company comes down here. They unearthed that. It's a door? We call it the vault. I think whatever is on the other side of that door out there, it's not friendly. I think it's trying to get out. I can open it. I can give them what they want. The entire threat's buckling. It's a door of- Everyone hold on to something! Doctor Graf, what have we done to ourselves? Show me the jiblin. Soon as sacrifice. I just lost the ultrigen. It exploded! Is the only one who can get the others through that ship? I'm sorry, but it's going to come down to you. I'm not a leader. I lost something. Something perfect. And I'm gonna bring it home. Killian is so important to what is happening here. And that one's right. Made. For. This. Killian, no! So, it's to be war between us then. I think it must be. Mollus vs Dorian. Jesus Christ. Who is this Doctor Graf you keep talking about? You have no cause to play here. Because what's coming, you cannot hope to face without me. derelict. Season three. Now crowdfunding. Support us at derelictpodcast.com. Today's episode is brought to you by Nothing Much Happens. Do you ever find yourself lying in bed with your thoughts racing and your brain just won't turn off? That's exactly what Catherine Nicolai helps with on her podcast, Nothing Much Happens. Each episode is a cozy, calming bedtime story with nothing stressful, nothing dramatic, and nothing you need to keep track of. It's just soft narration, gentle repetition, and soothing sensory details designed to help you drift off. Millions of people around the world use Nothing Much Happens to quiet their minds, rest their nervous systems, and finally get the sleep they need. So, if you're ready to wind down, relax, and let your nervous system say thank you, give it a listen. You can listen to Nothing Much Happens wherever you get your podcasts. Episodes every Monday and Thursday. There was a surprising amount of orthodoxy when it came to xenobiology in the triad. For a very long time, the only version of life scientists were willing to talk about was the same model we're all used to. Organic compounds in, waste out, all of that fueling a centralized neural cluster. Now, never mind that there were already examples that contradicted that model, you're in the same room with one of them right now. Vapians have a central brain, like you do, but further down the abdomen are two sub-brains that help coordinate the additional appendages and can take on additional workload in times of high demand. Octopuses on your planet are the same way, but the orthodoxy continued on for many a cycle, and a xenobiologist who dared to challenge it was summarily sent to the fringes of the science. It wasn't until an unauthorized treatise written by a xenobiologist known only as the Gentleman began to circulate through the community that minds began to change. In the treatise, it's proposed that there was a viable alternative to the Organics In, Organics Out model. It was called the energy accumulation model. Energy is everywhere to be harnessed. It need not be through biological processing that complexity be achieved. It means, here we stand, my fellows, with advancements our ancestors could not dream of. And still, life, the simplest thing, the most prevalent, the most mysterious. Holy fuck, Elden, this is lovely, but can we move it along a little? The Gentleman suggested a life form that was simply an accumulation of energy, no real physical form except for a simple locus around which the energy could coalesce, as the energy accumulates, complexity is achieved, and sentience emerges. It was all theoretical for years, but then, one day, in an unexplored arm of Triangulum, there they were. The Orbis, a core of energy surrounded by a crystalline shell. They hovered wherever they went, communicated telepathically, and sustained themselves by absorbing ambient cosmic radiation. This is the nicest people you'll ever meet. Yes, they are quite lovely. Wait, they're... they're orbs. Correct. They are a strange race and very rare, but, you know, that's Triangulum. So, what does this have to do with me? Life, as we know it, takes many forms. All of them valid. It doesn't sound to me like you've been cursed or turned into some sort of abomination by your encounter with this woman, Clementine. It sounds as though she, unwittingly, created a new form of life and placed you inside the prototype. I liked being human. We all strive toward the familiar, Frank. It's understandable, but if I may be so bold, I think you'll come to enjoy this new shape you're in. You get to test drive a new form of life. It's a rare privilege. A form of life that was created accidentally. That describes most forms of life, even your former species. A chain of proteins makes a wrong turn one day and the primordial ooze. Next thing you know, they're walking around having existential crises all day. I don't want to be an orb, Elden. I'm not suggesting you're an orb, Frank. I eat breakfast in the morning like everyone else. And I think you should continue to do that. We don't know exactly how you work yet. It's going to take some time. We know spores have no effect on you. We know you're not sleeping. We know you can somehow survive a fall of about a hundred meters. But there's much more to learn. I'll monitor you, take notes. It'll be fun. I think your glee is kind of freaking him out, Elden. Yes, I'm sure it is. We're making history here, Frank. You're going to appear in journals all over three galaxies. You're going to be a celebrity. I don't think that's a plus for him, Elden. It is not. Very well. I'll keep it all between us for the time being. And I won't share any data until you say so. Fair enough? Fair enough. There's no rulebook for this, Frank. But look, look around. There's no rulebook for any of this bullshit. The two of you are acting like I just found out I'm colorblind or something. This is a little bigger than that. What we don't have much to offer you other than what I've said, Frank, Verge is right. There's no rulebook for this. But we do know that all of this hootenanny is related to an encounter with midnight burger. We don't know a lot about midnight burger, but it did take up residency in the Triad recently and stirred up all sorts of trouble. So we know more now than we did before. Wherever that thing goes, very strange things happen. You're one of them. But we've yet to see it have a negative effect on anyone it encounters. Pay attention to yourself. Take it slow. And we'll know more every day. But Frank, you need to tell June. Yes. Speaking of Glee that will make you uncomfortable, I do think it's time to tell June. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Where is she right now? She is. Hmm. What? One moment. Elden. June can't be located. What? I'm not getting a signal from her phone. Did she forget to charge her phone again? Fun fact, even when your phone is off, I can track you. She just disappeared? Well... No. Elden. I don't think this is going to upset you, but I have said before that your phones are very insecure. And? This means... That I am constantly monitoring everyone in town and keeping detailed records on their whereabouts and... All of their conversations. Are you fucking kidding me? In my defense, this is how Verge and I always operate. I need to be aware of our surroundings at all times. I'm not spying on people, Frank. Elden's only allowed to tell me things that affect my personal safety. Everything else is in the vault. That's correct. Only when it's a matter of life and death. Oh. Or funny. Yes, there have been some funny bits that I've shared. Did you know that Edgy Steve enjoys opera? Okay. Okay. Elden, we are going to have a very broad conversation about this very soon, but can you tell me what's going on with June? Please. One moment. Let me compile a narrative from the data. Aha. Well... What? June wanted to cheer up Diedra, so they decided to procure some alcohol and head over to Diedra's house to come up with some design ideas. For when she moves back in. Okay. This very quickly turned into the two of them becoming inebriated. Expected. And June unveiling a theory that she knows where the, quote, secret military base is. Oh, Jesus Christ. And the two of them driving to its alleged location. Great. Where they then disappeared. What? Disappeared? Yes. In an explainable way? I believe so, yes. What's the explanation, Elden? It's obviously the secret military base. There's really a secret military base? Well, secret is a strong word. None of you knew it was there. Seriously, it's right there, Frank. I have never seen anything that suggests a secret military base. I grew up here, Elden. It's giving off all sorts of frequencies. You never heard any strange sounds on your radio? Yes! Of course, yes! But I thought they were just radio sounds. They are radio sounds, Frank. Radio sounds from the secret military base. Oh, God damn it. And in what? They're being held there now? I would imagine so. They're phones have most likely been put in some sort of frequency blocking container. How the hell have they been hiding a military base in town? It's not in town technically, about three kilometers around the mountains. What are they doing there? I could tell you, but I'd have to hack into their mainframe. That sort of thing requires permission. Right. Of course. I give you permission. Not from you. Do it. One moment. Hello, military firewall. Goodbye, military firewall. And... Ah-ha. It's not categorized as a base, but rather a listening station. This nation's government has them placed in strategic places all over the country in, quote, areas of interest. What do they do to intruders? I'm afraid intruders are at the mercy of the United States military. And that entails? It depends entirely on what they have and haven't witnessed there at the station. If they've witnessed top secret operations, something is enacted called operation quick wash. Would you like a description? Nope. Frank, stay here. Let's go, Elden. Wait, where are you going? Stay here! Hello, Frank. I'm in your phone again. It's still terrible in here. Would you mind if I made some changes to your firmware? Yep. Yes. Yes, I would mind. All right. Thank you. Hey Frank, call me when you get this. Is anything going on? I just had the strangest dream. Call me. He's going to love that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What are you telling me? Oh, uh, drink it. Hey Doug. What are you doing out here? I'm not sure. I had a very strange dream. What are you doing out here? Oh, just closed up shop. Anything going on? No, no, not really. It's been a quiet night. It's been nice. Oh, oh, Hazely J came by and bought a bunch of dear repellent and she just said, I've got them on the run. Whatever that means. Okay. I think I need to go to the Glade of Wishes. Okay. Do you need a ride? No. I think I need to walk. Oh, okay. Would you come with me? Yeah, sure. Thanks. I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I don't know, Deidra. I'm feeling pretty triumphant right now. We're prisoners, June. Of the secret military base that nobody believed was here. Huge win for us. I can't believe you were right about this. That's right, Deidra. Like most visionaries, they called me insane, but look at me now. Yeah, exactly. Look at you now. A prisoner. They can lock me up, but they can't lock up the truth. Deidra. June, I think your plan to cheer me up has failed. Nonsense. You're having a great time. I'm not. You know what we need? We just need a couple of drinky poos to get us nice and centered. Hey, where's the beverage service in here? Kind of an establishment. Are you running? Exactly. I really thought I was going to have a day where nothing fucked up happened. I know, Deidra, but be honest. If nothing fucked up happened, wouldn't you just be a little bit bored? No. And time, but no, just a little bit. June, Deidra, this is going to be great. They're going to ask us some questions and then let us go. We jumped over a fence. Big deal. Damn. I wish Celeste was here to see this. She was the only other one who believed in the military base. Celeste. Celeste. To no one has seen for weeks. Yes. Who also thought there was a secret military base? Oh my God. Oh, they have Celeste. She's been gone for weeks or weeks. How long are they going to hold us here? We're not leaving here without Celeste, you bastards! Could you both sit down, please? Who are you? What's your deal? My name is Private Deborah Kennedy and you're both in a lot of trouble. I suggest you sit down. Oh God. Oh God. Listen here, Deborah. You're the only one who's in a lot of trouble. You can't just operate a secret military base without telling anybody. Not telling anybody is the key factor in operating a secret military base. Don't get smart with me, Debbie. Please don't call me Debbie. Private, we're very sorry. Very sorry. And we're going to answer all your questions. I swear we didn't mean to end up here. Good. Full names, please. Deidre Peppercorns. June! I'm sorry. I just keep forgetting that's your last name. That's always been my last name. I know. I just... Debbie, there's this guy. He owns half the town. Deidre is his granddaughter and a s- sorry. I just forget the connection. This is one Theo Alex Dean Johansson Peppercorns? I'm sorry, what? Yes, yes. That's his full name. TJ, is Theo Alex Dean Johansson Peppercorns? You knew that. No, I didn't. If I had known that, I would have been laughing for my entire life. How did it end up being TJ? I guess because T-A-D-J Peppercorns sounds funny. Anything sounds funny when you put Peppercorns at the end of it. That's my name. And it's funny. Excuse me, your full name? Uh, I'm sorry, uh, CR, it did. You're clearly just spelling the word cryptid. Well, God forbid somebody have a funny name around here. Oh my God, please just tell her your name. She already knows my name. She took her IDs. Remember, I'm checking for known aliases. If you have to ask, it's not a known alias, is it? Ladies, this is your one opportunity to convince us you're not here for nefarious purposes. I suggest you take advantage of it. We're very sorry. I'm not sorry. She doesn't speak for me. Deirdre, come on. I gotta play hardball with these people. You have literally zero bargaining power right now. You were both caught trying to break into a military facility. But I, I swear that's, that's not what we were trying to do. That's right. We weren't trying. We succeeded, Debbie. We broke into your little tree house. Just a couple of broads on a bender. How's that feel? Oh God, I give up. We're Celeste, Debbie. We're not holding Celeste. Oh yeah? Why is that? Because you already transferred her to one tiny demobay? Private, can you please tell us what we can do to fix this? We really didn't mean any harm. You know, Celeste was just a misguided little weirdo. And you took her away from us and stowed her God knows where. And you should be ashamed of yourself, Private Debbie. You're dismissed, Private. Celeste? Deidre? Celeste, what are you wearing? A uniform, Deidre. Yeah, why? Because I'm in the military. Since when? Since I was 18 years old, June. Celeste, you need to absolutely get the fuck out of here. I'm not going to let you go. Celeste, you need to absolutely get the fuck out of here. I'd prefer Sergeant Major Yos, if you don't mind. I mind! Celeste, you're in charge of this place. Yes, I am, Deidre. But you were always saying you suspected a secret military base was nearby. That's correct. But you've been running it? You've been a double agent this whole time. You sneaky little snot also. Respect. It's pretty impressive. It's standard, Psyops, Deidre. When you want to discredit an idea, you plant someone on the inside that makes the idea look ridiculous. Nobody took me seriously in town, so when I talked about a secret military base, they instantly dismissed it. I didn't! I didn't fall for it, Celeste, and look at me now! All your bases are belong to me. That's true, June. Congratulations. Thank you. That did just help me, though. Nobody takes you seriously either. How dare you? Celeste, so all this time, you living in town has just been a big lie? I'm afraid so, Deidre. Celeste, I helped you paint your living room one time. You were a part of this town. You've been lying the whole time? Deidre, we threw a birthday party for you at the sheep's eye. Yes, I understand that. Celeste, do you see what you've done? Do you see how you've hurt poor Deidre over there? Deidre, I did live there. That was my home. It was just... When you thought I was at home all day watching daytime television, I was just here. At the secret military base. At the secret military base. Being a big, fat liar. It's a secret military base. Not anymore! But you disappeared a few weeks ago. What happened? I'm afraid I can't talk about that. Whatever! Hang on. I said not to disturb me here. Hey Celeste, I'm over at your house right now. Thought I'd check up on you. I brought your mail in. It was really piling up. When do you think you'll be heading back? Frank, what are you doing at my house? Just being a good neighbor. You know, I didn't peg you as a Hummelfigureen Collector. Amazing. Frank. You know what? I can see that you're busy. I'll catch you at the sheep's eye. What the fuck? Ma'am. What is it? We're getting several security alerts on the perimeter. God damn it, June! Who else is here? Nobody, June. Maybe it's raccoons in your garbage cans again. A Celeste. Take a security detail and sweep the perimeter. Yes, ma'am. Hello? Oh, hey Celeste. Sorry. One more thing. Do you think you'll be back before the first freeze? I feel like I should be. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. This stupid mountain. I'm afraid I can't divulge that. Come on, we're all friends here. Or at least we thought we were. Until we found out you were a big fat liar. I suggest you stay focused on getting out of the mess you've gotten yourself into. Oh, suggestion? Is there a suggestion box? I'd like to make a suggestion. I suggest that Celeste stop being such a lying fraud. It's Sergeant Major Yos. Celeste, I would rather rewatch the Phantom Menace than call you Sergeant Major. Wait, she said that she was in town to throw us off the trail. Yeah. Which means that everything she said in town about the secret military base was the true thing that she didn't want us to know. Deidra, you're a damn genius. What did she say? She said it was a listening station. You did. You said it was a listening station. I did. You agreed with her. You, you did. She did. You did. I can't divulge what goes on here. Ma'am, what is it? There's... What is it? We're not seeing anything on the perimeter. Okay. But I think I keep hearing something. Hearing what? I don't know. All right. Cut the floodlights and switch to night vision goggles. Yes ma'am. Cutting the floodlights. Frank! Damn it! Grass is getting a little long over here Celeste. So do you want me to get our landscaping guy over here? You can take care of it. No problem. Frank, get out of my house. Oh, 100%. He's coming by Tuesday. So I'll tell him to take a look. Night vision goggles on. Oh my God. Over there! Where is it? Over there! Private, report. What is happening? Give me the radio. Private? Put Deidra on. Who is this? Put Deidra on or I start getting really creative out here. Who is this? Verge, I'm fine. I'm okay. Are you sure? They're just asking us questions. I'm fine. Okay. Verge, the guards? They're fine. Good. I'm fine too, by the way. Who is this and what have you done to my men? Hello? Okay, I'm just gonna come out and say it ladies. That was hot, right? Who's with me? I feel like it's book club night and the first 50 shades, but just came out. Anybody? Frank. Hey, Celeste, real quick. Hot water heater. What are we thinking? On, off. Just, what do you do back in town? Frank. Hey, also, wanted to let you know. I guide you. Some new trash cans. Frank, how the hell did you get this number? I'm old school, Celeste. I let my fingers do the walking. We're doing very sensitive work here, Frank. This isn't a joke. Celeste, you being in charge of a top secret military base is absolutely a joke. I mean, I'm still working on the punchline though. It's Sergeant Major Yos. Oh, what a thing there it is! Do you have any idea how many federal laws you're breaking right now? I don't, I don't, but I am breaking some local ones too. Breaking and entering, for example. Why the hell are you in my house? Well, you've been missing for weeks, Celeste. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm fine. Are you sure? Frank, get out of my house. Here's what I don't understand. You live here for years, pretending to be an old kook living up on the mountain. But then, the past few weeks, you've been gone, vanished without a trace. So what's up, Celeste? What part of very sensitive work did you not understand? Wait, you know what? Never mind. I'll just ask my man here. Military Site 2626, code named Happy Goat Station, was recently put under an order 33 or hurry up and wait order, directing all sites to stock provisions and garrison personnel until further notice. Who was that? Happy Goat Station? Oh, fuck. What kind of name is that? What happened to cool names like I-Station Zebra? Frank, if you are hacking into our databases... What? What, Celeste? What's going to happen? The military is going to come and sweep us up? You think they won't? Celeste, if that place you've been hiding yourself truly is a listening station, then I imagine you've been hearing some pretty strange things lately. Chinese parades? Laser gun shootouts? Oh, my new favorite one is the four-story plant eater wandering around. Elda, what's it called? A mongo. A mongo. We've got a mongo now. I can't believe I missed the mongo. All of this is happening and not a peep from Uncle Sam. I mean, I feel like you guys would have shown up already, especially since you're listening right around the corner. So what's going on, Celeste? What do you want me to do here, Frank? I want you to load June and Deidra into one of those fun jeeps of yours and meet me in the town square. I'm under orders here, Frank. Yeah, right. So when was their last communication from Central Command? Their last communication from Central Command was weeks ago when they received the Hurry Up and Wait order. They've heard nothing since. That's odd. You guys must be going crazy out there. So meet me in the town square in one hour, Celeste. I'm sure we've got lots to talk about. So, what are you looking for, Trinket? I don't know. I usually come here when I need to clear my head or shift my perspective somehow or just make a wish. Really? Sure. I know it seems a little childish, but you need to put your intentions out there. You need to speak them out loud. They can't stay locked up in your head. So, I mean, you just stand here and wish something. Yeah. You want to give it a try? Oh, oh, huh. No, I don't know. It's okay. It's always here if you need it. Okay. So, what was the dream you had? Oh, honestly, it was kind of stupid. It wasn't some sort of vision from the other side or anything. It was just very vivid. Like, I was really there. Where were you? I was in my parents' camper van. When I was a little kid, I wasn't in school much. I was homeschooled until middle school. My parents are always on the road with the fare. And the only thing that came close to a classroom for me was Sesame Street. They had a tiny portable television. And at 8 a.m. every morning, I would look around for PBS. And there it was, school. And that was the dream. It was just me, me watching Sesame Street. But it was crystal clear. I can still see it in my head. Dreams fade, but it's still with me right now. And I don't know what to make of it. Which episode was it? Steve! God! Steve! Hey, y'all. What are you doing out here? I'm out here all the time now. I love it out here. Do I want to know what you're doing out here? I'm just hanging out. I found a nice flat rock right here to rest my head on. And I just look up at the sky and think. Sometimes I bring headphones. And sometimes you bring something else. It's a free country. What are y'all doing? I had a weird dream. Doug's trying to help me out. You had a dream about Sesame Street? Well, it wasn't about Sesame Street. I was watching Sesame Street in the dream. Right, yeah. Which episode? Steve, there's like a billion episodes of Sesame Street. What was in it? What was in it? Well, the usual stuff. I think they were in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. The Hawaii episode. Oh, that was a good one. Yeah. You remember the episode? Oh, yeah. Oh, it was a special episode. They filmed the whole thing in Hawaii. Huge moment for Snuffle Up against Lor in that episode. Steve, Snuffle Up against Lor? No, no, no. He's right. Check it out. Snuffle Up against is lonely on Sesame Street, right? He's wondering where all the other Snuffle Up against are. Snuffle Up a guide. Which is it? Well, if Snuffle Up against is a Greek root word, then it would be Snuffle Up against. Guys, whatever. Snuffle Up against is lonely. And he hears that there's more Snuffle Up against is in Hawaii. Or he goes to look for them. Yeah, right, right. And he looks and he looks the entire episode, but he never finds them. But he doesn't sweat it too much because in the end, he's got his family down on Sesame Street, even though none of them think he exists. Oh, yes. We should remember this is a pre-reveal episode. So everyone still thought that Snuffle Up against was Big Bird's imaginary friends. So there we are at the end of the episode. Snuffle Up against laments. Oh, well, I guess I'll never find any more of my people. He walks away, but the camera stays. And in those last moments, we focus on the volcanic mountain behind him. And we clearly see the mountain behind him is in the exact form of a giant Snuffle Up against, the size of a mountain, like a sleeping giant. What'll happen when he awakens one day? Jesus Christ, Steve. Well, okay. Okay, something sleeping in the mountain. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. Oh, shit. You know, mountain hood is an active volcano. What if it's going to blow? No, no, no, no, it's a potentially active volcano, but it's been dormant for a few hundred years. And any eruption would be preceded by just years of earthquake swarms. And it's been quiet out there for a long time. I love it when you're a paranoid, informative man. Thank you, Steve. Oh, Steve, is this the stone you were resting your head on? Yeah, give it a try. It's a nice little spot. What is it, Doug? Well, has anything ever been built in this glade? I don't think so. Why? The stone is a square. It is? Yeah, you didn't notice? No, just laid my head down. Well, that's weird. You think there's something underneath? Well, it's probably left over from some construction a long time ago. I've been here a million times and I can't believe I've never seen that. I'm turning it over. The ha! We discovered worms. There's writing on the back. There is? Yeah. Yeah, do you want to have a light on your phone? Yeah, hang on. It's carved into the stone. There you go. What language is that? None of them? None of them. You killed none of the guards? Zero, Frank. How'd you manage that? Oh, I've got no idea, Frank. You're all so fragile. Or perhaps. Or perhaps, I should say, they're all so fragile. Yeah, no, let's not start with that. Humans, am I right? That's enough. Thank you. Okay, here she comes. Make yourself scarce. I hope you hear the sheep's eye. Hi, Frank. Sorry. Sweet freedom. Well, I'll say this. June, you did take Deidre's mind off her problems. See there? I'm a solution factory over here, Frank. Sarge. Their little visit to the base wasn't officially logged in my report. They got lucky this time. Oh, well, that's very neighborly of you. Well, they're my neighbors. So this whole time you've been pretending to be the town weirdo and then working at a secret military base? Frank, everyone who lives in this town is the town weirdo. Hard to argue with. What are you guys even doing there? That's classified. What do you think we've been doing, Frank? Look around. No, so you've been there for years, Celeste, way before any of this weird bullshit started going on. Look, this area is of special interest to the United States military. I'm just going to leave it at that. Okay. Whatever. Whatever. Thank you for giving us back Deidre in June. I kind of had to, Frank. Apparently you've employed a hacker and some sort of ninja. Yeah, about that. There has been a clown car of nonsense rolling through town constantly, Celeste. Your bosses haven't said anything to you about it. I can't say. You're under a hurry up and wait order, apparently. So you're supposed to just sit tight and wait for orders? How long have you been waiting, Celeste? We haven't heard from commandant. A while. Yeah. You think they might be otherwise occupied? With what? I heard that Chilean military has been seizing observatories. Think it has anything to do with that? Wait, what is this, Frank? How come you haven't told me about any of this? I know. You have another bloody Mary, June. You were a little too busy getting drunk and jumping over barbed wire fences, June. There was very little barbed wire. What's going on? Drink it. Look who we found. Celeste? Why is she dressed like that? Celeste. Where have you been? Is she going to a costume party? Why does Doug have a big rock? Who's Jeep is that? Does it have writing on it? Oh, oh, right. Can anyone read Chinese? Excuse me. It sounds like everybody's got a lot of questions. How about somebody open up the bar? Angle me a little higher, please. What is going on right now, right now, right? It's ancient Chinese, which makes it a bit tricky because of the flexible word functions. Also, whoever carved the characters into the stone was not exactly a craftsman. Essentially, it is a message from a man named Chu Fu. Who the hell is that? If it's the same Chu Fu from historical documents, he was a legendary explorer. His emperor deeply feared death and sent him on a quest to find an elixir of immortality whose ingredients could only be found at the top of a legendary mountain named Peng Lai. This tablet is a message to his emperor. I will finally return from the mountain, though I have changed as much as the land around me. The mountain will be found again. The mountain will be lost again forever. Well, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Hey. Hey. I'm sorry if that was a little too much tonight. I got worried. No, I felt... I felt a lot better when I heard your voice on the radio. I want to say something. Okay. I called you a liar the other day, and I was sitting there in that room tonight with Celeste, and she was just totally lying to us the whole time, and... I guess, um... Just putting her in the same category as you felt a little wrong. You were just trying to stay alive, and I want you to know that... I understand the position that you are in. I still don't feel right about it. I don't have a lot of secrets. I know. Kind of an open book over here. You are? I imagine it must be kind of terrifying to tell someone who you really are. It really is terrifying, Deidre. I mean, I should have known. Look at you. Of course she fell from the sky. I have to say, I'm having a hard time seeing you as a person in charge of other people. It's true, Frank. A lot of people depend on my leadership. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That just sounds surreal. I didn't enjoy it, Frank. I didn't enjoy lying to all of you. Oh, well, I think you did a little bit. You know what, Frank? How long did it take you? What? To realize I was gone. How long did it take you? Uh-huh. It took a few weeks. Okay. Okay. So maybe enough with the smart remarks. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're all sorry. I mean, yes, yes. You were totally lying to us and apparently spying on all of us. But, but yes, we were not very attentive to the completely fictional version of you that you created to deceive us all. Joke's on you, buddy. I'm taking that as an apology. So, what now, Celeste? We all know your secret. What are we going to do about it? Hell, I don't know. We'll just have to keep it a secret that you know our secret. We can do that. Good. Ma'am. What is it, Private? May I speak with you? Order me another. I'll be right back. Hey, do you want to take a roadie back for your stormtroopers? I might, Frank. Thanks for thinking of me. What is it? We've received orders from Western Command. Finally. Where are they? I have them on the secure tablet here. Good. What the fuck? Ma'am. It's been a strange night, Private. But I'm afraid it's going to get even stranger. What do you mean, ma'am? Go back to the base and tell everyone there will be a debrief in one hour. You're not coming? I'll be along soon. I need to do something. What? Follow my instincts. Whoop. Sarge. What's the news? Are you planning a big Christmas party? Tell me something, Frank. Sure. What's that? Do the words, wayfaring stranger, mean anything to you? Welcome to the horizon is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Burt Burt, Bethany, Second Bethany, Society of Bethany's, a non-binary thylacine named Bethany. Oh, Bethany, where art thou? Lana Banana's home for runaway mothers and others is proud to welcome all flea. Bethany, Burt Burt, Bethany, Society of Bethany's, a non-binary thylacine named Bethany. Oh, Bethany, where art thou? Lana Banana's home for runaway mothers and others is proud to welcome all fleeing Bethany's. All the non-binary brothanies of Princeton, Texas. Dances with Bethany's. This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant by-names, ruin a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale rou. Banjo Bethany begins banjoing belated Bethany battle ballads. Avenge the stew. Green Mountain Hermit wants that in-be Bethany stew recipe. Sylvie maintains a neutral position in the Bethany war and wishes to stop the violence. In the spirit of Christmas, local marsh hag won't snatch any Bethany's on the nice list. All you naughty Bethany's, best of luck. Mamamanda and Bobo Bonobo, Valin Real, Tooth Fairy, They Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, Porgatto's Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan. Thomas' 10 tenobrus tense taffle tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. Babs got a basketball booty. Ladies, for your pleasure. Chuck, naked. The lovely Laura Lovely, Jeremy Ruhle, Alex Church, Asawa, Goat G, Jacob Mitchell, Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, Joshua Soder, Gabba Gool, Scrubz Andy, Just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Maria Yitzas, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskard, Anne Maistus, Randy Tensley, Marissa the Ghost, local snow plows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Seawolf, Andrea Rose, Cheshire Corgi, Kelsey, Cherbear 17890, Zuldia, Little Man from County Down, Jamie, the original Happy Hippy Rainy, Matthew Hannigan, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Buggy, Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolf Stark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbs Decoe, Alexis Walker, Rory Avien, Mubi the Golden Calf, Kyrion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Erin Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach, The Christmas Whale, Kaiju Summelier, Space Rooster Randy, Rusyn Ava's Booth, Stella Corvus, My Love for Verge is Undying, Candyman Fight, Sketch Wolf, John Peters, You Know the Farmers, Barkley on the Holodeck, Terrence Johnson, Dapper Dad, KDHD Brulee, SCP-049, Oh Majus, South Wayne, Michael Laurie, Kelsey Gallagher, TK Turtle King, Dominique Perry, Space Based Lasers, The Geneva Accords, Andrew Oakden, At least 6 Gyms, Abby Kramer, Jess X Hart, Kat Carruthers, The Phoenix Bird is MIA but left Gavi Painter a new lump of coal, Sad Angry Crab Man, A Talking Dog named Bronk, Definitely Not Kevin, Any Crafts Anywhere, Jimmy Snims, Rest in Peace Mikey, Dakota Sloskey, Rear Admiral Jack Inhofe the USS Rim Job, Angel and Lucy, Beatrice Bodacious, Estelle, Homer Are We Doing Crimes, Dolores Garrosh-Snap, Dane Koloff, Creator 67, Retorted, Peggy Lovatsky, Adam Wolf, Martin Dyers, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drinksbiller, Matt B, Richard Ryan Moshelle, Theodore and his son Henzo, D-Flower, Kelly T. Irina, The Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan Goose, Jan Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake The Cook, Alan Bergland, Dylan Winslow, V. Greenlee, Tony Morris, Ryan Abbey, I Hope Something Good Happens to You Today, Yes You, Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in their Tea, Geegan Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Stephen Duro, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Caption B and Lady G with their swabs, That's Good Gouda, The Clockwork Vixen, Osneth the Author, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino says, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Be Nice, Hope Challenge, Slabby the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage. Stompensign rhymes with Frankenstein, Casper. Lucifer Hezekiel. Lachihuahua Brava. C.C. Carousel. Corth the Destroyer. Honest Puck. Casper's Mom's a Milf. Scout and Foxglove says the Flores Lava. Rednell. Kerdomsky. Craig Armstrong. Zachary Lingerer. Get out of my booth. Bug. Chuck McFinley. Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon. Ben Carlisle. Garf Uncle. Kearney. Ashley Strange Lilia. The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse. Starblaze Burnbright. Imzukiyoki. Red Mafia Panda. Jean-Luc Gabot. Doc Sweet Ph.D. Lonely Isle. Chris Hinkel. Pikeman Stover. Sir Noculus the Space Knight. Swap. Casey Judson. The Firekeeper. Peace Reaper. The End is Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii VV, Globed Rulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Xander Hicks, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Amalgamus Pax, Pebbles, VV Hyme, Heathen King, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Nick Bobrow, Midnight Plumber, Mr. Cherry, International House of Yearning, Cynical Warlock, Wayne Heiser, Elie Zito, Slave of Bahamut, Umbra Messerem, Cam and Micah, Omie Gracie, Jade Blade, a Ted named Todd, Fred and George, Sam the Celestial, Chucklin' Charlie's Chicken Shack, Avamatics Jr., Casey Williams, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, Julie, Blended Music, Hazely J, Lizzie R, TK Elemental, Pooch Lynchin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt, Red the Gray, Daelyn Foles, I Needed Someone to Make the TARDIS Reference, Auden, Gregory the God of Chaos, Sitting Down to Tea with the Other Beings of Chaos, Athanasios Nasir Shoukot, Kiboko, Theo, Lil Kev, Kozumine, Jonathan Burton, Mr. Man and Lady, Joey B, Ali Malik, DJK, DJK, Mixed Terren Van Eden, Ginger, Sandalwood Mountain, Whimsical Fuckery, the person trying to contact you regarding your diner's extended warranty is having bottom surgery on January 22nd. Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, Rain Rain, Owen Sassito, The Big Moose, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao-Nay's Cat Butler, The Gentleman, Rest in Peace, Dear Oshin, Alex Berry, Eden de Poussé, I Only Listen for the Names at the End, Avalon, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Eliza Travels the Universe, Mike Enzovino, Lindsay Bowen, The Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spence, Galaxy Bridges, Angry Ron, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, I Hate Some Ores, James Harlow, Necro Pants, Salesman of the Year, The Cosmos Cruising Cadillac, I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberrand, Mia's a Baby, Michael Odom, Zephyr McZero, Anatha, Zandria Jennifer Calkins, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Fish and the Crab, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Moose, The Big Mo Mason Jeffrey Showtime Hester, C.R. Ipted, For My Mother, Two Vegetarians in a Toxic Relationship with Burger, Clementine's alter ego, Melissa Winskill, Nicole Studioso, Sign My Shovel, Just a Potato, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro Mg, Snarky Bark 00, The Cowboy, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Uthrid and Rose's Viking Void Vittles, Not Sure What I'm Doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Joe Mauma, Scrambled Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Charlotte Tobaya, Glenys Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Grief People I Need to Breathe, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh, Mama, Droughtbreaker, Glorbenar 7, Dooser Likes No Thinky Just Dewey, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Mr. Arnie Arbeckle Sr., The Church Grim, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zee-ko! Ebenezer Boobe, You're Telling Me Democracy Fried This Rice? Caleb Tubiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbeckle Esquire, Jake Cascade, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, Palace, Rebecca Pope, Big Mo, Brian O'Neill, Edward Pena, I Am Any, I Live Forever In Every Moment I've Existed, I Swear To Every Star In The Cosmos, I Never Forgot It Was A Gift, The Stone Fox, Sierra Smith, Sylvia, Kyle From Detroit, Jucitin, Marauder Mitch and Pandergask, Boomhauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, Prove To Me That Orange Cats Aren't Gods, BritWords, Ashley Sarris, Momos Mama, Tony Tony Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Phil, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader Of The Unicorn Revolution, Mr. Trigvie, Printing With Cats, Riley, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, River Waters, Amanda Nascarella, Jose Zatino, Sonny The Stag, The Podcast Representative Of Pill Owls, KBS 1017, Steliott, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, HBD, AJ and Aliyah Owolawa, Mommy and Daddy Love You. Ducky Vingers is the terror that flaps in the night. Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like The Virgin, Wondering Wynjo, Painted Oni, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes and The B-Team, Emily With Two E's, Drowsy Rousey, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblik the Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Woops Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa The Straga, D. Gritzler, Jeep Style, A Gremlin With The Munchies, Michelle Scoracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain Is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stilo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilyby, Scipio Duda, Buffy's Daughter, Emrick, Bufardy's Nuts, Brucella, Panda, Curtis Lellig, Tristan Stoles, Shadow Rapture, Leafs Bastard Son, Briso, Hank The Wonder Lama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Alexander Nunes, Jeremy Ibsen, What The Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Short Dick Nick, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Taurus Smash, The Podcast for Nerdy Jews, Axl, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Boys and Berry, A.K.A. The Boys, A. Zeus, Anaflaxis, Mythical Mantis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Kennan's girlfriend Brooke, Subaquatic Goblin says, Joe, you've done it again. Kelly Tobin, Jenny on the blockchain, Angry Leafs, Laser Saw, Keith Collins, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Jeff R, Randy's Amigo, Grimlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Wichita 13 Loves IPAs, Unusually Big and Old Invisible Elf Penis, Max Danger, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nayan X-Reno, Robert Frankenberry, Highlife, Honey Bee, Nordle Bash, Jordan, R1-X, Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Tony Wants to be Lath, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Brunswick and Pastel, Ryan Burnett, Kristie Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and The Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Your Humdinger Moonbringer, Letty Lou, Tibby, You're Telling Me a Ginger Bread This Man? Kinger was here, Bob Aray Winlan Jr., Bebop Beedabba Dewop, Warped Echoes, Lord Robert Otardus, He's Bigger on the Inside, Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman, Celestial Warlock, Gabby Hayes My Wiggle Butts, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Keanu Crow, Fossil Diver 84, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingaloss, Eris, The Goddess of Discord, Billy the Space Wizard, Ditzi Bae, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Going to be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye, Frankina Field, Sally Cell Seashells by the Seashore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nealix Tiny Wolf, Lux the Dragon, Christina Senate, The Red Planet, The Incredulous Mahirga Fergal, Definitely Not an Android, Seriously, I'm Not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hail 53, Tequila Monkingbird, Goose, Gigagooze, Dameron the Space Goblin, Locksmith Andy, Isobe Hale, Rose Ault, Hopeful Ghost, Nathan Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it, Oh, Le'es Cargo, Eric, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, It's the Grand Shahi's Birthday, Victor Casados, Smigs, Emily Schmemeli, Work for Melvis, Von Grimm, Bo Hogo, Bye Bye for Jojo Pogo, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, I Am Lure of the Planet Omicron Percy I8, Neal Before Your Supreme Ruler, The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida. Tybo, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Amber King, Sid the Sloth and a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid understands the assignment. Little Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Two Polar Cat will be back soon. In the meantime, take care of yourselves. War rages on, but the stars continue to shine. Carl the Teller of Dad jokes, Skylab's multi-dimensional, multi-phasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Nikki H, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'n, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercalifragilistic, XB Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Knitz, Mavis Baconz, Kelly W, Holly Hooten, Pyros Calling, Joe Swazian, Introducing Risi Pontiff as the 21st Doctor, Too Many Jams, Cat Shot, Pamela Rose-El-Tierra, James Spiller Rosa, D-Squared Life, Then Stina says, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love us for the nears, Taz Hernandez, It's just Tyson now, Casper needs a hug, Joe is the writer's room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Kim Cell, Silly Goose Hong Hong, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr. Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr. Glass, Sweets, Char Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Bremble, Diedra, Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty, Badabiri Babababobobobobembar, Beasley Deaths, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunge, Ted Wassonassen, Firestria, Spoompals, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swaglin, Daniel Arthur, Mike LaCluzzi, Dex, It's a fucking dog rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windshimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn-Welsh, Fireball XLV, Alexca Habaniera, Code Stranger, Juan Batti Bet, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Matt N, Julia Krinklin, Frelp, M Lynn, Feed Muffish, J.R.R. on SFP, Lahari, Rek Aayumu, Tedz Loves Catherine, J.Spark, Evie Girl, Lucid Harbor, Little Lily Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Van Stand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magorts, Fresh Squeeze, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hit It! Musical Brass Hit sound effects, Hit It Again, Brass Hit, Hit It Two Times, Two Musical Brass Stabs, Hit It Four More Times, Four Brass Hits, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Occhio, William Dyer, Vicki A-Bear, Brad Menir, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty in her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Crazed Bear, Evina Love, It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Dr. Lattice Trash Angel, get down from there! Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Megan, The Meg, Young, Baby Bears Love the Diner, Cory Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprentice of Craig, Tim Aronetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and her Prismatic Chickens, Crittle, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, MacLump, Raddolls, Salazar the Domeage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest, Garin E. Lozando, Terrified Toddler, Sir Schittz a Lot, Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Sarah McGuire, Tonka 2005, Cruisin B. Anthony, J. Waye Mythical, Tibbeth the First, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmidn's, yet another Courtney, The Funtucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Screm Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, Step On, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R. Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Amburgler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zihun Iveda, Barbarian Blood Bath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sibrantha, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebut, K. Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, T&B Lemmy, Charmé, The Wanderers' Mathesophon, What Jneka Said, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Corleigh, Dairy Darling, Bookstiff Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Cody C. Chisholm, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Tired Pirate Muffin, J. Snuston, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Brouet, Camel Pope, and Shuldigan. Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzy Lou, Kelsey Holm, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Kathrain, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruz, Why'd you do this to us, Joe Fisher? Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, AstronoWeeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pioreini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy would come up with a cool name, but sadly she's just Mossy. LeCocque de Francaise, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds, Danny & M, Ashley, a bug named Nat, Potato Nation, C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey. Dr. Pankasher Esquire says if you are still holding it now for longer than four hours, contact your doctor immediately. But Jolenth laves one true love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, S.C.R.B. Mark XI, Courtney DePona, Riddle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris still making sandwiches, three legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A. Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blep, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What? Danielle L, Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo Blargo Blargo, Tonight at 11, Do, Do, Do, Il Lotte Raoul, Hicks Bezzie Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zellus Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice asks, How Many Chains Could Two Chains Chain If Two Chains Could Chain Chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Erin the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, A.K.A. Casper from Another Universe, Lucrezia, Andrew Barnard, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Broccoini, Ava, No, Not That, Ava, The One With An I- I- Grimm, Zacky Knat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzarinctum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Rumae Saleel, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallus, Omvega, Erin Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mison, Fiona Malice, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Kolmisen, Kaliberi, Mel Monberg, Rogue, The Esteemed Throat Goat, Fred Fredburger, What The Chuck, Sono Nassuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea Deruso, Pichizette Wichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Are you two still awake? Dad, we're too excited! You'll be tired at Mockery Manor tomorrow, and it's bigger than ever, so you really do need to sleep. Daddy, tell us about the new expansion! Okay, okay. Yay! Once upon a time, there was a wonderful place, Mockery Manor. Everyone loved it, but sometimes it felt lonely. The manor longed for a companion, so they built a whole new park right next door, and called it Claytonville, and it was the... Rootness, Tootness, Place You Ever Did See! Yee-haw! Hop on board the brand new Mockery Railroad all the way to Claytonville! Toot toot! In Claytonville, there are four cowboy lands to explore! Lasso a goat in Farming Valley! Kiss your girl's best friend in Love Lorm Town! Stop it, Terry! And in Cowboy Christmas Town, hop on down to the bluegrass grotto to meet Cowboy Santa! Ho, ho, ho, down! And are you poor even of to ride the wildest ride in Claytonville? Look out, it's the Four Spurs' Bantry! Yee-haw! Are you sleepy now, kids? Yes, Daddy. I can't wait to go to Mockery Manor and Claytonville! Two parks in one and only $19.99 for a family of four. And how about you? Yeah, that's right. You listening to this? Are you ready to come back to Mockery Manor? Season 3, available now!