#235 - Blarg met HIS Idol on VEGAS TRIP!

Welcome back to the good news Welcome back four out of four circumcised members. Yep. Well, are we are all we are we all circumcised? We'll snuck. Yeah, podcast is cut. Okay. Okay. Nobody was no one's choice, right? No, no, God. Five days old. Yeah, I was still warm for the coach Yeah, ironically kids can consent when it comes to cutting the tip of your dick apparently Apparently that's okay, but Yeah, I Have you guys known anyone who ever got circumcised later in their life? No. Yeah Hold on. I'm trying something. I want to see you circumcising yourself now No, it's tea and I was hoping that I could think that's you can slightly see minions in it very very Oh, yeah, very very slightly Curse this fuck The audio listeners for the audio listeners Blurring is holding up a beautiful cup of tea that a bunch of minions from the hit movie despicable Me one two and three or super opposed over You can see one right there Oh, wait, hold on where did I go? Hello, come on. We're doing this very important circumcision talk Dude, I don't know what just happened to me and from from my perspective It looked like you were all just quietly judging me for like 30 seconds I was talking all time. You were completely replaced by minions for the audio listeners Blarg screen completely turned into minions for a solid 20 seconds We said here for 20 for 20 seconds looking blankly with concern Probably the out for the sake of gravity for the podcast That is the most insane time to have a tech issue like literally right when all the minions show up my shit That shit was harrowing to say the least Oh Back on topic if I ever told the story about my friend in high school that got circumcised No, I know I think I might have just a case. I have dementia. I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but yeah We do that a lot over here back in high school back in good old the good old days of high school I had a friend of mine. He was on circumcised which was an oddity amongst the class Yeah, and he got a new girlfriend who he was very very involved with and they were together maybe we're five months and His girlfriend didn't like the fact that he was Uncircumcised it weirded around she thought it was gross and so she pressured him to get circumcised and then he goes through with it Get circumcised Immediately breaks up with them. Do you know? Geez, do you reckon like when you do that at an older age? You just kind of go in and they have like you know when you go to get a haircut You have like one through eight on the wall and like If you want to change like yeah, I want to give me a low taper blowout You know I like to style that but take a bit off the sides for me Yeah, why can you add more girth and make it appear girthier? Can you actually get on can you actually get like Like this surgery and make it like bigger and wider and shit there there is No fucking pull hard enough they gotta oh, yeah, you can put a shit on a winch Maybe on the bank of a tow truck and just kind of really can't get girth surgery Yeah, you can you can get You can get implants a lot of people Do they just implant a bit a different day inside Like it's like a balloon or some sort of like What's he called a balloon? Like you know how like if you if you like pump it up just like hold on They have a penile implants for people that go through like a price-taken surgery They can't get a rank through or there's some sort of issue there and it literally they put a Oh my god, I'm getting hungry just think about it. They get it They get a they get a penis they cut it open They put like a balloon in there and then they put a pump in the in the nut sack and you would flayed it I wonder if you could get like a mod to make it sound like a clown horn every time I was gonna say when the air deflates where is it going out of the tip of the cut Can I can I be filling up what like like balloons with my cock? I? That is crazy by the way to just not a context Yeah, I don't really how would you really could you release it at the same time that you bust so it's like oh my god? I'm super charged almost like it's like a forced induction like a turbocharged cum shot And it just like it's like shooting a whipped cream candy steering down with like the extra air at the end It's like cream of the air imagine like finishing a girl's mother just cheeks up It's gonna shoot out the nose and literally like no fire Like when you make a buddy laugh when he has a bunch of two percent milk in his mouth Who's he all that his nose you be hanging out with milk drinkers? In in my head. I used to hang out with a lot of milk Now with you now with days, you know hang out the only milk drink right now is dude The last guy ever saw order and drink milk in front of me was oh dude. I forgot about that like three glasses Go away like a motherfucker. Is any drink a fucking coke? Drink at the same time at the same. I was also after a hefty night of drinking too. Yeah You gotta replace the calcium make it slow milk while hungover sounds like one of the worst possible things you could probably It's good. I don't get hangovers. I've never experienced one. Yeah, so what it's fortunate. Yeah, yeah It's it's genetics You know, I I wake up like a dehydrated worm on the sidewalk I need to be I need to be scraped at His legs all jumbled up just all it's all sideways on them. Hangovers hit me really really hard Me and the older I get the harder it hurts Dude, it's it's actually I feel like from 25 to 30. I've lived like three lifetimes I'm not even 30 yet And like the way I feel when I get home from a trip or something I'm I've been home for this is my third day home. I still feel like I've been hit by two different semi trucks Wait what is just some drinking I Don't know cuz like again, I don't really I don't I don't really get like Typical hangovers like I never wake up nauseous with like a headache or anything like that. I just feel like like I have a Worm just stealing all my life force The next yeah, like I have an RFK like pork rind worm like living my skin, you know Yeah, I just I just feel exotic the night I got home. I slept almost 12 hours Last two nights. I've slept 10 hours and I still I'm just like I could go to bed right now. It's crazy I'm not like sick or anything. It's just bad bad RNG. I'm old You guys you know, it's like when you get older your knees hurt your bank courage your dick doesn't move It comes to billy T. My dish don't work, but everything else is there. I'm all I turn 30 I notice I start moaning when I stand up for no reason Like 23 are you are you at the point where you moan while you piss yet? Oh, I've been doing that Oh, I done I just like pissing bro. I'm moaning. We're doing that bathroom dude every time All right, I guess I guess I can lead into other Vegas stuff, but I Know One of his famous anal fissures I take that Hitachi shit Okay, hold on before before we continue the anal fissure Just one little thing about that is that like when you when you poop and you spread your ass cheeks on the Like the toilet seat to spread your cheeks of poop doesn't go in your ass cheeks when you poop Is it like when you spread your ass cheeks it hurts like your eyes like it feels like there's a like there's like a crease like a crack Like it's it's the ring like your lips the ring around your butthole. They can't handle the girth a little bit of it tears bro Man as a secret extra half inch of It's the tearing my turn bro my turns aren't like a tungsten brick. It's just normal You're like you're passing kidney stones The Hitachi turn might be one of the funniest images I've ever seen for the viewers that aren't familiar with do's legendary Hitachi turd Yeah, literally had a shit where it like you could see a like Maybe three inch maybe three inches of it came out and you can see his ass begging for help But it couldn't quite get there So there's just like a fair part And it just gets super thick again, and it literally looks like one of the Hitachi like coochie wands Yeah, I want man is the most insane Oh Overnight oats and some cheese eats dude you should If you ever have like colon cancer you're gonna have no idea because you just be shit and blood anyway You just have no what's going on down there You're gonna get an extra the guys you'd be like we have several Grows and masses in your in your colon here So that should hurt anyway Sorry to know you're good Do you really want to conversation with anal fissure told I wanted to I wanted to ask You're you see you were hungover after multiple days in Vegas, right? Yeah, I can talk about Vegas well the the the moaning thing was just gonna remind me Ethan or We're in the washroom on the last day in Vegas. It was a it was a Sunday Everyone was chill and then there was just dude It was just the weirdest like concoction of people in the bathroom one guy was puking his fucking brains out like he was literally like scream puking like it was like I Feel like we look you need to call somebody like it was bad He wasn't just like like he drank too much puke a little bit It was it was yeah, he needed he needed Help and then while all that was happening the guy next to me He was having the crate it must have been the best crispiest pissed of his life because he was literally like The whole time This year in this guy just like fucking moan on it while the other guys puking behind me And I just turned around and looked at you think you was like Like what the fuck so I would have been shit off out of there, bro It was crazy. It was a wild wild bathroom. We have Vegas Vegas was a great time Myself dude the fight wasn't saying but yeah, you have seen yeah myself clueless minus pezzy yummy John and Eric from gamer subs, I believe that was it. I can't think of if anyone else was there Yeah, sorry, I just think of goons. Oh, I didn't even say yeah, I guess a soup and Ethan I should say I already included them, but yeah soup and Ethan as well Smitty and yeah, so we We we went to Vegas for the fights Game or subs by the way use code goons 10% off go game should do that go anything anything they know The best part about gamers is it will it will flush you out like caffeine is a diuretic in the morning Is it a drink your coffee grab some gamer subs fully evacuate? Guy that was one he had a lot of gamer subs That's why he was he was having a crispy ass pee he was loving it If you're a weakling if you're a weakling or flavor of grandma's ashes will kill you but luckily all of our all of all of our listeners are strong Every single one we don't have carrots here. We don't we don't we don't No cowards no bitches Yeah, mr. Mr. Gamer subs was Was he texted all of us and said yo we're going to a fight let's roll so Yeah, we went to the UFC fight of course a lot of Gamma and I Don't know how much of this story I can fully tell about soup, but soup did one of the and this is for soup One of these stupidest things you could possibly do he wired money directly from his Here's my business bank account Directly from his business bank account to Vegas Didn't even bother touching the personal account first just went right from business Obviously, he's gonna claim it as personal and it won't be a tax issue, but like that is like I feel like if you want to rate Make your summer with Starbucks make it fun make it bright make it yellow make it Unexpected make it miss the last train make it Friday vibes all week make it completely bananas Make it out shaking espresso latte or matcha latte make it yours Discover the new Starbucks iced caramelized banana range today. They'll make your summer Subject to availability while stocks last He's flags at the IRS I've got to be top three ways to do it From game or something like brother are you fucking insane? Dude, I just love that everyone was giving him advice of like what to do and then Eric and the group chat just said LMA Oh, bro, you can't do that The one business guy you just like yeah, he's gonna learn It really does have to go through the personal first yeah, no, yeah, you probably should but he'll be fine He's obviously gonna claim it. He will pay his taxes. Don't worry. He's a It's only a problem if he leaves down so That's what's so funny about this fucking story is we so when you do that I've never wired money to Vegas I've always just carried cash You don't actually get cash you get these little like almost vouchers They have like a little little coin that they'll give you worth X amount of money that you that you brought over and he brought over a Large sum we'll call it and The very first night he lost half of it immediately No, it was gone white and Baccarat as Fucking happen fuck Baccarat. I hate that game Kids kids don't gamble unless the stakes are really high and you think you're gonna win dude So he lost half already. So I was playing blackjack. I was not I don't love Baki. I've lost too much money on Baki It's expensive. It's fucked that we play was it the $300 tables again. It's gonna $300 It's a $300 min bet Chinese people change smoking cigarettes behind you It's funny though The Chinese energy is good in Baccarat when when the card is gonna come out like they call it 10 card a monkey So if they need a 10 or above the old you get a whole fucking a whole table with Chinese people going It's pretty late. It's pretty cool They go crazy with it. Oh actually remind me to tell you a story about a Chinese person after this at a dealer told us But anyway, so I went over I was playing blackjack and I went over and I believe it was Eric I want to say soup Um Smitty and puffer or something like that. We're crazy. Maybe we're whatever playing and Soops like I went up to soup and I was like, yeah, are you down? He's like I've already lost half And I was like, oh my god, bro Like it's night one and he literally is just like yeah, not a great look So you think the next day he would he would take it easy the minute we sit down the next night He goes to the teller and gets his gets his other half of his money Literally just goes we've been reinforced by a dread knot and he slides the chip in worth the second half of his money on one banker hand Before he even signed the paperwork to get the coin it was already gone. It was a player They already took the fucking other half of his money They already took it and literally as they picked it up the like pit boss Obviously needed to sign for it So she just kind of slowly slid the paperwork in front of him to sign for the other half of money He literally lost it like the first hand that I saw him play that day on Baki It was these stupid didn't sign it. Give me my shit back I never played that bet Ever seen That literally made my mouth hang again Yeah, dude, it was I was crying though just like we've been reinforced by dread like pushing and laughing having a good old time and just watching his face is going Once it was player was just the funniest shit I've ever seen And so he was like no but like soup for real that was pretty stupid. He's like, oh, yeah, no, thanks, me I had no fucking clue now. Thank you, man. I've really pretty that really helps to hear right now He's just sounded like no, that was dumb, bro. It's like no shit, dude. Oh, it's so funny though I was what it wouldn't have been dumb if it hit if it Then the dread knight reinforcement would have come in he would have been he would have been right back to even had a fun night For free it would have been great. You know instead. It was a play night for Proudly I got to watch a whole amount of money. Yep. Um, grizzly was was rage betting That was fun to watch he gets he gets baited by dad. He'll lose a hand Dude playing blackjack with grizzly, I'm gonna air this month. I go playing blackjack with grizzly might be Top three worst things you could possibly do for your mental health It is the most stressful Frustrating thing I've ever seen he's like okay, listen if you're playing minimum bet or like close to minimum bet like on a regular table Which we were doing this on a regular table after I play regular table blackjack most of the time It's just you know, you can bet as much as you want But if you feel like taking a few easy rounds you just have fun for like It's great So we whatever we go over there and grizzly is not playing $25 hands like he's playing like two three hundred dollar hands every hand Oh, yeah, and he was getting like the dealer would give him a 14 against a face card and grizzly would go double Like it was like no he's like no I want to double that and then he would have like dude And then something were like if you do want to gamble and be an idiot He would be up against a six and he would have two face cards. He'd be like I don't want to split him I don't want to split it. I don't want to and he'd have like 25 dollars and it's like dude You'll double a 14. Yeah, but what are we doing here? Like what are we doing here? It's a that's completely ass back to it and Ethan was next to him Ethan the whole night was just giving them the most passive aggressive comments. Like yeah, good hit Nelson. Yep. Good hit there Yeah, no, that was really good. That was really smart. That's cool that you won that hand dude That was awesome. I'm like even was just getting fucked around because crazy is like getting and splitting on the dumbest shit It was like split sixes against face cards and stuff It was the craziest shit that motherfucker is and we like yell at him and he just didn't care He just would be like, oh, I'm here to gamble Bro, you are an idiot Is a wrong way to gamble Yeah, I mean there's a wrong way to gamble in general and it's doing it to begin with Yeah, yeah, there's no right-weighted. I mean you can um, you know, you can always try to press the odds and like, you know, that's when you Kids only gamble if you have an incredible amount of money that you could just burn just as easily Whatever you go to the casino with it's gone. It's gone It's the mobs now you just bought them Tommy gun I think a good bar to set for yourself and one I've always set myself with is Per night allocate an amount of money that you're okay with losing for a very fun night with your friends Say you were doing something else like going out for a really nice dinner Going to dinner movie Yeah, exactly whatever the amount of money you would allocate for that That is what you should bring to the casino. You should never be like, well, I could bring 500 tonight because I might I might go up It's like no, bro, bring what you would spend on a night out. This is going to be your night out Maybe you'll go back but you're gonna lose it as a backup bring a credit card with a high As a backup Bring the deed to your house is collateral just in case Correct I have I've bodies that work as like, you know plumbers Electricians like they're working at a trade they work at refineries. They're doing the hard labor, you know, and they break their bank You know alongside guys who were like 45 or 50, you know getting like master like wages, you know, they're making like 45 dollars an hour like being like master tradesmen And and they get like their whole paycheck, you know, the the foreman will get his paycheck That's like two and a half grand or three grand or whatever And immediately like go onto their phone and gamble it away unlike unlike an app Like on the on blackjack on the toilet and then lose it all and then have to work overtime the next week to make Blackjack on your phone might be one of those to generate things possible. Yeah, that's like that's not even fun Like don't don't actually As soon as you start gambling on your don't see that we bleep that Yeah, absolutely bleep that we are not sponsored by but you know, if they do want to give me generational wealth You know, do not do not do um It's blackjack apps or like Blackjack never That you can just turn your You know the paycheck of all the all the hours that you work that exchanged like, you know hours of labor of your life to get money for and you think that you can just magically turn that into more money by gambling You're wrong. You're totally wrong. Dad wrong The the the chances are abysmally low The only people I've ever met in my life that do shit like that are always broke miserable, uh life ruined. I've never Because they've never Yeah, I don't want to be broke to people who Actually get angry at the blackjack table and you can tell dude. That's like saddest They're working on paying their bills and it's like the you should not be here Yeah, I've no duty to make six seven grand a month and they're they have their cars repossessed and they're you know evicted And Getting evicted while making six or seven thousand dollars a month is that's a skill issue Yeah, yeah, that is what we call in the industry a skill issue for sure. Yeah, dude. There was uh, there was a guy next to us Um There was a guy next to us on this on the table and he was getting yelled at by the pit boss And they had security and shit roll up. Whoa and uh, I was like damn what the fuck and I asked I asked Eric Of course, Eric's such a fucking shit-disturber. So Eric's just like Eric's like, yeah He just tried to take a bunch of chips off the off the table Like right in front of the dealer and I was like, holy shit So I'm like telling everyone else this because everyone else was asking what happened and after like five minutes Eric's like, yo lar I'm sorry, bro. I was this kid So I was like It's Yes, I'm like telling her it was so funny. I was laughing after but I was like, all right Well, I'm gonna listen and see what the fuck's going on and we could overhear them and uh, apparently the guy was Trespassing and he wasn't allowed in the casino and he was down over $300,000 at that casino and like listen if you're if you're dummy rich Like we've bumped into chinese people in like the baki room that are down 300 grand on the night But it's like they're betting $25,000 a hand like that to them that they they make You know fucking, you know, they're not Their daddy's in all the grunts. They don't care. 200k is nothing. Exactly. It's fun. This guy was he seemed like a regular ass like relatively blue collar dude Like he was betting $25 a minute. He had like maybe a hundred bucks worth of like random ass chips of couple 25s Um, and yeah, they they were trying to try to he's trying to shoot a hero Yeah, they're getting a bunch to 300k And he was like, oh like i'm not actually down that it was over the last 10 years And like dude as if that makes it better like dude, no, that's a bad kd bro You've been consistently like you think on year five you because you can easily have clearly has a player card You can check your winnings in your life. Oh my god, you're five So he look at it. I'll give you a win loss. Hey, look at it $300,000 fucking play coin. What would you cheer even be? Noir easily. He's definitely noir. You have to be to be losing 300,000. But like dude You think after year five you're like, maybe i'm no good at blackjack. Maybe I should like Do anything but go to the casino. So yeah, they literally had to Take this guy and essentially like drag him out of the casino and yeah, it was like a whole thing Um, he was like threatening to sue them. He's like, if you put your fucking hands on me all soon like all this shit It's like, this is there This is last vagus they can open the fucking door with your head You have to throw you out Yeah, they can literally use you as like a battering ram to get the emergency exit open. It doesn't matter Have you never seen casino the movie fucking casino like You don't fuck with you don't fuck with the people there, dude Like they they are their own police through their own fucking people They'll take you into a back room and be the shit out of you. Yeah, they they do not care um and kind of a We were talking to another dealer at at bockey and I was just like I was telling him about that I was like, yo like I just watched the guy he's down like 300k clearly did not have 300k to like You know be spending here And uh that dealer was like, oh, I've had some like people do crazy shit at the table He's like, yeah one guy came in with like 10 grand And he wanted to double it. That was his goal. He was telling all his buddies and stuff and apparently he put the 10 grand on the table And uh, he was ready to go. They they played the hand of bachrat and when they dealt in his second card Bro just ate it. He ate the card right in front of the dealer If I twist it up, it'll be a different number Like a magic trick like he like he like he had another card in his fucking man that he could pull out So I think in his head he thought like oh, those don't have to deal me another card because I ate this If I eat it then there's no evidence But instead oh, it's it's two sides Instead what they did is they took his 10 grand and kicked him out of the casinos forever And yeah, but but he got a free card in a roundabout way But I think the casino card part is like like even if that card wasn't that like I don't know what the hand was the dealer didn't remember exactly what he had. I imagine it was probably like monkey Yeah, well, I imagine it was a losing hand for sure, but like Like you would have to know the rules pretty good like it either had to be monkey monkey in your card or like You would have had to know the rules pretty good to know you're not getting another card Because like what if he had like a two and the dealer went to go deal him another card? That was like a six and he would have had like But he would just like just panicked He's panicked What are you doing that's right there Dude, dude, yeah, I don't know that's what we laugh before I forget Yep, oh go ahead go ahead up next. It's bread flan his new band. Oh my god. I'm back again On that magazine or everybody's been Gonna bring new games gonna show you now Dropping hits every week find the new slots Inspired by jet engine silences The Dyson hush jet purify powerfully purifies the entire room quietly capturing pollen Allogens and pet dander Removing odors and harmful gases such as no to day And night Hush jet powerful compact purification that's quiet No, no Oh, it's just because the dealer just like didn't even do anything apparently she said she just like turned around called the pit boss and kept What do you do Cards Hey, give me yes, she's behind them try to pros What do you got treat treat you want to treat just trying to like make it get a gag reflex like a vodka red book. Come on treat You told us to remind you about a chinese person story that That was the chinese guy. It was a chinese guy that ate his card. Oh, yeah, it was the dude. It was the chinese fella Chinese fellow talking about how he's gonna double his money to all his buddies and he just ate a fucking card Rice paper card Yeah, he thought it was rice paper Barge against golf are you out there now? Yeah, Ethan and I went golfing uh the morning after we got there a little rough A little tired. Um, wait, what'd you say? Yeah, just us two, um I was a little worried because I've never played in vegas. So I figured like Because a lot of uh buffoonery happens out there. I thought they'd be like Really strict about starting time and like everyone would be super like because so there's a job at golf courses And they're they're either called the starters or marshals depending on kind of what they're doing Um, and they're always no matter where you go. They're always assholes. It's their job. I get it But they're always this retired dude who like now has power So this is like he goes to work and this is his fucking job If you're a little late, this is a vote so you're starting at 12.03 if you don't have a ball in the air by 12.03 He will fuck you up. Um, so the starters are always like crazy and I was like, all right, this is gonna be vegas There's a lot of shit. So they're gonna have to run a tight ship in order to not have hoopla happen um The gun range me and Ethan are just kind of on the putting green talking, you know hanging out just us two and uh Starter comes up and he's like just so you guys know you're next and we're like damn We're like not for another 10. You're next. Yeah, and I was like I was like, okay Do you like want us up there now? And he's just like now I don't know just like be up there like whenever That's like, what do you what do you mean? He's like, I don't know like around your tea time when you want to play I was like, oh, okay. This is gonna be the other way. All right. I this is So There's so like it's like people are so fucked up and like just don't pay attention there They you know the only thing you can do is just be lax and just oh, yeah, no, they didn't give a shit We are doing whatever we like and it's called, you know, you just hit balls with clubs Is that the good reason usually them that's usually the marshals are so fucking strict though But then yeah, we hit our balls both of us Um, and then he sat there and chatted with us for like five minutes So he clearly didn't give a fuck about pace He was like literally we are trying to leave and he just kept yapping at us Oh, it's cool. He's like asking me about like rental clubs and like bro. I don't fucking know dude I got these off a rental website. Like they're just I don't know bro. Like what are you they're not mine I can't tell you much about you He's probably thinking that if he made really good small talk that you would give him a tip They don't you never tip a marshal or like anything like that you tip like back shop for helping you grab their When you grab your bag and stuff, but um Yeah, I don't really go to golfers Yeah, we we golfed golf was a good time the course was interesting it was 250 us per person which is In golf terms pretty expensive. You usually expect a pretty pretty premium course Like I usually shoot for like 70 to 100 dollar courses for like a normal round And because I thought mcnaz who was joining us he unfortunately got six obviously did not join us I was like, oh, I don't want to play like a super Difficult expensive course for somebody who's a beginner. So that's why I tried to book something, you know easy whatever Um, but that's just what they got in vegas. So I was like whatever 250 bucks. I'm sure it's gonna be a really nice course There was garbage everywhere and then the water dude the water normally golf course water is like Hella clear or died like a really bad blue blue. Yeah, this water was like do do fart brown And it was just covered in trash There was garbage everywhere and the dichotomy of this golf course It was like Obviously golf courses like pristinely kept nice So we're like on this one t-box looking down at this pretty fairway And it's got trees and like a little bit of desert and it's nice And then I look to my left and there's like this half like looks like somebody took a bite out of the fence But like barbed wire all over it like a dude fent leaning across the street and I was like what the fuck is this place? I believe this weirdest vibe in Ever seriously you went to a mini golf course in fucking skid row, dude Literally is what it felt like. It was fucking crazy. And then my ball I got so unlucky I hit the ball over the green on axi used wrong club was using rentals whatever Um, so I was behind the green and Ethan was on the green and I was like, oh heads up. I'm gonna I'm gonna hit this one whatever and I I Finned it so it went really low instead of like getting a nice arc and landing on the green And it hit this like little hill that used to be an old bunker My ball literally like Tony hanked and then went into the water the doodoo water. I was talking about And Ethan's like dude do not grab that ball you have to shoot from there I was like well because I was gonna drop and I was like, I think I can get it with my club And so I kind of like started reaching for it and I slowly started sliding towards the water down Oh G grass and I literally like you know when Patrick gets woken up by SpongeBob and he's like Suctioned into this side of his rock. I literally had to do that on this grass He called it trying not to slide down the hill Into the doodoo water for this like two dollar ball that I didn't really care that much about but it was more the premise of like I don't want to waste this ball's new I'm just gonna grab it and dude. I literally like I don't play still yet Still kind of you can still kind of see scratches like all my arms Trying to hold myself up as I'm stuck and Ethan the whole time is just staring I did not try to help one bit did not ovary the whole time He's like, yeah, bro that water's gross and just like sitting there telling me how shit it is And I'm about to slide into the doodoo water. So I literally just like I mean I literally started swinging my club at it And I eventually knocked it like couple inches out of the water onto the grass on the other side And I just had to fucking like slowly scoop my way up It took me like three minutes to get out of there and I was just fucking covered in dirt and shit And I is so not worth it. But yeah, that water was vile. It was Disgust it literally is like like it looked worse than the Detroit River when the Detroit River just caught on fire that one time Like it was disgusting. It was just garbage and oil spill looking like you can see, you know when you spill Oh, yeah, you can see like colors and colors and you can see the rainbows Rainbows are franked in undercuffs Awful. Yeah, just ludge You fucking hit your ball into runoff and you were like, let me grab that shit. You're insane And I what's fun. I literally lost that ball the next hole too. So it didn't even fucking matter. Oh, you got it back Oh, I got it back. Yeah, I swung my club at it and it eventually like knocked out It was like two inches onto the grass and I just chipped it over to the other uh, tea box the next one was a Hole with water the left and I literally immediately off the tee into the It yearned for the water dude wanted a die job. Yeah, no that that yeah that that ball that they wanted to go home It did not it did not like it there Um, did you see any crazy any crazy characters at all in vegas any any interesting fellas any public Freakouts um, no not really it was actually pretty tame a lot of like younger people because of the fight I'll get onto the fight because I know a lot of people But one guy I think I found My goat I think I found the person I want to model myself Off of when I I grow older just this huge fucking fat guy Cargo shorts probably a size 45 waist just an absolute monster of a man And his shirt was way too small all I could see was belly And that's what I noticed at first and I was like that guy's fucking sick And then I look and I actually read his shirt It just Just you could barely see it past his scraggly ass like gambler's beer and just giant impact font that said I love pussy On his shirt no like a mode just big impact right on his shirt That guy is a fucking rock star. I love he loves pussy That's good. Hilarious. I loved it. That guy was my fucking my goat my my all-time goat um Yeah, not uh Biggest thing is good. Check. I don't think there is anything. Vegas check. Yeah. Love's pussy. Check Had those like like uh What was your shoe? We're That's yeah, that's what I was trying to say. I don't know what they're exactly almost like a sport sandal, you know They got like You could see like his like diabetic foot trying to escape like Is Venom's trying to come out of his diabetic foot Yeah, like it looks like this like crusty blue deity like trying to escape its harnesses King's disease. He's got these guys. He's gout maxing. Yeah um, yeah, I don't think there was really too many other Wacky little characters. I feel like I'm kind of missing some things but whatever. Um, the fight was fucking amazing. So it was um, the Uh title or the um, I shouldn't say the title the main card was uh, patty and um Gagey gagey. Oh, wow. Justin. Yeah. Um So I wanted to see patty win. I love patty. I feel like that guy's really fucking funny Yeah, he was fun. He's got a personality The problem is dude, so everyone else's intro when they walk out. It's like Maybe a minute Patty probably took five minutes to do his thing and he was dancing the whole time and I was like, dude if this motherfucker dances as much And loses that's a tough look and he was out cold for a split second and round one off Yeah, I pretty thought it was gonna end like right up dude. I thought it was done. I thought it was done before Yeah, I thought about that one. I guess I should talk about the other ones. Um, There was before the fight right before that was omali and I forget the chinese guy's name Um, I like that. I was going for the chinese guy because I just you know, he was kind of funny Um, he was a fucking monster though. Um, and I wasn't really familiar with any of the uh, omali won that one Um, that was a really really good fight. That one could have gone either way I think that was the closest fight of the whole Uh event like they were going band for band that could have gone anybody's way Um, the very first one so I've never been to a UFC fight. So I didn't really like were you guys there for the preliminaries too? Or did you show yeah? Yeah, we went like we went there at like So you guys were like six or seven hours or Dude, that's what's crazy. It did not feel like it. Um, yeah, we were there from 3 p.m. To like whenever the I don't even know what time it was. I time is not real there, but yeah, I know we went there at 3 p.m 9 30 or 10. Um, yeah something around that and um Yeah, dude, it was the very first fight was just was crazy the first two fights when They both ended in round one, but they were both four minutes and 59 seconds So there's three five and a rounds in prelims Um, and yeah, both of them were were four minutes 59 seconds and they were both tkos So the first one was crazy the guy dropped like a sack of potatoes and when his head hit You could tell he was already like you hit the ground you could tell us And then you just three more just got You got it. You got it. You got to do. Oh, yeah, no, you got to keep going until the fucking Yeah, so the ref pulls off. Yeah, um, that was fucking that was when the guy jumps on that guy's back That was so funny, dude If you would have lost after doing that too I know yeah, the one dude fell and instead of like I thought he was gonna jump on him on his back and like put him in You know headlock and you know try to like submit submit him Yeah, no, he literally just jumped on his back leapfrog and then came back and tried to beat the wheels off him Which was very fun The funniest one though was the fucking big boys Dude, oh, I forget. Oh, the two big black guys. Uh, no, yeah, fucking uh, it's a Derek Lewis I think Derek Lewis where he's like the guy who was like because my balls was hot. Yeah And then you know, he fucking fucked too. Yeah, dude. He is 40 years old My boy was out of breath before the fight started. This is not a man who is ready to fight Yeah, I I don't think he did I don't think he did a second of prep. He was like, I think it said he was like 268 pounds at weigh in And the other guy was like 248 or something like that to fall and uh, yeah, dude, he got his That's kick what he fell though It's like all the other guys because they're all even the other oh, is that the one where he likes the backwards and he just didn't get up Well, yeah, he yeah I'll get there but like you see the other guys they'll kind of like you could tell they're a lot more athletic You know when they're falling they'll brace themselves with her They'll turn or they'll get ready to like, you know counter submit someone if they're about like they'll they'll react When the big boys fall down, it's like dude, it looks like they get struck by lightning. They go so It's like they get the immediate state of rig amortis It's like all their muscles tense up and they just like fall back like Oh, yeah, like yeah, it's like video of a goat getting scared. Yeah King conk falling off of the empire state building. Yeah, exactly like it just so rigid and You could tell So I don't I think I can't remember if it was ko or submission. I don't even remember what happened that fight So it's so fucking boring. I think the fight itself is he like fell and then he didn't even Know he literally yeah, he threw a punch Landed it and then went to go step back and dodge and he literally again just locked up Just have stayed a rig amortis fell backwards and that was just it. This is a fight. He's maybe he quit He just did you went down and that was like he slipped and he fell on his ass and then he didn't like he didn't immediately try to get up And while he was laying on the floor the other guy just comes up and just starts fucking whale on Yeah, he did not make He was like, okay. I'm just on the ground now. So that's just I'm just I couldn't possibly get up off the floor like dude. It was it was so funny But also like one of the worst fights I I have I have watched I've not watched a lot of UFC But that was I don't like watching heavyweight guys. They're always just kind of like they're so I don't mind it actually It's crazy knockout that's that's where the slug fest comes in I like seeing people Um, I like seeing boxers. I like seeing people. Yeah I I also kind of like it when when they they do a make sure of like that and wrestling and like takedowns and submissions I just don't like it. We'll do that. They're just Hell no, no Just you know, he's dead fucking putting you in a headlock. He's he's hitting you in the face with his fucking Putting his fist in your head. Yeah, it's like getting hit with a sledgehammer or like by a small car So like, you know, it may it would make no sense of the way But watching like two wrestlers who guys that do jujitsu like, you know, they both sit on the floor and they scoot to the ranch towards each other Like mount me It's boring. It's boring. It's it's boring Yeah, um but the only reason I was excited for the big boys is because like Um, I was looking it up before and like there's there's like a 50% tko rate Or something along those lines for these heavy weight notes because there's so much like, you know force behind the Punches and shit. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so then it actually happened and it was just just terribly boring as much as I uh, I hate to say it too the the The lady fight was also incredibly boring Lady fights can be pretty good though, but that's yeah, I feel like they're one way or the other from my again I have a very limited experience. So take what I'm saying with a grain of salt I'm definitely generalizing but I feel like every like Woman MMA fight I've seen has been like either they are the fucking craziest psycho monsters I've ever seen and they would like bite each other's esophagus out if they could or it was just like Like they just it just it feels like they just Weren't in a state of fight or flight where it like It looks like the dudes go full primal like there's nothing There's not a single thought in their brain. They're basically they're trying to kill each other get to a mindset Like I'm gonna kill you. I need to kill this guy exactly Like I know that they're in such a heightened state where like you couldn't ask these motherfuckers their name They wouldn't even know they're just here to literally kill the other person in front of them And I just feel like the yeah that fight was lacking that for sure I wonder if it's harder for For women who fight to get into that mindset or if it's just a uniquely Well, I mean they're obviously like less testosterone. So maybe like Chemically speaking it would be but I don't really I don't know Ronda Rousey is an alespa, but she was like murdering people in the ring. Yeah, he was murdering Oh Actually the one fat dude By the way, don't know what happened, but after he won the dare the fight against Derek Lewis he I don't know what inspired him to say this but he grabbed the mic and he was kind of yapping about shit and then he ended his Like thank you with uh britney grimer's a man. Oh did not elaborate Oh, britney griner the basketball player who went to jail in russia for having the dubs The the the person that we Sold the the lord the lord of war to yeah the version to the death Yeah, we traded on the version of death for uh for apparently a man for for for a subpar Wnba player who who smuggled we into a foreign country makes sense Yeah, but I don't that was his closing remark, which I thought was a little fun I would I would have closed with thank you Maybe that was fun. Maybe I have a lot of weird shit. I can't remember what else he said, but that one Just just just rattling off conspiracy. Yeah, no there was like it was Michelle Obama's a man There was multiple things that I remember him saying that was kind of like uh, but then I just remember being so fixated on that one Because that was those were the last words out of his mouth and I was like what why what it's like patty's was sad, bro Oh, dude that guy you could tell he was in a state Of like like he didn't know where he was so he probably should have lost that fight three different times Um, he's just so hard. He won did he win? No, I wish he uh He he got his ass kicked pretty good. He hung in there all five rounds. I don't know how Uh, there by round three like actually round three. I think he he definitely won um, but he was he looked mangled, dude, and uh He did do that. Um, both eyes. He got fucking poked. He did get poked in the eye like three different times Yeah, they need to do something about the gloves that make it so that your your hands are always like this instead of out Because people like fucking poking people in the eyes. Yeah, the one he was qualified for that shit The one I could have seen as an accident almost like he was trying to size him up and like You know kind of do like a reach to feel the distance. Yeah Yeah, exactly to get kind of hit him with this one here And he did this and it like I think it was his index. I got him And uh, yeah patty needed a second whatever and then the other one he punched but his thumb was like this Oh, it's thumb was you know It looked like he like purposely missed and just rating his eye. He started bleeding after that one, too Yeah, he was bleeding a lot after that one. Um But yeah, dude, he he hung in there. He's a fucking champion. Even if he lost that guy is a monster Oh, yeah, he could not be knocked out like it was crazy, but uh, yeah at the end of the fight It was like he was talking about uh, like men's mental health and shit like this and he's like, I had a close friend Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, who like committed suicide like I know a lot of guys are committing suicide So like this fights for them, but I lost so it doesn't really matter and you could tell you it was just so like Set with himself and sad and I was like, oh my god, dude It was like heartbreaking, but it's like dude, he put up such a good fight. He did so well He was a champion like like that fucking I don't know how gay thief gay Yeah, I don't know what that's his last name, but dude that guy is not made of skin He got knees to the face. He got punched More times than I can count Like he got his shit kicked in too and he did not even have as much of like he did not have a bruise No cut no bruise no black eye. No bleed it like he looked completely fine Whereas patty looked like he just got in three car accidents in a row. It was insane But yeah, it was honestly a blast the uh The clientele of those fights is um Interesting they're very uh, yeah, there'd be a lot of rowdy fellas Yeah, there's a lot of rowdy fellas. Yeah, there are a lot. They're very uh Bloodthirsty, I don't know how very there's a lot of very like low brow, you know like Like just just I I don't imagine I don't imagine a lot of Dinner kind of don't imagine a lot of like champagne socialist chilling, you know listening to james It was it. Yeah, it had it had its uh It had its fan base for sure. Um, so that was funny With those guys, you know like fan base. Yeah, they were like screaming about about black guys um A lot really grizzy everyone just kept looking at grizzy and he's like Like right in the middle of the mix these guys are just screaming at the black guys fighting um like you could like even when the uh When um the chinese guy was fighting you just hear everyone like oh my god everyone's calling him like fucking The sea slur and shit like send that fucking like screaming It's like send him home and like fucking communist pieces. Shit like yelling out of his life That word is only that word is only acceptable if you're Contextually referring to armor. It's right only I can say it. I can say it in a certain way My girl's a pass. Yeah, dude. It was crazy and like it wasn't just like a couple It was like Like a lot of people yelling that slur at him and I thought it was kind of wild. That was like it was a bit like Bit of an awakening, you know just like damn These they just be doing that Oh, yeah, oh, yeah It's you know a couple of beers you're watching violent stuff happen You're gonna get all souped up. You're gonna get all hyped up. Yeah, you're gonna say some shit You probably don't mean I mean it makes sense. You're gonna project all of like only You're watching two dudes punch each other in the face. You're getting a little amped up. You're a little fucking man You're a little rowdy Yeah, you know, I've been watching guys punch each other for four hours. What's a slur, you know, oh, hey, we're saying Yeah, so that's what I told soupy should probably head out stop yelling the slur of people You're like come on. Come on soup, you know Come on Dallas The third round slur was fine, but you know, it's the fourth round you call it for a race war I think it's a little bit too a little bit too intense now Oh Yeah, that's cool, man. It was a good time. I really enjoyed it I'm glad you had such a good experience invaded. Definitely go again what was what so I just wanted to say like all of that all that like You know, you you kick someone's ass and then you say something at the end and then you know, it becomes a huge deal That I've always wondered like what the fuck would you say if you were like an environment Like if you ever did like the creator clash or something and like did they treat like what the hell would even come to your mind? Like after after punching someone in the head or winning or losing and then you have to address like a giant crowd of millions of people With your shirt off You have to like, you know fucking we're all bloody and beaten and bruised and adrenaline like what would you even say? The prospect of that scares me Prep something you've been getting punched in the head Yeah, like you've potentially spent 25 minutes getting punched in the face I'd like to thank my summer I want to thank I'd like to thank my mom my dad and also my parents Yeah, uh, I remember I don't know bro I think the only one That stuck that sticks that stuck to my head it influenced your boxing thing was when Sam Hyde beat that one guy and then in a in an irish accent said called out his son piker And said that he was gonna kill him and then the the commentator was like you mean and you mean like online, right? You mean like metaphorically goes no In real life. I'm going to go to his house and kill him That's like You know Top tier a top tier way to end the fight And just fucking be insane to kill somebody after I think liver king followed Joe Rogan home Literally literally type shit type shit We should bring back Adorable in person by the way that guy is tiny Oh, yeah No, no, no, he's shorter than you bro. At least he looks it because he's wide So it's like You know what the weirdest part is You know what the crazy he walks like a dwarf, but it has like normal size limbs Like, you know dwarfs have that almost like walk with their hips hop like that Yep, like, you know like he like he he ran like he jogged like a roblox character It was just some crazy I saw him and yeah him and like Him and there was um, thio von and a couple other guys like just kind of hanging out before the fight and we were pretty low I think we were row like I don't know five to seven somewhere in there Um, so we were pretty close just kind of watching them do their thing and yeah, he just like he would jog over I was like, oh my god. He runs like a dwarf Like why does he do that? Yeah, this is crazy. He's he's about five foot. I think five seven Yeah, I'm five eight. I'm four five four four twenty. Yeah, he's a little guy Okay, we get it bro. You have legs. We don't need to prove it. We know your four foot 20 Uh I'm either as tall or taller than joe rogan You are taller than joe rogan after seeing both of you in person Um, you were definitely taller than i'm he was a little cutie patootie with his big ball head Yeah, but he's the biggest head i've ever seen on a human being though Even though he's five seven he could still probably murder most people Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, have you seen joe rogan throw us? He's a brick shit house, dude Have you seen him throw a kick? I believe it. He's a brick shit house. Say what you want about the guy But he is not A small man. I think you stand up. I think I think joe rogan stand up is hilarious All right, now I know your line Not for the reasons that you would think it's funny, but for totally different reasons See, I just thought him dressing like a minion was funny. I didn't need to see That shit was fire. Him is a minion was fired. That is probably I'm gonna look up joe rogan minion. We'll let him do that. We'll let him leave that house like that Um, his wife Cute little guy funny little fella Yeah, good old joe rogan. Yeah, joe rogan if you'd like to come on the podcast Yeah, we love we'd love to have you joe rogan. We just called him a cute little minion famous famous friend of the show joe rogan We'd love to have you on the podcast sometimes if you want to talk about like any stand-up that you're doing or Or any cool new projects you let us know On the goons and the goons podcast experience And if you want to go Monkey mode and expand your mind and get a third eye and then go to gamer subs.com and get yourself some Gamer subs grandmine's ashes crusader aid 10% with code goons one swig and you will sound like monkey one One swig you'll turn into a chimp. Perhaps even an orangutan Or even a gorilla if you were lucky Fantastic use code goons for all of that Use code goons and thank you very much for two and again for another great episode More more more more vagus more vagus shenanigans. You feel like we're talking about gambling every other episode gambling What else do we do? That's really all that happens. What else is there to do in this world, man? Those are the two best inventions of humankind. That's why god got rid of the dinosaurs He realized they were never going to invent gambling a t-rex Has two short arms to pull a lever or slap the the poke you blackjack Yeah, it could have done it could have done blackjack I was gonna say did you I don't know if you spent a lot of time on the strip But did you see the guitar hotel that they're building in vegas? I have I don't go outside other than I went to golf in a very tinted suv and got back I just it was just delivery system to golf. I did not know where the fuck I was Okay, I'm not looking at anything. They're building a cool hotel. It's the shape of a guitar And it's going to be the tallest one on the strip. I just thought it was this thought it was What kind of guitar what shape is it like a super strat or like a less paul? It's not really shaped like anything actually. It's like vaguely a guitar here. I'll put a picture in there It's like Oh, oh It's kind of like it's kind of looks like a prs like a uh, what's that one prs that almost looks like a fish Yeah, that's kind of cool. I don't know where the fuck that is. Is that mandolin bay next to it? Is that It's the hard one This is what it looks like now So that might be why uh You didn't really oh, yeah That looks like shape Oh, yeah, no, you know what no, I don't remember. They're up to about the bridge. That's about as far as I've gotten They they haven't quite made it to one of the pickups yet. So I didn't yeah, no, I didn't see that I want to stay in one of the two they should put a tune in peg penthouse tune in peg penthouse I'm in the peg penthouse getting pegged in the tuning peg penthouse Yeah, we have to have a that's a fucking tongue twister. What the hell Putting peg penthouse to peg penthouse tuning peg penthouse. No pegging in the tuning peg penthouse promptly, please Thanks for listening by the way Download on Spotify like and all that jazz comment subscribe Let us know uh What you would choose as your last name if your first name was Dave Yep, if your first name was Dave, what would your last name be that would be the coolest name to have by