Mary J. Blige On How To Transform Your Life Through Positive Self-Talk

This isn't I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed human. What you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself and what to say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say a belief about you. So imagine you come out, I'm like, I ain't designed that. I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities you are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful and whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what, good morning, beautiful, good morning, gorgeous. I love you. I need you. God loves you. I don't give what the hell would everybody else has to say? What do you think? And it started to grow. And it started to manifest. Thanks for watching guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. Hi, it says what up? Okay. Today's guess is a once in a generation talent in powerhouse. She's a singer, songwriter, actress, producer, entrepreneur, cementing her legacy with 15 ground breaking studio albums. She has earned nine Grammy Awards, a primetime Emmy Awards, six BET Awards, 12 NAACP Awards, headline madness is where guard and received a star on the Hollywood walk of fame nominated for best supporting actress for her incredible job that she did in mudbound. Both as at the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes, she continues to just cement this legacy, even further, she's hitting Las Vegas Vegas for her residency that she just announced. She is a sister. She is a friend. She is my girl. She is Mary J. Blasch. Mary Angie, I'm here. You did all the things as you was reading. I still didn't really. It didn't. It's still like, I did. And honestly, there's probably there's probably mad shit not on the card that you did. It's a beautiful thing. And you you've been on the journey with me. I know. I love being with the journey was the dance. The Piavallis. That's why it makes me so happy. You walk into it here today. Your skin looks good. The hair looks good. Like you just look happy and free. And I saw you on something. You didn't press for once. I saw a clip of you on something earlier. And I was like, she's happy. Like I could feel it through the TV that you are happy. Really happy. And you know I am. I know you know me. You're so happy. It makes me so happy. I'm happy with me. I'm happy inside. You know, there's there's a joy inside. That's like, you know, when my birthday hit, it came like two days before my birthday. Not that I wasn't happy before. But two days before my birthday, something settled in like the, oh, you really doing this self-love thing. You doing it. You really doing it. And I was like, you motherfuck, I'm afraid I'm doing it. It's good. It's good. It feels good. It feels like a weight lifting when you don't have to like worry so much, you know, but yourself aware in yourself checking. And that's that's a gift. I posted a picture of us for your birthday and we looked like we're 12 years old. And oh, my new hate to speak to because you hate this hat, right? Oh, man. We were 12 years old. Like what like, and I know we're children. But look, look, look what we have. Drinks. We have drink. Yeah, we so we keep a drink. We keep a drink. We enjoy a costume. I was mad. But I, we were in, I think we were in Mumbai. Is that Mumbai? That's that might have been Mumbai. We're in the club. We're however we old. We are in that picture. And like no clue with the next 20, it has to be 30 years ago, right? Like we're close to it. Shit, maybe more than that. Yeah, because Mumbai was like, is that place even open still? No, God, that's been closed for decades. When you look at that girl, like, or both of us, I just, I got so much joy seeing that and then seeing you so happy because there's been so much in your life that you've gone through. And I'm sure this thing that we don't even know, even your friends that just makes me very happy for you, baby. Thank you, says, I mean, you know, the stuff that you guys don't know about is the stuff that I had to weather, you know, like really, really weather. But the stuff I come to you, I would, is the stuff you all help me, what you all help me. You know, you're still helping. We still helping each other. You know, we still helping each other. It's still not easy, but it's better than what it was before. For sure. You know, because we know what we don't, we know what we allow. I love that you're back on the pod too. When was the Mary did that? You were like one of our first guests. We first launched the pod. We've come a long way. Yeah, yeah. Like three years in now. Yeah, right right in the middle of COVID, it was the after COVID. It was like Jersey and that restaurant. Yeah, we were just starting. Somebody let us use their restaurant because we didn't have a studio or a location yet. And I just feel like things are so much different from even from then where we are in our lives. I was like, where were we in our lives at that time? You were like, why you say that? Because that's what we said. No, you were you were survival mode. I was coming out. Yeah. Of all the stuff. I was still unraveling. I feel like you were saying it. We you were on your way to it, but you were and you were claiming it. You were like, I found it. I found some love. Yes. But I feel like you were still in the process of thinking into it. What do you call it? Settling into it. Yes. And it just settled. Like it just settled like two days before my birthday. It's settled like, oh, yeah. Damn. You know what I mean? We we in the in this soft love thing, but then it was like still manifest in it. You went into your good morning gorgeous era. That was the beginning of the good morning and gorgeous era. Yes. And now you like did that. Now you're like a pro at that. Yeah. And you have to do it every day. You know, you still have to do it. But it's not like it's stressful as it was. It's just something you know that you have to do. Right. So I'm doing it because you're in drama. You're just doing it. Because I'll be enjoying it. To maintain to maintain that look that you have that you love. Whatever that look it is that I'm loving. I got to I'm not talking about hair and making it all. I'm talking about that look that inside. When you like, what season are we in right now? I don't know. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Like liberation. That's where we are. We are liberated. Talk about it. That's where we are. It is the year of the horse. They say, you know that? Yeah. And horses don't look back when they're running. They're not like this. They like this. And that's, you know, whatever it is that was that was holding you holding me back. I don't have any space in my new house for bullshit. And bullshit is just the way that I thought of myself as inferior. Like people are even saying and why why should you let me treat her like this? Because she's treating her like this. You see, you shoot a chance. I'm not doing that anymore. I like the way I treat myself. I like the way I feel and I like the way I'm being treated. I feel like this is a perfect time in your life to do this residency. Because I think about Vegas shows, they're like big and grand and like bright lights. I mean, how does how is a merry Vegas show going to feel? It's going to be intimate. And it's going to be big and bright. But it's it's 5,000 seats. That's not a rena. Reena is like 20,000 people and a half of the people you don't even know. Half of the pages. Yeah, right. About 5,000 of the people that really love you and respect you. The rest of them are like, oh, this which is she's dope. I didn't know that. You know, they're figuring out who you are. So this is going to be. When I think it's I can imagine you being on stage actually having those conversations. Yeah, the mother fucking don't even know me right now. I know you didn't know how to know that you do that. Is there be right in the front like the and what that's like, what the fuck did you buy a ticket for? Like I just lost it. What do you hear for anyway? So Vegas will be like that. You'll have 5,000 of your closest fans. Die hard. Mary Jane Blasch fans and and it's going to be lights and bright and fun. But it's going to be intimate like how radio city used to be. Nice to perform there. That's fire. Yeah. Did you see? Have you seen any of the ones? Do you go to have you been to Vegas residences? Have you seen other people? I saw ushers. It was dope. Ushers was super dope. Definitely my favorites. It was dope. He just told his life story. Yeah. Yeah. He had the strippers there. You know, you know, because Atlanta. Yeah, he got a skate. He did it well. It was dope. Yeah. It was really dope. So you're thinking about upgrading to the all new iPhone 17 Pro. Designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. But are you also thinking about the traffic on your way to the store or transferring all your data and all the time that takes? Well, the good news is that when you order a brand new phone online with boost mobile, they'll send an expert to your home or to your work to deliver your brand new iPhone 17 Pro and get you all set up. Boost mobile can do that within minutes. No hassle. All you got to do is visit boostmobile.com to get started delivery available for select devices purchased at boostmobile.com. Terms apply. We're gonna have social. I feel like we're usher. It was like every week we were seeing a social clip of I feel like we should do that for yours. Okay. We want to see like, I don't know. We have to make I mean, you knock off your dudes cherries. But I'm saying that was the Marijay Blash show is going to be about what what do people love for me? You know what I mean? All right, let's think about this. What do people love? They love the Mary Bob. Yes. The Mary Bob. So we're gonna we're gonna make people famous. We're to Mary Bob. They're gonna be who wants to do that? They're just gonna be great. It's gonna be like that. So what else? People love that. People want to sing the songs. People want to wear a boot and come with your thighs. Come with your thighs. Come with your blonde wigs or bobs or whatever it is. Come with some good shades. These hoops. Hoops. Good ones. Great. This is a this is gonna be a vibe. All right, Las Vegas. We are coming. Yeah. That's that hasn't seen this clip. There's a clip. I don't know on your birthday. I was scrolling and I saw a clip of it. It's you and the studio with the old crew. They were doing a mix and you weren't feeling the way the mix was going. And you were like, yo, stop playing with me. It's some trickery going on here. And I don't like listening to what I'm saying. When I sat down here, I know what I'm hearing. And I'm not trying to. That's why I was trying to. I'm just telling you to listen. Just listen. I'm not a grown up. I'm not a child. With something that was so dope about it because it and I know you. We all know you. Like how you talk about second guessing yourself. But there was something in that moment where you could see that how much you believed in your gift and how much you know your gift and can't nobody in this room tell you about your gift. You were like, no, I hear it. I know what it's supposed to feel like. I don't know. It was just a dope moment of you kind of like standing in your gift. Yeah. And not letting people fuck around with it. Yeah. I get like that when people are trying to mess with it like that. So that's when I start going crazy. You know, you really worried crazy. But you know what I mean? Like when I say crazy, that's when I start, you know, getting a little shot because you're trying to mess with my head and I know exactly what I'm talking about. Like I'm not going to go against my intuition. I'm not going to go. My ears are insane. I should have been a producer because I can hear very well. I can hear what mix is a great. I can hear things that people can't, I can hear things that people can't hear. But it wasn't the description. You were like, there's something that happens to me when I hit the rough version. There's something that the music does to me that you said something like eat grits too. So I'm like, I said, that you eat grits too. Right. And you said, and I feel it and I know the difference and my fans know the difference. I don't know. It's just such a dope moment of you really defining like what makes you special and you not letting people fuck with that. I thought it was was really dope to see. Yeah. Because it is a gift, right? It is. It is. And you know, everybody has their gift. But that's mine. It's like, I know what my fans want to hear. What is the, what if you had to describe the Mary J. Blasch gift, how would you describe it? It's just, I know what I know. And I know what I don't know. I know what I know. I know when this thing starts going off, there's something going on. There's there's either something good or something bad going on. And when people are trying to trick me and this goes off, then I'm going to start, and you're trying to tell me something different, then I was just starting. I just learned to pull back. I don't want to pull the crazy, but when I get upset when people are trying to take that, take advantage of me, I learn how to pull that back. Yeah. And just know what I know and not get excited. But back then, I was fighting for my identity and for my gift. I was fighting for my gift. I'm not going to let you take my gift away. I'm not going to let you be like, you crazy. I'm not going to let people do that to me. Do you understand what I'm saying? I do. Yeah. You crazy, you don't know what you're talking about. I know exactly what I'm talking about. You just trying to get what you want. You understand? So I was really fighting for it. Then now just be like, I know what I want. And that's it. And I'm going to get what I want. Yeah. And that's it. You know, you're going to do what I said. My business, what my business, what my business, what people lives, I don't try to push anybody and do it. But with my business, I'm going to get what I want. Yeah. You know, and that was my business. I was trying to put out an album. You know, I was going through this thing where everybody was like, hold me, Ari's washed up. She's dead. She's dead. So I went in my album to be great. And I said, this is the one. This is what my fans want. My fans want this color. My fans want this feeling. That's what we want to give them. So that's what I was fighting for. What I know feels good to myself and my fans. It's interesting. They can say now like when we're growing up. It's like when you have the confidence to know, I feel like when we act out, it's because people push us so much. And you're like, nah, I'm not fucking crazy. I know what I'm thinking now when you know, when you're so settled into you, you could just be like, I said no. Fuck out of here. That's really the difference though. Exactly. Yeah. No, you're going to do this. Period. Period. Not. Uh-uh. That's okay. Today's show is brought to you by our new presenting sponsor Hard Rock Bet. Okay. So Winters here is cold outside. And if you want to get in on the action, and you don't want to have to leave your house to get on the casino floor, you can do it. Of course, right from the app and Hard Rock Bet's got you. So if you're a new jersey or Michigan, check out Hard Rock Bet Casino app. It's got thousands of slots. Blackjack will let all their favorite games. They're all there. 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Download the app and get your welcome off for today offered by Seminole Hard Rock, digital LLC. All rewards issued as non with drawable site credits, $10 plus deposit required for 200 bonus spins for Huff and more puff only up to $1,000 cash back and casino bonus if your player has net loss on slots after first 24 hours. Casino bonus credit has a one time wage a requirement must be 21 or older and present in Michigan on New Jersey to play gambling problem called 1,800 gambler. This is probably we were talking about swords. The season of swords. Jill Scott was on is on this last episode of IRL. She said her sword is sharp. It's kind of like what you were talking about. Like things that don't work for you anymore. Things that no longer make you happy and no longer serve you. What's that sword like of yours? The exact same thing, but it's mostly things that I need to get rid of within me. So before the New Year came in, it was, I just felt like I was shedding a lot of residue that insecurities had caused. Just getting rid of the rest of the, you ain't this. You ain't that in my own head. Who is this person? It's you. It's Mary. So I had to, I'm shedding old Mary. I wrote this letter to myself. I was like, I don't I was a listen old Mary. I don't want no parts of you. I don't have any space for you anymore. You're negative. You're you're you're you're negative. You're insecure. I don't want anymore any parts of you. I love you, but you are not a luxury here anymore. You cannot be here anymore. So that's me. So so shedding the rest of actual actual letter. Like it's in my phone. Yeah, I put your old Mary. I was like, I love you, but I can't I can't have you here for this next level. I have to move in your holding me because you're afraid that someone might hurt you. That someone might take something. Yeah, people took from you, but they will no longer take from me. So you out of here, I'm leaving you. I have to keep shedding you. You know, so that's what that's where my sword is at. Like not, you know, looking at other people and be like, well, okay, that's who you are, but it's not about who you are. It's about who I am and what I got to do for myself. So I'm just shedding just just shedding things that that hold me back this inside of me. And that caused me to think of myself as inferior. And I'm not inferior. I'm loved. I'm blessed. I'm highly favored. I'm humble. I keep humility because I don't want to think of myself more highly as I ought. Because then I'll start treating people bad and looking down on them. That's self-awareness. That's a sharp sword. Oh my god. Self-awareness is the sharpest sword in the land. I wish that for everybody. Self-awareness. Yeah. How can you fix what you don't know is broken? Exactly. Yeah. How can you fix what you refuse to acknowledge? And that's the long hard look that we take. And it hurts, it hurts when we're there, but it hurts worse as we stay there. It hurts worse when you stack, when you stay stagnant, when we start moving, little by little that skin starts coming off, that old skin. And you still have residue like right now, but it's not as painful now because you know that that's not a luxury. That's not a luxury anymore. That old snake skin or whatever. It's not, you know what I'm saying? I do. It's not. Some people get comfortable in the snake skin. Some people use it as a like, oh, I'm just that way because of this or they use their past traumas as like an excuse to behavior a certain way or an excuse to live their life a certain way because what they come from, right? And so it's easier for some people to not be self-aware because they just want to sit in the shit that they always been doing. You know what I mean? It's yeah. It actually is harder to be a better version of yourself because it requires work. The fact that you're still writing yourself letters. The fact that for however long this journey this has been has been going on for you and you've been evolving. The fact that you're still waking up in the morning and saying, I'm highly favorite. I'm blessed. Dear old Mary, like you are still working on yourself to this day. It's like a testament. It's harder to do that than it is to just be comfortable and some old shit. You don't think so? Yeah, it is hard. But think about when you was in the old shit. Wasn't it always something knowing that you like something is wrong, but I can't do anything about it right now because I don't know what to do. This is what studying and self-help books and good friends to tell you the truth is about they help you unravel. But when you don't know what to do, you don't know what to do. But once you get the information now you're accountable for it. So people get the information and they stay stuck. I got the information. I was like, as soon as I got the information, I started to unravel. What was your number one information? That TDJ ex-set sermon. He said, what you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself, what you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say a believe about you. So imagine you come, oh, I'm glad, I ain't designed that. I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities. You are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful. And whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what? Good morning, gorgeous. Good morning, beautiful. And I didn't even believe it yet, but I just started speaking it and good morning, beautiful. Good morning, gorgeous. I love you. I need you. God loves you. I don't give you what the hell would everybody else has to say? What do you think? And it started to grow and it started to manifest. You're saying, you know me. I know. And you know how I was still, you know, I'm saying I'd be not, you know, I mean, you would still be trying. I just didn't want to be stuck in that. I don't, I don't like to feel insecure. It's not a cool thing and make sure look ugly and make sure act wack and make sure treat other people terribly. So I have to keep working on that, you know, I like what you said to about the things you tell yourself. Good morning, gorgeous. Even as you were saying that, how you favored? I don't know lately. I've been realizing I've been saying this a lot. You probably have heard me say this, but and I don't even realize I was doing it. But I'd say something and I'd be like, God loves me. Oh, God loves me so much. Yeah. That could even make me like, oh, yes, he does. He does love you. And I think that we do ourselves a disservice. We do him a disservice. We spit in his face when we be like, I'm ugly. How damn we? But I think it's whatever the things I use as an example because it really does feed how you behave, right? Like even though the day I was like, there was something going on. I don't remember what it was that day where I was like, I don't know. In the low, I was like, this is not a good day. This is a, and then something small happened. And I was like, God loves me so much. Wow. Just for the one little thing, I'm like, oh, he loves me so much. And it takes the energy away from whatever the negative thing was happening before. And so I'm just using that as an example of like one way that what what you tell yourself really shifts the program. Right? I know we hear it. It almost sounds cliche. How you talk to yourself? Could you hear that all the time? But really, what are the words that you say out loud that you really talk to yourself? It really is a big thing. I think people need to be reminded of that sometimes. 100%. Let me, let me, this is how another way I look at it, Angie. If God created us, right? Which he did. And they say he spoke everything into existence, let there be light, let there be water, let there be land, let he, he spoke the universe into existence. And if he's our father, like you have your mother's eyes, your mother's ears, your mother's whatever, why, why don't we have our father's power? He gave us the authority to speak the power life and death is in the power of the tongue. That's all in the world. Think about this. Everything negative that I said about myself, I was living in it. So we come on, that's that's wisdom. And that's what we should. Now, I'm beautiful. I'm healthy. I'm wealthy. I'm a billionaire. I'm a true idiot. You know what I'm saying? She a billionaire for years. It's gonna catch up. I'm gonna catch up. I'm billionaire. I'm love the miss. I'm not everything. I'm on the right path. I'm on the right path. God loves me. He got me on my way. That's what I've been lately giving myself. God loves me. That type of thing. Yes. You know, so funny. We just, I just watched Tiana Taylor win the Golden Globe. Yeah. That's gonna rock across the heart. She deserves that. So she was here. She came to the pod at an earlier time when she had just done a thousand and one. It was her first film. But she, you know, she been through a lot. She was heartbroken by the industry so many times. She was like, I'm gonna retire from music. I guess I'm gonna try this acting thing. I'm gonna really lean into this. And yeah, I could just tell she had been knocked down so many times. She's been at it since she's 15. So to watch her on that stage, I don't know, crying like the like like the ugly crawler. It's just it really is just like a God's timing for everybody. It's just when it's your time, when it's your time it's your time. When it's your time, it's your time. It's your time. It can't nobody stop it. Can't nobody get in the way and can't nobody take it away. What is what is what is going to be the thing that you're chasing now when you think about like I'm just chasing peace like peace of mind. You're just watching the show. You're just watching the show. You're just chasing this residency, getting it right, getting it up, you know, and popping. Definitely gonna do some more acting. I would love to, I would love to win an Oscar one day. Put it in the universe. But I did already. I put it in the universe, you know, but you know, just for playing, you know, somebody iconic, you know what I mean? You know, you already know. Yeah, I kind of do. I would love people to guess. But we're gonna win an Oscar. What else we go to manifest? Tony. Tony, you want all the things? You want to be an ego? I want to be an ego. But if I don't get the Tony, I'm fine. Do you really care about awards? That surprises me. I don't, but I always want it you know, for for the acting, you know, something I wanted to see what I can, if I can, I got the nomination. Yeah, it's a big, you know, and that's great. But I would love to win an Oscar. I would love to, oh, I got an Oscar, you know, and if I don't get it, it's fine. But it's something that, you know, why not? It's something to chase. Yeah. It's a fun goal to chase. Ex there you go. But it doesn't make it, it doesn't make you an unhappy person. It's not a chase to it. I'm like, oh God, I got to have an Oscar. I don't really care about it like that. But if I, you know, when I got nominated for the Oscar, I was like, oh my God, I got nominated for Oscar. I said, what if I win it? Then I got started to get scared. What if I win it? So, but if I win it, I don't do if I don't. But I would love it though. You see what I would love it. It's something to chase. I love that you're still chasing things at this point in your career. We read your introduction. You've done so like literally you could do nothing else and you have done enough. But the fact that you still have that fire, you know what? I would like you to address because this pisses me off when I see the memes because you know, you may on stage doing your low, and they act like you don't want to be there. They say Mary is unbothered. Mary, Mary doesn't want to be here. And let me see those memes. You some other ones I talk about when I meet it. When you be like, yeah, so let me just let me just say this. Mary, look tired. She said, I was, I'm a, I'm a, please, I'm a curse. You don't need to curse. I was fucking exhausted because I was on the 30th show of 40 shows. So you actually were tired. We was in Chicago or something like that. I was exhausted. I was kind of over everything. You were over. I was tired. I was tired. I was tired. And I was just kind of, you know, was the 30th show. Yeah. So I mean, I've been working hard all my life. And sometimes you get tired. So for people to be like, oh, she looked tired. Yeah, I was fucking tired. I was. Fuck you. I was tired today. I'm not. But they always want to be like, oh, this person looked like they tired. Yo, these women out here in this business are working really, really hard. You know, Beyonce has up 100 shows. So guess you're going to be fucking tired on her 50th show. She goes, hug neck, whatever she be doing. She going to look like she need to stop doing it because she's done it with 50 shows. So am I shut up with that shit? Yes. Sometimes we get tired. But when we rest, we on that's so funny. I didn't think that was going to be a reaction. I thought you were going to be like, nah, that was just my swag that day. No, I was tired. I was tired. And you know, you know, tell you how I'm trying to do. I was like, I was exhausted. I was like, well, maybe you know, it's going to look like different. But it looked like in my mind, it's in, it's in feel like it looked like it looked. And I seen it back. I was like, oh, man. Oh, I guess that's how I was really. You know, that's really funny. I didn't expect you to answer that. That way we do we all get tired and we work hard. Shit. I thought you were going to be like, nah, I'm never tired. No, I was tired. And then caught you. And you all got me exhausted. I probably was drinking the night before. You know, you try to do that. Like let me try to get some drinks in. Yeah. And then you have like a probably a late hangover. Something. No, but you know what? You're really good at that. We'll be out. And you'd be like, I'm calling dinner early tonight. Oh, I'm not drinking. Or you don't even say, well, that's the other side of the lyricist. You almost didn't even come over. You were like, nah, I got up. I got to get up tomorrow. I'm not coming over. Right. Because you're serious about your your shit. I am. But I when you're on the road, sometimes you just got you just need something. Other than sitting in the bus, sitting in the room. I can't go nowhere. I can't go where everybody else goes. Yeah. Fucking nightmare. So when I get ready, I like, give me some wine. And then I have to, you know, pay for it. You know, where I pay for that. And I maybe I had, I don't know, but I was just beat. But you got a lot of energy. You take your fucking work seriously. And you, um, and you back outside and you about to do a long ass running Vegas. Yeah. How do you prep for that? Are you like, I'm just rest. I'm about to go a little dry, you know, an alcohol off a little bit. Are you going to do that? I'm a try. Are you doing dry in? I do enjoy January? No. No, I'm about to be drinking in January. But maybe dry, maybe dry February, like all the way up to March or something like that. You know what I would like to talk about too? Is that I noticed that like whenever our birthdays are around, we always posted people always like to see friendship, real friendship. Because I think everybody wants to, if you have real friends, you know what it is. So you appreciate it. So when you see other people, you're like, yes, I know a real friendship. Or sometimes people are disappointed by friendships. And then they see a real real friendships. And I think that inspires them. What do you think is the key to that? What's a real friendship? Yeah. Um, respect, respecting, like I'm gonna use you for instance. Angie, if we didn't know you love us, we wouldn't think you love this because you, because when you go to zero, dog 30, you'd be like, you know, what the fuck is she? Yeah. Did you hear? Lauren, like, yo, says, I hear from my either. You're like, oh, well, you know, Angie, we know Angie. That's love and respect for your friend, knowing your friend and understanding her boundaries. That's how you keep friends for years. You know, I'm saying, we've been friends for years. But every time you go missing, I don't like Angie hates me. Well, just she just being Angie. We love you. So that's keep friendships and not non-judgment and not always trying to tell a person what they need to do. You know, sometimes you gotta show your friend you love them and you trust their awareness and you know, you, you trusted their smart. Not to, and if they choose not to be smart, you gotta be there for that too. So no judgment. And then when it's some time, you know, we need to slide something in that they really need to hear, you know, then you slide it in. But the non-judgment is what keeps friendships. I think that's a real thing too. Yeah. Because sometimes any relationships, even like man, woman relationships, or even friendships, sometimes entitlement starts to kick in. Yeah. Or like, you just what you need to be doing. I don't know. They're just like a ego and entitlements can sometimes slip into friendships. Yeah. And I think that that's part of it. Right. You want to tell your friend what that you think they should be doing because you know better when you're like, you don't, nobody knows better what the other person has to do in their life. Because you don't even know what mistakes they need to make to be the version of themselves that they about to be. So sometimes you get in the way of people's girls when you try to like over. Yeah. Protect like I don't harass any of y'all because I trust that you guys know who you are. And I love y'all and I know me. I don't want y'all over harassed me. I'm gonna do something stupid. I'm gonna do something stupid if I want to do something smart. I'm gonna do something smart. But if you do have something for me, I'm gonna be able to receive it. You know, and there's an invisible line like I'm not like, oh, that's just Angie. I'm always like, oh, that's my fucking friend. Like I'm never too used to you. I'm never too used to learn. I'm never too used to Nikki. I'm never too used to anybody close to me. Like everybody in anybody that I'm around, I respect the invisible line. Meaning like I always honor you. Not, oh, you've been around me for so many years. It's just you know the fact that you've been around me. It makes me really honor you. Like I don't want to cross this invisible line and lose you. Because that's your line. You see what I'm saying? Well, we ain't going away. You know that. I know, but you I don't want to do that. Yeah. I don't want to ever disrespect you or disrespect anybody I truly love by making them think, I'm so full of oh, that's just I hate me. It asks you to step no, don't, if you go if you're going to treat me like that, don't be my friend. Don't even try. Oh, that's just her stop trying to size me up and figure out when you're going to get used to me enough to try to diss me or say some smart shit to me. That's not friendship, but we don't do that. We stay, we stay fresh and we stay fresh and new in our foul friendship. So I should be popping all the time. Yo, what's your song? Oh, you got those shoes. You know, that's the brand. Yeah, we would choose. Yeah, yeah, she's going to tell you when to get some shoes. Yeah, but this, this, there's, I recommend to women or to it's to really like take those relationships seriously, because I think in the up and downs of all our lives, that's what you come back to, right? Are those friendships? It's like, yes, even if it's just even like you said, you let somebody go do whatever crazy ass shit, whatever, she wants to be right now with me right here when she puts you in the middle of the air right here, right here. But through the ups and downs of the life, it really is the friendships that that ground you and pick you up when you down and yeah, we get strength from each other. Yeah, for sure. I love you for that. I love you too. And for life, for life. But also one of the things about you that people might not know and as your friend, I know this, you have really a gift of almost like a six cents empath. Is that empathy or is that some type of gift? Because I'll call you on Tuesday and be like, yeah, I'm having a great day today. Yesterday, though, was terrible. You'd be like, I knew it was terrible yesterday. I felt you yesterday. Like you have a sense. It's almost like a six cents or I'm probably, you probably had this with a tiny two out of magic sister, where if something's wrong with her, you can kind of feel it. Anybody I'm close to I have a wit. Anybody that's been around me for a certain amount of time, I have it with I don't know what it is. I don't know why it is. I think I just love people and care about them so deeply the ones that I do that I can just pick it up. You know, I can pick up when the energy is off. You know, you can come and then I can just pick it up here. You know, I don't know what that is. But people call it a six cents. People call it discernment. People call it being an empath, whichever one it is. You got those. Got something. It's interesting because being an empath comes up a lot too. And I think that's an interesting thing to talk about because I am an empath also. Yeah. Yeah. You got it too. Yeah. I do. Yeah. And sometimes and I and I have cherished it. I think it's a gift. I'm grateful for it. But also I've learned you cannot be an empath and not have boundaries. Yeah. Because what happens is the world will suck you up. Like if you don't have boundaries and in in friendships and relationships and or even what you put your energy into, yeah. The world will literally suck the life out of you. The value. Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys, support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change certified to operate by chef. All right, we have some iron. This is our IRL bowl with Mary J. Blash. Let me see. In real life, brought to you by Walden University. What is something you used to be embarrassed about that you now own? All right. She said hi. I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I blink and stutter when I'm trying to comprehend something. I blink when I'm trying to comprehend and I stutter when my brain is too far ahead, but I'm not embarrassed anymore. It is what it is. I'm cool with it. I own it. I love that. I never knew that. Well, yeah, I used to be embarrassed, especially in an interview. And I'd be like, you know, stuttered clips when you see a clip or something. Yeah, I stuttered and then I blink like crazy when I'm trying to comprehend something. Yeah. It's like a nervous energy, right? Yeah. I've seen it in my act sometimes. I was like, and you think that's what? What do you think that is? A nervousness or insecurity? What do you think that is? I think it's a little of everything, nervousness, insecurity. And just at the same time, trying to understand, trying to comprehend what's going on. The insecure about what it is, did you have to do and just nervousness, everything all at once. I really was a byproduct of you doing the work. I love yourself. Even that, that you used to be insecure about. Now you're like, yeah, this is going to happen when it happens. And that's called, you just said that loving and embracing all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. It's me. But the ones that I have to get rid of is the one I was telling you about. Like she's just, she's just dark and crazy and offensive. And it's like, no, she's out of here. She's out of here. Like, you don't keep working on this one. This one's doing great. Yeah, thanks Angie. She's doing so great. Thank you. Another segment we have is our voice memos. So this is usually like a fan or a listener or somebody from the pod that is, is this a fan question? American. Is it a question or a comment? Oh, both. All right. It's called a voice note. It's a Mary J Blash comment question. This person's name is Meg. Hi, Meg. Hi, Meg. Hi, Mary. My name's Megan, big fan. So my question is, as much as we see you dance up there with your boots on, do you think you'll ever have your own boot one one day? And I'm also, I guess you could say, a younger fan. But thank you for being the soundtrack to my mom's Saturday and Sundays cleaning or doing chores around the house and made my entire childhood grown up. So thank you for those wonderful memories. Thank you, Meg. Thank you, mom. Everybody asks about boots though. Well, I did a boot line. Well, you did a collab quickly with Giuseppe. I mean, you went high. Yeah. And people went low. And a lot of they sold on the first night. Yeah. They sold out and then after that, people was like, shit, there's this too expensive. So yeah, I'm definitely going to do it. Um, an affordable one at some, at some point for the fans and for people. Mm hmm. Yeah. You've done so many things. Earrings and sunglasses and tours and shows and we got a movie now too, right? And lifetime, lifetime movie. Yeah. So I have a deal with lifetime. What is your role in that? Like, your executive producer? Yeah. Well, I have a production company that teamed up with lifetime to do these movies. So then all the movies are like the names of my songs. So the first one we did was real love. The second one was a strength of a woman. Third one was family affair. And now here comes Be Happy. Yeah. So that's what that's what's coming out. Be happy is coming. And it stars Mekai Fifeer. It's a good cast. Yeah. Russell Hornsby. Yeah. Tisha. Tisha Campbell. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And then always a pretty wholesome and relatable. Real love. It probably just just a cute love story about, you know, people, kids going to college and falling in love this couple. And then, um, strength of a woman is, it's just like a continuation movie. And um, you know, DaVinci, and, um, Aegean from BMF. Yeah. They they're the actors that play in those first three and it goes a continuation. And this one is has Be Happy, Tisha, Russell, and Mekai. Cute. Yeah. And it's a love kind of a light love story, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is that's one of our real life in real life? Like where are you at with love? And like, how do you define it? Do you think about it differently than a young Mary did? Yeah. I definitely definitely than young Mary. Um, like what did you use to think love was? What do you think it is now? Well, love, I used to think love was a consistent feeling. And it's constant effort now. It's just effort. And you have to really honor and love and respect the person who was consistent because, you know, when you've been with someone for years and they still honor and love you and respect you and have fun with you, that's, that's a, that's a blessing. And that's a beautiful thing to have someone love you because that is effort. You know, that act of love. Yes. Exactly. The act of love. And that's, that's how I see it even for myself. It's all work. You know, it's an, it's effort because every day I don't feel like saying good morning, gorgeous, but I say it because I love myself. So that's where I'm at with love. It's an action. I'm grateful for the effort, the action, yeah. Yeah. And so that's interesting. Yeah. So young, it was almost like a, it's like a fantasy word. But love, it was a, it was a feeling and infatuation, but when the feeling and infatuation is gone, you left with the person you either love or hate. You know, it's, it's not about sex all the time. It's not about, but it's about friendship, you know, touching a person when, you know, you just sit and watch in a movie or, you know, just little things. It's about being appreciative for the little things and love is a verb. It's a verb. You gotta, you have to continue to do it, but you only want to continue to do it if you love the person. And that's, yourself included. Yeah. Yeah. It's calm. I mean, I mean, common sense love, common sense, this don't, this makes sense, right? Yeah. It's like, either you do or you don't. All right. IRL questions. I always like this one of my favorite IRL questions. If God were to text you right now, Mary Jane Blash, what would it say today? Today? He was saying I'm proud of you. I'm about to start crying. No, I'm not. He was saying I see you doing the work. I see you trying, I see, I saw who he was. I see what you been through. You had every right to be offended. You had every right to be on guard and, and everything that she was. But I see you doing the work. I see you wanting to be better and not bitter. You guys really even say to me. And now you got me. Sorry. I was so beautiful. Look at right the quad. This is fucked up. I was trying to be the one. Oh God. Yeah. But those are like tears of joy, man. Yeah. Those are not sad tears. Those are happy tears. These are definitely happy tears. Don't you love me. Don't you love happy tears are the best tears ever. Only you can do this. Yeah. That's a good thing. You're really because you've talked it and you've manifested it, but you're like really here. You're really here now. It's amazing to see it. And I think people see it. I'm sorry. Why are you sorry? I'm just I'm really happy that you see it because you see me at my worst. And nobody talked like me and you talk. You see me come through so much. And the fact that you because you're like you were hard when it was like I'm good. But now you're like I'm proud of you. And thank you for being hard on me and the areas where I needed to be. You helped me grow. Now I'm sorry. Thank you. I love you, sweetie. Thank you so much. Friendship is two ways, guys. Let that be a lesson because everything we do on this podcast, I made this podcast so that the real life experiences that we have, as we talk about them and we share them, hopefully land for people in their in their real lives. And so if nothing else from today's conversation, the importance of friendship, the importance of like being honest with yourself, being the best version of yourself loving on yourself. So you could even have good friends or good relationships or show up in your job or show up for press the way you've been showing up for press. No, really, I put the TV on your hair. You just seem free and happy. Like that doesn't just happen. That doesn't just happen. It takes all that work. You got to fight for it though. You have to fight for your own piece. Everybody's not going to be what you want them to be. So you can't let that shake your world. You got to stay in your world. Stay in your joy. And you can't help the people that are going through their own stuff. That's not your stuff. This is your stuff. The one thing I would like to get to that we didn't get to before is like when we, I was looking at that, go back to that photo that we started with. When you look at that time and think about all the things you've kind of survived and witnessed and gone through and experienced. What do you think you're, what do you think is the thing that just kept you going that didn't break you that got you here? I mean, I'm going to say it had to be God carrying me to my purpose. There was a lot of times I felt like I didn't want to live no more. But obviously, God had another plan. And on the other side of that plan was two Oscar nominations. As soon as I got the divorce, as soon as I got out of that, two Oscar nominations was on end of that. I envy with Dr. Drey the Super Bowl and a hit TV show, you know, Ghosts. I ain't seeing any of that coming. But I made it out and I, you know, I had to be, you ever seen that it's a picture and it's called footsteps. You have seen it and it has footsteps in the sand. And it's supposed, I guess it's supposed to be Jesus' footsteps carrying you. So I guess that's what was carrying me with Jesus. Because I don't know how, how, how else I would have gotten here. Are we just going to have one big old celebration about that in Vegas? This is going to be like one old big old celebration of life and victory. And it's like a victory lap tour. It's like it is. It's a life story, you know, it'll start with childhood, you know. Because all this stuff starts when you look when you're a baby, shit starts right away. Like the bull, the shit the bull shit starts right away. People trying to hurt you, people trying to hurt your family. But as a little kid, people, you know, was always trying to hurt me. I'm always trying to hurt me, we're trying to hurt my mom, we're trying to hurt my sister because we were, my mom was single parent mother living in the projects. And it was just us two, us three little women living in hell. So it had to be God because we've been fighting for our lives, you know, forever. Yeah. And then it got worse when I got into music business. Well, you stepped into the world of demons. You seen that video on deep inside? You ever seen a video? This is part in the video deep inside where I said, don't judge me or think I'm bitter for the evil gods allow me to see. And I don't code directed this video. And in the video, I don't know if you ever seen the devil's advocate. Remember when he was taking off his shirts and he was all monsters under the underneath. They was showing like the demon eyes and the teeth. In the video, I did the video like that as I'm walking on a red carpet and people are asking me questions, you know, like the press. And I made them look like monsters and demons. That's right. And I had a, and my, I'm just going to, I had a dream one day like there was before I got into music business. And I was going to this event. And when I got, got there, everybody turned into like, but it was a big, big, big event. And when I got there, everybody turned around and it was like, like monsters and demons and shit. I said, oh, so this is, I guess this is what the music industry is going to be. And that's exactly what it's been. Has it been fully that? That's that's the majority of it. But far as like people that are close and other friends, you know, yeah, but the majority of it, people, you don't know who they are, you know, you can't tell their, their other faces are monster faces. You know, I don't know what y'all going to do it all of this. I don't want to sound nuts, but it's true. You know, that's that's what I face. And that's what I came out of. And made it to the other side. Yeah, I don't see too many demons and shit now because maybe that's what the, maybe that's what that light is about. Yeah, they, they, they're not coming around. They're not going to come around because the light is too bright. That's a bar. Keep it like, keep your light bright, guys. Yeah. That's got right. Amen. Yeah. I love you, sir. I love you too, sir. Thank you. That's the Mary J Blodge of Real Life. Whoo. This is Mary J Blodge in Real Life. Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comments, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Age of Martinez, IRL podcast. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human.