Mothers, Heroes - The Tooth & Claw Mothers Day Special: 2026 Edition

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And we have Mike Smith with us. Yes, sir. And then we have Cindy Larson, the mother of Wes and Jeff. Hi. Hi, everybody. Did you teach us to wash our hands after you go into the bathroom? Yes. And you know what else? Yeah. I actually wash my hands after I touch animals. Wow. Which could be a problem for you guys. I generally do too. You would tell us that if we didn't, we'd get worms. And I was always worried about worms growing up. Is that true? I would look at my poop to see if there's worms in it. Yeah. Because I thought that I would have worms. We're not doing poop this time. I just told you that that's what I would do though. Okay. We're not doing poop this time. We're not doing poop this time. All right. Noted. Scratch out all my notes. Hey, this is, so it's our Mother's Day episode. Yeah. Which we look forward to it all year. We learned that a lot of our listeners look forward to it all year. So a lot of you that are on Patreon have talked to our mom quite a bit. Whether you know it or not. Yeah. Yeah. She helps us out on there, but she helps us just through life too. Yeah. Yeah. She does. I try to. You told me, hey, you should put some cushions on your bar stool chairs that are scratching your floor. I said no. And then the next day I realized you were right. Yeah. I tried to do it in a question form. That's my new thing. Yeah. Like, oh, do you want some pads for the, for your chairs so that doesn't scratch? And then you said, no. I said, you're old. And then I said, I'm going to Lowe's. I'll go get you some pads. And you said, no. Wow. And then I got some on Amazon because you were right. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff actually sent me a text that I was right. Yeah. It's nice. That is nice. Yeah. I've only gotten one from Jeff. Yeah. Well, that was the only time you were ever right. No, I don't think so. Let's try. Well, we really liked this episode, as I mentioned, and we've done it pretty much since we started the podcast. It's been really fun and we've had a lot of different concepts that we've done. And sometimes, you know, we do like stories of moms that save their kids or whatever else. This year, I wanted to do something special and just combine all of our concepts that we've done in the past, but have kind of a central theme. And that central theme is sacrifice because moms tend to sacrifice quite a bit for their young, both human moms and animal moms. Is that true, mom? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what's crazy is moms will sacrifice those nine months being pregnant? Yeah. And then they might have a kid that just sucks. And it's like, I went through all that for this thing. Oh, it's hard. This little dud. Yeah. This defect. Send it back. I guess what I'm saying is thanks, moms. Shout out moms. Yeah, shout out moms. So we're going to do a few stories that involve hero moms. We're going to do a few stories of incredible animal mothers that sacrifice a lot. And then we're also going to do a listener story because those are all things we've done in the past. Holy heck. Yeah. Oh, buckle up. It's going to be fun. It's a fun one. Last time you cursed a lot. No, I, I know. Yes, you did. It all hurts. Are you a lot of character? No, and none of us are. I didn't give you a proper introduction. This is Cindy mother. Larison. Thanks, Jeff. Son. You're welcome. And just to build, you know what to do. There'll be a big old B player. Sorry, Cindy. It's okay. We're, we really like Michael to like, you know, we're like, we're like, we're like, okay, we're, we really like Michael to like, we kind of wish he was our son. Speaking of that, we actually got a listener question from sunny laughs and they said, Cindy, what's your bleeping favorite swear word? What's your favorite swear word if you had to pick a favorite? Um, which one do you say in your head the most? Well, it's, it's hell. Okay. Yeah. I actually, my, the, the night my dad died, my brother, my sister, my brother, my brother, my dad died. My brother said he had his like six brain tumor and I just kind of went, what the. Yeah. And I don't ever do that. Wow. Bleep that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can see me swear on the podcast. Yeah. Wow. We bleeped it. We'll bleep it. Don't worry. Yeah. Last time you said, no, I didn't. You said the C, the F. No, I did not. I did not. I, and neither just so everyone knows the kids that are listening to this. My boys did not swear until they were left the house. Yeah. And I used to wash my hands after the bathroom too. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, it is going to be fun, mom. I'm already having fun. We're going to start. We're going to start with one of our hero moms and mom, I have a question for you. What large animal probably kills the most human beings each year? Large animal. You get three guesses and if you don't get it right, we're just going to end that episode right now. It's larger than a dog. Please get them wrong. Yeah. Sure. Larger than a dog. Larger than a snake is really what I was going for. But yeah, it is. I think dogs kill the most out of animals. They kill the most humans. Maybe this one might kill more even. I don't know. I'll give you a hint. Okay. They are reptile. Really? Yes. Think of large reptiles. Crocodiles. Crocodiles. Exactly. Okay. Crocodiles are probably responsible for the most human deaths year to year and there's a few reasons for that. First of all, we're not too big for most of these crocodiles. So Nile crocodiles, American crocodiles, saltwater crocodiles, orinoco crocodiles and mugger crocodiles are all species that are large enough to attack human size prey. Except for Mike's girlfriend. Yeah. Yes, I know. I know. She's too big. So that is one reason that we kind of fit into their prey categories that we're like not too big for them. Second, they're ambush predators that sometimes have to wait a long time for a feeding opportunity. So when one comes up, they'll take it. Lots of other animals can be a little bit more selective, but when crocodiles have a good opportunity, they tend to take it. Third, they often live in water that's also used by humans for drinking, recreating, fishing, other uses. So that shared use of water puts us at more, you know, danger from crocodiles. So today we're talking about a crocodile. We haven't really brought up much on the podcast. It's one that the three of us have seen in the wild and that is the mugger crocodile. I've never seen one. You sure have, pal. No. You saw it eating a deer in India. Oh, those ones. Those are mugger crocodiles. Those haven't killed a human. They sure have. This is a crocodile species that you'll find in India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, and then a tiny silver or sliver of Iran, which was interesting to me. I had no idea that Iran had crocodiles. So the US is safe. Not in Ireland. We have American crocodiles, but we don't have this crocodile. Until we invaded. Yeah, until we went to war. Now we're... They'll send crocodiles over. They'll parol. Okay. Okay. Is that what you meant? Yeah. Whatever. On average, male mugger crocodiles are going to be about three meters long, which is about 10 feet, but they can grow up to five meters or 16 feet. Females are about typically three-fourths the size of males. So it's pretty similar size to like an American alligator. Jeff, are American alligators large enough to kill a person? Yes. They are. So how are these mugger crocodiles? Okay. Like pretty much all the larger crocodile species, when they hunt large mammalian prey, they're going to ambush them. They're going to lie in wait in shallow water and then hope that something comes a little bit too close to the water's edge or maybe even wades in the water, or sometimes they'll even run up on shore to chase prey that's too close to the water's edge. So manatee are big enough to kill a person? They're big enough, but they're not predators. Yeah. But if like you dropped the one out of a plane and it landed on someone, it'd probably kill them. What does lion wait mean? What? I would have thought they would crocodile wait. Lion wait, not lion wait. You got to laugh out of my mom for that one. I'll take it. All right. That's pretty good. So on the shore of some water is exactly where five-year-old Viru was on an August day in 2025 in Dakhia village, Uttar Pradesh, India. And this little boy was simply doing the same thing he had probably done hundreds of times. He's playing on this dusty bank of a river, a drainage ditch, not far from the watchful eyes of his mother. Mom, we grew up around rivers, around water. We loved it, right? We would go to the water all the time. Yeah. That was like one of our favorite things. We still love it. Yeah. You think if the water had crocodiles in it, you would have let us? No. But people that grow up around crocodiles do. You know? Yeah. And I think... Let you go down by yourself? No, with you watching. Yeah. Oh, with me watching, maybe. Okay. Like in India, or not India, India has everything, but in other parts of the world, they think it's crazy that we go into the forest with bears. Okay. But it's just that you kind of, it's the devil, you know, but they're not devils. So that one Chris Farley skit living in a van down by the river, people in India would be like, that's not funny. Yeah. That's horrifying. Especially, yeah. Yeah. Parts of Africa with Nile crocodiles. Anyway, yeah, you never know. Bears free doesn't work on them, right? I doubt it. I really doubt it. Yeah. That'd be a problem. So as this little boy is playing, a large mugger crocodile completely obscured in the murky water, slowly positioned itself on the water's edge, and then rose to break the surface with the top part of its head, barely making a ripple. Then his Vero took a couple steps toward the water without even realizing what he's doing. The crocodile explodes from the water, runs the short distance to this boy, grabs him in its jaws, and starts dragging him back toward the water. Vero starts screaming and the screams cut through the air, over the noise of the village to his mother. And his mother, Maya, whips her head in the direction of where her son had just been. And instead of seeing him playing next to the water, she saw him being dragged down by a massive reptile. Wow. Oh, mom, what would you do? I would jump on the crocodile. Okay. Well, without even thinking, Maya reached down. She grabbed some iron rebar and sprinted toward the crocodile, closing the distance before it could drag Vero deeper into the water and disappear. She runs into the water. She grabs her son while he's still on the surface of the water, and he's still in the mouth of the crocodile. So she's holding on to like part of his body and the crocodile has the other part, and they're doing this tug of war. And she starts hitting the crocodile with her hands. She's poking its eyes. She's hitting its nose. Nothing's working. And then she remembered that she grabbed this rebar and she starts just slamming the rebar into the crocodile's head. Oh, yeah. And it was finally enough to make it release its grip and swim away. And for what we know from our crocodile stories, like dig dig, you remember dig dig? It's not easy to make them let go of something. Like sometimes you're dealing, we're talking about like men, like big men in their prime that are punching as hard as they can. It doesn't even flinch. They say it's like hitting a brick wall. And this mom, and I know sometimes moms draw in this like crazy strength when they're trying to save their kid was easy to, you know, it wasn't easy, but she was able to get the crocodile to live on her son. That's not her son. She was like, day in the life. I thought she was going to keep the mouth open with the rebar. Oh, like sticking out. Yeah, like the rain core. I thought she was going to pull vault onto the back of the crocodile. Well, Jeff already asked my question, but you would do that if a crocodile grabbed one of us. Yeah, I probably would have frozen first at that age when I was younger, because I was pretty young as a mom. But now I feel like I've imagined myself in enough situations that I would act fast. Yeah. I bet you like you heard the dig dig story, right? Yes. Where he used his dog to hit the crocodile. Yeah. I bet you like two year old Jeff, if your legs were in a crocodile's mouth, you would hit me. No, I wouldn't. You would hit the crocodile with me. Not you, but I definitely sacrificed my dog. Oh, man. My whole thing was, what if I had Wes's dog? You didn't have a dog then. Yeah. If I had Wes, if I was watching Wes's dog or my sister's dog, then I don't think I could, because they would never forgive me. I would forgive you. Jesse probably would never forgive you. Anyway. You could sacrifice one of Shanks legs. Thanks. Yeah, so he's just got two? Yeah. Scoot, Trann. That story makes me want to always have a rebar on me. Yeah. Yeah. Just always. Yeah. At least two maybe even for redundancy. You might lose one. Yeah. Instead of carrying bear spray around crocodile country, you just carry rebar. Rebar. I think like TSA would let you just take like a two foot bar or rebar. It was like short enough. Yeah. Probably. Not blunt. They probably fit in your suitcases. Yeah. I feel like I take a tripod and that's essentially the same thing. All right. Well, she drags Viru from the water and she got him to medical help as quickly as possible. He did have serious injuries from the crocodile, but everything I found said that it seemed like they both made it through. I couldn't find any like final updates, but everything said that he was stable at the time of the report. So I think he was okay. What if you're like a blacksmith and you've melted down some metal into like the liquid and tried to go through TSA? Would you have to wait till it solidifies or would they just be like? Liquid metal? Yeah. Is it less than 3.5 ounces? Right. I mean, if it's more though, then probably not. You have to wait a little bit for it to solidify. Yeah. What if you froze your water? Or if they were like, hey, you can't have that. That's a good loophole. Well, I'll just freeze it. Oh, wow. Yeah. All right. Freeze our bomb so we can bring it on. This liquid liquid is fine. 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That's an animal that I would feel I have a very low chance of deterring, and she deterred it. That's such a nightmare situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's also one that it's like, there is a breaking point in that interaction. As soon as it gets under the water with the boy, it's probably over. And she managed to stop it before it got to that point. So good job, Maya. Hope you guys are doing great. All right, we're going to switch gears for a second. We're going to talk about a sacrifice that an animal mother makes for her young. Mike, when we were in Borneo, what bird made the biggest impression on you? The spoonbill or whatever it's called. Borneo. Rhinoceros hornbill. That's the one. All right. They look like they had bananas taped to the top of their heads. They are large, beautifully colored hornbills that have black and white plumage. And then what Mike is referencing, a really big, beautiful cask and bill that are orange and yellow. Have you seen these birds, mom? No. I'm going to show you a photo just so you have. They're awesome. A reference. Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever, that was our first trip. I instantly kind of fell in love, at least in lust with birding. Yeah. They're a bird that when you see like fly, you're like, wow, that looks like a dinosaur. It looks like a pterodactyl or something. Just really cool. Yeah. Maybe like a sweet potato. It does look like a dinosaur. Yeah. It's like a Jurassic Park kind of bird. It does. Yeah. Sure. Well, dinosaurs were birds. Yeah. And a dork's like, what? Pterodactyls weren't. That's the crazy pterodon. They were flying reptiles. They weren't even dinosaurs. Anyway, if you want to see what this bird looks like, Google it, but mom, I got a question for you. What was pregnancy like with us kids? Specifically, how did you and dad work together to make sure you were as comfortable as possible and as healthy as possible while you were pregnant? Okay. So, dad, I probably still owe him like a hundred anythings because of that. Okay. Dollars? No, anythings because I was so sick and I couldn't like, and it was mental too. Like if I walked past the kitchen, I would have to go throw up. And so he would make the food and it had to be very specific. Like for lunch, it was usually a cup of soup that had to be in a mug and then crackers, but only two and two orange slices. So he had to do it exact. If I had meat, he had to cut the meat into little pieces and not bring very many, just a few. Would you throw it at him if he got it wrong? No, I just throw up. Okay. So kind of. Yeah. So it was, he was pretty amazing. Yeah. Pregnancy was not my friend. So it's probably harder for him than you. It might have. No, no. I was so sick by the time I had you guys. It took me a year to ever even get back to normal. Well, now you owe him a hundred anythings. All right. That was actually a great, that was a perfect answer because it's not too different from what these rhinoceros hornbills do. Really? Really amazing and extreme way to ensure that both the female and the eggs and then her chicks are safe during a really vulnerable period. So first what they do is they find a hollowed out cavity in a tree or they'll even use those big strong beaks to carve out of smaller cavity into the bright size. The female enters the nest and the male brings wet clay to the cavity and then they both apply that clay on both sides of the entrance and they keep doing that until there's just a very narrow slit of an entrance. So what they're doing is they're trying to make it so narrow that no predators can get through it, not even snakes. So they just make this tiny narrow slit and it's really incredible that they know how to do that. And then the female lays eggs in there and she stays in there for months. So this is her home while she hatches and raises the young. She's completely sealed inside a dark hole with only a tiny opening. And through that opening, the male feeds her pieces of food. She's entirely dependent on the male for her food, kind of like you were with dad and her chicks food. And the only way she can poop, and I think this is probably a little bit different from your experience, was she had to angle her cloaca at that tiny opening and then projectile poop out of that opening. So that's a little different. We're not doing poop this time. We're not doing poop. Sorry. And that is so the cavity didn't just get like filled up with hornbill poop while she's in there. Oh. So she incubates the eggs, she raises the chick, all while completely sealed inside this little cavity. She can't stand or turn around. Much like mom too, she would throw up in her baby's mouth. She would. How long is this? She can stand and turn around actually, but she can't fully spread her wings. It's a few months. I don't know exactly how long, but I think it's at least two months. Meanwhile the dad's responsible for getting enough food for himself, the female and the chicks once they hatch. So he's pretty much constantly searching for food. He stores food in his crop, which is a pouch inside their neck, and then he regurgitates it one piece at a time for the female to eat through this tiny opening. Finally when the chicks are old enough to fledge and start flying, they break the seal on the nest cavity and they all leave. It's pretty cool. Yeah. You know? So are the dads pretty dependable? They are. Yeah. I think there might be some deadbeat hornbill dads. Yeah, that'd be a bummer. Yeah. Or just kids. How's the species doing? Are they? I think they're doing okay. Okay. Well, I have good dads out there. That's a good question. Let's look it up. I know that we saw a fair amount. Yeah, they were worried about them because they're cutting down all their best trees. Yeah. I do think, you know what, when I say... But it's not the dad's fault. It might be. The men are destroying the world. No, I mean the dad bird. They're vulnerable. I just see them vulnerable. Okay. And I would imagine that they're pretty vulnerable because all of their forests where they live are being destroyed pretty quickly. So pretty cool bird and a pretty amazing mom to sacrifice that much for her kids. Yeah. I think that's... It's hard to imagine being cramped in a tiny space like that for that long. It's really amazing how nature just makes moms have these instincts, these cravings for young or whatever. I agree. Mr. Beast should do that. Like... Make someone do it for you. Like a thousand dollars every day you live in a tree with clay about that round it. And you have to put your bum up to the entry. And we're not doing poop. Never mind. Don't do that. Mr. Beast could do the Cindy video where he's like, I'll give you a hundred anythings if you see. Stay inside this white circle for a month or whatever he does. Except for he'll be shouting. He's always shouting. Yeah. Really, Gilra went through three pregnancies. That's a lot, Gilra. Yeah. And you go through. Three. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think we need to pat dad on the back for that. But he did his duty, but we're talking about moms here, not dads. You know who Mr. Beast is now. I do. Because he watched Survivor. Yeah, I actually watched one of his shows. Oh, Beast Games. What'd you think? It was okay. A little gross. I just thought people that could have had a million dollars and then didn't take it. They should have taken it. That's what I thought too. There's no situation in like a game show like that where you put me in front of a button and I don't press it if it's up to a million dollars. Yeah. So I guess there's situations that I wouldn't have. I'm in a game show like that is what I've tried to say. All right. Well, they do this to protect their young from predators. And speaking of protecting kids from predators. Wow. Exactly. Careful. What? Not that kind of pressure. It's exactly what Lydia and Gio had to do in February of 2006. Sorry, 2006. So Lydia was 41 in 2006 and she lived with her family in the tiny coastal village of Evujavik, Quebec, which sits on the far northeastern side of Hudson Bay. So who wants to guess what animal we're probably talking about? A bear. What kind of bear? The polar variety. Polar bear. Yeah. Exactly. So this is a village that only has about 400 people. It's a tiny village with a really tight knit community. Pretty big village for being in polar bear country though. Yeah. It's okay sized. Yeah. And almost everyone that lives in this village are indigenous Inuit people. On a cold Wednesday evening in February 2006, Lydia is walking with two of her sons and some of their friends while some of the other kids are playing hockey outside a nearby youth center. She's walking a bit ahead of her boys and the sun that really only appears for a handful of hours this time of year has already set. And it's kind of that last glow of light in the winter that you get, you know, when the snow is kind of glowing still, but the light's mostly out of the sky. As she's walking, she's hearing the crunch of her footfalls in the snow. That's totally filling her ears and that's really all she can hear. And then suddenly something cuts through that and that's the frantic shouts of all these kids that are playing hockey. So she turns to look at them and she sees they're pointing at something behind her. And she follows the direction of where they're pointing. And what she sees in the last slide of this evening really makes her stomach drop. It's a large polar bear and it's quickly walking toward her boys and it's getting really close to her seven year old. So that's not good. No, that's terrible. Yeah. So she acts on instinct just like Maya did. She tells the boys to run, which is in great advice, but in this case it ended up working out. She yells as loud as she can and she runs toward the bear with the goal of getting in between it and her seven year old. All that was flashing in her mind was my boy, my boy is going to get killed. But then she felt a huge sense of relief when she saw that her yelling had distracted the bear enough to give her son a little bit of a lead. So what was her son doing then? He was running. Okay. Yeah. That relief probably faded into this pool of adrenaline that's like totally running through her too. And she accomplishes her goal. She gets in between the bear and her son. She's five foot 90 pounds. So she's not a big woman and this bear is a 700 pound polar bear. So more than seven times her size. But what's her reach? What's her reach? I don't know. That does matter. It does. Yeah. She doesn't hesitate though and she starts punching and kicking this bear and similarly the bear doesn't hesitate either. It quickly shoots a paw out. It slaps Lydia sending her flying backward. She lands on her back on the hard frozen ground and in an instant the bear is on top of her. And so she starts like bicycle kicking the bear from below. Like kicking its stomach and punching and doing whatever she can to try and get it off of her. And then it swats her again and she rolls over to onto her stomach and she's kind of just waiting for this bear to bite her and kill her. She knows that, you know, she can't fight back against polar bear. She's probably a few seconds away from making the ultimate sacrifice for her kids when shots rang out in the air. And it's her neighbor, Sekulu Einalik and he had heard the commotion from the kids. He'd run outside with his brother's rifle and he sees this huge bear on the top of his neighbor who miraculously is putting up a fight and he fires a few shots into the air which gets the attention of the bear and kind of causes it to separate from her a bit and then he feels comfortable shooting at the bear. He's at four times and drops it. Right on top of her? Right on top of her. Yeah, I was wondering about that too. Yeah, so neighbors help her to house the local constable and she's really frantic and in shock but she really only had a couple scratches and a black eye. Wow. So really tough. Yeah. Yeah. The following year she's awarded the Canadian Medal of Bravery. Nice. Well, you know what we learned from a river runs through it too. What? If you're going to fight something you want to swing first. Get that first punch. Get it first, especially if you think you might lose because then at least you got a punch in. That's true. So she did good there. Yeah. Mom would always tell us that too. Yeah. Growing up. You remember telling us that? Yeah, I'm sure. To get the first punch in. Yeah. Pretty cool mom. I'm glad she got like the... The medal. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like that first one that we did the first Mother's Day Cynthia, I think didn't she get like honorable mention or something? She didn't get the... Oh. She got like second. The mountain lion one? Yeah. Cindy Perlin or... Yeah. Yeah. She should have gotten every award. Yeah, I know. We could give her an award. Yeah. Twozen Claw Award for bravery. She just didn't campaign very well. FIFA? Well, she was dead. So it probably would have been hard to get one. We need to do like the Oscars, but for animal. I bet you FIFA would give her the award if she asked. The which one? The bravery award. The Ballon Gold Award. Oh, if we give them an award, FIFA will do anything. It seems like they give awards for anyone who asked for one. That's true. They just made one. All right, mom. Yes. Got a question for you. What did you get? What was his award? It's like the Peace Award or something. Novel Peace Prize of FIFA. Well deserved. I'm really picky about socks. If they're too thin, they feel just slippery and weird in your shoes. If they're too thick, they can be too hot. And I've spent a lot of my life searching for the perfect pair of socks. I want socks that are good in the cold weather, good in the hot weather that are comfortable. Really just looking for that pair of socks that checks all the boxes. And that's why I want to tell you guys about hollow socks. These are premium alpaca socks that are built for both cold and warm weather for long days on your feet and everything in between. They use ultra soft baby alpaca fiber, which makes them thermo regulating. They're warm when it's cold outside and breathable when it warms up. They manage moisture so your feet stay dry instead of sweating. They're durable. They're no-witch knit. I hate itchy socks. 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All right. Let's say we're adrift at sea. Kind of like we just talked about in our, um, our whale episode though. I'm not jumping into save you from ashore. Okay. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say that, but that's good to know. Let's say we're adrift at sea and one of us dies. Are you going to eat us? Like we're starving. I'm not. You're starving to death and I die and you won't eat my body. It was part of your body at one point. Yeah. I don't, I really don't think so. What about me? I'm not blood. You know, he's possibly too. I just, I, me and Wes are already eating it. I can't imagine being in that situation where I would, where I would. Yeah. Like I just feel like I just rather give up. So we eat you? Uh huh. Yeah. Well, that's what I was going to say. Would you want us to eat you to survive if you died first? I would want you to make your own decision. Well, I would leave you. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's an animal out there that not only wants their babies to eat their bodies, it's something it's evolved to become part of their natural history and typical behavior. This is called matrophagy. I just read about that. Oh, interesting. Yeah. It's essentially the willing consumption of a mother by her offspring. And there's a spider that lives in the U S that's well known for matrophagy and it's called the black lace weaver. So after mating, which don't even get me started on their mating. Okay. I won't. Uh, these medium sized spiders will lay an egg sack and the female stays with it and guards that sack until about 40 to 140 spiderlings hatch in a merge. They get a hundred of whatever they want. Yeah. All right. Now that's a lot of mouse to feed. So within a few days of her precious little spiderlings hatching, she what she does is she goes into this weird little trance and she starts doing a dance and does like a rhythmic drumming with her legs. And this is essentially a call to her spiderlings that they can approach her. And they do, they also kind of go completely still and she lays a clutch of yellow trophic eggs. So she squirts out a bunch of eggs too. And these are essentially just unfertilized eggs, kind of like a chicken egg. And they serve as the main food source for these spiderlings. Their first main food source because right now there's tiny, tiny little spiderlings, but these eggs don't last very long. They eat them up and then they need a more substantial meal. So after they eat all those eggs, her babies go through their first molt and they grow quite a bit. And at this point they're really hungry and they're ready to eat their mom. So what happens is she starts communicating with them again through web vibrations, through drumming and jumping. And the offspring are able to detect where they can eat their mother. So they move toward her and a couple of them will actually jump on her back and try and jump on her back. But then she jumps in drums more frequently to get them off of her and they'll relentlessly try and jump on her back. And then when she finally feels like she's ready, she presses her body onto her offspring and allows them to consume her by biting her and sucking out her insides. And as they eat her, they also release venom into her body, which causes a quick death. But for a few weeks as a nutritional reserve, they'd like save her body for a while. Kind of reminds me of like Norman Bates, but if he was really hungry, you know, kept his mom around for a bit. But pretty cool. They're originally from Europe, but they've become widespread in the US. I think it's interesting. It's crazy. Yeah, just from a mother's perspective, he says she willingly does that. I'm not sure. I mean, maybe that's what the scientists say, but maybe she doesn't really. Maybe it's just she's just made to do that. Like she has nowhere to go. Like she's just following her instincts. It's just like instinctual. Nothing else to do. They're tiny babies. She really wants to die. Yeah. I'm so surprised her babies stay around her too. They're tiny babies. She could only because of the food. Get away from them if she wanted. Well, she protects them to begin with too. She could run out faster than them. Yeah. That's the thing. I think that's why they say it's willing because it wouldn't be hard for her to get away if she wanted to. But we don't know. She might still die. But the other thing we see. Maybe God makes her do it. That could be God who does it. Probably designed her, Jeff. And they would do that. So is it willing or is it divine intervention? I don't know all this mother instinct that doesn't get us anywhere. You think God made a spider, doesn't it? Gets a spider somewhere. Yeah. I'd want to be a really fast little spiderling so I don't get left with like an undesirable part of my mom. You want the prime rib. Like eyes or something. You know what I'm talking about. You're going to get bounced off though. Where do you think I'm going? Well, she bounces off the first ones. Yeah. I'm going to be like in the 80th percentile of quick quick spiderlings. Yeah. That's what I always shot. I believe you. I mean, you were the fastest sperm once upon a time. That's true. Well, maybe I don't know. Did the other faster sperm get bounced off that egg? Oh, I don't know how that works. Scientists answer that one. You're just the sneakiest one. They don't. Yeah. They can't. Apparently they don't have answers according to my mom. I think probably the evidence they're using to decide that it's willing is the lack of struggle or like her. She doesn't need any of them. But maybe when she still had energy, that's when she was like flipping them off. Yeah. And then she finally just is like, oh, well, fine. Okay. Only spiders could flip people off. That'd be kind of fun. They could do it eight times at once. So I recently read the first Meg book, Wes. And it seemed like more or less the science was intact. They were talking about the ampullae of Lorenzini, et cetera, et cetera. But then it talked about how the Meg ate one of her, like the runt offspring. So does this ever happen in reverse or is that something the book fabricated? No, it does. It does. So are we talking sharks here? Megladons. Megladons. Okay. There's definitely females that consume their young. Like polar bears will do it if they have babies that they don't think are going to make it through the winter. And she knows inherently that she's not going to make it through the winter. And there's plenty of other animals that will do it, but it's usually a response to some sort of external factor. You know, it's not like that's part of their natural history. It's like they know for whatever reason that young's not going to be viable or that they need the energy to survive. Does that make sense? Yeah. But like this spider, this is part of their evolution. Like they, this is what they do. That's good to know because that was the only thing holding me back from recommending the Meg that everyone just wanted to make sure it was all scientifically sound. So you like the book? No. Okay. It was fine. What are you going to read the rest? There's seven more. I'm thinking about it. Oh man, that'll make me so mad if you do. Did you read it? No, but it just makes me mad because I'm always recommending stuff for Mike. And then he'll read like seven Meg books. Well, he still hasn't read Tarzan in neither of you. That's true. That's true. Sorry, Cindy. I'll read Tarzan. Which one? The first one? Yeah. Is that Arthur Conan Doyle? No. No, that's Sherlock. What's his name? It is like a three name kind of guy. The same guy that did John Carter. Okay. What the heck? Jeff, I think you'd like it too. It's good. I got to look it up now. Yeah, really good. I used to know when I was reading. George of the Jungle is my favorite Tarzan. Yeah, movies are good. Is it the same? Edgar Rice Burroughs. Edgar Rice Burroughs. I always thought of it the same, but I don't think it is. I don't think it is. George of the Jungle? No. A couple of the Toothies read it. They're at Tarzan because you recommended it. Wow. Did they like it? They loved it, Jeff. Wow. It was like their favorite book. They'd be better kids than us, huh? You never know. Write them into the world. Tarzan was raised by gorillas, right? Yeah. And so was King George of the Jungle. But his dad was killed by the gorilla too. Oh, I thought it was a leopard. Yeah, it was a leopard. Nope. Maybe the book's different. Yeah, we got to read it. I think I might be wrong. I feel like my memory is not off. Adaptations, I've seen it was a leopard, but... I don't know. The leopard, I think the leopard might have made his mom die. Made his mom die, but the... Okay. I'm trying to think in the Johnny Weissmuller, the old show. The cartoon was a leopard, and then that one with Scar Scar, I think was a leopard too, right? I can't remember. That was a crazy movie. All right, it's a pretty big sacrifice these spiders make for their kids. The ultimate sacrifice. And our final story of the episode comes from a listener, a new friend of ours, Jamie, who's on our Antarctica trip. Yeah. Shout out. Shout out, Jamie. Yeah, this was a story of a mom who's... She is a claw, not a toothy. Oh yeah, she was part of the claw, huh? Which is like the left edge of the toothies. Yeah. I'm in the claw too. This is a story of a mom who sacrificed herself to prove us right. And when I say us, I mean tooth and claw. Okay. So here's the story in Jamie's words. Ironically enough, my mom was attacked by a rabid raccoon the day after listening to tooth and claw's 2023 Mother's Day episode. When you shared a story about a mom, Logan McNamara, defending her kid from a raccoon attack that happened in the middle of the day. My mom and I listened to the episode together, and we had a very lively conversation about what to do if that happened. We agreed with Cindy that the mom did awesome, and we'd try to lock it in the garage or something if we could too. And I can confirm, Cindy, it isn't easy to throw a rabid raccoon into a box, as we thought. It isn't as easy to throw a rabid raccoon into a box. It isn't. It isn't. Okay. Even if it's attached to you. Fast forward to the next morning, and I received a call from my dad. He was out of breath, and he said, this is serious, Jamie, and started to explain that there was a weird raccoon in the backyard that kept coming after him. It was acting crazy and was not afraid of him. So he ran inside and took a video. I wish I still had the video. And I told him to stay inside because it didn't look normal. It had a very strange gate, and it seemed disoriented. And I asked where mom was. He said she was out running errands. So I called her and said there was a potentially rabid or sick raccoon in the backyard. And given the podcast episode we had just listened to, she better be careful when going home. I advised her to drive into the garage and shut the garage door before getting out so she could safely get into the house. That's good advice. Jamie was listening. That's great. But her mom was about to sacrifice herself to prove us right. About 25 minutes later, I received a statement. From my dad saying, mom was attacked by the raccoon. There's blood everywhere. She's at the hospital. Turns out, even though we had listened to Logan McNamara's story and the warning from Jeff that raccoon bites hurt, rabies shots are expensive, and the advice from you and Sydney. Cindy. Sydney. Cindy. I said Sydney. She said Cindy. She didn't think she'd be in trouble. She ended up parking the driveway and as she walked to the front door, the raccoon literally flew out of an elevated garden bed. By the door, it immediately latched onto her arm and then went down to her leg where it bit her a few times. She started running back to her car but was wearing slip-on clogs and fell to the ground. Screaming and kicking it didn't faze the raccoon, so she started swinging her purse at it, which eventually helped dislodge the raccoon from her leg. She had a few seconds to jump on her car and drove herself to the ER. Into her car, not onto her car. It'd be hard to do it if you jumped onto the car. Raccoons can't climb cars. Yeah, I think they could. She later told me he went crazy on my leg, hanging from his teeth like you see on TV, and then the bite itself was like her leg was on fire and she was in complete shock at just how strong it was. They never found the raccoon, but maybe if she'd just gotten into a damn box or dog crate like Cindy suggested, they could have tested it. She ended up getting a series of IV antibiotics, a tetanus shot, and the rabies series, a day of the attack three days later and a follow-up one, and the bite hurt for weeks. The rabies bill came out to $15,000, but she had insurance, so she paid $75. It's great. Yay! Not so many people are that lucky. The ER nurses loved my mom though and nicknamed her raccoon girl. She bought Bear Spray, although I'm sure you've covered this a thousand times. Think that would have worked in this situation? I do. I think it would probably stop her raccoon. I don't know about a rabid one. A rabid one? Who knows? Yeah. I think it probably would, though. And she hasn't worn slip-on clogs since that day and has always been sneakers prepared to run. What might have stopped it is her rebar. Some rebar would have done it. Yeah. So she didn't stop the crocodile. But then if you hit its head, you can't test it. It's from what I hear. I think you could still test it. You need the brain. Yeah, but I don't think you would hit it hard enough. You would hit it hard enough to hit it. You would knock its brains out. I don't know. Just totally pay for ice. Wouldn't you go for the head if you were hitting it? Yeah, its brains will still, it'd probably be easier to get its brains then. That's really too bad they didn't find their raccoon. Then we can double up the study for like raccoon CTE, too. It was funny because we were on the boat in Antarctica and Jamie was telling me that. And I was like, wait, did you send this story to us because this is a good one. We actually need to tell the story. So I was glad that it was good timing. Yeah, that's great. So a fun story. Makes you wonder what more we could have done. I feel a certain amount of culpability. We should have maybe been even better at warning them about it. We should have said Jamie's mom. No, she's risky. She's risky. Go in the garage. I have a text from her daughter. How much more warning do you need? Okay, mom's taking the hard road on this one. I guess maybe if her mom had been a listener. Yeah, well she is. She is? Yeah, she's been listening to that episode. She knew. Yeah, I definitely would have gone in the garage. We could have done your words on what I'm saying. Yeah, I do think I agree with you, but I also think I would be like, you know, I'm gonna, this raccoon's not gonna get it. Yeah, I know you would, but I wouldn't. I'm gonna be fine. But you might as well just go in the garage. Anyway, she got got. That's wild. Yeah. The day after the story, the day after. What the heck? Yeah. You know, when I was growing up, old Yeller came out and old Yeller gets bit by a wolf. Yeah, that was rabid. And then Shad. That was how I learned about rabies. Yeah. And then that was so scary for a child. The most traumatic way to learn about it. Yeah. It's also how I learned about rabies. And then their dog dies. Yeah. It's so sad. That's a movie that when you show a kid, it's like the funnest, best movie. Yeah. And then it's absolutely traumatizing. I almost showed it to my grandkids. Yeah. Then we did one. It's a bad one. Yeah. Oh, Jeff doesn't remember. Oh, we better watch it. Old Yeller is like, he's this kid's best friend. They have all these fun adventures. The movie's just this gorgeous look into like a relationship between a boy and his dog. And then he gets bit by a rabid wolf and they put him down. He like attacks the boy. The boy does? No, the dog. The dog. Almost the boy does. Yeah. The boy hides the dog from his family so that it won't do anything. Yeah. But then the mom sees. It's like a Disney movie too. It's a rough one. It's crazy. When I don't you watch it. Oh, yeah. I did spoiler. Oh, yeah, you do. No, way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Every dog on Earth. There's some fun things. It's the kid from Swiss Family Robinson is in it. Which one? The middle son. It's in the little one now too. Oh, he might be. I think he is. Francis. Middle and his name? No, Ernst. No, Ernst. Ernst. Francis the oldest. How old was old Yeller? Died prematurely is all I'm saying. I think he died a bit prematurely. He was a yellow lab, right? And like three so. Maybe. Well, he was a stray. A stray dog. So we don't know. Okay. Mike, do you think if Jamie's mom knew karate, like three years or four years of karate that encounter with the raccoon would have gone better for the exact same or worse? What kind of belt are we talking after three years? Do you think? What color are we at? Maybe a darker color. Like purple. Maybe. Yeah. Brown. Yeah. No, it would have gone so different. You could, if you can chop a board in half, you can chop a raccoon in half. No brains would be left though. No. Yeah. Avoid the brains if you're chopping raccoons in half. Yeah. Because we're talking about one. She knew it and so she stayed alive for an hour. But was she karate practitioner? She was not a practitioner, but she had been taking it. Okay. Well, maybe if she hadn't taken it, she wouldn't have had such false confidence. No, I don't think so. She said forget. Yeah. What martial art do you think would be best for fending off a raccoon? Maybe more of like a submission. Like judo? Yeah. Like submission. Yeah. I'd say power. Break its safety. Yeah, it's not a martial art. I don't think so. Sumo wrestling. Sumo wrestling. That's a good one. That is a real good one. Just squish it, dude. Just squish it. Push it. Right. Yeah. I've been someone that's clenched and grinded my teeth at night pretty much my whole life. And recently I'm having a lot of really bad ear problems. And I've been told it might be because I'm clenching and grinding my teeth. And so I've really been active about looking for a good night guard. And that's why I want to tell you guys about Remi. 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All right, well, that's it for our stories. So we had two hero moms, two hero mom animals, and then someone that was sacrificed to prove us right, Jamie's mom. That's a heroic, yeah. So last year, right after the Mother's Day, someone sent me a story, and I thought, oh, I'm going to save it for next Mother's Day. And then, Mike, you did it for the Toothytales one. Oh, which one? I was like, what? I'm so sorry. In front of the monkeys, the monkey was going after her daughter, and the mom jumped in front of her, and the mom was just a little mom and did it. Oh, man. It's OK. And then we got one yesterday from a listener. Her name's Morning, but Wes said we'll do that one later. We're going to do it on the listener story. It was a good one. It was a good story. Yeah. Well, we've done the same story several times on accident. And on this year's show. So it's happened a couple times. Maybe we'll roll it out again next year. Well, we almost did this one again, but then Wes came up with some good ones. OK. And people may say, oh, you guys have told a story of a mom saving someone from a crocodile before. Yeah. But that was a Nile crocodile in Africa. Not a Mugga. Different circumstances. Yeah. I'd still try doing the nostril thing. Yeah. You'd try everything. Yeah. You got it. But turns out it's a rebar. Yeah. Big piece of rebar. Rebar is a sure thing. Bend the rebar in a horseshoe shape and go both nostrils. Get both nostrils or both eyes. You got to be careful not to close it around its mouth though, so then it can't let go. Oh, yeah. Extra strong jaw grip. All right. Do we have any questions? Should we rate these moms? Yeah. OK. No. Let's do it. I don't think so. All right. Every mom is doing the best they can. Every mom? I don't know. I wouldn't say that. OK. That's a good statement. OK. It's fine. But a lot of moms are. I think all these moms were. OK. Yeah. Let's say 10 out of 10 moms here. 10 out of 10 for all these moms. Yeah. Who? Wes. Gun to your head. Which mom was better? Our mom or Mike's mom? Gun to my head? Yeah. How long do I have to answer this? I'm saying my mom because that's my personal experience. That's incredibly insulting. I'm right here, Mike. But Mike's mom was like a root. She's right here too. Probably. Yeah, she's probably. She's in the room with us. She was a great mom too. But if I had to pick, I would pick mine. Did you even meet her? How do you know? Yeah, I've met her a couple of times. Yeah. But I've got a new mom now, Cindy. So she's, yeah. The thing is, if I didn't say mom and then I get shot, or I don't get shot, then like she's going to be mad at me my whole life. Yeah. But you're sincere. I am sincere. Yeah. Everybody has to say their own mom. Yeah. Not everybody. We got to stop saying that. Okay. We got some people out there at Bad Moms. Okay. All right. So let's move on to our categories. We have some fun categories because our mom's here, and it's always fun to have her involved. So the first one is hottest pop culture mom. Mom, who's your hottest pop culture mom from my TV's or movies? I don't go to someone else. You could say most beautiful. Was there a mom growing up that you were like, wow, she's so beautiful in different movies or TV or whatever? I didn't ever think of them as moms. What about like Julie Andrews? You want one? You sound a music. You want one? No. What about the mom in kindergarten cop? She's pretty. She's pretty. Yeah. Yeah, woman. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But I, yeah. Or go with like an animal mom. Yeah. I thought Kim passenger. There we go. Out of Africa? No, in the cell phone one. Oh, cellular. Yeah, cellular. Okay. It's the first movie I think I saw Chris Evans in. He was in that, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good poll. I forgot about that movie. Never in a million years would I have thought of that. That's back when cell phones were like cool technology. I said, you know, I really want to look like her and your dad said, okay. All right. My hottest pop culture mom. Ooh, I think I'm going to go more in like an in universe canonical sort of answer. Mrs. Robinson from the graduate. He ends up with the mom instead of the girl his age. So she must have had it going on. Wow. And Bancroft. Yeah. That's a good pick. Or Carla Gugino and Skype and Spike it. Ooh, that's a great pick. Yeah. I'll go Eva Mendez in training day. She was a mom, wasn't she? Or I will go. And place beyond the pines as well. That's true. Or I'll go the mom from Incredibles. Elastic girl. Caked up. Thick. All right. I, you know, we actually, someone said this mom the other day and I was like, it's got to be her for me. Marge. No, not Marge. No. Marissa Tomei, Aunt May from the most recent Spider-Man movies. I know not technically his mom, but his adoptive mom. She's not. That counts. Yeah. She was a mom for him. I don't think about stretching it. I don't because there's probably people out there that are in that same situation where their adoptive mom was much more important to them than. There wasn't any older. We don't know. Not really. I think they don't really ever explain that to be honest. Yeah. But definitely his mom. You're doing the Toby McGuire Aunt May, right? No. We'll do hottest dad. We got to do hottest dads on Father's Day. Okay. Can we please? Sure. Okay. Do you have one in mind? No, I just want to even the playing field. Arnold Schwarzenegger Kindergarten. Okay. Deadbeat dad. Oh wait, he's not a dad. Oh yeah, he is. He like abandons his kid and they never, like he talks about him a little bit. Wait, really? Yeah. He's a dad in that movie? Yeah. It's a terrible dad. Yeah, he's awful. And the bad guy like wants to be with his son at least. Yeah, right. We're looking at that movie the wrong way. I think it's a karate kid situation. Johnny Lawrence is the, he wasn't a bad guy. Someone who runs over an elderly woman, kills her. What? That does happen. A time that you didn't listen to good advice and it cost you, just like Jamie's mom. Sometimes in your life that you didn't listen to good advice. He did close grass. So any advice or just from your mom? Bonus points if it's from your mom. Do you have an answer for that, mom? Not from my mom. That's fine. Yeah, it's been too long. But your dad, he's given me advice. Like one time he just said, someone asked me for like, are you going to pay half or something? And I didn't think I should. And he said, just pay the whole thing. And I should have just done that. It would have been the classy thing to do. Yeah. And made a point. Okay. It's good advice. Yeah. Words to live by. Mike, do you have an answer for that? I do. And this is a little bit out of left field again, maybe, but so I've always been a little bit of an eclectic. As far as like clothes go, I don't really care too much. I just kind of put on stuff that I think is interesting or fun. But my mom, she would always buy me clothes before school, the school year started. And I would always think they were so dorky and lame. And then by the end of the school year, they're like always in my regular rotation. Because she'd always, she just kind of had a good eye, you know? Yeah. She's like, I want you to dress better. And I'd be like, no, well, yes, you do, but no, I won't. This is how I would more accurately answer. But she just, she knew she kind of had me, had a pig on me as far as fashion goes. She buy me these pants. I was like, I can't, I still can't buy pants for me now that fit me very well, but she could do it. I have a question. I mean, just to go off for just a second. How are those jeans working out for you? Oh, the true denim, the raw denim. Yeah. Are they soft yet? Yeah. We're getting there. It were months away still. I haven't been wearing them very consistently. It's a real chore. You're still doing it though. Yeah. But they're not there yet. Not yet. Okay. No. Okay. And I lost a little bit of weight so they don't fit me very well anymore. So it's like, well, is it even worth it? They never fit you. Shouldn't have lost the weight, I can tell they were. Yeah. Yeah, I'll gain it back. That's a good solution. I'd say like two days ago, the grandkids were over, my niece and nephew were over, I should say. And they asked if they could eat Shanks dog food and I said, yeah. And we all ate Shanks dog food. And then mom said, you guys shouldn't eat dog food. And she was right. Kid Shani dog food. They shouldn't. No. You were right. It's good advice. I was wrong. Thanks, Jeff. The one that I thought of with my mom was like in college, I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me or the girl. And she was really nice and we all really liked her and my mom was really nice to her. But like privately sometimes you would be like, I don't know about this, you know. And I just kind of ignored you because I thought I did know about it and it cost me a lot of like suffering and time because of that. And I should have just listened to you earlier on. But you know, boys will be boys. Right. Yep. The other one I had is I had a friend that like really got into Bitcoin in like 2012 or 2013. And just like based his whole life around it and told me to buy some and I could have bought like a thousand Bitcoin for like $10 and I didn't do it. Oh, wow. But then you could have made a whole lot of money and then lost it all. Yeah, that's true. I probably would have sold it when it was like worth $5,000 or something. Wait, Cindy, were you involved in the Bitcoin? No, this was just outside. It could be advice from anyone. It didn't have to be mom. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I see. Yeah, my mom was still in need of my face. I was like, I still don't get it. I'm like, I don't get what it was. All right, mom. Okay. If you could try any drug and it wouldn't have any negative consequences physically, legally or spiritually, which one would you try? I'm passing on this. Pass. No. Mom, if you could get a tattoo, where would you get it and where if you had to get one? I'm passing on this. Pass. Okay. Okay. Would you rather answer one of those questions or go to the moon? Answer one of those questions. Which one would you rather answer? The tattoo one. Okay. So where would you get it and what would it be? I'm not. That's not. Nice try. All right. Well, spaceships outside, mom. My mom thinks she doesn't want to go to the moon. I'm not going to the moon. What do you think would be, what drug are we trying to give Cindy? You think for like maximum benefit? I don't know what she would like. Okay. Mom, you could be the first person to walk on the moon. Are we ready for my, are we ready for my category? Jeff would maybe finally believe in the moon. You could be the first person to walk on the moon. That'd be amazing. All right. You can, yeah, let's do your categories, mom. Okay. So the first one, we're going to just mess with you a little bit, Wes. Okay. I think I deserve it. We're messing. Yeah. So I thought we could all just go around, we have a game, your dad and I play, where we each name a color until we can't name anymore and then whoever was last wins. So I thought we'd just go around and name some of the stuff that you say every podcast. Okay. Is that game always colors between you two? Or does it change? No, it can change. It changes. Because I, yeah. Colors are what we're most equal at. Equal at. Okay. They play it five times a day. Right. That's just, come on. No, we only play it driving when we're really bored. So we're just doing roasts, like stuff that I say too much on the show. No, not that you say too much. That I say every episode. Just you say every, almost every episode. Who's going first? Micahs. That's a good question. That's a good question. Okay. When it is, in fact, not a good question. I think I say that to buy myself a little bit of time sometimes. You don't, it's okay. But I think it's a good one. You should, you should just say that's a good answer, Mike. Yeah. That's a good answer. That's a great answer. Okay, Jeff. I'll say they should have had bear spray. Okay. Do you want to play with? Sure. Okay. Sure is a word I say too much. You know, one time someone sent me some shirt ideas and they had some of the things you said, but I didn't know where it was. Okay. Mine is put a pin in this. Put a pin in. Put a pin in it. That's a good one. Yeah. I'll go with, I'll go first. Oh yeah. That's a good pick. That's not true, Jeff. All right. Man, what else do I say? You talk about that bullet like every day. Ouch. You'll ouch my bullet. Oh, don't go out of turn, Jeff. Sorry. I'm good. I don't want to do anymore, but you can do more. Mine would be put a pin in it. You did that already. I did? You just said that. Oh, I'm sorry. No, okay. You're out. You're out. Yep. Oh, no, I have a better one. You're okay. What's a better one? You can do it. It won't count, but you can say it. Well, we can see if you guys say it. You guys, you guys keep going. I can be on. Okay. Oh, you always end every episode saying love, we love you. I love you. Yes. Love you. Love you listeners. Something like that. Variation on that. You're always telling people that they could subscribe for the price of a coffee. Yeah, I got to stop saying that one. I get in trouble every time I say that. Time's up. Well, it's because it's something that like millionaires and billionaires say too. Oh, okay. They're always like comparing things to coffee and like, oh, you should be paying for overpriced coffee. And that's not what I was saying. Okay. I was just saying our standards. Mike, do you have another one? I mean, it's all just stuff that will almost necessarily or logically come up during an episode like let's go to categories or like this is going to, we got a good story today. Oh geez. Yeah. How to use, yeah. Do you have another one? I did a lot of research on this one. I read a book. I read most of the books. Oh yeah, so we could go on for a long time. Yeah. I have, I do. What was yours? Let's go. Mine is, it's been a minute. Oh, okay. It's been a minute. I do say that. It's been a minute since we talked about this. Yeah. And then I have one other one. I love this animal. Oh yeah, this is one of my favorite animals. How did we not get that one? Yeah. Like yesterday, he saw this bird and he's like, that's my favorite local bird. And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, what do you mean by that? And he's like, it's like my favorite bird that's around locally. I was like, more than like kestrels and golden eagles? And he's like, well, no. To Jeff's credit, he pushed me the like perfect way where he just kept asking more questions of like, what about this bird? And I was like, yeah, actually you're right. And then I was like, it's probably my local favorite local songbird. And I was like, besides maybe red-winged blackbirds. Okay, we're moving on though. I have a couple more categories. Let's go. Okay. This is just, I asked for some help. This is my friend Nelly that helped me. She's from Tanzania. And she said, is there any animal physical feature you would have to make parenting easier? And what would it have been? I'm asking you guys. Got to be a pouch. That's a good pick. That's probably the best pick. Koala pouch or kangaroo pouch. Or wombat pouch. Yeah. Or squirrel pouch. Just pouch, yeah. Sure. Squirrels have pouches? Some squirrels. What the heck? Well, actually I don't know about that. Some might. Fly? So do you guys have any other ones? Let me think. A feature that an animal has, I think wings. Like I always like when like birds can like tuck their young under their wings. Yeah. That's a good one. I think it always seems really comforting and nice. That is cute. How about you, Mike? Tails, just a corral, like a monkey or a capuchin or something. They corral their young with their tails sometimes. I think that's kind of fun. That'd be more of a fun than a practical. But also practical. Good reasons. Yeah. She had a couple, well, hers were a different question. A gorilla. Goes with it. Has thumbs. I liked hers because she's a, she asked her friends that had kids. She's not, anyways, one of them said an owl because they could turn their head all the way around to watch her kids. And then this is the one I would choose though. She wished she could have slept like a bear in the hibernation phase when she had kids. Just let them. That's when I would choose. Yeah. I picked that one spider where it can eat you. Yeah. Where your kids can eat you. Right. Yeah. Okay. And you just let it happen. And then also she said which, which animal would get you kicked out of a Facebook group? That's a good point, Mike. That spider's almost kind of selfish. Like a mom who really sacrifices herself as a mom that sticks around. Stays around for the love. Helps raise them. This mom's like, True. She's lazy. Welcome to the world, kids. I'm out. Good luck. That's a good point. Anyways, sorry mom. What kind of animal would get banned from a Facebook mom's group because of how bad of mom? Or because of the mom characteristics she has? That spider. The spider. A female cassowary. Yeah. Because they don't, they don't do any young raising. They lay the eggs and then they're out. Okay. What are the ones that let the dads raise the eggs? Cassowary. Cassowary, yeah. Okay. Also any of the rat types like emus, ostriches, orias. I think guys like emus. Yeah, they all do that. She had the cuckoo bird that, and this would irritate other moms too. Oh yeah, plants. Because plants the eggs in other people's nests. Other, not people's. Nests pairs. Yeah. And then they're usually bigger and they'll kick the other babies out of the nest. And then she said elephants try to like overshare or parent other people's kids who likes that as a mom. No one likes that. Maybe those turtles that let their young just sprint across the sand and hope they don't get owned. Sea turtles. Yeah, sea turtles. Koalas. Like not only have kids in a, like, and leave but they put them in the worst possible spot. Awful. Yeah. Koalas. They allow their babies to eat the mom's poop. Sorry, I mentioned poop. And they give them chlamydia too. But that's like a good thing though, right? That's how the young sure eat. And the sand tiger shark lets their kids eat their other kids. Yeah. I guess a lot of animals do that. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And lastly, the last thing is would you rather situations? You let us eat your poop. No, I didn't. Okay. So each of you, I have these, I have them written out. So each, everybody gets to choose one. So wait, you did or you did not let them? I did not. No. She might not let Wes and Mike, but she. Okay. We're not getting into poop again. What, Jeff, you took two. Jeff, come on. Pass one of yours to somebody else. Okay. I'm going to start with mine because I've read these before. Would you, and this one is from my friend Sam. Would you fight off one giant ant the size of a horse or thousands of real sized ants? Thousands of real size ants. Thousands of real size ants. Really? Yeah. Okay. One horse size ant. What can ants do? I mean, they have like types. They have mandibles. Yeah. The mandibles and they, some of them sting. I think I'd still rather. Depends if I get a weapon or not. Yeah. Yes. If I can have a gun, I'll fight the one. Sure. If I don't get weapons, I'll fight the mini. Okay. I think I agree with Jeff's answer. Okay. We're kind of always fighting hundreds of thousands of ants in a way, right? Okay. Next. Who's next, Wes? I'll go next. Harry Lyman, the third man looking down on us like ants. Would you rather swim as fast as a dolphin or run as fast as a pronghorn? The catch is, there's a catch. If you choose dolphin, you have to have a blow hole for the rest of your life. That's not a catch for some of us. And if you choose pronghorn, you have to have antlers. Pronghorn actually have horns. This one's from San Francisco. Yeah. Sorry. You can swim as fast as a dolphin or run as fast as a pronghorn. Pronghorn are the fastest land animal in North America. Yeah. The second fastest animal in the world. The catch is, if you choose dolphin, you have to have a blow hole for the rest of your life. And if you choose pronghorn, you have to have horns. So for me, I was going to choose pronghorn because I thought maybe I'm on land a lot more. Yeah. But I just can't live with antlers, so I think I have to do dolphin. I think, I think horns look kind of cool though. Yeah, on you guys. But not me. I'd rather have horns than a blow hole. Horns would be hard to sleep with. Right? I don't think so. You know? No. Maybe you can fold them up. And pronghorn horns are cool looking too. Fold your horns up? I don't know. Yeah, maybe. I think, I think we're bound by the same rule as that the animals. Okay. So I'm picturing pronghorn horns. No, they don't fold them up. No, they don't fold them up. Yeah. The stars we know. They're really interesting horns that they have a sheath that they sometimes drop. But they are horns. I would pick the pronghorn. I'd rather, I think I'm with you. Like, I live on land, so I'd rather be able to run fast. Jeff? I'll take the pronghorn. Okay. Blow hole. I thought you would say dolphin. Yeah. Okay. Okay, next. Jeff. This is from Caitlin and Jordan and Brooklyn. Would you rather, or so you have two, would you rather say? Okay. Would you rather have a fly buzzing around your face all day or get bit by a mosquito once every hour for the rest of your life? I don't know. I, let's just, let's decide. How about for a week? I think, how about for a year? Fly. A year? Yeah. Okay. No. I'd rather have the mosquito. Oh wait, for a year? But it said all day, so I figured that one's just one day. If it's one day, then I'm picking the mosquitoes too. Yeah, I think I would too. Flies are annoying. If flies buzzing around me for more than 10 minutes, it's... But mosquitoes buzz too. Yeah, but that wasn't part of the question. Does anyone change for a year though? Or are we all picking mosquitoes? I think over a year I'd just get used to having mosquito bites. Is it like the same mosquito? Like if you try to like smash it, it's just indestructible. Oh, good question Mike. That's a really good question. Because that's actually kind of cool. I almost said that and I caught myself. No, that's what I didn't want. No, it's all right. Okay, I didn't want that to happen. I'm not going to stop. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'll take mosquito, I guess. Okay, Mike, your question. Okay. Would you rather hike with someone who moves at an insane pace, or one who stops every two minutes? This is from the Jordan and... I'm going insane pace. I need this hike to be over pretty quickly. I think I am too. How long are we stopping? Just like a quick stop? I don't know. If it's a quick stop, I'm picking the stops. If it's like a leisurely stop, then I'm picking the... Yeah. Yeah. What if it's a really steep hike that I want to stop every two minutes? But like I'll just let the guy go and then I'll hike by myself. What if it's like beautiful though and you're just like, man, I would enjoy it. Grinnell, go ahead and hike. He hikes the whole thing. Sure. These are all good questions. Oh, definitely stopping every two minutes. Gun to your head, you just get shot instead of having to hike. Do God. Would you rather hike? No. Mike just wants it over with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I like hiking with cousin Brent, because he hikes like 30 miles an hour. Yeah. It's funny to me that you'll go on like a walk around your neighborhood for hours, but then you don't like hiking. It's very different. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's similar. Yeah. How? You're just walking. Yeah. Well, we walk everywhere all the time, every day in our house. Is that hiking? Like walking up the stairs, you can do it. It's like hiking upstairs. It's like closer than a lot of things. Sure. But it's all like just walking in general is kind of like all the same to you. Walking in the house normally has purpose. Walking around like you normally have to walk around the house, I mean. Necessary purpose, I should say. Walking around the neighborhood is more of a choice like hiking. Yeah, but I'm never outside of 30 seconds away from like a toilet or something nice to drink or an Uber ride to a restaurant or anything. You go to the bathroom like once a day. I know. It's I have optimized that whole situation for myself. It's so inefficient. I don't know how you guys do it more than once. It's nice. It wasn't a little break from the monotony. Go sit in there. All right. We asked our listeners to ask advice from you. So we have a category called some nice advice with suffice. And this time we want you to give our listeners some advice, Mom. Okay. So me and Jeff both picked some answers to that question. And we're going to read them out and we want you to give advice to these people. You pick the answers. We, sorry. We picked the answers to our question. Oh, okay. I get it. I get it. Okay. Some responses. Wait, pass me the answers. No, responses. This is from Slither Ann's response. What do you do for self-care? Oh, I almost do too much. Red light? Let's hear it. Yeah. I go to red light. District. I think more than like just skin stuff like for your mental health. For my mental health? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But also you can do both. Yeah. I do lots of stuff just to make myself feel good. Now that I don't have any kids in the house, but I read a lot, which actually just takes me out of my environment and puts me in a different situation mentally. And I use it for escapism a lot. Like if anything bad is ever happening, I read just to get out of it. I paddleboard. Paddleboard is a big one. That's my favorite thing. And if I can't paddleboard, then I'll go swimming. Swimming just makes me, it makes me happy. Like sometimes Gilbert will just say, why don't you go swimming? Yeah. You know, just to, so I'll come back happy. Weather, weather related is really, I'm weather sensitive. So if it's going to be dark and dreary for a month, then I go somewhere else. Yeah. I go a lot. And you know, it's not always expensive. Sometimes I just go to Utah. You drive. Yeah. All right. Those are good answers. Yeah. Allie Sanex asks tips for raising a kid with ADHD. My daughter is 10. Not enough space to go into detail here. So from what I've found is that every child with ADHD or ADD is different. And it seems like the professionals don't really have a pat answer for it. Like I know when I took Jeff to different things, they'd always look like, oh, this is, I, you know, I'm not sure about the situation kind of like, I'm not sure what to do. I'm thinking, I mean, there's people much worse than them. But so my thing. Too bad at school. Yeah, but not that bad. I mean, you. I wrote the long bus. You graduated university, Jeff. So not that bad. Anyways, what Gil and I finally decided, I mean, we tried all different things with being strict, being lenient, all different things. We just decided we wanted Jeff to be happy. And so that's what we concentrated on. And not just like giving him gifts, but just like trying to put in situations where he is happy and trying to just act so we weren't stressed out. Like, okay, we're all a team. What's the team going to do now? How are the house, the team going to figure this out, you know, and how are we all going to just be okay with this and be happy? And that's what we did. Yeah, I think that's good advice. Yeah. Cindy, I married my husband last August, but I think I might be gay and in love with my friend. What do you think Hori should do? So I don't have a lot of experience with this. I think communication is the key. Yeah. I think you just have to communicate with everyone and just communicate. But with love, just, you know, because you love these people and treat them with respect and love them. Great. All right. So this one just said it's from Kate Huntley. And they, it's more of a comment, but it says, I don't know, but Cindy and two dictators is a dream blunt rotation. A dream what rotation? Like to smoke marijuana together. Oh. Did you hear me say that on a recent episode? No. That like, so like, it's like you choose like three people and yourself who you would like get a weed cigarette and you all share it with them. And I chose you with Vladimir Putin and Benjamin Netanyahu, I think, right? Kim Jong-un. Or no, Kim Jong-un. Yeah. So is that flattering? It should be. It's not flattering. Do you have one? I just wish that you wouldn't even think about it. You know? Yeah. I just think that the most brain activity you can have in a normal way is the best. My thing that I said is like, when I'm at a table, we can get rid of drugs and just say like, you're at a table with someone. Yeah. Like share a drink with someone. You're good at, not a drink. Not like a drink or a diet coke. Oh, sure. Yeah. Some juice. You had a table with three people. I think you get right to the point with people. Okay. We're at a table with Putin and Kim Jong-un. I think you're going to be like, so what was it like for you when your mom died? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Then it might be a compliment. I think I might be out of my, I'm not very political. It's shorthand for, I feel like I'd really like to spend time with this person, be comfortable with them and learn more about them. Yeah. Is kind of what people know about that. From history that you'd want to like sit at a table with and have dinner? Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. What would you ask him about? Probably. Why'd you do that? No, I'd probably ask him about the failures, how he kept going with all the failures that he had. Because he really, I mean, he really had a lot of adversity and he just kept going. And I don't get, I don't get that drive. I mean, that's just amazing to me. Okay. I saw a statue of Abraham Lincoln recently built in 1941. It's like sexy Abraham Lincoln. It's called The Young Lincoln. Look it up. No shirt, no shoes, his pants are unbuttoned. Oh, seriously? Yeah. His pants are unbuttoned. Like, yeah, it's weird. When was it built? 1941. Look it up. The Young Lincoln. The Young Lincoln statue. I don't think it was meant to be like a, because he wasn't a sex symbol. I've actually talked to a girl about this recently. He's like holding his thumb hooked into his pants. It's weird. Yeah, he's not a sex symbol. You don't think, he's like tall though, right? He's tall. That doesn't matter. Sometimes that's all that matters. Got a cool beard. That doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah. Smasher pass. Cindy's a pass on Abraham Lincoln. I'll smash. Me too. Yeah. I think politically, I don't like talking about that type of stuff. All right. I got one more, mom. Okay. This one's from K Flogger 09. Happy Mother's Day, Cindy. What's a mindset shift that made your life better? You've had to do a few of these. I have had to do a few. The one I'm working on now is the where you just have to live your own life and let your loved ones live their life and just have a, like a neutral ground and just live your life and then fit people in how they, they fit in and not worry too much. I actually stopped worrying a lot. You've done, yeah. You've really come a long way with that. And I just read a quote from Michael J. Fox and it talked about how if you worry about things, then you're just experiencing them twice because you worry about it. So you're experiencing it then and then if it happens, then you're experiencing it again. So why worry about it if it hasn't happened? Yeah. That makes sense. So I did, I gave up the worrying with the animal stuff and the swimming with sharks and that. I'm just like, well, if it happens, then I'll worry about it. That's kind of a good way to go to prison though. I'm not going to worry about this. So I can do, I'll just set this building on fire. Okay. Thanks for that advice. I'm just saying don't take that too far. Okay. I won't. I got my last one. I've been giving you easy ones. This is I want to jump right. Okay. Dom S. C. says, what's the best way to stop hiccuping? Oh, eat sugar and I prefer brown sugar. Really? It doesn't work at all. Oh, it's totally worked. It doesn't work. It works every time, every time. But I remember pretending to get the hiccups when I was a kid because you guys would give me a spoonful of brown sugar. And it stopped right away. Well, because I was pretending. I think it worked. It works every time for me. Yeah. It always looked for like a big clump of brown sugar. Yeah. It does make, I do feel like I was hiccuping a lot. Maybe my body wanted sugar, so it'd make me hiccup. Maybe. But do you just suck on the sugar or do you eat it or how does that work? I just dump it in my mouth. I don't know what you did. Yeah. Yeah. Straight down your throat. And then I just, I have to have a little extra. Like it's water to make sure that it's working. Wash it down a little bit more. All right. I feel like you would have us, like you'd put it on a spoon and you'd have us like hold the spoon of brown sugar in our mouth for 30 seconds. I don't remember that. I don't know. I don't have a memory. That might have been when we got Tabasco sauce for swearing. I didn't do that. Dad did it once to me. Okay. I didn't though. Yeah. Jeff, I have a question for you. Did you just make up those questions or were they real questions? Never real questions. They were all real questions. I put names to them. Okay. I know, but you could have made them. They should just be human. I would have just been here for you, Mike. Why'd you show me this statue? Because I hate it. No, dude, you like, his hair is cool. Abraham Lincoln deserves to be remembered as a sexy human model. It's so weird. All right. I regret nothing. That's it for the episode. Mom, everyone looks forward to this episode, including the three of us. I think it's really fun every year. You're our only annual guest. Yeah. I think there's a reason for that. And happy Mother's Day. Thanks. And thanks for inviting me. I do have one other thing with Mike because I like to mention Mike's mom. So, Michael, I was thinking about your mom. It's been five years. I think, I know. You moved on. But Mike, I think it'd be good advice for you to just say about people appreciating their mom. What's one thing you would want to do with your mom if she was around? What's one thing you miss doing with your mom? Reading with her. Or at least reading the same thing as her. She would love the Meg series. Oh, she would. Absolutely. She would love eating it up. She probably would have pretended she liked it. Because she's reading with it. She would have no question in my mind. She would have looked for all the positives and really been excited and had a whole notebook. But every time I'm reading anything, especially classic literature, it was just always so fun to be able to share a love of Jane Austen or, you know, we read Middlemarch once together. And that was just amazing, incredible book. But that's the one thing. Just finding something to enjoy together. It doesn't have to be books. It can be, I know Wes and you, you watch The Challenge or whatever, every survivor, survivor, stuff like that. And I just think that that's such a healthy, if possible, you know. And reading is something you can do long distance. And I just miss being able to share fun things. It's not like the important mother-son talks. Like we had plenty of those and we knew that the love was there. We had left nothing on the table as far as like big important life lessons that she instilled in me. Early, you know, I'm sure she had plenty more, but it's the little moment-to-moment interactions that, you know, I started to understand a little too late in my life that she was also like a real person with things that she liked, you know. And she wasn't just a mother. She had her own whole life and a slew of interest and stuff that I wish I would have been able to appreciate a little more alongside her. Right. Yeah. That's kind of, I really, I've been thinking about that, Mike, and I really appreciate that. I've been thinking about my mom too and I just so wish I knew how she felt at my age more, you know, because I was younger and I didn't really care then. But now I'm like, well, how'd she feel when she's 66? Like, did this bug her? Like things that bug me, things like that. But anyways, so. You're 66? People that have their moms should just, you know. Give them a hug, give them a call. Yep. Yep. You think she's one of those? I thought you were like 86. No. I thought I was 67. And then my granddaughter had to tell me I was 66. That's funny. You forgot your granddaughter knew anything. Yeah, Ellie's like, you're not 67, you're 66. That's funny, man. Six, seven would have been a fun age, though. Next year. We'll have to have that category next year. We gotta bring that one back. Mom, did you hear, you hear foxes outside your room a lot, right? Yeah. What noise do they make? Oh, they have like a chirping part. It's here. Let's hear it. Okay. It's not bad. Yeah. Sometimes they sound like someone like getting killed. Yeah, they do. Like we think we hear screams sometimes and then it go out and it's foxes. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. All right. Well, I think that's it. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, thank you. Thanks to all the moms out there, even though spider moms. Yeah, we loved hearing about the moms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. We love, we love. We love moms. Moms, we love all the moms out there. Yeah. Bad moms, especially. Yeah. And all the listeners that have been listening, thanks for sticking with the podcast. It's so nice when we get emails that they've been listening for a long time. Yeah. It is nice. Yeah. Even when we tell the same story a couple of times. Yeah. All right. We'll see you later. Okay. Love you. See ya. Love you. Bye. Job mom. Woo, woo. That's good, right? Yeah, let's cut the part. Ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify is specially designed to help you start, run, and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand, marketing tools that get your products out there, integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time, from startups to scale ups online, in person, and on the go. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup.